1 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,440 -Morning! -(GROANS) 2 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,840 Hello, death! Hello, oblivion! 3 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,520 What time is it, darling? 4 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,600 10:00. 5 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:36,680 Oh, God, I better be off. 6 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,840 It's Sunday. 7 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,360 Oh! It's true then, is it? 8 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,440 -Hap... -(EXCLAIMING) 9 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,200 Oh, God! 10 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,480 -Happy Birthday! -Oh, darling! 11 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,040 Oh, God! How old am I? 12 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,000 No, don't tell me darling. I'm... 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,040 -I'm... -You're 40... 14 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,520 (SCREAMING) 15 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,000 Oh, God, darling. I don't feel 40. 16 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,480 Well, you don't look... 17 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,960 Oh, thank you. 18 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,280 -Come on, now. It's not the end of the world. -Thank you. 19 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,920 It's just a day like any other day. 20 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,200 Oh, God, it's like I hit an oil patch at 35 21 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,480 and now I'm just skidding towards the grave, darling. 22 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,040 Do I look any different, darling? 23 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,360 Look at my face. What do you see? Who do you see there, darling? 24 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,160 You can lie, you know. I'm just looking for a response here. 25 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,040 Ask Patsy to do that, she's much better at it. 26 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,440 You look like a 40-year-old woman who's just woken up. 27 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,360 Oh, well, I haven't even been asleep, darling. I couldn't sleep. 28 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:35,240 I could feel the 40-ness coming upon me in the night, darling! 29 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,320 Darling, have a look out the window, are the buzzards circling, sweetie? 30 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,840 -Look, do you want my present and these cards now or later? -Ooh, I don't know. 31 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,880 -They might cheer you up! -For what? I don't know what. 32 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,960 -Oh, look, never mind. -No, you have to speak up, darling. 33 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,320 Messages take longer to reach old brains. 34 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,200 I've got old ears now, darling! 35 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,600 Right, now listen to me. Old ears or not, try and concentrate. 36 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,760 It is your birthday and you have the choice 37 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,120 either to make this hell for yourself and everybody else, 38 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,960 to sulk and feel sorry for yourself, or get up, cheer up and enjoy the day. 39 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,800 (SIGHS) I've made up my mind, sweetie. 40 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,040 If my mother hadn't uncrossed her legs, I could be two weeks younger! 41 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,640 (MUMBLES) 42 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,920 It feels like the end of my life! 43 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,840 Yes, well, it isn't the end of your life. 44 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,880 It may well be only halfway through your life. 45 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,600 And that's not a prospect I find all that thrilling, believe you me! 46 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,920 -Oh, thank you. -Just try and find something to look forward to, 47 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,200 -for God's sake. -Oh, you'd know a lot about it, would you? 48 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,640 You'd know a lot about being 40, would you? 49 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,320 I mean, how often have you ever been 40! 50 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,920 Never, darling, never! 51 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,320 This is something that's happening to me! 52 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,960 Something that I've got to deal with! 53 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,680 All right? I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but it's me, me, me! 54 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,520 It's my bloody 40th bloody birthday! 55 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,440 God, I need some space, Jesus! 56 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,640 You're not organising a party or anything, are you? Hmm? 57 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,000 Any sort of special treat or anything for me, hmm? 58 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,880 Little treat or something gorgeous? Hope not. 59 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,440 -Not if you don't want it, I'd rather not. -Oh, what? What then? 60 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,200 It was going to be a surprise. 61 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,600 No! No, no, no, darling! 62 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,040 I will not have a surprise, I will not have a surprise party! 63 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,200 If there's gonna be a surprise, 64 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,080 I want to know about it, all right? 65 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,960 So I can decide whether I want to come and what I'm gonna wear if I do come! All right? 66 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,200 Can't expect me just to go to any old bloody party, darling! 67 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,320 No, I don't want a party. 68 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:22,760 I don't want a party. 69 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:28,360 I don't want a special, big, huge party with all my friends, darling. 70 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,840 With some celebrities and little Japanese finger food, 71 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,640 and a great band and Tequila Slammers all round at midnight. 72 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:38,880 Oh, well, I'll cancel that, then. 73 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,560 No, I would like that! I would like that, sweetie! I would! 74 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,800 Aye... 75 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,720 Well, what then? What are you organising? What? 76 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,120 Look, I didn't know what you'd want, 77 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,880 so I've invited a few people round for a family lunch. 78 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,400 Family? What we calling family, darling. 79 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,080 We're hardly the bloody Walton's, are we? 80 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,200 Not just you and my mother, I hope, is it? 81 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,160 Look, will you stop behaving like this, please? 82 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,560 Darling, this is how I behave! 83 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,800 Anyway, I'm allowed to behave however I want on my birthday. House rule, remember, sweetie? 84 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:07,920 Hmm? 85 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,360 Especially to someone who didn't even think I might like a champagne breakfast! 86 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,880 Not even a bloody cup of tea to wake up to on my birthday! 87 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,080 -No, that would be asking too much, wouldn't it? -Here! 88 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,200 Oh, and don't bother opening it. Throw it straight in the bin, 89 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,800 -which is probably where you'll put it anyway. -Oh, all right. 90 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,480 And I want a list of who you invited and I'm not saying I'll be there. 91 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,800 (THUDS) 92 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,160 Lacroix? 93 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,200 Christian Lacroix! 94 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,760 (GASPING) 95 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,760 Oh, sweetie, sweetie! 96 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:45,280 Oh, sweetie, darling! 97 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,840 Darling, they're gorgeous! Where did you get them, sweetie? 98 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,280 Hmm? Was it Harvey Nichols, darling? 99 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,480 -Yes. -Wish you'd told me, I can get a discount there, sweetie. 100 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,000 -Do you like them? -Well, darling, 101 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,800 they're hardly the ill-judged tat you normally give me. 102 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,840 I mean, Lacroix, darling. They are Lacroix, aren't they, darling? 103 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,080 They're not just something you put in the box, are they, sweetie? 104 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,560 Do you like them or not? 105 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,720 I like them if they're Lacroix. 106 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,120 Well, they are. 107 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,360 Oh, good. I like them, darling. Thank you. 108 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,760 -Is Pats here? -No. 109 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,040 Then who got that champagne out? 110 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,200 I did, for you. 111 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,120 Well, then pour me a glass, darling. 112 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,040 Don't let it stand there getting warm, sweetie. 113 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,520 And don't pop it, sweetie! Squeeze it! Squeeze it out, darling! 114 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,480 Right. 115 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,600 Oh, sweetie, oh, darling! Help me, sweetie, darling, I'm having a hot flush. 116 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,640 Darling, darling, quickly, feel my skin, feel my skin, feel it! 117 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,280 You're standing too close to the kettle. 118 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,000 (SIGHS) Thought I was drying up there for a minute, sweetie. 119 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,720 I wish you would. 120 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:44,800 Oh, God, you almost worried me. 121 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:45,920 Do you think we ought to get some 122 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,840 hormone replacement packs for emergencies? 123 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,240 Do you think so, darling? 124 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,120 I mean, one day, sweetie, you could come home and find me just a little, 125 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,760 toothless old wad of gum on the floor. 126 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,960 You'll have to slap some glands on me, quick. I'll get some, I'll get some. 127 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,320 Oh, God! Well, who have you invited, then? 128 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,760 -Oh, so you're coming, then? -Darling, I didn't say I was coming. 129 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,720 I just said who've you invited. You're forcing me to ask. 130 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,880 -Well, there's you... -(SIGHS) 131 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000 -Me... -Umph. 132 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,360 -Grandma... -Ugh! 133 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,320 Oh, Granddad's got to stay at home and look after the house. 134 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,840 Oh, I thought he was dead. 135 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,840 -There's Justin. -Ugh! 136 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,200 Oliver and Marshall. 137 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,560 Oh, God! 138 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,800 Overdosing on the ex-husbands, aren't we, sweetie? 139 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,400 Didn't know Marshall was over from LA. 140 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,520 How long's he been over here? 141 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,240 -(GASPS) Is my son with him? Is Serge with him? -No. 142 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,320 Well, where is he? 143 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,880 He's taking lava samples from a volcano in Hawaii. 144 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,080 Well, did you invite him, darling? 145 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,680 I couldn't get hold of him. And, yes, I faxed the volcano. 146 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,520 Honestly, so that's it, then, is it? Hmm? 147 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,160 That's the party list, is it? Huh? 148 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,880 You, an old woman, two bastard ex-husbands, 149 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,560 one with a poisonous, odious boyfriend... 150 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,160 -And Patsy. -Oh, thank God. 151 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,040 -And you. -I haven't confirmed! 152 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,480 What are you doing there, hmm? 153 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,800 What are you doing here? 154 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,200 Making lunch. 155 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,440 Making lunch? 156 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,480 Cooking? 157 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,200 Cooking on our cooker, darling? 158 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,640 Eventually. 159 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,600 Look, why don't you go upstairs and have a bath 160 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,480 and let me get on with it, please? 161 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,200 -Could you use some help or something, darling? -No, please don't offer. 162 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,440 You've only ever used this cooker to light your fags off of. 163 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,720 Darling, that is simply not... 164 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,200 No, it is true. 165 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,600 I thought it might make a change for you to eat some normal food for once. 166 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,800 Darling, I like exotic food. You are what you eat, remember? 167 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,920 -Which makes you a large vegetarian tart. -Oh! 168 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,160 Now, go and take a bath. 169 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,880 Got someone to serve, hmm? 170 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,520 Oh, darling, you have got someone to serve, haven't you, sweetie? Hmm? 171 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,120 Oh, God! Get a couple of Filipinos in! 172 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,600 Oh... 173 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:59,160 Don't look at me like that, sweetie. They do get paid, you know. 174 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:00,800 They're glad of it. Hmm? 175 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,880 You can be a socialist and have staff, you know, sweetie, but no. 176 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,520 No, darling, we'll clear up our own plates on my birthday, shall we? 177 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,000 We'll clear up my own plates on my birthday, shall we, darling? 178 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,040 Oh, yes, happy to work on my bloody birthday, are we? 179 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,040 Oh, yes, this bloody birthday that I'm having! Huh? 180 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,240 Well, not much of a bloody birthday so far, is it? 181 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,080 God, you'd think being 40, you could expect a bit more! 182 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,840 Huh? An old pair of earrings! 183 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,080 And miserable old family and friends coming round! 184 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,520 And my son, my one pride and joy, wasn't even bloody invited! 185 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,040 And we're all gonna be forced to eat your cooked food 186 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,440 and clear up our own bloody plates! (GASPS) 187 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,040 Did you just hit me then, darling? 188 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,640 That's illegal, isn't it? 189 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,600 You're not allowed to just hit your parents, darling. 190 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,920 Ow, sweetie! Ow! 191 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,040 Get upstairs now! 192 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,520 Don't bother coming down again unless you can behave! I'm fed up of it, Mum! 193 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,520 (MUMBLING) 194 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,120 I'm sorry, darling. 195 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,320 Not now. 196 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,160 -I don't want to go back upstairs, darling. -Go. 197 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,000 I don't want to go. 198 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,600 I like my earrings, darling. 199 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,080 I'll go and have a bath in them, shall I? 200 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,960 -I'll go and have a bath. -Thank you. 201 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,000 Look what my lovely daughter gave me. 202 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:40,760 (KISSES) 203 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,240 Lovely earrings. (CHUCKLES) 204 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,400 Ah, they're numb! 205 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,160 (INCOHERENT BABBLING) 206 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:58,960 (SIGHS) 207 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:05,000 Happy 40th! Bloody 40th, bloody happy bloody 40th. 208 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,600 -How's it going? -Oh, fine. I've just sent Mum up for a bath. 209 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,040 Why don't you pop up and see her? 210 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,640 Oh, no. Anything I can do? 211 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,280 No. 212 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,760 Anything to cut up or peel? 213 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,480 No. All under control. 214 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,200 -Cook? -No. 215 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,840 -Would you like me to wash anything up? -All done. 216 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,480 Oh! Nothing I can do to help. 217 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,560 Er... I need that bowl. 218 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,120 Oh! 219 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,560 There we are. Not completely useless, you see. 220 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,600 (DOORBELL RINGS) 221 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:47,840 -Hello! -BO: Hi. 222 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,320 -Hello, Marshall, come in. -Hi, I'm Bo. Sweetie, shall we go in? 223 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,760 -Yeah, yeah. -Okay. 224 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,040 You must be Saffron. 225 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,360 Yes. Saffron. 226 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,200 -Where's your mother? -She's upstairs. She may be down later. 227 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,440 You know, maybe I should pop up and say hi. 228 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,320 Kind of give her a hello hug, tell her I support her, I'm open to her feelings. 229 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,200 Clear the vibes before a bunch of people get here. 230 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,600 BOTH: No. 231 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,520 -Yes, this way. -Okay. 232 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,520 -Uh-oh. I see stairs. Give me your hand. -MARSHALL: Uh-huh. 233 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:15,880 BO: Step down. Step down. 234 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,000 (MARSHALL SIGHS) 235 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,760 Uh, are you sure you wouldn't like to go upstairs to the sitting room? 236 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,200 No, I like the kitchen. 237 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,680 It's the heart, the warm centre of family life. 238 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,920 -We like it here, don't we, Marshall? -Yeah, yeah. 239 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,240 How is your mother? 240 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,480 Oh, she's fine. You know, the same. A bit wider. 241 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,240 Ah! Right. 242 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,560 And how are you? 243 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:37,920 Oh, you know, the same. 244 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,720 This is your water, Marshall. 245 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,480 -I see four cubes of ice in it. Is that okay? -Mmm-hmm. 246 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,880 Shall I put it here for you? 247 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,280 Yeah, yeah. 248 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,240 Is that a lemon in it? 249 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:54,240 -Is this, may I ask, a lemon in Marshall's water? -Not a whole one. 250 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:55,920 I think it is, dear. 251 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,040 Will you take it out for me? 252 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,480 Of course. 253 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,640 Excuse me! Hi. 254 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:06,000 Could I get a cloth or a dish or a napkin to put this in? 255 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,600 I think I'll take out a couple of the cubes of ice, too. 256 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,000 -Yeah, that would be nice. -Okay. 257 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,160 I'm gonna take out a couple of the cubes of ice. 258 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,360 This water is really gassy, by the way. 259 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,000 Are you sure you can cope with just pure water, Marshall? 260 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,240 Why don't you have a drink? Excuse me. It's a party. Go on! 261 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,480 Um... No, Gran. 262 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:30,880 Go on. Just have a little drink. That's it. 263 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,120 Go on. One little drink won't kill you. 264 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,600 You used to like a drink. 265 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,240 Just a little one, go on. Just a little teeny sip of a little drink. Hmm? 266 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,400 Bo! 267 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,840 Marshall, uh... He's had a drug and alcohol addiction problem. 268 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,120 Oh, don't feel embarrassed. 269 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,640 We talk about it really freely. 270 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,840 He used to shoot up. 271 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,720 Oh, dear. Sure? 272 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,680 -I see olives! -Ah. 273 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,680 -These are green olives and these are black olives. -Oh... Ah! 274 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,080 -Shall I pit one for you, honey? -Mmm. 275 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,040 (DOORBELL RINGS) 276 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,040 -You stay and talk to them. -Oh, no. 277 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,760 Stay and talk to them, please 278 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,360 I'd rather kiss a baboon's bottom, as the saying goes! 279 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,200 Hello, sweetheart! 280 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,560 Hello, Dad. Thank you. 281 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,400 -Oliver's here. -Good, I invited you both. 282 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,600 Glad you could come. 283 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,760 Now, I want you to know 284 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,840 that we think it's a very, very brave thing that you're doing. 285 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:31,160 And whatever happens, sweetie, it's the thought that counts. 286 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,080 -It's the thought that stinks! -She's an old woman, what does she know. 287 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,920 Not that old can't be beautiful and not knowing something isn't causing... 288 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,040 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 289 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,480 (HISSES) 290 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,720 (MOTORBIKE REVS) 291 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,360 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 292 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,480 (LAUGHING) 293 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,160 -Something smells yummy. -OLIVER: Mmm. 294 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,840 What time are we aiming for eating? 295 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:26,000 Uh, I was aiming for eating 2:00-ish. I haven't got an exact schedule. 296 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,920 Marshall may have to eat sooner. 297 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,600 He's hypoglycaemic, he gets low energy and constipation if I don't mash it up. 298 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,120 (BUZZER RINGING) 299 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,080 Have a crisp. 300 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,280 All right. 301 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,320 There you go. 302 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,720 -Happy birthday, Ed. Looking great. -Thanks. 303 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,040 -Did you see... -Everybody's here. Everybody's here. 304 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,240 -Who's here? -And I've said I'm not going down there, darling. 305 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,200 -Oh, sweetie! -I'm not, but I want you to go down there and get me a drink. 306 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,360 Bring up a bottle or something. 307 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,760 And talk about me a little bit when you're down there, would you? 308 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,520 Champagne, sweetie? 309 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,360 Yeah, Bolly, they'll be on Moet, get the Bolly. 310 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,480 You got it. 311 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,280 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 312 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,800 I want you to look around my house again, Justin. 313 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,880 I'm sure I've got something that could go on the Antiques Roadshow. 314 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,640 (EXCLAIMING) 315 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,760 Pay no attention. Don't even look at her. 316 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,800 She was always doing that as a child. 317 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,880 -Rescue remedy! Rescue remedy! -Oh, get off, get off! 318 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,320 (SNARLING) 319 00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,680 God! 320 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,280 I didn't realise a party could have dregs before it had even begun. 321 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,400 Here you are. 322 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,480 Thanks, Pats. 323 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,600 Everyone else, 324 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,600 carry on enjoying yourselves at my expense, why don't you? I'm not staying. 325 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,560 Ow! 326 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:17,840 SAFFY: Are you all right? 327 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,320 Oh, you can see me! I do exist! Oh! 328 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,960 Too late, darling. Come on, Pats. 329 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,120 (HISSES) 330 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,000 (GROANING) God! 331 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,960 How can there be so much pain in this leg and not one single mark, Pats? 332 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,240 PATSY: Hack them with a razor, sweetie, if you want sympathy. 333 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,440 Yeah, I think I should. 334 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,680 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 335 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:36,920 SAFFY: Mum, can I come in? 336 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,240 As long as you haven't come to hit me again, darling. 337 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,080 Are you okay? 338 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,240 (WINCING) 339 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,880 Internal injuries, mainly. You know, darling. 340 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,680 -Where's Patsy? -On the loo. 341 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,800 PATSY: What? 342 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,400 -Are you coming down? -PATSY: What? 343 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,440 We're not talking to you, Pats! 344 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,520 Are you coming down? 345 00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,600 Ah, yes, me. What, me? 346 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,160 I have to do everything, don't I? 347 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,960 I have to get up, I have to get changed, I have to come down the bloody stairs! 348 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,640 God, I don't suppose it occurred to anybody to come up and see me? No. 349 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:12,320 I've been up here for hours on my own, being 40, on my own, darling, being 40! 350 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,320 I mean, I could be 80 years old and dribbling into my incontinence pants 351 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,600 before anyone came up to see me. 352 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,760 Do you have tights and knickers I can borrow, sweetie? 353 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,400 I didn't get home last night. 354 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,880 Second drawer. Second drawer down over there, Pats. 355 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,000 Please come down, we're about to eat. 356 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,840 About to eat, darling, that's hardly the high point, is it? 357 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,400 Hardly a tempting smorgasbord awaiting me downstairs, is there, darling? 358 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,520 Hmm? 359 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,560 I suppose you invited Oliver just to spite me. 360 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,560 -He's Dad's boyfriend, it's right he should be here. -It's my birthday! 361 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,720 Why do you hate him? 362 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:43,840 Oh, God! 363 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,680 What's the real reason? It's not because he's gay. 364 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,480 Oh, darling, I came to terms with that little fact of life before they had. 365 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,360 All my friends are gay. All my friends are gay! 366 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:51,760 Well, then why? 367 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,200 (SIGHS) 368 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,600 How long is it taking you to find a pair of knickers there, Pats? 369 00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,000 Have you got any G-string, or are they all jumbo? 370 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,040 Oh, darling, there should be a G-string in there somewhere. 371 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,520 Not that I've worn them for a couple of years, not since I caught sight of my back view 372 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:09,760 trying something on at Harvey Nichols 373 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,360 and thought I was sharing the cubicle with a sumo wrestler, darling. 374 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,720 -Well? -Mmm? 375 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,160 Are you waiting for me to say something, darling? 376 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,760 What have I got to say, tell me, what? 377 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,280 Why you hate Oliver. 378 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,920 Oh, darling, I thought it's perfectly obvious, 379 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,480 I hate him because you like him. 380 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,520 -Oh. -I can see you down there chatting and laughing 381 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,440 and joking with him. (MOCK LAUGHING) 382 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:29,960 It isn't funny. 383 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,640 I virtually have to plunge headlong down a vertical staircase 384 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,840 to even raise an eyebrow from you these days, don't I, darling? 385 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:41,280 All right, look, I promise I won't talk to Oliver if you come downstairs. 386 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,560 Oh, darling, I'll come downstairs if you'll change those awful trousers. 387 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,000 Why? You bought me these. 388 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,400 (GASPS) 389 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:51,360 Those aren't the ones from Benetton! God, darling! 390 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,680 Why do you look like this in clothes? They look different on anyone else 391 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,200 in the world, they'd look different. 392 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,960 How do you do that to clothes? 393 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:03,040 -Just try and relax and enjoy yourself. -"Relax and enjoy yourself." 394 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,200 I think you'll find they've all got crotches. 395 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,400 -Are you not eating, Patsy? -No, liquid lunch for me, Mrs M. 396 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,800 No wonder you're still thin as a rake. 397 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:25,400 Men like something to get hold of, you know. Isn't that right, Oliver? 398 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,080 You know, you have a terrific figure. 399 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,840 (MOCKING) "You have a terrific figure." 400 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,840 Gee whiz! Isn't she the cutest thing? What a sweet thing to say! 401 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,000 Mum... 402 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,160 I'll be nice, darling. 403 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,440 Where did you find her, Marshall? 404 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,440 Floating around LA with the rest of the airheads, hmm? 405 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,560 You've been through a few in the past 15 years, haven't you? 406 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:54,840 Mum, don't. You promised. 407 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,800 Well, darling, we've got to do something to take our minds off 408 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,160 a vegetable bloody mousse, haven't we? 409 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,680 How's the script coming, Marshall? 410 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:00,800 EDINA: Oh, yeah, how's the script? 411 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,160 Is this the same script you've been developing for the past 15 years, Marshall? 412 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,080 It's at a really exciting stage. 413 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,440 Yes, Marshall just recently signed a new development deal with Paramount. 414 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,040 It's at a very exciting stage. 415 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,440 Shall I do the plates, darling? Shall I clear them away? 416 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,480 -SAFFY: I'll do it. -No, I'll do it, darling. 417 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,880 Shall I work on my birthday, sweetie? 418 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,520 Do not do that in front of me, I'll throw up. Yuck. 419 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,240 (COUGHING) 420 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,640 Heimlich manoeuvre! Heimlich manoeuvre! Clear, I'm trained in this. 421 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,600 (COUGHING) 422 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,480 Darling, I thought I was mad. 423 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,120 No. You are mad. 424 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,320 -What shall I do now that I've cleared the plates? -Just sit down! 425 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,240 Oh, no, I want to work, I want to work on my birthday! 426 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,640 Is there something I could cut up around here, huh? 427 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,680 So, you're in antiques as well? 428 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,480 Yes, Justin and I have a shop. 429 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,880 A shop, that's what you're calling it, is it? 430 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,280 A few miserable old bits of furniture. 431 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,240 You have to ring a bell before they let you in. 432 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,800 Unwelcoming. Vincent Price could take lessons. 433 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,960 I've always wanted to know how they make furniture look so old. 434 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,080 Oh, that's easy, just let it live with Edina for a couple of years. 435 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,120 Usually does the trick. 436 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,160 You know, I love old things. 437 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,840 I really do. They make me feel so centred and warm. 438 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,960 It must be so satisfying, handling antiques. 439 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,880 Well, Justin should know. He lived with one once. 440 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,800 Right, right! That is it! That is it! 441 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,480 Oh, yes, second-hand goods! 442 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,360 Can't keep your hands off second-hand goods, can you, huh? 443 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,760 (LAUGHS) Touche. Cheers, Eddy! 444 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:34,040 You know, I am sensing a lot of aggression flowing. 445 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,680 -Are you just going to sit here and let me take this? -Just leave it to me. 446 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,760 Gee whiz, you are a bad woman. 447 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,800 -I think he is! -I think we should leave. 448 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,520 I see no point in celebrating the fact 449 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,000 that she's lived so bloody long! 450 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,760 Oliver, sit down. 451 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,120 Are you coming, Justin? No? 452 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,840 -Please... -Well, if you do decide to look for me, 453 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:51,960 I'll be at the YMCA. 454 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,920 Oh, you're not going, Justin? You're not going? Huh? No? 455 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,880 -I'm here for Saffy! -Oh, you're here for Saffy! 456 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,600 -I hope you're happy. -Yes, warming up, darling. One down. 457 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:09,200 Forty years. God! It's like my life's been lived and I don't know how. 458 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,520 I've got this house, all the things in this house. 459 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,800 I've got a child and two ex-husbands sitting downstairs. 460 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,240 I don't know how I got them. 461 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,960 I don't know if I want them any more, you know. 462 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,000 I want to be at home, 463 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,000 with my record player and my posters 464 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:29,480 and not wearing make-up without frightening people. 465 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,280 I went to a party the other night, Pats. 466 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,400 I thought I looked so gorgeous, so cool, darling. 467 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,240 And I just flirted and was loud and gorgeous all night, you know. 468 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,560 I was Kathleen Turner, Marisa Berenson, everybody. 469 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:48,240 I came home, I looked in the mirror and I was entirely annihilated. 470 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,560 My hair had sort of gone flat 471 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,120 and parted itself in the middle, a little food here. 472 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,960 I don't know how long the food... All night, probably. 473 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,480 No lipstick, eyes like pinholes. 474 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,320 I looked like a 200-year-old Red Indian, dead dwarf. 475 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,600 She's not handling this 40 thing too well, is she? 476 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,280 I mean, golly, I wish I could tell her, it's no big deal. 477 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,480 I had a ball on my 40th birthday. 478 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,240 I felt really strong, really sorted out about it. 479 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,960 I realised what a wonderful, lucky person I was. 480 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,000 And whether in your 30s or your 40s, 481 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,760 you're still the same gorgeous person. Enjoy life! 482 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,200 When will you be 50? 483 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:27,560 (GASPING) 484 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,120 She hasn't started 50-therapy yet. 485 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,720 Oh, dear. (CHUCKLES) 486 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,200 God, I hate Morgan Fairchild. 487 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,720 I hate Jane bloody Fonda. 488 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,080 I hope all their old skin comes back to haunt them. 489 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,120 I bought that bloody woman's tapes. 490 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,240 I paid for those plastic domes on her chest. 491 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,160 I want them when she dies. 492 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,120 You know, there must be a moment about a week after death, 493 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,440 when all those women finally achieve the figure they desire. 494 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,080 Skeleton-thin with plastic bumps. 495 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,280 -Flesh will rot away, but the bumps will still be there. -Yes. 496 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,240 -Little coffins full of bones and bumps. -Yeah! 497 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,360 (BOTH LAUGHING) 498 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,600 Can I just have a quality moment here? 499 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,160 Can I? 500 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,640 No, really, I just want to stop here and say... 501 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,760 Could we hold hands? 502 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,160 Oh, please, no. 503 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,320 Come on, everybody. Hold hands. Feeling circle. 504 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,200 I just want to say thank you 505 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,520 to whatever being or entity brought us together on this special day. 506 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,080 -Yes, that's enough, now, Bo, we know why we're here. -Okay. 507 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,440 Duty. 508 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,880 I'm here for my daughter. 509 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,840 It's got to be more than that. 510 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,280 I mean, both you and Marshall married her. 511 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,200 Obviously, it was an error on Marshall's part, he was weak. 512 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,480 He was stoned! 513 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,240 It was the worst trip of my life! 514 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,000 Why you ever married her, Justin, I'll never know. 515 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,400 -Gran! -Well, she was... I mean... I had... 516 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,960 Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time anyway. 517 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,920 She was going through a bad patch. 518 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,240 At least you got away without being sucked dry. 519 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:10,320 I'm paying child support for a child I'm supporting! 520 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,200 And I'm paying for this house! What do you think of that? 521 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,000 I'm paying for this house! 522 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:16,040 -How much? -Let me handle this, Bo. 523 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,800 -Well, get to the point. -How much? 524 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,920 -She said she got nothing from you! -Nothing? 525 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,280 Nothing! Marshall pays plenty. 526 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,120 Bo, I'm handling this! I pay plenty! 527 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,440 Goddamn! 528 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,720 Dad, what is it? 529 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,360 I'm just going to talk to your mother. 530 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,240 This is it. See, honey? It's not over. 531 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,880 I mean, how much money could she possibly need? 532 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,000 She's got a tiny little daughter who hardly eats anything. 533 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,600 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 534 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,280 (LAUGHING) 535 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,920 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 536 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,320 You know today is bloody No-Smoking Day. 537 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,200 You don't do No-Smoking Day. 538 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,200 Don't do a bloody... Don't do bloody No-Drinking Day, do they? 539 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:08,560 Or No-Shooting-People Day. 540 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,800 No. 541 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,320 Or No-Wearing- Bloody-Awful-Clothes Day. 542 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,720 -Do they? -They don't do 543 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,120 Nobody-Can-Be- A-Bloody-Boring-Old-Fart Day, do they? 544 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,640 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -(BOTH EXCLAIMING) 545 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,160 JUNE: Knock-knock. 546 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,280 Saffron wants to know, are you going to be long in there, 547 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,320 burning joss sticks? 548 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,080 As if I didn't know. 549 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,560 (BOTH GIGGLING) 550 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,200 It sounds like more fun in there, dear. 551 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,440 (BOTH GIGGLING) 552 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:38,840 Come on, Pats. 553 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,640 ALL: ...39, 40! 554 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,080 -She's not gonna like this. -Here she comes, here she comes. 555 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,600 (ALL SINGING) ♪ Happy birthday to you 556 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,160 ♪ Happy birthday to you 557 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,160 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Edina 558 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:55,760 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Mum 559 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,440 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 560 00:26:58,560 --> 00:26:59,680 Ah, sweetie! 561 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,680 -Can I just say one little thing? -Yeah. 562 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,040 Every life is more or less a trashcan 563 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,520 among whose garbage we have to look out what that person ought to have been. 564 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,160 -Do you want me to deal with her? -No. 565 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,560 In with anger, out with love. 566 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,760 Are you still here, darling? Are you still here? 567 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,840 I have to give you your present! 568 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,080 Oh, presents! Yes! It's my birthday! I get presents, don't I? 569 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,880 Already I've got this gorgeous pair... Pair of earrings. 570 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,640 -Where's the other one gone? -Down the toilet. 571 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,120 Oh, I didn't like them, anyway. From my lovely daughter. 572 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,880 Lovely little thing from Pat. 573 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,160 So, Marsh, 574 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,400 where's my pres? 575 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,640 Sweetheart... 576 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,560 I have the gift... Many more. 577 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,240 What the buggery bollocks is this? 578 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:57,920 Huh? 579 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,320 It's a copy, a signed copy of my book on ancient oils. 580 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,880 -Next! -Aren't you very insulted by that, Marshall? 581 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,560 I've lived with her, believe me, that's flirtation! 582 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:08,880 Where's my present? 583 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,080 It's in the hall! 584 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,680 -Oh, in the hall! -Yes! 585 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,360 I hope it's not an old piece of furniture again. 586 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,640 Come on, Pats, let's check it out. It's in the hall! 587 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,920 Done, dear, we're nearly there, I think she's had almost a perfect day. 588 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,200 -This money thing is not done with. -We'll sort it out. 589 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,560 -Do you understand me? -We will sort it out. 590 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:26,840 -Do you understand me? -Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 591 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,160 All right, just checking. 592 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,240 (KARAOKE MACHINE PLAYS) 593 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:33,400 ♪ They say our love won't pay the rent... ♪ 594 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,720 I'm Cher, Patsy. I'm doing the Cher bit. 595 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:37,560 (SINGING INDISTINCTLY) 596 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,080 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 597 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,880 (BOTH SINGING INDISTINCTLY) 598 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,640 ♪ Wheel's on fire 599 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,800 ♪ Rolling down the road 600 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:17,240 ♪ Best notify my next of kin 601 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,520 ♪ This wheel shall explode 602 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:22,640 Words, Pats, words. 603 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,640 I've done an inventory of the house. 604 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,400 I couldn't get into the filing cabinet, its locked. 605 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,960 But I own most of the things in this room. 606 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,240 That does it then, it's time to bring in the lawyers. 607 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,880 Listen, I'll deal with the lawyers tomorrow. 608 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,160 We have a great man in LA. 609 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,480 Just leave it to me. 610 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,360 ♪ Wheels on fire 611 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,080 ♪ Rolling down the road 612 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,800 ♪ Best notify my next of kin 613 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,880 ♪ This wheel shall explode ♪ 614 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,080 (INDISTINCT TALKING)