1 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,680 Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. 2 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,280 Tut, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut! 3 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,880 You're "tutty", darling! 4 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,920 When Patsy comes in, 5 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,920 I want you to treat her with a little bit of respect. 6 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:31,960 All right? 7 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,960 Click, flash, flash, click, flash, flash, flash, 8 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,680 click, click, click, flash, flash, flash! 9 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,640 Guys, guys, guys! Just give me a break, darlings, 10 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,000 just give me a break! I have a life to lead! 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,800 Click, click, click. This way, Patsy! 12 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,240 Fellows, fellows, fellows! 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,280 Sweeties darling, 14 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,520 can you just leave me alone? CAMERAS CLICK 15 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,640 Click, click, click, flash, flash, flash! 16 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,760 Click, click, click! Patsy! Patsy! Patsy! 17 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,800 EXASPERATED SIGH 18 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:56,800 You all right, darling? SIGHS 19 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,040 You're not letting this get to you, are you? 20 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,080 No, of course not. 21 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,200 - Little bit of Bolly? - Yeah, just a smidge. Oh! 22 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,320 - Are these today's? - Yes, sweetie. 23 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,520 - Anything in them? - Not much, darling, no. 24 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,840 "MP in drug-crazed sex romp shock with fash mag slag." 25 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,960 - Damn! - I know. 26 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,840 Well, there is that, thank you very much, sweetie. 27 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,320 Well, in fact, you're front page in most of them, darling, 28 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,440 but it has only been a day, you know. 29 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,040 Oh. I mean, who could still possibly be interested 30 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,400 in reading all this? 31 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,440 His wife? 32 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,320 Listen, Saffy, I am the victim in this case! 33 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,240 I mean, he's just using me for publicity, 34 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,280 he's riding on my back 35 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,160 to get his pathetic little face in the papers! 36 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,600 Exactly, sweetie. 37 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,000 Patsy's had the hassle and trauma. 38 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,800 She's been forced to leave her flat, darling. 39 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,840 Forced? 40 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,080 Even the cockroaches left that hole of their own accord. 41 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,400 Ta! 42 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,000 They are trying to make out, darling, 43 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,800 that Patsy is some kind of sex-crazed, morally corrupt, 44 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,520 drunken high-class prostitute, darling! 45 00:01:58,560 --> 00:01:59,960 Pretty accurate, so far. 46 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,320 Look at this. 47 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,240 READING 48 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,520 "Orgy of alcohol and sex near MP's home." 49 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,560 Ridiculous! 50 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,680 Those bastard, scum, 51 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,840 - filth of the press, darling! - Bastard, bastard! 52 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,800 Well, make up your mind. One minute they're scum, 53 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,320 and the next, you're giving them lunch 54 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,840 and pouring booze down their throats 55 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,440 - in the great name of PR! - Booze! 56 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,680 Booze, sweetie? Booze, darling? 57 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,720 Is that what they call it down at the uni bar, 58 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,840 booze, sweetie, is it? 59 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,400 Will you be popping in there, darling, 60 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,520 after a hard day's lecture 61 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,720 for some "half a pint of shandy" booze? 62 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,680 Some pork scracklings? 63 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,400 Oh, God! Where was I? 64 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,440 Ugh. 65 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,800 "Illicit passion for MP's posh clothes mag gal pal." Oh, God! 66 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,880 "Shocked wife of MP keeps silent." 67 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,480 - BOTH: Bitch! - Bitch! 68 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,600 "Queen furious"... That's not you. 69 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,360 Oh, well, heigh-ho! Let them write what they want. 70 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,520 "Continued on page five"... 71 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,480 I mean, I shall just rise above it. 72 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,240 I shan't let this thing affect me... 73 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,280 in... 74 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,560 Bastard! No, no, no! 75 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,760 Darling, what? Quick, what, what? Show, show, show! 76 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,880 - "Close sources..." - No, further, further! 77 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:10,960 "...Patsy Stone..." 78 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,000 SHE GASPS Yes! 79 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,960 STUTTERING: "47"! 80 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,000 Ahhh! 81 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,560 I'll sue! 82 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,440 Well, how old is she? 83 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,720 I'm 39! 84 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:24,760 And I'm an ovum! 85 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,040 It's just not fair! 86 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,960 Another pig-ugly MP making a fool of himself 87 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,680 with some scrawny old hooker, I see! 88 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,760 Old, old, old, old! 89 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,880 Nothing like a good old sex scandal. 90 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,160 Bit more exciting than the ones in my day. 91 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,720 God, what was it in your day? 92 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,600 "Woman shows ankle to chimney sweep shock"? 93 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,720 You know, in my day... 94 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,800 Your day? Which century was that? 95 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,360 In my day, there was a sense of style 96 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,880 about the whole thing, you know. 97 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,480 Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies, 98 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,920 gorgeous little women who kept their mouths shut 99 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,040 and just looked gorgeous 100 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,960 and gave the whole thing an air of dignity. 101 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,000 You know, that's the way I shall play it, Eddy. 102 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:16,200 Not like these two-a-penny tarts of recent times. 103 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,840 Kiss and tell, blurt it all out 104 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,840 for the promise of a quick buck and instant fame. 105 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,760 Not me, sweetie, my lips are sealed! 106 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,680 You'll do magazine, HELLO! though? 107 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,000 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah. 108 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,520 Yeah, might as well do it in the comfort of your own home. 109 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,640 DOORBELL RINGS SHE GASPS 110 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,240 Eddy, Eddy, the people from are here! HELLO! 111 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,520 Hello. 112 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,600 That's right! Antonia. 113 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,120 Oh, it's interesting. 114 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,920 Rustic! Ethnic! 115 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,280 Would you like to follow me into my gracious drawing room? 116 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,400 Sweetie darling, 117 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,800 can you just stop that a minute and come and help me here? 118 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,440 I can't unwrap all these things. 119 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,120 They're all objets from my shop, darling, 120 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,360 so keep the price tags showing. 121 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,880 The woman from magazine is here HELLO! 122 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,640 and I haven't finished decorating the room. 123 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:18,680 Why bother? 124 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,960 Because, sweetie, what you can't tell about a person 125 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,600 by what they have chosen you should see 126 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,800 on their coffee table isn't worth knicker elastic. 127 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:27,840 What do you think, darling? 128 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,320 Look, look, look. What do you think? 129 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,680 It's an Eskimo papoose! 130 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,400 Huh? 131 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,880 Don't look like that, sweetie. 132 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,520 Any chance for a quick buck in the Arctic, 133 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,960 they tip the babies out and ship 'em down, I tell you. 134 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,800 You know, I think it's going to be really great 135 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,080 if you move into halls. 136 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,520 I'm really, really enjoying it. 137 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,640 I mean, it takes a little while to get used to it. 138 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,640 You know, all the noise and everything. 139 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,880 Like other people coming and going all the time 140 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,640 and other people's sound systems. 141 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,240 Hmm. Sounds like home. 142 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,240 But you've got to get used to it if you're moving in. 143 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,680 MOUTHS: Moving in? 144 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,520 Would you like another Aqua Libra? 145 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,720 Um... 146 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,440 I don't suppose you've got any low-alcohol cider, have you? 147 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,480 Cos that's what everyone's drinking at the moment. 148 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,480 Um, well, no, actually, I don't drink. 149 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,880 Oh! You should give it a try. It's brilliant! 150 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,840 You know, last night, at a party, I drank a whole can! 151 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,680 Now, where am I? 152 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:32,720 I'm sorry? 153 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,040 Where am I here? 154 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,280 In my gracious drawing room. 155 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,440 No. I mean, where is this? 156 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,880 Shepherds Bush? 157 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,800 Holland Park! Holland Park! 158 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,720 It's not the outskirts either. 159 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,200 It's not the edge of Holland Park. 160 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,360 This is the rich heartland of Holland Park here. 161 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,360 All right? Is the photographer here yet? 162 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,360 No, we never do photos on the same day. Next week. 163 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,280 It's over a 70-foot drawing room, west-facing garden. 164 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,760 £1.5 million. 165 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,520 Right. Let's, um, kick off, shall we? 166 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,120 Is it important to have lovely things around you? 167 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,640 - Yes. - Yes. 168 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,640 Is it a miracle that you are walking again? 169 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,120 It is a miracle that I can walk at all. 170 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,880 I bless the wonder of life 171 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,120 and the newness of living. 172 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:45,800 Ow! 173 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,240 Jed might be around tomorrow night, 174 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,040 as, um, he and I sort of hang out a bit, you know. 175 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,280 Catching up on lecture notes and that sort of thing. 176 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,680 - Ooh! - No, nothing like that! 177 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,200 I know what you're thinking! 178 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,160 You may be sorely disappointed there. 179 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,160 Although the other night... 180 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,440 ..he did get locked up in our part of the halls... 181 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,280 Poor bastard! 182 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,240 And he did have to sleep on the floor in my room, but... 183 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,240 Only cos he couldn't chew through the restraints 184 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,880 with his bare teeth, I should imagine. 185 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,960 You see, Jed's really, really lovely... 186 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,240 Honestly, can you just shut Titicaca here up for a second? 187 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,720 Sweetie, hold my hand. Ahh! 188 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,640 Ooh, ahh! Oh! That's better, now, that's better. 189 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,840 Now listen, you. 190 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,600 I said you could go to university, darling. 191 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,840 I did not say you could move into the residential home. 192 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,640 I'm only thinking of moving into the halls of residence 193 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,200 because it is easier for me, all right? 194 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,640 Easier for you! Easier for you? 195 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,720 God, I can see the headline now, can't you, sweetie? 196 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,360 "Home alone mother left to fend for herself... 197 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,400 "..while good-time daughter shacks up student-style. 198 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,560 "'I left her with a neighbour and friend', she said." 199 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,000 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 200 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:02,720 Oh, God, I can't... 201 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,040 SHE SOBS 202 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,200 Help Mama, sweetie. 203 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,640 Help Mama, darling. Ahh! 204 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,040 And when will the baby be born? 205 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,200 Do you hope to have a big family? 206 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,080 Oh, of course, how stupid of me! 207 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,960 Those questions were transparently 208 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,440 for a much younger woman. 209 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,360 And you're not Annabel Croft? 210 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,680 No, I'm Patsy Stone. 211 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,720 Stone... 212 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,240 Oh! 213 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:41,000 Did your life change much after Basic Instinct? 214 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,800 Ja? Bonjour, oui, oui? 215 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,240 Just put me... TRYING TO SPEAK GERMAN 216 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,000 Oh, God! Four bloody languages and they can't specialise 'em. 217 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,000 Just put me through to Zermatt! Zermatt! 218 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,680 Who are you calling? 219 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,200 My doctor, Philip, darling. He's skiing in Switzerland. 220 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,720 YELLS: Hello? Hello, Philip? 221 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,720 Yes, it's Edina. Mmm? 222 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,000 You know this foot of mine, darling? 223 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,920 Yeah, I've just bashed it on the doorframe, 224 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,080 it's very painful. Huh? Huh? 225 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,440 Oh, God, he's just hit the grand slalom. 226 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,160 I can't hear him for wind noises. 227 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,200 Eddy... 228 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,000 Oh, Pats, darling, how did it go? 229 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,840 Do these work? 230 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,280 For how old, sweetie? 231 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,200 35. 232 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,520 You might need a few more for 35, I think, darling. 233 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,760 Well, how much more? 234 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,080 A bungee jump with the elastic tied to the back of your head 235 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,840 should get that all back into shape. 236 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,440 Yes, yes, swoosh, swoosh... 237 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,320 Yes! Swoosh, swoosh! 238 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,960 Yes, yes, yes, oh, oh... 239 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,040 Operation... 240 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,720 Darling... 241 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,440 Hospital, yes... 242 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,680 All right, all right. Thank you. 243 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,720 SHE SIGHS 244 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,200 Did you catch that, darling? 245 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,280 I've gotta go to hospital. 246 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,840 Hospital, Eddy? I'll come with you. 247 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:02,880 All right. 248 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,000 God! I'm gonna have to pack 249 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,760 and order the ambulance and everything. 250 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,400 Why don't you take your car? 251 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,680 Because, sweetie, I do not pay huge insurance premiums 252 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,840 so I can just drive myself to hospital, all right? 253 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,040 And not stay overnight, OK? 254 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,720 Come on, Pats! 255 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,960 Which one shall we go to? Hmm? Cromwell? Heritage? 256 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,080 Champneys? 257 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,560 - Ooh, yeah. They got a pool? - Yeah. 258 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,960 Oh, yeah. 259 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,920 EDINA: Ow, ow! 260 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,240 Don't just put me straight in, circle around a bit. 261 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,560 There's nothing worse than not being able to see the person 262 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:37,960 being put into the ambulance. 263 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,280 Oi! 264 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,480 What about me? I'm sick, too, you know! 265 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,360 OK, OK, here she comes. MP's tart in mercy dash. 266 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,000 SIREN BLARES 267 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,520 REPORTER 1: Excuse me. REPORTER 2: OK. 268 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,480 REPORTER 3: This way, Patsy! Smile! 269 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,400 That's nice! Smile this way! 270 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,520 Patsy, how are you? 271 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,960 I'm fine, I'm just here with a sick friend. 272 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,040 10 grand for the story, exclusive, know what I mean? 273 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,080 I regret to inform you 274 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,560 that I've already given that exclusive to magazine. HELLO! 275 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,720 How long am I going to sit here, Patsy? 276 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,800 I'll send someone out to get you, sweetie. 277 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,440 REPORTERS: Over here! 278 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,160 Turn round, Patsy! 279 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,560 Patsy, nice smile! 280 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,280 Excuse me, I'm the sick one! 281 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,560 Excuse me, I'm the sick one. 282 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,640 MUSIC PLAYS ON TELEVISION 283 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,440 - No bloody mini-bar! - Oh! 284 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,120 That's hard to credit, isn't it, really? 285 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,680 Oh, let's not have the TV on, darling. 286 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,760 What is this? Morning television? 287 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,200 No, sweetie, it's worse than that. 288 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,880 It's mid-morning bloody television, isn't it? 289 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,520 Patronising women, castrated males and Welsh cartoons 290 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,200 till people who like a gin and tonic 291 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,640 get home at 6:30, darling. Turn it off. 292 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:03,240 - Gin and tonic, Eddy! - Oh, gin and tonic, sweetie! 293 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,800 You order it, sweetie. I'm just gonna check out the bathroom. 294 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,040 Have you got any pain at the moment, dear? 295 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,280 Oh, yes, yes. 296 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:20,040 LAUGHS: Mary! Mary! Come in here a minute and look at this! 297 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,960 Mother of God! What is it? 298 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,080 You know, my daughter 299 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,280 could get away with wearing something like this! 300 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,920 Yes, well, maybe she could get away with it, 301 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,400 but I doubt very much if she'd be able to afford it! 302 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,560 Well, she's only three years old. 303 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,920 Look, just furnish us with the appropriate drugs 304 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,480 and then leave the room, please. 305 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,800 For the laugh you've given us, 306 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,240 it's the least we can do for you. 307 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,320 Now, how about some Distalgesic? 308 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,000 Distalges... Is that all right, Pats? 309 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,440 - Wash 'em down with brandy! - Yeah. 310 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,080 I want a drip and a little heart bleep machine here. 311 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:54,200 All right? 312 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,080 I've seen Casualty, I know what goes on. 313 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,920 Now, have you any pain? 314 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,640 No, but I'm still paying. 315 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,400 You got that stuff they use in Awakenings? 316 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,440 L-Dopa. 317 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,040 L-Dopa, yes, two of those on the rocks, 318 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,280 and give me some cigarettes. 319 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,080 Benson & Hedges or Marlboro? 320 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,040 Both. And bring me the wine list. 321 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,800 - WHISPERS: Hey! Is that... - Is it? 322 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,200 - Is that her? - I believe so. Yeah. 323 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:22,280 Hello, dear. I thought I recognised you! 324 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,600 That's that old slag in the papers last week! 325 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,320 Then there are these lovely recherché kilim slippers. 326 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,360 Lovely! 327 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,880 And chairs, I thought, might be quite interesting. 328 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,400 I've got a friend who's got a shop 329 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,080 with some lovely chairs in it. 330 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,440 - Jocasta? - Yes. 331 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,760 And she believes chairs are as important to civilisation 332 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,120 as a masterpiece. 333 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,520 Or something. I wrote it down somewhere. 334 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,680 So we could print that up and do some lovely... Photos. 335 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,760 Ugh! 336 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:04,800 SHE SIGHS 337 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,200 God, you'd think they'd send a doctor in by now, wouldn't you? 338 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,880 Huh? I just might be dying here. 339 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,400 Wouldn't you, sweetie, huh? 340 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,200 Oi! Darling! Sweetie! 341 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,080 Visitor. Visit, visit! 342 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,440 God, she's got two people with her. Two! 343 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,200 Those aren't Patsy's friends, are they? 344 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,600 No, darling, they're from the magazine. 345 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,440 What's she having done? Has she decided yet? 346 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,920 Must be hard to find a priority on a face like that. 347 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,120 Oh, sweetie... She's having a little face peel 348 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,120 and some eyelid rejuvenation, all right? 349 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,280 Oh, God! Don't you ever go off duty? 350 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,320 What do you want? 351 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,160 Oi! More champagne! 352 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,600 Can mine be a Buck's Fizz? 353 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,400 And some nibbles! 354 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:49,200 - Is this your daughter? - Yes. 355 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,040 Well, maybe there's a God after all. 356 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,360 Mary! 357 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,440 Don't you dare! 358 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,840 Don't you dare! Now look, I demand to see a doctor! 359 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,800 Mr Simpson will be round in a minute. 360 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,240 Mr Simpson! Mr Simpson! 361 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,360 I want a proper doctor in a white coat 362 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,560 who's gonna take me seriously 363 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,520 and give me some more painkillers now, all right? 364 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,160 - Right, Mrs um... - Monsoon. 365 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,680 - I'll be operating on your... - Foot. 366 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,440 ..tomorrow morning. 367 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,800 Hold my hand, darling, 368 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,840 he could be the caretaker for all I know. 369 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,640 We could do this under local. 370 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,480 Not a very serious operation. Be very quick. 371 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,480 Local? Local anaesthetic? Are you mad? 372 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,360 God, what is this, Eastern Europe? 373 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,560 You won't feel any pain. 374 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,800 I might not be able to feel it, 375 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,160 but I'll still be able to see it! 376 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,760 I'm not totally lacking in imagination, you know! 377 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,200 I want total sensory deprivation 378 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,080 and backup drugs, all right? 379 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,360 Believe me, she's much happier unconscious. 380 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,200 - I'll see you tomorrow. - All right. 381 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,040 Nurse, I know I should see that lumpy-breast woman now, 382 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,840 but great friends of mine are having a drinks party. 383 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,560 WHISPERS: Face-lift. 384 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,280 Ah, it'll be a doddle. 385 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,320 Just grab her by the scalp, shake her up and down a bit 386 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,960 and chop off the slack. 387 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Tomorrow. 388 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:03,480 Oi, you! 389 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,760 Bitch-nurse. 390 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,920 You just keep me on the threshold of pain. 391 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,600 I want some more painkillers. 392 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,800 Look, I had two tiny little paraplegics or something 393 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,480 in this cup over an hour ago. 394 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,480 And don't look at me like I'm mad, 395 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,640 I know you've got Valium out there! 396 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,160 Have you tried this? 397 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,680 It's "a triple-acting alpha-hydroxy 398 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,160 "acid natural complex 399 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,120 "to reactivate your skin, 400 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,120 "making you scientifically more beautiful"! 401 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,320 Sounds good. 402 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,000 Mmm. Dermatologist and ophthalmologist tested, 403 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,120 nonallergen... 404 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,760 I don't know what this means, 405 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,560 but it's forcing me to believe it! 406 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,600 Yes. 407 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:40,960 I think that's bloody rubbish. 408 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,360 You know, if you want a face peel, 409 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,960 you want the full-strength sulphuric acid skin-stripper! 410 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,000 It's the total beauty experience. 411 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,440 Gnarled old oak trees have been wheeled into this hospital 412 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,520 and gone out as saplings. 413 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,760 Look, it says in the brochure. 414 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,200 Breast enhancements, oh! 415 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,480 That's an operation! 416 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,560 Of course it's an operation. 417 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,600 Oh! 418 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,280 I thought it was just something to do with good lighting! 419 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,760 All this fuss they're making about implants these days! 420 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,800 Breasts have been blown out of all proportion. 421 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,360 I mean, who wouldn't put up with a not-entirely-unpleasant 422 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,400 trickling sensation 423 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,600 and a slight crystallisation around the lower abdomen 424 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,320 for that amount of cleavage, huh? 425 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,360 SHE CHUCKLES 426 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,280 - Oh, Magda! - Hello, Pats. How are ya? 427 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,880 Unlucky business with the MP. 428 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,840 Still, the thing HELLO! should sort all that out. 429 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,160 Right, I better make this quick, 430 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,280 I've got a lingerie opening and a feminine wash launch 431 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,320 to get to by 6:00. 432 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,440 And all this with my extended working champagne lunch 433 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,120 with Anouska bloody Hempel floating about here. 434 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,760 Right, this month I want articles 435 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,560 about how lovely spending money is. 436 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,680 Expensive things are better, cosmetics are great. 437 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,760 I want money, money, money, spend, spend, spend. 438 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,120 I don't want to see any more photos of gormless skeletons 439 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,360 with no brains, no make-up and no bloody tits. 440 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,840 Promoting bored teenagers won't sell a Chanel suit. 441 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,040 - Too thin. - Too young. 442 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,720 Hmm. If the models get any younger, Pats, 443 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,720 they'll be chucking foetuses down the catwalk. 444 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,080 Right, we need new photos of everyone - 445 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,320 staff, editors and writers - 446 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,800 to go at the front of the magazine. 447 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,800 Stupid bloody idea, but everybody's doing it. 448 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,000 Well, I'll get the chap HELLO! 449 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,280 to do a head and shoulders of me. 450 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,680 Good. I blame the papers, meself. 451 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:08,840 They've started the trend. 452 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,720 Journos with egos. Oh, I don't like them. 453 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,800 It's bad enough having to read most of the crap 454 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,960 that's written without having to look at a photo 455 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,160 of the bastard that wrote it. 456 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,520 These are the shots I had done, I don't care what I look like, 457 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,720 it's the attitude. 458 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:20,880 Oh, Magda, who did these? 459 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,480 Bailey, O'Neill, Lichfield - no crap. 460 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,920 It seems a pity to use just the one. 461 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,520 Couldn't we make a feature, "Our editor"? 462 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:27,560 Yes. 463 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,280 And then we could use all these lovely, um...photos. 464 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,120 And then each week do the same with all of us. 465 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,840 Yes. 466 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,040 Chairs. Chairs might be nice. 467 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,360 - What, are you going? - Yes. 468 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,640 Home? 469 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,840 No, I'm going to the party at the halls. 470 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,240 Oh. 471 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,120 So you won't be here when I come round, then? 472 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,480 For the first time in my life, no. 473 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,720 Oh... 474 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,720 What's that? 475 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,000 It's just for the room-warming. 476 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,600 Look, Mum, just don't be happy or pleased or anything. 477 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,240 Darling! Low alcohol... 478 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,840 Gah! 479 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:11,920 Oh, God... 480 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,360 - You all right, Pats? - Yeah, darling. You? 481 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,760 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 482 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,120 Not nervous, are you, darling? 483 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,640 No, not a bit. I can't wait. 484 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,880 The day after tomorrow, my life begins again. 485 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,000 Goodbye, ageing obscurity and magazine . HELLO! 486 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,880 Take more than two of those to knock me... 487 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,840 - Did you take the pre-med? - She took everything we had! 488 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,360 Come on, don't be silly! 489 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,560 EDINA: No, no, no, no! I want them! 490 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,600 Don't be silly! 491 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,760 Now, count to 10, slowly. 492 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,200 One... 493 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,440 DOCTOR: She's gone. NURSE: Praise the Lord! 494 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,200 HEART BEATS 495 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,000 Ah! Edina, my dear! 496 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,440 You're awake. 497 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,280 It's sad news, I'm afraid. 498 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,920 The doctors say there is nothing they can do. 499 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,800 Brains is working on the formula, 500 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,600 but he may not have enough time. 501 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,840 I'm very sorry. 502 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,280 Your friends and family are here. 503 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,360 Patsy! 504 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,920 You're Mandy Rice-Davies! Where's Patsy? 505 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,760 No, sweetie, it's Patsy. This is a dream. 506 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,800 - How do I look, Pats? - Wonderful! 507 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,280 You never seem to age. 508 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,640 I've always been jealous of that! 509 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,480 SIGHS: It's just bone structure, Pats. 510 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,840 My whole body just hangs off these cheekbones. 511 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,080 Don't die, Eddy! 512 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,560 You're my touchstone, Eddy! 513 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,320 I think I should see my family now. 514 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,840 Saff? 515 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,560 Saffy, darling! 516 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,120 Sweetie, you wore the Lacroix! 517 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,560 Yeah. 518 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,920 Yeah. I'll always wear my Lacroix from now on 519 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,520 when I'm in town, Ma. 520 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,920 Yeah, and I've decided not to go to university. 521 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,520 EDINA: Oh, good. 522 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,800 I'll gonna bum around Europe, experimenting with drugs, 523 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,880 wearing frayed denim for as long as it's fashionable. 524 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,920 And then take a flat in Paris. Just be a famous artist. 525 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,560 EDINA: Yes, darling. 526 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,880 And people will know that I owe it all to you. 527 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,000 Thank you, darling! 528 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,800 I know we've had our little ups and downs, sweetie, but... 529 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,120 ..I had always...sort of love you, you know. 530 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,000 Is your father here, sweetie, is Justin here? 531 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,320 Papa's just here, Mama. 532 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,440 EDINA: Justin... 533 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,000 You can't die, 534 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,720 you wonderful woman, you! I won't let you! 535 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,720 - Tell me you're not gay! - No, I'm not. 536 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,280 I used that as an excuse. 537 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,080 When we split up, I knew I'd never find another woman 538 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,600 that could take your place. 539 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,640 I didn't want another woman! 540 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,000 I shall, of course, be sending a letter to this effect 541 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,680 to all those bitch friends of yours 542 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:34,920 who said, "I told you so." 543 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:39,360 And it will be in print, in the obituary in The Times, 544 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,600 which they will print by mistake 545 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,680 because I'm sure you're gonna pull through! 546 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:51,080 Is my son here? Is Serge here, my pride and joy? 547 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:53,120 Ma, he's taking weather readings in the Arctic. 548 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:55,400 Yes, I faxed the North Pole. 549 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,680 SHE CHOKES 550 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,520 Oh, my God! 551 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,640 Where are the nurses? Somebody must be doing something! 552 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,680 Hi, honey! The doctors tried to stop me 553 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,160 but I said, "You give that chick anything she needs." 554 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,920 I'm from Detroit and I don't mess around. 555 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,520 Now, what d'ya need, sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll? 556 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,080 Rock 'n' roll! 557 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:18,760 BASSLINE OF CAN THE CAN 558 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,040 # So make a stand for your man, honey 559 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:27,880 # Try to can the can 560 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,760 # Put your man in the can, honey 561 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,760 # Get him while you can... # 562 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,320 Your mother is here. 563 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:37,560 Yes, Mummy's here, Eddy. 564 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,120 What's she doing here? Ugh! 565 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,480 I was just passing, dear. 566 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,960 Goodness, you're looking young. 567 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,520 You hardly seem to have changed since you were a little girl. 568 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,920 You're not looking so bad yourself! 569 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,640 In fact, I thought you'd be a lot older. 570 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,840 It's my bone structure, dear. 571 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,320 Your whole body hangs off my cheekbones! 572 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:03,360 SAFFY: Don't give up, please! 573 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,040 # Come alive! Yeah! 574 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,400 # Come alive! Yeah! 575 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,560 # Down in Devil Gate Drive 576 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,240 # So come alive! Yeah! 577 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,680 # So come alive! Yeah! 578 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,840 # Down in Devil Gate Down in Devil Gate... # 579 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,720 Get off, get off! 580 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,920 Ugh, ugh! 581 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,400 Mrs Monsoon, how are you feeling? 582 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,120 SHE SIGHS 583 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,680 Oh, God! What are you doing here? 584 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,600 Oh, I was visiting someone from my bridge club, dear. 585 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,040 Just down the corridor. 586 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,120 So I thought as I was passing I might... 587 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,000 - as well just...look in. - My foot, my foot! 588 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,640 I must see the scar! 589 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:40,920 Is that it? 590 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,560 - Huh? - Yes! 591 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,080 Wasn't very much in the end. Not even a toenail, in fact. 592 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,200 Well, what then? 593 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,120 Well, we removed this. 594 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,960 It's an acupuncture needle. 595 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,680 Must have worked its way down. 596 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,240 But I've only ever had cranial acupuncture! 597 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:00,920 God! 598 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,200 How many organs has it harpooned 599 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,360 on its way down there? 600 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,520 I've become a needle dumping ground! 601 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,760 Well, put a bandage on it at least, you! 602 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,800 God, where's Patsy? 603 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,840 SHE SIGHS 604 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:18,880 How fantastic! 605 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,120 ANTONIA: At her tasteful London home, 606 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,480 which she decorated herself, 607 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,360 I met the lovely, internationally renowned 608 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,360 fashion editor, Patsy Stone. 609 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,240 PATSY: I love to collect things. 610 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,040 There's nothing I like better than shopping for knick-knacks. 611 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,480 ANTONIA: Patsy nibbled a humble salad 612 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,200 and sipped an Evian water. 613 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,080 PATSY: I like to maintain a healthy lifestyle. 614 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:49,640 ANTONIA: It's hard to believe that Patsy is 39 years old. 615 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,120 - She looks so young. - PATSY: Thank you. 616 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,440 ANTONIA: So young. PATSY: Thanks. 617 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,520 ANTONIA: Young... VOICE ECHOES 618 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,600 Wake up, Miss Stone. 619 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,880 The operation is over. A complete success. 620 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,360 I'll just pop in to see poor old Patsy, dear. 621 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,480 I think I heard them wheel her back in. 622 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:18,520 Patsy! It's only me! May I come in? 623 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,800 Go in, Mrs M. I think you're in for a very pleasant surprise. 624 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:25,600 SHE GASPS 625 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:32,880 MOUTHS: What's up? 626 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,080 SHE SCREAMS 627 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,680 - Sweetie! - Oh, no! 628 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,040 Oh, God! 629 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,400 Oh, no! 630 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,400 Oh, Eddy! Eddy! 631 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,320 - Get the doctor! - Don't leave her here! 632 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:54,120 She's NHS. NHS. NHS! 633 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,040 Never mind, darling. 634 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,040 Oh, heigh-ho, huh? 635 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,760 You're not crying, are you, darling? 636 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,800 No, sweetie, 637 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,040 it's just this little wound under my eye won't heal. 638 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,640 Little wound this side won't heal either. 639 00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:58,920 Eddy! SHE SOBS