1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,080
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,640
Do you want some 
 ecstasy, Eddie?

3
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,080
Are you mad, darling?

4
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:16,960
No one's taking that any more.

5
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,600
I mean people are dragged from 
 raves,

6
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,960
bleeding from every orifice.

7
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,120
Yeah, but this isn't a rave, 
 it's a happening!

8
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,720
Don't force me 
 to take it, Pats.

9
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,760
I promised Saffy 
 I wouldn't, darling.

10
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,320
Yeah, but she'll 
 never find out.

11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,960
I mean, she doesn't scare me.

12
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,600
-(DOOR OPENING) 
 -Mum!

13
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,880
Keep the noise down!

14
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,760
Where's Olive? 
 She normally does me.

15
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,040
-She's sick. 
 -(SIGHING)

16
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,040
I thought you were a nurse. 
 Why aren't you nursing?

17
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,920
This pays better.

18
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,000
How much was you 
 hoping to lose?

19
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,160
Well, normally I lose about 10 
 inches from all over my body.

20
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,800
How many times have 
 you had this done?

21
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,840
Seven.

22
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,000
-I'll see what I can do. 
 -Yeah.

23
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,880
But personally, I think 
 you're wasting your money.

24
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:30,960
Hmm.

25
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,520
-You want to lose weight? 
 -Hmm.

26
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,160
You want to move that fat 
 bottom of yours

27
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,320
and get your mouth sewn up.

28
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:36,800
Oh!

29
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,640
You want to help 
 the environment?

30
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,800
Mmm.

31
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,800
Use your fat bottom and 
 plug up the ozone layer!

32
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,000
All right!

33
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,280
Are you trained at this?

34
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,600
I'm a nurse. 
 Bandaging is what I do best.

35
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,560
-And I've got the manual. 
 -Good.

36
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,600
Right.

37
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,200
Have you recently had or are 
 you due for your period?

38
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,720
Well yes, both.

39
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,880
What, is that important?

40
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,080
-No, just making conversation. 
 -Oh.

41
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,720
-Relax. 
 -Mum...

42
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,800
-Oh, what? 
 -Aw,

43
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,120
-it's the little daughter. 
 -Oh, ow!

44
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,200
Mum, can you come downstairs, 
 please?

45
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,320
Sweetie, have you seen 
 what you're talking to?

46
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,360
Tutankhamun.

47
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,680
-Mum, it's important. 
 -(EDINA SIGHING)

48
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,240
I've got some bad news.

49
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,360
Darling, I can't move for an 
 hour. I'm being shrunk.

50
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,640
And then I've gotta go and pick 
 Patsy up from the hospital.

51
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,080
-(SIGHING) 
 -Oh, don't "tut-uh"!

52
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,680
Do you think she wanted 
 her stomach pumped again? No.

53
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,480
She thought they were 
 her antibiotics, darling.

54
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,840
Gran is downstairs 
 and she wants to see you.

55
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,120
(SIGHING) Well, that's never 
 really worked as a threat

56
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,440
that one, has it?

57
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,960
She's got some very sad news.

58
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,800
Oh, how tragic. 
 Oh, what? What?

59
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,480
(CRYING) 
 I think she should tell you.

60
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:54,800
Oh, come on. I'm doing...

61
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,320
Oh, God. 
 What are you blubbing for now?

62
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,280
Mum, come downstairs now!

63
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,320
Oh, God.

64
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,240
All right, I'll come.

65
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,200
But If I come, the Dead Sea 
 comes with me,

66
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,880
is that all right?

67
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,200
Is it all right if I move?

68
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,840
Oh, there you go again,

69
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,920
mistaking me for someone 
 who gives a damn.

70
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,760
Who cares if you're 
 fat or thin?

71
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,840
Who cares if you live or die?

72
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,240
-Gran? 
 -Good morning, dear.

73
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,800
Oh, I say. 
 Is that all the rage?

74
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:32,840
It's a wrap.

75
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,560
Oh! 
 They've changed since my day.

76
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,560
Is it a Vivienne Westwood?

77
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,280
Gran, come on.

78
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,600
You've got something to tell 
 Mum, haven't you?

79
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,320
-Do we have to? 
 -Come on, Gran.

80
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,520
Oh... No, you tell her, dear. 
 You're better at these things.

81
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,000
I don't know why, but I have 
 the feeling that I might laugh.

82
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,040
That would just be 
 an hysterical reaction.

83
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,400
Yes, hilarious, dear,

84
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,840
but I do think it would be 
 rather inappropriate.

85
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,920
Come on! I mean, 
 does this look comfortable?

86
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,560
Mum, maybe you 
 should sit down.

87
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,760
No, darling. 
 My crust can't be broken.

88
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,320
You tell her, Saffy.

89
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,240
No, you tell her, Gran. 
 It'll be all right.

90
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,000
We could do one potato, 
 two potato...

91
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,040
Just one of you, now!

92
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,880
(SIGHING)

93
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:19,920
-(BOTH) Your...

94
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,280
-Oh, no, dear. All right. 
 You say.

95
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,600
-No, after you. 
 -(SIGHING) Very well, then.

96
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,600
Edwina, dear, 
 your father is dead.

97
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,440
Well done.

98
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,560
"Well done"? Did she finish him 
 off or something?

99
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,880
That was it, wasn't it, dear? 
 I'm not going mad, am I?

100
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,360
Granddad has died!

101
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,320
Is that all you can do? 
 All you can say?

102
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,600
Don't you think Gran 
 needs a little bit more?

103
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,280
Oh, don't drag me 
 into it, dear.

104
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,120
She's doing her best, 
 I'm sure.

105
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,800
Now, don't you get 
 yourself into a state.

106
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,440
Your father is dead.

107
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,240
What does that make 
 you feel, Mum?

108
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,120
And you can stop smirking!

109
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,800
Upset, sweetie. Upset. Upset.

110
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,400
-There, I told you, dear. 
 -I'm not ready to crack yet.

111
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,960
Oh, leave the mummy 
 and come to Granny, dear.

112
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,800
I am upset, darling. 
 (GROANING)

113
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,360
Mum!

114
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,440
Just go back upstairs 
 and don't come back down

115
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,640
until you've really 
 thought about it!

116
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,400
I have thought about 
 it now, darling. I have.

117
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,080
Come away from the old woman.

118
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,960
Come on. Look, Mummy's upset. 
 (MOCK CRYING)

119
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,160
Go!

120
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,920
I don't know how 
 you do it, dear.

121
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,720
She would never do that for me.

122
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,600
I expect Granddad 
 kept her in check, though.

123
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,280
Oh, no. 
 He was scared stiff of her!

124
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,640
These bandages are very clean. 
 Where's all the mud?

125
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,280
-Well, is that good? 
 -I don't know!

126
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,000
Get up. 
 Let me measure your wrists.

127
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,160
-(SIGHING) Oh, God.

128
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,160
(SIGHING)

129
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,760
Right.

130
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,960
(GASPING) I don't know how 
 this can have happened.

131
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,240
What?

132
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,320
My God, woman. 
 What have you done?

133
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,960
What? What?

134
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,840
This will take 
 your mind off it, Saffy.

135
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,800
I'm sorry, Gran. You're coping 
 so well. I just feel so sad.

136
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,600
It's all right, dear.

137
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,520
I've had longer to get used to 
 the idea of Granddad dying.

138
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,960
We were married 
 for nearly 40 years, you know.

139
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,480
It's just there's so much to 
 think about. To arrange.

140
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,560
Yes, all in good time.

141
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,240
Now, it's multiple 
 choice questions!

142
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,880
(CLEARING THROAT)

143
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,400
Are you ready?

144
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,320
"How many years was Margaret 
 Thatcher Prime Minister?"

145
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,480
"A, 900 years.

146
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,760
"B, 3000 years.

147
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,160
"C, 11 years." 
 Oh, it's a trick question!

148
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,640
Oh, it's all right.

149
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,840
No, it's not all right, is it, 
 sweetie?

150
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,560
It's not all right. 
 It's impossible.

151
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,360
It just can't have 
 happened, darling.

152
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,760
(WHIMPERING)

153
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,200
Do you want to talk about it?

154
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,040
Yeah. Thank you.

155
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,520
I've put on 12 inches 
 all over my body!

156
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,600
I mean, my body absorbs mud!

157
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,480
Every pore is 
 now an over-eater.

158
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,880
-I don't understand you, Mum. 
 -I'm a medical freak, sweetie.

159
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,440
Of course, they want you 
 to say, "11 years".

160
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,240
And that makes me think 
 that it must be

161
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,000
"A, 900 years."

162
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,920
It was a very, very long time.

163
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,160
(EDINA MUTTERING)

164
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,080
-(SOBBING) 
 -Oh, dear.

165
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,040
What's the matter with her? 
 I mean, you know.

166
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,800
She's upset about 
 your father dying.

167
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,840
Well, still?

168
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,200
Look!

169
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,320
There are certain things that 
 we should talk about,

170
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,800
get sorted out.

171
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,600
I mean, like the funeral 
 arrangements, the will,

172
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,160
and also about Gran, I mean 
 where is she going to live?

173
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,120
BOTH: No!

174
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,720
What?

175
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,680
-She's not coming 
 to live here! No, no, no!

176
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,120
-I am not going to live here!

177
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,960
No, dear. 
 I am quite happy where I am.

178
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,680
In fact, I'll have 
 a bit more room!

179
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,840
-Are you sure? 
 -Oh, yes, dear.

180
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,280
Well, I spoke to the funeral 
 directors this morning.

181
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,760
Oh, well done.

182
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,080
And it's going to 
 be next Monday.

183
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,240
All right. 
 I'll make a note of that.

184
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,480
I think I'm free.

185
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,160
Ooh, cancel bridge!

186
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,800
And then everyone 
 can come here.

187
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:13,840
Here?

188
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,040
-And then go on to the church. 
 -Yeah well, I'm a Buddhist.

189
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,520
Well, don't come, then!

190
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,720
Don't do anything! Don't think 
 about it! Don't care!

191
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,960
I think I'll be off.

192
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,920
I'll just pop home and sort 
 things out there, dear.

193
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,720
Take care, and thank you.

194
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,000
Oh, goodbye. 
 Oh, goodbye.

195
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,880
I can't believe the way you're 
 behaving, that you don't care!

196
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:44,960
I do care, darling.

197
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,240
Did he leave a will?

198
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,120
So what? I'm just asking, you 
 know, asking!

199
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,280
I've made out a will, 
 you know, darling.

200
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,520
I mean, you get most of the 
 money in my will, you know.

201
00:09:58,560 --> 00:09:59,560
Hmm! Hmm!

202
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,400
What do you think you'll do 
 with it, darling? The money.

203
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,520
I don't want it.

204
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,280
(SOFTLY) Oh, 
 you don't want it.

205
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,880
Well just don't have it then.

206
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,680
I'd rather you didn't have it, 
 in fact.

207
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,840
God, that's a rather 
 depressing thought, isn't it?

208
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,080
That you might live 
 on after me, isn't it? Hmm?

209
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:16,360
You!

210
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,400
Hmm?

211
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,320
That's how I'm going to be 
 remembered, is it?

212
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,600
What, through you?

213
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:21,960
Well, what do you 
 want, a statue?

214
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,040
Yes!

215
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,440
A great big, fat, ugly, 
 armless statue!

216
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,760
I've got arms. I've got arms!

217
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,840
I just want to bequeath 
 something to the nation.

218
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,040
That's all. Not just you.

219
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,560
(WHISPERING) I've got arms!

220
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,560
-Can I help you? 
 -Yeah, I want to buy some art.

221
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,440
Have you seen something here?

222
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,720
No, I don't know. 
 I mean, I just, you know...

223
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,040
I just want to get some, 
 you know?

224
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,480
What else have you got?

225
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,080
We're a specialist gallery.

226
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,360
Perhaps if you knew what 
 you were looking for,

227
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,800
I could help you.

228
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,800
Is there someone else 
 who could help me?

229
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:19,840
(BEEPING)

230
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,600
Oh yeah, I want to, 
 you know, buy some art.

231
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:26,840
I'm a collector.

232
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:30,160
I like sort of modern stuff.

233
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,440
Please, come downstairs. 
 We'll see what we can do.

234
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,800
You only work in a shop, 
 you know.

235
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,320
You can drop the attitude.

236
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,000
In this exhibit,

237
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,880
notice the quality in the 
 texture of the brush-strokes.

238
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,640
We like to think the artist 
 managed

239
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,480
to cast off inertia and 
 overcome habit

240
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,360
in a continual 
 renewal of himself.

241
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,920
Don't give me all this crap.

242
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,600
I understood you 
 were a collector.

243
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,320
I am. I'm a serious collector.

244
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,960
I'm not interested 
 in artistic value,

245
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,040
I just want to know how much 
 this is gonna be worth

246
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,080
in 20 years' time.

247
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,080
Oh, I see. 
 Why didn't you say so?

248
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,960
I've been showing you 
 completely the wrong stuff.

249
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,720
All this?

250
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,040
This?

251
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,520
Well, get me the figures 
 on that.

252
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,200
I want to see the figures.

253
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,680
And I like these here too. 
 These shoes. I like them.

254
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,440
And the televisions, 
 I like those there.

255
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,960
The televisions, there.

256
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,920
Also I want one of those, 
 like, those blood heads.

257
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,920
You know, those frozen 
 blood heads filled with blood.

258
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,720
Anything that's in the Saatchi 
 collection.

259
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,600
I want things like that, all 
 right?

260
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,720
I just want everything.

261
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,480
All right? Everything.

262
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,760
It all looks like bollocks, 
 so it must be worth something.

263
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,120
(UTENSILS CLATTERING)

264
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,280
(SIGHING)

265
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,960
(MUTTERING)

266
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,600
Is that you, Mum?

267
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,080
What are you doing 
 down here in the dark?

268
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,560
-I heard you get up. 
 -(SOBBING)

269
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,120
(GROANING)

270
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,240
Well, I suppose it had to hit 
 me sooner or later,

271
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,280
-darling, didn't it? 
 -Yes.

272
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,960
I mean...

273
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,080
Actually, darling, it sort of 
 made me think, you know?

274
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,040
Good.

275
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,840
I don't want to die! 
 I don't want to die!

276
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,880
Oh, dear.

277
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,040
I mean, sweetie, I know you 
 think I don't feel things,

278
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,160
you know, and...

279
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,440
I'm sorry we had 
 that row this morning.

280
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,280
That's all right.

281
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,160
I've spent most of the 
 money now,

282
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,600
-by the way, you know... 
 -I don't care.

283
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,320
You still get the 
 house though, darling.

284
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,400
You know that, don't you?

285
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,760
And any little keepsake.

286
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,680
Any little reminder you want 
 of Mummy when she's

287
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,320
passed away, when she's gone, 
 darling.

288
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,320
Just say, it shall be yours. 
 You know? Mmm-hmm.

289
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,320
I can't really think 
 of anything right now.

290
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,400
Yeah.

291
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,680
There must be something 
 though, isn't there something?

292
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:58,800
No.

293
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,240
-What, nothing? 
 -No, nothing.

294
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,960
Not in the whole place? 
 Nothing?

295
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,640
(SIGHING) What? 
 Not an ashtray?

296
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:05,840
A piece of cutlery, a glass,

297
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,280
something from the fridge? 
 Hmm?

298
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,800
Mum, I don't want 
 to think about it.

299
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,720
Yeah, well I don't want to 
 think about it either.

300
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,320
But I have to 
 because I'm dying!

301
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,440
-You're not. 
 -I am.

302
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,400
Look! Look at those, darling. 
 Look, look, look!

303
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,040
They're stunted.

304
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,520
You bite your nails.

305
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,600
No, not the nails. 
 My lifelines. My lifelines.

306
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:25,680
They look fine.

307
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,360
They end.

308
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,160
Mum, we all die.

309
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,640
Yeah, but I don't 
 want to, darling!

310
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,960
Honestly, when I think how much

311
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,720
I've invested in this body in 
 this lifetime.

312
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,160
You know, I've had 
 the best of everything.

313
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,640
I've been pampered by 
 Champneys,

314
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:42,840
I've been fed by Fortnums.

315
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,640
I've been shaved, plucked 
 and moisturised, sweetie.

316
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,960
I mean, you know...

317
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,120
This carcass ain't 
 croaking or I'll sue!

318
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,280
Mum, look, if you really 
 want to talk about it,

319
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,680
perhaps now would be a good 
 time

320
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,800
to tell me what you want when 
 you die, I mean...

321
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,440
-(SIGHING) 
 -What sort of funeral?

322
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,000
Where would you 
 like to be buried?

323
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,800
Well, I'm not dead yet! 
 Hang on.

324
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,160
I know!

325
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,040
I don't want to be buried.

326
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,440
I don't want to be buried, 
 darling.

327
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,800
Have you ever been to a 
 graveyard?

328
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,240
Have you ever read a tombstone, 
 sweetie? Hmm? You know...

329
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,600
"So-and-so fell asleep 
 and was buried on..." date.

330
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,280
Fell asleep, sweetie!

331
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,360
No, no. 
 No grave for me, darling.

332
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,600
I'm a Buddhist anyway.

333
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,680
I want to be laid out on a 
 rock in the Ganges, darling,

334
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,960
and then just pecked by birds.

335
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,240
I don't want to end up as some 
 drugged-up zombie

336
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,720
in a hospital, all right?

337
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,440
I thought that would 
 appeal to you.

338
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,200
No...

339
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,160
I want to die with 
 a bit of dignity, you know.

340
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,080
I don't want the last words 
 I hear to be "switch her off"!

341
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,640
Mum, I wouldn't.

342
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,360
You wouldn't, 
 would you, darling?

343
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,040
(SIGHING) Oh, God.

344
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,280
"Life is a mystery. 
 Everyone must stand alone.

345
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,360
-That's lovely. 
 -Yeah.

346
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,960
(SIGHING)

347
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,080
"I hear you call my name 
 and it feels like home."

348
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,760
Who said that?

349
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,960
It's Madonna, darling.

350
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,160
# When you call my name 
 it's like a little prayer

351
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,160
-(DOORBELL BUZZING) 
 -# I'm down on... #

352
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,280
Who can that be? 
 It's 3:00 in the morning.

353
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,560
It's probably some old drunk 
 or something. You go. You go.

354
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,320
# Little prayer 
 I'm down on my knees #

355
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,880
Come on, live! Live!

356
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,040
(SIGHING)

357
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,960
You were right. 
 I'm going to bed.

358
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,120
What are you doing here?

359
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,960
You were supposed to 
 collect me, Eddie.

360
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,280
Oh...

361
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,320
What?

362
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,960
From the hospital. 
 I was waiting.

363
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,160
(COUGHING)

364
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,960
I'm sorry, darling.

365
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,920
You know, it's just that I've

366
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,600
had some rather bad news today, 
 that's all.

367
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,040
I need a drink.

368
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,320
It's very bad news actually, 
 Pats.

369
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,360
Oh, what?

370
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,400
-I'm dying! 
 -You can't.

371
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,160
Well I am.

372
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,880
Well, what am I supposed 
 to do if you die?

373
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,120
Get cabs!

374
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,440
I think that's 
 enough people, dear.

375
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,520
It's not very many.

376
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,760
I know. I was always telling 
 him to get out more

377
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:26,800
and meet people.

378
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,680
Oh, I see she's 
 in mourning at last.

379
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,040
Only for herself.

380
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,800
-Morning. 
 -Morning, Mrs M.

381
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,920
Good morning, Patsy.

382
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,800
Um, Eddie tells me that Mr M,

383
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,400
you know, dead.

384
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,760
-That's right. 
 -Well, um, I condole you.

385
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,000
Thank you, dear.

386
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,680
He chose the right season 
 to go.

387
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,520
-Hmm? 
 -What do you mean?

388
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,680
Well, Harvey Nicks have got

389
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,920
some really tasty little black 
 numbers at the moment.

390
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:00,960
And black is like, in,

391
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,840
so you wouldn't have to wear it 
 only the once!

392
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,120
(SCOFFING)

393
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,400
No, it's my job to 
 know these things.

394
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,520
Look at the silky sheen on your 
 hair. Silky sheen, silky sheen.

395
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,920
What are you doing, 
 silky sheen?

396
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,280
What are you doing? Here. Here.

397
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,800
Making a list of family 
 and friends for the funeral.

398
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,600
Family? Family!

399
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,920
God, I hope you're not 
 inviting that bloody bollocky,

400
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,400
selfish, two-faced, chicken, 
 bastard pig-dog man, are you?

401
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,440
Hmm?

402
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,960
-You could just say "Dad". 
 -Well...

403
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,200
I'd still know what you meant.

404
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,640
Anyway, he can't come, 
 he's away.

405
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:32,720
Oh, good.

406
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,680
And Marshall can't make 
 the funeral, either.

407
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,920
He's flying to LA tomorrow.

408
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,240
But he might call in this 
 morning to pay his respects.

409
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,840
-(EDINA SIGHING) No... 
 -How kind.

410
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,360
Not with that 
 bitch girlfriend.

411
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,720
(EDINA GROANING)

412
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,440
-He's got a new one. 
 -Oh, no!

413
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,720
-She's a therapist. 
 -Let's get out of here.

414
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,960
-(DOORBELL BUZZING) 
 -Oh, damn.

415
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000
-The window! The window! 
 -Stay!

416
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,920
You've done it again, dear. 
 Good heavens.

417
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,960
"We are but mere ghosts. 
 We are spirits soaring.

418
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,120
"For some say, forsooth,

419
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,880
"that we die 
 at our conception,

420
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,200
"and will then henceforth 
 be reborn

421
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,800
"into vibrant life when we 
 truly pass on.

422
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,160
"For herewith, I say to you,

423
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,920
"who can say whether we are 
 alive or already dead."

424
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,040
-(SIGHING)

425
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,240
-That's enough now, Sondra. 
 -Yeah.

426
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,920
To mother. Oh, I'd like you to 
 have this,

427
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,200
you dear, recently 
 bereaved one.

428
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,480
Oh, I hope you don't 
 mind me terming you so.

429
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,920
There's a passage in the book 
 that relates to that actually.

430
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,080
(ALL GROANING)

431
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,080
-Marshall! 
 -Sondra, that's enough, honey.

432
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:36,160
-Oh, just this little bit. 
 -(GROANING)

433
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,280
-Can I have a drink? 
 -What a good idea!

434
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,280
-Are you drinking again? 
 -Yeah.

435
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,080
-Welcome back, Marshall. 
 -Thanks, Pats.

436
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,480
I suppose you're no use to her 
 unless you've got a problem?

437
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,560
-How perceptive. 
 -(CLEARING THROAT)

438
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,440
"I am not what others 
 perceive me to be.

439
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,480
-Ugh.

440
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,640
-"I am not what I am called. 
 I am not a name.

441
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,440
-"I am my own invention." 
 -(GROANING)

442
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,720
I've heard that before 
 somewhere. It's Jung, or...

443
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,280
No, it's a traditional quote. 
 I'm merely using the meaning.

444
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,880
No credit required.

445
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,400
You can check it out 
 with my lawyer.

446
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,440
-Here. 
 -Did you write this, dear?

447
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,520
Yeah. That's me, 
 Sondra Lorrance.

448
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,560
-Oh...

449
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,760
I think the title says it all, 
 don't you?

450
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,440
"Hey, it's great to grieve!"

451
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:22,760
So, Marshall,

452
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,160
-how's the script coming? 
 -Oh, no, do we have to know?

453
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,240
Well, it's at a real 
 interesting stage.

454
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,880
You're doing just fine.

455
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,800
We had Keanu Reeves pull out,

456
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,960
(SONDRA BREATHING DEEPLY)

457
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,720
which we feel really 
 positive about now,

458
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,240
because it's taken 
 a different course, entirely.

459
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,520
And a Japanese company

460
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,240
has taken up the option to 
 do it in animation form.

461
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,920
Pat yourself on 
 the back for that.

462
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,120
-A cartoon? 
 -A cartoon!

463
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,680
-Animation! 
 -But a cartoon?

464
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,320
(LAUGHING)

465
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,840
(LAUGHING)

466
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,520
Hi. You really interest me.

467
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,480
I'd really like 
 to talk to you.

468
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,000
Now don't worry, I'm a 
 therapist. I'm Gestalt.

469
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,200
-And I'm g-going! 
 -Yeah, I'll join you.

470
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,720
Saff, I'm out of here.

471
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,960
I'm gonna change and then go 
 and have lunch with Pats...

472
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
You really are 
 very aggressive to her.

473
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,920
Do you perhaps feel that 
 you blame

474
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,840
and hold your 
 daughter responsible

475
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,160
for your ageing? 
 For your loss of looks?

476
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,920
No, what's your excuse?

477
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,760
I see. 
 (CHUCKLING)

478
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,560
(MOANING)

479
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,360
-That was a quality moment. 
 -Oh, good.

480
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,680
I too have felt 
 great sadness.

481
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,400
You are talking to someone

482
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,880
who has sat through 
 12 times. Beaches

483
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,920
-Really? 
 -(DOORBELL BUZZING)

484
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,880
-Oh, that'll be Granddad. 
 -Oh, how sweet!

485
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,040
You still think 
 he's coming home.

486
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,320
No, it really is Granddad.

487
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,240
Uh, we're putting the coffin 
 in the sitting room

488
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,800
so that people can come 
 and pay their respects.

489
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,160
Excuse me, would you 
 run that one by me again?

490
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,680
-The coffin? Uh, am I right? 
 -Yes.

491
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,360
-With the... 
 -Careful, honey.

492
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,880
-The body, yes. 
 -Body...

493
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,320
(SCREAMING) Body!

494
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,800
-Are you crazy? 
 -MARSHALL: Oh, boy!

495
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,600
-Honey, these people are crazy! 
 -Calm down!

496
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,720
-You can't put a body in a... 
 -Calm down! Calm down!

497
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,560
It's gonna smell! It's 
 gonna smell so bad!

498
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,560
-Calm down! 
 -Take me home!

499
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,960
PATSY: I just hope the 
 Yankee bimbo from hell's gone.

500
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,680
EDINA: God, 
 I hope so, darling.

501
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,080
(SIGHING)

502
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,040
Oi!

503
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,760
It's private parking!

504
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,800
I park here. 
 You have to have a permit.

505
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,600
JUNE: Thank you. 
 EDINA: Who's that?

506
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,360
JUNE: We're just 
 finalising arrangements

507
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,480
for tomorrow, dear.

508
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,680
EDINA: What happens tomorrow? 
 JUNE: The funeral.

509
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,280
EDINA: Oh, God. Come on, Pats,

510
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,480
let's see if my art 
 has arrived.

511
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,120
Oh yes, good. 
 Some smaller bits are here.

512
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,320
Are you mad?

513
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:55,920
Well, you don't have to like 
 it.

514
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,280
That's not the point, 
 darling.

515
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,840
Well how much did this 
 lot set you back?

516
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,760
Well, I just spent 
 as much as I could, darling.

517
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,840
I mean, it cost me hundreds 
 of thousands of pounds.

518
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,800
-Oh, well In that case, 
 it's fabulous, Eddie.

519
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,360
-Yeah.

520
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,400
I think I have bought 
 the future here, darling.

521
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,720
Look, let me show you. 
 Look. This bit here.

522
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,080
-This, darling, here... 
 -Yup.

523
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:13,240
This is art brut.

524
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,600
Wood against wall, darling. 
 -Yeah.

525
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,280
Um...

526
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,080
This is arte povera.

527
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,080
-Jars, darling. Jars. 
 -Yeah, it's fantastic.

528
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,520
Now, over here we've got...

529
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,320
This is... Darling, darling...

530
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,640
This is the materialisation 
 of the psychotic's dream,

531
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,080
deciphered by a 
 clairvoyant's hangers.

532
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,240
-It's hangers. Hangers. 
 -It's fabulous.

533
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,360
Actually, 
 this bit over here...

534
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,120
This is a sort of... 
 This is a...

535
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,680
Corpse in a

536
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,440
open, oaken, oblong coffin.

537
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,720
Silky lining.

538
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,960
It's a dead body, Pats.

539
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,640
Yeah, but is it art, Eddie?

540
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,000
No, sweetie. It's my father.

541
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,320
Are you sure?

542
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:13,440
Yeah, I think so.

543
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,440
I've never seen him in a suit 
 before. I mean...

544
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:17,640
MARSHALL: We should go.

545
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,360
SONDRA: No, I want to 
 try one more time.

546
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,760
JUNE: Come along, then.

547
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,160
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

548
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,120
(SNORTING)

549
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,640
(PANTING)

550
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,040
She wasn't ready.

551
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,600
Oh, dear.

552
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,240
MARSHALL: 
 All right. All right.

553
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,800
-Let's go home. 
 -(SONDRA PANTING)

554
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,920
That's it. Come on. 
 Let's go home.

555
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,240
There, Daddy.

556
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,600
He looks like he's 
 out of it, Eddie.

557
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,680
We can't just leave him 
 here like this, can we?

558
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,440
I mean, he looks so, sort of...

559
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,680
-Plonked. 
 -I know, I mean...

560
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,200
You know, it should be against 
 white. It should be back-lit,

561
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,120
I mean, no one's 
 thought about it.

562
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,320
Cheer up.

563
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,320
I really think we 
 should all be off.

564
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,360
Has no one got any respect?

565
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,320
Do not touch the art!

566
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,760
What you don't seem to realise

567
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,720
is that no one would care 
 if you lot were run over

568
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,680
by a bus. But if one piece of 
 this art gets damaged,

569
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,720
several Lloyd's 
 underwriters go homeless.

570
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,680
Is that understood?

571
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,360
Come on, Gran, 
 let's get going.

572
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,720
Yes, dear. I've just 
 got to change my shoes.

573
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,400
You're not going 
 to the church, are you?

574
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,840
Not unless I'm asked nicely, 
 darling. Thank you.

575
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,640
Don't come, 
 or to the cemetery.

576
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,960
Well, I've rung Bubble and 
 asked her to represent me,

577
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,440
-darling. 
 -Good.

578
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,160
I might want to go. 
 I might want to go, you know.

579
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,320
Hello, Eddie.

580
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,120
Hello, Pats.

581
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,480
You all right, darling?

582
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,400
(SIGHING) 
 Yeah, you all right, darling?

583
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,760
(DRUNKENLY) 
 Yeah, well, you know...

584
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,000
What? What?

585
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,160
What? What?

586
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,240
Well... (SIGHING)

587
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,600
What? What? 
 I mean, you know...

588
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,240
You know you said the other day 
 that you were going to die?

589
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,920
Yeah, well I might not be now. 
 I'm looking into it, you know.

590
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,440
-Yeah, well. Well... 
 -Well what?

591
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,560
No, no! Shut up, Eddie. 
 This isn't easy for me.

592
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:23,760
Sorry, darling.

593
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,440
It's just that if you were 
 gonna die,

594
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,560
I would be, like, totally 
 alone, you know?

595
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,760
I wouldn't have 
 anybody or anything.

596
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,040
(SIGHING)

597
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,160
You know, you've always been 
 the lucky one, Eddie.

598
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,440
You've got a family.

599
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,040
You've got a great 
 place to live.

600
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,840
Yeah, I've got a 
 great place to live.

601
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,200
Even that bitch daughter must 
 be some kind of comfort to you.

602
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,280
Yeah, well, not always, 
 you know. Not always.

603
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,080
No, not like a dear friend.

604
00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:47,640
No, not like a friend.

605
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,000
You know, you've always been 
 a great friend to me, Eddie.

606
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,600
I'd miss you.

607
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:52,680
(STAMMERING) Would you?

608
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,120
You would, wouldn't you? 
 You would.

609
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,440
Yeah, and I'd like something to 
 remember you by if you were,

610
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:57,840
you know, like, God forbid, 
 to die.

611
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:58,880
-Yeah, yeah. 
 -You know?

612
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,280
-Of course, darling. 
 You can have something.

613
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,200
-Yeah. Well I've always been 
 your greatest,

614
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,880
you know, your best friend and 
 your protector.

615
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,240
-Can I have the house? 
 -Oh, Pats!

616
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,560
Oh, Eddie, no?

617
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,080
I was going to give it 
 to Saffy!

618
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:14,560
Saffy is gonna have the house.

619
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,520
Saffy doesn't want it. 
 She's not here!

620
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:17,680
Oh, all right, all right.

621
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,920
Oh, thanks, Ed.

622
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,040
She's not here, is she?

623
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,440
-She's not here. 
 -She's not.

624
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,000
I mean, I was here all alone, 
 being sad. All alone.

625
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,360
Sad. You're just sitting here 
 with little wrinkles

626
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,720
on your face and she's not 
 here!

627
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:29,960
Yeah! Little wrinkles.

628
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,400
I mean, what's the 
 point of grieving

629
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,960
if there's no one there to see 
 you do it?

630
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,160
You're right, Eddie. 
 You're always right, sweetie.

631
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,840
Always right. I mean, I should 
 be there.

632
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,040
You know, I shouldn't...

633
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,240
I mean, he would want me to be 
 there wouldn't he?

634
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:41,920
He'd want you to be there. 
 Yeah, he would.

635
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:42,960
He'd want me to be there!

636
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,680
-He'd want me to be there. 
 -Yep.

637
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,880
He'd want you to 
 be there as well.

638
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,920
No, I don't think he'd 
 want me to be there.

639
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,360
If you want the house, 
 darling.

640
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,480
Yeah, he'd want me 
 to be there!

641
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,320
He'd want you to be there!

642
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:58,560
He'd want you there! 
 Come on, darling.

643
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,680
Come on.

644
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,840
VICAR: "Yet, O Lord, God most 
 holy, O Lord most mighty,

645
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,480
-"O holy and most 
 merciful saviour

646
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,680
-(WHIMPERING)

647
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,280
"deliver us not into the bitter 
 pains of eternal death.

648
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:10,880
"Thou knowest, Lord...

649
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,200
Here comes gravity, Ed.

650
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,800
"In sure and certain hope of 
 the resurrection

651
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:43,920
"to eternal life...

652
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,880
"He shall change our vile body

653
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,160
"that it may be like unto 
 his glorious body"

654
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,240
"according to the mighty 
 working,

655
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,120
"whereby he is able to 
 subdue..."

656
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,360
She's very upset, you know.

657
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,760
Let's hope someone fills them 
 in before they get help.

658
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:35,960
PATSY: Eddie!