1 00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:04,440 # Wheels on fire 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:10,560 # Rolling down the road 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:15,520 # Best notify my next of kin 4 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:20,280 # This wheel shall explode... # 5 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,320 Well, I'm not going into the office today 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,800 because Bettina and Max are coming 7 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:29,120 and I've got to clear the whole house up for them, darling. 8 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,680 Anyway, did I tell you? Bubble is not there any more. She's gone. 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:32,840 I mean, someone offered her a 10 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,400 pathetic junior post at Marie Claire, 11 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:35,640 so I accepted for her. 12 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,080 Let them pay her, darling, while we've got no work on. 13 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,240 So, uh, darling sweetie... 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,560 Sweetie? 15 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,480 Darling? 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,600 Oh, God... 17 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,120 (GASPS) 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,200 (FOOTSTEPS) 19 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,480 (FLY BUZZES) 20 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,200 -SAFFY: Mum? -(SCREAMS) 21 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,200 (PANTING) 22 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,400 What are you doing? What's the matter? 23 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,200 Don't you ever do that again, darling. 24 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,800 Don't you ever just go and leave me on my own like that. 25 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,720 I was upstairs. 26 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:31,800 What were you looking at? 27 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,160 -Nothing, sweetie. -Nothing? 28 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,840 (SIGHS) 29 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,920 You were checking the fly, weren't you? 30 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,960 -I have to, darling. -I didn't think you still did that. 31 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,640 It's been ten years since you saw that film, 32 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,560 and Jeff Goldblum is now full-sized, wingless, 33 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,720 and living happily ever after in LA. 34 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,080 I know that, darling. 35 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,360 But you'll be laughing the other side of your face 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,800 the day you squash something with a little tiny human head 37 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,120 against that window, darling. 38 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,320 As it screams out, "No, no, I'm a professor of physics. 39 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,640 "Take me back to my laboratory." 40 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,560 You'll wish you were a Buddhist then, darling. 41 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,320 What drugs were you taking last night? 42 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,200 -Patsy had them, not me. -What? 43 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,000 I said, Patsy had them. 44 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,800 Why are you looking at me? Why is it always my fault? 45 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,600 Patsy had them, darling. Patsy had the Ecstas... 46 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,920 Ecstasy, sweetie. 47 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,520 I just said no. No, to drugs, no. 48 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,880 Something kept you going till 3:00 this morning. 49 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,640 Just a little coke, sweetie. 50 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,120 Mum, as you've got Bettina and Max coming to stay, 51 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,600 and I've got a lot of work to do in the next few days, 52 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,840 I thought I might move into the halls of residence. 53 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,480 Oh, oh... 54 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,280 Well, you're just going to leave me, are you? You're just going to go? 55 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,160 You're not going to stay around and help me, darling? You're just going 56 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,480 to go? No, well, all right, then. Just go. Go on. Just go. 57 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,080 There's plenty of food in and the spare bedroom is clean. 58 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,040 Oh. Bugger, bugger, bugger bugger, bugger. 59 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,280 Bollocks, darling. 60 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,760 What? 61 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:04,040 Well, darling, I was going to totally refurnish the spare room. 62 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,240 (SIGHS) You don't seem to realise, darling. 63 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,080 -Bettina and Max are coming. -So? 64 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,800 Bettina, darling. The queen of minimalism. 65 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,720 I mean, look. Look at how I'm dressed today. Minimalist, darling. 66 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,920 I mean, she's coming here to London. To this, darling. 67 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,360 She's going to think this is what I think is so great. 68 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,920 Objet central. This, you. All this clutter, darling. 69 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,800 Well, tidy it up then, if you don't like it. 70 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,000 I will. 71 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,160 Surfaces, darling. Where have all my surfaces gone? Huh? 72 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,760 I just want clean lines and surfaces. 73 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,160 I don't want this, darling. Look. I don't want this. 74 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,240 I don't want things on places like that. Things on places. 75 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,560 I don't want that. 76 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,480 -Is this yours? -Yes. 77 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,320 Could it not be left around? Does it not have a home to go to? 78 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,880 Ooh. That could have been you talking then, Saffy. 79 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,320 -Oh, God. What do you want? -Hmm? 80 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,400 God, I got enough trouble with surplus furniture 81 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:03,160 without occasional old people scattered around the place. 82 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,280 Have you seen my Take a Break, dear? I left it here last night. 83 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,000 For someone else to pick up, did you? 84 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,800 -It's over there, Gran. -Oh, thank you. 85 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,040 -Eat it, clear it. Eat it, clear it. -Stop it. 86 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,720 Let me finish and then I'll help you. Don't get in such a state. 87 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,400 (DOORBELL BUZZING) Now who's that? Someone else to fill my house up. 88 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,400 Now... Here we are. 89 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,560 "How to win a lifetime's supply of 90 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,120 "tough melamine stylish garden furniture." 91 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,640 You haven't got a garden, Gran. 92 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,720 Oh, no. But, they don't know that, dear. 93 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,880 -Morning, Eddy. -Morning, darling. 94 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,080 (WHINES) Oh. 95 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,640 No, no, no. You're going to have to go. Come on. 96 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,440 You're going to have to go. Come on. Have to go. Come on, come on. 97 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,040 But, dear, I've just... 98 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,040 Just close your sad rag and clear. Come on. 99 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,440 -Are we having lunch, Ed? -No, I'm too busy. 100 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,360 Close. Close. Close. 101 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,800 Bettina and Max are coming to stay for a few days. 102 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,680 Oh, Bettina! How is she? 103 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,760 You two used to get on so well, didn't they, Patsy? 104 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:03,800 -Did they? -Oh, yes. 105 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,800 And I encouraged it, dear. 106 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,320 Far more suitable as a friend than poor, dear, sad, old Patsy. 107 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:15,000 -She was such a neat girl. -Neat? 108 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,840 She was so anally retentive, 109 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,600 she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture. 110 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:36,920 Hi. 111 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,760 This is great. 112 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,200 We like it. 113 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,120 We think it's the new millennium. 114 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,840 We're really comfortable here. 115 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,280 We feel it's... 116 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,640 ..progressive. 117 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,440 I bought you this. 118 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,760 I want to show you my jewellery collection. 119 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,000 I've taken inspiration from the new electrographic architecture. 120 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,160 Come and sit down. 121 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,040 Max, have you seen it? 122 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,000 -It's in a white box somewhere. -A white box? 123 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,440 (CLANKING) 124 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,560 Leave it, leave. Don't... 125 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,760 You shouldn't have come, you know. You shouldn't have come. 126 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:05,720 I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons. I was scarred for life. 127 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,440 Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same 128 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,560 place behind each ear. 129 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,840 -Sweetie! -Go on, Eddy, go on. 130 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,720 What? 131 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,360 Go on. Go on. You were going to tell this little trail of cat-sick 132 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,760 that I was badly injured. And not to question me. 133 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,800 No, I wasn't, darling. 134 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,080 I was going to say, sweetie, if you want to be of some help 135 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,560 to Mama, go upstairs go and clear surfaces. Go on, darling. 136 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,960 Take her with you, take her with you. Clear her. Clear her. 137 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,440 Neater, neater, neater. 138 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,120 Well, you could go, too, you know, darling. 139 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,360 No lunch, then, Ed? 140 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,120 Well, not unless Bettina arrives early, 141 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,920 in which case I shall have lunch with her. 142 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,160 (WHINING) Can I borrow the car? 143 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,840 No, it's picking Bettina up from the airport. 144 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,160 Oh, God. Oh, God. 145 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,320 -What's the matter? -I'm not happy. 146 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,240 -Take the car. Just go. Go. -I don't want the car. 147 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,240 Just go and be unhappy somewhere else. Go on. 148 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,400 (BOTH MUTTERING) 149 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,600 -Don't touch me. -Just... 150 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:33,440 Oh, just bugger off. Go on. Bugger off. 151 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,480 (CLANGING) 152 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,560 Saff. Saff. 153 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,880 Did you go to the spas last week? 154 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,240 In Florida. Yes. I did the fasting cure. 155 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,440 Oh? Cure? Is it to cure you of fasting or something? 156 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,240 Well, it does that, of course, but really it was to lose weight. 157 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,880 Oh. That sounds good. 158 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,560 Is it expensive? 159 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:11,440 -How do you mean? -Oh. Well, does it cost a lot? 160 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,160 -Oh, £500. -Mmm? What do you get for that? 161 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,720 Absolutely nothing. 162 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,640 It's taken all bloody day to do a journey 163 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,800 that takes a couple of hours. 164 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,720 How many bastards need to look at my ticket 165 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,600 and then stare inexplicably 166 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,360 at a crap computer screen for hours on end? 167 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,880 What is the point of asking me whether I packed my bag myself? 168 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,880 Oh, no, I let some total bastard of Middle Eastern origin 169 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:36,920 pack it for me. 170 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,000 -Where's Magda? -Oh. Er... 171 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,440 Is there a meeting or something? 172 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,920 Because I'm not ready. Nobody seems to realise how difficult my job is. 173 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,640 I've got the cover photo, obviously, 174 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,360 but I haven't fitted the words on yet. 175 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,160 I mean, everybody seems to think that my job just happens. 176 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,520 Suzy, I just want to know if she wants lunch. 177 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,040 Oh. 178 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,400 Is it my turn yet, Hanni? 179 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,760 Did you get to the castle drone on level three? 180 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,520 What's she doing there? 181 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,960 Mags nabbed her from Marie Claire. 182 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,080 Does Eddy know you're here? 183 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,680 -What? -Where is Mags' diary? 184 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,760 I want to know what she's doing for lunch. 185 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,120 She's got a meeting. 186 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,560 Well, why haven't you written it in? 187 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,360 (SIGHS) I'm not completely useless, you know. 188 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,280 It's all in here. 189 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,800 She's with someone called... 190 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,720 Oh. It's gone. 191 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,120 I'll wait for her. 192 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,160 Well, shall I get someone to look after you? 193 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,840 -I work here. -Yeah, snap. 194 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,640 I threw out the business-class crap over the Pyrenees. 195 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,720 I managed to nick this off a kid in Economy 196 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,280 on my way back from the toilet. 197 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,520 -Where have you been? -Spain. 198 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,880 Ah. Off-the-beaten-track Andalucia. 199 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,440 Forgotten Catalonia. My own... 200 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,360 Secret Majorca. 201 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,480 More like my own secret arsehole. 202 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,920 A shitty bit of coastline ruined by patronising English gits. 203 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:12,160 "Oh, you must come over and share a rather fine local Rioja." 204 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,640 Oh, piss off, you sad twats. 205 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,760 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 206 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,600 Oh, dear. 207 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,160 Mr Dictionary seems to have deserted us again. 208 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,160 Bettina and Max. Clear. Clear. Clear. 209 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,480 I'll just say hello and go. 210 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,560 No, no, no. You're not going to say hello. 211 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,600 You just get in here. Flat against the wall. Hold your bag close. 212 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,800 When they come, you go. 213 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,800 -Hi. Hi. Hi... -MAX: Hi. 214 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,440 BETTINA: Hi. 215 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,120 MAX: Hi, hi. 216 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,440 SAFFY: Bye. BETTINA: Bye. 217 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,680 Max, can you bring me the other cloth? 218 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,840 Where is the other cloth? 219 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,960 Uh, blue bag. 220 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,080 Not the terry one. You know, the one that was near the bottle-warmer 221 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,120 by the playpen. 222 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,280 The bag that fits the buggy? Or the backpack? 223 00:12:56,320 --> 00:13:00,320 No, you know, the one that's by the map with the music-centre. 224 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,080 That one. Same material as the... 225 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,000 -MAX: You used it on the plane. -No, I didn't. 226 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,440 Oh, Christ, Max. We only had those four bags 227 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,360 and the Moses basket on the plane. 228 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,240 -Is he awake? He's moving. -What? 229 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,920 Well, you can see his face. What's he doing? 230 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,400 (STAMMERING) He's just moving. 231 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,400 Do you want to just put that down, darling? 232 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,320 No, he won't go down now. Max can take him in a minute. 233 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,440 -We could just put him down... -No. He won't go down now. 234 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,680 -Just let me take him. -Yes. Thank you. 235 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,480 -That would be nice. (MAX SIGHS) 236 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,160 He isn't exactly light. And I have had him since Heathrow, 237 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,480 and I don't expect to be on my last legs before you offer. 238 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,320 -Right. -Right. Here. 239 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,960 -Hand. -I've got him. I've got him. 240 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,400 -And head. -Yes. 241 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,160 Darlings. Do you want a drink, sweetie? 242 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,040 -Yes. I need a drink. -Oh, darling. 243 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,080 -Look. I'll crack open some Bolly. -Now, that's a good idea. 244 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,000 What? I'm not intending to get drunk. 245 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,160 Yes, well, that, of course, is up to you. 246 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,000 But how are you going to feel if you drop him or something happens, 247 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,200 and you know you had that drink? 248 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,560 I don't know why we don't do 249 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,520 what Jocasta suggested and keep him awake. 250 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,280 Then he might sleep through the night. 251 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,800 Oh. Doctor bloody Spockasta. 252 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,120 What a good idea. 253 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,720 Listen, you old tart, can we not 254 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,560 think of a nicer way of putting this? 255 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,280 How about, 256 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,560 "We grazed on canapes 257 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,520 "and feasted on roasted suckling pig and juicy carciofi 258 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,200 "beneath a bewildering array of stars, 259 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,800 "beside a pool brimming with azure blue." 260 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,680 You can't put, 261 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,040 "We all sat around and ate free foreign crap, then vomited." 262 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,360 I'm a journalist. 263 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,320 Fair enough. 264 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:49,760 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 265 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,600 Hanni, darling. Could you get that? 266 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,440 Get that, Hanni. I can't. 267 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,160 Somebody get it! 268 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,440 Oh, damn. Yes? 269 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,280 Yes, all right. I'll tell them. 270 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,440 Mags is out for lunch. 271 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,680 (SIGHS) All right. 272 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,480 Oh, damn. 273 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,760 BUBBLE: Aw. 274 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,840 What you going to do? 275 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,960 Don't question me. I'll ring up an old friend. 276 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,040 An old friend? Old? 277 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,640 -Meeting your old friend? -Shut up. 278 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,920 I'm meeting a very, very, very dear, dear, dear, dear old friend. 279 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,240 Don't forget your Zimmer frame. 280 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,960 It was Caesarean in the end, 281 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,600 because of complications. 282 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,000 Yeah... 283 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,000 Nothing to do with my age. 284 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,880 So, of course, I felt butchered for a couple of months, 285 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,120 but... 286 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,360 I lost the weight almost immediately. 287 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,080 Which, of course, doesn't happen if you have them younger. 288 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,840 I mean, you've never lost it, have you? 289 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,280 You seem to get away with it somehow, despite 290 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,560 your criminal dress sense. 291 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,840 Is there somewhere I can put these? 292 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,760 Chuck them on the floor, darling, with everything else. 293 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,400 Oh, all right. Yeah. You know, we tried to be green, 294 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,760 but it's just not humanly possible. 295 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,800 MAX ON INTERCOM: Have you got it on? Have you got it on? 296 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,120 Can you hear me? This is for... 297 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:20,440 If you talk that loudly, you're going to wake him. 298 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,840 He's in the sitting-room. 299 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,640 I'm going to check that one now. 300 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,240 Do you ever see anything of that old alcoholic? 301 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,520 What, Patsy? 302 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,640 Well, sort of off and on, you know, darling. 303 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,040 MAX: This is the, uh... (BABY CRYING) 304 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,480 Shit, shit, shit. Look. 305 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:45,840 Christ. He should just bring him 306 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,400 down because he'll never go back now. 307 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,440 Just bring him down! Bring him down now! 308 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,040 Oh, we get it. 309 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,400 (BABY CRYING) 310 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,880 Sit. Sit. 311 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,360 (EDINA WHIMPERS) 312 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,720 BETTINA: Leave it! 313 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,680 (CRYING CONTINUES) 314 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,560 SMA. SMA. SMA. 315 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,600 Yes, yes. Kettle? Kettle. 316 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,280 -Spoon. -BETTINA: Spoon, spoon. 317 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,960 Knife. Knife. 318 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,160 -Bottle. Bottle. Bottle-top. -EDINA: Darling... 319 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,480 Teat, bottle. 320 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,520 I'm having lunch with Patsy. I'll see you later. 321 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,560 BETTINA: Give the baby a knife. 322 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,720 Knife. Knife. 323 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,000 Kettle. Kettle. Where's the... 324 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,360 kettle? 325 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,960 His eyes are open. Quick, where are they? 326 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,680 -You had them on the plate. -They're here. 327 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,560 (BABY CRYING) 328 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,600 -Say the words as well. -Yes, yes. 329 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,160 Mummy. 330 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,520 Mummy. Yes. 331 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,680 Mummy. 332 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,200 Very, very tired Mummy. 333 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,320 (COMPUTER GAME BEEPING) 334 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,480 Oh. I was working. 335 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,560 I don't know why I did that. 336 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,440 I was actually over here working. (CHUCKLES) 337 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,000 You don't understand. I was actually... 338 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,800 -Are you still here? -Just. 339 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,640 -Well, have you seen Pats? -Yeah. 340 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,080 Oh. She's not here. 341 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,720 -Where is she? -She's... 342 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,120 -At lunch. -Oh. That's right. 343 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:24,120 With a very old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old friend. 344 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,000 Yeah. Damn. 345 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,680 Well, you can go back to the office, now. We've got some work on. 346 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,400 -No, I can't. -Why not? 347 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,920 -I've been head-shrunk. -Hunted. 348 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,440 That's right. Headhunted. Headhunted. 349 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,120 By Vogue. (GASPS) Is that a magazine or something? 350 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,480 Vogue's a magazine. By Vogue, darling? 351 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,400 You had headhunted? As what? 352 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,520 Er... 353 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,760 Editor. 354 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,200 Sit there. 355 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280 Damn her. 356 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,560 Oh, Zandra, hi. It's me, Patsy. Patsy Stone. 357 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,960 Hi. Yes, I will join you. Thank you, darling. 358 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,520 -Oh, Zandra. -Hello, darling. 359 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,160 You know Britt? 360 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,880 Oh, hi, Britt. It's Patsy. 361 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,600 -Patsy? -Stone. 362 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,640 -Stone? -Patsy, Patsy Stone. 363 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,000 Stone, Patsy. Patsy Stone. 364 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,280 -Oh... Patsy. -Oh! (CHUCKLES) Britts. 365 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,600 -Pats. -Britt. 366 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,760 -Pat. -Bri. 367 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,040 -Pa... -Br... 368 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,800 -P... -B... 369 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,800 What would you like to drink, madame? 370 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,080 Uh... Moiselle. 371 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,400 -A bottle of red, please. -No, thank you. I don't drink. 372 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,600 -Some water, please. -Well, just the one will do then. 373 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,920 (BOTH WHISPERING) -I don't know her. -Neither do I. 374 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,480 Ya. Ya. Ya. 375 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,120 Oh, look. It's little Lulu. Hi, Lu. 376 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,280 Lulu. Lulu. Hello. 377 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,440 I'm... I'm not meeting you, am I? 378 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,800 No, no Edina. We've met before. We've met before. 379 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,840 Yes, yes. I know. But I'm not having lunch with you. 380 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,480 I'd rather be at a table on my own. 381 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,440 -No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. -Let go of my jacket. 382 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,800 (WHISPERS) I need to talk to you. 383 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,280 Not about one of those benefits or 384 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,080 one of those awful parties or something. 385 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,360 I haven't forgiven you for the Albert Hall fiasco. 386 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,600 Sorry about that one. 387 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,760 I'm sure it said on the invitation that it'd be lovely if you got up 388 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,560 and did a few numbers. You know, sang Shout or something. 389 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,640 -There wasn't even a band. -Well, it was for charity. 390 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,520 What do you want? 391 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:37,880 (GUFFAWING) 392 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,840 -It's... Um... -I'm off. 393 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,160 I may well have a gun in my bag. 394 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,400 I will shoot you and then try very hard to turn it on myself 395 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:51,800 if you leave, all right? 396 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,000 I'll pay for the meal. 397 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,600 And the champagne. 398 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,920 And a substantial donation to the charity of your choice, all right? 399 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,200 Three courses and a pudding, or I'm walking. And don't talk to me. 400 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,440 And don't smoke. 401 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,680 -I'm starving. Mmm. -Lulu. 402 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,920 What would you like, Lulu? 403 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,680 -Oh, I'd like one of those. -Mmm-hmm. I see. 404 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,360 -And I'll have two of those. -Yes, Lulu. 405 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,440 -And I'll have three of these. -Steady on, sweetie. 406 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,480 -And let's get the champagne, OK? -Right, then. 407 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,600 Lulu. 408 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,760 Champagne for Lulu. 409 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,480 This is fantastic, isn't it? Like a reunion. 410 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,840 Where did you two first meet? 411 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,040 I think it was in...a make-up shop in Carnaby Street? 412 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,960 Lady Jane's. 413 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,920 That was the first time I met you. Do you remember? 414 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,200 -I was having my tits painted. -As what? 415 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:52,760 To look like tits. 416 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,720 Yeah, that's right. Fantastic. 417 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,160 And we two used to work together all the time. 418 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,520 -I think we did a session. -Zandra, all the time. 419 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,240 You just wanted my body in your clothes. 420 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,000 We just worked and worked and worked. 421 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,720 PHOTOGRAPHER: Look, I need that dress out at the sides. 422 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,040 What is she doing? 423 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:16,960 Come on. Pull yourself together. 424 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,120 Oh, no. My... It's just so.... 425 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,440 (RATTLING) 426 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,720 MAN: I only got her here because she's your friend. 427 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,320 I just felt sorry for her. I hardly know her. 428 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,680 -I'll see you. -All right. (KISSING) Bye, sweetie. 429 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,760 Bye, Zandra. Bye, sweetie. 430 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,720 (COUGHING) 431 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,120 Oh, yeah, the '60s. 432 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,920 -Those were the days, eh, Britt? -Yeah. 433 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,720 -Yeah. The Portobello Road. -The King's Road. 434 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,720 The Carnaby Road. 435 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,480 -Biba. Quant. -Vidal. 436 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,880 -Mmm. Tuffin and Foale. The Shrimp. -The Twig. 437 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,560 The Stones. The Beatles, The Marquee. 438 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,920 -The Small Faces. -Terry and Julie. 439 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,960 -Mmm. Peter and Gordon. -Jack and Michael. 440 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,960 -John. -And Mary. 441 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,520 -I don't know you at all, do I? -No. 442 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,800 (SIGHS) 443 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,880 Can I have the bill? 444 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,320 Oh. That was delicious. Thanks. 445 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:22,640 Oh! Now she talks. Now she talks. 446 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,160 I was going to say actually that I really enjoyed your last single. 447 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,920 You know, Independence. # Independence # 448 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,720 -I've had two since then. -Have you? 449 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,920 I didn't know about that. 450 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,160 That's ridiculous. I thought you'd just gone quiet. 451 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,600 D'you know what you need? 452 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,560 You need a really good publicity machine. 453 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,000 Who does your PR? 454 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,240 You do. 455 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,640 -Lulu. -Britt! How you doing? 456 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,760 -Good to see you. -I just had a great lunch. 457 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,200 I've just been meeting Lulu. 458 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,640 Le-lu. Lulu. Lulu. 459 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,320 Bye, Britt. Bye, sweetie. Ciao! 460 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,120 Hello, darling. 461 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,880 I only came back because you said it was an emergency. 462 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,600 It IS an emergency, darling. 463 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,920 Look at this place. Look, this is an emergency, darling. 464 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,000 Look at this. Look. Lacroix... Baby-spew. 465 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,280 Lacroix... Baby-spew, darling. 466 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,600 It is an emergency. They've got to go, darling. 467 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,640 I thought she was your friend. 468 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,800 Phew! She is my friend, darling. But now it's just 469 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,400 "the baby" this, "the baby" that. Darling, I mean... 470 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,280 Nobody's been paying enough attention to you? 471 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,480 No. 472 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,440 Have you tried talking to her? Helping her? 473 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,480 Ugh! 474 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,160 Helping her, darling? Helping her? 475 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,320 I mean, where's the fun in that, darling? Hmm? 476 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:47,440 Look at this. Where have all my surfaces gone, darling? 477 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,360 It's like living in a small regional branch 478 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,480 of Mother-bloody-care, darling, isn't it? 479 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:53,640 They've got to go, darling. 480 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,480 So I can return to some degree of normality. 481 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,200 Whatever that is. 482 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,720 Yes, whatever that is. 483 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,120 But, it's not this no-fun bloody baby world, is it? 484 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,040 I've managed to help poor Bettina a little with the baby. 485 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,320 She seems to be making so much fuss. 486 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,720 I thought it wise to call the doctor. 487 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,120 The baby was making some very strange noises. 488 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,000 -Oh, darling. -Is everything all right? 489 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,720 He thinks he might be going down with a cold. 490 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,360 (PANTING) 491 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,560 But he's not sure. Anyway, 492 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,200 he's gone to sleep now in our bed, so... 493 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,000 Max can take the sofa tonight, and I'll take the travel cot. 494 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,440 -Are you all right? -Oh, yes. 495 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,720 I'm so sorry I fainted, 496 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,320 but I never was very good with nappies of the brown variety. 497 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,760 Well, I think I'll, um... 498 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,240 I think I'll turn in. 499 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,080 Go on, then. 500 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,360 I don't know how you can, but go on. 501 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,480 Is it actually asleep now, the baby thing? 502 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,840 Yeah. 503 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,080 Well, maybe you should get some sleep while he is. 504 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:08,320 Oh, Christ! This is the only time I have to myself. 505 00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,680 She's lovely, isn't she, darling? She's lovely, isn't she? 506 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,240 Well, you can amuse her. I'm going to bed. 507 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,200 -Goodnight. -Night. 508 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:23,200 (SIGHS) 509 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,400 Has he got any teeth, yet? 510 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,760 Oh, Jesus! 511 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,320 You can talk to me about other things, you know? 512 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:34,040 I'm not a complete vegetable. 513 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,760 Oh, I'm sorry if I seem snappy. It's just... 514 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:39,960 It's all right. 515 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,360 Having a baby can make one very depressed. I know. 516 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,480 But you have got a lovely baby, and you've got Max. 517 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,480 And he's obviously very fond of you. 518 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:51,960 And he's very good-looking. 519 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,040 Really? 520 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,640 -What, you really think so? -Oh, yes. 521 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,680 You're just tense. You need to unwind and relax. 522 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,840 Yeah, I know. I know, you're right, really. 523 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,840 I don't know how he puts up with me, actually. 524 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,080 (MOANING OVER INTERCOM) 525 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:11,360 MAX: (PANTING) Oh, Edina. 526 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,280 EDINA: What if someone comes up now, what if someone comes? 527 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,600 MAX: I don't care if the witch catches us. 528 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,040 EDINA: This is sewn in, actually. You have to rip it. 529 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,960 EDINA: Slow down. Slow down. 530 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,200 MAX: I can't. It's too long since we did it. 531 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,520 (PANTING) 532 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:27,800 (MAX GRUNTS) 533 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:30,920 EDINA: Is that it, darling? 534 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,000 -MAX: Sorry. -Is that Radio Four, dear? 535 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,200 # Wheels on fire 536 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:46,680 # Rolling down the road 537 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,800 # Best notify my next of kin... # 538 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,000 I had to, darling. They had to go. 539 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,200 -Hi, sweetie. -Hi. 540 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:10,680 # This wheel shall explode. #