1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,520 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:03,560 SAFFY: Mum! 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,040 Mum! 4 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,080 -(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) -(TURNS OFF MUSIC) 5 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,400 EDINA: Help! 6 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,000 Help! 7 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,120 Help! 8 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,280 SAFFY: Stop! 9 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,560 Anyway, that would never have happened, darling, 10 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,480 if this room had been a bit bigger. 11 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,840 Nobody I know has cupboards like this any more. 12 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:57,880 You know. 13 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,800 I need another room, really, don't I? 14 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:01,880 Hmm? 15 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,280 What's through here? 16 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,960 -Serge's room. -Oh. 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,360 Oh. 18 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,800 What's through here? 19 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,000 My room. 20 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,120 Oh. 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,240 (HOLLOW SOUND) 22 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,640 What are you thinking? 23 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,880 You ever notice, darling, how little space I've got in here? 24 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,240 I mean, nobody I know lives in a house this small, darling. 25 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,640 No. 26 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,800 It's so sordid, isn't it, darling? To sort of 27 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,720 have to get dressed in this room. 28 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,840 You know, sleep, dress, sleep, dress. 29 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,320 It's so kind of '70s, isn't it? 30 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,160 To sort of have clothes draped all over the place. 31 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,600 Look at them here, all hanging limp 32 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,400 in this flimsy wardrobe. 33 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,520 No! 34 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,680 All just waiting to be worn, darling, 35 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,040 all cramped in there and uncared for. 36 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,480 Darling. 37 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,840 Battery clothes, sweetie. 38 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,280 I lie awake at night sometimes, darling, 39 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,560 just thinking about those clothes standing there. 40 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,280 They're hassling me, darling. 41 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,320 Look, 42 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,880 "Why don't you put me on? Wear me! Wear me!" 43 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,520 I mean, year in and year out, darling, thinking about... 44 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,320 There are some clothes that are so far back, 45 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,200 they may never see the light of day again. 46 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,120 All just hanging there like... 47 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,880 Like old skins. 48 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,240 Shed and shedded. 49 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,520 I am forced to sleep with these corpses. 50 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,080 -But, darl... -Absolutely not! 51 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,320 The only thing I could find. It's all creased and... 52 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,760 Mum, stop it! I will not be annexed. I need my bedroom. 53 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,840 You know that gorgeous attic, we've got, darling? 54 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,040 No! 55 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,600 -We'll get designers in. -No! 56 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:57,680 -Windows. -No! 57 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,800 -I'll pay you. -No! 58 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,480 Darling, I want... 59 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:02,920 -Hi, Eddy. -Oh, hello, darling. 60 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,640 ...a walk-in wardrobe! -(SIGHS) 61 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,440 There is Serge's room. He's not here. 62 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,200 Yeah, what if he came back, you know? 63 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,680 I thought he did come back. 64 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,720 No, that wasn't him. 65 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,880 -But, that... -That wasn't him, darling. 66 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,560 Well, then, who was it? 67 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,520 Well, you know those door-to-door unemployed 68 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,000 they send round, you know. 69 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,240 Oh, yeah, fantastic. 70 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,040 It was one of those, darling. Look. (SIGHS) 71 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,360 It was an easy mistake to make. 72 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,880 Anyway, didn't fool me for long. 73 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,360 Long enough to get a sporty hatchback 74 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,800 and a job in Youth Television. 75 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,280 -Hmm. -What? 76 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,520 He's the new boy on The Word. 77 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,640 The one that looks like a pitbull. 78 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,320 And the brains to match. 79 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,840 -PATSY: What? -(SIGHS) 80 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,480 It was an easy mistake to make, Mum. 81 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,200 You haven't seen him for six years. 82 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,640 Six years, six years, how dare you, darling? Six... 83 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,920 years, is it, is it? 84 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,200 One punishes you by leaving, 85 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,520 and the other punishes us all by staying. 86 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,240 It's been six years. 87 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,120 No one's been in that room since he left. 88 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,640 I... I have never been in it. 89 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,680 I mean, he never let me in. 90 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,320 Tried to get him when he was 13, you know, 91 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,600 to sort of paint it black 92 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,960 and scatter beanbags and cushions everywhere, but no. 93 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,160 Changed the locks. 94 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,520 - You got that key, darling? -No. 95 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,160 Use the shorter one. 96 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,800 (LOCK CLICKS) 97 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,400 (EDINA WHISPERING) 98 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,640 (GASPS) 99 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:31,240 (EXCLAIMS EERILY) 100 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,000 Oh, God, it's a bit rank in here. (COUGHS) 101 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,960 -It always smelt like this. -Did it? 102 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,680 -Boy's room. It's quite a sexy smell, I always thought, Ed. 103 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,440 The smell of a ripening tuck box. 104 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,320 Yeah. 105 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,200 Oh, look at this, my son's room, my son's room. 106 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,760 My son, my lovely, lovely son. It's funny, isn't it? 107 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,440 That mother-son thing. It's not like you and me, darling. 108 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,320 It's a mother-son thing. 109 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,280 You know, with the mother and the son, 110 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,560 the cord is never really cut, darling. 111 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,040 He's not coming back you know, Mum. 112 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,400 It may be stretched to the limit, at the moment, darling, 113 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,320 but at any moment, and when he least expects it, 114 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,360 it will catapult him back across the ocean. 115 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,160 Umbililical whiplash! 116 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,480 (SIGHS) 117 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,040 My gorgeous son, my son, my lovely, lovely son. 118 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,960 You're so beautiful, Mum. 119 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,200 All the boys at school can't believe you're my mother. 120 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,160 One day when I'm older, I'd like to take you out to dinner. 121 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,840 -At San Lorenzo's? -Yes. 122 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,680 Just you. 123 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,320 And I, Mother. 124 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,360 I'll pay. 125 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,120 -Well, who's that? -That's him. 126 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,360 God, I thought that was Jimmy Osmond. 127 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,320 (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) 128 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,720 Oh, it won't take long to clear this lot out, will it, darling? 129 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,040 This can go in the attic. 130 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,040 Yeah. What is all this, anyway? 131 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,360 Beanos, Dandys, Boy's Own. 132 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,800 Razzle. 133 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,240 -Razzle? -Razzle? 134 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,320 -I never knew he... -Razzle? 135 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,160 What year? Razzle? 136 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,720 '72. 137 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,160 Month? 138 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,400 EDINA: what month? 139 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,640 January. 140 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,680 Whew. 141 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,520 -That's fine. -Let's have a look. 142 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,120 -It's disgusting! -Oh, let me see. 143 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,240 - we should throw it away. -Let me just see it first. 144 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:33,200 Let me just see it. Disgusting! (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) 145 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,440 Oh, my God. 146 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,840 Oh, my God. 147 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,800 Oh, look at that, look at that. Don't look at that. 148 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,440 It's disgusting. That is so degrading to women. 149 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,800 -Ooh. -What do you mean? 150 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,400 -She's got the whip. -Yeah. 151 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,600 I think we should throw this away. 152 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,280 -Tut, tut, tut, tut. -(DOORBELL RINGS) 153 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,720 -Mum. -The door. Door. 154 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,000 -Those are my friends. I'll be working downstairs, so... 155 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,280 -So what? -So shall I throw it out? 156 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,080 -I could throw it out, darling. -I will. 157 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,680 I can throw it out, darling. 158 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,920 Oh. 159 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,880 Oh. Oh, God. Look at that, Pats. It's porn, isn't it? 160 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,040 It's just sex, Eddy. 161 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,440 It's just people doing sex, nothing to get uptight about. 162 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,560 Yeah, I know. Just always makes me sort of anxious. 163 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,880 I'm not like you. You can just do it. 164 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,560 You know, you've always been like a sort of 165 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,880 vessel waiting to be filled. 166 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,440 But I'm not like that, you know? 167 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:31,360 I can't just disconnect myself and become a sort of 168 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,920 exploitable object of no value. 169 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,320 I can't do that. That's not for me. 170 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,320 It's just sex, Eddy. I mean, 171 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,400 you used to do it sometimes, didn't you? 172 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,240 -Well, yeah, in the '60s, darling. 173 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,840 -Oh, the '60s, yeah. -Yeah, you know. 174 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,880 -Yeah. 175 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,320 The odd flirtation with the big O. 176 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,200 -Yeah, the pill, happenings, orgies... 177 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,640 -Yeah. 178 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,880 -Orgies? -Oh, yeah, babe. 179 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,280 Was I there? 180 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,680 Oh, yeah, Eddy. Remember? 181 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,240 No. 182 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,960 -I know everyone thinks we're like the... 183 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,680 -Specky, four-eyed swots. 184 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,400 Bicycle face is what I get. 185 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,080 Yes, well, we must make it clear 186 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,840 that this is just a fun lecture in film, 187 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,160 you know, just casual, about genetics and ethics. 188 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,120 And, hey, it would be great if you came. 189 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,200 (ALL LAUGHING) 190 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,400 Maybe we should make the title catchier. 191 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,000 -Like? -Oh, um... 192 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,560 Oh, no, I nearly had one. 193 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,480 "Gen...Etics. 194 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:31,840 "Ethics". 195 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,480 Well, that's just shorter, isn't it? 196 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,840 Yeah. 197 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:35,880 "Gentics"? 198 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,160 No, that's just stupid. 199 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,600 Oh. 200 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,520 "Genetics and Ethics" is quite catchy. 201 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,120 Sort of says it, doesn't it? 202 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,440 So, darling, I mean, I've spent a fortune in my life 203 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,360 trying to get in touch with my sexual being. 204 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,200 Don't you remember I spent that week, darling, 205 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,240 celebrating my private parts? Do you remember that? 206 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,080 I mean, I've workshopped them, 207 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,800 painted them, drawn them, 208 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,480 written poetry to them. 209 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,080 Treated them to a three-course meal 210 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,760 at the restaurant of their choice. 211 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,960 And yet we are still as strangers. 212 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,680 Still, I'm not entirely unhappy about that. 213 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,560 I mean, you know, I'm not the sort of woman 214 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,080 who wants to spend her free afternoons 215 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,120 squatted over a small hand mirror, you know. 216 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,760 For God's sake, I've seen doctors go pale. 217 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,520 Look, Eddy, all you have to do is to find someone, 218 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:28,720 go out with them, 219 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,600 have a few drinks and... Wheeey. 220 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,040 That's all right for you, isn't it? 221 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,200 I mean, I'm not interested in any of the people 222 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,760 I get offers from, anyway. 223 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,440 And I'd rather die than go out with some sort of short, 224 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,000 grey-haired, aftershaved, Armani-spectacled, 225 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,240 50-year-old executive with a manicure, darling. 226 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,360 I mean, it would be all right if it was just sort of, 227 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,720 you know... (EXCLAIMS SOFTLY) 228 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:55,040 Some, you know, like Razzle? 229 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,160 That can be fixed. We can get you a man. 230 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,000 Well, how? 231 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,920 Pay. 232 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,680 -Pay? -Yeah, everyone's doing it. 233 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,160 -Are they? -Yeah. 234 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,280 What, you just rent a man, do you? 235 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,560 Yeah, rent two, we'll make a night of it. 236 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,480 Maybe we should discuss the... 237 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,040 I was going to say "radicalisation", 238 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,360 but that's American, isn't it? 239 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,120 -(ALL GIGGLE) - "At this moment in time". 240 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,280 (ALL LAUGHING) 241 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,960 Yeah. "To boldly be..." No, um, 242 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,920 "To go boldly beyond what man has gone before." 243 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,560 Do you want a drink before we go, darling? 244 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,040 Yeah, fantastic, sweetie. 245 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,280 What do you want? Bolly? 246 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,400 Cocktail. 247 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,520 What, Bolly Stoli? 248 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,560 Okay. 249 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,560 And next, we should just discuss issues 250 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,560 such as sex determination. 251 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,640 Just ask! 252 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,120 And imagine the nightmare scenario 253 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,800 if parents were able to actually choose 254 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,600 exactly the child they wanted. 255 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,880 Oh, God, that she doesn't see the irony. 256 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,000 -What? -Huh? 257 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,200 Oh, nothing, darling, nothing. 258 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,960 Actually, darling. 259 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,560 Darling sweetheart. 260 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,760 Hello, Mother. 261 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,520 Darling, darling. 262 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,920 When are you doing this thing? 263 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,920 You know, this genet-ethics thing? 264 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,320 Tomorrow night. Why? 265 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,120 No reason. 266 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,760 - doesn't give us long enough, does it? 267 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,640 -Long enough! -Long enough. Good. 268 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:18,680 -Shall I get them? 269 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,120 -No, I know someone who can get them. 270 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,240 -It's perfect. -Then, all we have to do 271 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,840 is decide the kind of man that you like. 272 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,000 -Yeah, I know. -The type... 273 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,480 I don't want those big, muscly ones - 274 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,120 they've got small privates, don't they? 275 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,440 You want a tight butt. 276 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,680 But no hair here. I'm not having a hairy back. 277 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,960 Would you mind going? 278 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,440 Darling, I live here. 279 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,040 So long as I'm living in this house there is a rule - 280 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,000 don't ever embarrass me in front of my friends. 281 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,040 I won't. 282 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:46,960 Here you are, babes. 283 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,200 That wasn't me, that wasn't me! 284 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,280 -Get out! -It wasn't me. It was her. 285 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,960 All we have to do now is find someone 286 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,760 you'll never meet again the rest of your life. 287 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,040 Oh, darling. It could be any man I've ever been out with. 288 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,840 I think we should just throw this away. 289 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,560 I mean, where do people get those things, anyway? 290 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,680 We can get them at... 291 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,080 I don't know. 292 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,000 You... (CLEARS THROAT) Off to bed then, darling? 293 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,160 In a minute. 294 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,600 I think we should have a little talk, don't you? 295 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,040 Have you seen this, darling? 296 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,160 This Nancy Friday. It's extraordinary. 297 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,880 She just gets complete strangers to relate 298 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,000 their filthiest thoughts and sells them as therapy. 299 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,640 -It's fantastic. -Mum. 300 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,040 I want to know what you're planning for tomorrow night. 301 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,720 -Armpit kissing? Would you kiss an arm... 302 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,320 -I want to know! 303 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,080 Sweetie. 304 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,880 It is simply the extrication of myself 305 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,200 from the burden of sexual norms, 306 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,360 and the restoration of my own powerful 307 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,960 and integrated sexuality. 308 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,480 An orgy? 309 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,280 Yeah, that's the one. 310 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,160 Why? 311 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,320 What do you mean why? I mean, just 'cause... 312 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,240 (SIGHS) Just because I've got to do it sometime, 313 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,800 darling, haven't I? 314 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,080 I mean I know you think I've lived this kind of debauched 315 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,200 and crazed life, darling, but I haven't, really. 316 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,760 I mean, sex was, you know... 317 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,240 never really my thing. 318 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,280 I always felt so guilty, you know, when I was young. 319 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,560 I always felt my mother was watching me, darling. 320 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,160 I mean, wherever I was, whoever I was with, 321 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,240 I could feel her watching me. 322 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,400 Her retinas were my contraception in those days. 323 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,440 And then, you see... 324 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,440 Then I just got married twice, 325 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,360 and was rarely troubled. 326 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,520 Well, be careful. 327 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,560 Yeah, it'll be all right. Pats'll be there. Don't worry. 328 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,080 Have you... 329 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,840 Have you got any...things? 330 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,600 No, not at the moment, no. 331 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,400 Well, I'll... I'll get you some tomorrow. 332 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,760 Thank you, darling. Thank you, darling. Darling, darling. 333 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,520 Sweetheart. 334 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,280 -Friends? -No. 335 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,720 Mother and daughter. 336 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,160 Okay. 337 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,800 (CREAKING) 338 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000 Hello. 339 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,200 Hello, darling, sweetie, it's Mummy. 340 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,520 Darling, just checking, it's tonight, isn't it, darling? 341 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,680 Wednesday night? 342 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:09,720 Your... Your... 343 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,640 Your genetithetics thing, yes, darling. 344 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:12,960 So you won't be in? All right. 345 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,080 I'll see you later. All right, bye. 346 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,760 Found it, Eddy. 347 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,600 A little something to put us in the mood, 348 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,400 make tonight go with a swing. 349 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,200 -So, who did you find? -What? 350 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,360 Procurer, pimp. 351 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,120 Darling, it's my hair colourist, Christopher. You know him. 352 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,680 Are you mad? 353 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,680 Darling, he knows everybody, and he's very, very discreet. 354 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,040 Christopher called, through the telephone. 355 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,680 Say he's coming over any minute 356 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,440 to discuss what kind of men you want for the orgy. 357 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,080 Yeah, thanks. Now, go. 358 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,840 Yes, thank you very much, that'll be all. 359 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,160 An orgy? 360 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,520 No. 361 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,000 I thought you didn't do sex. 362 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,040 Look, I am a free person. I can do what I want. 363 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,440 And yes, true, I have chosen to be celibate 364 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,280 for the past few months... Years. 365 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,520 Celibate? 366 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,640 "I'm celibate." 367 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,760 That's what everyone says when they can't have it off, 368 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,720 isn't it? "I'm celibate." 369 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,240 "I'm fat and ugly with no chance of a poke", more like. 370 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,320 -Shut up. -Shall I hit her, Eddy? 371 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,640 Get out. Go on, get out. 372 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,000 (SIGHS) 373 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,440 You ever been celibate, Pats? 374 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,200 Celibacy leaves a lot to be desired. 375 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:27,880 -Hello, darling! -Oh, my God. Christopher! 376 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,760 Now, this is my other half, David. He's tagged along. 377 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,400 He might just be of some use. 378 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:33,760 -Hello. -Hi. Hi. Hi. 379 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,120 -So, long time no see. -Yeah. 380 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,560 D'you want a drink or something? 381 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,000 Yeah, go on, I'll have a vodka then, please, yeah. 382 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,480 -David? -Well... 383 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,920 Oh, go on, have a voddy. He'll have a vodka as well. 384 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,680 I mean, it is not as if you've got to go to work 385 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,160 this afternoon. He's unemployed. 386 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,360 I'm keeping both of us at the moment. Living off my tips. 387 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,600 He could have a job, of course. 388 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,480 I'm not going back to that. I told you. 389 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,160 So, who's been doing you then? 390 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,000 Have you been off to that Nicky Clarke, 391 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,560 -or is it that bottle? -Thank you. 392 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,720 He started from nothing. 393 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,040 Oh, you, you're a whore with your hair. 394 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,840 I'd like to add a tone to that. 395 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,600 Why don't you pop in when you've got a second? 396 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,040 All right. 397 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,920 You sure this is the right man for the job? 398 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,200 -He knows everyone, don't you? 399 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,240 -Yes. Let's get down to business. 400 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,320 -All right. -Give me that book. 401 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,880 We've selected a few names, 402 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,720 but you can tell us more what you're after. 403 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,000 Right. Twinky. 404 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,320 Now. 405 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:26,640 There's Warren. He's blond, sort of muscly. 406 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,120 Might be a bit short for you, though. 407 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,480 Is he straight? 408 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:30,600 No, not entirely. 409 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,120 Not at all, from what I've heard. 410 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,560 I think straight is essential. 411 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,280 ALL: Yeah. 412 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,480 All right. I just didn't know 413 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,480 if you were going to go the whole hog or not. 414 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,080 Yeah, yeah, every bit of the hog. 415 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,880 Yeah, don't want any half hogs! No! 416 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,720 -Right. -Hmm. 417 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,360 -Tony? -Nose ring. 418 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,960 And who knows what else down below. 419 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,400 Oh, yes. No, you don't want that, no. 420 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,160 Geoff's nice. 421 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,320 Not the muscle sort, - he's a dancer. 422 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,240 More of a mover, really, not a dancer. 423 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,800 Yeah. Well, he trained as a dancer. 424 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,520 Yeah. But he's always been just a mover. 425 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,080 But at least we know he's straight. 426 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,040 -Oh, do we? -Yes. 427 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,400 What does he look like? 428 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,920 Gorgeous, tan, lowlights, bit short of money, 429 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,400 be ever so willing. 430 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,560 He's ery fit, though. 431 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,760 Well, I think I'll have him. (CHUCKLES) 432 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,680 I think we'll both have him, Eddy. 433 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,960 Right, who else have you got? 434 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,680 -Well, you'll need a contrast. -Mmm-hmm. 435 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:20,960 -I need another vodka, please. 436 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,840 - What about Fat Adam? -ALL: No. 437 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,840 (MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY) 438 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,280 I've got it on. Come and see what you think. 439 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,880 Come and see what you think. 440 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,040 -Ready? -Yeah. 441 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,320 I mean, give them some chance, Eddy. It's a bit... 442 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,160 What? What, too tarty? 443 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,640 Well, I mean, it could be, but not on you, no. 444 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,240 What? Just too blatant, is it? 445 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,120 I don't want to seem like a pushover, you know. 446 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,160 Darling, you're paying him. I mean, in his eyes, 447 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,080 you're already flat on your back and staked out. 448 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,240 The thing is, it's... It's just a bit small. 449 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,360 Oh. 450 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,520 Oh, yeah, yeah, well, I... 451 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,080 I did get it when I thought I was going to be thinner. 452 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,800 So, darling, did you get me those things? 453 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,160 Yes. 454 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,280 I got condoms and femidoms. 455 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,360 Right. 456 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,040 -Have you opened these? -No. 457 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,800 They don't put fingers on these gloves any more. 458 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,320 The ingers are in that other little packet. 459 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,080 Get out, get out! 460 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,680 They let the... They let the water in, anyway. 461 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,640 Now, just relax, Eddy. Relax, darling. 462 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,680 She's been watching me. She's been watching me... 463 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,480 -Babe, relax, relax. -All right. Relax, relax. 464 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,040 We could still use those, probably, can't we? 465 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,120 Just change your frock. Put on something a little... 466 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,240 -I've got another thing up... -Yeah. A little more... 467 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,320 Ooh! Scissors, yes, scissors. 468 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,760 I'll bring the scissors. 469 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,000 (SOFT PIANO JAZZ PLAYING) 470 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,120 (DOOR BELL RINGS) 471 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:10,840 (DOOR OPENS) 472 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,080 So, Eddy, 473 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,280 your little delivery of delicious goods has arrived. 474 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,800 Hello. Come in. Have a drink. 475 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,720 Goodness! Don't you look... 476 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,280 ..the part! 477 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,880 Now, this is Geoff. He's our dancer. 478 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,600 And this is Hilton, 479 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,560 drama student, top of the line, cream of the crop. 480 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,440 Fantastic. Hi, Hilton! 481 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,920 I really like a girl with, you know, large breasts. 482 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,000 -Whoa. -You've scored there, Eddy. 483 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,240 Thank you. Want to have a drink? 484 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,680 For God's sake, will you play just a bit butcher, please? 485 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,360 This is my reputation on the line. 486 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,960 Have you got your stiffness spray? 487 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,000 Stallion, yes. 488 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,680 Well, will you please use it, then? 489 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,880 So, boys, come over here and have a drink. 490 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,960 -Here you are. Sit. -Right. 491 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,840 -I'll leave you to it. -All right. 492 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,040 Is it all right if we kill a couple of minutes downstairs 493 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,760 'cause Dave... Great. 494 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,760 I'm sorry. It's the only wig I've got 495 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,400 since the dog ate Liza Minnelli. 496 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,600 He's got an audition in half an hour. 497 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,000 Doesn't want to get there early. 498 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,840 -He's just a bit nervous. -I'm embarrassed. 499 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,840 -You can wait downstairs. -Okay, we'll sneak out. 500 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,680 You won't even know we're here. Out. Out. Out. 501 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,080 So, Hilton, that's a pretty name... 502 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,520 -Oh, thanks. -Sit down. 503 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,640 ...for a pretty face. 504 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,680 Thanks. 505 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,200 Have you done this before? 506 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,840 First time. 507 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,360 Ah, well, then, you're very lucky. 508 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,320 You're in very experienced hands. 509 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,200 Hey, has anyone ever told you 510 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,080 you look a bit like Sean Connery? 511 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,440 No. 512 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,160 Hmm. 513 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,160 Hey, Hilt, if I said you have a beautiful body, 514 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,800 would you hold it against me? 515 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,680 Shall we dance? I'll lead. 516 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,640 No, no, no. A little less... 517 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,800 (MUSIC PLAYING) 518 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,960 Go on, Eddy. Go on, Eddy. Go on, go on! 519 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,240 So what's a guy like you doing in a place like this? 520 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,000 -Getting paid. -Yes. 521 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,400 -Nice boots! 522 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,840 -Don't touch them, they're Chanel. 523 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:36,960 Eddy, Eddy. 524 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,600 Sorry, Hilt, why don't you just relax? 525 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,720 -Eddy! Eddy! Eddy! Eddy! -What? What? What? What? 526 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,800 Darling, come over here, I've got a little something 527 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,320 you can sniff to break the ice, get the ball rolling, okay? 528 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,480 Sniff. 529 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,360 This bit's always the hardest. 530 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,760 Don't worry. 531 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,080 It'll wear off. 532 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,520 It's the last time I do that for you. 533 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,920 I can't get to those poppers with these nails on. 534 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,680 Maybe you'd rather I didn't wear the corset? 535 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,160 Oh, God forbid! 536 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,920 Bet Lynch with a paunch. 537 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,520 (GASPS) 538 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,320 Could someone just give me a hand down? 539 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,240 Oh, thank you, Patsy dear. 540 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:37,360 Phew. 541 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,560 (GROANING) 542 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,840 You're supposed to waft it under your nose, Eddy. 543 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,520 Just keep stuffing those tissues. 544 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,480 All right, it's stopping now, it's stopping now. 545 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,000 God! Don't go off the boil, Eddy! 546 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,720 It's just not working for me, darling. 547 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,360 But you've nearly finished the bottle! 548 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,960 Hey, Hilt! Hilt! 549 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,080 I hope you're not too attached to that shirt, 550 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,200 'cause I may have to rip it off your chest in a moment. 551 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,880 -See, how do you do that? -What? 552 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:58,480 That speak you do. How do you do that? 553 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,400 Oh, they just love it. 554 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,840 Darling... 555 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,600 It just feels a little bit sordid, you know. 556 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,440 I mean, I just don't feel very turned on by it. 557 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,400 I don't even want them touching me. 558 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,320 I don't even want them sitting on my furniture. 559 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,480 -Eddy, you said... -I know what I said, darling. 560 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,840 What seemed like a good idea 561 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,520 under the influence of Razzle is one thing 562 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,440 but in reality, I'm sorry. 563 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,400 Just sitting there with their feet on my carpet. 564 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:24,680 Drinking my drink, with their skin and their hands... 565 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,640 Ah, actually, it's kicking in a bit now. It's kicking in. 566 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,960 -Eddy, all you need is a little mental amputation. 567 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,000 -Yeah, yeah. 568 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,920 Darling, listen, you know that video that I got? 569 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:37,640 Oh, yeah. Let's put that on and it up a bit. Razzle 570 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,400 Get the blood rags out of your nose, darling. 571 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,640 And just throw your flesh onto that man's. 572 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,160 (EXHALES ENERGETICALLY) 573 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,040 Okay, boys, we're in for a little bit of fun here. 574 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,560 MAN ON TV: Here is a bacterial stem. 575 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,520 It contains several double-banded molecules 576 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:53,600 of DNA... 577 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,560 -Pats? -Eddy? 578 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,160 Darling, am I missing some kinky significance here? 579 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,640 Eddy, what is this? This isn't it. 580 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:09,760 What is this? 581 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,280 (INDISTINCT) Applied genetics. 582 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,720 -What? -Applied genetics. 583 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,640 -What's he trying to say? 584 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,560 -What? -Applied genetics? 585 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,560 Biogenetics? Are those the biogenetics? 586 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,280 That's applied gen... Applied gen... Geneti-ethics. 587 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,920 -Darling, they must have... -Oh, my God! 588 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,240 -Eddy, come with me! -No! 589 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,680 (EDINA AND PATSY CLAMOURING) 590 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,400 (SINGING I WILL SURVIVE) 591 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,040 You see, I wouldn't do a purple for you. 592 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,160 I'd give you a very nice conker rinse. 593 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,200 EDINA: Patsy! 594 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,840 -I mean, how bad can it be, for God's sake? 595 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,000 -Bad, Eddy! 596 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,600 -Where's that bitch daughter of yours? 597 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,240 -University. -Where is the university? 598 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:51,680 -She doesn't tell me these things! 599 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,600 -I know, dear. -Then come with us. 600 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:54,960 Who's got a car? Who's got a car? 601 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,080 I've got a car. I've got a car. I've got one. 602 00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,440 (ALL CLAMOURING) 603 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,400 -Has she been watching me? -Just hurry up! 604 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,440 Were you watching me, darling? 605 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:08,440 Have you been watching me, you, old woman? Old woman! 606 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,240 Just hurry! 607 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,960 Now, you mind that wig! Why don't you just stay in the car? 608 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,320 I'm not staying here on me own. 609 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,840 EDINA: What's the plan, darling Pats? 610 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,040 The plan is, get the tape, change the tape, go home! 611 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,160 -And continue the orgy. -Continue the orgy. 612 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,040 Yes. It's through there, dear. 613 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,920 (ALL TALKING AT ONCE) 614 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,800 Look, everyone, split up! 615 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,280 Split up! 616 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,160 -(ALL CLAMOURING) -(SHUSHING) 617 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,240 For God's sake, Pats! 618 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,160 What does it matter if she sees a blue movie? 619 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,800 I mean, it's about time she did, really. 620 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,000 Eddy, trust me. Just run! 621 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,440 Run! You might just get some of that flab off you. 622 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,360 But what are we looking for? 623 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,920 Oh, I don't know. We're just caught up in the drama. Run! 624 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,560 This is just like The Crystal Maze. 625 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,080 -Oh, what do we do now, darling? 626 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,120 -I don't know, Eddy. 627 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,960 Would this be any help, dear? 628 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,840 CHRISTOPHER: (GASPS) A clue! 629 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,880 (EDINA READING HASTILY) 630 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,920 Come along, Patsy, dear, we'd better join them. 631 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,480 I hope you enjoy it and find it informative, 632 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,640 and I think it'll give us plenty to talk about afterwards. 633 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,280 Yes, I'm sure it will. 634 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,680 WOMAN IN VIDEO: It's okay, it's on. 635 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:38,920 PATSY: Damn! 636 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,520 PATSY: No, hold it, 'cause that's quite good. 637 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,040 Yeah, go on. Really go for it, kids. 638 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,520 (MUSIC PLAYING IN VIDEO) 639 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:46,560 That's fantastic. 640 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,640 It's Jeanie, isn't it? 641 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,400 Whatever happened to her? 642 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,120 You're just about to find out. 643 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,080 -I'm terribly sorry. -Leave it on! 644 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,520 (STUDENTS URGING) 645 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,360 Oh, that's great. That's delicious. 646 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:12,320 Trust you, you've missed the best bit. 647 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,760 Ah, that's fantastic. I'm really getting some action here. 648 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,280 Give us some action. Come on, darling, action! Action! 649 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,520 Hang on, pan over there, darling 650 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,240 How did I ever think those curtains 651 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,760 would go with that carpet?