1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,160 -I'll go to New York. -Yeah? 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,560 I don't need you, Eddy. You've always been just... 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,720 What? 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,120 -You know... -Yeah. 5 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,640 I'm gonna be a bloody great success. 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,560 -Yeah, all right. -Yeah, all right! 7 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,280 Well, I'll see you, then, huh? 8 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,200 Don't count on it, babe. 9 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,560 WOMAN ON TV: We're looking now at J10738, 10 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,800 the ladies' diamond-cut, rope-effect hoop earrings. 11 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,960 That's J10738. 12 00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,040 Only £18.99. 13 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,760 (TAMBOURINE JINGLING) 14 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,800 (HUSHING) Hi, I'm Ben. 15 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,520 Throughout the week, 16 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,440 I'll be showing you courses of enlightenment 17 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,800 through pebble working, sand play, 18 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,800 mask-making and Cosmo Drama. 19 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:19,960 Sorry I'm late. 20 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,200 Just a bit of trouble with the form, you know. 21 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,520 The talking stick is not with you! 22 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,560 (SOFTLY) May I hold it? 23 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,200 I was just going to say, 24 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,360 that they tried to charge me the weekly rate, you see, 25 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,760 and as I'm going to be here forever 26 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,680 I thought I should get a discount, that's all. 27 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,040 (MOUTHS) 28 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,520 Shall we light up? 29 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,480 Let us start the "Om." 30 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,520 ALL: (CHANTING) Om... 31 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:08,000 And so we begin our quest to find our inner selves, 32 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,680 to delve into our inner consciousness. 33 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,440 We must look into the inner, inner soul. 34 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,160 (IN FOREIGN ACCENT) You must not have 35 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,280 a bad feeling for you. 36 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,600 You must eradicate all bad feelings and come together. 37 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,240 (BEN MUTTERS) 38 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,760 Ben is now channelling Maria Sanchez... 39 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,480 ..a Puerto Rican Aztec slave girl. 40 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,560 (CONTINUES MUTTERING) 41 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,560 We are on a path together. 42 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,640 And we must dream together. 43 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,600 (IN REGULAR ACCENT) Okay, if, um... 44 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,320 (STUTTERS) If you take the women over one side, 45 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,560 the men come with me and we'll bond, okay? 46 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,000 You get two precious metals in one. 47 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,000 The silver, the metal of kings, 48 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:16,920 that famous precious metal, dipped in pure gold. 49 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,000 And we all know what that means. 50 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,760 -In a circle. -(BELLS JINGLING) 51 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,240 MEN: (CHANTING) Father! 52 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,000 Can I have the talking stick? Thank you. 53 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,200 I missed the beginning. 54 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,360 All the courses, where do they take place? 55 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,120 Sometimes, in the context of the spiritual space. 56 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,560 Stick! Stick! 57 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,600 Where is that? Where is that? 58 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,880 Here. 59 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,680 -And all the others? -You haven't got the stick. 60 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,000 Well, give me the stick! How much is it? I'll buy my own! 61 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,240 Give me the stick! Give me the stick! 62 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,160 I'm sorry, all the others, where do they take place? 63 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,600 In the realms of nature. 64 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,840 Stick. Where is that? Where is that? Realms of nature? 65 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,920 -In the garden! -In the garden! 66 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,240 (MEN CONTINUE CHANTING) 67 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,280 We shall now meditate... 68 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,720 You haven't got the stick, sorry. 69 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,280 I don't need the stick! 70 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,680 -Let us meditate. -(BELL DINGS) 71 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,520 -(MOUTHING) -BEN: Mind the antlers! 72 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:21,120 (ALL CHANTING) 73 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,240 WOMAN ON RADIO: This is WNZK 74 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,560 broadcasting to New York City. 75 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,400 A quick glance at the weather. It's in the low 80s... 76 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,000 So I said to her, "Listen, Ms Tan-in-a-Tube", 77 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:32,120 and we're talking orange, "Here's what's going on. 78 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,120 "You ain't clunking down my catwalk. No way, babe! 79 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,720 "Calvin Klein ain't paying you 80 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,480 "to squish your tush into his Femme Fatale minipants." 81 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,960 -Fat butt, huh? -(SCOFFS) 82 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,880 The planet Jupiter and its moons! 83 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,560 A galaxy of excess flubber! 84 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,400 -Well, hello, little killers. -WOMEN: Hi! 85 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,480 Did you see Naomi's hair? 86 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,000 -Adorable? -BOTH: Adorable! 87 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,960 SANTE: Well, Omar had a go-see at Vogue. 88 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,160 -No. -He was so nervous! 89 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,080 I said as he left the apartment, 90 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,080 "Baby doll, vitamin C and smile. 91 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,320 "You have a terrific book now." 92 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,560 But they didn't use him. They have no taste. 93 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,720 -Too commercial? -He's a movie star. 94 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,080 Oh, rejection can be so depressing! 95 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,000 Yeah! (CHUCKLES) 96 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,000 Hi, Patsy Stone. 97 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,200 Is your hair on purpose? 98 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,160 I'm Sante, accessories and shoes. 99 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,320 Candy, Models. This is Gina, Marketing. 100 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,760 So, what's new? What's happening? 101 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,320 - What's your direction? - Who do you want in it? 102 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,160 What do you want on their feet? 103 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,600 Well, I want to be pretty revolutionary. 104 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,200 I intend to dictate. 105 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,640 I want to take the fun back out of fashion. 106 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,960 You know, no more schoolgirls in techno fabrics, 107 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,680 -no plastics, no micro-mini! -Careful, honey! 108 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,080 No more cheap tart looks, 109 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,840 - no more Hollywood glamour... - Is she joking or what? 110 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:49,000 Breakfast at Tiffany's, Armani, Klein, Karan... 111 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,600 -(ALL LAUGHING) -What? Are you on drugs? 112 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,640 Honey, they need it to look like trash, 113 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,760 so their ten-page frigging ads 114 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,280 in greys and beiges looks like class. 115 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,480 They don't want your damn fashion pages. 116 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,920 And she's up to speed. 117 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,800 Darling, they are selling a frigging scent! 118 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,040 This is New York, honey, not some friggin' backwater. 119 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,080 We move with the dollar. 120 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,800 This ain't art and there's ain't no choice. 121 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,840 Here's what's going on. You keep it trashy 122 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,160 and I don't get ten tons of dickhead designer 123 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,000 marketing shit on my back. my dear? Comprehendo, 124 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,720 Oh, sweet! 125 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,080 -Where's Magda? -At a promo brunch for Honda. 126 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,840 -No... -Tell him it's got to be 127 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,240 a bigger model! I'm not driving around in any biscuit tin. 128 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,360 And I'm in a meeting, so no more calls. 129 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,440 Right. Sorry I'm late. 130 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,520 New York, Las Vegas, Beverly Hills, 131 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,640 San Francisco, Hono-bloody-lulu. 132 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,720 That's what I call a circulation. But we're selling 133 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,720 less than the population of No-Neck, Virginia 134 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,520 and that's why I'm here. 135 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,840 I want who's old, who's young about town, 136 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,040 who's wearing what. 137 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,720 Try to get into someone's house. 138 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,800 I want who's sexy, who's not sexy. 139 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,480 I want models who smoke. 140 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,760 Make it Marlboro Lights and put them in a pair of Nikes. 141 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,600 I don't like Cindy Crawford, but she sells, 142 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,080 and Julia Roberts makes me puke, 143 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,360 but that's enough about me. 144 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,640 -Santa? -Sante. 145 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,760 Everybody's crazy about wickerwork wallets. 146 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,680 Fendi and Todd Oldham have some out, so I'm thrilled. 147 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,200 -Oh. -Mags. 148 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,040 -Pats, what's the matter, girl? -I need a fag. 149 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,480 Hmm, outside. 150 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,520 -All right. Publisher? -His name's Mitchell Friedman. 151 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,480 Mitchell Friedman? Sounds rather me. 152 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:19,960 See you later, sweetheart. 153 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,320 -Oi, you! -Oh, yeah, well, this month, 154 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,840 things are "v. v. good." 155 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,080 Linda, Kate and Naomi are keeping the weight off, 156 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,760 but for the new girls, "Finger down the throat time!" 157 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,120 MAN: Mr Friedman's car is going to be here in a minute. 158 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,440 You stay here with him, okay? 159 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,320 Mr Friedman? Hello, I'm Patsy Stone. 160 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,480 Don't touch strangers! 161 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,920 Come on, put your hands down, tuck your elbows in! 162 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,480 -Do you know this person? -No, I... 163 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,040 Well, hi, hello there! How are you doing? 164 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,360 -It's me, Bo! -Yeah... 165 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,520 Bo? 166 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,680 -Patsy, isn't it? -Yeah. 167 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,320 Hi, hi, hi! (LAUGHS) I'm Mitchell's nurse, 168 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,480 been with him for about a week. 169 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,680 He's my kind of guy. Can't speak, only takes liquids, 170 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,040 and no messy potty time, what with his bags! 171 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,960 Gee, what are you doing in New York? 172 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,120 New York, the Big Apple. 173 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,680 Kind of off the beaten path, for you, isn't it? 174 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,160 Yeah... Um... 175 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,040 Mr Friedman... Mitchell. 176 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,080 I'm Patsy Stone. I'm the new Fashion Director 177 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,080 of your magazine, HQ. 178 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,400 I wonder if we could just have a quiet word together? 179 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,720 BO: Friedman? 180 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,960 The Friedman of Friedman, Weiss and Fernandez? 181 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,000 I mean, he owns the building! 182 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,360 What am I talking about? He owns half of New York! 183 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,280 Do you have enough oxygen there, honey? 184 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,520 Oh, and then there's the estate in Massachusetts. 185 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,760 Unless his wife got that after the third divorce. 186 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,080 -I'm just taking you off... -Oh, no, no, no! 187 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,000 No! Butt out, bitch! This guy's coming with me. 188 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,640 Come on, my darling! 189 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,280 Brace yourself, brace yourself, we're taking the kerb! 190 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,920 -(FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING) -(FINGER CYMBALS JINGLING) 191 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,400 Hello. (MIMICS JINGLING) 192 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,880 (SAFFY COUGHING) 193 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,800 (MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 194 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,880 Excuse me, it's no smoking in here. 195 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,440 Yeah, yeah, all right, sure. 196 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,760 -You have to go outside. -Okay, fine! We're going. 197 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,600 -It's really inconsiderate! -Yeah! 198 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,200 She's asthmatic. 199 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,400 (COUGHS) 200 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,160 What? I only meant the smokers should leave, 201 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,280 I didn't mean everybody. 202 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:36,840 Anyone want a coffee? 203 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,360 Or something stronger, if you know what I mean? 204 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,360 Er... No! Not for me. 205 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,240 -I'm just happy sitting here. -Me, too. 206 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,320 WOMAN ON TV: Now this chain is nine-carat plated. 207 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,000 And it's a full...um... 208 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,200 18 inches long. 209 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,080 And if you do this, 210 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,800 you'll notice the full length of that gorgeous link chain. 211 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,000 And that's a sign of high quality. 212 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,720 See how it fits in a small shape in the palm of my hand. 213 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,320 Oh, mama! That outfit is fierce! 214 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,640 Oh, I love your chains, girlfriend. 215 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,840 (ALL CHATTERING) 216 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,440 We'll see you at Le Boy Bar later! 217 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,240 -(WHALE SONG ON TAPE) -I love old cheesecloth. 218 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,920 That's Nicole Farhi. Could you put... 219 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,680 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -Hi. 220 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,640 Josh and Tim and I are going down the pub. 221 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,120 Well done! 222 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,320 (DOOR SHUTS) 223 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,680 So, this kind of smiling thing is... 224 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,640 What are you smiling for? Is it some cosmic joke 225 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,000 I've not been let in on? What is it? 226 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,720 I have found my inner self... 227 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,200 The great Shiva cow within, 228 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,520 my deep-rooted pagan woman 229 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,480 that lies in us all. 230 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,680 Not in me. I don't think she's there. 231 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,280 Yes, you will find her. Feel it! 232 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,200 Feel the great transmugerance. 233 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,480 The flow from my essential oils 234 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,080 - are passing into you. - Yes! 235 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,760 -They're flowing. -Yes. 236 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,000 -Can you feel them? -No, but I can smell them. 237 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,520 I honestly... 238 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,880 -My womb is flowing. -Yeah! 239 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,680 Can you feel it filling your empty hole? 240 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,360 Yeah. 241 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,120 -The pulsations! -Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 242 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,400 It's just that I don't think 243 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,080 this is quite what I'm looking for. 244 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,040 I don't think I spent my whole youth burning my bra 245 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,360 so I could squat saggy-titted over a forest loo hole 246 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,440 waiting for the sun to come up while the men go off 247 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,520 a-hunting down the pub. I'm sorry. 248 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:12,560 Let me dance the Shiva healing dance. 249 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,120 Look, I just don't think that the sort of person 250 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,520 I wanna find in me, you know, is the kind of person 251 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,040 who likes making corn-bloody-buggery-dollies 252 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,800 by ceremony in the sacred part of your workshop. 253 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:27,120 Look - the Shri Bhagwan Risha's sandal. 254 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,880 Let us worship it. 255 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,160 For God's sake! Let me just kill the whales! 256 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,640 Have you ever smoked grass 257 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,720 -or that other stuff? -Hash? 258 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,280 -Yeah, that's it. -No. 259 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,920 Well, then. How can you know it's wrong? 260 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,320 I mean, I don't smoke it cos I tried it once 261 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,200 and I think I'm allergic, or... 262 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,640 Anyway, it didn't really do anything for me. 263 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,440 I didn't notice the difference. 264 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,720 I just think it makes people 265 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:58,800 - really boring. - Yeah. 266 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,320 I'm sure you think you're being really funny or clever, 267 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,360 but, actually, you're just being incredibly dull. 268 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,880 And who needs drugs to do that? 269 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,080 And also, when I say something 270 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,720 really devastatingly funny or clever, 271 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,560 I like to remember it the next day. 272 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,240 For heaven's sake! Your roach is too tight 273 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,760 and your paper's too loose. 274 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,000 Give it to me. 275 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,440 Pass me some card. 276 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,360 WOMAN ON TV: The Collector's 277 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,560 Thimble Collection with stand. 278 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:28,960 CH0326. 279 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,040 Now, I'm just getting a message here. 280 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,440 Would a Mrs Monsoon, 281 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,920 who phoned in a couple of hours ago, 282 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,000 and who I had such a lovely time talking to... 283 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,360 Would you replace the telephone, dear? 284 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,360 Because nobody else can get through. 285 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:58,200 # Ding dong the bells are gonna chime! # 286 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,840 I've just spent a long morning at his lawyer's office 287 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:04,360 and now we're going to be married. 288 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,040 I only need ten minutes alone with him. 289 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,920 - You've got five. - Done. 290 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,920 But you've got to do something for me first. 291 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,520 -You said he couldn't speak. -I throw my voice. 292 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,800 Do you, Mitchell Friedman, 293 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,240 take Bo Mo Chrysalis to be your lawfully wedded wife? 294 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,640 -(STUTTERS) Wife? -No! 295 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,960 Oh, out of my way, I'm a trained nurse! 296 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,720 Turn over! 297 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,600 Oh, God! Go ahead, he's all right. 298 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,960 -Do you, Mitchell Friedman... -You already did that part. 299 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,680 ...to be your lawfully wedded wife? 300 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,720 (THROWS VOICE) I do. 301 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,080 -Hurry up! We're losing him. -All right. 302 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,240 By the power vested in me by the State of New York, 303 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,800 I pronounce you husband and wife! 304 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,840 (SHOUTING) Yes! (LAUGHS) 305 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,640 -You may now kiss the bride. -Not on your life! 306 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,160 Honey, he's all yours, but I wasn't getting a pulse! 307 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,640 Bo Chrysalis, you married the richest man in New York. 308 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:54,960 What are you going to do now? 309 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,480 I'm going to Disneyland! 310 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,920 (FLUTE PLAYING) 311 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,680 This sacred feather is for you. 312 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,000 Great. 313 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,720 # Someone to watch over me # 314 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,480 (HUMMING) 315 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,160 Grass... All different sorts of grass. 316 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,040 And little daisies, little daisies. 317 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,880 EDINA: No, that's her there. 318 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,880 There, there! I knew she would be there. 319 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,880 -Hello, darling! Pats! Pats! -My God! 320 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,720 Eddy? Yeah, babe! 321 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,360 -Come on! Stoli, babe! -Can I have a Stoli? 322 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,680 -I've got a bottle! -I've gone mod! 323 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,360 Come on, I'll meet you down there. 324 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,040 No, get me from here. I can't find the stairs. 325 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,600 Come on, Ed. You can land just here! 326 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,960 Come on, sweetie! Come on, sweetie! It's quite easy! 327 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,680 Can we land on that building? 328 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,440 We can't land on your roof! 329 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,160 Good to see you! Let's go home! 330 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,280 -Oh, cheers. -Cheers. 331 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,920 Well, it's, uh, quite like the old times, Ed. 332 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,560 Yeah, well it has only been three days, actually, Pats. 333 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,600 -Has it? -Yeah. 334 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,040 It felt like... 335 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,520 -Yeah? -Well, cheers. 336 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,800 Cheers. 337 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,560 Actually... 338 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:33,840 I didn't mean to drag you back 339 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,280 or anything like that, you know. 340 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,720 No, you didn't drag me back, no. 341 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,080 -Yeah, from New York. -Yeah! New York! 342 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,840 -Yeah... -Ugh... 343 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,200 Yeah. 344 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,400 All that fantastic shopping. 345 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,880 -Oh, yeah it was fantastic! -Yeah? 346 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,240 I was not taking them! I'm entitled to a discount! 347 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,840 I'm Patsy Stone! 348 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,160 Yeah, and all that... 349 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,160 That fabulous fun you must have been having. 350 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,640 -Oh, yeah. It was fabulous! -Yeah? 351 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,400 Yeah, it was fantastic. 352 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,200 Yeah. Actually, Pats, 353 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,000 there's something I meant to, you know...say on the plane, 354 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,040 but I was too drunk, obviously, and, uh... 355 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,080 It's just that, um... 356 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,680 Well, I was passing, I was just in New York, passing. 357 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,080 I didn't mean to drag you back or anything, that's all. 358 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,480 You didn't. I know, Eddy. I know you didn't drag me back, 359 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,920 I mean, actually I was just thinking of leaving anyway. 360 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,920 - Were you? - Because I, Eddy... 361 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,120 What? 362 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,000 - The job wasn't up to much. - Yeah. 363 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,560 -Yeah, anyway, cheers. -Yeah, cheers. 364 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,000 -Cheers. Thanks a lot. -Cheers. Yeah, you're welcome. 365 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,960 BOTH: Actually, it was... 366 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,640 -Hello, darling. -Mum. 367 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,520 I didn't expect to see you here. 368 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,400 Well, yeah, I... (MUMBLES) 369 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,680 Didn't expect to see you, either, darling. 370 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,480 Found yourself then? 371 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:01,680 Ta-da! 372 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,320 Yeah, it was, you know, it was fabulous, darling. 373 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,880 It was all I needed, really, was those few days, you know, 374 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,280 feeling part of something 375 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,040 with my sort of people, you know? 376 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,520 -(ALL CHANTING) -No! No! No! 377 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,480 I'm sorry, I can't breathe your second-hand air 378 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,200 like that. I'm sorry. 379 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,200 (MUTTERS) 380 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,320 Being with people I could relate to. 381 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:27,760 Are those eyes, are they? Are those your eyes? 382 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,080 Are they? 383 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,240 Gosh, you must be bored. I'm bored. 384 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,320 Anyway, how could I expect to find nirvana, darling? 385 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,080 They couldn't even find decent furniture! 386 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,120 Darling, if you want to talk bollocks 387 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,160 and discover the meaning of life, you're better off 388 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,760 downing a bottle of whisky. At least then you're unconscious 389 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,760 by the time you start to take yourself seriously. 390 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,720 -Mother Nature is no fool. -Mmm-hmm. 391 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,200 (SIGHS) 392 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,320 Hoover vacuum's broke. 393 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,160 Well, how did that happen? 394 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,680 (SIGHS) It fell out the window when I were doing the sills. 395 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,200 Look at this, darling! 396 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,040 I couldn't get out of her contract. 397 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,760 Luckily, it was non-specific. 398 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,560 That's what they said at the tribunal. 399 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,720 Yes, thank you for that! 400 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,600 -Oh, oh, the police phoned. -Oh, yeah? 401 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,040 They've released your mother. 402 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,960 -Oh, damn! -It's good, though, isn't it? 403 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,880 They haven't had a record out for years. 404 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,160 Anyway, sweetie, stop looking at me like that. 405 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,680 Darling, squatting is against the law. 406 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,880 She'd changed the locks and was using my credit card, darling. 407 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,680 She's lucky not to have been sent down. 408 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,480 (SNAPPING FINGERS) 409 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,840 Ashtray! Ashtray! 410 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,640 Go on, ashtray! 411 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,160 Thank you. 412 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,520 -JUNE: Yoo-hoo! -Oh! 413 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,160 How does she get in? How does she do that? 414 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,800 Oh, released, then? 415 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,920 Yes, dear. But I'm tagged. 416 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,800 Oh, right. 417 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,360 Don't sit here. Go sit over there. Go on, sit over there. 418 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,160 I've to report once a week 419 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,360 for a cup of tea with my social worker, Mandy. 420 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,320 And I gave her your number at university, dear, 421 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,400 just in case she wants to contact you... 422 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:10,960 if I go missing. 423 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,000 Darling, could you get the cheesy balls 424 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,320 in that cupboard behind you. 425 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,000 Why don't you get them yourself? 426 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,560 Because you're here. 427 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,120 Mum, I know to you my childhood 428 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,640 has been a convenient form of legalised slavery 429 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,840 but I'm over 18 now, do you understand? 430 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,600 Actually not the cheesy balls, the Japanese seaweed Twiglets. 431 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,720 Open them! 432 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,320 No. 433 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,720 This is not how it's going to be any more, Mum. 434 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,000 I'm not going to be here 435 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,960 just to put you to bed, to feed you, 436 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,200 stub out your joints, clear up the sick, 437 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,760 lie for you, disapprove of you... 438 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,480 And not just you, you as well, cesspit from hell! 439 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,120 Stinking bag of bones 440 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,160 that haunts this house every day like a mouldering cadaver, 441 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,200 leeching the lifeblood 442 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,560 out of everything it can get its filthy suckers onto! 443 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,320 I'm fed up being suckered! I will not take this any more! 444 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,360 This is not how it's going to be! 445 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,640 Morning, dears. 446 00:22:58,680 --> 00:22:59,680 BOTH: Morning, Gran. 447 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,520 Is Tom up yet? 448 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,040 Well, I looked in on him, this morning 449 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,880 and he was still practically unconscious. 450 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,720 I think he was smoking last night. 451 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,160 Easy, Gran. 452 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:12,520 (SNIFFLES) 453 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,040 -Oh, no! -Oh, no! 454 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,440 -EDINA: Saff, darling! -Oh, dear. 455 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,240 Mum, you said they weren't going to be allowed 456 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,720 in our kitchen any more. 457 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,160 Put your brakes on. 458 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,520 What do you want? 459 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,000 We'll have breakfast with you this morning. 460 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,800 Patsy dropped the keys to our place in Soho last night. 461 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,480 I can have anything but dried toast. 462 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,240 I can't manage that with my teeth now. 463 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,920 Use Patsy's. 464 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,320 Where's that doggie that sticks its nose up your crotch? 465 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,560 -He's out! -Pity. 466 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,160 Here, darling, have the packet. Have the packet. 467 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,720 (TUTS) 468 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,120 -Want some of these? -No-one's taking them any more. 469 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,840 I like him. 470 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,040 You can't be here today. Use your own place. 471 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,600 - What? - Victoria, can you get me 472 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,880 - the spare keys, please? - What? 473 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,400 They can't be here when Dad comes, 474 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,160 - he'll just leave again, Mum. - I know. 475 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,120 -Is that bastard coming back? Good, I might hang around. 476 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,200 It's the only blood sport they haven't banned. 477 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,600 -No! -What? 478 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,520 Did I leave a bottle of voddy here? 479 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,800 -No. -Can I have one? 480 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,560 Careful, you don't want another overflow situation. 481 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:29,760 Check your colostomy bag. 482 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,400 We virtually had to skid our way 483 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,080 out of the Rumba Go Go Club last night. Ha! 484 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,480 Torvill and Dean! 485 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:36,920 I'll be the judge of that! 486 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,080 Here you are. Now, go! 487 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,840 PATSY: What? 488 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,840 The jailer has brought our keys. 489 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,560 -What? What? -We've got to go, darling, go! 490 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,160 See you later. 491 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,920 -Are you still with us? -Yes, dear. 492 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,760 Mum, I'll do the house. 493 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,360 Why don't you go to the hairdresser's 494 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,160 - before Dad arrives? - No, it's all right. 495 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,480 Oh, dear, forgotten my specs. 496 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:18,600 Won't be long. 497 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,160 -Not dead yet? -No, God, not dead yet. 498 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,000 Which of these is it? 499 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,920 Still, not a bad life, not a bad life, darling. 500 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,280 No, not a bad life. 501 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,680 (BEE BUZZING) 502 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,920 (GAGGING) 503 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,160 Hmm. 504 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:06,600 (EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)