1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000 (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) Hi! This is me. 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,040 This is... This is my camera. 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,520 This is detox. 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,480 Um, I'm two weeks in, and I've got... 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,240 Just got the one week, one week to go. 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,240 I've lost quite a lot of weight already. 7 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,760 I'm feeling a little, you know, spaced... 8 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:19,760 Little spaced. 9 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,120 But I've got a little thinner. 10 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,880 Have a look at this. Have a look at this. 11 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,440 Look at body, body, body. 12 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,680 Yeah... Body a bit thinner. (SIGHS) 13 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,680 Um... 14 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,440 (STAMMERS) But I'm going to show you the before, 15 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,080 so you can see what I was like before. 16 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,360 Hang on. Here we go. 17 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,880 Here's my before... 18 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:41,800 Tits... 19 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,000 I don't think I've ever seen down there before. 20 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,680 I can see underneath my tits, my titties. 21 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,440 Oh, yeah. Have a look and see what that looks like. 22 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,360 This is better. I didn't like that last day one. 23 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,480 This is day one. This is where it will start. 24 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,400 This is better. Day one. 25 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,280 I've been keeping a diary of my progress, 26 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,600 so we'll see how it goes. 27 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,720 And it all started the night before 28 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,880 the day you've just seen day one... 29 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,440 On a girls' night out. 30 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,120 Which is every night, frankly, 31 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,800 'cause no one's ever got a man. 32 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,560 I mean, look at these men in here. 33 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,880 Some of these are successful men 34 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,240 and look at the women they choose. 35 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,520 -Carers! -Hostesses, not wives. 36 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,680 Darlings, a successful man, 37 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,760 and let's face it, they are the only attractive ones, 38 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,520 does not want a successful wife. 39 00:01:58,560 --> 00:01:59,640 Not a matter of want. 40 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,760 Even a successful woman needs a wife. 41 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,480 Someone to be there for them. 42 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,480 -Look at these. -Trophy wives. 43 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,520 Trophy wives. 44 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,480 They're women who just filter the world for them 45 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,240 as though it's a sort of complete mystery. 46 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,640 The ones that choose the tie 47 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:13,960 and hide things around the house 48 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,880 so that only they know where they are, darling. 49 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,520 -(LAUGHING) I've done that! -Bloody hell. 50 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,440 You know the ones I hate? The ones at parties. 51 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,720 You know you go to a party, 52 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,440 you want to meet the man... No, no. 53 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,160 She's got to come and speak to you first and 54 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,480 take you over to him. "Oh, come and meet him. He adores you." 55 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,440 That sounds like some very good friends of mine. 56 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,440 It makes a man feel cherished. 57 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,640 Cherished? 58 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,040 (MUFFLED) 59 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,400 They're just manipulating the world, 60 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,240 so it's a complete bloody mystery to him. 61 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,280 You know? -Hmm. 62 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,840 And she's the only one person who will ever understand this 63 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,400 extraordinarily complicated menu that she has written. 64 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,320 (GIGGLES) And then before you know it, 65 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,800 they're all film producers. 66 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,440 Darling, it's no mystery. Come on, 67 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,200 Eddy, tuck in. Come on, sweetheart. 68 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,960 It's no mystery. Two winners don't get on. 69 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,400 It just doesn't work. 70 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,080 I mean it's the same in all relationships. 71 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,160 If you put two racehorses in the stable together, 72 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,760 they'll kick the shit out of each other. 73 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,800 Tom and Nicole. Bruce and Demi. 74 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,360 Mmm-hmm. Liam and Noel. 75 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,360 Disaster. 76 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,480 What a racehorse wants is a donkey... A little donkey, 77 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,480 a goat, a little companion. 78 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,360 I need a slash. 79 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,200 It's the same in all relationships. 80 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,800 EDINA: You see this little glib phrase 81 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,520 that Patsy says like that, but you see... 82 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,440 (PANTING) Why didn't I feel good enough about myself 83 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,280 to think that I could be the racehorse? 84 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,000 I think I'm the donkey. 85 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,320 And I don't want to be the donkey. 86 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,680 I don't want to be the fat donkey. 87 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,760 I want to be the racehorse. 88 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,120 I suppose it's not beyond the realms of possibility 89 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,920 for two donkeys to get on. 90 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,280 I think you're horrid because 91 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,200 if you perceive others as failures, 92 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,280 it makes you feel better about yourself. 93 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,640 -Well done. -Nonsense. 94 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,600 That's just your magazine speak. 95 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,840 No, no, no. I wrote about it in an article. 96 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,880 In a magazine. 97 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,040 You have no idea of the pressures I've been under. 98 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,680 -You dance like an angel -(SCOFFS) 99 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,880 on the pinhead of success for so long, 100 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,040 and the moment you're out of the spotlight 101 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,960 for a micro second they cut you down. 102 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,800 But I think you'll find I was 103 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,960 always very generous in my professional life. 104 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,400 (IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) You ask people who worked with me. 105 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,800 (SCREAMING) 106 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:22,000 Dawn French! I'm going to have your guts for garters. 107 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,400 Horrible! 108 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,560 Well, everyone has their crutches. 109 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,040 Security blankets. 110 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,120 Being mean is yours. 111 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,160 I've got one of those by my cooker. 112 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,960 -No, no. That's a fire blanket. -Oh, right. 113 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,520 -Toss! -Exactly. 114 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,040 I mean, not everybody has them. I haven't got one. 115 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,120 (BOTH LAUGHING) 116 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,120 Oh, don't worry, Eddy. 117 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,880 What are you talking about? What? What? 118 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,960 You're fat. 119 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,360 Fat! 120 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,480 Surely you can see that. We certainly can't miss it. 121 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:55,720 (LAUGHING) 122 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,440 -Now, what's yours, Patsy? -Well, it's obvious. 123 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,360 -What? What? -It's your fringe. 124 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,520 Oh! The '60s forelock. 125 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,360 Push it back. Let's see what you look like under there. 126 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,960 -Come on, Eddy. -No, no. Don't touch me. 127 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,600 -PATSY: No! No! Please. -Come on. 128 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,960 EDINA: For heaven's sake, Patsy. 129 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,320 (GASPS) No! 130 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,240 EDINA: You know these things can't be taken too quickly. 131 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,400 At least you can pin your fringe back, 132 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,400 whereas you can't pin your fat back. 133 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,760 (LAUGHING) 134 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,160 You are mean! 135 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,320 EDINA: Epiphany! You see that was the kick start. 136 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,480 I wanted to fit in those stalls with the racehorses. 137 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,360 So I decided to reinvent myself, 138 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,040 restyle myself, all right? 139 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:45,680 The new svelte, tanned, smooth, luggageless me. 140 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,240 (SIGHS) There was something about it, 141 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,640 I don't know what it was. 142 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,080 There was just something about that word. 143 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,800 -Detox! -Yes, I want to detox. 144 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:55,560 -It's just another fad. -I agree. 145 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:56,520 No one diets any more. 146 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,440 You're not fat, you're just full of toxins. 147 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,040 I hear you there... Just full of poison. 148 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,560 Well, that's not news. 149 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,360 -Now look, this is my book. -EDINA: Mmm-hmm. 150 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:12,200 I can work upside down. Plenty of practice with Blue Peter. 151 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,960 Now, it's basically just eat meat 152 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,880 and drink water until you need a B12. 153 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,640 -(EXCLAIMS) Drink water. -So no more booze. 154 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,480 KATY: What are you going to do about exercise? 155 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,520 Well, no one's going to the gym any more, 156 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,640 so I want to do the one that, you know... What's that one... 157 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,320 (FARTS) Ooh. 158 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,480 Boot camp. 159 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,280 Yes. Military fitness. Military fitness. 160 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,800 -Mum, this is madness. -Darling, this is my life! 161 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:46,840 In three weeks time, 162 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,800 I want to be on the cusp of organ failure. 163 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,960 Good for you! 164 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,720 I want my body just to be... 165 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,840 Just to be a relief map of veins. 166 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,160 I want to be an X-ray with a pulse. 167 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,120 Even your cells can't eat that fast. 168 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,880 Oh, Eddy, we hate these women. 169 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,280 Do we? 170 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,240 Yeah, you don't wanna be one of those... 171 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:05,520 Looking as though you've 172 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,440 shoved your tits into a pencil sharpener. 173 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,240 It's all right for you. You don't understand. 174 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,960 You've always looked like that. -Oh, Eddy. 175 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,200 You're probably like me, aren't you, Patsy? 176 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,880 I mean, sometimes I just forget to eat. 177 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,640 Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974. 178 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,240 -Well, there was that crisp. -Oh, yes, the crisp. 179 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,920 Poor old Patsy. She couldn't keep anything down. 180 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:28,960 PATSY: Uh... 181 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,840 She lost most of her back teeth to stomach acid. 182 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,680 At least I didn't drink my own piddle. 183 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,160 That was a very mean trick. 184 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,360 (GASPS) I hope that was my piddle, was it? 185 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,200 I know you're right. I've done every diet. 186 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,960 I've done the hay diet, the cabbage diet. 187 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,840 I've done the blood group diet, 188 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,200 where you have to eat the food 189 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,200 that your ancestors would have gathered. 190 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,800 My ancestors were whale gatherers. Thanks to you. 191 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,720 (MOUTHING) No... 192 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,800 -I've done combining... -Combining food with alcohol. 193 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:57,960 Yes... (MIMICS) 194 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,080 Three good meals a day is what you should stick to. 195 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,320 Three good meals a day! 196 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,000 And then they had sex! There, that's a good scene! 197 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,760 Eddy, you know, your stomach's like a dog 198 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,800 that doesn't know when it's going to be fed next, 199 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,640 so it hangs around until you want to kick it. 200 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,680 (LAUGHS) 201 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,560 That is it. That is it! 202 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,080 I am going to do this. I am going to get thin. 203 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,120 Witness. Witness. Witness. Witness. 204 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,440 KATY: Go, Eddy! 205 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,920 -Come on. Come on. Come on, let's go. 206 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:30,960 -KATY: Come on! 207 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,080 TRAINER: All right. Three more of these. Here we go. 208 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,120 (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY) 209 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,240 Three more of these. Up in the air. 210 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,360 Squat, then star jump. Squat thrust, then star jump. 211 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,080 TRAINER: Come on! That's it. Move it! 212 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,920 -Come on, come on, come on. -You're not moving. 213 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,680 Come on! Come on, Eddy! 214 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,360 Come on, you'll never get there. 215 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,640 I've got snot all over my face! 216 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,360 You will never get there if you don't do it. 217 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,160 I can't do it! I can't do it! 218 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,040 Stop it. Stop talking. Just do it. 219 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,280 TRAINER: Up you come. Well done. Down you go. Good stuff. 220 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,440 MAN: Come on, let's move on. 221 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:57,480 KATY: Good one. 222 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,520 TRAINER: Down you go. Hand on the bar, chest on the bar, 223 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,480 -and down and up... -(KATY CHUCKLES) 224 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,360 TRAINER: And down and up. KATY: It's enormous! 225 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,960 TRAINER: One more. Come on, down you go. 226 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,160 Come on, one more. Up! Up! 227 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,840 Okay. Concentrate. Concentrate. 228 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,840 KATY: Yeah, come on. Third time lucky. Oh! 229 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,520 -(KATY CHUCKLES) -TRAINER: Come on, get up. 230 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,320 Well done. Let's do it again. 231 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,440 TRAINER: One... 232 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:29,840 -Eddy. -Oh... 233 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,280 Don't! 234 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,920 Cheers, darling. 235 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,360 Don't! 236 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,440 (GRUNTS) 237 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,120 Don't want it. Don't want it. Don't want it. Don't want it. 238 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,840 I don't want it. I don't want it. 239 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,360 Good for you, Mum. 240 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,800 You've changed your tune, darling. 241 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,040 Anyway, I wanna to be thin. I'm going to be thin. 242 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,160 I'm going to do thin things, you know. 243 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,280 I want to be sort of Geri bendy. 244 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,720 I want to be sort of hip hanging, you know. 245 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,480 I'd just once, like to take my clothes off 246 00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:59,640 and not be marked by them. 247 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,680 I never thought it worried you. 248 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:06,800 Oh, yeah. 90% of awake time 249 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,960 and 100% of sleep time, darling, I worry about it. 250 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,800 Oh, Eddy, you look fine. I mean, you dress like... 251 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,600 A fat billboard. I know what I look like. 252 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,040 Is that the reason you wear labels, 253 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,400 so the designer takes the blame? 254 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,760 Oh. (VOCALISES) 255 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,560 Didn't take a genius to figure that one out, darling, did it? 256 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,920 DKNY bosoms. Not mine. 257 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,720 Dolce and Gabbana fat thighs. Not mine! 258 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,080 Oh, Eddy, this is no fun. 259 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,320 I know it's no fun, darling, 260 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,800 but it's dieting. I have to diet. 261 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,920 Must think about dieting. 262 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,400 What are you eating? 263 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,120 What are you doing today, anyway, darling, 264 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,200 while I'm dieting? 265 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,880 Well, um, I met an old school friend, 266 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,240 so he's coming round later. 267 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,800 -Hmm. -I met him at the Royal Court, 268 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,120 'cause I finished my play... 269 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,520 -Ooh. -Oh? 270 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,560 -They might be doing it as a workshop in the studio. 271 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,120 BOTH: Ooh! Ooh! 272 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,000 Well, listen, if he's at all good-looking, 273 00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,520 have sex with him. 'Cause I'm worried 274 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,960 your business is gonna heal over. 275 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,720 -Hello. -Hey, how are you? Fantastic. 276 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,200 Wow! Like it. 277 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,480 (CLEARS THROAT) 278 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,840 I cannot believe... I cannot believe that we met like that. 279 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,880 -It was just... Whoa! 280 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,280 -Oh! I knew it was you immediately. 281 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,200 -You haven't changed at all. -Neither have you. 282 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,440 Wow. 283 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,040 -Very nice. -Yeah. 284 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,920 So, uh, what side of the business 285 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,600 did you say you were on again? 286 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,640 Oh, I'm a writer. I wrote something for the Edinburgh... 287 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,160 Yeah, please. And, well, 288 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,600 the Royal Court are really interested, 289 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,880 so they kind of want to workshop it. 290 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,360 Well, it's a piece about, 291 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,680 kind of, social struggle and sort of... 292 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,280 Sorry. You are a writer, so... 293 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,320 Yeah. 294 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,320 Yeah. Hey, I'm an actor. Ha! Bear me in mind. 295 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,280 (BOTH LAUGH) 296 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,600 -Great. -So, what are you 297 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,040 working on at the moment? 298 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,480 Yeah... Did... Were we in the same class at school? 299 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,560 Because I thought... 300 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,560 -Same year, yeah. -Yeah, yeah. 301 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,520 You're the one who had sat next to me in Maths. 302 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,800 (CHUCKLES) Hey, Maths. Love it, yeah. 303 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,720 Yeah, of course. 304 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,200 (STUTTERS) Anyway, what did you say you did again? 305 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,360 Oh, yeah. 306 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,480 Well, you know, my agent's 307 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,000 being very protective at the moment, 308 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,800 not really letting me take stuff 309 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,000 in case it interferes with the big plan. 310 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,080 -Oh! -(SCOFFS) 311 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,680 -Which is? -Oh, you know. 312 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,200 Movies, L.A., whatever. 313 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,280 Oh! 314 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,960 EDINA: Meanwhile, Patsy was experimenting 315 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,720 with the possibility of hairstyle variety. 316 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:29,800 Great. 317 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,280 Are those for me? Thanks. 318 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,440 -You look nice. -What? What? 319 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,240 I don't know how they get people to go to these parties. 320 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,000 It's cocaine. 321 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,960 Lines inside means lines outside. 322 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,920 Donatella is a genius. 323 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:54,520 (SNIFFING) 324 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,960 Six. Possibly eight. 325 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,240 And I said... I said, "What's that sound?" 326 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,600 And he said, "That, Taylor, is the sound of doors opening." 327 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,760 And I've been, practically, 328 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,720 knee-deep in scripts ever since, so... 329 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,000 But you know, you are so... 330 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,240 You are so right. Yeah, relationships suffer. 331 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,880 Right, you must know. You're a writer... 332 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,000 You know, two-way traffic. 333 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,760 -Have you got a girlfriend? -Whoa! 334 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,880 Ex-girlfriend, yeah. Uh... 335 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,120 Singer-dancer, Shelagh Kidron? 336 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,000 No? Starlight Express? 337 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,120 No. 338 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,560 -Are they? You? Yeah? -No, I don't. 339 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,040 -May I? -Oh, yes. Please. 340 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,360 -Thank you. -Yeah, sorry. 341 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,640 (BOTH LAUGH) 342 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:39,960 Mmm. 343 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,880 Anyway, just, er... 344 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,160 -Couple for later. -Oh. 345 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,080 (SIGHS) Racehorse and donkey. 346 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,800 So, this is the thing. It's a glib phrase, 347 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,880 but racehorse and donkey. Racehorse and donkey. 348 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,160 Once you've figured it out, the world makes sense. 349 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,000 CANDY: Yes, I know. 350 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,240 I'm telling you now, he's an absolute stud. 351 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,840 -CANDY: Bye. -Candy! 352 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,760 -Darling. How are you doing? -Fine. You? 353 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,040 Very good. 354 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,640 The has got Daily Express some pics 355 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,680 of that pool boy sucking my tits in St Lucia. 356 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,400 -Winston? -Oh, yeah. 357 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,400 Oh, lovely! 358 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,440 Darling, do you wanna... 359 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,000 Do you wanna have lunch or something? 360 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,080 I can't. I'm meeting an old school friend. 361 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,160 PATSY: Oh. 362 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,520 -Minge! -Candy! 363 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,920 Oh, darling, don't worry. I've got it covered. 364 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,600 Take him. He smells of poo. 365 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,880 Come to Auntie Minge, sweetie. 366 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,320 Yeah. And the snail had his own trailer, so... 367 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,520 Wow. 368 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,280 -What snail? 369 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,200 -Snail had his own trailer, yeah. 370 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,600 -In the Doc. The Doctor. -Doctor Who? 371 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,280 No, no. Doolittle. 372 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,880 -Oh. -Dr Doolittle. 373 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,920 When... When I... I toured in it, yeah? 374 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,480 Oh, some terrific numbers in that. Did you see it? 375 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,160 -Er, well, no. -Oh, terrific, really. 376 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,200 Put me on the map, yeah. 377 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,400 # Talk to the animals... # 378 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,400 Show stopper. (CHUCKLES) 379 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,240 Stopped the show. Well... If you don't count the snail, 380 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,360 obviously there were some 381 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,960 big rounds for the snail, but, uh... 382 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,240 Giant snail, so big, er... 383 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,280 Big bastard. But a lot of the animals... 384 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,680 But the animals, lovely and 385 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,640 beautifully crafted animatronics. 386 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,800 Um, look, Taylor. I'm sorry, the time... 387 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,120 I've got to write and... 388 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,240 Whoa. Absolutely. Yep. Yep, I'm with you. 389 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,760 Let's make like sheep and get the flock out of here. 390 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,480 10:09, yeah. 391 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,280 Could I just very quickly borrow your phone? 392 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,880 Oh, yeah, of course. Um, call a cab. 393 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,560 No, actually, I just want to ring L.A. 394 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,960 Going to L.A. next week, 395 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,600 and I just want to page myself in a restaurant, um... 396 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,360 Get on the wire before I'm out there... That kind of thing. 397 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 398 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,200 Well done. 399 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,080 Battery's gone. I'm off. 400 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,600 I've got dinner with Carol Vorderman. 401 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:51,640 What? 402 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,200 -You did really brilliant today. 403 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,760 -Yeah. -Night night, darling. 404 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,000 (GROANING) 405 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,720 I will do it! 406 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,840 -Oh, Eddy! Eddy! -Oh, honey. 407 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,160 PATSY: Darling. 408 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,480 Eddy, you need a drink, darling. 409 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,120 -I don't need a drink. -Are you all right? 410 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,040 Yeah, I'm all right, sweetheart. How are you... 411 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,480 (GASPS) How are you doing with this? 412 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,520 I'm doing all right. I'm doing all right. But, Eddy, 413 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,560 what's the point of this? Let's go and have some fun. 414 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:23,680 (GRUNTS) I've got to do it. 415 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,640 -Oh, darling. Just one little drink downstairs. 416 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,880 No. You go ahead. You go ahead. 417 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,080 EDDY AND PATSY: Ooh! Ooh! 418 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,360 It was very nice meeting you again. 419 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,960 Yeah, absolutely great, and, you know, 420 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,280 bear me in mind with the writing. 421 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,120 Oh, I say! 422 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,440 I say, do you care to share a cab with me somewhere? 423 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,280 Hey. Absolutely not. 424 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,520 -Sweetheart? -EDDY: Pats? 425 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,800 (WHINING) 426 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,040 I must eat! I must eat! I want to eat something. 427 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,320 (WHIMPERING) 428 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,480 (VOCALISES) 429 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,320 Stay calm. Just calm. Just relax. Just stay. 430 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,680 (PANTING) 431 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,280 Think about your hip bone. 432 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,240 Think about your hip bone. Oh, there's a hip bone. 433 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,680 Where's my hip bone gone? It was here! It was here! 434 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,200 My hip bone. 435 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,880 (SIGHS) 436 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,920 God... 437 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,080 You gave me epiphany and now you have forsaken me. 438 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,520 # The morning sun touched lightly 439 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:46,360 # On the eye of Lucy Jordan 440 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,160 # In a white suburban bedroom 441 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,560 # In a white suburban town 442 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,560 # As she lay there 'neath the covers 443 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,640 # Dreaming of a thousand lovers 444 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,160 # Till the world turned to orange 445 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:10,040 # And the room went spinning round 446 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,480 # At the age of 47 447 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,640 # She realised she'd never 448 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,400 # Ride through Paris 449 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,360 # In a sports car 450 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,680 # With the warm wind in her hair 451 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,360 # So she let the phone keep ringing 452 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,680 # As she sat there softly singing 453 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,280 # Pretty nursery rhymes she'd memorised 454 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,880 # In her daddy's easy chair # 455 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,960 I must say, you're doing rather well, darling. 456 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,280 I never thought you had it in you. 457 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,520 I'm singing this for you because I know you like it. 458 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,640 (DEVIL LAUGHING WICKEDLY) 459 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,080 Hee-haw! 460 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,560 Of course. You started that. 461 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,760 Oh, Patsy's one of mine. 462 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,440 What are you doing here, anyway? 463 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,080 This one's with me. 464 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,760 Did you suggest this diet? 465 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,960 It's not a diet. It's a detox. 466 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,200 Why do you keep coming up with these things? 467 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,080 It plays on their vanity and I gave them that. 468 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,040 No. You gave them self-hatred. 469 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,760 Oh, whatever. They love a diet. 470 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,000 In the world of self-loathing, 471 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,960 the Barbie doll reigns supreme. 472 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,440 Oh, don't get heavy. It's a shallow world now. 473 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,880 I know. Nothing can develop any more. 474 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,280 They just want freshly-popped foetus bodies 475 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,880 and sex doll faces. 476 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,840 I mean, look at the art... 477 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,000 Oh, do stop! 478 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,480 This is a world where Carol Vorderman is a sex symbol 479 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,480 and St Tropez is a bottle of fake tan. 480 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,280 I love it! 481 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,240 They won't have any use for you and me soon. 482 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,600 Oh, frankly, I'm bored, 483 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,440 anyway. What's the point of me if I'm acceptable? 484 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,720 In China, they're putting girl babies in dustbins 485 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,520 as a matter of routine... 486 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,640 Now who's getting heavy? 487 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,280 It's so not 2001. 488 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,240 I just wish everybody could love each other. 489 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,200 That was such an attractive idea. 490 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,720 Mmm. Fancy a drink or something? 491 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,520 Have you ever cut your fringe? 492 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,360 -No. You? -I will if you will. 493 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,480 GOD: No. I will if you will. DEVIL: No. 494 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,560 Oh, sweetheart. 495 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,280 (GROANING) 496 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,240 Oh. 497 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:53,960 Sweetheart. 498 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,560 Oh, darling, I need food. 499 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,520 Food, sweetheart. 500 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,320 Oh, darling, I nearly died last night, darling. 501 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,680 In fact, I think I'm pretty close to death now, sweetheart. 502 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,680 -Mum, you're not. -How do you know? 503 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,880 Because I'm looking at you, and you look fine. 504 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,960 Look fine. I know what that means. 505 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,720 That means I still look fat! 506 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,120 You have lost a lot of weight. Not that that's important. 507 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,280 I know I've lost a lot of weight, but not enough! 508 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,040 I want to eat! I knew this would never work. 509 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,680 It is working. Stop being a victim and take control! 510 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,720 I'm a fat person, that's the end of it! 511 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,520 Me! 512 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,520 The woman who got stuck on an eating loop in Yo! Sushi. 513 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,880 I mean, honestly, sweetheart, if they keep it coming round, 514 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,200 of course I'm going to eat it, aren't I? 515 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,120 I'll get you something. 516 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,680 I don't want something. God, this is such hard work! 517 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,160 How does Geri bloody Halliwell do it, eh? 518 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,920 How does she do that? 519 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,560 'Cause this isn't lovely, lovely fun, 520 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,840 jumpy, lovely, lovely day, lots of energy, fun. 521 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,480 This is horrible, painful, funless grind. 522 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,520 Welcome to my world. 523 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,720 Not my world. 524 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,600 (PANTING) I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 525 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,600 I'm going to get a body double for life, darling. 526 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,160 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Then I can eat what I want. 527 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,480 I mean, they do it in the movies, don't they, sweetie? 528 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,800 You can be the star of the film 529 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,640 and someone else does all the body bits. 530 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,400 That's what I want. 531 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,680 (SHIVERING) 532 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,760 I'm going... I'm going to the fridge. Don't stop me, darling. 533 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,840 Don't stop me! 534 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,720 'Cause I'm going to the fridge, sweetheart! 535 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,920 Fine. I'm not going to stop you. 536 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,840 This is what you always do. 537 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,000 Everyone else takes over, takes responsibility. Well, I won't. 538 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,120 You do it and you face the consequences. 539 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,160 To be honest, fat or thin, you are a nightmare of selfishness! 540 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,160 Mum. 541 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,160 Mum. You just opened the fridge 542 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,920 without heaving your whole body. 543 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,920 (MUFFLED) 544 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,080 -Help Mama! Help Mama! -What? What? 545 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,120 -What? -There's a lump. 546 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,200 -Where? -A lump here. Feel that. 547 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,840 What is that? (SCREAMS) 548 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,160 What is that? What is that? 549 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,400 Mum, it's a muscle. 550 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,200 That? That's a muscle? 551 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,320 I've got a muscle? Sweetie, I've got a muscle. 552 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,320 Ring Katy Grin, tell her I've got a muscle! 553 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,520 Darling, ring Pats Stone and tell her I've got a muscle. 554 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,280 Sweetheart, have I got another... No, no. 555 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,520 Feel that. I've got a muscle. Feel it, darling. Feel it. 556 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,640 Feel it. Don't push it away! Don't push it away! 557 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,880 Just feel it. 558 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:04,840 Ring them up. Tell them 559 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,400 I've got a muscle. I've got a muscle. 560 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,440 -KATY: You can do it! -I can do it! 561 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,360 (SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 562 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,640 Upper arms! Punch, punch, punch! 563 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,400 KATY: To me. Punch! Great. Great. That is fantastic. 564 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,680 Think of Planet Thin. Planet Thin. That's it! That's it! 565 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,640 (EXHALES) 566 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,760 So here I am, minus a stone of toxin. 567 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,440 Feeling pretty good. (CHUCKLES) 568 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,280 Sniffing the old O2 and ingesting the wheat germ, 569 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,400 and about to be tanned, pummelled and scrubbed, 570 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,880 and I shall be ready to go. 571 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,640 (HUMMING) 572 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:44,800 Sweetheart? 573 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,080 (CONTINUES HUMMING) 574 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,040 (SCATTING) 575 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,240 -What do you think? -Well... 576 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,120 Is that dress new? 577 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,920 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like it? 578 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:03,040 It's gorgeous. It's just that it's... 579 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,400 What? What? What? 580 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,240 Well, it's still too small. 581 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,200 (SCOFFS) Well, that's because I'm going to get thinner. 582 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,600 I'm going to get thinner than this. 583 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,840 Well, sweetheart... Darling, can I ask you something? 584 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,960 Will you stop doing that, darling, and listen to me? 585 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,560 Sweetheart, can I ask you something? 586 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,440 -Do you think attention can become addictive? 587 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,480 (SIGHS) 588 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,680 I wouldn't want that to happen to me. (GRUNTS) 589 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,520 I wouldn't want that to happen to me, darling. 590 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:24,400 I wouldn't want that. 591 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,840 Also, sweetheart, darling, darling. 592 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,680 Mummy's worried about you because 593 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:29,960 I don't want you to worry 594 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,040 when they start saying she's too thin. 595 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,720 All right? You needn't worry about that. 596 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,720 Because it is inevitable. Now, film Mama leaving. 597 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,440 -Mum, please. -Darling, film me leaving. 598 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,480 -I'm really busy. 599 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,560 -Will you stop being so selfish and film me leaving! 600 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,560 Come on, darling. Come on. 601 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,280 Come on, darling. 602 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:45,840 Am I... Am I in shot? 603 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,360 Yes, you're filling the screen. 604 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,400 Well, zoom out, zoom out. 605 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,960 Here I come. Here I come. Ready? Ready? 606 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,840 # Here she comes 607 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,360 # The most beautiful girl in the world 608 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,240 Pah! # She's the right one... 609 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,720 Follow me, follow me. 610 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,200 # She's the bright one 611 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,440 # That's Edini # 612 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,520 (GRUNTS) 613 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,360 Hi. (GIGGLES) 614 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,400 -Ta-da! -PATSY: Oh, Eddy. 615 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,480 (LAUGHING) 616 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,640 I think I can just squeeze in here. 617 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,560 No, I can't. Can you just shift it slightly? 618 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,760 That's it. That's it. 619 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,440 -Oh, well done! -Thank you. 620 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,240 There, I've said it. Personal detox complete. 621 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,840 -Cheers, cheers, cheers. -PATSY: Well done, Eddy. 622 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,640 -Did you lose weight? -Oh? 623 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,720 Oh, yeah. This is my first drink, actually. 624 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,160 What's your secret? 625 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,600 Well, the thing I think is the... 626 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:40,880 No, not now, Eddy, not now. 627 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:41,880 Well done and all that, 628 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,480 but now just got to get on with your life. 629 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,040 -I agree. -You can't make it your life. 630 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,640 Mmm-mmm. Absolutely. 631 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,840 You know, slimming is just... It's overrated. 632 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,040 All those reinvented ones. 633 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,120 They get thin, they get PR, they dump their husbands, 634 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,800 and then someday they're found all alone 635 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,920 with their bones sticking through their cardigans. 636 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,280 Why this body obsession? 637 00:26:58,320 --> 00:26:59,680 I mean, when did we get like this? 638 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,640 It's sex. Sex! 639 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,200 -Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! -But why? 640 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,600 Would the word 'orifice' help 641 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,240 at this point in the conversation? 642 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,760 Everyone wants to get screwed. There's no mystery. 643 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,760 Well, the old ones should wear more clothes, then. 644 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,400 Yeah. Or get pissed, just get out of it, 645 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,200 -then you don't look at what you're tupping. 646 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,320 -(ALL LAUGHING) 647 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,440 This is so Sex In The City, isn't it? 648 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,040 I hate that show. 649 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,000 -Which one am I? -The nice one. 650 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,160 I'm Sarah Jessica Parker. 651 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,320 (ALL LAUGHING) 652 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,520 What? 653 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,200 You're still too fat! 654 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,760 Still, it doesn't really matter, does it, darling? 655 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,720 'Cause, you know, fat or thin, you still love me, don't you? 656 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,960 Darling? 657 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,840 Saff? Saff? 658 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,360 Saff? 659 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,400 Biscuits to dunk! Biscuits to...