1
00:00:03,639 --> 00:00:07,988
Sporting days are here again
and any five so inclined must dress the part,

2
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:12,689
You can't dim straight, not with a gun, anyhow,
in a party frock,

3
00:00:13,399 --> 00:00:16,489
so utility suits and hats are the mode,

4
00:00:30,043 --> 00:00:33,063
Of course, the shooting's only an excuse
for displaying the fashions,

5
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:38,703
Now you know what to wear
when the next shooting gallery comes to town,

6
00:00:41,724 --> 00:00:43,655
♪ Wheels on fire ♪

7
00:00:44,885 --> 00:00:49,555
♪ Rolling down the road ♪

8
00:00:50,365 --> 00:00:54,225
♪ Best notify my next of kin ♪

9
00:00:54,926 --> 00:01:00,197
♪ This wheel shall explode ♪

10
00:01:02,448 --> 00:01:05,568
- Did you get my plus fours? And the wellies?
- Yes.

11
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,188
- Got to be off. Is Emma Bunton here?
- I've no idea.

12
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,579
- Sweetheart, is your little mate Emma here?
- No.

13
00:01:13,129 --> 00:01:16,609
I've got to discuss redoing
the old Duchy Original ad with her.

14
00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:20,580
- She said the wrong words. Have you seen this?
- What?

15
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:25,111
- The Prince Charles biscuits.
- Yes, I like it. Why have you got all that?

16
00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:28,581
Because l, darling, am now by Royal Appointment!

17
00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:32,472
- You?
- Yeah, me, darling.

18
00:01:32,853 --> 00:01:37,913
Prince Charles wants me to promote his new
orange flower oaten cheesy biscuit things.

19
00:01:38,773 --> 00:01:42,032
- Mm. Tastes like an old piece of carpet!
- Stop it!

20
00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:45,813
This upper-class English food is so strange.

21
00:01:46,415 --> 00:01:50,695
Bits of orange peel covered in black chocolate,
eggs in formaldehyde!

22
00:01:51,454 --> 00:01:54,225
Liver spots and lard
and they call it a pork pie!

23
00:01:54,776 --> 00:01:59,306
Oh, all right, thank you! He wants me
to open up new markets for him, darling.

24
00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:03,786
I'm the one that can open that gateway
to the celebrity market.

25
00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,917
That's why your mate Emma's done this ad.

26
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:10,717
- She's the famous gob on Charles's crackers!
- Yes, she is!

27
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:16,189
You could help me with little Bunton.
She likes you. She doesn't like me.

28
00:02:16,859 --> 00:02:22,018
You could make her a bit more malleable.
Anyway, those are the circles I'm moving in now.

29
00:02:22,899 --> 00:02:26,089
- They're still circles, Mum.
- Darling, it's royalty!

30
00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:31,020
- The Royal Family. Can't be doing with 'em!
- You won't have to be doing with them!

31
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:35,781
- Release them back into their natural habitat.
- Oh, shut up!

32
00:02:36,501 --> 00:02:39,311
Born into captivity, aren't they,
for us all to look at?

33
00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:43,092
- "Big Brother", but without Davina.
- Oh, shut up.

34
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:47,213
We should let them run free
and spend their millions unwisely.

35
00:02:47,864 --> 00:02:51,484
No, we need 'em in cages.
We wanna look at them!

36
00:02:52,145 --> 00:02:55,554
- I like Prince Charles.
- "I like Prince Charles."

37
00:02:56,185 --> 00:03:01,456
They're like the lions at the zoo - all wanting to
spray at the faces on the other side of the bars.

38
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,337
- Pshsst!
- Don't.

39
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,397
- Pshsst!
- Stop it!

40
00:03:08,786 --> 00:03:11,036
- Pshsst!
- Don't do that sort of thing!

41
00:03:12,548 --> 00:03:14,757
No wonder they all go insane!

42
00:03:15,227 --> 00:03:19,018
Get up there and take up my luggage!
Get up there and do my luggage!

43
00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:24,489
Take all this stuff up with you as well!
You are my servant! I employ you! Serve!

44
00:03:25,309 --> 00:03:27,340
- Sweetheart!
- Ahhhh!

45
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:34,301
Go on, up! Get out!

46
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:39,332
- Where are you going?
- You know where. I've told you about this.

47
00:03:40,031 --> 00:03:44,172
It's my county house weekend
that I won at the "Tatler" gala auction.

48
00:03:44,912 --> 00:03:48,282
I paid 3O,OOO quid for this weekend
of huntin', shootin' and fishin'.

49
00:03:48,913 --> 00:03:53,124
That's the last time that titled "Tatler" crowd
look down their noses at me!

50
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:58,125
They were all there. The Bamfords,
the Rothschilds, the Countess of Derby.

51
00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:02,354
They dropped out at five quid!
I went straight to 3O grand!

52
00:04:03,836 --> 00:04:09,635
Oh, yeah, that's the kind of crowd I'm miKing with
since the Prince Charles biscuit thing. Oh, yeah.

53
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,736
Weekends at Highgrove beckon!

54
00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:16,778
- Hunting, shooting and fishing?
- Yeah.

55
00:04:17,437 --> 00:04:21,367
- Hunting, shooting, fishing. Killing things.
- Yes, darling.

56
00:04:22,079 --> 00:04:26,469
Don't get all pinched-faced about it,
all "not in my name" about it, sweetheart!

57
00:04:27,239 --> 00:04:32,090
Madonna has opened up this world for us now.
She's made it stylish, reinvented it.

58
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,521
You're going to kill things because of Madonna?

59
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:43,031
- No, sweetheart, because I want to, all right?
- One minute it's Buddhism, the next, butchery!

60
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:46,102
They're not incompatible!

61
00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:50,492
Nice to have a double-bore
to keep your chakras open, eh?

62
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:54,083
- I can hear the call of the wild, darling.
- Yeah, yeah.

63
00:04:54,644 --> 00:04:57,204
You get a panic attack driving through Hyde Park!

64
00:04:58,605 --> 00:05:03,275
(OUT OF TUNE) ♪ County roads take me home ♪
♪ To the place I belong ♪

65
00:05:04,085 --> 00:05:06,475
- West Virginia...
- Hertfordshire, actually, darling.

66
00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:10,336
Hertfordshire!
Off the motorway, junction 12, sweetheart!

67
00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:16,657
It'll be great, won't it? Killing things. Only killing
to eat, darling. That is what man is born to do.

68
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,908
We're on top of the food chain
because we're eating everything below.

69
00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:24,898
- Sad rubbish!
- I have to eat for two 'cause you're vegetarian.

70
00:05:29,289 --> 00:05:32,409
Don't justify yourself!
In England, we've gone SOn!

71
00:05:33,009 --> 00:05:36,520
Soft! In America, you can kill what you want.
You can kill to wear.

72
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:40,260
- You can shoot it, eat the contents and step in.
- Yeah.

73
00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:47,041
In France, if a little bird lands on the table
it's a canapé. You just spit out the beak.

74
00:05:47,852 --> 00:05:51,222
In France, if a horse falls over, it's a burger!
What's your problem?

75
00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:54,312
It's only here we've gone all Bambi-esque.

76
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:57,762
- Ooh! Oh, it's the buzzer, sweetheart.

77
00:06:00,813 --> 00:06:05,873
It'll be little Emma Bunton, darling. Got to get her
to redo the words on the Original ad.

78
00:06:06,735 --> 00:06:10,804
Darling, you could help me. Be nice to her.
Be friends with her, would you?

79
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,435
Here she is, here she is, here she is!
Hello, sweetheart!

80
00:06:16,737 --> 00:06:21,727
- Hi, darling! Just one side. I haven't got time.
- Well, neither have l! What is it you want?

81
00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:26,007
- We need you to redo the ad, darling.
- Why?

82
00:06:26,577 --> 00:06:30,368
- Because you said the wrong words.
- I said what you told me to say!

83
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:35,589
Just think about it, will you?
Be nice to her, be nice to her!

84
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:39,220
- Oh, gosh, you look so well!
- Oh, thank you!

85
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:42,129
- Not YOU!
- Yeah, I know!

86
00:06:42,621 --> 00:06:44,371
I know not me, but, hey.

87
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:49,101
Huge tits, big belly, water retention.
It could've been me! It's genetic!

88
00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:53,831
I wasn't talking to you. There you go again,
lassoing the spotlight onto yourself!

89
00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,892
At my age, I need more lighting!

90
00:06:57,942 --> 00:07:00,572
Take more than a spotlight
to make YOU look good!

91
00:07:01,104 --> 00:07:04,544
Have to rope in the sun and two galaxies
to flatter that face!

92
00:07:08,105 --> 00:07:10,355
- Glad to see you're getting on!
- Just go!

93
00:07:10,824 --> 00:07:13,564
All right, I'm going! Come on, Pats.

94
00:07:14,106 --> 00:07:16,986
Why don't you invite little Emma
to your baby shower?

95
00:07:17,546 --> 00:07:19,296
- You're having a baby shower?
- No.

96
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,636
- I wanna give her a shower!
- Shower?

97
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:24,696
- A baby shower.
- Is it a shower?

98
00:07:25,228 --> 00:07:27,618
- Is it a baby shower?
- No, it's...

99
00:07:28,108 --> 00:07:31,798
No, darling! Honestly! Sorry, sweetheart.

100
00:07:32,468 --> 00:07:35,948
It's not a little shower, it's a party.
Come on. It's a party.

101
00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:43,560
I'm having a friend over later if you want to come.
It's not a shower, it's just... Anyway...

102
00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:49,601
I'd love to come. I'd love to come. But I was
wondering. Have you see this biscuit ad?

103
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,291
- No.
- I hope it's all right.

104
00:07:52,711 --> 00:07:56,891
- Your mum said it'd only go out in Japan.
- I think she tell everyone that.

105
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:03,603
(EDDIE) Oh, here we are. Oh, yes!
(PATSY) Oh, yeah! (LAUGHS)

106
00:08:04,273 --> 00:08:07,994
- Give me the little bag.
- I'm keeping it or I'll never see it again.

107
00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:10,354
Just tying to be helpful!

108
00:08:11,235 --> 00:08:14,464
-  Ah, this is nice.
- This is lovely.

109
00:08:15,074 --> 00:08:18,094
Ooh, yeah, it's that smell, innit?

110
00:08:18,676 --> 00:08:22,816
It's that smell of the county,
that smell you can't quite put your finger on.

111
00:08:23,557 --> 00:08:26,047
No, but I think you've put your foot in it.

112
00:08:26,557 --> 00:08:30,067
Do you want to give me that shoe?
You've picked something up.

113
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,079
Yeah, that's a little bit better now.

114
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,610
Yeah, that's better. That's the smell, isn't it?

115
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,419
The smell of old woodsmoke
old polish, old dust.

116
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:54,481
- It's got a secret smell of oldness.
- A whiff of good malt whisky always in the air!

117
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:58,771
- And, Eddie, Eddie, the smell of breeding.
- Yeah, darling, innit, yeah!

118
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:03,512
Yeah, that's the smell, innit, darling?
The smell of class and privilege.

119
00:09:05,162 --> 00:09:07,483
Yes, and old polish. Ooh!

120
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:13,334
Love it. We should get ourselves a little bit
of this. We should marry ourselves a duke.

121
00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:19,125
A little flick through Debrett's, the who's who
and the what's left of the British aristocracy.

122
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,645
Get ourselves a little old one!

123
00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:27,455
This is where we'll end our days - in "Tatler",
the only place they let you grow old gracefully.

124
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:31,456
You can have two teeth
and three grey hairs in a bouffant.

125
00:09:32,046 --> 00:09:35,487
- You've got a title, you're beautiful!
- Yeah! Oh, yeah!

126
00:09:36,128 --> 00:09:39,777
Madonna's no fool, is she?
Moving in these circles now.

127
00:09:40,448 --> 00:09:44,099
Good old Madonna, always leading us
through to the end of our lives.

128
00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:48,558
Those arms are gonna go sooner or later!
She'll have big kimono flaps!

129
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:53,709
When that happens, she won't want to be
photographed sitting ne Kt to a supermodel!

130
00:09:54,491 --> 00:09:57,721
She'll wanna be next to some old duchess
to look good!

131
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:01,450
Darling, only in "Tatler"
could Camilla be a cover girl!

132
00:10:05,493 --> 00:10:07,883
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

133
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:11,042
Oh, I'm fine. About to burst!

134
00:10:11,572 --> 00:10:13,322
Oh, my goodness!

135
00:10:14,654 --> 00:10:17,043
So freaky!

136
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,904
So huge!

137
00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:22,655
- I'm not that big.
- Oh, my God!

138
00:10:23,214 --> 00:10:24,934
It's like...ughhhh!

139
00:10:26,455 --> 00:10:29,085
- I'm not that big!
- Does it hurt?

140
00:10:29,616 --> 00:10:31,965
- No.

141
00:10:35,056 --> 00:10:36,737
- Is someone eke coming?
- Yes.

142
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,027
Who? Who eke do you know?

143
00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:42,577
Emma.

144
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:48,389
- Hi, Saffy.
- Hi, Emma. Come in, sit down.

145
00:10:49,938 --> 00:10:52,188
- You remember Sarah?
- No. Hi.

146
00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:57,079
She was in my year. You remember Emma?
She was at school with us.

147
00:10:57,861 --> 00:11:01,371
- You were a few years below.
- When you were head girl, I was 3B.

148
00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:04,550
Oh, right. Let me get you a drink.

149
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,872
Funny to think there's a baby in there.
It's so close.

150
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,503
Not really. You get used to it.

151
00:11:12,942 --> 00:11:17,932
- Where does all the other stuff go?
- What other stuff?

152
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:22,293
How can there be a huge baby in there
and all the other stuff?

153
00:11:22,944 --> 00:11:27,655
This! Stomach organs!
Where do they all get squished to?

154
00:11:28,464 --> 00:11:30,885
- And the pipes!
- That's why I'm fat.

155
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:36,095
- Duh!
- A worry, though, isn't it? A huge baby in there.

156
00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:38,796
It could be fiddling with things!

157
00:11:40,546 --> 00:11:42,826
And nibbling on things!

158
00:11:43,307 --> 00:11:44,638
Yes, anyway...

159
00:11:44,988 --> 00:11:51,138
Wouldn't it be great if there was a window there
so you can see what it was doing? A skylight!

160
00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:54,078
- Shut up!
- Not that you could open.

161
00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:57,880
- You could look in and see what it was up to.
- Stop it!

162
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,459
- See it feeding!
- Will you shut up?!

163
00:12:02,031 --> 00:12:04,800
And we can wave at it! Go, "Hello, baby!"

164
00:12:07,431 --> 00:12:10,341
Ohh! Oh, my goodness! Oh! Oh!

165
00:12:10,912 --> 00:12:16,351
I want to see it! I want to feel it! Oh, please,
let me touch it! Show me the stomach! Oh!

166
00:12:17,273 --> 00:12:20,293
- Oh, show me!
- She said stop it!

167
00:12:24,674 --> 00:12:26,044
Well done.

168
00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:30,324
- Right, let's open some presents.
- Emma!

169
00:12:37,116 --> 00:12:39,855
Emma! It's Emma Bunton!

170
00:12:40,997 --> 00:12:43,836
I know it's Emma Bunton! Shut up and sit down!

171
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,877
Not on the presents!

172
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:54,428
- I know, I know...
- Here we are. Would you like to check in?

173
00:12:55,279 --> 00:12:59,738
Sorry we haven't got many staff on.
We don't get many people this time of year.

174
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,890
Good, good.

175
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,330
Most people are here for the golf.

176
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,931
We want to change
and go outside and start shooting!

177
00:13:11,522 --> 00:13:13,451
Yeah, I want to do huntin', as well.

178
00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:18,872
- I'll get the gamekeeper to come and see you.
- Oooh, darling! Ho-ho-ho! Ha-ha!

179
00:13:19,722 --> 00:13:21,543
- Little bit of afternoon action!
- Bang-bang!

180
00:13:21,962 --> 00:13:24,352
- Gamekeeper action!
- A little bit of bang-bang!

181
00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:28,034
Yeah, we'll be banging all afternoon,
won't we, darling?

182
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,024
Ladies.

183
00:13:31,405 --> 00:13:34,214
This is your host and gamekeeper, Clarissa.

184
00:13:35,405 --> 00:13:40,354
And gillie and part-time groom. I've rustled up
a couple of noggins of complimentary whisky.

185
00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:42,955
- I hope that's in order.
- Cheers.

186
00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:47,407
- We've a skeleton staff this weekend.
- You could've fooled me.

187
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:53,298
I'm sure you'll find something on offer
that you need - like exercise.

188
00:13:53,928 --> 00:13:55,607
Thank you.

189
00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:59,529
- Have you got a pool and jacuzzi?
- Afraid not.

190
00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:02,189
- Do you do massage?
- No.

191
00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:06,579
But I'm sure Clarissa will sit on you
if you need loosening up.

192
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,989
- We want to shoot.
- And hunt.

193
00:14:10,411 --> 00:14:12,761
There's nothing in season at the moment.

194
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,350
- What can we shoot?
- Clay pigeons.

195
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:21,022
Doesn't market forces count for anything?
I paid ₤3O,OOO for this weekend!

196
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:24,653
So your hounds is on holiday!
Get more hounds in!

197
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:28,163
I'm equipped!
You should be cultivating people like me!

198
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:32,524
- You could play golf.
- Oh, piss off! How old do you think we are?

199
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:38,065
- Or go riding.
- Horseback riding?

200
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:44,124
I've had lovely riding boots made. I've spent
a fortune on clothes. All right, we'll go riding.

201
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,986
Ridin'

202
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,716
Fishin'! Heh-heh-heh! Fishin'!

203
00:14:59,818 --> 00:15:01,497
Tally-ho! Ow!

204
00:15:06,299 --> 00:15:10,899
Mine are a bit expensive, but there's
an odd designer piece. The things were so cute!

205
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,670
But I didn't buy them
just because they're designer.

206
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,500
Ohh, this is beautiful!

207
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,750
- Can I take a picture?
- What?

208
00:15:21,302 --> 00:15:24,881
I've got my camera!
Saffy, will you take it? Do you mind?

209
00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:27,861
- Do I mind?
- It's OK, it's OK.

210
00:15:28,342 --> 00:15:30,023
Just be quick.

211
00:15:37,983 --> 00:15:39,733
Sorry, sorry.

212
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:45,854
You have to wait for the flash.
I'm your biggest fan!

213
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:48,556
- They all are!
- Who?

214
00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:52,345
- OK.
- (DOOR BUZZER)

215
00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:57,067
- That's my car. I have to go. Keep in touch.
- Thanks for coming.

216
00:15:57,828 --> 00:16:01,267
Listen, come round another time
when she's not here.

217
00:16:01,908 --> 00:16:03,347
Yeah, well, maybe.

218
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:13,008
- Where are you going? That was embarrassing!
- She didn't mind. That's what they want!

219
00:16:14,509 --> 00:16:19,249
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to follow her! Follow her everywhere!

220
00:16:20,071 --> 00:16:24,671
I'm going to find out where she lives, find out
her phone number, go through her dustbins!

221
00:16:25,471 --> 00:16:28,631
I'm going to watch her
while she doesn't know I'm there!

222
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,034
Shhh!

223
00:16:40,753 --> 00:16:43,143
What is that noise? It's driving me mad.

224
00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:47,514
- It's silence, Eddie.
- Is it?

225
00:16:48,594 --> 00:16:52,494
Oh, I don't like it. That's what I like! Banging!

226
00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:55,365
- Well, everything's ready.
- Right, good.

227
00:16:55,837 --> 00:16:59,667
- I take it you've ridden before?
- Well, I've been ridden!

228
00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:02,886
No, we haven't ridden before, but we'll be fine.

229
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,448
If we see a fox
we're going to chase it anyway!

230
00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:10,037
- That's for you.
- Should I get on here?

231
00:17:10,558 --> 00:17:12,728
No, no, take it out to the horse!

232
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,019
Right, and one for you.

233
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,700
Saddle.

234
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,580
No, no, take it!

235
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,480
Oh, yeah, of course. Cheers, thanks a lot.

236
00:17:35,082 --> 00:17:37,332
If you sit up. Sit up.

237
00:17:37,802 --> 00:17:41,242
Well done, Ed. Well done.
There's your leg, darling.

238
00:17:42,483 --> 00:17:45,604
- Well done. That's it.
- There's your leg, darling.

239
00:17:46,204 --> 00:17:49,323
- You look great, Eddie.
- Come on, it doesn't hurt that much.

240
00:17:49,925 --> 00:17:53,504
- I'm going to sit up.
- Sit up slowly. Vey good. That's it.

241
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:58,735
- You look terrific, Ed, you look terrific.
- Get on yours, darling. It's a piece of cake.

242
00:18:04,006 --> 00:18:06,746
- Ed...
- Come on, Pats, keep up.

243
00:18:10,648 --> 00:18:13,527
Goodbye.  Hopeless women.

244
00:18:14,768 --> 00:18:17,159
She didn't like it. Hates it.

245
00:18:22,249 --> 00:18:25,059
She didn't like it. She was frightened.
Come on, Pats.

246
00:18:26,211 --> 00:18:29,231
I can't get off.
The saddle will have to come off with me.

247
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:33,181
I've had a bit of a...a bit of a...

248
00:18:36,692 --> 00:18:39,851
I didn't like riding.
We're gonna go shooting, darling.

249
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,733
- Don't go so fast.
- We're gonna get changed.

250
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:46,653
Wait for me, sweetheart.
You might have to scrape me off this.

251
00:18:47,853 --> 00:18:49,533
Not far now.

252
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:52,414
You can see the butt.

253
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:56,324
Yeah, I can see plenty of butt from here!

254
00:18:59,216 --> 00:19:00,376
Pull!

255
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,376
Pull!

256
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,717
Pull!

257
00:19:06,096 --> 00:19:07,707
Pull!

258
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,846
Good shot. Pull!

259
00:19:17,619 --> 00:19:18,949
Good shot.

260
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,420
Noise again, innit?

261
00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:31,130
That noise again. No bloody telly.

262
00:19:31,661 --> 00:19:35,030
- How was the pigeon?
- Yeah, it was quite small.

263
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:40,452
- Full of bullets.
- It's shot.

264
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,632
Yeah, I know. I shot it.

265
00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:46,092
Goodnight. Goodnight.

266
00:19:46,983 --> 00:19:49,653
Are we in "The Others"? I mean, you know.

267
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:54,934
What's happening here? Maybe we are dead.
Maybe this is death.

268
00:19:55,665 --> 00:19:58,854
Maybe Emma Bunton shot me
and I just don't know it!

269
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:16,387
What a washout this weekend is!
₤3O,OOO this weekend has cost me, darling!

270
00:20:17,228 --> 00:20:20,248
All I've had to show for it is one bony pigeon!

271
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:24,899
For that much, you should've been allowed
to pluck and eat HER yourself!

272
00:20:25,629 --> 00:20:28,999
Darling, no wonder the Rothschilds
were laughing at you.

273
00:20:31,869 --> 00:20:34,960
- They...They were laughing at me?
- Not only the Rothschilds.

274
00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:38,731
Laughing at me?! How dare they laugh at me!

275
00:20:39,231 --> 00:20:41,901
They'd better watch out!
I've had a gun in my hand!

276
00:20:42,432 --> 00:20:45,202
I'm trained to kill and I haven't been allowed to!

277
00:20:45,752 --> 00:20:49,861
- You're just a little ball of violence!
- That's what happens when there's no spa!

278
00:20:50,592 --> 00:20:52,272
There's no comedown!

279
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,573
Bloody Rothschilds!
Rothschilds laughing at me, sweetheart!

280
00:20:57,154 --> 00:21:00,103
I hate all that "Tatler" crowd, actually, darling!
I hate 'em!

281
00:21:00,675 --> 00:21:04,574
Who bloody needs the upper classes?!
Who blood needs 'em?! They're all inbred!

282
00:21:05,274 --> 00:21:10,014
They're just a talking neck. Most of them
have done away with features altogether!

283
00:21:12,796 --> 00:21:16,306
They have to mary a bit of common
to ensure bone development!

284
00:21:16,957 --> 00:21:18,957
Yeah, they do. That's true, sweetheart.

285
00:21:19,398 --> 00:21:22,627
Most of them are just one big eye
and an eyebrow now!

286
00:21:23,238 --> 00:21:27,908
All these old trout-faces all called
Piggy and Wiggy and Tiggy and Liggy!

287
00:21:28,719 --> 00:21:32,338
They can never quite shake off the names
that Nanny gave 'em!

288
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,569
Who bloody needs their bloody rules?!
What I can kill and what I can't kill!

289
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:42,641
I'm not one of them, I'm one of the proletariat!
I shall rise up, darling! I shall kill...

290
00:21:44,801 --> 00:21:49,722
- For ₤3O,OOO, Eddie, let's kill some bird!
- Let's get some bloody bird!

291
00:22:02,803 --> 00:22:05,333
- Eddie, quick!
- Shhh-shhh-shh!

292
00:22:07,685 --> 00:22:09,475
(EDDIE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)

293
00:22:09,885 --> 00:22:14,416
- Eddie, so what are you going to do with it?
- I don't know.

294
00:22:15,206 --> 00:22:18,396
- Put it...
- I'll put it in my case. I'll take it home!

295
00:22:21,767 --> 00:22:24,747
- Did you put the guns away?
- Yeah, I put 'em back.

296
00:22:25,327 --> 00:22:27,577
Urghhh! It's a little bit warm!

297
00:22:30,568 --> 00:22:34,429
- Oh, my first kill, my first blood!
- "It's not the season"

298
00:22:35,129 --> 00:22:36,809
Oh, darling!

299
00:22:39,329 --> 00:22:43,789
Ohh, fantastic! God, that was better than
a massage, wasn't it? Little killing spree!

300
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:47,521
Extraordinary! I couldn't really see anything at all.

301
00:22:48,091 --> 00:22:51,531
Slaughter instead of spa.
That's much better, isn't it?

302
00:22:52,172 --> 00:22:54,591
- You could sense where they were.
- Fantastic!

303
00:22:55,092 --> 00:22:57,903
- Cheers, darling.
- God, darling, bang-bang!

304
00:23:12,094 --> 00:23:14,195
- Did you hear that?
- I did, I did.

305
00:23:15,976 --> 00:23:18,395
It was coming from the cupboard there.

306
00:23:21,296 --> 00:23:23,046
- Go and look.
- No, you look.

307
00:23:23,457 --> 00:23:26,296
- Go and see!
- I don't want to!

308
00:23:26,857 --> 00:23:30,758
- It's nothing. It's probably a coat hanger.
- A ghost or something. Ghost.

309
00:23:36,578 --> 00:23:38,259
You come, as well.

310
00:23:51,261 --> 00:23:52,421
Oh, Eddie!

311
00:23:57,581 --> 00:23:59,512
Eddie, is it a hat?

312
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:04,612
It's the ghost of my pheasant that's on your head!

313
00:24:05,784 --> 00:24:07,603
Will it be with me for ever?

314
00:24:10,343 --> 00:24:11,504
Shoo!

315
00:24:14,904 --> 00:24:18,344
Darling, it's gone under the bed!
It's gone under the bed!

316
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,216
- Is it there?
- No. Where's it gone?

317
00:24:24,747 --> 00:24:27,626
- Into the bathroom!
- I don't want it to get my feet!

318
00:24:28,187 --> 00:24:31,096
- Get it. It's in the bathroom.
- Oh, I don't want...

319
00:24:31,668 --> 00:24:34,718
- Get it in the bathroom. It's simple.
- What will I do?

320
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:38,498
- Just pull its neck. Just pull its neck like that.
- All right.

321
00:24:39,709 --> 00:24:43,919
- I can do this. I've shot it. I can pull its neck!
- Just...

322
00:24:46,790 --> 00:24:48,859
Don't get out. You stay with me.

323
00:25:08,033 --> 00:25:09,612
It wouldn't flush.

324
00:25:15,795 --> 00:25:19,654
- It looks so sweet. Talking to me.
- Oh, Eddie, just pull its neck.

325
00:25:35,198 --> 00:25:39,798
I can't, darling, I can't! My fingers
have gone all jelly! I can't, darling!

326
00:25:40,597 --> 00:25:43,928
Just do what they do
with unwanted house guests.

327
00:25:44,558 --> 00:25:47,229
Drug it and dump it in Hyde Park, you know.

328
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,020
Is that OK with you? "Yes, it's OK with me!"

329
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,211
- Cheers, darling.
- Cheers, darling. Get a little snackette.

330
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,531
I'm only eating pre-prepared chicken legs
after our little killing weekend.

331
00:26:02,202 --> 00:26:04,591
You didn't tell anyone about that? Good.

332
00:26:05,081 --> 00:26:09,472
Only foraging in the aisles of Waitrose
from now on for me, sweetheart.

333
00:26:12,122 --> 00:26:14,223
Who's that? Hm?

334
00:26:15,883 --> 00:26:17,633
It's the police.

335
00:26:24,765 --> 00:26:29,045
- She's over there.
- Oh, thank you vey much, sweetheart!

336
00:26:29,806 --> 00:26:34,196
All right, stop! Before you arrest me,
I want to say one thing in my defence!

337
00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:37,777
All we killed was a pigeon,
which I ate, sweetheart!

338
00:26:39,008 --> 00:26:41,637
I was only tying to experience my heritage!

339
00:26:42,167 --> 00:26:47,298
Tying to experience a bit of my culture before
she and her banning friends ban it for all time!

340
00:26:48,168 --> 00:26:53,578
I mean, she's picking away at the delicate
card house that is the fabric of our society!

341
00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:58,740
- I hope you know where you're going with this.
- They've banned everything...

342
00:26:59,491 --> 00:27:04,930
I'm onto a good one. They've banned everything
and pulled away at the cards of the card house!

343
00:27:05,851 --> 00:27:08,242
Everything will collapse, do you understand?!

344
00:27:08,732 --> 00:27:13,302
Never trust an English person who asks you
to take your shoes off at the front door!

345
00:27:15,412 --> 00:27:20,152
- Eddie, darling, it's not in our culture!
- It's not in our culture, you see!

346
00:27:20,974 --> 00:27:25,183
Anyway, the pheasant which you've probably
come about is alive and living in Hyde Park!

347
00:27:25,934 --> 00:27:29,305
Yes, it suffered mild tranquillisation
with a date rape drug

348
00:27:29,935 --> 00:27:32,605
and we released it near the Serpentine Galley

349
00:27:33,135 --> 00:27:35,835
where it is living happily with its friends, all right?

350
00:27:36,376 --> 00:27:39,007
I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us.

351
00:27:46,218 --> 00:27:47,518
No!

352
00:27:47,857 --> 00:27:51,157
Miss Bunton has taken
a restraining order out against you.

353
00:27:51,779 --> 00:27:56,029
- We need to see you down the station.
- How did you know I was here?

354
00:28:04,981 --> 00:28:07,511
♪ Wheels on fire ♪

355
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:12,731
♪ Rolling down the rood ♪

356
00:28:13,542 --> 00:28:17,191
♪ Best notify my next of kin ♪

357
00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:23,412
♪ This wheel shall explode ♪

358
00:28:24,343 --> 00:28:29,264
Looks like we got away with it. Weekends
at Highgrove still beckon if he likes the ad.

359
00:28:30,664 --> 00:28:33,684
I'm a girl who likes a bit of class,
That's why I eat...

360
00:28:34,266 --> 00:28:39,185
...Originals Organic
Oat and Ginger Gluten-free Cheese Biscuits,

361
00:28:40,026 --> 00:28:41,675
I love 'em!

362
00:28:42,827 --> 00:28:44,577
That worked. That's very good.

363
00:28:44,987 --> 00:28:50,606
♪ This wheel shall explode ♪