1
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,479
Why don't you have your meeting
here today? Just call your people...
2
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,279
Alarm, alarm, CCTV!
3
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,200
And call your people and
have the meeting here.
4
00:00:29,201 --> 00:00:31,119
What colour was that colour?
5
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,960
Speed, speed, Patsy. Speed today.
6
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,960
Well, look who it is.
7
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,600
Miss Lazy, Lazy, Lazy Woman.
8
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,199
And her scrawny friend.
9
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,879
Stopping in at the spa
because you think you deserve it.
10
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,679
Just like all the other women
that come in here.
11
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:21,759
Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy women needing
time out from their privileged lives.
12
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,479
Spoilt, stupid...
13
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,640
and lazy!
14
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,319
What!
15
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,479
Is your little daughter
out of prison now?
16
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,520
Yes, she is.
17
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,359
Are you working today?
18
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,119
I'm working now, thank you.
I'm always working.
19
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,360
Fat woman.
20
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,679
Come in here and you stuff your
rich face with naughty cupcakes
21
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,719
and then cry,
"I have to go for a detox."
22
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,760
Well, there's not enough herbs and
lemon can take the poison out of you.
23
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,519
Look at the yummy mummies
come in here.
24
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:03,719
Soft, skinny women come in and have
their sad little bones massaged.
25
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:09,199
So tired, so stressed from having
two children and a big house.
26
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:13,839
And then telling me how poor they are
and how I've made them sane again.
27
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:18,839
"Do you know the Cotswolds?"
28
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,439
I want to kill them. Kill them!
29
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,640
Get me the Harper's and Tatler.
30
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,999
Hey.
31
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,800
What? You've mellowed.
32
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,320
Yeah, I like these nails.
Fabulous.
33
00:02:56,321 --> 00:02:58,599
Although I quite like
gels, I might have mixes.
34
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,279
I don't know what to have next time.
Are you working, darling, today?
35
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,780
Yeah, I've got my office set up.
Working here?
36
00:03:04,781 --> 00:03:07,279
Yeah. A little Chanel, ha ha ha!
37
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,260
Well, not all day.
I'll see you for lunch.
38
00:03:09,261 --> 00:03:11,239
No, no, I'll see you at lunch.
39
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,920
So, January issue.
40
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,360
Bulimic.
41
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,080
Foetus.
44
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,359
No, the intern's not here yet.
45
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,399
Fabulous.
46
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,919
Darling, what's happened?
A little bit of a Princess Margaret?
47
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,639
No, well...
48
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,840
Go on, tell her.
It's hysterical!
49
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,020
It's not hysterical.
In fact, it's very painful.
50
00:03:52,021 --> 00:03:55,079
No, really, it's very funny.
51
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,559
Look, just tell me what happened.
52
00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,000
Well, I... had a fish pedicure.
53
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,759
Which is not what it sounds
because fish don't have feet.
54
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,519
No, it's where they nibble off
all the hard bits and one nibbled
55
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,279
on a soft bit and once one had
drawn blood it was a feeding frenzy.
56
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,119
Where is that bloody intern?
I want to finish this before lunch.
57
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,159
I thought we might run
something on the credit crunch.
58
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,519
The what?
59
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,359
The credit crunch.
60
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,599
The what?
61
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,679
The credit crunch.
62
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,319
The what? The recession.
63
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,599
Don't be an idiot. Our super-rich
readers are untouched by the recession.
64
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:38,719
This magazine is the Os
catalogue for the fabulous,
65
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,559
diamond-studded whores
of the oligarchs.
66
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,999
Darling,
they know nothing of the breadline.
67
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,960
They don't do carbs, they do caviar.
68
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:51,919
Sorry.
69
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,159
I've been waiting. Sorry.
70
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,239
So, did you meet the advertisers?
71
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,079
Yeah. And did you check out this
month's productions?
72
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,119
Yeah.
73
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,060
Did you talk through the layouts?
Yeah.
74
00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:03,999
Did you do all the returns? Yes.
75
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,439
And,
I had lunch with Karl Lagerfeld.
76
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,040
Why?
77
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,439
He's this month's main feature.
78
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:15,079
I love Karl. Adore.
79
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,039
But what's happening
with his ponytail?
80
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,080
He's thinning.
81
00:05:19,081 --> 00:05:23,800
He's bald! Darling, he's got
a comb-over from a nose hair.
82
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,559
Genius!
83
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,399
I need more fags. Wha... But...
84
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,759
Don't "but" me, you little snotrag,
just go.
85
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,639
Why am I doing this?
86
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,759
It's work experience.
87
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,639
Right, here we go, here we go...
88
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,479
Darling? I need this table.
89
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,719
Mum, I'm having
a meeting about the charity.
90
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:03,199
God, is this a new one? Who?
That.
91
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,120
Just don't speak to
me, please, Mum.
92
00:06:05,121 --> 00:06:07,039
Leave me alone and get on with
your own useless existence.
93
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:16,359
Right, agenda. Now, we need to talk
about the Keecha Project and Wellgild
94
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,639
and I need a field report on
fundraising activities. How was it?
95
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,359
Really hard. Sorry.
96
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,520
For heaven's sake.
97
00:06:25,521 --> 00:06:28,199
All right, I've got ideas.
Take down my ideas.
98
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,519
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Brainstorm. Stop it! What?
99
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,959
She's writing on it. On the pad.
100
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,959
No. That's ridiculous.
101
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,559
Why are you doing that?
102
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,240
It's a pad!
103
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,679
She's an idiot. She knows nothing.
104
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,839
No, I know too much.
That's why I'm here.
105
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:51,880
Yeah, all right.
106
00:06:51,881 --> 00:06:54,479
Shall I do it? No, you just do what
you're paid to do.
107
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,279
I don't get paid. All right,
do what you're not paid to do.
108
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:01,400
Do the mid-morning lunch run. Go on,
two sushis and a bacon sandwich now!
109
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,919
Have you got a report?
110
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,759
Day one, welcome songs and speech.
111
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:13,559
Day two, drive into Kasumu City buying
materials for the chicken coop.
112
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:20,319
Day three, thought I had malaria
but it was just sunstroke.
113
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,119
God, stop it. Will you stop it?
114
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,639
All right, just... stop it now,
just send it to me.
115
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,559
I should've gone. I know Africa.
I'm married to an African.
116
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:32,960
I have a child in Africa.
117
00:07:32,961 --> 00:07:36,119
Yeah, child in Africa, mm-mmm.
Just go.
118
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:41,319
But what about the fundraising, the
bring-and-buy, the car washathon?
119
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,440
Just go, please.
120
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,400
The car washathon?
121
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,440
Shut up.
122
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,840
A car washathon, darling?
123
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,519
How much is that going to raise?
Sixpence, is it, sweetheart?
124
00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:00,119
Actually, I could get you people who
could fill your coffers, darling.
125
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,639
I could get you Liz Hurley.
Get Liz Hurley. Elizabeth Hurley? Yes.
126
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,599
Eeh, come on, old girl.
127
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:15,559
Someone muck her out whilst
I take her down the red carpet.
128
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:20,920
Clip, clop, clip, clop. It's only
another charity do, Lizzy.
129
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,640
Take her out, take her out.
Take her upstairs.
130
00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:29,319
Come on, let me put
you out to grass.
131
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:34,559
Can you manage these stairs
with your Gucci hooves? Just...
132
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:38,680
Clippety clop, clippety clop.
Neigh, neigh, neigh.
133
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,200
Darling.
134
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,359
Shall I rub your marma points,
marma points, marma points?
135
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,479
It's a Kabbalistic tool.
136
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,439
All right, Mum, I was just...
I was just thinking about Jane.
137
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,879
Lola, darling? Is she going to
come back from Africa soon, darling?
138
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,919
Why would I want Jane to have
anything to do with you?
139
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,160
A sad, fat woman who contributes
nothing to this world?
140
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:08,239
I work, darling, I work.
No, no, you don't.
141
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,439
You have spent all morning
having your nails done.
142
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,559
You live off other people.
You invent a purpose for yourself.
143
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,399
That is not a real job.
144
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,760
You only have two clients
and they both hate you.
145
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,759
You're a sad, useless failure
that nobody wants to know.
146
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,800
Now why would Jane want to know you?
147
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,080
You were a terrible mother
and you're an even worse grandmother.
148
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,040
With very good nails.
149
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,439
Cheer up, Eddy. Don't let
the little tick get to you.
150
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,520
Darling, from the mouths of little ticks
sometimes come little tick truths.
151
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,040
Are you eating?
152
00:09:53,041 --> 00:09:54,479
No, I got it for you.
153
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,479
Darling, I'm trying not to eat.
I don't want two lunches.
154
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,719
But I like doing things for you,
Eddy.
155
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,759
Just chew and spit. Don't waste it.
All right, I won't waste it.
156
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,439
I'm sorry, madam,
you can't smoke in here.
157
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,679
Mais avez-vous aucune idee
qui suis-je?
158
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,959
Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, Eddy?
Yes, Pats, Pats?
159
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,920
Eddy, do you know who that is?
160
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,279
No. Christ, it's Jeanne Durand.
161
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,479
Jeanne Durand?
Yeah, it's THE Jeanne Durand.
162
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,199
THE Durand.
163
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,120
I go for a cigarette,
you make a decision.
164
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,119
Imagine who she's worked with. Yeah.
165
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,399
Truffaut, Chabrol, Polanski.
166
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,600
Names, names, names.
167
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,799
French names, French names,
French names.
168
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,359
Jeanne Durand.
Saffy likes Jeanne Durand.
169
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,140
She's got her
poster in her room.
170
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,919
Well, I like Jeanne Durand.
Yeah, you do.
171
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,919
The look that speaks volumes
and the mouth that says nothing.
172
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,919
Yeah. She looks good, doesn't she?
Yeah. Well, she's French.
173
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,599
Yeah, I know, darling, but you know,
Bardot?
174
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,920
Well, if you can't save the face,
save the animals.
175
00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,719
Whose idea was this?
176
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,279
Come on. Let's get out of here
before she comes back.
177
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,799
Jeanne Durand.
178
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,479
Darling, imagine how proud
Saffy would be, and Lola, darling,
179
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,940
if I knew Jeanne Durand.
"Come over for lunch"
180
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,399
because Jeanne Durand's
going to be there.
181
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,719
"Come over for dinner,
meet Jeanne Durand."
182
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,759
I would be the person
who had Jeanne Durand.
183
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,640
Darling, I could represent her.
184
00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:22,519
Whoa, steady, darling, steady.
What, what?
185
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,160
Well, the woman's not... What?
She's not an idiot.
186
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,520
So, what is the decision?
187
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,799
I'm not happy, I can tell you.
188
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,439
Dear.
189
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,839
Can we make you happy?
190
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,519
You see, why can't you understand?
191
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,799
I don't want to be heavy,
I want to be light.
192
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,439
I've always been a comic actress.
Yeah, yeah. I'm laughing now.
193
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,519
But really, I want to sing.
194
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,199
I only have ever wanted to sing.
195
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,799
Of course, of course.
Like Marlene, like Piaf.
196
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,119
Le Petit Filou.
197
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,159
Oui, absolument.
198
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,759
A singer, singing, yes...
199
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,519
Darling, darling, darling,
can she sing, can she sing?
200
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,660
Of course she can sing.
She was one of the
201
00:12:05,661 --> 00:12:07,799
Singing Brellas Of Cherbourg.
Perfect.
202
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,479
Yes, of course, Miss Durand.
I mean, what would you like to sing?
203
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,399
Gainsbourg, Piaf, Brel.
Light, light.
204
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:16,919
Go for it, Eddy.
205
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:22,520
Yes, well, I'd be very proud to
represent you in a tour of singing.
206
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,039
La Durand, Carnegie Hall.
207
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,319
Yes, perfect.
208
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,319
J-j-je suis tres...
209
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,359
Heureuse. Heureuse! And...
210
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,439
Gras.
211
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,439
Je suis tres heureuse
et tres, tres gras.
212
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,239
Oui.
213
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,880
Oi, garcon. Champagne.
214
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,559
What have you got on here
at the moment?
215
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,879
The Proms.
216
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,679
Yes, I love the Proms.
217
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:56,260
So do I. It's been so
popular that we've actually
218
00:12:56,261 --> 00:12:59,839
had to stop people clapping
between movements.
219
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,879
At the Proms?
Anyway, I want it for Jeanne Durand.
220
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,359
Yeah, Jeanne Durand.
THE Jeanne Durand.
221
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,079
An Evening With. Singing.
222
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,020
I'm just going out here.
Can you say something?
223
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:11,959
I'll see if I can hear you.
224
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,559
All right, darling.
I absolutely adore Durand.
225
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,719
This couldn't be a more perfect
venue. Well, we'll see, frankly.
226
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:18,960
Can you hear me, Eds?
227
00:13:18,961 --> 00:13:21,399
Yes, I can hear you, darling.
Can you hear me?
228
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,559
Yeah. Sing something.
229
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,719
She will be using microphones,
presumably?
230
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,879
Yeah, have you got mics?
Yes. Good.
231
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,359
Sing, Eds.
232
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,319
What should I sing, what to sing,
what to sing, what to sing...?
233
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,440
Hello? Hello?
234
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,119
What?
235
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:08,359
So, when did you want to book
the hall? I have dates in 2015.
236
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,279
2015?! No, soon.
237
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,560
Don't give me 2015 or
I'll have you clapping
238
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,839
between movements for
the rest of your life.
239
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,319
We only have one night
in the next four years
240
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,039
and that's this Sunday night.
Someone died.
241
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,359
Good.
242
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,520
Book us in. Durand Sings.
243
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,759
I've just been on the phone to the
Albert Hall, darling. It's all booked.
244
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,880
I've struck a pretty good deal...
70/40 split.
245
00:14:34,881 --> 00:14:36,999
- What do you think?
- Well done, Eddy.
246
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,759
Did you check on her this morning?
247
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,479
Yes, darling, she's alive,
she's alive. Is she staying here?
248
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,719
Yes. She's upstairs. Who is, dear?
Jeanne Durand.
249
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,599
I'm a huge fan.
250
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,239
Which one is here, dear? What?
251
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,599
Well, is it Simon Le Bon? No.
252
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,599
Or is it the pretty one
who still puts his face on? No, no.
253
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,159
Not Duran Duran, Jeanne Durand!
254
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,479
Lots of... "Oui! La belle de nuit!"
255
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,879
She was Julia's Knee.
256
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,199
- She was Julia's Knee.
- Jeanne Durand?
257
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,960
Not her, Eddy! Can't
we keep this just to ourselves?
258
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,759
Yeah, darling, Jeanne Durand.
259
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,399
She's upstairs.
260
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,119
I represent her now, darling.
261
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,959
We're working up a little set
for the Albert Hall.
262
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,200
"Durand Sings."
263
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,120
That's shut you up, hasn't it?
264
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,959
Shut you up, hasn't it?
265
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,039
Bubble,
have you called all the people?
266
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,140
I want it in all the national
papers, all the gay press.
267
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:33,239
We'll have a listening party...
268
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,759
a private soiree for
the critics round at my house.
269
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,759
Worldwide coverage,
television interviews. Stop press!
270
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,520
Or shall I just Twitter?
271
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,279
Yeah, that should do it.
272
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,160
Dear. Darling, darling, darling.
273
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:48,399
She's here, she's here, she's here.
Jeanne Durand, Jeanne Durand.
274
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,319
Miss Durand.
275
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,399
Here, Miss Durand,
Miss Durand, Miss Durand.
276
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,720
Miss Durand, Miss Durand.
277
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,839
Saffy, this is Jeanne Durand. Saffy.
278
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,119
This is my daughter, Saffron.
Jeanne Durand.
279
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,719
Madame, vous etes magnifique
280
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,959
et j'ai tous vos films sur une
etagere speciale dans ma chambre.
281
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,039
Go away, go away.
282
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,360
This is... this is my mother
who's just leaving.
283
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,680
Of course, it's Nick Rhodes!
It's not Nick Rhodes.
284
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,559
He'll be wearing that eye shadow
till the day he dies. Stop it.
285
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,879
Go, go, go.
286
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,039
Patsy, get her something, get
her something. French breakfast.
287
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,360
Yes. Nicotine macchiato.
There we go.
288
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,999
So, dites-moi... Yes, dites-moi.
289
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,999
When do we work? I like to work.
How long do we have?
290
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,639
Just under a week. Nearly a week.
291
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,359
Good, good, so we must work hard.
We must work hard.
292
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,359
Work, work, work. Work, work, work.
293
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,759
I love to work.
294
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,999
I love to work. Yes, we must work.
295
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,079
Who's that? Pianist's here.
Work, work. Pianist is here!
296
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,719
We could work now. Let's work.
297
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,440
Later, later.
298
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,799
I'm not a machine. OK.
She's not a machine.
299
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,999
She's not a machine. Anyway,
je suis tres, tres gras, tres gras.
300
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,900
No, Mum, don't speak French!
She is French!
301
00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:12,799
That's why I'm speaking French.
302
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,920
Yes, but you're telling her
you're a fatty.
303
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,159
Even in French, the truth will out.
304
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,160
Thank you very much
305
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,560
One of my favourites.
306
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,920
"La Vie En Rose"
307
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,000
No, no. I will try again.
I think it was the wrong key for me.
308
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,199
Get out of here. What are you doing?
Jeanne is singing.
309
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,999
I can't hear anything. Well,
she's... she's warming up, darling.
310
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,879
Get out. Get out, get out, get out.
311
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,120
Wonderful lyrics.
312
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,560
Pats, you said she could sing.
313
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,559
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
314
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,479
What now?
315
00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,079
Well, go on, tell her, tell her.
She'll take it from you.
316
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,439
Jeanne, this is Baby Bunton. Emma.
317
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,399
This is Emma Bunton.
318
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,119
Jeanne... I can't hear you.
Can't hear you.
319
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,759
That's because I've stopped singing.
320
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:18,039
No... No, when you were singing, we
couldn't hear. Couldn't hear you.
321
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,479
Well, you know why.
322
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,599
You are young.
323
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,719
You spend your life like all
the young people with the headphones.
324
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,639
Whaa, whaa, whaa, whaa, whaa!
325
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:32,679
Loud music, everyone walking down the
streets starring in their own movie.
326
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,279
God. Nobody listens.
327
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,360
Are you a singer?
328
00:19:36,361 --> 00:19:39,800
Yes, she's a sort of singer,
aren't you, sweetheart?
329
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,239
I am a singer!
330
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,999
She is a singer. Well,
sing her one of your songs. Go on.
331
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,959
That... that is Girls Aloud.
332
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,680
Well, sing her one of your Spicies.
333
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,879
No, no. You're shouting at me!
That's not singing.
334
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,279
For God's sake.
Thank God, it's Lulu!
335
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,359
Thank God for Lulu.
336
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,759
Thank God!
337
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,599
God. You said
you had a job for me, right?
338
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,279
Yeah, darling, this is the job.
We've got to get her to sing.
339
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,479
Yeah,
but what do I make out of this?
340
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,880
Darling, you get champagne.
Champagne for Lulu. Get champagne.
341
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,599
Cupcakes for Lulu!
342
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,720
Money for Lulu.
343
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,159
OK. Come on,
come on, let Lulu through.
344
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,879
She needs volume.
345
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,119
I can do that.
She can do volume.
346
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,879
Now, let me see.
You have to project.
347
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,759
You have to push your voice right
into the mic. I've tried that.
348
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,519
Will you let me take care of this?
349
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,719
I am a little bit more experienced
and just a little bit older.
350
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,120
A lot older!
351
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,159
So, darling,
darling, darling, darling,
352
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,800
Lulu, Lulu...
I've just got to get her to
353
00:20:58,801 --> 00:21:01,439
hold the mic closer to
her mouth, all right?
354
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,839
Call yourself professionals,
you two! Come on! Come on.
355
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,399
Can you not smoke?
I don't want to die young.
356
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,519
Why not die young?
Life is so overrated.
357
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,919
Do you see what I'm working with?
Lulu, Lulu,
358
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,519
I've booked
the Albert Hall for her! Yes!
359
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,959
Jeanne, Lulu is a singer.
360
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,919
Yes. Shall I sing?
361
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,199
Yeah go on. All right. Listen.
362
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,479
Actually,
no, no, no, don't, don't.
363
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,600
No, don't, no, don't.
364
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:34,199
I tried that as well.
Yeah, we tried that, we tried that.
365
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,759
OK. Just... Go on.
Look, look, look, Jeanne,
366
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,119
they want to hear you,
367
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,359
you know? So you've got to give
yourself to them. No, no, no.
368
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,399
When I sing, they come to me.
God.
369
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,920
They'd have to be sitting on your
dentures to hear you, that's for sure.
370
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,079
Look, you've got to sing up.
371
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,799
You just grab the mic, you sing
right into the mic, make a noise.
372
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:59,919
A noise. Sing, woman! Sing... voice.
Use your voice and sing!
373
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,719
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You are killing my muse.
374
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,719
What do you think I am, an
entertainer? For God's sake.
375
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,119
Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne,
Jeanne, Jeanne...
376
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,199
What?
377
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,919
You know what.
She can't sing, can she?
378
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,439
Darling, this is work
in progress, all right?
379
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,320
I think she's deaf.
Well, I think you're deaf!
380
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,480
And I think she's an idiot.
Well, I think you're an idiot!
381
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,039
Mum, what are you going to do?
You can't let her do this.
382
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,279
Darling, I'm doing this for you,
aren't I? After all you said.
383
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,599
I'm doing this to make Lola proud.
You love Jeanne Durand
384
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,479
and if I've got Jeanne Durand,
I can't be a failure, can I?
385
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,479
Granny must be doing
something right.
386
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,640
Mum, stop it now.
387
00:22:43,641 --> 00:22:47,319
No. Where did she go?
388
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,400
She's in the cupboard. God.
389
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,520
Jeanne, it's a cupboard!
390
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,719
Dear.
391
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,680
Shut up! Anyway, darling,
she'll be all right tomorrow.
392
00:22:59,681 --> 00:23:01,639
I've put her to bed now.
393
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,679
No, she won't.
394
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,919
Well, then I'll change
the name of the show.
395
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,000
To what?
396
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,719
Jeanne Durand Talking Songs.
397
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,279
You'll be a laughing stock.
398
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,239
No, I've got till tomorrow evening,
sweetheart. Afternoon.
399
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,239
Evening. Afternoon.
400
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,319
You've got the listening party
401
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,759
with all the big critics tomorrow
here in the afternoon.
402
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,999
Shit. Eddy, darling... What?
403
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,559
I'm your best friend and I've never
let you down... No, never.
404
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,440
And I've never asked
you to do this before.
405
00:23:31,441 --> 00:23:33,320
But, no, Eddy, don't do it.
406
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,359
Cheers, cheers.
407
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:54,679
It's amazing that nobody
has had this idea before.
408
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,999
"Durand Sings." Durand Sings, yes.
409
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,520
Because of course we
all remember her as
410
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,039
one of the Singing
Brellas Of Cherbourg.
411
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,959
Cherbourg. Yes, yes.
412
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,879
So, Mark, do you like Jeanne Durand?
413
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,680
Yeah, I think I first fell
in love with her bouche.
414
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,199
You've seen her bouche? Of course.
415
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,440
I thought you were
a happily married man.
416
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,119
Ladies and gentlemen,
Edina Monsoon presents...
417
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,399
Miss Jeanne Durand.
418
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,079
Thank you. Thank you.
419
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,039
Well, let me just say...
420
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,440
I'm not an actor.
421
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,559
I am.
422
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,719
I'm not a singer.
423
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,440
I am song.
424
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,760
I don't smoke.
425
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,679
I am a cigarette.
426
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,520
Yeah, all right, all right.
Jeanne, Miss Jeanne Durand.
427
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,439
I'm not a photograph... For God's
sake...I'm a painting by Matisse.
428
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,200
Just start, just start.
429
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,760
Encore!
430
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,359
Fabulous, fabulous.
431
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:29,799
I know.
432
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,799
Next stop, Carnegie Hall.
433
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,719
I'm taking new management.
434
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,119
Just take it, just take it.
I don't care.
435
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,399
Don't worry. It's all right,
I'm not proud of myself, darling,
436
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,399
it's all right. It's OK. What?
437
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,839
I know what you're going to say,
darling! Yeah.
438
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,160
Why would Lola ever want to
know an idiot like this?
439
00:27:03,161 --> 00:27:05,479
But I tried, didn't I, sweetheart?
I tried.
440
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,999
Mum, I'm...
441
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,319
What, what?
442
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,919
No, no, sweetheart.
La, la, la. Darling.
443
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,119
I understand. It's fine, it's fine.
444
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:18,279
No, Mum, I'm the one
who's not good enough.
445
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,679
I'm the one. What?
446
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,519
I just made it your fault
because I...
447
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,279
couldn't cope with
the guilt about Jane.
448
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,919
I'm a terrible mother.
449
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,959
I'm sorry I made it your fault.
Darling. Come on, sweetheart.
450
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,199
This is all a bit psychological,
isn't it, sweetheart?
451
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,639
Come on,
everything is my fault, darling.
452
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,239
Everything is my fault,
isn't it? No damage done.
453
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,180
Well, there's a
French woman about to
454
00:27:43,181 --> 00:27:45,120
give a mute concert
at the Carnegie Hall.
455
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,719
That's all right.
456
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,999
New York gays are very forgiving.
457
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,359
They are, they are.
458
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,319
Darling.
459
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,239
Sweetheart.
460
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,039
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
461
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,400
Darling.
462
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,359
Come on, Eddy,
we're going to Mahiki's. Great.
463
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,440
Is it a club? Yes, it...
464
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,080
Do you want to come?
465
00:28:21,081 --> 00:28:22,680
No. No. No.
466
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,399
Sync and corrected by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com