1
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,471
They're creepy and they're kooky
2
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,471
Mysterious and spooky
3
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,357
They're altogether ooky
4
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,271
The Addams family
5
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,157
The house is a museum
6
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,151
When people come to see 'em
7
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,071
They really are a scream
8
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,718
The Addams family
9
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,592
MAN: Neat.
10
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,398
Sweet.
11
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:39,554
Petite.
12
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,437
So get a witch 's shawl on
13
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,397
A broomstick you can crawl on
14
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,232
We're gonna pay a call on
15
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,788
The Addams family
16
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,672
-You modernists are truly exciting.
-Darling.
17
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,071
Such sweep, such power, such majesty!
18
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,269
-You have a keen eye.
-Well, the left one.
19
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,355
-What are you gonna call it?
-Spring Song.
20
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,755
Perfect.
21
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,197
Thank you, darling.
Now for the finishing touch.
22
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,951
You have such a delicate touch.
23
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,799
I just love to hear
the sound of children at play.
24
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,473
They're really having a go at it today.
25
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,353
Those educational toys are marvelous.
They keep the children off the streets.
26
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,876
By the way, dear, Wednesday
is celebrating the loss of her front tooth.
27
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,032
-Oh, she looks much prettier without it.
-I think so, too.
28
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,715
FESTER: I've had it!
29
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,158
Morticia, Gomez,
this child has got to be whacked.
30
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,479
We do not go around
whacking people in this house.
31
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,791
-Certainly not without good reason.
-I have a very good reason.
32
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,474
She's been shooting off
all of my dynamite caps.
33
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,958
But, darling, you have dynamite caps
of your own.
34
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,750
But they're not any fun.
They just go "poop."
35
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,154
At your age, a little "poop"
ought to be enough.
36
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,717
All right, I'm afraid you're gonna have
to be punished.
37
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,519
-And good. I'll put her over my knee.
-No, no, no, now.
38
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,353
I prefer a punishment
that will leave an impression on her mind.
39
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,352
-Excellent thinking, my dear.
-For the next two weeks,
40
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,309
you are forbidden, absolutely forbidden,
to play with your pet spider.
41
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,437
Not play with Homer?
42
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,675
It may seem harsh, Wednesday,
but you'll be a better person for it.
43
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:52,875
You may go now.
44
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:55,789
Softies.
45
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,757
-You think it'll leave a scar?
-Oh, nonsense.
46
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,316
In a few days, she'll be as bright
and chipper as a little bat.
47
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,709
-You're really running away from home?
-Yep.
48
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,836
-Got any money?
-12 cents.
49
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,151
Good. I thought you were broke.
50
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,397
Hey, I know a place
you can run away to for nothing.
51
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,313
-Where?
-My room.
52
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,638
You can hide there and just pretend
you've run away from home.
53
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,190
Then I can run away and still be around
to see them suffer.
54
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,397
-Let's go.
-Wait.
55
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,635
You can't run away without leaving a note.
56
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:35,236
-Oh, what'll I say?
-I'll think of something.
57
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,356
The question is where to hang it.
58
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,710
It would just light up the entire attic.
59
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,870
Darling, why didn't I think of that?
60
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,955
Mother, Father,
Wednesday's flown the coop.
61
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,429
-Talk sense, boy.
-She's run away from home.
62
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,431
Really? Very adventurous spirit.
63
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,194
I didn't run away from home
until I was eight.
64
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,475
-That's ridiculous.
-She even left a note.
65
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,917
-I helped her write it.
-"Dear Mother and Father, I hate you.
66
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,553
"Love, Wednesday.
67
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:14,271
"P.S. Don't bother looking for me
because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."
68
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,953
Well, why would the child
leave a nice homey place like this?
69
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,076
You're right.
She's probably hiding somewhere.
70
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,516
-Oh, no. She's not hiding anywhere.
-We'll organize a search party.
71
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,794
Comb the entire house.
72
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,519
Mother, aren't you going to
drag the rivers?
73
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,830
Tomorrow.
Wednesday's a good swimmer.
74
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,950
Her note was right.
She doesn't seem to be anywhere.
75
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,396
-Unless she's here in Pugsley's room.
-Oh, no. She's not in here.
76
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,308
If you knew she was running away,
why didn't you stop her?
77
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,119
You know women.
Once they've made up their minds...
78
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,953
Oh, my little girl.
She's out there in the world, all alone.
79
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,156
Don't worry, querida mia,
she'll be all right.
80
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,798
She comes of sound stock.
81
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,872
But, darling, even an Addams
can be led into temptation.
82
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,476
Supposing she wanders on a playground,
tries to teeter-totter.
83
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,714
She may even run away
and join the Brownies.
84
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,791
Gomez, we've got to call the...
85
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,471
-P-O-L-l-C-E.
-You mean the fuzz?
86
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,913
-What is the "fuzz"?
-The bulls.
87
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,155
Thought you had him there, didn't you?
88
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,710
Please, Mrs. Tunnel, don't scream at me,
will you, please?
89
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,752
We brought the kid home.
It's up to you to keep him there.
90
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,510
Yeah, okay, okay.
I'll put out another dragnet.
91
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,878
But I'm warning you, no more helicopters.
You're costing the city a fortune.
92
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,512
Yes, okay, thank you very much.
93
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:00,954
All right, I'm coming.
94
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,152
-Sergeant Haley, Missing Persons.
-Well, I have one.
95
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,272
A missing person, of course.
96
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,434
Look, lady. This is no time for jokes.
97
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,438
Now tell me who's missing,
and give me your address, please.
98
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,274
My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you
to find my little girl, Wednesday.
99
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,636
Look, I'll find her Tuesday, if I can,
but don't give me no deadlines,
100
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,039
will you, please?
101
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,278
Wednesday is her name.
102
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,428
Oh, and I suppose you're gonna
tell me her middle name is Thursday, huh?
103
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,634
-Friday.
-Now come on, lady.
104
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,950
Now, this is a place of business.
105
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,553
Are you serious?
106
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:44,909
Okay, okay, just tell me where you live
and I'll come right out there.
107
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,834
Uh-huh.
108
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,392
Right next to a...cemetery?
109
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,879
Yes, we have a lovely view of it.
Thank you.
110
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,319
-What news, Tish?
-The police are on their way over.
111
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,992
Good heavens.
112
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,150
The neighbors will think
we've committed some crime.
113
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,151
Does make you feel like a fraud.
114
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,435
Uncle Fester, the police are
on their way over.
115
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,272
They'll never take me alive.
116
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,272
Wait, Fester, they're coming over
because of Wednesday.
117
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,239
Oh, that. I solved the Wednesday caper.
118
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,752
-You mean you found her?
-Found her?
119
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,957
She was never lost.
She's hiding out up in Pugsley's room.
120
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,552
I got suspicious when I saw him
sneaking food up to her.
121
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,233
I don't believe it.
122
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,719
-Would you believe your own eyes?
-That depends.
123
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,275
Uncle Fester, our children
do not do sneaky things.
124
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,116
Unless it's absolutely necessary.
125
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,115
She's upstairs all right. That's
what you get for sparing the paddle.
126
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,872
Uncle Fester, please.
127
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,996
FESTER: My father knew
how to raise children.
128
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,994
He used the paddle on me
even when I was good.
129
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,719
And if my mother interfered,
he'd use it on her.
130
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:57,313
Papa was strict but fair.
And you had to respect him.
131
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,359
If you didn't, whack.
132
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,994
Even now, when I toss and turn in bed,
I think of him.
133
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,390
That's very touching, Uncle Fester.
134
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,596
But we have no time
for maudlin sentiment.
135
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,910
Are you sure Wednesday is still upstairs?
136
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,638
Just follow old Sherlock.
137
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,635
You know,
I wouldn't mind joining the police,
138
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,393
if it wasn't for those silly uniforms
they wear.
139
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,714
Is she there?
140
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,192
And as happy as a lark.
141
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,390
The tricky little minx.
142
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,029
I wonder which side of the family
she got that from.
143
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:39,189
Both sides.
144
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:55,748
MORTlClA: Sergeant Haley?
145
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,037
I was when I left home this morning.
146
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,397
-Okay, lady, what about your kid?
-Oh, she's fine.
147
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,756
Is that why you dragged me
all the way out here?
148
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,434
-Now, that would be silly, wouldn't it?
-Well, where was she?
149
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,273
-Right here.
-Right here?
150
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,950
Clever, wasn't it? Running away from
home with all the comforts of home.
151
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,077
-Now look. If this is some kind of a gag...
-My dear man,
152
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,835
our child has been safe at home
all the time. Aren't you delighted?
153
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:34,677
Oh, I'm tickled.
After all, what else have I got to do?
154
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,398
There are 683 missing persons on
my file, four of which have been found.
155
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,509
My phone rings 18 hours a day,
three of them in my head.
156
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,231
Half the kids in this town are lost,
the other half should be.
157
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:51,195
I am at the peak of a migraine headache,
I haven't had my lunch,
158
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,752
and you clowns drag me all the way out
here and tell me your kid is fine!
159
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,316
Delighted?
Lady, I'm beside myself with joy!
160
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,669
Emotional, wasn't he?
161
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,273
Civil servants of today.
162
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,474
The least little thing
and they just fly apart.
163
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,198
Well, what's our next move?
164
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,316
We're going up and have
a little talk with that girl.
165
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,277
Gomez, the time has passed for talking.
166
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,272
Fine, I'll get my old fraternity paddle.
Whack!
167
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,955
No, I have a much better way. Psychology.
168
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,632
Oh, that's no fun.
169
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,355
Uncle Fester, this is not a fun matter.
170
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,956
That child has got to be taught to play
with her own explosives.
171
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,189
It's my turn to swing from the chandelier.
172
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,233
Quick, under the bed.
173
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,830
Well, I guess Wednesday is really gone.
174
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,392
Someday, when she's slaving away
in a tuna cannery,
175
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,756
she may remember the life of ease
she had in this lovely home.
176
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:11,155
GOMEZ: Ragged, penniless, her little
fingers bleeding from the tuna cans,
177
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,710
she may return and say she's sorry.
178
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,878
And when that happens,
we'll take her back. If we have room.
179
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,232
If they have room?
180
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,673
Come, my dear. Let's go down and remove
her pictures from the family album.
181
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,632
They don't love me.
182
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,871
-Oh, they're just using psychology.
-What's that?
183
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,749
I don't know, but that's what they're using
on you.
184
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,229
Guess they think that you don't have
the nerve to leave home.
185
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,914
Well, I'll show them.
186
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,191
And I'm taking Homer with me.
187
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,158
Oh, Gomez, I feel as though
I were dancing with Nijinsky.
188
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,397
And I with Pavlova.
189
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,549
Must be the solving
of the Wednesday crisis.
190
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,720
Oh, that's one situation
you handled admirably.
191
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,389
There's a little girl who's home to stay.
192
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:30,070
Wednesday, write me
as soon as you get to the tuna cannery.
193
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,151
Okay, bye.
194
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,713
No, Mrs. Tunnel.
We haven't found your boy yet.
195
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,870
Do you realize this is the seventh time
he's run away from home?
196
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,715
No, I'm not suggesting you keep
him locked up in a broom closet.
197
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,712
But has it ever occurred to you
198
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,792
that maybe the reason he's running away
from home is on account of you?
199
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,998
Mrs. Tunnel? Mrs. Tunnel?
200
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:54,758
There you are, sweetheart.
201
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,957
Now, you go right over and see
the nice sergeant, right there.
202
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,473
Well, here's another one.
203
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,109
-Oh, that's all I need. Another missing kid.
-I'm not missing.
204
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,316
I'm on my way to the tuna cannery.
205
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,316
Look, honey, I've had a very rough day.
Now, what's your name?
206
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,274
Oh, it's gonna be one of those, huh?
207
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:19,356
Would the nice young lady like
a nice big strawberry ice cream cone?
208
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,590
-No, sir.
-Well, what would you like?
209
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,749
A dead fly.
210
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,157
-Fly?
-For my spider. He's hungry.
211
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,994
Yeah, I believe you. Look, take her
over to the social worker, will you?
212
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,714
-What's a social worker?
-Oh, now, don't worry, honey.
213
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,791
She's just a nice sweet old lady
214
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,555
who'll get you some apple pie
and she'll play beanbag with you,
215
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,916
and she'll read you stories
about Goldilocks and Rumpelstiltskin.
216
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,956
-You mean fairy tales?
-Yeah.
217
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,198
-Where they slay dragons?
-And old witches.
218
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,710
Oh, no, please. I'll talk.
My name is Wednesday Addams.
219
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:58,390
Addams?
There's something fishy going on here.
220
00:14:58,560 --> 00:14:59,629
Yes, sir.
221
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,669
-What's that number again?
-Cemetery 1-3...
222
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,318
Yeah, I know, I know.
223
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,509
Candle flame.
224
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,278
Oh, Gomez, that was so masterful.
225
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,676
Now it's your turn. Come to me.
226
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,515
Caramba.
227
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,160
Darling, let me up.
It's probably my poetry club.
228
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,878
Tell them you've resigned.
229
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,998
Gomez, darling, let me up.
230
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,638
Thank you.
231
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,750
-Hello?
-Hello, Mrs. Addams?
232
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,833
-This is Sergeant Haley.
-Oh, yes.
233
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,675
It's that nice Missing Persons fellow.
234
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,680
Mrs. Addams,
it's a kind of a policy of ours
235
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,433
to sort of check back
at certain troublespots.
236
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,791
-Your little girl still home?
-Why, yes, she is.
237
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:05,915
How sweet of you to ask.
238
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,195
He's concerned about Wednesday.
239
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,315
Isn't that nice?
240
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:13,871
And, Mrs. Addams, just for the record,
would you mind describing her, please?
241
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,077
MORTlClA: Not at all.
She has the most adorable figure.
242
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:22,355
Mmm-hmm. And she's about, say,
about 3'6", would you say?
243
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,911
Yes. And the most soulful eyes.
244
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,235
Don't forget her striking complexion.
245
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,555
Oh, yes.
246
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,392
And she has the loveliest pallor.
247
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:36,353
And by any chance,
does she have long braids?
248
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,118
Why, yes. How clever you detectives are.
249
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:45,951
-And you're sure she's still home?
-Snug as a baby bat in her little cave.
250
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,389
Mmm-hmm.
251
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,519
Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Addams.
That tells us everything we wanna know.
252
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:57,152
Thank you. It's a great joy to know
you're watching over us, Sergeant.
253
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,511
Thank you very much.
254
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,873
Keep your eye on that kid. I'm going
over there and check this thing out.
255
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:03,995
Yes, sir.
256
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,118
Where are you going?
-I'm tired of running away.
257
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,591
-I think I'll go home.
-No, no, sweetheart. No.
258
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,589
You're gonna stay right here until
somebody responsible comes for you.
259
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,712
-Wednesday.
-Uncle Fester.
260
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,313
Oh, I looked all over town for you.
Pugsley told me you ran away.
261
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,680
-Are you related to this kid?
-He's my uncle.
262
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,309
Well, can't you see
the family resemblance?
263
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,709
Let's go.
264
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,314
No, now, now, wait, wait,
wait just a minute.
265
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,958
I gotta have time to think.
266
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,151
Get that big paw off of me...
267
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,113
Easy does it, my dear.
268
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,233
-A prowler.
-Good work, Lurch.
269
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,517
-Let's have a look at the scoundrel.
-All right, put me down.
270
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,995
Sergeant Haley, we weren't expecting you.
271
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,959
-But it's so nice of you to come.
-Will you put me down, you big ox?
272
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,749
Lurch, put the sergeant in the good chair.
273
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,277
-You must forgive dear Lurch.
-Only doing his duty.
274
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,476
So much riffraff around these days,
you know?
275
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,996
Yes, you can say that again,
and most of that riffraff is parents.
276
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,357
-I'm sure you meet some terrible families.
-Oh, do l!
277
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,076
You'd be surprised, some of
the weirdos I meet in this business.
278
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,157
-Really?
-Yes, really.
279
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,878
Right now, at this very minute, I've got
a little runaway down at the station.
280
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,358
A pathetic little thing with long braids.
281
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,354
And you think her parents
even know she's gone?
282
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,155
How frightful!
283
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,391
-Parents like that should be horsewhipped.
-HALEY: You're so right.
284
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,475
Wait a minute, Sergeant.
Did you say a little girl with long braids?
285
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,793
Yes, she has long braids
and a little pet spider.
286
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,193
And by a strange coincidence,
she happens to be named Wednesday.
287
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,071
-Morticia, do you realize what's happened?
-Of course I do.
288
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,549
The sergeant's suffering
from hallucinations.
289
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:38,789
Oh, yeah?
290
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,519
Well, I'm going to have some
explanations, too, before I leave.
291
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,036
-Now, lady, what about your runaway kid?
-Poor sergeant.
292
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,838
His work has taken a heavy toll.
293
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,878
Reminds me of old Bagby,
my Egyptian camel master.
294
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:52,396
One moment as sane as you or l.
295
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,910
The next moment completely amok,
running naked into the Nile.
296
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,510
Look, now, don't try to double-talk me.
297
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,830
I'm taking the two of you down
to police headquarters.
298
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,151
Thank you very much, Sergeant,
but we have a previous engagement.
299
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,152
Look, don't you understand, lady?
Your kid scrammed!
300
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,233
Now, why would the child want
to leave this lovely home?
301
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:11,435
Why?
302
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,354
Because she's probably sick and tired
of living in this madhouse.
303
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,589
Look at that.
304
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,115
You rang?
305
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,636
All right, you. Easy on the rough stuff.
306
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,075
Lurch, you must forgive the sergeant.
307
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,515
I'm afraid he's walked one beat too many.
308
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:34,989
Now, look, you people...
309
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,634
All right. Whoever you are,
come out from out from under there
310
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,836
or so help me, I'll let you have it.
311
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,915
Come, old chap, give Daddy the gun.
312
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,111
-What's that?
-Our son, Pugsley.
313
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:53,033
He's never happier than when
he's shooting off his dynamite caps.
314
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,634
And Wednesday's happy
with her headless dolls.
315
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,349
Happy?
316
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,319
Lady, don't you understand?
Your kid's run away.
317
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,633
-Oh, those hallucinations again.
-Really, old chap,
318
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,517
you should see a psychiatrist.
319
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,197
-I need a head shrinker?
-Typical case.
320
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,669
The more they need help,
the harder they fight it.
321
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,398
Now, look. Here.
322
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,430
If that kid's in her room,
I'll turn in my badge, all right?
323
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,710
Well, now that won't be necessary.
But if it will make you feel any better,
324
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,313
I'll go up and get her.
325
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,912
Sergeant, you're right.
Wednesday isn't in her room.
326
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,919
Well, really!
327
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,197
She's outside on the porch,
playing with her Uncle Fester.
328
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,397
Oh, outside, playing with her Uncle
329
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:40,675
Fester?
330
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:03,552
-Where are you going?
-Oh, out there somewhere.
331
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,753
Sergeant Haley, is there anything
we can do for you?
332
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,879
Yes, you can call the police station
333
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,431
and tell them you want to
report a missing person.
334
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,475
-Emotional, isn't he?
-I told you.
335
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,189
Tish, Consolidated Plus just hit 100.
336
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,595
Really?
What did you pay for it, dear?
337
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:38,789
209.
338
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,758
But these little fluctuations mean nothing.
339
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,670
-Uncle Fester?
-Little Wednesday.
340
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:51,239
-That was quite a "poop."
-Well, she's been such a good child lately,
341
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,910
I thought I'd buy her a few
fresh dynamite caps. Just a few.
342
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,833
Of course, you can't spoil them.
343
00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,348
The mail's in.
344
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,114
Thank you, Thing.
345
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,711
It's from Sergeant Haley.
346
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,395
Well, what's the poor devil have to say?
347
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,994
Oh, he says he's fully recovered
and he's starting all over again
348
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,640
as a junior detective in Wabash, lndiana.
349
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,559
-He needs more training.
-Oh, there's a P.S.
350
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,429
He wants us
to send him his badge, collect.
351
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,112
Well, I guess we'll just have
to give it to him.
352
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,638
Now which one was Sergeant Haley's?