1
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,676
They're creepy and they're kooky
2
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,591
Mysterious and spooky
3
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,511
They're altogether ooky
4
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,477
The Addams family
5
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,391
The house is a museum
6
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,311
When people come to see 'em
7
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,197
They really are a scream
8
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,872
The Addams family
9
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,229
MAN: Neat.
10
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,829
Sweet.
11
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:39,709
Petite.
12
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,597
So get a witch 's shawl on
13
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,557
A broomstick you can crawl on
14
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,437
We're gonna pay a call on
15
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,512
The Addams family
16
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,392
Uncle Fester, I need more power.
17
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:13,032
Okay, Pugsley.
I'll give you another 1,000 watts.
18
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,356
HAPPY JOE ON RADlO: This is your
broadcaster. This Happy Joe in Tokyo.
19
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,512
-Fester, you've done it!
-Darling, introduce me to your friend.
20
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,354
Cemetery Kid to Happy Joe,
I want you to say hello to my mother.
21
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,315
-Hello, My Mother.
-Hello, Happy Joe.
22
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,717
-Tell me something about your country.
-Not now.
23
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,597
Big earthquake coming.
24
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,869
Happy Joe gotta go.
25
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:43,795
Isn't that a pity?
26
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,640
Something ought to be done about
those earthquakes. Infernal nuisance.
27
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,472
I've got an SOS!
28
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,912
MAN ON RADlO: Flight 714
from Calcutta-Rangoon
29
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,911
in trouble over the Bay ofBengal.
30
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,032
Any suggestions?
31
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,554
Tell him to dump the passengers.
Oh, no, he couldn't do that.
32
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,870
Of course not, darling, they'd get soaked.
33
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,949
Hello, Flight 714, this is Morticia Addams,
and I have a helpful thought for you.
34
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,837
Oh, good girl. Let's have it.
35
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:14,072
When the plane hits the water, have each
passenger attend to his own luggage.
36
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,550
-lt'll avoid panic.
-Thanks awfully. We're all right now.
37
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,996
Good. Is there anything else
I can do for you?
38
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,718
Yes, sign off.
39
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,239
Fine gratitude.
40
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,074
Recognize it?
41
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,194
No, I don't...
42
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:45,235
Oh, how could I have missed
that fine, sensitive, drooping chin?
43
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,880
-It's Uncle Flub.
-Right, my dear.
44
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,676
I caught him at that marvelous moment
just before he starts to shake.
45
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,480
Wonder why we never hear
from old Flubby anymore?
46
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,357
Simple, he can't write.
47
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,031
That reminds me,
shouldn't the mail be in by now?
48
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,155
It will be.
49
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,229
Briggs.
50
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,516
You're not losing your nerve,
are you, Briggs?
51
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,079
About going in there?
52
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,114
I always wanted to be an undercover man.
53
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,435
I'm glad, because you're the only one
who can get in there
54
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:21,999
without arousing suspicion.
55
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,957
Don't you worry
about a thing, Mr. Hollister.
56
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,156
I've seen all the James Bond movies.
57
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,389
Good.
58
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,030
Say, are you sure
you're on the right track?
59
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,599
The United States intelligence
60
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,148
makes a point of never being
too sure about anything.
61
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,037
All we know is that coded radio messages
62
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,872
have been coming out of
there like popcorn.
63
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,838
Coded radio messages? Gee. Like what?
64
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:46,149
Well, like dynamite toys,
man-eating plants and roaring cats.
65
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,475
See if you can lay your hands
on any writing.
66
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:50,959
Get a hold of some of
their correspondence.
67
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,350
If I crack this case,
maybe they'll make a movie about me.
68
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,795
They might even move you up
to Parcel Post.
69
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,229
No mail?
70
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,356
What is it, Thing? A joke?
71
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,712
Morticia, he's trying to tell us something.
72
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,837
Speak up, Thing. And stop stuttering.
What is it?
73
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,799
Darling, he's trying to tell us
there's someone at the front door.
74
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,432
You and Thing.
Such perfect understanding.
75
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,272
It's Mr. Briggs, our dear postman.
76
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,275
-I thought the postman always rings twice.
-You didn't even ring once.
77
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,838
Can I come in?
78
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,036
-Please do.
-Allow me.
79
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,592
Sorry our butler wasn't on hand
to greet you.
80
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,069
He's up in the attic feeding the vultures.
81
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,880
Vultures? They're here already?
82
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,755
-I better go.
-Mr. Briggs, you haven't even said hello.
83
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:28,955
Hello.
84
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,710
You've got to stay, Mr. Briggs.
85
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,469
-I do?
-Yes.
86
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,834
Well... But l... I do.
87
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,870
What I really came in for
was to look through your mail.
88
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,598
I mean just the envelopes.
89
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,878
I have a little grandson
who collects stamps from strange places,
90
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,554
and you people sure get mail
from the strangest...
91
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,632
-As a matter of fact, Hollister thinks...
-Hollister?
92
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,190
Yeah, Hollister. That's my little grandson.
93
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,513
Say no more.
94
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,876
What little Hollister wants,
little Hollister gets.
95
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,318
There you are. Any of the stamps you like,
just help yourself.
96
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,869
And if you wish,
feel free to read the letters.
97
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,552
There's an interesting one here from China
98
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,995
on the decline in
the fortune cookie industry.
99
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,959
There's a lovely card from General Peron.
He's still looking for work.
100
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,595
-PUGSLEY: Mother!
-Yes, darling, coming.
101
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,114
If you want anything,
we'll be in the code room.
102
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,431
-Code room?
-That's our new name for the playroom.
103
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,429
Darling?
104
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,797
Better watch that top letter, Briggs.
105
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,270
It's from my favorite witch doctor.
He's a tricky devil.
106
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,153
Code room.
107
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,874
I quit.
108
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,475
I don't wanna be an undercover man,
I don't even wanna be a postman.
109
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:40,675
Easy, Briggs, easy.
110
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,399
The United States Government
is a good thing to have on your side.
111
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,869
Not if they want me to stay
at that spook house.
112
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,234
What happened?
113
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,479
You wouldn't believe it.
114
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,358
What about the correspondence?
The letters.
115
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,432
Look, I don't wanna see another letter
as long as I live.
116
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,557
-You deliver them!
-Now, easy, Briggs, easy.
117
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,074
I've got to get someone sensible
into that house.
118
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,278
Yeah, well, why don't you try
Conkey, the plumber?
119
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,078
-Plumber?
-Yeah, he's a sensible one all right.
120
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,515
The Addams have been trying to get him
for six months,
121
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,670
and he won't go near the place.
122
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,719
The plumber, eh?
123
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,478
Thank you, Thing.
124
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,800
Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Addams.
125
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,235
Oh, well, thank you very much,
we'll be looking forward to seeing you.
126
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,355
Goodbye.
127
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,112
Darling, that was
Mr. Conkey, the plumber.
128
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,158
He's finally agreed to fix
Kitty cat's drinking fountain.
129
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,800
High time. He promised to do it
six months ago.
130
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,110
Oh, come on, Conkey, what can happen?
131
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,395
I could get killed deader than a herring.
132
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,835
In that case, you'd be buried
with full military honors.
133
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,388
Mr. Hollister, you make it sound
so appealing.
134
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,118
Oh, no, now just a minute.
135
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,553
Look, with these walky-talkies,
we'll be in constant contact.
136
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,712
Now if anything should happen,
all you have to do is holler.
137
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,916
Yeah, if it's not too late.
138
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,838
Nothing like the minuet
to strengthen the wrist.
139
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,912
Yes, it firms all those
little wibbly-wobbles.
140
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,356
I guess that's all for now.
141
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,998
"lf girl get too firm, she turn to boy."
142
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,072
-Kipling.
-Confucius.
143
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,513
-There you are, Lurch.
-Take them to the kitchen, Lurch.
144
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,636
-Kitchen?
-Yes, for the shish kebab.
145
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,349
-I'll get it, my dear.
-Thank you, darling.
146
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,439
Shish kebab. Lurch!
147
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,034
Lurch, don't forget the tenderizer.
148
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,395
Have it.
149
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,437
Morticia, he's here!
This is our plumber, Mr. Conkey.
150
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,273
Mr. Conkey, so good of you to come.
151
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,148
Without his drinking fountain,
Kitty cat just isn't his old playful self.
152
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,198
-What's that?
-Oh, that's Kitty cat.
153
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:28,988
Roaring like that?
154
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,640
If your drinking fountain was broken,
you'd roar, too.
155
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,871
-So long.
-Lurch, please take Mr. Conkey's hat.
156
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,959
Please, I don't think I got
what I need for a job like this.
157
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,314
What's that?
158
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:43,949
Courage.
159
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,879
Oh, come now, Mr. Conkey,
no silly excuses.
160
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:47,995
Come along.
161
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,719
It's the second tunnel
to your left, Mr. Conkey.
162
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,435
Kitty cat's drinking fountain
is just this side of the pit.
163
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,558
All right, Mr. Snoop.
164
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:14,112
Snoop? No, I'm Mr. Conkey.
I'm only the plumber.
165
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,509
A likely story. Get in that room. Move.
166
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,548
Look what I found
snooping around outside.
167
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,949
-He claims he's a plumber.
-But he is a plumber.
168
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,758
He's fixing Kitty cat's drinking fountain.
169
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,276
That's down in the basement.
What's he doing sneaking around up here?
170
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,239
That is a rather interesting question,
Mr. Conkey.
171
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,038
What are you doing up here?
172
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,228
Well, I was just tracing the leak.
173
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,472
Conkey, there are no pipes
in the playroom.
174
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,638
Playroom? I thought I was in the attic.
175
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,592
Back to the basement, Mr. Conkey.
176
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,035
If that's your real name. Come on.
Move it out.
177
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,112
So, you're a plumber, huh?
Well, let's see you plumb.
178
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,439
Morticia, wouldn't you say
he's behaving rather strangely?
179
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,873
-Uncle Fester?
-Conkey.
180
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,555
Oh, yes, he is behaving very strangely.
181
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,393
Doesn't seem to know his attic
from his basement.
182
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,116
Okay, Conkey. Where are you now?
183
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,870
I'm back in the basement again.
184
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,473
Anything to report?
185
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,915
Just this.
186
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,390
If I get out of here alive,
187
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,075
I'm never gonna complain
about my union dues again.
188
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:29,995
HOLLISTER: Conkey?
189
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,039
-Don't do that.
-Where are you now?
190
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,159
How would I know?
I didn't build this spook house.
191
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,753
What are you gonna do next?
192
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,114
Sign off and pray.
193
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,316
-GOMEZ: Querida.
-Here comes Mr. and Mrs. Weirdo.
194
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,035
GOMEZ: Oh, yes. Their lunch.
195
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,114
Poor Cleopatra, she must be famished.
196
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,236
I had no idea it was so late.
197
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,637
Time certainly flies
when you're intellectually occupied.
198
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,349
Darling?
199
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,916
Gomez, what in the world could be
the matter with her?
200
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,718
She won't eat. She's in an absolute frenzy.
201
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,153
Perhaps you should call a vet.
202
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,355
For a plant?
203
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,635
No. She's trying to tell us something.
204
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,755
Mr. Conkey? What are you doing there?
205
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,034
What's that in your hand?
206
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,712
What's what? What hand?
207
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,392
Is that a walky-talky?
208
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,712
Oh, this. Oh, yeah, yeah. This?
Yeah, yeah, this is a walky-talky.
209
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,109
And whom were you walky-talkying to?
210
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,119
Well, I was talking to Plumbing Central.
211
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,509
Sometimes you get into trouble
and you need help.
212
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,238
And, boy, do I need help.
213
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,510
Plumbing Central?
Come in, Plumbing Central.
214
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,750
This is Conkey. I need help.
215
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,191
HOLLISTER: Plumbing Central? Conkey,
have you flipped your wig?
216
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,991
Very busy. Very busy down there.
217
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,913
Are they really?
218
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,353
Morticia, may I see you privately
for a moment, please?
219
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,431
I'll go. I'll go.
220
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,910
No, no, Mr. Conkey.
You stay right here and plumb.
221
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,516
He's behaving even more strangely
than the mailman.
222
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,669
Yes.
223
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,591
He seems very flighty for a plumber.
224
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,352
If he is a plumber.
225
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,035
-Come in, Hollister, this is Conkey.
-HOLLISTER: Conkey, where are you now?
226
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,758
I'm bailing out.
227
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,754
You can't leave now. You gotta stay.
228
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,677
I'm staying. I'm staying.
229
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,796
I hate to bother you, old man,
230
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,393
but there's something
we have to check on.
231
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,595
Yes.
232
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,275
We don't mean to be rude,
but could we see your union card?
233
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,670
I still think you should have
thrown him out.
234
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,354
How could we?
His union card was above reproach.
235
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:50,519
Morticia, I don't feel safe with a nut
like that running around the house.
236
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,635
Forget the plumber.
237
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,393
I've got to get through to Winthrop
in Sumbawanga.
238
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,790
-Darling, is it so urgent?
-Absolutely.
239
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,156
I must tell him not to mix the plutonium
with the uranium shipments.
240
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,559
Otherwise they'll never get here.
241
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,438
Boy, that'd really knock the coconuts
off the trees.
242
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,076
Fester, you've got to give me more power.
243
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,229
I'll try.
244
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,948
Addams calling Winthrop.
Addams calling Winthrop.
245
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,032
CONKEY: Conkey calling Hollister.
Conkey calling Hollister.
246
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,953
Darling, you're on a party line.
247
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,917
HOLLISTER ON RADlO:
This is Hollister. Come in.
248
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,639
Hollister, I need help. Lots of help!
249
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,918
Isn't that nice?
250
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,550
Mr. Conkey's finally contacted
Plumbing Central.
251
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,712
Conkey calling Hollister.
Come in, Hollister.
252
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,353
For God's sake, come in.
253
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,711
I read you, Conkey. I read you.
254
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,430
Don't read me. Just get me out of here.
255
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,554
There's a lion in here!
256
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,390
HOLLISTER: Now stop fooling around,
Conkey.
257
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,040
Your job is to find that
communication center.
258
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,920
CONKEY: My job is to find a way
out of here.
259
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,318
I got a secret door.
260
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,277
Well, go in then. Go in.
261
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,040
Say, Conkey. Maybe it's the radio room.
262
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,592
That's right. It is.
263
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,676
Conkey, just what are you doing?
264
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,630
I'm leaving.
265
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,554
Morticia, there's skullduggery
going on in this house.
266
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,518
That's right.
You're letting all kinds of kooks in here.
267
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,832
Darling, with your vast international
interests, we can't afford to be too careful.
268
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,553
I think we should call the authorities.
269
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,518
Good thinking, my dear.
This is a job for lntelligence.
270
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,273
Well, don't look at me.
I got to go get recharged.
271
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,635
I have it. I'll call the CIO.
272
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,312
Querida mia, not the CIO, ClA.
273
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,032
Whatever you say, dear.
274
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,155
I'll call Washington.
275
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,356
They'll put us in touch
with the proper authorities.
276
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,078
Very good thinking, dear.
277
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,355
Intrigue.
278
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,918
Very intriguing.
279
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,789
Well, you did your best, Conkey.
Thanks anyway.
280
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,871
Well, who pays the bill? 18 bucks?
281
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,316
18... For one hour's work?
282
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,070
And one pair of lion-bit pants.
283
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,155
What are they saying, Morticia?
284
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,397
I spoke to the headman in Washington,
285
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,869
who put me in touch
with the regional director,
286
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,599
who then put me in touch
with the local director,
287
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,116
who is now trying to connect me
to the special agent in the field.
288
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,475
You start at the top, you get action.
289
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,238
I wouldn't worry about your breeches,
Conkey.
290
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,514
The government's good for them.
291
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,039
Excuse me.
292
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,998
Yes? Who? Mrs. Addams.
293
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,753
Some strange things
have been going on in this house.
294
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,354
And we feel you ought to know
about them.
295
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,791
Dear Special Agent,
of course we're ready to talk.
296
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,875
Now just don't move a muscle,
Mrs. Addams, I'll be right in.
297
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,115
Over.
298
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,790
Conkey, I don't know what you did,
but they are ready to confess.
299
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,919
Well, in case you need anything,
Conkey Plumbing is out of business.
300
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:41,915
Follow me.
301
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,271
Badge Number 13.
302
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,076
What a lovely coincidence.
303
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,310
The same number as my perfume.
304
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,915
-Perfume?
-Yes.
305
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,792
Quagmire Number 13.
306
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,959
Mrs. Addams, I don't think you quite
realize the serious situation that you're in.
307
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,235
Oh, but I do. That's why we sent for you.
308
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,676
Naturally. Of course, we don't like
to implicate other people.
309
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,234
Then you do admit there are
other people involved?
310
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,514
Of course.
311
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,670
Let's see. There is Briggs, the postman.
312
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,478
And Mr. Conkey, the plumber.
313
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:26,553
Oh, please, Mrs. Addams,
I planted those people here myself.
314
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,588
You did?
315
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,990
Then you must be involved in the ring.
316
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,991
GOMEZ: I'd say he's the head of the ring.
317
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,958
-I'm gonna have to make a citizen's arrest.
-What do you mean, darling?
318
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,109
What if he isn't a citizen?
319
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,316
Now, look here. Of course I'm a citizen.
320
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,913
Good. Then it's legal.
321
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,149
You rang?
322
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,913
Lurch, disarm this traitor
and throw him in the lockup.
323
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,355
Mrs. Addams, I appeal to you.
This is no time...
324
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,554
Here! Just a minute.
I work for the government.
325
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,834
Hey, kid, get me out of here, will you?
326
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,109
I can't.
327
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,555
My father said you're to stay right there.
328
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:06,995
Look,
329
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:11,232
would you get me out if I gave you a pair
of genuine undercover man's handcuffs?
330
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:15,632
No. I already got a pair from a regular cop
that was here once.
331
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,430
Oh, it's time for me to send a message.
332
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,389
Calling Anthony in Poland.
333
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,594
This is Cleopatra, the man-eating plant.
334
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,477
The Thing is ready.
335
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,279
Repeat. The Thing is ready.
336
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,391
Darn it. The set's gone dead.
337
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,993
Do you mean to say that you're the one
338
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,435
who's been making
all these mystery calls?
339
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:44,589
When we grow up
340
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,753
we're all going to meet in Bulgaria
and fight the gypsies from outer space.
341
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,158
Oh, my God.
The chief will never believe this.
342
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,070
Well, old man. We owe you an apology.
343
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,631
Yes, we called Washington and we found
out you really are an undercover man.
344
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,797
-I am?
-Of course you are.
345
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,440
Buck up, old man.
There's lots of work to be done.
346
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,078
MORTlClA: Of course there is.
347
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,869
If it weren't for people like you,
what would happen to people like us?
348
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,315
I don't know.
349
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,198
But why didn't it happen before I got here?
350
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,874
Do have Lurch give you back your pistol.
351
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,679
See, my dear.
These old heirlooms come in handy.
352
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,598
They certainly do, darling.
353
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,636
Why, do you know three years ago,
354
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,280
I almost gave this away
to the Salvation Army?
355
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,549
Darn nice of Ahmed Ben Pasha
to send us this Turkish hookah.
356
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,397
Does wonders for togetherness.
357
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,474
Mail's in.
358
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,239
Thank you, Thing.
359
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,116
There's 20 cents postage due.
360
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,714
I wonder why Mr. Briggs didn't come in
and get his money?
361
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,199
He never does anymore.
362
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,430
We must owe that man a fortune.
363
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,711
I notice it's from a rest home.
364
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,109
It says, "Thank you. If it weren't
for you people, I wouldn't be here."
365
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,436
It's signed P.J. Hollister.
366
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,479
I like a man who isn't too proud
to be grateful.
367
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,068
Yes. And it does make you thankful
that our government men are so clever.
368
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,955
Dear Mr. Hollister.
We should send him something.
369
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:29,955
I have it.
370
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,595
Some of Mama's candied porcupine.
371
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,471
The simple things are the best.