1
00:00:16,727 --> 00:00:18,877
<i>They're creepy and they're kooky</i>

2
00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:20,764
<i>Mysterious and spooky</i>

3
00:00:20,847 --> 00:00:22,724
<i>They're altogether ooky</i>

4
00:00:22,807 --> 00:00:24,684
<i>The Addams family</i>

5
00:00:24,767 --> 00:00:26,598
<i>The house is a museum</i>

6
00:00:26,687 --> 00:00:28,564
<i>When people come to see 'em</i>

7
00:00:28,647 --> 00:00:30,399
<i>They really are a scream</i>

8
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:32,079
<i>The Addams family</i>

9
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,356
<i>Neat.</i>

10
00:00:35,047 --> 00:00:36,036
<i>Sweet.</i>

11
00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:39,916
<i>Petite.</i>

12
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,884
<i>So get a witch's shawl on</i>

13
00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:43,719
<i>A broomstick you can crawl on</i>

14
00:00:43,807 --> 00:00:45,638
<i>We're gonna pay a call on</i>

15
00:00:45,727 --> 00:00:48,321
<i>The Addams family</i>

16
00:01:04,367 --> 00:01:05,356
Querida.

17
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:13,327
Thank you, Gate.

18
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,116
- Oh, it's so good to be home.
- Place looks as warm and inviting as ever.

19
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:21,564
Bat-hunting is fun, but it's nice to be back
among our own surroundings.

20
00:01:22,487 --> 00:01:26,116
- What do I do with the bats?
- Just turn them loose in the attic.

21
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,201
Oh, and Lurch, you may have
a few of them for your room.

22
00:01:30,407 --> 00:01:33,717
Wait till the children see them.
They'll have a ball.

23
00:01:33,807 --> 00:01:36,446
Bats and ball! Rather clever, eh, Lurch?

24
00:01:39,487 --> 00:01:41,478
I knew you'd appreciate it.

25
00:01:41,807 --> 00:01:44,367
Dear Mama.
I'm so glad we're home, really.

26
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:47,401
If we leave her alone too long,
she tends to brood.

27
00:01:47,487 --> 00:01:50,479
I don't know why. She has her lizards
and her comfy nail bed.

28
00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:53,843
And if things get dull she can always
throw darts at Uncle Fester.

29
00:01:53,927 --> 00:01:56,760
Dear Uncle Fester, he's so sweet that way.

30
00:01:56,847 --> 00:01:59,361
And he makes such a lovely big target.

31
00:02:04,247 --> 00:02:06,363
Mama! Uncle Fester!

32
00:02:06,687 --> 00:02:09,201
The hunters are home from the hill.

33
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:13,722
- Gomez, do you smell something?
- Your perfume.

34
00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:18,202
Cara mia, it sets my blood aflame.

35
00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:21,246
- Darling, it's not me. It's that.
- Oh?

36
00:02:22,127 --> 00:02:23,640
MORTICIA: Mama's been
burning incense again.

37
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,479
She knows I can't stand it.

38
00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:28,445
- You know what that means, don't you?
- I'm gonna have a sinus attack?

39
00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:30,882
She's been telling fortunes
while we were gone.

40
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,481
Oh, I thought she kicked that habit
years ago.

41
00:02:33,847 --> 00:02:35,200
Oh, dear.

42
00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:37,002
The worst?

43
00:02:37,087 --> 00:02:41,205
"Sit down and be quiet. Madame Bovary
will be with you in a jiffy."

44
00:02:41,407 --> 00:02:42,840
Mama does have style.

45
00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:44,844
The last time she went on
a fortune-telling spree,

46
00:02:44,927 --> 00:02:46,679
she was Madame De Pompadour.

47
00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:50,760
Oh, darling, lead me in.
I don't think I can look.

48
00:02:50,847 --> 00:02:54,556
Courage, my dear. It's probably
just a practical joke of Mama's.

49
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:00,765
- Well?
- I think we'd better go back to the hunt.

50
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,917
Well, my dear, Mama hasn't lost any
of the old carnival spirit.

51
00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:12,766
Masquerading as a gypsy.
It's so unbecoming.

52
00:03:12,847 --> 00:03:14,997
She does have occult powers, though.

53
00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:17,999
She predicted that I would run
every business I ever had

54
00:03:18,087 --> 00:03:20,920
right into the ground.
And, by George, she was right.

55
00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:23,639
Pure coincidence.

56
00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:27,197
Darling, how are we going to get her to
stop this without hurting her feelings?

57
00:03:27,287 --> 00:03:29,084
I could set the tent on fire.

58
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:36,203
Dear Gomez, you still have traces of
Mamoud Khali Pasha Addams.

59
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:38,677
The firebug of the Bosporus.

60
00:03:39,047 --> 00:03:40,446
Breeding will tell.

61
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,118
We'd better have a look.

62
00:03:50,527 --> 00:03:53,963
Isn't this exciting? Tell me everything.

63
00:03:54,727 --> 00:03:58,356
- It's all in the ball.
- Oh, yes.

64
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:02,364
Here's a little gratuity for you,
Madame Bovary.

65
00:04:03,047 --> 00:04:04,958
Madame Bovary thanks you.

66
00:04:13,247 --> 00:04:14,839
Must be the excitement.

67
00:04:14,927 --> 00:04:16,201
Why, that naughty Thing.

68
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:19,916
- He's in this with her.
- Working hand in hand.

69
00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:21,520
What do you see?

70
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:25,956
- I see a jail.
- A jail?

71
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:29,757
- And you are in it.
- Oh, that's impossible.

72
00:04:30,327 --> 00:04:33,842
Lady, kindly don't argue with me.
Argue with the ball.

73
00:04:34,327 --> 00:04:37,558
- I'm sorry. Tell me more.
- Time's up.

74
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:42,844
- See?
- Incredible.

75
00:04:43,607 --> 00:04:47,998
Well, if you get any more messages
from up there, just call me.

76
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,715
Of course, of course. Next please!

77
00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:02,204
She's fabulous.

78
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:08,287
GRANDMAMA: Next. Keep moving.

79
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:17,684
"Lizard tails and rattlesnakes,
In the cauldron boil and bake

80
00:05:18,407 --> 00:05:21,444
"Eye of newt and toe of frog,

81
00:05:22,087 --> 00:05:28,003
"Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Spirits high and spirits low

82
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:31,398
"Tell us what we want to..."

83
00:05:31,567 --> 00:05:33,046
Oh, oh.

84
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:37,800
Well, I guess it's time to be getting lunch.

85
00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:41,716
- Mama, aren't you ashamed?
- I don't see why.

86
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:46,523
I love reciting Shakespeare.
Besides, I made $84 in tips.

87
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:48,595
Not bad.

88
00:05:48,687 --> 00:05:52,157
I don't care about the money.
I like telling fortunes.

89
00:05:52,447 --> 00:05:53,596
Out of the question.

90
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,962
Oh, please, just a few more?

91
00:05:56,047 --> 00:06:00,325
- Not another one, Mama.
- Querida, be lenient.

92
00:06:00,887 --> 00:06:03,481
Look at the anguish in that soulful face.

93
00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:09,238
Well, just one more.

94
00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:14,076
And then that goes back where it belongs.
On the chandelier.

95
00:06:25,527 --> 00:06:28,121
I do wish Mama would come out
of that tent.

96
00:06:28,207 --> 00:06:31,517
She's hoping to go into a trance.
It seems to do things for her personality.

97
00:06:32,847 --> 00:06:36,396
- Peerless Lead just went up to $209.
- And you sold it at $4?

98
00:06:36,487 --> 00:06:38,796
- $3.
- How thoughtful.

99
00:06:38,887 --> 00:06:41,720
Whatever would we have done
with a houseful of lead?

100
00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:49,524
This is the place, sergeant.
I'll go inside. You wait out here.

101
00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:52,246
You see anybody come running out,
arrest 'em.

102
00:07:08,207 --> 00:07:09,322
FESTER: Howdy!

103
00:07:15,087 --> 00:07:19,603
- Are you Madame Bovary?
- Do I look like Madame Bovary?

104
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:23,520
- Sorry.
- Where did you hear about the Madame?

105
00:07:23,607 --> 00:07:27,043
Well, somebody recommended her.
She really that good?

106
00:07:27,207 --> 00:07:29,482
Well, if you like that
looking-into-the-future stuff.

107
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,125
Me, I'm a practical man.

108
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,205
Now, electricity.
That's something you can believe in.

109
00:07:38,407 --> 00:07:39,760
See what I mean?

110
00:07:40,247 --> 00:07:43,159
Please, would you just take me inside?

111
00:07:43,247 --> 00:07:46,205
Well, if you prefer mumbo-jumbo
to science. Come on.

112
00:07:47,887 --> 00:07:49,798
It's up. It's down.

113
00:07:50,647 --> 00:07:53,605
It's up. It's down.

114
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,196
It's gone.

115
00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,075
Come on.

116
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:08,082
Come on.

117
00:08:11,967 --> 00:08:13,605
Mama, I got a live one.

118
00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:15,917
Oh, Morticia, Gomez.
When did you get back?

119
00:08:16,007 --> 00:08:18,646
- Short while ago.
- Did you bag me any buzzards?

120
00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:23,599
Oh, yes, we got you some beauties.
We caught them right at molting time.

121
00:08:24,287 --> 00:08:26,960
Oh, isn't that wonderful?

122
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,278
Aren't you gonna introduce us
to your friend?

123
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:33,677
Oh, he's no friend. He just wants
to get his fortune told.

124
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:38,602
GRANDMAMA: "Lizard tail and rattlesnake,
In the cauldron boil and bake"

125
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:44,442
- What was that?
- Mama warming up.

126
00:08:44,647 --> 00:08:47,115
Madame Bovary during office hours.

127
00:08:47,207 --> 00:08:48,196
Can I go in?

128
00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:50,005
You'd better,
before she goes into a trance.

129
00:08:50,087 --> 00:08:51,725
- Trance?
- Good luck.

130
00:08:57,527 --> 00:09:01,042
Oh, I do hope Mama conducts herself
with poise and dignity.

131
00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:05,003
Can't be more dignified than that.

132
00:09:11,807 --> 00:09:15,436
- You naughty little man.
- What are you talking about?

133
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:18,476
Lulu May Lou from Louisville.

134
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,682
- Lulu May Lou from Louisville?
- Kansas City?

135
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:26,159
I don't know Lulu May Lou
from Kansas City either.

136
00:09:26,887 --> 00:09:28,286
Sally May Lou?

137
00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:32,479
- Lulu May Sally?
- Let's forget it.

138
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,441
You were gonna tell me about the future.

139
00:09:35,527 --> 00:09:37,643
Oh, yes.

140
00:09:38,847 --> 00:09:41,202
Your future is coming through.

141
00:09:41,607 --> 00:09:43,882
I can see it clearly.

142
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:47,118
Yeah, well,
I can see yours even more clearly.

143
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:51,116
- Oh, you a gypsy, too?
- No, I'm a police officer.

144
00:09:51,447 --> 00:09:53,438
Lady, you're going to jail.

145
00:09:53,807 --> 00:09:57,436
I better get a new ball.
Everybody seems to be going to jail.

146
00:09:57,527 --> 00:10:01,520
Well, I don't know about everybody.
But lady, you're under arrest.

147
00:10:01,847 --> 00:10:03,519
Come on, Madame Bovary.

148
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:05,563
Back to the chandelier for you.

149
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,366
Couldn't even tell me
he was a police officer.

150
00:10:11,927 --> 00:10:15,078
- Is something wrong?
- This big boor is arresting me.

151
00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:17,437
What's the meaning of this, Mr. Boor?

152
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:22,476
This woman is under arrest for violation
of the municipal code, Section 4-3-3-0.

153
00:10:22,647 --> 00:10:24,717
And she's going down to the station
with me.

154
00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:27,924
Sorry, old man, we can't permit Mama
to go out with strangers.

155
00:10:28,007 --> 00:10:31,477
He's right.
We've never been properly introduced.

156
00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:35,157
Really?
Well, allow me to introduce myself.

157
00:10:35,247 --> 00:10:37,807
Police Lieutenant James Poston.

158
00:10:37,967 --> 00:10:41,403
- How do you do?
- How do... You're pinched.

159
00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:46,160
- Fine beginning.
- Don't fret, Mama.

160
00:10:46,247 --> 00:10:50,001
You'll have the greatest legal brains
defending you since Clarence Darrow.

161
00:10:50,087 --> 00:10:54,478
- But, darling, I haven't practiced in years.
- This will be excellent practice for you.

162
00:10:54,807 --> 00:10:57,844
You're right. First thing we'll do
is obtain an injunction.

163
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,326
An injunction for what?

164
00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:02,558
Oh, I'll think of something.
Doesn't hurt to have one handy.

165
00:11:02,647 --> 00:11:04,956
Are you ready, Madame Bovary?

166
00:11:05,047 --> 00:11:08,119
From now on,
I'll thank you to call me Madame X.

167
00:11:10,327 --> 00:11:13,000
Courage, Mama.
We'll have you out of jail by sundown.

168
00:11:13,087 --> 00:11:16,079
- How, darling, how?
- Conceal a hacksaw in a pie.

169
00:11:16,247 --> 00:11:19,205
Hacksaw in a pie.
But isn't that dangerous?

170
00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:22,042
Remember when we did that
for Cousin Cringe?

171
00:11:22,127 --> 00:11:24,880
- Cousin Cringe?
- Yes, he ate the hacksaw.

172
00:11:24,967 --> 00:11:26,923
In fact, he developed a taste for them.

173
00:11:27,007 --> 00:11:29,202
Yes. Well, forget the hacksaw.

174
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,842
- We'll claim insanity.
- Mama's?

175
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:33,918
- The Lieutenant's.
- Very clever.

176
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,323
- I'm not sure it'll work.
- Why not?

177
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,404
- Politics.
- Oh, that's true.

178
00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,755
I'll have the law declared unconstitutional.

179
00:11:46,007 --> 00:11:48,999
Lieutenant Poston's 3-3-4-0 will be erased
from the statutes.

180
00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:51,647
Brilliant, darling, absolutely brilliant.

181
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:55,523
But didn't Lieutenant Poston
say that law was 4-3-3-0?

182
00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:00,882
Or was it 3-3-4-0?
Maybe it was 3-0-0-0-0-0.

183
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:03,437
I'll have them all
declared unconstitutional.

184
00:12:03,527 --> 00:12:05,040
Can't be too careful, you know.

185
00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:08,881
Darling, it's so reassuring to have
Mama's defense in your hands.

186
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:11,557
Well, they didn't call me
"the Loophole" for nothing.

187
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,763
No, the name fits you perfectly.

188
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:17,683
- I'm worried about one thing.
- Worried? Cara mia.

189
00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:21,119
- About what?
- I don't know what to wear to court.

190
00:12:27,887 --> 00:12:32,642
Hey, let me out of here!
Let me out of here!

191
00:12:32,727 --> 00:12:35,287
Mama, you poor darling,
what are they doing to you?

192
00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:39,076
Nothing. I saw this cup-banging scene
in a prison picture once.

193
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:42,000
- You were very convincing.
- Thank you.

194
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:44,795
- Where's Gomez?
- He's working on your release.

195
00:12:44,887 --> 00:12:48,562
- Never lost a case, you know.
- Never won one, either. Perfect record.

196
00:12:48,647 --> 00:12:52,083
- Get your hands off of me. Release me!
- Now keep moving, keep moving.

197
00:12:53,127 --> 00:12:54,640
Madame Bovary.

198
00:12:54,727 --> 00:12:57,480
Welcome, dear.
You made it just as I predicted.

199
00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,081
- I told you she's fabulous.
- What happened?

200
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:02,840
Well, I was crossing a street
in the middle of the block

201
00:13:02,927 --> 00:13:05,566
and an officer had the nerve
to give me a ticket.

202
00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:07,763
So naturally I kicked him.

203
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:10,326
Just bear with it.

204
00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:13,797
My husband will take your case
as soon as he frees Mama.

205
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:17,766
- Oh, is your husband a lawyer?
- He's the great Loophole.

206
00:13:22,887 --> 00:13:25,082
Look, mister, I don't make the laws.

207
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:28,284
Just pay the $10 fine
and you can have her out in five minutes.

208
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,119
I'm afraid I couldn't do that.

209
00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:33,643
It wouldn't give Mama time enough to do
her famous mess hall scene.

210
00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:35,524
She just loves prison pictures.

211
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,644
Look, I might even get the judge
to reduce the fine.

212
00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:41,685
Oh, it's not a matter of money,
it's a question of principle.

213
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:43,678
Just what do you want?

214
00:13:43,807 --> 00:13:47,766
I demand an immediate trial,
complete acquittal, and a full apology.

215
00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:51,757
Well, chum,
you sure picked the right judge for that.

216
00:13:55,607 --> 00:13:58,485
First case. "The People v. Addams."

217
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:10,799
Bailiff, which one is the defendant?

218
00:14:12,007 --> 00:14:13,679
The odd-Iooking one.

219
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:19,679
I repeat, which one is the defendant?

220
00:14:21,287 --> 00:14:23,403
The old bat on the end.

221
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,959
Trolling on skid row?

222
00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:32,439
Fortune-telling. The others are her family.

223
00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:34,362
Figured.

224
00:14:39,887 --> 00:14:42,276
- Who's the complainant?
- I am, Your Honor.

225
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:46,155
This woman is in violation
of the municipal code, Section 4-3-3-0.

226
00:14:46,807 --> 00:14:49,480
Is the defendant represented by counsel?

227
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:57,599
- You are counsel for the defendant?
- That honor belongs to my dear husband.

228
00:14:58,327 --> 00:15:01,205
Permit me to introduce
the bar's brightest light,

229
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,922
Gomez "Loophole" Addams.

230
00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:09,082
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

231
00:15:09,687 --> 00:15:11,006
What goes on here?

232
00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:14,124
Just sit tight, Judge,
and we'll show you how to run a trial.

233
00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:17,836
- I warn you, I'll stand for no nonsense.
- I object.

234
00:15:18,647 --> 00:15:20,524
- You object?
- Just testing.

235
00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:25,042
- Bailiff?
- Yes, Your Honor?

236
00:15:25,127 --> 00:15:27,800
- Is this some sort of a joke?
- No, Your Honor.

237
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:32,161
- And that Addams is really a lawyer.
- I don't believe it.

238
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:34,841
- I checked.
- I still don't believe it.

239
00:15:36,407 --> 00:15:39,763
But we'll proceed.
This is getting interesting.

240
00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:43,801
JUDGE: Proceed.

241
00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:45,366
And Mr. Addams,

242
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,717
you'd better watch your step.

243
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:54,362
Darling, I don't think he likes us.
Maybe you'd better pay him the $10.

244
00:15:54,447 --> 00:15:57,007
- For a trumped-up charge?
- Offer him $5.

245
00:15:57,287 --> 00:15:59,323
Nonsense, we've got him on the run.

246
00:15:59,807 --> 00:16:02,367
The first witness for the defense
will be the victim

247
00:16:02,447 --> 00:16:06,406
of this outrageous miscarriage of justice,
the defendant herself.

248
00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,563
- Swear her in.
- I object.

249
00:16:08,887 --> 00:16:11,276
You object to your own witness
taking the oath?

250
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,483
I certainly do. It cramps her style.

251
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,756
You avoided that trap very neatly, darling.

252
00:16:17,847 --> 00:16:20,600
Gracias, cara mia, gracias.

253
00:16:22,287 --> 00:16:24,517
Will you proceed?

254
00:16:25,127 --> 00:16:27,721
Yes, Your Honor.

255
00:16:27,807 --> 00:16:32,039
I shall ignore the prejudice, intimidation,
and irregularities of this entire farce

256
00:16:32,127 --> 00:16:36,757
and caution you that no matter
what the verdict is, I shall appeal.

257
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:42,755
Order in this court. Order!

258
00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:46,599
- I object.
- You object?

259
00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:50,278
Well, you don't expect me
to sit here like a dummy, do you?

260
00:16:50,367 --> 00:16:53,518
- I hold you in contempt.
- Well, that makes us even.

261
00:16:54,287 --> 00:16:56,960
That will cost you $50.

262
00:16:57,807 --> 00:16:59,160
Sounds reasonable.

263
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:04,397
Now will you be quiet?
Or would you like to try for $100?

264
00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:08,082
$100? Forget it. Sorehead.

265
00:17:08,847 --> 00:17:13,716
Sir, I warn you, you better shut
your clack up and get on with this case.

266
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,998
Yes, darling, I wish you would.

267
00:17:16,087 --> 00:17:18,442
That silly hammer
is giving me a headache.

268
00:17:20,887 --> 00:17:22,605
Thank you, Thing.

269
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:26,438
Makes a wonderful law clerk.

270
00:17:30,607 --> 00:17:32,837
- You need some more light?
- Yes, please.

271
00:17:35,047 --> 00:17:36,321
That's better.

272
00:17:37,487 --> 00:17:39,523
- Thank you, Fester.
- Pleasure.

273
00:17:42,247 --> 00:17:43,441
Your Honor,

274
00:17:44,007 --> 00:17:47,238
the simple rule of law involved here
is amply demonstrated

275
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,763
in the celebrated case of "Vauglin v. Broar"

276
00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:53,919
which reversed the decision
of Shepherd against Flug

277
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:57,761
which upheld the decision
of ex parte Drake.

278
00:17:57,847 --> 00:17:59,200
Reaffirming the dictum...

279
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,198
Hold it, hold it.

280
00:18:01,967 --> 00:18:04,356
I wish you wouldn't interrupt my husband.

281
00:18:04,447 --> 00:18:06,483
Go on, darling, I'm fascinated.

282
00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:10,678
Would you mind telling me what
all that's got to do with this case?

283
00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:13,361
- "Does Macy tell Gimbel?"
- Maybe not.

284
00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:15,722
But let me tell you something.

285
00:18:15,807 --> 00:18:18,560
I'm beginning
to doubt your credentials as a lawyer.

286
00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,361
- I resent that.
- I think you're a fraud!

287
00:18:21,807 --> 00:18:22,796
That's different.

288
00:18:22,887 --> 00:18:23,876
Olé, olé.

289
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,759
Listen, all of you, this is my final warning.

290
00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:31,765
Your Honor, please, that hammer.

291
00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,638
You run the noisiest court.

292
00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:39,520
- Perhaps you'd like to take over?
- May I?

293
00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:42,362
- Be my guest.
- Thank you.

294
00:18:44,527 --> 00:18:46,404
I think we may have misjudged
the poor dear.

295
00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:48,318
That hammering does throw you.

296
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:52,276
Come, cara. Perhaps you can penetrate
the wall of bias and ignorance

297
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,278
surrounding this travesty of justice.

298
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,200
I can only try. Thank you, darling.

299
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:02,957
Your Honor, one look at the accused
should convince you

300
00:19:03,047 --> 00:19:05,641
that she is as innocent as a newborn babe.

301
00:19:08,207 --> 00:19:12,917
Madam, I've seen more innocent looks
on Murder Incorporated.

302
00:19:14,127 --> 00:19:15,560
Must be this light.

303
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:20,880
True, a crime had been committed,
but not by this saintly old lady.

304
00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:22,879
Hear, hear.

305
00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:26,405
The real criminal is right here
in this courtroom,

306
00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:28,842
hiding behind a shield of respectability.

307
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,362
- There's the culprit.
- Me?

308
00:19:31,647 --> 00:19:35,083
- Might as well confess, old boy.
- Thought you'd beat the rap, huh?

309
00:19:35,527 --> 00:19:38,166
Wait till Lulu May Lou hears about this.

310
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:46,239
- May I say a word?
- Please do.

311
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:50,116
- This is insanity.
- Exactly what we claim.

312
00:19:50,447 --> 00:19:51,721
Your Honor, please.

313
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,560
Did you
or did you not enter our peaceful home,

314
00:19:54,647 --> 00:19:59,277
pretending to be a lover of the zodiac,
and caused this entire mishmash?

315
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,642
- Well, I...
- Answer the question.

316
00:20:02,807 --> 00:20:05,719
- Okay, I did.
- The defense rests.

317
00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:08,085
Brava! Brava!

318
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:10,362
Olé, olé, olé.

319
00:20:10,447 --> 00:20:11,596
Wonderful, Tish!

320
00:20:11,687 --> 00:20:14,440
You tore them to shreds, Morticia.

321
00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:22,077
- May I have another word?
- Please, speak right up.

322
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:23,995
Thank you.

323
00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:29,519
Well, in all my 30 years on the bench,

324
00:20:29,847 --> 00:20:33,806
I have never seen
a more preposterous, idiotic,

325
00:20:33,887 --> 00:20:37,084
reprehensible display of court conduct.

326
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,445
Well, it did start that way,
but you redeemed yourself.

327
00:20:41,047 --> 00:20:44,323
There is only one verdict possible
in this case.

328
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:47,679
- Guilty. Guilty!
- Thank you.

329
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:51,563
But we beg you,
be lenient with the poor lieutenant.

330
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:59,399
Well, sorry we can't stay around for
the sentencing. We're double-parked.

331
00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:01,364
JUDGE: You're not going anywhere.

332
00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:04,678
I'm declaring all of you guilty
of the worst contempt

333
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,803
I've ever been subjected to.

334
00:21:07,087 --> 00:21:11,524
If I have my way
they'll reopen Alcatraz just for you.

335
00:21:13,447 --> 00:21:15,597
Isn't that sweet?

336
00:21:16,127 --> 00:21:19,722
Just a minute, Harvey.
I'll have something to say about this.

337
00:21:19,807 --> 00:21:22,685
- Arlene, what are you doing here?
- We'll get to that later.

338
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:25,998
Right now, I demand that you
set aside your stupid verdict.

339
00:21:26,447 --> 00:21:28,517
I'd rather be disbarred.

340
00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:31,196
Why, that old crow's
not only guilty of fraud, she's...

341
00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:33,960
Fraud? Why, she's positively psychic.

342
00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:36,561
She predicted I'd end up in jail, and I did.

343
00:21:36,887 --> 00:21:38,923
- In jail?
- That's right, Your Honor.

344
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:41,316
Your wife was picked up on a 412.

345
00:21:45,047 --> 00:21:47,242
- Well, you heard my decision.
- Harvey.

346
00:21:51,687 --> 00:21:53,040
Case dismissed.

347
00:21:53,167 --> 00:21:55,965
- I'm free!
- I told you we'd spring you.

348
00:21:56,047 --> 00:21:57,799
Right was on our side.

349
00:21:58,207 --> 00:22:00,357
Right and the judge's wife.

350
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,836
This Zen-Yogi is wonderful for reading.

351
00:22:11,127 --> 00:22:12,355
So I see.

352
00:22:17,007 --> 00:22:18,326
What is it, Thing?

353
00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:21,797
We would like some more tea, yes.

354
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:29,366
Thank you, Thing.

355
00:22:32,487 --> 00:22:35,559
- Darling, would you like your tea now?
- Later, my dear.

356
00:22:36,487 --> 00:22:39,240
It's so good to see you
with your law books again.

357
00:22:39,927 --> 00:22:42,361
Say something legal for me, dear.

358
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,159
Non compos mentis.

359
00:22:46,447 --> 00:22:47,800
Very appropriate.

360
00:22:50,927 --> 00:22:53,964
My dear! Did you know
that armed robbery was illegal?

361
00:22:55,287 --> 00:22:56,356
I'm glad.

362
00:22:57,047 --> 00:22:59,402
But doesn't that make for unemployment?

363
00:22:59,727 --> 00:23:01,319
Well, no law is perfect.

364
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:04,322
That's true.

365
00:23:04,487 --> 00:23:08,366
Speaking of law, I wonder whatever
happened to old Judge Saunders.

366
00:23:09,887 --> 00:23:12,355
I can find out,
if you promise not to tell Mama.

367
00:23:12,447 --> 00:23:13,596
I promise.

368
00:23:15,367 --> 00:23:18,404
Thing? You can bring it out of hiding now.

369
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:25,957
You're a sly one.
Keeping the temptation from Mama.

370
00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:28,562
There he is. I can see him now.

371
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:31,396
- And he's still a judge.
- Supreme court?

372
00:23:31,487 --> 00:23:32,761
County fair.

373
00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:35,205
He deserved the promotion.