1 00:00:17,007 --> 00:00:18,918 They're creepy and they're kooky 2 00:00:19,007 --> 00:00:20,725 Mysterious and spooky 3 00:00:20,807 --> 00:00:22,684 They're altogether ooky 4 00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:24,678 The Addams family 5 00:00:24,767 --> 00:00:26,598 The house is a museum 6 00:00:26,687 --> 00:00:28,564 When people come to see 'em 7 00:00:28,647 --> 00:00:30,478 They really are a scream 8 00:00:30,567 --> 00:00:32,080 The Addams family 9 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,356 MAN: Neat. 10 00:00:35,007 --> 00:00:35,996 Sweet. 11 00:00:38,887 --> 00:00:39,876 Petite. 12 00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:41,798 So get a witch's shawl on 13 00:00:41,887 --> 00:00:43,718 A broomstick you can crawl on 14 00:00:43,807 --> 00:00:45,604 We're gonna pay a call on 15 00:00:45,687 --> 00:00:48,281 The Addams family 16 00:01:02,607 --> 00:01:04,518 Good morning, Cleopatra. 17 00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:07,721 Here you are, darling. 18 00:01:08,967 --> 00:01:10,161 Don't gulp. 19 00:01:14,287 --> 00:01:15,606 Querida. 20 00:01:16,727 --> 00:01:18,922 Darling. Did you enjoy your breakfast? 21 00:01:19,007 --> 00:01:21,601 - Truly delectable. - I'm glad. 22 00:01:21,807 --> 00:01:25,038 I spent the whole morning gathering toadstools for your omelette. 23 00:01:26,207 --> 00:01:28,437 Allow me to express my appreciation 24 00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:32,202 with this new policy on my life, with you as sole beneficiary. 25 00:01:32,487 --> 00:01:34,796 How thoughtful, darling. 26 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,206 A million dollars. 27 00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,597 What a nice round figure, bubele. 28 00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:44,559 Tish, you know what you do when you call me bubele. 29 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:46,882 Darling, you've just had breakfast. 30 00:01:47,367 --> 00:01:48,925 You're right. 31 00:01:50,687 --> 00:01:53,326 There's a nice round double indemnity clause in that policy. 32 00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:55,557 Really? Sounds lovely. What does it mean? 33 00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:57,842 In case of accident you get twice the amount. 34 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:00,917 I trust that won't put ideas in your head. 35 00:02:01,527 --> 00:02:02,596 Gomez! 36 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,925 Merely a jest, my dear. 37 00:02:05,207 --> 00:02:07,084 I'm afraid I shall favor you with my presence 38 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:09,556 for an exasperatingly long time 39 00:02:09,647 --> 00:02:11,956 with my new physical fitness program. 40 00:02:12,047 --> 00:02:14,038 Darling, where did you get the Indian clubs? 41 00:02:14,127 --> 00:02:16,197 Where does anyone get old Indian clubs? 42 00:02:16,287 --> 00:02:17,163 From an old Indian. 43 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,481 Darling! 44 00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,165 Are you hurt? 45 00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,198 Gomez, are you all right? 46 00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:35,556 - Who's Gomez? - You are. 47 00:02:36,727 --> 00:02:39,082 - Bubele. - What's a bubele? 48 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,920 This is dreadful. Has your memory been destroyed? 49 00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:45,165 I don't know. I don't remember. 50 00:02:45,607 --> 00:02:47,484 Oh, my poor darling. 51 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:51,083 Please. I don't believe we've met. 52 00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:55,201 Gomez, I'm Morticia, your wife. 53 00:02:55,887 --> 00:02:57,559 - I'm married? - Of course. 54 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,764 - To you? - Yes. 55 00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:02,885 Why are you wearing black? 56 00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:05,037 Darling, I always wear black. 57 00:03:05,327 --> 00:03:07,079 You said it was so becoming. 58 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,236 I did? 59 00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:12,285 Are you sure we're married? 60 00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:13,402 Well, of... 61 00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:16,843 Look, here's the insurance policy you bought for me, see? 62 00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:18,800 A million dollars. 63 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,238 Well, I'm glad I have money. 64 00:03:21,807 --> 00:03:24,037 Here, darling, let me help you up. 65 00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:25,955 There. 66 00:03:26,047 --> 00:03:29,164 Now, your name is Gomez Addams. 67 00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:31,797 And you've just had your breakfast. 68 00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:34,163 And you're in your very own home. 69 00:03:34,927 --> 00:03:36,360 Very depressing. 70 00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:38,320 You don't like it? 71 00:03:38,647 --> 00:03:40,638 It looks like a museum that's been condemned. 72 00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:42,122 Oh, dear. 73 00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:44,516 I must do something to restore your mind. 74 00:03:48,047 --> 00:03:50,117 I was right! The house is falling. 75 00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:52,006 You rang? 76 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,075 - What's that? - That's our butler, Lurch. 77 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,285 Is it real or do you wind it up? 78 00:03:58,047 --> 00:03:59,241 Gomez! 79 00:03:59,927 --> 00:04:02,760 Mr. Addams seems to have lost his memory, Lurch. 80 00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:05,077 Perhaps a nice, hot cup of henbane? 81 00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:06,681 Henbane! 82 00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:09,918 Just give me a glass of milk. 83 00:04:10,287 --> 00:04:11,436 Milk? 84 00:04:12,447 --> 00:04:13,960 From a cow? 85 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:16,758 There's no need to go that far. 86 00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:17,996 Moose milk will do. 87 00:04:18,087 --> 00:04:19,566 Never mind. 88 00:04:20,247 --> 00:04:23,239 Just tell your gargoyle to take off. He makes me nervous. 89 00:04:27,607 --> 00:04:30,405 Gomez, you hurt Lurch's feelings. 90 00:04:30,927 --> 00:04:33,441 Perhaps a nice visit with the children would soothe you. 91 00:04:34,247 --> 00:04:35,965 Children? What children? 92 00:04:36,047 --> 00:04:37,685 Our children, dear. 93 00:04:38,207 --> 00:04:40,243 Madam, are you suggesting... 94 00:04:41,127 --> 00:04:44,278 - that we've been more than friends? - Gomez, we're married. 95 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,595 Oh, I forgot. 96 00:04:45,687 --> 00:04:46,961 Come along, dear. 97 00:04:55,767 --> 00:04:57,837 Children, say hello to your father. 98 00:04:57,927 --> 00:04:59,121 - Hello, Father. - Hello, Father. 99 00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:00,276 How do you do? 100 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,081 Go right ahead with your playing. We don't want to disturb you. 101 00:05:06,127 --> 00:05:08,038 Surely you recognize your own offspring? 102 00:05:08,127 --> 00:05:10,436 No, but the girl does resemble you. 103 00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:13,202 And Pugsley is the image of you. 104 00:05:13,727 --> 00:05:16,241 - He is? - Naturally. Look in the mirror. 105 00:05:17,607 --> 00:05:18,881 I'm afraid. 106 00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:21,165 What the devil is that? 107 00:05:21,247 --> 00:05:23,477 That's Lucifer, my pet. 108 00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:25,478 He's nice and slippery. 109 00:05:26,447 --> 00:05:30,281 I'm going to get you a lovely, golden-haired doll that says "mama." 110 00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:32,164 But what have I done? 111 00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:34,636 - Nothing. - Then why are you punishing me? 112 00:05:34,927 --> 00:05:36,679 I'm not punishing you. 113 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:39,235 I just want you to get rid of that ghastly bug. 114 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,681 Yes, yes, dear. 115 00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:44,521 Pugsley, why don't you show your father what you can do with the trains. 116 00:05:44,647 --> 00:05:46,285 Watch this, Father. 117 00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:55,485 Swell wreck, wasn't it? 118 00:05:55,567 --> 00:05:57,000 Swell wreck? 119 00:05:58,287 --> 00:05:59,720 The boy needs help. 120 00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:05,037 Until you pay for those trains, I am cutting off your allowance. 121 00:06:05,127 --> 00:06:07,038 But I don't get any allowance. 122 00:06:07,127 --> 00:06:09,721 Starting today, you'll get an allowance so I can cut it off. 123 00:06:10,887 --> 00:06:12,923 There's a touch of madness around here. 124 00:06:15,647 --> 00:06:18,161 Children, your father isn't himself. 125 00:06:18,527 --> 00:06:21,200 And until he gets better we're just going to have to humor him. 126 00:06:21,287 --> 00:06:23,517 - We understand. - Father's flipped! 127 00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:25,921 Pugsley! 128 00:06:26,447 --> 00:06:27,721 I'm afraid you're right. 129 00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:33,280 - Why do you keep staring at me? - Doesn't everyone? 130 00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:38,921 I'm so glad to see you and Uncle Fester having such a nice chat. 131 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,281 Uncle Fester. 132 00:06:41,327 --> 00:06:43,238 From your side of the family, I hope. 133 00:06:43,327 --> 00:06:45,477 You'll have to excuse him, Uncle Fester. 134 00:06:45,647 --> 00:06:48,844 He's had a lapse of memory. And a bad shock. 135 00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:50,440 Several bad shocks. 136 00:06:50,527 --> 00:06:53,325 What he needs is a good workout in the playroom. 137 00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:57,002 A half an hour on the bed of nails and you'll be in as good a shape as I am. 138 00:06:57,087 --> 00:06:58,566 Now I'm worried. 139 00:06:58,647 --> 00:07:01,605 Come along, darling. It might do you some good. Come along. 140 00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:07,719 This is the playroom? 141 00:07:07,967 --> 00:07:09,286 Of course. 142 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:11,437 A place of joy and laughter. 143 00:07:20,287 --> 00:07:23,836 - He's not laughing. - Lurch holds his laughter inside. 144 00:07:24,407 --> 00:07:25,806 Let it out, Lurch. 145 00:07:32,207 --> 00:07:33,799 Put it back, Lurch. 146 00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:37,798 How's your headache, Uncle Fester? 147 00:07:37,887 --> 00:07:40,117 A couple more turns ought to do it. 148 00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:55,717 Darling, you've always loved this room. 149 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,958 Don't you like it now? 150 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,439 It has its points. 151 00:08:07,247 --> 00:08:09,761 Well, this is an interesting old woodcarving. 152 00:08:09,847 --> 00:08:11,883 - Me, a woodcarving? - It's alive! 153 00:08:12,487 --> 00:08:14,796 Mama, he's had a lapse of memory. 154 00:08:14,887 --> 00:08:17,196 I'm thinking of putting him on the rack. 155 00:08:17,287 --> 00:08:19,847 Good idea. A few twists might straighten him out. 156 00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:21,560 A few twists? 157 00:08:21,647 --> 00:08:24,639 Yes, darling. You see, we tie your hands and your feet 158 00:08:24,727 --> 00:08:26,877 and then Lurch turns the crank. 159 00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:29,959 - And that will make me better? - And taller, too. 160 00:08:30,567 --> 00:08:32,444 You're trying to kill me. 161 00:08:32,527 --> 00:08:34,404 - Oh, no, darling. - Get that double indemnity... 162 00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:36,000 No, no, no. 163 00:08:36,327 --> 00:08:40,320 You're dearer to me than all the bats in all the caves in the world. 164 00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:42,399 Now trust me, Gomez. 165 00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:45,315 All right. 166 00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:46,886 But I'm not going on that rack. 167 00:08:46,967 --> 00:08:48,764 All right, darling, you don't have to. 168 00:08:48,847 --> 00:08:51,759 Perhaps if you took part in some simple household routine, 169 00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:53,917 it would do more to bring your memory back. 170 00:08:54,007 --> 00:08:57,124 I have it. Would you like to help me feed the plants? 171 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:01,479 - Yes, that sounds harmless enough. - All right. 172 00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:04,081 - Mama, would you care to join us? - No, I can't. 173 00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,123 I have to stay in the stock another hour. 174 00:09:06,207 --> 00:09:07,925 It's my beauty treatment. 175 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:12,679 Better make that two hours. 176 00:09:18,007 --> 00:09:20,157 - Go ahead, darling, feed her. - With hamburgers? 177 00:09:20,247 --> 00:09:22,158 What else? Go on. 178 00:09:28,087 --> 00:09:30,760 - That thing tried to eat me. - Nonsense. 179 00:09:31,207 --> 00:09:33,084 Humans give her terrible heartburn. 180 00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:37,840 Show Father how much you love him, Cleopatra. 181 00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,000 It's choking me. 182 00:09:42,087 --> 00:09:43,998 Nonsense. She's embracing you. 183 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,806 You're trying to kill me! To get that insurance money. 184 00:09:50,687 --> 00:09:52,166 Oh, Cleopatra. 185 00:09:52,527 --> 00:09:54,085 I know, darling. 186 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,961 I know how it feels to be scorned. 187 00:10:03,247 --> 00:10:05,283 You must believe me, Gomez. 188 00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:08,359 I would no more harm you than a vulture in its nest. 189 00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:10,838 Vultures! Are they circling already? 190 00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:12,799 Of course not, bubele. 191 00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:15,962 Don't call me that ridiculous name. 192 00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:17,560 It used to thrill you. 193 00:10:17,647 --> 00:10:20,559 It would turn you into a fiery furnace of affection. 194 00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:21,796 Impossible. 195 00:10:22,647 --> 00:10:25,002 Let's recapture those mad moments, Gomez. 196 00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:26,766 Kiss my arm. 197 00:10:27,407 --> 00:10:28,522 Your arm? 198 00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:30,279 Darling, I'm yours. 199 00:10:30,607 --> 00:10:32,677 From shoulder to knuckle. 200 00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:34,560 Isn't that rather unsanitary? 201 00:10:36,167 --> 00:10:38,397 I must awaken you, Gomez. And I will. 202 00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:40,683 Not in that absurd outfit. 203 00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,400 - Darling... - No offense, 204 00:10:42,487 --> 00:10:45,081 but something must be done about your clothes. 205 00:10:49,327 --> 00:10:51,966 - Just your type. - Oh, no, Gomez, please. 206 00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:53,560 He's sicker than I thought. 207 00:10:53,647 --> 00:10:55,126 You don't like my presents? 208 00:10:55,207 --> 00:10:58,483 Oh, darling, of course. I always love your presents. 209 00:10:58,607 --> 00:11:00,484 It's just that they're so... 210 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:03,076 expensive. 211 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:05,442 Well, certainly they're expensive. 212 00:11:05,527 --> 00:11:07,836 But it's worth it to see my wife dressed properly. 213 00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:15,683 Son, why don't you go lie down for a while? You're not well. 214 00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:17,957 Nonsense! Never felt better in my life. 215 00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:20,322 I shopped like mad. Beautiful, isn't it? 216 00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:24,117 I think I better go lie down. 217 00:11:24,807 --> 00:11:26,718 They're all so lovely. 218 00:11:26,807 --> 00:11:29,162 I don't know which to try on first. 219 00:11:29,687 --> 00:11:32,247 Well, perhaps I have overdone it a bit. 220 00:11:32,687 --> 00:11:36,521 Yes. I need time to absorb your generosity and to think about it. 221 00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:39,878 Lurch, would you put these... things upstairs in my room? 222 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,685 I'll try them on later. 223 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,997 Darling, why don't you relax? 224 00:11:44,087 --> 00:11:46,123 It's not very easy to relax around here. 225 00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:48,721 Well, of course it is. Stand on your head. 226 00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:07,716 He's even talking of chopping down my beautiful African strangler. 227 00:12:07,807 --> 00:12:09,877 Kill Cleopatra? 228 00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:13,084 - That's murder! - Father wouldn't do that. 229 00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:16,320 Your father's ill, dear. He doesn't know what he's saying. 230 00:12:19,127 --> 00:12:20,765 I just don't know what to do. 231 00:12:20,847 --> 00:12:23,156 I'd hoped one of you might have a suggestion. 232 00:12:23,807 --> 00:12:27,516 How about a little heat therapy? That might snap him out of it. 233 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,725 I could boil some oil and dip his head in it. 234 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,561 No, no, you did that for his migraine, remember? 235 00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:36,765 It just made him hotheaded. 236 00:12:41,447 --> 00:12:44,803 Yes, Thing. What is it? Do you have an idea? 237 00:12:51,207 --> 00:12:55,644 Oh, no, no. I read about that, too, but I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. 238 00:12:56,327 --> 00:12:57,396 Do what? 239 00:12:57,487 --> 00:13:00,206 It's here, in Grandpa Squint's old medical book. 240 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,641 I marked it. 241 00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:03,762 See? 242 00:13:03,847 --> 00:13:06,600 "When amnesia is caused by a blow on the head, 243 00:13:06,687 --> 00:13:10,123 "it can sometimes be cured by giving the victim a similar blow." 244 00:13:11,327 --> 00:13:13,363 But I could never do that to Gomez. 245 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:16,120 We'll just have to wait and hope that he comes to his senses 246 00:13:16,207 --> 00:13:18,675 before he destroys our beautiful way of life. 247 00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:22,123 I never thought anyone in this family'd go nutty. 248 00:13:22,207 --> 00:13:25,005 Well, maybe he'll be better when we get back, honey. 249 00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:29,440 I'm taking the children to the movies to see The Batwoman From Outer Space. 250 00:13:29,647 --> 00:13:33,435 - They love those true-life stories. - Lovely, Mama. 251 00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:35,440 Children, you run along now. 252 00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:38,724 But take the back door and don't disturb your dear father. 253 00:13:38,807 --> 00:13:41,196 - Oh, goody, goody. - Oh, goody, goody. 254 00:13:55,247 --> 00:13:57,283 FESTER: Morticia can't do it, huh? 255 00:13:57,687 --> 00:14:00,645 If it'll make Gomez well, I can do it. 256 00:14:03,327 --> 00:14:06,319 I love that boy but I'll clobber him. 257 00:14:15,447 --> 00:14:17,165 Well, hello there, Fester. 258 00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:20,365 - Didn't hear you come in. - I sneaked in. 259 00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:22,597 Must have dozed off. Fell out of the chair. 260 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,326 - How do you feel? - Fine. Never felt better in my life. 261 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,841 You're looking mighty good today. Handsome as usual. 262 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,559 - Where's Morticia? - I'll call her. 263 00:14:33,127 --> 00:14:35,402 Morticia! Morticia! 264 00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:45,125 Oh, Gomez, darling, I was going to try on these dresses 265 00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:47,277 but I didn't know which one you wanted to see first. 266 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,483 Great jumping catfish! 267 00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,797 Where did you find those monstrosities? 268 00:14:51,887 --> 00:14:53,957 - Find them? But... - Never mind where they came from. 269 00:14:54,047 --> 00:14:56,083 Put them back, cara mia. Please. 270 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:02,805 Oh, yes, Gomez, darling, yes, I will. 271 00:15:02,887 --> 00:15:05,640 - I'm so happy. - Querida mía. 272 00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:08,116 - I'll be right back down. - Cara. 273 00:15:34,607 --> 00:15:37,599 LURCH: It's for his own good. 274 00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:12,599 Gomez, darling. 275 00:16:14,327 --> 00:16:16,557 I thought I'd bring these things all downstairs 276 00:16:16,647 --> 00:16:18,683 and then call a junkman to come and get them. 277 00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:20,803 Junkman? For your new clothes? 278 00:16:20,887 --> 00:16:23,196 Well, since you've told me to get rid of them, I thought... 279 00:16:23,287 --> 00:16:26,882 No, no, my dear. I said get rid of that horrible black thing. 280 00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:31,006 - But, bubele? - Not bubele. 281 00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:34,797 Very well, Mr. Addams. 282 00:16:35,647 --> 00:16:38,081 GOMEZ: I... Perhaps, I'm too strict with you, my dear. 283 00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,078 After all, you are my wife. 284 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,759 Yes, and it isn't easy. 285 00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:44,486 So you may call me "honey bun." 286 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,560 Or "doll boy." 287 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,926 MORTICIA: Doll boy. Oh, he is sick. 288 00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:57,045 Now run upstairs and get rid of that black thing 289 00:16:57,127 --> 00:16:59,197 and put on some proper clothing. 290 00:16:59,527 --> 00:17:01,358 If this goes on much longer, 291 00:17:01,447 --> 00:17:04,200 the proper clothing for me will be a straitjacket. 292 00:17:04,647 --> 00:17:05,921 Very well... 293 00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:08,806 doll boy. 294 00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:14,717 (WHISPERS) Doesn't seem a bit better, does he? 295 00:17:15,487 --> 00:17:18,524 You children go play. I've got things to do. 296 00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:41,286 You mean hit my own father with an Indian club? 297 00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:44,643 - It's for his own good. - Then you do it. 298 00:17:44,847 --> 00:17:48,601 - He might get mad at me. - He might get mad at me, too. 299 00:17:48,807 --> 00:17:52,800 But while Father is ill, you're the head of the family. 300 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:55,919 Hand me that club. 301 00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:04,399 Gomez darling, you don't know what it means to me to have you well again. 302 00:18:04,487 --> 00:18:07,524 Well? I'm always well when I'm with you, cara mia. 303 00:18:09,687 --> 00:18:11,598 Later, darling, later. 304 00:18:12,607 --> 00:18:15,360 Later. Right now, I'm starved. 305 00:18:16,207 --> 00:18:20,485 Anything your heart desires. How about some of that nice baked iguana? 306 00:18:20,647 --> 00:18:24,686 Capital! An iguana sandwich and a steaming cup of pinecone nectar. 307 00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:28,477 Darling, you go right over here and you sit down 308 00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:31,879 and make yourself comfortable. I want to fix it myself. 309 00:18:32,007 --> 00:18:33,201 Querida. 310 00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:42,521 There he is. In the chair. 311 00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:45,719 - What if he sees us? - I'll take care of that. 312 00:18:48,607 --> 00:18:50,916 - Hello, Father. - Hello there. 313 00:18:51,247 --> 00:18:54,000 - I have a surprise for you. - Good, I love surprises. 314 00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:56,442 - Close your eyes. - All right. 315 00:18:57,207 --> 00:19:00,085 - Keep them closed real tight. - I will. 316 00:19:15,607 --> 00:19:20,283 I'm sorry it took so long, darling. But I wanted everything to be just so. 317 00:19:20,647 --> 00:19:23,559 - Is there something wrong? - I just had a dizzy spell or something. 318 00:19:23,647 --> 00:19:25,763 Well, this will fix you up. 319 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,565 - What's that? - Why, it's your lunch, darling. 320 00:19:29,727 --> 00:19:32,685 Baked iguana and pinecone nectar. 321 00:19:33,087 --> 00:19:36,762 Good heavens! Of all the nauseating-Iooking concoctions. 322 00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:41,124 - Are you trying to poison me? - Darling, don't even... 323 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,877 Oh, no, you're sick again. 324 00:19:45,087 --> 00:19:46,645 Now what am I going to do? 325 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,446 Well, for one thing, you could bring me some decent food. 326 00:19:49,527 --> 00:19:53,315 A hot dog with chili on it, a bottle of orange pop, 327 00:19:53,407 --> 00:19:55,921 and a slab of apple pie with cheese. 328 00:19:57,127 --> 00:19:58,526 Oh, Gomez! 329 00:20:02,527 --> 00:20:06,236 That's all it says, Uncle Fester. "A blow on the head." 330 00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:08,603 You must have done it incorrectly. 331 00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:12,600 You know, I thought I did it real good. He seemed well after I belted him. 332 00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:16,165 He was for a while, but it just didn't last. 333 00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:22,198 There's only one thing left to do. 334 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,165 Oh, boy! Hit him again. This time I'll belt him... 335 00:20:25,247 --> 00:20:29,286 No, Uncle Fester, this time I'll do it. But I'll need your help. 336 00:20:29,407 --> 00:20:31,045 I'll hold him for you. 337 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:35,242 I can't do it. I can't bear the look on his face when I hit him. 338 00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:40,039 - Should I put a sack over his head? - No. No, I have a much better idea. 339 00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:42,004 You know those long drapes in the living room? 340 00:20:42,087 --> 00:20:43,076 Sure. 341 00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:45,362 You tell him that you're playing a game with the children 342 00:20:45,447 --> 00:20:47,597 and then get him to hide behind them out of sight. 343 00:20:47,687 --> 00:20:49,439 Oh, boy, this sounds like fun! 344 00:20:49,887 --> 00:20:52,162 That way I can give him the club treatment 345 00:20:52,247 --> 00:20:54,602 without looking at his dear, sweet face. 346 00:21:06,367 --> 00:21:07,561 There he is. 347 00:21:08,927 --> 00:21:11,600 I'll get him behind the drapes, then you conk him good. 348 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,121 - I hope it works this time. - So do I. 349 00:21:14,767 --> 00:21:16,917 His poor head must be getting lumpy. 350 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:19,518 Yeah, but on him it looks good. 351 00:21:24,487 --> 00:21:27,160 Hi, Gomez. I've been looking all over for you. 352 00:21:27,247 --> 00:21:29,636 The children and I are gonna play hide-and-seek. 353 00:21:29,727 --> 00:21:31,922 - Would you care to join us? - I'm busy. 354 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:35,239 Come on, Gomez, you need the relaxation. 355 00:21:35,487 --> 00:21:37,603 - All right, all right. - Come on. Come on. 356 00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:38,881 - I'll play. - Good. 357 00:21:38,967 --> 00:21:40,878 Now we'll hide over there behind the drapes. 358 00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:42,446 They'll never find us. 359 00:21:42,527 --> 00:21:46,918 Come on, now, you take this side. Over here, like that. And I'll get in here. 360 00:21:48,287 --> 00:21:50,517 - Are you ready, Gomez? - GOMEZ: Ready. 361 00:21:50,647 --> 00:21:52,000 FESTER: We're ready! 362 00:22:03,367 --> 00:22:05,323 Darling, forgive me. 363 00:22:05,567 --> 00:22:09,196 - What in the world did you do to Fester? - Gomez! I thought it was you! 364 00:22:09,807 --> 00:22:11,445 Me? You thought... 365 00:22:11,527 --> 00:22:13,802 I was right. You are trying to kill me. 366 00:22:13,887 --> 00:22:16,037 No, darling, I'm only trying to make you well. 367 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,845 - With a club? - Yes! 368 00:22:17,927 --> 00:22:19,997 - You want that insurance money. - No! 369 00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:28,516 You won't get me! I'm getting out of here! 370 00:22:42,167 --> 00:22:45,716 My poor, battered, wounded love. Speak to me. 371 00:22:46,247 --> 00:22:47,726 Ah, querida. 372 00:22:47,887 --> 00:22:51,562 Darling, you're well at last. 373 00:22:51,727 --> 00:22:52,842 Bubele. 374 00:23:11,767 --> 00:23:13,280 A little harder, Thing. 375 00:23:14,287 --> 00:23:15,436 That's it. 376 00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:18,725 Nothing takes the knots off a man's head like sandpaper. 377 00:23:18,967 --> 00:23:21,686 Dear Thing. He has such a gentle touch. 378 00:23:22,087 --> 00:23:24,920 That fire smells good. What are we burning? 379 00:23:25,207 --> 00:23:26,925 Your Indian clubs. 380 00:23:28,967 --> 00:23:32,880 If I did half the things you said I did, I must have been a sick, sick man. 381 00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:36,240 Thanks to you, cara mia, I'm all well now. 382 00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:39,601 You really should thank Uncle Fester, dear. 383 00:23:40,407 --> 00:23:41,522 Thank you, Fester. 384 00:23:45,447 --> 00:23:46,846 Who's Fester? 385 00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:49,921 Oh, no.