1
00:01:21,087 --> 00:01:22,315
All right, sailor,
2
00:01:22,407 --> 00:01:25,399
pass the powder and grape shot
and we'll rake her fore and aft!
3
00:01:25,487 --> 00:01:26,522
No.
4
00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:30,236
Hey, you mutinous dog.
I'll have you quartered.
5
00:01:30,367 --> 00:01:32,244
Flogged and keelhauled.
6
00:01:32,327 --> 00:01:34,363
- On the double!
- No.
7
00:01:34,447 --> 00:01:36,597
Come on, Fester, be a good sport.
8
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:41,877
I'm tired of being Benedict Arnold
and Jesse James and John Wilkes Booth.
9
00:01:41,967 --> 00:01:43,878
I'm tired of being a good sport.
10
00:01:45,127 --> 00:01:47,766
All right. If you want to be childish.
11
00:01:56,847 --> 00:01:58,041
Ahoy, my beloved.
12
00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:01,244
Time for another great moment
in Addams history.
13
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,842
Will it take long, darling? I want to have
these traps ready by tonight.
14
00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:08,760
Only a moment, chérie.
But what a moment!
15
00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:14,516
It was seven bells on that fateful night
in the North Atlantic.
16
00:02:14,607 --> 00:02:17,724
A fierce sou'wester was howling
through the rigging,
17
00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:22,244
as Admiral John Paul Addams
drove his stout little frigate
18
00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:25,285
straight into the heart
of the German flotilla.
19
00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:29,485
Foaming up at his stern at flank speed
was Admiral Tojo
20
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,159
and the imperial fleet.
21
00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:33,158
Oh, Gomez, I never tire of this one.
22
00:02:33,247 --> 00:02:37,399
It was then Admiral Addams
fired that shot heard round the world
23
00:02:37,487 --> 00:02:40,126
after uttering those inspired words,
24
00:02:40,207 --> 00:02:42,482
"If you need me, I'll be in my cabin."
25
00:02:56,207 --> 00:03:00,086
Man the pumps, scuttle the bilge,
abandon ship.
26
00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:03,040
And get a wrench.
You've wrecked the plumbing again.
27
00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:04,924
I do it every time.
28
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:14,043
You can take your finger out of the pipe,
Fester. I shut it off at the main.
29
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,243
It could've happened to anybody.
30
00:03:16,687 --> 00:03:18,040
Not to an Addams.
31
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:22,999
That's four times in a row. From now on
the children mix the gunpowder.
32
00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:26,401
Pretty soon I'll be nobody around here.
33
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,723
I'm going up to my closet.
34
00:03:35,887 --> 00:03:37,400
What's bothering him?
35
00:03:37,487 --> 00:03:39,523
Perhaps I was too sharp with him.
36
00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:43,566
Oh, darling, he'll get over it.
Uncle Fester just isn't too practical.
37
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,401
I may as well go upstairs
and call the plumber.
38
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,955
Darling, who's being impractical now?
39
00:03:49,487 --> 00:03:53,241
Why don't I call that nice Mr. Beesley,
our insurance man,
40
00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:55,363
and let him take care of everything?
41
00:03:55,447 --> 00:03:57,324
I don't think we better bother him again.
42
00:03:57,407 --> 00:04:01,685
Bother him? Darling, you know
how excited he gets every time we call.
43
00:04:02,487 --> 00:04:06,116
I'm sure he'd be terribly hurt
if we didn't get in touch with him.
44
00:04:06,207 --> 00:04:07,242
Come along.
45
00:04:13,727 --> 00:04:18,243
One more telephone call from Addams
and I am going to kill you, Beesley.
46
00:04:18,487 --> 00:04:21,877
Three big claims paid on this policy
in one year.
47
00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:24,123
So just one more policy like that
48
00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:27,802
and Excelso-Fidelity Insurance
will pull our franchise.
49
00:04:29,487 --> 00:04:31,876
Arthur J. Henson, President, speaking.
50
00:04:32,327 --> 00:04:35,160
Hello, Mr. President. This is Mrs. Addams.
51
00:04:35,647 --> 00:04:38,400
A very unusual thing just happened
in our playroom.
52
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,045
Admiral Addams...
53
00:04:40,287 --> 00:04:42,039
Well, actually it was Uncle Fester.
54
00:04:42,127 --> 00:04:44,846
You see, they hanged Admiral Addams
200 years ago.
55
00:04:45,247 --> 00:04:49,638
Well, he accidentally got just a pinch
too much sulfur in the gunpowder,
56
00:04:49,727 --> 00:04:52,844
so that when he fired the cannon,
it hit a water pipe.
57
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,838
A broken water pipe? My...
58
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,845
I will not pay another...
59
00:04:56,927 --> 00:04:57,996
I've only...
60
00:04:58,087 --> 00:05:00,237
He's charming,
but he seems rather confused.
61
00:05:00,327 --> 00:05:02,045
- Lf you'll permit me, my dear.
- Yes, darling.
62
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,799
- Do you understand? Not one more claim.
- Thank you.
63
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:07,004
This is Gomez Addams.
What seems to be your problem?
64
00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:09,078
Now get this
through your thick head, Addams.
65
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:12,477
We're not paying you one more cent
and that is final!
66
00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:15,798
Come, come, Henson. You don't really
expect me to jump at your first offer?
67
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:20,755
Oh, you want a better offer?
Well, go jump in the lake.
68
00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:23,962
The fourth claim cancels out the policy.
69
00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:25,562
Hey, hang on a minute.
70
00:05:25,647 --> 00:05:27,638
- What are you saying?
- Here, in the small print.
71
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,479
If we pay off on the tiny claim,
72
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,478
we're through with him
and we're out cheap.
73
00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,319
Hello, Mr. Addams.
74
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:45,842
We'll play along with you on this.
Your check will be in the next mail.
75
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,846
Well, that was a letdown.
76
00:05:48,927 --> 00:05:50,997
I merely stated my position
with impeccable logic
77
00:05:51,087 --> 00:05:52,566
and the poor devil caved in.
78
00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:55,639
Darling, you tend
to underestimate yourself.
79
00:05:55,727 --> 00:05:57,206
I suppose so.
80
00:05:57,287 --> 00:06:01,121
I've often wondered what would happen
if I turned myself loose on the world.
81
00:06:01,207 --> 00:06:04,244
Gomez, the world just isn't
ready for you yet.
82
00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:15,045
Did my new cannon get here yet?
83
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,520
Darling, we're going to have to tell him.
84
00:06:22,487 --> 00:06:26,526
Uncle Fester, I regret to tell you
that we're going to have to punish you.
85
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:28,723
You've been spending
altogether too much money.
86
00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:34,356
Fester, you won't see another penny
of your allowance until 1986.
87
00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:38,756
- You know what that means, don't you?
- No.
88
00:06:38,847 --> 00:06:42,362
Not another shot do you fire in this house
until you make it up.
89
00:06:43,647 --> 00:06:46,798
You've been whittling me down
around here little by little.
90
00:06:46,887 --> 00:06:50,846
- But this broke the camel's back!
- It's for your own good.
91
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:53,316
I'm old enough to know
what's for my own good.
92
00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:55,284
From now on I'm gonna watch out
for myself.
93
00:06:56,367 --> 00:06:57,595
I'll get a job.
94
00:06:59,807 --> 00:07:05,200
"Wanted. Army Space Program.
10,000 hours flight time.
95
00:07:05,487 --> 00:07:08,877
"Test pilot prepared to travel extensively."
96
00:07:10,047 --> 00:07:12,481
No. I don't like army food.
97
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:19,321
"Be your own boss.
Are you young and ambitious?
98
00:07:19,407 --> 00:07:22,365
"Highest commission paid
to dynamic salesmen.
99
00:07:22,447 --> 00:07:25,564
"Must be clean-cut,
personable, fast-talker,
100
00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:27,956
"conservative dresser, magnetic.
101
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:31,198
"Apply.
Arthur J. Henson Insurance Agency."
102
00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:35,486
Oh, boy. That's me!
103
00:07:55,087 --> 00:07:57,362
Are you sure you want to see Mr. Beesley?
104
00:07:57,447 --> 00:08:00,007
Oh, yes. He's looking for me.
105
00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:03,676
Well, go on in.
106
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:04,802
Thank you.
107
00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:17,120
You can fill out your hospitalization claim
with my secretary.
108
00:08:17,807 --> 00:08:21,402
Oh, but I feel fine.
And dynamic and aggressive.
109
00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:24,160
- I'm your new salesman.
- No, there's some mistake.
110
00:08:24,247 --> 00:08:27,319
No, those things you said in your ad,
that's me.
111
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,763
No. You have to have previous experience.
112
00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:33,281
Oh, I've had plenty of previous experience.
113
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:36,200
I held the same job for 37 years.
114
00:08:36,287 --> 00:08:39,085
- Selling?
- No. Public relations. Yeah.
115
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:41,397
My father paid me to keep out of public.
116
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:44,047
Of course, when he died I retired.
117
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:47,039
Look, I'm on a very tight schedule.
If you'll just leave.
118
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:51,040
Oh, but I'm a great salesman.
I'm magnetic. Watch.
119
00:08:53,287 --> 00:08:55,801
And I'm a live wire, too.
120
00:09:01,247 --> 00:09:03,522
Go ahead. Sell anything you like.
121
00:09:03,607 --> 00:09:08,044
- Oh, good. Can I have a sales kit?
- Take it.
122
00:09:09,607 --> 00:09:13,680
- Get out of my sight.
- Just like dear old Dad.
123
00:09:18,007 --> 00:09:19,645
Good shot, querida.
124
00:09:28,487 --> 00:09:31,445
That's the third bird we've lost today.
125
00:09:31,967 --> 00:09:35,039
Must be the nesting season, my dove.
126
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:44,276
- Uncle Fester. What's wrong?
- I tried.
127
00:09:44,487 --> 00:09:47,160
I knocked on every door in my territory.
128
00:09:47,247 --> 00:09:51,923
I was dynamic.
I was personable, charming, and magnetic.
129
00:09:52,247 --> 00:09:54,397
But it wasn't any use.
130
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:59,278
Oh, my career is ruined. I'm all washed-up.
131
00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:05,801
I have a feeling all's not well with Fester.
132
00:10:06,407 --> 00:10:09,877
It's hard to tell.
He puts up such a brave front.
133
00:10:10,407 --> 00:10:12,125
Oh, yes.
134
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:24,003
Oh, Uncle Fester, dear.
135
00:10:24,087 --> 00:10:25,520
How can you expect to lose a headache
136
00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:28,599
with a hot water bottle
that isn't even hot?
137
00:10:28,687 --> 00:10:29,722
Nothing will help.
138
00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:35,201
Oh, Lurch. Put it over there, please.
139
00:10:36,687 --> 00:10:38,996
And Lurch, would you fill this up?
140
00:10:39,087 --> 00:10:42,079
And make sure
the water is nice and scalding.
141
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:44,844
That'll be all, Lurch.
142
00:10:50,047 --> 00:10:52,277
Now, Uncle Fester. Sit up.
143
00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:55,916
You'll feel a lot better
after a nice hot cup of buzzard broth.
144
00:10:57,127 --> 00:10:59,766
No, I couldn't even get a sip down.
145
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,481
But I have a surprise for you for lunch.
Guess.
146
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:06,486
Gopherloaf.
147
00:11:07,487 --> 00:11:10,081
Oh, I know what you're trying to do.
148
00:11:10,407 --> 00:11:14,480
But it's no use. Just leave me in my pain.
149
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,038
Gomez, I'm frightened.
150
00:11:23,127 --> 00:11:25,004
Even when he got caught
in the tunnel of love
151
00:11:25,087 --> 00:11:26,520
he didn't turn down his gopherloaf.
152
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:27,881
I know.
153
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:32,006
He thinks he's a failure.
Something has to be done about it.
154
00:11:32,087 --> 00:11:35,716
Tish, go downstairs
and keep the children away.
155
00:11:41,327 --> 00:11:43,318
All right, you lily-livered goldbrick!
156
00:11:43,407 --> 00:11:46,399
Are you going to lie there sniveling
on that nice warm bed of nails?
157
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:49,240
Or are you going to get up
and fight like an Addams?
158
00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:52,205
Well, if it's all the same with you,
I'd rather lie here and snivel.
159
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:55,876
When a pilot crashes what does he do?
160
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,721
He gets right back into that crate
and up into the wild blue yonder again.
161
00:11:59,807 --> 00:12:04,005
And when a lion tamer gets ripped up,
does he snivel? Does he quit?
162
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:07,364
Not always.
And that's what you're going to do, Fester.
163
00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:10,439
You're going to get up off that bed.
On your feet.
164
00:12:17,447 --> 00:12:20,883
- Now sell your policy.
- Oh, golly, Gomez.
165
00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:22,241
Fester, the Addams spirit!
166
00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:28,960
Good afternoon, sir.
Or madam, as the case may be.
167
00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:31,481
I am your friendly, smiling
168
00:12:35,647 --> 00:12:38,957
insurance advisor,
come to help you with your problem.
169
00:12:41,407 --> 00:12:44,877
- Well, go on, Fester. The rest of it.
- This is as far as I ever got.
170
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,525
I find that hard to believe.
171
00:12:47,607 --> 00:12:51,236
Your presentation was sharp, pithy,
to the point.
172
00:12:52,327 --> 00:12:55,797
I've got it. I'll be the salesman
and you be the customer.
173
00:12:55,887 --> 00:12:58,003
Now, we'll make this as real as possible.
174
00:12:58,087 --> 00:13:01,159
And you give me all the answers
that you get.
175
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:04,319
And I'll show you how to handle them.
All right?
176
00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:05,921
Now,
177
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,480
here we go.
178
00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:13,520
- Good morning, sir.
- I'll buy it.
179
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:17,596
I simply can't resist a sales pitch.
180
00:13:17,887 --> 00:13:21,118
You have got to give me the answers
that you get.
181
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:24,837
All right, now.
We'll start from the beginning. All right?
182
00:13:24,927 --> 00:13:26,804
I'll even go outside.
183
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:33,360
There's nobody home.
184
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,638
- Good morning, sir.
- Get lost!
185
00:13:41,727 --> 00:13:44,366
I'm your friendly, smiling insurance man.
186
00:13:44,447 --> 00:13:46,802
Beat it or I'll put the dog on you.
187
00:13:47,287 --> 00:13:49,562
I think I've got my sights on your problem.
188
00:13:49,647 --> 00:13:52,719
If something happened to you,
what would become of your loved ones?
189
00:13:52,807 --> 00:13:54,240
Those creeps?
190
00:13:55,047 --> 00:13:58,517
Now, Plan A gives you the maximum
coverage with the minimum expense.
191
00:13:58,607 --> 00:14:00,040
Will you stop bothering me?
192
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:04,564
It contains total disability,
hospitalization, funeral expenses,
193
00:14:04,647 --> 00:14:09,198
multiple casualties, plus a tax deduction
and an easy payment plan.
194
00:14:10,447 --> 00:14:13,564
By george, Fester,
that's an attractive policy.
195
00:14:13,647 --> 00:14:15,080
I think I'll take it myself.
196
00:14:18,127 --> 00:14:21,597
There we are. Congratulations, old boy.
You broke the ice.
197
00:14:21,687 --> 00:14:25,362
You've just made a million-dollar sale,
plus a lovely sales commission.
198
00:14:25,687 --> 00:14:27,723
- I did?
- Yep. There it is.
199
00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:30,765
Signed, sealed and delivered.
200
00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,761
I told you I'd be a success.
201
00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:41,243
A million-dollar policy to Gomez Addams.
202
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:43,966
- He was a pushover.
- You imbecile.
203
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:45,799
Don't panic.
204
00:14:46,327 --> 00:14:49,797
I've never seen a policy yet that Arthur J.
Henson couldn't wiggle out of.
205
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:51,957
In the first place,
that contract is worthless
206
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:55,517
until it has been notarized
in the presence of two witnesses.
207
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:58,606
Like it said in the sales kit,
that's the first thing I had done.
208
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:04,204
Look on the bright side, Arthur.
It's a whopping premium.
209
00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:07,802
Premium. Premium.
210
00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:11,038
That's it! Don't accept the check.
Tear it up, burn it.
211
00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:16,364
Paid in full. Cash.
212
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,279
Solid gold doubloons.
213
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:26,923
Well, if everything's under control,
I'll get cracking again.
214
00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:32,198
Out! Out! Out!
215
00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:34,481
Gotcha, AJ.
216
00:15:36,207 --> 00:15:37,845
There now, Lurch.
217
00:15:37,927 --> 00:15:41,317
You see what a bit of poison ivy
can do for a cannon?
218
00:15:42,607 --> 00:15:44,837
Very cheerful.
219
00:15:45,207 --> 00:15:49,997
As long as Uncle Fester paid for it himself,
I'd like to make it look as nice as possible.
220
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:54,523
Lurch. Attendez.
221
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:09,235
I've come to save you some money,
Mr. Addams.
222
00:16:09,327 --> 00:16:12,205
No. I'm the butler.
223
00:16:12,647 --> 00:16:14,558
Follow me.
224
00:16:20,487 --> 00:16:24,958
I'm Arthur J. Henson,
President of the Arthur J. Henson Agency.
225
00:16:28,927 --> 00:16:32,476
- Dear lady. You must be Mrs. Addams.
- Yes.
226
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,604
I'm Arthur J. Henson. This is Beesley.
227
00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:39,282
- Charmed. Won't you be seated?
- Oh, thank you.
228
00:16:44,287 --> 00:16:47,120
She seems okay. You can stop worrying.
229
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:51,843
Mrs. Addams,
we'd like to talk to your husband.
230
00:16:52,167 --> 00:16:56,001
Oh, I'm sorry, he's out jumping.
If you'd care to wait?
231
00:16:56,087 --> 00:16:57,884
- Jumping?
- Yes.
232
00:16:57,967 --> 00:16:59,764
From about 20,000 feet.
233
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:03,846
But he still has his parachute.
234
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:05,360
Still?
235
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,804
Yes. You see, he has this theory.
236
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,202
I'm not quite sure that I understand it.
237
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:14,484
But he hopes
to prove that if a jumper jumps
238
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:19,322
using a smaller chute each time,
eventually he'll need no chute at all.
239
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,879
Well, how far along is he?
240
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:25,277
He said he'd have it figured out one way
or another by the end of this week.
241
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:29,559
- Can I start worrying now?
- Worry. Worry.
242
00:17:33,607 --> 00:17:36,724
Just a pinch more sulfur, children.
243
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:40,839
High explosives are a tradition
in the Addams family.
244
00:17:41,087 --> 00:17:43,282
But only here in the house, of course.
245
00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:45,677
My husband frets so about the children.
246
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,883
Wouldn't dream of taking them on safari.
247
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:52,085
Safari? Africa? Lions, tigers, crocodiles?
248
00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:54,681
Oh, nothing so adventurous.
249
00:17:54,767 --> 00:17:58,646
He just takes them to India
and they poke around looking for cobras.
250
00:18:06,047 --> 00:18:07,799
You rang?
251
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,081
Teatime, Lurch.
252
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:12,437
You gentleman will stay, of course?
253
00:18:12,527 --> 00:18:15,246
We have something extra special today.
254
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:18,239
Scorpion pâté on fresh toadstools
255
00:18:18,327 --> 00:18:21,399
with just gobs of divine belladonna sauce.
256
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,805
Mama's secret mix.
257
00:18:25,527 --> 00:18:30,043
Surely you're not going to serve that
to our client, I mean, your husband?
258
00:18:30,127 --> 00:18:32,118
Oh, I suppose I do baby him.
259
00:18:35,327 --> 00:18:36,555
I'm back.
260
00:18:38,527 --> 00:18:40,643
- How did it go, dear?
- Oh, marvelously.
261
00:18:40,727 --> 00:18:42,797
All except the last two feet,
and they were impossible.
262
00:18:44,327 --> 00:18:48,718
Dear, this is Mr. Henson and Mr. Beesley
from the insurance company.
263
00:18:48,807 --> 00:18:50,081
How do you do?
264
00:18:51,007 --> 00:18:53,043
- Good to see you, old boy.
- Yes.
265
00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:57,238
Mr. Addams,
I'm going to let you off the hook.
266
00:18:57,447 --> 00:19:01,235
Out of the kindness of my heart
I am willing to cancel your policy.
267
00:19:01,327 --> 00:19:02,965
Refund his premium.
268
00:19:03,047 --> 00:19:05,925
Dear, I thought we'd seen the last
of those dust collectors.
269
00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:09,124
Wait a minute.
Did you say cancel the policy? But why?
270
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,842
Well, because the policy
doesn't make sense.
271
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:15,846
Things like this.
272
00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:20,364
"Double indemnity for flogging
by carnivorous plant. Gunpowder burns.
273
00:19:20,447 --> 00:19:23,325
"Being bitten by an enraged rug."
274
00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:25,563
Good old Fester.
He gave me complete coverage.
275
00:19:25,647 --> 00:19:27,046
Yes, darling.
276
00:19:27,127 --> 00:19:30,358
It's very sweet of you gentlemen
to be worried about us, but...
277
00:19:30,447 --> 00:19:33,120
Would you excuse us a moment? Darling.
278
00:19:35,247 --> 00:19:38,000
Darling,
you simply can't cancel that policy.
279
00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:40,601
Think of Uncle Fester. He'd be crushed.
280
00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:44,085
You're right, querida.
281
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:50,240
Henson, I've changed my mind.
282
00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:53,679
- I want to double that policy.
- No! No! No!
283
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:56,600
In the first place, the addlepated nitwit
who sold you the policy
284
00:19:56,687 --> 00:19:57,836
doesn't even represent us.
285
00:19:57,927 --> 00:20:01,442
Frankly, I don't know how you could have
been taken in by such a moronic goofball.
286
00:20:01,527 --> 00:20:02,926
Well, here I am.
287
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,962
Hello, HB. AJ. MA. GA.
288
00:20:08,047 --> 00:20:09,685
Hello, Uncle Fester.
289
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,997
Uncle Fester?
290
00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:13,806
Splendid news.
291
00:20:13,887 --> 00:20:16,765
You've just sold
another million-dollar policy.
292
00:20:17,207 --> 00:20:19,243
I did?
293
00:20:19,687 --> 00:20:23,600
By golly, you were right.
I didn't need that sales kit after all.
294
00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:27,596
Well, I'm gonna go up to my room.
Got to unwind.
295
00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:28,802
Go, go, go!
296
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,165
Perfect, children!
297
00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:40,081
Well, I'm not gonna take this lying down.
298
00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:50,287
Excelso? Henson.
299
00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:53,081
Put me on the hot line. This is a red alert.
300
00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,246
Hello, Chief?
301
00:20:56,447 --> 00:21:00,201
I want to report a big swindle.
Two million dollars.
302
00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,355
Addams, Gomez.
303
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:08,159
That's right. Two D's. How did you know?
304
00:21:09,327 --> 00:21:10,680
He is?
305
00:21:11,087 --> 00:21:12,566
He does?
306
00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:14,805
We do?
307
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,201
You are?
308
00:21:16,687 --> 00:21:18,359
I am?
309
00:21:19,247 --> 00:21:20,760
I see.
310
00:21:29,567 --> 00:21:31,125
Addams here.
311
00:21:31,727 --> 00:21:32,876
I do?
312
00:21:34,087 --> 00:21:35,406
I am?
313
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:37,676
I can?
314
00:21:38,927 --> 00:21:40,360
I will.
315
00:21:45,487 --> 00:21:46,966
It completely slipped my mind
316
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:49,436
that I own controlling interests
in Excelso Corporation.
317
00:21:49,527 --> 00:21:51,722
The president, what's his name,
318
00:21:51,807 --> 00:21:55,197
just urged me to take a more active
interest and make a few decisions.
319
00:21:55,287 --> 00:21:58,120
- Darling, why don't you?
- Very well.
320
00:21:59,687 --> 00:22:02,247
Beesley, I like the cut of your jib.
321
00:22:02,327 --> 00:22:05,319
You recognized Uncle Fester's ability,
and that means something to me.
322
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,602
From now on you're my number one boy.
323
00:22:09,367 --> 00:22:12,518
Henson, you'll render all possible
assistance to your new boss.
324
00:22:17,007 --> 00:22:19,475
Thank you, Lurch.
325
00:22:20,087 --> 00:22:21,839
Tea, gentlemen?
326
00:22:21,927 --> 00:22:25,078
I'm afraid not, Mrs. Addams.
It's been delightful.
327
00:22:25,207 --> 00:22:27,402
Come on, Henson. Get cracking.
328
00:22:32,047 --> 00:22:35,084
Darling,
I think you made the right decision.
329
00:22:35,167 --> 00:22:38,079
The best since I put Winthrop in charge
of Addams Motors.
330
00:22:38,167 --> 00:22:42,479
Remember? He took a failing company and
in three months ran it into bankruptcy.
331
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:46,805
Dear, you could have done it in one month.
332
00:22:58,647 --> 00:23:00,080
Oh, Fester.
333
00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:04,121
How would you like to be vice-president
or chairman of the board or something?
334
00:23:05,007 --> 00:23:07,157
There's no challenge anymore.
335
00:23:07,247 --> 00:23:11,445
I'm just gonna retire
and play with my cannon. Watch this.
336
00:23:23,887 --> 00:23:26,401
Oh, dear, quick. Call the insurance man.
337
00:23:26,487 --> 00:23:29,797
Oh, no. I'm through paying
these ridiculous claims.
338
00:23:29,887 --> 00:23:32,481
Fester, you're paying for this one yourself.
339
00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:35,957
Gladly. I have a brand new personal policy.
340
00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:38,845
- Oh? On what company?
- Yours.
341
00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:44,039
Foiled again.