1
00:01:00,847 --> 00:01:02,599
Here, darling.
2
00:01:04,967 --> 00:01:06,605
Cleopatra, don't gulp.
3
00:01:06,687 --> 00:01:07,881
Morticia.
4
00:01:09,287 --> 00:01:11,357
- Did you see the paper this morning?
- No, dear.
5
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,802
The bottom fell out
of the stock market again.
6
00:01:13,887 --> 00:01:16,082
They really ought
to fix that rickety old place.
7
00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:18,476
The bottom's always falling out of it.
8
00:01:18,567 --> 00:01:21,161
Oh, it's not the place, it's the stock.
9
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,886
And you know, Gomez could lose millions
in a good market
10
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:26,879
but, boy, I bet he lost his shirt today.
11
00:01:27,607 --> 00:01:31,043
He has plenty of shirts.
It's his money I'm worried about.
12
00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,802
Come now, Blooker,
you've been my broker long enough
13
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,447
to know that a little market crash
doesn't scare me.
14
00:01:37,527 --> 00:01:40,405
Why, my Consolidated Funds
climbed to 60 yesterday.
15
00:01:40,487 --> 00:01:42,842
Unfortunately I'd sold it the day before.
16
00:01:43,007 --> 00:01:45,965
Blooker, I just feel like buying a railroad.
17
00:01:46,047 --> 00:01:47,560
A little surprise for my wife.
18
00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:51,085
We'd better find Gomez
and see if everything is all right.
19
00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:52,316
Thing?
20
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:56,119
Would you finish feeding Cleopatra,
please, Thing?
21
00:01:57,327 --> 00:02:00,000
That's good.
Now mind your manners, dear.
22
00:02:01,407 --> 00:02:04,638
Blooker, I know fortunes have been lost
speculating on railroads,
23
00:02:04,727 --> 00:02:05,921
but what's a fortune?
24
00:02:06,007 --> 00:02:08,362
But Mr. Addams,
the people I'm talking about went broke.
25
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,116
Broke?
26
00:02:10,207 --> 00:02:12,482
They're absolutely penniless. Wiped out.
27
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:16,082
That's incredible, Blooker, incredible.
Broke, you say?
28
00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:20,206
Penniless? Wiped out?
Ghastly, absolutely ghastly.
29
00:02:23,247 --> 00:02:25,920
- Uncle Fester, this is shocking.
- It's worse than I thought.
30
00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:27,838
Oh, the poor, poor dear.
31
00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:30,600
Poor thing is right.
They wiped him out like a greasy skillet.
32
00:02:30,687 --> 00:02:32,678
It's hard to believe, Blooker.
33
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,884
As a token of my sympathy,
write them a check for $100,000.
34
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,083
And now get moving on that railroad.
35
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:40,525
Oh, dear.
36
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:51,158
Oh, thank you, Thing.
And thank you, Cleopatra.
37
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:55,239
It's so nice to know you have friends
at a time like this.
38
00:02:55,327 --> 00:02:57,841
Morticia, what are we gonna do
for money?
39
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:01,158
I'm too proud to beg and too lazy to work.
40
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,886
Never mind, Uncle Fester,
I'll think of something.
41
00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,117
It's Gomez I'm concerned about.
42
00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:09,882
The poor dear. He must never know
that we know. It'd kill him.
43
00:03:10,927 --> 00:03:14,442
If his life insurance is paid up,
that could be a solution.
44
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,358
- Uncle Fester.
- Hello, Fester!
45
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,483
- There you are, my dear.
- Darling.
46
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:20,683
I'm gonna be busy all day.
If you want me for anything,
47
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,759
I'll be in the library on my private line
to my broker.
48
00:03:23,847 --> 00:03:27,237
- Pawnbroker? I know a fellow that'II...
- No, no. Stockbroker.
49
00:03:27,327 --> 00:03:28,999
Naturally, Uncle Fester.
50
00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:32,443
I'm buying up a little stock. Nothing big.
Just a few million here or there.
51
00:03:32,527 --> 00:03:34,563
You know, a little pastime.
52
00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:40,276
Oh, that poor, brave, darling man.
53
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:43,996
Did you see him?
Laughing in the face of disaster.
54
00:03:44,087 --> 00:03:49,036
- It almost made me cry.
- Almost? It does make me cry.
55
00:03:49,727 --> 00:03:51,365
Buck up, Uncle Fester.
56
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:54,245
I'll call the family together.
We'll handle this.
57
00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:57,122
Spend another million. Just keep buying.
58
00:03:57,207 --> 00:03:58,879
Now, how much stock do I have so far?
59
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,367
- 100,000 shares so far.
- Fine.
60
00:04:02,447 --> 00:04:05,007
Now, how much do I need
to control the company?
61
00:04:05,127 --> 00:04:06,242
About 200,000.
62
00:04:06,327 --> 00:04:08,477
But, Mr. Addams, what do you want
with a broken-down railroad
63
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,000
like Big Swamp and Southern?
64
00:04:10,087 --> 00:04:11,315
You'll never make any money with it.
65
00:04:11,407 --> 00:04:13,079
Make money? I've got money.
66
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:15,840
What I'm looking for
is excitement, adventure.
67
00:04:15,927 --> 00:04:16,916
Adventure?
68
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,761
Now, frankly, Blooker, I'm getting
a bit bored with my model trains.
69
00:04:20,847 --> 00:04:23,839
I'm just itching
to get my hands on a real railroad.
70
00:04:23,927 --> 00:04:25,883
Think what a wreck
I could have with those babies.
71
00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:27,002
Wreck?
72
00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:29,760
What else? Oh, we'd keep the people off.
73
00:04:30,327 --> 00:04:32,318
All right, now, Blooker. Get moving.
74
00:04:32,407 --> 00:04:35,001
And, oh, Blooker?
Keep my name out of this.
75
00:04:35,087 --> 00:04:37,123
I don't want Wall Street
to know what I'm doing.
76
00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:42,083
Now, we must think of ways
to make money.
77
00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:43,600
I know an easy way.
78
00:04:43,687 --> 00:04:45,518
- Oh?
- Print it!
79
00:04:45,607 --> 00:04:48,326
- Uncle Fester, that's illegal.
- It is?
80
00:04:48,407 --> 00:04:53,322
- I can get a job as a bunny girl.
- No. No, I don't like the hours.
81
00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:57,719
Besides, that atmosphere.
You're much too sweet and innocent.
82
00:04:57,807 --> 00:05:00,605
How about a beauty expert?
83
00:05:00,687 --> 00:05:04,157
- Beauty expert?
- Yeah, you know, a hairstylist.
84
00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:06,397
That's perfect, Mama.
85
00:05:06,487 --> 00:05:09,240
Now, remember,
we must keep this from Gomez.
86
00:05:09,327 --> 00:05:10,885
Just tell him it's a lark.
87
00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:12,719
Wednesday and I are gonna pitch in, too.
88
00:05:12,807 --> 00:05:15,526
We're gonna open a drink stand
on the sidewalk.
89
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:16,642
Marvelous.
90
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:19,036
What are you gonna do, Mother?
91
00:05:19,127 --> 00:05:23,120
I think I'll give fencing instruction
and tango lessons.
92
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:26,247
I'm gonna start an escort service.
Me and Lurch.
93
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:31,447
You know, hire out for dates,
like with rich widows, eh, Lurch?
94
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:38,479
I'm sure you'll be an instant success.
You're both such fascinating types.
95
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,722
Look, Mother!
96
00:05:42,127 --> 00:05:44,004
Thing wants to help, too.
97
00:05:48,007 --> 00:05:51,124
How sweet. Thank you, Thing.
98
00:05:54,247 --> 00:05:58,684
I feel so good being my own boss,
I think I'll take the rest of the day off.
99
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,998
Oh, it's almost perfect.
100
00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:18,443
But do you think it could stand
a little dash of hemlock juice?
101
00:06:18,527 --> 00:06:21,485
That's it. I knew it needed something.
102
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,242
Oh, what a lovely sign.
103
00:06:27,327 --> 00:06:30,524
We're gonna paste a picture on it, too.
104
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:33,075
Oh, that's a marvelous attention-getter.
105
00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:36,284
You children are going
to be fine little merchants.
106
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:45,199
- Uncle Fester, what are you doing?
- I'm practicing for my escort service.
107
00:06:45,287 --> 00:06:49,326
You see, I figure I'll have all different kinds
of women for customers,
108
00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,682
so I gotta be all different kinds of men
for them.
109
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:53,644
- Oh?
- Well, you know,
110
00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:56,799
if they like Cary Grant, I'll be Cary Grant.
111
00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:59,799
Hello, duck, what are you doing today?
112
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:03,482
And if they like their Frank Sinatra,
why, I'll be Frank Sinatra.
113
00:07:10,007 --> 00:07:12,919
Uncle Fester, I think that's a mistake.
114
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:14,725
Yeah, I think I better get another song.
115
00:07:14,807 --> 00:07:19,881
No, no. What woman could possibly ask
for more than Uncle Fester himself?
116
00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:25,604
Yeah. Well, you got me there.
117
00:07:27,887 --> 00:07:30,037
Well, well, what's going on?
118
00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:31,355
I haven't seen so much activity
119
00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:35,201
since the night I hid the hornets
in Aunt Phobia's sleeping bag.
120
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:37,596
Darling, this is something
I'm doing for the children.
121
00:07:37,687 --> 00:07:39,917
I think every child
should know the value of money.
122
00:07:40,007 --> 00:07:41,759
By george, you're right.
123
00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:44,199
Attention, children.
124
00:07:45,327 --> 00:07:47,204
Five pennies make a nickel,
125
00:07:47,287 --> 00:07:49,118
two nickels make a dime,
126
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,926
10 dimes make a dollar. You got that?
127
00:07:52,007 --> 00:07:53,042
- Yes, Father.
- Yes, Father.
128
00:07:53,127 --> 00:07:55,687
Good. Now you know the value of money.
129
00:08:00,687 --> 00:08:03,201
We're running a little low on cigars.
130
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,282
You rang?
131
00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:11,246
Lurch, you better pick me up
another 1,000 cigars. The dollar size.
132
00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:14,759
Thank you.
133
00:08:14,847 --> 00:08:17,964
Well, back to the stock market.
Have fun, everyone!
134
00:08:20,487 --> 00:08:22,603
Oh, that sweet, darling man.
135
00:08:22,687 --> 00:08:25,520
He's trying so hard not to let us know.
136
00:08:25,607 --> 00:08:28,360
$1,000 worth of cigars.
137
00:08:28,447 --> 00:08:30,722
I'm not sure we can afford him.
138
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:41,646
Oh, look, Gladys,
this must be one of those gigolo places.
139
00:08:41,727 --> 00:08:46,278
$50 an hour?
Oh, they must be absolutely dreamy.
140
00:08:47,007 --> 00:08:48,645
See for yourselves, girls.
141
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:54,125
- What's the matter with them?
- Flighty.
142
00:08:58,807 --> 00:09:01,367
- Well, how's business, kids?
- Pretty slow, sir.
143
00:09:01,447 --> 00:09:03,961
Gee, with a cute sign like that,
you should be doing great.
144
00:09:04,047 --> 00:09:05,560
"Henbane on the rocks."
145
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,645
Boy, those trade names
get wackier everyday.
146
00:09:09,727 --> 00:09:12,321
- Let me have a tall one, son.
- Yes, sir.
147
00:09:20,287 --> 00:09:22,721
Well, always like to help out
the small businessman.
148
00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:24,320
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
149
00:09:28,927 --> 00:09:31,805
- Would you like some more?
- I'd like some help.
150
00:09:31,887 --> 00:09:34,162
I'm gonna tell my lawyer about this.
151
00:09:34,527 --> 00:09:37,599
See? Satisfied customers
always tell their friends.
152
00:09:37,687 --> 00:09:38,756
Oh, my...
153
00:09:38,847 --> 00:09:41,680
Why, I've tasted better glue than this.
154
00:09:42,927 --> 00:09:46,363
Maybe we ought to sell glue on the rocks.
155
00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:49,803
I bet Mother's making
lots of money, though.
156
00:09:53,887 --> 00:09:55,559
En garde.
157
00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:58,559
And parry, thrust.
158
00:09:58,647 --> 00:10:00,000
Parry, thrust.
159
00:10:00,087 --> 00:10:03,159
How're you doing, Morticia?
Are you teaching him anything?
160
00:10:03,247 --> 00:10:05,397
Oh, Mama, I'm so disappointed.
161
00:10:05,487 --> 00:10:07,478
I haven't had a pupil all day long.
162
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,239
Well, I'm pretty disgusted, too.
163
00:10:09,327 --> 00:10:12,717
I went to every beauty shop in town.
Nothing.
164
00:10:12,807 --> 00:10:16,595
I'm very surprised.
Your talent is so obvious.
165
00:10:16,687 --> 00:10:20,760
Honey, it isn't what you know,
it's who you know.
166
00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:21,916
That's true.
167
00:10:22,407 --> 00:10:24,762
Good man, Blooker, keep spending.
168
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:35,598
My dear family, I'm afraid
we didn't make very much today,
169
00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:37,882
but Thing sold a pencil.
170
00:10:40,247 --> 00:10:42,681
Thank you, dear Thing.
171
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:48,926
Just a nickel? We made a quarter.
172
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:51,441
Oh, that's wonderful, dear.
173
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,722
But the man's going to sue us.
174
00:10:53,807 --> 00:10:55,684
- Oh?
- Morticia?
175
00:10:58,887 --> 00:11:02,118
I guess I was high man for the day.
I made a dollar.
176
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:07,042
Oh, Uncle Fester, that's wonderful.
Your escort service must be catching on.
177
00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:11,564
Well, not exactly. A lady gave it to me
when I popped up from behind my sign.
178
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:14,115
- Said it cured her hiccups.
- Oh.
179
00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:41,398
Nothing like a fiery tango right after
breakfast to stir up the old hormones.
180
00:11:41,487 --> 00:11:43,318
Yes, it is exhilarating.
181
00:11:44,327 --> 00:11:48,081
- Well, mind if I cut in?
- Please do.
182
00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:54,880
This reminds me of the junior prom.
My date looked just like Gomez.
183
00:11:56,047 --> 00:12:00,279
- Well, can't dance the day away.
- Oh, you got a job?
184
00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:04,724
- Fester, don't be cruel.
- Sorry, slip of the tongue.
185
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:12,045
Darling, you do have some financial plans,
don't you?
186
00:12:12,127 --> 00:12:14,322
Nothing important, mind you.
Just a little amusement.
187
00:12:15,287 --> 00:12:19,246
Gomez, do you have something to tell me?
188
00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:21,318
After all, I am your wife.
189
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,285
No need to remind me of that, cara mia.
190
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:31,076
Morticia thought
you'd like to talk about money.
191
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,000
Money? Why should I bother
her pretty head with a thing like that?
192
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,964
You're not well, Fester.
193
00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:40,676
- Mail's in.
- I'll get it, my dear.
194
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:44,685
Thank you, Thing.
195
00:12:44,887 --> 00:12:48,163
Oh, the circular I sent for
from the yacht company.
196
00:12:48,247 --> 00:12:51,125
Thought I'd buy a yacht
and take us all on a world cruise.
197
00:12:51,207 --> 00:12:54,279
- A cruise?
- At a time like this?
198
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,517
I think we could use a change of scenery.
199
00:12:56,607 --> 00:12:59,326
The Dead Sea, perhaps. Some fun place.
200
00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:03,801
10:00! Market's open. See you later.
201
00:13:07,007 --> 00:13:10,044
That settles it.
I'm going to sell everything we own.
202
00:13:10,127 --> 00:13:12,516
I must get money for Gomez.
203
00:13:12,607 --> 00:13:14,723
You mean auction him off, huh?
204
00:13:15,487 --> 00:13:20,003
- Oh, you mean get money to give Gomez?
- Yes, dear.
205
00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:21,236
Now, you come upstairs with me
206
00:13:21,327 --> 00:13:24,524
and help me get out
the family jewels and treasures.
207
00:13:30,527 --> 00:13:31,960
Are you ready?
208
00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:34,002
Ready.
209
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:52,845
Uncle Fester, I do think we ought to have
gotten the combination from Gomez.
210
00:13:52,927 --> 00:13:57,318
Oh, it wasn't locked. I just like
to keep in practice on my safe-blowing.
211
00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,563
You do have a delicate touch.
212
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:09,397
Oh, dear, I dread to think of selling
our family heirlooms and treasures.
213
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,003
Cousin Crimp's glass eye.
214
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:19,327
Those were the days when men were men.
215
00:14:21,607 --> 00:14:24,167
Uncle Fester, look.
216
00:14:24,247 --> 00:14:26,397
Pugsley's baby spoon.
217
00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:29,878
He always did have a strong bite.
218
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:32,003
And not a bad bark, either.
219
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,560
What's that?
220
00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:39,676
Oh, I'd forgotten all about that.
221
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:43,203
It was a gift for my 12th birthday
from Grandpa Droop.
222
00:14:43,287 --> 00:14:44,925
Stock certificates.
223
00:14:46,007 --> 00:14:48,805
"100 shares,
Big Swamp and Southern Railway."
224
00:14:50,127 --> 00:14:53,437
I read something about that
in the paper today.
225
00:14:53,527 --> 00:14:55,882
What did I do with today's paper?
226
00:14:58,047 --> 00:15:00,800
Yeah, sure, there it is.
227
00:15:00,887 --> 00:15:04,402
"Wall Street is intrigued
by a mystery financier
228
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,639
"who is buying stock
in the Big Swamp and Southern Railway."
229
00:15:08,727 --> 00:15:11,036
Uncle Fester, do you think
maybe he'd buy this?
230
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,721
Why don't we call a broker and find out?
231
00:15:17,727 --> 00:15:20,366
What's the name of that outfit
that Gomez deals with?
232
00:15:20,447 --> 00:15:24,201
- Blaker, Blacker, Blooker...
- Blooker and Company.
233
00:15:24,287 --> 00:15:26,164
Oh, but I don't want to embarrass Gomez
234
00:15:26,247 --> 00:15:28,841
by telling some stranger
that we need money.
235
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:31,202
Well, why don't you give him
a phony name?
236
00:15:31,287 --> 00:15:33,323
Phony name. Jones?
237
00:15:34,127 --> 00:15:36,197
What kind of a name is that?
238
00:15:36,887 --> 00:15:39,321
- Smith?
- Much better.
239
00:15:42,647 --> 00:15:44,717
What do you mean
you can't find any more stock, Blooker?
240
00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:47,275
I need only another 100 shares
to control the whole railroad.
241
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:50,006
Mr. Addams,
there isn't a single share for sale.
242
00:15:50,087 --> 00:15:51,884
I've got men looking all over the country.
243
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,925
- Well, have them look in the city, too.
- Just a minute.
244
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:58,123
Hello? Who?
245
00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:00,361
Mrs. Smith?
246
00:16:01,087 --> 00:16:02,361
What?
247
00:16:02,447 --> 00:16:05,120
We certainly are interested
in buying your stock.
248
00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:07,405
I can pay you $10,000?
249
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,117
Well, that's awfully nice of you.
250
00:16:10,207 --> 00:16:13,643
- He's offering $10,000.
- Then ask for $20,000.
251
00:16:17,247 --> 00:16:18,805
I'd like $20,000.
252
00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:22,886
- He'll pay $20,000.
- Good, make it $30,000.
253
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:27,727
I'm sorry, but...
254
00:16:27,807 --> 00:16:30,162
- $30,000?
- Crook!
255
00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:32,285
Hello?
256
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,436
Uncle Fester!
257
00:16:33,847 --> 00:16:36,202
That always makes them
a little more anxious.
258
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:42,158
Mrs. Smith? Mrs. Smith? Oh, no.
259
00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:48,082
- Yes, Blooker.
- I found the 100 shares of stock for you.
260
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:49,759
Good man, I knew you'd do it!
261
00:16:49,847 --> 00:16:52,680
- But I lost it again.
- Lost it?
262
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:56,157
That's mighty careless, Blooker.
Put an ad in the lost and found.
263
00:17:03,047 --> 00:17:07,325
- Uncle Fester, I'm worried.
- Big business. Better play it cool.
264
00:17:07,407 --> 00:17:11,605
- But hanging up on him.
- Yeah, maybe that was a little too cool.
265
00:17:11,687 --> 00:17:16,442
- I think I'd better ask Gomez's advice.
- Oh, you can't tell him what we're doing.
266
00:17:16,527 --> 00:17:21,396
Uncle Fester, you're not the only one
in this family who can be cool.
267
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:27,883
But, Blooker, what
if she doesn't call you back, what then?
268
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:29,764
No problem, I'll kill myself.
269
00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:31,485
Good thinking.
270
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:33,125
Blooker, if you do get that stock for me,
271
00:17:33,207 --> 00:17:37,041
I'll buy you the biggest, thickest,
juiciest camel-hump steak in town.
272
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:38,560
What do you have to say to that?
273
00:17:38,647 --> 00:17:39,966
I'll kill myself.
274
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:43,165
Got a one-track mind, Blooker. I like that.
275
00:17:47,527 --> 00:17:51,042
Oh, Tish! Even when I speak French,
it drives me wild.
276
00:17:52,047 --> 00:17:54,117
Darling, I want to ask your advice.
277
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,357
You know, I'm trying to teach Pugsley
a little bit about business.
278
00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:58,756
Oh, a chip off the old block, that lad.
279
00:17:58,847 --> 00:18:00,917
Well, he's decided to sell his flea collection
280
00:18:01,007 --> 00:18:03,316
and a boy at school has offered him 30...
281
00:18:03,407 --> 00:18:04,920
$30 for it.
282
00:18:05,007 --> 00:18:08,602
Well, there's a simple rule, my dear.
Never accept the first nine offers.
283
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,837
When they come up with number 10,
grab it.
284
00:18:10,927 --> 00:18:12,042
Take the 10th offer.
285
00:18:12,127 --> 00:18:13,401
It's known as Addams' Law.
286
00:18:13,487 --> 00:18:17,366
Or "How to slit your competitor's throat
without getting blood on his necktie."
287
00:18:17,447 --> 00:18:18,675
What a colorful phrase.
288
00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:20,644
It isn't for nothing
they call me The Plunger.
289
00:18:20,727 --> 00:18:23,764
- The men on Wall Street?
- The men in the plumbers' union.
290
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:31,039
But, Mr. Addams, I've got my secretary
calling every Smith in the book.
291
00:18:31,127 --> 00:18:32,446
Just a minute.
292
00:18:32,527 --> 00:18:34,722
Hello? Mrs. Smith.
293
00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,206
It's Mrs. Smith, she called back.
294
00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:39,518
Good, don't let her get away.
Offer her $50,000.
295
00:18:39,607 --> 00:18:40,722
Right.
296
00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:46,398
Mrs. Smith, I can offer you $50,000.
297
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,519
$50,000?
298
00:18:48,607 --> 00:18:50,120
Buzzardfeed.
299
00:18:50,207 --> 00:18:52,801
I'm sorry,
I'm afraid that's only your fourth offer.
300
00:18:52,887 --> 00:18:54,206
Please continue.
301
00:18:54,447 --> 00:18:55,675
She wants more!
302
00:18:56,007 --> 00:18:57,281
Make it $60,000.
303
00:18:58,247 --> 00:18:59,521
How about $60,000?
304
00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:01,246
- Well...
- $70,000!
305
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:03,842
Who is that?
306
00:19:03,927 --> 00:19:06,839
- Well...
- I'm another customer, that's who is that.
307
00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:09,566
I wanna buy her stock myself,
I'll go $80,000!
308
00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:11,885
She's got another buyer.
309
00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:15,559
Great shades of Hades, run him out!
Bid his head off!
310
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:18,082
How about $100,000?
311
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:25,324
Isn't that sweet?
Thing wants to get in on the bidding, too.
312
00:19:25,407 --> 00:19:26,601
$200,000?
313
00:19:28,927 --> 00:19:34,206
I'm sorry, Mr. Blooker,
I have a third bidder at $200,000.
314
00:19:35,287 --> 00:19:39,246
Wait a minute.
Now, look, I wanted to bid $300,000.
315
00:19:39,327 --> 00:19:40,760
$350,000!
316
00:19:42,327 --> 00:19:44,318
$400,000, Mr. Blooker.
317
00:19:45,807 --> 00:19:47,718
$500,000? $500,000.
318
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:52,164
$600,000! Let's see you top that,
nimble knuckles!
319
00:19:52,247 --> 00:19:55,603
He can't go any higher.
That's all the fingers he's got.
320
00:19:56,687 --> 00:19:58,120
Oh, poor Thing.
321
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:13,037
Hell, I've gotta have that railroad, Blooker.
I just wrecked my last locomotive.
322
00:20:13,127 --> 00:20:14,765
Just a minute, Blooker.
323
00:20:16,687 --> 00:20:18,040
What is it, Thing?
324
00:20:19,687 --> 00:20:22,076
You think I can get the railroad for that?
325
00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:26,399
Thank you, Thing.
326
00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:29,524
I'll make one more offer, Blooker,
$1 million.
327
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:32,921
I'll try.
328
00:20:33,887 --> 00:20:35,206
Mrs. Smith?
329
00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:39,242
Mrs. Smith? This is my last and final offer.
330
00:20:39,327 --> 00:20:40,885
$1 million.
331
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:42,836
It's his 10th offer.
332
00:20:42,927 --> 00:20:44,724
- How much?
- What difference does it make?
333
00:20:44,807 --> 00:20:47,367
Sold, for $1 million.
334
00:20:49,447 --> 00:20:52,200
I can hardly wait
to get my hands on that railroad.
335
00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:55,082
Nice going, Blooker.
336
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,202
To show you my appreciation,
337
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:58,755
I'm gonna send you a couple
of freight cars.
338
00:21:00,247 --> 00:21:03,603
Gomez, darling, guess what I made today?
339
00:21:03,687 --> 00:21:07,362
- That fabulous bat broth of yours?
- No, $1 million.
340
00:21:07,447 --> 00:21:10,723
Oh. Well, I have some real news for you.
I just bought a railroad.
341
00:21:10,807 --> 00:21:13,196
Oh, darling, that's wonderful, but...
342
00:21:14,327 --> 00:21:16,795
- A railroad?
- Big Swamp and Southern.
343
00:21:16,887 --> 00:21:20,038
When I blow those tracks,
it'll be the wreck of the century.
344
00:21:21,207 --> 00:21:22,959
He bought a railroad.
345
00:21:24,007 --> 00:21:25,440
The Big Swamp...
346
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,081
He bought it.
347
00:21:29,007 --> 00:21:31,805
Addams here. Hello, Blooker.
348
00:21:31,887 --> 00:21:33,400
You heard what?
349
00:21:34,847 --> 00:21:37,884
The Big Swamp and Southern
sank into the big swamp?
350
00:21:38,927 --> 00:21:40,485
Clear out of sight, eh?
351
00:21:41,647 --> 00:21:43,444
Thanks for calling me.
352
00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:46,203
Oh, well, easy come, easy go.
353
00:22:16,567 --> 00:22:20,037
Oh, I do hope this shawl isn't too short
for Cousin Crimp.
354
00:22:20,127 --> 00:22:21,685
It looks perfect.
355
00:22:21,767 --> 00:22:24,600
- And so does this.
- What's that, dear?
356
00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:27,565
I bought your stock, querida,
I intend to pay for it.
357
00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,444
Oh, nonsense.
358
00:22:29,527 --> 00:22:33,156
Even though you're still wealthy,
I refuse to accept it.
359
00:22:33,247 --> 00:22:35,477
It's a matter of honor, querida.
360
00:22:36,087 --> 00:22:39,602
There you are, a check for $1 million.
361
00:22:40,767 --> 00:22:42,883
First National Bank of Siberia?
362
00:22:42,967 --> 00:22:46,198
Nice bunch. Always pay in cold cash.
363
00:22:47,247 --> 00:22:48,646
Are you sure?
364
00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:50,720
Come to think of it,
365
00:22:50,807 --> 00:22:55,801
we Addamses haven't done
any business with them since 1917.
366
00:22:55,887 --> 00:22:59,675
Things may have changed since then.
Forget that check, I'll write another.
367
00:23:00,407 --> 00:23:02,716
Second National Bank of Peking.
368
00:23:03,607 --> 00:23:06,405
How could I have ever doubted
your financial genius?
369
00:23:07,367 --> 00:23:10,757
Querida, we all make mistakes.
370
00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:13,441
Darling, let's celebrate.
371
00:23:15,447 --> 00:23:16,800
Wine, Thing.
372
00:23:23,927 --> 00:23:25,519
Thank you, Thing.
373
00:23:26,887 --> 00:23:29,685
How convenient. Instant wine.
374
00:23:32,607 --> 00:23:34,086
- Cara.
- Darling.