1
00:01:06,807 --> 00:01:10,117
Gomez, darling, don't move. Not a muscle.

2
00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:12,960
I've finally captured the real, the inner you.

3
00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:21,442
Paint, querida, paint. This is for posterity.

4
00:01:28,447 --> 00:01:29,800
Well, it's happened.

5
00:01:29,887 --> 00:01:32,162
Bolt of lightning knocked you out
of your tree house?

6
00:01:32,247 --> 00:01:35,364
Oh, no! It couldn't be.

7
00:01:35,447 --> 00:01:38,200
He just bought a new lightning rod
at the discount house.

8
00:01:39,087 --> 00:01:42,238
I can handle lightning, but this is worse.

9
00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:44,887
Uncle Fester, you haven't been drafted
for military service?

10
00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:47,003
They're taking our finest young men.

11
00:01:47,087 --> 00:01:49,396
Now, don't worry, Fester,
we'll find you a deferment.

12
00:01:49,487 --> 00:01:50,806
Cowardice.

13
00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:54,760
This is a letter from my pen pal,
Madelyn, in Paris.

14
00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:56,200
- France?
- IIlinois.

15
00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:58,403
I didn't know you had a pen pal in Illinois.

16
00:01:58,487 --> 00:02:00,284
Well, it wasn't my idea.

17
00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:04,042
But she got this letter to my pen pal
Madeline, in Paris, France, by mistake,

18
00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:06,197
and from then on she was hooked.

19
00:02:06,287 --> 00:02:08,005
You do write a zingy letter.

20
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,885
Too zingy. She's coming here to visit me.

21
00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:14,403
Marvelous.
We'll have the guest room unbolted.

22
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:17,604
But pen pals are supposed to write,
not visit.

23
00:02:18,447 --> 00:02:20,802
Uncle Fester, is there something
you're not telling us?

24
00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:23,965
Fess up, Fester.

25
00:02:24,047 --> 00:02:27,642
Have your letters led this innocent girl
down the postal garden path?

26
00:02:28,487 --> 00:02:30,876
Well, I did kind of smear it on a little bit.

27
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:34,562
Oh, well, it's normal to exaggerate
in romance.

28
00:02:34,647 --> 00:02:37,480
Yeah, but she said she imagined me
as the Cary Grant type.

29
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:41,042
What's Cary Grant got that you haven't?

30
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,719
Hair.

31
00:02:44,007 --> 00:02:45,565
You do have a little problem there.

32
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:48,838
There's a few other things I told her, too.

33
00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:51,756
Like what?

34
00:02:51,847 --> 00:02:56,557
Like I was an All-American football player,
and a boxer, and a polo player.

35
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:59,361
I think she kind of likes that athletic type.

36
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,644
You did go out on a limb a little bit,
but I think I have the solution for you.

37
00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:04,762
What?

38
00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:05,882
Leave town.

39
00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:08,686
Nonsense, darling, he'll do no such thing.

40
00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:11,725
You're going to stay right here
and welcome her like a true Addams.

41
00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,798
She'll be delighted when she sees you.

42
00:03:13,887 --> 00:03:16,640
- She won't even get the chance.
- Where are you going, Uncle Fester?

43
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:19,799
Well, there must be some place
where a baldheaded man can hole up.

44
00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:25,522
Tish, would you like me if I had no hair?

45
00:03:26,927 --> 00:03:29,316
It might be fun polishing your scalp.

46
00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:31,318
Wait right here.
I'll run upstairs and shave it all off.

47
00:03:31,407 --> 00:03:34,843
No, no, darling.
We mustn't think of ourselves now.

48
00:03:34,927 --> 00:03:38,442
We must think of Uncle Fester.
We'll take direct action.

49
00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:47,120
Thank you, Thing.

50
00:03:47,207 --> 00:03:51,359
Let's see. Gymnasiums, gypsies,

51
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,359
hairpieces.

52
00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:56,517
By george, Morticia, you've done it again.

53
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,598
With a hairpiece,
Fester will knock her dead.

54
00:03:59,247 --> 00:04:00,885
I don't think we want
to go that far, darling.

55
00:04:01,527 --> 00:04:05,156
Querida, we can't call anyone now.
It's night, all the stores are closed.

56
00:04:05,327 --> 00:04:08,683
Oh. Not Max's Hair Salon.

57
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:12,760
Look. "If you want a wig, dark or light,

58
00:04:12,847 --> 00:04:15,077
"call on Max, day or night."

59
00:04:15,647 --> 00:04:17,080
Good rhythm.

60
00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,762
I'll just use his emergency night number.

61
00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:22,240
We'll tell him it's urgent.

62
00:04:45,047 --> 00:04:46,116
Yes?

63
00:04:49,407 --> 00:04:51,796
I must be in the wrong house.

64
00:05:04,127 --> 00:05:05,321
Please!

65
00:05:17,807 --> 00:05:18,876
Max.

66
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,923
Oh, it's so good of you to come.

67
00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:31,396
Allow me, Max. Right this way.

68
00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:33,603
We're really in quite a bit of trouble.

69
00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:35,837
We'd like something nice
for our Uncle Fester.

70
00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,997
Something sporty,
that'll take a few years off him.

71
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,440
Perhaps 20 or 30.

72
00:05:39,527 --> 00:05:41,279
Madam, I am not a magician.

73
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:44,882
I can only cover his head.
He'll have to cream his own wrinkles.

74
00:05:44,967 --> 00:05:46,844
That's fair enough.
May we see a few samples?

75
00:05:47,887 --> 00:05:50,037
You mean
without the client being present?

76
00:05:50,127 --> 00:05:53,802
Oh, we wouldn't dream of having
Uncle Fester model before a stranger.

77
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,684
He's much too shy.

78
00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:58,327
Besides, he's off somewhere brooding
about his ladylove.

79
00:06:00,207 --> 00:06:01,845
Oh, he's got it bad.

80
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:06,636
Love seems to bring out the beast in him.

81
00:06:07,807 --> 00:06:09,206
Oh, you mean Kitty.

82
00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:13,119
Kitty cat doesn't need a hairpiece.
Never met a lion who did.

83
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,119
Lion? In this house?

84
00:06:16,647 --> 00:06:19,525
How else are the children going
to learn anything about nature?

85
00:06:19,607 --> 00:06:21,598
They can't wait until pet day at school.

86
00:06:22,247 --> 00:06:23,441
I think I'd... Oh-oh.

87
00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,318
I think I'd better come back tomorrow.

88
00:06:31,407 --> 00:06:32,442
Nonsense, old man.

89
00:06:32,527 --> 00:06:34,483
As long as you're here,
let's have a look at the merchandise.

90
00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:38,756
You rang?

91
00:06:38,847 --> 00:06:40,724
Lurch, a mirror, please.

92
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:44,087
Mr. Max, we're ready whenever you are.

93
00:06:44,407 --> 00:06:46,477
All right, I'll try on a few.

94
00:06:46,567 --> 00:06:50,082
Morticia, you be the judge.
Lurch, you hold the mirror.

95
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:52,317
You're going to use that mirror?

96
00:06:52,407 --> 00:06:53,635
Naturally.

97
00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:55,604
But it's cracked!

98
00:06:56,087 --> 00:06:58,920
Of course.
Cousin Droop dropped it for luck.

99
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,717
Well, if that's what you want.

100
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:06,361
Here is a nice model.

101
00:07:06,447 --> 00:07:10,520
We call it banker's gray.
Distinguished but youthful.

102
00:07:10,607 --> 00:07:12,916
I'll try that. Thank you.

103
00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:26,318
- Darling, what do you think?
- For you, darling, it's perfect.

104
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:30,157
But I don't think Uncle Fester's
the banker type.

105
00:07:32,087 --> 00:07:34,760
All right,
do you have anything more Ivy League?

106
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,479
Uh-uh. No, sir.

107
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:40,401
- But perhaps you'd like the Mohawk.
- Oh, we'll try that.

108
00:07:53,687 --> 00:07:54,961
Darling, what do you think?

109
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,319
I think we're getting closer.

110
00:07:58,407 --> 00:08:00,875
All Fester needs is the middle part.
He's got the rest of it.

111
00:08:01,687 --> 00:08:04,997
That's true.
But I still don't think it will do, darling.

112
00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:07,317
It would be all right
if his pen pal were Pocahontas.

113
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:13,043
Don't worry, I've got more.
This one needs a little combing.

114
00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:14,881
My comb.

115
00:08:16,607 --> 00:08:18,802
Oh, that's very thoughtful, Thing.

116
00:08:19,647 --> 00:08:21,683
Yes, thank you...

117
00:08:23,527 --> 00:08:25,040
Hello, Kitty.

118
00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:33,362
That's a compliment to you, Mr. Max.

119
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,597
Kitty doesn't come down
for just everyone.

120
00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:37,996
Thank you and goodbye!

121
00:08:38,807 --> 00:08:41,605
Goodbye! What about your toupees?

122
00:08:43,047 --> 00:08:44,321
Keep them!

123
00:08:50,487 --> 00:08:53,479
"Keep them." How generous.

124
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,286
Darling, have you noticed how people take
to Uncle Fester?

125
00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:57,925
Especially the ones who've never met him.

126
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:06,682
Uncle Fester, now you stop squirming.

127
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:08,962
Morticia, I don't wanna wear a wig.

128
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:12,278
Nonsense, when you're wooing a girl,
you have to make sacrifices.

129
00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:14,722
But I'm not wooing her, she's wooing me.

130
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:17,321
All right, then you'll both have
to make sacrifices.

131
00:09:17,407 --> 00:09:20,240
Now, turn around
and let's see how that looks.

132
00:09:21,487 --> 00:09:23,205
That's not me.

133
00:09:23,287 --> 00:09:25,562
Well, it is a bit Rudolph Valentino.

134
00:09:25,647 --> 00:09:29,322
But don't worry, we'll find something
that will do you justice.

135
00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:33,679
Oh, you look great in that one, Fester.

136
00:09:36,527 --> 00:09:37,642
Excuse me.

137
00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:40,400
Darling, that isn't Uncle Fester.

138
00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:42,603
This is Uncle Fester.

139
00:09:42,687 --> 00:09:46,077
Oh, by george,
the spitting image of Cousin Bleak,

140
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:48,158
the time the boll weevils got in his hair.

141
00:09:48,607 --> 00:09:51,326
Uncle Fester, go over to the large mirror.
You can get a better view.

142
00:10:07,087 --> 00:10:09,601
- Well, what do you think?
- Fat.

143
00:10:09,687 --> 00:10:12,759
Fine if you like the short, tall,
fat, skinny type.

144
00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:15,645
Nonsense, Uncle Fester,
you're much too self-critical.

145
00:10:15,727 --> 00:10:18,036
Why, with your basic good looks
and charm,

146
00:10:18,127 --> 00:10:20,766
you could sweep Madelyn off her feet
in any one of these.

147
00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:23,725
Get with it, old man. Exude confidence!

148
00:10:23,807 --> 00:10:25,320
That's easy for you to say.

149
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:28,046
You don't have to wear a mop
on your head.

150
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,480
Perhaps you're right.

151
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:31,717
Let's see. Let's try this one.

152
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:39,723
Hey, that's more like it.

153
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,037
Well, it does sort of give you
that Madison Avenue look.

154
00:10:42,127 --> 00:10:43,799
Yeah, it's more my type.

155
00:10:47,287 --> 00:10:48,879
Come in, come in.

156
00:10:50,007 --> 00:10:52,805
- A visitor.
- Who is it, Lurch?

157
00:10:52,887 --> 00:10:54,639
Pen pal.

158
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,081
Madelyn! She mustn't see me like this.

159
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:10,164
Come on, Fester, that poor girl's
down there panting for you.

160
00:11:10,247 --> 00:11:11,885
She's not panting for me.

161
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:16,563
She's panting for that tall, dark, handsome
athlete I told her I was, but ain't.

162
00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:19,115
Uncle Fester, turn around.

163
00:11:20,527 --> 00:11:21,801
Come, come.

164
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,725
Now who is that?

165
00:11:29,887 --> 00:11:31,878
That's General Ulysses S. Addams.

166
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:35,118
- And what did he do at Vicksburg?
- He surrendered.

167
00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:37,084
Not until they caught up with him.

168
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:40,523
And that same brave blood
courses through your veins.

169
00:11:40,607 --> 00:11:42,325
Hey, you know, you're right.

170
00:11:42,407 --> 00:11:45,797
- I shouldn't let a girl frighten me.
- Not until you're married.

171
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:47,843
Gomez and I will welcome Madelyn.

172
00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:50,999
You come downstairs
as soon as you have your hair fixed.

173
00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:55,080
After all, the poor girl has come
all the way from Paris, Illinois.

174
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:59,285
Well, if I'm not down in five minutes,
I'll be on my way to Paris, France.

175
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:04,839
Welcome to the Addams house.

176
00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:08,242
It's so nice to see you.

177
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:11,444
You can't imagine what a thrill it is
to meet Fester's parents.

178
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:15,076
- Parents? Are they around?
- Darling, I believe she means us.

179
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,237
We're not exactly Uncle Fester's parents,

180
00:12:17,327 --> 00:12:19,841
but we do try to help him
keep his things in order.

181
00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:21,963
Especially his lightbulb and his bats.

182
00:12:22,047 --> 00:12:25,119
Bats? He told me he was athletic.

183
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:27,562
And he has quite a head on his shoulders.

184
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,684
Quite. You'll find him fascinating, Miss...

185
00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:36,002
Smith. Madelyn Cavendish Beauregard
Faversham Firestone Smith.

186
00:12:38,127 --> 00:12:41,039
- That's all one person?
- Oh, no, no. Five.

187
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,197
They were my ex-husbands.

188
00:12:43,287 --> 00:12:45,642
Were they pen pals, too?

189
00:12:45,727 --> 00:12:48,958
Only Mr. Faversham.
The rest were shipboard romances.

190
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:51,286
Battleship.

191
00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:57,761
Where is that big, strong, lovable Fester?

192
00:12:58,287 --> 00:12:59,481
Fester!

193
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:05,202
- Oh, dear, I do believe he's gone to France.
- Nonsense. Here's your dream man now.

194
00:13:10,567 --> 00:13:11,716
Howdy!

195
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:34,316
- This is the cutest house.
- We do our best to cute it up.

196
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:36,477
And that's the cutest decoration.

197
00:13:37,087 --> 00:13:40,318
Oh, that isn't a decoration,
that was Cousin Squint.

198
00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:42,204
It's all we could save.

199
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:45,686
You're cute.

200
00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,887
Darling, I'm afraid
we made a bad investment.

201
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,446
In Consolidated Dust?

202
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,998
In Uncle Fester's toupee.
We made him much too attractive.

203
00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:00,998
It does seem to have brought out
the Don Juan in him.

204
00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:02,406
In her, too.

205
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:05,047
Do you realize that
that woman has had five husbands?

206
00:14:05,127 --> 00:14:08,039
- Shows enterprise.
- Enterprise? Nonsense.

207
00:14:08,127 --> 00:14:11,324
- She's probably just a fickle coquette.
- Coquette. That's French.

208
00:14:12,047 --> 00:14:13,480
Speak some more, Tish.

209
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:17,242
Creme de menthe, savoir faire,
Brigitte Bardot, anything.

210
00:14:18,127 --> 00:14:21,039
- Not so loud, they'll hear you.
- Ah, yes, where were we?

211
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,357
On Madelyn's five husbands.

212
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:26,166
- I checked into them. They all died.
- Mysteriously?

213
00:14:26,247 --> 00:14:28,124
Not at all. Suicide.

214
00:14:30,687 --> 00:14:33,155
Darling, we have to break it up
for Uncle Fester's sake.

215
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,239
- Morticia, do we have the right?
- Of course not.

216
00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,795
- But I'm still worried.
- About what, querida?

217
00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:40,605
Uncle Fester's such a copycat.

218
00:14:46,447 --> 00:14:49,678
Shall we... Shall we sit on the loveseat?

219
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:50,961
Why not?

220
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:57,681
This is... This is so intime.

221
00:14:58,367 --> 00:15:01,916
Madelyn, when you speak French
you make my blood boil.

222
00:15:02,007 --> 00:15:03,838
Speak some more!

223
00:15:03,927 --> 00:15:07,920
Hasta la vista. Skal! Gesundheit!

224
00:15:09,087 --> 00:15:10,486
Anything.

225
00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:14,597
You men have such a low boiling point.

226
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:21,880
Oh, you mad, impetuous boy,
let me run my fingers through your hair.

227
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:25,357
- No, no. Watch it. The glue's still wet.
- Glue?

228
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:28,235
That's what I call my pomade.

229
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,080
Well, got to do my workout.

230
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:36,721
You rang?

231
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:38,718
Lurch, my tackling dummy.

232
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:49,318
When a man loses his head over a woman,
it's a tragic thing to watch.

233
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:53,036
Don't worry, Uncle Fester won't lose
his head, just his hair.

234
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,920
The dummy.

235
00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:04,644
Right over there, Lurch.

236
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:09,562
- Now don't get too excited.
- Be careful.

237
00:16:09,647 --> 00:16:11,160
Fearless Fester?

238
00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:31,325
- Oh, darling! Oh, darling!
- I'm all right, Coach.

239
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,238
You were magnificent.

240
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,795
Oh, say it in French.

241
00:16:37,527 --> 00:16:39,563
Oh, that does it!

242
00:16:49,487 --> 00:16:51,717
- You know what I like about you?
- What?

243
00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:53,365
You're different.

244
00:16:55,407 --> 00:16:57,637
You're the first one to ever notice.

245
00:16:59,047 --> 00:17:00,958
He reminds me of someone.

246
00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:04,077
- Cousin Itt?
- That's the one.

247
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,765
- Why don't we fly away?
- Elope?

248
00:17:10,287 --> 00:17:14,246
I can't wait to become Mrs...
What is your last name, anyway?

249
00:17:14,927 --> 00:17:17,282
You know, you're the first one
that ever asked that.

250
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,562
Never mind, never mind.
We'll leave it Smith.

251
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:22,320
That way we won't have to change
the monograms on the towels.

252
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:24,045
Oh, goody.

253
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,364
- Darling, I'm worried.
- About what?

254
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:33,007
Uncle Fester and Madelyn.
I think those two are in love.

255
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:35,681
- With whom?
- With each other.

256
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:37,041
Impossible.

257
00:17:43,407 --> 00:17:46,126
No, it's not at all impossible, darling.

258
00:17:46,207 --> 00:17:48,641
According to their horoscopes it's perfect.

259
00:17:48,727 --> 00:17:51,036
She's a Capricorn and he's a bachelor.

260
00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:53,163
By george, you're right.

261
00:17:53,247 --> 00:17:55,283
We may have to accept her in the family.

262
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:59,042
Not only accept her. We may have
to welcome her into the family.

263
00:17:59,127 --> 00:18:02,915
Make sure that she's anxious to marry
Uncle Fester if she has any doubts.

264
00:18:03,007 --> 00:18:05,316
Doubts? About a catch like Fester?

265
00:18:06,207 --> 00:18:08,516
True. He has dazzled her.

266
00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:11,838
But I want her to realize that he's beautiful
on the inside, too.

267
00:18:11,927 --> 00:18:13,406
He is. I've seen his x-ray.

268
00:18:23,047 --> 00:18:25,163
By george,
that's one I've never made before.

269
00:18:26,287 --> 00:18:29,962
Dear, I do hope Madelyn doesn't wear
that raccoon coat to the wedding.

270
00:18:30,047 --> 00:18:31,560
We'll have her wear something nice
in black.

271
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:01,286
Querida, you've been practicing.

272
00:19:12,207 --> 00:19:14,437
So you two children are going to elope.

273
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:16,119
How quaint.

274
00:19:16,207 --> 00:19:18,721
You modern kids certainly are impetuous.

275
00:19:18,807 --> 00:19:21,560
Once you've found happiness, why wait?

276
00:19:21,647 --> 00:19:23,524
Oh, he's so cute.

277
00:19:26,447 --> 00:19:29,996
Well, if you're going to elope,
you'll need a ring.

278
00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:35,047
Oh, it's beautiful.

279
00:19:37,527 --> 00:19:39,836
- What is it?
- It's a gopher's tooth.

280
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,721
It was Grandmother Frump's.

281
00:19:42,327 --> 00:19:44,966
Well, I better go upstairs to get ready.

282
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:47,316
He's so cute.

283
00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:50,319
Yes, but there's a lot more to Fester
than his good looks.

284
00:19:50,407 --> 00:19:51,999
Sit down, my dear.

285
00:19:53,607 --> 00:19:56,075
We'd like to tell you a few little things
about Uncle Fester,

286
00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:57,964
and how to make him happy.

287
00:19:59,647 --> 00:20:00,966
Tell me everything.

288
00:20:02,687 --> 00:20:05,565
Well, for one thing,
he likes to keep charged up.

289
00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:08,198
You mean he drinks?

290
00:20:08,287 --> 00:20:11,643
Oh, heavens, no. Uncle Fester is electrical.

291
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:13,126
Oh, that.

292
00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:15,956
Electrical?

293
00:20:16,047 --> 00:20:17,526
He lights up.

294
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:21,316
Now, for newlyweds
that can be a real saving on electric bills.

295
00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:22,760
I guess so.

296
00:20:23,127 --> 00:20:25,641
And of course you know the way
to a man's heart.

297
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:27,080
Just speak French.

298
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:29,601
Gomez, darling,
I was thinking about cooking.

299
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,806
You'll want to know some
of Uncle Fester's favorite recipes.

300
00:20:36,607 --> 00:20:37,960
French pastry?

301
00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:41,926
Oh, no, no.
Simple things like eye of newt.

302
00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:43,796
Newt?

303
00:20:44,607 --> 00:20:47,405
Aren't they those little crawly things?

304
00:20:47,487 --> 00:20:48,715
Not after you cook them.

305
00:20:51,887 --> 00:20:54,196
And when he's had a nice,
home-cooked meal,

306
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,484
Uncle Fester likes to relax
up in his tree house.

307
00:20:58,327 --> 00:20:59,442
Tree house?

308
00:20:59,527 --> 00:21:02,837
Be sure you pick a honeymoon cottage
with a tall tree.

309
00:21:05,167 --> 00:21:07,886
All clear below! Here comes the groom!

310
00:21:12,127 --> 00:21:13,924
Well, hop on. Let's hit the road.

311
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:19,243
Get lost, you electrical, tree-sitting newt!

312
00:21:19,687 --> 00:21:23,396
- Did I do something wrong?
- You got born, baldy.

313
00:21:40,527 --> 00:21:42,995
I told you it wouldn't work.

314
00:21:43,087 --> 00:21:44,964
It's just as well, Uncle Fester.

315
00:21:45,047 --> 00:21:46,844
A woman who doesn't know how
to make a man happy

316
00:21:46,927 --> 00:21:48,440
certainly wouldn't make a good wife.

317
00:21:48,527 --> 00:21:50,677
Besides, her French was atrocious.

318
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,200
Well, who cares?

319
00:21:52,287 --> 00:21:55,324
I could have never gone through life
with that itchy wig.

320
00:21:55,407 --> 00:21:58,285
That's a lovely attitude, Uncle Fester.

321
00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:00,756
Someday you'll find the right kind
of woman.

322
00:22:00,847 --> 00:22:03,042
A woman with just your kind of tastes,

323
00:22:03,127 --> 00:22:06,642
just your kind of interests,
and just your kind of head.

324
00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:28,958
Now take your time, my dear.
Aim carefully.

325
00:22:39,487 --> 00:22:42,445
That was pretty close, Morticia. Watch it.

326
00:22:43,687 --> 00:22:46,520
Don't worry, Fester,
Annie Oakley Addams never misses.

327
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:53,919
Well, almost never.

328
00:22:56,447 --> 00:22:57,596
I'm getting out of here.

329
00:22:59,287 --> 00:23:00,640
Dear Uncle Fester.

330
00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:03,605
He just hasn't been the same
ever since that woman jilted him.

331
00:23:03,687 --> 00:23:07,077
Well, the whole thing is obvious to me.
She just didn't like motorcycles.

332
00:23:07,167 --> 00:23:09,237
Dear Uncle Fester. He loves his so.

333
00:23:09,327 --> 00:23:11,397
Not anymore.
He's taken up horseback riding.

334
00:23:11,487 --> 00:23:13,523
- Horseback riding?
- Look.

335
00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:19,000
Tally-ho!

336
00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:25,164
So much more sensible.