1
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:27,959
Thank you, Thing.

2
00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,118
Congratulations.

3
00:01:31,207 --> 00:01:33,596
Darling, you remembered.

4
00:01:33,687 --> 00:01:38,078
How could I forget our 13th anniversary?
It started on the stroke of midnight.

5
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:41,045
Oh, I'm so excited, I can't get it open.

6
00:01:42,007 --> 00:01:43,725
Oh, thank you, Thing.

7
00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:58,916
Oh, darling, what a sensible gift. A bat net.

8
00:01:59,007 --> 00:02:01,202
Querida, it's a nightgown.

9
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,960
Lace. For our 13th.

10
00:02:04,047 --> 00:02:06,481
Oh, darling, it's beautiful.

11
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:09,320
And my favorite color, too. Black.

12
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:12,325
You're ravishing.

13
00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:16,886
Congratulations!

14
00:02:18,327 --> 00:02:20,204
Congratulations!

15
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:25,595
Happy anniversary!

16
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,359
Thank you, darlings.

17
00:02:32,047 --> 00:02:33,799
Well, now, this is a surprise.

18
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,003
You didn't think
we'd forget your anniversary.

19
00:02:36,087 --> 00:02:39,045
Not the 13th. That's the lucky one.

20
00:02:39,127 --> 00:02:42,676
Have you and Father
really been married 13 years?

21
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:43,916
Oh, yes.

22
00:02:44,007 --> 00:02:45,838
And there were those
who thought it would never happen.

23
00:02:45,927 --> 00:02:47,599
I still can't believe it.

24
00:02:47,687 --> 00:02:50,485
Mama and Morticia,
let's not go into that tonight.

25
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:55,118
Oh, that's my favorite story
next to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

26
00:02:55,207 --> 00:02:56,435
Please tell us.

27
00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:59,485
Well, all right.
Let's everybody get comfortable.

28
00:03:00,087 --> 00:03:04,285
Now, originally,
your father wasn't supposed to marry me.

29
00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:07,120
He was supposed to marry my sister,
Ophelia.

30
00:03:07,207 --> 00:03:08,845
Aunt Ophelia?

31
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:12,518
- She was the catch of the season.
- Aunt Ophelia?

32
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:15,075
- Whoever said that?
- Her mother.

33
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:18,955
Granny Frump, my old school chum
from Swamp Town High.

34
00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:21,444
I'll never forget that day.

35
00:03:21,527 --> 00:03:24,564
The sun was shining
and the birds were singing.

36
00:03:24,647 --> 00:03:26,478
I knew we were in for trouble.

37
00:03:34,727 --> 00:03:37,924
Gomez, are you gonna spend
your whole life sitting there

38
00:03:38,007 --> 00:03:39,725
when romance is on the way?

39
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,600
How can I think of romance
when my bronchial tubes are collapsing?

40
00:03:45,687 --> 00:03:47,120
You're the one that's collapsing.

41
00:03:47,207 --> 00:03:50,279
Been sitting at that contraption
for 22 years.

42
00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,085
It's time you tried a girl.

43
00:03:52,847 --> 00:03:54,326
I don't like girls.

44
00:03:54,407 --> 00:03:56,716
Well, you can't marry a vaporizer.

45
00:03:57,927 --> 00:03:59,724
I'll get it, Lurch.

46
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,876
Who could that be?

47
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:03,197
It can be the big surprise
I've arranged for you.

48
00:04:03,287 --> 00:04:05,517
Mrs. Frump and her daughter Ophelia.

49
00:04:05,607 --> 00:04:07,438
Pull yourself together, Gomez.

50
00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,564
You may be meeting the girl
you're going to marry.

51
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:16,204
Lurch, they're ganging up on me.
What'll I do?

52
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:18,517
- Run.
- Run? But where?

53
00:04:19,287 --> 00:04:21,164
The Foreign Legion?

54
00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:24,000
It's too far.
How about the American Legion?

55
00:04:27,287 --> 00:04:31,838
Esther Frump! Oh, it's good
to see you again, Frumpy.

56
00:04:31,927 --> 00:04:33,758
You haven't changed a bit
since Swamp Town High.

57
00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:35,360
And neither have you.

58
00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:38,200
And this is my beautiful daughter, Ophelia.

59
00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:42,757
That is my handsome son, Gomez.

60
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:46,561
Give him your hand, Ophelia.

61
00:04:48,607 --> 00:04:49,801
Go, go!

62
00:04:59,727 --> 00:05:03,003
- Why so pale and wan, fair Gomez?
- My head's stuffed.

63
00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:05,601
Oh, poor, poor laddie.

64
00:05:05,687 --> 00:05:07,882
I know just the thing for that.

65
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:10,086
- You do?
- Yes.

66
00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:21,720
- Well, how is it now?
- It's gone to my back.

67
00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:24,405
Oh, how nice.

68
00:05:26,007 --> 00:05:29,204
- Boys are always falling for Ophelia.
- She's a handy one.

69
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,960
It was not for nothing
she had all those judo and karate lessons.

70
00:05:32,047 --> 00:05:34,641
Every girl should know judo and karate.

71
00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:38,156
I lost one.

72
00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:40,886
- One what?
- Daughter. My young one, Morticia.

73
00:05:42,207 --> 00:05:43,720
Oh, there she is.

74
00:05:43,807 --> 00:05:45,479
Come on, Kitty cat.

75
00:05:46,207 --> 00:05:48,402
Oh, you're so stubborn.

76
00:06:00,647 --> 00:06:03,639
- I'm Gomez Addams.
- I'm Morticia Frump.

77
00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:07,078
That's my pet pet.

78
00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:13,321
- Kitty cat likes to eat.
- I like cats.

79
00:06:14,527 --> 00:06:16,085
What's in there?

80
00:06:16,927 --> 00:06:19,487
- My plant.
- Plant? In there?

81
00:06:20,327 --> 00:06:21,760
Oh, she bites.

82
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:25,004
Her name is Cleopatra.

83
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:31,400
And this is my doll.
Her name's Marie Antoinette.

84
00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:33,318
I chopped off her head.

85
00:06:36,447 --> 00:06:38,278
That's my Morticia.

86
00:06:38,367 --> 00:06:40,676
I'm keeping her under wraps
until my Ophelia's married.

87
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,440
Had to bring her along 'cause I couldn't
get anybody to sit with her cat.

88
00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:46,724
Well, it's not easy
to find lion-sitters these days.

89
00:06:50,207 --> 00:06:52,767
After eating, Kitty likes to exercise.

90
00:06:54,007 --> 00:06:57,522
We've a nice garden.
She can run around it. I'll show you.

91
00:06:59,607 --> 00:07:02,679
Gomez? She can find it herself.

92
00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:13,086
Gomez, why don't you and Ophelia
take a walk in the garden?

93
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:16,762
- Oh, it's too chilly out there.
- Ophelia will warm you up.

94
00:07:16,847 --> 00:07:18,724
I'd better get my coat on.

95
00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:24,362
A coat? In July?

96
00:07:26,007 --> 00:07:27,281
Well, it is more becoming.

97
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:29,323
I just wanna keep
my bronchial tubes warm.

98
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,763
Yeah, you wouldn't want a son-in-law
with cold bronchial tubes, would you?

99
00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:35,839
Now, you and Ophelia
run along and have fun.

100
00:07:35,927 --> 00:07:38,157
Fair Gomez, take my hand.

101
00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:43,561
Coming.

102
00:07:46,527 --> 00:07:50,486
- That boy of yours is all boy.
- So is that girl of yours.

103
00:07:52,647 --> 00:07:54,797
Well, let's plan the wedding.

104
00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:58,482
What else do you like to do?

105
00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:01,843
On rainy nights, I like to snuggle
into bed with a mustard plaster.

106
00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,282
"We are such stuff
as dreams are made on."

107
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:07,916
- Do you like to dream, Gomez?
- I have better nightmares when I'm awake.

108
00:08:08,007 --> 00:08:10,521
My dreams are of D'Artagnan,

109
00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:14,759
of Don Quixote who will tilt his lance
against the foe. Like this!

110
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,681
Come on, now, Cleopatra,
have some nice zebra burger.

111
00:08:27,687 --> 00:08:31,441
All right, I'll up the dowry to 3,000,
make it a six-layer cake,

112
00:08:31,527 --> 00:08:34,485
and supply the food, music and preacher.

113
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,320
And I'll supply the guests. Fair?

114
00:08:37,927 --> 00:08:39,360
It seems fair.

115
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:44,080
I hope Ophelia finds Gomez to her taste.
She's very particular.

116
00:08:45,807 --> 00:08:48,799
- Back so soon, Gomez?
- It's getting chilly out there.

117
00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:50,639
I have to get my cape.

118
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:08,876
Would you like to join us in the garden?

119
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:11,879
Could we dig some graves, for my dolls?

120
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:16,277
I like to, but I'm afraid
it would be too strenuous for me.

121
00:09:18,327 --> 00:09:19,919
Well, then I'd rather stay here.

122
00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:24,400
This one's name's Anne Boleyn.

123
00:09:28,007 --> 00:09:30,965
My favorite person in history
is Ivan the Terrible.

124
00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:32,400
Oh, he was sweet.

125
00:09:35,767 --> 00:09:38,645
Fair Gomez,
is there anything you'd like to do?

126
00:09:38,727 --> 00:09:40,558
Yes, go into a coma.

127
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:44,003
Oh, he does have
a delicious sense of humor.

128
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,999
- And he shall be rewarded.
- You're going to leave?

129
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,477
Nonsense. I'm going to amuse thee, sire.

130
00:10:19,927 --> 00:10:22,839
- I told you, she's all talent.
- And beauty.

131
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:24,679
Isn't it wonderful, son?

132
00:10:25,687 --> 00:10:28,565
I... I... I've never heard anything like it.

133
00:10:29,807 --> 00:10:32,526
And would you believe it?
She's a great cook, too.

134
00:10:32,607 --> 00:10:35,917
Here, hold my strings.
I'll whip you up a lunch you'll never forget.

135
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:39,916
I'm sure of it.

136
00:10:46,807 --> 00:10:48,923
Ophelia cooks all day
just so she can do dishes.

137
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,201
She loves to do dishes.

138
00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:52,357
- She does?
- She loves water.

139
00:10:52,447 --> 00:10:54,802
She's forever jumping
into fountains and little brooks.

140
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:56,400
Even tubs and sinks.

141
00:10:56,487 --> 00:10:58,079
Her cooking's good, though.

142
00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:02,365
- Gomez, you didn't eat a thing.
- I never eat lunch. It spoils my dinner.

143
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,845
You didn't eat much, either.

144
00:11:07,927 --> 00:11:11,442
Oh, Ophelia's a marvelous cook
but I don't like those kind of lunches.

145
00:11:11,527 --> 00:11:13,677
What kind do you like?

146
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:17,680
Oh, crunchy things, like fried eye of newt,

147
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,644
or barbequed turtle tips.

148
00:11:20,607 --> 00:11:23,804
- Or cold yak?
- Oh, yes, yes.

149
00:11:23,887 --> 00:11:26,879
Morticia, stop talking
about those crazy dishes of yours.

150
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:28,036
Yes, Mama.

151
00:11:28,127 --> 00:11:30,436
They don't sound crazy to me.
They sound yummy.

152
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:32,881
Oh, Gomez.

153
00:11:35,047 --> 00:11:36,639
You better go now.

154
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:39,241
Good idea.

155
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:45,286
She's not outside, silly,
she's in the kitchen.

156
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,437
- I know.
- Go on, you bashful boy.

157
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:49,643
Your bashful girl is waiting.

158
00:11:58,647 --> 00:12:00,922
Come in, come in, the water's fine.

159
00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:06,206
Come along, come along.
You can dry. It's like playing house.

160
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,526
Thanks.

161
00:12:08,607 --> 00:12:10,325
Come, come. Dry, dry.

162
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:14,041
- I think I chipped that one.
- Slightly.

163
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:18,800
Must be the hard water.

164
00:12:19,687 --> 00:12:22,247
Oh, no. It's just a funny-shaped dish.

165
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:26,435
Did I do that?

166
00:12:28,087 --> 00:12:31,523
No, our Aunt Trivia sent us a whole dozen
of these cup handles.

167
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,280
It's beautiful.

168
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,398
This one's unbreakable.

169
00:12:40,607 --> 00:12:41,722
Well, it used to be.

170
00:12:42,807 --> 00:12:46,004
Gomez. Let's play hide-and-seek.

171
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:47,759
- But my bronchitis.
- Nonsense!

172
00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:49,678
Here, you hide here.

173
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,884
No, no, I'd find you there.
That's the first place I'd look.

174
00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:56,004
I know. I'll hide and you seek.

175
00:12:56,087 --> 00:13:00,046
Tell me, do you think
I'm sweet, kind and unselfish?

176
00:13:00,327 --> 00:13:01,646
You say the sweetest things.

177
00:13:16,047 --> 00:13:17,639
Thank you, Thing.

178
00:13:33,367 --> 00:13:36,598
Has anyone ever told you
you have the softest brown eyes?

179
00:13:36,687 --> 00:13:39,679
No. Besides, my eyes are blue.

180
00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:41,965
No wonder no one has ever told you.

181
00:13:52,887 --> 00:13:55,196
- You found me!
- It wasn't easy.

182
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:58,120
Now, you've earned your reward.
Drink to me only with thine lips.

183
00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:06,755
- How was that?
- That was green.

184
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:10,476
- Now, you hide and I'll seek you.
- Good idea.

185
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:12,842
No, no, no!

186
00:14:13,967 --> 00:14:16,003
Not that way.

187
00:14:16,087 --> 00:14:18,885
That way is the primrose path of dalliance.

188
00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:20,195
That way.

189
00:14:39,847 --> 00:14:43,044
- What color did you say your eyes were?
- Blue.

190
00:14:43,127 --> 00:14:44,799
Keep them that way.

191
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:49,399
By the way, how old are you, pigtails?

192
00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:52,445
- 22.
- Really? I thought you were much older.

193
00:14:58,407 --> 00:15:00,318
Oh, there you are, Gomez.

194
00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:10,839
Congratulate me! Congratulate me!
Gomez and I are going to be married.

195
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:12,963
- Hallelujah!
- Love at first sight!

196
00:15:13,047 --> 00:15:14,605
And I only twisted his arm once.

197
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,441
Morticia?

198
00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:21,725
- You will be my bridesmaid.
- Thank you, Ophelia.

199
00:15:25,487 --> 00:15:28,047
- Your bridal bouquet.
- Thorns?

200
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:32,086
Oh, no. I want daisies, buttercups
and fresh weeds.

201
00:15:32,167 --> 00:15:34,078
I'll go down to the bogs
and pick you some.

202
00:15:40,087 --> 00:15:43,557
- Congratulations, Gomez.
- I tried to run away.

203
00:15:43,647 --> 00:15:46,764
- You'll have beautiful children.
- I won't have them. She'll have them.

204
00:15:46,847 --> 00:15:48,963
- You'll both have them.
- That's what I'm afraid of.

205
00:15:49,047 --> 00:15:50,446
I don't want to marry Ophelia.

206
00:15:52,247 --> 00:15:54,761
Oh, my, that is a problem.

207
00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:57,964
Oh, what lovely trains. I just adore trains.

208
00:15:59,127 --> 00:16:01,641
You do? Well, let's give them a whirl.

209
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,005
These trains always take my mind
off troubles.

210
00:16:18,927 --> 00:16:20,280
What's that?

211
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,078
That's my friend, Thing.

212
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,637
- What a charming helper.
- He's been my companion since childhood.

213
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:30,163
You... You don't think
he's peculiar, do you?

214
00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:31,726
Of course not.

215
00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,798
We must accept our friends
for what they are.

216
00:16:35,487 --> 00:16:37,045
Here, you run the trains.

217
00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:59,640
Isn't it exciting? One train going east,
the other one going west.

218
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:05,203
I have an idea.
What if they crash, head-on?

219
00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:08,477
Better still, I'll blow them up!

220
00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:12,081
Now, you take that switch.

221
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:14,476
When they meet at the bridge, wham!

222
00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:33,442
- You spoke French.
- Yes.

223
00:17:35,007 --> 00:17:36,406
Say it again.

224
00:17:38,727 --> 00:17:41,764
- Something strange is coming over me.
- What?

225
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:46,441
For the first time in my life,
my sinuses are clear!

226
00:17:47,887 --> 00:17:48,922
How's your bronchitis?

227
00:17:51,727 --> 00:17:54,400
It's gone! My bronchitis is gone.

228
00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:00,759
I don't know what I'm doing,
but I can't help it.

229
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,519
I could help it but I don't want to.

230
00:18:02,607 --> 00:18:04,006
Speak some more French.

231
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:08,200
Anything.

232
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:11,962
Oh, Gomez, please. We must think
of your betrothed. My darling sister.

233
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:14,277
Oh, yes. What'll we do?

234
00:18:15,407 --> 00:18:16,476
- I have it.
- What?

235
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,523
I'll call my Uncle Fester.

236
00:18:22,287 --> 00:18:24,084
Why, thank you, Thing.

237
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,998
Sweet old Uncle Fester.

238
00:18:28,247 --> 00:18:30,636
He used to write
an advice-to-the-Iovelorn column.

239
00:18:31,887 --> 00:18:35,118
He'd still be doing it, too,
if everybody hadn't started suing him.

240
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,996
Darn it.
A person just can't relax around here.

241
00:18:49,007 --> 00:18:50,235
- Hello?
- <i>Hello?</i>

242
00:18:50,327 --> 00:18:51,965
You'll have to talk louder.

243
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:55,244
<i>Hello, Uncle Fester? It's me, Morticia.</i>

244
00:18:55,327 --> 00:18:56,442
Morticia who?

245
00:18:57,767 --> 00:18:58,995
Morticia Frump.

246
00:18:59,527 --> 00:19:00,846
Morticia Frump?

247
00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:02,756
I'm your niece.

248
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,365
That Morticia Frump.

249
00:19:06,487 --> 00:19:09,365
Uncle Fester, I'm madly in love
with Gomez Addams

250
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:12,041
but he's engaged
to marry my sister, Ophelia.

251
00:19:12,127 --> 00:19:13,162
What should I do?

252
00:19:13,247 --> 00:19:14,282
Forget him.

253
00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:18,121
Anybody that'd marry your sister, Ophelia,
must be a nut!

254
00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:27,315
- What did he say?
- He wasn't home.

255
00:19:28,247 --> 00:19:29,441
I'll speak to my Cousin Itt.

256
00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:32,280
He's had lots of personal experience
in affairs of the heart.

257
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,722
- A real ladies' man.
- Oh, he sounds perfect.

258
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:37,401
- Where is he?
- In his favorite nook, up the chimney.

259
00:19:37,487 --> 00:19:38,602
Up the chimney?

260
00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:41,155
Well, sometimes
he prefers the broom closet.

261
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,397
As a matter of fact,
he sort of looks like a broom.

262
00:19:43,487 --> 00:19:45,637
Well, not really a broom. A mop!

263
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,319
- Sounds fascinating.
- Yes.

264
00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:48,999
Don't go away.

265
00:19:52,327 --> 00:19:54,443
Say something else in French.

266
00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:00,886
Cousin Itt!

267
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:04,241
I know you hate to be disturbed.

268
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:05,919
But I've got to talk to you.

269
00:20:07,967 --> 00:20:10,037
Cousin Itt, my whole future is at stake

270
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:13,039
and all you can think of
is your own selfish pleasure.

271
00:20:19,607 --> 00:20:21,563
Is that your final answer?

272
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,245
Well, at least
you're keeping an open mind.

273
00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:32,836
Cousin Itt, you've got to help me!

274
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:37,518
If you come down,
I'll let you play with my octopus.

275
00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:41,325
You can use my vaporizer!

276
00:20:43,247 --> 00:20:45,397
I'll let you blow up one of my trains.

277
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:51,607
Cousin Itt, I knew I could count on you.

278
00:20:51,687 --> 00:20:53,359
I always said blood is thicker than water,

279
00:20:53,447 --> 00:20:56,166
and everyone says
you're thicker than both.

280
00:20:56,247 --> 00:20:58,124
Itt, I'm in love.

281
00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:01,803
No, she hasn't got a friend for you.

282
00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,276
Please, you've got to listen to my problem.

283
00:21:05,647 --> 00:21:06,966
Thank you.

284
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,440
You're such a suave,
sophisticated man of the world

285
00:21:10,527 --> 00:21:12,518
and I thought you could give me
some advice.

286
00:21:12,607 --> 00:21:15,724
You see, I'm engaged to one girl
and I love another.

287
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:17,126
What should I do?

288
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,205
Isn't that against the law?

289
00:21:22,727 --> 00:21:23,876
Oh, come on, Itt.

290
00:21:23,967 --> 00:21:27,642
An old roué like you ought to be able
to figure something out. Think.

291
00:21:34,287 --> 00:21:36,357
Boy, you really are thinking.

292
00:21:37,327 --> 00:21:38,476
Really?

293
00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,481
Well, you sure make it sound
like a sensible way out.

294
00:21:43,007 --> 00:21:45,316
I'll tell Morticia.
She's the one I'm in love with.

295
00:21:45,407 --> 00:21:48,558
Thanks a lot, Itt.
Underneath all that hair, you really are...

296
00:21:48,647 --> 00:21:50,842
What are you underneath all that hair?

297
00:21:51,807 --> 00:21:53,604
Roots?

298
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,200
Makes sense.

299
00:21:55,287 --> 00:21:57,676
You better get up the chimney
before Mama grabs your place.

300
00:22:00,287 --> 00:22:03,484
Enjoy yourself! And thanks a lot, Itt.

301
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,600
Hello, birdie.

302
00:22:18,447 --> 00:22:20,324
My, you sing pretty, too.

303
00:22:23,687 --> 00:22:27,396
Morticia. Cousin Itt has
the perfect solution to all my problems.

304
00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:30,843
- What did he say?
- He said I should shoot myself.

305
00:22:30,927 --> 00:22:33,680
It does sound rather simple. I'll join you.

306
00:22:35,207 --> 00:22:36,526
Be my guest.

307
00:22:38,527 --> 00:22:41,087
Well, au revoir.

308
00:22:42,247 --> 00:22:44,203
That's French.

309
00:22:44,287 --> 00:22:46,118
Not here, darling.

310
00:22:46,207 --> 00:22:47,720
In the hereafter.

311
00:22:49,007 --> 00:22:50,565
In the hereafter.

312
00:22:59,727 --> 00:23:03,242
- And did you die?
- No.

313
00:23:03,327 --> 00:23:05,158
We had the guns at the ready

314
00:23:05,247 --> 00:23:07,681
and just as I was about to say "three,"

315
00:23:07,767 --> 00:23:10,361
Thing reached out
and snatched them away.

316
00:23:10,447 --> 00:23:12,438
Thing never could stand noise.

317
00:23:12,527 --> 00:23:14,802
But what happened with Aunt Ophelia?

318
00:23:14,887 --> 00:23:16,400
We'll tell you the rest some other evening.

319
00:23:16,487 --> 00:23:18,000
That's right, children. It's time for bed.

320
00:23:18,087 --> 00:23:19,725
- Come on.
- Go on.

321
00:23:26,287 --> 00:23:28,357
I almost forgot my shortcut.

322
00:23:36,007 --> 00:23:37,565
Dear Uncle Fester.

323
00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:40,286
Every time he hears the story
of our romance,

324
00:23:40,367 --> 00:23:42,278
it gives him such a lift.