1
00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:18,798
They're creepy and they're kooky
2
00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:20,764
Mysterious and spooky
3
00:00:20,847 --> 00:00:22,519
They're altogether ooky
4
00:00:22,607 --> 00:00:24,438
The Addams family
5
00:00:24,527 --> 00:00:26,358
The house is a museum
6
00:00:26,487 --> 00:00:28,364
When people come to see 'em
7
00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:30,199
They really are a scream
8
00:00:30,287 --> 00:00:31,925
The Addams family
9
00:00:33,407 --> 00:00:34,681
Neat.
10
00:00:35,047 --> 00:00:36,321
Sweet.
11
00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:39,916
Petite.
12
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,759
So get a witch's shawl on
13
00:00:41,847 --> 00:00:43,678
A broomstick you can crawl on
14
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:45,598
We're gonna pay a call on
15
00:00:45,687 --> 00:00:48,520
The Addams family
16
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:20,840
No! No.
17
00:01:20,927 --> 00:01:22,440
How's the market, dear?
18
00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:24,842
Closed. I just do this to keep in practice.
19
00:01:25,047 --> 00:01:28,596
Very sensible. If there's another crash,
you'll be ready for it.
20
00:01:35,207 --> 00:01:37,118
Well, I was ready for that one.
21
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,523
Pugsley's new chemistry set.
22
00:01:39,607 --> 00:01:41,916
He's making a different kind of TNT.
23
00:01:42,247 --> 00:01:45,842
Those educational toys
certainly keep a boy out of mischief.
24
00:01:46,527 --> 00:01:48,643
Wish I could say the same
for Uncle Fester.
25
00:01:48,727 --> 00:01:50,718
I caught him cheating at checkers.
26
00:01:51,207 --> 00:01:52,560
Inexcusable!
27
00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:55,159
Unless he was playing for money.
28
00:01:55,327 --> 00:01:58,524
Well, time for my Zen-Yogi.
29
00:01:58,687 --> 00:02:02,919
I really had to discipline him.
He's forbidden to leave the house all day.
30
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,926
Thank heavens.
31
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,840
There for a moment
I thought he was going to leave.
32
00:02:16,487 --> 00:02:17,886
The mail's in.
33
00:02:18,687 --> 00:02:20,006
Thank you, Thing.
34
00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:26,435
- Bill?
- It's from my sister, Ophelia.
35
00:02:27,007 --> 00:02:29,202
Why would she send us a bill?
36
00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:31,005
Darling, it's not a bill.
37
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:33,601
The poor dear's in trouble,
and she needs our help desperately.
38
00:02:34,127 --> 00:02:35,640
What's the problem?
39
00:02:36,487 --> 00:02:38,364
She was too upset to say.
40
00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:40,361
Who could that be?
41
00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:43,325
It may not be a who. It may be a what.
42
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:46,520
- Dreamer.
- Telegram.
43
00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:48,996
Thank you very much, Lurch.
44
00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:52,680
Oh, it's from Ophelia.
45
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:57,604
Didn't wait very long for an answer.
What's it say?
46
00:02:57,887 --> 00:02:58,876
"Help."
47
00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:05,923
Sounds like an excited caller.
48
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,681
Either that or the doorbell's stuck.
49
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:15,041
Miss Ophelia.
50
00:03:18,327 --> 00:03:21,319
Ophelia! We haven't heard from you
in nearly two minutes.
51
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,359
Dear Ophelia!
52
00:03:23,447 --> 00:03:26,484
Unburden yourself, darling.
Tell us everything.
53
00:03:30,607 --> 00:03:33,201
Aren't you gonna tell us
about your trouble?
54
00:03:33,287 --> 00:03:35,164
Trouble? What trouble?
55
00:03:36,527 --> 00:03:37,846
Oh, that trouble.
56
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:40,885
My life is ruined.
57
00:03:44,607 --> 00:03:46,962
- Sounds kind of serious.
- A man?
58
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:50,879
Brilliant, charming, cultured.
59
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:53,199
- Rich!
- Alive?
60
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:57,322
Yes, I'm almost sure he was alive.
61
00:03:58,087 --> 00:03:59,315
My mother objects.
62
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,557
Granny Frump? Egad, she must be sick.
63
00:04:01,647 --> 00:04:02,966
Why?
64
00:04:03,487 --> 00:04:07,799
She says if he's in love with me,
there must be something wrong with him.
65
00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:09,366
That's a point.
66
00:04:09,447 --> 00:04:14,123
Nonsense. You're a lovely, intelligent girl,
and we're going to help you.
67
00:04:14,207 --> 00:04:15,845
She certainly needs help.
68
00:04:15,927 --> 00:04:18,839
The first thing we should do
is meet your intended.
69
00:04:18,927 --> 00:04:20,326
When can we see him?
70
00:04:26,887 --> 00:04:28,605
This is my beloved.
71
00:04:29,607 --> 00:04:32,519
Horatio Bartholomew, at your service.
72
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,196
How positively continental.
73
00:04:36,767 --> 00:04:39,486
Have you spent much time in Europe,
Mr. Bartholomew?
74
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,765
All my life.
75
00:04:41,847 --> 00:04:45,237
Oxford, Cambridge,
University of Heidelberg.
76
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,960
Oh, my Apollo. My Ariel!
77
00:04:49,367 --> 00:04:51,403
My knight in shining armor.
78
00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:55,082
You'll have to forgive Ophelia.
She's a bit shy with men.
79
00:04:55,727 --> 00:05:00,323
I've searched the world over.
I've never met anyone like her.
80
00:05:00,687 --> 00:05:02,245
I'll buy that.
81
00:05:02,327 --> 00:05:04,124
We want to fly away together.
82
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:08,599
Roam the seven seas.
Search the far corners of the Earth.
83
00:05:09,607 --> 00:05:12,201
But first, we'll have a spot of lunch.
84
00:05:18,647 --> 00:05:20,205
Thank you, Lurch.
85
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:23,478
Magnificent lunch.
86
00:05:24,127 --> 00:05:27,563
I should be honored to have
your recipe for the cherries jubilee.
87
00:05:28,607 --> 00:05:30,086
Cherries jubilee?
88
00:05:31,087 --> 00:05:33,726
Oh, that was flambeau of jellyfish.
89
00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:36,516
Flambeau of jellyfish?
90
00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:38,765
How did you two get together?
91
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:40,360
Mama, please!
92
00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:42,762
They're not on the witness stand.
93
00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:44,602
How did you two get together?
94
00:05:45,247 --> 00:05:48,876
It was at this wonderful
Ionely hearts club luau.
95
00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:54,841
I looked over the suckling pig,
and there she was.
96
00:05:55,807 --> 00:05:57,081
Well, if you have so much money,
97
00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,362
what were you doing
at a Ionely hearts club?
98
00:05:59,447 --> 00:06:01,802
Mama, please!
99
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,637
What were you doing
at a Ionely hearts club?
100
00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:07,560
I was looking for a simple girl.
101
00:06:07,647 --> 00:06:09,126
You sure struck oil.
102
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:15,725
Well, it's time for a walk in the garden.
103
00:06:19,927 --> 00:06:21,121
Allow me.
104
00:06:29,207 --> 00:06:31,960
I just love when she does that.
105
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,558
Come, Horatio.
106
00:06:35,887 --> 00:06:37,161
My love.
107
00:06:42,247 --> 00:06:44,317
Well, querida, what do you think?
108
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,403
- He's charming.
- Rich.
109
00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:48,079
- Attractive.
- Magnetic.
110
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,964
- Impossible.
- Exactly.
111
00:06:50,047 --> 00:06:52,003
Too perfect. The man's an obvious phony.
112
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:54,555
An imposter. How shall we prove it?
113
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,442
Simple matter. He claims he's rich.
114
00:06:57,527 --> 00:06:59,995
I'll call Brad and Dunstreet,
the financial authorities.
115
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,965
Excellent thinking, darling.
116
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,163
One of them is bound to be in.
117
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,800
Hello, Brad and Dunstreet?
Gomez Addams here.
118
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:13,885
Try to keep a civil tongue in your head.
Just making an enquiry.
119
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,286
What do you have
on Horatio Bartholomew?
120
00:07:18,207 --> 00:07:19,526
Yes, I'll wait.
121
00:07:19,847 --> 00:07:21,803
They're running him
through their computer.
122
00:07:21,887 --> 00:07:23,639
The marvels of science.
123
00:07:24,127 --> 00:07:26,277
They're running him
through their computer,
124
00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:28,278
and he's walking in our garden.
125
00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:31,479
All at the same time. Amazing.
126
00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:33,201
What?
127
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,515
Yes.
128
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:36,436
Are you sure?
129
00:07:37,607 --> 00:07:38,676
Thank you.
130
00:07:39,287 --> 00:07:42,040
Just as I thought.
They never heard of Horatio Bartholomew.
131
00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:46,200
Oh, my darling sister.
In the hands of a scheming adventurer.
132
00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:51,637
A Ionely hearts club bluebeard!
Poor Ophelia.
133
00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:54,442
If your Cousin Itt
hadn't been such a playboy,
134
00:07:54,527 --> 00:07:56,438
they might be married by now.
135
00:07:57,487 --> 00:08:00,320
Perhaps we can have another talk
with the little roué.
136
00:08:00,407 --> 00:08:03,683
Roué. That's French. I wish you'd said that.
137
00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:08,356
Darling, please.
Let's concentrate on Cousin Itt.
138
00:08:08,807 --> 00:08:09,876
What?
139
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,276
- Cousin Itt.
- Oh, yes, yes!
140
00:08:15,087 --> 00:08:16,600
Oh, Cousin Itt.
141
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,677
At least we know he's up there.
Let me try, dear.
142
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:23,366
Careful of the soot.
143
00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:24,516
Okay, dear.
144
00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:27,081
Cousin Itt!
145
00:08:27,487 --> 00:08:31,560
Would you come down, please?
We'd like to have a little chat with you.
146
00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:39,279
Itt, you come down here this minute!
147
00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:48,962
Well, now we know another thing.
The chimney needs cleaning.
148
00:08:49,887 --> 00:08:51,240
Cousin Itt!
149
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,519
If you don't come down
I'm going to be very hurt.
150
00:08:57,967 --> 00:08:59,764
I scared you down, didn't I?
151
00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:03,203
Cousin Itt,
you know how fond we are of you.
152
00:09:04,927 --> 00:09:08,124
Thank you. You do put things so nicely.
153
00:09:08,407 --> 00:09:11,922
Itt, we think
you are perfect husband material.
154
00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:15,803
Suave, sophisticated, cultured.
155
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:19,004
Yes, and loaded, too.
156
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:22,639
Now, with women throwing themselves
at you all the time,
157
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:25,685
of course you've probably become
a bit jaded.
158
00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:28,242
That's true.
159
00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:30,761
If a person is going to become jaded,
that is the best way.
160
00:09:30,847 --> 00:09:34,760
But we think it's time
that you settle down, got married.
161
00:09:37,127 --> 00:09:39,083
Itt, are you still with us?
162
00:09:40,287 --> 00:09:43,597
Good. We have the perfect mate for you.
163
00:09:43,687 --> 00:09:46,076
My darling sister, Ophelia.
164
00:09:50,647 --> 00:09:53,115
Bachelors. Always playing hard to get.
165
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,885
I didn't realize your sister
was such a swinger.
166
00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:03,122
Faster!
167
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:06,802
Faster!
168
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,125
Faster!
169
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:19,126
Ophelia, where are you?
170
00:10:19,927 --> 00:10:21,326
Horatio.
171
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,403
What have you done with the swing?
172
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,797
I've got it right here, dear.
173
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,719
My goodness!
174
00:10:29,927 --> 00:10:32,395
Don't worry, dear. I'll catch you.
175
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,320
That was fun.
176
00:10:38,727 --> 00:10:41,525
I just love it when you do things like that.
177
00:10:42,047 --> 00:10:45,960
I must save my poor deluded sister
from the clutches of that beast.
178
00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:48,515
Right. She's deluded enough without him.
179
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,278
But I love Horatio.
180
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,244
The man's a bounder and a cad.
181
00:10:58,327 --> 00:11:00,045
And not a very nice one.
182
00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:02,925
He's the only one that loves me.
183
00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:05,246
I know he loves me.
184
00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:07,838
The daisies told me so.
185
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:09,676
Ophelia.
186
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:12,440
Are you going to listen
to the daisies or to Mama?
187
00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:18,046
What do you see?
188
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:22,040
I see a man with a Heidelberg scar
and a bushy mustache.
189
00:11:22,127 --> 00:11:23,162
That's the blackguard.
190
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:26,000
Mama, tell Ophelia the truth
about this man.
191
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,963
He's loaded, elegant and unattached.
192
00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:33,995
And if you ask me,
he'd make Ophelia a perfect husband.
193
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:38,877
Mama, either you're out of practice
or that ball needs repairing.
194
00:11:39,287 --> 00:11:41,596
That scoundrel
must have tampered with it.
195
00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:44,759
Very well then. Get your own crystal ball.
196
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,204
The cleverness of the fiend.
Even fooling Mama.
197
00:11:50,287 --> 00:11:52,562
Oh, shame, shame.
198
00:11:52,727 --> 00:11:57,005
To pillory that poor man
with your outrageous slings and arrows.
199
00:11:58,887 --> 00:12:02,084
Oh, Horatio, my love. I'm coming.
200
00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:07,118
You're going the wrong way, dear.
201
00:12:07,687 --> 00:12:09,803
He's upstairs in Uncle Fester's room.
202
00:12:17,327 --> 00:12:20,399
Flying to her destruction
like a moth to a flame.
203
00:12:20,487 --> 00:12:23,445
- What do we do?
- Blow out the flame.
204
00:12:28,487 --> 00:12:30,000
This is fun.
205
00:12:41,847 --> 00:12:43,041
Ophelia.
206
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:45,357
Locking yourself up this way
isn't going to solve the problem.
207
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:47,358
I'm going to stay in here until I perish.
208
00:12:47,687 --> 00:12:51,475
But, darling,
what good would you be to Horatio dead?
209
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,164
Interesting point.
210
00:12:56,247 --> 00:13:00,559
Ophelia, the man is not only a scoundrel,
he doesn't even have a job.
211
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,440
But, darling, you don't have a job, either.
212
00:13:03,647 --> 00:13:06,002
Exactly, one playboy in the family
is enough.
213
00:13:06,087 --> 00:13:08,840
Besides, he's a liar,
claims to have been at Heidelberg.
214
00:13:08,927 --> 00:13:11,282
Should be easy enough to disprove that.
215
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:15,121
Well, of course. We'll simply call
the Heidelberg Dean of Men.
216
00:13:15,287 --> 00:13:16,436
Not necessary!
217
00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:18,836
All Heidelbergers are expert swordsmen.
218
00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:21,725
I'll just get down the sabers
and test this blowhard.
219
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:25,679
Hope you don't mind
a friendly exchange of steel, Bartholomew.
220
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:28,759
Not at all.
You'll forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.
221
00:13:28,847 --> 00:13:30,246
Rusty, eh?
222
00:13:30,327 --> 00:13:32,795
You beginning to get the drift, Ophelia?
223
00:13:33,127 --> 00:13:35,038
All right, choose your weapons.
224
00:13:35,887 --> 00:13:39,721
Now, the moment Lurch
drops his handkerchief, we begin.
225
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:50,525
Just a minute, old boy.
226
00:13:50,607 --> 00:13:52,837
Let's wait till the handkerchief
hits the floor.
227
00:13:52,927 --> 00:13:55,316
Sorry. Whenever you're ready.
228
00:14:05,447 --> 00:14:09,520
Bravo, Gomez. Wonderful evasive action.
229
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:12,317
Now all I have to do is evade the furniture.
230
00:14:12,407 --> 00:14:13,726
Allow me.
231
00:14:13,807 --> 00:14:15,923
None of your trickery here, old man.
232
00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,520
Sorry, Bruno.
233
00:14:30,007 --> 00:14:31,599
Would you like to wrestle?
234
00:14:33,687 --> 00:14:35,757
You were magnificent, dear.
235
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:38,598
Where did the coward go?
236
00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:40,996
Upstairs, to wash the blood off his hands.
237
00:14:41,487 --> 00:14:44,001
- Blood on his hands, eh?
- Your blood.
238
00:14:46,007 --> 00:14:48,840
Now will you help Horatio and me
plot our troth?
239
00:14:48,927 --> 00:14:52,203
Really, Ophelia.
Would you marry a penniless imposter?
240
00:14:52,687 --> 00:14:54,564
Penniless. Horatio?
241
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,323
You'll soon laugh
on the other side of your daisies.
242
00:15:00,927 --> 00:15:03,395
Are we going to call
Brad and Dunstreet again?
243
00:15:03,487 --> 00:15:05,717
There are other ways
to unmask a braggart.
244
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:09,079
Braggart, come down here
and bring some money.
245
00:15:24,687 --> 00:15:25,836
Darling,
246
00:15:26,407 --> 00:15:29,797
don't you think you'd better let
Mr. Bartholomew cut the cards?
247
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:31,481
Too risky.
248
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:34,681
Excuse me, it's time to feed Cleopatra.
249
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:38,602
On with the game, Bartholomew.
250
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:41,724
Horatio, pick a daisy for luck.
251
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:50,046
That one must have taken root.
Try another.
252
00:15:52,247 --> 00:15:53,475
My love.
253
00:15:57,007 --> 00:16:01,637
Well, what about $200,
254
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:03,642
just for openers?
255
00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:05,524
I should go out.
256
00:16:05,607 --> 00:16:08,644
Nothing like hard cash on the line
to weed out the ribbon clerks.
257
00:16:10,327 --> 00:16:12,966
However, just for sociability,
258
00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:17,766
I'll see your $200 and raise you $200.
259
00:16:25,207 --> 00:16:27,004
Just as I thought. Phony.
260
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,600
That bill is yours.
261
00:16:32,087 --> 00:16:33,361
Strange.
262
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:36,562
Uncle Fester's picture is on there.
263
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:41,398
I told him to keep his Monopoly money
out of this drawer.
264
00:16:45,927 --> 00:16:48,919
All right! Here's that $200,
265
00:16:50,047 --> 00:16:54,245
your $200, and $500 more.
266
00:16:54,407 --> 00:16:56,523
Raise him back, Horatio. Raise him back.
267
00:16:56,607 --> 00:16:58,723
If it will amuse you, dear.
268
00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:03,437
Your $500, and I'll raise you $500.
269
00:17:03,527 --> 00:17:05,882
That is if you'll accept a check.
270
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,436
I knew we'd get to the check ploy.
271
00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:12,519
We're playing for cash, Bartholomew,
not paper.
272
00:17:12,847 --> 00:17:16,078
Very well, then. I'll raise you $100.
273
00:17:16,527 --> 00:17:19,360
All right, ribbon clerk. What do you have?
274
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:20,926
A pair of deuces.
275
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:21,996
Deuces?
276
00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:25,401
That's good. I thought you were bluffing.
277
00:17:28,887 --> 00:17:31,196
Still, he isn't exactly penniless.
278
00:17:31,287 --> 00:17:33,881
So he carried a few extra kopecks
around in his pocket.
279
00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:36,640
Tactic number one
in the fortune-seekers' manual.
280
00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:39,958
Darling, you know so much
about the world.
281
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:43,683
I've lived in it all my life.
282
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:49,284
Still, it grieves me
to see that sweet, charming creature
283
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,676
in the clutches
of that abominable monster.
284
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:52,756
Gomez!
285
00:17:53,127 --> 00:17:56,597
Dear Horatio decided he didn't want
the money he won from you.
286
00:17:57,247 --> 00:17:59,397
Maybe we misjudged the monster.
287
00:17:59,807 --> 00:18:01,525
He gave it all away.
288
00:18:01,607 --> 00:18:05,077
Blackguard. Probably leave you
for the first pretty ankle that comes along.
289
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,237
Fiddle-dee-dee. Prove it.
290
00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:09,477
Gomez can't, but I can.
291
00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:10,762
Morticia!
292
00:18:10,847 --> 00:18:12,519
Don't worry, darling.
293
00:18:12,607 --> 00:18:15,963
I'll lead him to the brink
and stop him at the gate.
294
00:18:16,047 --> 00:18:18,641
It'll do you no good. I'm the blonde.
295
00:18:18,727 --> 00:18:21,116
And I'm more fun. Yes, I am.
296
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:29,007
Did you want to see me about something?
297
00:18:29,087 --> 00:18:31,681
Not something. Us.
298
00:18:32,647 --> 00:18:35,002
Gomez and Ophelia have gone out.
299
00:18:35,727 --> 00:18:39,845
We're all alone.
Just the two of us, together.
300
00:18:40,407 --> 00:18:42,238
Care to play checkers?
301
00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:48,002
Oh, what a tight leash you have
on your passions, dear.
302
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,884
Come, sit beside me.
303
00:18:51,207 --> 00:18:53,721
If he lays a hand on her, I'll kill him.
304
00:18:54,407 --> 00:18:55,886
And give him a piece of my mind, too.
305
00:18:59,487 --> 00:19:02,763
Wouldn't you be more comfortable here?
306
00:19:02,847 --> 00:19:05,042
I'm quite all right here.
307
00:19:09,287 --> 00:19:10,720
That's better.
308
00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:16,638
When you first entered this house,
you must have felt the vibrations.
309
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:18,566
True, I have.
310
00:19:18,687 --> 00:19:23,044
But it's an old house.
It's bound to have a few vibrations.
311
00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:26,997
Horatio, why do you resist me?
312
00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:29,920
Because I'm in love with your sister.
313
00:19:30,007 --> 00:19:32,202
Excuses, excuses. Take me.
314
00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:33,800
Take you where?
315
00:19:35,567 --> 00:19:37,762
I knew you couldn't resist me.
316
00:19:37,847 --> 00:19:44,241
Mrs. Addams, you're beautiful, charming,
cultured, talented, intelligent, witty, rich
317
00:19:44,327 --> 00:19:45,919
and completely feminine.
318
00:19:46,007 --> 00:19:47,998
You're just not my type.
319
00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:52,157
Not your type?
How dare you insult my wife.
320
00:19:52,247 --> 00:19:54,602
So you've been watching!
321
00:19:54,687 --> 00:19:58,726
This entire day has been nothing
but a silly test.
322
00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:00,798
I love you for what you are.
323
00:20:00,887 --> 00:20:02,036
Whatever that is.
324
00:20:02,127 --> 00:20:03,526
And I love you for what you are.
325
00:20:03,607 --> 00:20:05,199
Whatever that is.
326
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,520
Thank you, Thing.
327
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:14,241
Hello. Morticia Addams speaking.
328
00:20:15,727 --> 00:20:17,558
Oh, yes. Just a moment.
329
00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:19,486
Gomez, dear.
330
00:20:22,207 --> 00:20:26,086
It's Brad and Dunstreet
calling back about Mr. Bartholomew.
331
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:28,279
Hello, Mr. Dunstreet.
332
00:20:29,927 --> 00:20:32,122
Sorry. Hello, Mr. Brad.
333
00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:35,042
Really?
334
00:20:36,287 --> 00:20:37,720
Yes, I see.
335
00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:40,239
Yes, that is interesting.
336
00:20:41,127 --> 00:20:42,401
Thank you.
337
00:20:43,207 --> 00:20:45,516
Nailed him as a draft dodger, too, eh?
338
00:20:45,607 --> 00:20:47,757
Seems there's been a slight mistake.
339
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,917
They were checking out
a Mr. Henry Bartholomew.
340
00:20:50,007 --> 00:20:51,156
Who's he?
341
00:20:51,247 --> 00:20:54,683
A fraud, a forger, and a draft dodger.
342
00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:58,726
Henry Bartholomew is definitely out.
What about Horatio?
343
00:20:59,447 --> 00:21:01,597
Well, he's not the richest man
in the world.
344
00:21:01,687 --> 00:21:04,281
He's the second richest man in the world.
345
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,997
We'll apologize to him forthwith.
346
00:21:07,207 --> 00:21:10,563
Mr. Bartholomew,
I'm afraid we owe you an apology.
347
00:21:10,647 --> 00:21:14,196
Yes, indeed, Bartholomew, old man.
We've misjudged you.
348
00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:15,402
Oh, well!
349
00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:17,682
You're not only acceptable to this family,
350
00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:20,042
I'm going to see to it
that you're a full-fledged member
351
00:21:20,127 --> 00:21:21,799
of the Zen-Yogi society.
352
00:21:21,887 --> 00:21:25,038
- Zen-Yogi?
- The only true way to inner peace.
353
00:21:26,647 --> 00:21:29,036
- Ridiculous.
- Ridiculous?
354
00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:33,395
Some of the men in our family,
the Frump family,
355
00:21:33,487 --> 00:21:37,275
have found inner peace
swinging from a chandelier.
356
00:21:37,607 --> 00:21:39,916
- Absurd.
- Absurd?
357
00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:45,037
Perhaps you'd prefer
a simple romp in the swamp.
358
00:21:45,127 --> 00:21:47,197
- Nonsense.
- Nonsense?
359
00:21:47,287 --> 00:21:50,962
But, Horatio, a man who doesn't like
to stand on his head
360
00:21:51,047 --> 00:21:54,881
or swing from a chandelier
or have a simple romp in the swamp
361
00:21:54,967 --> 00:21:57,037
is maladjusted.
362
00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:58,355
Lucky me.
363
00:21:59,767 --> 00:22:02,486
Lucky me, for finding out in time.
364
00:22:02,567 --> 00:22:05,684
Ophelia, he's the second richest man
in the world.
365
00:22:06,167 --> 00:22:09,318
My mother taught me
never to settle for second best.
366
00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:11,605
A true Frump.
367
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:15,204
It will take a long time
for my wounds to heal.
368
00:22:15,287 --> 00:22:16,720
But I'll get over it.
369
00:22:26,447 --> 00:22:29,405
You mean it?
You really want to marry Ophelia?
370
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:34,639
You dear, sweet, lovable creature.
371
00:22:39,247 --> 00:22:42,080
That Ophelia. A one-man woman.
372
00:22:57,367 --> 00:22:58,641
Darling,
373
00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:01,601
are you sure you know
how to saw a woman in half?
374
00:23:01,687 --> 00:23:04,485
Positive. It's putting her together again
I'm not sure of.
375
00:23:07,607 --> 00:23:09,006
Mail's in.
376
00:23:14,847 --> 00:23:16,360
Thank you, Thing.
377
00:23:19,127 --> 00:23:21,277
Oh, it's from Ophelia.
378
00:23:22,607 --> 00:23:25,246
Oh, she says she and Itt
had a lovers' quarrel,
379
00:23:25,327 --> 00:23:26,965
and the engagement is off.
380
00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:28,840
But she's found a new love.
381
00:23:28,927 --> 00:23:31,760
I like a girl who can bounce back.
What's he like?
382
00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:36,883
Well, she says he's not only rich,
charming and handsome,
383
00:23:37,247 --> 00:23:39,044
but he also claims to be Napoleon.
384
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,355
Napoleon?
385
00:23:41,167 --> 00:23:43,237
Sounds like the perfect match.