1 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:11,079 It's been a month since Mum moved in, and it's not going great. 2 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,439 Oh! You have to do that to your face every morning? 3 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,199 Do you have to start the day with a rollie behind your ear? 4 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,399 And I need a bigger cup than that. 5 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,639 They can't even get through breakfast together. 6 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,159 How many sugars have you put in that? Three. 7 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,559 Well, I take five. 8 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,439 Tastes like dishwater. Not good for you, that. 9 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,679 Oh, what, are you the expert on health now? 10 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,919 I'm very healthy, I'll have you know. 11 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,839 My body's a pissing temple. 12 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:01,239 It was the strangest experience of my life and, then again, 13 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,599 weirdly erotic. 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,360 Oh, God, not the alien abduction again! 15 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,639 If aliens were coming to Earth, why would they come to Bolton 16 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,919 and abduct you, Grandma? 17 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,959 You tell me, Alma. You tell me. 18 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,919 Hm, yeah, that's really interesting. 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,599 So, on Lin's progress... 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,359 They were stood in the corner of me bedroom, 21 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,279 in the middle of the night, just staring at me at first. 22 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,159 What did they look like? 23 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,919 Erm, normalish-size heads. 24 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,519 Malevolent eyes. 25 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:32,999 And then they told me they needed to take me. Bloody hell! 26 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,239 Yeah, and I don't blame them. 27 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,879 You know, I am an extremely sexual being. 28 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,319 As were they. OK, shall we get off 29 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,959 the topic of whether you did or didn't fuck an alien, Grandma? 30 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,639 Yes, I'd like that too, actually. 31 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,919 Erm, I think it's important to say 32 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,519 I'm glad you all feel comfortable now, being so... honest with me, 33 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,239 but these weekly visits are actually about tracking Lin's progress. 34 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,519 Yeah, well, I've got my own news, actually. 35 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,919 Right, well, it's not really a news-sharing forum. 36 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,559 Oh, what is it? Well... Sorry, I've got another visit after this 37 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,119 and then Pilates at five. Yeah. No, I understand that. Yeah. 38 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,159 So, I got in the theatre company and I'm off on tour. 39 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,119 Oh! Oh, that's fantastic, Alma! I know. 40 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,799 I knew you'd be a star. 41 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,439 Didn't I always say that, Lin? 42 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,399 No, never. How long are you going for? 43 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,119 Six months. 44 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,839 Right, fucking great. 45 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,359 What about me? 46 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,959 Oh, for God's sake! 47 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,679 Well, you're doing really well now, Mum. 48 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,799 Am I now? I feel like a battery farm chicken here, 49 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:38,039 cooped up between these two clucking away with no break. 50 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,319 Yes, it can be draining. 51 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,159 Do you know the most exciting thing that's happened to me 52 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,479 this week is having a buttered crumpet? 53 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,439 It's not been easy for Mum, staying clean and getting back on the grid. 54 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,239 Take yesterday, for example. 55 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,559 An abrupt 7:30 start. 56 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,079 Cock-a-doodle-fuckin'-do. Time to go. 57 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,079 She had to get about a million buses, 58 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,799 which stressed her right out... 59 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,479 ..to get her injection. 60 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,199 Hurry up! Then back home 61 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,159 for the daily character assassination. 62 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,639 You slump like Granny Rose. 63 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,719 She ended up with a hunchback. 64 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,639 Do you remember that big hump you used to hang your hats on? 65 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,559 And what's she got to relieve her? 66 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:16,719 Not any more. 67 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,680 No wonder she keeps having tantrums. 68 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,239 I suppose she'll just have to have another fucking crumpet. 69 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,319 Well, a crumpet sounds lovely to me. 70 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,360 I've not had a carb in six years. 71 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,359 No wonder she's always pissed off. 72 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,559 Look, Lin, I know it's hard, 73 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,559 but we can't be feeling sorry for ourselves, can we? OK? 74 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,399 The longer you keep a clean slate, 75 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,359 the more leverage we'll have to get you rehoused in the future. 76 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,919 Right, I best be off. 77 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,919 I'll be back next week. And, erm, 78 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,879 as interesting as it is to hear about everybody's colourful lives, 79 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:56,239 I'd like to keep the focus on Lin, please, OK? 80 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,759 All right. Yeah. I'll see myself out. 81 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,480 Bye! Thank you. Thank you very much. Bye. Bye. 82 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,679 She needs to eat a fucking potato, her. 83 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,200 Yeah. 84 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,519 I can't wait. 85 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,559 A national tour, Leanne. Woo! 86 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:25,039 Look out, Hull, Scunthorpe, Margate - here I come. 87 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,959 Who the bloody hell do you think you are, Coyote Ugly? 88 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:32,399 Get down off me furniture! Eh, I bought a few bits. 89 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,759 Ooh, get your bits out. 90 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,079 These are my "I'm a star" sunglasses. You know, 91 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,359 for when I'm dealing with the paparazzi. 92 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,319 I think you need to manage your expectations, babe. 93 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,399 I've got some news of my own, actually. Oh, yeah? 94 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,879 Chris has asked me to move in with him. No way. 95 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,079 How are you going to shake that off? Well, I think I'm going to do it. 96 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,959 You're going to move in with him? You've only just met him. 97 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,719 Well, I think it's serious. How could you do this to me, Leanne? 98 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,439 Well, I'm not doing this to you, am I? 99 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,919 We're just ready to take the next step. Oh, my God! 100 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,719 You'll be picking furniture, talking about kitchens. 101 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,439 You'll be having a baby next! 102 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,039 Oh, my God. You'll be inviting me to the baby shower! 103 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,759 Here we go. There'll be no gin. 104 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,439 I'll have to bring my own booze 105 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,479 and talk to your new mum mates about the primal power of 106 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:26,359 water births and how they think their child is a genius. Oh, God. 107 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,199 I feel sick, I need to lie down. 108 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,080 Oh! 109 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,919 Goodbye, my wild friend, 110 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,039 I'll see you in your late-40s. 111 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,959 Don't be ridiculous, Alma! 112 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,279 I would never have a baby shower without booze. 113 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:45,519 Anyway, you're the one leaving to pursue your dreams. 114 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,480 You're finally getting out of here. 115 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:55,319 That's true. I am, aren't I? Yes. 116 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,399 I don't have time for self-pity, 117 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,639 I'm too busy, becoming a star. 118 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:01,679 Woo! 119 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,959 Star or not, get off me floor! 120 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,320 Oh, shut up, Bill. Fuck you, Leanne. 121 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:11,119 How could you? How could you do it?! 122 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,360 How could you do such an evil thing?! You disgust me! 123 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,999 Now, that were beltin', wasn't it? 124 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:34,279 Me bloody top. You all right, Lesley? Look, it's all stretched. 125 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,999 But she really felt it, didn't she? 126 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,559 I did! Yeah, so did my top. 127 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,559 That's why she got into t'theatre company and you lot didn't. 128 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,199 Me mam got me this and everything, it was new. 129 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,079 Oh, shut up moaning, Lesley. It's a minging top, anyway. 130 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,720 I'm looking for me daughter. 131 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,679 She's going to be a star! 132 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,599 Mum, what are you doing? 133 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,239 I've just come to tell you that I'm OK with you abandoning me. 134 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:07,319 I'll be fine. I'm glad you're following your dreams. 135 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,079 Yeah, no, that's all right. 136 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,999 That's great. I should've been... Yeah... a star meself, 137 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,679 but it's not that easy for all of us. Let's not go into that. 138 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,799 Not when your mum tells the doctor... Oh, no. 139 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,479 ..you're a loony-tune just after you've given birth. 140 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,039 Don't need to go into that, I don't think. I had postpartum. Yeah. 141 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,039 That's all it was! Yeah, probably. Come on. 142 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,759 I thought Simon Le Bon 143 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,719 was talking to me through the television. Yeah. 144 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:34,319 But who didn't? It was the '90s! Yeah. 145 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,040 I still think he might have been. I'm sure he was. 146 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,479 Have you taken anything, Mum? 147 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,119 No. No, I've just had a bit of gin. I just needed it, Alma, 148 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,919 I needed to take the edge off. 149 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,679 OK. Yeah. Right, well, just, you stay there. 150 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,319 Yeah. I'm going to get my stuff. 151 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,920 Yes. Just stay right there. Right. Yeah. 152 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,879 Simon... Simon Le-bloody-Bon, 153 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,079 and his Boomtown Rat, Shakermaker. 154 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,120 Phew. 155 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,839 She's not in. 156 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,920 Right. Great. She's not in. 157 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,400 OK. Ready? Mm. 158 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,799 Oh, you're going the rogue route? Yeah. 159 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,919 Are you sure about that? Yeah. 160 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,840 Good, yeah. Very good. 161 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,679 I'd probably roll at this point. 162 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,999 Just give it a... Yeah. Yeah. 163 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,639 Sorry, Alma. 164 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,960 It's all right, Mum. 165 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,960 But you can't do this again. 166 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,720 We need to stay on track. 167 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,719 You will get rehoused eventually, Mum. 168 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,479 But if you relapse 169 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,199 and they find out, you'll be screwed. 170 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,599 Well, don't leave me, then. 171 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,880 I can't do this without you, Alma. 172 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:10,039 I know, Mum. It's all right. 173 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,120 You just get some rest. 174 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,640 Mm. Hm. 175 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,519 Given Mum's current situation, 176 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,439 it's probably not the right time to go gallivanting on tour. 177 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,519 But I'm not the first Nuttall woman to put her dreams on hold. 178 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,719 Grandma did it. Where the bloody hell do you think 179 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,039 you're going dressed like that, Joanie? Mind your own. 180 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,799 We could hitchhike to Dover, get a ferry 181 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,279 and travel through France. I want to see the world. I want to 182 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,519 eat a croissant, ride a camel. 183 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,319 And so did my mum. 184 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,079 Oh, shut up! What do you know, eh? What do you know? 185 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,119 Get out... and good riddance! 186 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,479 Oh, for God's sake, 187 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,559 what ARE you wearing? Mind your own. 188 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:25,960 Don't you talk to me like that, you little madam! 189 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,919 A scholarship to art college, 190 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:41,199 can you believe it? I'll be whizzing round London, doing me art. 191 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,959 You're not going to fucking art college! 192 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,279 You need a proper job, a proper career. 193 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,800 Oh! 194 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,560 As if! 195 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,319 I think I'm allergic to alcohol. 196 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,760 It's the sulphates. 197 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,839 Sulphates? You had six fishbowls. 198 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,199 This is an allergic reaction, Anthony. 199 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,040 Oh! 200 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,439 I've got the appetite of a truck driver 201 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,359 and the constitution of a Victorian child. 202 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,799 I think you should drink fishbowls more often, me. 203 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,159 You were a right little nympho. Was I? Mm. Oh! 204 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,599 Fabulous! Oh, wow. 205 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,039 My insides are vibrating - 206 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,679 that's not normal, that, is it? 207 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,799 Oh, will you just stop moaning? 208 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,600 Don't swish me, I'll be sick. 209 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,159 I think you're right not to go on this tour, though. 210 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,440 It'd be dead tight on your mum, wouldn't it? 211 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,999 You're a cheeky fuck, aren't you? 212 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,800 What?! I see right through you. 213 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:32,200 Nah, I just think it's time for us to give it another go. 214 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,239 I'm not with Rachel any more... 215 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,680 ..and, well, you're not off gallivanting. 216 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,040 Hm. I want you back, Alma. I need you. 217 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,680 I don't ever want to not have you. 218 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,479 Oh, God. 219 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,360 Do you think you can die from a hangover? 220 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,319 Ooft! 221 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,559 Now, the remaining chefs... 222 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,920 Well, I'm glad you're back. Aw, ta, Trish! 223 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,679 I never liked Rachel anyway. 224 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,559 Yeah, you did, Mum. 225 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,879 You're full of shit, you. No, I didn't, 226 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,079 I'm just a very well-mannered person, me. 227 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,200 Oh, you're a beast, is what you are. 228 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:28,399 How come you've never got your own cigs? 229 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,519 Cos I've quit. Fuck's sake. 230 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:35,679 One of the youngest chefs to ever receive two Michelin stars. 231 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,999 Six, seven and woo! 232 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,319 You went a bit fast there, didn't you? Woohoo! 233 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,439 Watch Cheryl - I'm teacher, watch me. 234 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,479 Here we go. One, and two, and three. That's it. 235 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,959 You should've seen her, Leanne. 236 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,440 Pissed out of her head, she was. So I've decided... 237 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,799 ..I'm not going to go on the tour. 238 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,799 Fuck! You've got to go! 239 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,239 It's just... it's too much of a risk. Pay attention, girls! 240 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,959 Have you seen her nostrils flare? 241 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,479 That's it. 242 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,599 That's what we are here for, isn't it? 243 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,719 Get those lovely tight, fit bodies, girls. 244 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,760 Oh! 245 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,399 Who you texting? 246 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,799 Erm, just smear results. 247 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,839 All clear, so, just... 248 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:18,880 Anthony? 249 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,039 You've got to be fucking kidding me! 250 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,559 He's not that bad. 251 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,479 He's a narcissistic predator. 252 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,519 That's not all he is. 253 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,319 He's actually very charismatic and charming. 254 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,880 So was Ted Bundy. 255 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,399 Have you got any oat milk? 256 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,519 Eh? 257 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,199 What's with the plastic cups? 258 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,599 He's not allowed to touch pottery now, only plastic things. 259 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,319 Right. Tea's ready. 260 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,959 OK, let's do this. 261 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,919 One, two, three 262 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,999 and pass. 263 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,639 Two, three. Fantastic, Jim. Well done. 264 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:04,359 We find the counting really helps him keep a steady hand. 265 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,160 There you go. 266 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,319 So, how have you been? 267 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,519 Bored! I've done fuck all since the last time you came round. 268 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,959 Have you done anything about me housing yet? 269 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,239 As I've explained before, Lin, 270 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,879 this will take time. 271 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,319 So, the board are really supportive of you being 272 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,039 independent at some point. 273 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,319 They just need to monitor your wellbeing 274 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,959 and your progress for a little longer. 275 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,319 What else do they need to fucking monitor? 276 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,959 I'm poked, prodded and plucked every fucking day! 277 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,799 Oh, do you know, the melodrama of my daughter is fucking suffocating me! 278 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,959 Me? You! You've always been a drama queen! 279 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,759 H-How dare you! I'm a wallflower! 280 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,119 Oh, yeah, 'course you are. My mother, the wallflower. 281 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,519 I know what you're about to say, and don't you start! 282 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,879 OK? I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt. 283 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:05,399 Fuck this! I've had enough! Oh, God! 284 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,879 Mum! Where are you going? 285 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,879 I need to get out of here for a bit, I feel hemmed in. 286 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,559 Everything OK over there? 287 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,359 Yes, fine, thank you, Sandra. 288 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,679 She's a nosy fucking bitch. 289 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,319 Excuse me? It's horrible round here. 290 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,519 Fucking Sandra poking her nose in every five seconds. 291 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:27,999 And everybody with the same fucking flower beds, one after the other, 292 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,759 because heaven forbid you might mix it up a bit 293 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,719 and try summat different. 294 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,519 Like a bunch of fucking fascists, this lot. 295 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,399 And, yes, that includes you, Sandra! 296 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,719 Same day, every day... 297 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,839 "Ooh, there's my little alarm again. 298 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,599 "I better get me little socks on me little feet 299 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,279 "and go downstairs, AGAIN." 300 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,799 "Hello, Julie." "Oh, hello, Sandra. 301 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,319 "Fancy a cup of tea, Sandra?" 302 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,519 "Oh, go on then, Julie." 303 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,439 "Hang the washing up, Sandra." 304 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,319 "Do the pots, Julie." 305 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,880 "Eh, it's 8pm." 306 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,519 "Nearly time for bed, Julie." 307 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,879 "Oh, thank fuck for that, Sandra." 308 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,119 "Yes, what a relief. 309 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,879 "The day is nearly fucking over. 310 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,079 "Only two hours 311 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,679 "and 40 fucking years to go!" 312 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,160 Oh! 313 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,559 Oh! 314 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,519 And you're telling me she's on the mend? 315 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,919 Do I need to call the police, ladies? 316 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,680 Fuck off, Sandra. 317 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,319 Sue. 318 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,719 Do you know where my mum is? 319 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,000 Tea Towel Tracy's. Right. 320 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,359 Who's that? Tracy. 321 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:53,759 One hand. 322 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,519 Wears a tea towel over her stump. 323 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,439 Sells smack on the side. 324 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,359 Lovely. 325 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,040 This one. 326 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,160 Hello, Tracy, can I speak to...? 327 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,040 Charming. 328 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,239 Mum, it's time to go. 329 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,040 I'm not coming back, Alma. 330 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,240 Please, Mum? 331 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,040 You've been doing really well recently. 332 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,960 We're all here to support you. 333 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,120 Don't give up now. 334 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,440 Two days. Just give me two days, Alma. 335 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,279 If you don't come back now, they're going to report you. 336 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,160 I'm... I'm just blowing off a bit of steam, Alma. 337 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,399 You can't be doing drugs, Mum, you know that. 338 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,599 It's Friday night. 339 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,999 Everybody blows off a bit of steam on Friday night. 340 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,959 Crack and smack are not normal ways to blow off steam, Mum. 341 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,039 We all have our vices, Alma. 342 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,479 You drink too much red wine. 343 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,479 I've never locked myself in a bathroom 344 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,359 and screamed at the walls on red wine, Mum. 345 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:10,800 Not yet. 346 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,680 I'll be back in a couple of days. 347 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,040 No, Mum. 348 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,239 Either you come back now... 349 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,959 ..or me and Grandma are going home 350 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,880 and this whole attempt to get you better will have failed. 351 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,279 I'm not prepared to help at the expense of mine 352 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,400 and Grandma's safety and sanity. 353 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,240 You've got to do your bit as well. 354 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,880 I'll give you five seconds. 355 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,000 Mum? 356 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,200 Come on, love. 357 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,520 Let's go home, eh? 358 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,320 She's fucked it, hasn't she? 359 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,240 Yeah. 360 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,120 We came so close. 361 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,519 Everything was there. 362 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,719 A whole team of professionals committed to getting her well. 363 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,200 I know. 364 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,440 It's exhausting. 365 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,679 Well, I've been telling you that for years. 366 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,720 All right, Grandma. It's not an "I told you so" moment. 367 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,919 As soon as she was born, I knew something was wrong with her. 368 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,959 I had that dream just days before. Yes. 369 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,759 The one about the slug. The one where the... 370 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,599 Yeah. Yeah. You gave birth to a giant, evil slug. 371 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,360 I know. It was a message, that dream, Alma. 372 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,280 I just knew. 373 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,359 From... From the moment she arrived, 374 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,639 I knew everything was going to be terrifying. 375 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,839 And it was. 376 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,320 Mm. 377 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,439 Do you know, when someone dies, you can go and put flowers 378 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:54,160 on their grave and cry and wail and everybody gets it. 379 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,279 You know, people send you commiseration cards and you have 380 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,880 anniversaries and self-contained spaces for your grief. 381 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,839 But with someone like Mum, nobody gets it. 382 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,719 Not even me. 383 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,280 How do you grieve for the living dead? 384 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,280 I never wanted to be a mother. 385 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,240 I never felt maternal. 386 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,440 I never liked babies. 387 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,079 I wasn't interested in children. 388 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,480 Motherhood just happened to me. 389 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,799 I'd have suited being a man much better. 390 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,439 Think you're probably right. 391 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,080 I wish I could've been... 392 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,800 ..better at it. 393 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,559 Kinder... 394 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,160 ..to you both. 395 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,800 If I'd been in a different place... 396 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,319 If I'd been able to love more... 397 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,240 If I'd have had... 398 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,000 You did your best, Grandma. 399 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,360 I want you to get out of this horrible fucking nightmare. 400 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:24,159 This hangover of poverty and trauma that's lingered through 401 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,159 the generations of women in our family... 402 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,200 ..and taken our dreams from us... 403 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,600 ..I want you to be the one that breaks free, Alma. 404 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,200 No fucking pressure then, eh? 405 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,560 You ready? Yeah. 406 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,280 Hello, come in. 407 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,920 Take a seat. 408 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,440 Do you want a drink? Yeah, ta. 409 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,720 Leanne. 410 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,960 What, you got the day off? Yeah. 411 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,159 Right. So, I've decided - 412 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,759 I'm going to go on the tour, Anthony. 413 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,199 You what? Why? 414 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,999 I thought... I thought we spoke about this. 415 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,639 You weren't going to go cos of your mum and stuff. Mm, yes, I know. 416 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,599 You did put in quite a good campaign, 417 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,079 but then I was just thinking to myself, 418 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:01,399 you know, this bargain-basement offer of love you proposed me... 419 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,839 ..I've decided - I don't think it's good enough. 420 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,159 Oh, right! 421 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,559 You have, have you? Right, OK. Yeah, I have. 422 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,919 I mean, I know you've really tried recently to be lovely, 423 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,599 and you have been quite lovely. Hasn't he? 424 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,279 Hm, maybe not. 425 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,160 And you did almost make me forget what a fucking cunt-bag you can be. 426 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,719 Right. OK. Really? 427 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,959 Right. So what I decided to do, is just write down a list, didn't I, 428 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,440 of just a few examples? Yeah, she did. 429 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,039 This is her doing, is it? No, I can write for myself. 430 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,479 Can you? Yeah. Yeah, right, so if... 431 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,559 Can I...? This is... this is fucking baffling, this. 432 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,200 I mean, lists, security on't door. 433 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,039 If you want to dump me, Alma, just do it in a normal way. 434 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,999 I'm not normal, though, am I? 435 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,759 Number one, you shagged my old best mate behind my back. 436 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,599 I was just being friendly. 437 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,599 We got a bit carried away. 438 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,039 A bit too friendly. 439 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,959 Number two, you gave me chlamydia five times. 440 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,399 I practically had a VIP pass to the clap clinic. 441 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,919 Yeah, we spoke about that. I apologised. 442 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,639 Number three. 443 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,999 When we first broke up, you posted naked pictures of me 444 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,279 all over the internet. 445 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,839 Come on, that were funny, though. It got a big woof, that. 446 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,359 No, it was humiliating, and it was abuse. 447 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,999 That's a bit dramatic. 448 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,719 And then you sent a video of us having sex to Leanne's Mum. 449 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,199 Yeah, I was pissed off at the time. 450 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,999 Come on, we've all acted out of anger. 451 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,999 My mum wants to rip your fucking cock off. 452 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,799 Oh, right, ta. She sounds delightful. 453 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,399 I mean, I can't believe I went back when I'm looking at this list, 454 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,120 to be honest. What number am I on now? Fuck knows. 455 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,599 You smashed up nearly every phone I've ever had. 456 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,479 You've pulled out my hair. 457 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,240 SIT THE FUCK DOWN! 458 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,399 You dumped me and knocked up a teenage girl, 459 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,039 and then you dumped her. 460 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,239 You've told me every single day, in one way or another, 461 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,199 that I'm mad, ugly and unlovable. 462 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:54,560 Do you know what? 463 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,959 I don't want to get stuck here with you. Yeah, all right, fine. 464 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,999 You don't want to go out with me, fine. 465 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,479 Yeah, I know what I am. 466 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,519 Right? I've tried. 467 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,200 I-I've really tried not to be a cunt. 468 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,760 But I am one. 469 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,280 I know. 470 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,480 Can I go now? Yeah. 471 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,479 And I suggest you go back to the mother of your child 472 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,759 and provide them with the love and support that they deserve. 473 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,240 Noted. 474 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,879 Yeah, and don't come back. 475 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,200 Woo! I did it. 476 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,959 I've done it. 477 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,479 I did the whole list and he's gone. 478 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,319 I'm free! You're free! 479 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,559 Yes! 480 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,599 I'm going on tour.