1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,840 ALMA NARRATING: Since Granny Alice's death, 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,840 I've been thinking a lot about family. 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,360 Families can accidentally leave things unresolved 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:10,960 for a whole lifetime. 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,360 I don't want to do that. 6 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,760 I want to know where my dad is. 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:28,280 My dad left when I was a baby to go cold turkey and become a rock star. 8 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,400 I had no idea who he was. 9 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040 Grandma, what was my dad like? 10 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,920 Erm... well, from what your mum said, 11 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:42,400 he was tall, thin and walked like a moody gorilla. 12 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,280 ALMA NARRATING: Not much to go on. 13 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,440 So I looked at the black and white movies that me and Grandma loved. 14 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,800 I imagined he was James Dean, 15 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,960 Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant. 16 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,920 I imagined our first meeting... 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,200 Hello, Father. 18 00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,240 Dear child. 19 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,120 DRAMATIC MUSIC 20 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,840 Then, through some detective work, 21 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,840 I found out where my dad's dad lived and paid him a visit. 22 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,160 Hello. I'm Alma, your granddaughter. 23 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,440 It didn't go great. 24 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:15,800 Come on. 25 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,240 ALMA NARRATING: Two decades later, and I'm not taking no for an answer. 26 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,200 Er, no, not this time! Give him this letter. 27 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,640 Welcome to the stage... Alma Nuthall! 28 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,720 IMITATES CROWD GOING WILD 29 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,360 Hello, Wembley! 30 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,160 Er... I come from a long line of eccentric female Boltonians. 31 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,360 LETTERBOX FLAP JUDDERS 32 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,880 One in six of us believe we've been abducted by aliens. 33 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,280 One in three of us believe we ARE an alien... 34 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,000 and these are the sane ones! 35 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,480 The only way to describe the rest - take a... 36 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,360 And as you breathe out, 37 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,720 I would like you to visualise someone that has wronged you. 38 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,400 And as you breathe in, I would like you to think of a way 39 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,160 that you could get revenge on that person. 40 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,280 INHALING DEEPLY 41 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,520 Leanne! Leanne! 42 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,400 It's my dad... Ooh. ..he's replied! 43 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,080 It is important we try to block out external noise. 44 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,400 Let us all focus on the healing concept of revenge 45 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,640 whilst I chat with me mate. 46 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,800 Holy shit! Tell me everything. 47 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,280 Namaste. 48 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,240 He's written to me. 49 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,760 "Dear Alma, I want to start by saying how sorry I am. 50 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,440 "I was young and just had to get out of that town and start again." 51 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,920 Feels reasonable. 52 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,840 "I'm a musician in London now." 53 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,200 Creative - like me. 54 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,800 "I'm married and I work as a teacher." 55 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,560 He wants to come to Bolton, and meet me next week. 56 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,560 Holy fuck! That's intense. 57 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,720 I know! But it's great, int'it? But where do I go with him? 58 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,120 Do I go for a coffee? A meal? A beer? I don't know! 59 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,640 And what do I wear? Do you know, 60 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,880 I mean, what do you wear to meet your long-lost father? 61 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,520 Obviously I want him to think I'm a beautiful woman of the world 62 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,920 but not so beautiful he sort of wants to fuck me, 63 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,680 do you know what I mean? Bloody hell! Ugh. 64 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,040 Have you not read Take A Break, Bill? 65 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,600 ALMA SQUEALS WITH EXCITEMENT 66 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,640 Namaste. 67 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,880 Woo! 68 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,200 You look like a Mormon! 69 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,600 Well, I'm... I'm trying to hide my sensuality, Leanne. 70 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,640 Babe. You're dressed like my nan. OK. 71 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,120 So, what have your family said about all this, then? 72 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,400 I've not told them. 73 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,520 The slight mention of my dad and my mum goes apeshit. 74 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,760 THUD, CROCKERY RATTLES 75 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,680 He's a critter on the arsehole of a parasite! 76 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:51,080 He is a fucking orchid sucking the life out of all the other plants 77 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,560 until they're shrivelled and ugly and knackered and dead! 78 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,920 He is a cunt-juggling fuck-lump! 79 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,760 Could we get the bill, please? 80 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,480 NARRATING: There was a brief period in the '90s 81 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,160 when she was convinced he was Richard Ashcroft from The Verve. 82 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,320 I'm telling you, it's him. 83 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,640 The clues were uncanny. 84 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,280 They were both called Richard, they both lived near Wigan 85 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,720 and they both went to London to become rock stars. 86 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,560 And of course they were both... 87 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,600 Tall, thin, 88 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,000 and walking like a moody gorilla. 89 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,320 So I wrote to him. 90 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,200 "Dear Dad, I can't wait to see your face again too. 91 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,720 "And when I do, it'll be great. 92 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,080 "PS. Please will you pick me up from school in a limo?" 93 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,400 He never replied. 94 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,320 So we went to his concert, 95 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,120 which ended in a restraining order. 96 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,520 We quickly realised he wasn't my dad 97 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:44,400 and we'd actively encouraged Mum's latest bout of delusional psychosis. 98 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,720 But, apparently, he does look just like him. 99 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,960 Babe, I'd tell your nan. You might need the support. 100 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,640 Too much? 101 00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,960 Oh, Jesus! 102 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,200 Turn. 103 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,360 What the hell are you doing? 104 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,920 He's back! 105 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,320 I can see that. 106 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,480 But why are you waterboarding him on the lawn? 107 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,720 He's infested. 108 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,240 I had to burn his clothes. 109 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,280 Scabby Joe's got lice. 110 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,800 Turn. 111 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,760 Turn. Bend. 112 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,280 Ooh, no. Oh, no. No, no. 113 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,720 I'm a bloody hotel. 114 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,120 Turn. 115 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,880 You're not like any hotel I've been to. 116 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,640 The lice, the drugs, the parties. It's too much at Scabby Joe's. 117 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,760 Dirty bastards. How's Mum? 118 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,360 She's a paranoid party animal. 119 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:38,840 Put your arm up. 120 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,960 Urgh! I just need some calm. 121 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,520 Right. 'Ere you are. 122 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,720 I'm not sure you've come to the right place for that. 123 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,960 Here, get that on. 124 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,640 She'll be following him here. 125 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,000 I've told Jim he can stay, but Lin's not allowed. 126 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,320 She needs to go back to hospital. 127 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,160 She needs her medication. 128 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,400 What Mum needs is what she had before austerity - 129 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,360 a little flat near her support network 130 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,800 with a monthly visit from a district nurse. 131 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,560 But nowadays they call that... 132 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,480 PEOPLE MOUTHING WORDS: "a very bespoke package, 133 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:09,720 "impossible to secure, 134 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,920 "in high demand, 135 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:11,960 "unattainable, 136 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,000 "unrealistic, 137 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,160 "gold dust." 138 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,120 So she's been left to yo-yo between this mad place... 139 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,120 ..and this one. 140 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,720 Can't have that! Health and safety! 141 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,000 DOOR SLAMS 142 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,120 Neither are good for her mental health. 143 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,200 And with no access to her bennies, 144 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,880 she's found some alternative income streams again. 145 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,440 Just get all the best stuff. 146 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,120 Shit! Pretend we're not 'ere. Freeze! 147 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,200 Who the fuck are you? 148 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,240 I'm calling the police. 149 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,280 Leg it! 150 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,720 You! Mum! 151 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,560 I knew I'd find you 'ere, with the dragon. 152 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,480 Oh, no! No, no, I'm not having another showdown. No way. 153 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:59,000 Grandma! Jim, if you're coming, get in the house now. Right? 154 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,720 I'm really sorry. I just need a day. 155 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,800 Fine! 156 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,040 Fucking fine! 157 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,960 It's all right, Mum. Look, we'll go and talk to 'em. 158 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,640 We'll calm it down. Just stay calm. 159 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,600 We'll talk it through... Yes? ..like calm, rational adults. Right. 160 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,760 No shouting. All right. 161 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:17,920 TAPPING AT WINDOW 162 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,160 We're not available. Eh? 163 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,160 We're not available. 164 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,040 I just need to talk to Jim. 165 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,240 Go on. Hurry up. 166 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,960 Jim, I need to sell some art 167 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,600 and then we can buy that caravan in Rhyl. 168 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,040 I know, Lin, but it's been mad at Scabby Joe's... 169 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,840 Right, that's enough. Away from the window, Jim! Come on. 170 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,440 Shoo, shoo-shoo. Get out. Go on. Go on. I'm closing my hatch now. 171 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,040 It's not a hatch, Grandma, is it? It's a window. 172 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,920 Can... can I come and live back here, Mum, please! 173 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,560 No! Absolutely not. Alma, are you coming in? 174 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,200 I'm not just going to leave my mum here, am I? 175 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,640 Fine. I'm closing my hatch now. 176 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,680 Oh, it's not a hatch, it's a windo... 177 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,760 Alma, you're going to have to help me 178 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,960 being as I've been abandoned by my own mother! 179 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,200 Don't you dare! I've done nothing but support you over the years, 180 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,880 and all you ever do is let me down. I'm closing my hatch! 181 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,800 It's a window! 182 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,120 Can I come and sell my art at Leanne's? 183 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,440 Er... I'll ask her. Yeah, maybe. 184 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,640 Do you want to buy some art now? 185 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,280 Not really now, Mum, no. 186 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,240 800 quid. 187 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,640 I've got 20? Done. 188 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,200 Smashing. 189 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:31,480 Make U Mine by Beasts With No Name 190 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,640 We're open in an hour, Bill. We've got a new menu tonight. 191 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,000 No time for experimenting with sumac. 192 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Yes, Chef. 193 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,720 Ooh! My dad's coming tomorrow! 194 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,200 I've been imagining this meeting my whole life - 195 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,920 always in the style of a black and white movie. 196 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,160 I'd be a waitress. 197 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,400 He'd come in the restaurant where I worked with a group of mates, 198 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,280 and they'd just fall in love with me at the table. 199 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,040 You know - my charm, wit, charisma. 200 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:17,360 He'd say, "You're fantastic. What's your name?" 201 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,680 I'd say, "Alma... Nuthall." 202 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,600 Then trot off dead sophisticatedly. 203 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,800 He'd say, "That... that's my daughter!" 204 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,480 and come running after me. 205 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,040 He'd grab hold of my hand and he'd say, 206 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,600 "My child! Where have you been all my life? 207 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:38,360 "You're the most amazing waitress I've ever met!" And I'd say... 208 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,920 Get off! My God! 209 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,600 I'm trying to saute my matsutake mushrooms. Give that 'ere. 210 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,160 Sorry, Bill. It's like being with a fantasist. 211 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,360 Ooh. Another one. 212 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,960 Fuck's sake! 213 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,680 He's dead. 214 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,920 He's made it as a famous rock star 215 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,760 but he dies suddenly in the height of fame! 216 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,480 I try and fade into the background 217 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,080 and not draw too much attention to myself, 218 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,240 but star quality has its way. 219 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,880 And, just as they lower the coffin, I put my hand on my heart. 220 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,200 And at that moment, a paparazzi shoots me, don't they? 221 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,600 It's all over the papers. 222 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,200 "Who is that gorgeous mystery woman?" 223 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,920 It's Alma, the daughter he was forced to abandon 224 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,200 but always loved and deeply missed. 225 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,840 That's a good one. Yeah. Ooh... 226 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:27,680 My favourite... 227 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,680 I'm dead! 228 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,680 It's my funeral. I've got an open casket, 229 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,880 and I'm dead but I look fantastic. 230 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,200 I've died suddenly, tragically, far too young. 231 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,400 There's thousands of people in mourning. Thousands! 232 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,080 The priest is in the middle of a beautiful sermon, when 233 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,640 a rock star comes bursting through the double doors of the chapel. 234 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,720 Then he turns to the priest and says, 235 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,680 "Sorry, Father, I have sinned. Please forgive me." 236 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,160 The priest doesn't forgive him. 237 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,360 He says, "Fair enough. Please can I sing her a song, then?" 238 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,120 The priest says, "All right, then." 239 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,280 And he sings the most beautiful song. 240 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,800 SOUND MUTED 241 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,080 Everybody cries. 242 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,560 Alma, get off the bloody table, please! 243 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,320 How many times have I told you to get off the bloody furniture? 244 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,840 Ooh, it's going to be great tomorrow, in't it? 245 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,640 I just need to be cool, calm, confident, collected. 246 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,200 PHONE DIALS OUT 247 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,840 Word? Hiya, Leanne! 248 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,920 Erm, I'm about to meet my dad in half an hour 249 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,520 but I seem to be stuck in the foetal position again. 250 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,880 OK, babe. Well, don't think about meeting your dad. 251 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,840 Think about getting up off the floor. Baby steps. 252 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,960 Right, OK. Erm, so I... I... I'm just going to swivel to seating. 253 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,800 Yeah. Perfect. Very casual. 254 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,320 Just a very calm, casual seating swivel. 255 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,520 I-I-I'm not ready actually to stand up yet, so I'm just going to... 256 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,400 Do you know what? I'm going to shuffle to my ciggies. Gorgeous. 257 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,440 Just a very loosey-goosey shuffle in to her ciggies. 258 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,520 Fabulous. This is fine. 259 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,520 Easy-breezy, loosey-goosey... 260 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,720 I'm just going to have a quick cigarette. OK. Right. 261 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,200 Relaxed. 262 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,200 You're not Richard, are you? 263 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,400 No. No... 264 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,800 GIBBERS 265 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,800 I... knew, really. Too old. 266 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,640 Not that that's a problem! Your age is fabulous. It's fine for you. 267 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:43,920 For anyone! 268 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,280 I'm just waiting for somebody, sort of... 269 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,320 But I'm not on a date. 270 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,040 Sort of a blind date, isn't it? But still... Anyway... 271 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,440 Urgh! Eey. 272 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,400 Nice out there, eh?! 273 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,640 I look like a mop. 274 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:03,560 Well, I'll have a... large whisky... Oh, no... 275 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,680 ..and a Guinness, please. 276 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,360 One more, please. 277 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,760 Hello. 278 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,160 Alma? Yes. Fuck! 279 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,440 Yeah. 280 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,160 Er... er, sorry, I'm super wet. 281 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,360 Oh, yeah, you do look wet. Yeah. 282 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,960 Why aren't you wet? Brolly. 283 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,720 Clever. Yes. Bolton. 284 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,280 You have to have a brolly. Yeah. 285 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,840 Yeah. Yeah. 286 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,400 Drink? Definitely! 287 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,080 HE SIGHS 288 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,880 You really do look like your mum. Oh, right. 289 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,240 Yeah, it's quite scary actually. 290 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,240 We've got the same chin, though, have you noticed? No. 291 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,280 Oh, having said that, I do have a good chin. 292 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,000 Yeah. 293 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,680 I've never seen my chin on someone else before. 294 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,720 No. 295 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,000 Hey, I was thinking, you know, 296 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,920 I should take you to the aquarium at some point 297 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,520 cos my dad used to take me when I was little. 298 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,360 Aye, OK. Yeah, maybe. 299 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,640 CLICKS FINGERS 300 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:26,920 Let's go now! 301 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,840 Now? Yeah. Let's go and see some fucking fish! 302 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,520 O... OK. Woo! All right. 303 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,400 OK. What, right now? Aha. 304 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,840 Aw, this is terrible. 305 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,760 I can't believe my dad used to bring me here. 306 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,920 It's like they're all in prison. 307 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,760 Look at that guy. 308 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,240 "This active and peaceful rainbow fish can be found 309 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,720 "in the freshwater lakes of Papua New Guinea." 310 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,840 See, what's he doing here? 311 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,080 Oof. I need a drink. 312 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,280 Er, excuse me. You can't smoke in here. 313 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,680 You can't NOT smoke in here, eh? 314 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,400 Have you looked into the eyes of that rainbow fish? 315 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,000 Oh, that fish, though... 316 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,880 ..with its sad eyes. 317 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,320 That's how I used to feel in Bolton. 318 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:31,440 Like an exotic fish trapped in a bowl. 319 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,360 Bowl... town. 320 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,160 Yeah. 321 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,080 I feel like that sometimes. 322 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,560 Yeah, well, makes sense, don't it? You are my daughter, after all. 323 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,800 Even if you are a weird fish. 324 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,240 An exotic fish. Not a weird fish. 325 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,560 Hey, I tell you who was a weird fish. 326 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,760 Your mum. 327 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,120 Yeah. 328 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,480 Yeah. It's a shame what happened to her, you know. 329 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,680 Cos, you know, she was... she was... talented. 330 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,280 She just had an addictive personality. 331 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:09,360 Yeah, it was always "one more" wi' Lin. 332 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,600 Yeah. 333 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,440 Um, so, what's your wife like? 334 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,920 Oh, I think she's a bit fed up of me, to be honest. 335 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,000 Hey, you'll like this. 336 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:22,120 When we first met, she thought I was a diamond in the rough. 337 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,760 Now she just thinks I'm a shit pebble. 338 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,560 Oh, dear! 339 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,640 Bolton's changing, isn't it, hey? 340 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,520 Yes, we're all eating hummus, and we know how to spell it. 341 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,800 There's me, thinking you'd still be in caves, 342 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,680 learning how to light a fire. 343 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,520 One more? 344 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,720 Always. 345 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,960 I'm In The Mood For Dancing 346 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,200 Come on, Bolton! We want to see you get your dancing feet on. 347 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,840 That's right. 348 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,600 # Yeah, yeah... # 349 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,880 # I'm in the mood... 350 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:05,120 Well, it's... certainly lively, isn't it? 351 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:06,640 Ace, isn't it? 352 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,200 That's my best mate. 353 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,720 Bill! Where are those duck liver parfaits for table two? 354 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,000 Literally, 30 seconds. 355 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,840 Yeah, well, she's certainly a... character. Yeah. 356 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,680 Another drink? Ooh, yes, please. 357 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,600 # So come on and hold me tight 358 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,640 # Dancing 359 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,680 # I'm in the mood... # 360 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,880 Fuck. 361 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,080 # Ooh, dancing... # 362 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,480 Mum, what you doing here? 363 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,720 They're all here. All me best ones. 364 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,080 Dead Woman Walking. Great. Yeah, no, no, lovely. 365 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,160 That's fantastic. Yeah. 366 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,800 Amy Winehouse portrait. It's just it's not quite a good... 367 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,000 Oh. Richard. The Cruel Flower. Right. Yeah.. 368 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,480 These need to be well-lit, so I've made these. 369 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,320 Oh! Just I've not really had a chance to talk to Leanne about it. 370 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,360 I've been a bit side-tracked, so, yeah... 371 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,160 Richard?! 372 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,000 Fuck. 373 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,520 Shit. 374 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,560 Lin? 375 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,720 What the fuck?! 376 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,560 What... 377 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,920 What's happened to your teeth? Oh! 378 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,800 Aargh! Mum! You have no fucking idea 379 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,480 what a waste of space this man is, Alma, 380 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,560 so good fucking luck with that. 381 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,000 Fuck you, Dick! 382 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,560 Mum! 383 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:35,880 Fuck. 384 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,960 I've been called worse. 385 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,920 Shall we finish those drinks? 386 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,120 Shit. 387 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,640 Yes, squire. Two sangrias. 388 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,440 Another Day by TTRRUUCES 389 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,760 Oh, yeah. See you later, Barry! Bye, Chris! 390 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,000 Oh, you are kidding, aren't you? 391 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,640 I have not had one of these since I was 18. You're joking? 392 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,800 God, I have one every day. Yeah, I can tell. 393 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,960 Hey, we have to go to Booth's. Come on. To Booth's? 394 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,280 Oh, wow. 395 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,400 I used to come here loads. 396 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,800 I was a bit naughty, though, actually. I used to say 397 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,480 I was going out for nappies. I'd just come home with a guitar. 398 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,520 Hold me that. Oh! 399 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,320 OK. I... I'll just wait... 400 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,880 ..I'll just wait here. 401 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,360 Ha-ha! Yeah, but remember, 402 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,560 we don't stop playing because we get old. 403 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,560 We get old because we stop playing. 404 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,840 You take care, Gary. Yeah, all right. Cheers, mate. 405 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,040 I couldn't resist this beauty. 406 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,640 My new sounds are going to be great on her. 407 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,560 You've got your own sound? 408 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,800 Do I have a sound? 409 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,040 # Jupiter is big and round 410 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,240 # Mighty storms are raging down 411 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:05,000 # In this great cosmic playground 412 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,440 # Jupiter, you're magic 413 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,200 # Gas giant... # 414 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,800 I was actually there 415 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,680 when Ian Curtis first played at The Factory in Manchester, 416 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,040 you know. Yeah, and I've been to The Hacienda, loads. 417 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,160 Wow. Mm. 418 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,040 Man, it was... it was a time. 419 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,560 Yeah, so cool. 420 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,200 We weren't even there. You're younger than me. 421 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,320 Oh, I know. But I've been to an exhibition all about it. 422 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,840 Right. 423 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,640 I actually find Mancunian nostalgia quite tedious. 424 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,600 Right, I'm going to go. 425 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,360 What? Hang on, I'm up next! 426 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,080 Oh, I know. But I got the live show earlier, didn't I? 427 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,880 I fucking love Jupiter. 428 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,440 OK. 429 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,560 Right, I'll see you tomorrow for tea. 430 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,760 I've got a fancy steak pie. 431 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,600 Oh, yeah. Course you have! 432 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,880 Yeah, you Boltonians love your stodge, don't you? 433 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,080 Yeah, I suppose it gives you a doughy layer of fat 434 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,360 to keep you warm, eh? 435 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,360 HE LAUGHS 436 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,480 I'd rather be doughy than like a drunk washing line. 437 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,120 Ha-ha! Yeah! 438 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,480 I'll see you tomorrow, Carb Queen. 439 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,280 Mmm. 440 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,960 Yeah. 441 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,960 Hiya, Alex. Hiya. 442 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,360 Er, same as usual. 20 gold. 443 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,800 Oh, no! Not mouldy toe, please. 444 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,160 Have you got that sad-looking man by the radiator? 445 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,280 No. No? No. Sorry. 446 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,200 What about the cute baby smoking through her dummy? 447 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,280 No. Ooh, you've not got a very good range, Alex. Er... 448 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,520 ..I'll take moustache man with the neck tumour. 449 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,920 There's always loads of him. 450 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,520 Five minutes. 451 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,080 No, Karen. I am doing biscuits. 452 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,560 I'll be there in a second. 453 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:06,960 David?! 454 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,840 Alma! You all right? 455 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,000 What the fuck? 456 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,280 Listen, Alma, can I call you after my shift? 457 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,600 I've got 250 tins of baked beans and sausages to pack before 9pm. 458 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,440 Why are you working in a supermarket? 459 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,680 Proper agents don't stack shelves, David. 460 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,760 It's a tough industry, Alma. 461 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,320 And the fact that I have lost my office 462 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,880 and may have my house repossessed is actually good news for you 463 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,520 because it gives me a drive and determination that you can 464 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,680 only really get when you've hit rock-bottom. 465 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,480 Do you know what? You're full of shit, David. 466 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,600 Is this what all men are like? 467 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,520 Are you all just full of shit? 468 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:54,520 You know, do you just go around letting people down and lying 469 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,480 and not turning up for dinners 470 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,040 and commenting on their pastry-eating habits? 471 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,320 Is this what you do? 472 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,040 Is this just the cunty way that you were taught to exist? 473 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,920 Because I tell you what, I am NOT a fan of it, David. 474 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,640 I just want to castrate the lot of you and... 475 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,440 MOBILE RINGS 476 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,640 Oh, another man! 477 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,520 What the fuck do you want, Jim? Your mum's kicked off in't museum. 478 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,480 Oh, God. OK. The police have arrived. 479 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,840 Right. OK. I'm coming now. 480 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,840 Karen, I'm on biscuits. 481 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,560 Stop shouting "sausages" in me ear. 482 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,040 HE SIGHS 483 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,360 Hiya. I'm looking for a small angry woman in a wig. 484 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,720 Through there, love. Lin? 485 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,280 She's in there. 486 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,080 Mum, what are you doing? 487 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,760 Nothing. 488 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,360 I just asked the Happy Hippo 489 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,960 to put my fucking work out. 490 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,680 She keeps calling me that. 491 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,920 She's been coming in all week and asking me to hang up her work 492 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:04,600 and pay cash for it. I said no, so she's hung it up herself. 493 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,720 She told me she's collaborating with Alexander McQueen. 494 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,680 Right. I told her that he was dead. 495 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,680 Seemed to really upset her. 496 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,000 I said, "You can't be crying in here." 497 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,080 Can people not cry in museums? 498 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,960 She was making people feel uneasy. 499 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,400 Mum, you need to come out. 500 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,800 I just wanted to buy me and Jim 501 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,040 that caravan in Rhyl. 502 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,200 But artists don't become millionaires overnight. 503 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:37,480 Look at my friend Alexander McQueen - it took him years, 504 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,120 and now he's dead. 505 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,600 I know, Mum. 506 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,120 Does she know Alexander McQueen? No. 507 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,880 He's been dead for years. 508 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,960 Come on, Lin. Come out. 509 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,400 I can't. The police are here now. 510 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,280 And they'll take me back to hospital. 511 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,920 I know, Mum, but you can't hide in here. 512 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,360 We'll get that caravan, Lin. It'll just take us... time. 513 00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,640 You're lying! 514 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,240 You'll just get too comfy at the dragon woman's house, 515 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,960 with your own kettle and your clean walls 516 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,240 and crumpets on tap, like some sort of emperor. 517 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,680 I know. 518 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,400 You'll abandon me, like Richard did. 519 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,240 I'm not going anywhere, Lin. 520 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,240 We're like a pair of socks, us. 521 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,160 Odd when we're not together. 522 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,080 I love you, Lin. 523 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,120 And I'll be at that hospital with your bag of bits every day 524 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,640 until you get out. 525 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,600 As always. 526 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,720 Me... and you. 527 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,720 It's forever, Lin. 528 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,920 Pool Party by Julia Jacklin 529 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,840 It's all right. 530 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:20,000 Love you, Mum. 531 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:26,680 # I was shorter than my dad's dining table 532 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:31,480 # You were taller than my bedroom door frame... # 533 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,640 KNOCKS ON DOOR 534 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:38,440 # Hit me hard when I found height don't make a man... # 535 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,400 Hey. 536 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,200 Rich! 537 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,840 Rich, it's for you! Yo. Hey. 538 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,000 The girl from the bar. 539 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,720 How creepy. 540 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,840 And what about your wife? Anyway... 541 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,040 So, er, you didn't come for tea? 542 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,040 No, I bumped into an old music pal in town, you know. 543 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,600 Right. You're not even sorry, are you? 544 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,440 What is it you want from me, Alma? 545 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,080 That's a good question. 546 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,640 I think I wanted to feel like your daughter. 547 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,480 I think, in my head, I always imagined that you loved me. 548 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,480 But in my head, I imagined a lot of things about you that weren't true, 549 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,600 so I think I just... Do you know what? 550 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,840 Do you know what? 551 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,400 I'm a nice guy and I don't deserve it. 552 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,920 Right. 553 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,200 Well... I'm really glad I met you, Richard. 554 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,960 Hey! 555 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,160 Hey, no! Fuck you! 556 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,720 You don't know what I've been through. Bye, Dick! 557 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,640 I've spent so much time thinking about this missing part of me, 558 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,640 dreaming of the perfect meeting with the perfect father. 559 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,880 Now I realise there was nothing missing in the first place. 560 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,360 And let's be honest, 561 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,000 he's just a bit of a dick. 562 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,680 I met my father, 563 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,480 and he didn't walk like a moody gorilla at all. 564 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,280 More like a confused worm. 565 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,440 We went to the aquarium in Bowl-town and had a jolly old time. 566 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,840 And then he looked into the eyes of a sad rainbow fish 567 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,320 and saw himself. He hates himself, 568 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,960 he hates the north and he hates my mother. 569 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,760 So, of course, he was absolutely terrified of me 570 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,240 from the moment saw me. 571 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:36,840 He said, "Bloody hell, you look just like your crazy mother!" 572 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,920 And I said, "That's as may be. 573 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,920 "And you look nothing like Richard Ashcroft!" 574 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,480 # Jupiter is big and round 575 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,600 # Mighty storms are raging now 576 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,360 # In the great cosmic playground 577 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,040 # Jupiter, you're magic 578 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,200 # Gas giant with swirling grace 579 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,560 # You're the biggest boy in space. #