1 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,120 Nobody tells you how much admin dying brings, do they? 2 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,680 All those forms we've had to fill in today, just to... 3 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,280 ..pick up a box of dust. 4 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,880 I'm glad we've got her, though. 5 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,640 Right. 6 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,680 Pasties. 7 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,040 Cheese for you, Mum. 8 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,800 Cheese for you, Jim. 9 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,640 Meat and potato for me. 10 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,360 Meat for you, Grandma. 11 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,680 I couldn't leave her out, could I? 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,640 I should look after those ashes, now, shouldn't I? 13 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,040 No. 14 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,280 I've just filled all the forms in. 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,960 You'd probably just lose them or smoke them. 16 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,240 You've got a right bug up your arse these days, you. 17 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,120 Sorry. 18 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,000 I've just been a bit bleurgh, recently. 19 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,880 I've been having three baths a day and eating tinned macaroni cheese 20 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:15,200 for breakfast. Well, I've got my own pickle going on. 21 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,480 Look. 22 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,440 What is it? 23 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,720 Mum, this is a court summons for arson and assault. 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,120 I know. 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,440 The staff keep teasing me about it, saying I'm going to go to prison. 26 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,960 I don't... I don't want to go back to prison, Alma. 27 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,600 No. Well, I'm not going to let you, Mum. 28 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,160 I'm not losing you and Grandma in the same fucking month. 29 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,720 SHE EXHALES HEAVILY 30 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,440 I didn't want it to go to waste. 31 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,880 It turns out Mum's incident with witchcraft six months ago 32 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,920 is still getting her into trouble. 33 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,760 The staff on the ward are pressing charges for arson and assault. 34 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,240 Mum says they're all liars and they're bullying her. 35 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,120 It's hard to know what to believe. 36 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,480 But if she's found guilty, she could do up to five years in prison. 37 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,440 I will not let that happen. 38 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,240 # You wanna play with me, well 39 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,400 # I'm the ruler of this map 40 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,120 # I'm the ruler of this world, yeah 41 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,800 # I hear you knocking on my door, I... # 42 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,640 Yes? 43 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,160 Jules? Yes. 44 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,560 Alma. 45 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,960 We've got an appointment at 11.30. 46 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,560 Right. Yes. 47 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,800 Erm, yeah, do you want to take a seat? Yeah, sorry. 48 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,760 Um... Oh! 49 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,520 Right, erm... 50 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,960 Oh. 51 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,480 Sorry! I'm just... I'm a bit woo-woo today. 52 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,680 I just... I've had a vasectomy. 53 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,280 And I'm just all over the place. 54 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,400 Oh, God. And just, hard surfaces are... 55 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,760 Oh! But, um... But, no, let's, um... 56 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,280 Sorry, just dive in. Go, go. 57 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,120 Er, well, thanks for taking my mum's case. 58 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,960 Oh, diving in right now! OK, let me get a pen. Pen. 59 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,640 Oh, God. 60 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,800 Oh. Wherefore art thou, pen? 61 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,440 I'm always... Ooh, ah. 62 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,440 Always losing the slippery little things. 63 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,120 Where's a pen? Ah! God! 64 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:29,160 OK. Don't worry about that. I'll just... It's that. 65 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,280 Yeah. 66 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,640 Oh, right, OK, so, um, 67 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:37,200 yeah, so, basically, my mum's on Harman's Ward. 68 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,080 Alma. Yes. 69 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,720 And your mum's on that terrible, terrible ward. Yeah. Oh, right, you know it? 70 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,880 Yeah. No, I've done a lot of pro-bono work for patients. 71 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,760 There's a lot of malpractice and abuse over the years. 72 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,000 Right. I... I had no idea. 73 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,760 So, it turns out Mum lost the postcode lottery 74 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,640 when she ended up in Harman's Ward. 75 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,360 The staff are currently being investigated for toxic culture, 76 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,200 taunting and bullying patients, 77 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,400 inappropriate use of the restraint position 78 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,720 and falsifying medical documents. 79 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,240 Ultimately, Mum was right all along when she said... 80 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,480 This isn't a place to get better, Alma. 81 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,840 This is a place to get worse. 82 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,720 You'd think that getting a job looking after some of the most vulnerable women in the country, 83 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,080 you'd need a certain set of skills, training and qualifications. 84 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,240 You don't! It's actually easier to get a job here than Wetherspoon's. 85 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,520 And the same wage, too. 86 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,960 Basically, after 14 years of austerity, 87 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,960 it's safe to say Harman's Ward is a shitshow 88 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,920 and the social services, mental health, and housing systems, 89 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,080 are well and truly fucked. 90 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,120 Let me get... Let me get a pen. Um... 91 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,000 CLATTERING 92 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,000 Oh! Christ. There we go. 93 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,480 Got it. 94 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,240 Now, um... 95 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,360 So it was, um, El... Alma with an A. 96 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,880 Not Elma. It's that elephant. Great. 97 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,040 Bill, get the quails' eggs out of the air fryer, 98 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,280 put the pea puree on the side and breadcrumbs on top. 99 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,360 Come on, quick. Yep. Yes, Chef. 100 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,600 Fuck's sake. Right, two secs. Right. 101 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,720 Yes. Yeah? Yes! 102 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,480 Oh, get in! 103 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,880 Hello! Ooh, Alma. Try this. Oh. 104 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,760 Right. 105 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,120 Mmm. Fuck me, that's good! 106 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,840 Ooh, you look serious. Yes. 107 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:24,560 When you're fighting the system, Leanne, you need to power dress. 108 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,440 A sensible shoe. 109 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,120 A serious bag. 110 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,360 Shoulder pads. 111 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,200 Assertive bun. 112 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,880 I've also got my mum a solicitor. 113 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,560 He's a small and unusual man 114 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,280 and definitely an over-sharer, but he's pro-bono. 115 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,520 So he likes U2, then? Ha. 116 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,240 Like, Bono from U2. 117 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,680 If he's, like, pro-bono, 118 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,200 he's... He likes Bo... 119 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,360 Fuck's sake. No-one enjoyed that, Bill. Get back to the aubergine quiche. 120 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,120 No, they didn't enjoy it. 121 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,400 I've actually got my mum's written statement now, 122 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,760 which I'm going to have to type up, 123 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,320 because she's done it in crayon. But that's fine. 124 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,200 Ha-ha. These angry-looking goats here are the staff 125 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,240 pissing injustice into the well of despair, apparently. 126 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,840 I'm not quite sure how I'll type that up, but I'll find a way. 127 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,200 I've also found out that our local MP is also really 128 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,040 pissed off with 'em. So I'm going to go and visit him today. 129 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,040 I feel like Erin fucking Brockovich, me. 130 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,040 Go for it, girl. 131 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,120 Whoo! 132 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:37,120 # Ow! Yeah, ow, yeah, I'm on my way 133 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:41,200 # Yeah, ow, yeah, I'm on my way. # 134 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,280 Hello there. 135 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,680 Is it Chris? 136 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,560 No, I'm Chris's assistant. 137 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,000 Oh. Yeah. 138 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,320 Er, so what's your name? Sorry, who are you? 139 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,880 My name's Alma. 140 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,600 I'm a local constituent. Er, my mum is actually on Harman Ward, 141 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,600 which I know Chris talked quite passionately about 142 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,600 in the run-up to the election. 143 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,720 So, basically... Email. Email. You need to, um... 144 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,640 You need to email him. Right, OK. 145 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,160 I did try an email, but it bounced back. 146 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,560 There's nothing wrong with our email address. 147 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,440 Oh. I've tried six times. Well, I'm receiving emails. 148 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,160 There's nothing wrong with the email address. 149 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,680 Our email address is fine. 150 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,120 OK. I feel we're getting a bit stuck on the email address. 151 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,160 Um, what... what's your name? Gareth. 152 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,800 We don't have any problems with our email address. 153 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,800 OK, you seem quite defensive about the email address, Gareth. 154 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,480 It's not a criticism. I'm just, you know, explaining why I'm here. 155 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,680 Yeah, well, I'm just surprised to hear about the email address, is all. Right. 156 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:36,880 HE MUMBLES 157 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,920 OK, you're starting to sound a little bit like a malfunctioning robot. 158 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:43,800 But that's OK. I'm just going to plod on and tell you what... what I'm doing here. 159 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,720 So, basically, my mum, um, is getting progressively worse and... 160 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,600 You're talking too fast, you need too slow down. OK, sorry. 161 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,680 LOWERS VOICE: Er, so basically, what we're looking for is advocacies. 162 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,360 Yeah, you don't need to whisper. 163 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,000 You're quite a difficult fish to please, Gareth. 164 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,960 I mean, I can jot a couple of notes down and see if 165 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,080 it's something he'd be interested in, but without an email, 166 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,600 it'll be really pointless. 167 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,320 We need urgent political support, Gareth. 168 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,160 This is a political issue. 169 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,840 This is about the criminalisation 170 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,080 and abuse of mental-health sufferers. 171 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:17,080 This is about the detrimental cuts to life-saving services. 172 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,440 Sorry, could I get a bit of eye contact? 173 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,600 I'm telling you something quite harrowing here and you're just 174 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,920 casually eating a banana. 175 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,720 It would just be better with an email. Look, we also accept post, so... 176 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,440 Maybe I should just send you a pigeon, Gareth. 177 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,400 Why don't you send us a letter 178 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,880 and then we'll all get back to you in due course? 179 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,680 Yeah. And why don't you just go fuck yourself, Gareth? 180 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:53,160 # I got a hot knife 181 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,240 # And a tight collar 182 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,920 # Uh-huh, uh-huh Uh-huh. # 183 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,920 I've been watching these tubes. 184 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,560 They're getting bigger and bigger 185 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,400 and yet the roll has stayed the same size. 186 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,520 And you're telling me there's 200 sheets per roll? 187 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,960 Lies. Sorry to butt in. 188 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,320 Er, this is actually my agent and we've got a meeting, So shall we... ? 189 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,320 Mrs Hawkins, I haven't personally sat down and counted the number of sheets per roll 190 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,160 but if you'd like to, feel free. 191 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,800 Now, if you'd excuse us, I have a meeting with my client 192 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,080 in my office. 193 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,840 Alma, this way. Thank you, Mrs Hawkins. 194 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,560 Thank you. 195 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,160 I had a call from a BBC producer. 196 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,480 Oh. Now, I thought it was a prank at first so I hung up. 197 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,760 Turns out she's real. She saw you in the comedy showcase 198 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,480 and she wants to see you in another gig and then bring you in for a meeting. 199 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,920 Oh, my God! Wow! 200 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,400 So, I think, before we invite her, 201 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,400 we need to finesse your material. 202 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,120 So I've got a great book. 203 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,480 Stand-Up For Idiots? Yeah. 204 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,600 Well, that's quite insulting, David. 205 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,880 No. Don't knock the For Idiots books. 206 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:08,400 I could never have become an agent without 'em. 207 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,080 And that seems to be going very well. 208 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,000 Thank you. 209 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:17,080 Now, successful comedians observe everyday normal things 210 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:21,400 and find the humour in it. 211 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,440 Now, Michael McIntyre gets 20 minutes of material 212 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,160 putting his kids' shoes on. 213 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,960 I mean, it could be about anything. Right. 214 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,760 Like... Like printers. 215 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,840 You know. So, printers always break. 216 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,960 You can put a person on the moon, 217 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,880 but you can't get a printer to work. 218 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,440 Mm-hm. So my point is, 219 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,440 it's surprising how printers are still so crap. 220 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,120 Yeah. 221 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,960 All right, well, thanks for the book, David. 222 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,920 I think that we still need to work on your observation, 223 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,600 everyman material 224 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,360 and less of your madcap kind of family... 225 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,400 Oh! Agh! 226 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,640 ..background stuff. 227 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,200 I think you need to get a better office, David. 228 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,920 Yeah. 229 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,600 Oh, God. 230 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,120 Oh! God! Oh! 231 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,320 Oh. Sorry. I'm so sorry. 232 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,240 Hello. Come in, take a seat, sorry. 233 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,160 Oh, goodness me. I might stand for this meeting, guys, if that's all right. 234 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,720 Just, I can't sit down. Just I thought it was going 235 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,600 to get a little bit better, but it's just got worse. 236 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,520 It's just all horrible down there. 237 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,320 Oh. Good. Anyway, you must be Lin. Lovely, lovely Lin! 238 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,080 # Lovely to meet you, sometimes I sing... # 239 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,040 But don't worry, I won't do it tomorrow in court. 240 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,160 Don't worry! Are you my solicitor? 241 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,440 Yes. 242 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,680 Yes, Jules, er, Goodwin. 243 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,160 Er, I try to. 244 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,160 HE LAUGHS 245 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,320 Um, now, look, Lin. In a court, it's all... It's all about appearances, OK? 246 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,080 So you need to look smart, but not too smart. 247 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,880 My silver shell-suit is smart-casual. 248 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,760 No, Mum. And approachable. 249 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,280 Cos what we want to say is... 250 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,200 # Hello, I'm Lin 251 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,680 # I'm fine 252 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,640 # I'm not a violent member of society. # 253 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,440 OK? So we can all do this. 254 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,840 # Hello... 255 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,840 THEY JOIN IN 256 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,200 # Hello, I'm Lin 257 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,800 # I'm fine 258 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,360 # I'm not a violent member of society. # 259 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,320 Now, posture, Lin. Posture, it's shoulders back, 260 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,800 chin up, core centred, feet grounded. 261 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,080 And let's not forget - smile. 262 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,320 Oh, she actually looks more like a violent member of society. 263 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,440 Could that smile be less? 264 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,800 Hmm. Now, when the social workers take the stand, 265 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,880 they might say some things that you don't agree with. 266 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,320 Well, I'll fucking tell 'em. No. You can't do that, Mum. 267 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,600 You are very fidgety with your hands. 268 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,240 Could you sit on... Maybe, could you sit on your hands? 269 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,720 Well, could she draw in court - to distract her? 270 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,120 Why not? Yeah. 271 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,600 Argh! For fuck's sake! 272 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,240 Sorry, let's... 273 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,440 Let's just refocus. OK. 274 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,160 So, Lin. Um, I'm going to ask you some questions, now, 275 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,360 that you might get asked, um, when you take the stand in court. 276 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,680 Um, but, remember, it's all about staying... 277 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,160 # Calm and approachable. # 278 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,200 No, I can't fucking do it! No, I don't want to fucking do it! 279 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,440 OK. Ahem. 280 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,280 FORMAL VOICE: Lin Nuthall, were you under the influence 281 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,720 of any substances at the time of the incident? 282 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,200 # I'm Lin! 283 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,640 # I'm fine! 284 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,720 # I'm a member of society! # 285 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,960 I mean, it's just an internal thing, isn't it? 286 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,920 You've just got to think that, but then... 287 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,960 But if you do need to do it out loud, that's... # I'm Lin! 288 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,200 # I'm fine! 289 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,880 # I'm a member of society! # 290 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,280 # I'm not a violent member of society. # 291 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,400 # I'm not a violent member of society! # 292 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,440 Did you feel threatened or believe that you were acting in self-defence? 293 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,120 # I'm Lin! 294 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,480 # I'm fine! 295 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,720 # I'm definitely a member of society! # 296 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,480 Maybe you should plead guilty. 297 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,880 I just don't think we should go to court. 298 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,160 I'm not pleading guilty to something I didn't do. 299 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,920 Yeah. 300 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,600 Hey, I've written some new jokes. Shall I read you one? 301 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,160 Yeah, I could do with a laugh. 302 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,680 Right. 303 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,680 SHE CLEARS THROAT 304 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,040 Oh, hang on. 305 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,720 SHE CLEARS THROAT 306 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,400 What's with bin day? 307 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,400 You never know when it's bin day, do you? 308 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,720 You know, you get into bed, you're tucked up and then you think, 309 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,520 "Oh, shit, it's bin day." 310 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,040 You've got your pyjamas on, 311 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,600 you've got to run downstairs, go out into the street 312 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,120 with no shoes on, in your pyjamas, wheeling the bin. 313 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,680 And then you're thinking, "Oh," because you... cos you've missed bin day. 314 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,480 And then there's neighbours and, oh, God... 315 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,760 And they've done their bins, but you've never done yours. 316 00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,520 That's shit, isn't it? 317 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:04,440 I don't know. Is this what normal people worry about - bin day? 318 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,880 I don't know. It's domestic life, in't it? 319 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,600 I'm observing domestic life. 320 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,000 I'm homeless and possibly going to prison, Alma. 321 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,920 I don't think I'm your target audience. Hmm. 322 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,080 Huh. Bin day. 323 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,440 Heh. 324 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,560 And that's when she attacked the staff. 325 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:40,520 Later that evening, she was found in her room setting fire to things - 326 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,040 paper... That's absolute fucking bobbins. 327 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,520 BOBBINS! 328 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,320 Order. This Cunty McFuckface is lying! 329 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,680 Order! It's fucking sabotage. 330 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,280 You need to sit down, Miss Nuthall. 331 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,200 I did have a lighter. 332 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,000 I was burning sage to try and calm myself, 333 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:07,280 but I did not start a fire and I did not assault anyone. 334 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:11,000 I... I may not be the most respectable citizen in this 335 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,720 toilet... Order! ..of a cunty country. 336 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,000 But I am not violent. 337 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,160 I don't hit people. 338 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,200 I some... I sometimes shout 339 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,120 and I like to burn things. That's it! 340 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,200 It's absolute fucking bob... 341 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,800 Oh! Here we go. 342 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,600 You're not fucking listening to me, are you? 343 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,360 Nobody's ever listening to me. 344 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,840 # I fought the law and the law won 345 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,680 # I fought the law and the law won... # 346 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,280 Get off! # I fought the law and the... # 347 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,640 Shall we continue? 348 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,800 Where are you taking her? Where are they taking her? 349 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,800 She's being placed in remand until we've finished here. 350 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:50,600 Alma Nuthall to read an affidavit on Lin Nuthall. 351 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,080 Erm... 352 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,880 Um... 353 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,840 I've watched my mother deteriorate 354 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:05,160 under the appalling care of the state over three decades. 355 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,880 Nobody has ever asked my mum, "What happened to you?" 356 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,280 They've only ever asked, "What's wrong with you?" 357 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,280 I know my mother can be her own worst enemy at times, 358 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,640 but I wholeheartedly believe that she wouldn't have become 359 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,400 as ill as she has if it wasn't for the mistreatment, 360 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:28,720 misjudgment and misdiagnosises of this system. 361 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,880 They've made catastrophic mistakes 362 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,160 that have traumatised her and only made her more ill. 363 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,680 When I think of my mother's life - 364 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,480 who she is, 365 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,840 who she was... 366 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,920 ..who she could and should have been... 367 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,960 ..the only thing I can think is that it's a tragedy. 368 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,160 SHE SNIFFS 369 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,120 It's a tragedy that should and could have been prevented. 370 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,960 And now we find ourselves in this baffling place 371 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,680 where my mum is having charges pressed against her 372 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,760 by the very people that were supposed to protect her, 373 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,480 and ultimately abused her. 374 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,120 These charges should be dropped 375 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,480 and my mum should be rehoused and supported properly. 376 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,480 If that doesn't happen, I have to ask - 377 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,480 where is the justice? 378 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,760 Where is the empathy? 379 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,480 Where's the humanity? 380 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,440 Thank you. 381 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,040 Oh, he's here. Hello, I'm so sorry about that. 382 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,600 I just bumped into an old, erm, an old colleague, Steve. 383 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,400 Um, we were actually at school together, as well, 384 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,600 and, um, actually, he used to bully me quite a lot, but he's... 385 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,680 OK. Sorry, can we just... ? Is this... ? Um... 386 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,960 Yes, sorry, OK. 387 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,200 Oh. Um... 388 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,080 So, look, it's not good news, er, I'm afraid. 389 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,200 Um, your mum's been sentenced to six months in prison. 390 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,200 What the fuck?! Which will see her referred back to the secure ward 391 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,360 for hospital stay on her release. 392 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,640 And she won't be able to come back out now, either, I'm afraid. 393 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,560 She's er... She's been taken into custody straight away. 394 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,240 I know, I'm... I'm genuinely so, so sorry. 395 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,920 Oh, it's just, I've been on this 396 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,560 wild losing streak of just sort of loss, loss, loss, 397 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,080 this last two, three, four year... 398 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,720 I mean more if you count the pandemic. 399 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,000 Six, seven years. We did a lot of virtual things, 400 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,200 but again, it's loss, loss, loss. Just... 401 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,960 I don't know what's, um, going on. 402 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,480 Um, can I just come right back, cos I've got... Steve? 403 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,120 Steve, if we're playing this afternoon, 404 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,360 can I borrow some clubs, as well? 405 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,640 PHONE RINGS 406 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,200 Hello, it's Alma again. 407 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,680 Um, I wondered if I could have, er, er, er, chips, 408 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,440 sausage, gravy, 409 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,520 a steak pudding, actually. 410 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,200 Er, a cheese pie. 411 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,960 Um, a fried fish, 412 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,320 battered sausage. 413 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,240 Do you know what? I'll just have it all - chippy tapas. 414 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:25,440 Yeah. 415 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:32,320 DOORBELL RINGS 416 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,880 Oh, right. 417 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,480 God. 418 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,880 KNOCKING ON DOOR 419 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,880 Hello. 420 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,400 Hello? Hello. Can you just leave it on the mat? 421 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,480 I'm not answering the door at the minute. 422 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:49,200 Eh? Not a biggie. I'm just finding doors and the world 423 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,200 and people's faces quite intense. 424 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,120 Not personal to your face - more in general. 425 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,240 I'm just not quite ready for the world, at the minute. 426 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,320 Hello. 427 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:38,120 You look like a bloody Flump. What are you wearing that daft hat for? 428 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,560 Just hiding. 429 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,000 From who? 430 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,080 Myself. 431 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,960 You know when you're just a bit scared of the world and your own ears? 432 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,680 Yeah. All the time. 433 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,800 What's going on? 434 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,320 Just been in a bit of a bad blob, really. 435 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,720 How bad? 436 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,560 I've been watching back-to-back episodes of Gilmore Girls. 437 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,000 Which season? 438 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,400 The revival. Oh, dear.. 439 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,520 Hmm. It's all right. It's going to be good, I think. 440 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,320 It'll be fine. I'm going to keep fighting with everything. 441 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,920 So I'm going to get an in-reach team to come into the prison 442 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,080 and assess you, which means you'll go back to the hospital, 443 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,880 which, obviously, I know is not ideal, 444 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,120 but once you're back in the hospital, then we could fight 445 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,680 from there to get you out, because we can put in an appeal. 446 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,720 Alma, there's no point. 447 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,600 It won't work. 448 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,400 It's a trap. 449 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,360 I want you to... 450 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,720 ..leave it all alone now. 451 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,720 It's just not fair, though, is it, Mum? Just leave it. 452 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,680 Get yourself sorted. 453 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,120 Hey, and then maybe you can buy us that caravan in Rhyl. 454 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,080 Hey, fuck it, I need to dream big - 455 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,000 get me one in Blackpool. 456 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,680 That'd be good. 457 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,960 So, how's it been here? 458 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,680 Ah, not bad. 459 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,880 Yeah? Scary, sometimes. 460 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,440 But there's more drugs, which is fun. 461 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,520 Is it? I'm not sure about that, Mum. 462 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,560 They did a poetry competition. 463 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,440 And I won. Brilliant! 464 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,400 Hey, do you want me to read it you? Yeah, definitely. 465 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,240 It's called... 466 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,800 Never Give A Hamster Matches. 467 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,040 Right. 468 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,480 I get absorbed by the flare 469 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,200 It first-name knows me 470 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,480 We crackle and spit together 471 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,720 When I'm torching history. 472 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,840 No matter how dire, before you finally retire 473 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,800 And burn hot on that pyre, make sure you call a liar a liar. 474 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,120 Aim the flying fuck higher 475 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,160 Take a Lucifer out my box and fight fire with fire. 476 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,560 Those loose screws tell you no drugs, no booze, 477 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,840 Give you all the don'ts, dos, wake you up when you snooze. 478 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,880 Punk rock, the blues. 479 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,720 Hamstering madly on a wheel, 480 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,680 Listening to the others in agony squeal. 481 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,120 The bastards grinding have only one goal - 482 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,560 To keep you down and take your dole. 483 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,040 If you've the spark, you've the solution, 484 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,520 A good-evil evolution. 485 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,720 Staying alive's the revolution. 486 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,920 So in between the bitches and scratches, 487 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,600 Snitchers and snatchers, 488 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,200 Bashers and grasses, 489 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,760 Smashes and crashes, 490 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,800 Bangs and flashes, 491 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,680 Never give a hamster matches. 492 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,680 That's brilliant, Mum. That's really good. 493 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,920 HE APPLAUDS 494 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,920 Yeah. 495 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,160 Yeah. 496 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,600 First prize. 497 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,400 I got an Easter egg. 498 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:06,520 I just feel so angry and helpless. 499 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,240 I mean, what do I do now? 500 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,000 Write about it. 501 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,960 Eh? 502 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,040 Write it down. 503 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,120 Perform it. Get it out. 504 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,920 That's what your mum does with her paintings and her poetry 505 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,880 and her shouting. Huh. 506 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,520 She gets it out. 507 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,280 That's why they love her paintings on the wall. They're real. 508 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,560 They connect. 509 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,600 They're helping people. 510 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,160 They help me. 511 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:45,200 Huh. 512 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:51,960 Thanks, Jim. 513 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,200 JOAN'S VOICE: I don't eat egg any more, Alma. 514 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:23,240 Who wants to eat the unborn child of a depressed hen? 515 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,560 LIN'S VOICE: Don't waste your life ironing a man's clothes, Alma. 516 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,160 "His creases will drop out, but your wrinkles won't." 517 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,520 I'm a hamster on a wheel! 518 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,760 How do you know it's cooked? It looks the fucking same! 519 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,680 My body is an instrument of pleasure - 520 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,040 I'm a sexual violin and I need to be played. 521 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,280 I'm performing here next Tuesday. 522 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,560 Bring that BBC producer. 523 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,240 But I'm not going to be doing any of that 524 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,400 "observing normal things" shit. 525 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,200 Because that's not normal to me. 526 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,680 I'll see you on Tuesday. 527 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,000 AUDIENCE LAUGHTER 528 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,680 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 529 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,880 I'll tell you what... I'll tell you this now. 530 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,240 AUDIENCE LAUGHTER 531 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,600 Be more calm, confident, collected. 532 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,160 Comedic. 533 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,800 I'm a cheeky chipolata. A cheeky potato. 534 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,480 A funny onion. 535 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,160 Right. 536 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,240 If in doubt, tit and shake it out. 537 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:45,840 Tit and shake it out. 538 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:52,960 DAVID'S VOICE, WHISPERED: BBC. BBC. 539 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,480 Oh, nice to meet you. 540 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:56,960 WHISPERED: BBC. 541 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,520 Anyway, ladies and gents, it's time for the next act. 542 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,760 Please go crazy, go wild, 543 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,840 for Alma Nuthall! 544 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE