1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,399 WHISPERING The coat went missing from my house 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,399 and I turn up here and you're wearing my coat. No! 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,719 I just get this innate feeling that she's a massive slag. 4 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,199 I don't understand what your problem is with her. 5 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,519 I don't know if Nic likes red wine but I know you do. 6 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,999 She's not into blokes, I know that, 7 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,679 and if she is into blokes, it's just cos she wants to get to the wife. 8 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,399 You must be Jen's mum. Who? 9 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,279 That's not Jen, that's Katya! 10 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,879 You're not going to answer that! 11 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,159 I have to. Jen! 12 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,480 Stay on the phone, I'll be as quick as I can. Just stay where you are. 13 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,079 RADIO CHATTER 14 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,239 INTERNAL: Oh, my God. That's where I lost my virginity, 15 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,679 in that bush over there. 16 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,679 SCOFFS Toby Fletcher. 17 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,479 His breath always smelt weirdly like Pritt Sticks. 18 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,399 And afterwards, we went to Prezzo and the food fell off his fork 19 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,759 but he didn't notice and he still put the fork in his mouth 20 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,079 and ate nothing. 21 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,999 FORKING idiot. 22 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,840 No, I don't know anything about a watering can. 23 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,000 Ridiculous question. 24 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,959 HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING 25 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,759 They didn't eat anything for two days, 26 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,479 and then went to the Pizza Hut buffet. 27 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,959 They managed 72 slices each, 28 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,999 and then the manager said they were taking the piss and kicked them out. 29 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,719 Shit. That's £1 for the swear jar, Becca! 30 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,359 Oh, piss off, Kev. £2! There was nothing in the small print 31 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,199 that said the unlimited buffet was limited, 32 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,919 cos then it wouldn't be unlimited. It would be limited. 33 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,719 Don't you think, Becca? 34 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,119 Becca. 35 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,679 I couldn't give a shit, Jo. 36 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,159 £3. Oh, give it a rest, Kev. 37 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,519 What? No, look, if no-one's sticking to the rules for the swear jar, 38 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,999 it will mean no money to put behind the bar at pub golf. 39 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,039 Nobody wants to go to pub golf, Kev. 40 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,599 Why? Cos you're going to fucking be there. 41 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,480 Right, I better do some work before that twat gets on my case. 42 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,680 I've arranged everything... 43 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,719 ...but you have to be the one to do it. 44 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,440 Can you just leave us alone? 45 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,719 Hiya, just to let you know, 46 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,159 there's a tin of tomatoes exploded an Aisle 4 47 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,199 and there's an elderly couple skating on it like Torvill and Dean. 48 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,400 So, if you could just... 49 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,679 Yes, I've done all the chutneys. 50 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,519 That's fantastic. I'm just going to give those a tick, then, shall I? 51 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,399 Yeah, put two, if you like. Two, lovely. 52 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,879 Why is she here? You should've started at half nine. 53 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,559 I know, I was helping a customer. 54 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,959 Well, it better not happen again. 55 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,799 Oh, so you don't want me to help a customer? 56 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,279 OK, well, you're the manager, mate. 57 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,759 I mean, that seems positively bonkers to me. Get on with it! 58 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,399 I asked you not to put me on a shift with her, Gavin, and she's here. 59 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,399 I needed her to cover for Sandra cos Sandra's grieving for her dog. 60 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,279 Not Pippin. Pippin? Yeah, Pippin. 61 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,759 She loved that dog like a child. Absolutely. 62 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,919 Poor little thing. Yeah. 63 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,039 No, I'm glad that dog's dead. 64 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,999 Yeah, he was bleeding her dry. Pippin was her rock! 65 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,079 Pippin's vet bills cost more than her bungalow, Gavin, I'm sorry. 66 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,399 You can diss anybody in here, but you diss Pippin, nah! 67 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,279 Listen, if she is here today, then I want to go home. 68 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,879 You are not going home. I am short-staffed. 69 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,879 Look at this place. It's heaving! 70 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,199 I can't rearrange the entire schedule 71 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,639 just cos the pair of you have had some silly little playground spat. 72 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,359 Get on that bloody till or it'll be like Christmas Eve 2018 again, 73 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,719 and God knows, none of us need that. 74 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,599 Right, well, wait till HR hears about this. 75 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,479 Yeah, go on, tell 'em. I will. 76 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,519 Yeah, go on, then. I will. Yeah, see if I care. I will! 77 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,199 Fucking prick. What? 78 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,519 What? 79 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,160 CLATTERING 80 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,839 She said, "You prick." 81 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,320 I heard what she said, Kev! 82 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,879 INTERNAL: I will never, ever... 83 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,839 ...ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, 84 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,639 ever, ever... 85 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,959 ...give up on you, Becca. 86 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,559 Not too busy on a Sunday, is it? 87 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,519 No, it's really quiet today. 88 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,879 I'm walking the dog later. 89 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,959 Oh, really? Where are you going? 90 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,239 Just... just in the park, actually. 91 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,519 Nearest. 92 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:24,879 A bit muddy. 93 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,879 Yeah, get the wellies on. 94 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,920 Yeah! Yes, it is, yeah. 95 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,759 Oh! 96 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,119 What's happened? Not to worry, it's just an accident. 97 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,759 What's the matter with you today? 98 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:38,039 God's sake, they're organic as well! 99 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,679 Go finish off Aisle 2. I'll sort this out. 100 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,159 Kev! 101 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,079 I am so sorry, sir. 102 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,679 We'll... we'll get you some new ones right away, OK? 103 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:47,920 Oh. 104 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,639 TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS 105 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,039 And I don't want to be a knobhead about this. 106 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,239 I'm sorry I'm letting you go. 107 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,159 I know it's nearly Christmas and everything, 108 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,039 but you're a terrible employee. 109 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,719 RECORDING: I feel like you're not even giving me a chance because 110 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,559 there's a real reason that you haven't got the balls to tell me about. 111 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,639 I've given you plenty of chances, Jen. I'm sorry. 112 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,799 You can't throw that at me. 113 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,399 I've only worked here a couple of months. Plenty of chances?! 114 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,879 I know, and I can see how bad you are in a couple of months, love. 115 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,159 Right, and this has got nothing to do with Becca, has it? 116 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,959 No, you're a liability. 117 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,279 How? What about this threat of a restraining order? What about that? 118 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,159 INTERNAL; I'm not going to think about Becca. 119 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,599 I'm going to think about myself. 120 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,159 I'm not going to get involved with anyone's business. 121 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,159 I'm going to put me and Harry first. 122 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,559 SHE SIGHS 123 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,719 Oh, and I need to do squats every day 124 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,799 or I'm always going to have a flat arse. 125 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,879 I know I shouldn't say that cos I'm the manager but you are... 126 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,839 Tickets, please, madam. 127 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,719 Haz, do you need a wee? 128 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,439 No, no. 129 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,879 Just come and try to squeeze one out before we get off, yeah? 130 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,879 Mum, that's gross! Come on. 131 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,479 Take your bag. 132 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:26,999 Thank you. 133 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,239 Ticket, please, sir? 134 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,319 Just like Harry Potter... Yeah, yeah, whatever. 135 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,359 ...on a train for your first day at your new school. 136 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,239 All right, all right, I'd be in Gryffindor. Would you? Yep. 137 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,439 Like, the sorting hat wouldn't even touch my head. 138 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,919 It would just shout, "Gryffindor!" 139 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,479 Gryffindor! Gryffindor! 140 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,839 Gryffindor! 141 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,199 Don't pick that up, that's not a balloon. 142 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,280 Come on, you excited? All right. 143 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,079 I can't believe you made me wear this. 144 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,599 All the other kids are literally going to slaughter me. 145 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,239 Yeah, well, it's either that or wear one of mine, so... 146 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,920 Hi. 147 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,679 Uh, excuse me. Yeah? 148 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,279 It's Harry's first day and we're running late, obviously. 149 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:12,959 I can't wait. Yeah, and I've forgotten the code for the gates. 150 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,879 Oh, right. Do you think you could let me know what it is? 151 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,159 Um... Do you know, I'm not actually sure I'm allowed to? 152 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,759 OK. 153 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,959 Do you think you could just open it for us, let us in? 154 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,559 I do feel really bad about this but I just... 155 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,959 ...I don't want to get anyone into trouble, you know? 156 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,999 Who are you going to get into trouble? Sorry. 157 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,879 Sorry. 158 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,159 OK, good luck! 159 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,559 Thanks so much. Oh, lovely. Good for you! 160 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,079 It's not working. 161 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,079 Oh, are you having problems with the gate? 162 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,839 It's Harry's first day and... 2478. 163 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,759 Sorry, what? 2478. 164 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,279 OK. 165 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,159 Pikachu, got to catch 'em all! 166 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,719 Thank you so much. 167 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,959 No problem. 168 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,919 Ollie, please, can you...? 169 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,479 Thanks again. Thank you. 170 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,399 INTERNAL: Oh, my God, she's brilliant. 171 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,079 I mean, she's giving off a really strong Elton John vibe but... 172 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,640 ...thank you, Elton! 173 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,639 SINGS: ♪ Got to catch 'em all. ♪ 174 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,759 Maybe I should get some sunglasses like that. 175 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,999 You are Jennifer McKenna, right? Yeah, that's right. 176 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,719 Just to remind you, this is temporary emergency accommodation. 177 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,119 You will be here for... 178 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,919 ...however long it takes for more suitable permanent housing. OK. 179 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,239 Have you got any next of kin as an emergency contact nearby maybe? 180 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,599 Yeah, my mum. I can... 181 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,199 ...I can write down her details. Yeah, that would be great. 182 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,999 Really lucky to have found this so last-minute. Oh, great. Yeah. 183 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,679 Just get that out there. 184 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,239 They did find four mummified budgies in the back of the freezer. 185 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,719 But don't worry, I think they've put in a new one. 186 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,039 Toaster, sink there, fridge... OK, great. 187 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,359 Yeah. That, that can go. 188 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,279 We will need to get someone to remove that, if you don't want it. 189 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,519 OK. Oh, God. What time is it? I've got to go. I've got a date. 190 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,200 Keys. Oh, thank you. 191 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,759 INTERNAL: I wonder what Elton John's doing now? 192 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,279 Maybe she's thinking about me. 193 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,399 No, Jen, stop. 194 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,800 PHONE RINGS 195 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,319 Shit, I'm going to be late. 196 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,319 All right, here you go. I'll call you Jennifer. 197 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,199 Well, you can just call me Jen, if you like. 198 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,679 No, I think Jennifer's better. Mind your head. 199 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,959 So, Mrs Baggett is quite particular. 200 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,319 SHE LAUGHS 201 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,759 Sorry, what's funny? 202 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,639 Oh, nothing. Just... 203 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,319 ...Baggett. No. No, just ignore me. 204 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,639 Anyway, she's really, really lovely, right? 205 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,519 But she's also very racist. 206 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,239 Oh, hello, Mrs Baggett. How are you today? 207 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,519 What's all this? 208 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,999 Well, this is Jennifer. 209 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,319 She's... she's just doing a trial with us, with... 210 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,959 Where's Katya? 211 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,879 We had that chat last week, remember? Katya's left. 212 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,199 Oh, has she? Yes, she's having a baby. 213 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,559 She's rather old for that sort of thing, isn't she? 214 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,639 Anyway, Jennifer's going to be doing your cleaning from now on, so... 215 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,439 You're not from Poland, are you? 216 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,039 I'm sorry, would that be a problem? 217 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,279 They eat carp for Christmas. 218 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,319 It's only a trial, Mrs Baggett, just to see how you all get on, yeah? 219 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,039 So, can we come in? 220 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,399 All right, then. So, you want me to...? Yeah, yeah, you go. 221 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,839 OK. Thank you. 222 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,639 I've just had a run round with the Hoover. See you in an hour, OK? 223 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,479 I don't want anyone thinking I live in a pigsty. Viv! 224 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,559 And I can't stand a Continental breakfast. 225 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,559 What sort of lunatic eats meat and cheese for breakfast? 226 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,879 Clarissa, you know I have already done that. 227 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,919 Oh, no, no! It's no bother. 228 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,159 Well, yeah, it's no bother cos I've already done it. 229 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,199 It's completely clean already. Mm? 230 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,159 Don't worry, it's fine. 231 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,679 Is there...? Clarissa? 232 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:29,999 Yeah. 233 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,279 That's your name, isn't it? 234 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,079 Mrs Baggett. 235 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,999 When I lived in Singapore, 236 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,479 Daphne told me that one keeps one's servants on a very formal basis. 237 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,279 Right, why don't we figure out a time when you're not here? 238 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,960 Oh, no, no, I'm always here. 239 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,399 INTERNAL: Well, I've got to find out what her name is. 240 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,279 I can't keep calling her Elton John. 241 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,879 OK, so, Ollie. 242 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,759 Do you like curry? 243 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,959 Hmm... 244 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,359 It was lovely. Nicola... 245 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,599 Peanuts sprinkled all over the top... Harris. 246 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,599 Oh, God. I can see how this evening's going to go. 247 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,119 I'm going to end up on her brother's cousin's Facebook, 248 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,279 looking at photos from three years ago. 249 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,479 Oh, I do miss those days. They were very happy days, I must say... 250 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,959 What? 251 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,840 ...playing mah-jongg with Daphne. 252 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,559 Where's Tippy? 253 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,639 Tippy, Tippy, Tippy, Tippy! 254 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,119 You dirty Bertie! 255 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,559 No, you can't get involved, Jen. 256 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,199 My turn? Your turn. 257 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,959 I would say, I think you might... you might struggle a bit with this one. 258 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,799 Really? INTERNAL: God, I can smell the desperation pouring off of you. 259 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,799 You must be sat on that fucking app all day, just waiting for a message. 260 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,199 ALOUD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, OK. 261 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,319 INTERNAL: You've definitely done this before. 262 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,719 Whoo! Come on, what sort of person? 263 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,119 Am I... am I famous? 264 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,199 Am I... am I an athlete? 265 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,719 An athlete? In bed. Am I an athlete in bed? 266 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,999 INTERNAL: This is what Nicola has settled for! 267 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,440 I bet you really think you are, don't you? 268 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,119 An athlete in bed. 269 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,399 Have I said the wrong thing? What could you have said? 270 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,839 All right, I'm just... 271 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,079 I think maybe, shall we...? I don't know. 272 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,319 I'm getting a bit bored of this game now. 273 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,599 Tom Jones. 274 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,079 INTERNAL: I was so right to come here. He is such a prick. 275 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,759 One second... Hang on, what are you doing? Put it down, put it down. 276 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:22,199 No, no, no. I just want to see what's on your head. 277 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,719 It really suits you, actually. 278 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,679 What is this? I just, you know... 279 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,239 I just thought everyone might like to know 280 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,199 that you are a married man... Yeah, I fucking told you that. 281 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,759 ...who's been trawling Tinder for a quick shag... 282 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,999 Trawling Tinder? What are you talking about? 283 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,119 ...even though you've got a wife and a kid at home. 284 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,599 Oops! Fuck's sake! You fucking psycho! 285 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,959 Oh, I'm a psycho. That's so sweet! Yeah, you're a psycho! 286 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,519 Dom, it was so great to meet you. I can't believe you're going. 287 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,039 Fuck off! 288 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,599 Hello! You all right, Dad? 289 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,079 Oh, God, what's that? 290 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,319 What? Oh, Stuart spilt wine on me over lunch. Idiot. 291 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,879 So annoying. 292 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,359 RECORDING: You've got a wife and three kids at home but 293 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,039 you've been messaging me on Tinder! 294 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,759 What are you doing, you sicko? 295 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,719 INTERNAL: I mean, the rest of it is good, but I've outdone myself here. 296 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,399 RECORDING: I'm a psycho. That's so sweet! Yeah, you're a psycho. 297 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,079 INTERNAL: Nicola needs to know about this. I should call her 298 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,039 and tell her. Ugh, Jen, no. It's three in the morning. 299 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,680 Ah, fuck it! PHONE BEEPS 300 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,839 PHONE VIBRATES 301 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,039 Hello? 302 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,880 No, I can't tell her now. 303 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,240 DAN SNORES 304 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,320 HE MURMURS SLEEPILY 305 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,559 We'll go for a nice coffee somewhere and I'll tell her. 306 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,239 And she'll say, "Oh, Jen, thank you so much for telling me." 307 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,959 I'll say, "Nic, it's fine." And she'll say, "Thank you, Jen. 308 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,719 "I would've been stuck in this relationship if it wasn't for you. 309 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,199 "Oh, my God, Jen. What did I do before I met you?" 310 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,399 I think we have got pretty much everything covered, 311 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,759 so you can just join them, whichever stall you like. 312 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,919 Helen's doing the tombola. Mm-hm. Nic's on Splat The Rat. 313 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,359 Splat The Rat - that sounds good. Yeah? Yeah. OK. 314 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,999 I'll let her know you'll be joining her. 315 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,200 Great. 316 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,599 So is Harry here or is he coming a bit later with his dad? 317 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,679 Oh, no, he's... he's in the loo. 318 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,519 He's probably, er, clogging it up with a massive shit. 319 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,039 Harry's dad is? 320 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,999 Sorry? Are you with Harry's dad? 321 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,039 What?! 322 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,479 RAT SQUEAKS, BLOW ECHOES 323 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,559 So it's Jen, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. 324 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,079 Sorry. She said you're Nic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 325 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,239 Ollie's mum? Yes. Yeah, that's right. 326 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,159 I know you're not going to judge me. Yeah? 327 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,479 Do you want some gin? 328 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,999 Oh, yes! I could kiss you! 329 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,159 Don't do that. Just make it weird. 330 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,239 You're great. I... try. 331 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,479 Where have you been? 332 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,600 Just, you know, up the road. 333 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,759 Look, Haz, Nanny's here. Come in, come in. Hi, Nanny. 334 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,599 How are you, sweetheart? You going to come and give me a big hug, then? 335 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,759 Erm... 336 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,160 Oh, right, right, right. Too grown-up for that now, eh? 337 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,039 Come on, sit down. Well, look, I can't stay long. 338 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,959 I've, erm... Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, you didn't have to come round. 339 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,839 You could've just phoned or something. How did you get here? 340 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,439 Well... Well, I had to get the bus, actually... Why? 341 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,599 ...because John's car's in the garage, yeah. 342 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,279 Right. 343 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,880 PHONE VIBRATES Oh, sorry. 344 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,119 Speak of the devil! Hello? 345 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,399 INTERNAL: How can she stand being married to someone 346 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,719 who cares more about a car than he does about his own wife? 347 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:17,799 Yeah, yeah. I will. 348 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,599 Keep going, mate. 349 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,359 Please, John. 350 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,359 Yeah, I will. You know what she's like. Yeah, OK. 351 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,880 Yeah, yeah. Bye, bye. 352 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,639 That was John. He's, er... Someone has, you know, 353 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,119 they've keyed his car, you know the MG? 354 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,559 It just keeps happening, doesn't it? What you trying to say? 355 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,079 Oh, it's just really expensive, Jen, that's what I'm saying. 356 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,719 You're not just telling me, you're not saying... Jen! ..what you ACTUALLY want to say. 357 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,959 You're the one that's come round here, so just ask me. 358 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,360 You think I did it? 359 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,400 Do you? 360 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,480 Never believe me anyway. 361 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,400 CARDS SLAP ON TABLE 362 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,679 INTERNAL: Oh, wow. 363 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,279 That car looks great. 364 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,799 That garage have done a good job. Looks good as new. 365 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,759 DISCORDANT SCRAPING 366 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,320 Oh, well! 367 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,719 OK, see you later. 368 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,399 Goodbye, Katya! That's not my name. 369 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,039 DOOR LATCH SHUTS 370 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,399 That would be fanta... Erm... 371 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,919 Probably the best thing to do is if I... 372 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,519 Oh, God, sorry! Can I call you back in two seconds? 373 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,799 Nic? 374 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,079 Oh, my God! 375 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,359 You lost your cat? No, I did lose my cat, found him now. 376 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,359 Oh, great! Why don't we... celebrate? 377 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,919 Hello! Come in! How are you? 378 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,879 CHORUS OF GREETINGS 379 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,600 Dan, this is Jen. Jen, this is Dan. 380 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,119 Hi! Hi. 381 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,159 Nice to meet you. Dan. 382 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,679 Well, have a brilliant time at bowling... I'm Jen. 383 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,719 It's getting on a bit, innit? Shall we just whack a film on? 384 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,839 No, we organised this. I know, but... I'm having my girls' night. 385 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,999 HE SIGHS 386 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,239 Right, have a good time. Bye! DAN GROANS 387 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,479 DOOR SLAMS 388 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,319 MUSIC: The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang 389 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,399 One, two, three... Ugh! 390 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,959 ♪ Baby, sex is a Texas drought 391 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,159 ♪ Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about 392 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,999 ♪ So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts... ♪ 393 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,719 Hello! All right? 394 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:12,759 Oh, dear. 395 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,319 Hi! Good time? 396 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,319 Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it? 397 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,519 NIC, SLURRING: Could you make up the bunk in Ollie's room? 398 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,959 Or Jen's going to sleep on the sofa. 399 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,799 I'm not fussy, I'll sleep on the sofa. 400 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,039 Huh? You all right? 401 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,559 Yeah, no, I'm good. 402 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,720 Just didn't realise they were staying, that's all. 403 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,319 Thank you, Dan. 404 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,440 OK. 405 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,439 He's so great with the kids, isn't he? 406 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,839 Good guy. 407 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,199 That's the least he can do. 408 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,559 I do that all the time. 409 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,839 Dan! Dan! 410 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,879 IN SILLY VOICEES: Dan! Dan! 411 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,799 Woo-oo! Dan! 412 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,559 THEY DESCEND INTO LAUGHTER 413 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,959 All right? That is good. Did you like that? 414 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,159 Yeah, it's very good. 415 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,279 We're playing Silly Heads. Just the right amount. 416 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,879 No, it's Sticky Heads! 417 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,999 Whose idea was it to play this? It was my idea! 418 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,159 So you know what the rules are? Course I do. 419 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,479 So... am I Tom Jones? 420 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,959 Where would you even get that? I don't know. 421 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,239 I'm not Tom Jones? Not a million miles away, though. 422 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,239 I don't know why. For some reason, I just had Tom Jones in my head. 423 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,759 Am I a man? 424 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,799 You are male. 425 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,119 She's so great. 426 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,639 Don't do that. Why are you doing that? What are you doing? 427 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,639 What do you mean, what am I doing? Have you said anything? What are you talking about? What have I got 428 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,079 to say? Don't quite know what you're playing at. I'm playing 429 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,519 Sticky Heads, mate. OK, cool. 430 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,719 Viva Las Vegas! 431 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,359 LAUGHTER 432 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,920 JEN HUMS SOFTLY 433 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,799 TOILET FLUSHES 434 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,599 ♪ You don't even know me... ♪ 435 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,679 God, there's a fly in here that's kamikaze! 436 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,520 Gone straight into the bowl as I was flushing it, Jen. 437 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,079 Right. Wouldn't go in there for a while. 438 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,879 NIC GIGGLES Mate, we've run out of wine. 439 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:55,999 Oh, you're kidding! 440 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,799 Yeah. Just found this port, though. 441 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,959 Oh, yes, yes, yes. All right? 442 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,439 Do you know what I really miss? What? The McRib. 443 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,999 The McRib! 444 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,679 I mean, how dare they?! JEN LAUGHS 445 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,119 Are you OK? 446 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:12,239 SOBBING: I knew I'd end up crying at some point this evening. 447 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,559 Do you know, we were actually going to run away 448 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,839 together that night? 449 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,039 NIC SNIFFLES AND SOBS 450 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,519 God, that sounds like some... 451 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,359 ...Richard Curtis film. 452 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,599 But the night that Alex died, 453 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,159 we were going to run away together. 454 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:31,000 And he told me he actually wanted to have a baby. 455 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,640 Oh, my God, no! 456 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,280 Sorry we woke you. 457 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,959 No, erm... that's fine. 458 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,799 Is he OK? Yeah, he's fine. 459 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,840 Just having a wee before we go. Good. 460 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,719 Er... 461 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,359 I didn't expect to see you in my house. 462 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,399 Well, yeah, I was shocked to see you, as well. 463 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,519 Really? 464 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,239 I didn't know this was your house, no. Really? OK. 465 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,959 What, you think I knew you lived here? 466 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,559 I'm not a psycho. 467 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,600 Er... 468 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,759 Because this is, this, that, this has never happened before. 469 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,079 Like, I've never done that. You've never done that? 470 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,479 Like that was a one-... No, I'd never done that before. 471 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,319 This, it was, erm... First time? 472 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,839 See... I mean, you don't know me, but I've not... 473 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,399 It was a moment of madness, and I... 474 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,239 I don't even know what I was doing. 475 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,399 I don't know. It just didn't really seem that way, from your profile. 476 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,239 It was quite, er, quite detailed, wasn't it? 477 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,839 I said I was married, didn't I? And I was being honest about that. 478 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,559 And I said I was looking for fun. But that was just being, you know... 479 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,359 Yeah? It's nothing to do with you, to be honest. This is between me... 480 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,599 Well, you made it something to do with me because you messaged me. 481 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,519 I've apologised. I'm sorry. Let's just move on. Let's not... She doesn't need to know anything, 482 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,839 OK? You don't think Nic needs to know what her husband's doing behind her back? 483 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,199 No, I don't think she needs to know. Personally, 484 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,319 I think Nic deserves a bit better than that. 485 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,919 Look, what do you want? What are you doing? 486 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,320 I want you to see the error of your ways. 487 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,120 TOILET FLUSHES 488 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,359 Right, you go up. I can... I can see myself out. 489 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,880 OK, great. 490 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,880 Sleep well! 491 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,199 RECORDING: If you're not happy with Dan, why can't you leave now? 492 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,199 No, I'd never do it to Ollie. Never. 493 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,640 You have a choice, Nic. You can do something about it. 494 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,999 INTERNAL: This'll be great. 495 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,439 We could just waft around in our matching coats 496 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,679 like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan... 497 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,719 ...before they hated each other. 498 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,320 PHONE CLICKS 499 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,439 While D... 500 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,319 He's just a really boring bastard! 501 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,359 CHEERS 502 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,639 So definitely D, then. 503 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,359 So here we go. 504 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:13,559 Roast! 505 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:14,599 Absolutely. 506 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,759 CHEERING 507 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,319 You all right up there, boys? 508 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,679 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 509 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,239 What's so funny? 510 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,440 INTERNAL: Oh, God. Of course she fucking cleans here! 511 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,919 We can't have that big TV on. There's an energy crisis going on. 512 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,480 BOOMING PARP 513 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,919 RASPING PARP 514 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,919 Hello? I know you're in here with me. 515 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:39,959 Hello? 516 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,439 ECHOING HONK 517 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,199 I can hear you. PARP! 518 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,559 I can feel that. I can feel your pain. 519 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,879 PARP! 520 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,319 Can you see me? 521 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,239 Show yourself to me! 522 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,239 All right, mate? Where have you been? 523 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,439 Sorry, just been on the phone to my mum. Had to hang up, 524 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,159 like, eight times. She wouldn't shut up. 525 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,239 What's this doing out? 526 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,879 Oh, dunno. Maybe the kids got it out. 527 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,360 That's him. 528 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,559 So, hello. This is the boring speech. 529 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,599 I am Dan's younger, better-looking brother. 530 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,279 That's how it all fucking started on my wedding day. 531 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,799 It's a real privilege... 532 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,799 Alex and Dan were so close. 533 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,319 RECORDING: And you don't choose who you fall in love with. 534 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,559 We tried to break it off, 535 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:29,359 but we'd always come back together, like magnets. 536 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,759 Who came back, you or him? He would always come back. 537 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,799 Well, then, it seems like he was the one that was instigating things. 538 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,039 And it's his brother he's doing it to. 539 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,719 I'm not blaming you, Nic. 540 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,880 How could Alex do that to his own brother? 541 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,239 Bitch! 542 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,759 You've, like, taken sides?! 543 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,719 Gimme my coat! What are you doing?! What is going on, Nic?! 544 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,759 Hey. Hey. 545 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,919 I want my coat back! 546 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,199 It's not your coat! Let me look in the pocket, then! 547 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,119 Are you all right? Did she hurt you? 548 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,119 No, don't. I'm fine. 549 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,559 Look, I tell you what'll cheer you up. Have you seen this gif? 550 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,679 It's really funny. A little lizard in a tiny bikini. 551 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,640 Yeah, I've seen it. All right, well... 552 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,599 DROPS KEYS 553 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,519 Ow, shit! 554 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,600 Ugh! 555 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,079 BROKEN POTS CLATTER 556 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,200 What's going on?! 557 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,359 Katya? You're late! 558 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,239 My name's not sodding Katya, OK?! 559 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,959 Katya went back to the Czech Republic 560 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,719 cos you're such a doddery old racist! 561 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:33,319 Czechoslovakia! No! NOT Czechoslovakia! 562 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,879 It hasn't been Czechoslovakia since 1993! 563 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,799 Oh, fiddle-poppycock! 564 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,999 Hi, Viv. Just got off the phone to Mrs Baggot. 565 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,399 Oh, yeah? How was she? 566 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,679 She was distraught, as I think you probably know. 567 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,119 Really? Can't think why that would be. 568 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:51,119 Well, because you destroyed her hanging baskets. 569 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,479 She must be getting me confused with Katya. 570 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,199 No, she was not getting you confused with Katya. 571 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,799 Also, I got your references back. 572 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,759 So that resulted in a very illuminating phone chat with Gavin. 573 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,799 Don't want to be nasty or anything, do you know what I mean? 574 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,159 But she's bat shit crazy, Viv. Honestly. 575 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,039 Yeah, well, he's a prick. 576 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,959 He told me all about Rebecca Smith. 577 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,279 You really should have told me about those complaints 578 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,359 before you filled in the application form. 579 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,559 It's not exactly the kind of thing I want to brag about, Viv. 580 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,679 All right. Well, I think you know what our company policy is. 581 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,919 I think I can guess. So we'll be needing your polo shirt back. 582 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,359 And if you could wash it to get rid of the negative energy, 583 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,879 that'd be very much appreciated. 584 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,760 I'm not going to wash the shirt! 585 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,839 Well, if you could wash the shirt... 586 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,480 I'm not going to wash the shirt. 587 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,440 PHONE BUTTONS BEEP 588 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,600 PHONE RINGS AND VIBRATES 589 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:46,359 Aah! 590 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:49,800 Not picking up to you, you psycho. Why you ringing me? 591 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:52,959 Hey! 592 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:53,999 LINE GOES DEAD 593 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,479 PHONE BEEPS 594 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,519 F...! 595 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,360 MUSIC: Whole Again by Atomic Kitten 596 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,559 ♪ If you see me walking down the street 597 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:14,599 ♪ Staring at the sky and dragging my two feet 598 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,359 ♪ You just pass me by 599 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,479 ♪ It still makes me cry... ♪ Fuck's sake! 600 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,239 ♪ But you can make me whole again... ♪ 601 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,559 Fucking psycho! 602 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,959 I'M a psycho?! Yeah, you're a psycho. That's so sweet! It was so nice to meet you. 603 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,879 ♪ If you see me with another man 604 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,799 ♪ Laughing and joking 605 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,319 ♪ Doing what I can... ♪ 606 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,119 This isn't fun. 607 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,159 ♪ Cos I want you around... ♪ 608 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,959 And I'm so cold that I can't even feel my bum. Sh! 609 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,439 Get down! 610 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,599 ♪ Looking back on when we first met 611 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:55,159 ♪ I cannot escape and I cannot forget 612 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,159 ♪ Baby, you're the one... ♪ DOORBELL 613 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,199 Hi, can we come in? Nic's not in. 614 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,879 That's all right, we can wait for Nic, that's fine. Hi, Ollie. 615 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,959 Look, I want to talk to you about Nic. 616 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,319 I want to know what's going on. 617 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,999 Do you know what's wrong with her? She annoyed at me or something? 618 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,639 Yes. 619 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,320 OK. And why? Why would that be? 620 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:16,719 Do you know why? 621 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:20,159 Well, I mean, yeah, we've spoken. Right. 622 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,479 Look, Dan, I'm not here for a fight. 623 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,599 I've deleted all the pictures and the video I took of you. 624 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,559 Oh, aren't you kind? 625 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,120 What have you said? Yeah. 626 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,599 That's between me and my wife, innit? 627 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,799 No. Tell me. 628 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,039 Tell me what you said. 629 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,559 ♪ Baby you're the one 630 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,439 ♪ You still turn me on... ♪ SHOUTING 631 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,440 Stay on the phone, I'll be as quick as I can. Stay where you are, OK? 632 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,519 RECORDING: Oh, Becca... 633 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:53,079 INDISTINCT SPEECH, SOBBING 634 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,959 You're worried about Leo. 635 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,519 Well, he's getting scared now. 636 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,839 I mean, it's just like, you know, what's worse is, 637 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,079 he's not getting scared, he's getting really quiet. 638 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,839 Dan? Mm. Do you think she's OK? 639 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,119 Dan! What if she's dead?! 640 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,799 She's a psycho! What if we have to look after Harry forever? 641 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,079 Oh, for God's sake, Dan, wake up! 642 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,119 We don't know anything about the woman, Nic. We know nothing. 643 00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,759 I'm going to keep trying her. 644 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,479 Dan, please! Wake up. DAN GROANS 645 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,279 ♪ Baby, you're the one 646 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,039 ♪ You still turn me on... 647 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:26,160 DOORBELL ♪ You can make me whole again 648 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,040 ♪ Whoa... ♪ 649 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,559 Jen! 650 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:37,920 Becca! 651 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,480 You've got to let me help you. Please. 652 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,719 I can't. I'm sorry. 653 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,799 DOOR SHUTS ♪ Oh, baby, you're the one 654 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,639 ♪ You still turn me on 655 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,999 ♪ You can make me whole again. ♪ 656 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,199 FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL 657 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,599 GLASS SMASHES Argh! 658 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:03,639 Fucking... 659 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,359 BANGING AND CLATTERING 660 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:06,599 Ow! 661 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:07,879 Shit! 662 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,120 Ow! 663 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,399 GLASS SHATTERS 664 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,439 BANGING 665 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,279 Agh! 666 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,240 GRUNTING AND GROANING 667 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,719 Argh! 668 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,959 Ugh! 669 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,519 BANGING AND CLATTERING 670 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,319 SIRENS APPROACH 671 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,999 GLASS SHATTERS 672 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,520 Ah, shi...!