1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,480 You've not been very good, have you? Let's get rid of you, then. 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,640 Blast off! Oh, my God. 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,440 This is actually my brother's memorial. 4 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,680 I've had that level of connection. 5 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:11,880 Oh, my God... 6 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,320 There's a guy called Alex. It was going on for months. 7 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,320 Years, and years and years. 8 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,520 You said that you'd never recorded me. 9 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,200 I thought he loved me. 10 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,280 He did. 11 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,720 Can I just stay on the sofa? Absolutely not. 12 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,560 I need you right now cos I've got nowhere else to stay. 13 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,840 It's only temporary. 14 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,600 I just want my family back. 15 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,720 Your son will inherit your murderous ways. 16 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,680 Where have you seen this, Ollie?! 17 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,800 It walked past my bedroom window. 18 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,440 Yeah, him killing the cat's got nothing to do with what you did. 19 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,040 I never told you that Ollie killed the cat. 20 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,240 The Skellis is like the devil's debt collector. 21 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,240 PHONE RINGS 22 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,840 Sorry, hi. Uh, can you hear us? 23 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,000 Yes. I'm Nic, this is Dan. 24 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,560 Hello. I'm Savannah. 25 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,680 Lovely. Pleasure to meet you both. 26 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,400 Thank you, first of all, for fitting us in at such short notice. 27 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,000 No, no problem at all. 28 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,880 My schedule was completely clear. 29 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,240 Um, yeah, so we've... 30 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,560 We've never done anything like this before. 31 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,800 Virgins. Yeah. Yeah... 32 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,200 SHE CHUCKLES My favourite. 33 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,600 Well, first of all, how brave that you're here. 34 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,320 And so I want to just take a second to applaud you. 35 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,800 Thank you. 36 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,880 This is a place to explore. 37 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:46,600 It's a place to upset patterns that are upsetting you. 38 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,520 I guess, what are you looking to get out of these sessions? 39 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:54,600 Um, I suppose we've been struggling with communication a bit. 40 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,040 Yeah, work things out with Ollie. 41 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,400 Like, how to navigate all that. 42 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,680 Co-parenting and how to navigate that. 43 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,600 Mmm, good daddy. 44 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,280 And how old is your son? 45 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,920 11. Nine. NIC GASPS 46 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,400 He's not nine? 47 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,400 Well, yeah, he is, yeah. Is he?! 48 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,680 Yeah. He's nine, yeah. 49 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,600 He goes to primary school. 50 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,440 And how long have you been separated, the two of you? 51 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,640 How long have you been separated here? 52 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,520 Well, it's a week, isn't it? A week. 53 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,160 And how has that week been feeling for you? 54 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,800 Um.... 55 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,840 Standing In The Way Of Control by Gossip 56 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,240 I said to you! 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,920 When would you say that things started to go downhill? 58 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,000 Well, when you started fucking my brother, probably. 59 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,160 I disagree. I think it was around the time of the puzzle. 60 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,720 This is ridiculous. 61 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,920 Can you... Can you let her talk? 62 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,680 Oh, yeah, I'm not... Yeah. Fine. 63 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:16,040 I think that even sometimes scowling and shaking your head 64 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,880 sort of tells your partner, "I don't have space to talk." 65 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,480 Mmm, mmm, mmm. OK. 66 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,120 When we first moved in together, 67 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,560 I used to do puzzles to help me with my anxiety. 68 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,160 Sorry, I have to... 69 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,640 I'm sorry, I can't let that one go because it wasn't to do... 70 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,680 There was no anxiety, it was an attempt to look 71 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,760 cookie and quirky. And it was just attention-seeking, basically. 72 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,120 Just in a really boring, route one way. 73 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,760 That's it. Carry on. 74 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,840 I was doing a 1,000-piece puzzle on the village of Kendal - 75 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,640 you know, where the mint cake comes from? 76 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,880 Kind of Beatrix Potter territory. 77 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,440 You know, visually stunning. 78 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,760 Oh, yes, gorgeous! 79 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,440 So I'd gone to visit my cousin, who - 80 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,880 this is irrelevant - but was in an amateur production 81 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,360 of An Inspector Calls. 82 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,280 With, by the way, a very young Tom Hiddleston 83 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,560 What's it got to do with anything? 84 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,840 It's... 85 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,200 Just that he ended up being one of the most beloved 86 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,240 actors of our generation. 87 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,360 And, of course that's irrelevant to you, 88 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,600 because you don't understand the arts. 89 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,360 The puzzle, Nic? 90 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,960 The puzzle, I'd come back, er, cannot wait to see the puzzle. 91 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,760 And find out that he's had a couple of friends over, gotten drunk, 92 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,800 and punched a hole in my puzzle. 93 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:35,000 And I remember standing there, looking down at it 94 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,520 and just feeling, you know... Puzzled? 95 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,240 SHE LAUGHS 96 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,840 No, I felt distraught! 97 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,040 I felt like it was an act of destruction 98 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,840 against everything that I am. 99 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,080 Oh, chill out. 100 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,960 Why did you punch that hole? 101 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,520 Er... 102 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,240 Well, like, the week before we'd been watching 103 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,080 an episode of Scrapheap Challenge - I don't know if you know that. 104 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,840 Mmm. I do, yeah. You do, do you like it? 105 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,240 I just started watching it, I'm, like, bingeing it. 106 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,480 Yeah, it's quite watchable, you sort of... It is. 107 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,400 I don't know if you saw the one where there's a catapult 108 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,960 and I just said, "I could do better than that." 109 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,160 And Nic just launched at me. 110 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,280 "No, you're too thick, you'll fuck up the dimensions. 111 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,680 "You're stupid, you think you can do better than that." 112 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,480 I didn't say that. You fucking did, Nic, you said it all with your head 113 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,560 just in a grab-bag of salt and vinegar Square crisps. 114 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,280 That, I do do. Yeah, and you just lifted your head out of the packet 115 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,760 just like a truffle hog lifts its snout from the soil 116 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,920 and you just went... HE SNORTS RAPIDLY 117 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,800 You just sort of just spat that sentence at me, 118 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,480 along with loads of Square crumbs. 119 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,360 Well, if I did say that, I deeply apologise. 120 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,040 But do you think you can apologise to me 121 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,800 for calling me a truffle hog? 122 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,680 No. No, I just don't think I'm there yet 123 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,520 Does it feel like it would help you to strip the words 124 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,720 and just go back to your primordial self? 125 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:59,600 Be an ape and feel and emote without words. 126 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,120 I think you can do it. 127 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,120 Let's try it. 128 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,600 As what? 129 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,400 An ape. 130 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,760 Let's have you be an ape. 131 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,960 HE GRUNTS 132 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,560 Did you hear him? 133 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,960 Um... 134 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,680 I think you're trying to say it would be nice 135 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,920 if you helped out a bit with the bills? 136 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,160 No. No? 137 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,960 I heard, "It was my brother." 138 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,840 "It was my brother!" 139 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,120 Incredible work. 140 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,560 Let's try a chicken. 141 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,520 My diary entry from 1969. 142 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,240 "The boy who broke my heart." 143 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,080 This sounds spicy. 144 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:49,480 I'd never been in love before I met him. 145 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,640 "Jack Tanner, the butcher's boy. 146 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,400 "Beautiful blue eyes, a coy smile 147 00:06:56,400 --> 00:07:01,120 "and riddled with rickets - so much so, he walked 148 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,520 "as if he were perpetually playing a game of leap frog. 149 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:11,720 "To straighten his legs, Dr Busworth bound them to two canes, 150 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:16,560 "causing him tremendous pain, but one could always hear him coming. 151 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:22,920 "He tottered on the cobbles like a newborn goat, 152 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:28,720 "and the sound would make my heart sing like a skylark. 153 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,440 "I was only 16 when he told me 154 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:37,000 "I was the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. 155 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:43,360 "We carved our names into the great oak in Mama's walled garden, 156 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,080 "and each night he would sneak to meet me. 157 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,480 "All we would do was hold hands, but it still felt electric. 158 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,440 "I thought it was a love to last the ages, 159 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:02,240 "but that summer, Jack grew paler and weaker each day. 160 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:08,000 "Turns out Dr Busworth was a quack - 161 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,760 "nothing but a money-grabbing fantasist, 162 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:17,440 "who had never set foot in a medical school, let alone a practice. 163 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,800 "And rickets, left untreated, 164 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,040 "could lead to seizures, and death. 165 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:32,400 "I remember the night I didn't hear his click-clacking on the cobbles. 166 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,080 "Hours, I waited by that oak. 167 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:40,880 "Eventually, I ran to the butcher's, barefoot, 168 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,840 "fearing the worst." Oh, God, no. Please, not Jack. 169 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,280 "The lamp was on in his room and I ran up the back steps. 170 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,960 "I heard painful groaning. 171 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,840 "I flung open the door... 172 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:59,120 .."and was greeted with the most awful sight. Ohh, ohh! 173 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,560 "My best friend, Daphne, 174 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,560 "bouncing up and down on Jack Tanner's cock." 175 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,240 What, like a big chicken? Ah. Right, OK! We're going - come on, boys! 176 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,680 Well, what did you expect, darling? 177 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,760 Do we have to go? Yes, we do. 178 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,560 What are you still doing here? 179 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,360 I'm just having a little tipple, darling. 180 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,440 Come on. All right? Go. 181 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,560 Let's talk about the good parts of the relationship, shall we? 182 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,120 What worked? What was the success that you shared? 183 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,120 NIC EXHALES 184 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,240 Did you go to Center Parcs with us? 185 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,160 You didn't go, did you? No, that wasn't me. 186 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,520 I know there were good bits - of course there were - 187 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:47,120 but if I'm being honest, I think we just stopped loving each other. 188 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,680 But that's just fucking life, isn't it? 189 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,200 You know, you move in with each other, you have a kid, 190 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,320 you start talking about, "Could you stack the dishwasher?", 191 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,640 "Have you remembered to put the bins out? 192 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,440 "Cos the neighbours have got the bins out." 193 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,120 "It's not a Tuesday, is it?" "Yeah, it's a Tuesday." 194 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,400 "Oh, God, I thought it was Wednesday cos Bargain Hunt's on." 195 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,280 And that's just... You know, that's just fucking life, 196 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,040 It just sucks the romance out of everything. 197 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,800 Yeah, yeah. 198 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,120 It's not like there was nothing there in the first place 199 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,520 but it just gets knocked out of you. It's like, who our age is... 200 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:24,520 ..is totally happy? You know, like blissfully happy? 201 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,600 Apart from maybe Wayne Lineker. 202 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,360 That, I agree with. 203 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:34,600 And how's your son coping with all these changes? 204 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,440 Well, it's not ideal, is it? I mean, it's up and down. 205 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,160 And, you know, obviously the cat going missing and... 206 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,160 What... What do you mean, the cat's gone missing? 207 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,080 Oh, just... Well, I'm not worried about it - 208 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,600 he's just a cat and went missing 209 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,040 and obviously that just doesn't help, and... Since when? 210 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,840 A day ago, two days, it doesn't matter. 211 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,120 I'm not worried about it. 212 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,200 What we've managed to do here is leave ga.... 213 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,800 Oh, for God's sake. 214 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,880 Hang on, it'll sort itself out. 215 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,000 I told you to call BT. 216 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,480 I did phone BT. 217 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,280 CATERWAULING ECHOES 218 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,040 What was that? 219 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,200 Piece of shit. 220 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,320 The blue light's on so it should be working. 221 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,480 Dan! 222 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,080 Yeah, just give me a sec, I'm just trying to get it working. 223 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,880 CATERWAULING CONTINUES 224 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,480 Mr Meowgi... 225 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,160 Ooh. Sorry about that. 226 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,720 We're just having some behavioural issues with our cat. 227 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,240 I'm so sorry. 228 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,440 He's figured out how to open doors somehow. 229 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,880 Please forgive me, I'm going to 230 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,320 try to get him out of here and... 231 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,800 CAT MEOWS AND HISSES 232 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,280 Ow! DJ Sushi, no! 233 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,840 No. 234 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,440 Where's she gone? 235 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,200 Oh, she went to take the cat out. She said she'll be back in a minute 236 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,480 CAT SCREECHES 237 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,600 NIC PANTS 238 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,240 What are you doing? 239 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,040 So sorry about that! 240 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,840 Um, where were we? 241 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,760 We're off to such a good start. 242 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,720 You two have made incredible progress today. 243 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,840 I found him in the tumble dryer... 244 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,520 What did you just say? 245 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,720 I'd like to do a quick exercise with the two of you, 246 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,600 if that would be all right? 247 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,360 Mm-hm. Nic? 248 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,040 Oh, sorry. Yes, yeah, sure 249 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,200 Come on, then, greedy guts. 250 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,360 I was saying, this can be really helpful 251 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,000 when we need to repair our communication. 252 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,760 NIC PANTS AND WHIMPERS 253 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,120 What did you do that for? 254 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,480 What's wrong with you? 255 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,360 Nic? 256 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,480 I need to show you something. 257 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,440 Come on. Why don't you just play some Fortnite 258 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,800 with Harry or something? 259 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,840 No, ta. I'd rather listen to... David Gray's last album. 260 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,800 How do you know who David Gray is? 261 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,640 Dad listens to him while he drinks whisky and cries in the bath. 262 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,240 Oh, course he does. 263 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,680 What time's Mum going to be back? 264 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,560 I don't know, she's, um... 265 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,760 She's just got to talk to your dad for a bit 266 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,320 You can say therapy, I know what they're doing. 267 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,000 OK. 268 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,960 Well, she'll be back when they're done. 269 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,400 Well, I mean... they wouldn't have needed therapy 270 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,280 if you hadn't have recorded her, but... Excuse me? 271 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,160 KNOCKING 272 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,720 PHONE CHIMES 273 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,080 What are you doing with my phone? 274 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,600 Nothing. Just buying some V-Bucks. 275 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,920 No. Absolutely not. 276 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,320 And give me that. Wait... No. 277 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,120 I don't want you playing with this any more. 278 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,800 Mum! No, I'm sick of this rubbish. 279 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,000 Sick of what? 280 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,000 Why don't you do what normal kids do and just go get a yoyo? 281 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,600 That's not normal! 282 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,240 DOOR SLAMS 283 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,200 Just give him a minute. This is good for him. 284 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,280 He needs to learn some boundaries and... 285 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,000 ..so do you. 286 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,200 Come on, then, greedy guts. 287 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,560 You've not been very good, have you? 288 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,400 You've destroyed the whole city. 289 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440 Let's get rid of you, then! CAT MEOWS 290 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,400 Three, two, one, blast off!! 291 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,760 Oh, God. 292 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,520 Why didn't you tell me, like... 293 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,200 I... So... 294 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,920 The cat we've got now, is that just...? Just a random, yeah. 295 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,720 I'm not even sure it's a boy. 296 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,480 Not even sure it's a cat, by the size of its...dumps. 297 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,480 How long has the second cat been missing? I don't know! 298 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,880 When would you say, since Sunday? Fucking hell. 299 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,800 We need to report this, don't we? 300 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,720 Or do we? Do we need to... Oh. Do we need to call the police? 301 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,520 Like, is this a crime. Like, what...? 302 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,400 No, but where does that even end? 303 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,600 I mean, what? That he's, you know, seeing psychiatrists 304 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,720 all the time and living in a juvenile institution? 305 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,760 He's put on lithium for the rest of his life? 306 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,080 No, absolutely not. I don't think we've got a choice, Nic! 307 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,760 I think we need all the help we can get! 308 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,520 Dan, I mean...kids experiment, don't they? 309 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,240 I mean, you know, we've done it - I remember once on a school 310 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:27,560 trip to Longleat booting a peacock up the arse out of pure curiosity. 311 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,960 You told me you once wanked off in a pond. 312 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,800 Yeah, no animals were hurt, were they? 313 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,840 Other than, like, a frog's pride. This is different, this is... 314 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,440 This is, like, methodical. This is Jeffrey Dahmer shit. 315 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,560 Oh! It's a one-off. It's a one-off. It's not a one-off! 316 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,920 If it's a one-off, where's the second fucking cat, Nic? Oh. 317 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,640 Hello, darling. OH! I need you to park my car! 318 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,360 Just calm down. 319 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,720 Quickly! The handbrake's off. 320 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,080 I'm coming, Mum! 321 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,120 NIC SCOWLS Of course his mum would turn up now. 322 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,760 KETTLE WHISTLES 323 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,280 GROAN TUBE WHINES 324 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,840 Does he have to do that? 325 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,240 It's the only way I could get him out of the toilet. 326 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:06,560 So, Goody Winters saw her dancing in a field under the full moon 327 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,520 and chanting spells, so of course she told the Witchfinder General. 328 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,680 Goody Winters sounds like a right tit. 329 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,600 But the last straw was when Goody Ashmore witnessed her 330 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:19,600 vomiting up sharp needles and crows that flew off into the woods. 331 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,400 Then what happened? 332 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,480 So then, all of the men in the village dragged her 333 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,560 from her house by her pubic hair, marched her through the village 334 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,640 and drowned her in the Bow Wow. 335 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,960 Urgh. Men. Thank you. 336 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,920 And last year, we raised £500 for the WI. 337 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,080 I'm sorry, but can you not see the glaring irony there? 338 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,960 I know, they don't need any more money. 339 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,040 So what part am I playing, then? The witch? 340 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,360 No, everyone voted for Nic to play the witch. 341 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,120 Because of what happened? No - because of her nose. 342 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,800 Oh, fair enough. 343 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,360 You're playing Edie Yarmouth Goody Yarmouth? 344 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,800 No, she wasn't married. 345 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,440 She was a one-legged lady of the night 346 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,920 who frequented the local tavern. 347 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,000 Ah. So a prostitute, then. 348 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,160 Oh, no! No. 349 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,600 She wasn't paid for it. 350 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,880 What... No, why are you adding more? 351 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:14,640 Because, Carbonel was famously fat from eating everybody's souls! 352 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,000 Right, OK. 353 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,960 But how am I going to go to the toilet? 354 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,960 Well, why don't you do what I do on a girls' night out 355 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,920 and crouch over a drain? 356 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,560 So what part are you playing, then, Harry? 357 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,320 I'm the sacrificial pig. 358 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,320 Oh, lovely. 359 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,840 I'm so very proud. 360 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,920 HE SLURPS HIS TEA 361 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,200 Tooth looks good. 362 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,880 Yeah, well, it cost me five grand. You're joking! So... 363 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,520 We were just on our way to a book signing at Waterstones. 364 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,120 Whose? Whose signing? 365 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,240 Charlie from Casualty. Oh, OK. 366 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,720 What do you think that's going to be about, then, his time on Casualty? 367 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,120 No... 368 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,640 It was about his journey of self-discovery 369 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,360 on his walk from John O'Groats to Land's End. 370 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,280 That sounds riveting Do you want to come? 371 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,600 No. Tempting as that sounds, I don't think... 372 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,800 I've got stuff to get on with here, so... Yeah. 373 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,560 NIC YAWNS Yeah. So, thank you for coming. 374 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,120 Oh, I see. What? 375 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,000 She's weaselled her way back in again. Oh, Mum. 376 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,920 She fornicated with your brother, Daniel! 377 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,440 Mum! I can't do this. 378 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,880 You should be ashamed of yourself! 379 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,560 You killed him! 380 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,360 What did you just say? He couldn't bear the guilt... 381 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,400 ..so he threw himself in front of that train! 382 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,720 I know he did! 383 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,520 My son is dead... 384 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,080 ..and you're just...swanning around 385 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,000 like Joan Collins in the south of France! 386 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,520 I'm sorry... I can't... I can't bear it, Daniel, I can't. 387 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,360 Right, I'm done. 388 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,000 Why couldn't you have married Helen Foster? 389 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,440 You know... 390 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,880 ..she designs wallpaper for Laura Ashley! 391 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,680 Because she's my third cousin. Well, that never stopped the royals! 392 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,720 Marrying your cousin's a sign of class! 393 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,120 Look, Suze... I want to see the video again. 394 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,720 I don't have it. 395 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,280 Why were you there that night? 396 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,760 I was there that night to tell him that I loved him, 397 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,560 and he turned me down for you. 398 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,800 And that's everything, OK? 399 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,720 At least Alex found a good woman. 400 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,120 You never liked Suze! Yes, I did! 401 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,240 Oh, my God, you've only started liking her now that he's dead. 402 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,280 That is not true! You said her Lady MacBeth was so wooden, that it 403 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,760 was like someone threw a chair on the stage! Shh! 404 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,200 Oh, my God, you always did this! 405 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,840 Did what? Played us off against each other. 406 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,560 God. No wonder Dad started shagging his palliative-care nurse. 407 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,200 You're a sad, bitter, hateful old bitch! 408 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,600 SHE GASPS 409 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,480 And you were a bad mum. 410 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,200 You know what? 411 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,080 Nic may be a lot of things, 412 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,720 but she would never treat Ollie that way. 413 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,880 SHE GASPS 414 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,160 I want to know, word for word, what happened on that night. 415 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,160 I, erm... 416 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,800 SHE SIGHS 417 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,680 I knew that he was going to be getting that train... 418 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,880 Alex. 419 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:35,120 ..so I went there to talk to him 420 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,520 about, erm, telling you and Dan... 421 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,360 I just wanted to say that maybe it's a good time 422 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,640 for us to come clean about it. 423 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,240 What did he say? 424 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,160 He wanted to come clean, as well. 425 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,960 Get your hands off me. 426 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,760 Well, the sex was fine... 427 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,040 ..but I think you should lose some weight. 428 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,240 To save his relationship with you. 429 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,560 Not... Not... Nothing to do with me. 430 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,960 NIC SNIFFS 431 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,680 How did his coat get trapped in the doors? 432 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,040 I was really upset. 433 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,440 And he went to comfort me, so he hugged me. 434 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,960 Open the door. 435 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,760 And he just timed it wrong cos the doors.... 436 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,200 Open the fucking door! 437 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,400 I tried to... 438 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,760 Just pull the cord! 439 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,240 Argh! Ugh! 440 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,600 Pull the cord! How long have I known you, Nic? 441 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,280 How long? 442 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,440 Long enough to know when you're lying. 443 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:46,480 CAROL GASPS 444 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,080 Carol? What's wrong? 445 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,880 I'm having a heart attack. 446 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,320 She's fine. 447 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,440 Take me home. 448 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,960 But can we stop into M&S on the way? 449 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,160 Erm... 450 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,680 SHE BREATHS HEAVILY 451 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,800 Nic? You all right? 452 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,280 SHE SCREAMS 453 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,600 Fuck. 454 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,400 Sor... Sorry, what is it, a fucking full moon tonight, is it? 455 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,440 Oh, my... Oh, my God. 456 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,000 Nic! 457 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,520 What, are you still picking up Ollie? 458 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,200 BELL TOLLS 459 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,080 ECHOING VOICES Why were you there that night? 460 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,320 Ohh... 461 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,520 Hurry up, you stupid bitch! 462 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,280 Oh, shut up. 463 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,920 Hey, look, you never told me what you actually saw. 464 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,000 You killed him! Get it together, Nic. 465 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,920 Three, two, one, blast off! 466 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,200 Kids experiment, don't they? 467 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,080 In you go. Channel your sin. 468 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,600 I can't take any more! Shut up! 469 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,600 VOICES STOP 470 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,040 SHE SIGHS 471 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,400 Ohhh... I'm nuts. 472 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,880 I'm nuts, I'm nuts. 473 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,160 Sorry, I'm fine, I was just having a breakdown... 474 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,160 It was in a dream, I think. It walked past my bedroom window. 475 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,720 How long have I known you, Nic? 476 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,000 Long enough to know when you're lying. 477 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,120 The Skellis is... 478 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,000 I can't... 479 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,760 What's wrong? I can't... I can't breathe. 480 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,880 Mum? I can't breathe... 481 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,600 Er, it's OK, it's OK, boys. 482 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,120 Look... Look, why don't you guys go into the house and get 483 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,720 Mrs Baggott to tell you about her grandson's kidney infection? Mum! 484 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,920 Look, she's all right, she's going to be fine. She's going to be fine. 485 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,640 She just needs a minute. You OK? She just needs a minute. 486 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,000 I just need you to get the kids out. 487 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,280 Yeah, yeah, so I'll come and get you in a bit, OK? All right. Yeah? 488 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,160 That's it, off you go. DOOR CLOSES 489 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,920 Right, it's OK, it's OK. 490 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,920 It's OK, right? 491 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,240 Everything's going to be OK. 492 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,480 What... What happened? 493 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,120 Oh, she knows... 494 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,680 Who? Who knows? Suzie knows. 495 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,680 Knows what? What does she know? 496 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,120 I can't say it, I can't say! 497 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,160 BANGING The Skellis is... 498 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,600 Oh, my God! 499 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:05,960 Not been very good, have you? 500 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,400 When you started fucking my brother. 501 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,200 Do you think there's something special about you? Oh, my God! 502 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,200 What are you doing? NIC SCREAMS 503 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,880 You're scaring me. 504 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,800 It has never been about... You're lying. 505 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,440 Open the fucking door! 506 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,360 VOICES STOP 507 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,960 NIC CRIES 508 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,120 It's, like, the worst... 509 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,680 It's the worst thing. 510 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,160 What, Nic, what?! 511 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,080 You have to promise me that you're not recording this 512 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,000 cos you've done that to me before. Oh, my God, I wouldn't! 513 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,120 I wouldn't, I promise. You can't do that to me again. 514 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:38,440 I promise, I promise. 515 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,240 OK, look, look. OK, I'm going to... 516 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,800 I'm going to put the phone here, OK? 517 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,440 And, look, it's not recording. 518 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,720 Just nothing but Ben Adams' glossy '90s curtains. 519 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,320 All right? So I'll just put that there. 520 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,040 Now, I'm not... I'm not going to go anywhere near it, OK? 521 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,360 Satisfied? 522 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,080 NIC BREATHES SHAKILY 523 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,720 Satisfied. OK. 524 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,240 It's, like... 525 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,800 ..the most heinous thing anybody could ever do. 526 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,280 Oh, God. 527 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,280 You're not a nonce, are you? 528 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,400 God, no! OK, OK, fine, no. 529 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,240 Well, what... What, then? What? I mean... 530 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,000 Have you shagged your dad? 531 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,320 No! OK, I'm sorry. Why would you even say that?! 532 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,880 I don't know! My brai... What, then?! 533 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,400 Alex. 534 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,800 What? 535 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,920 I killed him. 536 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,240 What? I killed him. 537 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,920 God, I can't believe I just said that out loud. 538 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,880 Er... I killed him. Erm... 539 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,720 You know when the doors were closing 540 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,000 and I said that it's because we were hugging? 541 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,360 Yeah. We weren't hugging. 542 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,480 I just... He'd dumped me and I was so angry 543 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,040 that I just pulled his coat through the... 544 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,440 Fuck. 545 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,040 Ugh... Ah... 546 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,920 Oh, Nic. Yeah. 547 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,680 OK. Oh, God. 548 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,680 It's all right, it's all right. 549 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,480 You've got to... You've got to breathe. Yeah. 550 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,280 You've got to breathe. You're OK. 551 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,320 This feels better. 552 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,000 Feel better? 553 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,440 Yeah. OK. 554 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,160 So... 555 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,680 ..you were at the station? 556 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,720 I went to meet him at the station... Yeah. 557 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,720 ..because he just wasn't answering any of my calls. 558 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,200 And I had seen him two days before, 559 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,200 and he'd said that he wanted to come clean about everything. 560 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,360 So, what, two days before, he's... 561 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,000 What, he's going to leave Suzie? He's going to leave Suzie. 562 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,680 He's saying he loves you? Yeah...