1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,360 This programme contains adult humour 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:10,640 Look, I know how much you hate the idea of Celia and I being an item. 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:12,680 It was moment of madness. 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,120 One too many glasses of rose, the red mist descends and, 5 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,280 before you know it, you're giving an old friend a...knee-trembler. 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,880 Right, stop the car. 7 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,880 Pull over. 8 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,960 I miss the touch of a woman, Alf. Celia made me feel so alive. 9 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,040 Her eyes, her touch, her musk. 10 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,800 If it's any consolation, it didn't last long. 11 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,480 She gave my prostate the once over. Apparently, it's tip-top. 12 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,440 Hey, Rosie! I, er, got you a little present. 13 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,160 Oh, friendship bracelet? 14 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,760 It's just a silly little thing, 15 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,840 to remind you that I'll always be here for you, 16 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,200 no matter what, for ever more. 17 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,360 It's no biggie. 18 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,560 You cut it off, I die. 19 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,120 Thanks. 20 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,600 Oh, erm, Celia, Fraser's giving the drugs counsellor a lift, 21 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,760 and they're stuck on the M25, so we might need a back-up plan. 22 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,720 It's drugs awareness day? AKA doss day! 23 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:42,160 Show the kids a couple of pictures of a dead junkie, and then chill out. 24 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,960 Well, I've actually prepared a proper presentation on drugs... 25 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,800 Oh, no, Rosie. It's a chore. 26 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,920 Leave it to the most senior member of staff. 27 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,320 No, it's fine, Celia. I'm going to talk about drug mules, 28 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,200 and the Taliban, and the US government... 29 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,160 Woo, yeah! You go, sister! 30 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,200 I blame Starbucks. Mmm. 31 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,360 No, Israel. 32 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,960 Lizards? 33 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,200 Really, Rosie, take a well-earned break. 34 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,120 Read a fashion magazine. 35 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,280 Flesh tones can be so brutally honest. 36 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,600 I am fully equipped to give this talk. 37 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,360 Well, maybe you'd like to borrow a pair of these... 38 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,520 It's a talk, Celia, not Customs. 39 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,920 Well, it seems a shame for them to go to waste. 40 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,520 Alfred, I've already given your father's a once-over, 41 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,360 would you like me to test your prostate? 42 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,880 GLOVES SNAP 43 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,480 What's happened? 44 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,680 It's his parents. 45 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,960 They're taking me away from Abbey Grove. 46 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,840 They say it's not academical enough. 47 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,640 What? You...you can't leave! 48 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,880 Have your parents even seen the league tables? 49 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,840 What, the league tables in which we're ranked 50 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,760 below two orphanages and a kennels? 51 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,280 They want me to become some boring lawyer. 52 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,880 Sir, are you and Miss Gulliver cool at the mo? 53 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,800 Yeah. I mean, she's split up with Alex, and I reckon I've got 54 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,400 just about enough time to seduce her before she remembers her self-worth. 55 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,400 Going to give her a knob to cry on, sir? Oh, no, sorry Mitchell. 56 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,840 I think your mum's consoling herself on it tonight. 57 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,160 Sir, can you ask Miss Gulliver 58 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,000 to persuade my parents to let me stay here? 59 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,000 Er, why can't I persuade them? 60 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,760 Cos you'll mess it up, Sir. But I'm great with parents! 61 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,720 Every time you see my parents, you insist on taking your shoes off. 62 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,320 Yeah. And I bow. Respectful. 63 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,640 SHE SPEAKS MANDARIN 64 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,960 Oh, xie xie. Ni hao. 65 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,840 When my mum came in to talk about me bunking off school, 66 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,880 you asked her if you could use a clamp. 67 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,800 Yeah, well it's either that or putting the whole school on stilts. 68 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,000 But Miss Gulliver's really persuasive. 69 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,240 Persuasive? 70 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,840 Look, I'm sorry, if you want to be inspired to be a lawyer, 71 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,360 look no further, my friend. 72 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,080 Last year I took on BP, only one of the world's largest corporations, 73 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,000 and I thrashed them, on my own, in a court of law. 74 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,080 How much did you win? Well, I didn't win any actual money, 75 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,120 but you know the Wild Bean Cafe in Tring? 76 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,560 They now have to have a sign on their coffee machine which reads, 77 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,720 "Please do not drink directly from the nozzle." 78 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,200 So, my place tonight, hang out, listen to a bit of reggae music? 79 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,560 You don't like reggae. 80 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,680 Er, Ollie Murs? 81 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,560 Alfie, I'm sorry. I'm just not ready to see anyone yet. 82 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,440 I wasn't asking you out! 83 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,840 Hey, if you need any help with your presentation, 84 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,240 don't be afraid to ask, 85 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,200 cos, obviously, I know quite a lot about drugs. 86 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,120 You took one anti-depressant when you heard that 5ive had broken up. 87 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,760 5ive'll make you get down. 88 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,840 Yeah, well, you're still not that qualified. Oh, really? 89 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,880 My friend Atticus Hoye once took me to a poppers den. 90 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,160 You don't get a den for poppers. Well, that shows how much you know. 91 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,960 All these naked guys injecting themselves with poppers 92 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,440 by sitting on these big rubber needles. 93 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,680 Atticus, he couldn't get enough of it. 94 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,960 You know what they say, once you pop you just can't stop. 95 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,680 So if you, er, change your mind about tonight...? 96 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,480 I won't. Well, you might. 97 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,960 I absolutely won't. Absolutely might. 98 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,480 OK, guys, so there's going to be no history class today. 99 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,800 THEY CHEER 100 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,080 I'm going to do my drugs presentation, 101 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,840 followed by a question and answer. I got a question, Miss. Yep? 102 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,560 Is it true police dogs can't smell skunk 103 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,080 if you put it in a bottle of Femfresh? 104 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,520 Yep. I sincerely doubt it. 105 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,000 Oh, man! 106 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,440 Does anyone want some Femfresh? 107 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,760 Oh, yeah. I'll take it. 108 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,800 My flat gets really smelly. 109 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,600 Do you even know what Femfresh is? 110 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,600 It's...like Febreze, right? 111 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,760 Yeah, it makes your curtains smell nice! 112 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,320 RAUCOUS LAUGHTER 113 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:41,760 OK, guys. OK, calm down. That's enough. 114 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,320 Now, can anyone ima... 115 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:56,640 imagine how hard life must be for Maria, 116 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,120 a drug mule from Mexico? 117 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,520 Whoa, yeah! 118 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,480 If I was eating Mexican food every day, 119 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,880 I don't think I'd be able to keep ANYTHING in my ass. 120 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,600 LAUGHTER 121 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,760 What do people like Maria need? 122 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,640 Hair straighteners? Look at the split ends on that! 123 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,480 True dat. And maybe some make-up to sort out this car crash. 124 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,880 No, no. 125 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,920 What people like Maria need is our respect. 126 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,520 Gs, Hustlers, crisis averted. 127 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,280 Your drugs counsellor...has arrived! 128 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,440 Oh, no, no, no, no, cos I'm in the middle of my drugs talk. 129 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,800 Oh, that's very sweet, Miss G, 130 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,000 but I have a professional up my wizard's sleeve! 131 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,000 Guys, meet India. 132 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,560 HE MOUTHS 133 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,840 Namaste. 134 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,040 I'm India. 135 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,360 Hi. Alfie. 136 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,320 Teacher, leader... 137 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,680 legend. 138 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,360 India, you say? 139 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,240 Land of the pyramids. 140 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,400 I'm something of a sphinx-er myself. 141 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,760 Sorry, did you just say 'sphinx-er'? 142 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,200 OK, so I cotch for the drugs counselling service 143 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,960 called Vibesline. 144 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,440 We're an advice pipeline 145 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,480 you can use to freebase non-judgmental advice... 146 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,320 I'm sorry, can we lose the fat girl? ROSIE SCOFFS 147 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,400 Cartel got her. Buried in the ditch. 148 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,240 Basically, if it's vibesing, 149 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,760 chillax and ride the wave. 150 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,600 SHE SPEAKS MANDARIN 151 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,240 She calls me that, too. 152 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,880 It's Chinese for "leader of the blind, 153 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,560 "up the great mountain of wisdom." 154 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,960 Sort of...roughly. 155 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:39,360 Thanks, babe. I'm here to talk to you about the dark side of drugs. 156 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,520 SHE CLICKS FINGERS 157 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,800 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 158 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,680 OK, yah! You're having a massive night! 159 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,920 The sun is coming up! You are totally chunged. 160 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:02,960 MUSIC CONTINUES 161 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,560 INHALER HISSES 162 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:05,880 SHE CLICKS FINGERS 163 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,640 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 164 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,720 But the good times are over. 165 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,400 Now we have to deal with the terrible consequences 166 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,080 of substance abuse. 167 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,640 You can't find your Oyster card. It's a long walk back to Chiswick. 168 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,080 (Where's Chiswick?) 169 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,480 You, you lost an earring your grandmother left you in her will. 170 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,360 That is 45 minutes looking for it on your hands and knees, 171 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,080 using your phone as a torch. 172 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,640 And you... 173 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,720 you kissed the guy who runs the deli you go into every day. 174 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,280 Fraser, this is nonsense. 175 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,040 Nonsense? 176 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,840 Mmm. FYI, you're a real NEGATUDE. 177 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,320 Sorry, "negatude"? 178 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,800 "Negative attitude." It's a mashup. 179 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,880 Yeah, it's a mashup. 180 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,120 Get with the times, Marple. 181 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,440 That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. 182 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,480 I actually thought India was kinda good. 183 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,040 I'm talking about you. "Teacher, leader, legend." 184 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:08,680 Oh, yeah, I forgot "visionary". Look, I just...got into her vibe. 185 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,160 I know exactly what you want to get into. 186 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,560 Are you jealous? Why would I be jealous of "Ind-jah"? 187 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,680 You sound JELICULOUS. 188 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,920 "Jealous" and "ridiculous". Mashup. 189 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:24,000 You should stop doing that. You're beginning to sound like a bit of a TWUNT. 190 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,000 Oh, that is so uncalled-for! 191 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,480 Hey! 192 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,120 Oh, soz, bit of a domestic? 193 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,640 A domestic? No, we're not a couple. 194 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,880 No, don't worry, I'm single. 195 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,200 I'm young, dumb and full of com... 196 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,160 ..fortable silences. 197 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,440 Do you want to hit the canteen, maybe? 198 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,520 Oh, it's pathetic. 199 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:50,360 Come on, let's go and have a "lovely lunch", 200 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,440 a LUNCH... 201 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,480 It...it was meant to be a mashup... 202 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,040 It's OK. OK. 203 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,840 Yeah, I used to cane it pretty hard. 204 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,160 Things got pretty messy in Ibiza. Which club? 205 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,960 Club Med. I went on the water slides straight after lunch. 206 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,760 My dad went ballistic. 207 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,400 That was one frosty pedalo home. 208 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,120 SHE LAUGHS 209 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,400 My parents don't want to talk to Miss Gulliver, sir, 210 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,200 they only want to talk to you. Very sensible. 211 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,960 Why are you dressed as a Scottish widow? 212 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,840 Because this is my last day at Abbey Grove! 213 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,320 PHONE RINGS 214 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,360 Oh, 'scuse me. 215 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,960 I am bothered, but I think this girl actually likes me! 216 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,280 What a slut. 217 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,280 Everything that I love is being torn away from me. 218 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,640 And I appreciate that. 219 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,400 It's just that you're also being a little bit of a cock-block. 220 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,920 Look, I'll call your dad as soon as lunch is over. 221 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,200 I promise you, I won't let him take you away. 222 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,120 Come on, babes. 223 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,480 Yep. 224 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,360 OK, so that was my mate, Savannah. 225 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,680 Her, me, Uggie and Quinoa are going to this totally exclusive warehouse rave tonight. 226 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,360 This guy called Ben Grayson runs it... 227 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,120 Ben Grayson? Yeah, his brother Frank's at this school. 228 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,760 Could he get us on the guest list? 229 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,120 Us? 230 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,120 What, like we're on a date? 231 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,520 Well...why not? 232 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,160 Well, yeah! I'll give him a call now. 233 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,960 Oh, answerphone. 234 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,560 Yo, Frankenstein! 235 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,880 Yeah, it's Mr Wickers here, Wicky-wicky-wickers... 236 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,400 Um, I was just wondering, bro, whether there was any chance 237 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,640 I could just bum a couple of ticky-boos to the old rave-age? 238 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,520 (Guest list.) Guest list-age? 239 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,040 Anyway, give me a bell back, bro. 240 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,000 Laters. Love you. I don't love you. 241 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,520 Bye. 242 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,720 So, if...if we go to this rave tonight, 243 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:56,400 are you going to take anything, to like, you know, help you through? 244 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,440 Yeah. Well, I mean, if we're going to be dancing until the break of dawn, 245 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,920 I will probably need to take my supportive insoles. 246 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,720 No, no. 247 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,400 (Drugs.) 248 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,040 But I thought you were clean? 249 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,000 Only 9-5. 250 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,920 If you get me on the guest list, things could get messy. 251 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,920 Oh, they're going to get messy. 252 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,960 I'll probably cover myself in...shit. 253 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:30,440 My sister, Mortadella, took this legal high, right, 254 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,240 which made her think she could freeze time 255 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,880 and lick it like a lolly. 256 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,960 Sure, that's, erm... 257 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,520 ..Dirty... 258 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,120 Viennetta. 259 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,840 It's like getting a hand-job off Aslan. 260 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,440 Can you get some for tonight? Hell, yeah. 261 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,920 Me, you, Havana, 262 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:57,600 Ugly and Cous Cous are going to get absolutely mashed. 263 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,160 PHONE RINGS 264 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,960 Is that Frank? Amazing! 265 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,880 Yo! What's up, motherlover? 266 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,120 I cannot wait to get into yo' club, 267 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,360 bang some drugs, shake my... 268 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,640 jugs. 269 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,320 Oh... 270 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,160 Mr Carmichael. 271 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,680 Er, no, Stephen did not mention that you were going to call me directly. 272 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,480 (I'll be a sec.) I'm so sorry about that... 273 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,080 LAUGHTER 274 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,040 Yo, what's happening? 275 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,920 Did you, er, get my message about the guest list? 276 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,000 20 quid a bloke. Women go free. 277 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,600 Well, it's, er, me and my sexy date, so... 278 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,160 Well, that's 40 quid, then. 279 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,160 Yep. My date's a woman. 280 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:48,040 If I give you 40 quid, it's in no way a confession. 281 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:56,000 Also, er, my date wants to try a certain thing tonight... 282 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,360 Well, make sure he knows the safe word. 283 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,760 And I've heard you don't want to pull it out too quickly. 284 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,440 I'm talking about drugs. 285 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,360 Apparently, this drug makes you think that time is an ice cream? 286 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,400 Yeah. 50 quid a scoop. 287 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,920 Done. 288 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,400 HE GASPS 289 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,040 Did you just ask me to buy you drugs? 290 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,440 Yeah, well, obviously. 291 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,040 Oh, God. 292 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,280 You're blackmailing me, aren't you? Mmm. Yeah. 293 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,840 What do you mean, none of you sell drugs? 294 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,360 All I can say is that I am very, very disappointed in you. 295 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,040 Why do you need drugs, anyway? 296 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,200 Because I'm going on a date with India. Why can't you just buy 'em yourself? 297 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,360 Er, because, A, I'm a teacher, 298 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,600 B, Grayson stole all of my money, 299 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,480 and, C, I made the drug up in the first place, 300 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,920 so have you got any idea how ridiculous you sound? 301 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,360 Sir, apparently you spoke to my dad...? 302 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,200 Yeah, look, um, I'm sorry. 303 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:56,000 I'll apologise for that just as soon as I've sorted out this one very important thing. 304 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,760 Sir, Stephen's dad is really just going to.. Chantelle, please. I must insist. 305 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,440 This is my thinking face. 306 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,040 That's why she didn't recognise it. 307 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,640 HE SNIFFS 308 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,160 Oh, boom squared! 309 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,040 Do you know what face this is Chantelle? 310 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,240 Is it your come... Don't even say that. 311 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,880 This is my "had a brilliant idea" face. 312 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:20,080 If I can't buy the drug, I'm going to make the drug. 313 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,520 Are you mad? 314 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,280 Come on. Drugs must be easy to invent. Look at meow meow. 315 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,200 That's fertiliser. It's just someone getting peckish in a garden centre. 316 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,520 Mitchell, you must know something about drugs? 317 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,880 Course I do. My brother spent so long in a Thai prison, 318 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,520 he come back speaking fluent Scouse. 319 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:39,040 All right. Well, you can be my head chef, my LS-Delia. 320 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,760 Now, we need someone to help with the science aspect... 321 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,400 Jing? No way. 322 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:49,040 What if I told you that this counted towards the community service element 323 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,040 of your Duke of Edinburgh Award? 324 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,000 It's either this or wiping an old guy's ass. 325 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,600 Fine. Yes! 326 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,600 Sir, Professor Green wants to see you. 327 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,560 Oh, could you tell Professor Green to go swivel on that. 328 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,080 No, I didn't mean that. No, don't tell her that! 329 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,680 I'll meet you in the science lab in ten minutes. Can you come back, please?! 330 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,240 Is anything troubling you at the moment, Alfred? 331 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,000 Hmm... No. 332 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,440 I saw you talking to Mr Grayson earlier. 333 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,280 Money exchanging hands. 334 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,000 I may look like a girl of 16... COUGHING: 60. 335 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,560 But I'm not a fool. I was buying tickets to a rave. 336 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,400 Big deal. 337 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,560 Alfred, I, too, have an addictive personality. 338 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,560 Your father... 339 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,880 I crave Martin Wickers. 340 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,720 I want to... 341 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,000 inhale him, snort him, 342 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:49,000 feel him racing through my veins and exploding inside me. 343 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,920 I'll help you with your problem. 344 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,720 You help me with your father. 345 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,400 There is absolutely no way on earth 346 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,960 I would ever let my dad go out with you. 347 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,680 And who's Martin more likely to believe, dear? 348 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,800 A deceitful, drug-addled son, 349 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:10,760 or the woman who's trying so hard to help? 350 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,960 Look, you better get this into your stupid, bunny boiling, 351 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,440 hobbity little head - I don't do drugs, OK? 352 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,480 You're either with me, or against me. 353 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,960 # We live life on the back of this melody 354 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,360 # Me and my friends spent life in plastic 355 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,800 # Brand new times and brand new happenings 356 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,320 # We get up to all kind of antics 357 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,920 # There's another one That's classic 358 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,240 # That's classic That's classic 359 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,560 # There's another one That's classic 360 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,200 # We get up to all kind of antics 361 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,680 # There's another one That's classic 362 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,520 # What you saying? Check That's classic. # 363 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,400 Oh, it smells disgusting! 364 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,080 She's never going to swallow that. 365 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,360 I could lower the pH down by neutralising the carbon substrate. 366 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,120 I've got a better idea. 367 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,920 Behold! 368 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,800 Dirty Viennetta! 369 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,400 Why do I bother? 370 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,080 Alfie, it stinks in here. What is that? 371 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:12,000 This, my old friend, is the new legal high, 372 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,320 that all the kids are talking about. 373 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,200 Please tell me you are not cooking drugs with children? 374 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,840 Oh, God, here we go again. 375 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,280 Throwing the rule book at me. What is it this time? 376 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,000 Page 20,000, rule 3 million, subsection B, 377 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,360 "Do not involve the children in the production of narcotics"? 378 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,600 Do you realise how irresponsible you're being? 379 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,840 Babe, you really need to chill out. 380 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,000 Maybe you should take a leaf out of India's book. 381 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,800 OK, and what book is that? Fifty Shades Of Bitch? 382 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,600 The Great Twatsby? 383 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,200 The...The Unbearable Lightness Of Being A... 384 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,240 Cod-Bohemian Dipshit? 385 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,600 OK, obviously the last of those is not a real book. 386 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,200 Is it? 387 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,760 Alfie, you, you have done some crazy stuff in your time.. 388 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,640 Yeah, like falling in... 389 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,520 fond with you. 390 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,800 SHE SIGHS 391 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,320 Alfie, in the classroom just be a teacher, yeah? 392 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,120 And with women, just...just be yourself. 393 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,800 Be myself? Yeah. 394 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,120 Great, so you're so jealous that you want me to die a virgin? 395 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,400 Right, Mitchell, I can sense you sniggering. 396 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,920 Room for a little one, Mr Fraser? 397 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,680 Ah! No Mr Fraser here. 398 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,960 I'm Kurt Co-bear, the anti-drugs bear! 399 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,600 Bear? They didn't have any more bear costumes. 400 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:29,640 So you're... I'm...Kurt Co-bear, the anti-drugs prawn! 401 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,240 Conducting a drugs amnesty. 402 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,080 # Under the sea... # 403 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,680 I'm here on rather pressing business. 404 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,600 There's a young teacher at Abbey Grove who has become the victim 405 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,560 of a craven drug addiction. 406 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,920 If you're talking about me, I've only taken drugs once 407 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,480 and the ending was not a happy one. 408 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,600 I was weather-guarding some suede slacks 409 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,280 when I took in a lung-full of fumes. 410 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,040 I was completely off my head and thought I could fly. 411 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,320 It was an absolute disaster. 412 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,240 I forgot my passport, then I freaked out on the Gatwick Express. 413 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,600 I wish I'd weather-guarded the inside of those slacks. 414 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,720 I see I must act alone. 415 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,600 Goodbye, Mr Fraser. 416 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,000 I'll be seein' ya. 417 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,200 Alfie, this drug stuff has gone too far. 418 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,640 Oh, are you going to tell me this is the most stupid thing I've ever done? 419 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,400 Well, apart from when you bet your laptop that Jason Statham would win that Oscar. 420 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,800 Have you SEEN Transporter 3? 421 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,920 Look, Alfie, Miss Gulliver's right. 422 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,040 OK, you've got a lot of great qualities, 423 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,280 and if someone can't see that, then they probably don't deserve you. 424 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,280 Yeah, I guess you're right. 425 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,760 What great qualities? 426 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,520 Well, you can speak Elvish. 427 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,760 Just "Where's the toilet?" "Can I have some tap water?" 428 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,200 It's barely restaurant Elf. 429 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,000 Well, I'm impressed. 430 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,080 So, what, you mean India might like me for who I actually am? 431 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,840 That I don't need to do this? 432 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,360 Hey, Albert, you want to hit up some chamomile tea? 433 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,760 Do I? You're teaching us history. 434 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,040 Yeah, that's right. We're learning about the build-up of hostilities prior to the First World War. 435 00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,920 Downton Abbey Series One's on my desk. 436 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,480 Shall we? 437 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,600 One Shitty Cornetto. 438 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,040 Dirty Viennetta? 439 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,000 Damn straight. 440 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,040 Jesus! That honks, man. 441 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,000 Yeah, I'm not sure. 442 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,520 How do we know if it's safe...? 443 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:25,640 Safe? Babe, I've been scooping this shit all day long. 444 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,400 HE GAGS 445 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,920 Oh, get in my face. 446 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,840 Right. Look, Albert... Alfie. 447 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,360 ..I'm not sure about this shit. 448 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,800 Babe, we're going to have such a sick night. 449 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,760 Just got to ride the wave, man. 450 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,240 You're just too wild, bro. 451 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,400 Let's just drop it like it's hot. 452 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,600 HE RETCHES 453 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,760 HE VOMITS Oh, shit, man! 454 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:59,040 I'm sorry. You chundered on my vintage. Not cool. 455 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,120 "Sick" and "vintage", 456 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,400 SINTAGE. It's a mashup. 457 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,360 Oh, my God. 458 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,680 Am I wearing a really tight little hat? 459 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,040 MUSIC: "I Feel Free" by Cream 460 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:21,400 # Feel when I dance with you 461 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,840 # We move like the sea 462 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,600 # You 463 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,280 # You're all I want to know 464 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,640 # I feel free... # 465 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:41,240 # Under the sea Under the sea 466 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,200 # Darling it's better 467 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840 # Down where it's wetter 468 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,520 # Under the sea... # 469 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,400 Oh, my God... 470 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,520 I'm a mermaid! 471 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,480 Alfie! There's a giant prawn... 472 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,880 I spoke to him in his own fishy language. 473 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,000 Alfie, you might want to come from under there... 474 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,760 Who's Alfie? My name is Ariel. 475 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,800 GIGGLING 476 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,320 DOG BARKS 477 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,720 Officers, this is Mr Wickers. 478 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,240 I'd begun to wonder where you'd got to. 479 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,720 Thank you for covering for me. 480 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:26,120 OK, kids, who can tell me why Lady Sibyl defied her father 481 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,040 and eloped with an Irishman? 482 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,360 "Begorrah, to be sure, 483 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,240 "I used to be a chauffeur but now I am a class traitor." 484 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,480 # Diddly dee dee dee dee dee # 485 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,920 Who trained this dog to walk underwater? 486 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:38,960 DOG GROWLS 487 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,680 It must be the work of this hag, Ursula, the sea witch! 488 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,360 Alfie, put the scissors down. Ow! 489 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,560 I need to look sexy for Prince Eric. 490 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,120 Alfie... Shush, Flounder. 491 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,520 Please, Sir, not the bra. My parents are coming. Is he OK? 492 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,880 No, I don't think he is. I think he's on drugs! 493 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,920 I've got to get Miss Gulliver! 494 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,320 Stephen, you need to help me with my hair. 495 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,760 Prince Eric prefers me when I'm auburn. 496 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,560 Sir, stop it! 497 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,240 And after Maria slew the Cordoba brothers, 498 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,360 she vowed never again to use her anus 499 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,000 as a receptacle. 500 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,600 Miss Gulliver, you've got to help! 501 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,320 Joe, I'm teaching a class here. 502 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,040 Mr Wickers is going mad, Miss. 503 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,760 I think he's eaten a Dirty Viennetta. 504 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,040 Well, Mr Wickers needs to learn how to look after himself. 505 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,080 But Pro Green's in there, Miss, and the police! 506 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,280 He'll lose his job. He could go to prison. 507 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,840 You know what, Joe? Maybe prison's the best place for him. 508 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,000 This whole thing with India, it's not about her. 509 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,120 It's about proving that he's over you, when he obviously isn't. 510 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:45,040 You know, after you two kissed last term 511 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:49,760 he told us that he had an erection that lasted for six hours and 23 minutes. 512 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,200 And do you know what? He didn't even... 513 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,600 deal with it, cos he thought it would cheapen the moment. 514 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,880 Plus, he refused to tell us what your boobs felt like 515 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,600 even though you were right up on him... All right, that's enough! Come on, let's go. 516 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,760 # Under the sea Under the sea 517 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,160 # Under the sea. # 518 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,440 Come on, Alfie. Smile for Daddy. 519 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,320 Why are you photographing him? 520 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,600 To prove this lost little boy needs a mother. 521 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,160 Now, I think we should take a urine sample. 522 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,360 Officers? I want a full toxicology report. 523 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,800 No, Ursula! I don't want your potion. 524 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,560 Uh-oh. 525 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:28,160 Prince Eric! You've come to save me from my captors. 526 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:32,840 Lord Trident forbids our union, but it feels so right. 527 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,160 What on earth's going on?! Mum, Dad, this isn't what it looks like. 528 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,040 HE GASPS My bra! 529 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,240 Nobody peek at my mer-bosoms! 530 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,640 We're leaving, Stephen. No, Stephen! Please, sir! 531 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,240 I don't want to leave my friends! Calm down, Princess Ariel! 532 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,600 But how can I be calm 533 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:52,040 when I'm going out with such a sexy little starfish? 534 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,200 We will conquer your demons 535 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,480 and restore peace to your watery kingdom, 536 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,600 if you just sit down on that bit of coral and stop what you're doing. 537 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,160 SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 538 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,480 APPLAUSE 539 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:16,240 Mr and Mrs Carmichael, officers, Professor Green, 540 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,120 erm, I hope you've enjoyed this role-play, 541 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:23,960 a radical educational tool pioneered by drug charity Vibesline. 542 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,720 Role-play? Mmm. The man's mad! 543 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:31,320 Yes, yes, Mr Wickers is ACTING like a pathetic, grotesque, 544 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,360 utterly irresponsible little man. 545 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,960 But those are the consequences of drug abuse. 546 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,640 Well, it's very realistic. 547 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,200 Mmm, and who in this class would ever touch a drug 548 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,600 after this performance? 549 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,800 I mean, obviously, if, if Alfie WAS high, 550 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:53,120 then the deputy head would have to fire him, and call the police 551 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,560 and explain to his father how she ruined his son's life for ever. 552 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,920 So it's a good thing that Alfie's acting. Right, Celia? 553 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:07,360 The wonderful thing about Mr Wickers is his commitment. 554 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:10,480 Whatever it takes to engage these pupils. 555 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,960 I'm so happy here, Dad. Please, let me stay? 556 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,880 Oh, come on, Richard, please? 557 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,920 OK, I'll think about it. 558 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,600 THEY CHEER 559 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,400 P-A-R-T-Y without me? 560 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,880 How very SHELLFISH of you. 561 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,000 DOG BARKS 562 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,880 Ooh, prawns and pigs, eh? 563 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,320 It's a good job you're not Jewish, Officer... 564 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,040 Finklestein. 565 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:47,560 Ursula, call off your sea dogs and let my prawn swim free! 566 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,320 Argh! 567 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,960 Show's over, Alfie. 568 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,760 Why didn't you want to come and swim with me? 569 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,240 The water's so lovely and warm. 570 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,520 Oh, my God. 571 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,160 Sir pissed himself! 572 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,720 Dad? What are you doing in here? 573 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,200 STRAINED: Oh... Hello, Alfie. 574 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,280 Just having a little sit down. 575 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,360 Can I see you in the car? 576 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,040 Oh, God! Dad! 577 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,400 Oh! 578 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,960 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd