1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,920 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,480 Hands at ten to two. Leave it, Dad, I've got it nailed. 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,520 Talking of "nailing" things, don't hurry back from work tonight. 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,840 Hurry home to you in your pants, eating a Fray Bentos pie? 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,440 Yeah, I'll try not to. 6 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:22,400 Good, because I am liaising with a bit of skirt, 7 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,640 a portion of crumpet trumpet, p-p-probably going to hump it. 8 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,200 Please don't rap. And are you sure that's wise, you dating? 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,680 Aren't two car crash marriages enough? 10 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,240 Player's got to play. 11 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,080 No, player's got to retire, 12 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,200 get his coaching badges or try his hand at punditry. 13 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,640 Go out with dignity, Dad. Be G Nev, not Rio. 14 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,640 Well, tonight, if the bed's a rocking then don't come a knocking 15 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,480 cos I've p-p-probably got my cock in... The caretaker! 16 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,760 You're shagging the caretaker? 17 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,080 Ooh! 18 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,320 Oh, you meant the caretaker was in the road. 19 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,440 Thank you. 20 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:35,880 Oi, where you been, man? 21 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,400 We've been stood here since 7.30 22 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,640 and it ain't my fault the caretaker's crocked. 23 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,240 Chugger bibs are not cooshy. 24 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:42,280 I'm sorry, I got held up. 25 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,320 The caretaker lives on the other side of Tring. 26 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,280 You're still going to his flat every morning? 27 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,320 Chantelle, I have disabled that man for life - it is only fair that 28 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,800 I help him with the things he can no longer do for himself. 29 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,240 Did you break his wanking hand? 30 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,560 Ha-ha. No, I did not, Cleopatra! 31 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:02,320 I just do the boring domestic chores - cooking, cleaning... 32 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,720 back rubs. 33 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,040 I thought he'd broken his back. No, Joe, 34 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,000 his wife gets the back rubs. 35 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,920 OK, run me past that again. 36 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,840 It's very simple. Because of what I did to poor Pod, 37 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,120 he can no longer give his wife her nightly rubdowns. 38 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,280 It's only fair that I step into the breach. 39 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,160 Pod just, you know... 40 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,320 watches. 41 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,400 Again, this is probably just me being slow, 42 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,880 but he's watching you massage his wife? 43 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,320 It's the least I could do. 44 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,760 I don't believe it! Richard! 45 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,160 Rosie? What are you doing in Richard's toy ambulance? 46 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,360 Have you taken him back? 47 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,000 Richard drove to my mother's house last night. 48 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,400 Oh, you've moved in with your mum. Who knew? 49 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,480 Not me. 50 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,240 I told him he didn't have a future with me. 51 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,320 To be fair, he doesn't have long without you. 52 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,920 So, did you steal his Noddy car out of revenge? 53 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,080 Richard had been drinking very heavily 54 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:59,440 and he was saying these things, not all of them nice. 55 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,120 Mostly about you. 56 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,160 He's probably intimidated by me. 57 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,880 No, it wasn't that. He called you a pathetic little stalker. 58 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,400 Stalker, me? Please! 59 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,960 Anyway, I made him walk home and now he's going to have to collect this after work. 60 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,080 Why don't you get him to pick it up now? 61 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,800 The sooner the better. Call him. 62 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,200 No, no, I'll call him later. No, do it now. 63 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,520 No. Alfie, give that back. 64 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,320 We need him out of our lives, for good. 65 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,360 RINGING TONE 66 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,800 OPERATIC RINGTONE PLAYS 67 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,120 Oh, he's left the phone in there. 68 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,160 Which reminds me, you left your flask in my mother's garden. 69 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,280 There's literally a million, billion reasons that that could be there, 70 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,920 but if you want I could come pick it up tonight. 71 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,800 This doesn't make me a stalker. 72 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,880 Mm-hmm. 73 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,120 ALARM BEEPS 74 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,080 Wow! We've made over a grand. 75 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,920 Finally, Pod is going to be able to go to Las Vegas for 76 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,440 that life-changing surgery. 77 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,160 Don't people usually go to Florida for that, not Vegas? 78 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,800 Er, Jing, hookers and croupiers need doctors too. 79 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,760 You don't think he's milking it a little bit? Milking it? 80 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,520 Mm. That man is paralysed from the waist down. 81 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,320 None of you have any idea... REM DOGG CLEARS THROAT 82 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:14,480 Most of you don't have any idea how difficult that must be. 83 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,400 I've ruined the guy's life. 84 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,120 How do you sleep at night? 85 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:23,000 Oh, yeah, I remember, in a bush in Miss Gulliver's garden. 86 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,240 I'm not stalking her. 87 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,560 It is a vigil for a love that is on life support, 88 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,720 so stop trolling and hashtag pray for Golfie. 89 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,960 Sir, you can lay your head in my bush any night you like. 90 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,640 Even for you, I mean... 91 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,120 Don't you think you're being a bit paranoid? Paranoid? 92 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,200 Joe, Richard is round there every night and now she's driving his car. 93 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,040 It's all just too convenient. 94 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,240 KNOCK ON DOOR 95 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,960 Hello, Smooch. Gang. I've a reward for all your charitable endeavours. 96 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:51,960 All right, Dickers, what's the cash for? Kick start for your fanny tuck? 97 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,760 Curtains for his curtains? 98 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,040 Er, no, and that doesn't even work, anyway, 99 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,120 because I'm 100% red-blooded bloke, mate. 100 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,000 Though you did go through a phase. 101 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,080 You couldn't tell Alfie what to wear - skirts, dresses, padded bras. 102 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,280 For a week we had to call him Angelina. 103 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:10,800 The final piece of the puzzle. Do you ever wish that dads could die in childbirth? 104 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,440 Listen, Smooch, Frank's been held back five years. 105 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,240 No-one else wants him in their class. 106 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,640 No way! There must be another solution. 107 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,760 Either Frank joins Form K or he gets permanently excluded. 108 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,320 There we are, knew you'd crack it. 109 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,880 Take that to Fraser on your way out. 110 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:30,520 What if your teachers had abandoned little Angelina 111 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,520 just because she wouldn't conform to their rules? 112 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:37,880 Right, if I take Frank, will you never mention Angelina ever again? 113 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,200 Deal! 114 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,480 No! 115 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,840 Nice one, Ange. 116 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,320 My girlfriend has bought me this smartphone. 117 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,240 She's dragging me kicking and screaming into the 21st century. 118 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,880 If you know what I mean. 119 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,800 She does the screaming, I... 120 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,720 No-one's kicking anyone. 121 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:13,040 Has anyone seen a brass pole about yay high, heavily lubricated? 122 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,320 Fraser, no-one will think any less of you 123 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,440 if you walk out of this room and start over. 124 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,840 Oh, I've taken up pole dancing. 125 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,960 Right, well, you had your chance. This is exactly the kind of problem that 126 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,520 sportspeople in the pole dancing community face every day. 127 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:25,640 That and the groping. 128 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,400 Pole dancing is not a sport. 129 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,000 Would you say that to a pole vaulter? 130 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,120 No. For obvious reasons. 131 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,960 Er, what is seedy about poling your butt fabulous? 132 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,560 Do you really want us to answer that? 133 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,960 Six weeks at pole club 134 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,160 and I can pick up a briefcase without using my hands. 135 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,360 Ooh, can I suggest, first rule of pole club, 136 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,800 never talk about pole club or your fabulous ass ever again. 137 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,960 Martin, did you expel Frank Grayson like I told you to? 138 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,760 What? You had the chance to get rid of Frank Grayson 139 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,040 and you dumped him on me? 140 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,640 Dad? 141 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,600 Er, his mother was very keen that we keep him here. 142 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,600 Uh, I'm sorry, that boy is beyond hope. 143 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,800 Look, if no-one else can handle him, Richard's worked with an outreach 144 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,680 programme, mentoring troubled kids. He could help with Frank. 145 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,080 I'd never give up on Frank - he's like a son to me. 146 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,320 And sorry, what's all this Richard bullshit? 147 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,000 You're still in love with him! Oh, not this again. 148 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,280 Domestic! Come on, Martin, let's bust a nut. 149 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,240 Going to go and do some hands-free marking. Tick! 150 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,560 Come on, tell me the truth. 151 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,560 I demand to see your text messages. 152 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:26,200 Look, promise you there's nothing going on between me and Richard. 153 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,440 I was just saying that, for all his faults, 154 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,680 kids do seem to relate to him. 155 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,360 Please! 156 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,840 Who's more likely to reach out to Frank - 157 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:39,640 one of the Wonga puppets or a funky, edgy young brother, 158 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,360 who knows all about life on the mother-loving streets? 159 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,280 And who would that be? 160 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,600 Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! 161 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,800 'Sup, bitches and G's? 162 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,920 Let's seckle for a parlay. 163 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,320 Oh, my God, what's happening? 164 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,160 Frank, when I was your age... 165 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,640 Well, I mean, actually we're probably a similar age. 166 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,640 When we were the same age, I used to run with a crew. 167 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,560 Shee, them some crazy ass homes. 168 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,600 Something tells me Atticus Hoy is involved. 169 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:10,160 For real! Me and Hoysie, we once done a burglary together. 170 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,000 What was you stealing - turds? 171 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,040 Nah! Apples. 172 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,880 Scrumping was a risky biz back in the day, once got 173 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:24,360 cornered by a farmer packing heat. Yeah, horse chestnut branch yay big. 174 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,520 We legged it, but then got cornered by the pigs. 175 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,000 You got arrested? 176 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,440 Nah, actual pigs. 177 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,200 They charged us in their sty, we got covered in mud! 178 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,320 Me and Atticus had to strip off and wash each other down in the stream. 179 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,960 Shee! 180 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,720 This is worse than the time you rubbed noses with my father. 181 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,480 Oi, Biggy, can you shoot Pac? 182 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,560 Frank, life is like a game of chess. 183 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,040 But the game is bullshit, yeah? 184 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,960 So why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me? 185 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,520 LAUGHTER 186 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,320 Cheers, Coolio. That was relatively entertaining. 187 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,960 I'm going to go and torch the library. 188 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,800 No, Frank, please! 189 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,320 I promised Miss Gulliver that I would reform you, 190 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,200 so could you just not be a dick for, like, six hours? 191 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,520 What was I thinking? 192 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,800 I can't set fire to the library! 193 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,040 I left my lighter in that car I jacked. 194 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,080 You can enter a locked car, take something from it - 195 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,320 like, say, a mobile phone - 196 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,240 and then lock it back up again so that no-one knows you've been there? 197 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,840 Does your dad stink of shit? 198 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,800 Here's a little curveball. How about we use your powers for good? 199 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,360 Alfie, please tell me you don't want Frank to break into a car. 200 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,680 Obviously not, Joe. 201 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,880 I want him to break into an ambulance. 202 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,160 You're breaking the law, sir. 203 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,320 It's a crime of passion, Chantelle. 204 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,520 Love does not answer to petty laws, rules and regulations. 205 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:49,920 I knew you'd see the light. 206 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,080 No. No physical contact! Remember, don't break the six-inch rule. 207 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,840 Oh, I won't, sir, you look like an eight or a nine. 208 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,160 Bingo! Yes! 209 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,360 Quick rummage round, then I'll pop you back on the straight and narrow. 210 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,600 This car smells of grandads! 211 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,760 Come on! Ah. 212 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,720 Alfie, you can't go through someone's private messages. 213 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,240 Er, freedom of information. We deserve to know the truth, Joe. 214 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,560 This is WickersLeaks - information belongs to everyone. 215 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,440 Damn! No texts. 216 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,320 Off you go, then. I'm going to take her out for a quick spin. 217 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,040 What? No! You're on the road to redemption, remember. 218 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,760 ENGINE STARTS 219 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,560 ENGINE REVS 220 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,280 Er, sir! 221 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,840 Don't worry, I've got this covered. 222 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,320 There! 223 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,240 Six children are locked into this vehicle, 224 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,320 none of them are wearing seat belts. 225 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,760 What's your point? 226 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,000 Ah, come on, Frank! 227 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,720 You're a tyke, a cheeky chappy, 228 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:53,000 but there is no way that you would actually put our lives at risk. 229 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,720 Checkmate, my friend. Check-bloody-mate. 230 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,600 Stop right now! Argh! 231 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,560 Oh, Frank, please! 232 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,640 You know the only thing that could possibly make this day any better? 233 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,000 ALL: Pub! McDonald's. 234 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,640 I meant the pub. 235 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,440 No, Frank, take us back. 236 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,880 Oh, just shut up and put this on, in case we get pulled over, 237 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,000 you dipshit. 238 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,360 Sir, why don't you text Miss Gulliver pretending to be Richard? 239 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,680 One immediate problem with that plan, Stephen - 240 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,520 what if my natural wit and charm make her fall in love with him? 241 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,320 I really wouldn't worry about that. I guess you're right, Jing. 242 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:40,360 If I try really hard, I can probably transform myself into a desperate, repulsive little man. 243 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,840 And as if by magic... 244 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,600 Keep it simple, sir. Start with a straightforward question. 245 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,440 Mm. Did you have a nice time last night? 246 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,040 PHONE CHIMES 247 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,000 "Did you have a nice time last night?" Mm. 248 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,040 PHONE CHIMES OPERATICALLY "It was smashing." 249 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,600 How many kisses? Four. 250 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,720 Ooh! And it's all in capitals. 251 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,080 That's not good. 252 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,080 Maybe she was being sarcastic - it's hard to tell by text. 253 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,440 Make her show her hand. 254 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,840 Try something subtle like, 255 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,720 "Apologies for the state of my balls." 256 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,520 Hardly subtle, Cleo. Hmm. No, I've got it. 257 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,560 PHONE CHIMES 258 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,480 "Last night I feel like we really connected." 259 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,480 Play it cool, Martin, you silver-tongued devil. 260 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,640 "The rumpy-pumpy was tiptop. 261 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,800 "Fancy playing another hand of jiggery-pokery tonight?" 262 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,800 Oh, my God, she lied to me. 263 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,520 I'm so sorry, Alfie. 264 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:47,000 Maybe we should stop off somewhere and get you a glass of water. 265 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,040 Or a McFlurry. 266 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,240 Why don't you text back some really messed-up shit, sir? 267 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:07,440 Yeah, I can put Rosie off by texting her all the disgusting things 268 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,120 Richard wants to do in the bedroom. 269 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,200 Sounds like they've already done most of them. 270 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,920 Trust me, Rosie was nearly physically sick when... 271 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,440 another boyfriend asked her to do this. 272 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:18,960 PHONE CHIMES 273 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,120 Oh, God in heaven! With a squash ball! 274 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,600 Well, where would you...? Oh, that sounds good! 275 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:31,520 "Tonight, I'm going to ride your hot derriere all the way down to Pound Town." 276 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,000 Mate, your missus is dirt! 277 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,320 She's not my missus any more. I can't believe this! 278 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,840 Come on, let's go. 279 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:40,880 Pub? 280 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:41,920 ALL: Pub. 281 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,520 In for a penny. 282 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,440 Thank God you made it. 283 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,240 Quick, I saw him collapse - he can't breathe. 284 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,600 No, no. (Drive! Drive!) 285 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,240 God, that was quick. We only called you five minutes ago. 286 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,760 Come on! Um, the thing is, it's just that we... 287 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,920 He's dying! Please help, please! 288 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,600 OK, right. Er, coming, yep, yep. 289 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,280 I can do this. Stay here. 290 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,400 Alfie. Alfie! Alfie! 291 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,040 This is too good to miss! 292 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,880 THEY EXCLAIM 293 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,840 Coming through! Definitely a paramedic. 294 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,640 Oh, shit, he doesn't look good. 295 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:19,920 Well, what's wrong with him? 296 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,640 Maybe it's a practical joke. Is he much of a joker? 297 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,080 Never met him before. He just collapsed. 298 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,280 Do something! 299 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,200 Think he's trying to say something. 300 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,640 Pen. Er, Ben? Your name is Ben? 301 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,840 Pen! Pen! 302 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,560 Hello, Ben, I'm Alfie. 303 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,680 We need to get you into the recovery position. 304 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,640 Pen! Yeah, I got that. 305 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,640 I think he's actually saying "pen". 306 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,240 Pen? That's a weird name. 307 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,600 Better do something, mate - he can't breathe. 308 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,960 A pen. 309 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,960 Pen! Yes, of course. 310 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,640 H-He's choking - there's something blocking his windpipe. 311 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,200 He can't breathe. So? 312 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,520 I need to perform an emergency tracheotomy, er, 313 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,560 use a biro to create an airway. 314 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,360 Really? Are you sure about that? 315 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,400 Yes, 100%, I saw it on Grey's Anatomy, or Animal Hospital. 316 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,160 Either way, the llama survived. I-I need a pen. 317 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,800 Quickly. Yeah, OK. Right. 318 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,680 It's very simple - you just take out the inky bit, 319 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,480 find the Adam's apple... Just, just restrain him for me. 320 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,680 Oh, I can't watch. 321 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,320 OK. Ben, stay very calm. This may sting a little bit. 322 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,840 Three, two... 323 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,080 Sir? 324 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,320 SQUELCH, GULP 325 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,000 Do you, er, think he meant his EpiPen? 326 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,880 I found it in his bag. 327 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,920 Ooh! Bad thing. 328 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,160 Oh, God, we're going to be in so much trouble. 329 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,360 Do you know what I do in times of great stress? 330 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,440 If you say McDonald's, I may hit you. 331 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:44,960 OMG, is that...? 332 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,840 The caretaker! What the hell? 333 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,200 But he's paralysed. 334 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,040 Where's his wheelchair? 335 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,400 I knew it! 336 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,200 Well, the important thing is that everyone's OK. 337 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,720 If you've got any questions about the procedure, er, 338 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,520 feel free to give me a call. 339 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,040 I'll, er, write down my number. Has anyone got a pe... 340 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:09,720 Inappropriate. 341 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,160 SIREN APPROACHES 342 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:17,480 Oh, that will be the back-up ambulance that they send 343 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,960 just in case. 344 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,520 We should probably go fill them in. 345 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,840 Keep moving. Keep moving. 346 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,920 Right, come on, let's get out of here. 347 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,440 Sir, you're never going to believe who we just saw - 348 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,840 only your little friend Pod! 349 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,320 And he wasn't in his wheelchair. 350 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,400 Don't be ridiculous. 351 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,480 They're telling the truth. You've been fooled! 352 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,560 Er, sir, we might want to get moving. 353 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,120 Right, come on, let's go. Back to school. 354 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,960 But first, we've got to clean this thing up. 355 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,640 No-one can know that we did this. 356 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,320 Don't worry. 357 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,360 There's a tried and tested industry secret for that. 358 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,200 This isn't quite what I had in mind. 359 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,240 Anyone got a light? 360 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,640 Right, after this, it's straight back to school. 361 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,520 I've got a liar to expose. 362 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,800 Pod! 363 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,040 No, Miss Gulliver. 364 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,680 Come on, Jing. Like you've never torched an ambulance before. 365 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:34,400 Right, think we're done here. 366 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,960 Let's go find a bus stop. 367 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,440 BELL RINGS 368 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,760 ..my worst nightmare. 369 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,120 Alfie, have you seen... 370 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,720 No, haven't seen it all day - where did you leave it parked? 371 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,600 ..Martin? He needs the key to the cashbox. 372 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,080 Oh, shit, sorry. Yeah, OK, I'll give it to him. 373 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,880 That's a promise. You, you do know what promises are, right? 374 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,560 Wait - how did you know that Richard's ambulance is missing? 375 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,360 You have no right to question me. 376 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,360 No, seriously, how did you know? 377 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,600 Um, well, er... 378 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,600 There was a bear. Oh, that ambulance. We torched it. 379 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,160 Well, I'm sure it'll turn up. 380 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,960 Anyway, Pod is inbound and the Watford Guardian are coming down, 381 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,440 so I better go and lay out some coffee and bisc-uars. 382 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,600 Oh, he likes his coffee milky and a little custard cream on the side. 383 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,400 You may have to dunk it a few times 384 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,440 cos he finds chewing quite painful on his back. 385 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,800 How are you finding your new class, Frank? 386 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,880 Did you have a good day with Mr Wickers? 387 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,240 Mr Wickers has literally saved my life. 388 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,240 Is that a tiny exaggeration? 389 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,440 I was trapped in a self-destructive cycle until 390 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,480 Mr Wickers, well, he, he showed me the light. 391 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,840 Yeah, I've redeemed young Francis, 392 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:48,400 much like Christ redeemed the wayward...pirates of Bethlehem. 393 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,480 So, so much for Richard's bullshit. 394 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:56,400 All I needed to change my ways is my new best mate, Alfie. 395 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,920 Oh, wow! 396 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:00,960 OK. 397 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,560 They can't give that money to a fraud. We need to say something. 398 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,040 He's not a fraud! 399 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,880 And anyway, what are you going to say - that we saw a paralysed man 400 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,600 walking around whilst we were joyriding a stolen ambulance? 401 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,920 But sir! Just drop it! I need to find my dad. 402 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,160 Come on! 403 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,680 Dad? Dad? 404 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,120 Hey. I've got you the key for that moneybox. 405 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:34,040 Sorry dude, couldn't hear ya. Radio 4. 406 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,680 Getting my Toksvig on. 407 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,000 Good news, Smoocher. 408 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,680 You kept the receipts to this ridiculous outfit? 409 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,880 You're talking about this, old friend? 410 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,040 We can start with that. 411 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,200 100% real pleather. 412 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:49,240 All the advantages of leather, plus it folds up into this handy pouch. 413 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,960 Pretty snazzy, eh? 414 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,120 Wow! 415 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:55,320 I presume we have your new girlfriend to blame for this abomination. 416 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:59,440 Whoa! Do not use the G word. We're just cuddle buddies. 417 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,200 Hump chums, no strings. 418 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,000 Well, one string with beads attached. 419 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,840 It's actually rather more comfortable than it looks. Stop! 420 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,760 I'm just sowing my wild oats. 421 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,120 Your wild oats turned to porridge in 1978. 422 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:17,000 And we've been sexting. The saucy wench took my digital cherry. 423 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,920 I want you to meet her tonight. 424 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,160 After what you just said? No way. 425 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,760 Well, I can't move in with her until I've got your stamp of approval, 426 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,120 so it looks like I'm bunking at yours. 427 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,360 Actually, changed my mind. She sounds great. 428 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,080 The sexting, the beads, I think she's the one. 429 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,640 Dinner at eight, then. Oh. 430 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,280 Ooh, there's one thing I forgot to tell you about 431 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,360 my new portion of heiny. 432 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:46,320 Where the hell is that key? Oh, my God. Grayson! 433 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,440 Sorry, Dad. 434 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,840 Frank! You lied to me. You haven't changed. 435 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,040 That hug meant nothing. 436 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,640 Ah, don't cry about it, Downton. 437 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,600 Right, if you don't give me that cashbox right now I'm going to... 438 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,600 You'll what? You touch me and I'll tell everyone you're a paedo. 439 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:12,440 Oh, Frank, you've been held back so many years I doubt you're even underage. Now, give me that cashbox. 440 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,800 What the hell is going on? 441 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,000 I'm sorry, I don't know what's keeping them. 442 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,600 I can't believe that you did this. 443 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,600 No, Alfie, you mustn't blame yourself. 444 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,920 You couldn't reform Frank, you're out of your depth. 445 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,120 Whoa! Sorry, you think Frank was trying to steal this money? 446 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,120 After all those things he said about me basically being Jesus. 447 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:50,320 He lied to you, Alfie, he lied to everyone. 448 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,040 There's only one liar in this room, and it's not Frank. 449 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,960 Well, then why was the door crowbarred open? 450 00:21:54,960 --> 00:22:00,520 Because he was so bloody desperate to give that money to poor old Pod. 451 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,360 Alfie, lying on Frank's behalf can make you an accomplice. 452 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:06,480 Oh, so what, you think I'm just going to sell my pal Frank down the river? 453 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,680 Haven't you heard of honour amongst...non-thieves? 454 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,800 I would have to be the most disloyal, cowardly, treacherous... 455 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,400 You could go to prison. Frank did it. 456 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,200 You're dead, you rat! 457 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,480 Martin? 458 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,280 Oh, the reception's a bit patchy in here. 459 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,000 So you're going to hold it half a foot closer to the satellite? 460 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,880 Oh, you're right, I'm being stupid. 461 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,360 OK, well, you stay here and look after Frank. 462 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,960 We're going to have to deal with this after the presentation, which we're late for. 463 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,160 I just hope Fraser's entertaining them. 464 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,280 MUSIC: Black Velvet by Alannah Myles 465 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,080 Sorry we're late. 466 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,320 Shall we get started? 467 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:06,720 Did somebody die? 468 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:07,920 You could say that. 469 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:13,120 OK. So, we're gathered here today to honour a very special man - Pod. 470 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:16,400 Thanks to the money that we, as a school, have raised, 471 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,840 Pod is going to be able to travel to Las Vegas 472 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,480 Stop! You can't go on with this. 473 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,680 Right, this isn't Runaway Bride. 474 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,120 Pod's a fraud. 475 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,840 We've been over this, Stephen. He's not a fraud. 476 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,400 We saw him walking near the shopping centre this afternoon. On my life. 477 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,360 But that's on the other side of town - why were you there? 478 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:38,080 Um... You know the way they found Richard III in a car park? 479 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:42,920 Well, I had seen a speed bump that looked incredibly like Henry VIII. 480 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,840 We stole an ambulance and went for a joyride. GASPS 481 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:46,960 Thanks, Joe. 482 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,280 You what? Alfie, you lied to me. 483 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,480 Yeah, well, you're hardly one to talk. 484 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,120 Why do you keep saying that? 485 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:57,120 Er, sort your drams out later. I wore a chugger bib for this monster. 486 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,800 You hold your tongue, Stephen! 487 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,560 For the hundredth time, 488 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,040 because of me Pod is paralysed from the waist down. 489 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,840 And for the millionth time, no, he's not! He's a fake! 490 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,000 Oh, he's faking it, is he, Jing? 491 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,640 Well, how come, if he's faking it, when I do this, 492 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,840 he doesn't feel a thing? 493 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:19,440 I'll tell you why - because he is paralysed. 494 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,640 He winced! He didn't wince. 495 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,000 Yes, he did. You lying little bitch! 496 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,760 How dare you call Pod a bitch?! 497 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,960 Ah, for God's sake! 498 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,960 Argh! 499 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,560 Stop it! Stop it! 500 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,280 GASPS 501 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,560 Pod! How could you? 502 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,240 Where there's blame, there's a claim? 503 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,040 I wiped your bottom! 504 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,920 That's the puppy. Send! 505 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:53,960 DOOR OPENS 506 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,120 Can't believe that you would steal Richard's ambulance! 507 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,040 Yeah, well, at least I didn't lie about it. Much. 508 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,240 What's your problem? 509 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,720 My problem is that you have been texting Richard all day. 510 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,880 What are you talking about? 511 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,800 "I'm going to ride your hot derriere all the way to Pound Town." 512 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,080 Oh, God! 513 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,040 Ring any bells? You're shagging Richard. 514 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,000 I know it, you know it, so don't embarrass yourself. 515 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,600 OPERATIC RINGTONE 516 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,280 That sounds like Richard's phone. 517 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,560 Er, no, it's not. I love opera music. 518 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,440 That's Paul Potts singing the Pink Flute, 519 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,440 by...Mario Balotelli. 520 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,040 Let me see that phone. 521 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:32,360 Fine! Yeah, you can, then everyone'll know the truth. 522 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:33,520 Read it and weep. 523 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,040 Oh, please don't! 524 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,880 Oh, God! The ivory trade sickens me. 525 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,520 Look, they've hacked off half its trunk. It's disgusting. 526 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,280 That's not an elephant. 527 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,720 Oh, God, Frank, don't look. 528 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,760 I recognise those from somewhere. 529 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,160 Boarding school? 530 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,680 Oh, my God! Oh, it's a rank old... 531 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,440 Is it that bad? I thought it was rather distinguished. 532 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,400 You can't deny that's not your number. We've been texting all day. 533 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,960 Yes, it's my number, but I lost my phone this morning. 534 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,440 Then who's the pervert that's been sending me 535 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,600 these disgusting text messages? 536 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,560 Just call the number, you spanner. 537 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:10,840 CLASSICAL RINGTONE 538 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,840 Oh, for fu... 539 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,280 Dad! Pound Town? Really? 540 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,200 You've been sexting your own dad. 541 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,160 I'm sorry, Rosie. 542 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,400 Mm. 543 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,360 Great news, gang. When I threatened to call the police, 544 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:31,480 Pod tried to leg it, straight into oncoming traffic. 545 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,680 Looks like he will need that wheelchair after all. 546 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,520 Oh, sweet, it's one of those bald cats from Japan. 547 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,360 About those sexts... 548 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,400 Just don't. 549 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,800 Listen, er, 550 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,400 there's something I forgot to mention before they arrive. 551 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,520 They? 552 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,080 The thing is... Hiya, handsome. 553 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,880 Ooh, Catherine. Hello. 554 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,680 Wait - don't I know you? 555 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,760 Well, course you do. My boy goes to your school. 556 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:17,960 Catherine...? 557 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,960 Grayson! 558 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,560 Meet your new stepbrother. 559 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,240 Oh, my God! 560 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,560 And good news - I managed to wrap my lips round a few 561 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,840 high-ranking proverbials and Frank's not being expelled. 562 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,120 The school run's going to be so much fun. 563 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,120 HE PURRS 564 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,320 Checkmate, mother f...