1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:37,237
"Storage place for jewels",
seven letters?
3
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,594
Scrotum.
4
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,598
1991?
5
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,159
John Parrot.
6
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,430
1985?
7
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:52,476
Classic. Taylor-Davis final.
Dennis Taylor wins on the black.
8
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:56,077
Longest Crucible frame ever, 69 minutes.
9
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,797
1977?
10
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,278
John Spencer.
11
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,438
No. Ray...
12
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,198
Reardon! Ray Reardon!
13
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,631
I was just about to say Ray Reardon.
You're putting me off!
14
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,751
How am I putting you off?
15
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,669
- Greek mythology.
- I'm only reading the questions out.
16
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,757
Greek mythology, come on.
17
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,199
NANA: Are you sure it was that one?
The barman?
18
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:31,472
JANICE: Yeah.
That one serving the drinks now.
19
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,518
- What a waste.
- Doesn't look queer.
20
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,110
MICK: Well, he don't leave his handbag
on the bar in case it gets wet.
21
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,039
And you caught him with
one of them proper queer fellas?
22
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,480
Yeah.
23
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,920
What were they doing?
24
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,759
I don't know.
I couldn't see properly, it was dark.
25
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,076
Well, I think it's disgusting.
26
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,799
Was he bumming him?
27
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,639
Do you mind?
I've got a mouthful of nuts.
28
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,673
Hey, that's probably
what the barman said.
29
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,151
“Troy! Come and join us.
- Hiya.
30
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,318
- Gavin not down yet?
- No, he's not coming down.
31
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,397
Oh. Everything okay?
32
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,034
Not really.
We had a bit of a row last night.
33
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,480
That'll be the heat.
34
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,150
The heat and unlimited alcohol
does strange things to people.
35
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:27,480
Last year Jacqueline punched me
in the face after a game of gin rummy.
36
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,800
Accused me of cheating.
37
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,594
Now, normally she wouldn't say
boo to a goose, would you?
38
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,790
Oh, no.
39
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,719
You see, people do strange things
on holiday.
40
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,754
I bet you can't even remember
what the argument was about, can you?
41
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,996
- Well..
- Now, you stay here
42
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,349
and I'll go and get him.
43
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,950
It's quiz night tonight
and we need both of you on our team.
44
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,832
- What number are you?
- Twenty-two.
45
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,076
Okay. See you at lunch time.
46
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,757
- Do you play rummy?
- Oh...
47
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,597
- No. No, I don't.
- Aw!
48
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,593
Look, it's quiz night tonight.
49
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,870
Hmm, just when we thought
it couldn't get any better.
50
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,513
"First prize to be awarded by
51
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,553
"Benidorm's number one
children's entertainer, Ronnie Herbert."
52
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,878
- I haven't brought down the sun block.
- Oh, that's okay, I'll get it.
53
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,237
(SPLUTTERING COUGH)
54
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,310
It's okay, I'm a first-aider.
55
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,200
I need that water, please. Thank you.
56
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,439
You okay?
57
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:54,078
Am I okay? I was smoking that.
What do you think you're playing at?
58
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,711
I'm sorry, I thought it was best
to put it out.
59
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,275
They don't grow on trees, you know.
60
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,555
According to Troy,
61
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:18,674
he bumped into the barman near the pool
on his way up to the apartment.
62
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,394
He asked Troy to help him
move some crates or something,
63
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,080
and then when he got
behind the pool bar,
64
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,875
- the barman just jumped on him.
- Well, these things happen, don't they?
65
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,753
No, they don't. Not until now.
66
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,880
Listen, I don't know
either of you very well,
67
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,719
but I know a decent person
when I see one,
68
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:41,152
and you two lads are solid gold,
both of you.
69
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,636
Which is more than you can say
for that shifty sod.
70
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,078
Come on, we need you on our team
for the quiz tonight.
71
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,114
I've always said there's no such thing
as a straight man. It just shows you.
72
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:56,199
Absolutely. I've always been comfortable
with my sexuality,
73
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,199
but very in touch with my feminine side.
74
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,194
Oh, yes, in the late '60s,
I had an old drinking partner.
75
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:08,110
Martin "Lucky" James,
big lad, one of these bodybuilders.
76
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,676
We used to go out on the lash,
come back to his mum's in Gallowhill
77
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,269
and Lucky would bugger me senseless.
78
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,478
Great times.
79
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,954
Next.
80
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,758
From which country is Koffee Annan?
81
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,396
Kofi Annan, it's not a beverage.
82
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,109
He's the Secretary of...
83
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,710
I know who he is.
Come on, you know this one.
84
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:39,910
Ghana.
85
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,759
What are you doing?
I were just about to say Ghana.
86
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,794
- Well, that's all right, then.
- What do you mean, that's all right?
87
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,912
You're supposed to wait
for me to tell you the answer.
88
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,678
But you said you knew it.
89
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,189
Oh, well, that's gonna be great,
then, innit?
90
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,755
When they're reading out
the answers tonight and I say,
91
00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:00,191
"Don't worry about the blank ones I left
because I actually did know them.
92
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,834
"I just couldn't be arsed
to fill them in!"
93
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,669
Well, I'm gonna have a little sleep
if you're gonna be like this.
94
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,035
Oh, brilliant.
Well, don't worry about me.
95
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,037
I said, don't worry about me.
96
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,516
Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion
being beaten by a load of dickheads
97
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,599
because me mum wanted “a little sleep”.
I said...
98
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,359
Unbelievable!
99
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,277
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
100
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,150
The restaurant will be closing
for lunch in 15 minutes, thank you.
101
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:43,434
Dad, can we go to the beach?
Mam, can we go to the beach?
102
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,200
- No, go and get an ice cream.
- Come on.
103
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,474
What were it called?
104
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,432
- What?
- That stuff.
105
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,113
- Uh, seafood paella.
- That's it. Paella.
106
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,358
That's what they eat here, ain't it,
the Spanish?
107
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,870
I wasn't too keen on all that shite
on the top, were you?
108
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,593
Eh...
109
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,759
I don't usually mind prawns,
but not when they're looking at you.
110
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360
That rice tasted a bit funny as well.
111
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,559
(MICK SIGHING)
112
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,036
Oh, she's there, me mother,
talking to that posh woman.
113
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,312
She's not that posh.
114
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,399
She's had that same wrap-around skirt on
for three days in a row.
115
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,109
I wonder what she's saying to her.
116
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,395
I said, I wonder
what she's saying to me mother.
117
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,079
She's probably asking
to come and sit with us
118
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,191
'cause she's heard
how scintillating the conversation is.
119
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,118
You wanna talk,
you've not said owt all day.
120
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,595
I'm on me holidays, I'm relaxing.
121
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:09,473
Hey, have a look.
That other queer fella's back now.
122
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,273
MICK: Mmm.
123
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:16,236
He doesn't look happy, the fat one.
He does not look happy.
124
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,911
Mind you, you wouldn't do.
125
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,550
126
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,913
Mind you, what does he expect?
127
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,950
Look at that George Michael.
128
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,109
He doesn't mind where he does it,
or who he's doing it with.
129
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,717
He's nicer looking than George Michael,
that barman.
130
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,717
I mean how he is now,
not when he was in Wham!
131
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,638
Oh, for fuck's sake!
132
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,437
I've read the same line on this page
six times!
133
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,279
- What have you done that for?
- Because of you banging on!
134
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,199
- Oh, forget it.
- Where are you going?
135
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,880
Toilet. Don't worry,
if George Michael's in there,
136
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,355
I'll be straight back out again.
137
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,713
Believe me,
you're better off without kids.
138
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,913
- Well, I'm not sure about that.
- I've got seven, all daughters.
139
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,670
Not that you'd know,
you never see sight nor sound of them.
140
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,152
But your daughter
brought you on holiday.
141
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,318
She didn't bring me anywhere.
I brought them on holiday.
142
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,839
Oh, I see.
143
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,311
Well, I think a daughter would be nice.
144
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,559
Well, I'd get cracking if I were you,
you're not exactly 21.
145
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,835
Well, it's...
It's not quite as simple as that.
146
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,874
- Oh, aye? What's wrong with you?
- Not me.
147
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,799
Sorry about that. I eventually
found the bottle, it was empty.
148
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,594
I had to go to the shop.
Not bad really, 8 euros.
149
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,076
Well, I'm not surprised he's
firing blanks with shorts that tight.
150
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,397
He wants to get himself a pair
of them baggy ones they're all wearing,
151
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,911
get some air between his bits,
let them breathe.
152
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,874
Well, it's been very nice
talking to you.
153
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,959
I'd best be off, see what me grandkids
are up to. See you later.
154
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,800
Where is everybody?
155
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,957
Telle and Michael are playing
and Mick's gone to the toilet.
156
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,550
Oh, I wish I could go.
I've not been since Tuesday.
157
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,354
What, to the toilet? It's Friday.
158
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,275
Don't need to tell me that.
I've been counting the hours.
159
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,189
Me mother's not been to the toilet
since Tuesday.
160
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,391
Why, is there no smoking in there?
161
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,113
Don't you think
you should see the doctor?
162
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,231
What, out here? You must be joking.
163
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,318
They won't have any English doctors,
not out here.
164
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,319
I'll wait till I get home, see Dr Kundu.
165
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,556
But Dr Kundu's from Pakistan.
166
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,399
Oh, yeah, but his wife's from Rotherham.
167
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,516
Mam, there's a quiz night on tonight.
168
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,199
Oh, right, lovely.
169
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,358
No, but look, there's a prize
if you win. Can we enter?
170
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,040
- What sort of prize?
- 100 euro, how much is that?
171
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,480
Nearly 70 quid.
172
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,434
Oh, my God! Dad, if we win,
can we go to the beach? Please, can we?
173
00:10:58,560 --> 00:10:59,789
What do you want to go to the beach for?
174
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,991
We've got everything here,
it's all-inclusive.
175
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,599
It's like being in prison.
176
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,360
I know, but if we all enter
as a team and we win,
177
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,154
- can we please go to the beach?
- Christ, if us lot win a quiz,
178
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,590
I'll take you to Disneyland
and make up the money meself.
179
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:16,317
- Oh, my God! We're going to Disneyland!
- Hey, hey, calm yourself down, you.
180
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,034
All right, if we win,
we're off to the beach. Deal
181
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:23,199
Oh, my God! Excellent.
Come on, let's go get a drink.
182
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,197
What have you said that for?
183
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,197
We've got as much chance
of winning a quiz
184
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,118
as me mother has
of being classed anaemic.
185
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,232
- Hey!
- I know, so when we don't win the quiz,
186
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,877
that'll be an end to all the moaning
about going to the beach. I thank you.
187
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,270
- Good evening, lads and lasses.
- Good evening.
188
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,789
I said good evening, lads and lasses.
189
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,513
ALL: Good evening!
190
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,792
Once again, welcome to Neptune's
191
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,754
where tonight it's quiz night!
192
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:07,878
And if you would like to ring my bell,
I do take traveller's cheques.
193
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,639
So if you'd like to sort yourselves out,
get your pens and your papers ready,
194
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:16,549
the quiz is about to start
in two minutes' time. Thank you!
195
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,600
(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING ON ORGAN)
196
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,197
Are you all right, son?
197
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,993
- I said, are you...
- I'm concentrating.
198
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,436
But it's not started yet.
199
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:43,713
I know "It's not started yet".
It's me pre-match warm-up.
200
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,317
- Well, your pudding's getting cold.
- Mother, please!
201
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,396
- The liver is very good.
- I don't know what I fancy.
202
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,830
Really? That's not the impression
I got last night.
203
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:19,113
Gavin, please. I was drunk
and some dodgy Spanish waiter jumped me.
204
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,271
- We should all be laughing about it.
- Oh, yes, it's hilarious!
205
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,198
At least it proves your theory
there's no such...
206
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,390
Oh.
207
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,752
- Oh, my God!
- What?
208
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,235
Oh, look, the cabaret's arrived.
209
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,799
Me thinks the lady doth protest
too much.
210
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,993
Right, who's gonna write
the answers down?
211
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,430
- Me.
- I don't know where me glasses are.
212
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:57,633
It's all right, I don't think
that's gonna be one of the questions.
213
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,396
- Are we going to do this quiz?
- I don't mind.
214
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,112
Well, you never know, we might win.
Look at the type of people here.
215
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,198
I can't imagine the average score
being very high.
216
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,640
Bit like my sperm count.
217
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:12,989
(BELL RINGING)
218
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,191
Right, eyes down, look in,
219
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,950
and your first question
for the quiz tonight is
220
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:25,474
which fictional character lives
at 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging?
221
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,796
- Oh, is that...
- Shut up!
222
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,560
You're taking the piss!
223
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,398
- MICHAEL: Dad!
- Shh.
224
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,318
Is it John Prescott?
225
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,670
- Fictional character?
- Dad.
226
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,029
What sort of question's that?
227
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,833
People on holiday
aren't gonna know that.
228
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,157
Chappy with the moustache.
Um, Freddie Mercury.
229
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,759
- Dad I
- What?
230
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,917
It's Harry Potter.
231
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,794
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
232
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,433
Hey, hey, bring it on.
233
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,914
(BELL RINGING)
234
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,920
Who first had a hit
with Whispering Grass?
235
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,758
- Oh, it's...
236
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,633
It's them off, um...
It Ain't Half Hot Mum.
237
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,910
No, it isn't. I'll tell you who it is.
238
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:07,396
Oh, what's his name?
Don something, little tiny bloke.
239
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,034
- The Ink Spots.
- Do you mean the Munchkins?
240
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,992
No, the Ink Spots!
241
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,875
1940, Whispering Grass.
They were your father's favourites.
242
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,832
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm sure.
243
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,394
Write it down.
244
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:25,031
- St Winifred's School Choir.
- Oh, he's a genius.
245
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,673
(BELL RINGING)
246
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:32,398
From which prehistoric period
is the diplodocus?
247
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:33,954
- Madge?
- I don't know.
248
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,718
Come on, you were bloody
living then, weren't you?
249
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:36,910
Oh, get off!
250
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,360
So easy.
251
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,675
I think it's Jurassic.
252
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:45,273
No, it's not Jurassic Park.
Put down the Land That Time Forgot.
253
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,516
No, I've heard it, I've heard it,
I've heard it.
254
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,438
Shut up, I've heard it!
255
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,553
What was the first James Bond film?
256
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,752
I know that one. It's Goldfinger.
257
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,269
Dr. No in 1963.
258
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,919
- Put Goldfinger.
- Do you want to play yourself?
259
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,475
- Well..
- Do you want to ruin this for me?
260
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:06,590
(BELL RINGING)
261
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,677
Who was Fanny Cradock?
262
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,871
Didn't we do a home movie with her?
263
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,597
No, that was Fanny Nelson.
Friend of Big Eric's from the sauna.
264
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,915
Oh, yes!
265
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,155
She was a TV cook.
266
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,511
Yes, I know, I know.
And now everybody else knows.
267
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,872
- I didn't say it loud.
- Well, try writing it down.
268
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,594
- I didn't say it loud.
- Or whispering.
269
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,594
(MOCKING)
270
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,798
(BELL RINGING)
271
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,789
What was Elvis's middle name?
272
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,752
- Aaron.
- Aaron.
273
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,234
(BELL RINGING)
274
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:41,718
Who said, "I have nothing to declare,
but my genius.”
275
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,070
Now, if you don't get that,
you're thick.
276
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,520
That's Einstein.
277
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,835
- What's his name?
- Oscar Wilde.
278
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,359
- A bit controversial.
- Oscar Wilde.
279
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,153
-I can see him now.
- Oscar Wilde.
280
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,714
Freddie Starr.
281
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,074
(BELL RINGING)
282
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,359
(BELL RINGING)
283
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,874
(BELL RINGING)
284
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,714
(BELL RINGING)
285
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:21,715
And the final question,
what is Swahili for "no worries"?
286
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,992
What is Swahili for "no worries"?
287
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,918
- The Lion King.
- The little, the fat pig.
288
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,439
Pumbaa. What's his name?
289
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,710
- Pumbaa, Pumbaa.
- No, no, no, that's a character.
290
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,558
- Telle, Telle, Telle.
- Idi Amin.
291
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,478
# It's a problem-free... #
292
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,113
What is it, Michael? What is it?
293
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,072
- Hakuna matata.
- Oh, yes.
294
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,713
(BELL RINGING)
295
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,276
That's it, put your pens and paper down
296
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,869
and pass your paper to the waiters
as they pass the tables.
297
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,752
Thank you very much.
298
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,479
And our answers to the questions were,
for question one,
299
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,800
which fictional character lived at
4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging,
300
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:58,910
It was...
301
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,475
ALL: Harry Potter.
302
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,034
Who said, "I've nothing to declare
but my genius,” was?
303
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,309
Oscar Wilde.
304
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,839
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
305
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:15,069
I'd like to thank Noreen
for all her support over the years.
306
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,871
I'd like to thank Noreen, my PA,
for all the support over the years.
307
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,240
Albert Einstein once said that...
308
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,875
And what was Swahili for "no worries"?
It was...
309
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,913
ALL: Hakuna matata!
310
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,630
Where have you been?
You've been gone ages.
311
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:42,955
Toilet.
312
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,753
Well, they've been reading
the answers out.
313
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,234
(BELL RINGING)
314
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,998
A mere formality.
315
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,792
Now the bit you've all been waiting for.
316
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:55,914
In third place, on 27 points, is
317
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,799
the Pal family from Staffordshire.
318
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,069
Yes!
319
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:11,759
And in second place, with 29 points,
is Geoff Maltby,
320
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,871
also known as The Oracle.
321
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,673
(WHOOPING)
322
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,275
Second? Second?
323
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,911
Our winners of the quiz tonight,
on 30 points,
324
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,112
from Lancashire, is the Garveys.
325
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,719
326
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,872
Who are you? Who are you? Hey, hey!
327
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:44,072
You've miscounted.
We both got 30 points, it's a tie!
328
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,474
You had Whispering Grass
as Don Estelle and Windsor Davies.
329
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,433
The answer is Ink Spots.
330
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,190
They both had hits with it.
You've got it wrong!
331
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,118
You've made a mistake!
332
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,030
(CLAMOURING)
333
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,515
- Hey, lad.
- Just give it to me, I'll show you!
334
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,153
- MAN: Get off!
- Give it here!
335
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,873
Hey, gordo, get off the stage.
336
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,514
Get off me! Get off me!
337
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,834
Nobody beats The Oracle!
338
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,760
Get off the stage, fat boy, you lost.
339
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,440
Just admit it, you don't know
everything, okay? Movete coño!
340
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,599
Hey, hey, I might not know everything,
but I know all about you!
341
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,790
You've been shagging everyone!
342
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,117
Him sat there.
Yeah, you sat with Mr Blobby!
343
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,754
- Her sitting down there.
- WOMAN: Hey.
344
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,553
MICK: Bloody hell
345
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,629
Look, he's trying to bum me now.
Get off me, you Spanish poof!
346
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:39,875
Get off!
347
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,753
I've got his tablets,
he'll be all right.
348
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,199
(GEOFF SHOUTING)
349
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,711
- Muévete ya.
- Get off.
350
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,391
I want a recount.
351
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,796
Come on, we're going upstairs.
352
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,794
Oh, listen, son.
353
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,433
- What?
- You're going to have to calm down.
354
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,915
You're going to make
yourself poorly doing this.
355
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,360
- I'm unbeaten...
- You can't...
356
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,120
...Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion!
357
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:32,755
Thank you.
358
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,154
Whey!
359
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,396
Pathetic.
"I'm tired! I want to lie down!"
360
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,876
- Yes, well, sometimes I do...
- You're no mother to a champion!
361
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,991
- What do you mean?
- You don't deserve me!
362
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,634
- I spend all my time testing...
- I hope I'm adopted!
363
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,391
We're going to the beach!
363
00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:56,929
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