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- Where's Mick? He was here a minute ago.
- Well, where do you think?
3
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,758
He'll have his hands up the skirt
of some mucky Spaniard.
4
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,430
Oh, you watch. He'll come back,
his pockets empty, stinking of garlic.
5
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,870
- Oh, shut up. I'll go and find him.
- Oh, good morning.
6
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,513
- Morning.
- Hello.
7
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,632
And congratulations.
You'll be celebrating your win?
8
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,751
Well, we were supposed to be
going to the beach,
9
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,349
but my daughter's husband's
done a bunk with the money.
10
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,232
- Oh, no.
- Really?
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00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,671
Yeah, it's a shame.
You could have come with us.
12
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,952
Oh, no. We never bring
any spending money with us.
13
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,390
That's the beauty
of the all-inclusive holiday, you see.
14
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,796
We've got everything we need right here.
15
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,672
You wouldn't have needed any money.
16
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We won 100 euros.
We were going to pay for everything.
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00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,597
Oh, well, never mind.
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Oh, dear. Did you see which way he went?
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Oh, here they are. I'll get my hat.
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- Mother?
21
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- So, last day.
- Yeah.
22
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,635
Do you want to do anything special?
23
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,431
Not really. One more day
basking by the pool will do for me.
24
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,951
I thought you might like to
have a walk into Benidorm.
25
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,197
Well, I would,
26
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,791
but it tends to negate the whole ethos
of staying somewhere all-inclusive.
27
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Do you know, I'm that proud of you, son.
28
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I don't know what
half the words you use mean.
29
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,510
Well, what can I say?
30
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,349
Vowels, consonants, syllables,
31
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,110
they're all just like colours
on an artist's palette to me.
32
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,551
I paint with integrity, from the heart.
33
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I know of no other way.
34
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I'm a wordsmith. It's what I do.
35
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We should have come
for two weeks this year.
36
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Don't be stupid!
You know I've got to sign on on Tuesday.
37
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,152
Oh, yeah.
38
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,831
- Are we at the beach yet?
- Yeah, we passed it ages ago,
39
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,110
but I thought
we'd keep walking for the fun of it.
40
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,753
Mam, we've passed the beach!
41
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,316
No, we haven't, darling.
Your dad's just being stupid.
42
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,752
CHANTELLE: Can we stop for a drink?
43
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,279
Where's that bottle of water I bought?
44
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,040
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I had the last of that.
45
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,039
We're stopping here. In case you forgot,
your daughter's six months pregnant.
46
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,515
Oh, she's all right.
It's like a camel's hump, that.
47
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,438
She can go for days without water.
48
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,997
I'm the one who needs a drink.
I've got a gob like Gandhi's flip-flop.
49
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We're going here.
50
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,157
You're even tight
when it's not your own money.
51
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,396
- This all right for you?
- Oh, yes, perfect.
52
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,477
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yes.
53
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,752
I'm just not used to
being on me feet so much.
54
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,520
Right, come on. Get them in, Garvey.
55
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:28,235
Hang on a minute, that's the joke shop.
This is it, we're here!
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The beach is just through that alley
round the corner!
57
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- MICHAEL: Brilliant!
- Come on.
58
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,433
JANICE: God's sake!
59
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,634
What did I tell you? Blackpool with sun.
Hey, hey. Come on.
60
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,472
I can see a spot over there
just right for the Garveys.
61
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,150
JANICE: Not next to
that woman with her bust out, though.
62
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,798
Nice bit of sun, that.
63
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,712
Dad, please can I have
a bucket and spade?
64
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:20,276
They don't have buckets and spades in
Spain, son. They just use their hands.
65
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,279
- Oh, okay.
- You tight bastard.
66
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,920
Morning. It's just the five, is it?
67
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,236
- What, love?
- The five sun beds?
68
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,910
- Yeah, why?
- Well, it's 25 euros.
69
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,030
Eh?
70
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,516
- Are you taking the piss?
- Well, it's five euros for each sun bed.
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00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,359
Five euro to use a sun bed?
These should be free.
72
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,993
Oh, I know. They did used to be free,
73
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,191
but that's going back
a good few years now.
74
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,233
Right, come on. We've been to the beach,
now we're off back.
75
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,954
You're joking?
I'm not going home yet, I'm knackered.
76
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,391
Oh, I want to stay at the beach.
Please can we stay at the beach?
77
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,319
- Pay the woman.
- But five euros a piece?
78
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,953
- They're free...
- I said pay her.
79
00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,516
God, unbelievable. Three, please.
80
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Um, we don't actually have any money.
Madge invited us as her guests.
81
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,874
MICK: Bloody hell!
82
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,392
Tell you what. Just give us a 20,
but don't tell anyone or I'll get shot.
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00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,195
- All right. Cheers, nice one.
- You have a lovely day.
84
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,672
Now, while you've got your wallet out,
85
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,316
you can get yourself up to one of them
shops, get another big bottle of water
86
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,319
and one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven ice creams.
87
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,875
- Oh, we don't want to be any trouble.
- Five ice creams.
88
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,434
Although, if they're mint choc chip...
89
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,676
Seven ice creams and hurry up, it's hot.
90
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,792
If they're double ones,
we'll have coffee cream as well.
91
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,069
No, they won't be.
92
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,316
That's the last you'll see of him today.
93
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,635
Shut it!
94
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,314
So, last day of our holidays.
Back to the grind tomorrow.
95
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,469
I think you've done enough grinding
while we've been here.
96
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,999
I thought we'd agreed to forget that.
97
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,509
No, Troy,
we agreed to leave it, not forget it.
98
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,519
Although, if you can tell me how
I can forget that my partner of 15 years
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00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,029
shagged the barman on our first holiday
in God knows when,
100
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,480
I'd be fascinated to learn!
101
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,671
It was a kiss, I was drunk.
I don't even fancy him.
102
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,111
What do you mean, you don't fancy him?
He's gorgeous.
103
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:12,032
Yeah, well, he's not bad-looking,
but he's not exactly marrying material.
104
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What's that supposed to mean?
105
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,118
It's supposed to mean,
will you marry me?
106
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,878
What?
107
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,914
A civil partnership, this weekend,
when we get home.
108
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,429
I arranged it before we came away.
109
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:31,318
Believe it or not, Gavin, I want to
spend the rest of my life with you.
110
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,076
Gavin Ramsbottom, will you marry me?
111
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:48,671
- I've got nothing to wear.
- I'll take that as a yes.
112
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,071
- MICK: Here we go, fill your boots.
- Ice cream!
113
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,635
Right, there's no arguing
'cause they're all the same.
114
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,515
NANA: Where's mine?
Oh, come on, they're going to melt.
115
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- Lovely.
- Mam, can I have some of that water?
116
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I should go first.
I paid for the holiday.
117
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No, you should go last because
you've got breath like a pit bull!
118
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,311
Right, that's enough, thank you.
119
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,954
- Where else have you been?
- I haven't been anywhere else!
120
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,276
Me mam said she saw you disappearing
up that alley.
121
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Oh, Christ alive!
122
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,749
Does your head swivel round
like that lass off Exorcist?
123
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,952
He's been on manoeuvres.
You mark my words.
124
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,869
I went to the joke shop
to buy prezzies if you must know.
125
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God knows, we could do
with a laugh on this holiday,
126
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,672
with Crippen sat there
watching our every move.
127
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,790
(GRUNTING)
128
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,958
We've got a friend in Leeds
who runs a joke shop.
129
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,550
He's got a wooden leg.
The kids all call him Peg Leg Pete.
130
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,958
But the thing is,
his name's not Pete, it's Trevor!
131
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,510
He takes it all in good humour,
doesn't he?
132
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,711
Oh, yes, smashing fella.
133
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,556
He's got a niece in Bradford
with a glass eye.
134
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,556
Am I dreaming this?
135
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,718
- Five sun beds, yes?
- We've paid already.
136
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,879
- So, I see your tickets?
- What tickets? We paid the woman.
137
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,513
He did pay. We saw him.
138
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,598
It was the blonde lady
that was here before.
139
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,039
Well, my friend, I don't know
who you gave your money to,
140
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,391
but I am the only person who
collects money for the sun beds.
141
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:27,794
We have paid, love.
142
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,560
- Did this woman give you a ticket?
- No.
143
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,277
- Did she have a badge like this?
- No.
144
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,996
So, that's three euros each.
Fifteen euros, please.
145
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,997
Fifteen! She charged us twenty!
146
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,239
By hell, doesn't take much to pull
the wool over your eyes, does it?
147
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,397
I could tell she was on the fiddle.
148
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,798
She'd never be that size if her job was
walking up and down this beach all day.
149
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,480
Right, that's it.
Come on, you lot, off them sun beds.
150
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,557
Come on, we're going now.
I've had enough of this.
151
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,159
MICHAEL: I want to stay at the beach!
152
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,840
Get your T-shirt on, Michael
We're going. I'm sorry.
153
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,271
Right, come on. Do as your dad said,
get your stuff together.
154
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,471
- I want to stay on the beach.
- We can't stay here, can we?
155
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,477
Get your stuff together, come on.
156
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,116
There's your wristband
and it's room 302.
157
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,639
Cheers, love.
158
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,389
(YELLING)
159
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,591
Well, that were a waste of bloody time,
the beach, weren't it?
160
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,678
No, actually, mother.
I thought it was a nice walk out.
161
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,632
And now I've got
a nice cold beer in one hand,
162
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,036
a ciggie in the other
and the sun is shining.
163
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,755
Please excuse me while I enjoy
the last day of me holiday.
164
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,674
I see somebody's enjoying himself
a bit too much, as usual.
165
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,398
Just like your father.
He couldn't get enough of it either.
166
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,113
Dirty bastard he was.
167
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,757
Sixty-eight and exposing himself in the
cold meat section of Marks & Spencer.
168
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,431
I mean, once you can put down to an
accident, but not three times in a week.
169
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,033
(FARTING)
170
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,479
Mother, do you mind!
171
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,797
- I've got terrible wind.
- Really? I'd never have guessed.
172
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,150
Right, come on, you. You're going in.
173
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,953
- No.
- Why not?
174
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,390
Because you said
there was a monster in the pool.
175
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,158
I was only joking.
176
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,193
MICK: Come on, you two,
get in this pool it's your last chance.
177
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,233
I'm not getting in.
There's a monster under the water.
178
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,955
Don't be daft. The monster's over there
in her wheelchair.
179
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,037
Come here. Give me your hand.
180
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,114
(FARTING)
181
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,832
- Mother, what have you eaten?
- Nothing today.
182
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,031
I'm saving meself for me dinner.
183
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,349
Oh, have you finished flirting
with your fancy woman?
184
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,314
Oh, a bit of harmless flirting,
makes the world go round.
185
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,590
I've seen you chatting
to that greasy barman.
186
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,439
Yeah, talking to him.
He didn't start taking pictures of me.
187
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,676
Hmm, there's probably a reason for that.
188
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,949
(FARTING)
189
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,276
Bloody hell, we've picked
the right time to go home, haven't we?
190
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,277
Them drains are getting worse.
191
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,914
Right, come on, you, get out of that.
I need to take it back.
192
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,078
It doesn't have to be back till
tomorrow. I hired it for the week.
193
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,589
Yeah, but we're leaving early
and they won't be open in the morning.
194
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,711
Come on, let's have you.
195
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:09,799
Hey, hey. Right, I've been waiting
all week to have a go on this.
196
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,350
Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate.
197
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,110
We will destroy you. Look out,
we will destroy you. Exterminate!
198
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,919
Well, it's been quite a week.
199
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,317
- You could say that.
- Kate, it's okay.
200
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,954
This might sound strange,
but in some ways
201
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,072
- I'm glad you slept with the barman.
- What?
202
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,794
Let's face it,
we were just coasting along.
203
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,833
It's been a ruddy kick
up the backside for me.
204
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,076
I don't understand.
Last night you punched him in the face.
205
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,272
Yeah, well, that was last night.
I'd had one too many.
206
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:44,390
(SIGHING)
207
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,673
I think we should just chill out,
you know, just chill out.
208
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,838
God's sake, shit happens.
209
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,673
Kate, don't look so worried.
I said it's okay.
210
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:58,589
Martin.
211
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,709
Oh, my God!
212
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,319
(ALL SCREAMING)
213
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,276
What is it? What's going on?
214
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,709
Someone's done a shit in the pool
215
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,591
Oh, where's your father?
216
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,354
MARTIN: Just splash it out of the way.
217
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,151
- It's getting closer!
- I know, swim underneath it.
218
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,074
I'm not putting my head in this water.
219
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,913
- It's joke poo.
- I think I'm going to be sick.
220
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,794
Can you hear me? I said it's not real.
221
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,150
- What?
- It's joke poo.
222
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,954
I'm sorry, love.
It's my husband's idea of a joke.
223
00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,914
- Just pick it up and throw it over here.
- Pick it up?
224
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:06,035
It's not real. It's made of plastic.
He got it today from the joke shop.
225
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:10,838
Darling, it's made of plastic.
Just pick it up and throw it over to me.
226
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,670
- What's going on?
- Oh, very funny.
227
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,191
You think you're the comedian
with your joke shop dog poo.
228
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,516
Well, I'm not laughing.
229
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,599
I didn't buy dog poo from the joke shop.
I bought farting powder.
230
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:31,033
It's fine. Just pick it up
and throw it onto the side.
231
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,714
(SQUELCHING)
232
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,832
Oh, my God!
233
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,999
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
234
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,715
Ugh!
235
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,476
(LAUGHING) Not joke poo, eh?
236
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,040
MAN OVER PA: Guests are informed
that the pool will be closed
237
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,719
until further notice. Thank you.
238
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,120
I mean, how much damage can one turd do?
239
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,473
(LAUGHING) They should give them kids
pull-ups like yours.
240
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:10,436
- Hey, people in glasshouses...
- Shame we can't have one last dip.
241
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,393
Still, never mind.
There's always next year.
242
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,270
Yeah, well, I've been wanting
to talk to you about that.
243
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,833
I don't think I should be going on
holiday with me mother any more.
244
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,679
- I'm 36.
- Oh, I see.
245
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,634
I think it's time for me to move on.
246
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,912
- If it's what you want.
- Yeah.
247
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,511
- I think it's for the best.
- Okay.
248
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,749
I mean, I can look at brochures
with you, but that's about it.
249
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,514
All right.
250
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:52,870
Yeah.
251
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,633
- Nice clean break, I think.
- Okay.
252
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,111
I mean,
where were you thinking of going?
253
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,112
I don't know. I like it here.
254
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,639
(SLURPING)
255
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,518
Oh, God!
All right, then, I'll come with you.
256
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,520
Honestly, the things I have to do
for a bit of peace and quiet.
257
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,630
- Well, I need the toilet.
- I told you,
258
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,960
pool's closed.
259
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,753
(LAUGHING)
260
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,916
# Golden brown texture like sun
261
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,799
# Never a frown
262
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,958
# With golden brown
263
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,830
# With golden brown
264
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,190
Shall I get you another brandy?
265
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,430
# Never a frown #
266
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,356
Well, I don't think
it's Michael's fault.
267
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,791
There's no sign saying
what you can or can't do in the pool.
268
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,319
(FARTING)
269
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,750
Yeah, all right.
Can we not talk about it right now?
270
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,475
It's your fault. Fancy giving
an 8-year-old boy farting powder.
271
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,920
(FARTING)
272
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,314
Excuse me.
273
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,432
Mam, can I go back up to the apartment?
It stinks in here.
274
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,279
No, you can't. You can stay there
where I can see you all.
275
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,470
(FARTING)
276
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,920
Oh, any more of this farting,
277
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,236
you won't be able to see
your hand in front of your face.
278
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:32,870
(FARTING)
279
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,310
Daniel, can you open that window,
please, love?
280
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:40,350
Right, first up tonight singing
Chas & Dave, There's No Pleasing You,
281
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:45,270
let's hear it for Mick Gravy.
282
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,913
Come on, Mick. Where are you?
283
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,600
Oh, my God, mam. Don't let him do it.
284
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,396
It's Garvey, not Gravy.
285
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,389
Thank you. Good evening, everybody.
286
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,630
I'd like to sing this song
for my beautiful wife, Janice.
287
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,397
And how has he got his name down
already? I wanted to sing something.
288
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,999
- You're not singing.
- Why not?
289
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:10,112
I paid for the holiday,
I'm entitled to sing one.
290
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,834
I thought it was supposed
to be all-inclusive.
291
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,678
# All along
292
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,438
# Oh, darling
293
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,275
# There ain't no pleasing you
294
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,030
# Well, I built my life around you
295
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,232
# Did what I thought was right
296
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,158
# You never cared about me #
297
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,159
I mean, I hate to ask, but I can send
you the money when I get home
298
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,032
if you just give me your address.
299
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,879
I'm sorry. We just haven't got 50 euros.
300
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,911
I've been in the hospital all day
with my little boy.
301
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,477
Did I mention he was ill?
302
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,792
- That's her.
- You what?
303
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,514
That's her from the beach.
She's got our money.
304
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,758
Well, I've seen some bare-faced cheek
in my life.
305
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,991
CHANTELLE: Go knock her out, mam.
306
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,829
- I'm sorry, love. That's all we've got.
- Oh, you're so kind.
307
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,719
- Excuse me.
- Yes, my love?
308
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,797
- Do you remember me?
- No.
309
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,751
Sun bed con on the beach?
310
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,038
- Shit!
- Come here, you!
311
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,798
- Twenty euros now!
- I've got ten.
312
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,309
- I think you'll find that's ours.
- What...
313
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,034
- What are you doing? Get off me!
- Thirty euros.
314
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,515
Twenty that you owe us
and ten for the inconvenience.
315
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,597
- You can't just do that!
- Really?
316
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,996
And I suppose I can't do this, either?
317
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,878
# But now you can go and do
318
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:42,197
# Just what you wanna do
I'm telling you
319
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:47,155
# 'Cause I ain't gonna be made
to look a fool no more #
320
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,069
- Did you get our money back?
- Of course, with interest.
321
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:56,955
Now, can we all try and enjoy
the rest of our holiday in peace?
322
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,038
# There ain't no pleasing you
323
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:08,272
# And you seem to think that
everything I ever did was wrong
324
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,189
# I should have known it all along
325
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:13,913
# Oh, darling
326
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,159
# There ain't no pleasing you
327
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,032
# You only had to say the word
328
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,551
# And you knew I'd do it #
329
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,074
Excuse me.
330
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,871
- Yes, love?
- Mrs Garvey?
331
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,034
Hang on a minute.
It's you from the pool, isn't it?
332
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,674
You've got a fucking cheek, haven't you?
333
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,077
You know that bloke up there,
the one you were all over in the pool?
334
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,478
Well, that's my husband, and you picked
the wrong day to piss me off, lady!
335
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,638
My name's Miss Mahey
and this is Mr Willis.
336
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,909
We're from the Department of Health,
Social Services and Public Safety.
337
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,075
You what?
338
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,874
We've been monitoring
the movements of Mr Michael Garvey
339
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,356
with regards to his ongoing claim
for incapacity benefit.
340
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,834
Are you taking the piss?
341
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,669
As these photographs that we took
earlier today will prove in court,
342
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,713
there is nothing wrong
with Mr Garvey's back.
343
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,154
His claim for benefit will be terminated
344
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,069
and he'll be prosecuted for
a false claim lasting over two years.
345
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,271
Fuck off. We're on holiday!
346
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,358
Are you seriously telling me
you've come all the way to Spain
347
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,232
to spy on my husband?
348
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:36,554
Believe me, love, the cost of
two flights to Spain is nothing
349
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,671
compared to the amount of money
350
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,838
your husband
has defrauded the government out of.
351
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,394
I'll leave these copies with you.
352
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,272
MICK: Thank you very much,
ladles and gentlemen of Benidorm!
353
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,993
- Bye-bye.
- Enjoy the rest of your holiday.
354
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,999
See you next year.
God bless, good night.
355
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:55,874
Thank you.
356
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,998
HOST: Nice one there, Mick.
Mick Gravy there.
357
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:07,353
From everybody here
at Neptune's, it's adiós.
358
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,552
And don't forget to come back
and see us next year.
359
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,150
# There was a one who whispered
Oh, hasta la vista
360
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,069
# Each time I kissed him
behind his castanets
361
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,792
# He rattled his maracas close to me
362
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,030
What?
363
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,151
# In no time I was trembling at knee
364
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,715
ALL: # Oh, this year
I'm off to sunny Spain
365
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,830
What?
366
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,874
# Y Viva España
367
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,352
# I'm taking the Costa Brava plane
368
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,800
# Y Viva España #
368
00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:48,892
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