1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,191 How are you feeling, Mel? 3 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,115 I'm recovering from having 220 volts of electricity 4 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,311 surging through me body by an electric juicer. 5 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,839 How do you think I'm feeling? 6 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,349 I don't know. That's why I asked. 7 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:43,915 Whoo! 8 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,074 By hell, it's fresh in there. 9 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,996 You have to get pissed to keep your circulation going. 10 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:55,953 How you feeling, Mel? 11 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,357 I wish people would stop asking me how I'm feeling! 12 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,950 - What have I said? - Right, I'm off for a dip. 13 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,710 Don't forget to tell the kids to ask Mel how he's feeling. 14 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,911 What time is it? How long have I been asleep? 15 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,351 Look, I'm sorry, but we cannot move you again 16 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,630 because this is the second time you've broke your bed. 17 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,037 It's ridiculous. The beds simply aren't sturdy enough. 18 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,074 I can assure you, all our beds are reinforced to withstand up to 50 stone. 19 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,235 We know what we're doing. 20 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,115 This is Benidorm. It's not exactly a mecca for the anorexic. 21 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,438 I mean, if we were really going at it with three or four friends on the bed, 22 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:41,959 well, fair enough. 23 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,593 But it was just the two of us, wasn't it? 24 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:44,710 Absolutely. 25 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,071 The thing is... Three or four friends? 26 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,350 We're a very sociable couple. 27 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,959 That's one word for it. 28 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,436 But the thing is, this is the second time it's happened, 29 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,234 so I should actually charge you for the repair of the bed. 30 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,830 Well, I'm sorry, but we don't bring any cash on holiday with us. 31 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,236 That's why we book all-inclusive. 32 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,990 Maybe you could ask your three or four friends to chip in. 33 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,670 Oh, I'm dying to go to the toilet. 34 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,438 Why don't you go? 35 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,995 I've only just got nicely settled. 36 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,159 Mother, you'll make yourself ill. Go to the loo. 37 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,638 It seems such a long way to go. I only want a wee. 38 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,390 How difficult can it be? You're in a bloody electric wheelchair. 39 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,830 It's badly laid out, this place. 40 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,440 (GRUNTING) 41 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,752 I might go for a dip in the pool. 42 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:42,915 No! 43 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,040 - Where's Mel? - I'm not sure where he's gone. 44 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,834 I just asked him how he was and he stormed off. 45 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,600 He was a bit funny with me last night. 46 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,355 How do you mean? 47 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,915 We got back to the apartment and... 48 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,590 Well, we generally have a Malibu before we go to our rooms, 49 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,839 but he just sald, "I don't think this holiday's working out," 50 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,473 and went to bed. 51 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,319 Well, yesterday was the third time he's nearly died 52 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,829 in the four days we've been here. 53 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,234 Maybe he thinks Benidorm's not for him. 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,991 I think I'm losing him. 55 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:26,430 I can't believe it. 56 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,153 Two days ago, he asked me to marry him, 57 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,796 and now he's going to bed in silence without his Malibu. 58 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,952 The signs are there. 59 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,431 Mam, when you said you was going to take us on holiday again, 60 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,269 I didn't realise a man you'd only known for three weeks was paying. 61 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,913 What's that got to do with anything? 62 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,317 Well, it puts us in an awkward position, doesn't it? 63 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,160 None of us really knows anything about Mel. 64 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,430 He could be a mass murderer. 65 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,798 Mr and Mrs Stewart! 66 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,070 Hello, darling! 67 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,759 Kelly! How are you? 68 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,439 Oh, I'm really well, thanks. 69 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,709 I thought you'd left. 70 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,354 Yeah, I have. I work in a bar in the old town now. 71 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,470 So, what brings you here? 72 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,830 Well, my mum's staying here for a couple of days. 73 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,951 Look, I'll send someone up to try and fix it. 74 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,832 It's 204, isn't it? 75 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,474 Yeah, after all the trouble with Mateo last year, 76 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,113 she thinks she needs to look after me. 77 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,710 Well, if she's got half your charm, I can't wait to meet her. 78 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,070 Oh, it's so lovely to see you. 79 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,517 Is this the dirty bastard? 80 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,389 I'll kick your fat arse into the middle of next week. 81 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,794 You should be locked up. 82 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,752 You're old enough to be her father. 83 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:41,995 Mum, what are you doing? 84 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,873 This is Mr Stewart. He's here on holiday. 85 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,837 Oh, yeah? Thought he looked a bit pasty for a Spaniard. 86 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,678 This is my mum, Sylvia. 87 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:55,431 Pleasure to meet you, Sylvia. I'm Donald. This is my wife Jacqueline. 88 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:57,955 My condolences. 89 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,357 Don't worry, I always used to keep an eye on Kelly when she worked here. 90 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,630 - Yeah, I bet you did. - Mum! 91 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:04,915 Right, where's the bar? 92 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,796 I hope this room's got air conditioning 'cause I'm sweating like a pig on heat. 93 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,713 I'm sorry about that. She's really protective. 94 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,319 And so she should be. 95 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,319 Mateo! Room 204. See if you can fix the bed. 96 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,390 Kelly, you are back. 97 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,110 I have thought about nothing but you since you left me. 98 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,392 It's really nice to see you, Mr Stewart, Mrs Stewart. 99 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,669 I'll see you later. 100 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,791 Kelly, I have been counting the days until I... 101 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:36,994 Save your breath, sunshine. You had your chance and you blew it. 102 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,750 Now, I think I'll accompany you while you fix this bed. 103 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,114 I don't want your sticky fingers going through my wife's drawers. 104 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,391 You are not the only one. 105 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,556 Hello, there. How are you feeling? 106 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,637 What's it got to do with you? 107 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,037 Sorry, we were on the coach trip yesterday when you were electrocuted. 108 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,878 Don't worry, I know exactly who you are. 109 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,832 You were the daft cow who pronounced me dead. 110 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,439 Now, steady on. 111 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,399 I didn't pronounce you dead. I just said you had no pulse. 112 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,036 People with no pulse don't sit in the bar sipping Malibu and pineapple. 113 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,833 If it were down to you, I'd be in a box six feet under 114 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,394 with people chucking dirt on me by now. 115 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:19,555 Come on, let's go. 116 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,036 Where'd you get your first-aid badge? In a lucky dip? 117 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,878 SYLVIA: Excuse me. 118 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,876 I'm sorry to bother you, but could you give me a hand? 119 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,673 Are you all right? 120 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,520 It's this stupid chair. It's just stopped. 121 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,234 And they said in the shop it was fully charged. 122 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:43,433 - Oh, no. Is this the M600? - Well, I've no idea. 123 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,155 Yes, yes, it is. We hired one of these a few days ago. 124 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,352 It's got a very tricky safety cut-out. Do you mind? 125 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,800 (GRUNTING) 126 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,395 You'll have to excuse me. It's a very tricky nipple switch. 127 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,317 Hang on, I think I've got me hand on it. 128 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,273 Don't worry, I'll get you going in no time. 129 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,678 Oh, no, I've lost it. 130 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,309 It's one of them the more you try and feel for it, the harder it gets. 131 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,238 You know what I mean? 132 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,674 Oh, my God! 133 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,870 - What? What's wrong? - Mel's snogging nana. 134 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,269 Where? 135 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,558 Oh, yeah. Does that mean they're married now? 136 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,594 Oh, my God! 137 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,833 That's not nana. He was kissing somebody else. 138 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,396 Nana is going to go mental if she finds out about this. Come on. 139 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,319 - Where are we going? - To tell nana! 140 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,473 So then what happened was he sits bolt upright and says, 141 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,238 "Have I missed the bullfight?" 142 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,113 You know, you can technically die for up to four minutes 143 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,469 before coming back to life. 144 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,830 Oh, is that reincarnation? 145 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,115 146 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,438 Obviously, you've got to be pretty fit, you know. 147 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,949 The body has to be highly tuned. 148 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,151 Reckon I could do about three minutes. 149 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,352 We've always been very fit in our family. 150 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,598 I don't know why. 151 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,151 I suppose we're just lucky. 152 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,679 It's like Bruce Lee. 153 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,791 He had a headache one day and took an aspirin, 154 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,878 but his body was so highly tuned, it killed him. 155 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,719 - Oh, heck! - Yeah, I know. 156 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,117 That's why when I get a headache, I just ride it out. 157 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,230 Don't want to risk it. 158 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,079 Yeah, better to be safe than sorry. 159 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,599 (SNICKERING) 160 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,270 You all right? 161 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,720 (COUGHING) 162 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,629 Yeah, thanks. I think I'm getting a cold. 163 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,239 Could be worse. Could be a headache. 164 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,634 (GIGGLING) 165 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,429 Right, what's for dinner? 166 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,996 I don't know, but I could eat a horse and go back for the jockey. 167 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,750 Nana, nana, we've just seen Mel and he was kissing a woman! 168 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:54,915 You what? 169 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,031 Come here, Michael, and stop telling tales. 170 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:01,199 Hey, you, what you been up to, filling little Michael's head full of rubbish? 171 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,231 Put baby Coolio in the shade. 172 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,555 Well, is it true? 173 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:05,829 Is what true? 174 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,190 Has old, mucky Melvin been caught with his trousers down? 175 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,311 Of course he hasn't. Don't be disgusting. 176 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,592 I'll wash your mouth out with soap and water for telling lies, young man. 177 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,360 I'm not lying, nana! Honest, I'm not! 178 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,632 He was kissing a lady in a wheelchair like yours! 179 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,878 He wasn't kissing her. Don't lie, Michael. 180 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,229 I'm not! 181 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,552 He was snogging the face off her, and here's the pictures to prove it. 182 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,670 Wa-hey, pass it over! 183 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,996 Oi, give me that camera here. 184 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,680 Pass it over. Let me have a look. I don't believe ya. 185 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,710 Oh, dear, and he's not backward in coming forward, is he? 186 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,800 It's not his fault. He's not feeling himself. 187 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,912 No, he's feeling that woman in the wheelchair. 188 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,197 It's the electric shock. 189 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,278 It's left him vulnerable and an easy target. 190 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:57,919 He don't look very vulnerable to me. 191 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,077 - Right, I'm off. - Where are you going, mam? 192 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,190 Where do you think I'm going? 193 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,789 I'm going to find that woman and give her a good seeing to. 194 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,594 Hey, he!l A bit of girl-on-girl action! 195 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,593 Will you shut up? 196 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:09,710 - Mam! - Out the way! 197 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,717 - Hey, watch it! - You as well. 198 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,353 Oh, bloody hell! 199 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,517 Go on! Go on, out the way! 200 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,950 - Here you go. - Oh, lovely. 201 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,351 - How did you get on with the bed? - Yes, all sorted. 202 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,595 I think we'll have to go a bit steady from now on, though. 203 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,394 We weren't even both on it when it broke. 204 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,639 Well, not technically. I had one leg on the vanity unit. 205 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,194 Ah, yes. 206 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:41,872 "Who won the 1936 Miss Hungary title, 207 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,118 "but had to give it up because she was under 16?" 208 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,629 - Gloria Hunniford. - Oh! 209 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,558 - How's it going? - Yeah, all right, thanks. 210 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,559 - Mind if I joln you? - Be my guest. 211 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,959 Just thought I'd grab a cheeky half and cool off. 212 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,514 Get away from the women. 213 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,520 Yeah, I've had a few offers, but what can you do? 214 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,593 Yeah, same here. It's a bitch, isn't it? 215 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,675 I thought you were with your mam. 216 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,433 Un poco beer, por favor. 217 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,669 Hmm, picked up a bit of the lingo, have ya? 218 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,279 I speak five languages. 219 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,789 - Bloody hell! - Yeah. 220 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,079 What are they? 221 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,997 - What are they? - Yeah, what languages? 222 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,989 Do you speak any languages? 223 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,715 - You're joking. I struggle with English. - Oh, right, uh... 224 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:46,079 Italian, French, bit of German, 225 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,390 - Punjabi... - Punjabi? 226 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,591 Yeah, you know, Indian. 227 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,319 Bloody hell! 228 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,029 What's "Good morning” in Punjabi? 229 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,240 (GRUNTING) 230 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,319 You all right? 231 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,193 Me ear's really hurting. 232 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,754 What's wrong with it? 233 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,314 I don't know. 234 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,513 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 235 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,070 What did he say? 236 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,873 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 237 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,316 He's saying something about the microclimate in Benidorm. 238 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,398 Apparently, there's a possibility of a thunderstorm. 239 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,194 Hey, did you see a girl with dark hair? 240 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,475 No. 241 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,713 Might have done. 242 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:47,399 - He's a greasy little bastard, that one. - Yeah, fancies himself. 243 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,994 Women don't want men like that. 244 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,794 (SCOFFS) Men like that make women feel ill. 245 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,275 You seen him mincing around? He's always got his shirt off. 246 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,390 Geoff... 247 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,591 - What's that all about? He's skinny. - Geoff... 248 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,677 If I looked like that, I'd be too embarrassed to take my shirt off. 249 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,074 (CLEARING THROAT) Geoff... 250 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,430 He's a dickhead and he knows it. 251 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,836 Listen, I'm off for a bit of a lie down. 252 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,280 Yeah, see you later. 253 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,394 Hey, keep your back to the wall with that Spanish poof about. 254 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,629 You've been there ages, haven't you? 255 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,518 I like your hair. 256 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,078 (CLEARING THROAT) 257 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,190 - So, what do you think of it? - Place is full of sex maniacs. 258 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,391 No wonder you had all the trouble you did. 259 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,955 Okay, well, thanks for trying. Bye. 260 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,037 Kelly, I have been looking everywhere for you. 261 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,514 Mateo, just leave it. I don't want to speak to you. 262 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,200 - But you don't understand... - No, you don't understand. 263 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,756 My mother's over there, and if she sees you, she'll murder you. 264 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,793 Your mother? Oh, I would like to speak to her. 265 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,672 Your family should be my family. 266 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,872 When I say she'll murder you, I don't mean she'll have a go at you. 267 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,879 I mean she will find a knife and she'll murder you. 268 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,037 - Won't be the first time. - What? 269 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:10,279 Does that look like the face of a woman who's never been in prison? 270 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:14,673 But, Kelly, I look into your eyes and I know you want Mateo. 271 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,990 Mum? 272 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,031 (EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH) 273 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,239 Don't say anything. 274 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,556 I know we're stuck here for the rest of our holiday. 275 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,114 I'm really sorry. 276 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,560 It's fine. 277 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,040 It's fine. 278 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,597 We're here and it's fine. 279 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,354 Well, look on the bright side. 280 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,359 Martin, I can assure you, there is absolutely no bright side. 281 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,515 Sorry. 282 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,313 Don't apologise. 283 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,149 Well, what do you want me to say? 284 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,871 I don't know. I just... 285 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,910 Yesterday, when you won the arm-wrestling competition, 286 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,919 you didn't apologise, you didn't make excuses. 287 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,351 You just took control, like a real man. 288 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,718 I just wish you could do that a bit more often. 289 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,913 Put down that magazine and get up those stairs, bitch! 290 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,478 Sorry. Sorry, that... 291 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,158 That was misjudged. 292 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,069 Here, you've always got your nose in other people's business. 293 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,111 Have you seen this woman? 294 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,516 - I beg your pardon? - This woman on here! 295 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,313 Have you seen her? 296 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,838 I can't really see. 297 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,155 No, I don't think so. 298 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,475 (GROANING) 299 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,113 Bloody useless! 300 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,833 I've managed to get us on a waiting list. 301 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,189 Shut up. 302 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,439 Mick. Mick, wake up. 303 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,120 What time is it? 304 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,754 - She's there. - Eh? 305 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,998 The woman in the photo with Mel, she's there. 306 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,440 That's her, isn't it, Telle? 307 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,392 Yeah, that's her, definitely. 308 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,353 - Where's your mam? - Not here, thank God. 309 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,750 Where's Mel? 310 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,713 He's in his room. I saw him on the balcony. 311 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,239 Oh, shit. 312 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,998 Oi, you! 313 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,233 You talking to me? 314 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,838 Yes, I'm talking to you, Miss Butter-Wouldn't-Melt-in-Me-Knickers. 315 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,038 I beg your pardon? 316 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,118 You'll be begging for more than my pardon when I get hold of ya. 317 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,355 Madge, you okay? 318 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,754 Piss off! 319 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,829 Come over here and say that, you saggy-faced old cow. 320 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:23,794 Ooh! 321 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,112 Mum, just ignore her. She's mad. 322 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,154 Oh, yes, that's the kind of language I expect from an old slag 323 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,636 who goes round interfering with other women's fellas. 324 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,230 You know what I'm talking about. 325 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,910 In that bar, this afternoon. 326 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,240 Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you out of the way. 327 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,953 Wait for me, mum! 328 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,231 Oh, mum, just leave it. 329 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,438 (PEOPLE MURMURING) 330 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,359 Uh-oh. 331 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,514 Oh, shit. 332 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,759 (PRAYING IN SPANISH) 333 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,837 Come on, let's go in. 334 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,237 Are you insane? I wouldn't miss this for the world. 335 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:15,309 I've met your type before, all fur coat and no knickers. 336 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,030 And I've met your type before. 337 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,670 I used to work in a nuthouse. 338 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,394 What the bloody hell's going on here? 339 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,911 Is this the bloke you've been going on about? 340 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,554 The one that tried to feel me up in the bar? 341 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,079 Huh, I might have known. 342 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,237 Feel you up? I was disengaging your safety switch. 343 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,158 That's what they call it these days. 344 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,353 Can't find a man of your own, so start sniffing around somebody else's. 345 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:39,800 You're desperate. 346 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,833 I'd have to be desperate to shag that leathery, old dwarf. 347 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:43,950 Hmm? 348 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,070 (GASPING) 349 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,760 Right, that does it. 350 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,674 (EXCLAIMING) 351 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,236 What are you doing, you stupid cow? 352 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:21,158 Oh, she's blinded me! 353 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,434 (EXCLAIMING) 354 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,238 (GASPING) 355 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,310 Hey! 356 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,830 KELLY: Swim over here. Give us your hand. 357 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,793 - Give me your hand. Give me your hand. - Oh! 358 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,398 That's it. I've had enough. 359 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,070 You clear all your stuff out of your room and sling your hook, 360 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,077 because you're barred from the hotel. 361 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,589 Me? She started it! 362 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,189 There's seven of them and they're here for a week. 363 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,640 They've spent more money. 364 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,831 Oh, come on, mum, let's go. 365 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,794 - Plkey Northern bastards. - KELLY: Come on. 366 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,878 Go on, piss off back to where you came from. 367 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,439 Let's get you back to the room, eh? 368 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,949 Madge, I can't believe you thought I'd look at another woman. 369 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,754 -I thought you were going off me. - Going off you? 370 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,439 I'll show you how much I'm going off you. 371 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,190 We're getting married here in Benidorm before we go back home. 372 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,310 (SIGHS) 373 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,397 Now, are you in, or are you out? 374 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,114 - I'm in. - Right, come on. 375 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,397 I don't know about you, but I need a drink. 376 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,754 (SIGHING) 377 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,794 Oh, my God! 377 00:21:41,305 --> 00:21:47,741 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.SubtitleDB.org