1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,554
Oh, I was hoping
they'd be drilling again this morning.

3
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,637
I think my head's gonna explode.

4
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,155
Mick, can you open the window?

5
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,831
Oh, God. I'm sweating gin and tonic.

6
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,394
Mick? Mick?

7
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,593
Oh, Jesus!

8
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,720
GEOFF'S MUM: Yoo-hoo, breakfast in bed.

9
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,314
Oh, you're up.

10
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,596
- Here you are, son.
- What have you got me all that for?

11
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:43,192
- I'll have it if you don't want it.
- No, you're all right.

12
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,672
I thought you'd need to build
your strength up

13
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,791
for your big date tonight.

14
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,276
How many times? It's not a date.

15
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:56,719
Now, I know I've left this
a bit late, son.

16
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,836
But when a man and a woman

17
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,037
- get together...
- Oh, for Christ sake!

18
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:12,755
(SIGHING)

19
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,359
(COOLIO CRYING)

20
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,918
- MARTIN: Excuse me?
- I was just looking at them.

21
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,110
Oh, it's you.

22
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:47,199
Sorry to bother you, but you didn't
speak to my wife yesterday, did you?

23
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,029
- Ah, no. why?
- She's gone.

24
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,793
Right, she might've nipped out
to the shops.

25
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,718
She left yesterday afternoon
and took all her clothes and passport.

26
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,992
Right, probably not at the shops then.

27
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,876
- No.
- Hmm.

28
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,869
(HUMMING)

29
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:21,278
- You'll let me know if you see her?
- Oh, yeah. No danger.

30
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,637
- Bye.
- Yeah. See ya.

31
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,914
- GEOFF'S MUM: Hello.
- Oh, hiya. You all right?

32
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,759
Hang on a minute.
I've been meaning to ask you something.

33
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,032
- Yeah.
- Now what was it?

34
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,393
- Well, you can always ask me later.
- Oh, that was it. Now...

35
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,350
No, it's gone again.

36
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:55,680
- Look, I've got to go.
- Oh, that was it. That was it.

37
00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:01,952
Does your... Oh, now, what's her name?
Bonnie white lass with the black baby?

38
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,117
- Chantelle.
- Oh, that's it.

39
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,119
Does Chantelle still want me to babysit
for her tonight?

40
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,675
- No idea.
- Because if she does,

41
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,555
<i> -can you tell her I am available?
- Aye, all right.</i>

42
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,513
Do you know what time she might...

43
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,792
- What was that all about?
- Oh, it's Chantelle's father.

44
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,878
He's just pinched them flowers
from the reception desk.

45
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,118
- Oh, right.
- Eh, son.

46
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,510
# Love is in the air everywhere #

47
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,598
Will you just pack it in?

48
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,590
- Hola!
- You all right?

49
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,360
- You would like to check-in?
- No. I'm fine, thanks.

50
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,199
- I'm meeting somebody.
- My name is Mateo.

51
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,553
<i>I offer you a very special tour
of the Solana Apartments</i>

52
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:11,800
-on this very hot day?
- He should be here somewhere.

53
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,390
- That is a very beautiful dress.
- Thanks.

54
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,956
It would look even better
on my bedroom floor, no.

55
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,639
Oh, there he is.

56
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,236
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
You look gorgeous.

57
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,318
Pretend you know me.

58
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,313
(MUMBLING)

59
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,434
<i>- Sorry, I think you got the wrong...
- I'm sorry about that.</i>

60
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,679
I can't stand Spanish waiters.
It's the only way to get rid of them.

61
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,918
- Actually it's ruddy well not okay.
- Oh.

62
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,474
I mean, you come in here, you know.

63
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,433
All guns blazing,
invading my personal space.

64
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,312
- Personal space?
- Kissing me on the lips

65
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,113
without even an introduction.

66
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,993
- My name's Dorothy.
- Oh, right. I'm Martin.

67
00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:02,118
And you know, I'm a married man
and well, you know, it's just not on.

68
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:07,152
<i>Right, so I suppose
a fuck's out of the question then?</i>

69
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,314
- That was a joke.
- Right.

70
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,997
Look, Martin, I'm sorry
if I've offended you, okay?

71
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,317
Please accept my sincere apologies.

72
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,837
Oh, Martin, nice lips!

73
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,275
Come on, Telle, get up.
Do you know where your father went?

74
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,710
This is supposed to be an holiday.

75
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,195
Unfortunately, love,
when you have a baby

76
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:47,269
you sign away any right to
a proper holiday for about 18 years.

77
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,754
<i>I should know.</i>

78
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,075
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

79
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,157
MICK: Hola, room service.

80
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,596
- Room service?
- TELLE: Come here.

81
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,275
Room service? When did they start
doing room service here?

82
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:08,759
- Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.
- Oh, my God!

83
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,194
Look at 'em.

84
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,311
I've just gone mental with them down
there. I ordered these for yesterday,

85
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,351
so technically it wasn't me
who forgot our anniversary.

86
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,596
Yeah. Funny you never mentioned it.

87
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,631
Oh, I love the beautiful English ladies.

88
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,310
(SNIFFING) They smell of fish and chips.

89
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,556
Get off.

90
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,394
- So, what time is your mum due here?
- Ah, not sure, sometime today.

91
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:41,118
<i>Oh, I wish my mum was still alive.
She was a magician's assistant</i>

92
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:46,713
and drowned in something called
the Chinese water torture cell.

93
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,513
Now, why does that not surprise me?

94
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,278
Is she staying for the rest of the week?

95
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,596
No Idea. I tried calling her,
but her phone's switched off.

96
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,439
Well, remember if you boys
want to go out clubbing,

97
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,393
Jacqueline and I will be very happy
to look after her.

98
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,273
There's a cracking free bingo night
over the road.

99
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,676
That's very kind,
but probably not necessary.

100
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,077
Dorothy, Gavin's mum, had him
when she was young, very young.

101
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,955
- More like brother and sister really.
- Oh, ain't that lovely?

102
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,789
Blimey, will you get a load of that?

103
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,753
We may not be available
to take your mum to the bingo

104
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:21,794
if our friend in the white dress
swings our way, if you know what I mean.

105
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,436
- What do you say, Jacqueline?
- Oh, yeah.

106
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,871
Gavin! Oh!

107
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,236
Come here, Troy. Give us a kiss.

108
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,398
Oh, look at the pair of yer.
You look gorgeous.

109
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,479
Donald, Jacqueline,
this is Dorothy, my mother.

110
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,913
- Oh.
- Hello, love.

111
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,755
- So it's just a flying visit then?
- Yeah.

112
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,598
I've got a friend who's a pilot

113
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,360
<i>and he was coming to Alicante
so I thought, why not?</i>

114
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,040
I do like to keep me eye on me baby,
don't I?

115
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:01,996
So are you Gavin's real mum?
'Cause you look about the same age.

116
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,120
None taken.

117
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:08,030
Oh, we've been through a lot together
these past two years, haven't we, babe?

118
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,791
Right, and you've obviously coped
a lot better than Gavin?

119
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,030
Sorry, you do realise you're saying
these things out loud, don't you?

120
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,594
When do you have to go back?

121
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,280
Not sure yet.
Why don't we play it by ear?

122
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,153
You're not going back today?
I've hardly seen you.

123
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,556
I'll tell you what, why don't us three
get some more drinks in?

124
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,990
- A very good idea.
- JACQUELINE: Oh, yeah.

125
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,236
I'd do anything for a white Russian.

126
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,510
Look, why don't we take a walk
into the town?

127
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,917
All right. Is it okay if I use your room
to freshen up?

128
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,159
Is it okay? I'm not sure.
Have you been vaccinated against TB?

129
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,749
Oh, and tell your friend I wouldn't mind
one of those white Russians.

130
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,917
Oh, and a drink would be good as well.

131
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,510
<i>Dad, that was beautiful.
Can I have another one?</i>

132
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,597
Of course you can, son.
After tomorrow, we go home

133
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,315
and have to start paying
for stuff again. Fill your boots.

134
00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:01,829
Hey up. Look who's here?
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Flid.

135
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,316
They've been shopping. She said she was
gonna get a white wedding dress.

136
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,193
Jesus! She'll get done under
the Trades Descriptions Act.

137
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,278
Unfortunately, that's more or less
what I said.

138
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,032
<i>- Hiya, mam.
- You all right, Madge?</i>

139
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,754
You'll be pleased to know we've been out
and made all the arrangements

140
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,076
for tomorrow,
so you don't have to lift a finger.

141
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,670
- Mam, don't be like that.
- Mel brought me a lovely wedding dress.

142
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,394
I didn't know they had a Primark
in Benidorm.

143
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:33,071
And for your information, yes,
it is white.

144
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,555
I didn't mean to say
what I did yesterday, mam.

145
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,273
It just came out all wrong.

146
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,153
If you're happy,
then we're happy for ya.

147
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,670
- Apology accepted.
- I didn't hear anybody apologise.

148
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,640
Oh, mother, I can't believe
you're getting married tomorrow.

149
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,991
- Come here.
- Oh, get off me.

150
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,351
I've just put a load of tanning
accelerator on. You'll rub it off.

151
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,959
MICK: Tanning accelerator?

152
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,594
Fucking hell, who are you going
to this wedding as? Diana Ross.

153
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:05,475
Oh, very funny, I'm sure.
Make yourself useful

154
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,240
- large vodka and orange.
- I've just sat down.

155
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,078
- Mick!
- Ah.

156
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,000
What did your last slave die of?
Tanning accelerator poisoning?

157
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,359
Don't run!

158
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,717
That's more like it, son.

159
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,956
Excuse me, I don't mean anything by it,

160
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,038
but you've got the best tits
in this whole bar.

161
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,471
Do you mind?
You could at least buy me a drink first.

162
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,513
How long are you staying for?

163
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,679
Well, I could either go back tonight
or tomorrow afternoon, it's up to you.

164
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,076
I wonder if we can get you a wristband
from somewhere.

165
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:49,353
- Do you mean one of these?
- Oh my God!

166
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,431
<i># It's raining men! Hallelujah!</i>

167
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:57,235
<i># It's raining men! Amen!</i>

168
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,512
<i># It's raining men! Hallelujah!</i>

169
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,234
# <i>It's raining men!</i> #

170
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:10,071
Here you are, gin and tonic.
Vodka and tanning accelerator for Madge.

171
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,953
And viagra and soda
for the condemned man.

172
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,309
I beg your pardon.

173
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,555
You're all right, keep your thong on.

174
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,159
It's only tonic water,
like you asked for.

175
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,159
Well, I'd like to propose a toast
to the happy couple.

176
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,715
Aye, hang on, what about these two?

177
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,432
- Madge and Mel!
- Madge and Mel!

178
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,714
- JACK: Excuse me?
- Janice.

179
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,520
Jesus Christ! I mean, yes, love.

180
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,349
Sorry. You were in my bar yesterday
and well,

181
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,949
this was under the table when you left.
You must have dropped it.

182
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,198
Oh, that'll be mine.
Must've dropped out me bag.

183
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,551
Anyway, I just didn't want you
to be out of pocket.

184
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,640
Right, okay, well, I'll let you get on.

185
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,713
Nice to see you again. Bye.

186
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,712
- Wa-hey, look who's got a toyboy.
- You what?

187
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,433
Did you see the way
he was looking at you?

188
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,994
- No!
- Bloody hell, his mum ought to

189
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,829
put the old boxing gloves on him
before he goes to bed tonight.

190
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,075
- Give us that back.
- Hey.

191
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,919
You didn't lose any money yesterday.
Poor little lad's made a mistake.

192
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,590
Hey, be careful, he don't drag you
behind the bike sheds.

193
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,709
What the fuck do you think
you're playing at?

194
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,229
- Are you all right?
- I'm so sorry.

195
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,237
Well, so you should be.

196
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,119
- I was bang out of order coming here.
- Yeah, you were.

197
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,518
<i>- But I can't stop thinking about you.
- Listen, you're gonna have to go.</i>

198
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,351
I just wanted to look into your eyes
one more time, Janice.

199
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,552
Oh, Jesus Christ! How did you find me?

200
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,638
I promised myself I'd look in every
hotel in Benidorm until I found ya.

201
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,637
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

202
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,919
Although I did start with the one
written on your wrist band.

203
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,838
All right.
Jack, you've had your bit of fun.

204
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,112
- Now go home and don't come back again.
- One more kiss.

205
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,551
- Sorry, are you on drugs?
- One more kiss and I'll go.

206
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,753
I've never been kissed like that
before in my life.

207
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,713
My husband's gonna be out here
in about 10 seconds.

208
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,797
- It's 'cause I'm ugly, innit?
- You what?

209
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,390
You only kissed me 'cause I'm ugly
and you felt sorry for me.

210
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,433
Jesus! Where's Jeremy Kyle
when you need him?

211
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,712
Jack? Jack, don't be daft.

212
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,032
Come on. You, you're a good-looking lad.

213
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,833
- So kiss me.
- I'm a married woman.

214
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,315
Kiss me like you kissed me yesterday
and I promise I'll go.

215
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,000
You'll never see me again. I promise.

216
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,797
- God, you are so gorgeous.
- Jesus wept.

217
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,034
- God, you're amazing.
- Now, that's your lot. Go!

218
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,400
I'm going.
Look, I'm doing what I promised.

219
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,313
- You are absolutely gorgeous.
- Keep walking.

220
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,558
Hiya, are you all right?

221
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,997
Oh, hello again.
I'm sorry about that earlier.

222
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,872
Well, you bloody well should be sorry.

223
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,514
My wife has left me
and you just think I'm an easy target.

224
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,960
It wasn't like that.

225
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,833
And, yes,
you're a very attractive woman.

226
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,998
I can't deny that,
but I'm just not interested.

227
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,074
I love my wife. And I'm sorry,

228
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,158
but you don't even compare
to her in any way.

229
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:44,474
If I had the choice of ten of you
or one of my wife, I'd choose her.

230
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,920
Every time!

231
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,951
<i>But I don't have the choice
because she's not here.</i>

232
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,712
- DONALD: There they are.
- Oh, I do love the gays.

233
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,593
They're always so well turned out,
aren't they?

234
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,791
- DONALD: How was your afternoon?
- Yeah. Good, thanks.

235
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:12,073
I had a siesta and Gavin and his mum
had a bit of a heart to heart.

236
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,433
- Oh, they haven't had a row, have they?
- No, nothing like that.

237
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:21,031
Gavin's mum has a few, well,
commitment issues.

238
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,671
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah. We were just talking about...

239
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,031
Dogging! Ever tried it?

240
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:35,117
No, no. Here's me thinking
you'd be talking about world peace.

241
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,593
Hey, here she is, the child catcher.

242
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,429
<i>- I could have had that 20 euros.
- Hey, she's got hot flush.</i>

243
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,790
You didn't have a quickie around
the back of the bike sheds, did you?

244
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,513
I had to run after him.

245
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,358
I don't know what it is,
but all the women that fancy me

246
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,357
- seem to be younger.
- Oh.

247
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,756
That's because all the ones older
than you are dead.

248
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,837
Well, nearly all of them.

249
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,638
Right, same again?

250
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,310
Hiya.

251
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,393
Just dropped me son off with your mam
in your apartment.

252
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,353
<i>- I know.
- She said you were down here.</i>

253
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,469
<i>I know.</i>

254
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,479
<i>I thought we were going out for a drink.</i>

255
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:25,432
We might as well have
a few here first 'cause...

256
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,553
Well, they're free.

257
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,313
- Are you pissed?
- No. I only had four.

258
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,598
- What do you want?
- You're all right. I'll get it.

259
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,118
- What's her name then?
- It's Dorothy.

260
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,357
<i>I put your mother down to sing
Bonnie Tyler, Holding Out For a Hero.</i>

261
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,393
Oh, my God,
we'll never get her off the stage.

262
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,671
Excuse me, we need an extra chair.

263
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:08,993
So...being Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion,
unbeaten for three years,

264
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,511
I don't have a lot of free time. So...

265
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,952
Look, I've not had a great deal
of experience with girls.

266
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:23,840
- Really? Never would've guessed.
- No, seriously. I mean...

267
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:29,873
<i>I know I come across as bit of a player,
but I've only ever had one girlfriend.</i>

268
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,752
- Really?
- Yeah.

269
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:38,431
Her name was Elaine. We met on internet,
but we did meet up for real,

270
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,872
but she was very shy and, well,

271
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,039
It's not easy to chat up a lass
who won't take her crash helmet off.

272
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,991
<i>Can I tell you a secret?</i>

273
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,717
I don't know whether you want
to take this upstairs at any point,

274
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,151
you know, but I'm not...

275
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:09,316
I've not had... You know,
when it comes to...

276
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,710
Geoff, are you trying to tell me
you're a virgin?

277
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,071
What? No. God, no.

278
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,674
Jesus! No. I'm...

279
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,238
You know, it's...

280
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,273
Bloody hell,
I can't believe you thought...

281
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,118
You are, aren't you?

282
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,515
- Yeah.
- It's all right. So am I.

283
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,229
Really?

284
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,957
God, you see...

285
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,758
I know we don't look like
the perfect match, but, well...

286
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,037
When you think about it,

287
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,996
we've got so much in common.

288
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,792
- I have message for you.
- Message? Who from?

289
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,674
It's my mother. She had to leave.

290
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:25,034
Right, next up we have Dorothy.
Come on, Dorothy. Where are you?

291
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,118
- Okay, one more chair.
- No.

292
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,753
No extra chair, thank you.

293
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,077
Dorothy? No.

294
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,795
ANNOUNCER: Okay. Sorry, Dorothy,
that was your last chance.

295
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,076
I'm sorry. Would you excuse me?

296
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,669
ANNOUNCER: Right, ladies and gents,
I'll sing the next number.

297
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,077
But before I do,
I've a special announcement to make.

298
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,397
As some of you may remember,
a few nights ago

299
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,273
we had the wedding proposal
right here on this stage.

300
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,711
And I'm very excited to tell you that
I had a word with the groom today,

301
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,879
and Madge Barron and Mel Harvey
are to be married on Levante Beach

302
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:08,790
<i>tomorrow afternoon at 3:00
and we're all invited!</i>

303
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,033
(CROWD CHEERING)

304
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,919
(SINGING WHO'S SORRY NOW)

305
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,714
Hey, Mel, that's what you'll be singing
on your wedding day.

306
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,993
# Who's sorry now? #

307
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:33,876
- Kate, where have you been?
- I just needed some space.

308
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:40,076
# For breaking each vow

309
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,512
# Who's sad and blue?

310
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,399
# Who's crying too? #

310
00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:55,425
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