1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today

2
00:00:41,367 --> 00:00:42,482
And I can guarantee you,

3
00:00:42,567 --> 00:00:45,957
that is not a Mars bar in
the shower cubicle, get it shifted, now.

4
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,999
Uh, excuse me...
-Yeah?

5
00:00:48,087 --> 00:00:50,999
Do you know
when the water aerobics starts?

6
00:00:51,887 --> 00:00:54,720
''Water aerobics, today 10 a.m.''

7
00:00:54,807 --> 00:00:57,719
Yeah, you've got a point,
it is a bit cryptic isn't it?

8
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:01,004
Well, it's just that
it's nearly 25 to 1 1 :00.

9
00:01:02,807 --> 00:01:05,321
Oh, for God's sake. Mateo!

10
00:01:05,887 --> 00:01:07,923
There you go.
-Thanks, Lesley.

11
00:01:08,007 --> 00:01:10,157
I love that colour!

12
00:01:10,247 --> 00:01:13,000
Oh, it's nice isn't it?
It's called Hot Fudge.

13
00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:16,007
I tend to steer away
from dark colours, you know,

14
00:01:16,087 --> 00:01:18,726
'cause they can make me hands
look a bit masculine,

15
00:01:18,807 --> 00:01:20,001
but I think I get away with these.

16
00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:21,486
Oh, definitely.

17
00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,000
Where's Slack Alice?

18
00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:24,520
Who?
-Mateo.

19
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:27,599
Oh, I think he went to get changed
for his, whatchamacallit.

20
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:28,802
Dianetics.

21
00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:32,198
That was over an hour... Dianetics?

22
00:01:32,287 --> 00:01:33,606
Isn't that Scientology?

23
00:01:33,687 --> 00:01:36,884
Oh, it's no use asking me, pet,
I never go near the water.

24
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:38,685
Plays havoc with a straight bob.

25
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:45,197
Oi, Norma bloody Desmond,
your public are waiting.

26
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,641
What on earth has he got on his head?

27
00:01:48,727 --> 00:01:50,365
Look who's talking.

28
00:01:51,127 --> 00:01:53,004
What do you think you're playing at?

29
00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:57,120
What am I playing? Have you seen this?

30
00:02:02,927 --> 00:02:03,996
What's wrong with it?

31
00:02:04,087 --> 00:02:06,078
What is wrong with it?
What is right with it?

32
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,203
You look... fine.

33
00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,602
Janey, I look like a homosexual gay.

34
00:02:10,687 --> 00:02:13,485
I don't think you can blame that
entirely on the lycra.

35
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:18,887
Hey, hey! It's Mr Motivator!
You look fantastic, man!

36
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,560
Is this for the aerobatics?

37
00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:22,160
That's it. I'm going back.

38
00:02:22,247 --> 00:02:23,805
You are going nowhere.

39
00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:27,118
We've had a dozen pensioners
been waiting for you since 1 0:00.

40
00:02:27,207 --> 00:02:29,926
There's that many hormone patches
floating in that pool,

41
00:02:30,007 --> 00:02:31,963
people are going to be walking out
a different sex.

42
00:02:32,047 --> 00:02:33,719
Ooh, I might have a dip after all!

43
00:02:33,807 --> 00:02:35,286
Listen, if you don't get over there...

44
00:02:36,887 --> 00:02:38,400
What's going on down there?

45
00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:41,999
Down where?
-Down where? Down there.

46
00:02:42,607 --> 00:02:44,438
Brought an orange for half-time?

47
00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:46,279
Janey, I'm going back to change.

48
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,198
Oi, you're going nowhere.

49
00:02:48,287 --> 00:02:52,075
You either start kicking your legs
to Donna Summer on the side of that pool

50
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,476
or I'll take this
as a formal resignation

51
00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:58,276
and your locker will be cleared out
within the hour. Shift.

52
00:03:00,887 --> 00:03:02,002
Looking good, handsome.

53
00:03:04,447 --> 00:03:07,041
And no knocking off after 20 minutes.

54
00:03:07,127 --> 00:03:10,164
You started late, you finish late,
do you understand?

55
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:11,846
Bloody hell, is it rag week?

56
00:03:12,247 --> 00:03:13,885
And what kind of a question's that?

57
00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:16,003
Just because a woman raises her voice,

58
00:03:16,087 --> 00:03:18,726
it doesn't automatically mean
she's on the blob.

59
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,959
Oh, here he comes.

60
00:03:28,287 --> 00:03:29,356
Get on with it!

61
00:03:29,447 --> 00:03:31,199
What's he come dressed as?

62
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,923
Mutton dressed as Spam!

63
00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:46,001
Eh, whatever they're paying you, love,
it isn't enough!

64
00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:52,037
Hi, babes, you all right?

65
00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:54,803
Do you want to budge up
and I'll get another sunbed?

66
00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:55,956
Yeah.

67
00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:57,765
Babes? Babes?

68
00:03:57,847 --> 00:04:01,157
Sorry, what happened between you and him
when we got back from the hospital?

69
00:04:01,247 --> 00:04:02,441
Absolutely nothing.

70
00:04:02,527 --> 00:04:04,279
Then why is he calling you ''babes''?

71
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:05,436
I don't know.

72
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:06,801
I thought you didn't fancy him.

73
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:09,799
I don't. He's like a strange child
that won't go away.

74
00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:17,402
I can't believe
you used to go out with that!

75
00:04:18,447 --> 00:04:20,881
Still, happy times now, eh, babes?

76
00:04:20,967 --> 00:04:22,161
Sorry, did you want summat?

77
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,317
No, I'm all right thanks, Sam.

78
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:26,602
How's your leg?

79
00:04:27,527 --> 00:04:30,166
Still broken.

80
00:04:30,527 --> 00:04:33,041
Oh, it will be.
It takes weeks apparently.

81
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,324
Come on, get on with it.

82
00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:40,518
Okay, first of all,
marching on the spot.

83
00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:44,842
Oi, don't march too fast,
you might lose your packed lunch!

84
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,725
And move your arms, too.

85
00:04:48,807 --> 00:04:51,321
You never know, you might start
getting rid of your bingo flaps.

86
00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:52,999
Bingo flaps?

87
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:54,998
Eyes down for a full house!

88
00:04:58,087 --> 00:05:02,399
Come on, jump.
Come on, move your fat bellies.

89
00:05:11,407 --> 00:05:13,045
What the frig's going on there?

90
00:05:13,727 --> 00:05:17,003
Bit of aqua aerobics.
Did you not fancy it, Madge?

91
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:18,566
You must be joking.

92
00:05:18,647 --> 00:05:21,036
Go on, they won't mind
you tipping your fag ash,

93
00:05:21,127 --> 00:05:22,276
as long as it's the shallow end.

94
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:24,085
Water and me have never got along.

95
00:05:24,327 --> 00:05:25,965
You don't say.

96
00:05:26,047 --> 00:05:28,845
You can find some very dangerous things
close to water.

97
00:05:28,927 --> 00:05:30,280
Like what? Shower gel?

98
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:33,837
A friend of mine, Edith, moved into
a retirement home in Southport.

99
00:05:33,927 --> 00:05:37,806
Fit as a fiddle when she got there,
she was dead within three months.

100
00:05:37,927 --> 00:05:39,724
Right. Did she drown?

101
00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:43,596
No, she had a heart attack
while watching Deal or No Deal.

102
00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:46,043
Well, what's that got to do with water?

103
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:49,324
What's it got to do with...
You know where Southport is?

104
00:05:50,407 --> 00:05:52,796
It's near the sea.
-Yeah.

105
00:05:53,607 --> 00:05:55,040
I rest my case.

106
00:05:55,127 --> 00:05:57,925
Well done, Madge,
another mystery solved.

107
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:01,235
Jessica Fletcher must be
shitting herself.

108
00:06:01,327 --> 00:06:02,726
How's it going?

109
00:06:02,807 --> 00:06:04,206
Yeah, all right.

110
00:06:05,207 --> 00:06:07,721
Are you okay?

111
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:09,997
Just a bit out of puff.

112
00:06:10,087 --> 00:06:11,440
It's hard to admit,

113
00:06:11,527 --> 00:06:14,439
but I'm no longer at the peak
of my physical fitness.

114
00:06:14,527 --> 00:06:15,676
Oh!

115
00:06:16,727 --> 00:06:19,002
You look like you're gonna die.

116
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,600
I'll be fine.

117
00:06:20,687 --> 00:06:23,724
It'll be a while before
I let go of the rope, as they say.

118
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:26,763
Just need to catch my breath.

119
00:06:32,327 --> 00:06:34,477
What's going on over there?

120
00:06:35,807 --> 00:06:39,482
I say, what's them two fellows
doing over there?

121
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,398
Oh, for God's sake,
what's wrong with you?

122
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:43,079
You can see where Janice gets it from,

123
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:44,282
''Oh, I wonder who are they?

124
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:45,436
''Oh, look at what they're wearing!

125
00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:46,721
''Ooh, what do you think
they're talking about?''

126
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,718
Why can't you just leave people alone?

127
00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,762
Keep your nose out
and mind your own business.

128
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,638
Bloody hell, who are they?
What is it they want?

129
00:07:07,447 --> 00:07:12,316
So, you do not know this woman
who is wife of Mel Harvey,

130
00:07:12,407 --> 00:07:14,557
her name, Madge.

131
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:19,445
No, as I said like,
people come and go so fast here.

132
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,997
Of course, if we discover you are lying,
you will have many problems.

133
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,723
Oh, you mean that Madge Harvey!

134
00:07:26,807 --> 00:07:28,798
Sorry, sorry,
I thought you meant somebody else.

135
00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:32,243
Yes, I used to work for Mrs Harvey.

136
00:07:32,647 --> 00:07:35,161
And where can we find this Mrs Harvey.

137
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:38,677
She's, uh... She's...
She's not here today.

138
00:07:38,847 --> 00:07:41,839
But if you'd like to leave a message,
I'll make sure she gets it.

139
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:43,838
Was it anything urgent?

140
00:07:45,647 --> 00:07:48,241
We have good news and bad news
for Mrs Harvey.

141
00:07:48,327 --> 00:07:50,716
The good news is,
she no longer owes money

142
00:07:50,807 --> 00:07:53,765
to Mr Reg Fiddler
of Benidorm trailer park.

143
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:58,284
Oh! She'll be over the moon
about that, I imagine.

144
00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:02,076
The bad news is our employer, Mr Pink,

145
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,438
has bought her husband's debt,

146
00:08:04,607 --> 00:08:07,326
so we need to arrange
an appointment with her to, uh...

147
00:08:08,207 --> 00:08:11,085
resolve this
rather pressing business matter.

148
00:08:11,727 --> 00:08:16,562
Right, so the message is
to basically give you a ring, like?

149
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,760
The message is this.

150
00:08:18,847 --> 00:08:22,078
If she does not ring the number
on this card in the next two hours,

151
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:23,356
she will die.

152
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:29,603
No, no, seriously,
what's the message?

153
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:38,079
That is the message, isn't it?

154
00:08:39,287 --> 00:08:42,085
Right, you can rely on me, pal.
I'll give it to her right now.

155
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:44,044
Well, not right this minute,

156
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:45,799
'cause I can't do that, she's not here.

157
00:08:45,887 --> 00:08:47,957
But I'll make sure she gets it.

158
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,044
Have they gone?
-They've gone.

159
00:09:00,527 --> 00:09:04,600
Hey, if there's anything I can do
to help, you just let me know.

160
00:09:04,687 --> 00:09:06,643
No, you're all right pal.

161
00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:08,638
This is a problem for the Garveys now.

162
00:09:08,727 --> 00:09:13,005
We deal with these kind of situations
our way and on our own terms.

163
00:09:13,647 --> 00:09:15,365
We don't need any help.

164
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:17,242
From anybody.

165
00:09:17,327 --> 00:09:19,204
No worries, I'll stay out your way.

166
00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:23,283
Sorry, I can't borrow your mobile,
can I? Haven't got any credit.

167
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:24,846
Of course, you can.

168
00:09:28,207 --> 00:09:31,119
There you go.
-Um... Thanks.

169
00:09:32,127 --> 00:09:33,526
No problem.

170
00:09:35,807 --> 00:09:37,160
Right, left. Right, left.

171
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,520
Yeah, me Nana's always talking
about funerals and stuff.

172
00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:42,438
She never shuts up about it.

173
00:09:42,527 --> 00:09:44,404
I don't think she's scared of dying,

174
00:09:44,487 --> 00:09:48,196
I think she's just worried
that when she does go,

175
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:50,164
there are so many people
left on the planet

176
00:09:50,247 --> 00:09:51,726
she didn't manage to annoy.

177
00:09:52,327 --> 00:09:55,683
As me dad always says,
''Life's a bitch and then you die.''

178
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,526
Don't worry, you'll be okay.

179
00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:12,481
Everything's going to be okay.

180
00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:21,082
You, what the frigging hell
was you doing to them?

181
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:22,766
What has this got to do with me?

182
00:10:22,847 --> 00:10:26,442
Well done, one down,
only a few hundred to go.

183
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,995
I always said this place
was a death trap.

184
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,600
Come on, Michael.

185
00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:31,881
I'm off back in the pool.

186
00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:33,878
You are not.
You're staying out of that pool today.

187
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:34,956
Oh, Mum!

188
00:10:35,047 --> 00:10:36,116
Can I go now?

189
00:10:36,207 --> 00:10:38,562
Somebody dies during your aerobics class

190
00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:41,207
and you're asking
what's it got to do with you?

191
00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:42,402
Have you never heard of,

192
00:10:42,487 --> 00:10:45,001
''Where there's a blame,
there's a claim?''

193
00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:46,520
He's not dead!

194
00:10:46,607 --> 00:10:49,724
Also he was not doing the class,
he was standing at the side.

195
00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:52,082
Bloody hell, he doesn't look too clever.

196
00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:54,761
I'll be surprised if that one
doesn't go back in a body bag.

197
00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:56,963
This is not my fault.

198
00:10:57,087 --> 00:10:59,885
I'm sorry, but something like this
could close us down.

199
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:03,084
Clear out your locker and we'll pay you
to the end of the month.

200
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:07,284
What? Janey! Janey!

201
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,361
Señor Garvey, the fat man,

202
00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:10,926
he was not doing the aerobics,
did you see?

203
00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:13,316
Sorry, mate, I've got enough problems
of me own right now.

204
00:11:13,887 --> 00:11:17,357
No, I am listening to you,

205
00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:19,677
I'm just looking outside.

206
00:11:20,407 --> 00:11:24,002
It looks like someone's died
in the pool.

207
00:11:24,287 --> 00:11:26,278
Oh, that reminds me,

208
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:29,564
can you record Strike It Lucky for me?

209
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:34,319
I don't know, one of the cable channels.

210
00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:40,725
All right, Son, give my love
to Chantelle and baby Coolio.

211
00:11:41,207 --> 00:11:43,596
Oh, our Pauline's up.

212
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,683
Do you want to say a quick hello?

213
00:11:48,527 --> 00:11:53,317
No, it's all right,
she doesn't want to, either.

214
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:57,525
Okay, speak to you tomorrow. Bye...

215
00:11:58,087 --> 00:11:59,122
Bye.

216
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:03,840
That was our Geoff.
You know he's working now.

217
00:12:03,927 --> 00:12:05,406
I've booked a flight home tomorrow.

218
00:12:05,487 --> 00:12:06,556
You what?

219
00:12:06,647 --> 00:12:09,605
I'm in my 40s,
I can't live like a student any more.

220
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,837
What do you mean, ''like a student''?

221
00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:16,443
How many students do you know
have luxury holidays in Spain?

222
00:12:16,927 --> 00:12:19,919
Luxury? You call this luxury?

223
00:12:20,327 --> 00:12:23,205
Well, I've been in worse places.

224
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:26,564
I'm sure you have.
Well, I for one have not.

225
00:12:27,487 --> 00:12:31,924
There's no need to go.
We've only got three or four days left.

226
00:12:32,007 --> 00:12:34,680
We could have a day trip somewhere.

227
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:38,876
Oh, heck.

228
00:12:39,727 --> 00:12:42,400
Well, I hate to admit it,
but you were right not to go in.

229
00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,478
Thank you.
-Could have been you, that.

230
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:47,236
I beg your pardon?

231
00:12:47,327 --> 00:12:49,887
Well, I know you're doing dead good
with your no carbs thing but...

232
00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:52,284
You know.
-I know what?

233
00:12:52,607 --> 00:12:56,964
You know, a man in your state
should be...careful.

234
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,397
To which kind of ''state'' do you refer?

235
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,638
Look, what I mean is...
How can I put this...

236
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:04,641
If you were a derelict building,

237
00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:06,718
they probably wouldn't let kids
play in you.

238
00:13:06,807 --> 00:13:10,197
Kenneth, tell me something,
as you sit here on this free holiday,

239
00:13:10,287 --> 00:13:12,562
sipping unlimited cocktails in the sun,

240
00:13:12,647 --> 00:13:15,559
have you ever heard of the phrase
''Don't bite the hand that feeds you.''

241
00:13:15,647 --> 00:13:16,796
No.

242
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:18,122
Quelle surprise.

243
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:19,800
Is that something they teach you
at Weight Watchers?

244
00:13:19,887 --> 00:13:22,117
I don't go to Weight Watchers.

245
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:26,198
Oh, have you got any sun cream?
-Yes.

246
00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,084
Brilliant, where is it?

247
00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:30,283
Are you asking if I have any
or if you can have some?

248
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:31,846
Oh, forget it, I'm not begging.

249
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:34,043
There's a supermarket
next to the entrance to the hotel.

250
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:37,199
I haven't brought any money with me.
You said this was all-inclusive.

251
00:13:37,287 --> 00:13:39,562
All-inclusive means food and drink.

252
00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:42,036
What kind of all-inclusive resort
provides you with sun cream?

253
00:13:42,127 --> 00:13:45,278
Oh, God, sorry, hold that thought.
Back in a bit.

254
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:48,077
What are you doing?
Where do you keep going?

255
00:13:48,167 --> 00:13:49,486
Won't be long!

256
00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:57,125
Who's he talking to?

257
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,282
I've no idea.

258
00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:03,115
Can you hear what he's saying?
-No.

259
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:04,765
Well, ask him what it's all about.

260
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,644
Oh, for God's sake. Mick!

261
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,196
Shh!

262
00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:10,603
That's not me dad's mobile
he's talking on.

263
00:14:10,687 --> 00:14:11,836
What's going on Mum?

264
00:14:11,927 --> 00:14:13,121
I don't know darling.

265
00:14:13,207 --> 00:14:15,846
It's got something to do with them
fellows in the suits. I know it.

266
00:14:18,327 --> 00:14:20,557
Well?
-Well, what?

267
00:14:20,647 --> 00:14:22,444
Who were the men in the suits?

268
00:14:22,527 --> 00:14:24,245
What men?
-Useless.

269
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:27,405
The ones who were stood behind you
when you were at the bar.

270
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:28,476
Oh... Um...

271
00:14:31,727 --> 00:14:32,796
I don't know.

272
00:14:32,887 --> 00:14:34,764
You went all the way over to the bar
to see what was going on

273
00:14:34,847 --> 00:14:35,882
and you didn't find out?

274
00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:39,323
I went over to the bar for a drink.
-Not according to me mother.

275
00:14:39,407 --> 00:14:41,443
Oh, well, then your mother's wrong.

276
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:43,358
Dad, whose phone is that?

277
00:14:44,807 --> 00:14:45,842
It's my phone.

278
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,395
No it's not. Your phone's rubbish,
that one's really good.

279
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,478
Mick, just tell us, what is going on?

280
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:54,003
Nothing's going on.
There's nothing to worry about.

281
00:14:54,087 --> 00:14:55,315
See, that's your problem.

282
00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:57,875
You always make a big fuss
about stuff before you know the facts.

283
00:14:57,967 --> 00:15:00,162
So what are the facts?
-There aren't any!

284
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:02,484
Just thought I'd bring you all
a few drinks.

285
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:03,636
Oh, thank you.

286
00:15:03,727 --> 00:15:06,241
And I took the liberty
of bringing you a little chaser as well.

287
00:15:06,327 --> 00:15:07,885
What's that?
-It's a drop of brandy.

288
00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:10,197
Steady your nerves.
-There's nothing wrong with my nerves.

289
00:15:10,287 --> 00:15:12,517
Well, you are an amazing woman,
Mrs Harvey.

290
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:16,600
All I'm saying is if two big, hairy
gorillas had just threatened to kill me

291
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:18,279
over an unpaid debt,

292
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,961
I'd be putting me knickers
on a boil wash by now.

293
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:24,925
Have you finished with my phone?

294
00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:27,922
Champion.

295
00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:43,959
Oh, it's too hot.
-Oh, really? I'm fine.

296
00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,086
I think it's the quarter of my body

297
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:49,159
encased in, itchy, sweat drenched,
airtight plaster

298
00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:52,398
that's taking my mind
off how boiling the rest of me is.

299
00:15:53,047 --> 00:15:55,197
There's no way
that's a quarter of your body.

300
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,356
I beg your pardon?

301
00:15:56,447 --> 00:15:57,960
Don't say it as if it's our fault.

302
00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:01,285
''Our fault''? ''Our fault''?
What? You and your husband?

303
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,437
''Our fault'' as in myself and Liam,

304
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,360
the two people who were with you
when you fell off your dance podium.

305
00:16:06,447 --> 00:16:08,039
Fell off? You dragged me off.

306
00:16:08,127 --> 00:16:09,276
I didn't drag you anywhere.

307
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:12,882
She didn't drag you,
you fell off 'cause you were drunk.

308
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:15,322
Haven't you got
really important things to do,

309
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,125
like plaiting your dad's hair?
-No.

310
00:16:17,207 --> 00:16:18,526
Just leave it, Sam.

311
00:16:18,607 --> 00:16:20,279
His hair's not long enough to plait.

312
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:22,403
Anyway, it's a wig,
he could probably do it himself.

313
00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:23,522
Shut up!

314
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:24,926
Don't take it out on him.

315
00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:28,202
God, this is driving me mental!

316
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,125
Liam, why don't you get us all a drink?

317
00:16:30,207 --> 00:16:31,720
I'll give me dad a wave.

318
00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:34,924
No, Liam, why don't you
get us all a drink?

319
00:16:35,007 --> 00:16:36,963
It's no bother, it's me dad's job.

320
00:16:37,047 --> 00:16:39,083
Liam, Sam and I need to talk
to each other.

321
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:40,916
Oh, okay.

322
00:16:42,847 --> 00:16:44,485
Oh, for crying out loud,

323
00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:48,526
this is the most stupid person
I have ever met in my entire life!

324
00:16:50,087 --> 00:16:52,760
Listen, I think I'd better
make meself scarce,

325
00:16:52,847 --> 00:16:55,884
she's obviously a bit upset with you.
I'll see you later.

326
00:16:57,887 --> 00:17:01,084
He's actually quite funny.

327
00:17:01,727 --> 00:17:07,199
He's not, he's not funny.
He's irritating, immature, stupid...

328
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,482
He's not stupid, he's sweet.

329
00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:11,956
Oh, my God, you actually fancy him.

330
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:15,365
Of course I don't fancy him.
-Then tell him to go away.

331
00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:18,967
Listen,
I'll get the drinks in a minute.

332
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:21,963
I've just got to try and sort this out.

333
00:17:29,927 --> 00:17:31,565
So basically, the debt's been passed on

334
00:17:31,647 --> 00:17:33,683
and I've arranged to meet them
to sort it out.

335
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:35,837
But why are you meeting them?
We haven't got the money.

336
00:17:35,927 --> 00:17:37,042
I'm going to try and work out a deal.

337
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:41,200
They can't just buy someone else's debt.
Tell them to shove it up their arse.

338
00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:44,115
Madge Harvey,
the Kofi Annan of the Costa Blanca.

339
00:17:45,087 --> 00:17:46,645
Right, I'd best get off.

340
00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:49,639
Come on, let's get packed up.
-What do you think you're doing?

341
00:17:49,727 --> 00:17:50,762
We're coming with you,

342
00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:52,758
you don't think I'm letting you go
on your own, do you?

343
00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:56,396
Come on, Mum. Michael you're staying
here with your Auntie Noreen.

344
00:17:56,487 --> 00:17:58,603
I don't have an Auntie Noreen.
-You do now.

345
00:17:59,127 --> 00:18:00,480
I want to come!

346
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:03,206
Oh, let him come,
he doesn't take up any room in the car.

347
00:18:03,287 --> 00:18:05,005
It's not about car space,

348
00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:06,998
this is a meeting
with a psychotic Mafia boss,

349
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:10,159
not a day out at Centre Parcs.
You're all staying here.

350
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:13,356
Come on, Mam, you bring the bags,

351
00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:16,086
I'll drop Michael off
and I'll see you at the car.

352
00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:18,681
You can't come with me,
it's too dangerous.

353
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:23,920
Wait for me.

354
00:18:25,047 --> 00:18:26,162
Jan!

355
00:18:29,647 --> 00:18:30,875
Let's have a look.

356
00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:35,558
She's a good-looking lass, that Natalie.

357
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,285
Yeah, I know.

358
00:18:39,287 --> 00:18:41,596
Don't mess this one up, Son.
-No, I won't.

359
00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:44,240
Yeah, that's fine.

360
00:18:45,287 --> 00:18:47,039
What's going on?
-Just one minute, Janey.

361
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,924
Give it a little bit of a wiggle.

362
00:18:49,567 --> 00:18:52,365
Yeah, you're good to go with that, Son.
-Thanks, Dad.

363
00:18:53,647 --> 00:18:55,797
Actually, on second thoughts,
I don't think I want to know.

364
00:18:55,887 --> 00:18:57,002
Have you seen Mateo? He's gone,

365
00:18:57,087 --> 00:18:58,725
but he hasn't cleared his locker out.

366
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:00,957
No, I haven't seen him.
-Right.

367
00:19:01,447 --> 00:19:02,846
Are you sure that's your son?

368
00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:06,078
Yeah, Liam's me youngest.
I've got two more, twins,

369
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,727
but they're in Israel living on a kebab.

370
00:19:11,087 --> 00:19:14,557
This place is like
a Channel 4 documentary sometimes.

371
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:20,436
She's gone.

372
00:19:21,847 --> 00:19:25,078
Lesley, you have to help me.
I need this job.

373
00:19:25,407 --> 00:19:27,284
Don't worry. I think I've got an idea.

374
00:19:43,647 --> 00:19:45,205
We must have gone wrong somewhere.

375
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:49,246
They said third exit off the CV-758
on the way to Les Tapiades.

376
00:19:49,327 --> 00:19:50,760
This is the right road.

377
00:19:50,847 --> 00:19:52,963
We should have brought Michael
at least he can read a map.

378
00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:56,005
Oh, let's turn round and go back home,
frig the lot of them.

379
00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:58,078
They'll soon come running
when you don't turn up.

380
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:00,203
Yeah, they'll come running
with sawn-off shot guns,

381
00:20:00,287 --> 00:20:01,766
have you never seen Lock Stock?

382
00:20:03,247 --> 00:20:04,965
Must be through that tunnel.

383
00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:06,480
You've got to be joking.

384
00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:08,239
If you think you're taking me
up Crack Alley,

385
00:20:08,327 --> 00:20:09,919
you've got another think coming.

386
00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:11,679
You've never complained before.

387
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,081
Did you miss me?

388
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,398
With every fibre of my being.
Where did you go to?

389
00:20:30,487 --> 00:20:33,638
Oh, just a little shower,
you know, freshen meself up a bit.

390
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,886
You probably haven't noticed,
but it's quite hot.

391
00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:40,966
Hello.
- Y'alright?

392
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:43,923
Hey, do you fancy eating out tonight,
my treat?

393
00:20:44,007 --> 00:20:46,202
Who was that?
-Who was what?

394
00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:49,120
That man you just said hello to.
-I didn't say hello to anyone.

395
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,277
A man just walked past,
he smiled and nodded to you

396
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:52,516
and you said hello to him.

397
00:20:52,607 --> 00:20:53,722
Did I?

398
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:56,523
It's just people on holiday, isn't it?

399
00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:58,319
So, do you fancy pizza tonight?

400
00:20:58,407 --> 00:20:59,806
I thought you didn't bring
any money with you?

401
00:20:59,887 --> 00:21:03,004
Yeah, I thought I didn't,
but I found some euros in me case.

402
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,317
Must have been from that weekend I had
in Ibiza last year.

403
00:21:05,407 --> 00:21:07,875
So if you don't fancy a pizza,
do you fancy a Chinese?

404
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,117
No, thank you.
-Oh, suit yourself.

405
00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,039
Hi.
-Hiya.

406
00:21:15,047 --> 00:21:16,082
What?

407
00:21:42,527 --> 00:21:44,404
Where the bloody hell are we?

408
00:21:45,367 --> 00:21:46,595
Is it a film set?

409
00:21:46,687 --> 00:21:49,838
I know where we are,
Mel told me about this place.

410
00:21:49,927 --> 00:21:54,239
They built it as a Wild West theme park.
He was thinking of buying it.

411
00:21:55,007 --> 00:21:57,202
They used to do a cowboy stunt show.

412
00:21:57,287 --> 00:22:02,407
Only, one night someone changed all
the blanks in the guns for real bullets.

413
00:22:02,527 --> 00:22:03,755
Bloody hell. What happened?

414
00:22:03,847 --> 00:22:05,200
What do you think happened?

415
00:22:05,287 --> 00:22:08,882
Next day, first lot of tourists came in,
show started...

416
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:10,765
Absolute bloodbath.

417
00:22:10,967 --> 00:22:13,276
Ugh. Why would somebody do that?

418
00:22:14,007 --> 00:22:16,157
Something to do
with a bad debt, apparently.

419
00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:25,041
Oh, my God.

420
00:22:39,687 --> 00:22:41,006
Everybody keep calm.

421
00:22:42,607 --> 00:22:46,361
Everything's going to be all right
as long as we don't panic.

422
00:22:49,687 --> 00:22:51,405
Drive forward.
-Piss off!

423
00:22:53,407 --> 00:22:54,681
What are we going to do,

424
00:22:54,767 --> 00:22:57,486
we can't just sit here?
-Just let me think.

425
00:22:57,567 --> 00:23:01,276
Oh, for God's sake, wait here,
I'll go talk to them.

426
00:23:01,367 --> 00:23:02,402
No!
-No!

427
00:23:03,247 --> 00:23:06,603
Just... Just drive forward a bit.

428
00:23:36,607 --> 00:23:38,165
What are you piddling about at?

429
00:23:38,247 --> 00:23:40,203
We'll be here all bloody day
at this rate.

430
00:23:40,287 --> 00:23:41,640
Well, what do you want me to do?

431
00:23:42,767 --> 00:23:43,916
Hang on, look.

432
00:23:53,367 --> 00:23:55,756
Throw out your weapons.

433
00:23:56,887 --> 00:23:58,002
Are you taking the piss?

434
00:23:58,087 --> 00:23:59,759
Don't antagonise them,
throw something out.

435
00:23:59,847 --> 00:24:01,041
What am I supposed to throw out?

436
00:24:01,127 --> 00:24:02,765
Anything, just do as he says.

437
00:24:07,127 --> 00:24:09,721
Step out of the car slowly.

438
00:24:11,047 --> 00:24:15,245
Okay, after three,
we're all going to get out the car.

439
00:24:15,327 --> 00:24:18,046
Stay together. No sudden movements.

440
00:24:18,127 --> 00:24:20,436
One, two...

441
00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,836
Oh, sod this for a game of soldiers.

442
00:24:22,927 --> 00:24:24,645
Mother, what are you doing?

443
00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:27,680
What the frig are you doing,

444
00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,327
dragging us all out here
to the arse end of nowhere?

445
00:24:30,407 --> 00:24:33,843
You might enjoy piss balling about
playing cowboys and Indians,

446
00:24:33,927 --> 00:24:36,839
but personally,
I've got bigger fish to fry.

447
00:24:36,927 --> 00:24:40,124
Mam, these are dangerous people,
please, let Mick deal with it.

448
00:24:40,207 --> 00:24:42,516
Dangerously stupid, look at him!

449
00:24:42,807 --> 00:24:45,196
When you're as fat as that,
the last thing you want to be wearing

450
00:24:45,287 --> 00:24:47,403
in this weather is a three-piece suit.

451
00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:51,878
This is not a three-piece suit,
it's a two-piece.

452
00:24:51,967 --> 00:24:53,320
Oh, Jesus.
-Oh, my God.

453
00:24:53,407 --> 00:24:54,999
Well, why are you wearing a tie?

454
00:24:55,087 --> 00:24:57,203
You're sweating like pig on a spit.

455
00:24:57,647 --> 00:25:00,002
It was not that hot
when I left home this morning.

456
00:25:00,087 --> 00:25:02,282
And why on earth
are you wearing that colour?

457
00:25:02,687 --> 00:25:05,565
Don't tell me it's slimming,
'cause I've got news for you,

458
00:25:05,647 --> 00:25:08,286
that suit's black, not black magic.

459
00:25:08,807 --> 00:25:11,196
It's a work suit,
I wear what I'm told to wear.

460
00:25:11,287 --> 00:25:13,517
Oh, for crying out loud!

461
00:25:19,007 --> 00:25:21,077
I can't listen
to any more of this rubbish!

462
00:25:22,527 --> 00:25:25,803
Now listen, have you got my money,
or haven't you?

463
00:25:28,847 --> 00:25:31,202
Sorry, am I talking to myself?

464
00:25:31,287 --> 00:25:33,926
Are you Mr Pink?
-Yes.

465
00:25:34,207 --> 00:25:35,356
And before you ask me,

466
00:25:35,447 --> 00:25:38,644
no, it is not my real name
and yes, I did choose it.

467
00:25:39,487 --> 00:25:41,239
Now, where's my money?
-I haven't got it.

468
00:25:41,327 --> 00:25:44,444
We have got it, just not here.

469
00:25:44,527 --> 00:25:46,677
So, we've driven all this way
for nothing?

470
00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:48,439
Do you know how much petrol
these things get through?

471
00:25:48,527 --> 00:25:51,997
I am lucky if I'm getting
six miles to the gallon.

472
00:25:52,487 --> 00:25:55,365
Do you accept Visa?
-Yes, of course we do.

473
00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:59,840
Will you wait here for me, while I nip
back to the office and get the machine?

474
00:25:59,927 --> 00:26:03,840
Course we don't accept fucking Visa!
Where do you think you are?

475
00:26:04,087 --> 00:26:07,124
John Lewis?
-Do you accept PayPal?

476
00:26:09,607 --> 00:26:10,756
I don't believe I'm hearing this.

477
00:26:10,847 --> 00:26:12,565
What the bloody hell's PayPal?

478
00:26:12,647 --> 00:26:16,435
Oh, it's brilliant. I use it
to pay for stuff I've won on eBay,

479
00:26:16,527 --> 00:26:18,040
you know, stuff for a couple of quid

480
00:26:18,127 --> 00:26:19,401
you don't want to use
your credit card for.

481
00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:21,557
All right! That's enough!

482
00:26:23,007 --> 00:26:28,525
Uri, get in their car with them.
We're taking them to the track.

483
00:26:29,447 --> 00:26:30,926
I have told you, sir,

484
00:26:31,247 --> 00:26:35,001
do not excite yourself,
you have had a long week.

485
00:26:35,807 --> 00:26:40,198
I know, I know, Uri, I do too much.
-Yes, sir.

486
00:26:42,447 --> 00:26:45,166
Get in the car. Move.

487
00:26:45,847 --> 00:26:47,678
We are going to track.
- All right.

488
00:26:48,367 --> 00:26:50,164
Just get in. Mum, just get in.

489
00:27:07,247 --> 00:27:09,681
Excuse me, woman dying of thirst here.

490
00:27:10,887 --> 00:27:12,366
I am not working today.

491
00:27:12,607 --> 00:27:14,484
You don't seem to do much work any day.

492
00:27:14,567 --> 00:27:16,842
It shouldn't stop you
passing me a vodka Coke.

493
00:27:18,487 --> 00:27:20,125
Did you see what happened
at the pool today?

494
00:27:20,207 --> 00:27:22,721
I've seen that bloke
getting dragged out by his feet.

495
00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:24,126
Has he sued you yet?

496
00:27:24,207 --> 00:27:26,801
He was not doing the aerobics class
when he went under the water.

497
00:27:26,887 --> 00:27:29,481
Yeah, I believe you. Thousands wouldn't.

498
00:27:29,567 --> 00:27:32,957
Maybe if you were a witness,
if you say you saw everything,

499
00:27:33,047 --> 00:27:36,483
we could come
to some kind of, uh, arrangement?

500
00:27:36,727 --> 00:27:38,080
Yeah, no worries.

501
00:27:38,167 --> 00:27:40,965
50 euros and I'll say
I pushed him under.

502
00:27:41,047 --> 00:27:43,083
Well, I don't have money,

503
00:27:43,607 --> 00:27:46,599
but I could pay it to you
in another way.

504
00:27:48,007 --> 00:27:50,521
Really?
-Oh, yes.

505
00:27:51,447 --> 00:27:55,122
It could be a very, very big payday
for you,

506
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:56,640
if you say the right things.

507
00:27:56,727 --> 00:28:00,402
Aw, and if only you could say
the right things,

508
00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:04,241
you probably wouldn't be a sad, lonely,
old, leathery-faced waiter

509
00:28:04,327 --> 00:28:06,204
clearing up other people's shite.

510
00:28:07,207 --> 00:28:09,641
I am not a waiter, I am a barman!

511
00:28:09,927 --> 00:28:11,918
Stop looking at me arse!

512
00:28:13,207 --> 00:28:14,242
Hostia!

513
00:28:28,727 --> 00:28:31,560
Look, mate, what's happening?
What are we doing here?

514
00:28:32,207 --> 00:28:34,562
We've said we can pay your money,
just not today.

515
00:28:35,487 --> 00:28:38,638
And before you say anything,
this is 90 calories.

516
00:28:41,327 --> 00:28:43,238
Just call the police.

517
00:28:43,327 --> 00:28:45,238
What? At 40 pence a minute?

518
00:28:45,327 --> 00:28:49,081
I mean, it's not the money,
we don't know the number, do we?

519
00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:50,202
Oh...

520
00:28:51,407 --> 00:28:53,682
What the hell's going on here?

521
00:28:56,967 --> 00:29:00,084
I don't remember saying
that we were having lollies.

522
00:29:01,847 --> 00:29:04,964
Sorry, sir. I was going get you one
when you came out,

523
00:29:05,047 --> 00:29:06,719
I did not want it to melt.

524
00:29:06,927 --> 00:29:09,521
Forget it! Get me my helmet.

525
00:29:09,767 --> 00:29:11,246
Yes, sir.

526
00:29:11,327 --> 00:29:12,760
Mr Pink wants his helmet!

527
00:29:13,087 --> 00:29:14,406
What are we doing here?

528
00:29:14,487 --> 00:29:18,366
I am going to make you
an offer that you can't refuse.

529
00:29:20,007 --> 00:29:21,759
I've always wanted to say that!

530
00:29:22,327 --> 00:29:26,718
Now, at this moment in time,
thanks to your late husband,

531
00:29:27,167 --> 00:29:30,876
you owe me 3,000 euros.

532
00:29:31,087 --> 00:29:32,645
She doesn't owe you a cent!

533
00:29:33,007 --> 00:29:35,043
You can't pass on a debt
without telling someone,

534
00:29:35,127 --> 00:29:36,606
I know all about it.

535
00:29:36,687 --> 00:29:40,396
Never a lender or a borrower be,
many a mickle makes a muckle.

536
00:29:41,647 --> 00:29:43,763
I see you brought
your legal representative with you.

537
00:29:43,847 --> 00:29:47,317
So what's this offer, then?
-Very simple. Double or quits.

538
00:29:47,407 --> 00:29:49,762
Shove it.
-Oh, for crying out loud, Mother!

539
00:29:49,967 --> 00:29:51,764
Right,

540
00:29:51,847 --> 00:29:54,839
1 0 laps around the track.

541
00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:57,805
If I win, your debt doubles.

542
00:29:59,247 --> 00:30:01,841
If I lose,

543
00:30:01,927 --> 00:30:04,805
you walk away from here, debt free.

544
00:30:05,607 --> 00:30:06,801
This is a bloody cinch.

545
00:30:06,887 --> 00:30:09,321
Ever seen me on a go kart?
I'm like shit off a stick.

546
00:30:10,007 --> 00:30:11,565
You've got yourself a deal.

547
00:30:11,967 --> 00:30:16,404
Oh, no, no, no!
Not you, I want to race her.

548
00:30:17,527 --> 00:30:18,596
Rent-a-gob.

549
00:30:18,687 --> 00:30:20,439
You what? Don't be ridiculous.

550
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,802
There's nothing ridiculous about it!

551
00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:25,606
Give me an helmet,
I'll run rings around him.

552
00:30:25,687 --> 00:30:26,836
If it is a ''him.''

553
00:30:26,927 --> 00:30:30,681
Mother, you're not racing in a car.
Mick, tell her, she'll break her neck.

554
00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:33,084
Well, if she wants to have a go...

555
00:30:34,407 --> 00:30:35,965
Do your worst.

556
00:30:36,047 --> 00:30:39,278
Oh, no, I intend to do my best,

557
00:30:40,127 --> 00:30:43,756
which will leave you six grand in debt.

558
00:30:49,607 --> 00:30:51,996
Why don't we make this
even more interesting?

559
00:30:52,087 --> 00:30:57,081
If I win, I get to clear my debt
and get another 3,000.

560
00:30:57,687 --> 00:31:00,884
If you win, we owe you 1 0 grand.

561
00:31:00,967 --> 00:31:05,597
I've made easy money before,
but this is taking the piss.

562
00:31:06,207 --> 00:31:07,686
You've got yourself a deal.

563
00:31:15,847 --> 00:31:17,678
Start the engines!

564
00:31:23,567 --> 00:31:28,004
Mr Castellanos,
I need you to clear out your locker.

565
00:31:28,087 --> 00:31:29,998
Oh, and leave the premises.

566
00:31:30,087 --> 00:31:31,486
Janey, why are you being like this?

567
00:31:31,567 --> 00:31:33,637
I'm sorry,
but I'm just covering my back.

568
00:31:33,727 --> 00:31:35,604
Janey, let me get this straight,

569
00:31:35,687 --> 00:31:37,803
you're worried
that the guy nearly drowned

570
00:31:37,887 --> 00:31:41,004
as a direct result of doing
the water aerobics class?

571
00:31:41,087 --> 00:31:42,156
That's what happened.

572
00:31:42,247 --> 00:31:45,319
I spoke to Mr Stewart's wife
before they left for the hospital.

573
00:31:45,407 --> 00:31:48,160
Now, what if I can prove otherwise?

574
00:31:48,247 --> 00:31:49,646
What's this?

575
00:31:51,847 --> 00:31:55,999
J. Iglesias, solicitors.
The logo's a bit wonky.

576
00:31:56,087 --> 00:31:59,238
Well, he's a mate of mine, he's just
starting out, like, you know...

577
00:31:59,327 --> 00:32:01,557
''I the undersigned, hereby confirm

578
00:32:01,647 --> 00:32:04,480
''that I was witness to the fact
that Mr Donald Stewart

579
00:32:04,567 --> 00:32:07,923
''was not participating
in the Solana water aerobics.

580
00:32:08,007 --> 00:32:10,441
''Moreover, I also confirm
that Mr Stewart

581
00:32:10,527 --> 00:32:12,961
''was talking to myself
at the side of the pool

582
00:32:13,047 --> 00:32:16,562
''prior to the accident, complaining
about his long-term ill health.

583
00:32:16,647 --> 00:32:19,684
''Signed, M Garvey.'' Who's M Garvey?

584
00:32:19,767 --> 00:32:22,804
You know, that rough family,
always sit over in the top corner.

585
00:32:23,167 --> 00:32:24,839
Can you narrow it down a bit?

586
00:32:25,847 --> 00:32:29,044
Right. Well, I suppose
we're covered with this,

587
00:32:29,127 --> 00:32:31,641
if the man from Atlantis
tries to make a claim.

588
00:32:31,727 --> 00:32:33,797
Can I keep this copy?
-Absolutely.

589
00:32:34,687 --> 00:32:36,325
This means I can stay, Janey?

590
00:32:36,407 --> 00:32:40,719
Put your shirt on and no more
serving people in a sweaty vest.

591
00:32:40,807 --> 00:32:42,240
Thank you, Janey, thank...

592
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:44,204
And don't forget your name badge.

593
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:47,321
Thank you, Lesley.

594
00:32:47,407 --> 00:32:50,285
No worries, pal.
Let's just say you owe me one.

595
00:32:50,887 --> 00:32:52,161
Absolutely.

596
00:32:52,727 --> 00:32:54,877
Hey, but how did you get this signed?

597
00:32:54,967 --> 00:32:56,798
The family in the corner,
they went away today.

598
00:32:56,887 --> 00:32:58,286
No, not all of them.

599
00:33:21,967 --> 00:33:24,720
Mr Pink, are you ready?

600
00:33:27,287 --> 00:33:31,246
Wrinkly old woman, are you ready?

601
00:33:31,647 --> 00:33:32,682
Shove it.

602
00:33:33,687 --> 00:33:35,837
Let's burn some rubber!

603
00:33:38,527 --> 00:33:42,440
It's not working! It's not working!

604
00:33:43,527 --> 00:33:45,165
He's given me a dud!

605
00:33:47,607 --> 00:33:49,916
You're pressing the brake, you daft cow.

606
00:33:50,007 --> 00:33:52,999
Use the pedal next to it,
move your foot to the right!

607
00:33:53,087 --> 00:33:56,602
And take that big bloody helmet off,
you'll go twice as fast without it.

608
00:33:56,687 --> 00:33:59,759
Don't say that, she needs a crash hat.
What if she falls out?

609
00:33:59,847 --> 00:34:02,805
How's she going to fall out?
She can't even get bloody moving!

610
00:34:04,687 --> 00:34:07,155
Oh, there's another pedal here,
this might...

611
00:34:15,047 --> 00:34:17,561
Heh heh!
-Oh no you don't!

612
00:34:18,287 --> 00:34:19,561
Up yours!

613
00:34:19,647 --> 00:34:20,875
Up yours and all!

614
00:34:22,647 --> 00:34:24,000
Well, there goes six grand.

615
00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:28,604
Don't say that, she's getting going now,
she might catch up.

616
00:34:28,687 --> 00:34:30,006
How's she going to catch up?

617
00:34:30,087 --> 00:34:32,476
If she goes any slower,
she'll be going bloody backwards.

618
00:34:32,567 --> 00:34:34,922
Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.

619
00:34:35,007 --> 00:34:36,486
What the bloody hell does that mean?

620
00:34:36,567 --> 00:34:38,762
You know,
it's like the tortoise and the hare.

621
00:34:38,847 --> 00:34:40,166
Me mother's the tortoise.

622
00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:42,715
How is the fact that your mother looks
like a tortoise going to help her

623
00:34:42,807 --> 00:34:44,718
win a bloody go-kart race?

624
00:34:46,007 --> 00:34:50,398
Oh, oh! Come on, Mum, put your foot down
for God's sake!

625
00:34:55,287 --> 00:34:58,040
Where are we going to find 6000 euros?

626
00:34:58,127 --> 00:35:01,722
Well, it could be worse.
-How on earth could it be worse?

627
00:35:04,527 --> 00:35:06,040
Could have been 1 0,000.

628
00:35:11,727 --> 00:35:13,524
I'll get you!

629
00:35:13,727 --> 00:35:15,877
No! You've got no chance!

630
00:35:15,967 --> 00:35:17,923
Right, I've seen enough.

631
00:35:18,247 --> 00:35:22,240
Mum! Come on! Get off the track,
you're only going to get hurt.

632
00:35:26,047 --> 00:35:27,400
Oh, shit!

633
00:35:27,927 --> 00:35:29,201
Hang on a minute.

634
00:35:30,127 --> 00:35:34,757
What's going on? Uri, get over here now!

635
00:35:40,647 --> 00:35:43,684
Who has been riding my go-kart? Who?

636
00:35:44,127 --> 00:35:47,164
Nobody, sir,
nobody else can fit inside this one.

637
00:35:47,247 --> 00:35:49,317
Wait here, I will get you another kart.

638
00:35:49,407 --> 00:35:51,079
There's no point
in getting another kart,

639
00:35:51,167 --> 00:35:53,362
my feet can't reach the pedals
in any of the others!

640
00:35:53,447 --> 00:35:56,678
Get me a mechanic now!
Come on, move it! Move your arse.

641
00:35:57,487 --> 00:35:59,000
Hey, you!

642
00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:02,075
Hurry up!

643
00:36:03,407 --> 00:36:07,958
Go on, Madge! Go on!
-Come on, Mum, you've only got...

644
00:36:08,047 --> 00:36:09,639
How many times has she got to go round?

645
00:36:09,727 --> 00:36:11,718
Three more laps to catch up,
then it's two more to win.

646
00:36:11,807 --> 00:36:13,445
Three more times round to catch up

647
00:36:13,527 --> 00:36:15,483
and then when you've done that,
two more...

648
00:36:15,567 --> 00:36:18,798
For Christ's sake put your foot down!

649
00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:21,401
Just keep going, Madge,
just keep going!

650
00:36:26,367 --> 00:36:27,880
Move your arse!

651
00:36:30,367 --> 00:36:32,562
Come on, Madge, you can do it!

652
00:36:33,527 --> 00:36:35,404
Oh, she's going to win,
she's going to win!

653
00:36:37,007 --> 00:36:38,486
I'm going to get you!

654
00:36:38,567 --> 00:36:43,163
Inch High Private Eye is on the move
again! Come on, Madge, keep going!

655
00:36:47,807 --> 00:36:50,401
And as they come round the bend
for the final lap,

656
00:36:50,487 --> 00:36:53,957
it's Madge on the inside.
Mr Pink trying to make a break for it,

657
00:36:54,047 --> 00:36:57,960
but Madge puts her foot down.
Is there no one who can stop this woman?

658
00:36:58,047 --> 00:37:00,197
She is on fire!

659
00:37:00,407 --> 00:37:04,161
Mr Pink jostling for position,
but he's still bringing up the rear

660
00:37:04,247 --> 00:37:06,556
and not for the first time,
I should imagine.

661
00:37:06,647 --> 00:37:11,004
Another bend, wheels almost touching,
but it's Madge still in the lead...

662
00:37:11,087 --> 00:37:13,043
Get off my track, you bastard bitch!

663
00:37:13,127 --> 00:37:15,243
While Mr Pink is turning the air blue.

664
00:37:15,327 --> 00:37:18,603
And now, as they come round the bend
for the final straight,

665
00:37:18,687 --> 00:37:21,759
it's, Madge, Madge, Madge all the way!

666
00:37:21,847 --> 00:37:23,360
Come on, Mum!

667
00:37:25,367 --> 00:37:28,916
Mr Pink has edged in front! No! No!

668
00:37:29,127 --> 00:37:31,004
I've got my money!

669
00:37:31,087 --> 00:37:32,202
Oh, come on!

670
00:37:32,287 --> 00:37:36,405
Put your foot down, Madge,
for God's sake put your foot down!

671
00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:46,600
What's she doing?

672
00:37:54,607 --> 00:37:57,075
But it's Madge who clinches it,
Madge is the winner!

673
00:37:57,367 --> 00:38:01,838
Ladies and gentlemen, the hero
of the hour is Mrs Madge Harvey!

674
00:38:03,847 --> 00:38:05,565
Mother, you were amazing!

675
00:38:05,647 --> 00:38:08,764
Oh! Oh! Get us a fag, quick!

676
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,801
Come on, Madge, let's get out of here
while we can.

677
00:38:11,887 --> 00:38:13,115
Hang on a minute.

678
00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:14,356
You stupid fat lump!

679
00:38:14,447 --> 00:38:16,802
We've got a bit of business
to sort out first.

680
00:38:16,887 --> 00:38:19,924
You've just lost me 1 0,000 euros!

681
00:38:20,327 --> 00:38:23,763
Get out of my sight, go on,
get out of my sight!

682
00:38:24,407 --> 00:38:27,683
And I want that signet ring back
I bought you!

683
00:38:27,767 --> 00:38:30,042
Oi, Pinky.

684
00:38:30,127 --> 00:38:32,357
You owe me 3000 euros.

685
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:33,796
You what?

686
00:38:33,887 --> 00:38:36,355
We changed the bet just before the race.

687
00:38:36,447 --> 00:38:37,880
I'm sorry.

688
00:38:38,407 --> 00:38:41,160
I don't seem to remember anything
of that nature.

689
00:38:41,247 --> 00:38:43,920
Yes, you bloody do,
we shook hands on it.

690
00:38:44,007 --> 00:38:46,123
Mother, come on,
let's just get out of here.

691
00:38:46,207 --> 00:38:51,042
And you have witnesses to this
last minute change of rules, hmm?

692
00:38:51,847 --> 00:38:54,202
No, I thought not.

693
00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:59,246
So take your bony carcass
and your scummy family

694
00:38:59,687 --> 00:39:04,283
and get off my property before I change
my mind about the whole thing.

695
00:39:04,767 --> 00:39:06,519
Come on, Madge, let's just go.

696
00:39:07,527 --> 00:39:11,600
Right, that's fine,
but we both know what that deal was.

697
00:39:12,327 --> 00:39:14,602
And believe me,
when I get back on my feet,

698
00:39:14,687 --> 00:39:20,125
which I will, I'll let it be known
that Mr Pink is a welsh.

699
00:39:20,927 --> 00:39:24,044
Welsh? I'm from Southend-on-Sea.

700
00:39:24,527 --> 00:39:26,563
Not from Wales, you tit.

701
00:39:26,807 --> 00:39:31,756
Welsh, you welshed, chickened out,
went back on the deal.

702
00:39:32,447 --> 00:39:35,757
You won't even be able to get
a game of blackjack.

703
00:39:36,127 --> 00:39:39,085
Get off my property!

704
00:39:39,167 --> 00:39:41,727
Go on, get out of it!

705
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:54,002
♪ And bad mistakes

706
00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,518
♪ I've made a few

707
00:39:59,367 --> 00:40:03,042
♪ And I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face

708
00:40:03,127 --> 00:40:05,516
♪ But I've come through ♪

709
00:40:07,727 --> 00:40:11,037
I can't believe you won, Nana.
-No, neither can we.

710
00:40:12,767 --> 00:40:14,166
Can't believe I missed it.

711
00:40:14,247 --> 00:40:17,796
Oh, you didn't miss much, darling,
it wasn't that exciting.

712
00:40:19,407 --> 00:40:23,525
I just wanted to say I had lovely day
with Michael,

713
00:40:23,607 --> 00:40:29,079
he was absolutely no bother at all.
We had great fun, didn't we?

714
00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,557
Pauline's going home tomorrow,

715
00:40:32,647 --> 00:40:36,083
so maybe we could finish
that game of I Spy.

716
00:40:36,167 --> 00:40:38,806
Something beginning with ''P'', wasn't it?

717
00:40:39,087 --> 00:40:41,362
But I've forgotten the clues.

718
00:40:41,727 --> 00:40:45,197
Something blue, wet,
and people swim in it.

719
00:40:46,887 --> 00:40:48,559
Oh, yeah.

720
00:40:52,527 --> 00:40:54,961
No, we'll have to carry on
with it tomorrow.

721
00:40:55,047 --> 00:40:56,799
Have a lovely night!

722
00:40:58,767 --> 00:41:00,644
Madge Harvey?
-Yeah.

723
00:41:02,487 --> 00:41:04,603
Someone left that for you
at reception.

724
00:41:08,887 --> 00:41:10,639
''I'm not from Wales.

725
00:41:10,727 --> 00:41:13,287
''And I never want to see
your faces around here again.''

726
00:41:23,047 --> 00:41:24,241
Bloody hell.

727
00:41:25,807 --> 00:41:27,763
♪ We are the champions ♪

728
00:41:29,287 --> 00:41:31,243
♪ My friends

729
00:41:33,247 --> 00:41:38,844
♪ And we'll keep on fightin'
till the end ♪

730
00:41:40,327 --> 00:41:41,885
I just photocopied it.

731
00:41:43,687 --> 00:41:46,360
If I'd had more time,
I'd have done it on my computer,

732
00:41:46,527 --> 00:41:49,837
but me dad needed it there and then.
It's not bad, is it?

733
00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:51,076
Brilliant.

734
00:41:52,607 --> 00:41:56,566
If you were on Mastermind,
what would be your specialised subject?

735
00:41:56,647 --> 00:42:01,004
Good question.
I think probably the colour purple.

736
00:42:01,087 --> 00:42:05,000
Alice Walker?
That's my favourite book.

737
00:42:05,087 --> 00:42:07,123
No, purple.

738
00:42:08,087 --> 00:42:12,080
The colour purple,
it's my favourite colour.

739
00:42:13,647 --> 00:42:14,841
What would yours be?

740
00:42:15,087 --> 00:42:17,317
Morons I Have Known and Almost Killed.

741
00:42:17,967 --> 00:42:21,164
Oh, right, I don't know
nothing about that.

742
00:42:22,687 --> 00:42:25,485
Right, well, I've been told
if I collect a few glasses

743
00:42:25,567 --> 00:42:28,639
over the next couple of hours,
there's 1 0 euros with my name on it.

744
00:42:29,007 --> 00:42:30,520
Oh, well, we don't want to keep you.

745
00:42:31,527 --> 00:42:33,563
I'm assuming
they've just written my name on it.

746
00:42:34,687 --> 00:42:37,645
It would be too much of a coincidence
for them to find one like that.

747
00:42:40,047 --> 00:42:41,799
Right, see you in a bit.

748
00:42:45,607 --> 00:42:49,395
Mmm, turkey meatballs
in an aubergine sauce.

749
00:42:49,487 --> 00:42:51,443
Well, they're nothing if not ambitious.

750
00:42:51,767 --> 00:42:54,281
If I had another mouthful,
I'd just be forcing it in.

751
00:42:54,527 --> 00:42:56,279
Ooh, welcome to my world!

752
00:42:57,727 --> 00:42:59,046
Is that watch new?

753
00:42:59,127 --> 00:43:01,436
Oh, yeah, bought it this afternoon,
what do you think?

754
00:43:01,527 --> 00:43:02,960
I thought you had no money?

755
00:43:03,887 --> 00:43:05,206
It wasn't expensive.

756
00:43:06,807 --> 00:43:10,197
Actually it was, but you have to treat
yourself every now and again, don't you?

757
00:43:10,647 --> 00:43:11,966
Faggots?

758
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:14,641
How dare you?
Did Judy Garland die for nothing?

759
00:43:15,127 --> 00:43:17,357
Oh, sorry, Donald.
-Oh, my goodness!

760
00:43:17,447 --> 00:43:18,482
We were worried about you.

761
00:43:18,567 --> 00:43:21,479
I asked at reception how you were,
but they'd had no news.

762
00:43:21,567 --> 00:43:23,398
Sit down, I'll get another chair.

763
00:43:23,487 --> 00:43:26,479
No, don't bother.
I've just got to pop out for 20 minutes.

764
00:43:28,447 --> 00:43:31,280
Actually, probably make it half an hour.
I'll see you in a bit.

765
00:43:35,927 --> 00:43:38,395
How are you?
-Oh, not so bad.

766
00:43:38,487 --> 00:43:40,762
I've got to take it easy
for the next few days,

767
00:43:40,847 --> 00:43:43,680
but, let's face it,
I'm in the right place for that.

768
00:43:43,767 --> 00:43:48,283
Well, it's a bit more serious
than that, Donald. The doctor said...

769
00:43:48,367 --> 00:43:51,882
Uh... He said I've got
high blood pressure.

770
00:43:51,967 --> 00:43:53,719
Tell me something I don't know.

771
00:43:55,047 --> 00:43:57,083
Now, how about a Slippery Nipple?

772
00:43:57,167 --> 00:44:01,046
Uh, no, I'll go. I just need to
nip upstairs first, though.

773
00:44:01,127 --> 00:44:04,039
Take your time, we'll order some food.

774
00:44:04,127 --> 00:44:07,244
Have you done with this one?
Would you mind if I had it as a starter?

775
00:44:07,327 --> 00:44:08,965
Please, be my guest.

776
00:44:20,447 --> 00:44:23,120
Now, it's up to you to tell me
how far you want go.

777
00:44:23,207 --> 00:44:24,686
Don't forget
you're the one who's paying.

778
00:44:24,767 --> 00:44:28,043
Now do you want me to reposition this
mirror so you can see me doing it?

779
00:44:28,127 --> 00:44:32,166
All right, I've heard enough
you disgusting pigs, I'm coming in.

780
00:44:32,247 --> 00:44:34,317
I bet your wife doesn't know
you're here, does she?

781
00:44:35,127 --> 00:44:37,561
Course she does, she's paying for it.

782
00:44:41,887 --> 00:44:43,878
Well, we did it, Mel.

783
00:44:43,967 --> 00:44:46,606
We sorted the last
of the money problems out.

784
00:44:47,567 --> 00:44:49,478
We made a good team, you and me.

785
00:44:51,007 --> 00:44:54,886
And now, I'm going do
what you always told me,

786
00:44:55,887 --> 00:44:59,038
invest money in something I believe in.

787
00:45:00,207 --> 00:45:01,401
You.

788
00:45:02,407 --> 00:45:03,886
Just because you're not around any more,

789
00:45:03,967 --> 00:45:06,037
doesn't mean I've stopped
believing in you.

790
00:45:08,407 --> 00:45:13,037
Mel Harvey Leisure Industry
is back in business.

791
00:45:13,727 --> 00:45:16,400
Right, come on.

792
00:45:17,527 --> 00:45:19,040
It's been a long day.

793
00:45:24,247 --> 00:45:25,316
Night, Madge.

794
00:45:26,727 --> 00:45:28,126
Good night, son.

795
00:45:33,167 --> 00:45:34,805
Come here.

796
00:45:36,407 --> 00:45:37,760
Yeah, yeah!

797
00:45:38,727 --> 00:45:40,683
Oh, oh, oh, oh!

798
00:45:42,047 --> 00:45:43,765
Yeah, yeah, oh!

799
00:45:45,287 --> 00:45:46,800
Is that you coming?

800
00:45:48,247 --> 00:45:50,442
No, there's a lass down there
in a shower...

801
00:45:52,527 --> 00:45:55,041
Yeah, I'm coming.

802
00:45:56,305 --> 00:46:02,408
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