1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today

2
00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:38,517
Oh, you didn't go.

3
00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:40,518
I knew you wouldn't.

4
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,644
No point spending money
on another flight

5
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:46,321
when we've only got a few days left.

6
00:00:46,407 --> 00:00:48,523
My flight has been cancelled.

7
00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:50,802
Has it? Why's that?

8
00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:54,800
Why do you think?

9
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:56,206
I don't know.

10
00:00:56,287 --> 00:00:59,404
Oh, it's not that volcano in Lapland,
is it?

11
00:00:59,647 --> 00:01:02,207
You'd think this bit of rain
would put it out.

12
00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:05,962
Bit of rain? It's practically a tsunami.

13
00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:07,799
What? This?

14
00:01:08,287 --> 00:01:11,165
It's just a shower.

15
00:01:11,247 --> 00:01:15,479
Me and your father had worse weather
than this on holiday.

16
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:18,684
Bridlington, 1 958.

17
00:01:19,727 --> 00:01:22,525
Do you know, he got struck by lightning

18
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:25,246
four times that week.

19
00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:28,239
I blamed that metal plate in his head.

20
00:01:28,927 --> 00:01:31,805
Do you remember Geoff used to stick

21
00:01:31,887 --> 00:01:35,084
fridge magnets on him
when he were asleep?

22
00:01:38,287 --> 00:01:40,801
Right, shall we have some breakfast?

23
00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:58,000
Two pairs of carpet slippers
completely ruined.

24
00:01:58,087 --> 00:02:00,317
Who brings carpet slippers on holiday?

25
00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:03,524
You're on holiday in Benidorm,
not the Orient Express.

26
00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:05,006
I beg your pardon?

27
00:02:05,087 --> 00:02:07,396
And my £1 20 hair dryer
is completely knackered.

28
00:02:07,487 --> 00:02:09,682
Oh, yeah, and don't think
we haven't heard about you

29
00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:12,281
running the illegal hair salon
from your room.

30
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,278
You're lucky we're not charging you
business rates!

31
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:15,482
Oh, brilliant!

32
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:18,957
Excuse me, our apartment
is totally flooded.

33
00:02:19,047 --> 00:02:21,607
Yes, I know, we are all sitting
in the same boat.

34
00:02:21,687 --> 00:02:23,917
But it's not a boat, that's my point.

35
00:02:24,007 --> 00:02:28,239
We've got untold bit and bobs
floating down the corridors.

36
00:02:28,327 --> 00:02:30,636
I'm worried about kiddies
picking them up,

37
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:32,638
because some of them are of,

38
00:02:32,727 --> 00:02:35,799
well, shall we say, a personal nature.

39
00:02:35,887 --> 00:02:37,639
I've been wading through water
all morning,

40
00:02:37,727 --> 00:02:39,046
my plaster's gone soggy.

41
00:02:39,127 --> 00:02:41,004
I've got a case full of clothes ruined.

42
00:02:41,087 --> 00:02:43,362
What are you going to do about it?
-One at a time, please.

43
00:02:43,447 --> 00:02:45,597
We're going to get nowhere
if everybody keeps talking at once.

44
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:49,077
We're all going to die!
We're all going to die!

45
00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:50,964
It's a terrorist attack!

46
00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,197
We're all gonna die!

47
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,965
I think that's a little excessive.

48
00:02:59,687 --> 00:03:01,040
Oh, do you think so?

49
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:03,277
Well, you've obviously
not thought things through.

50
00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:06,518
A rainstorm? In Spain?
In the middle of summer?

51
00:03:06,607 --> 00:03:08,916
It was 28 degrees yesterday.

52
00:03:09,007 --> 00:03:10,963
Oh, no, you just listen to me.

53
00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,117
There are dark forces at work.

54
00:03:13,207 --> 00:03:14,640
By the end of today

55
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,402
this place will be a pile of rubble
covered in dead bodies.

56
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:21,565
It'll be like 7 /1 1 all over again.

57
00:03:23,367 --> 00:03:26,837
It's not a terrorist attack,
it's a bloody thunderstorm!

58
00:03:26,927 --> 00:03:28,679
Oh, don't try and cover it up.

59
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,440
I know all about conspiracy theories.

60
00:03:31,527 --> 00:03:34,405
I once met Mohammed Al Fayed in a lift.

61
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,644
Can I have your attention, please?

62
00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:39,161
Ladies and gentlemen,
will you please calm down

63
00:03:39,247 --> 00:03:41,238
for just one minute, please.

64
00:03:41,327 --> 00:03:42,919
Shut up!

65
00:03:43,007 --> 00:03:44,326
Thank you, Janey.

66
00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:48,764
Now, if you'd all like to make your way
down to the Hawaiian Function room,

67
00:03:48,847 --> 00:03:51,486
all complaints will be handled there.

68
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:55,480
No weather-related complaints
will be taken at reception.

69
00:03:56,247 --> 00:04:00,923
We also have some exclusive,
top class entertainment

70
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,601
planned for you this lunch time, again,

71
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,678
down in the Hawaiian Function room.

72
00:04:06,127 --> 00:04:10,006
You what?
-There will also be speciality cocktails

73
00:04:10,087 --> 00:04:12,203
and star prize bingo,

74
00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:16,200
where the full house prize
will be a brand new laptop.

75
00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:18,522
You what?

76
00:04:18,607 --> 00:04:21,326
So, if you'd just like to follow Mateo
and myself,

77
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:22,999
we'll get you all sorted.

78
00:04:23,447 --> 00:04:27,076
Cocktails? Who wants cocktails?
It's 1 0:30 in the morning!

79
00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:30,125
I'm not being funny, but would you mind
speaking for yourself?

80
00:04:30,207 --> 00:04:33,244
Come on, everybody, follow me.
This way.

81
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:36,405
Oh, yeah. And where's this laptop
coming from?

82
00:04:36,487 --> 00:04:39,877
Not to mention the ''exclusive''
top class entertainment?

83
00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:42,845
Don't worry, just leave it to me,
I know what I'm doing.

84
00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:45,118
Yeah. Well, you'd better.

85
00:04:45,647 --> 00:04:46,716
God!

86
00:04:47,327 --> 00:04:49,795
Janey, what the hell have you done
with this weather?

87
00:04:49,887 --> 00:04:51,718
It's the middle of August.

88
00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:54,196
Hello, Johnny,
I didn't know you were in town.

89
00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:58,485
Well, you know me.
I always like to keep a low profile.

90
00:04:58,567 --> 00:05:00,000
Yeah, right.

91
00:05:00,087 --> 00:05:02,157
We're refurbishing the new place
across town,

92
00:05:02,247 --> 00:05:03,919
but there's no power
because of the storm.

93
00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:07,204
Don't, we've had to unplug
all the mobility scooters.

94
00:05:07,287 --> 00:05:10,040
People staggering around that
haven't walked since the early '80s.

95
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,323
You got time for a coffee?
-'Course I have.

96
00:05:13,407 --> 00:05:16,763
Excuse me, what's being done
about all this flooding?

97
00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:19,520
I'm all for water features
but not coming out of a lift.

98
00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:23,156
All complaints are being handled
by our fully trained crisis team

99
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:26,717
in the Hawaiian Function room,
under the stairs, end of the corridor.

100
00:05:26,807 --> 00:05:29,446
It's not a crisis team you need,
it's a bloody pump.

101
00:05:29,847 --> 00:05:31,041
Janice?

102
00:05:31,927 --> 00:05:33,485
Sorry, love, do I know you?

103
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,158
Johnny Neptune. I mean, Nelson.

104
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,520
Johnny Nelson.

105
00:05:39,447 --> 00:05:40,800
Oh, my God.

106
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:46,477
How are you? Bloody hell!

107
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:50,120
You don't look any different.
I mean, that is a lie.

108
00:05:50,607 --> 00:05:53,519
You look better, if that's possible.

109
00:05:57,247 --> 00:05:58,646
Are you all right, love?

110
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:00,843
Sorry, love.
Where did you say the pump was?

111
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:03,885
I mean, the Hawaiian crisis team.
I mean...

112
00:06:03,967 --> 00:06:06,276
Under the stairs, end of the corridor.

113
00:06:06,527 --> 00:06:09,041
Under the stairs, end of the corridor.

114
00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:13,123
Are you upset, Mum?
-Come on, let's go.

115
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,676
Who's that?

116
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:19,363
That is the only woman
I've ever asked to marry me.

117
00:06:20,407 --> 00:06:21,556
And she said no.

118
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:24,923
Christ, talk about a lucky escape.

119
00:06:25,007 --> 00:06:26,804
We going to have that coffee then?

120
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:29,881
Oh, do you mind
if we grab it a bit later?

121
00:06:29,967 --> 00:06:32,845
Yeah, no problem,
I'm not going anywhere today.

122
00:06:34,247 --> 00:06:36,283
HMS Titanic, can I help you?

123
00:06:44,687 --> 00:06:46,803
Right, son. Listen. Hey!

124
00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:50,757
All you got to do is make a note
of which rooms are flooded, right?

125
00:06:51,047 --> 00:06:52,639
Write them down,

126
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,397
and then radio housekeeping.

127
00:06:55,927 --> 00:06:59,602
I'm off to pull in a favour to try
and get some entertainment on the go.

128
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,439
Oh, Dad?
-Yes?

129
00:07:01,527 --> 00:07:03,563
Can you tune it in for me?

130
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,766
It doesn't need tuning in.

131
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:07,720
But there's no display.

132
00:07:07,807 --> 00:07:10,844
How will I know which station
is Radio Housekeeping?

133
00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:13,282
No, son, you press this button here

134
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,597
and it goes straight through
to housekeeping

135
00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:18,042
and you tell them
which rooms are flooded. Okay?

136
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:20,322
Oh, yeah. Cool!

137
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,683
I'm going to text me mates.
I've never been on the radio before.

138
00:07:30,247 --> 00:07:31,726
Four-two-four.

139
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,279
Where's me Nana?

140
00:07:35,447 --> 00:07:36,800
I don't know, Son.

141
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:38,480
Where's me Dad?

142
00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:41,127
You know where he is, he went
looking for some more towels.

143
00:07:43,847 --> 00:07:44,916
What?

144
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,202
I said he went looking for towels.

145
00:07:49,847 --> 00:07:52,839
Thanks for telling me
about the Hawaiian bunker.

146
00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:54,519
Where's Madge Bin Laden?

147
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,835
I don't know.

148
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:59,400
You all right?
You look like you've seen a ghost.

149
00:08:00,007 --> 00:08:01,281
I'm fine.

150
00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,680
Can you get in that queue
and tell them about the apartment?

151
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,596
Okay. Are you sure you're all right?

152
00:08:09,287 --> 00:08:11,881
Yeah, I just need a bit of fresh air.

153
00:08:12,847 --> 00:08:15,919
Michael, save this table,
and get another chair for your Nana.

154
00:08:16,447 --> 00:08:18,199
Michael.
-All right.

155
00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:21,006
Don't forget your brolly.

156
00:08:24,847 --> 00:08:26,678
Here you are. Look, you sit there.

157
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,679
Gavin will let them know
about our apartments.

158
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,837
No point in all of us queuing up.

159
00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:33,645
You're a good lad.

160
00:08:33,727 --> 00:08:35,285
Now how are you feeling?

161
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:38,439
Gavin's been dead worried about you
since you had your accident in the pool.

162
00:08:38,527 --> 00:08:40,836
Well, yes.

163
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:44,124
There have been developments,

164
00:08:44,207 --> 00:08:46,198
but both Donald and I have agreed

165
00:08:46,287 --> 00:08:49,324
we don't want to talk about them
with other people.

166
00:08:49,407 --> 00:08:52,365
No, 'course you don't,
we're all on holiday.

167
00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:54,324
The last thing you want to be doing
is bringing people down

168
00:08:54,407 --> 00:08:56,318
with stories about hospitals
and illnesses.

169
00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:57,965
I've got three months to live.

170
00:09:01,087 --> 00:09:02,964
Well, that didn't take long.

171
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:06,240
I wonder what entertainment
they've got lined up.

172
00:09:10,087 --> 00:09:13,124
Oh, come on, cheer up.
It's only a bit of rain.

173
00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:15,516
We could all be dead
this time next week.

174
00:09:15,607 --> 00:09:17,199
Some more likely than others.

175
00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:18,356
I'm sorry?

176
00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:29,686
Hiya.
-Hiya.

177
00:09:30,647 --> 00:09:32,399
Can I have one of these chairs?

178
00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:33,602
Yeah.

179
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:35,161
Thanks.

180
00:09:36,247 --> 00:09:37,919
My name's Michael.

181
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,000
What's your name?

182
00:09:40,087 --> 00:09:41,725
Paige.
-Page?

183
00:09:42,647 --> 00:09:44,478
Like in a book?
-Yeah.

184
00:09:47,647 --> 00:09:49,797
Okay, bye.

185
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:51,236
Bye.

186
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,599
You haven't got a spare one of those,
have you, love?

187
00:09:58,687 --> 00:10:00,882
I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's my last one.

188
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,320
No worries.

189
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:07,566
Here you go.

190
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,964
Jesus, you scared me.

191
00:10:11,687 --> 00:10:13,120
I'm all right.

192
00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:14,560
You just said you wanted one.

193
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:15,966
I'm fine, thank you.

194
00:10:20,127 --> 00:10:21,526
You grew up.

195
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:24,679
'Course I grew up,
what a stupid thing to say.

196
00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:34,399
How are you, Janice?

197
00:10:34,687 --> 00:10:36,757
Great, really good, thanks.

198
00:10:37,527 --> 00:10:40,200
On holiday with my family,
my husband and my family.

199
00:10:40,287 --> 00:10:41,925
Oh, listen, am I upsetting you?

200
00:10:43,527 --> 00:10:45,677
No, you're not upsetting me.

201
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:51,045
Johnny, the last time I saw you,
I was a girl,

202
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:52,845
a 1 7-year-old girl.

203
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,875
You know, it's just weird,
seeing you after all this time.

204
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,881
All of a sudden I'm back there,
it's 1 980...

205
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:02,036
Four.

206
00:11:02,127 --> 00:11:03,480
1 984.

207
00:11:03,847 --> 00:11:07,999
It's the end of the summer and I ask you
to marry me and you say no,

208
00:11:08,727 --> 00:11:10,638
and you break my heart.

209
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:15,364
Well, we've both had long enough
to get over it.

210
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:18,281
Well, I'd better get off, back to work.

211
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,323
Back to the UK tomorrow.

212
00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:24,043
How's your mum?

213
00:11:24,687 --> 00:11:27,520
What a strange thing to ask,
you never met her.

214
00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:29,404
I know, but I knew all about her.

215
00:11:30,127 --> 00:11:32,118
Which is probably why I never met her.

216
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:38,237
Me mother's in her seventies,
I just want her to come home,

217
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:40,204
but she's determined to stay out here.

218
00:11:40,727 --> 00:11:43,002
Says she wants to run
another business out here.

219
00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:47,285
She said, ''That Bruce Forsyth
is still working, he's in his nineties.''

220
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:50,882
I told her, ''No, he can't be,
he's still got all his own hair.''

221
00:11:52,927 --> 00:11:54,679
Sorry, I'm waffling.

222
00:11:55,687 --> 00:11:57,359
Why did you say no, Janice?

223
00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:59,438
Because I'm sure he's nowhere near 90.

224
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,476
We saw him on the telly the other week,

225
00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:05,286
he sang Mr Bojangles
and did the splits at the end.

226
00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:08,961
Why did you say no
when I asked you to marry me?

227
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,802
What?

228
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:14,564
You think if I'd said yes
we'd still be living happily ever after?

229
00:12:17,287 --> 00:12:19,642
I went to the cinema on me own.
-You what?

230
00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:23,606
The last time we were supposed to meet,
you know, when you didn't turn up.

231
00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:25,325
Against All Odds.

232
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,085
Quite apt, really.

233
00:12:31,687 --> 00:12:33,518
Johnny...
-Mind your backs now!

234
00:12:41,447 --> 00:12:43,244
You were going to say something?

235
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,598
Take care of yourself.

236
00:12:51,367 --> 00:12:52,482
Yeah.

237
00:13:03,207 --> 00:13:06,165
I think this is just about
the worst holiday I've ever had.

238
00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:09,523
I mean, it's been crap up until now
but at least the sun was shining.

239
00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:10,960
How's your leg?

240
00:13:11,047 --> 00:13:12,685
Oh, I'm not sure, let me check.

241
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,165
Oh, yeah, still broken.

242
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:17,246
I was only asking.

243
00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:21,157
Hola. Hurricane cocktails
for very thirsty people.

244
00:13:21,247 --> 00:13:22,362
Hey, you all right?

245
00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:25,883
I'm fine. Are you okay?

246
00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,118
Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.

247
00:13:30,687 --> 00:13:32,564
Am I supposed to know
what all this means?

248
00:13:32,647 --> 00:13:35,115
Oh! That's vile.

249
00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:37,516
I'm going to get a coffee,
do you want one?

250
00:13:37,607 --> 00:13:39,086
Yeah, thanks.

251
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:45,125
I was saying don't mention
about last night.

252
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:46,962
Last night?

253
00:13:47,447 --> 00:13:49,677
In the shower cubicle next to the pool.

254
00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:51,075
What are you talking about?

255
00:13:51,407 --> 00:13:54,877
We were both really drunk, it was dark,
I ripped your vest.

256
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:59,040
Look, all I'm saying is,
don't tell Natalie we had sex

257
00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:01,687
'cause she still has feelings for you.

258
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,485
Natalie still has feelings for me?

259
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:04,682
Well, I think so.

260
00:14:05,007 --> 00:14:07,885
Which is why it makes this
just a little bit awkward!

261
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,082
Okay.

262
00:14:09,887 --> 00:14:11,878
Thank you for telling me.

263
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:19,080
Oh, by the way,
I did not have sex last night,

264
00:14:19,527 --> 00:14:23,202
and certainly not in the shower cubicle
by the pool. Uh-uh.

265
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,406
There you go.

266
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,406
Are you all right?

267
00:14:44,487 --> 00:14:46,239
Think I'm gonna be sick.

268
00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:50,960
Dad, what's going on?

269
00:14:51,047 --> 00:14:52,799
This is Spain. When's it going to stop?

270
00:14:52,887 --> 00:14:56,004
I've never seen out like it, Son.
I mean, I'm no Michael Fish,

271
00:14:56,087 --> 00:14:57,918
but even I know
it shouldn't be boiling hot one day

272
00:14:58,007 --> 00:14:59,679
and pissing buckets the next.

273
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,758
I've told you, it's a conspiracy.

274
00:15:03,007 --> 00:15:04,520
What's that mean?

275
00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:08,038
It means, it's not long before
the men in white coats arrive

276
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:10,641
and put your Nana in a yellow van
with square wheels.

277
00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:13,757
Special hurricane cocktails.

278
00:15:16,607 --> 00:15:19,440
And one there,
there's someone sitting there as well.

279
00:15:20,727 --> 00:15:23,366
I don't want one.
I'm not drinking today.

280
00:15:23,447 --> 00:15:26,405
You're all right, leave it there,
she might have it later.

281
00:15:26,487 --> 00:15:28,842
I won't, I've said
I'm not drinking today.

282
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:30,722
Put it down!

283
00:15:31,727 --> 00:15:33,001
She might change her mind.

284
00:15:33,087 --> 00:15:34,725
No, I won't.

285
00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:37,484
Dad, they're free.

286
00:15:37,647 --> 00:15:39,922
If you want another one,
you can just go and get one.

287
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,918
Testing, one, two, one, two.

288
00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:46,838
Oh! That is vile.

289
00:15:46,927 --> 00:15:48,679
So you don't want this one?

290
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,398
No, you're all right, leave it there.

291
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,084
Well, they're free, aren't they?

292
00:15:56,527 --> 00:15:58,722
Hiya, we all right?

293
00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:00,445
Yeah. Where've you been?

294
00:16:01,287 --> 00:16:02,879
Went to the loo, is that all right?

295
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:05,322
As long as you don't let it
happen again.

296
00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:06,601
What's that you're drinking?

297
00:16:06,687 --> 00:16:08,006
Cocktails.

298
00:16:11,047 --> 00:16:12,844
Bloody hell, that's rough.

299
00:16:12,927 --> 00:16:15,157
Michael, go and get us a cup of tea.

300
00:16:15,247 --> 00:16:19,001
Mum, do you want anything?
-Oh, yeah, lovely cup of tea.

301
00:16:19,087 --> 00:16:21,043
Get me and your Nana a cup of tea. Mick?

302
00:16:21,127 --> 00:16:22,879
Aye, go on, tea, two sugars.

303
00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:24,685
I'll have it as a chaser
after me cocktails.

304
00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:27,645
Three cups of tea, Michael.
-Put a brandy in mine.

305
00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:29,001
Thought you weren't drinking?

306
00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:30,679
It's in tea, it doesn't count.

307
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,962
Yeah, I'll remind you of that
when you're singing with the band

308
00:16:33,047 --> 00:16:34,799
after your ninth cup of tea.

309
00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:42,281
Are you all right?
-Yeah.

310
00:16:44,447 --> 00:16:49,965
♪ Sometimes it's hard to be a woman

311
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:58,444
♪ Giving all your love to just one man

312
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:05,918
♪ You'll have bad times

313
00:17:06,007 --> 00:17:09,795
♪And he'll have good times

314
00:17:09,887 --> 00:17:15,564
♪ Doing things
that you don't understand ♪

315
00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:19,798
Not a bad voice.

316
00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:24,685
She's got a look of that barman you see
every now and again.

317
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:26,803
You know, that little bald fellow.

318
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,641
Same lived-in face.

319
00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:32,560
They might be related.

320
00:17:32,647 --> 00:17:36,481
Is this honestly, honestly,
your idea of a good time?

321
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:38,046
'Course it is!

322
00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:41,365
Rain belting down outside,

323
00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:46,123
everybody pulling together,
making their own entertainment.

324
00:17:46,527 --> 00:17:49,360
Look, you've got dominoes on the go.

325
00:17:49,447 --> 00:17:53,235
I dare say someone might get up
and do a bit of karaoke.

326
00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:58,079
It's got a lovely wartime feel about it.

327
00:17:59,247 --> 00:18:02,796
Anyway, we're the lucky ones,
some people have been flooded out.

328
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,722
Two beautiful cocktails
for two beautiful women.

329
00:18:05,807 --> 00:18:08,162
Not for us, thank you, darling.

330
00:18:08,247 --> 00:18:09,441
Three!

331
00:18:09,527 --> 00:18:11,199
Oh, these are special cocktails,
only one...

332
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:12,686
Three. Here.

333
00:18:26,207 --> 00:18:29,404
No, Pauline. No.

334
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:31,884
You've done so well.

335
00:18:32,447 --> 00:18:35,166
Now, listen to me. Listen to me.

336
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,602
What did Dr Noble say?

337
00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:39,325
One more drink

338
00:18:39,407 --> 00:18:43,446
and that liver of yours will burst
like an overfilled icing bag.

339
00:18:49,687 --> 00:18:51,678
I'm 42,

340
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:53,485
single,

341
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,478
twice divorced,

342
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:58,127
financially and morally bankrupt,

343
00:18:58,207 --> 00:19:00,767
on holiday with my mother in Benidorm,

344
00:19:00,847 --> 00:19:03,759
in the driving, pissing rain.

345
00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:07,518
I have one rabid cat
which cannot be released from customs

346
00:19:07,607 --> 00:19:10,963
and I am absolutely caked in thrush.

347
00:19:12,327 --> 00:19:14,238
And you tell me I don't deserve a drink.

348
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:18,718
Come on, Pauline,
think about what you're doing.

349
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:22,082
Remember when you met Roy Castle,

350
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,964
when you were 1 2,

351
00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:27,005
and he asked you what you
wanted to be when you grew up?

352
00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:30,682
And you said, ''A rodeo clown.''

353
00:19:31,607 --> 00:19:34,041
Remember what he said to you?

354
00:19:34,127 --> 00:19:37,358
''You can be anything you want to be.''

355
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,439
You don't want to be this.

356
00:19:41,687 --> 00:19:43,598
For the love of Roy,

357
00:19:44,527 --> 00:19:46,961
put the drink

358
00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,446
down.

359
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,725
♪ Dedication, uh-huh

360
00:19:53,807 --> 00:19:56,002
♪ Dedication

361
00:19:56,087 --> 00:20:00,842
♪ Dedication is what you need

362
00:20:00,927 --> 00:20:03,805
♪ If you want to be the best

363
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:08,199
♪And you want to beat the rest

364
00:20:08,287 --> 00:20:13,725
♪ Dedication's what you need

365
00:20:16,327 --> 00:20:21,037
♪ If you want to be a record breaker

366
00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:25,639
♪ Oh, oh, oh

367
00:20:29,207 --> 00:20:31,437
♪ Yeah ♪

368
00:20:48,367 --> 00:20:50,198
Oh, Pauline.

369
00:20:51,807 --> 00:20:54,685
What are we going to do with you?

370
00:21:07,447 --> 00:21:10,883
Three teas, please, and me Nana says
can you whack a brandy in hers.

371
00:21:14,327 --> 00:21:15,396
Wait your turn.

372
00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:16,602
Shh!

373
00:21:20,527 --> 00:21:22,882
I saw you. Earlier on.

374
00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:24,241
Did you?

375
00:21:24,327 --> 00:21:27,876
Yes. You were making eyes
at that girlie.

376
00:21:30,447 --> 00:21:32,165
She's through there, isn't she?

377
00:21:32,247 --> 00:21:35,045
Uh... I don't think she, um...
-Don't think she what?

378
00:21:35,847 --> 00:21:37,360
Come on, spit it out.

379
00:21:37,447 --> 00:21:39,005
I don't think she likes me.

380
00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:40,202
No, bollocks.

381
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,197
You want a beer?
-Um...

382
00:21:44,287 --> 00:21:46,005
Two pints of your strongest lager

383
00:21:46,247 --> 00:21:48,158
and one for the boy as well.

384
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:52,607
Sorry, excuse me.

385
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:59,077
Let me give you some advice, sonny.

386
00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:02,204
What you have to do is just go in there

387
00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:04,118
and lay your cards on the table.

388
00:22:04,207 --> 00:22:07,358
None of this playing hard to get
and being cool,

389
00:22:07,447 --> 00:22:09,677
a woman likes to know where she stands.

390
00:22:09,767 --> 00:22:12,042
Flattery, that's what you need.

391
00:22:14,687 --> 00:22:16,678
That's being nice to someone, isn't it?

392
00:22:16,767 --> 00:22:19,600
Don't be nice!

393
00:22:20,487 --> 00:22:22,717
Nice doesn't come anywhere close.

394
00:22:22,807 --> 00:22:24,604
You're dealing with women here.

395
00:22:26,207 --> 00:22:28,596
You've got to make her feel as though

396
00:22:28,687 --> 00:22:30,723
she's the most beautiful creature

397
00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:33,164
who ever drew breath.

398
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:34,961
Tell her!

399
00:22:36,247 --> 00:22:38,203
We like to be treated like ladies,

400
00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:40,964
made to feel special.

401
00:22:42,287 --> 00:22:43,561
Feminine.

402
00:22:57,407 --> 00:23:00,240
Try it. You'll be surprised
at the results.

403
00:23:01,847 --> 00:23:04,236
What the bloody hell's going on here?

404
00:23:05,167 --> 00:23:06,885
You look really nice today, Mum.

405
00:23:06,967 --> 00:23:09,527
Oh, Jesus, is he pissed?

406
00:23:11,367 --> 00:23:12,595
Come on!

407
00:23:14,687 --> 00:23:15,915
Michael.

408
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:20,438
Keep them coming, Jose.

409
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:32,363
♪ You can tell the world
you never was my girl

410
00:23:32,487 --> 00:23:36,116
♪ You can burn my clothes when I'm gone

411
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:39,916
♪ Or you can tell your friends
just what a fool I've been

412
00:23:40,007 --> 00:23:43,682
♪And laugh and joke about me
on the phone

413
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,120
♪ You can tell my arms... ♪

414
00:23:45,207 --> 00:23:47,277
You have three months to live?

415
00:23:47,367 --> 00:23:50,837
I'm sorry I can't quite
get my head around this.

416
00:23:50,927 --> 00:23:53,600
Well, I don't want to go
too much into detail.

417
00:23:53,687 --> 00:23:54,881
Of course not.

418
00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:58,277
But, yes, it's an hereditary problem
that runs in the family.

419
00:23:58,367 --> 00:24:01,165
My father died when he was 51 ,

420
00:24:01,247 --> 00:24:03,363
I'm not far off that myself.

421
00:24:03,447 --> 00:24:07,599
Yes, none of us
are getting any younger.

422
00:24:07,687 --> 00:24:09,757
It's going to be a difficult time ahead,

423
00:24:09,847 --> 00:24:13,283
somehow Jacqueline
seems to be coping so far.

424
00:24:17,047 --> 00:24:18,526
Yes, I can see that.

425
00:24:18,607 --> 00:24:21,246
You know, when Sammy Davis Jr

426
00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:23,716
was told he only had a few months
to live,

427
00:24:23,807 --> 00:24:28,835
he said, ''I must have packed several
lifetimes into the last 60 years.''

428
00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:30,724
I feel very much the same.

429
00:24:30,807 --> 00:24:32,877
Except you're still in your late 40s?

430
00:24:32,967 --> 00:24:37,882
It's interesting, Sammy Davis and I
seem to have led parallel lives.

431
00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:40,322
Well, yes, to look at you,
you could have been brothers.

432
00:24:40,407 --> 00:24:42,284
Both natural performers,

433
00:24:42,367 --> 00:24:45,279
both suffered at the hands
of mindless racism,

434
00:24:45,367 --> 00:24:46,766
both Jewish.

435
00:24:46,887 --> 00:24:50,436
I very nearly had my eye
poked out last year

436
00:24:50,527 --> 00:24:53,803
at The Middlesbrough Swingers
Association Summer Fetish Ball.

437
00:24:53,887 --> 00:24:55,206
I didn't know you were Jewish.

438
00:24:55,287 --> 00:24:58,085
Oh, yes, before I met Jacqueline,
I went out with Deena.

439
00:24:58,167 --> 00:25:00,681
Lovely Jewish girl from The Gorbals.

440
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:04,118
Her father wouldn't let us get engaged
until I converted.

441
00:25:04,207 --> 00:25:06,641
Didn't work out in the end,

442
00:25:06,727 --> 00:25:11,642
but it was only the other week
I realised I forgot to convert back.

443
00:25:12,687 --> 00:25:16,919
Still, I don't suppose Jacqueline
would worry too much,

444
00:25:17,007 --> 00:25:18,963
she's very broad minded.

445
00:25:25,767 --> 00:25:27,678
Thank you! Thank you!

446
00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:30,235
Right, ladies and gentlemen,
if you'd like to take your seats,

447
00:25:30,327 --> 00:25:33,478
Liam will be coming round
with your cards and dabbers

448
00:25:33,567 --> 00:25:35,956
for today's big prize bingo!

449
00:25:37,527 --> 00:25:38,642
Four of you?

450
00:25:38,727 --> 00:25:41,605
Don't give me one,
can't be arsed with all that rubbish.

451
00:25:41,687 --> 00:25:44,804
Give it here, I used to do
six books at a time in the '70s,

452
00:25:44,887 --> 00:25:46,957
still keeping an eye
on half a dozen kids

453
00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:49,038
and a husband with a wandering eye.

454
00:25:49,927 --> 00:25:51,155
Do you want to do mine, Nana?

455
00:25:51,247 --> 00:25:52,646
Yeah, pass it over.

456
00:25:52,727 --> 00:25:54,399
I thought you wanted to win the laptop?

457
00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:56,079
No, I'm not bothered,

458
00:25:56,167 --> 00:25:58,123
I'm off to play on the machines.

459
00:25:58,847 --> 00:26:01,486
Dad, is it all right for me to spend
a few euros on the machines?

460
00:26:01,567 --> 00:26:03,205
'Course, it is, son, you're on holiday.

461
00:26:06,767 --> 00:26:07,961
What? You want me to give it to you?

462
00:26:09,127 --> 00:26:11,402
What happened to all that money
you've been saving up all year?

463
00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:13,925
I gave it to me Nana.

464
00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:15,156
Bloody hell.

465
00:26:17,247 --> 00:26:19,044
Michael, here you are.

466
00:26:19,447 --> 00:26:21,278
I want the change.
-Thanks, Mum.

467
00:26:22,007 --> 00:26:23,281
Unbelievable.

468
00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:24,959
He'll get it back.

469
00:26:25,047 --> 00:26:28,562
I'm doing him a favour, he'll have
only wasted it on sweets and rubbish.

470
00:26:28,647 --> 00:26:32,435
What, as opposed to investing it in
200 Benson and Hedges and a new frock?

471
00:26:33,127 --> 00:26:34,765
Well, you can give it him back tonight.

472
00:26:34,847 --> 00:26:37,202
You can take it out of that three grand,
with interest.

473
00:26:37,287 --> 00:26:39,118
That money is for my future.

474
00:26:39,207 --> 00:26:41,767
And anyway, if you keep your trap shut
for five minutes

475
00:26:41,847 --> 00:26:44,281
I'm about to win him
a twin-top computer.

476
00:26:44,607 --> 00:26:47,280
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
eyes down.

477
00:26:51,087 --> 00:26:53,555
It's not going to be like this
for the rest of the week, is it?

478
00:26:53,647 --> 00:26:54,841
What, the weather?

479
00:26:54,927 --> 00:26:56,360
I bloody hope not.

480
00:26:56,927 --> 00:27:00,806
We've had over a dozen apartments
completely wrecked already.

481
00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:04,641
We're going have to transfer some
of the people over to another hotel.

482
00:27:04,727 --> 00:27:06,160
Really?
-Yeah.

483
00:27:06,247 --> 00:27:08,477
And if you think the food's crap here,

484
00:27:08,567 --> 00:27:10,603
wait till you go up to the Hotel Turino.

485
00:27:10,687 --> 00:27:12,598
Their chef got taught to cook in prison.

486
00:27:12,687 --> 00:27:13,756
I tell you,

487
00:27:13,847 --> 00:27:16,600
I wouldn't exactly like to queue up
to taste his prawn ring.

488
00:27:16,687 --> 00:27:19,201
How's it going with Liam?

489
00:27:19,287 --> 00:27:22,199
You what?
-Les' son, seems a nice kid.

490
00:27:22,687 --> 00:27:24,564
I say nice, he's the kind of lad

491
00:27:24,647 --> 00:27:27,639
we used to send out to shops
for a tin of tartan paint.

492
00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:29,877
I'm not going out with anyone.
I'm single.

493
00:27:29,967 --> 00:27:32,435
Single? Nice looking lass like you,

494
00:27:32,527 --> 00:27:34,358
you should have a boyfriend.

495
00:27:34,567 --> 00:27:38,879
Well, I used to go out with
one of the barmen here, Mateo,

496
00:27:38,967 --> 00:27:40,798
but I think he's playing it cool.

497
00:27:40,887 --> 00:27:44,084
Mateo? Playing it cool?
More like he can't remember you.

498
00:27:44,167 --> 00:27:46,556
Well, we were kind of serious.

499
00:27:46,647 --> 00:27:50,242
He asked me to marry him.
-Yeah, you and all the others.

500
00:27:50,767 --> 00:27:51,961
Yes, darling?

501
00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:55,562
Can I have an orange juice, please?
-Of course you can, sweetheart.

502
00:27:57,767 --> 00:28:00,235
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
-No.

503
00:28:04,487 --> 00:28:06,159
You look really nice.

504
00:28:06,247 --> 00:28:07,760
Do I?
-Yeah.

505
00:28:08,047 --> 00:28:10,561
I like your hair, it's really nice.

506
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:14,322
Actually, not nice, beautiful.

507
00:28:14,407 --> 00:28:16,045
Really beautiful.

508
00:28:17,647 --> 00:28:19,285
Would you like a drink, darling?

509
00:28:19,367 --> 00:28:22,120
I'll have a coke, please,
and whatever the lady is having.

510
00:28:22,207 --> 00:28:23,481
The lady?

511
00:28:23,767 --> 00:28:26,281
Oh. I think she's got a drink.

512
00:28:27,127 --> 00:28:28,276
Oh, yeah.

513
00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:30,399
I'd better go back.

514
00:28:30,487 --> 00:28:32,876
Are you going to Neptune's tonight?
-Yeah.

515
00:28:34,127 --> 00:28:36,004
Can I meet you there?
-Yeah.

516
00:28:36,087 --> 00:28:38,840
Okay, see you tonight.
-See you tonight.

517
00:28:41,047 --> 00:28:42,799
Michael.
-Yeah?

518
00:28:43,887 --> 00:28:45,639
I like your T-shirt.

519
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:48,962
There you go, love, one coke.

520
00:28:49,047 --> 00:28:50,605
She remembered me name!

521
00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:51,756
Aw.

522
00:28:53,087 --> 00:28:55,157
More than they usually do for me.

523
00:28:58,007 --> 00:29:00,316
Two little ducks, the number two.

524
00:29:00,407 --> 00:29:04,366
Er, no, that's one duck,
just one duck that time.

525
00:29:06,087 --> 00:29:08,521
Maggie's den, number 1 0.

526
00:29:08,847 --> 00:29:11,645
Maggie's den? When was
the last time he called bingo?

527
00:29:11,727 --> 00:29:12,796
Will you shut up?

528
00:29:14,647 --> 00:29:17,036
Key of the door, 34.

529
00:29:17,607 --> 00:29:20,917
Key of the door is 21 , this is rubbish.
-Mick, be quiet.

530
00:29:21,007 --> 00:29:22,838
Since when did you turn
into a bingo expert?

531
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:23,962
Shut up!

532
00:29:24,047 --> 00:29:27,596
All the 1 1 s... Sorry, I mean, 1 1.

533
00:29:27,687 --> 00:29:29,086
Ah, he's taking the piss now.

534
00:29:29,167 --> 00:29:30,680
Shut up!
-Shut up!

535
00:29:30,767 --> 00:29:34,476
Four and nine, the Brighton line, 49.

536
00:29:35,007 --> 00:29:37,362
I only need seven to win.

537
00:29:37,447 --> 00:29:40,120
What, seven numbers?
-No, number seven, you idiot.

538
00:29:40,207 --> 00:29:41,845
All right, calm down.

539
00:29:41,927 --> 00:29:44,839
Eight and three, 83...
Oh, hang on a minute,

540
00:29:44,927 --> 00:29:46,963
we're only supposed to go up to 50,

541
00:29:47,047 --> 00:29:49,322
so scrap that last one.

542
00:29:49,407 --> 00:29:51,318
Pull it, pull it, pull it!

543
00:29:51,447 --> 00:29:54,962
And your next number out is...
On its own, number six.

544
00:29:55,047 --> 00:29:56,799
House! House!

545
00:29:57,207 --> 00:29:59,675
I've won! I've won!

546
00:29:59,807 --> 00:30:02,640
I've won. It's me! I've won!

547
00:30:03,007 --> 00:30:05,396
Fuck the lot of you!

548
00:30:05,487 --> 00:30:07,682
Stick it up your arses,

549
00:30:07,767 --> 00:30:11,806
your grey, flabby, lifeless arses.

550
00:30:12,127 --> 00:30:14,243
Look at you, look at you!

551
00:30:14,327 --> 00:30:15,999
All sitting there

552
00:30:16,087 --> 00:30:19,636
desperate to get your
clammy paws on the prize,

553
00:30:19,727 --> 00:30:22,764
aching to get something for nothing,

554
00:30:22,847 --> 00:30:27,398
your blubbery, sweaty, vomitous faces,

555
00:30:27,487 --> 00:30:32,117
grey and bloated from an odious diet
of takeaway food

556
00:30:32,207 --> 00:30:33,925
and reality TV.

557
00:30:34,007 --> 00:30:36,521
Well, not this time.

558
00:30:36,607 --> 00:30:38,325
I'm the winner

559
00:30:38,407 --> 00:30:40,363
and you are all losers.

560
00:30:40,447 --> 00:30:42,642
You'll never do anything
with your lives.

561
00:30:42,727 --> 00:30:44,445
No pride,

562
00:30:44,527 --> 00:30:46,404
no ambition.

563
00:30:46,767 --> 00:30:49,042
I hope you all die of shame!

564
00:30:49,127 --> 00:30:51,960
Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a winner.

565
00:30:52,047 --> 00:30:55,323
Well done, we'll give you your prize
in Neptune's tonight.

566
00:30:55,447 --> 00:30:56,880
Hit it, boys.

567
00:31:01,487 --> 00:31:03,125
Let's go, girls.

568
00:31:09,727 --> 00:31:13,515
♪ I'm going out tonight
I'm feelin' all right

569
00:31:13,607 --> 00:31:17,646
♪ I'm gonna let it all hang out

570
00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:21,682
♪ The best thing about being a woman

571
00:31:21,767 --> 00:31:25,282
♪ Is the prerogative
to have a little fun

572
00:31:26,007 --> 00:31:30,876
♪ Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy
Forget I'm a lady

573
00:31:31,167 --> 00:31:33,476
♪ Men's shirts, short skirts

574
00:31:33,567 --> 00:31:39,756
♪ Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free
Yeah, to feel the way I feel

575
00:31:40,207 --> 00:31:42,846
♪ Man! I feel like a woman! ♪

576
00:31:52,367 --> 00:31:55,518
♪ Don't tell me not to live,
just sit and putter

577
00:31:55,607 --> 00:31:58,758
♪ Life's candy
and the sun's a ball of butter

578
00:31:59,047 --> 00:32:02,926
♪ Who told you you're allowed
to rain on my parade?

579
00:32:04,007 --> 00:32:09,604
♪ I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum... ♪

580
00:32:10,047 --> 00:32:11,799
Another One Bites The Dust?

581
00:32:11,887 --> 00:32:13,445
Not bad. How about this one,

582
00:32:13,527 --> 00:32:16,485
Blue Oyster Cult, Don't Fear The Reaper?

583
00:32:16,887 --> 00:32:19,924
Never heard of it. Good title though.

584
00:32:20,007 --> 00:32:21,565
Hello, we don't want to disturb you,

585
00:32:21,647 --> 00:32:23,638
but we just wanted to say
we hope you're feeling okay.

586
00:32:23,727 --> 00:32:26,116
Sit down, boys!
-Oh, we don't want to intrude,

587
00:32:26,207 --> 00:32:27,560
you know, with you not having
much time left.

588
00:32:27,647 --> 00:32:29,365
Nonsense, sit down!

589
00:32:32,527 --> 00:32:35,599
We were just looking at songs
for Donald's funeral.

590
00:32:37,327 --> 00:32:39,682
Oh, what about this one,

591
00:32:39,767 --> 00:32:42,235
Going Underground by The Jam?

592
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:46,115
Not bad, but weren't we
considering a cremation?

593
00:32:46,207 --> 00:32:47,879
Disco Inferno by Tina Turner!

594
00:32:47,967 --> 00:32:49,320
Burn, baby, burn!

595
00:32:49,407 --> 00:32:50,476
Too obvious.

596
00:32:50,567 --> 00:32:51,795
Pardon me for breathing.

597
00:32:51,887 --> 00:32:53,957
What would you have
at your funeral, Gavin?

598
00:32:54,047 --> 00:32:55,765
Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead.

599
00:32:58,207 --> 00:33:00,277
I would have Gone Too Soon
by Michael Jackson.

600
00:33:00,367 --> 00:33:01,436
It's a beautiful song.

601
00:33:01,527 --> 00:33:03,358
What if you live to be 90?

602
00:33:03,447 --> 00:33:05,119
Very doubtful.

603
00:33:05,207 --> 00:33:06,560
None taken.

604
00:33:07,047 --> 00:33:10,483
Here we are, I think I've got it.
-Go on.

605
00:33:10,567 --> 00:33:14,401
Well, you know you said there was
no point getting a second opinion

606
00:33:14,487 --> 00:33:18,366
because this form of cancer's
never been successfully treated?

607
00:33:18,447 --> 00:33:19,516
Yes.

608
00:33:19,607 --> 00:33:23,236
The Verve, The Drugs Don't Work.

609
00:33:23,327 --> 00:33:24,601
Perfect!

610
00:33:32,447 --> 00:33:35,245
I know the concept of work
is still slightly alien to you,

611
00:33:35,327 --> 00:33:38,524
but the idea is when people have got
empty glasses in front of them

612
00:33:38,607 --> 00:33:39,960
it means they've finished with them.

613
00:33:40,047 --> 00:33:41,366
I was having a power nap.

614
00:33:41,447 --> 00:33:42,800
I was having a power nap.

615
00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:45,606
Who do you think you are? Geoff Capes?
-Who's Geoff Capes?

616
00:33:45,687 --> 00:33:47,200
Don't change the subject.

617
00:33:47,287 --> 00:33:49,403
If this bar isn't covered
in empty glasses

618
00:33:49,487 --> 00:33:53,719
in the next 30 seconds you will be
out of a job before you've even started.

619
00:33:58,687 --> 00:34:01,076
Everything all right, young 'un?
-Yeah, I'm okay.

620
00:34:01,687 --> 00:34:03,518
Yeah? Doesn't sound like it.

621
00:34:04,007 --> 00:34:05,281
You know that Natalie.

622
00:34:05,367 --> 00:34:07,198
The lass you've been
seeing a bit of? Aye.

623
00:34:07,287 --> 00:34:09,198
I think she's losing interest in me.

624
00:34:09,287 --> 00:34:11,437
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

625
00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:14,166
Still, there's plenty more fish
in the sea.

626
00:34:14,247 --> 00:34:16,317
So I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

627
00:34:17,727 --> 00:34:19,046
Ah, right.

628
00:34:20,287 --> 00:34:22,403
I don't think
that's such a good idea, son.

629
00:34:22,487 --> 00:34:25,126
Why not? I think she'd make
a great daughter-in-law.

630
00:34:25,207 --> 00:34:27,880
No, no, I don't mean that, it's just...

631
00:34:28,487 --> 00:34:32,799
Well, I think you should take
things a bit slow, you know.

632
00:34:33,367 --> 00:34:36,120
A holiday romance is one thing
but I think it's a bit soon

633
00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:37,526
to be thinking about marriage.

634
00:34:37,607 --> 00:34:41,282
No, no, fortune flavours the brave.

635
00:34:42,487 --> 00:34:43,920
Does it now?
-Yeah.

636
00:34:45,247 --> 00:34:46,919
Is that not a famous saying?

637
00:34:47,327 --> 00:34:48,646
Not exactly.

638
00:34:48,727 --> 00:34:51,400
Right, 'cause it just came to me
in a dream.

639
00:34:52,687 --> 00:34:55,645
Son. Good luck, son.

640
00:34:58,647 --> 00:35:00,842
There'll be no luck involved, Dad.

641
00:35:03,927 --> 00:35:05,679
Aye, that's what I'm afraid of.

642
00:35:19,167 --> 00:35:24,446
Shaun Foster Conley with a Bobby Darin
classic, Don't Rain On My Parade,

643
00:35:24,527 --> 00:35:28,281
and don't forget, tomorrow,
it's '80s night,

644
00:35:28,367 --> 00:35:31,564
we want to see big hair, naff jewellery,

645
00:35:31,647 --> 00:35:33,797
and fashion 30 years out of date.

646
00:35:33,887 --> 00:35:36,037
Actually, most of you can come
just as you are.

647
00:35:37,527 --> 00:35:40,280
And now before we move on
to the karaoke,

648
00:35:40,367 --> 00:35:42,198
a great '80s track

649
00:35:42,407 --> 00:35:44,125
from a very good friend of mine

650
00:35:44,207 --> 00:35:45,879
Mr Johnny Neptune.

651
00:35:51,487 --> 00:35:53,523
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

652
00:35:54,167 --> 00:35:56,727
Mum, is it all right
if I go sit at the bar?

653
00:35:57,367 --> 00:36:00,677
♪ How can I just let you walk away

654
00:36:00,767 --> 00:36:03,998
♪Just let you leave without a trace

655
00:36:04,847 --> 00:36:10,479
♪ When I stand here
taking every breath with you

656
00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:11,636
Mum!

657
00:36:13,367 --> 00:36:18,236
♪ You're the only one
who really knew me at all

658
00:36:22,207 --> 00:36:25,677
♪ How can you just walk away from me

659
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:27,678
♪ When all I can do is watch you leave

660
00:36:27,767 --> 00:36:30,361
Natalie, I need to ask you something.

661
00:36:30,447 --> 00:36:31,562
What?

662
00:36:31,847 --> 00:36:33,075
Outside.

663
00:36:33,727 --> 00:36:35,524
Can't you just ask me here?

664
00:36:36,007 --> 00:36:38,123
Out...side.

665
00:36:39,167 --> 00:36:42,000
If there's going to be a fight,
can I come and watch?

666
00:36:45,487 --> 00:36:47,762
♪ Take a look at me now

667
00:36:49,927 --> 00:36:51,883
Make sure you get
the first punch in, Nat.

668
00:36:51,967 --> 00:36:53,639
He'll go down like a sack of shit.

669
00:36:56,607 --> 00:37:01,078
♪ There's nothing left here to remind me

670
00:37:01,407 --> 00:37:04,444
♪Just the memory of your face

671
00:37:04,527 --> 00:37:07,166
♪ Take a look at me now

672
00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:11,282
♪ There's just an empty space

673
00:37:13,207 --> 00:37:14,526
What's tickled you?

674
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:15,835
Have a look.

675
00:37:15,927 --> 00:37:17,918
What the frig's up with you,
misery guts?

676
00:37:18,007 --> 00:37:20,077
You're supposed to be on your holidays.

677
00:37:20,167 --> 00:37:21,441
It's just a nice song.

678
00:37:21,527 --> 00:37:23,358
She's always been the same.

679
00:37:23,447 --> 00:37:26,280
She used to cry when they guessed
the right house on Through The Keyhole.

680
00:37:26,367 --> 00:37:29,120
What's wrong with that?
-There's nothing wrong with that.

681
00:37:29,207 --> 00:37:31,243
It's what makes you beautiful,

682
00:37:31,327 --> 00:37:34,637
and unique, makes you my wife,

683
00:37:35,807 --> 00:37:38,367
who after all these years
I still love with a passion

684
00:37:38,447 --> 00:37:40,278
and wouldn't change for the world.

685
00:37:42,607 --> 00:37:43,926
Hey, come on.

686
00:37:44,687 --> 00:37:47,326
Here, come on.

687
00:37:48,447 --> 00:37:51,166
Oh, that's all we need on this holiday,

688
00:37:51,247 --> 00:37:54,205
her hitting the menopause
like a bull at a gate.

689
00:37:54,287 --> 00:37:57,563
♪And there's nothing left here
to remind me

690
00:37:57,647 --> 00:38:00,480
♪Just the memory of your face

691
00:38:00,567 --> 00:38:03,286
♪ Now take a look at me now ♪

692
00:38:14,087 --> 00:38:17,796
Come on now,
let's hear it for Mr Johnny Neptune.

693
00:38:20,687 --> 00:38:23,724
He's about to hop off on a flight
back to the UK.

694
00:38:23,807 --> 00:38:26,082
Let's give him a good send-off.

695
00:38:28,927 --> 00:38:30,406
Liam, is this going to take long,

696
00:38:30,487 --> 00:38:33,877
'cause you can already leave a spoon
standing up in that risotto as it is.

697
00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:37,438
Oh, sorry, love.

698
00:38:40,367 --> 00:38:43,643
Oh, just lean... Lean there...

699
00:38:43,727 --> 00:38:45,763
Now, try... Oh!

700
00:38:50,047 --> 00:38:51,275
Natalie,

701
00:38:52,687 --> 00:38:53,961
will you marry me?

702
00:38:54,047 --> 00:38:55,196
What?

703
00:38:57,447 --> 00:38:59,358
Will you marry me?
-No!

704
00:39:00,447 --> 00:39:02,244
Was that it?

705
00:39:05,767 --> 00:39:08,156
Liam! Liam!

706
00:39:10,287 --> 00:39:11,720
Are you okay?

707
00:39:12,087 --> 00:39:13,600
Yeah, I'm fine.

708
00:39:14,687 --> 00:39:15,915
You know, I missed you.

709
00:39:16,807 --> 00:39:19,037
You've hardly spoke to me
since I've got here.

710
00:39:19,127 --> 00:39:22,597
I try to give you space,
but it's hard for me.

711
00:39:22,687 --> 00:39:25,963
Space? We saw each other
every day for two weeks,

712
00:39:26,047 --> 00:39:29,005
you told me you loved me,
we even spoke about marriage,

713
00:39:29,087 --> 00:39:31,681
then I went home
and I never heard from you again.

714
00:39:31,767 --> 00:39:33,519
Why didn't you call me?

715
00:39:33,607 --> 00:39:35,086
I lost my phone.

716
00:39:35,167 --> 00:39:38,955
I tried to remember your mobile
but I am not good with numbers.

717
00:39:39,767 --> 00:39:42,804
You had my email address,
my home address.

718
00:39:42,887 --> 00:39:44,605
I am even worse with words.

719
00:39:45,167 --> 00:39:48,125
I assumed you changed
your number to get rid of me.

720
00:39:48,207 --> 00:39:49,356
Get rid of you?

721
00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:52,486
Natalie, you were the best thing
that ever happened to me.

722
00:39:53,087 --> 00:39:54,566
I missed you so much.

723
00:39:55,927 --> 00:39:58,964
If you can find it in your heart
to forgive me,

724
00:39:59,687 --> 00:40:00,961
you know where I am.

725
00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:22,566
Do you want a drink, love?

726
00:40:22,647 --> 00:40:25,115
No, I'm all right, thanks.

727
00:40:26,167 --> 00:40:29,239
Do you know the girl with
the blonde hair with the red bits in?

728
00:40:29,327 --> 00:40:30,885
I don't think so.

729
00:40:30,967 --> 00:40:32,241
She's my age.

730
00:40:32,327 --> 00:40:35,444
I was sat with her at the bar
in reception this afternoon.

731
00:40:35,527 --> 00:40:37,643
Oh, yeah, I know the one.

732
00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:39,046
Has she been in here tonight?

733
00:40:39,127 --> 00:40:41,687
No, she won't be in here again.

734
00:40:41,767 --> 00:40:44,327
They were one of the families
that were flooded out.

735
00:40:44,407 --> 00:40:46,921
They've been put in another hotel.

736
00:40:47,007 --> 00:40:48,360
Oh, right.

737
00:40:48,447 --> 00:40:50,563
Uh, where's the other hotel?

738
00:40:50,927 --> 00:40:53,919
It's right over on the other side
of Benidorm.

739
00:40:55,287 --> 00:40:56,766
You all right?

740
00:40:57,207 --> 00:41:00,040
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, thanks.

741
00:41:20,287 --> 00:41:21,800
I had a slice of your risotto,

742
00:41:21,887 --> 00:41:23,718
I hope you don't mind.

743
00:41:24,167 --> 00:41:25,646
So what did he want?

744
00:41:26,647 --> 00:41:29,480
Liam? Oh, he asked me to marry him.

745
00:41:39,087 --> 00:41:42,363
Oh, you can't say we haven't
had a laugh on this holiday!

746
00:41:45,767 --> 00:41:47,439
Are you all right?

747
00:41:49,767 --> 00:41:51,519
I think I'm in love.

748
00:41:51,687 --> 00:41:52,802
What?

749
00:41:54,367 --> 00:41:57,325
Right, next karaoke cab

750
00:41:57,407 --> 00:41:59,921
off the rank is Donald

751
00:42:00,007 --> 00:42:04,285
with a cheery little number
calledThe Drugs Don't Work.

752
00:42:12,767 --> 00:42:14,405
Hey, where have you been?

753
00:42:14,487 --> 00:42:15,556
I had a date.

754
00:42:15,647 --> 00:42:16,921
You what?

755
00:42:17,087 --> 00:42:18,406
What kind of date?

756
00:42:18,487 --> 00:42:21,524
A date with a girl,
but she didn't turn up.

757
00:42:21,607 --> 00:42:24,041
Bloody hell, you kept that one quiet.

758
00:42:24,127 --> 00:42:26,322
I really thought she was the one.

759
00:42:26,407 --> 00:42:27,999
She was perfect.

760
00:42:28,127 --> 00:42:31,563
Don't worry, Son, you'll know
when the right one comes along.

761
00:42:32,527 --> 00:42:33,721
Won't he, Jan?

762
00:42:36,447 --> 00:42:37,562
You what?

763
00:42:37,647 --> 00:42:39,763
I said, he'll know
when the right one comes along.

764
00:42:41,727 --> 00:42:43,080
Absolutely.

765
00:42:44,087 --> 00:42:50,560
♪ ...like a cat in a bag,
waiting to drown

766
00:42:50,647 --> 00:42:53,081
♪ This time I'm coming down

767
00:42:53,927 --> 00:42:58,443
I could have sworn you said
the bingo prize was a laptop.

768
00:42:58,527 --> 00:43:00,597
No, no.

769
00:43:01,127 --> 00:43:02,640
Lap dog.

770
00:43:03,767 --> 00:43:06,918
Well, what are we supposed
to do with that?

771
00:43:07,007 --> 00:43:09,077
We're going home in two days.

772
00:43:09,167 --> 00:43:11,840
Ah, well, it's what you've won,
but, I mean, if you don't want it

773
00:43:11,927 --> 00:43:13,599
I'll just have to take it back.

774
00:43:13,687 --> 00:43:15,518
I'm sorry about the confusion.

775
00:43:15,607 --> 00:43:18,167
Hang on, my daughter's coming back,

776
00:43:18,247 --> 00:43:20,807
she's the one that won the bingo.

777
00:43:20,887 --> 00:43:23,924
♪ Now the drugs don't work...

778
00:43:24,487 --> 00:43:25,920
Pauline,

779
00:43:26,247 --> 00:43:30,718
this young lady says
you've won a dog in the bingo.

780
00:43:30,807 --> 00:43:33,799
A lap dog, not a laptop.

781
00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:43,522
Your mum was just explaining

782
00:43:43,607 --> 00:43:46,565
how it might be a bit tricky, you know,
taking the dog home.

783
00:43:47,767 --> 00:43:51,282
So if you just pass him back, you know,
we'll just leave it at that.

784
00:43:51,847 --> 00:43:55,283
Uh, I'm not sure about
the policy of dogs here either.

785
00:43:55,927 --> 00:43:59,920
I suppose we just didn't, you know,
really think it through like, you know.

786
00:44:01,407 --> 00:44:04,365
So why don't I just take
the dog back and...

787
00:44:04,447 --> 00:44:07,405
Get your hands off my dog!

788
00:44:17,287 --> 00:44:18,640
I love you.

789
00:44:20,007 --> 00:44:22,282
Do you love me?

790
00:44:23,007 --> 00:44:24,042
Say yes.

791
00:44:27,287 --> 00:44:28,845
Where's Charlie?

792
00:44:28,927 --> 00:44:30,076
Uh, I'm sorry?

793
00:44:30,647 --> 00:44:32,160
Where's me dog?

794
00:44:32,487 --> 00:44:34,284
You said you'd be two minutes.

795
00:44:34,367 --> 00:44:37,564
Um, I think we might have

796
00:44:37,647 --> 00:44:39,478
a slight problem.

797
00:44:39,567 --> 00:44:42,604
♪ Now the drugs don't work

798
00:44:42,687 --> 00:44:45,440
♪ They just make you worse

799
00:44:45,527 --> 00:44:49,998
♪ But I know I'll see your face again ♪

800
00:44:50,087 --> 00:44:52,521
Just give me the bloody dog back!

801
00:44:52,607 --> 00:44:54,757
She's not your dog, she's my dog,

802
00:44:54,847 --> 00:44:56,405
she's called Liza.

803
00:44:56,487 --> 00:44:58,443
What the frig is she on?
Just give me...

804
00:44:58,527 --> 00:45:01,997
Just give her the dog back,
we can't take it on the plane anyway.

805
00:45:02,087 --> 00:45:04,555
There's some sort of mistake,
just pass the dog to me, will you?

806
00:45:04,647 --> 00:45:05,966
What are you doing?

807
00:45:06,047 --> 00:45:08,322
Get off my dog! Get off my dog!

808
00:45:16,767 --> 00:45:18,564
Is it too late to get the laptop?

809
00:45:19,305 --> 00:45:25,521
Please rate this subtitle at %url%
Help other users to choose the best subtitles