1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:52,247 --> 00:00:55,557
Troy, how are you? I'm fine...

3
00:00:56,567 --> 00:01:00,640
No, it's bright sunshine this morning.
Yes, it was some kind of freak storm.

4
00:01:01,967 --> 00:01:06,085
Speaking of freaks, one second.
I'm sorry, someone's sitting there.

5
00:01:06,847 --> 00:01:09,645
Hello?
You're sitting in someone's chair.

6
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:14,116
I have a number of friends
who are homosexual.

7
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,038
And both my parents
were chronic alcoholics,

8
00:01:16,127 --> 00:01:19,358
it doesn't mean
I wish to sit with one at breakfast.

9
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,996
Sorry, Troy, go on.
How is your father today?

10
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,156
Yes?

11
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,922
Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry.

12
00:01:32,647 --> 00:01:36,799
You wouldn't suit a hat.
Your head is too big.

13
00:01:36,887 --> 00:01:38,081
Look, will you go away!

14
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:41,045
I'm sorry, love, you can't sit here.
-Who says I can't?

15
00:01:41,247 --> 00:01:44,842
Look, I tell you what,
if you move I'll open the bar now.

16
00:01:47,447 --> 00:01:49,836
Thank you.
-No problem.

17
00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:53,556
Um... I'll get on the first plane
this morning.

18
00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:58,799
Are you absolutely sure? Okay.
Okay. Call me later.

19
00:01:58,887 --> 00:02:01,845
Troy, I love you.

20
00:02:02,007 --> 00:02:05,477
♪ I can see clearly now
The rain has gone ♪

21
00:02:06,287 --> 00:02:08,278
Aye, what about this then, eh?

22
00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:12,437
Oh, come on misery chops.

23
00:02:12,527 --> 00:02:15,803
Even you can't put a downer on the fact
that the sun's come out!

24
00:02:16,247 --> 00:02:20,445
That was Troy.
-Oh, aye? How's his dad?

25
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:23,921
Oh, God.

26
00:02:29,047 --> 00:02:30,844
I'll get us a coffee.

27
00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:37,237
Oh, that's better! Feel that sun!

28
00:02:37,327 --> 00:02:40,080
Looks like your theory of yesterday's
storm being a terrorist attack

29
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:41,236
has hit a dead end, Madge.

30
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,205
Don't you believe it,
it's all part of the cover up.

31
00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:46,721
Oh, I've got something for you.

32
00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:50,243
I forgot to give you it last night.
I'll bring it over in a minute.

33
00:02:52,127 --> 00:02:54,687
What's all that about?
-Search me.

34
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:58,361
''You have won second prize
in a beauty contest.

35
00:02:58,447 --> 00:03:00,244
''Donald and Jacqueline
came joint first.''

36
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:01,362
Oh, shut up.

37
00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:08,164
You should eat something.
You'll fade away.

38
00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:12,881
Well, you know what I mean.
-Morning, boys! Space at your table?

39
00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:15,686
Oh, God, that's all I need.
I'm going for a lie down.

40
00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,644
All right, see you in a bit.

41
00:03:17,727 --> 00:03:21,083
Oh, was it something I said?
-Troy just called.

42
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,682
His dad passed away last night.
-Oh, I am sorry.

43
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:27,839
Yeah, it's a weird one.
Troy didn't really know him.

44
00:03:27,927 --> 00:03:30,282
His dad got in touch with him
when he knew he didn't have long to go.

45
00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:35,600
Oh, we've just been looking at coffins
on the Internet for Donald.

46
00:03:35,687 --> 00:03:37,439
Shall I pop these up to him?

47
00:03:37,527 --> 00:03:41,361
No, he's being buried tonight, so
they're probably sorted, to be honest.

48
00:03:41,447 --> 00:03:45,520
Died yesterday and buried tonight?
Did they get a last minute cancellation?

49
00:03:45,807 --> 00:03:48,321
No, Troy's dad was a Muslim.

50
00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:51,240
It's part of his religion
to get buried within 24 hours.

51
00:03:51,327 --> 00:03:56,117
Oh, I quite like the sound of that.
No messing around, no hassle.

52
00:03:56,287 --> 00:04:00,963
Plus you're not that fussed on pork
and you'd look lovely in a turban.

53
00:04:08,487 --> 00:04:11,604
Thanks, Mum.
-You're all right love.

54
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:15,281
Bloody hell, Michael,
what have you done?

55
00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:18,598
Well, you said put plenty on.
-I know I did but...

56
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,840
Well, make sure you rub it in.

57
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,840
Hey, go steady with that in future.
It's about three quid a bottle.

58
00:04:24,927 --> 00:04:28,397
Three quid a bottle? When was
the last time you bought sun cream?

59
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:35,203
Michael, you could have saved me a bit.
-Sorry.

60
00:04:35,287 --> 00:04:36,686
Here you go.
-Thanks, Mum.

61
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,365
Mother, this is cooking oil.
-Does the job for me.

62
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,960
Here's the note I was telling you about,

63
00:04:43,047 --> 00:04:45,766
off the fella who sang on the karaoke
last night,

64
00:04:45,847 --> 00:04:48,839
Johnny Neptune.
-Thank you.

65
00:04:50,807 --> 00:04:53,879
Oh, I doubt it's for us,
she's probably made a mistake.

66
00:04:54,207 --> 00:04:56,243
What's it say?
-''I hope you don't think me rude

67
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,124
''but I overheard you
having a conversation

68
00:04:58,207 --> 00:05:00,402
''about possibly looking for a business
in Spain.

69
00:05:00,487 --> 00:05:02,603
''A friend of mine has run into trouble
with his bar.

70
00:05:02,687 --> 00:05:04,996
''He just needs someone
to take over the lease.

71
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,123
''3,000 euros. Address below.''

72
00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:10,842
Nosey bleeder, fancy listening
into other people's conversations.

73
00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:12,804
It's a scam. It's obvious, isn't it?

74
00:05:12,887 --> 00:05:14,479
I'm surprised he didn't ask
for our bank details

75
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:17,001
so his uncle,
the ex-Prime Minister of Nigeria

76
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,157
can clear a cheque for $1 0 million.

77
00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:21,078
I don't think it would be a scam.

78
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:23,158
What makes you say that?
You don't know him, do you?

79
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:25,044
No. No, I don't.

80
00:05:25,527 --> 00:05:28,917
How much did you say they wanted?
-Three grand. They're taking the piss.

81
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:33,997
That's what we got from the go-kart bet.
It's a sign. It's a sign from Mel.

82
00:05:34,087 --> 00:05:36,647
You think this note is a sign from Mel
from beyond the grave

83
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,161
to tell you to open a bar
in Benidorm on your own?

84
00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:40,316
Absolutely.

85
00:05:40,487 --> 00:05:42,239
I've heard everything now.

86
00:05:42,327 --> 00:05:46,002
In saying that, I don't think
he knew anybody in Nigeria.

87
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:49,367
Although, he did once
see Johnny Mathis in concert,

88
00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:51,961
so maybe there's a connection there.

89
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:55,437
Right, I'll have a couple of hours
in the sun,

90
00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:57,085
then I'll go over
and check this bar out.

91
00:05:57,167 --> 00:06:00,637
Mother, this whole rubbish about
you staying here is just upsetting me.

92
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:01,796
Why are you doing it?

93
00:06:01,887 --> 00:06:05,436
It was Mel's dream to have
a successful business here in Benidorm.

94
00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:08,201
And I'm going to make sure
that dream comes true.

95
00:06:08,287 --> 00:06:10,243
Oh, for God's sake.
Where are you going now?

96
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:13,717
I'm off for a piss,
or is that going to upset you and all?

97
00:06:14,927 --> 00:06:17,839
Listen, son,
all good things come to an end.

98
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:22,518
And if I'm absolutely honest,
I didn't think she was right for you.

99
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:24,559
She's beautiful.

100
00:06:25,207 --> 00:06:26,765
Beauty's only skin deep.

101
00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:28,485
It's like the fellow
I've got a date with tonight.

102
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:32,082
Now, if I found out he was only
meeting up with me because of me looks,

103
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:33,885
I'd drop him like a hot potato.

104
00:06:36,087 --> 00:06:38,237
Are you all right there, pet?

105
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:45,642
Look, you're going back with your mum
tomorrow, it's all good timing.

106
00:06:45,727 --> 00:06:48,446
No, I'm going to give it one last go.

107
00:06:52,687 --> 00:06:54,518
She's like a mythical creature,

108
00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:57,881
I don't think I'll ever see
anything like her again.

109
00:07:00,647 --> 00:07:06,119
If I had a euro every time
somebody's said that about me.

110
00:07:06,807 --> 00:07:11,801
Ah, I'm going to miss all this.
- Oh, yes, me, too.

111
00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:15,403
Well, you're not going anywhere yet,
it's me that's going first.

112
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:20,800
Well, that's true, but you can be
certain I won't be far behind you.

113
00:07:22,687 --> 00:07:26,316
Hello, I don't mean to bother you both,

114
00:07:26,407 --> 00:07:31,003
but I just wanted to say
I'm so sorry to hear about you...

115
00:07:31,487 --> 00:07:35,275
Well, that you're not going to be...

116
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:39,679
Um, well, I mean,
the fact that you've got...

117
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,320
Three months to live?

118
00:07:41,407 --> 00:07:44,683
Oh, it sounds awful
when you put it like that.

119
00:07:45,447 --> 00:07:48,120
Wouldn't it be better
to put it into weeks?

120
00:07:48,207 --> 00:07:52,997
If our Geoff were here,
he'd be able to work that out for you.

121
00:07:53,087 --> 00:07:56,079
It all amounts to the same thing,
whichever way you say it,

122
00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:59,921
3 months, 1 2 weeks, 84 days.

123
00:08:00,007 --> 00:08:04,125
Actually it doesn't sound so bad
when you say that.

124
00:08:04,207 --> 00:08:08,325
Didn't Phileas Frog go round the world
in 80 days?

125
00:08:08,407 --> 00:08:11,205
You could have four days to recover.

126
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:14,960
Well, we're not moping around.

127
00:08:15,047 --> 00:08:17,607
We're planning a lovely service,

128
00:08:17,687 --> 00:08:21,316
we've got Jimmy Cricket
giving the eulogy.

129
00:08:21,447 --> 00:08:23,244
Oh, how do you know him?

130
00:08:23,327 --> 00:08:27,366
I was a theatrical agent
for a brief spell many years ago,

131
00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:29,836
I still have quite a few connections.

132
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:34,398
Donald used to handle Frankie Howerd
in the '70s, didn't you?

133
00:08:34,527 --> 00:08:35,880
Frequently.

134
00:08:36,527 --> 00:08:38,279
How's your daughter?

135
00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:44,479
We saw her slumped over the bar earlier.
We didn't like to bother her.

136
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:47,525
Well, she's not too bad, thank you.

137
00:08:47,607 --> 00:08:51,600
She's on some medication
that doesn't agree with her.

138
00:08:51,687 --> 00:08:55,805
Well, I'd better be off.
I'll see you later.

139
00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,366
Another glass of medication?
-Oh, yes!

140
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,716
I'm not sure this is a good idea.
We should stay at the Solana.

141
00:09:10,527 --> 00:09:12,119
What if Troy can't get me on my mobile?

142
00:09:12,207 --> 00:09:14,243
Well, don't panic,
he's got my number as well.

143
00:09:14,327 --> 00:09:16,283
It'll do us good
to get out of that place for a bit.

144
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:19,717
No, I'm sorry, unless you tell me
where we're going I'm turning back.

145
00:09:19,807 --> 00:09:24,198
Oh, you are such a spoilsport.
Okay, here we are. Look!

146
00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:31,286
Benidorm Museum of Culture.
Is this a joke?

147
00:09:31,407 --> 00:09:34,365
No, I thought you were
into museums and stuff.

148
00:09:34,447 --> 00:09:37,996
Look, it's open 1 0 am to 6 pm,
I thought we could spend the day there.

149
00:09:38,087 --> 00:09:39,725
I'm not sure the history
of the full English breakfast

150
00:09:39,807 --> 00:09:42,526
will fill the next eight hours.
-Oh, well, let's just forget it then.

151
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,199
I tell you what, let's go back,
sit on our arses

152
00:09:44,287 --> 00:09:47,245
and listen to Donald talk about
catering packs of embalming fluid.

153
00:09:47,927 --> 00:09:50,202
No, Kenneth. Kenneth!

154
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:56,285
I'm sorry, I was being ungrateful.

155
00:09:57,367 --> 00:10:02,395
It's not exactly the Guggenheim,
but, no, let's go. It'll be fun.

156
00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:07,201
The thing about the Googleheim,

157
00:10:07,287 --> 00:10:10,563
if it's crap,
it hasn't got a beach next to it!

158
00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:12,202
Guggenheim.

159
00:10:17,607 --> 00:10:18,756
Mateo.

160
00:10:21,527 --> 00:10:24,439
My slightly greasy
but very accommodating colleague

161
00:10:24,527 --> 00:10:26,757
will be with you shortly. Mateo!

162
00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:32,925
Hola. Welcome to the Solana.

163
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,157
My name is Mateo. How can I help you?

164
00:10:35,247 --> 00:10:36,726
Hi, we're Bananarama.

165
00:10:37,247 --> 00:10:40,444
Bananny who?
- Bananarama.

166
00:10:40,527 --> 00:10:41,880
Nice names.

167
00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:43,798
We're the group booked
for your '80s night.

168
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:45,605
We're called Bananarama.

169
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,918
Bananarama? This is a joke name, yes?

170
00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:53,122
Hello, are you tribute act?
-We're Bananarama.

171
00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:55,482
Isn't there supposed to be three of you?
Where's the other one?

172
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,080
She left in 1 988.

173
00:10:57,167 --> 00:11:01,080
How can you be a Bananarama tribute band
if there's only two of you?

174
00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:03,727
We're not a tribute band,
we are Bananarama.

175
00:11:03,807 --> 00:11:05,081
Yeah, I'm sure you are.

176
00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:10,726
We had a Queen tribute act here
last week, lead singer was the same.

177
00:11:10,807 --> 00:11:14,925
Changed his name by Deed Poll,
wears all the gear all the time.

178
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:19,239
Big black tache, lives his life
exactly like Freddie Mercury.

179
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:23,479
His wife wasn't too thrilled about it,
but that's showbusiness, I suppose.

180
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:26,923
We're not a tribute act,
I'm Sara Dallin, this is Keren Woodward,

181
00:11:27,007 --> 00:11:28,565
and we are Bananarama.

182
00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:29,682
Here we are.

183
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:33,885
So you're telling me we've booked
the real Bananarama for 400 euros?

184
00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:35,719
We've been a bit quiet lately.

185
00:11:35,807 --> 00:11:37,035
Well, if you are the real thing,

186
00:11:37,127 --> 00:11:38,765
I suppose you probably
don't need the money.

187
00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:40,519
Isn't one of you
married to George Michael?

188
00:11:40,607 --> 00:11:41,596
No.
- Right.

189
00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:45,282
Well, Mateo will show you to your room
when you're ready. Good luck with that.

190
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:49,364
And just so you know,
real Bananarama or not,

191
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:52,996
if there's not three of you on the stage
tonight, you won't get paid.

192
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:58,923
So, which one of you is Banana?

193
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:05,076
What are you doing?

194
00:12:05,727 --> 00:12:09,845
Seeing if I can cut through this.
-You've got a broken leg.

195
00:12:09,927 --> 00:12:13,044
I know, and I've also got
absolutely no chance of getting a shag

196
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:14,355
with this plaster on it.

197
00:12:14,447 --> 00:12:15,960
You won't be able to walk.

198
00:12:16,047 --> 00:12:18,163
It's not walking
I'm interested in doing.

199
00:12:18,287 --> 00:12:22,121
No, you won't be able to walk
for the rest of your life.

200
00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:23,560
Don't exaggerate.

201
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:27,718
Natalie, can I have a word?
-No.

202
00:12:30,047 --> 00:12:32,402
Sam, I'm warning you,
you'll regret this.

203
00:12:32,487 --> 00:12:36,196
Why is it you're always fighting men off
and I can't get a look in?

204
00:12:36,767 --> 00:12:38,803
Better to have quality than quantity.

205
00:12:38,887 --> 00:12:41,640
I haven't got either!
I mean, what's wrong with me?

206
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,799
Seriously. Plaster on me leg or not,
I'm fit.

207
00:12:45,327 --> 00:12:48,842
You tell me what self-respecting man
wouldn't want a slice of this?

208
00:12:48,927 --> 00:12:51,680
Maybe you're just trying a bit too hard.

209
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:55,043
Just lie back
and let them to come to you.

210
00:12:55,127 --> 00:12:56,560
Works for me.

211
00:12:58,327 --> 00:12:59,885
Yeah, I can see that.

212
00:13:01,007 --> 00:13:03,567
''Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

213
00:13:03,647 --> 00:13:07,481
''Thou art more lovely
and more temperate:

214
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:10,286
''Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May,

215
00:13:10,367 --> 00:13:14,565
''And summer's lease
hath all too short a date:

216
00:13:14,647 --> 00:13:19,038
''Sometime too hot
the eye of heaven shines,

217
00:13:19,127 --> 00:13:22,199
''And often
is his gold complexion dimmed,

218
00:13:23,087 --> 00:13:26,841
''And every fair from fair
sometime declines,

219
00:13:27,847 --> 00:13:31,840
''By chance or nature's changing course

220
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,006
''untrimmed.''

221
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,285
I'm getting another drink,
do you want one?

222
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:40,876
Yeah, go on, then.

223
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:51,280
You ain't got an 'acksaw, have you?

224
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,156
Hola.

225
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:58,803
Oh. Hello. Erm,

226
00:13:58,887 --> 00:14:01,765
can I have a mixed fruit juice
and a vodka and Diet Coke, please.

227
00:14:02,047 --> 00:14:05,756
Double?
-Um, better make it a single.

228
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,479
I think it's going to be a long day.

229
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:13,277
You are coming to '80s night tonight?
-Not sure. I'll see how my friend feels.

230
00:14:13,807 --> 00:14:16,275
We have Bananey Rama. Very good.

231
00:14:17,807 --> 00:14:19,479
Mateo.
-Mmm?

232
00:14:20,247 --> 00:14:21,885
Can we have a chat tonight?

233
00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:25,437
I don't mean two minutes.
I mean a proper chat.

234
00:14:25,527 --> 00:14:28,041
Sure. It is my night off tonight.

235
00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:31,640
I meet you in Neptune's,
then maybe we go somewhere else?

236
00:14:32,007 --> 00:14:35,761
Okay, see you later.
-See you later.

237
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,076
Yeah!

238
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:44,598
Hey, amigo. I need your help.
-Hey.

239
00:14:44,687 --> 00:14:46,962
What can I do for you,
my little tranny friend?

240
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:51,157
Look, I'm not one to go
pulling in favours but, well,

241
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:54,077
you know how I kind of saved your job?

242
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:58,558
Lesley, you did not save my job,
I lost my job and you...

243
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:02,640
You made it happen again, how you say?
-Aye, I got your job back.

244
00:15:03,047 --> 00:15:05,686
You got me my job back,
this is what I am saying.

245
00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:08,076
And for this I will help you
in any way I can.

246
00:15:08,487 --> 00:15:12,639
I owe you, brother. I mean, sister.

247
00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:16,083
Well, the thing is
I've got a date tonight...

248
00:15:16,407 --> 00:15:17,396
Really?

249
00:15:17,487 --> 00:15:21,275
No problem, I will work for you,
you go out, you have fun,

250
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,005
meet the man of your dreams,

251
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:26,324
marry, have little tranny babies,
all is good.

252
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:29,876
No, I've got someone to cover me shift,

253
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:33,164
but I need somebody to go with me.
-Go with you?

254
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,286
Yeah, it's kind of a double date.

255
00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:38,276
What is double date?

256
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:41,359
Well, I need to take a friend
for his friend.

257
00:15:42,647 --> 00:15:45,036
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

258
00:15:46,047 --> 00:15:48,720
No, I am not a homosexual gay. Uh-uh.

259
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:51,605
No, no, you wouldn't have to
do anything. Just sit there.

260
00:15:51,847 --> 00:15:55,920
I'll even pay for the meal.
-No. This is not going to happen.

261
00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:58,480
Right. Okay.

262
00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:01,843
So me getting you your job back
wasn't such a big deal after all.

263
00:16:05,087 --> 00:16:06,520
Yes, pet?
-Orange juice, please.

264
00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,484
Orange juice. Yes, pet. Coming up.

265
00:16:11,807 --> 00:16:13,923
You all right, son? How's it going?

266
00:16:14,487 --> 00:16:15,681
Not great.

267
00:16:16,847 --> 00:16:19,645
Oh, um, I brought you this.

268
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,599
Thought you could wear it
for your date tonight.

269
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:24,917
Ah, thanks, son,

270
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:28,397
but I'm not going now.

271
00:16:29,247 --> 00:16:31,158
But you were
really looking forward to it.

272
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:32,316
Well, never mind, hey?

273
00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:34,477
Looks like neither of us
are having much luck lately.

274
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:51,040
I would just have to sit at the table?
-That's all.

275
00:16:51,127 --> 00:16:54,358
No going to dodgy clubs
in the old town after?

276
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,085
All you got to do is eat.

277
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,961
Okay, Cinderella,
you will have your balls.

278
00:17:08,447 --> 00:17:12,076
Oh, hey, man! I could kiss you!

279
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:14,840
Hey, easy!
-Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

280
00:17:15,287 --> 00:17:16,925
I'd love to move to Spain, Nana,

281
00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:20,556
swimming on the beach
in me lunch hour at school, cool.

282
00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:22,558
Nobody's asking you to move to Spain.

283
00:17:22,687 --> 00:17:26,043
You can't just start running a business
in a foreign country, all on your own.

284
00:17:26,127 --> 00:17:27,640
Me and Mel did it before.

285
00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,445
And look what a roaring success
that was.

286
00:17:29,527 --> 00:17:32,997
Exactly, you and Mel did it before,
you're on your own now.

287
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,520
Oh, thanks for reminding me.

288
00:17:34,607 --> 00:17:37,758
For your information,
I am staying in Benidorm,

289
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:41,760
I am going to run a successful business
and I'm going to do it for Mel.

290
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:44,118
Here we are, the Batley Arms.

291
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,605
Hang on, wasn't this...
-Mel's mobility shop!

292
00:17:47,927 --> 00:17:50,521
I told you! It's a sign!

293
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:55,480
Excuse me, we're looking for the owner.
-I'm sorry, love, he's...

294
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,679
Oh, hello, Madge! How you doing?

295
00:17:57,767 --> 00:18:00,645
Oh, Christ, not you.
This isn't your bar, is it?

296
00:18:00,727 --> 00:18:02,638
No, no, it's Freddie Coleman's bar.

297
00:18:02,727 --> 00:18:05,764
You know Freddie, used to do a drag act
at the Queens in the old town.

298
00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:08,407
Wife left him earlier in the year,
he was gutted.

299
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:10,605
She took all his best frocks.

300
00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:13,201
Anyway, listen to me banging on,
have a seat, what can I get you?

301
00:18:13,287 --> 00:18:16,677
We're here on business, not pleasure.
When's he back?

302
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:19,520
What, Freddie? He's in the UK,
touring with The Grumbleweeds.

303
00:18:19,607 --> 00:18:21,723
I thought this place was for sale?
-Oh, it is.

304
00:18:21,807 --> 00:18:25,004
Well, not for sale as such, but he needs
someone to take over the place.

305
00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:28,841
I've heard he wants three grand.
I'll give him a grand, not a penny more.

306
00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:30,923
Oh, I think you've missed the point.

307
00:18:31,007 --> 00:18:34,238
It's a five-year lease,
he pays you three grand to take it over.

308
00:18:34,687 --> 00:18:37,645
Freddie's sweating his bollocks off
doing eight shows a week in a nylon wig

309
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:39,843
just to keep this place afloat.
-You what?

310
00:18:39,927 --> 00:18:43,158
It's happening all over Benidorm.
Too many bars and not enough tourists.

311
00:18:43,567 --> 00:18:46,206
Well, that's not true,
there are enough tourists,

312
00:18:46,287 --> 00:18:47,481
they just aren't spending the money.

313
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:50,400
Right, come on, we've heard enough.
Madge?

314
00:18:51,207 --> 00:18:52,196
All right.

315
00:18:53,527 --> 00:18:54,516
Thanks, son.

316
00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:56,156
Come on, Mum.

317
00:18:56,247 --> 00:18:59,478
Have a drink before you go,
90 cents a pint, cheapest in Beni.

318
00:18:59,807 --> 00:19:02,560
Sorry, love,
it's all inclusive at the Solana.

319
00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:04,638
Aye, that's the problem.

320
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,764
Never mind, Mum. I suppose
it's a lucky escape in some ways.

321
00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:16,884
You don't want to go limping
from one disaster to another.

322
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:18,366
I'm sorry, Mel.

323
00:19:18,447 --> 00:19:21,564
I tried. I tried.

324
00:19:33,687 --> 00:19:36,565
Well, I'd say I was surprised, but it
would, of course, be a filthy lie.

325
00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:39,360
I can't understand it,
it's in the guidebook.

326
00:19:40,927 --> 00:19:44,124
Benidorm on a Budget, 1 999.

327
00:19:45,247 --> 00:19:46,362
Well, we're not far from the beach

328
00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:48,278
and I brought a couple of towels
just in case.

329
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:50,005
Not far from the beach,
it's taken two buses

330
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:51,486
and a 1 5-minute walk to get here.

331
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,797
Well, no, according to the guidebook

332
00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:56,606
there's a lovely little cove beach
two minutes down this road.

333
00:19:56,687 --> 00:19:58,996
Well, I hope they've not moved it
since 1 999.

334
00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:15,966
It's gorgeous.

335
00:20:17,647 --> 00:20:20,002
Good thing about using
an out-of-date guidebook,

336
00:20:20,087 --> 00:20:22,396
you sometimes come across
a lost treasure.

337
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:24,045
Absolutely.

338
00:20:31,247 --> 00:20:33,397
Well, I think 40 winks may be in order.

339
00:20:33,487 --> 00:20:37,321
I hope the sound of the waves lapping
against the shore isn't too intrusive.

340
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:39,079
I think I'll cope!

341
00:21:01,247 --> 00:21:03,715
You really should eat something,
you know.

342
00:21:03,807 --> 00:21:07,766
I'm not hungry.
-Did you get any sleep last night?

343
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:13,518
What day is it today?
-Look, Pauline, I think we need to talk.

344
00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:16,755
Hola.
-Two more cocktails.

345
00:21:16,847 --> 00:21:20,556
Sorry, no more cocktails.
-What do you mean no more cocktails?

346
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,402
It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

347
00:21:23,487 --> 00:21:25,045
No more cocktails for you.

348
00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:26,845
I beg our pardon?

349
00:21:26,927 --> 00:21:28,485
My boss, she say,

350
00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:32,446
''Do not serve the angry
alcoholic lesbian, she drink too much.''

351
00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:34,040
Say that again.

352
00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:37,039
My boss, she say,

353
00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:41,040
''Do not serve the angry
alcoholic lesbian, she drink too much.''

354
00:21:41,127 --> 00:21:45,359
So, apart from your own
narrow-minded prejudices,

355
00:21:45,447 --> 00:21:50,475
on what evidence are you
basing your wild assumption

356
00:21:50,567 --> 00:21:53,286
that I am an alcoholic?

357
00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:57,599
Um, you drink all day and all night,
you do not eat,

358
00:21:58,007 --> 00:22:00,965
you stagger round smelling of alcohol,

359
00:22:01,047 --> 00:22:03,402
you cannot remember
which room you are staying,

360
00:22:03,487 --> 00:22:06,957
you find it difficult to stand
without swaying from side to side

361
00:22:07,047 --> 00:22:09,436
and you spend every night
sitting on your balcony

362
00:22:09,527 --> 00:22:12,405
singing and crying
until the early hours of the morning.

363
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:17,040
And just because of that,
you assume I'm an alcoholic?

364
00:22:17,927 --> 00:22:19,519
I have to get on with my work.

365
00:22:20,487 --> 00:22:24,924
Fine, if you won't get me a drink,
I'll get one myself.

366
00:22:25,967 --> 00:22:28,083
Hey, where are you going?

367
00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:30,362
No, Pauline, come back,

368
00:22:30,447 --> 00:22:33,962
I'll get you some mouthwash
from upstairs,

369
00:22:34,047 --> 00:22:36,197
there's alcohol in that.

370
00:22:39,647 --> 00:22:41,205
Large gin and tonic please.

371
00:22:41,287 --> 00:22:43,676
I'm sorry, pet,
I can't serve you with alcohol.

372
00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:46,327
Why don't you have a nice soft drink
and a bite to eat?

373
00:22:46,407 --> 00:22:49,558
And on what grounds
are you not serving me?

374
00:22:49,647 --> 00:22:51,797
If it's because you think I am drunk,

375
00:22:51,887 --> 00:22:54,799
I can assure you I am stone-cold sober.

376
00:22:56,247 --> 00:22:57,680
What's going on here?

377
00:22:58,487 --> 00:23:03,402
If it is your policy to no longer serve
holidaymakers once they are pissed,

378
00:23:03,487 --> 00:23:08,686
then I suggest after 1 1 am you turn this
into a fucking juice bar.

379
00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:10,685
This is Benidorm!

380
00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:15,966
95%%% of the people here
are arseholed 24 hours a day.

381
00:23:16,087 --> 00:23:21,719
If you can't get pissed on holiday, when
in the name of Paul Gascoigne can you?

382
00:23:22,127 --> 00:23:23,526
It was me.

383
00:23:28,447 --> 00:23:30,961
I asked them to not serve you,

384
00:23:31,527 --> 00:23:34,485
I'm sorry, Pauline, it was me.

385
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:37,762
And so, finally,

386
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:41,846
Judas Iscariot shows himself.

387
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:46,235
At least Jesus was betrayed with a kiss.

388
00:23:47,047 --> 00:23:51,757
I was only thinking of your health.
-We can review the situation tomorrow.

389
00:23:52,327 --> 00:23:55,160
I don't need you
to ''think of my health'',

390
00:23:55,247 --> 00:23:58,603
and I don't need you
to ''review the situation'',

391
00:23:59,087 --> 00:24:03,126
and I certainly don't need a drink.

392
00:24:03,447 --> 00:24:05,597
There you go, Jacqueline,
one large vodka and orange.

393
00:24:08,367 --> 00:24:11,165
No, come away.
- Give... No!

394
00:24:12,487 --> 00:24:13,476
No!

395
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,478
No!

396
00:24:17,927 --> 00:24:20,282
Oh, Pauline!

397
00:24:32,367 --> 00:24:33,356
Morning!

398
00:24:35,047 --> 00:24:37,959
I slept slightly longer than I intended.

399
00:24:38,047 --> 00:24:40,242
One of the perks of being on holiday.

400
00:24:40,327 --> 00:24:43,046
Here you are.
I got you a drink, it's still cold.

401
00:24:43,127 --> 00:24:44,116
Thank you.

402
00:24:44,607 --> 00:24:47,519
I'm afraid it's not quite as exclusive
as it was an hour ago.

403
00:24:48,087 --> 00:24:51,159
It's still practically paradise
compared to the main beach.

404
00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:52,362
You can say that again.

405
00:24:52,447 --> 00:24:54,483
I think this is the hottest
it's been since we got here,

406
00:24:54,567 --> 00:24:55,556
wouldn't you say?

407
00:24:55,887 --> 00:24:57,240
Absolutely.

408
00:25:01,927 --> 00:25:04,521
Right, I think it's time to cool off.

409
00:25:12,927 --> 00:25:14,360
Ooh.

410
00:25:24,727 --> 00:25:27,560
Are you not coming in?
-Oh, hello.

411
00:25:27,967 --> 00:25:31,755
No, just a paddle for me, I think.
It's quite cold.

412
00:25:31,847 --> 00:25:33,075
Can you not swim?

413
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:36,000
I swim very well, thank you,
I just don't want to go in.

414
00:25:36,087 --> 00:25:38,282
Ok, well, let me know
if you need a hand,

415
00:25:38,367 --> 00:25:40,244
I came top of my class in breast stroke.

416
00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:42,124
Yes, I'm sure you did.

417
00:25:50,647 --> 00:25:52,683
My book, my book!

418
00:25:56,647 --> 00:25:59,480
Don't worry, I got your book.
-Thank you.

419
00:25:59,927 --> 00:26:02,600
It should dry out if you leave it
in the sun for a little bit.

420
00:26:07,087 --> 00:26:08,759
You! You!

421
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:11,435
Everything all right?
-No! Everything's not all right!

422
00:26:11,567 --> 00:26:13,319
Benidorm Museum of Culture?

423
00:26:13,407 --> 00:26:16,399
You knew very well it wasn't open.
-I didn't, I didn't know that.

424
00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:17,476
Ha!
-All right,

425
00:26:17,567 --> 00:26:18,841
I knew there was
a gay nudist beach nearby,

426
00:26:18,927 --> 00:26:20,599
but I didn't know the museum was shut.

427
00:26:20,687 --> 00:26:24,282
You said you liked it here.
- I liked it as an empty beach.

428
00:26:25,247 --> 00:26:28,683
Not full of degenerates!
-Full of what?

429
00:26:28,767 --> 00:26:31,361
They're not degenerates,
they're men stripping off to get a tan.

430
00:26:31,927 --> 00:26:33,485
You know what your problem is,
don't you?

431
00:26:33,567 --> 00:26:35,285
No, do enlighten me.

432
00:26:35,367 --> 00:26:39,246
You are a dry, narrow-minded, petty,
tight-arsed,

433
00:26:39,367 --> 00:26:41,164
vicious, self-loathing homosexual.

434
00:26:41,247 --> 00:26:42,805
You hate these people
because they're living their lives

435
00:26:42,887 --> 00:26:45,447
exactly like you'd like to live yours,
but you just haven't got the balls.

436
00:26:45,527 --> 00:26:47,802
You're sacked!
Do you hear me? You're sacked!

437
00:26:47,887 --> 00:26:50,560
You can't sack me. We're not at work.
-You are sacked!

438
00:26:50,647 --> 00:26:53,241
Yeah? Well, I tell you what,
you can't sack me, 'cause I resign.

439
00:26:53,327 --> 00:26:54,965
Do you hear me? I resign!

440
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:57,197
You can't resign
after you've been sacked.

441
00:26:57,287 --> 00:27:00,484
Did you want your book or not?
-Jesus Christ!

442
00:27:00,567 --> 00:27:02,956
You'll have to excuse my friend,
he's never seen a penis before.

443
00:27:03,047 --> 00:27:04,162
Not even his own.

444
00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:07,444
I want your things out of the apartment
by sundown.

445
00:27:07,527 --> 00:27:10,485
''By sundown''? Who do you think you are,
Clint Eastwood?

446
00:27:12,807 --> 00:27:15,765
Thanks. Sorry about that.

447
00:27:18,127 --> 00:27:19,958
I think I'll go for a dip
while this dries off.

448
00:27:20,407 --> 00:27:22,204
Be careful, it's a bit cold.

449
00:27:22,727 --> 00:27:24,797
You could have fooled me.

450
00:27:29,527 --> 00:27:31,882
Melvin Churchill Harvey.

451
00:27:32,487 --> 00:27:34,842
Bloody ridiculous name.

452
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:39,560
Mind you, not as ridiculous
as some of your outfits.

453
00:27:40,247 --> 00:27:43,876
I remember the first time you bent over
in that leopard-skin thong,

454
00:27:44,447 --> 00:27:46,722
I thought Mick was going to pass out.

455
00:27:46,807 --> 00:27:49,799
Your singing weren't up to much, either.

456
00:27:49,887 --> 00:27:52,003
And what with all that,

457
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:57,559
plus your snoring, sweating, constant
complaining about your bad back...

458
00:27:58,207 --> 00:28:00,846
I don't think there's ever been
anyone on earth

459
00:28:00,927 --> 00:28:03,725
who loved someone
as much as I loved you.

460
00:28:04,127 --> 00:28:07,722
So what do you think
about this bar, then?

461
00:28:09,007 --> 00:28:13,159
Looks tired and run-down,
it's miles away from the main drag,

462
00:28:13,807 --> 00:28:16,162
looks like it's not taken a euro
in weeks

463
00:28:16,247 --> 00:28:18,715
and they literally
can't give the lease away.

464
00:28:20,247 --> 00:28:22,317
But something tells me

465
00:28:23,247 --> 00:28:26,000
that's not how Mel Harvey
would look at it.

466
00:28:27,687 --> 00:28:32,078
What do you say? Should I go for it?
I need you to tell me.

467
00:28:32,687 --> 00:28:34,006
Just 'cause you're not here any more

468
00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:36,078
doesn't mean
I've stopped relying on you.

469
00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:37,885
Are you ready, Mum?

470
00:28:38,687 --> 00:28:39,915
Are you all right?

471
00:28:40,007 --> 00:28:41,838
Front door was open.
I could hear voices.

472
00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:44,003
I was just having a chat.
-A chat?

473
00:28:44,567 --> 00:28:46,842
Who with? There's nobody here.
-With Mel.

474
00:28:47,407 --> 00:28:48,635
Oh, Mother.

475
00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:51,002
Do you want to stay in tonight?
I could sit with you, if you want?

476
00:28:51,087 --> 00:28:53,396
What would I want to stay indoors for?

477
00:28:53,487 --> 00:28:56,797
Sitting in a miserable, pokey room
watching Carry On films in German?

478
00:28:56,887 --> 00:29:00,323
No, thank you. Come on, let's be off.

479
00:29:05,487 --> 00:29:09,685
Are you all right? Do you need a push?
-No, it's not that, it just won't budge.

480
00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:12,556
Hang on, there's something stuck
round your back wheel.

481
00:29:12,647 --> 00:29:16,037
Wait there. Right, move forward a bit.

482
00:29:17,807 --> 00:29:19,843
Go on, that's it.

483
00:29:22,447 --> 00:29:24,039
Bloody hell!

484
00:29:24,567 --> 00:29:26,876
It's no wonder you couldn't go anywhere.

485
00:29:26,967 --> 00:29:29,356
It must have fallen off
somebody's balcony.

486
00:29:31,847 --> 00:29:34,042
Right, do you know
what you're doing now?

487
00:29:35,287 --> 00:29:37,005
Oh, yes,

488
00:29:37,087 --> 00:29:39,521
I know exactly what I'm doing.

489
00:30:13,207 --> 00:30:15,323
Keep an eye on that one, will you.

490
00:30:15,407 --> 00:30:18,683
Sorry, Janey, tonight is my night off.
-What you doing here, then?

491
00:30:18,767 --> 00:30:19,756
I am here to meet Lesley.

492
00:30:19,847 --> 00:30:23,442
Oh, yeah.
You two got a hot date, have you?

493
00:30:32,527 --> 00:30:35,405
You all set?
-Okay. No problem.

494
00:30:35,807 --> 00:30:38,162
Listen, Mateo,
you know you're doing this

495
00:30:38,247 --> 00:30:40,442
because without me
you wouldn't have a job.

496
00:30:40,567 --> 00:30:43,161
Yes, I know this.
-And I'm asking a big favour,

497
00:30:43,247 --> 00:30:45,522
but without my help
you wouldn't be working.

498
00:30:45,607 --> 00:30:46,642
Okay.

499
00:30:46,767 --> 00:30:48,962
And the way things are in Benidorm
at the moment,

500
00:30:49,047 --> 00:30:50,958
there's no guarantee
you would have got another job.

501
00:30:51,047 --> 00:30:53,686
I know, I know
I owe you big time, Lesley,

502
00:30:53,767 --> 00:30:55,325
this is why I am coming with you.

503
00:30:55,407 --> 00:31:00,242
Okay, it's just that there's one aspect
of the date I forgot to tell you.

504
00:31:17,927 --> 00:31:22,045
♪ Touch me, touch me
I want to feel your body

505
00:31:22,367 --> 00:31:26,645
♪ Your heart beat next to mine ♪

506
00:31:28,047 --> 00:31:31,005
♪ 'Cause I want your body

507
00:31:31,087 --> 00:31:34,238
♪All the time ♪

508
00:31:37,247 --> 00:31:39,886
Liam, I'm sorry,
there's nothing else to say.

509
00:31:40,767 --> 00:31:44,726
You're a really nice guy,
but I'm not interested.

510
00:31:47,447 --> 00:31:50,803
I think you are interested.
-What am I supposed to say to that?

511
00:31:52,487 --> 00:31:55,763
You're a nice guy,
but it would never work.

512
00:31:56,207 --> 00:31:57,560
I think it could work.

513
00:31:59,287 --> 00:32:02,597
I don't mean to be cruel,
but you're not my type.

514
00:32:02,927 --> 00:32:06,602
I think I am your type.
-Liam, for God's sake!

515
00:32:15,807 --> 00:32:18,879
And the next person we're calling on
is Mick Garvey.

516
00:32:18,967 --> 00:32:21,606
Come on, Mick, let's hear it for you.

517
00:32:27,367 --> 00:32:29,244
Okay,join in if you know the words.

518
00:32:32,767 --> 00:32:36,316
You to me are everything.

519
00:32:36,407 --> 00:32:38,796
The sweetest song that I could...

520
00:32:38,887 --> 00:32:42,163
Liam! I'm getting back with Mateo.

521
00:32:43,207 --> 00:32:46,995
Mateo? But he treated you so badly.

522
00:32:47,087 --> 00:32:50,796
Yeah? Well, people change.

523
00:32:51,007 --> 00:32:53,885
Move it, sad boy,
I think you're up next.

524
00:32:53,967 --> 00:32:56,481
They just said something
about Simple Minds.

525
00:33:02,687 --> 00:33:04,279
Goodbye!

526
00:33:06,207 --> 00:33:08,482
I'm putting us down
for Islands In The Stream,

527
00:33:08,567 --> 00:33:10,364
but you'll have to be Kenny Rogers.

528
00:33:10,447 --> 00:33:12,483
Sorry but you ain't got the tits
to be Dolly.

529
00:33:13,047 --> 00:33:14,480
Plus the beard helps.

530
00:33:27,087 --> 00:33:28,964
Come on,join in!

531
00:33:36,527 --> 00:33:38,040
I know you don't believe me
when I say you're sacked.

532
00:33:38,127 --> 00:33:40,721
Oh, just chill out, will you?
I'm not bothered, I'm on holiday.

533
00:33:40,807 --> 00:33:42,718
You're on holiday for another 24 hours.

534
00:33:42,807 --> 00:33:44,684
When Troy gets here tomorrow,
you're going back home.

535
00:33:44,767 --> 00:33:46,246
That was always the agreement.

536
00:33:46,327 --> 00:33:48,602
Well, no, that was the agreement
if I was going back to work.

537
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,126
But as I'm not, I thought
I'd check into another room

538
00:33:50,207 --> 00:33:52,038
and stay one more week.

539
00:33:52,127 --> 00:33:54,641
I don't think there's any rush
to start the tribunal do you?

540
00:33:54,727 --> 00:33:56,797
Tribunal?
-Unfair dismissal.

541
00:33:57,967 --> 00:34:00,765
Oh, here you go,
I've found a great song for you,

542
00:34:00,847 --> 00:34:04,203
Elton John,
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

543
00:34:07,487 --> 00:34:10,718
I think you're doing really well
tonight.

544
00:34:10,807 --> 00:34:13,082
''Doing really well''?
What on earth do you mean?

545
00:34:13,167 --> 00:34:16,682
Well, you know,
you're laying off the drink a bit,

546
00:34:16,767 --> 00:34:20,237
you've had a wash,
run a comb through your hair.

547
00:34:20,367 --> 00:34:23,325
You make it sound as though
I can't function without alcohol.

548
00:34:25,927 --> 00:34:27,804
Come on, everybody!

549
00:34:37,607 --> 00:34:38,835
Come on!

550
00:34:46,647 --> 00:34:49,525
People are looking at me.
-Because you look nice.

551
00:34:49,887 --> 00:34:52,526
I look okay?
-You look great.

552
00:34:52,607 --> 00:34:56,361
This skirt is not too short?
I don't want to look, how you say, easy.

553
00:34:56,447 --> 00:34:57,675
You're joking,

554
00:34:57,767 --> 00:35:01,680
a man can never be too rich
and a skirt can never be too short.

555
00:35:01,767 --> 00:35:05,282
You know I am not enjoying this.
-Oh, absolutely.

556
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,039
Let's go somewhere else tonight.

557
00:35:21,847 --> 00:35:25,522
I can't, I'm seeing Mateo.
We're just having a chat.

558
00:35:26,367 --> 00:35:30,645
Anyway, it's Bananarama tonight.
-Bananarama tribute act.

559
00:35:30,727 --> 00:35:32,922
It'll be three blokes in drag miming.

560
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:36,443
We can still have a dance,
plus the drinks in here are free

561
00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:37,642
and we've not got any money.

562
00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:40,366
Yeah, I really can't wait
to have a dance.

563
00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:44,405
Thank you very much!
Good night, Benidorm!

564
00:35:50,647 --> 00:35:51,636
All right!

565
00:35:53,927 --> 00:35:56,236
The last of the karaoke is Liam,

566
00:35:56,327 --> 00:36:00,115
with another great 80s number
from The Communards.

567
00:36:00,207 --> 00:36:02,118
Let's hear it for Liam.

568
00:36:24,607 --> 00:36:27,758
♪ Don't leave me this way

569
00:36:29,087 --> 00:36:33,444
♪ I can't survive
I can't stay alive

570
00:36:33,527 --> 00:36:37,315
♪ Without your love, oh, baby

571
00:36:37,407 --> 00:36:40,524
♪ Don't leave me this way ♪

572
00:36:41,847 --> 00:36:43,838
Oh, my God.

573
00:36:44,487 --> 00:36:46,796
Let's go. You can see Mateo tomorrow.

574
00:36:47,847 --> 00:36:50,520
Excuse me, do you know where Mateo is?

575
00:36:50,607 --> 00:36:53,565
He left ages ago.
It's his night off tonight.

576
00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:55,524
I think he's got some sort of date.

577
00:36:55,607 --> 00:36:58,440
♪ My heart is full of love
and desire for you ♪

578
00:36:58,807 --> 00:37:02,322
Come on, we're going out.
-Where are we going?

579
00:37:02,807 --> 00:37:04,877
Anywhere.
-But I thought we didn't have any money.

580
00:37:04,967 --> 00:37:06,764
Like that's ever stopped us.

581
00:37:08,127 --> 00:37:13,042
♪ ...out of control
Come on, now, satisfy the need in me

582
00:37:13,527 --> 00:37:16,963
♪ 'Cause only your good lovin'
can set me free ♪

583
00:37:21,087 --> 00:37:25,126
Here we go, this is us.
-Wait, wait, we cannot go here.

584
00:37:25,207 --> 00:37:28,358
What are you talking about, man?
Best restaurant in Benidorm this.

585
00:37:28,487 --> 00:37:30,682
No, you don't understand,
I used to work here,

586
00:37:30,767 --> 00:37:31,836
I know all the staff.

587
00:37:31,927 --> 00:37:34,202
And Lorenzo, the owner.
I have known since I was a little boy.

588
00:37:34,287 --> 00:37:36,881
Don't you mean,
since you were a little girl?

589
00:37:36,967 --> 00:37:38,320
They cannot see me like this.

590
00:37:38,407 --> 00:37:40,682
Go inside and tell your friends
we go somewhere else.

591
00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:45,081
You're joking, man, Saturday night?
We'll never get a table anywhere decent.

592
00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:47,442
Anyway, nobody's going to recognise you
dressed like that.

593
00:37:47,527 --> 00:37:50,963
Okay, then I go.
-No, look! Hang on, for God's sake, man.

594
00:37:51,047 --> 00:37:54,005
Stay there. Two minutes.
-Hurry!

595
00:37:57,247 --> 00:37:59,203
What you looking at?

596
00:38:07,367 --> 00:38:09,597
♪ Don't leave me this way

597
00:38:10,487 --> 00:38:11,715
♪Ahhh

598
00:38:16,007 --> 00:38:18,919
♪ Baby, my heart is full of love ♪

599
00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:20,844
Thank you.

600
00:38:20,927 --> 00:38:23,361
Oh, it's the Spanish menu tonight!

601
00:38:24,047 --> 00:38:25,162
What do you recommend?

602
00:38:25,247 --> 00:38:27,761
Well, I usually tend to go
for something fishy,

603
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:32,682
but Jacqueline prefers
the chorizo sausage in cider.

604
00:38:33,607 --> 00:38:35,882
I beg your pardon?
-Chorizo.

605
00:38:35,967 --> 00:38:37,320
They also do it in red wine,

606
00:38:37,407 --> 00:38:40,877
but Jacqueline
prefers the sausage in cider.

607
00:38:41,927 --> 00:38:43,360
Don't we all!

608
00:38:46,127 --> 00:38:48,766
Talking of your lovely wife, Donald,
where is she?

609
00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:52,158
Oh, she met two very attractive ladies
this afternoon

610
00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:55,796
and, well, let's just say they made her
an offer she couldn't refuse.

611
00:38:58,807 --> 00:39:00,240
Right, ladies and gents,

612
00:39:00,327 --> 00:39:04,286
I hope you're enjoying our '80s night
here at Neptune's.

613
00:39:04,607 --> 00:39:08,680
Well, it's only going to get better
as I introduce to you,

614
00:39:08,767 --> 00:39:11,725
the fabulous Bananarama!

615
00:39:20,727 --> 00:39:23,116
Oh, my God, it's Jacqueline!

616
00:39:30,047 --> 00:39:32,800
♪ Last night I was dreaming

617
00:39:33,527 --> 00:39:36,678
♪ I was locked in a prison cell

618
00:39:37,647 --> 00:39:40,957
♪ When I woke up
I was screaming

619
00:39:42,207 --> 00:39:44,801
♪ Calling out your name ♪

620
00:39:54,887 --> 00:39:58,323
Excuse me, you have a light?
-Of course.

621
00:40:02,767 --> 00:40:06,282
Gracias.
- De nada.

622
00:40:06,847 --> 00:40:09,361
You are waiting for somebody?
-Yeah.

623
00:40:10,727 --> 00:40:13,480
Been waiting long?
-Mmm. Too long.

624
00:40:14,447 --> 00:40:15,880
Slow night, is it?

625
00:40:15,967 --> 00:40:18,879
I cannot go inside the restaurant
because they know me in there.

626
00:40:19,487 --> 00:40:20,476
Oh, I see.

627
00:40:20,567 --> 00:40:22,637
Yes. And I do not want to cause a scene.

628
00:40:22,727 --> 00:40:25,161
No, you wouldn't want to do that.

629
00:40:26,767 --> 00:40:28,917
You got anywhere to go?
-No.

630
00:40:29,527 --> 00:40:31,757
The problem is,
I have worked all over town.

631
00:40:32,247 --> 00:40:33,441
Really?
-Yes.

632
00:40:34,007 --> 00:40:35,520
I suppose we could go to a hotel,

633
00:40:35,607 --> 00:40:38,201
but over the years, I have worked
in most of those, too.

634
00:40:38,887 --> 00:40:43,119
Bloody hell. So you have, um, ''worked''
all your life, then?

635
00:40:43,447 --> 00:40:47,725
Of course. What else can I do?
-Yeah, I see your point.

636
00:40:51,287 --> 00:40:53,960
You could always come to my place.
-You have a place?

637
00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:56,238
Yeah.
-Where is it?

638
00:40:56,327 --> 00:40:58,682
I need somewhere close by,
I don't want this to take all night.

639
00:40:58,767 --> 00:41:00,359
I really need to
get out of these knickers.

640
00:41:00,447 --> 00:41:02,961
Oh, whoa, easy, tiger.

641
00:41:03,047 --> 00:41:05,242
It's only a couple of streets away.
-Good.

642
00:41:05,647 --> 00:41:09,435
But first I need to know,
what kind of price we're looking at.

643
00:41:09,527 --> 00:41:12,883
Not too expensive.
-No, I didn't think so.

644
00:41:12,967 --> 00:41:14,798
Twenty euros per head.

645
00:41:19,367 --> 00:41:21,722
I'm arresting you
for soliciting in a public place.

646
00:41:21,807 --> 00:41:25,163
What? What are you talking about?
I thought you had a restaurant.

647
00:41:26,367 --> 00:41:29,439
I am waiting for my friend!
I am not a whore, I am a barman!

648
00:41:29,527 --> 00:41:32,837
Don't struggle, don't struggle.

649
00:41:38,087 --> 00:41:41,875
I told you before, I am not a whore!
I work in a hotel. Please...

650
00:41:41,967 --> 00:41:44,606
I believed that you...
I thought you had a restaurant.

651
00:41:44,967 --> 00:41:46,923
You cheated me! You lied to me!

652
00:41:47,327 --> 00:41:50,080
Hey, leave her alone,
she's just trying to earn a living.

653
00:41:50,167 --> 00:41:51,316
Yeah, fascists!

654
00:41:55,327 --> 00:41:56,316
Mateo!

655
00:41:57,927 --> 00:41:59,645
Natalie! This is not how it looks.

656
00:42:17,407 --> 00:42:20,046
I can't understand it.
She was here a minute ago.

657
00:42:20,887 --> 00:42:25,802
♪ Robert De Niro's waiting
Talking Italian

658
00:42:28,287 --> 00:42:32,917
♪ Robert De Niro's waiting ♪

659
00:42:33,007 --> 00:42:34,838
I love Bananarama.

660
00:42:36,567 --> 00:42:38,523
The one in the middle's
let herself go a bit.

661
00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:41,963
Don't be daft, that's Jacqueline.
-Is it?

662
00:42:43,447 --> 00:42:45,915
I never knew she was in Bananarama.

663
00:42:49,887 --> 00:42:53,766
♪ I don't need a boy
I've got a man of steel

664
00:42:57,247 --> 00:43:01,206
♪ Don't come any closer
I don't want to feel

665
00:43:02,087 --> 00:43:03,076
♪ Ooh

666
00:43:03,927 --> 00:43:07,363
♪ Your breathing, your touching
But nothing's for free ♪

667
00:43:08,367 --> 00:43:11,757
Hey, you, what's in that drink?
-Just fruit juice.

668
00:43:11,847 --> 00:43:14,077
Yeah, it had better be.

669
00:43:14,167 --> 00:43:16,283
So are you still coming to live with us
for a bit, then, Nana?

670
00:43:16,367 --> 00:43:18,881
Yeah, just until
the council rehouses her.

671
00:43:18,967 --> 00:43:21,481
I can talk for meself,
thank you, Janice.

672
00:43:21,567 --> 00:43:25,606
No, son, I've got
a lovely two-bedroom flat sorted.

673
00:43:25,687 --> 00:43:29,316
Hey, nice one, Madge.
No point hanging about, is there?

674
00:43:30,127 --> 00:43:31,526
When did you sort this out?

675
00:43:31,607 --> 00:43:34,405
I haven't yet, but I will do
first thing in the morning.

676
00:43:34,567 --> 00:43:35,886
That's what I like about you, Madge,

677
00:43:35,967 --> 00:43:37,366
you don't let the grass grow
under your wheels.

678
00:43:41,007 --> 00:43:43,237
Where is it, Nana?
Are you still going to be near us?

679
00:43:43,327 --> 00:43:45,397
Oh, very close.

680
00:43:45,487 --> 00:43:48,479
Well, close to where you are right now.

681
00:43:48,567 --> 00:43:52,355
It's above that bar we looked at.
-What?

682
00:43:52,807 --> 00:43:56,959
I'm taking on that bar.
-Oh, Mother, not again.

683
00:43:57,047 --> 00:44:00,278
What do you mean not again?
-You don't know what you're doing.

684
00:44:00,647 --> 00:44:03,764
It was different when you were with Mel,
but you're on your own now.

685
00:44:03,847 --> 00:44:07,237
Thanks for reminding me.
-You know what I mean.

686
00:44:07,327 --> 00:44:09,124
No, she's not.
-What?

687
00:44:10,207 --> 00:44:11,401
She's not on her own.

688
00:44:12,967 --> 00:44:16,004
How do you fancy a business partner?
-You what?

689
00:44:16,607 --> 00:44:18,040
What, so we're going to live in Spain!

690
00:44:18,127 --> 00:44:21,164
Whoa, hang on a minute.
When did you change your tune?

691
00:44:21,247 --> 00:44:24,796
You know what a stubborn old get she is.
You're not going to talk her out of it.

692
00:44:24,887 --> 00:44:28,004
And if you can't beat them,
you may as well join them.

693
00:44:33,927 --> 00:44:37,283
Right, just everyone hang on a minute.

694
00:44:37,407 --> 00:44:39,363
I think we've all had
a bit too much to drink.

695
00:44:39,447 --> 00:44:41,403
If you want something to do,

696
00:44:41,487 --> 00:44:44,957
what's wrong with coming home
and working in one of the sunbed shops?

697
00:44:45,047 --> 00:44:48,835
Why have artificial sun when I can
stay here and have the real thing?

698
00:44:49,007 --> 00:44:50,725
Hey! I'll drink to that.

699
00:44:52,527 --> 00:44:54,757
We'll talk about this in the morning.

700
00:44:59,127 --> 00:45:01,800
I'm off for a dance, Nana.
Do you want to come?

701
00:45:01,887 --> 00:45:03,639
No, she doesn't, Michael.

702
00:45:03,727 --> 00:45:07,197
Yeah. Yeah, I will have a dance
with you, son.

703
00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:13,044
Come on.
-What?

704
00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:16,085
As I said, if you can't beat them,
join them.

705
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