1 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:13,474 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,840 What do you think you're doing?! I beg your pardon? 3 00:00:41,855 --> 00:00:44,255 You just nearly stapled my face to the bamboo wall! 4 00:00:44,256 --> 00:00:47,334 Why was it up against the bamboo wall in the first place? 5 00:00:47,335 --> 00:00:49,255 I was putting up the posters you gave me! 6 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:53,055 Why was your face up against the wall? 7 00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:56,215 I just like the way it feels. 8 00:00:59,175 --> 00:01:03,494 Oh, is there a competition? Yeah, it's a dance competition. 9 00:01:03,495 --> 00:01:05,534 Oh, lovely. 10 00:01:05,535 --> 00:01:07,775 What do you have to do? 11 00:01:08,975 --> 00:01:12,215 Dance. Oh, smashing! 12 00:01:22,855 --> 00:01:25,054 Sorry. I'm not laughing. 13 00:01:25,055 --> 00:01:29,174 Really? Then would you mind that irritating noise you keep making? 14 00:01:29,175 --> 00:01:32,054 I can't believe you had your leg in plaster 15 00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:35,094 for the whole of your last holiday and now you've done this. 16 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,894 Here you go. I got you some toast. 17 00:01:37,895 --> 00:01:39,614 What took you so long? 18 00:01:39,615 --> 00:01:43,094 Have you ever tried getting dressed with only one arm? No. 19 00:01:43,095 --> 00:01:45,294 Oh, I tell a lie. 20 00:01:45,295 --> 00:01:50,214 I once got off with a really fat bloke and he fell asleep on my arm. 21 00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:52,774 It was like that film, 48 Hours. 22 00:01:52,775 --> 00:01:54,535 What, he was like a fat Eddie Murphy? 23 00:01:54,536 --> 00:01:56,454 Not 48 Hours. Erm... 24 00:01:56,455 --> 00:01:59,574 Oh, the one where he plays a whole family and they're all fat? 25 00:01:59,575 --> 00:02:01,654 Er... Nutty Professor. No. 26 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,055 The one where he gets trapped in a really tight hole 27 00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:07,254 and has to cut his arm off. I'm sorry, but for one, 28 00:02:07,255 --> 00:02:09,695 I don't believe the fat bloke had to cut his arm off. 29 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,894 And two, if he was with you, 30 00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:15,574 I certainly dont' believe he got trapped in a really tight hole. 31 00:02:15,575 --> 00:02:18,614 Is this the singles table? 32 00:02:18,615 --> 00:02:20,935 You what? Are you both single? 33 00:02:22,215 --> 00:02:25,135 Yeah. Oh, lovely. 34 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,494 Oh, haven't you got a bonnie face? 35 00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:35,174 There was a lass who looked like you around the pool yesterday, 36 00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:38,455 only she didn't have her arm in a sling. 37 00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:47,614 So, that's 1:00 today, shampoo and set. 38 00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:50,454 Yeah, no problem. Unless you can do it now. 39 00:02:50,455 --> 00:02:52,294 No, I can't do it now. Why not? 40 00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:55,454 I'm waiting for a new member of staff to arrive. Why can't she do my hair? 41 00:02:55,455 --> 00:02:57,494 Because she's not here. 42 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:05,694 Well, can she do it now? No. Why not? 43 00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:07,694 Because she doesn't speak any English. 44 00:03:07,695 --> 00:03:10,694 Oi! That's criminal damage, that! 45 00:03:10,695 --> 00:03:12,493 I don't know why you're complaining. 46 00:03:12,494 --> 00:03:14,455 It's free advertising for your salon. 47 00:03:14,456 --> 00:03:16,534 Oof. 48 00:03:16,535 --> 00:03:19,215 Bloody hell, Carmen, you haven't left home, have you? 49 00:03:20,495 --> 00:03:22,535 What's in the suitcase, love? 50 00:03:24,295 --> 00:03:26,175 Never mind. In you go. 51 00:03:27,215 --> 00:03:29,734 Come on. I may as well do you now quick. 52 00:03:29,735 --> 00:03:33,334 Frig that. I'm not paying for it when I can win this competition 53 00:03:33,335 --> 00:03:36,894 and get it done for free. It's a dance competition. 54 00:03:36,895 --> 00:03:38,614 I don't want to worry you, love, 55 00:03:38,615 --> 00:03:41,495 but you might be required to use your legs. 56 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,534 Yeah. Yeah. 57 00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:48,174 I wanna speak to my Dad! Sorry, Mick, say that again. 58 00:03:48,175 --> 00:03:50,614 I can't hear you. 59 00:03:50,615 --> 00:03:52,694 Well, if you get here this afternoon, 60 00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:54,974 there's a dance competition on tonight. 61 00:03:54,975 --> 00:03:58,094 Yeah, that's what I thought. 62 00:03:58,095 --> 00:04:00,534 Is that your father? No, that's my mam. 63 00:04:00,535 --> 00:04:03,214 Dad's the one with the short hair and the deep voice. 64 00:04:03,215 --> 00:04:05,655 I don't know what's happening to you, Michael Garvey, 65 00:04:05,656 --> 00:04:08,534 but you're turning into quite a nasty piece of work. 66 00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:10,814 Yeah. I wonder where I get it from, 67 00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:14,014 cos there's none of that in our family! 68 00:04:14,015 --> 00:04:16,535 Have you booked your hair? No. 69 00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:20,974 Mam, I said I wanted to speak to my dad! 70 00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:24,174 Sorry, son. Well, he'll be here tonight. You can talk to him then. 71 00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:26,534 Text from your phone. I haven't got no credit. 72 00:04:26,535 --> 00:04:28,334 Can I use your phone? 73 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:31,014 I thought you only wanted a wash and blow dry. Mam! 74 00:04:31,015 --> 00:04:35,334 Very lazy race of people, the gays. And you can't say anything to 'em 75 00:04:35,335 --> 00:04:37,414 because they're classed as a minority. 76 00:04:37,415 --> 00:04:40,294 Not that there seems to be a shortage of them. 77 00:04:40,295 --> 00:04:42,174 Morning! 78 00:04:42,175 --> 00:04:44,934 I don't think they're all lazy - that one never stops. 79 00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:47,294 Why does no one ever listen to me? 80 00:04:47,295 --> 00:04:51,494 In my day, you had to ask permission to leave the table. Shove it! 81 00:04:51,495 --> 00:04:53,334 Are you gonna stand for that? 82 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,454 He didn't say it to me. 83 00:04:55,455 --> 00:04:59,534 Well, he'll never win it. I've seen the dancing he does. 84 00:04:59,535 --> 00:05:01,375 All that writhing around on the floor 85 00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:03,375 like you're trying to break your own back. 86 00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:05,334 It's called street dancing. 87 00:05:05,335 --> 00:05:07,894 My Mel was a beautiful dancer. 88 00:05:07,895 --> 00:05:10,175 Very light on his feet. 89 00:05:11,655 --> 00:05:13,734 Maybe I could dance with our Michael. 90 00:05:13,735 --> 00:05:16,654 Mel wasn't that much taller than him. 91 00:05:16,655 --> 00:05:18,334 We used to do a Jitterbug. 92 00:05:18,335 --> 00:05:20,454 It wouldn't take that long to teach him. 93 00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:25,974 Then again, I could always resurrect my Black Bottom. 94 00:05:25,975 --> 00:05:30,015 Yeah. That'd cheer him up no end! 95 00:05:33,695 --> 00:05:36,294 'Chamber maid!' 96 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:39,135 'Chamber maid!' Please go away! 97 00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:45,094 Chamber maid! How did you open the door? 98 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,495 I've got a pass key. But you don't work for the hotel. 99 00:05:47,496 --> 00:05:49,495 How did you get that? It's not who you know... 100 00:05:49,496 --> 00:05:53,214 it's who you sleep with. Right, we've got a little light breakfast 101 00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:55,374 and then we need to find you a dance partner. 102 00:05:55,375 --> 00:05:57,853 I don't want a dance partner. Please leave me alone. 103 00:05:57,854 --> 00:05:59,693 But I need you to win this competition 104 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:01,575 so I don't have to pay out on the prize. 105 00:06:01,576 --> 00:06:06,054 Oh, come on. I know your dirty little secret. 106 00:06:06,055 --> 00:06:08,614 I beg your pardon? All them dance trophies 107 00:06:08,615 --> 00:06:11,614 you once tried to take to the car boot and Troy wouldn't let you. 108 00:06:11,615 --> 00:06:14,254 I won those when I was 12. Aw, bless. 109 00:06:14,255 --> 00:06:17,374 I can see you now in your maroon cat suit, bursting at the seams 110 00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:20,614 like a little saveloy in tap shoes. I am not dancing for you. 111 00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:23,894 Even if I wanted to, which I don't, that was almost 30 years ago. 112 00:06:23,895 --> 00:06:25,735 Believe me, dancing is like the clap... 113 00:06:25,736 --> 00:06:29,134 once you have it, you never lose it. Please, Kenneth. I won't ask again. 114 00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:32,455 Just leave me alone. I'm just trying to - Please! 115 00:06:33,655 --> 00:06:36,894 It's not my fault you've had a row with Troy. 116 00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:39,654 I was just trying to make sure that you have a nice holiday. 117 00:06:39,655 --> 00:06:43,254 But fine. If you want me to go, that's just fine. 118 00:06:43,255 --> 00:06:45,414 I know when I'm not wanted. 119 00:06:45,415 --> 00:06:47,655 You won't see me again today. 120 00:06:51,935 --> 00:06:54,734 There's no point in letting this go to waste, is there? 121 00:06:54,735 --> 00:06:56,735 See you later. 122 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:01,854 Yesterday she electrify swimmers in the pool with her stupid microphone 123 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,735 and today you say she shoot you with a gun. 124 00:07:03,736 --> 00:07:05,654 This woman has to go. 125 00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:08,614 It was a staple gun. And anyway, I'm pretty sure it was an accident. 126 00:07:08,615 --> 00:07:10,654 Ow! Hold still, young' un. Nearly done. 127 00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:13,614 If we all stick together and say we cannot work with her, 128 00:07:13,615 --> 00:07:15,574 they will sack her, yes? 129 00:07:15,575 --> 00:07:18,134 Come on, has the mouse got your tongues? 130 00:07:18,135 --> 00:07:20,374 She looks like a scary drag queen 131 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:23,294 with her big hair and too much make-up. No offence, Lesley. 132 00:07:23,295 --> 00:07:26,694 Yeah, but we've got rid of her now. What are you talking about? 133 00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:31,254 I'm saying, now we've the new one that you really like! 134 00:07:31,255 --> 00:07:33,974 Are you crazy? Listen to what I am saying. 135 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,215 I do not like the new manager. I... 136 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,615 I... I... 137 00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,295 love her. 138 00:07:45,575 --> 00:07:47,654 I cannot explain it. 139 00:07:47,655 --> 00:07:51,814 Yes, she is beautiful, but it is more than that. 140 00:07:51,815 --> 00:07:56,734 Every time we are together, my heart beats so fast. 141 00:07:56,735 --> 00:07:59,174 But how can I say this to her? 142 00:07:59,175 --> 00:08:02,414 She is the boss and I am just a barman... 143 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:05,614 a very good looking barman, but just a barman. 144 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,295 I know we can never be together. 145 00:08:12,215 --> 00:08:15,654 Mrs Temple-Savage, how long have you been standing there? 146 00:08:15,655 --> 00:08:17,814 Not long. 147 00:08:17,815 --> 00:08:19,934 Carry on with your work, boys. 148 00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:21,694 Ladies. 149 00:08:21,695 --> 00:08:25,975 And it's Miss Temple-Savage. 150 00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:33,974 I think I got away with that one. 151 00:08:33,975 --> 00:08:35,895 Mateo. 152 00:08:40,855 --> 00:08:42,975 I'm not sure you did, pal. 153 00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:58,853 All right. There you go. That should be OK. 154 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,812 But I think, for safety reasons, 155 00:09:02,813 --> 00:09:05,852 you should just stick to one person, one sun bed. 156 00:09:05,853 --> 00:09:10,172 My wife and I were practising the high lift from Dirty Dancing. 157 00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:13,092 For the competition tonight. Right. 158 00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:15,252 Why don't you practice it in the pool? 159 00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:19,332 Then next time, if you drop her, it won't be so dangerous. 160 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:23,453 Oh! You think it should be lifting Jacqueline? 161 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:32,332 Ooh, there you are. 162 00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:35,172 Three teas. 163 00:09:35,173 --> 00:09:39,412 You don't want to be drinking alcohol at this time of the day. 164 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:44,132 You'll end up with a spastic liver by the time you're 40. 165 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,213 Or 50. 166 00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:50,772 You know, I'm actually a year younger than Sam. 167 00:09:50,773 --> 00:09:52,652 Oh, are you? 168 00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:55,372 I am sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. 169 00:09:55,373 --> 00:09:59,652 Come to think of it, you do look a similar age... 170 00:09:59,653 --> 00:10:03,293 if you don't count the face area. 171 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:08,532 We were just saying, we don't mind if you want to sit somewhere else. 172 00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:12,772 We spend most of the day eyeing up men and talking about sex. 173 00:10:12,773 --> 00:10:14,572 We wouldn't want to offend you. 174 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:18,452 Oh, I've been around the block a few times, don't you worry. 175 00:10:18,453 --> 00:10:21,173 I could be your look out. 176 00:10:24,293 --> 00:10:27,493 Fresh bit of meat at 11 o'clock. 177 00:10:28,693 --> 00:10:32,013 Hey! Nice one, Noreen! 178 00:10:38,653 --> 00:10:42,132 What can I do you for, young man? Hello. Is Liam around? 179 00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,292 Not right now. Can I give him a message? 180 00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:46,412 Yeah. I just need to give him some keys. 181 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,812 Ah. You must be Jack, his new flat mate. 182 00:10:48,813 --> 00:10:50,652 Liam's my son. 183 00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:53,533 Oh, hello. I thought he said his mum lived in the UK. 184 00:10:54,693 --> 00:10:57,652 She does. I'm-I'm his dad. 185 00:10:57,653 --> 00:11:00,052 Oh, right. 186 00:11:00,053 --> 00:11:02,772 Sorry, it's just that in Benidorm, 187 00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:06,172 you get loads of ugly, middle aged women with deep voices. 188 00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:08,972 No offence. No, no, no, no. 189 00:11:08,973 --> 00:11:11,253 None taken... I think. 190 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:15,332 Yes, pet? Cup of tea and a Diet Coke please. 191 00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:17,013 Coming right up. 192 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,413 Oh, my God. 193 00:11:23,693 --> 00:11:26,412 What are you doing here? I'm sorry? 194 00:11:26,413 --> 00:11:28,612 How did you know I was here? I didn't. 195 00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:32,452 Oh, right. So it's a big coincidence, is it? 196 00:11:32,453 --> 00:11:35,732 Look, Jack, you got into enough trouble last time we met. 197 00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:38,372 I think it's best if you just go. 198 00:11:38,373 --> 00:11:40,732 How do you know my name? You what? 199 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,053 You just called me Jack. How do you know my name? 200 00:11:43,054 --> 00:11:44,852 Have we met before? 201 00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:48,532 Well, apart from you stalking me and ruining my mother's wedding day? 202 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:51,372 Are you taking the piss? Jack! Are you all moved in? 203 00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:54,132 All right, mate. Yeah, sweet, all sorted. 204 00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:57,412 Here. One set of keys, returned as promised. Brilliant. 205 00:11:57,413 --> 00:11:59,733 I've got to put up a sign. It'll only take ten minutes. 206 00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:02,533 Then I'm on a break. JACK: I'll just chill here. Cool. 207 00:12:04,293 --> 00:12:06,213 I hope you find who you're looking for. 208 00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,893 One cup of tea, one Diet Coke. 209 00:12:11,533 --> 00:12:14,533 Everything all right? No, it's not. 210 00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:24,052 Now, we need to make sure the water's not too hot. Hot. 211 00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,772 Mr Dixon's son is a solicitor. 212 00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:29,092 We don't want to be sued from arsehole to breakfast time, do we? 213 00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:32,132 Actually, he's a barrister. Best keep your mouth shut, Mr Dixon. 214 00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,812 We don't want it filling up with hot water, do we? 215 00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:37,012 Now we put on the shampoo. 216 00:12:37,013 --> 00:12:38,733 Shampoo. 217 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,092 That's right. 218 00:12:42,093 --> 00:12:44,932 Now, I know this seems extravagant for that amount of hair, 219 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:46,732 but we never discriminate... 220 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,092 even if the client is a breath away from death. 221 00:12:49,093 --> 00:12:52,132 It is perfume-free shampoo, isn't it? 222 00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:55,652 I have a bit of an eczema problem around the scalp. 223 00:12:55,653 --> 00:13:00,132 Can you be quiet, please, Mr Dixon? Tricky part of the operation, this. 224 00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:01,893 Plus you may as well save your breath... 225 00:13:01,894 --> 00:13:04,932 Carmen's still not up to speed with the language. Lovely, Carmen. 226 00:13:04,933 --> 00:13:07,972 Ooh, that'll be the new sign. 227 00:13:07,973 --> 00:13:10,213 I'll be back in a minute. 228 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:17,573 More, more. 229 00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:22,653 Are you going anywhere nice on your holidays? 230 00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:28,332 Oh, thanks Liam. I owe you a drink. 231 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:31,172 No worries. I said when it came I'd put it up for you. 232 00:13:31,173 --> 00:13:34,252 When you've finished with the sign, we can go grab a spare room! 233 00:13:34,253 --> 00:13:36,012 Hey, cheeky! 234 00:13:36,013 --> 00:13:38,852 What's going on here? I'm re-branding. 235 00:13:38,853 --> 00:13:41,533 Blow and Go? 236 00:13:42,493 --> 00:13:45,653 Take that sign down now. 237 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:49,732 Leave that sign where it is. 238 00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:52,053 I am telling you to take down that sign. 239 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,892 And I am telling you to leave that sign where it is. 240 00:13:55,893 --> 00:13:58,612 Make a decision! I don't know if I'm coming or going. 241 00:13:58,613 --> 00:14:01,252 It's this kind of filth that's going to downgrade us 242 00:14:01,253 --> 00:14:05,133 to a two star rating and I'm trying to get us up to a four. 243 00:14:06,893 --> 00:14:09,972 I think you'll find the only filth is in your mind. 244 00:14:09,973 --> 00:14:13,572 I am Derby Blow Wave champion six years running. 245 00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:17,132 I am at the cutting edge of fashion and hair design 246 00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:19,292 and I'm not letting you stand in way 247 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,572 of me attracting a young, hip, trendy clientele. 248 00:14:22,573 --> 00:14:25,932 I think I've had a bit of a reaction to that shampoo. 249 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:28,493 Oh, my God! 250 00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:37,852 Of course it's him. 251 00:14:37,853 --> 00:14:40,332 I'd recognise that skinny little runt anywhere. 252 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:43,372 He wants to thank his lucky stars my Mel's not still around... 253 00:14:43,373 --> 00:14:45,293 we'd have a bloodbath on our hands. 254 00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:47,892 What if he's still hanging around when Mick gets here? 255 00:14:47,893 --> 00:14:51,372 Ooh, that's a point. If Mick starts, skinny or not, 256 00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:54,132 that lad'll make mince meat out of that big pudding. 257 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:55,932 I beg your pardon? 258 00:14:55,933 --> 00:14:58,532 My husband is very capable of defending my honour. 259 00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:00,852 And where is he when you need him? 260 00:15:00,853 --> 00:15:03,772 He's been at home making sure we've got a business to go back to 261 00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:05,612 when we've finished this holiday. 262 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,053 And when he comes here, he'll find you sitting there 263 00:15:08,054 --> 00:15:10,732 slavering over the lad you had a fling with. 264 00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:14,372 I did not have a fling with him, and I'm not slavering. 265 00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:19,132 I just told you, I met him once and he became obsessed with me. 266 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:23,693 Oh, I can see that. He can't keep his eyes off you! 267 00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:32,012 Why are you girls sitting in the shade? 268 00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:36,372 You're welcome to join me here. I don't bite, unless you ask nicely. 269 00:15:36,373 --> 00:15:38,053 I like the sound of that. 270 00:15:39,653 --> 00:15:41,772 All right, less is more. 271 00:15:41,773 --> 00:15:43,492 In the buffet of life, 272 00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:47,293 you get nothing for standing at the back of the queue. 273 00:15:51,613 --> 00:15:53,372 Excuse me. I want a word with you. 274 00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:56,852 Oh, no, not again. I don't know what your game is, lad, 275 00:15:56,853 --> 00:15:58,813 but I'd make yourself scarce if I were you. 276 00:15:58,814 --> 00:16:00,772 Calm down, She-Ra. 277 00:16:00,773 --> 00:16:04,252 You what? Don't Trudy. She's a nutter. 278 00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:06,812 I think I can sort this out, ladies. 279 00:16:06,813 --> 00:16:08,852 I obviously look like someone you know. 280 00:16:08,853 --> 00:16:11,972 But I can assure you we've never met. 281 00:16:11,973 --> 00:16:14,973 A case of rather sad but wishful thinking. 282 00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:18,492 Better luck next time, love. 283 00:16:18,493 --> 00:16:21,772 You're starting to get on my nerves, lady. It's just a misunderstanding. 284 00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,812 Just keep your distance, soft lad, 285 00:16:23,813 --> 00:16:26,812 because if my husband sees you're still stalking me 286 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:31,252 when he gets here later on, believe me, your life won't be worth living. 287 00:16:31,253 --> 00:16:36,172 Stalking you? I didn't realise it was grab a granny week. 288 00:16:36,173 --> 00:16:38,252 No, it's not. 289 00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:41,732 Oh, my God! It's strangle a slapper week. 290 00:16:41,733 --> 00:16:45,132 And unless you want a bit more of this, I recommend you take yourself, 291 00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:47,452 your skanky mate and your 12-year-old boyfriend 292 00:16:47,453 --> 00:16:50,972 as far away from me as possible. Use both hands! 293 00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:53,572 I know what I'm doing, thank you, mother. 294 00:16:53,573 --> 00:16:56,252 I can't breathe! And for your information, 295 00:16:56,253 --> 00:16:58,612 I a grandmother and proud of it. 296 00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:00,693 What's going on here? 297 00:17:01,853 --> 00:17:04,293 Just a bit of friendly advice. 298 00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:08,772 You should have ripped her head off and thrown it in the pool. 299 00:17:08,773 --> 00:17:12,172 Don't be ridiculous, mother. Our Michael's got to swim in that. 300 00:17:12,173 --> 00:17:13,932 Well? 301 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,333 Well what?! That mad bitch just nearly killed me! 302 00:17:17,413 --> 00:17:20,452 Shh, shh. This is not the kind of behaviour 303 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:23,452 we tolerate at a Solana resort. 304 00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:27,933 You're not in some grubby Spanish all inclusive now, you know. 305 00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:32,572 I've got my eye on you two. 306 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,932 That was unbelievable. 307 00:17:34,933 --> 00:17:39,212 Yeah. Thanks for jumping so gallantly to my defence! 308 00:17:39,213 --> 00:17:42,652 Oh, God, what do you call it? Grievous bodily harm. 309 00:17:42,653 --> 00:17:44,932 No. Out of Star Wars. 310 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:47,492 Darth Vader Death Grip. That's it! 311 00:17:47,493 --> 00:17:50,012 Wicked! 312 00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:52,453 Right, that's all sorted. 313 00:17:54,533 --> 00:17:57,533 I see you've made friends already. 314 00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:09,012 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, senors and senoritas, 315 00:18:09,013 --> 00:18:12,212 mein herr and mein... him. 316 00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:14,972 Joyce Temple-Savage here, your Solana manageress, 317 00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:17,772 reminding you of tonight's dance competition. 318 00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:22,052 Rehearsal space will be available in the Hawaiian function room 319 00:18:22,053 --> 00:18:27,533 with coaching from TV's very own Cyril Babcock. 320 00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:39,972 OK, OK, stop the music. 321 00:18:39,973 --> 00:18:43,372 Thank you, Irene, Brendan. Just stay there for a minute. 322 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,653 Now, where do I start? 323 00:18:47,813 --> 00:18:50,892 That was supposed to be the Argentine Tango. 324 00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:53,132 I could see nothing resembling a Tango 325 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,372 and the only thing that reminded me of Argentina 326 00:18:55,373 --> 00:18:57,773 was the fact you looked like two lumps of corned beef 327 00:18:57,774 --> 00:19:00,933 shuffling around the floor. OK, assume the position. 328 00:19:02,413 --> 00:19:05,332 No, no, no, no, no. 329 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,572 This is the Tango. 330 00:19:07,573 --> 00:19:11,372 It's about passion, it's about lust, it's about sex. 331 00:19:11,373 --> 00:19:14,932 I need you both oozing sexuality. 332 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,812 I think Irene and Brendan could start oozing a few things, 333 00:19:17,813 --> 00:19:19,612 but sexuality is not one of them. 334 00:19:19,613 --> 00:19:23,572 Oh, I don't know. I like bald men who wear glasses. 335 00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:25,332 Do you? Oh, yeah. 336 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,972 And I like bald men who don't wear glasses. 337 00:19:27,973 --> 00:19:29,772 Right. 338 00:19:29,773 --> 00:19:33,092 I'm quite keen on men with hair that don't wear glasses, too. 339 00:19:33,093 --> 00:19:36,852 Oh, yeah? And of course, I love men with hair 340 00:19:36,853 --> 00:19:38,972 that do wear glasses. 341 00:19:38,973 --> 00:19:41,372 I suppose you could save a bit of time 342 00:19:41,373 --> 00:19:43,852 and just say you like all men, really. 343 00:19:43,853 --> 00:19:45,812 Oh, yeah. 344 00:19:45,813 --> 00:19:48,212 And women, of course. 345 00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:52,493 I'm not fussed either way if they wear glasses or not. 346 00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:00,732 I think you've made a rod for your own back 347 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,372 as far as she's concerned, son. What does this mean? 348 00:20:03,373 --> 00:20:05,892 With Joyce, man. She thinks it's game on. 349 00:20:05,893 --> 00:20:09,572 One smile from you and she'll jump on you like a tramp on a kipper. 350 00:20:09,573 --> 00:20:12,172 Can you stop talking like this? I do not understand. 351 00:20:12,173 --> 00:20:14,573 You've got to tell her you're not interested, man. 352 00:20:14,574 --> 00:20:18,052 You've got to lay your cards on the table. Lay them on the table? 353 00:20:18,053 --> 00:20:20,292 Absolutely. But remember, she's the boss. 354 00:20:20,293 --> 00:20:23,092 Just you make sure you let her down gently. 355 00:20:23,093 --> 00:20:25,772 OK, you two, Maria and Pilar are taking over here. 356 00:20:25,773 --> 00:20:28,132 I want you both in the Hawaiian function room. 357 00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:30,732 Bit top heavy on women dancers so we need a couple of men 358 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:32,732 to balance things out. Nae bother. 359 00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:35,452 My wig was starting to chafe in this heat anyway. 360 00:20:35,453 --> 00:20:38,252 I'll just gan swill my face. Spoken like a true lady! 361 00:20:38,253 --> 00:20:40,093 Mateo? 362 00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:43,252 A word, please. 363 00:20:43,253 --> 00:20:45,693 Come on, come on. 364 00:20:53,933 --> 00:20:59,452 I think it only fair to tell you that I heard what you said earlier. 365 00:20:59,453 --> 00:21:01,452 Yes. I need to talk to you about this. 366 00:21:01,453 --> 00:21:03,212 Yes. 367 00:21:03,213 --> 00:21:05,172 I am sorry I made a rod for you. 368 00:21:05,173 --> 00:21:06,892 Ooh. 369 00:21:06,893 --> 00:21:10,012 Well, thankfully you were standing behind the bar at the time 370 00:21:10,013 --> 00:21:11,932 and nobody noticed. 371 00:21:11,933 --> 00:21:15,932 Miss Temple-Savage, listen to me. Yes. 372 00:21:15,933 --> 00:21:19,693 I have many cards and I need to lay you on the table. 373 00:21:21,053 --> 00:21:22,972 Please, call me Joyce. 374 00:21:22,973 --> 00:21:26,772 Joyce, I need you to know how I feel. 375 00:21:26,773 --> 00:21:30,812 I want you to go... down gently. 376 00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:34,652 Well, don't worry. I've got a lot of experience. 377 00:21:34,653 --> 00:21:36,452 You're in very safe hands. 378 00:21:36,453 --> 00:21:39,932 Erm... you wanted to see me? 379 00:21:39,933 --> 00:21:42,013 Yes! 380 00:21:43,213 --> 00:21:45,893 Hasta la vista, carino. 381 00:21:48,093 --> 00:21:50,453 Can you dance? No. 382 00:21:54,893 --> 00:21:57,492 Don't worry, it's still there. What is? 383 00:21:57,493 --> 00:21:59,533 Your head. 384 00:22:00,693 --> 00:22:02,613 Here you are, get that down your necks. 385 00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:04,812 Nice one. 386 00:22:04,813 --> 00:22:07,292 Thank you. Everything all right? 387 00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:10,692 Here he is. Come on, son. You're a drink behind. 388 00:22:10,693 --> 00:22:13,972 You lot go without me. I've got to stay and dance with some pensioners. 389 00:22:13,973 --> 00:22:16,293 Oh, my God, mate. Your job is just mental! 390 00:22:19,373 --> 00:22:21,092 Is it for this dance competition? 391 00:22:21,093 --> 00:22:24,052 Yeah. I've told my boss I'm no good at dancing 392 00:22:24,053 --> 00:22:26,132 but she said I've got to make up the numbers. 393 00:22:26,133 --> 00:22:30,332 There's a prize for 100 euros, isn't there? A voucher for the salon, yeah. 394 00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:32,372 Great. I'll come with you. 395 00:22:32,373 --> 00:22:34,572 Why don't we all go? It'll be a laugh. 396 00:22:34,573 --> 00:22:36,213 Don't put yourself out. 397 00:22:38,573 --> 00:22:41,452 I don't think your mate likes me. No, I don't think she does. 398 00:22:41,453 --> 00:22:43,372 Oh, no, I'm choked. 399 00:22:43,373 --> 00:22:45,173 Did you get it? Choked. 400 00:22:46,493 --> 00:22:48,693 Yeah. Hilarious! 401 00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:05,852 No, no. Stop the music. I'm sorry. I can't watch any more of this. 402 00:23:05,853 --> 00:23:10,252 Our friend in the yellow, with the blistered forehead - your name is? 403 00:23:10,253 --> 00:23:11,972 Mr Dixon. 404 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:17,572 Mr Dixon. I'm sorry, sir, but your timing is all over the place. 405 00:23:17,573 --> 00:23:20,932 Feet are very heavy and plodding, there's far too much hesitation. 406 00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:23,892 There's no connection with the music. 407 00:23:23,893 --> 00:23:27,212 I mean, it's a disaster. It's an unmitigated disaster. 408 00:23:27,213 --> 00:23:31,492 Well, I must say, I haven't taken to the floor in some time. 409 00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,812 You nearly took to the floor for the last time 410 00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:35,852 the way our friend in blue was dragging you. 411 00:23:35,853 --> 00:23:38,452 Does he owe you money or something? You what? 412 00:23:38,453 --> 00:23:40,732 I mean, a lady of your petite size 413 00:23:40,733 --> 00:23:45,492 should have style and grace to spare, but it's just terrible. 414 00:23:45,493 --> 00:23:48,012 What's your name, my darling? 415 00:23:48,013 --> 00:23:50,172 My name is Madge. 416 00:23:50,173 --> 00:23:53,412 Madge. I just don't know where to start. 417 00:23:53,413 --> 00:23:57,132 Your head position is all over the place, your lines were dreadful. 418 00:23:57,133 --> 00:24:01,612 You're not extending from the hip. I'm lost for words. 419 00:24:01,613 --> 00:24:05,452 Really? Well, for somebody who doesn't know what to say, 420 00:24:05,453 --> 00:24:08,132 you're something of a gob shite. 421 00:24:08,133 --> 00:24:10,252 I beg your pardon? 422 00:24:10,253 --> 00:24:12,932 Listen here. I was doing the Viennese waltz 423 00:24:12,933 --> 00:24:17,492 before I you could walk. And don't talk to me about style and grace 424 00:24:17,493 --> 00:24:19,892 standing there looking like a busted orange 425 00:24:19,893 --> 00:24:23,332 with your nylon wig and your big girl's blouse. 426 00:24:23,333 --> 00:24:25,532 And as for extending from the hip, 427 00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:29,572 I'll be extending my right fist into that fat, ugly face of yours 428 00:24:29,573 --> 00:24:32,212 if you don't learn some manners! 429 00:24:32,213 --> 00:24:35,092 Ladies and gents, I think it's time for a break. Yeah! 430 00:24:35,093 --> 00:24:37,692 It'll be your fat neck if I get another peep out of you. 431 00:24:37,693 --> 00:24:39,692 Look, Maud - Madge! 432 00:24:39,693 --> 00:24:42,972 Madge. You're very welcome to leave at any time. 433 00:24:42,973 --> 00:24:46,692 I am merely here to offer people some expert advice 434 00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:49,133 and point them in the right direction. Direction? 435 00:24:49,134 --> 00:24:51,292 You couldn't direct piss into a bucket! 436 00:24:51,293 --> 00:24:55,852 Mother, sit down. Yeah, show Squirrel some respect. 437 00:24:55,853 --> 00:24:58,052 Thank you, I - I beg your pardon? 438 00:24:58,053 --> 00:25:00,013 You are the teacher, she is the pupil. 439 00:25:00,014 --> 00:25:03,292 She should show you some respect. No, I mean, what did you call me? 440 00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:06,652 Squirrel. Squirrel? 441 00:25:06,653 --> 00:25:09,852 Yes. It's your name - Squirrel Bigcock. 442 00:25:09,853 --> 00:25:12,132 It's a stage name, yes? 443 00:25:12,133 --> 00:25:15,292 Squirrel Bigcock? 444 00:25:15,293 --> 00:25:18,252 My name is Cyril Babcock. 445 00:25:18,253 --> 00:25:20,172 Oh. 446 00:25:20,173 --> 00:25:22,852 Is the same, no? No, it is not the same. 447 00:25:22,853 --> 00:25:25,372 Keep your opinions to yourself. You're staff. 448 00:25:25,373 --> 00:25:29,412 You should speak when spoken to. Hey, what is wrong with you? 449 00:25:29,413 --> 00:25:31,292 I was saying you are the teacher. 450 00:25:31,293 --> 00:25:34,812 If I was teaching someone to dance, I would want some respect. 451 00:25:34,813 --> 00:25:38,932 Yes, well, you're not a dancer. You mop up spilt drinks for a living. 452 00:25:38,933 --> 00:25:41,652 Go and sit down, young man. I think we can all do with a... 453 00:25:41,653 --> 00:25:44,652 I can dance better than you. 454 00:25:44,653 --> 00:25:50,613 Would you care to repeat that? I can dance better than you. 455 00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:57,573 Are you challenging me to a dance off, young man? 456 00:25:58,893 --> 00:26:01,652 Mateo versus Squirrel. 457 00:26:01,653 --> 00:26:03,453 Let's do it. 458 00:26:05,253 --> 00:26:07,293 Music! 459 00:26:36,253 --> 00:26:38,052 What's going on here? 460 00:26:38,053 --> 00:26:40,013 Cyril and Mateo are having a dance off. 461 00:26:43,133 --> 00:26:44,892 Well, he's here to teach. 462 00:26:44,893 --> 00:26:47,773 He shouldn't be dancing like that. He's got a heart condition. 463 00:26:53,293 --> 00:26:55,572 Do you know him, like? 464 00:26:55,573 --> 00:27:01,012 Well... we worked together in a Club Med resort in the early nineties. 465 00:27:01,013 --> 00:27:03,572 I was a rep 466 00:27:03,573 --> 00:27:08,932 and Cyril and his wife, well, they were resident dancing instructors. 467 00:27:08,933 --> 00:27:11,413 We were very close. 468 00:27:12,573 --> 00:27:14,973 I mean, just good friends. He was a married man. 469 00:27:23,053 --> 00:27:26,253 Anyway, that was all a long time ago. 470 00:28:02,813 --> 00:28:04,733 Ole! 471 00:28:10,853 --> 00:28:13,012 Oh! 472 00:28:13,013 --> 00:28:15,452 Oh, my God, my God! 473 00:28:15,453 --> 00:28:17,292 Cyril! Are you OK? 474 00:28:17,293 --> 00:28:21,292 Joyce. My darling Joyce. 475 00:28:21,293 --> 00:28:23,053 It's been a long time. 476 00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:33,779 Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor? 477 00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:37,700 I'm fine, I'm fine. I just need to get my breath back. 478 00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:42,179 I'd heard you were working here. I assumed you were avoiding me. 479 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:44,740 Not at all, Cyril. Why would I do that? 480 00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:49,379 I just didn't want to make things difficult for you. 481 00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,939 You know your wife didn't like me. I assumed she'd be here. 482 00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:55,739 Genevieve died in 2001. 483 00:28:55,740 --> 00:28:58,619 Oh, Cyril, I'm so sorry. 484 00:28:58,620 --> 00:29:02,019 It was a steam roller accident at a country fair. 485 00:29:02,020 --> 00:29:05,419 Oh, my God. She was run over by a steam roller? 486 00:29:05,420 --> 00:29:07,739 No, no. Nothing as horrific as that. 487 00:29:07,740 --> 00:29:10,939 She was driving it. Had a heart attack at the wheel. 488 00:29:10,940 --> 00:29:13,379 I'm so sorry. 489 00:29:13,380 --> 00:29:15,739 The two main loves in Genevieve's life 490 00:29:15,740 --> 00:29:18,739 were dance and agricultural machinery. 491 00:29:18,740 --> 00:29:23,179 She used to show tractors, ploughs and such at these country fairs. 492 00:29:23,180 --> 00:29:26,019 It became something of an obsession. 493 00:29:26,020 --> 00:29:31,419 She was only 56 when she died. She'd just put a deposit down 494 00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:35,340 on a four wheel drive rear-mounted hydraulic potato sorter. 495 00:29:37,060 --> 00:29:39,260 It was delivered on the day of her funeral. 496 00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:41,900 She never even saw it. 497 00:29:44,020 --> 00:29:48,019 But listen to me dancing down memory lane! How are you? 498 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:51,619 You look radiant. 499 00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:54,419 You haven't aged a day since Faliraki. 500 00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:56,539 I certainly feel as though I have. 501 00:29:56,540 --> 00:30:01,539 No, I'm fine. You know me, same old Joyce. All work and no play. 502 00:30:01,540 --> 00:30:03,259 Married? No. 503 00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:07,099 But you must have a gentlemen friend. No. Not really. 504 00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:09,659 I just don't understand it, Joyce. 505 00:30:09,660 --> 00:30:12,139 I was never what you'd call handsome 506 00:30:12,140 --> 00:30:14,419 but I seemed to get the pick of the crop. 507 00:30:14,420 --> 00:30:21,739 Whereas you are as beautiful and as ravishing as you were 20 years ago, 508 00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:23,859 yet you seem just as lonely. 509 00:30:23,860 --> 00:30:29,459 Something has happened... very recently, here in fact. 510 00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:34,379 He's far too young for me, but he's very keen. 511 00:30:34,380 --> 00:30:39,619 Of course he is. He'd be a fool not to be. 512 00:30:39,620 --> 00:30:43,219 Ah, Squirrel. Are you sure you are OK? 513 00:30:43,220 --> 00:30:47,019 I have somebody outside who can take you to the hospital. 514 00:30:47,020 --> 00:30:51,739 Suddenly everything seems very clear. 515 00:30:51,740 --> 00:30:54,899 Mr Babcock is fine, Mateo, 516 00:30:54,900 --> 00:30:57,419 if you'd like to get back to work. 517 00:30:57,420 --> 00:31:02,139 Hey, Squirrel, you are a good dancer, you know. 518 00:31:02,140 --> 00:31:04,219 I think you won. 519 00:31:04,220 --> 00:31:06,539 No. 520 00:31:06,540 --> 00:31:11,860 No, my friend. I think you'll find you are the winner. 521 00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:32,579 OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's get the contest off to a great start 522 00:31:32,580 --> 00:31:35,019 with contestants number one. 523 00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:38,739 Please welcome to the floor, dancing the Lambada, 524 00:31:38,740 --> 00:31:41,179 Donald and Jacqueline Stewart. 525 00:31:41,180 --> 00:31:43,820 Let's hear it, folks. 526 00:32:08,980 --> 00:32:11,899 Oh, my God. That is rough! 527 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:15,939 They're actually not that bad. They're better than me and Trudy. 528 00:32:15,940 --> 00:32:18,859 How you getting on with Sam? She's dead nice, isn't she? 529 00:32:18,860 --> 00:32:21,459 Yeah, she's OK. Not my type, though. 530 00:32:21,460 --> 00:32:24,220 No? What is your type? 531 00:32:25,580 --> 00:32:27,580 Specific, mate. 532 00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:30,940 Very specific. 533 00:32:35,580 --> 00:32:37,739 She's gonna put her back out. 534 00:32:37,740 --> 00:32:40,379 And then when he falls on top of her, that'll be her lot. 535 00:32:40,380 --> 00:32:42,579 Thank you and good night. 536 00:32:42,580 --> 00:32:45,779 Are you nervous, Michael? I wanted my dad to see me. 537 00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:50,579 Where is he? He was supposed to be here ages ago. Why hasn't he rang? 538 00:32:50,580 --> 00:32:53,579 The flight must have been delayed. He'll be here soon. 539 00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:57,059 Maybe he's had a better offer. What does that mean? 540 00:32:57,060 --> 00:32:59,779 He's always had a wandering eye, that one. 541 00:32:59,780 --> 00:33:04,059 On a plane, all them young dolly bird stewardesses. 542 00:33:04,060 --> 00:33:06,580 You won't see him tonight. 543 00:33:09,060 --> 00:33:11,699 Oh, look, she's coming over now. 544 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:14,939 You better say something or she'll be sniffing round you all season 545 00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:16,739 like a fly round a cow's arse. 546 00:33:16,740 --> 00:33:20,219 But I've tried. I cannot make her understand. You must help me. 547 00:33:20,220 --> 00:33:22,460 Oh, sorry pal, you're on your own with this one. 548 00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:31,859 We need to talk. Get two gin and lemons and join me over there. 549 00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:35,940 But I don't like gin. Oh, yes. Bring a drink for yourself. 550 00:33:47,220 --> 00:33:51,859 Donald and Jacqueline there with their unique take on the Lambada. 551 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:54,459 Can we have a mop and bucket on that floor, please? 552 00:33:54,460 --> 00:33:59,779 Next up we have Michael Garvey with his solo street dance. 553 00:33:59,780 --> 00:34:01,460 Let's hear it for Michael. 554 00:34:36,180 --> 00:34:37,859 Miss Temple-Savage - Joyce. 555 00:34:37,860 --> 00:34:40,699 Joyce, I need to tell you something. Please, let me speak first. 556 00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:42,819 No, this is very important. You and me... 557 00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:46,339 it's never going to happen. If you'll just listen - What? 558 00:34:46,340 --> 00:34:49,659 You're a handsome man and I am very flattered, 559 00:34:49,660 --> 00:34:51,899 but you're not the one for me. 560 00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:53,579 OK. 561 00:34:53,580 --> 00:34:55,420 I know this is going to be very difficult 562 00:34:55,421 --> 00:34:58,979 but you're going to have to put your passion for me to one side. 563 00:34:58,980 --> 00:35:02,779 See, I've already missed an opportunity to be with somebody 564 00:35:02,780 --> 00:35:05,099 that I cared for very deeply. 565 00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:09,379 Now circumstances mean there's another chance. 566 00:35:09,380 --> 00:35:14,060 And at my age, that's something you can't pass up on. 567 00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:18,220 I'm going to need some Dutch courage. 568 00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:23,460 Oh, I'm sorry. What is it you wanted to say to me? 569 00:35:38,620 --> 00:35:44,499 Michael Garvey there with a very modern and novel routine. 570 00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:51,420 Next up, with a twist, we have Mateo Castellano and Noreen Maltby. 571 00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,859 Oh, you little beauty! 572 00:36:30,860 --> 00:36:33,179 I'm not dancing. What are you having to drink? 573 00:36:33,180 --> 00:36:35,019 Nothing. I'm fine. 574 00:36:35,020 --> 00:36:37,179 This is gonna be a fun evening, isn't it? 575 00:36:37,180 --> 00:36:39,500 He hasn't called. Of course he hasn't called you. 576 00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:43,099 It was you who suggested coming out here on your own. 577 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:45,059 Oh, look. 578 00:36:45,060 --> 00:36:48,179 Just because he hasn't rung doesn't mean he loves you any less. 579 00:36:48,180 --> 00:36:50,019 No, it's quite the reverse. 580 00:36:50,020 --> 00:36:53,459 He thinks you've asked for a bit of space and he's giving it to you. 581 00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:55,900 That's how much he loves you. 582 00:37:03,420 --> 00:37:05,859 Now will you please show how much you love me 583 00:37:05,860 --> 00:37:08,380 and win this competition so I don't have to pay out? 584 00:37:09,420 --> 00:37:11,899 I'm not dancing with you. Yes! 585 00:37:11,900 --> 00:37:15,539 Now, don't worry. Your dance partner should be here along any minute now. 586 00:37:15,540 --> 00:37:17,860 Who? Shh! 587 00:37:19,060 --> 00:37:21,260 Whoa! 588 00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:15,059 Don't think Sam and Jack are getting on too well. 589 00:38:15,060 --> 00:38:16,979 I think he likes her. Really? 590 00:38:16,980 --> 00:38:19,859 Well, when I say that, I mean he hasn't tried to strangle her yet. 591 00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:22,779 He's a bit weird, isn't he? I thought he was your mate. 592 00:38:22,780 --> 00:38:25,659 No, he just answered an ad in the paper about my spare room. 593 00:38:25,660 --> 00:38:28,259 You just gave it to the first nutter that came along? 594 00:38:28,260 --> 00:38:30,100 Genius! 595 00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:39,899 That was Liam and Trudy. Very nicely done. 596 00:38:39,900 --> 00:38:44,819 Next on the floor with the pasodoble, Gavin Ramsbottom and partner. 597 00:38:44,820 --> 00:38:46,620 Right. Come on, you, get on your feet. 598 00:38:46,621 --> 00:38:48,620 It's you, isn't it? I'm dancing with you? 599 00:38:48,621 --> 00:38:51,460 Forget about it. I'm not making a fool of myself! 600 00:40:09,020 --> 00:40:13,019 There's a turn up for the books. The pros are in tonight, folks. 601 00:40:13,020 --> 00:40:16,540 Next in line are Janice and Mick Garvey. 602 00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:24,059 Sorry, love, he's not here. Well, there's a surprise! 603 00:40:24,060 --> 00:40:26,899 I wonder who she is this time. 604 00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:29,499 I've never spoken to you like this before, mother, 605 00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:31,379 and God forgive me for saying it, 606 00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:34,379 but if you don't shut your gob, I will happily shut it for you! 607 00:40:34,380 --> 00:40:40,619 Never mind. That just leaves us with our final contestants, Jack and Sam. 608 00:40:40,620 --> 00:40:44,219 I hope that's not two fellas. We do have some standards, you know. 609 00:40:44,220 --> 00:40:46,939 Where are you, Jack and Sam? We didn't rehearse anything. 610 00:40:46,940 --> 00:40:49,899 What dance are we supposed to be doing? A gentleman's excuse me. 611 00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:52,020 How does that go? It's easy. Excuse me. 612 00:40:53,820 --> 00:40:55,819 May I have this dance? 613 00:40:55,820 --> 00:40:59,700 No, you may not. Now piss off. Now, now, that's not very nice. 614 00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:18,219 What is wrong with your mate? I told you, he's mental. 615 00:41:18,220 --> 00:41:20,700 He's not my mate. He just answered an ad in the paper. 616 00:41:22,660 --> 00:41:24,860 An ad for what? Psychotic nut job? 617 00:41:27,300 --> 00:41:29,059 Let go of me. 618 00:41:29,060 --> 00:41:31,779 I'm sorry for pretending not to recognise you, Janice. 619 00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:34,140 It just that the last time we bumped into each other, 620 00:41:34,141 --> 00:41:37,899 you weren't that keen, so I thought I'd try a bit of reverse psychology. 621 00:41:37,900 --> 00:41:40,140 When that didn't work, I realised I would have to 622 00:41:40,141 --> 00:41:42,299 go for good old fashioned brute force. 623 00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:44,299 Let go of me! I don't even know you 624 00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:46,180 and my husband will be here in a minute. 625 00:41:46,181 --> 00:41:48,299 I'll believe that when I see it. 626 00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:50,500 Fancy meeting you here. Mick. 627 00:41:57,620 --> 00:42:00,299 Who's that knob head? Somebody who thought he was helping 628 00:42:00,300 --> 00:42:03,340 until you got here. Yeah, well, I'm here now. 629 00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:10,299 I want a word with you. What? Outside now. 630 00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:13,780 Who died and left you a pair of balls? Outside! 631 00:42:19,940 --> 00:42:21,659 What? 632 00:42:21,660 --> 00:42:23,699 Keys. 633 00:42:23,700 --> 00:42:25,499 What? Keys to my flat. 634 00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:27,259 I've changed my mind. 635 00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,660 Don't be like that, Liam. I thought we were friends. 636 00:42:29,661 --> 00:42:32,859 I don't want a coward who goes around threatening women 637 00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:36,099 as a flatmate, and I certainly don't want him as a friend. 638 00:42:36,100 --> 00:42:39,140 Well, I'm sorry mate. That's not the way I see it. 639 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:42,299 I want my keys back. 640 00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:45,459 What, these? Yeah. Oops. 641 00:42:45,460 --> 00:42:47,659 Oops. 642 00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:49,660 I think you'll find these are my keys. 643 00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:53,939 You can't stay in someone's flat when they don't want you there. 644 00:42:53,940 --> 00:42:55,900 Really? Who says I can't? 645 00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:59,539 I do. 646 00:42:59,540 --> 00:43:03,099 Oh, my God! You've killed him! Course I haven't, soft lad. 647 00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:06,179 Have you never smashed anyone over the head with a bottle of beer? 648 00:43:06,180 --> 00:43:08,219 No, I haven't! Come on. 649 00:43:08,220 --> 00:43:11,499 They're about to announce the winner of the dance competition. 650 00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:14,859 We can't just leave him here in the middle of the street! 651 00:43:14,860 --> 00:43:20,940 OK, ladies and gentlemen, it's Gavin Ramsbottom and partner! 652 00:43:29,860 --> 00:43:34,099 Well done, everybody. And remember, it's not the taking part... 653 00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:36,299 it's the winning - that counts. 654 00:43:36,300 --> 00:43:41,260 Now, if you'd like to all join in, it's the last dance of the evening. 655 00:43:49,820 --> 00:43:55,220 ♪ I wonder should I go or should I stay ♪ 656 00:43:57,140 --> 00:44:02,739 ♪ The band had only one more song to play...♪ 657 00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:05,859 So on scale of one to ten, how much have you missed me? 658 00:44:05,860 --> 00:44:07,899 Is everything all right with the shop? 659 00:44:07,900 --> 00:44:10,539 Did they find out the cause of the fire? Oh, that much? 660 00:44:10,540 --> 00:44:13,579 Of course I've missed you, silly sod. I'm just asking. 661 00:44:13,580 --> 00:44:15,940 The cause of the fire were them cheap tanning tubes 662 00:44:15,941 --> 00:44:19,699 I bought off Chinese Eric. The place went up like a bunch of dried twigs. 663 00:44:19,700 --> 00:44:22,819 Bloody hell. Well thank God we only tried them out in one shop. 664 00:44:22,820 --> 00:44:24,820 Yeah. Thank God. 665 00:44:30,860 --> 00:44:33,299 Joyce, I don't know what to say. 666 00:44:33,300 --> 00:44:35,819 I'm not the man I used to be. 667 00:44:35,820 --> 00:44:38,939 I can hardly compete with your young chap. 668 00:44:38,940 --> 00:44:42,099 He never was my chap. 669 00:44:42,100 --> 00:44:47,659 I leave for Thailand tomorrow. A month-long contract 670 00:44:47,660 --> 00:44:50,540 choreographing for The Bobby Chung Situation. 671 00:44:50,620 --> 00:44:54,579 The what? A lady boy revue in Bangkok. 672 00:44:54,580 --> 00:44:56,379 Oh. 673 00:44:56,380 --> 00:44:58,539 I'll be back in four weeks. 674 00:44:58,540 --> 00:45:00,939 Wait for me. 675 00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:02,940 You know where to find to find me. 676 00:45:10,300 --> 00:45:12,539 What are we gonna do? What do you mean? 677 00:45:12,540 --> 00:45:14,939 What do you think I mean? Everything's insured. 678 00:45:14,940 --> 00:45:18,219 There's nothing to worry about. When you took over the shops from Mel 679 00:45:18,220 --> 00:45:21,019 you said insurance was a mug's game and refused to pay it. 680 00:45:21,020 --> 00:45:23,219 Of course I paid it. Now stop worrying. 681 00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:24,940 One of the shop's burns to the ground 682 00:45:24,941 --> 00:45:28,219 and he says stop worrying? Oi, come here. 683 00:45:28,220 --> 00:45:31,219 Just tell me you've paid the insurance premium, Mick. 684 00:45:31,220 --> 00:45:33,819 What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? 685 00:45:33,820 --> 00:45:35,940 Now come here. 686 00:45:51,740 --> 00:45:53,740 Can somebody help me, please? 687 00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,300 Hello! 688 00:45:58,580 --> 00:46:00,860 Can somebody help me, please? 689 00:46:00,915 --> 00:46:06,215 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells 690 00:46:06,705 --> 00:46:13,089 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from SubtitleDB.org