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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
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00:00:31,885 --> 00:00:35,085
I am sorry, my little friend,
we have no, how do you call it...
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00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:38,125
Bandages.
Did you hurt yourself bad?
4
00:00:38,165 --> 00:00:42,485
No, it's for this.
Ooh! Dios mio!
5
00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,365
How old are you?
Fourteen.
6
00:00:45,405 --> 00:00:48,485
Have you got any headache tablets?
My head's banging.
7
00:00:48,525 --> 00:00:50,845
You got the hangover?
8
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,165
Where is your father?
9
00:00:52,205 --> 00:00:53,245
He's in prison.
10
00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:56,725
As the English say,
'No shit, Shylock.'
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00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,765
Get over here now!
12
00:01:02,965 --> 00:01:05,605
Not you!
13
00:01:06,845 --> 00:01:09,685
I was just asking for some bandages
to cover my tattoo.
14
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Don't make me come over there!
Don't make her come over here.
15
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:14,645
All right. I'll see you later.
16
00:01:14,685 --> 00:01:17,085
Adios, amigo,
it was nice knowing you.
17
00:01:17,125 --> 00:01:19,125
Michael!
18
00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:24,645
Hello, mate, I don't suppose you know
if there's any bar jobs going here.
19
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,805
What? Do you know if there's any
bar jobs going here?
20
00:01:27,845 --> 00:01:30,245
Going where?
Going here.
21
00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:32,605
Going here from where?
22
00:01:32,645 --> 00:01:35,765
Do you know if there's any bar jobs
available?
23
00:01:40,245 --> 00:01:42,085
No. There are no jobs.
24
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:44,645
They are not coming,
they are not going.
25
00:01:44,685 --> 00:01:46,245
There is nothing here for you.
26
00:01:46,285 --> 00:01:48,685
Good morning. Is there a problem?
27
00:01:48,725 --> 00:01:51,685
Did that young lad come through here
looking for bandages?
28
00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:54,605
No problem, I was just asking if
there were any job vacancies,
29
00:01:54,645 --> 00:01:58,125
but I can see all your staff are...
of a certain age.
30
00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:00,765
No worries. Have a good day.
31
00:02:00,805 --> 00:02:02,605
Hey! What did you mean?
32
00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:05,565
I am not old like him!
Thanks a lot, pal!
33
00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:09,085
I'm sorry, Les, I could not let him
get away with saying this.
34
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,845
You didn't have to say THAT!
35
00:02:10,885 --> 00:02:15,365
He's got a point. We have had a lot
of younger staff leave recently.
36
00:02:15,405 --> 00:02:17,085
And I say good riddance to them.
37
00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:20,445
The young 'uns might be nicer to look
at, but you can't beat experience.
38
00:02:26,485 --> 00:02:28,645
I told 'em they were tanning pills.
39
00:02:28,685 --> 00:02:31,365
How long does it take to test 'em?
40
00:02:31,405 --> 00:02:34,605
They do it in about 30 seconds
on that programme on the telly.
41
00:02:34,645 --> 00:02:37,285
They scrape a bit off, put it in
that little bag of liquid,
42
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,965
shake it, and if it goes blue,
it's drugs. Job done.
43
00:02:41,285 --> 00:02:43,485
Knowing my luck they've swallowed
a handful
44
00:02:43,525 --> 00:02:45,485
and they're waiting to turn brown.
45
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,885
I see they work on teeth as well.
46
00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:01,365
He'll be down when he's hungry.
47
00:03:01,405 --> 00:03:05,365
Thank you for that inspired insight
into the working mind of a teenage boy.
48
00:03:05,405 --> 00:03:07,045
What are you having a go at me for?
49
00:03:07,085 --> 00:03:09,925
It wasn't me that was supposed to be
keeping an eye on him
50
00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:13,045
when he went off the rails. It was
that northern family's kid.
51
00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:15,805
Dirty plebs.
You know he got a tattoo last night?
52
00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:19,285
Who? Tiger?
No, what's-her-name's son.
53
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:23,285
Janice.
Yes, your friend Janice.
54
00:03:23,325 --> 00:03:27,965
Oh, will you just drop it? The woman
needed a lift to the airport,
55
00:03:28,005 --> 00:03:30,245
so I gave her one.
In your dreams!
56
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:33,005
A lift to the airport, for God's
sake!
57
00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:37,565
This place is absolutely crawling.
No, it's not, it's fine.
58
00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:40,045
You are one cheap bastard,
you know that? Tonya...
59
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:43,365
Yesterday you agreed this wasn't
a four-star, and we were moving.
60
00:03:43,405 --> 00:03:45,805
Then when that manageress knocked
80% off the bill,
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00:03:45,845 --> 00:03:47,605
oh, all of sudden, it's not that
bad,
62
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:52,085
and the fact that a member of staff set fire to
our towels is a mere inconvenience. TONYA!
63
00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:55,845
The day you get off your lazy arse
64
00:03:55,885 --> 00:03:58,965
and decide to contribute to the
income of this family
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00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:03,845
instead of pissing your life away on
coffee mornings and botox parties,
66
00:04:03,885 --> 00:04:05,405
then I would be more than happy
67
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:08,165
to give you a say
in matters of finance.
68
00:04:09,605 --> 00:04:11,805
Morning.
Tiger!
69
00:04:11,845 --> 00:04:15,325
How's Mummy's little bubba?
Mum, for God's sake!
70
00:04:16,205 --> 00:04:18,045
Is this mine?
Course it is, darling.
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00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:19,885
Now what can Mamma get you?
Nothing.
72
00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:22,885
I only came down cos it was
too noisy to sleep up there.
73
00:04:24,045 --> 00:04:26,165
The couple next door were really
going for it.
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00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:29,765
All right, spare us the details,
will you? I did.
75
00:04:29,805 --> 00:04:33,005
Good morning!
Another day in paradise!
76
00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:37,085
Hola! Have you settled in OK?
Yes, thank you.
77
00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,965
I do believe we're neighbours!
78
00:04:40,645 --> 00:04:45,325
We heard you arguing last night.
Quite a humdinger!
79
00:04:45,365 --> 00:04:47,045
Yeah, well, erm...
No, no...
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00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:50,405
No explanations necessary.
First time we came to Spain,
81
00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:53,005
Jacqueline threw a chest of drawers
at me, didn't you?
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00:04:53,045 --> 00:04:55,165
More a vanity unit.
83
00:04:55,205 --> 00:04:58,605
It's the heat, you see. Don't worry,
you'll soon acclimatise!
84
00:04:58,645 --> 00:05:03,565
And don't forget to give us a couple of bangs
on the wall if we make too much noise.
85
00:05:03,605 --> 00:05:07,845
We can get a bit, er, lost in the
moment, can't we?
86
00:05:07,885 --> 00:05:11,685
Oh, yes. The word 'Tantric'
springs to mind.
87
00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:14,925
With us it's definitely a marathon,
not a sprint!
88
00:05:14,965 --> 00:05:17,445
Hasta luego!
89
00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:21,005
I think I'm going to vomit.
90
00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,525
Busy out here today.
91
00:05:28,565 --> 00:05:31,645
Yeah, it's filling up. You'd better
grab us a couple of sun beds.
92
00:05:31,685 --> 00:05:34,845
Kenneth, you said now we've got the
green light from your Uncle Bertie,
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00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:36,365
we can open the salon properly.
94
00:05:36,405 --> 00:05:39,845
Yes, and we will, Liam, love,
in great style - tomorrow.
95
00:05:39,885 --> 00:05:41,325
Really?
Yeah.
96
00:05:41,365 --> 00:05:44,565
So today we have to mentally and
physically prepare ourselves.
97
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,925
Two sun beds.
98
00:05:48,245 --> 00:05:51,205
Here we are.
Two Harvey Floor Bangers.
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00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:55,485
You boys have started early.
We have a lot to celebrate, Lesley.
100
00:05:55,525 --> 00:05:59,205
Namely tomorrow's grand re-opening
of Blow 'n' Go. Fantastic!
101
00:05:59,245 --> 00:06:01,725
Hey, you can't fit us in for some
highlights, can you?
102
00:06:01,765 --> 00:06:04,725
I liked this bob when I first got it,
but it needs a bit of jazzing up.
103
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,565
Yeah, no problem, love.
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Same again, love.
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00:06:13,725 --> 00:06:17,325
Nay t'bother. Are you gonna come in
to get your hair done, Dad?
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00:06:17,365 --> 00:06:18,965
No, I'm working all day tomorrow.
107
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:22,885
I'll just leave it in a jiffy bag
at reception. Smashing!
108
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,525
Aww! The epitome of a modern parent!
109
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Oh, I don't pity him.
I think he's fabulous.
110
00:06:32,165 --> 00:06:34,525
Two Harvey Floor Bangers, please,
amigo.
111
00:06:34,565 --> 00:06:37,485
Lesley, is OK for you to do them?
I am going for a break.
112
00:06:37,525 --> 00:06:41,365
How lame, man. Play the game, man,
we're chocka block this morning.
113
00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:46,045
Allow me.
Hey! Hey! What are you doing?
114
00:06:46,085 --> 00:06:49,405
You'll have to come away from there,
lad, it's staff only. Hey!
115
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What is wrong with you?
Are you a deaf? Get out of my bar!
116
00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,005
What's going on?
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00:06:55,045 --> 00:06:57,845
I don't know, the lad just jumped
over the counter.
118
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I'm sorry, you'll have
to come away from that bar.
119
00:07:00,365 --> 00:07:02,285
Are you listening?
120
00:07:02,325 --> 00:07:04,845
Lesley, can we get some security
here, please?
121
00:07:06,605 --> 00:07:08,925
How lovely!
122
00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:13,645
Two Harvey Floor Bangers.
Well, my version.
123
00:07:14,525 --> 00:07:18,485
Tastes twice as good, but uses half
the amount of alcohol.
124
00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,565
Oh, my god, that tastes amazing!
Kenneth!
125
00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:29,325
I'm sorry, but it does.
You, come with me.
126
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:32,205
What? Wait!
127
00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:35,325
Miss Temple-Savage, you said there
are no vacancies!
128
00:07:35,365 --> 00:07:37,365
Miss Temple-Savage!
129
00:07:40,565 --> 00:07:43,645
Oh, my days, that is absolutely
delicious!
130
00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:44,725
You can say that again.
131
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:57,374
These references are all well and
good, Mr, er, Gallagher...
132
00:07:57,414 --> 00:07:59,494
Please, call me Jason.
133
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:03,214
But as I told you before your little
outburst behind the bar,
134
00:08:03,254 --> 00:08:05,534
we simply have no vacancies.
135
00:08:05,574 --> 00:08:07,814
You see, we have no vacancies.
Simples.
136
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,814
Take your squashed face and your
magic powder somewhere else.
137
00:08:10,854 --> 00:08:12,734
Thank you, goodbye, have a nice life.
138
00:08:12,774 --> 00:08:16,134
You're an all-inclusive! The only
way for you to increase profits
139
00:08:16,174 --> 00:08:18,974
is to make your customers drink
less alcohol.
140
00:08:19,014 --> 00:08:21,494
Look, let me work here for one week,
for nothing,
141
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:22,894
and then check your stock.
142
00:08:22,934 --> 00:08:27,094
I guarantee you'll have used half
the alcohol, meaning double your profits.
143
00:08:27,134 --> 00:08:30,294
Why would you want to work here
for a week for nothing?
144
00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:33,054
Cos I'm desperate for a job.
I thought that part was obvious.
145
00:08:33,094 --> 00:08:36,414
Miss Temple-Savage, if you want me to
make fancy cocktails
146
00:08:36,454 --> 00:08:39,174
and shake my ass like this one,
I can do for you.
147
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:43,694
No offence, mate, I wouldn't shake
too hard - something might fall off.
148
00:08:43,734 --> 00:08:45,854
What?
What's the saying?
149
00:08:45,894 --> 00:08:47,774
You can't teach an old dog
new tricks.
150
00:08:47,814 --> 00:08:49,254
Old dog?
151
00:08:49,294 --> 00:08:50,334
OK, that's enough.
152
00:08:50,374 --> 00:08:55,174
Come outside with me now
and I will kill you. Come on!
153
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,574
Oops.
Hey hey hey hey!
154
00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:06,294
How is this?
155
00:09:06,334 --> 00:09:08,054
Ow! Ow!
156
00:09:10,414 --> 00:09:12,174
Get off!
Ooh!
157
00:09:12,214 --> 00:09:14,334
I have just been to the hairdresser!
158
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,174
Oh...
159
00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:20,854
Stop it! Stop it!
For goodness' sake, stop it, boys!
160
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,974
Look at the state of both of you!
161
00:09:23,014 --> 00:09:26,494
You're all hot and... sweaty
162
00:09:26,534 --> 00:09:28,574
and half naked.
163
00:09:28,614 --> 00:09:30,534
Mateo, get back to work.
164
00:09:30,574 --> 00:09:35,134
And Jason, you're on a week's trial
behind the bar with no pay
165
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,774
and no guarantee of a job
at the end of it!
166
00:09:42,894 --> 00:09:47,014
I won't let you down.
I'll be everything you want me to be.
167
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,574
And more.
168
00:09:52,614 --> 00:09:54,294
Ooh...
169
00:09:55,374 --> 00:09:57,614
Oh, I think I'm having a hot flush!
170
00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:06,214
I want to stay in the room. You,
my lad, are not leaving my sight.
171
00:10:06,254 --> 00:10:08,334
You should hobble him.
What does that mean?
172
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:12,414
Break his ankles, like in that film
Misery. He wouldn't get far then.
173
00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:15,414
This arrangement will do just fine
for now, thanks, Mother.
174
00:10:16,374 --> 00:10:18,214
All right, Mikey?
Keep walking!
175
00:10:18,254 --> 00:10:20,574
Scum!
Leave it, Mother.
176
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:26,134
I don't want to hear a peep out of
you, do you hear me?
177
00:10:26,174 --> 00:10:28,254
Good morning!
178
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,574
Do you go home at any point
or do you actually live here? Why?
179
00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:33,934
Every time we come here on holiday,
you're here!
180
00:10:33,974 --> 00:10:37,254
We always have the same two weeks
every year.
181
00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:41,694
Same two weeks. We're creatures of
habit, aren't we, Jacqueline?
182
00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:44,334
Oh, yeah.
Creatures is the right word.
183
00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:46,374
You'd get a job frightening kids
to bed.
184
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:49,654
Get up off that, it's for your
father! My father's not here.
185
00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:51,374
Well, he will be. I'm off to get him.
186
00:10:51,414 --> 00:10:54,014
They might not even let him out -
thanks to her.
187
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,174
Don't you blame me!
Whose fault is it, then?
188
00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:01,414
Everything OK with Mick?
Yeah, everything's fine, thank you.
189
00:11:01,454 --> 00:11:02,734
No, everything's not fine.
190
00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:06,614
Thanks to her, my dad's being held at Alicante
Airport for suspected drug smuggling.
191
00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:11,054
Oh, 'eck! I told you! Hobble him!
I'll hold his legs for you.
192
00:11:12,894 --> 00:11:16,934
What are you doing? I'm not sitting
next to her. I want to be in the shade!
193
00:11:16,974 --> 00:11:20,054
I'm not sitting in the shade,
so you can piss off!
194
00:11:20,094 --> 00:11:22,574
You are gonna sit where I put you.
195
00:11:22,614 --> 00:11:25,454
And if I come back and you've moved
one inch, believe me,
196
00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:28,534
you'll wish you HAD been gobbled!
Hobbled! Whatever!
197
00:11:28,574 --> 00:11:32,334
Janice, if Mick is in some kind of
trouble with the authorities,
198
00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:33,934
we may be able to help you.
199
00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:37,694
Oh, yeah, that's all you need, The
Fritzels fighting your case for you.
200
00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:39,974
How do you mean?
201
00:11:40,014 --> 00:11:45,254
Jacqueline and I have a direct
contact at the British Consulate.
202
00:11:45,294 --> 00:11:48,534
Dropping the right name in the right
place can open a few doors.
203
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,454
Or at least the one Mick is
currently sitting behind.
204
00:11:52,654 --> 00:11:55,854
Just swim where Mamma can see you,
darling. Shut up!
205
00:11:55,894 --> 00:11:57,934
Ahh! He's tired.
206
00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:03,094
Oh, my god!
What?
207
00:12:03,134 --> 00:12:05,814
She's going off with that bloke!
What bloke?
208
00:12:05,854 --> 00:12:11,174
That... rough bird has gone off with
one of the swingers. Oh, my god!
209
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:14,094
That's it! This is a swingers' hotel!
210
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,294
You have brought us to a swingers'
hotel!
211
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:18,574
Don't be ridiculous.
212
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:21,694
Where are you going? I'm gonna give
them a lift to the airport.
213
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:23,294
No, you are not!
214
00:12:23,334 --> 00:12:25,494
I promised her I'd take her back
there today.
215
00:12:25,534 --> 00:12:27,334
I'll be back as soon as I can.
216
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:31,574
Clive, I am warning you, if you leave
me here on my own,
217
00:12:31,614 --> 00:12:34,254
I will not talk to you for the rest
of this holiday.
218
00:12:34,294 --> 00:12:38,054
You drive a hard bargain,
but you've got yourself a deal.
219
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,374
Bastard!
220
00:12:45,374 --> 00:12:47,094
Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen!
221
00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:50,654
It must be terrible to be
a hen-pecked husband.
222
00:12:51,774 --> 00:12:54,534
We had this geography teacher at
school. Mr Pickering.
223
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:58,414
We all thought he was gay
cos he was a bit, well, camp.
224
00:12:58,454 --> 00:13:02,494
When we went on a school trip to
France and one night he got drunk
225
00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:08,054
and told us not only was he married,
but he wanted to leave his wife for
Mrs Raymond, the history teacher.
226
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,854
And even though she knew he was
married,
227
00:13:11,894 --> 00:13:14,774
she still didn't believe
Mr Pickering was straight.
228
00:13:14,814 --> 00:13:17,614
Can you imagine, a big wet lettuce
229
00:13:17,654 --> 00:13:21,414
who just can't meet the right girl
cos everybody thinks he's gay?
230
00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:24,574
Yeah, imagine that.
231
00:13:32,534 --> 00:13:37,134
Ah, you OK, bubba? Yeah. You want
anything from the shop?
232
00:13:37,174 --> 00:13:39,294
No, thank you, my sweet pea.
233
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:53,974
Oh, there's money in my purse if you
need it, darling. Oh, erm, thanks.
234
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:24,094
Shouldn't be much longer now.
Great.
235
00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:26,454
And then when we get to the bus
station in Benidorm,
236
00:14:26,494 --> 00:14:29,334
the buses to Alicante are at least
one every hour.
237
00:14:29,374 --> 00:14:32,094
Where is the bus station in
Benidorm? Can't we just walk?
238
00:14:32,134 --> 00:14:33,854
Oh, no, I'm afraid not.
239
00:14:33,894 --> 00:14:37,574
I picked up a rather nasty groin
injury
240
00:14:37,614 --> 00:14:41,934
while filling in for a friend at the
London Naturist Olympics last month.
241
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:46,534
A trampoline can be a pretty savage
piece of equipment
242
00:14:46,574 --> 00:14:49,214
when you're completely naked.
243
00:14:51,494 --> 00:14:54,254
Can I give you a lift?
We're fine, thank you.
244
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,694
Wonderful! Alicante Airport,
if it's not too much trouble.
245
00:14:57,734 --> 00:14:59,334
I said we're fine, thank you.
246
00:14:59,374 --> 00:15:01,734
Look, I heard about the tattoo.
247
00:15:01,774 --> 00:15:06,294
I'm sorry my Tiger was with your son
at the time but you can't blame him.
248
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:08,894
No, I'm sure he wasn't to blame.
249
00:15:10,094 --> 00:15:12,534
Thank you for the offer of a lift,
but no, thank you.
250
00:15:12,574 --> 00:15:17,174
We've never been here before, my son
wouldn't know where to get a tattoo.
251
00:15:17,214 --> 00:15:20,734
You see, they've never been here
before!
252
00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:24,014
If your son goes anywhere near my son
in the next week...
253
00:15:24,054 --> 00:15:27,854
Oh, dear, there goes the bus!
Well, why didn't it stop?
254
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,334
This is supposed to be a bus stop!
255
00:15:29,374 --> 00:15:33,374
I think it might have something to
do with this car being parked here.
256
00:15:33,414 --> 00:15:37,014
Oh dear, the natives are turning
ugly. I think we'd better get in.
257
00:15:42,294 --> 00:15:45,374
Boo!
All right.
258
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,654
You are hilarious.
259
00:15:56,694 --> 00:16:00,254
I don't really smoke, to be honest.
Really? You can't tell!
260
00:16:01,854 --> 00:16:05,334
Go on son, cough it up,
it might be a gold watch.
261
00:16:05,374 --> 00:16:08,614
What does that mean?
I dunno. Something my old man says.
262
00:16:08,654 --> 00:16:12,014
Beer? Nah, I think I'll just have
an orange juice.
263
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:16,054
One orange juice and one beer,
please, mate. It's for my dad.
264
00:16:17,494 --> 00:16:19,174
I don't remember much about it.
265
00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:21,174
We were in that bar on the beach for
ages,
266
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,974
then you said you wanted a tattoo.
267
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:25,814
Really? I said that?
Yeah, man.
268
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:28,894
I was like, 'A tattoo? Are you
serious? How old are you again?'
269
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:32,094
And you were like,
'Yeah, I've wanted one for ages!'
270
00:16:32,134 --> 00:16:34,094
I don't remember ever wanting
a tattoo.
271
00:16:34,134 --> 00:16:37,094
You tried to talk me into one,
but I was like, 'You're joking.
272
00:16:37,134 --> 00:16:39,574
That shit is on your body for life!'
273
00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:46,854
Yeah...
274
00:16:47,414 --> 00:16:49,054
Oh... What's this?
275
00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:55,534
Oh! It's the all-inclusive
wrist bands.
276
00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:58,734
They've changed the packaging.
277
00:16:58,774 --> 00:17:03,774
It said in my stars, today would be
full of thrilling surprises!
278
00:17:05,854 --> 00:17:08,494
Hasta luego.
Hasta lumbago to you as well.
279
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:12,854
Maria, take this to my office,
would you?
280
00:17:15,214 --> 00:17:16,574
Hello. Yes.
281
00:17:16,614 --> 00:17:19,294
The Solana, Joyce Temple-Savage
speaking.
282
00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:22,574
How much spending money did you bring
on this holiday?
283
00:17:22,614 --> 00:17:26,214
Not much, plus I spent it all
yesterday on drinks and this tattoo.
284
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,974
You fancy making a bit of money?
285
00:17:50,574 --> 00:17:53,174
Aaargh! Ohhh!
286
00:17:57,614 --> 00:17:59,014
He's blinded me!
287
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:17,374
And can you just tell me about
this one again? How many times?
288
00:18:17,414 --> 00:18:22,494
That one's the water park, the one
with the slides on the front
289
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:23,854
and the water.
290
00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:33,094
And they've got animals here?
No. You've not been listening.
291
00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:36,254
That's THIS one, the Terra Natura,
292
00:18:36,294 --> 00:18:38,894
the one with the lion on the front.
293
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,814
How am I a racist? Having learning
difficulties isn't a race.
294
00:19:02,854 --> 00:19:04,254
Please let go of my arm!
295
00:19:04,294 --> 00:19:07,414
People have ignored me all my life,
just because I can't read or write.
296
00:19:07,454 --> 00:19:10,374
I'm not ignoring you, I'm trying
to get rid of you!
297
00:19:10,414 --> 00:19:13,134
My dad hits me!
I'm not surprised!
298
00:19:13,854 --> 00:19:15,254
Huh...
299
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,294
Oh, for God's sake, Maria,
300
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:21,854
it would have been far too easy
to put them on the desk.
301
00:19:26,014 --> 00:19:27,294
Huh...
302
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,334
Oh, there it is.
303
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,294
Miss Temple-Savage, I think you
better come outside.
304
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,894
What's the problem, Liam?
I'm up to my eyes in it!
305
00:19:40,934 --> 00:19:43,294
Mateo is trying to strangle
the new member of staff.
306
00:19:43,334 --> 00:19:46,694
Oh, for goodness' sake,
it's like running a zoo!
307
00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:56,654
You are a little dwarf.
308
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:59,694
For heaven's sake, man, think about
what you're doing!
309
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:01,254
Get off me, Lesley!
310
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,454
I've never seen anything like it.
Really? Oh, I have.
311
00:20:05,494 --> 00:20:08,094
In fact this is basically
my DVD collection.
312
00:20:09,894 --> 00:20:12,054
Apart from the tranny pensioner,
of course.
313
00:20:12,094 --> 00:20:15,134
Stop it!
The lot of you, just stop it!
314
00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:17,414
Will you stop it! Stop it!
315
00:20:17,454 --> 00:20:19,854
Mateo, what the hell is going on?
316
00:20:19,894 --> 00:20:23,254
This guy is trying to make me look
stupid.
317
00:20:23,294 --> 00:20:25,494
You don't need any help with that,
mate.
318
00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:29,014
Mateo! Inside! This guy cannot just
come and take over my bar!
319
00:20:29,054 --> 00:20:31,494
You are working on reception
all this week.
320
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:34,814
Miss Temple-Savage! Please!
I said, inside! Now!
321
00:20:40,214 --> 00:20:44,654
I'm sorry about that. Mr Castellanos
can be a little territorial,
322
00:20:44,694 --> 00:20:46,454
but it's all healthy competition.
323
00:20:46,494 --> 00:20:50,174
Healthy competition?
He just tried to strangle me!
324
00:20:50,214 --> 00:20:52,174
It means he likes you.
325
00:20:56,294 --> 00:20:58,294
God help you if he didn't.
326
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,134
Grand!
327
00:21:09,814 --> 00:21:13,054
Take the second road on the left.
I'm going on the toll road.
328
00:21:13,094 --> 00:21:16,454
No, no, for heaven's sake, man, have
you fallen out with your money?
329
00:21:16,494 --> 00:21:18,174
Isn't the toll road be quicker?
330
00:21:18,214 --> 00:21:21,694
I know a really good short cut.
Stay on this road.
331
00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:24,014
The toll road is better, it's only
three euros.
332
00:21:28,094 --> 00:21:30,854
What are you doing? You lunatic!
333
00:21:30,894 --> 00:21:33,694
You could have had us all killed
there!
334
00:21:41,014 --> 00:21:44,934
Look after the pennies and the
pounds will look after themselves!
335
00:22:02,301 --> 00:22:04,621
Thank you for your patience,
Mr Gravy.
336
00:22:04,661 --> 00:22:07,381
We have the results back on your
contraband.
337
00:22:08,901 --> 00:22:10,741
It's Garvey.
Excuse me?
338
00:22:10,781 --> 00:22:12,661
My name's Garvey, not Gravy.
339
00:22:12,701 --> 00:22:15,381
I am here to tell you, Mr Gravy,
340
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:19,101
to traffic drugs into this country
is a criminal offence.
341
00:22:19,141 --> 00:22:22,501
Oh, God! I didn't smuggle anything.
They weren't even mine!
342
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:27,581
An offence that carries a minimum
fine of 1,000 euros
343
00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:32,021
and a maximum jail sentence of
25 years!
344
00:22:32,061 --> 00:22:35,421
I want a solicitor.
I want a solicitor here now!
345
00:22:35,461 --> 00:22:40,181
Can you imagine spending the rest of
your life in a jail cell
346
00:22:40,221 --> 00:22:41,781
no bigger than this room?
347
00:22:42,581 --> 00:22:43,781
No.
348
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:47,821
Can you imagine being incarcerated
for 23 hours a day,
349
00:22:47,861 --> 00:22:51,181
never seeing your loved ones again,
350
00:22:51,221 --> 00:22:55,101
eating flies and cockroaches
to keep you alive?
351
00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:56,661
No.
352
00:22:56,701 --> 00:22:59,501
Then it is lucky for you
353
00:22:59,541 --> 00:23:03,301
the contents of these tablets is
nothing but herbal. What?
354
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:06,621
They are herbal. There is nothing in
them that concerns us.
355
00:23:06,661 --> 00:23:08,461
You... are free to go.
356
00:23:08,501 --> 00:23:11,301
Well what was all that about, then?
What was all what about?
357
00:23:11,341 --> 00:23:14,781
The 23 hours a day locked in a tiny
cell eating cockroaches?
358
00:23:14,821 --> 00:23:18,541
My local drama society are soon having
open auditioning for the musical Oliver.
359
00:23:18,581 --> 00:23:21,341
I am hoping for the part of
Mr Bumbles.
360
00:23:21,381 --> 00:23:23,261
You think I am in with a shot?
361
00:23:24,661 --> 00:23:29,341
Your possessions are outside the
door. Mr Gravy, welcome to Spain.
362
00:23:31,541 --> 00:23:33,501
Dickhead.
363
00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:37,141
♪ One boy!
364
00:23:37,781 --> 00:23:41,821
♪ Boy for sale! ♪
365
00:23:47,741 --> 00:23:49,381
Right...
366
00:23:49,421 --> 00:23:53,581
I'm pretty certain if we turn around
367
00:23:53,621 --> 00:23:58,381
I might just be able to find the way
back to the toll road.
368
00:23:58,421 --> 00:24:00,141
Oh, brilliant!
369
00:24:01,581 --> 00:24:05,181
♪ One man went to mow
Went to mow a -
370
00:24:05,221 --> 00:24:06,821
Shut up!
371
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:16,181
Come on, now, 20 euros each,
372
00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:19,861
unlimited alcohol, food and use of
all four-star facilities.
373
00:24:23,701 --> 00:24:24,901
Shit! Look!
374
00:24:27,221 --> 00:24:30,901
OK, sorry, ladies and gents, my
business partner and I will be back later.
375
00:24:30,941 --> 00:24:35,581
I've just remembered an appointment we've
got with a swimming pool and some San Miguel.
376
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:40,221
All right, young 'un?
They cannot do this to me.
377
00:24:40,261 --> 00:24:42,501
Listen, pal, you'll have to wind your
neck in
378
00:24:42,541 --> 00:24:46,461
or losing your job is gonna be
the least of your problems.
I have to do what with my neck?
379
00:24:46,501 --> 00:24:48,581
But Auntie Lesley has got a plan
up her sleeve.
380
00:24:48,621 --> 00:24:52,661
I say to the new bar man there's no
point doing a whole week's unpaid work
381
00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:55,861
when we can settle this with a grand
cocktail competition.
382
00:24:55,901 --> 00:25:01,181
You against him. The audience decides
the winner, the loser leaves the Solana.
383
00:25:01,221 --> 00:25:03,061
But how can I do this?
384
00:25:03,101 --> 00:25:06,381
He is better than me with his
juggling and his gay fairy dust.
385
00:25:06,421 --> 00:25:08,661
He is at the moment, but I'm gonna
cover your shift
386
00:25:08,701 --> 00:25:11,461
while you spend the day with my mate,
Calvino.
387
00:25:11,501 --> 00:25:13,341
Who is Calvino?
388
00:25:48,061 --> 00:25:49,581
Topping!
389
00:26:04,621 --> 00:26:07,341
Exhilarating places, airports.
You reckon?
390
00:26:07,381 --> 00:26:11,941
Oh, yes. As a young man I used to hang
about Glasgow Airport for hours on end.
391
00:26:11,981 --> 00:26:16,021
I bet you did.
Every face tells a story.
392
00:26:16,061 --> 00:26:19,261
This guy, for instance.
Who is Miguel?
393
00:26:19,301 --> 00:26:22,261
A long-lost son? A feuding brother?
394
00:26:22,301 --> 00:26:23,741
An illicit affair?
395
00:26:23,781 --> 00:26:26,221
Are you on drugs?
It's just a taxi driver.
396
00:26:26,261 --> 00:26:28,701
Ok, well, what about this one, then?
397
00:26:28,741 --> 00:26:31,541
On the face of it, a young, carefree
holidaymaker,
398
00:26:32,021 --> 00:26:35,901
but I say high-class European
prostitute,
399
00:26:35,941 --> 00:26:38,501
only works for the high rollers.
400
00:26:38,541 --> 00:26:43,861
Every night a different country, every
night a different millionaire Arab sheik.
401
00:26:44,541 --> 00:26:47,061
Oh, my god!
Yes, she's quite something.
402
00:26:48,541 --> 00:26:51,101
Don't forget to ask for a VAT
receipt!
403
00:26:51,141 --> 00:26:53,261
Bianca?
Dad!
404
00:26:53,301 --> 00:26:56,701
What are you doing here? You're
supposed to be in the Maldives. I...
405
00:26:56,741 --> 00:26:59,941
I came to see you. What do you mean,
you came to see me?
406
00:26:59,981 --> 00:27:01,181
From the Maldives?
407
00:27:01,221 --> 00:27:04,341
Well, not just you. Mum, Tiger...
408
00:27:04,381 --> 00:27:08,061
Why didn't you call me?
When did you book your flight?
409
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:11,781
What's going on?
410
00:27:11,821 --> 00:27:14,861
Hey, hey, come here, come here.
411
00:27:14,901 --> 00:27:17,861
It's all right, everything's all
right.
412
00:27:17,901 --> 00:27:22,981
Now, tell me what's going on.
He's left me! Hugo's left me!
413
00:27:23,021 --> 00:27:25,541
What?
I want my momma!
414
00:27:25,581 --> 00:27:27,941
Come on, princess, come on, come on.
Let's go.
415
00:27:35,101 --> 00:27:37,341
He's gone. He left half an hour ago.
Who?
416
00:27:37,381 --> 00:27:39,581
Mick. My husband.
417
00:27:39,621 --> 00:27:42,661
Who did you think I was talking
about? Oh, yes, of course!
418
00:27:42,701 --> 00:27:46,461
Oh, blast! We must just have missed
him. Thanks to your shortcut.
419
00:27:48,901 --> 00:27:51,621
Where's Clive?
I think we've been dumped.
420
00:27:51,661 --> 00:27:55,861
What do you mean, dumped? For
a high-class European prostitute.
421
00:27:55,901 --> 00:27:58,741
I must say, I had Clive down as being
a little reserved,
422
00:27:58,781 --> 00:28:02,501
but you should have seen him, he was
like a ferret up a drainpipe!
423
00:28:08,301 --> 00:28:11,541
He's not answering his phone.
Well, make him answer his phone.
424
00:28:11,581 --> 00:28:15,141
How do I do that? You don't even
know if your grandson is with my son.
425
00:28:15,181 --> 00:28:17,221
Oh, he's with him, all right.
426
00:28:17,261 --> 00:28:21,141
First time I saw your lad I thought,
'There's trouble.' I beg your pardon?
427
00:28:21,181 --> 00:28:25,581
It's always the same, the slow kids at
school drag the others down to their level.
428
00:28:25,621 --> 00:28:28,541
What? Oh, yes, I spotted your lad
a mile off.
429
00:28:28,581 --> 00:28:33,341
A wonky fringe, a fat tongue
and a lazy eye.
430
00:28:33,381 --> 00:28:36,901
A face like he's been chasing
parked cars. You listen to me...
431
00:28:36,941 --> 00:28:41,181
Oi, Madge! Heel!
And where the frig have you been?
432
00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:44,741
You know full well where I've been.
They went to collect you ages ago.
433
00:28:44,781 --> 00:28:49,461
I can only apologise for the toxic dumping
ground otherwise known as my mother-in-law's gob.
434
00:28:49,501 --> 00:28:52,941
Don't you apologise for me.
Oh, you're Mick!
435
00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:55,701
My husband went to find your wife to
take her to the airport.
436
00:28:55,741 --> 00:28:59,661
Been gone some time, haven't they?
You won't see them for the rest of the day.
437
00:28:59,701 --> 00:29:03,821
Shut up or I'll sit you in the shade.
You'll do no such frigging thing.
438
00:29:05,261 --> 00:29:07,621
I think I saw your husband yesterday
at the airport -
439
00:29:07,661 --> 00:29:10,901
short fella, brown hair,
face like a squashed frog?
440
00:29:10,941 --> 00:29:13,941
That's him. Oh, right.
I must have just missed them.
441
00:29:13,981 --> 00:29:17,221
Mick Garvey.
Tonya. Tonya Dyke.
442
00:29:17,261 --> 00:29:19,781
Well, Mrs Dyke,
443
00:29:19,821 --> 00:29:22,221
I'm sure he'll be back soon and I can
thank him
444
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:24,381
for giving my missus... a lift.
445
00:29:24,421 --> 00:29:27,661
He's an idiot. And don't worry,
he'd never make a move on your wife.
446
00:29:27,701 --> 00:29:30,941
No, no, I wasn't suggesting - For
one, he knows I'd cut his balls off,
447
00:29:30,981 --> 00:29:33,301
and two, he probably couldn't reach.
448
00:29:35,341 --> 00:29:38,821
Dad?
Hey! You all right?
449
00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:42,901
When did YOU get here? Just now.
What have you done to your arm?
450
00:29:42,941 --> 00:29:45,261
Er, I burnt it in the pool.
451
00:29:45,301 --> 00:29:47,381
You burnt it in the pool?
452
00:29:48,141 --> 00:29:50,861
Yeah, I was in the pool, and
my arm was resting on the side
453
00:29:50,901 --> 00:29:53,021
and I forgot to put sun cream on.
454
00:29:53,061 --> 00:29:56,461
Where's my mam? Come on, let's go
and wait for her in reception.
455
00:29:56,501 --> 00:29:58,541
I'll see you later.
Yeah, laters.
456
00:30:01,741 --> 00:30:05,541
Never forget, bubba, whatever people
say about you,
457
00:30:05,581 --> 00:30:07,581
your momma thinks you are beautiful.
458
00:30:08,901 --> 00:30:10,901
What's that supposed to mean?
459
00:30:17,741 --> 00:30:20,541
Where on earth did you learn to toss
your bottles like that?
460
00:30:20,581 --> 00:30:24,021
If it's not a rude question. Just
picked stuff up working in bars.
461
00:30:24,061 --> 00:30:27,541
Do you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, I know what you mean.
462
00:30:27,581 --> 00:30:30,301
So how long have you worked here
for? Just over a year now.
463
00:30:30,341 --> 00:30:33,181
Came here on holiday and couldn't
face going back home.
464
00:30:33,221 --> 00:30:36,941
Tell me about it. Well, I think
you're doing a great job.
465
00:30:36,981 --> 00:30:38,701
Oh! Why, thank you, sir.
466
00:30:38,741 --> 00:30:42,381
I mean, I love kids, but I couldn't
work with them all the time.
467
00:30:42,421 --> 00:30:45,021
Kids?
Yeah.
468
00:30:45,061 --> 00:30:48,061
What do you mean? You are a kids'
entertainer, aren't you?
469
00:30:48,101 --> 00:30:52,621
No. Oh, sorry, I just thought with
you being dressed like a clown...
470
00:30:52,661 --> 00:30:54,061
A clown?
471
00:30:54,101 --> 00:30:57,301
Well, you know, the garish clothes,
the padding, the make-up...
472
00:30:57,341 --> 00:31:00,061
I am wearing the slightest touch of
foundation.
473
00:31:00,101 --> 00:31:03,061
And as for my clothes... Hang on,
did you say padding?
474
00:31:03,101 --> 00:31:05,821
Look, mate, loads of people wear
fancy dress in Benidorm.
475
00:31:05,861 --> 00:31:07,541
- No offence, yeah?
- Hello?
476
00:31:07,581 --> 00:31:10,461
Yes, ladies...
I am not wearing fancy dress!
477
00:31:12,981 --> 00:31:17,501
Excuse me, can you tell me where
Dicky Donut's Kids Club is?
Piss off!
478
00:31:20,581 --> 00:31:24,181
Come on, sweet pea, dry your eyes,
your mum's by the pool.
479
00:31:24,221 --> 00:31:27,181
This is where you're staying?
480
00:31:27,221 --> 00:31:28,901
Oh, my god, what a dump!
481
00:31:28,941 --> 00:31:32,141
Hugo booked us into a five-star
beach bungalow in the Maldives.
482
00:31:32,181 --> 00:31:34,661
Yeah, but then he chucked you.
483
00:31:36,501 --> 00:31:42,781
Oh, sorry, baby, I didn't mean to say
that. Come on, let's go outside.
484
00:31:42,821 --> 00:31:44,221
Come on, come on.
485
00:31:46,501 --> 00:31:48,061
Thanks, pal.
De nada.
486
00:31:48,101 --> 00:31:50,741
Hey, little friend, did you manage to
cover up your ta -
487
00:31:50,781 --> 00:31:53,541
My burn? Yeah, yeah,
it's healing nicely, thanks.
488
00:31:53,581 --> 00:31:55,621
What is 'burn'?
I was talking about your tat -
489
00:31:55,661 --> 00:31:58,381
Tan burn, yeah. I've just put
some sun cream on it.
490
00:31:58,421 --> 00:32:00,901
Come on, shall we go and sit
over there? If you like.
491
00:32:02,701 --> 00:32:05,621
Alfonso.
492
00:32:07,861 --> 00:32:09,661
Prego.
493
00:32:11,941 --> 00:32:16,261
Where's he going? He's in training
for the Benidorm Marathon.
494
00:32:16,301 --> 00:32:19,141
Benidorm Marathon?
I've never heard such rubbish.
495
00:32:19,181 --> 00:32:22,261
You'll be telling me there's a
Benidorm Weight Watchers group next.
496
00:32:26,621 --> 00:32:28,661
Mick!
Hey!
497
00:32:28,701 --> 00:32:31,981
Oh, I've been worried about you!
I'm all right.
498
00:32:32,021 --> 00:32:35,341
We went to pick you up but, well,
it's a long story.
499
00:32:35,381 --> 00:32:37,221
All's well that end's well.
500
00:32:37,261 --> 00:32:42,101
As one ex-con to another, I hope your
time in the pokey wasn't too hard.
501
00:32:42,141 --> 00:32:45,221
If you get my drift.
No, thankfully I don't.
502
00:32:45,261 --> 00:32:47,461
Have you got a key?
I've got to have a shower.
503
00:32:47,501 --> 00:32:51,181
I don't mind smelling my own BO,
but I'm starting to taste it now.
504
00:32:51,221 --> 00:32:52,981
Here you go.
All right. Mwah!
505
00:32:53,021 --> 00:32:54,981
Right, see you outside.
506
00:32:56,581 --> 00:32:59,181
Mum, can you do me a favour?
What?
507
00:32:59,221 --> 00:33:03,021
Can we not tell my Dad
about my tattoo? Not just yet.
508
00:33:03,061 --> 00:33:06,941
Well, he's gonna find out about it
eventually, but you've got a point.
509
00:33:06,981 --> 00:33:08,821
I think he's had enough for one day.
510
00:33:08,861 --> 00:33:11,341
I got a tattoo while in prison.
511
00:33:11,381 --> 00:33:13,541
It's the letters WW.
512
00:33:13,581 --> 00:33:20,421
I won't tell you where it is, but suffice to say
when I tie my shoelaces, it says 'Wow'.
513
00:33:23,461 --> 00:33:25,141
Come on, let's go.
514
00:33:30,621 --> 00:33:33,021
Right, come on, sup up.
515
00:33:33,061 --> 00:33:35,061
We've got to get these back to the
Solana.
516
00:33:35,101 --> 00:33:36,581
I did say we didn't have time!
517
00:33:36,621 --> 00:33:39,541
Ssh! I'm just going to say thanks
to Eduardo for these bottles.
518
00:33:42,781 --> 00:33:45,341
Thanks, Eddie, love. I'll get them
back to you tomorrow.
519
00:33:45,381 --> 00:33:47,701
No problem. So you've definitely
never seen him?
520
00:33:47,741 --> 00:33:49,621
Sorry.
521
00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:52,461
Have you lost somebody? You've not
seen this fella, have you?
522
00:33:52,501 --> 00:33:55,461
I've got a substantial reward for any
information leading to him.
523
00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:58,341
I think me and you need to have
a little talk.
524
00:33:58,381 --> 00:34:01,621
Are we going or what? One for the
road, Liam. One for the road.
525
00:34:16,341 --> 00:34:19,421
Have you seen Lesley? I think she's
working on the pool bar.
526
00:34:19,461 --> 00:34:21,541
We're absolutely mobbed!
527
00:34:21,581 --> 00:34:25,181
You haven't got a spare few hours,
have you? No, not really.
528
00:34:25,221 --> 00:34:28,741
We're going through the plans for the
grand re-opening of Blow 'n' Go tomorrow.
529
00:34:28,781 --> 00:34:31,021
You're not selling those drinks in
your salon?
530
00:34:31,061 --> 00:34:34,741
They're not real. They're made of
rubber. Uh, I don't want to know.
531
00:34:34,781 --> 00:34:37,181
Are you sure you can't spare a couple
of hours?
532
00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:40,181
I'm sorry, Joyce, we're rushed off
our feet.
533
00:34:40,221 --> 00:34:42,701
15 euros an hour.
534
00:34:43,381 --> 00:34:45,541
Where do you want us?
You on reception...
535
00:34:45,581 --> 00:34:47,541
and you behind the bar.
536
00:34:47,581 --> 00:34:50,101
I don't mind going behind the bar.
No, thank you.
537
00:34:50,141 --> 00:34:53,661
The profits are narrow enough
as it is. Charming!
538
00:34:53,701 --> 00:34:56,861
If you need me, I'll be in Ragtimes.
539
00:35:05,701 --> 00:35:07,541
Solana Benidorm.
540
00:35:13,181 --> 00:35:15,181
Uno. Dos.
541
00:35:16,261 --> 00:35:18,861
Dos.
Y aqui. Tres.
542
00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:30,781
So that's 11:30, outside the hotel.
543
00:35:30,821 --> 00:35:33,181
And I don't want to go to no crappy
karaoke bar.
544
00:35:33,221 --> 00:35:36,941
I've got very expensive taste.
I'm sure you have.
545
00:35:36,981 --> 00:35:38,981
See you tonight.
See you tonight.
546
00:35:42,021 --> 00:35:46,261
Right, looks like I'm gonna have to
go to work earlier than planned.
547
00:35:46,301 --> 00:35:49,341
- Cover me.
- Hey!
548
00:35:55,661 --> 00:35:57,341
Shit!
549
00:35:57,381 --> 00:35:59,381
You are next! You are next.
550
00:36:19,821 --> 00:36:22,381
Have you lost something?
Erm, no.
551
00:36:22,421 --> 00:36:24,261
Just looking for Joyce, the manager.
552
00:36:24,301 --> 00:36:27,261
You won't find her in the top drawer
behind reception.
553
00:36:27,301 --> 00:36:29,701
She usually has her break in the
second drawer down.
554
00:36:29,741 --> 00:36:32,221
Second drawer. Very good.
555
00:36:33,861 --> 00:36:38,381
She's in Ragtimes.
Oh, yeah. Ragtimes! Catch you later.
556
00:36:42,141 --> 00:36:44,141
No. No, I'll catch YOU later.
557
00:37:01,379 --> 00:37:02,939
What's going on? It's packed.
558
00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:06,260
Excuse me, love, have you got
a table for four?
559
00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:08,580
I'm sorry, pet, we're absolutely
chocka block.
560
00:37:08,620 --> 00:37:10,780
Well, where are we supposed to eat
our dinner?
561
00:37:10,820 --> 00:37:15,460
I'm sorry, Mrs H, I can maybe get you four
chairs from the Hawaiian function room,
562
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,740
but we can't fit any more tables in.
563
00:37:17,780 --> 00:37:20,700
It's disgusting.
You should all be shot!
564
00:37:31,340 --> 00:37:34,540
♪ They say that
you're a runaround lover
565
00:37:35,340 --> 00:37:39,300
♪ Though you say it isn't so
566
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:43,500
♪ But if you put me down
for another...
567
00:37:43,540 --> 00:37:45,100
This is ridiculous.
568
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:47,860
I've got so much gravy,
it keeps going all over my shorts.
569
00:37:47,900 --> 00:37:50,300
We'll eat this and then we'll go
outside near the pool.
570
00:37:50,340 --> 00:37:53,340
What, in the dark? Do you want to sit
up here all night?
571
00:37:53,380 --> 00:37:54,820
I wanted to do karaoke.
572
00:37:54,860 --> 00:37:57,340
It always boils down to what
YOU want to do, doesn't it?
573
00:37:57,380 --> 00:38:00,540
I've already lost the first two days
of my holiday because of you.
574
00:38:00,580 --> 00:38:03,860
What's the difference? You're never
around when people need you anyway.
575
00:38:03,900 --> 00:38:06,300
Tell her, Janice,
cos I am gonna lose it big time.
576
00:38:06,340 --> 00:38:09,420
Shut up, the pair of you! Do you
mind having your argument later?
577
00:38:09,460 --> 00:38:12,540
I'm trying to sing.
And we're trying to eat our dinner!
578
00:38:13,780 --> 00:38:17,580
♪ You say that you're at home
when you phone me
579
00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:22,140
♪ And how much you really care...
580
00:38:23,180 --> 00:38:26,380
I'm not happy with this competition.
I didn't sanction it.
581
00:38:26,420 --> 00:38:29,780
Look at it this way, if people are
watching, they're not drinking.
582
00:38:31,020 --> 00:38:34,820
That's true. Ask them to spin it out
as long as possible.
583
00:38:36,340 --> 00:38:39,460
Hey, amigo, we owe Calvino
at Jumping Jacks 65 euros.
584
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:41,380
The little bugger!
585
00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:43,860
He said he was giving you
the lessons for nought.
586
00:38:43,900 --> 00:38:47,900
It is not for the lessons, it is for
all the bottles of alcohol I smashed.
587
00:38:47,940 --> 00:38:50,020
Looks like I've arrived
in the nick of time.
588
00:38:50,060 --> 00:38:52,220
Practice bottles from the beach.
589
00:38:53,740 --> 00:38:56,140
It's not who you know,
it's who you've slept with.
590
00:38:56,180 --> 00:38:59,700
♪ One of these days
you're gonna be sorry...
591
00:38:59,740 --> 00:39:02,860
Complementary cocktails.
Thank you very much.
592
00:39:03,940 --> 00:39:06,660
Will you please eat something?
I don't wanna eat nothing.
593
00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:08,980
She don't wanna eat nothing,
she is grieving.
594
00:39:09,020 --> 00:39:11,380
You gotta eat something, you've had
nothing all day.
595
00:39:11,420 --> 00:39:14,140
I'll have something later
when I go out. Go out?
596
00:39:14,180 --> 00:39:17,340
Where are you going out?
I'm going out with a friend later.
597
00:39:17,380 --> 00:39:20,260
Friend? What friend?
You haven't got any friends.
598
00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:24,340
I think you'll find it's YOU
that hasn't got any friends.
Where you going, bubba?
599
00:39:24,380 --> 00:39:27,740
Just for some drinks with a couple of
girls I was talking to earlier.
600
00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:30,420
Lovely.
When did you speak to them?
601
00:39:30,460 --> 00:39:32,340
I didn't see you speaking
to any girls.
602
00:39:32,380 --> 00:39:34,780
Oh, for goodness' sake,
will you shut up whining?
603
00:39:34,820 --> 00:39:37,060
That's all you've done
since you arrived.
604
00:39:37,100 --> 00:39:41,580
♪ Has a thousand eyes... ♪
605
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:45,980
- I'm liking this.
- Excuse me.
606
00:39:46,020 --> 00:39:47,860
Have you finished with them chips?
607
00:39:47,900 --> 00:39:50,340
That's the end of my first set
this evening.
608
00:39:50,380 --> 00:39:55,020
I'd like to thank my backing group
for eating their pies in time to the music.
609
00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:57,700
I couldn't have done it without you.
Do you want my pastry?
610
00:39:57,740 --> 00:40:00,620
Course I don't want your pastry.
It's soggy.
611
00:40:01,380 --> 00:40:05,220
Nearly finished. Your fish pie will
be here in a minute.
612
00:40:06,180 --> 00:40:09,420
No rush, I'm absolutely fine.
613
00:40:09,460 --> 00:40:12,820
Reminds me of the old Amsterdam
days.
614
00:40:12,860 --> 00:40:15,060
Ooh, yeah!
615
00:40:15,100 --> 00:40:22,620
OK, ladies and gentlemen, we have
two competitors - Jason and Mateo.
616
00:40:24,220 --> 00:40:28,860
The cocktail is Sex On The Beach...
617
00:40:28,900 --> 00:40:31,540
And we have three categories to
score -
618
00:40:31,580 --> 00:40:36,340
bottle technique, cocktail
appearance and cocktail flavour.
619
00:40:37,740 --> 00:40:39,220
Take it away, boys!
620
00:41:18,540 --> 00:41:21,220
What's he playing at?
Shut up and get on with it.
621
00:41:31,580 --> 00:41:33,900
Bon appetite.
622
00:41:33,940 --> 00:41:36,980
Excuse me,
are you Joyce Temple-Savage?
623
00:41:37,020 --> 00:41:39,940
That is I.
How can I be of assistance?
624
00:41:39,980 --> 00:41:42,820
I can't help noticing you're rather
busy this evening.
625
00:41:42,860 --> 00:41:45,620
We're a very popular four-star hotel.
626
00:41:45,660 --> 00:41:47,460
My name's Beverley Westwood.
627
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:49,500
I manage... Four stars?
628
00:41:50,540 --> 00:41:53,220
I manage the all-inclusive Alberta
on the front.
629
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:56,300
Oh, yes, I'm aware of it.
How can I help?
630
00:41:56,340 --> 00:41:58,500
We're rather busy tonight.
631
00:41:58,540 --> 00:42:01,820
Yes,
rather busy with too many guests,
632
00:42:01,860 --> 00:42:05,180
guests wearing all-inclusive
wrist bands.
633
00:42:05,220 --> 00:42:07,020
Stolen wrist bands I'd bet.
634
00:42:07,060 --> 00:42:08,980
Stolen?
Oh, yes.
635
00:42:09,020 --> 00:42:11,500
And I've come to get the person
responsible.
636
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,740
He's wiping the floor with you, man.
Do something impressive. Come on!
637
00:42:41,420 --> 00:42:44,140
He's done it again!
638
00:42:44,180 --> 00:42:45,700
We've got to go!
You what?
639
00:42:45,740 --> 00:42:48,780
Now. I'll explain later.
Calm down. What's the problem?
640
00:42:48,820 --> 00:42:51,300
You stay here, but I'm going.
Oi, come here!
641
00:42:53,300 --> 00:42:55,420
What the frigging hell's that? Eh?
642
00:42:55,460 --> 00:42:57,940
Answer me, when did you get this?
643
00:43:08,740 --> 00:43:12,980
Then I got the tip off that he'd been
seen here, so I came over.
644
00:43:13,020 --> 00:43:16,540
I knew something wasn't right
when he offered to work for free.
645
00:43:16,580 --> 00:43:18,660
Very perceptive.
646
00:43:18,700 --> 00:43:22,100
The lad's got various scams -
wrist bands just being one of them.
647
00:43:22,140 --> 00:43:24,580
He worked for us as a life guard.
648
00:43:24,620 --> 00:43:27,660
He nicked everything apart from
the water in the pool.
649
00:43:28,540 --> 00:43:31,780
The little...
No. Please. Allow me.
650
00:43:45,620 --> 00:43:47,340
Aye, not bad.
651
00:43:59,540 --> 00:44:02,140
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not bad.
652
00:44:02,180 --> 00:44:03,900
Just about the same.
653
00:44:03,940 --> 00:44:06,220
Rubbish!
654
00:44:08,060 --> 00:44:10,660
Now let's have your votes
by way of applause.
655
00:44:10,700 --> 00:44:13,260
First of all for the brilliant Mateo!
656
00:44:16,700 --> 00:44:19,740
And for our second competitor, Jason.
657
00:44:28,620 --> 00:44:32,540
- Looks like a dead heat to me.
- Ahhh!
658
00:44:32,580 --> 00:44:34,980
Jason! Jason! Jason!
659
00:44:35,020 --> 00:44:37,300
Mateo! Mateo!
660
00:44:37,340 --> 00:44:40,780
Sorry, mate, you can't argue with
public opinion.
661
00:44:40,820 --> 00:44:43,260
Oh, I think you can.
Shit!
662
00:44:48,300 --> 00:44:50,260
What's going on?
663
00:44:51,540 --> 00:44:53,300
Yeah, well he says your son did it.
664
00:44:53,340 --> 00:44:55,020
No, I said he was with me.
665
00:44:55,060 --> 00:44:58,460
Are you accusing my boy of forcing
your son to get a tattoo?
666
00:44:58,500 --> 00:45:03,020
Absolute scum. I knew it the first
time I set eyes on this family.
667
00:45:03,060 --> 00:45:04,700
I beg your pardon?
Just leave it.
668
00:45:04,740 --> 00:45:06,860
Give him a smack in the gob!
669
00:45:06,900 --> 00:45:09,500
I'm not going to be doing that,
Madge, because...
670
00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:12,580
Whoa! Mick, what are you doing?
That's it!
671
00:45:23,540 --> 00:45:25,340
What is going on?
672
00:45:25,380 --> 00:45:27,860
I think the new boy has just
resigned.
673
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:30,100
So I keep my job?
What do YOU you think?
674
00:45:30,140 --> 00:45:32,900
Now get behind that bar! Huh...
675
00:45:33,940 --> 00:45:35,740
Champion!
676
00:45:43,407 --> 00:46:16,440
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00:46:17,305 --> 00:46:23,167
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