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3
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,280
Tiger? It's your dad.
4
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,440
I slept in.
Er, I'll see you downstairs.
5
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,040
Don't come to the room.
There's been... an accident.
6
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,600
Erm... I mean, just a spillage.
7
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,840
I'll see you down by the pool.
8
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,920
Hello, darling?
I think you'd better wake up.
9
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:25,960
They wanna clean the room
and I'm leaving today, so...
10
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,280
Aghhh!
What's wrong with you?
11
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,840
I thought you were...
You thought I was what?
12
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:35,480
Why are you dressed like that?
Have you lost your mind?
Why are you dressed like that?
13
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,520
Oh, my God!
You forgot about everything
and you thought you'd scored.
14
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,800
Shut up! Look at the state of you!
15
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,440
Don't you remember the fancy dress
party we crashed? No, I don't.
16
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,240
Why didn't you sleep in
your own room? Couldn't find my key.
17
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,600
I must've left it in my handbag.
Come here, give me a kiss.
18
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,760
Get out of it!
Go down and get another key.
19
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,760
All right.
20
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,760
I'll see you downstairs.
Yeah, all right.
21
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,120
How!
22
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,480
Get out of it!
23
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,800
What are you both doing in here?
24
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,000
Well, I'm riding a bike
and she's baking a cake.
25
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,320
Janice, he knows what I mean.
Tell him.
26
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,120
Tell him what?
What are you on about? Buck A Roo!
27
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,960
No, thanks. But I'll have a game of
underwater Twister if you go first.
28
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,080
Mr Roo said to meet him in reception
at 11 o'clock.
29
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,640
It's only half ten!
Oh, come on! Put on a pair
of long trousers and get a shave!
30
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:49,840
That's my wife you're talking to.
Just calm down, mother!
He can come up here and talk to us.
31
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:54,400
You're gonna show me up.
I knew you would. This man's come
all the way from America!
32
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,360
So walking here from reception
won't seem that long.
33
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:02,120
Leave a message to meet us here.
I will. And when he tells us
about this inheritance,
34
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,440
you lot can go whistle for it.
There is no inheritance!
When will you listen?
35
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,000
It's all a scam!
How can it be a scam?
36
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,080
You met him for yourself last night.
He's a top American lawyer.
37
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,240
I met him for 30 seconds.
He could be a dustman from Wigan.
38
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,160
He's got an American accent!
Yeah, so did my Uncle Wally.
39
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:24,200
He also kept ferrets
down his trousers
and used to bark at traffic.
40
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,440
Sod the pair of ya.
41
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,320
Hey! Hang on!
42
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,080
I've said nothing. Mother!
43
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,760
Oh! Why do you have to wind her up?
44
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,760
What else is there to do? Hm?
45
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,960
It's not actually a smoking room
and there's no balcony.
46
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:48,000
But if you hang your head
out the window and make sure your
tab ends don't fall in the pool,
47
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,120
everything will be hunky-dory!
48
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,720
Er, Lesley.
49
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:59,640
This booking for two nights. Mr Buck
A Roo. He arrived late last night.
You didn't check him in, did you?
50
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,840
No. Why?
51
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,480
You don't think there's something
slightly odd? How do you mean?
52
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:11,760
Well, the name! Mr Buck A Roo.
Buckaroo. What sort of name is that?
53
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:17,520
Well, it is unusual
but I've got an Irish aunty
and she's called Patty O'Dors.
54
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:21,120
I mean, it's just
the luck of the draw, isn't it?
55
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:28,080
And look at the notes.
"Will not be staying second night,
room is to freshen up only."
56
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:34,040
Now, that is strange. Why pay for
an extra night when you can have
a lick and a promise in the bogs?
57
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,680
I wasn't going to put it
quite like that, but yes, exactly.
58
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:42,840
Excuse me. Can I get a replacement
key for room 601, please? No prob.
59
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,360
And do something about your hair!
60
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,400
Cheeky cow!
61
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,320
There's nothing wrong with my hair,
is there?
It's better than mine, mate.
62
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:15,440
Who said the woman who can look
inside herself has true beauty?
63
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,320
Sticky Vicky!
64
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,720
Jacqueline,
I feel I owe you an apology.
65
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,880
Apology?
Yes. My conduct last night.
66
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:29,320
I feel the need to clear the air.
Do you want a drink?
67
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,320
I'm just on the day wine
cos it's only early.
68
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:38,160
No, no, I need a clear head.
Plus it's only ten to 11.
69
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,840
Do you mind if we go inside?
70
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,120
I find the sun quite bothersome.
71
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:47,040
Oh, I was just starting
to get a tan. If you don't mind.
72
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,960
I'll get my things together.
I'll see you in reception.
73
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:01,040
Ohh, just five more minutes.
74
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,760
I'm getting a very strong sense...
75
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,960
..of a woman in a past life...
76
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:28,040
..with the letter B.
Sue, how many times have I told you?
I'm not into all that stuff.
77
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:33,720
A very tall, overpowering woman
with big hair
78
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,960
and a cleavage
that could stop traffic.
79
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,000
No!
80
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:42,080
Oh! She's trying so hard
to come through.
81
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,280
She's saying...
82
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,200
"It's time for you... to sort out...
83
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,360
those photos...
84
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,880
in that shoebox
covered in wallpaper."
85
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,320
I don't know any tall, dead women
with big hair
and even bigger cleavage.
86
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,400
And I don't have any photos
in a shoebox.
What do you think of them nails?
87
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,400
Oh, they're lovely!
Can I pay at the end of the week?
88
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,360
As usual.
89
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,960
Now... think about what I said.
It might come to you.
90
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,760
The great Psychic Sue
is never wrong.
91
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,960
Thanks, Sue.
92
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,800
See you at the end of the week.
93
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,880
See ya, Kev.
See ya, love.
94
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:31,000
Honestly, can you believe people
are actually taken in by that?
95
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,960
That woman she was describing, it's
my mother, Brenda. The letter B.
96
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,600
Oh, it's probably
just a lucky guess.
97
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:43,040
What about the photos?
Even easier. She was sitting there
watching you looking at your photos.
98
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,640
How do you explain this, then?
99
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,760
So what we really need, you know,
is somewhere private
100
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,960
where we can talk to this fella.
101
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,840
Maybe you go to Ragtime's.
It is quiet in the morning.
102
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,000
I said somewhere private.
103
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,000
Don't you have, you know,
conference rooms and that?
104
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:14,000
People do not come here to make
business. They come to get drunk,
eat too much and burn in the sun.
105
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,840
He's come all the way from America.
We can't sit him in some grotty bar
106
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,680
with that twat on the piano
playing the Birdie Dance.
107
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,560
Right, come on,
it's nearly 11 o'clock.
We best not keep him waiting.
108
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,600
Yeah, and when we've realised
all this is a con,
I can get back on my sunbed
109
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,840
and that dwarf and his ten-gallon
hat can piss off.
110
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,160
Good morning, y'all.
I hope you slept well. I know I did.
111
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,120
Morning. I wasn't talking about you.
112
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,800
Oh, that's quite all right, sir.
I understand.
113
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,080
You were merely concerned
for Mrs Harvey's welfare.
114
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,560
Well, not really.
Oh, please, do call me Madge.
115
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,240
It's just quite an unusual situation.
116
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,160
Indeed it is and I have
quite a story to tell you.
117
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,080
Yeah, I bet you do.
Young man!
118
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,280
We would like a pitcher of lemonade
119
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,800
and some olives
on that table over there.
120
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:07,960
Thank you. Madge,
or should I say Mrs Mel Harvey,
121
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,040
if you would like to lead the way.
Yes.
122
00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:19,771
Let's start at the very beginning.
123
00:09:19,828 --> 00:09:22,668
A very good place to start.
Shut up.
124
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:26,228
I am, as you already know,
Mr Buck A Roo,
125
00:09:26,268 --> 00:09:30,748
one of the leading probate attorneys
in the entire state of California,
126
00:09:30,788 --> 00:09:33,948
even if I say so myself.
What's a prostate attorney?
127
00:09:33,988 --> 00:09:39,708
Probate. My business is concerned
with administering the estates
of the deceased.
128
00:09:39,748 --> 00:09:42,548
I don't know what that means.
He works for the dead.
129
00:09:42,588 --> 00:09:45,428
Like Mr Meaker off Rentaghost
but with a big hat.
130
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:50,508
This is for you. If any of you
want a drink, let me know.
131
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,868
What... What... What is this?
132
00:09:54,108 --> 00:09:56,988
It is what you asked for.
A picture of lemonade.
133
00:09:57,028 --> 00:09:59,428
No, a pitcher.
A pitcher of lemonade.
134
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,588
This is a picture of lemonade.
135
00:10:01,628 --> 00:10:05,508
No, a pitcher, a decanter,
a carafe, a jug.
136
00:10:05,548 --> 00:10:08,908
Young man,
if this is your idea of a joke,
137
00:10:08,948 --> 00:10:14,188
I'm afraid that sun
is way too high in the sky
for messing with your betters!
138
00:10:14,228 --> 00:10:18,868
What is he talking about?
We'll have the same again,
he'll have a glass of lemonade.
139
00:10:18,908 --> 00:10:22,468
He ask if I make a joke
and he's the one in fancy dress.
140
00:10:22,508 --> 00:10:24,948
Incredible.
141
00:10:24,988 --> 00:10:30,228
As I was saying,
one of my specialised lines of work
is finding those entitled
142
00:10:30,268 --> 00:10:32,948
to the estates
of their distant relatives.
143
00:10:32,988 --> 00:10:36,028
It has taken me a long time
to find you, Mrs Harvey.
144
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:38,308
But as I said in my letter to you,
145
00:10:38,348 --> 00:10:40,828
I have some very good news.
146
00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:43,948
So you don't want this?
Will you just go away!
147
00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:46,068
OK. OK.
148
00:10:46,108 --> 00:10:48,948
Oh! I do apologise.
149
00:10:48,988 --> 00:10:54,028
I've travelled over 6,000 miles
in the last 24 hours.
150
00:10:54,068 --> 00:10:57,508
I have taken so many uppers
to stay awake,
151
00:10:57,548 --> 00:11:01,308
I was practically high-kicking
my way through passport control.
152
00:11:11,268 --> 00:11:13,068
I'll get them drinks.
153
00:11:16,228 --> 00:11:18,228
I'll take them, thanks, pal.
154
00:11:18,268 --> 00:11:22,668
What is wrong with this crazy man?
I dunno. That's what
we're trying to find out.
155
00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:25,788
Why does he wear this hat?
He is a VPL?
156
00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:30,468
He says he's flown round the world
to tell Madge
she's about to inherit a fortune.
157
00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:33,108
And this is true?
Yeah, and I'm Lord Lucan.
158
00:11:35,348 --> 00:11:40,508
There he is, that's him.
The one that looks like Boss Hogg
from The Dukes Of Hazzard.
159
00:11:40,548 --> 00:11:43,068
I wonder what he's doing here.
160
00:11:43,108 --> 00:11:45,828
Mateo, what's going on over there?
161
00:11:45,868 --> 00:11:48,788
The VPL has come
to give the family loads of money.
162
00:11:48,828 --> 00:11:53,508
Oh, and he's made one of them
a lord.
163
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:58,748
What can I tell you?
These are crazy times.
164
00:12:08,668 --> 00:12:10,748
Oh, that's woke me up.
165
00:12:10,788 --> 00:12:13,908
A bit fresh, is it?
It's lovely once you're in.
166
00:12:13,948 --> 00:12:18,108
I wish I had a Euro for every time
I'd said that. Eh? Nothing.
167
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,388
Why don't you give Mum a ring?
168
00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:29,268
Dad?
You just don't get it, do you, son?
169
00:12:29,308 --> 00:12:33,508
What? Look, Tiger, I know
it's not a nice thing to hear,
170
00:12:33,548 --> 00:12:36,948
but your mum and I,
it's more than just a row.
171
00:12:36,988 --> 00:12:39,948
I think this might be
the end of the road for us.
172
00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:43,388
Don't be ridiculous. You're just
as stubborn as each other.
173
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:45,508
This break will do you both good.
174
00:12:45,548 --> 00:12:48,028
So you accept
that we're not together, then?
175
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:51,788
We're on a bit of a break?
I just said that.
I think it's a good thing.
176
00:12:51,828 --> 00:12:56,108
Well, what if whilst your mum and I
was on this break,
177
00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:59,028
some dolly bird came along
and tried to chat me up?
178
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:01,708
What do I do then?
Yeah, right!
179
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,548
Well, thanks, son. That's done
my confidence no end of good.
180
00:13:24,308 --> 00:13:28,468
It was Mel's
great-great-grandfather,
Ebenezer Harvey,
181
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:33,028
who made his fortune
in the California gold rush of 1848.
182
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:38,748
He kept most of his money
in his wife's name, Elvira.
183
00:13:38,788 --> 00:13:40,988
He was obviously a brave man.
184
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:44,628
I take it you're not married.
Oh, I've been married six times.
185
00:13:44,668 --> 00:13:48,068
I'm beginning to think I'm addicted
to wedding cake! Hang on.
186
00:13:48,108 --> 00:13:50,308
Mel's name's
not on this family tree.
187
00:13:50,348 --> 00:13:53,228
Precisely, Miss Garvey.
188
00:13:53,268 --> 00:13:57,948
I've been like a catfish
in a cul-de-sac, if you'll pardon me
mixing my metaphors.
189
00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:01,788
It has taken me a long time,
a very long time indeed,
190
00:14:01,828 --> 00:14:06,308
to realise that Mel
is the missing link.
191
00:14:06,348 --> 00:14:10,228
Hang on!
He might not have won any beauty
prizes, but that's a bit strong.
192
00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:18,068
Look, the bloodline ends with Calvin
"Lucky" Harvey, who died in 1947.
193
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,948
What isn't recorded is Melvin,
194
00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:24,508
his son who he fathered
out of wedlock
195
00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:27,508
as an American soldier in England
during World War II.
196
00:14:27,548 --> 00:14:30,628
So Mel was a bastard?
I said that for years.
197
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:34,388
Shut up!
This is interesting, unlike you.
198
00:14:34,428 --> 00:14:38,708
Now, Calvin made some very bad
investments in his time,
199
00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:42,348
culminating in spending
the last of his inheritance
200
00:14:42,388 --> 00:14:46,668
on five acres
of worthless desert land.
201
00:14:46,708 --> 00:14:50,628
He then died in 1947
at the tender age of 29
202
00:14:50,668 --> 00:14:54,108
from a single bite
from a Mexican sidewinder.
203
00:14:54,148 --> 00:14:56,988
29. That's no age at all.
204
00:14:57,028 --> 00:14:59,068
I know what y'all are wondering.
205
00:14:59,108 --> 00:15:03,148
What's a Mexican sidewinder?
I take that back.
206
00:15:03,188 --> 00:15:08,068
I did not know
what you were wondering.
It's a type of rattlesnake.
207
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,188
If this desert land was worthless,
208
00:15:10,228 --> 00:15:15,108
then why have you flown from America
to England to Spain in the last
24 hours to find Madge?
209
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:19,388
On the button. But the key word,
Mr Garvey, is "was".
210
00:15:19,428 --> 00:15:23,108
The desert land Calvin bought
was worthless when he bought it.
211
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:27,748
But the name of that desert means
a lot more now than it did then.
212
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:30,228
Las Vegas!
213
00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:32,628
Oh! Did you hear that, Mother?
214
00:15:32,668 --> 00:15:35,748
You own five acres of land
in Las Vegas!
215
00:15:35,788 --> 00:15:41,028
Five acres upon which
a luxury hotel has been built!
216
00:15:41,068 --> 00:15:44,548
Bloody hell. What are we doing
sitting here? Hold your horses.
217
00:15:44,588 --> 00:15:47,988
Mr Garvey, let's not let the wind
blow up our petticoats.
218
00:15:48,028 --> 00:15:50,948
We're not talking
the Bellagio or Caesar's Palace,
219
00:15:50,988 --> 00:15:54,148
plus Madge does not own the hotel,
220
00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:56,388
only the land that it's built upon.
221
00:15:56,428 --> 00:15:58,828
But that's still good, isn't it?
Very good.
222
00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:04,188
It's a small hotel by Vegas
standards, but I would estimate,
223
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:07,108
conservative, ballpark figure...
224
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:12,148
..$30 million.
225
00:16:16,948 --> 00:16:20,148
No. None of this is right.
226
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:24,708
What do you mean it's not right?
Of course it's right!
Janice, tell her it's right!
227
00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:27,468
Mel's father was called Clarence.
228
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:31,588
He died in 1944
during the Normandy landings.
229
00:16:32,588 --> 00:16:36,388
Clarence was not
Melvin's biological father.
230
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:41,628
Eh? Mel changed his name
by deed poll in the 60s to Harvey.
231
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:45,588
Oh. It makes me think
that he knew more about this story
232
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:51,028
than he was letting on,
even though he never spoke about it.
If it was a Mexican rattlesnake,
233
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,508
what was it doing in America?
234
00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:59,428
I am going to leave y'all
with some papers to read.
235
00:16:59,468 --> 00:17:01,628
I have to make a few phone calls.
236
00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:05,308
I realise this is an awful lot
of information for y'all to take in.
237
00:17:05,348 --> 00:17:09,308
But there is no time
like the present.
238
00:17:09,348 --> 00:17:16,068
I shall return a little later
with a proposed plan of action.
239
00:17:16,108 --> 00:17:18,348
Ladies, sir,
240
00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:20,868
I'll see y'all presently.
241
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:29,548
So do you still think
it's all a big con?
242
00:17:29,588 --> 00:17:33,028
$30 million? Can't be right.
243
00:17:33,068 --> 00:17:37,028
Actually,
Mexico is quite near to America.
244
00:17:37,068 --> 00:17:41,748
So maybe it was just lost.
Are you still banging on about that?
What do you think?
245
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:44,628
What, about the snake?
No, about all this.
246
00:17:44,668 --> 00:17:48,548
I don't know what to make of it.
I don't know what to make
of any of it.
247
00:17:48,588 --> 00:17:51,228
Hola.
248
00:17:51,268 --> 00:17:55,788
Is there anything I can get for you?
Drinks? High-quality nibbles?
249
00:17:55,828 --> 00:17:57,868
Maybe a British newspaper?
250
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:27,148
Sorry about that.
I must've nodded off.
251
00:18:27,188 --> 00:18:29,068
Glynn?
252
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,948
Glynn, are you all right?
253
00:18:35,268 --> 00:18:39,468
- How long have I been here?
- Oh, about... three hours!
254
00:18:39,508 --> 00:18:44,508
Sorry. Them three glasses of wine
knocked me flat out.
255
00:18:44,548 --> 00:18:46,548
Did you fall asleep, as well?
256
00:18:46,588 --> 00:18:50,628
No, I've been chanting. Oh!
I'm a semi-practising Buddhist.
257
00:18:50,668 --> 00:18:55,948
Semi? Yes. I don't know that much
about the religion,
but I do enjoy the chanting.
258
00:18:55,988 --> 00:19:00,548
Shall I get us a drink? No, please,
Jacqueline, sit down, would you?
259
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:06,708
I want to lay my cards
directly on the table.
260
00:19:06,748 --> 00:19:11,188
My wife, Rhiannon,
has always been very... popular.
261
00:19:11,228 --> 00:19:14,228
Oh, that's good.
No, it isn't good.
262
00:19:14,268 --> 00:19:17,868
I don't mean in a social sense.
I mean, well,
263
00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:20,068
she's a loose woman.
264
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:24,268
I think Donald mentioned something
about her being able
to do the splits.
265
00:19:24,308 --> 00:19:26,868
No! I don't mean... Did he?
266
00:19:27,988 --> 00:19:32,828
What I mean to say is, we've had
our problems in the past with her...
267
00:19:32,868 --> 00:19:37,068
..wandering eye.
You mean like a lazy eye?
268
00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:39,908
No! I mean she puts it about.
269
00:19:39,948 --> 00:19:43,628
Oh, I see. And, well,
I've always turned a blind eye.
270
00:19:43,668 --> 00:19:46,388
To her wandering eye?
Yes.
271
00:19:46,428 --> 00:19:48,948
But it's started to get
out of control,
272
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:51,988
so I thought why not put it
out there, in the open?
273
00:19:52,028 --> 00:19:54,788
For everyone to have a go on it?
Yes!
274
00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:56,908
No! I mean the subject.
275
00:19:56,948 --> 00:20:01,628
So I suggested the swinging thing
and she almost bit my hand off.
276
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,828
Then we answered your advert
for the wife swap
277
00:20:04,868 --> 00:20:07,028
and here we are.
278
00:20:07,068 --> 00:20:12,148
But if you weren't sure
about the wife swap, why did you
suggest doing it on holiday?
279
00:20:12,188 --> 00:20:15,988
Rhiannon and I live
in a very small town in South Wales
280
00:20:16,028 --> 00:20:20,628
where you can't fart
without it getting into
the local press, pardon my French.
281
00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:24,228
Glynn, I just need to know
what you want to do.
282
00:20:24,268 --> 00:20:29,028
I think my point is I've made my bed
and now I must lie in it.
283
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:34,268
I'm here for a week. I'm just going
to grit my teeth and ride it out.
284
00:20:34,308 --> 00:20:36,428
Donald once said something similar.
285
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:43,388
I'm pretty sure once Rhiannon
has got this out of her system,
we can go back to being
286
00:20:43,428 --> 00:20:47,468
a normal... happily married couple.
287
00:20:47,508 --> 00:20:53,708
But for me, I'd prefer our
relationship to be purely platonic.
288
00:20:53,748 --> 00:20:55,908
Well, I knew that.
289
00:20:55,948 --> 00:20:57,988
Did you?
Of course!
290
00:20:58,028 --> 00:21:01,068
And you don't mind?
Why should I?
291
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:06,228
To be honest, I'm not that fussy
when it comes to men, or women.
292
00:21:06,268 --> 00:21:11,748
But I must admit, I do like
a bit more meat on the bone.
293
00:21:11,788 --> 00:21:14,628
No offence.
294
00:21:14,668 --> 00:21:18,628
Now, talking of meat,
I think it's time for a burger!
295
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:21,668
I'm vegetarian.
Oh, you'll be all right.
296
00:21:21,708 --> 00:21:25,588
I think they do them with cheese,
as well. See you out there.
297
00:21:27,868 --> 00:21:33,468
Then the little guy in the hat
tell them they are worth $3 million.
298
00:21:33,508 --> 00:21:36,948
That can't be right. I thought you
said 30? That's ridiculous!
299
00:21:36,988 --> 00:21:39,388
There you are!
Your lunch hour is finished.
300
00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:42,668
I've got another ten minutes.
Since when were you in a rush?
301
00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:47,428
Since I rang Psychic Sue
and organised a seance tonight.
You're joking. What is seance?
302
00:21:47,468 --> 00:21:52,428
It's where you all
sit in the dark, join hands
and try and contact the dead.
303
00:21:52,468 --> 00:21:56,348
Why do you do this? There are enough
people here who are nearly dead.
304
00:21:56,388 --> 00:21:59,068
You can talk to them any time.
305
00:21:59,108 --> 00:22:02,628
Come on! All right, I'm coming!
Eight o'clock. Blow And Go.
306
00:22:07,908 --> 00:22:10,108
What about this, then?
307
00:22:10,148 --> 00:22:12,908
Half price tickets to Paralysis.
308
00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:15,188
What the hell is Paralysis?
309
00:22:15,228 --> 00:22:17,748
It's one of them big clubs
up on the motorway.
310
00:22:17,788 --> 00:22:19,868
Dad, you're in your 50s.
311
00:22:19,908 --> 00:22:22,308
All right. Keep it down.
312
00:22:22,348 --> 00:22:25,828
I thought you might enjoy it.
It don't open until 3am.
313
00:22:25,868 --> 00:22:30,908
That must be a printing mistake.
Dad, clubs like this open at 3am
and close at midday.
314
00:22:30,948 --> 00:22:34,828
Really? What's all that about, then?
315
00:22:34,868 --> 00:22:38,308
And the only tunes they play
are what you call drug music.
316
00:22:38,348 --> 00:22:42,348
Well,
I thought it might make a change
from what you get in the club here.
317
00:22:42,388 --> 00:22:46,148
Engelbert Humperdinck and that lot.
True.
318
00:22:46,188 --> 00:22:48,428
So you wanna go to Paralysis, then?
319
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:53,228
I'll give Mikey a shout.
We could both meet you at reception
at say, what, 5am?
320
00:22:53,268 --> 00:22:55,468
We don't wanna be the first there,
do we?
321
00:22:57,028 --> 00:22:59,708
No, I think
I'll give Paralysis a miss tonight.
322
00:22:59,748 --> 00:23:04,908
We'll do the Benidorm usual.
Paralytic. Nice one.
323
00:23:36,386 --> 00:23:38,466
Is there anybody there?
324
00:23:40,106 --> 00:23:43,626
Knock once for yes or twice for no.
325
00:23:43,666 --> 00:23:46,386
Jesus Christ!
326
00:23:49,666 --> 00:23:52,706
What the hell are you playing at?
I nearly shat myself!
327
00:23:52,746 --> 00:23:56,306
Have you had a power cut? Cos we're
OK out here. No! What do you want?
328
00:23:56,346 --> 00:23:59,866
What's going on? Nothing.
Then why are your lights off?
329
00:23:59,906 --> 00:24:02,066
Oh! Come in, then!
330
00:24:07,546 --> 00:24:09,666
I am having a seance.
331
00:24:09,706 --> 00:24:12,346
A seance? Yeah.
What, here? Yeah.
332
00:24:12,386 --> 00:24:14,946
When? Tonight.
Who are you trying to contact?
333
00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:20,466
Never you mind, you nosy get! Now,
look! I could give you permission
for this foray into the occult,
334
00:24:20,506 --> 00:24:24,386
on one condition. I don't need
your permission. Go on, piss off!
335
00:24:24,426 --> 00:24:27,706
I think you might need me.
What?
336
00:24:27,746 --> 00:24:29,866
I've been used as a tool before.
337
00:24:29,906 --> 00:24:32,026
Oh, why doesn't that surprise me?
Out!
338
00:24:32,066 --> 00:24:36,386
Listen!
My father was a psychic medium
339
00:24:36,426 --> 00:24:41,466
but he could only contact the spirit
world if I was in the room.
You're not making any sense.
340
00:24:41,506 --> 00:24:45,586
Let's just say
the afterlife is Channel 5,
341
00:24:45,626 --> 00:24:49,106
the psychic is the television,
342
00:24:49,146 --> 00:24:52,386
but I'm the antenna.
343
00:24:52,426 --> 00:24:55,986
How much have you had
to drink today?
344
00:24:56,026 --> 00:24:59,746
Nothing! Well, apart from a couple
with my lunch.
345
00:24:59,786 --> 00:25:02,266
Just go, will you?
346
00:25:02,306 --> 00:25:06,306
Psst.
If you wanna come to the seance,
be here tonight at eight o'clock.
347
00:25:06,346 --> 00:25:09,146
Yes, no problem. I'll be here.
348
00:25:11,186 --> 00:25:13,986
What the frig's Channel 5
got to do with anything?
349
00:25:14,026 --> 00:25:16,786
Pardon me.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
350
00:25:16,826 --> 00:25:19,106
It's Mr La Roo, isn't it?
351
00:25:19,146 --> 00:25:21,626
My name is Roo, no La.
352
00:25:21,666 --> 00:25:23,786
Roo La-La.
353
00:25:23,826 --> 00:25:26,026
No, my surname is Roo.
354
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:28,186
But you can call me Buck.
355
00:25:28,226 --> 00:25:31,866
Oh, how kind. I'm Joyce.
Well, good day to you, Joyce.
356
00:25:31,906 --> 00:25:35,986
Do let me know
if I can be of any assistance
in whatever you're doing here.
357
00:25:36,026 --> 00:25:40,426
I don't mean that in a prying way.
Thank you.
You've been a most gracious host.
358
00:25:40,466 --> 00:25:43,386
It's none of our business
what you're doing here.
359
00:25:43,426 --> 00:25:46,306
Well, in that, we are agreed.
Suffice it to say,
360
00:25:46,346 --> 00:25:50,466
if you do feel the need to include
someone as, oh, I don't know,
361
00:25:50,506 --> 00:25:53,386
an independent witness
to legal matters,
362
00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:56,186
please feel free
to call upon my services.
363
00:25:56,226 --> 00:26:02,066
My dear Joyce, I have an old
Tennessee saying that I would like
to share with you. How wonderful.
364
00:26:02,106 --> 00:26:05,586
The mountain air smells much sweeter
365
00:26:05,626 --> 00:26:08,826
when you keep your nose
out of other people's poop.
366
00:26:13,106 --> 00:26:16,106
Right, shall I tell him?
No, I'll do it.
367
00:26:16,146 --> 00:26:19,346
I do apologise for needing
that untimely repose,
368
00:26:19,386 --> 00:26:23,706
but I've been flying all over Europe
like a fish crow
with four sets of wings.
369
00:26:25,426 --> 00:26:28,626
I'm not signing anything.
Mrs Harvey,
370
00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:32,106
I understand your apprehension.
371
00:26:32,146 --> 00:26:36,546
But do you really think I would have
travelled halfway across the world
372
00:26:36,586 --> 00:26:40,306
if it was all humbug
and I was some kind of flimflammer?
373
00:26:40,346 --> 00:26:44,786
I'm sorry, love,
it's just my mother's
been through all this before.
374
00:26:44,826 --> 00:26:48,466
She nearly married this fella who
said he had money belonging to Mel.
375
00:26:48,506 --> 00:26:52,106
So, well, she doesn't want to
go through it all again, do you?
376
00:26:52,146 --> 00:26:56,466
No, I bloody well don't.
Well, as handsome a woman
as you are, Miss Harvey,
377
00:26:56,506 --> 00:27:01,706
and although I have indeed
been won over by your
not inconsiderable charms,
378
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:06,746
I wasn't thinking of asking you
to jump the broomstick just yet.
379
00:27:08,146 --> 00:27:10,586
My dear friends,
380
00:27:10,626 --> 00:27:12,946
I can understand your misgivings.
381
00:27:12,986 --> 00:27:18,746
This is, for sure, one crazy old
tale. But I do have a solution.
382
00:27:18,786 --> 00:27:22,426
How many days of your vacation
do you have remaining?
383
00:27:22,466 --> 00:27:24,906
We've just got here.
Why?
384
00:27:24,946 --> 00:27:27,386
Let's all go to Vegas.
385
00:27:27,426 --> 00:27:29,706
Oh, my God, yeah!
You what?
386
00:27:29,746 --> 00:27:33,466
Let's all go to Vegas
and see what's due to y'all.
387
00:27:33,506 --> 00:27:37,226
Go to Las Vegas? When? Well, I took
the liberty of checking flights.
388
00:27:37,266 --> 00:27:41,986
We could leave for London tonight,
fly to Vegas in the morning,
first class!
389
00:27:42,026 --> 00:27:46,146
All at my expense, naturally.
Please!
I've always wanted to go to Vegas!
390
00:27:46,186 --> 00:27:51,786
All right, that's enough!
I don't know who you are, what you
want, but she's been through enough.
391
00:27:51,826 --> 00:27:56,386
She doesn't need you
messing her around with stories
of million-pound fortunes,
392
00:27:56,426 --> 00:27:58,586
trips to Vegas
and all that bollocks.
393
00:27:58,626 --> 00:28:01,026
Just leave us alone.
394
00:28:01,066 --> 00:28:03,426
Mr Garvey, I can assure you...
395
00:28:03,466 --> 00:28:06,346
Just leave us
to get on with our holiday.
396
00:28:07,506 --> 00:28:10,066
OK. I understand.
397
00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:12,626
This is an awfully big adventure
398
00:28:12,666 --> 00:28:15,226
and a lot to take in.
399
00:28:15,266 --> 00:28:20,666
If you change your minds,
you've got my number. Yeah,
we've got your number all right.
400
00:28:20,706 --> 00:28:23,866
Hasta luego,
as they say around these parts.
401
00:28:25,306 --> 00:28:29,586
Excuse me... ma'am.
Can you order me a cab? Nee problem.
402
00:28:31,866 --> 00:28:36,826
Brilliant. The one chance we get
to do something interesting
and you say no.
403
00:28:36,866 --> 00:28:39,186
Right. I think we could all do with
a drink.
404
00:28:39,226 --> 00:28:41,306
Mm. Mam?
405
00:28:42,546 --> 00:28:44,866
Mam?
406
00:28:44,906 --> 00:28:48,666
Yeah. Let's go.
407
00:28:59,026 --> 00:29:04,866
Now, you know not to give her any
information, don't you? She already
knows our address. She's a regular.
408
00:29:04,906 --> 00:29:10,546
I don't mean that. I mean any
information she could use to pretend
she's in touch with the spirit world.
409
00:29:10,586 --> 00:29:12,666
There's a lot of charlatans
out there.
410
00:29:12,706 --> 00:29:15,426
It's all rubbish, I've told him.
Not entirely.
411
00:29:15,466 --> 00:29:19,266
I once helped my father get in touch
with an Egyptian queen.
412
00:29:19,306 --> 00:29:22,986
Well, times have moved on, we have
Grindr for things like that now.
413
00:29:23,026 --> 00:29:26,346
Wait!
I can sense a knocking sound!
414
00:29:26,386 --> 00:29:31,946
I think somebody's trying to get
in touch. We all sensed it, you daft
cow, it's Sue! Let her in, Liam.
415
00:29:51,186 --> 00:29:54,426
There's a very heavy presence...
416
00:29:55,666 --> 00:29:57,906
..hanging in the air.
417
00:29:57,946 --> 00:30:02,346
Sorry about that.
Liam had a kebab for his dinner.
I told you to eat it outside.
418
00:30:02,386 --> 00:30:05,386
Ohhh! The vibrations are strong!
419
00:30:05,426 --> 00:30:07,746
They're very strong already.
420
00:30:07,786 --> 00:30:10,706
I've never sensed
such an atmosphere
421
00:30:10,746 --> 00:30:13,226
so heavy with the afterlife.
422
00:30:13,266 --> 00:30:15,546
I told you! That'll be me!
423
00:30:15,586 --> 00:30:19,386
Shut up, you!
Come and sit down, Sue!
424
00:30:21,786 --> 00:30:23,786
Ohhh!
425
00:30:27,226 --> 00:30:30,426
Are you all right, love?
426
00:30:30,466 --> 00:30:33,706
Did you jog here?
427
00:30:33,746 --> 00:30:37,306
Ohhh! Kenneth.
428
00:30:37,346 --> 00:30:40,506
Kenneth, there's someone
trying to come through already.
429
00:30:40,546 --> 00:30:44,666
I have to mention, I do make
a small charge for my services.
430
00:30:44,706 --> 00:30:46,826
Oh, here we go.
Zip it, you!
431
00:30:46,866 --> 00:30:49,226
Of course, Sue.
I entirely understand.
432
00:30:49,266 --> 00:30:51,546
50 Euros.
50 Euros? You taking the piss?
433
00:30:51,586 --> 00:30:54,626
Who've you got coming through,
Ronnie Biggs?
434
00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:57,906
True psychic ability does require
some form of recompense.
435
00:30:57,946 --> 00:31:03,146
My father was once penetrated
by Genghis Khan.
He was laid up for days.
436
00:31:03,186 --> 00:31:07,386
We'll sort the money out later.
Can we get on with it?
As long as you don't forget.
437
00:31:07,426 --> 00:31:11,066
Ohhhh.
438
00:31:21,026 --> 00:31:23,546
I don't suppose I could have
a large brandy?
439
00:31:23,586 --> 00:31:26,346
That's all she's come for.
Money and a free bar.
440
00:31:26,386 --> 00:31:28,546
Liam! Where's your manners?
441
00:31:28,586 --> 00:31:30,986
Joyce,
do you think we could have a...
442
00:31:31,026 --> 00:31:33,706
Joyce? Joyce!
443
00:31:33,746 --> 00:31:36,506
Ohh! Who is it?
Did somebody come through?
444
00:31:36,546 --> 00:31:38,906
She wants a brandy.
Oh, yes, of course.
445
00:31:38,946 --> 00:31:41,706
I'll have one, too. Four brandies.
I don't like it.
446
00:31:41,746 --> 00:31:44,266
I never asked you what you want.
Two are for me.
447
00:31:49,506 --> 00:31:51,626
Psst.
448
00:31:53,186 --> 00:31:55,146
Psst.
449
00:31:56,466 --> 00:31:59,186
Do excuse me for just a moment, Sue.
450
00:32:04,426 --> 00:32:07,866
What do you want? She's only here
for what she can get out of you.
451
00:32:07,906 --> 00:32:10,746
She's about as psychic as I am.
This is a gifted woman
452
00:32:10,786 --> 00:32:15,906
whose only interest is to reunite
people with their dear departed
relatives. Do as you're told!
453
00:32:15,946 --> 00:32:17,986
Ohhh.
454
00:32:18,026 --> 00:32:20,026
Ooooh.
455
00:32:20,066 --> 00:32:23,666
Ahhhh. I am sorry about that, Sue.
He won't be a minute.
456
00:32:23,706 --> 00:32:26,426
Ahhhhh.
457
00:32:26,466 --> 00:32:29,106
Ohhhh.
458
00:32:29,146 --> 00:32:33,226
I'm quite peckish.
I don't suppose you've got
anything to eat, have you?
459
00:32:35,306 --> 00:32:37,186
# Good morning, miss
460
00:32:37,226 --> 00:32:38,786
# Can I help you, son?
461
00:32:38,826 --> 00:32:41,946
# 16 today and up for fun
462
00:32:41,986 --> 00:32:44,586
# I'm a big boy now or so they say
463
00:32:44,626 --> 00:32:46,666
# So serve me, I'll be on my way
464
00:32:49,466 --> 00:32:51,426
# Box of balloons
465
00:32:51,466 --> 00:32:55,146
I've not seen sight nor sound
of his wife, have you?
466
00:32:55,186 --> 00:32:57,706
What do you think's gone on?
467
00:32:57,746 --> 00:33:01,466
Mick. I don't know, do I?
Ask our Michael.
468
00:33:01,506 --> 00:33:05,586
What do you reckon, Mam?
Do you think they've split up?
469
00:33:05,626 --> 00:33:09,386
Mam.
Well, I don't know.
470
00:33:09,426 --> 00:33:14,946
Hey, Michael, what's going on with
them? Why isn't his wife here?
471
00:33:14,986 --> 00:33:19,026
Have you not spoken to your mate?
Yeah. Well? That's their business.
472
00:33:19,066 --> 00:33:25,146
You wouldn't like it if everyone
was gossiping about you. Fat chance
of that. Nothing to gossip about.
473
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:31,746
# I'm up today, got a date today,
so serve me, I'll be on my way
474
00:33:31,786 --> 00:33:35,946
# Welcome to the house of fun,
now I've come of age
475
00:33:35,986 --> 00:33:39,586
Same one again?
Yes, thanks, love.
476
00:33:39,626 --> 00:33:43,346
The big man with the red face, he's
not with you tonight? My husband?
477
00:33:43,386 --> 00:33:46,586
No. He's gone off with a woman
from Merthyr Tydfil.
478
00:33:46,626 --> 00:33:49,746
OK. I am sorry to hear this.
479
00:33:49,786 --> 00:33:52,866
Do you want to sit
at the singles table?
480
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:56,906
No. The woman
who my husband is staying with,
481
00:33:56,946 --> 00:33:59,386
well, her husband
is staying with me.
482
00:34:00,506 --> 00:34:02,626
I'm sorry I asked.
Yeah.
483
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:05,906
I'm starting to feel the same way.
484
00:34:08,106 --> 00:34:11,226
Do you fancy giving us a song,
Madge? Yeah.
485
00:34:11,266 --> 00:34:15,306
Put my down for What Kind Of Fool
Am I? - Sammy Davis Jr.
486
00:34:15,346 --> 00:34:20,706
Well, you've got the look
but have you got the voice? Mick!
I'm only trying to lighten the mood!
487
00:34:20,746 --> 00:34:25,666
What was that one Mel used to like?
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams?
488
00:34:25,706 --> 00:34:29,306
Mother, why are you being like this?
You've done a good thing.
489
00:34:29,346 --> 00:34:34,106
You were about to be ripped off
but you saw it coming and put a stop
to it. I'll tell you why.
490
00:34:34,146 --> 00:34:37,306
Because all the time
I felt Mel's presence.
491
00:34:37,346 --> 00:34:41,666
I actually felt him guiding me,
telling me what to do.
492
00:34:41,706 --> 00:34:44,706
And I bet I know what he was saying.
Go on.
493
00:34:44,746 --> 00:34:50,906
"Don't let the short-arse bastard
pull the wool over your eyes,
princess, we've been done before."
494
00:34:50,946 --> 00:34:54,946
Is that an impression of Mel? Yeah.
Sounded like you were constipated.
495
00:34:54,986 --> 00:34:57,786
Yes, that's exactly
what he's been saying.
496
00:34:57,826 --> 00:35:02,346
Thanks, son. I'll drink to that.
Here's to Mel.
497
00:35:02,386 --> 00:35:04,626
To Mel.
498
00:35:15,066 --> 00:35:17,186
Give that book here.
499
00:35:20,746 --> 00:35:23,906
I think I will do a song, Janice.
Yep, fire away.
500
00:35:23,946 --> 00:35:26,066
Er...
501
00:35:26,106 --> 00:35:29,266
I Lost My Heart...
In San Francisco.
502
00:35:29,306 --> 00:35:32,506
No... To A Starship Trooper.
503
00:35:32,546 --> 00:35:35,346
It was one of Mel's favourites.
504
00:35:35,386 --> 00:35:38,946
I shall look forward to that.
Er, same again, please, son.
505
00:35:41,226 --> 00:35:43,706
Ohhh.
506
00:35:43,746 --> 00:35:45,586
Ohhhhh.
507
00:35:45,626 --> 00:35:48,066
I'm here.
508
00:35:48,106 --> 00:35:51,066
Is that you, Mother?
Ohhh.
509
00:35:51,106 --> 00:35:54,946
You're not making any sense.
Nooo.
510
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:58,106
You need to stop,
511
00:35:58,146 --> 00:36:02,466
need to stop him.
Need to stop who?
512
00:36:02,506 --> 00:36:05,386
I was wrong, princess!
513
00:36:05,426 --> 00:36:10,386
You need to go with him,
you need to get the money.
514
00:36:10,426 --> 00:36:12,426
Las Vegas, princess!
515
00:36:12,466 --> 00:36:17,106
You must go to Las Vegas!
516
00:36:17,146 --> 00:36:20,706
What money? Ohhh! You must!
Who are you?
517
00:36:20,746 --> 00:36:23,746
Oh, just piss off,
I wanna speak to my mother!
518
00:36:26,586 --> 00:36:29,186
Oh, my God, she's dead.
519
00:36:29,226 --> 00:36:31,786
She isn't dead, she's just exhausted.
520
00:36:31,826 --> 00:36:36,826
I remember my father
was occupied by Liberace
for three hours in the late 80s.
521
00:36:36,866 --> 00:36:39,946
He was like a wet rag
by the end of it. Well, he would be.
522
00:36:40,946 --> 00:36:44,746
Ohh! Ohh, that's it.
523
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:48,186
Oh, I can't do any more.
What do you mean, that's it?
524
00:36:48,226 --> 00:36:54,186
Did you get to speak to your mother?
No, I bloody well didn't! Who came
through? They were very persistent.
525
00:36:54,226 --> 00:36:58,346
We have no idea, you were just
banging on about Las Vegas.
Las Vegas?
526
00:36:58,386 --> 00:37:01,666
Well, was your mother born
in Las Vegas?
527
00:37:01,706 --> 00:37:07,546
Yeah! She's probably trying to get
in touch with my brothers, Siegfried
& Roy. Really? No, you daft cow!
528
00:37:07,586 --> 00:37:11,466
What a waste of time. Oh, well,
I'm going to have to go home now
529
00:37:11,506 --> 00:37:14,346
because I am absolutely shattered.
530
00:37:14,386 --> 00:37:18,386
Oh, brilliant! I usually charge
50 Euros for a session,
531
00:37:18,426 --> 00:37:24,146
but as you've only really had half
a session, I'll come down to 25.
25 Euros? You've having a laugh!
532
00:37:24,186 --> 00:37:27,946
You drank that much in brandy!
And high-quality nibbles.
533
00:37:28,986 --> 00:37:31,226
Do you mean
you are not going to pay me?
534
00:37:31,266 --> 00:37:36,706
For what? A few gurgles and the
worst Elvis impression in Benidorm.
And there's a few contenders.
535
00:37:36,746 --> 00:37:40,226
Yeah. Well, you can kiss goodbye
to my custom here, then!
536
00:37:40,266 --> 00:37:45,826
Oh, God, what will we do without
your 6 Euros for a shampoo and set
once a month? Call in the receivers!
537
00:37:45,866 --> 00:37:50,586
Well, I'll see myself out, then.
Do! And don't bother coming back
cos you're barred.
538
00:37:50,626 --> 00:37:56,666
But being a brilliant psychic, you
probably already knew that. Get out!
Ooh! What a washout that was.
539
00:37:56,706 --> 00:37:59,546
Sorry. I told you it was
all rubbish. I know, love.
540
00:37:59,586 --> 00:38:04,666
If only my father was alive,
he could've introduced you to
as many dead people as you want.
541
00:38:04,706 --> 00:38:07,426
I'm sorry, Mrs Temple-Savage,
but I don't agree.
542
00:38:07,466 --> 00:38:11,626
There's no such thing as ghosts,
things that go bump in the night.
543
00:38:11,666 --> 00:38:16,986
It's just our desperate need to keep
loving those no longer with us.
The dead are just that - dead.
544
00:38:17,026 --> 00:38:21,146
Gone but hopefully not forgotten.
Yeah. You're right.
545
00:38:21,186 --> 00:38:27,026
If the dead could speak, I'd hope
they'd do more than make a middle-
aged woman speak in a funny voice.
546
00:38:35,706 --> 00:38:39,386
# I lost my heart
to a starship trooper
547
00:38:39,428 --> 00:38:42,668
# Oooohhhh
548
00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:46,028
# Tell me, Captain Strange,
won't you be my lover?
549
00:38:46,068 --> 00:38:49,588
# You're the best thing
that I've ever discovered
550
00:38:49,628 --> 00:38:53,108
# Flash Gordon's left me,
he's gone to the stars
551
00:38:53,148 --> 00:38:58,508
# An evil Darth Vader
had me banished to Mars
552
00:38:58,548 --> 00:39:02,268
Oi, have you seen Temple-Savage?
No, she has not been here tonight.
553
00:39:02,308 --> 00:39:08,148
What is the problem? It's no problem.
She just asked me to do an internet
search on that fella that was here,
554
00:39:08,188 --> 00:39:12,108
Buck A Roo. Oh, yeah?
Turns out it was his real name.
555
00:39:12,148 --> 00:39:16,108
Hey, how did you lot get on
with your mate? What mate?
556
00:39:16,148 --> 00:39:18,668
Buck. Did he find your money?
557
00:39:23,588 --> 00:39:26,948
Oh, my God. What's the matter?
My dad told him to piss off.
558
00:39:28,028 --> 00:39:32,708
# Requesting your position,
it's their final demand
559
00:39:34,628 --> 00:39:37,788
# You're turning up, ah, ah
560
00:39:37,828 --> 00:39:41,468
# But if you're gonna take me...
Get off! Get off the stage!
561
00:39:41,508 --> 00:39:47,068
Oh, piss off, it's not your turn!
What's going on? Leave her alone!
I've put your down for Sex On Fire.
562
00:39:47,108 --> 00:39:50,068
It's real! What?
The little Oompa Loompa fella!
563
00:39:50,108 --> 00:39:53,468
What you going on about?
The money! Vegas! It's all real!
564
00:39:53,508 --> 00:39:57,788
Oh, my God. Mother, where's your
phone? I deleted his number!
565
00:39:57,828 --> 00:40:00,268
You've got his card.
I chucked it away!
566
00:40:00,308 --> 00:40:05,028
Oh, my God! Come on!
Here, Janice, help me! Help me!
567
00:40:06,028 --> 00:40:08,788
Come on! Come on! Let's go!
568
00:40:09,828 --> 00:40:13,708
Oi!
Wait! I can't run as fast as you!
569
00:40:13,748 --> 00:40:16,388
Anyway, as I was saying,
570
00:40:16,428 --> 00:40:20,388
I was thinking of going to
Paraplegic tonight
if you fancied it.
571
00:40:20,428 --> 00:40:25,148
Excuse me. It's a club. It starts
late, but all the banging places do.
572
00:40:25,188 --> 00:40:27,828
Oh, you're here,
hiding behind the pillar.
573
00:40:27,868 --> 00:40:30,868
I've been sitting there on my own.
I wasn't hiding.
574
00:40:30,908 --> 00:40:33,108
This is, er, my mate, Tiger.
575
00:40:33,148 --> 00:40:36,588
Hello, Tiger. This the one you
wanted to have a threesome with?
576
00:40:36,628 --> 00:40:38,988
Er, no, no.
What? That's my dad!
577
00:40:39,028 --> 00:40:42,348
Your dad? You said you were 38.
He's 52!
578
00:40:42,388 --> 00:40:48,548
Listen, son, go and sit over there,
I'll be with you in a minute.
And leave you with this old slapper?
579
00:40:48,588 --> 00:40:51,828
I beg your pardon! He's married.
You said you were divorced!
580
00:40:51,868 --> 00:40:56,388
Just shut up. Are you gonna let him
speak to me like that?
You said you were divorced!
581
00:40:56,428 --> 00:41:00,308
I'm separated.
582
00:41:02,388 --> 00:41:05,668
Howay! Break it up! Break it up!
583
00:41:05,708 --> 00:41:09,948
You know, you're a very accommodating
woman, Jacqueline. You what?
584
00:41:09,988 --> 00:41:12,948
You're very understanding
to your husband's needs.
585
00:41:12,988 --> 00:41:16,708
Well, we're just very secure
in our relationship.
586
00:41:16,748 --> 00:41:19,348
Yes, yes, I realise that now.
587
00:41:19,388 --> 00:41:23,788
I've never been unfaithful
to my wife.
588
00:41:23,828 --> 00:41:28,628
Right. I've always been
totally monogamous through choice.
589
00:41:29,628 --> 00:41:35,388
Just not my choice. When Rhiannon
went on her first weaving holiday,
590
00:41:35,428 --> 00:41:38,908
I must admit, I had my suspicions
about her intentions,
591
00:41:38,948 --> 00:41:41,748
and in a fit of jealous rage,
592
00:41:41,788 --> 00:41:47,388
I tried it on with our neighbour,
Bethan. And do you know what she did?
593
00:41:47,428 --> 00:41:50,748
She laughed. She took one look at me
594
00:41:50,788 --> 00:41:54,348
and laughed.
Am I that much of a joke?
595
00:41:54,388 --> 00:41:57,228
Maybe she thought
you weren't serious.
596
00:41:57,268 --> 00:41:59,868
Well, I'm serious now.
597
00:42:01,028 --> 00:42:04,908
I'm going upstairs
and all I'm saying is
598
00:42:04,948 --> 00:42:09,388
I won't be pulling the wardrobe
in front of the door.
599
00:42:09,428 --> 00:42:11,428
Not this time.
600
00:42:13,108 --> 00:42:15,468
That's all I'm saying.
601
00:42:24,468 --> 00:42:29,548
Your friend,
he does not want roly-poly? He does,
but he won't be getting it from me.
602
00:42:37,268 --> 00:42:41,708
I think I should've changed my shoes.
We haven't got time
to change bloody shoes.
603
00:42:41,748 --> 00:42:46,388
I don't know, do I? You
could always write a letter to them.
604
00:42:46,428 --> 00:42:49,988
Excuse me, I need to get through
there. May I see your boarding pass?
605
00:42:50,028 --> 00:42:53,388
We don't have them. Can I just
go through for five minutes?
606
00:42:53,428 --> 00:42:57,428
You have to collect boarding passes
first. We haven't got any tickets.
607
00:42:57,468 --> 00:43:00,348
Then why are you here?
Just get out of our way!
608
00:43:00,388 --> 00:43:06,468
Jobsworths like you have brought
the Spanish economy to its knees!
Nice one, Madge Paxman. He's there!
609
00:43:06,508 --> 00:43:12,028
Mr... Mr Roo! Can I just go through?
No, no. Please? I beg you!
610
00:43:12,068 --> 00:43:15,308
You are not allowed!
He's coming.
611
00:43:16,308 --> 00:43:18,788
Our friend's coming now.
You came!
612
00:43:18,828 --> 00:43:22,508
Oh, I'm so sorry we said what we
said. It's just that you told us...
613
00:43:22,548 --> 00:43:26,988
Are they coming in or are you going
out? Oh, I do, do apologise.
614
00:43:27,028 --> 00:43:31,228
Ohh. Oh, we really didn't mean
to send you packing like that.
615
00:43:31,268 --> 00:43:35,388
It's just that everything you said
sounded so unbelievable.
616
00:43:35,428 --> 00:43:38,628
No call for an apology.
I've been through this many times.
617
00:43:38,668 --> 00:43:42,388
Then someone showed me your bits
on the internet. That sounded wrong.
618
00:43:42,428 --> 00:43:47,748
My dear friends,
I cannot tell you how gratifying
it is to see you again.
619
00:43:47,788 --> 00:43:53,468
I'm in a strange business.
It's wonderful
but a very strange business.
620
00:43:53,508 --> 00:43:56,588
Lots of travel,
an awful lot of hard work,
621
00:43:56,628 --> 00:44:01,508
but it commonly results in
the same conclusion.
622
00:44:01,548 --> 00:44:04,348
I make people's dreams come true.
623
00:44:04,388 --> 00:44:09,428
Come with me, will you,
on this fantastic journey?
624
00:44:11,068 --> 00:44:13,748
You all right, Mam?
Mel.
625
00:44:13,788 --> 00:44:18,428
Mel always said he'd look after me.
He said he'd look after us all.
626
00:44:18,468 --> 00:44:20,908
And I never doubted him.
627
00:44:20,948 --> 00:44:24,028
I never doubted him. Ever.
628
00:44:24,068 --> 00:44:28,908
Come here. So, er, how much money
are we talking about?
I know you said millions.
629
00:44:28,948 --> 00:44:31,788
For certain, we don't know yet.
630
00:44:31,828 --> 00:44:37,348
But I can give you my personal
guarantee on one consideration.
What's that?
631
00:44:37,388 --> 00:44:42,708
You will all live
happily ever after.
632
00:44:45,068 --> 00:44:48,188
Tickets! Tickets!
633
00:44:50,348 --> 00:44:53,588
Do you think he wants me to be
his wife number seven?
634
00:44:58,708 --> 00:45:02,108
Hey, is that champagne?
Oh, for God's sake, one glass.
635
00:45:02,148 --> 00:45:06,588
I'm nearly 16.
I'm not bothered about that, I just
don't wanna have to pay for it.
636
00:45:06,628 --> 00:45:10,908
Don't worry, Mr Garvey. This trip is
what you might call all-inclusive.
637
00:45:10,948 --> 00:45:13,708
Do you think we'll ever go back
to Benidorm, Mam?
638
00:45:13,748 --> 00:45:15,908
Who knows? Never say never.
639
00:45:15,948 --> 00:45:18,548
- I'll drink to that.
- Cheers!
640
00:45:21,587 --> 00:45:24,387
You've got your final team,
my friend.
641
00:45:26,507 --> 00:45:28,627
Geoff Maltby,
642
00:45:28,667 --> 00:45:31,947
AKA The Oracle.
643
00:45:31,987 --> 00:45:34,587
And I'm Noreen.
644
00:45:34,627 --> 00:45:36,627
I'm...
And she's my PA!
645
00:45:37,987 --> 00:45:39,667
Let's do this.
646
00:45:39,692 --> 00:46:09,813
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