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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
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00:00:33,447 --> 00:00:35,867
No, madam, the "do not disturb sign"
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00:00:35,938 --> 00:00:39,898
is hanging on the inside of
your door for you to use.
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00:00:39,938 --> 00:00:41,498
Yes.
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You're free to leave the room
whenever you wish.
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You're welcome.
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Did you hear that? Unbelievable.
Ohh.
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00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:58,138
I had a man yesterday who asked me
if the beach was air-conditioned.
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00:00:58,178 --> 00:01:02,738
Well, I know the nudist beach isn't,
so I assume the Levante's the same.
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00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:07,338
Good morning. Er...
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Oh, welcome to the...
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The salon's very busy today.
What? Oh, don't say that.
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I was hoping to nip in for a pedicure
on my lunch hour.
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Is it safe to use an angle grinder
in such a confined space?
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Eh?
Nothing.
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00:01:30,978 --> 00:01:34,378
Good morning, Solana.
So how can I help you?
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"Hello. I was wondering if you have
any rooms free next week...
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Hello? Hello?"
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Paper?
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Tiger, today's paper?
No, thanks.
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00:02:04,938 --> 00:02:07,298
Fancy a swim?
No.
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What about a drink?
No, thank you.
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00:02:10,178 --> 00:02:15,178
You've got to crack your face
sometimes, son. You've been sulking
all day. I'm not sulking.
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It's called embarrassment.
Everyone's embarrassed when
they're a teenager.
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You've just got to work your way
through it. You!
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I'm embarrassed about you! What are
you embarrassed about me for?
Let me think.
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What did my 52-year-old father do
last night that could have
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possibly have been embarrassing?
Perving over woman half his age.
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And when they said they weren't
interested, getting into a fight with them.
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Which one was supposed to be
half my age? You've gotta be joking.
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They were a right pair of munters.
- So why were you chatting them up?
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00:02:45,778 --> 00:02:48,578
Who keeps texting you?
Auntie Terri.
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You tell her she's gotta keep her
nose out of my business.
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Don't believe a word she says.
It's all a load of rubbish.
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Do you hear me?
OK.
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00:03:00,258 --> 00:03:02,258
Hola.
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Jacqueline, we need to talk.
Oh, morning.
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Morning. I've been sick with worry
all night.
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00:03:20,218 --> 00:03:23,338
Worry? What are you worried about?
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00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:28,178
You don't remember I propositioned
you last night? No. Really?
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Not that I remember.
You just finished your drinks,
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said you were having an early night
and went off to bed.
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My God. Those two lager shandies
must've hit me hard last night.
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I haven't drunk pints
since I was 18.
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I think I'm a still a bit tiddly.
That is a relief.
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00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:48,298
I've been wringing my hands
all morning.
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I've been up since seven as well.
Half the day's gone now.
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Don't worry about it.
I've got nothing planned.
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Well, I say that, I might have a dip
in the pool later on.
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I don't think
I could spend another day
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just sitting, staring at the pool.
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I tend to get panic attacks
if I've got nothing to do.
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00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:10,498
You know, alone with my thoughts.
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Glynn, I said last night, why don't
you just call your wife
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and say you think this wife swap
thing was a mistake?
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No, no.
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She's having the time of her life.
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Every time I text her
to see if she's OK,
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she says she can't get enough of it.
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Well, Donald is an amazing man.
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I know I instigated
this whole thing,
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but I can't get over the fact you're
so happy with your husband
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spending time with
another man's wife. My wife.
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Well, I look at it this way.
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Our next-door-neighbour has a drill
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but it doesn't have
a hammer function.
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You know, to go into solid walls
like ours does.
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So we're only too happy to let them
borrow it from time to time.
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00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:03,498
But you can't compare your husband
to an electric hammer drill.
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Well, you say that, mmm...
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Mateo, can you help Leslie set up
this competition
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he's doing in Neptunes for tonight.
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I think you need some tables from
the Hawaiian function room.
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No problem.
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00:05:25,298 --> 00:05:28,818
Everything's OK?
You're looking very... fresh-faced?
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What is fish-faced? Not fish face,
fresh face. You know, youthful,
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boyish, bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.
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I think I understood until you got to
the bushy tail.
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You haven't been to see Kenneth,
by any chance, have you?
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Kenneth?
Yeah.
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I notice business is very brisk for
him lately.
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Most people seem to be leaving his
salon looking ten years younger.
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No. I do not know about this.
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Perhaps because I have a shave today,
maybe this is what you like.
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My bushy tail.
Close your eyes and lean forward.
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What are you going to do?
Do you like working here? No.
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I'll rephrase that.
Do you need this job?
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Yes. Then close your eyes
and lean forward.
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What are you going to do?
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I'm going to jab you in the forehead
with this drinking straw.
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OK. Tell me when you
are going to do it.
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Hello?
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Mrs Temple-Savage,
can I open my eyes now?
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Right, who's next?
It's Lorraine next.
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Lorraine?
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00:06:44,658 --> 00:06:47,418
Er, Kenneth,
could I have a word, please?
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Sorry, Joyce, I'm rushed off
my feet.
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Fine. I'll just go and check
your electricity supply,
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make sure there are no imminent
blowouts. That's blackmail.
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00:07:00,978 --> 00:07:04,098
Actually, you're in luck.
I was due a fag break anyway.
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Back in five minutes, ladies.
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Kenneth? Kenneth!
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Unbelievable.
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Come on, we'll have to go outside.
Hang on. This won't take a minute.
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I need to know what you're doing in
there. Well, what we always do.
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Hair and beauty. Then why are you
all dragged up like Dr Kildare?
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Who? Kenneth, I need to know
what's going on in my hotel.
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Head Office have been on the phone
and I can't stall them any longer.
Head Office?
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Crystal Hennessey-Vas herself.
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Well, we've started to diversify.
Well, go on.
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Waxing, eyelash tint,
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a bit of Botox.
Botox?!
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I knew it. Don't you need a licence
for that? Shh!
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Keep your voice down.
I'm sorry, Kenneth,
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I cannot allow back street Botox
on my premises.
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This kind of thing has to be
administered by a licensed Medical
Practitioner! All right.
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Don't get your knickers in a twist.
I'm not exactly Vera Drake.
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I don't see how I can keep this
from Head Office.
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How many do you want?
I beg your pardon?
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How many free Botox sessions
do you want?
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Do you honestly think my loyalty
to the Solana Group
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can be paid off with free Botox
injections?!
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Three sessions. Five.
Half-past seven.
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Six o'clock.
I'll see you there.
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Come on, hurry up, the clients are
starting to turn ugly.
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I know. Why do you think we're doing
this in the first place?
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Right, we better start thinking about
a bit of lunch.
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00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:47,748
A little light salad, I think. Got to
get back to my fighting weight.
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00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,951
Yeah, go on, I'll have
a salad as well.
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00:08:52,169 --> 00:08:55,449
Two ensaladas mixtas... coming up.
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Actually, you better make
that three. It's bleedin' boiling.
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Well, take your coat off?
Then I'd have to carry it.
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00:09:03,489 --> 00:09:08,249
Shut your mouth, Clive, you're
catching flies. What the bleedin'
hell are you doin' here?
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00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:10,969
I'm on my holidays.
Did you know she was coming?
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00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:15,249
She texted me from the airport,
but you told me not to believe
anything she says.
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00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:19,849
I got free air miles with
my Braun intimate lady shaver.
I got out the bath last night,
137
00:09:19,889 --> 00:09:25,529
was giving my growler a short, back
and sides, when I thought, "I wonder
if them air miles are still valid?"
138
00:09:25,569 --> 00:09:28,129
Oh, my God.
And here I am. Surprise.
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00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:31,929
Here, Ti, give us hand with my case.
Room 382.
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00:09:31,969 --> 00:09:35,769
You go on ahead. I can't walk fast
cos I've got a bit of stubble rash.
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It's making me walk like John Wayne.
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Come on, sweetheart.
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It doesn't hurt, it's just like four
or five injections into your face.
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Maybe nine or ten. No, son,
I don't think Botox is for me.
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00:09:58,169 --> 00:10:02,209
Tsk. The thing is, I'd be worried it
took all the character out my face.
146
00:10:02,249 --> 00:10:04,969
Maybe just take a bit of character
out of your face.
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00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:09,089
What, and be just like all the other
women walking round Benidorm?
No chance.
148
00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:12,529
Where do you want this? Oh, good
lad, I've been waiting for that.
149
00:10:12,569 --> 00:10:16,729
Can you man the bar while I sort
my questions out for tonight?
Sure, no problem.
150
00:10:16,769 --> 00:10:22,209
Mateo, tell my dad that Botox
doesn't take all the character out
of your face. Botox?
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00:10:22,249 --> 00:10:24,249
I do not know anything about Botox.
152
00:10:25,409 --> 00:10:27,569
Right, then, I'd better be off.
153
00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:30,409
Don't forget,
big darts quiz night tonight.
154
00:10:30,449 --> 00:10:32,649
I'm calling it Arrows and Answers.
155
00:10:32,689 --> 00:10:34,689
I'll see you later.
156
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:41,009
What happened to your client confidentiality?
It's a bit pointless when you're
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00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:45,289
a 45-year-old man with a face like
a 12-year-old trapped in a wind tunnel.
158
00:10:55,449 --> 00:10:57,849
Hey, move out of the way.
Move out of the way.
159
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:04,929
What happened?
Are you friends with this woman?
160
00:11:04,969 --> 00:11:08,369
No, but she's my sister.
Oh, my God, what's happened?
161
00:11:08,409 --> 00:11:13,009
She has been hit on the head by
a falling lemon. Falling from where?
From a lemon tree.
162
00:11:13,049 --> 00:11:15,449
The only tree round here
is a palm tree.
163
00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:17,609
No, this is a lemon palm tree.
164
00:11:18,569 --> 00:11:22,809
It's exclusive to Benidorm.
It didn't hit her on the head, it
hit her in the face.
165
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:27,649
How does a lemon fall from a tree
that high and then turn a corner to
hit somebody in the face?
166
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:30,849
I was once poked in the face
with a banana
167
00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:33,409
at a wedding reception in Dewsbury.
168
00:11:33,449 --> 00:11:37,689
That seemed to go round a corner.
It nearly took my eye out.
169
00:11:37,729 --> 00:11:40,249
What happened?
What happened to me?
170
00:11:40,289 --> 00:11:42,289
Where am I?
171
00:11:43,129 --> 00:11:45,969
Oh, hello.
172
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,689
Who are you?
173
00:11:48,729 --> 00:11:53,529
You're fit as.
Oh, my God. She's hallucinating.
174
00:11:56,529 --> 00:11:58,529
My name is Mateo.
175
00:11:58,569 --> 00:12:02,689
You have had a tragic freak accident
where no-one it to blame.
176
00:12:02,729 --> 00:12:05,529
Do you feel OK?
What did you say your name was?
177
00:12:05,569 --> 00:12:08,049
My name is Mateo.
Mateo...
178
00:12:09,449 --> 00:12:11,369
Mateo...
179
00:12:11,409 --> 00:12:13,809
Are you feeling OK?
No, not really.
180
00:12:13,849 --> 00:12:17,569
Can you describe your symptoms?
Well, for a kick-off,
181
00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:21,089
my Aunty Mary's twitching like
a rabbit's nose. Right, that's it.
182
00:12:21,129 --> 00:12:23,769
There's nothing wrong with her.
Let's get her up.
183
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,809
Nothing wrong with her?
She's got a massive black eye.
184
00:12:27,609 --> 00:12:29,849
What's going on? Is everybody OK?
185
00:12:29,889 --> 00:12:32,129
There has been an accident.
186
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:34,169
I think they call it
a "force of God".
187
00:12:34,209 --> 00:12:36,529
You know, where there are
no responsibles.
188
00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:40,289
Get someone up that palm tree to
pull the rest of those lemons off.
189
00:12:40,329 --> 00:12:43,729
They're a death trap.
Mateo, Mateo.
190
00:12:43,769 --> 00:12:45,769
I want Mateo.
191
00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:53,209
What exactly happened? I think
the lemon fall from the tree.
192
00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:57,569
Maybe. It hit the woman in the face.
193
00:12:57,609 --> 00:13:00,969
You mean this waxed lemon fell from
that palm tree
194
00:13:01,009 --> 00:13:03,609
and hit that woman full in the face?
195
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,609
It is a mystery.
196
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:08,609
Take this lemon and put it with
the fruit in the bowl,
197
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:11,209
which just happens to be sitting on
your bar,
198
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:15,289
and let us hope, for your sake,
the woman that got hit in the face
199
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,289
with the lemon does not solve
the mystery.
200
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:21,009
Because that would put you
out of a job.
201
00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:37,221
What's going on? Closing early. I'm
afraid we've run out of supplies.
202
00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:42,014
A victim of our own success, you
might say. What do you mean?
I've got an appointment at six.
203
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:45,374
Are you deaf? We've sold out.
Haven't we, Liam? Completely.
204
00:13:45,414 --> 00:13:50,254
We've gone through more needles this
week than a crack house at
Christmas. Now listen to me.
205
00:13:50,294 --> 00:13:52,774
We had a deal.
It's not shampoo we've run out of.
206
00:13:52,814 --> 00:13:56,734
I can't just send Liam out to the Chinese
shop to get a bag of Botox now, can I?
207
00:13:56,774 --> 00:13:59,614
We could always borrow some off
Herbert. There you go.
208
00:13:59,654 --> 00:14:04,934
We can borrow some off Herbert. You
don't even know who he is. I know I
don't, but he's got spare Botox.
209
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:09,974
Shh! Keep your voice down, will ya?
Look, why can't you just wait until Monday?
210
00:14:10,014 --> 00:14:15,054
What are you talking about? My face
is dropping with every passing
second. She's got a point.
211
00:14:15,094 --> 00:14:17,334
Thank you!
For God sake.
212
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:22,094
Look, just go to Herbert's and ask
if we can lend three or four boxes.
Three or four boxes?
213
00:14:22,134 --> 00:14:24,854
I'm not that bad!
Calm down. They're not all for you.
214
00:14:24,894 --> 00:14:30,094
I'll be in the Piccadilly Bar having
a well-deserved pint. We'll give you
a shout when we're ready.
215
00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:33,854
I hope you're not going to have a
drink before injecting into my face?
216
00:14:33,894 --> 00:14:36,454
I was thinking of getting
completely hammered
217
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:40,134
and putting you up in front of the
dart board for that quiz tonight -
218
00:14:40,174 --> 00:14:43,634
then trying to score 180 in your
forehead with three hypodermics.
219
00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:47,094
He's joking. We'll give you a shout
when we get back.
220
00:15:07,869 --> 00:15:11,989
So, basically, it's teams of two is
what we're looking for.
221
00:15:12,029 --> 00:15:15,029
One dart player and one quiz player.
222
00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:17,389
Now we've only got
space for four teams.
223
00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:19,429
So come on, don't be shy.
224
00:15:19,469 --> 00:15:22,669
We've got to get started after
this next number.
225
00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:24,909
Are you any good with arrows?
226
00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:27,909
Arrows?
Darts.
227
00:15:27,949 --> 00:15:30,669
Because I'd probably have
somebody's eye out.
228
00:15:31,749 --> 00:15:35,269
Mind you, I'm not that good at
general knowledge either.
229
00:15:35,789 --> 00:15:38,189
I mean I love my puzzle books,
230
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:42,669
but without Donald I wouldn't know
the capital of Paris.
231
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:46,909
The capital of France?
I don't know that either.
232
00:15:48,789 --> 00:15:52,869
Come on, you throwing the darts,
me answering the questions.
233
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:56,269
Weren't you once in
a women's darts team? Not quite.
234
00:15:56,309 --> 00:16:00,389
A men's darts team? Dad, I'm putting
our names down. Yeah, whatever.
235
00:16:01,909 --> 00:16:04,869
You could still be concussed,
you know that?
236
00:16:04,909 --> 00:16:07,069
You should be in bed.
I intend to be,
237
00:16:07,109 --> 00:16:09,309
and not on my own.
238
00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:12,229
Hola. How are you feeling?
Oh, not too bad, thanks.
239
00:16:12,269 --> 00:16:17,029
I didn't put any makeup on my bruise
cos it hurt too much.
You must think I look horrendous.
240
00:16:17,069 --> 00:16:20,189
Yes, but you cannot see the bruise.
241
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,189
Any drinks?
242
00:16:22,229 --> 00:16:25,029
Yes, same again. I'll be up there
with the quiz. OK.
243
00:16:26,189 --> 00:16:28,189
I think he likes you.
244
00:16:29,309 --> 00:16:32,229
Now come on, ladies and gents,
I know there's no prize
245
00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:34,109
but it's only a bit of fun.
246
00:16:34,149 --> 00:16:37,189
There must be two more people out
there than wanna play?
247
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,589
No?
248
00:16:39,629 --> 00:16:42,709
Cos I'm gonna start with
the questions. Nobody else?
249
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:46,509
OK, well, the facts...
250
00:16:46,549 --> 00:16:48,389
Jesus! What the hell was that?
251
00:16:48,429 --> 00:16:51,589
You could've taken somebody's
bloody eye out. Who was that?
252
00:16:54,029 --> 00:16:56,149
You've got your final team,
my friend.
253
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,869
Geoff Maltby,
254
00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:07,389
aka The Oracle.
And I'm Noreen. I'm his -
255
00:17:07,429 --> 00:17:09,429
And she's my PA!
256
00:17:10,789 --> 00:17:13,989
Let's do this. Hit it, Darren.
257
00:17:15,349 --> 00:17:17,349
# You're simply the best
258
00:17:20,829 --> 00:17:23,429
# Better than all the rest
259
00:17:25,429 --> 00:17:27,829
# Better than anyone
260
00:17:30,429 --> 00:17:33,509
# Anyone I've ever met
261
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,709
# I'm stuck on your heart
262
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:42,429
# I hang on every word you say
263
00:17:43,949 --> 00:17:45,949
# Tear us apart
264
00:17:48,549 --> 00:17:52,709
# Baby, I would rather be -
Easy! Easy!
265
00:17:52,749 --> 00:17:54,149
Easy!
266
00:17:54,189 --> 00:17:57,149
Calm down, fella, it's only a game.
267
00:17:59,229 --> 00:18:01,909
No, my friend,
268
00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:05,789
believe me,
it's never "only" a game.
269
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,261
Ohh.
270
00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:20,621
Where have you been? I told you I was
going to the Piccadilly.
271
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:25,040
I didn't think you'd still be there.
It's been ages. Tell me about it.
I've exhausted my repertoire.
272
00:18:25,101 --> 00:18:28,801
I did A Wonderful World, Little
White Bull. I texted you to see if
you wanted to do
273
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:31,860
Cinderella Rockerfella
but you never replied.
274
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:36,808
Are you drunk? No, I am not. How dare
you! I've had three or four pints.
275
00:18:36,879 --> 00:18:40,279
Three or four pints?
Ooh, give us that here.
276
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,759
The Wicked Witch of the West
will be here soon,
277
00:18:42,799 --> 00:18:46,479
wanting her face pumped with poison.
Oh, I haven't seen these before.
278
00:18:46,519 --> 00:18:51,879
How much did Herbert charge you?
They're not from Herbert. Who are
they from? Curl Up & Dye? No.
279
00:18:51,919 --> 00:18:55,679
Julie's? No. They're not from Benny,
in the indoor market, are they?
280
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:59,679
She'll have mixed these up herself.
I got them from the Chinese shop. What?
281
00:18:59,719 --> 00:19:04,679
I was taking the piss when I said
that. I know, but I've been
everywhere else and nobody had any,
282
00:19:04,719 --> 00:19:08,959
so I thought it can't hurt to ask, and they
gave me these. It's not actually Botox,
283
00:19:08,999 --> 00:19:11,519
but it'll do the trick.
How much were they?
284
00:19:11,559 --> 00:19:14,479
How much do you usually pay?
I can't remember.
285
00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:18,319
About 80 euros a box?
Four euros. Four euros?!
286
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,999
Per box. That's four boxes, 16 euros.
But I haggled him down to ten.
287
00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:24,039
Liam!
288
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:28,799
Right, if you don't do this now,
I'm cutting off your water.
289
00:19:32,479 --> 00:19:34,479
Well?
290
00:19:36,439 --> 00:19:38,439
Take a seat.
291
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:55,239
Come on, fella, you're holding up the
quiz. You don't understand, do you?
292
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:58,839
It's not me against them,
it's me against the board.
293
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,119
I'm psyching the board out.
294
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:05,759
Can you do it a bit quicker, or we'll
have a riot on our hands.
295
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,799
Whoo!
296
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,599
Yes!
297
00:20:27,639 --> 00:20:30,559
One hundred and eighty!
298
00:20:30,599 --> 00:20:32,199
Get in!
299
00:20:32,239 --> 00:20:35,839
Get in! Easy! Easy!
300
00:20:35,879 --> 00:20:37,879
Easy! Easy!
301
00:20:37,919 --> 00:20:42,599
Is this guy for real? He had
a few sugary drinks on the plane.
302
00:20:42,639 --> 00:20:48,239
You must've been giddy t'first day of
your holidays. Yeah, when I was 12.
303
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:52,199
OK, that's the first round to Geoff.
The Oracle. Oh, sorry.
304
00:20:52,239 --> 00:20:54,239
The Oracle.
305
00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:56,239
And the question is
306
00:20:56,279 --> 00:21:00,559
general knowledge.
You're in for 180 points.
307
00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:08,159
"Philip Treacy is most famous for
designing what?" Oh, heck now.
308
00:21:08,199 --> 00:21:12,519
Let me think. Um...
309
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:18,599
No, he'll have to do it again. I
mean, can I have the question again?
310
00:21:18,639 --> 00:21:23,359
"Philip Treacy is most famous for
designing what?"
311
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,519
I think...
312
00:21:30,559 --> 00:21:33,599
..the answer is cats.
313
00:21:33,639 --> 00:21:37,479
Does Treacy Philips design cats?
314
00:21:37,519 --> 00:21:39,639
It's actually Philip Treacy.
315
00:21:39,679 --> 00:21:42,559
But is cats your final answer?
316
00:21:44,919 --> 00:21:47,519
Are you all right?
317
00:21:47,559 --> 00:21:49,959
Yeah, thanks.
318
00:21:49,999 --> 00:21:53,599
Yes, cats, final answer.
319
00:21:53,639 --> 00:21:56,359
I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer.
320
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:59,479
But I can hand it over.
Is it hats? It is indeed.
321
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:03,239
28 points scored. OK, second round.
322
00:22:03,279 --> 00:22:05,279
Clive to throw first.
323
00:22:09,999 --> 00:22:11,999
Go on, Dad, go on.
324
00:22:14,479 --> 00:22:16,479
Two.
325
00:22:17,559 --> 00:22:19,559
Three.
326
00:22:20,279 --> 00:22:23,399
Another two. Seven scored.
Pfff...
327
00:22:23,439 --> 00:22:26,879
Don't be afraid of using the top half
of the board, fella.
328
00:22:26,919 --> 00:22:30,039
I can always pull them out for ya.
Cheeky bastard.
329
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:36,751
Your drinks.
Here, does my eye look a bit wonky?
330
00:22:36,884 --> 00:22:39,564
What is "wonky"?
You know, a bit dodgy.
331
00:22:39,604 --> 00:22:42,244
Everything's a bit blurred.
Can you have a look?
332
00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:47,284
No. I think it's OK.
333
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,404
I might have to go and have
a lie down.
334
00:22:49,444 --> 00:22:54,324
Room 382. The thing is, I haven't
got one of them signs for the door.
335
00:22:54,364 --> 00:22:57,524
Do you know what I mean?
Do you think I might be disturbed?
336
00:22:57,564 --> 00:23:01,604
What, do you mean like crazy?
It's not for me to say.
337
00:23:01,644 --> 00:23:05,244
No. I mean without the sign on
the door, what are the chances
338
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:08,524
of someone entering my...
private space?
339
00:23:09,564 --> 00:23:11,724
Room 382.
340
00:23:11,764 --> 00:23:14,924
Don't worry, the hotel is very safe.
341
00:23:14,964 --> 00:23:19,124
There is almost zero chance of any
person entering your private space
342
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,604
for the whole of your holiday.
Yeah.
343
00:23:22,884 --> 00:23:24,884
The story of my life, mate.
344
00:23:26,964 --> 00:23:29,524
You had to score a one there,
Barry. Unlucky.
345
00:23:29,564 --> 00:23:31,564
Clive's up next.
346
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,004
Bloody hell, that was fast.
Let's have a look.
347
00:23:40,044 --> 00:23:43,324
25, ten, and another 20. 55.
348
00:23:43,364 --> 00:23:46,004
Puts you in the lead. Good on you.
Danke schon.
349
00:23:46,044 --> 00:23:48,044
Right, Geoff's next.
350
00:23:54,044 --> 00:23:58,284
He's scoring big, but his team-mate
just can't seem to cope with the answers.
351
00:23:59,084 --> 00:24:01,364
Do you mind?
Sorry, sorry.
352
00:24:03,644 --> 00:24:05,644
Just settling now.
353
00:24:13,724 --> 00:24:17,044
55 to beat. What is wrong with you?
Why do you keep talking?
354
00:24:17,084 --> 00:24:20,404
I'm just doing what they do on
the telly. Don't. Just shut up.
355
00:24:22,964 --> 00:24:26,004
And while we're at it, can we have
a bit of order, please?
356
00:24:26,044 --> 00:24:30,444
For God's sake, how am I supposed to
concentrate with that racket going on?! Hey?!
357
00:24:33,844 --> 00:24:35,844
Thank you.
358
00:24:47,324 --> 00:24:50,444
Well, that's too quiet now!
You're just taking the piss!
359
00:24:50,484 --> 00:24:55,004
No, mate, it's you that's taking
the piss. Just throw your darts!
360
00:24:55,044 --> 00:24:58,684
I'll chuck 'em when I'm good and
ready. You're holding it all up.
361
00:24:58,724 --> 00:25:02,004
You know what the problem is with
my son, don't you?
362
00:25:02,044 --> 00:25:05,164
Mm, he's an idiot?
No.
363
00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:08,884
Well, I suppose that's consumptive.
364
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:12,644
No, his problem is
he was born too soon.
365
00:25:12,684 --> 00:25:17,844
How do you mean? Well, these days
they have untold numbers
366
00:25:17,884 --> 00:25:21,884
of conditions. Asperger's, autism,
367
00:25:22,204 --> 00:25:24,004
ACDC,
368
00:25:24,044 --> 00:25:27,764
but when our Geoff were a lad, well,
369
00:25:29,204 --> 00:25:31,964
he was just annoying.
370
00:25:32,004 --> 00:25:33,964
Are we playing this game or what?
371
00:25:34,004 --> 00:25:38,484
Aye, if you tell Penfold here
to calm down. Well, you started it!
372
00:25:38,524 --> 00:25:42,204
All right, game on.
The Oracle to throw.
373
00:25:47,324 --> 00:25:49,324
55 to beat.
374
00:25:57,804 --> 00:25:59,804
That's five scored.
Come on.
375
00:26:05,804 --> 00:26:07,804
Agh!
And another five.
376
00:26:07,844 --> 00:26:10,964
Come on, Geoff. Keep it together.
377
00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:28,084
Yes!
378
00:26:28,124 --> 00:26:30,084
# You're simply the best -
60 scored.
379
00:26:30,124 --> 00:26:32,404
Yes! Yes!
380
00:26:32,444 --> 00:26:34,684
Yes!
# You're better than all the rest...
381
00:26:34,724 --> 00:26:37,444
Easy! Easy!
382
00:26:37,484 --> 00:26:42,124
OK, that's 70 scored. Easy!
If we can have a bit of order
we'll have the question.
383
00:26:42,164 --> 00:26:46,804
Noreen, how many wings
does a butterfly have?
384
00:26:46,844 --> 00:26:52,244
Oh, now I know this one because
it's a trick question, isn't it?
385
00:26:52,284 --> 00:26:54,204
Not really.
386
00:26:54,244 --> 00:26:57,844
A butterfly has no wings.
387
00:26:57,884 --> 00:26:59,884
Is that your final answer?
388
00:27:03,564 --> 00:27:07,044
No wings, final answer.
389
00:27:07,884 --> 00:27:10,684
I'm sorry, the answer's four.
390
00:27:10,724 --> 00:27:14,764
A butterfly has four wings.
Ohh.
391
00:27:14,804 --> 00:27:17,844
I was thinking of a caterpillar.
392
00:27:21,364 --> 00:27:23,364
Un... believable.
393
00:27:26,844 --> 00:27:31,244
Yes, my friend? Tonic water, please,
with just a touch of lime.
394
00:27:31,284 --> 00:27:35,364
That ain't gonna get you merry
in this place. Ooh, I never touch alcohol.
395
00:27:35,404 --> 00:27:40,364
I once drank so much when I was 16
that I had to have my stomach pumped.
396
00:27:40,404 --> 00:27:42,804
Horrendous experience.
You get used to it.
397
00:27:44,564 --> 00:27:47,364
Just the tonic water, yes?
Yes. No, no,
398
00:27:47,404 --> 00:27:52,444
a large Harvey Floorbanger with
an extra toffee vodka shot, please.
399
00:27:55,524 --> 00:27:57,524
Oh, for a friend.
400
00:27:59,564 --> 00:28:01,364
How are you feeling?
Eh?
401
00:28:01,404 --> 00:28:05,204
The incident today, when you got hit
in the face with a lemon.
402
00:28:05,244 --> 00:28:09,764
I inadvertently recorded the whole thing
on my phone if you wanted to have a look?
403
00:28:09,804 --> 00:28:12,964
I've seen enough videos of me
falling arse over tit, thanks.
404
00:28:13,004 --> 00:28:18,084
I can't think one of me doing it
sober's gonna be much different.
You've obviously forgiven him.
405
00:28:18,124 --> 00:28:20,124
Forgiven who?
406
00:28:27,924 --> 00:28:29,924
"Argh!"
407
00:28:38,724 --> 00:28:40,724
Oh. Oh dear.
408
00:28:42,284 --> 00:28:44,324
Thank you very much.
409
00:28:44,364 --> 00:28:48,444
Something for you? I'll have
a vodka and Coke, no lemon.
410
00:28:48,484 --> 00:28:51,124
I've heard they can be
lethal in the wrong hands.
411
00:28:52,644 --> 00:28:55,804
Ooh, yes, we've got
a lot of lines to fill in here.
412
00:28:57,044 --> 00:28:59,244
She looks like a road map
of North Wales.
413
00:28:59,284 --> 00:29:01,764
I think we're gonna
need more than one session.
414
00:29:01,804 --> 00:29:08,004
More than one session? I think we
need a foot pump. Do you mind not
discussing me like a piece of meat?
415
00:29:08,044 --> 00:29:11,044
This is the free consultation.
Free?
416
00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:15,604
How many people actually pay you to
psychologically rip them to pieces?
417
00:29:15,644 --> 00:29:20,004
We have to assess the condemned building
before to try to unpin the foundations.
418
00:29:20,044 --> 00:29:22,044
Will you just get on with it?
419
00:29:22,444 --> 00:29:25,724
She's right, you know, we're wasting
valuable supping time.
420
00:29:31,164 --> 00:29:33,164
Liam,
421
00:29:34,204 --> 00:29:36,204
let the magic begin.
422
00:29:38,644 --> 00:29:41,404
Argh! What the bloody hell's
the matter with you?!
423
00:29:41,444 --> 00:29:45,044
I haven't gone anywhere near you yet.
It's a needle. What about it?
424
00:29:45,084 --> 00:29:48,804
I'm scared of them. Ohh! So why have
you booked in for a course of Botox?
425
00:29:48,844 --> 00:29:52,924
Because I thought my eyes would be
closed. Well, then, close your eyes.
426
00:29:52,964 --> 00:29:56,644
I can't now I've seen you holding
a needle. Close your eyes!
427
00:29:59,204 --> 00:30:02,484
Argh!
That was just my hand. Sorry.
428
00:30:02,524 --> 00:30:06,004
Right, forget it. Please, please.
Have you got something
429
00:30:06,044 --> 00:30:08,204
I could bite onto,
like a piece of wood?
430
00:30:08,244 --> 00:30:12,804
You wanna bit onto a piece of wood?
We're not sawing your leg off.
I could do my lullaby.
431
00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:16,964
What lullaby? When I was a teenager I
used to sing a lullaby to my sisters
432
00:30:17,004 --> 00:30:19,564
to send them to sleep.
She's hardly a baby.
433
00:30:19,604 --> 00:30:22,924
They were 22 at the time.
Ooh, God, the mind boggles.
434
00:30:22,964 --> 00:30:24,964
Right, get on with it.
435
00:30:28,364 --> 00:30:31,044
# Go to sleep, go to sleep
436
00:30:31,084 --> 00:30:35,644
# Close your big bloodshot eyes
437
00:30:35,684 --> 00:30:39,204
# Go to sleep, go to sleep
438
00:30:39,244 --> 00:30:43,844
# The sandman waits for you
439
00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:48,244
# Da-da dum
440
00:30:48,284 --> 00:30:50,004
♪ Da-da dum... ♪
441
00:30:52,444 --> 00:30:56,124
That's 20,
which makes a total of 100
442
00:30:56,164 --> 00:30:58,164
to take the fifth round.
Come on.
443
00:30:59,324 --> 00:31:03,484
Noreen, your question is on
ancient history.
444
00:31:03,524 --> 00:31:07,324
Oh, for God sake! You've just asked
him where do the Wombles live?
445
00:31:07,364 --> 00:31:12,084
There's no consistency. I'm sorry,
I'm just reading the questions as
they come out.
446
00:31:12,124 --> 00:31:16,804
"Archaeologist Howard Carter is most
famously credited
447
00:31:16,844 --> 00:31:19,604
with discovering what?"
448
00:31:20,324 --> 00:31:22,604
Howard Carter...
449
00:31:22,644 --> 00:31:25,124
Howard Carter...
450
00:31:25,164 --> 00:31:28,684
He's cheating. What are you talking
about? I'm just standing
451
00:31:28,724 --> 00:31:31,924
with my arms crossed.
Who crosses their arms like that?
452
00:31:31,964 --> 00:31:35,044
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
best of order, please.
453
00:31:35,084 --> 00:31:37,684
Noreen, do you have an answer?
454
00:31:37,724 --> 00:31:39,444
Um...
455
00:31:39,484 --> 00:31:41,684
Howard Carter...
456
00:31:45,484 --> 00:31:48,764
Was he the one who needed a wash
in Take That?
457
00:31:48,804 --> 00:31:53,204
No, I'm sorry.
He discovered Tutankhamen's tomb.
458
00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:57,044
Howard Carter I mean, not that young
lad from Take That.
459
00:31:57,084 --> 00:32:01,404
Hang on. Weren't you meant to be
throwing these questions over?
It's too late now.
460
00:32:01,444 --> 00:32:05,764
The next question is for Tiger and
it's on television.
461
00:32:05,804 --> 00:32:08,764
"What is Del Boy's surname?"
462
00:32:08,804 --> 00:32:10,284
Trotter.
Yep.
463
00:32:10,324 --> 00:32:12,844
Nah, nah, I'm not having that.
No way.
464
00:32:12,884 --> 00:32:16,044
What are you doing? It is Trotter,
that's the right answer.
465
00:32:16,084 --> 00:32:20,444
What are you doing?
That is enough. You're no longer
in the competition. It's a fix.
466
00:32:20,484 --> 00:32:25,444
Have you heard the questions they've
been asked? Come on, son, let's sit
down and have a drink.
467
00:32:25,484 --> 00:32:28,804
Come on, come on.
468
00:32:28,844 --> 00:32:31,004
I want to speak to the manager.
469
00:32:31,044 --> 00:32:34,564
This is a bloody disgrace.
You've not got a clue, none of you.
470
00:32:34,604 --> 00:32:37,004
Look, man,
I'm just reading the questions.
471
00:32:37,044 --> 00:32:39,004
I'm just reading them off the paper.
472
00:32:39,044 --> 00:32:44,524
It's wonderful. You look ten years
younger. I must admit, I do feel rather...
473
00:32:44,564 --> 00:32:46,964
Oh, my God!
474
00:32:47,004 --> 00:32:49,004
Waaaa!
475
00:32:52,164 --> 00:32:55,684
Right, that's it. The quiz is over.
I knew this was a bad idea.
476
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:58,644
It is him, the mama's boy, he's
causing the trouble.
477
00:32:58,684 --> 00:33:01,324
She's not my mum,
she's a business associate.
478
00:33:01,364 --> 00:33:03,884
Please, could we finish the quiz?
479
00:33:03,924 --> 00:33:07,604
We came a day early because we saw
it on the website.
480
00:33:07,644 --> 00:33:10,164
I'm sorry, I can't have
any more trouble.
481
00:33:10,204 --> 00:33:13,044
No more trouble. Please, I promise?
482
00:33:13,084 --> 00:33:15,884
Get this wound up -
and get the karaoke on.
483
00:33:17,204 --> 00:33:19,204
Sit down.
Ohh.
484
00:33:23,124 --> 00:33:26,444
Mrs Temple-Savage, are you OK?
I'm fine. Come on,
485
00:33:26,484 --> 00:33:27,964
get it wrapped up.
486
00:33:31,164 --> 00:33:34,444
OK, this is the final round -
and it's all change.
487
00:33:35,324 --> 00:33:39,604
Would all contestants please swap
places with their partners.
488
00:33:39,644 --> 00:33:42,564
You've gotta be joking!
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
489
00:33:42,604 --> 00:33:44,404
Sit. Sit.
490
00:33:44,444 --> 00:33:48,084
All right, Kathy to throw first.
Game on.
491
00:33:49,804 --> 00:33:52,004
She's coming over here.
492
00:33:52,044 --> 00:33:56,644
Excuse me.
My face feels rather strange.
493
00:33:56,684 --> 00:34:00,044
Of course it does. Everything
feels strange the first time.
494
00:34:00,084 --> 00:34:04,084
Even you must remember that. A bit of
tingling in the face is very common.
495
00:34:04,124 --> 00:34:07,044
Yes, but you injected me
in my forehead
496
00:34:08,684 --> 00:34:11,004
and I can feel it in my neck.
497
00:34:11,044 --> 00:34:16,564
Let's face it. A bit of tightening
around that baggy old gizzard isn't
gonna do you any harm, is it?
498
00:34:16,604 --> 00:34:18,644
No offence.
499
00:34:18,684 --> 00:34:20,684
None taken, I'm sure.
500
00:34:22,164 --> 00:34:24,284
Right, sup up.
Where are we going?
501
00:34:24,324 --> 00:34:26,324
Anywhere.
502
00:34:29,844 --> 00:34:33,884
I do not know what to say. It was an
accident. I might have brain damage.
503
00:34:33,924 --> 00:34:37,964
And you think being hit in the head
with a lemon will make it worse? No.
504
00:34:38,004 --> 00:34:41,524
I mean you might have caused it.
Do you know, in my family,
505
00:34:41,564 --> 00:34:43,564
we have a saying.
506
00:34:43,604 --> 00:34:49,484
"A lemon in the face is better
than... a toad in the hole".
507
00:34:49,524 --> 00:34:52,804
That's quite a specific family
saying. Si, claro.
508
00:34:52,844 --> 00:34:54,804
My mother, she's very wise.
509
00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:57,564
We've got quite a wise saying
in our family an' all.
510
00:34:57,604 --> 00:35:01,484
"Where there's blame, there's
a claim". Please, you do not
understand.
511
00:35:01,524 --> 00:35:04,924
I could lose my job here.
I don't want you to lose your job.
512
00:35:04,964 --> 00:35:07,564
But I reckon I am due some sort of
compensation.
513
00:35:07,604 --> 00:35:09,644
Please, I have nothing.
514
00:35:09,684 --> 00:35:12,204
Look, my trousers, they are empty.
515
00:35:12,244 --> 00:35:14,244
I very much doubt that.
516
00:35:20,444 --> 00:35:22,444
How are you this evening?
517
00:35:22,484 --> 00:35:24,484
I beg your pardon?
518
00:35:24,524 --> 00:35:26,524
I said...
519
00:35:28,324 --> 00:35:33,124
I think she said, "I trust you're
both enjoying your evening."
520
00:35:33,164 --> 00:35:35,164
Oh, right. Very good, thank you.
521
00:35:35,204 --> 00:35:37,204
Ah.
522
00:35:40,004 --> 00:35:42,804
There's not a ventriloquist on
tonight, is there?
523
00:35:44,430 --> 00:35:47,390
So now we've got a Tiger for Clive.
31 to beat.
524
00:35:49,910 --> 00:35:51,910
Just settle in now.
525
00:35:55,470 --> 00:35:57,950
What do you think you're doing?
526
00:35:57,990 --> 00:36:00,990
Sorry. You can take that one again,
son, if you want to.
527
00:36:02,062 --> 00:36:04,262
But it is a treble 19.
Oh, wicked.
528
00:36:09,182 --> 00:36:14,022
What do you think you're doing?
I thought it helped you. Of course
it don't help me, you dick.
529
00:36:14,062 --> 00:36:18,942
Come on, ladies. Do you mind saving
this little domestic till later?
We've a match to finish.
530
00:36:21,902 --> 00:36:25,422
And that's a one. 58 scored.
531
00:36:25,462 --> 00:36:30,302
Noreen, you need 59 or more
to take the final round. Oh, 'eck.
532
00:36:30,342 --> 00:36:35,342
I don't think these are the right
glasses for this sort of thing.
533
00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:38,567
Right, here we go.
534
00:36:44,327 --> 00:36:48,047
Bloody hell! Do us all a favour,
love, and find the other glasses.
535
00:36:48,087 --> 00:36:50,807
I think I've left my readers
in my room.
536
00:36:50,847 --> 00:36:54,967
Come on, get on with it.
Just concentrate, look at the board.
537
00:36:55,007 --> 00:36:57,647
It's here where you want to be,
in the treble 20.
538
00:36:57,687 --> 00:37:01,407
You're the right height, just about
3'2" wide. Like mother like son.
539
00:37:01,447 --> 00:37:03,447
She's my PA.
540
00:37:05,727 --> 00:37:10,207
Right, that's it. You're gonna have
my eye out with the next one.
Hang on.
541
00:37:10,247 --> 00:37:12,247
Hang on.
542
00:37:17,167 --> 00:37:19,167
What the hell is he doing?
543
00:37:23,207 --> 00:37:27,287
Right, throw it at my head.
What? Hang on a minute.
544
00:37:27,327 --> 00:37:31,607
Throw the dart exactly the same but
at the top of my forehead.
545
00:37:31,647 --> 00:37:34,367
Give me the dart,
I'll throw it at his head.
546
00:37:34,407 --> 00:37:37,127
Don't think about it, just do it.
547
00:37:38,207 --> 00:37:40,207
59 to take the round.
548
00:37:45,207 --> 00:37:47,327
Yes! Yes! Come on.
549
00:37:48,007 --> 00:37:50,327
That's 64 to take the final round.
550
00:37:51,967 --> 00:37:55,647
Your question is on pop music.
Huh. Bring it on.
551
00:37:56,487 --> 00:37:57,567
OK.
552
00:37:57,607 --> 00:38:02,127
"1960s piano playing legend
Gladys Jordan
553
00:38:02,167 --> 00:38:04,167
was better known as who?"
554
00:38:06,007 --> 00:38:08,047
Um...
555
00:38:08,087 --> 00:38:10,087
This is easy.
Shut up.
556
00:38:10,807 --> 00:38:13,007
I must hurry you, Geoff.
557
00:38:13,047 --> 00:38:15,167
Can I hear the question again,
please?
558
00:38:16,407 --> 00:38:21,847
"1960s piano playing legend Gladys
Jordan was better known as who?"
559
00:38:22,807 --> 00:38:24,807
Even I know this one.
560
00:38:25,727 --> 00:38:27,967
I'm gonna have to press you
for an answer.
561
00:38:29,567 --> 00:38:34,647
I've got it. It's a trick question.
The answer is Liberace.
562
00:38:34,687 --> 00:38:38,007
You think Liberace's real name is
Gladys Jordan?
563
00:38:39,247 --> 00:38:42,647
I'm sorry, Geoff, that's not
the answer I've got on the card.
564
00:38:42,687 --> 00:38:44,887
I can throw it over to Clive.
Mrs Mills.
565
00:38:44,927 --> 00:38:48,247
Invalid question. Invalid question.
566
00:38:48,287 --> 00:38:52,567
Piano solos
cannot be categorised as pop songs.
567
00:38:52,607 --> 00:38:56,767
Oh, I think you're splitting hairs
now, son. This is just rubbish.
568
00:38:56,807 --> 00:39:00,887
Where are the proper questions?
Somebody ask me any of the names
569
00:39:00,927 --> 00:39:03,647
of the 44 presidents of
the United States.
570
00:39:03,687 --> 00:39:05,527
Go on, ask me.
571
00:39:05,567 --> 00:39:07,567
Number six, John Quincy Adams.
572
00:39:08,567 --> 00:39:12,167
Number 19, Rutherford B Hayes.
573
00:39:12,207 --> 00:39:15,807
35th, John F Kennedy.
All right, all right, that's enough.
574
00:39:15,847 --> 00:39:19,367
What is the chemical element symbol
for mercury?
575
00:39:20,087 --> 00:39:24,047
Hg. What is the longest river in
Europe? The Volga.
576
00:39:24,087 --> 00:39:27,207
Who was the youngest person to ever
have won Wimbledon?
577
00:39:27,247 --> 00:39:31,687
You don't know, do you?
Charlotte Dod, 1887!
578
00:39:31,727 --> 00:39:36,807
Come on, son. Let's try and be
magnanimous in defeat.
579
00:39:36,847 --> 00:39:41,367
Defeat? It's a joke.
It's null and void.
580
00:39:43,007 --> 00:39:45,007
Look. Look!
581
00:39:46,407 --> 00:39:48,967
It's not even a real dart board
anyway!
582
00:39:50,607 --> 00:39:52,607
Look!
583
00:39:52,647 --> 00:39:54,647
Look!
584
00:39:54,687 --> 00:39:56,687
Look!
585
00:39:59,087 --> 00:40:01,807
Pah! I am The Oracle!
586
00:40:01,847 --> 00:40:04,287
Hear me roar!
587
00:40:04,327 --> 00:40:05,607
RAAAAAAAAR!
588
00:40:06,807 --> 00:40:09,727
Security up here, please.
Mario, Kenneth, anybody!
589
00:40:17,807 --> 00:40:19,727
What do you think you're doing?
590
00:40:19,767 --> 00:40:22,487
Are you feeling all right,
Mrs Temple-Savage?
591
00:40:24,567 --> 00:40:26,407
I'm not that sure I am.
592
00:40:30,527 --> 00:40:32,887
Darren, get some music on,
get over here.
593
00:40:32,927 --> 00:40:34,927
Give me a hand to get her outside.
594
00:40:37,007 --> 00:40:39,807
Get one on either side.
Get her out in the fresh air.
595
00:40:54,487 --> 00:40:58,407
Come on, son,
let's have an early night.
596
00:41:00,647 --> 00:41:02,007
You!
597
00:41:06,847 --> 00:41:08,607
Come on!
598
00:41:10,047 --> 00:41:11,927
Hurry up!
599
00:41:11,967 --> 00:41:15,247
This place is an absolute nuthouse.
600
00:41:15,287 --> 00:41:18,687
I must say, there's never
a dull moment.
601
00:41:18,727 --> 00:41:23,327
Jacqueline, I think if I have one
more day incarcerated in this hotel,
602
00:41:23,367 --> 00:41:26,967
I may just go insane.
Well, the thing is,
603
00:41:27,007 --> 00:41:30,167
it's all-inclusive here.
604
00:41:30,207 --> 00:41:34,647
Well, we don't usually bring
any money out with us.
605
00:41:34,687 --> 00:41:38,847
I'm taking you on a day out tomorrow.
Oh, Glynn.
606
00:41:41,887 --> 00:41:45,967
Oof. What do you reckon was wrong
with that geezer?
607
00:41:46,007 --> 00:41:49,087
He's what's commonly known
in the medical profession
608
00:41:49,127 --> 00:41:52,967
as a big fat nutter. Oh, talk of
the devil. Where have you been?
609
00:41:53,007 --> 00:41:55,327
Just been claiming a bit of
compensation.
610
00:41:55,367 --> 00:41:57,847
What's that mean, compensation?
From who?
611
00:41:57,887 --> 00:42:02,167
Turns out it was that barman who
threw the lemon and knocked me out.
612
00:42:02,207 --> 00:42:06,927
You won't get nothing out of him. He
tried to rip us off last year.
Oh, don't worry.
613
00:42:06,967 --> 00:42:10,487
He's already paid in full. And I
think if I play my cards right,
614
00:42:10,527 --> 00:42:15,007
he might give me another instalment
tomorrow night. Ohh.
615
00:42:15,047 --> 00:42:17,047
Euw...
616
00:42:23,287 --> 00:42:28,047
Here you go, son.
A nice cup of Horlicks.
617
00:42:28,087 --> 00:42:30,047
Where did you get that from?
618
00:42:30,087 --> 00:42:36,247
I brought it with us. You see, you
can always rely on your old mam.
619
00:42:37,167 --> 00:42:40,047
Now, have you taken your tablets?
620
00:42:40,087 --> 00:42:43,087
I don't want you getting all upset
again.
621
00:42:43,127 --> 00:42:48,167
Dr Lumis gave me spare bottle, you
know, for your panic attacks.
622
00:42:48,207 --> 00:42:50,207
They're not panic attacks.
623
00:42:51,447 --> 00:42:55,287
People don't understand what it
means to be a tortured genius.
624
00:42:55,327 --> 00:42:57,327
You're like your father.
625
00:42:58,647 --> 00:43:00,647
On our last holiday,
626
00:43:00,687 --> 00:43:03,767
as we went through Customs,
627
00:43:03,807 --> 00:43:09,047
he shouted, "I have nothing to
declare but my genius."
628
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:11,087
Wild.
Wild?
629
00:43:11,127 --> 00:43:13,127
He were furious.
630
00:43:13,167 --> 00:43:17,647
They found 2,000 ciggies
and a novelty lighter
631
00:43:17,687 --> 00:43:21,007
in the shape of a hand grenade.
632
00:43:23,087 --> 00:43:28,367
Oh, it feels funny us having
separate apartments.
633
00:43:29,927 --> 00:43:31,807
Do you want me to pull out a Z-bed?
634
00:43:31,847 --> 00:43:35,687
No, Mother. I'm 40 years old.
635
00:43:37,447 --> 00:43:39,447
I'll be fine.
636
00:43:39,487 --> 00:43:42,807
All right, son.
See you in the morning.
637
00:43:43,647 --> 00:43:45,647
See you in the morning.
638
00:43:47,407 --> 00:43:51,447
Do you want me to leave the light
on in the other room
639
00:43:51,487 --> 00:43:53,487
and this door ajar
640
00:43:54,527 --> 00:43:56,527
just as a nightlight?
641
00:43:59,847 --> 00:44:01,847
Yes, please.
642
00:44:03,567 --> 00:44:06,767
Good night, son.
Good night.
643
00:44:58,844 --> 00:45:28,080
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644
00:45:29,305 --> 00:45:35,602
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