1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
2
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,160
Do you know,
I really did enjoy yesterday.
3
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,760
Well, yes, lounging by a pool
is all well and good,
4
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,560
but it doesn't keep you active.
5
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,680
Oh, don't worry,
6
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,600
Donald and I keep ourselves extremely
active, thank you very much.
7
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,680
Which is why I've arranged
another activity for today.
8
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:55,000
Oh, you got to be joking?
I'm supposed to be on my holidays.
9
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:59,400
You enjoyed yesterday, you said
yourself we make a great team.
10
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,000
What is it?
And can we get a cab there?
11
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,720
Oh, don't worry, you're within
touching distance of it.
12
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,200
Oooh, I like the sound of that!
13
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There you go, but listen,
if you lose this key again,
14
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,640
I'm going to have to lock you
in your room
15
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,680
and tell the bogeyman
where you live!
16
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,760
I'm only joking, pet,
17
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,960
I'm sure the bogeyman
doesn't know you're on holiday.
18
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,240
Oh, heck, does she want a lolly?
19
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,120
Oh, dear, I think
I said the wrong thing there.
20
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,120
Hmm. I also think the problem
was your face.
21
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,160
What about my face?
22
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,560
She saw it.
Oh, very funny.
23
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,920
Lesley, what is all this crap?
24
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,000
'Crap'? How dare you.
That's a lifetime's collection.
25
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,440
A collection of crap.
What is it doing here?
26
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,040
It's for the Spanish market.
I'd better get a move on.
27
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,040
You can hold the fort this end,
can't you?
28
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,120
I do not know
what this means but yes, go.
29
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,160
Right, see you later.
Luego.
30
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:19,560
Buenas dias. Hola. Buenas dias...
31
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,600
Mateo! What on earth is going on?
The lifts aren't working.
32
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,080
I know, it's the reason
the lift men are here.
33
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,600
I've just had to walk down
14 flights of...
34
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,880
Ostia! Miss Temple-Savage!
Are you all OK?
35
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,920
My back... My back...
36
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,120
You fell right down them stairs.
37
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,520
No? Did I? I can't say I noticed.
38
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:58,560
Oh, yes, you came down them with
a right thump, do you not remember?
39
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,880
Of course I remember.
40
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,960
You just said you didn't notice.
41
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,360
Here, sit down, you are OK.
42
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,200
How can she be OK?
She fell right down them stairs.
43
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,960
Just go away!
44
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,040
Sorry, I didn't mean to shout,
I just meant -
45
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,640
Oh, it's all right,
I quite understand.
46
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:23,080
You don't feel yourself when you've
had a wallop on the head, do you?
47
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,360
I do not know, what is 'wallop'?
48
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:32,600
Oh, dear, your head's
blowing up like a balloon.
49
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,280
Have you got some vinegar
and brown paper?
50
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,120
Vinegar and brown...?
What on earth are talking about?
51
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:46,200
Well, it worked for Jack and Jill.
Will you just go away!
52
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,520
Savage!
53
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,040
What the hell are you doing?
54
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,600
Oh, Crystal!
55
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,160
Oh, what a delightful surprise.
56
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,800
You look...sensational.
57
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,840
That's more
than I could say for you.
58
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,840
Ooh, hello. Are you just booking in?
59
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:15,240
I'm on my own today on account
of my son being out on business.
60
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,160
You don't fancy a game of dominoes,
do you?
61
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:23,600
No, thank you.
I thought not. Bye-bye.
62
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,760
What on earth have you done?
63
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,280
I haven't do anything, they're all
like that.
64
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,040
No, I mean you, Savage.
65
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,480
I mean, how many flights
of stairs did you fall down?
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00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,280
Just a slight loss of footing,
67
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,840
but I seem to have survived
relatively unscathed.
68
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,080
Yeah, well, that's a matter
of opinion.
69
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,160
Sorry.
70
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,440
Oh, Elvis, just leave the bags here.
I'm just staying one night.
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00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,320
Here? What do you wanna stay
here for?
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00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,760
Do... I-I mean,
my goodness, what a thrill.
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00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,880
Mateo, can we have the honeymoon
suite refreshed
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00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,080
for Miss Hennessy-Vass?
75
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:09,160
Oh, I think the honeymoon suite has
just been booked for this evening.
76
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,200
Well, then kindly unbook it.
77
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,720
OK.
78
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,960
And then I'm going
to take you to lunch,
79
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000
after I've made my inspection,
of course.
80
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,240
I'll come with you.
No, there's no need.
81
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,200
I know my way around, you know.
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00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,080
You just scurry off
and book that table for two.
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00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,520
Oh...
Oh, Miss Hennessy-Vass,
84
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,840
I am wondering
if I can speak to you?
85
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,640
I'm waiting.
Oh, yes, well,
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00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:40,440
next month, I will be a barman
at the Solana for ten years.
87
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,880
What do you want? A cake?
No...
88
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:47,520
I am thinking
it is time for promotion?
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00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,640
Maybe...
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00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,960
Or maybe not.
Hmm...
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00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,240
Mateo...
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00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,680
I'll be in touch.
93
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,000
That's it, Helena, spread it all out,
try and make it look nice.
94
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,000
See if you can get a couple
of euros each for it all.
95
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,160
What's going on here,
then, you having a clear out?
96
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,200
Spanish market.
97
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,920
Tea towels and car boot crap?
What's Spanish about that?
98
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,240
Well, you're in Spain, aren't you?
99
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:44,280
I am beautiful,
no matter what they say.
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00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,000
Words can't bring me down.
101
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,680
I am beautiful
in every single way...
102
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,480
Er, excuse me,
am I interrupting you?
103
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:58,840
Oh, sorry, love. Sit yourself down,
get your trotters out.
104
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,640
Trotters?
105
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,600
Yeah, don't worry
if they're a bit wiffy,
106
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,840
there's a bottle of Cilit Bang
and a cloth behind the desk.
107
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,600
You're not my eleven o'clock
pedicure, are you?
108
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,840
Crystal Hennessy-Vass.
That's not that freshwater colonic
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00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,880
they're doing in the indoor market,
is it?
110
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,600
My name is Crystal Hennessy-Vass,
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00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,920
and I am the CEO
of the Solana Leisure group.
112
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,360
Oh, shit.
That's one way of putting it.
113
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,320
I got the cheap shampoo
from the pound shop,
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00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,000
you remembered to keep them
Loreal bottles, didn't you?
115
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,800
Oh...
116
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,960
Three-star thinking boys, I like it.
117
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,600
It's some kind of market.
118
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,080
There you are then, off you go.
What do you mean?
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00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,480
You love a market, don't you? That's
where you buy all your clothes.
120
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,040
No, I do not.
All right, calm down.
121
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,320
I buy all my gear
from catalogues these days.
122
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,960
You try and find a market
that'll take £1.50 a week.
123
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,000
Morning!
All right?
124
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,440
Great night last night.
125
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,360
Was it? Lovely wartime
feel about the evening,
126
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,240
making your own entertainment,
127
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,440
everybody pulling together,
you know.
128
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,760
The only pulling he's doing on this
holiday is when he gets to his room.
129
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,800
Do you mind?
130
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:26,400
Oh, don't worry,
the right girl will come along.
131
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,680
I mean, if my son can
find the woman of his dreams,
132
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,200
there's hope for everyone.
133
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,120
I don't mean there's anything
wrong with our Geoff,
134
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,760
he just has exceptionally
high standards.
135
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,800
Yeah, right.
136
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,720
Oh, my, God.
137
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120
Oh! Blood and sand, they're here!
138
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,720
I'd better go find some sunbeds.
139
00:09:12,981 --> 00:09:15,821
So you think we need a gimmick
to pull the customers in.
140
00:09:15,867 --> 00:09:19,767
Exactly. We could give away a free
makeover to one of the residents.
141
00:09:19,802 --> 00:09:23,642
No! We've been through this, we're meant
to sell our services, not give them away.
142
00:09:23,682 --> 00:09:25,482
No, no, no, no! It's brilliant,
143
00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:28,482
you have a guest walking around
the hotel, looking fabulous,
144
00:09:28,522 --> 00:09:30,842
and telling everybody
to go to Blow and Go.
145
00:09:30,882 --> 00:09:33,962
Yes, actually,
I think that was my idea.
146
00:09:35,202 --> 00:09:40,522
Ah, Crystal, there you are. We're
due at the restaurant in 15 minutes.
147
00:09:40,562 --> 00:09:42,282
I've booked the San Sebastian.
148
00:09:42,322 --> 00:09:45,642
It's very exclusive, somewhat
of a hidden treasure, you might say.
149
00:09:45,682 --> 00:09:50,722
Ahh, the San Sebastian, I adore
Sasha, you do know the manager?
150
00:09:50,762 --> 00:09:56,122
Of course. Sasha,
she's a close personal friend.
151
00:09:56,842 --> 00:09:59,322
Sasha is a 'he'.
152
00:10:00,322 --> 00:10:05,362
Oh, so the operation was a success?
153
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,842
Must be another Sasha.
154
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:14,162
I'll be outside.
155
00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:19,002
And don't worry about Temple-Savage,
156
00:10:19,042 --> 00:10:21,682
she won't be on your back
for very much longer.
157
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:25,402
Right, I have to go.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
158
00:10:43,082 --> 00:10:45,802
Oh, steady on, Sasha,
or I'll be in no fit state
159
00:10:45,842 --> 00:10:47,762
to work this afternoon,
that's my third!
160
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:49,802
Fifth.
Sorry?
161
00:10:50,522 --> 00:10:53,762
Nothing. Do you know,
I've never been here before.
162
00:10:53,802 --> 00:10:56,362
Yeah, it is rather chic, isn't it?
163
00:10:56,402 --> 00:10:59,442
Well, it certainly knocks
the Solana into a cocked hat.
164
00:11:00,122 --> 00:11:01,842
I mean, what I mean is -
165
00:11:01,882 --> 00:11:03,842
Well, yes, yes, I know.
166
00:11:03,882 --> 00:11:07,002
That is why we had to bring
the Solana down to a three star.
167
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,082
We can't possibly compete with all
of this nor would we wish to.
168
00:11:10,122 --> 00:11:12,682
Well, this is it, you were
absolutely right all along.
169
00:11:12,722 --> 00:11:17,722
We're budget and we're proud.
That's what you said, isn't it -
170
00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:21,042
Yeah, I did say that.
We are budget and we are proud,
171
00:11:21,082 --> 00:11:25,682
which brings me seamlessly to the
whole point of this luncheon, Joyce.
172
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:29,562
The staff wages bill
is still far too high.
173
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:35,402
Believe me, Crystal, I have been
through this with a fine tooth comb,
174
00:11:35,442 --> 00:11:38,482
we can't possibly cut staff wages
anymore,
175
00:11:38,522 --> 00:11:41,162
they're living hand-to-mouth
as it is.
176
00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:45,002
Yeah, well, that is why I am cutting
your salary by 50%.
177
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,602
You're asking me
to take a 50% pay cut?
178
00:11:52,402 --> 00:11:55,562
Of course I'm not.
Oh, that's a relief.
179
00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:57,442
No. I've found somebody
180
00:11:57,482 --> 00:12:00,042
who is going to do your job
for 50% less.
181
00:12:01,362 --> 00:12:04,322
You're firing me? Of course I'm not
firing you, Joyce,
182
00:12:04,362 --> 00:12:07,202
that would leave the most terrible
stain on your CV.
183
00:12:07,242 --> 00:12:09,242
We are friends, after all.
184
00:12:09,282 --> 00:12:11,042
We are...
185
00:12:11,082 --> 00:12:13,322
I'm 'letting you go', darling.
186
00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:16,642
Now, as of today your contract
ends, but don't worry,
187
00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:19,362
you can stay in your apartment for
another week.
188
00:12:19,402 --> 00:12:21,442
I'm not a complete bastard.
189
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,802
A week to vacate my apartment?
190
00:12:25,842 --> 00:12:27,842
That's what friends are for.
191
00:12:36,442 --> 00:12:39,682
Well, I must say, this is lovely.
192
00:12:40,962 --> 00:12:42,682
Yeah.
193
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:48,602
I was just saying,
this is lovely, very nice.
194
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:52,802
Mother... She's Romanian, not deaf.
195
00:12:54,322 --> 00:13:00,842
Did...Geoff...meet you
at the airport?
196
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,562
No, but he told me
which bus to catch.
197
00:13:05,602 --> 00:13:08,122
The bus is actually quicker
than the taxi.
198
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:11,962
You...look...lovely.
199
00:13:12,682 --> 00:13:14,682
Lovely.
Thank you.
200
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:19,602
And a lovely name too, Rubella.
201
00:13:19,642 --> 00:13:22,842
It used to mean German measles
in my day,
202
00:13:22,882 --> 00:13:27,602
but I suspect it's something much
nicer in your language.
203
00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:32,802
Ionela. My sister suffered terribly
from them as a child.
204
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:36,162
My what?
Her name's Ionela.
205
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:39,882
No, it's not, it's Doreen.
206
00:13:40,642 --> 00:13:44,042
What?
My sister's name, it's Doreen.
207
00:13:44,082 --> 00:13:46,082
It's her name.
208
00:13:46,122 --> 00:13:51,242
Oh! Is your name Doreen as well?
So who's Rubella?
209
00:13:51,282 --> 00:13:54,562
Nobody!
Your sister is German?
210
00:13:54,602 --> 00:13:57,202
My sister? German? No.
211
00:13:57,242 --> 00:13:59,762
She was born in Widnes.
212
00:13:59,802 --> 00:14:05,722
I was just saying, your name
in German means measles.
213
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,242
Er, no, no, it doesn't.
214
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:17,362
What I mean is the type of Germans
my sister had were called Rubella.
215
00:14:17,402 --> 00:14:23,762
Not Germans, measles. And the type
of measles Rubella had were...
216
00:14:25,002 --> 00:14:27,522
Hang on, that's not right either.
217
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,562
Why don't you have a siesta?
218
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:34,362
I could take Rubella to the market
if you want a lie down, son.
219
00:14:34,402 --> 00:14:36,802
How many times? It's Ionela!
220
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,842
I would like to change my clothes.
221
00:14:38,882 --> 00:14:44,122
Change your clothes? Right.
Oh, do you want the key for the room?
222
00:14:44,162 --> 00:14:46,162
No, I need some money.
223
00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:50,242
Right.
224
00:14:50,282 --> 00:14:53,802
You don't need money,
this holiday's inconclusive.
225
00:14:53,842 --> 00:14:55,842
'All inclusive'.
226
00:14:55,882 --> 00:14:57,882
So I can change my clothes.
227
00:14:58,722 --> 00:15:03,602
I've only got 50 euro.
Thank you, Geoff, I will be back.
228
00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:10,242
Oh, son.
229
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:14,842
I think we need to have a talk.
230
00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:21,402
Oh! Are we having piano lessons?
231
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:26,282
When I was a teenager,
I used to beg my uncle Dennis
232
00:15:26,322 --> 00:15:29,082
to let me have a bash on his upright.
233
00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:33,962
Hi, Glynn. Billy, this is Jacqueline
who I was telling you about.
234
00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:37,882
Oh, enchanted. Oh...
235
00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:43,082
I was just saying to Glynn, I was
always pestering my uncle Dennis
236
00:15:43,122 --> 00:15:47,442
for private lessons.
He won prizes for his fingering.
237
00:15:47,482 --> 00:15:50,602
Um, Billy's not gonna give you
piano lessons, Jacqueline,
238
00:15:50,642 --> 00:15:52,642
he's gonna give
you a singing lesson.
239
00:15:52,682 --> 00:15:54,682
A singing lesson?
Yeah...
240
00:15:54,722 --> 00:15:57,642
I couldn't believe it
when I bumped into Billy,
241
00:15:57,682 --> 00:16:00,642
he used to be very big
on the nudist cabaret scene.
242
00:16:00,682 --> 00:16:02,922
Billy Sparkle and his baby grand.
243
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,602
That can't be your real name.
244
00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:07,642
No, my real name's Brian.
245
00:16:08,442 --> 00:16:10,722
Well, shall we start
with some scales?
246
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,122
Yes, let's start
with something easy.
247
00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:18,362
Ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh.
248
00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:25,282
Ah, ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah, ah. Ah. Ah.
249
00:16:26,002 --> 00:16:29,042
How much singing experience
have you had, Jacqueline?
250
00:16:29,082 --> 00:16:31,082
I've sung with Bananarama.
251
00:16:31,602 --> 00:16:33,602
I can well believe it.
252
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,082
Free prize draw, love.
253
00:16:38,842 --> 00:16:41,162
Here you are, love,
it's a free prize draw.
254
00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:43,402
You can win a 50 euro make over.
255
00:16:43,442 --> 00:16:45,322
Just hand into the pool bar
256
00:16:45,362 --> 00:16:47,682
after you've printed
your name on the back.
257
00:16:47,722 --> 00:16:50,322
If you can't manage that,
a thumb print will do.
258
00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:52,762
Kenneth, I'm a bit worried
about this makeover.
259
00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:54,642
Everybody here's a bit middle aged.
260
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:57,364
Middle aged? This lot here
are more Middle Earth.
261
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:01,364
What are we gonna do?
262
00:17:01,404 --> 00:17:04,244
I don't want to sound unkind,
but we can't have the big reveal
263
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,004
of our free makeover with somebody
264
00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:07,764
who looks like the back end
of a bus.
265
00:17:07,804 --> 00:17:10,004
Liam, just lately you've started
266
00:17:10,044 --> 00:17:14,204
to develop quite a nasty, peevish,
uncharitable streak. I like it.
267
00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:16,404
I'm only thinking
about the image of Blow & Go.
268
00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,444
Don't worry,
I'm not as stupid as you look.
269
00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:22,484
Oh, look, it's Annie! Annie! You
all right? What are you doing here?
270
00:17:22,524 --> 00:17:24,404
Shut up!
Ow! What are you doing that for?
271
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:28,404
You do not know that girl. I do, it's Annie
she does the karaoke at the Picadilly Bar.
272
00:17:28,444 --> 00:17:30,444
Ow! Stop doing that!
273
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,844
That is the winner
of our makeover competition.
274
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,924
How's she gonna win?
It's drawn at random.
275
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,964
Oh, stop, being so stupid.
276
00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:39,364
You're gonna fix it!
You're disgusting!
277
00:17:39,404 --> 00:17:43,004
Yeah, well, so are the people lying
on these sunbeds. Good point.
278
00:17:43,044 --> 00:17:47,044
Free prize draw,
win a 50 euro makeover.
279
00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:51,284
Winner drawn completely at random,
we don't know who's gonna win.
280
00:17:51,324 --> 00:17:53,324
Stupid boy.
281
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:02,044
What is it?
It's a Rubik's cube.
282
00:18:03,924 --> 00:18:06,324
He's trying to work out
where you plug it in.
283
00:18:06,364 --> 00:18:10,044
What does it do? It doesn't do
anything, you've got to solve it.
284
00:18:10,084 --> 00:18:12,324
Each side's got
to be a different colour.
285
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,764
Each side is a different colour.
286
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,084
A solid colour.
We used to have a boy at school
287
00:18:18,124 --> 00:18:20,004
that could do it in 38 seconds.
288
00:18:20,044 --> 00:18:24,284
Philip Piggott, a right short,
fat, speccy bastard he was.
289
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:29,524
Right, go on, I'll time you.
290
00:18:31,484 --> 00:18:33,484
Ti?
291
00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:35,524
Ti, are you doing this or what?
292
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,724
Back in a minute.
293
00:18:41,244 --> 00:18:43,484
I've just got
to do a spot of advertising.
294
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,244
Right, let's have a look
at this thing.
295
00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:23,964
What was that all about?
296
00:19:24,004 --> 00:19:27,844
If that was for the benefit of that
blonde, she didn't even notice you.
297
00:19:27,884 --> 00:19:29,884
She never looked up once.
298
00:19:30,644 --> 00:19:32,644
Oh, she noticed me all right.
299
00:19:54,204 --> 00:19:56,924
I can not believe it,
why make your decision so quick?
300
00:19:56,964 --> 00:20:00,884
What did Miss Hennessy-Vass say
to you? Nothing, nothing at all,
301
00:20:00,924 --> 00:20:03,724
I just feel it's time to move on.
302
00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:06,764
I've had my eye
on Agadir for sometime.
303
00:20:06,804 --> 00:20:10,964
Oh, please, no, this song
it drive me crazy. That's Agadoo.
304
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:14,444
Mrs Temple-Savage, I thought you were
at lunch with Miss Hennessy-Vass.
305
00:20:14,484 --> 00:20:16,724
I'm back, although not for long.
306
00:20:16,764 --> 00:20:18,964
I've just got a few bits
for the Spanish market,
307
00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:21,764
I hope that's all right.
Yes, of course, whatever you want.
308
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:24,684
Miss Temple-Savage is leaving us.
Oh, where you gan?
309
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,484
This means 'where are you going?'
310
00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:28,684
Yes, I know, thank you, Mateo.
311
00:20:28,724 --> 00:20:33,724
I'm leaving The Solana, I just think
it's the right time to go.
312
00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:37,924
She's sacked you!
She has not sacked me, Lesley.
313
00:20:37,964 --> 00:20:43,444
I've just decided, with great
thought, to move on to pastures new.
314
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:46,084
Do you think it's worth me throwing
my hat into the ring?
315
00:20:46,124 --> 00:20:49,124
I don't think that'll be necessary.
316
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,884
Sorry to hear you got the boot,
Joyce,
317
00:20:51,924 --> 00:20:55,244
but these days
it's survival of the fittest.
318
00:20:55,284 --> 00:20:57,284
Janey!
You!
319
00:20:57,964 --> 00:21:00,204
She gave my job to you?
320
00:21:00,244 --> 00:21:03,804
Ostia! If you were the fittest,
what did the others look like?
321
00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:07,724
Very funny. Right, I'll have the
highest vacant room, please, Mateo.
322
00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:10,004
I'll obviously get your apartment,
323
00:21:10,044 --> 00:21:12,884
but Crystal tells me that she's
given you seven days
324
00:21:12,924 --> 00:21:16,044
to vacate the premises.
Mateo, the room key.
325
00:21:16,084 --> 00:21:18,604
No hard feelings, Joyce,
you did your best,
326
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,884
but clearly, it wasn't good enough.
327
00:21:20,924 --> 00:21:25,604
Now listen to me, Janey -
No, you listen. The Solana is mine,
328
00:21:25,644 --> 00:21:29,044
It always has been.
I'll be down in 20 minutes.
329
00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:36,844
I'm back, Benidorm!
And I'm back for good!
330
00:21:42,524 --> 00:21:43,884
Let's try again.
331
00:21:45,364 --> 00:21:49,484
Whe-e-e-ere is love?
332
00:21:49,524 --> 00:21:56,404
Now you, Jacqueline.
- Whe-e-e-e-ere is love?
333
00:22:01,804 --> 00:22:03,804
Downtown!
334
00:22:05,164 --> 00:22:07,204
Downtown!
335
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:11,244
How do you solve
a problem like Maria?
336
00:22:11,284 --> 00:22:13,044
How do you solve a problem like...
337
00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:15,804
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
this isn't working out.
338
00:22:15,844 --> 00:22:18,404
You're going to have to leave
or I'm gonna get the sack.
339
00:22:18,444 --> 00:22:21,684
I think you're right,
we should call it a day.
340
00:22:21,724 --> 00:22:24,884
But, the thing is, Riannon,
my wife, and I,
341
00:22:24,924 --> 00:22:27,564
sing as a country and western duo,
342
00:22:27,604 --> 00:22:31,924
and I got a Spanish agent
to book us into the Solana tonight.
343
00:22:31,964 --> 00:22:36,444
But your wife isn't here. She's
shacked up in France with my husband.
344
00:22:36,484 --> 00:22:40,844
I know, it was going
to be me and...you.
345
00:22:48,651 --> 00:22:53,171
You see, I don't understand
this internet business,
346
00:22:53,210 --> 00:22:57,610
but if you say you're happy, son,
I'm happy for you.
347
00:22:57,651 --> 00:23:00,971
Meeting someone in a chat room
these days is just the same
348
00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:03,170
as meeting them in a pub
or at a party.
349
00:23:03,211 --> 00:23:05,851
Not many parties
where you can tip up
350
00:23:05,891 --> 00:23:09,451
wearing only your pants
and eating a pot noodle.
351
00:23:09,491 --> 00:23:11,891
Exactly, it's the way forward.
352
00:23:12,371 --> 00:23:16,331
And you definitely
think she's the one?
353
00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:21,330
Definitely. She likes me for me,
not for what I've got.
354
00:23:21,371 --> 00:23:24,171
Well, that's handy,
cos you haven't got anything.
355
00:23:25,011 --> 00:23:28,531
Free prize draw,
win a 50 euro makeover,
356
00:23:28,571 --> 00:23:30,291
just write your names on the back,
357
00:23:30,331 --> 00:23:32,371
fold them up and hand them
in at the pool bar.
358
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:36,091
Hey! One more please,
there's three of us.
359
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:44,530
Hello.
360
00:23:45,851 --> 00:23:47,851
We have a free prize draw.
361
00:23:47,891 --> 00:23:50,491
Please take one leaflet
and sign the back.
362
00:23:51,971 --> 00:23:55,131
I don't know your name,
because we've never met before.
363
00:23:56,971 --> 00:24:00,091
When you have finished,
please hand it into the pool bar.
364
00:24:08,091 --> 00:24:11,731
Thank you and good luck
in our random prize draw!
365
00:24:22,931 --> 00:24:26,691
Oh, hello, love,
don't you look smashing?
366
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:30,571
You like? I find market,
it has many clothes, very cheap.
367
00:24:30,611 --> 00:24:32,611
This dress, ten euros!
368
00:24:32,651 --> 00:24:35,931
Nice one, look after
the pennies and the -
369
00:24:35,971 --> 00:24:37,971
So I bought five.
370
00:24:38,011 --> 00:24:40,011
Geoff, I would like some juice.
371
00:24:40,491 --> 00:24:44,131
Yeah. Yeah, course, orange juice?
372
00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:46,171
You choose.
373
00:24:46,211 --> 00:24:49,571
Right. Do you want another tea?
374
00:24:49,611 --> 00:24:52,571
No thanks, son,
I'm stuffed to the gills with it.
375
00:24:52,611 --> 00:24:55,491
Right, time for a beer, I think.
376
00:24:55,531 --> 00:24:57,531
No beer.
377
00:24:57,571 --> 00:25:01,691
Sorry? No beer, Geoff,
this is why you're fat. Juice.
378
00:25:02,571 --> 00:25:07,331
Right. I was gonna have a beer
because - No. No beer. Juice.
379
00:25:08,211 --> 00:25:10,211
Right...
380
00:25:11,891 --> 00:25:13,611
Two orange juices.
381
00:25:13,651 --> 00:25:15,371
Here, give me that.
382
00:25:22,011 --> 00:25:27,651
He's generally all right on
a couple of beers during the day.
383
00:25:27,691 --> 00:25:30,531
He should not drink if he has
important business meetings.
384
00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:33,771
Important business meetings?
385
00:25:33,811 --> 00:25:36,171
Yes, he has not mentioned
the merger?
386
00:25:36,211 --> 00:25:40,811
Merger? What merger? Between Maltby
Communications and Telefonica.
387
00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:49,211
No. No, he never mentioned it.
388
00:25:50,011 --> 00:25:54,451
You must be excited
about coming to live with us.
389
00:25:54,491 --> 00:25:58,131
I am excited. Geoff has told me
all about the mansion.
390
00:25:58,171 --> 00:25:59,931
Mansion?
391
00:25:59,971 --> 00:26:04,491
Maltby Towers. My family in Romania
also are excited, my mother,
392
00:26:04,531 --> 00:26:06,891
she always had a dream
of living in UK.
393
00:26:09,291 --> 00:26:12,131
Tell me, you really have eight
bathrooms?
394
00:26:12,331 --> 00:26:15,931
Well, the thing is Rubella...
395
00:26:15,971 --> 00:26:17,971
Erm...
Yes?
396
00:26:19,651 --> 00:26:22,771
I think I'd better
let Geoff tell you.
397
00:26:32,051 --> 00:26:34,851
Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there.
398
00:26:34,891 --> 00:26:37,531
No problem.
Are all these the same size?
399
00:26:37,571 --> 00:26:41,011
Yes, love, size ten to twelve...ish.
400
00:26:42,451 --> 00:26:44,611
Are you looking for something
for a night out?
401
00:26:44,651 --> 00:26:47,371
No, I'm a singer and I could do
with a few new stage outfits.
402
00:26:47,411 --> 00:26:51,131
But these size tens look like
they've been stretched,
403
00:26:51,171 --> 00:26:53,171
by a size 18 in denial.
404
00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:56,251
Excuse me,
did you say you were a singer?
405
00:26:56,291 --> 00:26:58,291
Yeah, why?
406
00:26:59,051 --> 00:27:01,691
So, you open up the leaflet
407
00:27:01,731 --> 00:27:05,451
and ignoring the actual name
that's written on it,
408
00:27:05,491 --> 00:27:09,011
you say,
'and the winner is Annie...
409
00:27:10,971 --> 00:27:13,411
..Redmond'.
Without the pause, obviously.
410
00:27:13,451 --> 00:27:15,251
No, my little friend,
with the pause.
411
00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:18,691
The pause is the strongest part
of the illusion, it tells everybody
412
00:27:18,731 --> 00:27:20,931
that you're trying
to make out the writing.
413
00:27:20,971 --> 00:27:23,891
Oh, yeah! That's brilliant!
What can I say, I'm a genius.
414
00:27:23,931 --> 00:27:28,051
Oh, I know! What if I start
to read it and say, 'Annie...
415
00:27:28,851 --> 00:27:30,931
Oh, hang on, I've
just got to get my glasses.'
416
00:27:30,971 --> 00:27:34,091
Let's not over egg the pudding,
love. Right, does this still work?
417
00:27:36,611 --> 00:27:39,491
Is it on? Ladies and gentlemen,
418
00:27:39,531 --> 00:27:43,771
the Blow & Go free prize draw
will start in five minutes
419
00:27:43,811 --> 00:27:47,611
at the pool bar. Mr Conroy,
this is your five minute call.
420
00:27:48,171 --> 00:27:49,931
That's you.
No, no...
421
00:27:49,971 --> 00:27:52,611
You're fine, just practice.
Please. Get off me.
422
00:27:54,011 --> 00:27:55,731
And the winner is...
423
00:27:55,771 --> 00:27:58,171
Here you are, ladies.
God, you're eager, Bettie.
424
00:27:58,211 --> 00:28:00,211
There you go.
425
00:28:01,811 --> 00:28:05,411
And the winner is Annie...
426
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,851
..Redmond?
427
00:28:07,891 --> 00:28:10,411
Any more?
Here you go, love. One for you.
428
00:28:11,171 --> 00:28:13,171
I feel sick.
429
00:28:17,971 --> 00:28:19,971
Any more? There you go, thank you.
430
00:28:20,011 --> 00:28:22,011
Thank you. Good luck.
431
00:28:22,051 --> 00:28:24,051
Thank you.
432
00:28:24,091 --> 00:28:26,091
You entered the competition?
433
00:28:26,131 --> 00:28:28,131
Yeah.
434
00:28:29,051 --> 00:28:30,811
I don't know about a makeover,
435
00:28:30,851 --> 00:28:33,571
some of the people here look
like they've been run over.
436
00:28:34,331 --> 00:28:36,651
Well, beauty is in the eye
of the beholder.
437
00:28:36,691 --> 00:28:39,491
Yeah... Right.
438
00:28:43,771 --> 00:28:45,531
What's that?
439
00:28:45,571 --> 00:28:47,651
It's a costume for tonight,
440
00:28:47,691 --> 00:28:51,091
just needs a bit of alteration
and a visit to the joke shop.
441
00:28:51,131 --> 00:28:55,131
Your friend on the piano said he'd
never heard a voice as bad as mine.
442
00:28:55,171 --> 00:28:59,531
Don't worry about that,
I've made alternative arrangements.
443
00:29:03,851 --> 00:29:07,051
How you getting on
with blondie? Not very well.
444
00:29:07,091 --> 00:29:10,691
That's because you're being too
subtle, you need to up your game.
445
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:14,051
Pinch her bum,
let her know the score.
446
00:29:14,091 --> 00:29:17,851
Pinch her bum? Who gave you
flirting lessons? Benny Hill?
447
00:29:18,971 --> 00:29:21,411
I think she has a specific type.
448
00:29:21,451 --> 00:29:23,451
Oh, yeah, what's that then?
449
00:29:25,291 --> 00:29:27,291
Dead.
450
00:29:27,331 --> 00:29:29,571
Oh, sorry, Joyce,
staff aren't allowed.
451
00:29:29,611 --> 00:29:32,611
I'm not staff.
What do you mean you're not staff?
452
00:29:32,651 --> 00:29:35,411
Ask her.
What's going on here?
453
00:29:35,451 --> 00:29:39,571
What's it got to do with you? Janey
Yorke, new manager of The Solana.
454
00:29:40,171 --> 00:29:44,011
What? Janey is the new manager,
Miss Hennessy-Vass,
455
00:29:44,051 --> 00:29:46,731
she sacked Miss Temple-Savage.
456
00:29:46,771 --> 00:29:50,971
Bloody hell. Kenneth works
in Blow & Go. Well, I say work...
457
00:29:52,011 --> 00:29:54,851
So I'll ask you again,
what's going on here?
458
00:29:54,891 --> 00:29:58,971
Well, just doing a prize draw
to win a free makeover in my salon.
459
00:29:59,011 --> 00:30:00,771
Is it costing me anything?
No.
460
00:30:00,811 --> 00:30:02,811
Right, carry on.
461
00:30:05,691 --> 00:30:09,531
Right, here we go, ready
for a free makeover, Ionela?
462
00:30:09,571 --> 00:30:12,411
Oh, yes! There's a lot
of leaflets in there,
463
00:30:12,451 --> 00:30:14,851
not much chance of winning.
464
00:30:14,891 --> 00:30:17,531
Sometimes it's best not
to leave it up to chance.
465
00:30:17,571 --> 00:30:19,571
Geoff is a very clever man.
466
00:30:19,611 --> 00:30:22,891
No argument from me there.
467
00:30:24,051 --> 00:30:26,051
Good luck, madam.
468
00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:29,571
Oops, sorry.
While you're down there.
469
00:30:33,571 --> 00:30:36,171
Sorry about that, there you go.
Thanks, love.
470
00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:39,731
Right? Are we all in? Yes? Good.
471
00:30:39,771 --> 00:30:42,371
And to draw the winner,
we just need someone
472
00:30:42,411 --> 00:30:44,691
who hasn't entered the competition.
473
00:30:46,051 --> 00:30:49,731
I said, to draw
the winner we just need someone
474
00:30:49,771 --> 00:30:52,011
who has not entered the competition.
475
00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:54,331
OK, I will choose the winner.
Anyone at all.
476
00:30:54,371 --> 00:30:56,371
I said I will do it,
give me the bag.
477
00:30:56,411 --> 00:30:59,931
Get off. Anyone else who has not
entered the competition.
478
00:30:59,971 --> 00:31:01,691
Come on, just get on with it!
479
00:31:01,731 --> 00:31:03,971
What is your problem?
I said I will do it. Liam!
480
00:31:04,011 --> 00:31:06,171
What? What have I done?
Nothing yet, as usual.
481
00:31:06,211 --> 00:31:08,851
I was just saying that we needed
someone to make the draw.
482
00:31:08,891 --> 00:31:13,211
Oh, yes, I will pick a winner
at random... Randomly.
483
00:31:15,331 --> 00:31:17,051
That's right, give it a good mix up,
484
00:31:17,091 --> 00:31:19,771
we wanna make sure everyone
has a fair chance of winning.
485
00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:25,291
And make sure you all keep a look out
for the winner tonight in Neptune's,
you won't believe your eyes.
486
00:31:25,331 --> 00:31:29,291
OK, here we go.
And the winner is...
487
00:31:29,891 --> 00:31:31,891
..Terri Dawson.
488
00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:36,371
Ahhhhh! Yes! Yes! I've won it!
I've only gone and bleedin' won it!
489
00:31:36,411 --> 00:31:38,491
What the frigging hell
are you playing at?
490
00:31:38,531 --> 00:31:40,251
It said Terri Dawson on the leaflet.
491
00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:42,851
How many times did you practice
saying Annie Redmond?
492
00:31:42,891 --> 00:31:45,411
I practiced with blank paper,
the writing threw me.
493
00:31:45,451 --> 00:31:47,171
What do we do with Two Tonne Tessie?
494
00:31:47,211 --> 00:31:50,131
I think her name's Terri.
Oh, shut up, dickhead!
495
00:31:50,171 --> 00:31:52,931
Well done, love, if you'd like
to go up with Liam now,
496
00:31:52,971 --> 00:31:54,931
so that he can work his magic on you.
497
00:31:57,931 --> 00:32:00,731
I don't know about magic,
we need a bloody miracle.
498
00:32:03,331 --> 00:32:05,131
Oh, that's washed lovely.
499
00:32:05,171 --> 00:32:07,571
And then after my divorce,
I thought bollocks to it,
500
00:32:07,611 --> 00:32:11,571
I'm gonna become a lesbian.
Right, how'd that go?
501
00:32:11,611 --> 00:32:14,411
Not very well,
although I made some lovely friends
502
00:32:14,451 --> 00:32:16,491
and became very good
at playing pool.
503
00:32:20,211 --> 00:32:22,211
Liam.
504
00:32:22,251 --> 00:32:24,251
Psst.
505
00:32:26,131 --> 00:32:27,851
How's it going?
506
00:32:27,891 --> 00:32:30,291
That free bottle
of cava has gone down very well.
507
00:32:30,331 --> 00:32:33,531
I don't mean that, are you gonna
be able to make her look human?
508
00:32:33,571 --> 00:32:36,731
That's not very nice,
she's got lovely...skin.
509
00:32:36,771 --> 00:32:38,491
Yeah, just too much of it.
510
00:32:38,531 --> 00:32:41,411
I think you're being unfair,
she's got a lovely personality.
511
00:32:41,451 --> 00:32:45,771
Brilliant, when we reveal her new look in
Neptune's, we'll just say she looks a dog's dinner,
512
00:32:45,811 --> 00:32:48,611
but she wants world peace
and she'd love to look after kids.
513
00:32:48,651 --> 00:32:50,811
It might help if you lend a hand.
Liam, love,
514
00:32:50,851 --> 00:32:53,611
I'm absolutely rushed off my feet.
Mmm.
515
00:32:53,651 --> 00:32:55,891
Oh, I forgot to say,
I've had a call from Crystal,
516
00:32:55,931 --> 00:32:58,691
she's finished all her meetings
and she's on her way back.
517
00:32:58,731 --> 00:33:01,971
She's got an early start, but she's
gonna pop in to see how we've done.
518
00:33:02,011 --> 00:33:04,291
How I've done.
Whatever. So, you've got an hour.
519
00:33:04,331 --> 00:33:06,091
An hour?
Kenneth, I need you in here!
520
00:33:06,131 --> 00:33:09,091
Liam, I would love to,
but I've got Joyce out here in bits.
521
00:33:10,811 --> 00:33:12,531
Looking lovely!
522
00:33:12,571 --> 00:33:14,571
Cheers!
523
00:33:23,291 --> 00:33:25,931
You've no need to keep pretending
Mrs Temple-Savage,
524
00:33:25,971 --> 00:33:27,731
we all know you were sacked.
525
00:33:27,771 --> 00:33:30,211
Tossed onto the scrap heap of life.
526
00:33:31,171 --> 00:33:33,451
Please, Lesley,
it's Joyce from now on.
527
00:33:33,491 --> 00:33:37,411
And, well, it hardly matters now,
the fact is I'm going.
528
00:33:37,451 --> 00:33:40,331
Thrown away
like a child's unwanted toy.
529
00:33:40,371 --> 00:33:42,091
Well, I think it's disgusting,
530
00:33:42,131 --> 00:33:44,211
you've turned this hotel around,
you have.
531
00:33:44,251 --> 00:33:49,811
Dropped from a great height into
the bottomless pit of obscurity.
532
00:33:49,851 --> 00:33:51,971
Yes, thank you,
we've got the picture.
533
00:33:52,011 --> 00:33:54,851
Do you have any plans?
I don't know, Lesley.
534
00:33:54,891 --> 00:33:57,331
I'm a bit shellshocked.
I think I need a day or two
535
00:33:57,371 --> 00:34:00,011
to understand exactly
what's actually happened.
536
00:34:00,051 --> 00:34:03,251
Um, hello? You have been sacked.
537
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:06,411
Mateo, you're actually starting
to annoy me now.
538
00:34:06,931 --> 00:34:08,651
Sorry, just trying to help.
539
00:34:08,691 --> 00:34:11,011
What's going on here?
A mothers' meeting?
540
00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:13,691
We are merely consoling
a friend and colleague.
541
00:34:13,731 --> 00:34:15,731
Ex-colleague.
542
00:34:16,131 --> 00:34:18,451
Yeah, well, these two can do
it on their own time.
543
00:34:18,491 --> 00:34:21,851
Mateo, you've still got an hour left
on reception and then Neptune's.
544
00:34:21,891 --> 00:34:24,371
Lesley, there's four market bags
full of crap
545
00:34:24,411 --> 00:34:27,491
from your 'Spanish market' that
you've left behind the pool bar,
546
00:34:27,531 --> 00:34:29,531
get 'em shifted.
547
00:34:31,331 --> 00:34:34,611
I'll get you another drink. Two
large brandies, please, Diego, love,
548
00:34:34,651 --> 00:34:39,051
and a couple of slippery nipples on the
side, we've got a woman in distress here.
549
00:34:40,131 --> 00:34:43,251
No hard feelings, Joyce.
No hard feelings?
550
00:34:43,291 --> 00:34:48,331
You got this job by undercutting
my salary by 50%.
551
00:34:48,971 --> 00:34:52,811
Which is still 100% more
than nothing.
552
00:34:53,371 --> 00:34:55,371
I'm sorry, I've got to go.
553
00:34:55,931 --> 00:34:57,891
I've got a hotel to run.
554
00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:10,931
Well, I, for one, think a makeover
would be pointless,
555
00:35:10,971 --> 00:35:15,051
you can't guild the lily
or as my mother used to say,
556
00:35:15,091 --> 00:35:18,091
a pig in a wig is still a pig.
557
00:35:21,251 --> 00:35:23,971
No, I don't think
that's the one I was thinking of.
558
00:35:25,251 --> 00:35:30,291
Anyway, a toast,
to Geoff and Rubella.
559
00:35:30,931 --> 00:35:32,931
To Geoff and Ionela.
560
00:35:35,451 --> 00:35:40,891
Right, I'm going to leave you two
love birds and have an early night.
561
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,931
You've not had your tea.
562
00:35:42,971 --> 00:35:47,251
I've got some Ovaltine in my case,
a mug of that,
563
00:35:47,291 --> 00:35:51,331
and a Murder She Wrote in Spanish
will do me.
564
00:35:51,371 --> 00:35:53,371
Well, only if you're sure.
565
00:35:54,291 --> 00:35:56,291
Don't do anything I would!
566
00:36:01,091 --> 00:36:03,811
I like your mother, she is crazy.
567
00:36:03,851 --> 00:36:05,611
But not enough to stab someone.
568
00:36:08,931 --> 00:36:10,931
Thanks.
569
00:36:17,651 --> 00:36:20,411
Miss Hennessy-Vass,
everything is OK?
570
00:36:20,451 --> 00:36:23,571
Oh, Elvis, why don't you take
the bags up to my room
571
00:36:23,611 --> 00:36:25,971
and take the evening off.
572
00:36:26,011 --> 00:36:28,011
Thank you very much.
573
00:36:28,051 --> 00:36:32,211
Yes, yes, everything's fine,
Mateo, isn't it?
574
00:36:32,251 --> 00:36:34,611
Yes, Miss Hennessy-Vass.
Oh, please.
575
00:36:34,651 --> 00:36:37,611
Let's dispense with the formalities,
just call me Crystal.
576
00:36:38,291 --> 00:36:40,011
Thank you, Crystal.
577
00:36:40,051 --> 00:36:43,931
So, tell me, how are you getting
on with the new manager?
578
00:36:43,971 --> 00:36:46,171
Oh, I know that she's a little bit
rough,
579
00:36:46,211 --> 00:36:49,211
but I'm sure she's fitting
in quite well, don't you think?
580
00:36:49,251 --> 00:36:51,651
Janey? Yes, I know her many years,
581
00:36:51,691 --> 00:36:54,411
she was here
before Miss Temple-Savage.
582
00:36:54,451 --> 00:36:57,731
I know, I do own the hotel.
583
00:36:57,771 --> 00:37:00,931
Yes, sorry, Miss Crystal Vase,
I mean Miss Hennessy Vase,
584
00:37:00,971 --> 00:37:02,971
Hennessy-Vass. I mean, Crystal.
585
00:37:03,011 --> 00:37:05,011
Goodnight, Mateo.
586
00:37:05,251 --> 00:37:09,371
Oh, Miss Crystal.
This is very hard for me to say,
587
00:37:09,411 --> 00:37:12,971
but maybe you think
about the thing I ask?
588
00:37:13,011 --> 00:37:15,011
Promotion? For me?
589
00:37:15,411 --> 00:37:23,531
Oh. Right. I tell you, why don't you
come up to my suite in about an hour,
590
00:37:23,571 --> 00:37:25,571
we can chat about it then.
591
00:37:25,611 --> 00:37:29,051
You can just let yourself in.
I won't bite you.
592
00:37:29,091 --> 00:37:32,251
You'll find that I'm very easy
to talk to.
593
00:37:38,405 --> 00:37:40,965
# Beauty school dropout
594
00:37:41,058 --> 00:37:44,458
# Hangin' around the corner store
595
00:37:44,498 --> 00:37:46,498
# Beauty school dropout
596
00:37:47,858 --> 00:37:51,378
# It's about time you knew
the score
597
00:37:51,418 --> 00:37:54,338
# Well, they couldn't teach
you anything
598
00:37:54,378 --> 00:37:57,498
# You think you're such a looker
599
00:37:57,538 --> 00:38:01,058
# But no customer would go to you
600
00:38:01,098 --> 00:38:03,938
♪ Unless she was a hooker... ♪
601
00:38:08,806 --> 00:38:10,806
Bottle of lager, please.
602
00:38:16,806 --> 00:38:19,086
I'm Tiger. We met earlier.
603
00:38:20,726 --> 00:38:23,326
Did we?
Well, sort of.
604
00:38:29,406 --> 00:38:31,406
You here with your Dad?
My Dad?
605
00:38:33,006 --> 00:38:36,166
No.
Oh, right. Sorry...
606
00:38:37,646 --> 00:38:41,446
I thought that bloke you were winking at
today around the pool might have been your Dad.
607
00:38:45,126 --> 00:38:47,686
Excuse me, I've got to be somewhere.
608
00:38:47,726 --> 00:38:50,046
Yeah, sweet. See you around.
609
00:38:52,670 --> 00:38:54,670
Pathetic.
610
00:38:54,710 --> 00:38:57,590
If that's your attempt
to try and chat up a woman,
611
00:38:57,630 --> 00:39:00,910
all I have to say, pathetic.
612
00:39:00,950 --> 00:39:03,950
All right, calm down,
I was only making conversation.
613
00:39:04,310 --> 00:39:06,910
Having said that,
it would have worked with me.
614
00:39:10,510 --> 00:39:13,950
Watch yourself, Joyce, I don't want
to have to throw you out
615
00:39:13,990 --> 00:39:16,150
for being drunk and disorderly.
616
00:39:16,750 --> 00:39:20,790
I would prefer it
if you didn't call me Joyce,
617
00:39:20,830 --> 00:39:24,030
my name to you
is Miss 'Semple-Tavage',
618
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:27,230
and I am a non-paying customer.
619
00:39:27,270 --> 00:39:33,150
From this evening for the next week,
I'm a Benidorm holiday maker.
620
00:39:33,190 --> 00:39:35,230
You're certainly drinking like one.
621
00:39:39,610 --> 00:39:41,650
Thank you,
thank you very much.
622
00:39:44,770 --> 00:39:48,090
That was Elvis there
with Beauty School Drop Out.
623
00:39:48,130 --> 00:39:50,570
And now we have our featured act,
624
00:39:50,611 --> 00:39:55,491
a great country and western
duo all the way from the UK,
625
00:39:55,531 --> 00:40:00,451
let's hear it
for Dangerous When Wet!
626
00:40:09,610 --> 00:40:13,730
# Baby when I met you
there was peace unknown,
627
00:40:13,771 --> 00:40:18,291
# I set out to get you
with a fine-tooth comb
628
00:40:18,330 --> 00:40:21,090
# I was soft inside
629
00:40:21,130 --> 00:40:24,570
# There was something going on
630
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:33,130
# You do something
to me that I can't explain
631
00:40:33,170 --> 00:40:37,770
# Hold me closer and I feel no pain
632
00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,810
♪ Every beat of my heart... ♪
633
00:40:40,570 --> 00:40:42,970
I'm really glad that we're
getting on well.
634
00:40:43,010 --> 00:40:46,330
Of course, we have been chatting
online for months.
635
00:40:47,170 --> 00:40:50,770
I know but it could be different
in real life.
636
00:40:51,730 --> 00:40:54,730
Geoff, I did not care you sent
picture of someone else.
637
00:40:55,130 --> 00:40:57,370
I am not interested
in good-looking men.
638
00:40:58,730 --> 00:41:00,730
Thanks.
639
00:41:00,770 --> 00:41:03,210
You are a wealthy,
successful business man,
640
00:41:03,250 --> 00:41:05,290
this is more important to me.
641
00:41:06,450 --> 00:41:09,170
Yeah, I know, but -
And a humble man too.
642
00:41:10,131 --> 00:41:13,091
I know you could have holidays
anywhere in the world,
643
00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:15,210
but you choose
to live a simple life.
644
00:41:16,330 --> 00:41:20,130
I will help you spend your money
Geoff, this, you deserve.
645
00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:25,850
Yeah. Listen, we need
to talk about my...business,
646
00:41:25,890 --> 00:41:29,130
and...well, everything.
647
00:41:29,850 --> 00:41:33,170
Geoff, I am going to bed now,
today has been a long day.
648
00:41:33,210 --> 00:41:36,010
Just for tonight I've erm...
649
00:41:37,850 --> 00:41:39,890
I've done something a bit impetuous.
650
00:41:41,130 --> 00:41:43,130
What is impetuous?
651
00:41:43,890 --> 00:41:46,330
You know where you put your bags
and all that?
652
00:41:46,890 --> 00:41:48,890
That's actually my mam's room.
653
00:41:49,650 --> 00:41:52,890
I've booked us into the honeymoon
suite, just for tonight.
654
00:41:52,930 --> 00:41:56,930
Oh, no, Geoff, we cannot share
a room until we are married.
655
00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:04,610
What? My grandmother, she would, how
you say, make circles in her grave.
656
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:07,610
Yeah, but it's all paid for and...
657
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:09,970
I will collect my bag from your mam,
658
00:42:10,010 --> 00:42:12,970
and take another room
and put this on our bill.
659
00:42:13,690 --> 00:42:15,610
Hang on a minute,
I don't think you can do -
660
00:42:15,650 --> 00:42:18,370
Do not stay awake too late,
Geoff, you look tired.
661
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:22,170
I can tell you worry about your
company's million dollar merger.
662
00:42:23,490 --> 00:42:27,250
There's a 44 inch telly in
the suite with British channels!
663
00:42:29,610 --> 00:42:31,610
For God's sake.
664
00:42:33,170 --> 00:42:35,170
Oh, sod this.
665
00:42:35,210 --> 00:42:37,530
I'm watching every channel
on that telly.
666
00:42:38,770 --> 00:42:40,770
♪ From one lover to another... ♪
667
00:42:41,410 --> 00:42:44,170
Here she is, the makeover queen!
668
00:42:44,210 --> 00:42:46,210
Give her some walking room!
669
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:49,650
All the handiwork of Blow & Go
open seven days a week.
670
00:42:50,130 --> 00:42:52,130
Well, at least four.
671
00:42:52,170 --> 00:42:54,690
You look amazing.
I know.
672
00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,450
Here she is, the belle of the ball.
673
00:43:01,491 --> 00:43:05,371
Oh, my God! My Auntie Terri is fit!
674
00:43:05,410 --> 00:43:07,410
What do you think?
675
00:43:07,450 --> 00:43:09,450
Tel?
Yeah?
676
00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:12,010
You look...
677
00:43:12,770 --> 00:43:14,770
I look what?
678
00:43:16,210 --> 00:43:19,410
Come here. You said she was gonna
look like a dog's dinner.
679
00:43:19,650 --> 00:43:22,090
Shut up, you tart,
go and get the drinks.
680
00:43:22,890 --> 00:43:24,890
You look amazing, you really do.
681
00:43:28,370 --> 00:43:30,370
# Islands in the stream
682
00:43:30,410 --> 00:43:32,410
# That is what we are
683
00:43:32,450 --> 00:43:35,210
# No-one in between
684
00:43:35,250 --> 00:43:37,730
# How can we be wrong?
685
00:43:37,770 --> 00:43:39,770
# Sail away with me
686
00:43:39,810 --> 00:43:42,410
# To another world
687
00:43:42,450 --> 00:43:47,170
# And we rely on each other,
uh-huh
688
00:43:47,210 --> 00:43:50,090
# From one lover to another
689
00:43:50,130 --> 00:43:53,290
♪ Uh-huh ♪
690
00:44:52,250 --> 00:44:54,250
Mmmm!
691
00:44:54,290 --> 00:44:56,290
Is that you, Mateo?
692
00:44:57,210 --> 00:45:01,090
Perfect timing,
I've just opened a bottle of...
693
00:45:01,690 --> 00:45:04,930
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!
694
00:45:04,970 --> 00:45:06,970
Oh!
695
00:45:08,410 --> 00:45:10,890
Ostia!
It's not what it looks like.
696
00:45:12,410 --> 00:45:14,130
I see you are busy.
697
00:45:14,170 --> 00:45:15,930
Maybe we talk another time.
No!
698
00:45:17,610 --> 00:45:19,810
I think we got double booked.
699
00:45:21,250 --> 00:45:23,250
I beg your pardon?
700
00:45:27,410 --> 00:45:29,410
I've made a terrible mistake.
701
00:45:30,250 --> 00:45:32,250
Oh...
702
00:45:34,970 --> 00:45:36,970
I'll be the judge of that.
703
00:45:39,973 --> 00:46:10,603
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
704
00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:17,237
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