1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,640 Good morning, son. 3 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,200 Yes, Mother, it certainly is. 4 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,960 You got your fliptop back? 5 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,000 - Laptop. - That's it. 6 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,560 Got it back last night after our games night. 7 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,600 Did that young lad manage to fix it for you? 8 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,520 Yeah, I found out last night I'd picked up a virus. 9 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,560 My inbox had been hacked to bits. 10 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:57,360 Oh, son, what have I told you about going into that old town? 11 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,360 No, a computer virus. 12 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,040 Anyway, my name has been cleared 13 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,360 and I am in receipt of a full apology. 14 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,000 Oh, that's nice. 15 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,320 An email from Barry Stent - aka The Grand Wizard. 16 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,400 "Dear Mr Maltby. After careful consideration of the facts..." 17 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,600 Blah, blah, blah, blah... 18 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:18,960 Here we go. 19 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,800 "..It is my very great pleasure to clear you of all wrongdoing 20 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,360 and reinstate you with the Quiz Master title 21 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,640 second only to The Grand Wizard. 22 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,000 Congratulations, brother, you are, once again... 23 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,880 ...The Oracle." 24 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,760 Oh, well done, son! I am pleased. 25 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,520 Justice has prevailed, Mother. 26 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,280 Smashing. Are you gonna have a bit of breakfast? 27 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,640 You know when they asked Nelson Mandela about his time in prison, 28 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,560 and he said, "I went on a long holiday for 27 years"? 29 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,880 I think I know what he meant. 30 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,960 We're only booked in till Friday, love. 31 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,000 No, what I mean, is... 32 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,480 Begging your pardon. 33 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,520 Oh, Pauline, love, what is that smell? 34 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,640 Drain cleaner. 35 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,800 I had a slight contretemps with the bidet this morning. 36 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,840 Mistook it for the lavatory. 37 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,960 In the long run, I think you'll find Mr Wu's takeaway 38 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,080 is not the bargain the price would initially suggest. 39 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,280 Pauline, are you feeling OK? 40 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,800 You look like you've gone 12 rounds with Frank Bruno. 41 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,320 12 rounds of tequila, more like. 42 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,920 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 43 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,840 I'm merely suffering from a mild bout of hay fever. 44 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,520 - Uh-uh. - Hey, there is no self service for alcohol. 45 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,080 - I beg your pardon? - I seed you taking spirits! 46 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,680 The bar is not open until after breakfast. 47 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,120 If you need alcohol so early in the morning, 48 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,200 the supermarket is open for the alcofrolics at 8am. 49 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,640 How dare you? 50 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,000 I have been by as a drone for the last 18 months. 51 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,800 You have your warning! 52 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,600 Oh, Pauline, and you were doing so well. 53 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,600 OK, I won't keep you long. 54 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,440 Crystal Hennessey-Vass, in all her infinite wisdom, 55 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,120 has decided that wristbands are a thing of the past. 56 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,320 So as of today, we'll be rolling out a new system 57 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:31,000 of barcoded ID cards, just like this one here. 58 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:37,200 So, is there anyone present who is au fait with this latest technology? 59 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,080 What is a fey? 60 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,240 - No idea. - Anyone good with computers? 61 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,840 Do you want me to get on the blower to Baby Jesus? 62 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,160 Do you remember? 63 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,320 It was him who showed me how to use the hotel computer. 64 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,440 Um... how old is he again? 65 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,960 Nine. 66 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,640 I think not. You can stay behind Les. 67 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,000 Let's hope Baby Jesus taught you well. 68 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,920 Amber, you're on posters and leaflets. 69 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,640 Of course. No problem. 70 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,160 The rest of you be sure to explain the situation delicately. 71 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,680 Our guests do not like change. 72 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,600 We once tried to introduce a fair-use policy on alcohol. 73 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,400 It was like the Brixton riots. 74 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,600 OK, vamoose! 75 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,960 - Morning, campers! - Late night, Kenneth? 76 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,680 No, it was a very early one. 77 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,280 After I woke up in Neptune's, 78 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,040 I went to The Intimate Bar in the old town for some karaoke. 79 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,830 They worry if I don't give them my Little White Bull once a week. 80 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,400 I was in bed by three. 81 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,400 So ready for a full day in the salon? 82 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,920 - New start after our little disagreement? - Absolutely. 83 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,840 - Well, you can't. - What? 84 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,200 The Spanish workmen have let me down and the salon isn't ready. 85 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,520 I told you! 86 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,227 The only deadline them Spanish builders will work to is manana. 87 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,920 Because you know about manana, it never comes. 88 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,600 Donald and I once knew a Spanish builder like that. 89 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,040 I had to hire a wheelchair. 90 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,760 So, anyway, looks like you've got another day off. 91 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,360 No, not me, love, I'm like a coiled spring. 92 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,600 Why don't we put the nail bar out here? 93 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,120 - You what? - Next to the pool? 94 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,040 I suggested it once to Liam, but with his fair skin, 95 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,920 more than 20 minutes in the sun 96 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,960 and he ends up looking like Carrie on prom night. 97 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,560 If I'm gonna do a full day's work, I'd better bulk up on carbs. 98 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,280 More toast. 99 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,560 - Do you have any idea how this game works, then? - Not a clue, mate. 100 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,760 All I know is that the prawns move sideways. 101 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,240 Right. Is she even looking? 102 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,480 Yeah, she's coming! 103 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,080 OK, do what I do. 104 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,360 Nice try, Joseph. Not this time, though, my old friend. 105 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,680 Nice try, Joseph. Not this time - 106 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,760 Not you, you dickhead! Just answer me! 107 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,120 Sorry about that, Joseph. I thought that strong opening would fox you. 108 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,577 Yeah, geez, I tried to jump your prawn but you was, like, 109 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,440 "Boom! Take that, bitch!" 110 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,960 You'll have to wake up pretty early in the morning 111 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,760 to sneak that manoeuvre past me, old boy. 112 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,240 Yeah, bruv, you were, like, totally owning me. I got to step my shit up, innit? 113 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,840 I think you could say that. 114 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,360 Hello, boys. 115 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,760 Oh, wow, you playing chess? I love it. 116 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,840 Now, if I can just avoid your fox, 117 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,560 and get my horsey to eat your prawn, 118 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,520 I think it might be time to get the check, mate! 119 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,200 Here's a leaflet about new ID cards. 120 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,720 If you need any help reading it, let me know. 121 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,320 What, bruv? 122 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,240 Say sorry. 123 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,600 What? 124 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,720 Say Sorry for last night! 125 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,360 I can't hear you. 126 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,880 - He wants you to apologise for last night. 127 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,640 Apologise for what? Making a swift recovery? 128 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,520 I didn't realise good health were a crime! 129 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,080 Good health? One minute you're on death's door, 130 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,200 the next you're being thrown from a bronco with a liver full of tequila. 131 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,120 Very good for cauterising pain, alcohol. 132 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,720 Anyway, if I hadn't gone on the bucking bronco, 133 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,760 I wouldn't have won these, would I? 134 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,160 Champagne Brunch for two at the Three Seasons. 135 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,920 You went on a bucking bronco? 136 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,400 Aye, and I won. 137 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,600 In fairness, it were t'Over-65s category. 138 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,080 The only other one was this old Spanish lass. 139 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,200 I tried to warn her against going on a bucking bronco with colostomy bag 140 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,120 but she were having none of it. 141 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,440 What kind of bag, Granddad? 142 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,480 Well, basically, it's a great big bag of sh... 143 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,880 Never mind, darling. 144 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,000 Anyway, I thought these might be a way of making up for... 145 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,360 slightly exaggerating my illness. 146 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,000 Thanks, Dad, that's really kind. 147 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,720 No worries, kid. Rob, Jodie - have a great time. 148 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,360 Dad! 149 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,920 I'm only messing with you! 150 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,520 Oh, come on, Sheron, love. 151 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,400 I'll look after t'kids. 152 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,200 I've just had my breakfast, thank you. 153 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,360 Come on, it'll be nice. Worth it just for the Champagne. 154 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,720 Go on, Mum, we'll be all right. 155 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,640 It's not all greasy bacon and eggs like this place. 156 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,480 They do fruit and all that diet stuff that you like. 157 00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:59,110 Me mother's upset that you've started drinking again. 158 00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:01,150 What are you talking about? 159 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,190 This is pineapple juice. 160 00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:04,990 Nature's candy! 161 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,630 - You're smashed out of your head. - How dare you? 162 00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:10,470 It's merely the time of year, my sinuses are blocked. 163 00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,750 - Give us that here. - What are you doing? 164 00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:17,710 - It's not good for you. - Get off, it's part of my five a day! 165 00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:20,190 - Look, just give it us here! - You're spilling it! 166 00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,910 Ah, perfect timing, my good man. 167 00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:30,830 One more pineapple juice 168 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,990 and another portion of your splendid nuts. 169 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,470 So, after you've checked their room number and their passport, 170 00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:45,430 you input their name here 171 00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:48,870 and you take their photo with this desk-mounted camera. 172 00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:50,590 You see? Simple. 173 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,830 Easy, an idiot could do it. 174 00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:54,710 Well, that was the general idea. 175 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:58,470 But make sure the photo is exactly like this one. 176 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,510 No looking off to the side, 177 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:04,150 no cutting off the top of the head or one of their numerous chins. 178 00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:07,150 It must be framed exactly like this one. 179 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,390 - Understood. - Marvellous, see you later. 180 00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:11,710 Mrs Temple-Savage? I can't do this now. 181 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,750 I'm due a few hours off. 182 00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:16,950 - I beg your pardon? - You agreed to it last week. 183 00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:18,510 For personal reasons. 184 00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:23,110 Well, I'm sorry, Les, but we're short-staffed as it is. 185 00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:25,950 And I've got a meeting with my financial advisor. 186 00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:28,950 Anyway, it's not in the book. 187 00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:30,830 I know, I asked you to put it in the book 188 00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,390 but you said, don't bother. 189 00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:34,070 Really? 190 00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:37,630 Yeah, I remember because you said your mind is like a Thai prison - 191 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,910 once something goes in, it never comes out. 192 00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:44,350 No, I'm sorry, Les. We're run off our feet. 193 00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:47,990 Mrs Temple-Savage. I wouldn't normally insist, 194 00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:50,350 but I'm actually having laser eye surgery. 195 00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:53,870 The old peepers aren't what they used to be, it's all booked in. 196 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:56,310 What's happened to you? 197 00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,390 Just another day in the bin of the loonies. 198 00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:02,030 I'm sorry, Les, there's nothing I can do. 199 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,990 The rules are there for a reason. 200 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:08,190 Without them we descend into chaos, you must see that. 201 00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:11,830 I can hardly see anything, that's why I booked the appointment! 202 00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:16,110 Hey, Mateo, have you got a minute? 203 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:17,790 What do you want? 204 00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:20,070 Let me teach you to use this, quick. 205 00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:25,177 - Well, hey there! - Well, hey there, yourself. 206 00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,630 What can I get you? 207 00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:28,670 I'd like one tequila sunrise. 208 00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:30,830 Don't you think you're a bit young for tequila? 209 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,390 Oh, it ain't for me. 210 00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:35,350 I wanna surprise my granddaddy with it, over there. 211 00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:38,590 Excuse me, my dear, when you have a moment, 212 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:42,470 can you pop a small large vodka in there, will you? No ice. 213 00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:46,070 Well, excuse me! You might have noticed there is a line? 214 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:49,070 Oh, so sorry, madam. 215 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:51,110 Please. After you. 216 00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:53,950 I'm sorry, darling, but I can't serve you. 217 00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:57,390 You're just too itty-bitty small for alcohol. 218 00:11:57,430 --> 00:12:00,430 - I beg your pardon? - Yeah, I'll serve you in just one second. 219 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:01,910 I am not talking about my drink, 220 00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:04,710 I refer to your appalling, bare-faced racism. 221 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:06,030 Racism? 222 00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:09,470 Our diminutive American cousin may be a dwarf 223 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,310 but that doesn't exclude her from enjoying her holiday. 224 00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,430 - I ain't no dwarf! - Sorry. 225 00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:17,070 Of course. Midget. 226 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:21,190 Tell me, did you have many relatives 227 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,550 in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory? 228 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:27,150 I ain't no dwarf or no midget, I'm just a little person. 229 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:30,070 Exactly! You're a person. 230 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:34,310 And I will not stand by and have you discriminated against 231 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:37,030 by Miss Tits & Teeth 1993 here. 232 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,990 You do realise she's not actually a - 233 00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:42,630 No, young lady, it is you who doesn't realise. 234 00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:50,950 two very small large vodka and pineapples or I'll have your badge. 235 00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:56,070 I'm Pauline, by the way. 236 00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,830 Charmed. I'm Jodie. 237 00:12:57,870 --> 00:12:59,590 So nice to meet a kindred spirit. 238 00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:02,390 I don't know if you've noticed 239 00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:06,590 but there is quite an odd element in the local clientele. 240 00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:08,830 Stupid is as stupid does. 241 00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:12,990 Exactly. I couldn't have put it better myself. 242 00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:16,190 By the way, you're gonna need to exchange your wristbands 243 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:18,550 for an ID card in reception, if that's OK. 244 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,590 Oh, quit your jibber-jabber! 245 00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:23,350 To coin an old Chaucerian saying, 246 00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:27,750 lady, you're really beginning to get on my tits. 247 00:13:30,270 --> 00:13:31,830 Yes, please? 248 00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,510 Please, take a seat. 249 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:40,550 Tell me, from which part of the New World do you hail? 250 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:48,870 So, the main thing is to get the photo exactly like this one. 251 00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:52,310 OK, no problem. So where are you going? 252 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:55,150 Did I not tell you? I'm booked in for an operation. 253 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:58,110 - Operation? - Corrective surgery. 254 00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:02,470 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 255 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,310 I've always wanted to get it done. 256 00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:06,230 I can't go on like this. 257 00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,310 Does Liam know you are doing this? 258 00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:10,230 He was the one that suggested it. 259 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,270 Madre mia! 260 00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,830 And you will be away for a long time? 261 00:14:16,870 --> 00:14:20,550 No, you're in and out these days. I'll be back in a couple of hours. 262 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,590 - How can this be? - They use a laser. 263 00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:25,790 A laser? 264 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:28,430 Aye, they're quick, painless. 265 00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:29,990 Whoa! 266 00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:33,590 Just like that and your life changes forever. 267 00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:34,830 Exactly. 268 00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:40,030 1500 euros and I'll be seeing things clearly for the first time in years. 269 00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:43,190 So I'm all right to get off, then? 270 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:46,870 Of course. Anything you need, I am here for you. 271 00:14:46,910 --> 00:14:48,910 Ah, thanks pal. 272 00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,950 You're a mate. 273 00:14:52,030 --> 00:14:53,550 Goodbye, Les. 274 00:14:55,150 --> 00:14:57,230 And tonight you will be Lesley, yes? 275 00:14:57,270 --> 00:14:58,990 I reckon so. 276 00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:02,070 And I will love you just as much, brother. 277 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,510 I mean, sister. 278 00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,630 Aye, champion. 279 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,510 I'll see you later. 280 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:19,910 Now, that is a crime. 281 00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:22,830 Excuse me? 282 00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:25,790 A beautiful woman, sitting all on her own, 283 00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:28,670 with nothing but the Spanish sun for company. 284 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:32,550 My friends are here, they're just a bit busy at the moment. 285 00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:37,270 Well, why don't I sit and keep you company till they come back? 286 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:41,430 - Oh... - Are you all right? I can leave you in peace if you want. 287 00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:43,470 No, I'm sorry. 288 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,550 It's just, that was husband's sunbed. 289 00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,990 Bloody hell, you could have said. 290 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:51,710 No, I meant, when we used to come here together. 291 00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:56,030 He recently passed away. 292 00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:58,470 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, love. 293 00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:02,230 Still, I bet t'last thing he'd want is for you to be lonely. 294 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:04,270 Yeah, you're right there. 295 00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,670 I bet he's looking down on you now, 296 00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:09,950 seeing you with a handsome fella next to you, 297 00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:12,230 with a big smile on his face. 298 00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,030 Yeah. 299 00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:17,150 To be honest, that's what he liked to do when he was alive. 300 00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:20,110 Excuse me, guys. 301 00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:22,310 Just need to ask you to make your way to reception 302 00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:25,070 at some point today for new ID cards, if that's OK. 303 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,110 No problem, darling. 304 00:16:27,510 --> 00:16:30,150 Hello? Shop? 305 00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:34,270 One-and-a-half very thirsty people over here. 306 00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:37,350 When you have a moment, obviously. 307 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:48,270 Are you absolutely sure she's drunk? 308 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:51,590 Mother, she's on the bar doing the breaststroke. 309 00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:55,950 I think she's just a bit giddy about the hot weather. 310 00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:57,870 Don't be fooled, Mother. 311 00:16:57,910 --> 00:17:01,150 It may be sunny now but there's a storm on its way. 312 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,030 And this one is the Bishop, he can move any number of squares. 313 00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,190 Like the Queen? 314 00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,590 No, any number of squares diagonally - 315 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,230 - Like the Queen! - No. - Let him finish, man! 316 00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:18,230 Any number of squares diagonally but he can't jump over other pieces. 317 00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:23,270 So how come the King who is, like, the King, can only move one space? 318 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,910 Is he, like, disabled? 319 00:17:24,950 --> 00:17:28,350 Because, mate, if you ask me, he's no better off than a prawn, 320 00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:29,990 and that can't be right! 321 00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:33,670 Hey, Jodie, you all right? 322 00:17:33,710 --> 00:17:36,950 Yeah, can I get my nails done? They said they'd do it for free. 323 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,230 But I have to ask me mum, but she's not here. 324 00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:42,070 I reckon so. Is me Granddad looking after you? 325 00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:45,070 Yeah, I've been talking to Pauline. 326 00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:48,270 When you've had your nails done, make sure you go back to Granddad. 327 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,350 All right. 328 00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,430 OK, so how do you remember which thing does what? 329 00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:56,150 It's probably easier if we have a game 330 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:57,830 and you can learn it as you go along. 331 00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,310 Nice one, bruv! 332 00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:00,950 Do you want to play for money? 333 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,070 OK, next one, please, keep it moving. 334 00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:08,110 Oh, it's you. 335 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:13,470 Now, I would like one very small large vodka and pineapple juice, 336 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,670 half a lager. - Wait! 337 00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:17,270 This is not a bar. 338 00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:19,350 What do you mean, it's not a bar? 339 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,910 What the Dickens are all these people queueing for? 340 00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:24,150 No! No-o! 341 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,710 Give it back, I say! 342 00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,790 Shut up, you crazy woman. This is instead of your wristband. 343 00:18:29,550 --> 00:18:31,910 Oh. I do beg your pardon. 344 00:18:31,950 --> 00:18:34,230 - What is your room number? - Sorry? 345 00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:36,150 What is your room number? 346 00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:40,790 Just a moment! I may have had one or two sherbets 347 00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:43,510 but you won't find me easy pickings. 348 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,950 I just need your room number. 349 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,190 You're quite persistent, aren't you? 350 00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:53,470 Room 625. 351 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:56,670 Any time after midnight. 352 00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:01,550 - Cheers. - Cheers. 353 00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:05,870 See how thoughtful me Dad is? 354 00:19:06,990 --> 00:19:09,670 He's just a bit eccentric. He always has been. 355 00:19:09,710 --> 00:19:12,390 Yeah, that's the word, eccentric. 356 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,310 I know he puts on a brave face but this divorce has hit him hard. 357 00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:18,990 Can you imagine starting a new life when you're nearly 70? 358 00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,350 He's not nearly 70, he's 66. 359 00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:22,790 That's not far off. 360 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,830 It's very far off. 361 00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:28,550 Oh, yeah, yeah. 362 00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:31,510 - Just like 47 is miles away from - - The next big number. 363 00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,310 You don't have to say it. 364 00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:36,830 Hey, hey, don't be shy, you know my feelings about being with a... 365 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,710 slightly more mature woman. 366 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,950 Do you want to drink the rest of that champagne or wear it? 367 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,750 Right, let's finish this then have a walk up the prom. 368 00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:51,790 I wanna see about getting you one of them mobility scooters. I'm joking! 369 00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:54,830 Gracias. 370 00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:57,870 Ooh, champagne! 371 00:19:57,910 --> 00:19:59,550 Are we celebrating? 372 00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:01,350 Yes, of course, Joyce. 373 00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:03,870 We have to toast your new home. 374 00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:10,310 Monty, I didn't mention it when I left a message on your phone but... 375 00:20:11,590 --> 00:20:13,070 ...I didn't get it. 376 00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:14,390 Oh. 377 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:17,470 I think they'll take the champagne back if you haven't touched it. 378 00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:18,990 Don't worry about that. 379 00:20:19,030 --> 00:20:21,830 It came free with a voucher I won a few nights ago. 380 00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:23,710 That was clever of you. 381 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:26,910 Not really. I've still got the bruises to prove it. 382 00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,830 - Bruises? - Never mind. 383 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,150 Well, that was a bit of a waste, 384 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,990 me pulling all those strings to get your mortgage increased. 385 00:20:36,030 --> 00:20:39,710 Well, maybe not, I've also come into a bit of money. 386 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:40,790 Oh, really? 387 00:20:41,510 --> 00:20:43,950 15,000 euros. 388 00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,830 15,000 euros? 389 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,990 Joyce, you're not back on the scratchcards again? 390 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:51,990 No, of course not. So, what I was thinking was, 391 00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:55,070 with the 15,000 and the 150,000 mortgage, 392 00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:57,950 I can afford one of your villas! 393 00:20:58,910 --> 00:20:59,990 My villas? 394 00:21:00,030 --> 00:21:01,590 Well, yeah, the um... 395 00:21:01,630 --> 00:21:04,510 Where is it? The leaflet you gave me a few weeks ago. 396 00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:07,790 Oh. Oh, those. 397 00:21:08,510 --> 00:21:09,950 We could go and see them. 398 00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:12,449 I don't have to be back at the Solana for a couple of hours. 399 00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:14,830 Joyce, can I be frank with you? 400 00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:16,870 Of course you can be frank. 401 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:20,590 These are not the sort of houses that you sell to a friend. 402 00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:23,830 - Oh. - And I do count you as a friend, Joyce. 403 00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,710 So do I, Frank... Monty. 404 00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:30,110 A friend I'd like to... get to know more. 405 00:21:31,710 --> 00:21:33,270 How much more? 406 00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:37,590 It's been a slow burn but I realised it this morning. 407 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:40,990 Every time we're about to meet, the signs are all there. 408 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,550 The best tie comes out of the drawer, 409 00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:46,590 the careful trimming of the moustache in the mirror, 410 00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:48,630 an extra squirt of Hai Karate. 411 00:21:48,670 --> 00:21:50,350 Extra squirt of what? 412 00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:52,390 It's an aftershave. 413 00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:54,750 Oh. So... 414 00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:57,470 ...you're asking me on a date? 415 00:21:57,990 --> 00:22:01,350 That's right, I'm asking you to go on a date. 416 00:22:01,390 --> 00:22:04,510 My answer is yes, Monty, I'd love to go on a date with you! 417 00:22:04,550 --> 00:22:06,270 Wonderful! 418 00:22:07,670 --> 00:22:10,790 Something I didn't mention because I'm not one to gloat 419 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:14,630 but I am a Gold Card holder for Mr Wu's Buffet 420 00:22:14,670 --> 00:22:16,590 just off the Mediterraneo. 421 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:20,830 Well, we could meet at the Solana and decide from there. 422 00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:22,470 Yes, of course. 423 00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:25,230 A woman of your breeding deserves the very best. 424 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:28,270 A la carte at Mr Wu's. 425 00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:29,830 Oh, yes. 426 00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:33,630 Chips and rice tonight, Joyce, chips and rice! 427 00:22:44,310 --> 00:22:47,150 Hey, Mateo. How's the ID card thing going? 428 00:22:47,190 --> 00:22:49,190 Everything is under the control. 429 00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:51,230 It is all about relegation. 430 00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:54,470 - You mean "delegation"? - Is what I'm saying. 431 00:22:54,510 --> 00:22:59,270 Another very small large vodka and pineapple juice, if you please. 432 00:23:02,910 --> 00:23:06,110 I do not understand, all of this is just more work. 433 00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:10,030 It's quite clever, it keeps track of who's eating and drinking what. 434 00:23:10,070 --> 00:23:12,110 Also means we don't have to stock take, either. 435 00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:15,550 If we're running low on something, it just flashes up. Look. 436 00:23:16,390 --> 00:23:18,390 Can I just borrow your card? 437 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,270 I may as well have a very small... 438 00:23:20,990 --> 00:23:24,110 very small large Baileys while you're at it. 439 00:23:24,150 --> 00:23:27,790 I've developed quite a sweet tooth today for some reason. 440 00:23:30,870 --> 00:23:32,710 And now we press "enter" 441 00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:35,910 and it should tell how us many drinks the guest has had today. 442 00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:38,990 Ooh... 842. 443 00:23:39,790 --> 00:23:41,790 - Skol! - Well, that can't be right. 444 00:23:41,830 --> 00:23:44,790 It says here, she has had 842 drinks. 445 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:49,350 Don't forget, I had quite a large breakfast. 446 00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:51,630 Show me the card. 447 00:23:52,390 --> 00:23:54,630 Why does her card have a picture of Joyce on it? 448 00:23:54,670 --> 00:23:56,670 - This is correct, no? - No. 449 00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:02,350 Excuse me, can I just have a look at your cards? 450 00:24:04,630 --> 00:24:06,630 Mateo, they all have Joyce on them. 451 00:24:07,470 --> 00:24:10,590 OK, listen, before Les went for his sex change, 452 00:24:10,630 --> 00:24:14,670 he say, "Mateo, print the cards exactly like this one." 453 00:24:14,710 --> 00:24:16,710 You can ask him when he gets back. 454 00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:20,150 I mean, you can ask her when she gets back. 455 00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,510 Oh, my God. 456 00:24:22,550 --> 00:24:24,510 You didn't know about his operation? 457 00:24:26,990 --> 00:24:28,870 It was a shock for me too. 458 00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:46,790 Then that were it, 40 years' marriage down the drain. 459 00:24:47,470 --> 00:24:49,470 Oh, I am sorry. 460 00:24:49,510 --> 00:24:52,310 Yes, I admit, I was wrong to stray. 461 00:24:52,350 --> 00:24:55,390 But a man has his needs, if you don't mind me saying so. 462 00:24:55,430 --> 00:24:57,910 Oh, no, you can say what you like with me. 463 00:24:58,310 --> 00:25:00,310 And then as Mary got older... 464 00:25:01,190 --> 00:25:03,870 Well, just let's say her appetite diminished. 465 00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:07,510 And she didn't exactly start off starving hungry. 466 00:25:08,390 --> 00:25:11,110 I've always thought of sex as a dinner party. 467 00:25:12,030 --> 00:25:14,070 As long as all the guests are invited, 468 00:25:14,110 --> 00:25:17,670 you can go ahead and make a right old pig of yourself. 469 00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:22,710 Eddie, can I have a squirt of your cream? 470 00:25:23,310 --> 00:25:26,750 Oooh, I feel like a sausage that hasn't been pricked! 471 00:25:27,230 --> 00:25:29,230 - You what? - Me back. 472 00:25:29,270 --> 00:25:30,950 I'm burning up! 473 00:25:30,990 --> 00:25:34,070 Oh, aye. Do you want me to do it for you? 474 00:25:34,110 --> 00:25:35,710 Oh, yes! 475 00:25:40,190 --> 00:25:43,190 Right, Jungle Red, here we go. 476 00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:46,270 Oh, my God, check the date on that bottle. 477 00:25:46,310 --> 00:25:48,070 I've never smelt a polish so strong. 478 00:25:48,110 --> 00:25:50,110 I haven't opened it yet. 479 00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:52,470 - Eugh! - Oh! Oh, my God! 480 00:25:53,950 --> 00:25:55,550 I was thinking, Jodie. 481 00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,910 Two young, single women like ourselves, 482 00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:01,070 maybe we should hit the town later? 483 00:26:01,870 --> 00:26:04,710 Well, I'm here with my mum, so I would have to ask her. 484 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:08,110 Tell me, is your mother a short person as well? 485 00:26:08,710 --> 00:26:12,590 I mean, does it run in the family? Like being ginger? 486 00:26:12,630 --> 00:26:14,150 Keep your hands still, please. 487 00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:17,910 The look we're going for is '50s glamour, not like you've been gutting a rabbit. 488 00:26:17,950 --> 00:26:19,550 My mum's really tall. 489 00:26:19,590 --> 00:26:21,350 Say that again. 490 00:26:21,390 --> 00:26:23,470 My mum's really tall. 491 00:26:23,510 --> 00:26:25,510 Do you know, it's fascinating, 492 00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:28,310 but you've slipped out of your American accent. 493 00:26:28,870 --> 00:26:32,350 Oddly enough, I was in South Africa and picked up a twang there. 494 00:26:32,790 --> 00:26:35,310 It's ebbed away the last few years, thank God. 495 00:26:36,350 --> 00:26:41,350 Do you know, at times I sounded almost toffee-nosed. 496 00:26:41,390 --> 00:26:43,390 Can you believe that? 497 00:26:44,430 --> 00:26:46,710 Ah, perfect timing. 498 00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:50,870 Same again for me and my little friend here will have a Margarita. 499 00:26:51,590 --> 00:26:54,430 For tonight, we hit the town! 500 00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:57,150 I'm sorry, we're not serving you any more. 501 00:26:57,190 --> 00:26:59,510 I thought this was supposed to be all-inclusive? 502 00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:01,830 We're not serving you any more alcohol. 503 00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,110 Fine. 504 00:27:03,150 --> 00:27:08,790 Then just two very large Margaritas for my good friend Jodie. 505 00:27:09,430 --> 00:27:11,750 She hasn't had half the alcohol I've had. 506 00:27:11,790 --> 00:27:13,070 I beg your pardon? 507 00:27:13,110 --> 00:27:16,910 I assure you, this young lady's been served no alcohol whatsoever. 508 00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:21,230 I've been drinking all afternoon with this splendid woman. 509 00:27:21,270 --> 00:27:26,230 I can assure you she's been knocking back vodkas like a Russian soldier. 510 00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:27,550 What? 511 00:27:28,150 --> 00:27:30,350 She can drink as well as the next man, 512 00:27:30,390 --> 00:27:33,670 as long as the next man is Paul Gascoigne. 513 00:27:33,710 --> 00:27:35,710 What is going on here? 514 00:27:36,350 --> 00:27:38,390 Hiya, what was your Champagne brunch like? 515 00:27:38,430 --> 00:27:41,510 I'll "Champagne brunch" you in a minute! Where's your Granddad? 516 00:27:41,550 --> 00:27:43,350 Erm... 517 00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:45,990 Are you Jodie's mother? She said you were very tall. 518 00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:47,790 Who the frigging hell are you? 519 00:27:47,830 --> 00:27:50,110 I'm Jodie's new drinking partner. 520 00:27:50,870 --> 00:27:53,550 We've had quite the day, haven't we, darling? 521 00:27:54,350 --> 00:27:55,590 Ohhh! 522 00:27:56,430 --> 00:27:58,190 Oh, Pauline! 523 00:27:59,790 --> 00:28:02,710 Come on, let's get you inside. 524 00:28:02,750 --> 00:28:06,030 It's gonna be all right, everything's gonna be all right. 525 00:28:10,670 --> 00:28:12,950 Don't my nails look pretty, Mummy? 526 00:28:17,910 --> 00:28:21,550 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to this intervention 527 00:28:21,590 --> 00:28:24,550 for my sister Pauline, who's an alcoholic. 528 00:28:24,590 --> 00:28:26,510 Not true! 529 00:28:26,550 --> 00:28:29,670 Pauline, it's OK. It's time to face your demons. 530 00:28:29,710 --> 00:28:33,550 No, I mean I'm not your sister, am I? Technically speaking. 531 00:28:33,590 --> 00:28:35,510 Oh, right, you're bringing that up now? 532 00:28:35,550 --> 00:28:38,230 Come on, Pauline, love. Play nice. 533 00:28:38,270 --> 00:28:40,270 We're trying to help you. 534 00:28:40,310 --> 00:28:43,390 Not being funny, pal, but what's this got to do with us? 535 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:47,110 An important part of the process is Pauline apologising 536 00:28:47,150 --> 00:28:49,510 to the people she's hurt. 537 00:28:49,550 --> 00:28:53,750 So I'd like to ask Sheron if she'd air some of her grievances, please? 538 00:28:54,550 --> 00:28:57,630 Right, I'm going to try and stay calm. 539 00:28:57,670 --> 00:29:00,150 Basically, I go out for two hours and I come back 540 00:29:00,190 --> 00:29:03,030 to find my seven-year-old daughter sitting with this lunatic 541 00:29:03,070 --> 00:29:05,110 drinking vodka through a curly straw. 542 00:29:05,150 --> 00:29:07,990 In my defence, I did think your daughter was a midget. 543 00:29:08,030 --> 00:29:11,350 - What? - Sorry. I mean "little person". 544 00:29:11,390 --> 00:29:15,190 Hang on, we've established Jodie wasn't served alcohol at any time. 545 00:29:15,230 --> 00:29:17,910 Yeah, don't you think you're taking this a bit seriously? 546 00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:20,270 Seriously? Of course I'm taking it seriously! 547 00:29:20,310 --> 00:29:24,390 I ask you to look after my child for one morning, Eddie. Anything could have happened! 548 00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:26,510 OK, folks, we're here for Pauline. 549 00:29:26,550 --> 00:29:28,030 I'm not here for Pauline. 550 00:29:28,070 --> 00:29:31,870 I'm here to find out what happened to my daughter while I was away. 551 00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:34,590 - Having a Champagne brunch. - Aha! 552 00:29:34,630 --> 00:29:38,070 - Now we're getting somewhere! - What's that go to do with anything? 553 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:41,590 Let he who is without sin cast the first stone! 554 00:29:41,630 --> 00:29:44,230 - You what? Listen you - - Sheron, just sit down! 555 00:29:44,270 --> 00:29:46,350 I think we're getting a bit side-tracked. 556 00:29:46,390 --> 00:29:48,390 Maybe we should try to speak one at a time. 557 00:29:51,150 --> 00:29:53,430 We'll use this as a talking stick. 558 00:29:53,990 --> 00:29:56,070 Pauline, I think you should go first. 559 00:29:56,110 --> 00:29:57,750 What's this? 560 00:29:57,790 --> 00:29:59,790 We're using it as a talking stick. 561 00:30:06,350 --> 00:30:08,310 No, I can't hear anything. 562 00:30:08,350 --> 00:30:09,870 Oh, this is ridiculous! 563 00:30:09,910 --> 00:30:12,910 Sorry to interrupt. I'm only here to see who's paying for her nails. 564 00:30:12,950 --> 00:30:16,230 I'm going. This woman has wasted enough of my time already. 565 00:30:17,950 --> 00:30:19,110 Sorry. 566 00:30:20,070 --> 00:30:22,070 Right, who wants a beer? 567 00:30:23,190 --> 00:30:27,470 We can't have alcohol, this is supposed to be an intervention! 568 00:30:28,190 --> 00:30:29,470 Mum? 569 00:30:29,990 --> 00:30:31,510 Mum? 570 00:30:32,270 --> 00:30:34,590 Sorry, love, I was just resting my eyes. 571 00:30:34,630 --> 00:30:36,710 They're ordering drinks from the bar! 572 00:30:36,750 --> 00:30:38,790 Oh, right. 573 00:30:38,830 --> 00:30:41,990 I'll have a sherry, please, nice and dry. 574 00:30:42,030 --> 00:30:43,870 OK, love. 575 00:30:51,030 --> 00:30:53,510 Everything shipshape and Bristol fashion? 576 00:30:53,550 --> 00:30:56,470 - Just another regular day. - Very good. 577 00:30:56,510 --> 00:30:58,510 Are all the ID cards working? 578 00:30:58,550 --> 00:31:00,550 The ID cards have been distributed. 579 00:31:00,590 --> 00:31:02,070 Wonderful. 580 00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:03,590 I knew you'd be OK. 581 00:31:04,430 --> 00:31:07,310 Amber, I've been speaking to Head Office 582 00:31:07,350 --> 00:31:10,470 about the possibility of an assistant manager's position. 583 00:31:10,510 --> 00:31:12,150 How does that sound? 584 00:31:12,190 --> 00:31:14,390 Oh, wow! That sounds great! Thank you. 585 00:31:14,430 --> 00:31:16,390 I know you've only just joined us 586 00:31:16,430 --> 00:31:20,750 but I like to think that I have an eye for talent. 587 00:31:22,070 --> 00:31:24,110 Chips and rice, Amber. 588 00:31:24,830 --> 00:31:27,270 Chips and rice. 589 00:31:36,670 --> 00:31:38,670 There we go, darling. 590 00:31:39,110 --> 00:31:41,470 Snug as a bug in a rug. 591 00:31:42,470 --> 00:31:45,710 Oh, Pauline, we are worried about you, you know. 592 00:31:46,670 --> 00:31:48,190 Big fuss over nothing. 593 00:31:48,230 --> 00:31:51,710 It's OK to have a cool beer with your lunch 594 00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:54,870 and a glass of wine with your tea 595 00:31:54,910 --> 00:31:59,270 and who doesn't like a bloody Mary with breakfast? 596 00:32:00,030 --> 00:32:03,710 But when you're getting through a couple of bottles of mouthwash 597 00:32:04,710 --> 00:32:06,710 to get you out of bed in the morning, 598 00:32:07,990 --> 00:32:09,470 you've gone too far. 599 00:32:09,510 --> 00:32:13,470 But, Mummy, it makes my breath so minty fresh. 600 00:32:13,510 --> 00:32:15,510 I know it does, love. 601 00:32:16,310 --> 00:32:19,910 And believe me, I can be an absolute pig 602 00:32:19,950 --> 00:32:22,270 with the eggnog at Christmas. 603 00:32:23,470 --> 00:32:28,510 But I just think we need to get you some professional help. 604 00:32:28,990 --> 00:32:30,430 Whatever you say. 605 00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:34,790 And try and be nicer to Geoff, for my sake if nothing else. 606 00:32:35,630 --> 00:32:37,630 I know he's not your real brother. 607 00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,310 But he cares about you. 608 00:32:40,350 --> 00:32:41,950 That's not true. 609 00:32:41,990 --> 00:32:43,190 It is, love. 610 00:32:43,950 --> 00:32:46,390 He cares about you so much. 611 00:32:46,430 --> 00:32:48,430 No, I mean... 612 00:32:49,390 --> 00:32:53,550 Regardless of parentage, he'll always be my brother. 613 00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:05,990 Come on, son. 614 00:33:17,910 --> 00:33:20,710 I'm sorry but I don't see how you have cause for complaint. 615 00:33:20,750 --> 00:33:24,910 Don't you think you have a responsibility not to serve so much alcohol to one person 616 00:33:24,950 --> 00:33:27,710 they can't tell a seven-year-old child from a midget? 617 00:33:27,750 --> 00:33:29,310 Madam, this is Benidorm. 618 00:33:29,350 --> 00:33:32,510 If we stopped serving alcohol to everyone who was drunk, 619 00:33:32,550 --> 00:33:35,750 my staff would be sitting twiddling their thumbs all day. 620 00:33:36,230 --> 00:33:38,110 You haven't heard the last of this. 621 00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:40,230 Of course not, that would be madness. 622 00:33:40,990 --> 00:33:42,790 I think we got away with that. 623 00:33:43,830 --> 00:33:45,830 Maybe I should cancel my night off. 624 00:33:45,870 --> 00:33:46,910 No! 625 00:33:46,950 --> 00:33:49,230 I mean... why would you do that? 626 00:33:49,270 --> 00:33:51,270 We've got everything under control here. 627 00:33:51,910 --> 00:33:54,110 Where's Les? I haven't seen him since I got back. 628 00:33:54,990 --> 00:33:57,790 We were a bit short-staffed at the kids club today. 629 00:33:57,830 --> 00:34:01,670 He's probably hanging up his Dickie Donut costume as we speak. 630 00:34:01,710 --> 00:34:05,510 And probably putting on another equally ridiculous one after that. 631 00:34:07,190 --> 00:34:08,390 Are you OK? 632 00:34:08,430 --> 00:34:10,230 Going anywhere nice this evening? 633 00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:13,350 Amber, I'm not stupid, what are you trying to hide? 634 00:34:13,390 --> 00:34:16,310 - My darling Joyce... - Oh, my God! When did he get here? 635 00:34:16,350 --> 00:34:19,310 There comes a time, in every man's life, 636 00:34:19,350 --> 00:34:22,270 when he has to ask himself what's really important. 637 00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:25,910 And since I met you, I find myself asking, 638 00:34:25,950 --> 00:34:29,470 "Do I need a fast car, a fancy apartment? 639 00:34:29,990 --> 00:34:33,310 Do I need the flashy jewellery and the expensive clothes?" 640 00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:36,190 And the answer to these questions is... 641 00:34:37,190 --> 00:34:38,870 Yes, obviously. 642 00:34:39,430 --> 00:34:41,150 But what's the point in having them 643 00:34:41,190 --> 00:34:43,310 if I've got nobody to share them with? 644 00:34:44,790 --> 00:34:48,150 Naturally, all those things can be enjoyed by a single person. 645 00:34:48,190 --> 00:34:50,510 - Of course they can. - Get on with it! 646 00:34:52,670 --> 00:34:54,470 My point is this. 647 00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:56,710 I've made some wrong choices in my life 648 00:34:57,390 --> 00:35:00,670 and I've not always liked the person I've turned out to be. 649 00:35:01,430 --> 00:35:06,390 But you, Joyce... you make me feel brand new. 650 00:35:09,430 --> 00:35:11,430 ♪ My love 651 00:35:12,590 --> 00:35:16,030 ♪ I'll never find the words, my love 652 00:35:18,870 --> 00:35:23,190 ♪ To tell you how I feel, my love 653 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,430 ♪ Mere words 654 00:35:27,790 --> 00:35:31,830 ♪ Could not explain... 655 00:35:32,550 --> 00:35:35,950 Looking forward to a nice evening off, Miss Temple-Savage? 656 00:35:36,710 --> 00:35:39,150 ♪ Precious love 657 00:35:39,190 --> 00:35:41,910 I hope this isn't gonna be one of them dreary nights 658 00:35:41,950 --> 00:35:44,590 full of people whining crappy old love songs to each other. 659 00:35:44,630 --> 00:35:47,464 Any more of this, I'll have to put me name down for Sweet Caroline. 660 00:35:47,470 --> 00:35:49,430 Oh, not Sweet Caroline! 661 00:35:49,470 --> 00:35:53,030 I know, Jacqueline, awful song, but look, we're at breaking point. 662 00:35:53,070 --> 00:35:55,950 If someone doesn't give this crowd a chorus they can sing along to, 663 00:35:55,990 --> 00:35:57,510 the peasants will be revolting. 664 00:35:57,550 --> 00:35:59,790 I mean, more revolting than they are already. 665 00:35:59,830 --> 00:36:01,830 They're not all revolting. 666 00:36:04,510 --> 00:36:07,790 Oh, yeah? What's the score with you and Captain Birdseye? 667 00:36:07,830 --> 00:36:09,870 Oh, just a bit of flirting. 668 00:36:09,910 --> 00:36:11,870 Makes the world go around. 669 00:36:11,910 --> 00:36:15,830 138.50 euros. 670 00:36:15,870 --> 00:36:18,750 Just shows, a little innovation can go a long way. 671 00:36:18,790 --> 00:36:22,670 For God's sake, calm down. It was two plastic chairs and an umbrella. 672 00:36:22,710 --> 00:36:25,670 It wouldn't exactly get them jizzing on Dragon's Den. 673 00:36:25,710 --> 00:36:27,710 ♪ ..Back to me... 674 00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:30,670 - What's this? - Your cut from the Pop-Up Nail Bar. 675 00:36:30,710 --> 00:36:32,430 Jacqueline, as our sleeping partner, 676 00:36:32,470 --> 00:36:35,590 I've sent a bottle of cava to your room, I know you like a nightcap. 677 00:36:35,630 --> 00:36:37,950 Ooh! Why don't we have another one here 678 00:36:37,990 --> 00:36:41,310 and then all go up and drink a toast to Blow and Go? 679 00:36:41,350 --> 00:36:45,990 Oh, there's a lovely view of the cross from my balcony. 680 00:36:46,670 --> 00:36:48,950 Now that's what I call good business! 681 00:36:51,950 --> 00:36:53,950 ...and sometimes bends 682 00:36:57,030 --> 00:36:59,030 ♪ Without you 683 00:37:01,110 --> 00:37:05,630 ♪ Life has no meaning or rhyme 684 00:37:06,350 --> 00:37:07,710 Hello? 685 00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:09,750 ♪ Like notes to a song out of time... 686 00:37:09,790 --> 00:37:12,630 I'm sorry, Crystal, I can hardly hear you. 687 00:37:14,750 --> 00:37:18,150 Yes, there is a terrible noise this end. 688 00:37:18,190 --> 00:37:20,630 ♪ ..Having faith in me... 689 00:37:20,670 --> 00:37:23,190 I'll call you from the office in ten minutes. 690 00:37:26,990 --> 00:37:30,270 ♪ For God blessed me with you 691 00:37:31,830 --> 00:37:33,630 How do you mean she doesn't know? 692 00:37:33,670 --> 00:37:35,350 Every card has her face on it. 693 00:37:36,150 --> 00:37:39,150 Look, the real responsible is here, ask him yourself. 694 00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:41,510 I mean, ask her yourself. 695 00:37:41,550 --> 00:37:45,030 I'm sorry I was so long, I kind of misjudged the recovery time. 696 00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:48,350 Lesley, I can't believe you're back on your feet so quickly 697 00:37:48,390 --> 00:37:50,270 after such a major operation. 698 00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:53,390 Oh, it's like a conveyor belt up there in Villa Joiosa. 699 00:37:54,150 --> 00:37:57,910 The doctor was telling me he does about 20 patients a day. 700 00:37:57,950 --> 00:38:01,230 And you have to go back for them to do your voice, obviously. 701 00:38:02,310 --> 00:38:04,230 Temple-Savage hasn't missed me, has she? 702 00:38:04,270 --> 00:38:08,230 No, we covered for you, but we've still got to sort these out. 703 00:38:08,270 --> 00:38:11,030 What's wrong? Oh, you didn't mess them up, did you? 704 00:38:11,070 --> 00:38:13,270 I told you to do them exactly like that! 705 00:38:13,310 --> 00:38:14,590 And he did. 706 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:17,390 - What? - It's all right. 707 00:38:17,430 --> 00:38:20,230 Joyce has tonight off and she's not in until tomorrow afternoon. 708 00:38:20,270 --> 00:38:24,830 There's loads of blank cards left, we can do them all again tomorrow. 709 00:38:24,870 --> 00:38:27,037 Did you keep the receipt for your sex change, Lesley? 710 00:38:27,070 --> 00:38:30,030 I think they made one booby bigger than the other. 711 00:38:30,070 --> 00:38:32,590 Sex change? What are you talking about, man? 712 00:38:32,630 --> 00:38:34,910 I've had me eyes lasered. 713 00:38:34,950 --> 00:38:36,950 Ya daft bugger. 714 00:38:38,590 --> 00:38:40,630 I knew this operation was for her eyes. 715 00:38:40,670 --> 00:38:44,030 I mean, his eyes. I'm not a complete idiot! 716 00:38:44,070 --> 00:38:45,550 Really? 717 00:38:45,590 --> 00:38:47,590 Which part's missing? 718 00:38:51,150 --> 00:38:53,030 You made me feel brand new. 719 00:38:59,350 --> 00:39:01,950 Forgive me, Joyce, I couldn't help myself. 720 00:39:03,110 --> 00:39:06,910 Monty, I said eight o'clock in the text. I still haven't got changed. 721 00:39:07,630 --> 00:39:09,230 Well, I can wait here. 722 00:39:09,270 --> 00:39:12,710 I've got to make a phone call to make too, I'll be at least 45 minutes. 723 00:39:13,830 --> 00:39:16,190 I've waited so long, what's another 45 minutes? 724 00:39:19,030 --> 00:39:22,510 OK, if you want a drink, use this. 725 00:39:24,310 --> 00:39:25,910 It's also my room key. 726 00:39:25,950 --> 00:39:27,710 Come up in about an hour, 727 00:39:27,750 --> 00:39:31,670 we'll have drinks on the balcony before we go out, room 1501. 728 00:39:32,630 --> 00:39:33,910 Perfect. 729 00:39:37,510 --> 00:39:39,510 Chips and rice tonight, Monty. 730 00:39:40,510 --> 00:39:43,470 Definitely chips and rice. 731 00:39:43,510 --> 00:39:45,190 Whoa! 732 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:55,730 ♪ I can see clearly now the rain has gone 733 00:39:56,890 --> 00:39:59,170 Look at them all, staring and sneering. 734 00:39:59,210 --> 00:40:02,930 As if they've never had a member of the family do anything embarrassing. 735 00:40:02,970 --> 00:40:06,850 Well, at least we know she's safely tucked up in bed, 736 00:40:07,650 --> 00:40:10,210 away from those prying eyes. 737 00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:13,450 Oh, it's all my fault. 738 00:40:13,490 --> 00:40:16,610 I knew we should have gone to Center Parcs. 739 00:40:17,130 --> 00:40:19,090 You can't blame yourself, Mam. 740 00:40:19,130 --> 00:40:24,530 All them meetings, all that willpower gone for nothing. 741 00:40:25,450 --> 00:40:27,730 Well, she may have strayed from the path 742 00:40:28,690 --> 00:40:31,370 but I hope she finds her way back again. 743 00:40:33,490 --> 00:40:37,050 As Pauline herself has said, many times, 744 00:40:38,330 --> 00:40:43,290 it's a long, lonely journey on the road to Domestos. 745 00:40:44,610 --> 00:40:45,890 Damascus. 746 00:40:52,890 --> 00:40:54,530 That's right, Crystal. 747 00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:58,130 The new system was rolled out today with no problems. 748 00:41:01,490 --> 00:41:03,290 How many drinks? 749 00:41:04,450 --> 00:41:06,530 Are you sure that's from one person? 750 00:41:08,170 --> 00:41:11,250 Well, yes, they should be immediately blacklisted, 751 00:41:11,290 --> 00:41:13,290 from all Solana group hotels. 752 00:41:14,290 --> 00:41:17,810 Could you give me the ID number? I'll track this hooligan down. 753 00:41:18,410 --> 00:41:22,130 Although to be honest, I've got a very good idea who the culprit is. 754 00:41:22,170 --> 00:41:23,770 Yes. 755 00:41:24,690 --> 00:41:26,690 0-0-3-8... 756 00:41:27,970 --> 00:41:29,970 ...1-1-4-2. 757 00:41:30,570 --> 00:41:31,890 Here we go. 758 00:41:37,610 --> 00:41:40,010 Erm... yes, I've found the culprit. 759 00:41:40,050 --> 00:41:41,970 Yes, you're right. 760 00:41:42,010 --> 00:41:44,010 Absolute menace to society. 761 00:41:44,890 --> 00:41:46,890 They'll be thrown out on their ear. 762 00:41:48,570 --> 00:41:51,490 OK. Good night. 763 00:41:58,530 --> 00:42:00,050 Right! 764 00:42:01,970 --> 00:42:03,970 Let's get one thing straight. 765 00:42:05,010 --> 00:42:07,890 My sister is no different to any one of you lot here. 766 00:42:09,010 --> 00:42:12,010 I mean, look at yourselves, whispering and nudging. 767 00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:14,850 "Yeah, that's the family with the pisshead." 768 00:42:16,530 --> 00:42:19,450 But when you point a finger at someone, 769 00:42:19,490 --> 00:42:22,010 you've got three pointing back at yourself. 770 00:42:25,970 --> 00:42:30,170 Who can sit here and say that they haven't got a relation 771 00:42:30,210 --> 00:42:33,090 who's brought shame and disappointment on their family? 772 00:42:33,130 --> 00:42:36,850 Who can sit here and say they haven't done the same thing themselves? 773 00:42:37,610 --> 00:42:40,290 Isn't it about time we looked at our mothers... 774 00:42:42,010 --> 00:42:43,610 ...our children... 775 00:42:44,970 --> 00:42:47,970 ...our brothers and sister... 776 00:42:50,330 --> 00:42:52,810 ...and started to love them for who they are? 777 00:42:52,850 --> 00:42:55,130 And not worry about what they look like? 778 00:42:55,890 --> 00:42:58,450 Or for how they choose to live their life? 779 00:42:58,490 --> 00:43:01,690 Or how they try and cope with whatever life throws at them? 780 00:43:03,770 --> 00:43:07,490 Because no matter how frustrating or embarrassing they might be, 781 00:43:08,490 --> 00:43:10,530 we can't give up on them. 782 00:43:10,570 --> 00:43:12,570 Cos they're a part of us... 783 00:43:13,930 --> 00:43:15,450 ...a part of our family. 784 00:43:25,330 --> 00:43:26,890 Hit it, Darren. 785 00:43:26,930 --> 00:43:28,530 ♪ We Are Family 786 00:43:34,770 --> 00:43:36,770 ♪ We are family 787 00:43:39,050 --> 00:43:41,050 ♪ I've got all my sisters and me 788 00:43:43,370 --> 00:43:45,370 ♪ We are family 789 00:43:47,290 --> 00:43:49,290 ♪ Come on, everybody, and sing 790 00:43:50,570 --> 00:43:51,810 Come on! 791 00:43:51,850 --> 00:43:53,850 ♪ We are family 792 00:43:55,610 --> 00:43:57,610 ♪ I've got all my sisters and me 793 00:43:59,810 --> 00:44:01,490 ♪ We are family 794 00:44:01,530 --> 00:44:04,930 So, all we ask from you is a £5,000 deposit. 795 00:44:04,970 --> 00:44:07,850 It really is too good a deal to turn down. 796 00:44:07,890 --> 00:44:11,730 Sorry, I don't know about 5,000. I'd be hard pushed to raise 500. 797 00:44:12,490 --> 00:44:14,490 I know the feeling. 798 00:44:15,730 --> 00:44:18,090 A bottle of lager and an orange juice, please. 799 00:44:18,130 --> 00:44:20,730 - Where did you get that from? - A woman gave it to me. 800 00:44:20,770 --> 00:44:22,490 - When did she give it to you? - Today. 801 00:44:22,530 --> 00:44:24,197 It gets you into the apartment as well. 802 00:44:24,210 --> 00:44:25,650 But you're about 12! 803 00:44:25,690 --> 00:44:27,970 I'm 20, mate, 21 in September. 804 00:44:28,010 --> 00:44:29,970 Or is it October? 805 00:44:31,010 --> 00:44:33,810 Do you intend on going up to the apartment this evening? 806 00:44:33,850 --> 00:44:36,250 Absolutely! I'll be sleeping there tonight. 807 00:44:36,290 --> 00:44:37,690 - What? - Yeah. 808 00:44:37,730 --> 00:44:40,050 They don't call it all-inclusive for nothing! 809 00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:42,170 Bloody hell! 810 00:44:42,210 --> 00:44:44,210 Same again, Jacqueline? 811 00:44:44,250 --> 00:44:46,610 Oh, thanks, Lesley, just one more. 812 00:44:46,650 --> 00:44:49,010 Then I've got a date upstairs 813 00:44:49,050 --> 00:44:52,130 with a bottle of bubbly and a couple of friends! 814 00:44:53,890 --> 00:44:55,010 Hola! 815 00:44:55,930 --> 00:44:57,810 Sod this for a game of soldiers. 816 00:44:59,650 --> 00:45:00,770 Monty? 817 00:45:00,810 --> 00:45:03,210 Monty! I'm sorry, we've got a bit of a crisis. 818 00:45:03,250 --> 00:45:04,970 No, Joyce, I'm sorry. 819 00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:08,730 I refuse to be just another notch on your bedpost. 820 00:45:08,770 --> 00:45:10,170 I beg your pardon? 821 00:45:10,210 --> 00:45:13,210 It's typical, the one time I put my feelings out there 822 00:45:13,250 --> 00:45:15,930 for everyone to see, I get hurt and humiliated. 823 00:45:15,970 --> 00:45:17,970 What are you talking about? 824 00:45:18,010 --> 00:45:20,850 I thought you were coming up to have drinks on my balcony? 825 00:45:20,890 --> 00:45:23,530 From what I've seen, there might not be any room for me! 826 00:45:24,250 --> 00:45:26,570 I'd get a turnstile fitted, if I were you. 827 00:45:27,730 --> 00:45:29,890 Monty? Monty! 828 00:45:31,330 --> 00:45:33,330 ♪ We are family 829 00:45:35,450 --> 00:45:37,690 ♪ Get up, everybody, and sing! 830 00:45:43,290 --> 00:45:45,290 Love you, Pauline! 831 00:45:46,130 --> 00:45:47,850 Sleep tight, sister! 832 00:45:50,930 --> 00:45:52,730 ♪ So make a stand for your man, honey 833 00:45:52,770 --> 00:45:54,370 ♪ Try to can the can 834 00:45:54,410 --> 00:45:55,970 Yee-hah! 834 00:45:56,305 --> 00:46:02,408 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from SubtitleDB.org