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00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,120
Uhh. Oh, God, I feel terrible.

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00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,880
Hair of the dog.

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This has got to stop.

5
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,880
No, I'm sorry, pet.

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00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,960
I can't do it. It's just too hard.

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00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,000
Hang on, hang on.

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00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,360
Hang on.

9
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,600
Here you are.
- Too hard for you?

10
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,480
Are you having a laugh, Les? I'm
absolutely gasping.

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00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,560
If you wanted a brew we've just gone
past breakfast.

12
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,480
I'm not gasping for tea, I'm gasping
for air.

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00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,160
Aye, I thought I was on skating on
thin ice

14
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,880
having last night's chicken jalfrezi
for breakfast.

15
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,560
What did you mean too hard for you?
You've got the easy bit.

16
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,360
Nah, I mean...

17
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,320
this was always me and Liam's
costume,

18
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,840
you know, for the fancy dress.

19
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,400
I know, why don't you wear that red
dress you wore the other night?

20
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,400
I'll get you a red wig from the joke shop
and you can go as... What's her name?

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00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,280
Rita... someone.

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00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,240
Hayworth. You'll look hilarious.

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00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,760
I'll go and make the brew.

24
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,280
Sorry, Les, I didn't mean to...

25
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,320
Listen, son, you know that condition
of Sheron's...

26
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,920
about me coming to stay with you?

27
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,240
Yeah. Er, I think so. What did I say
it was?

28
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,240
No women after ten o'clock.

29
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,960
Oh, yeah, that's right.
- Well, I'm thinking.

30
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:57,000
You know if that little dalliance
I've got with Jacqueline works out...

31
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:02,640
I don't want to close the day's
fishing before I've got me tackle
out, if you see what I mean.

32
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,680
Shall we talk about it another time?

33
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,920
No, but we'll be home in a couple of
days.

34
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,680
Leave it for now and maybe talk about
it when Sheron's in a good mood.

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00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,960
I'm not sure any of us are going to
live that long.

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00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,840
Ladies and gentlemen, Joyce
Temple-Savage here.

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00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,760
As you all know, today is Benidorm's
world-famous

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British fancy dress fiesta.

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00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,960
Please feel free to join in the fun.

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00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,360
If you need help with costumes just
ask Mateo

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00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,120
also known, for today, as Bingo the
clown!

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00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,760
Honk your horn.

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00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,280
And smile. Don't forget to smile.
You're supposed to be a clown.

44
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,560
Mr DuBeke, please remove yourself
from the sunbeds,

45
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,240
people are beginning to think it's
penny for the guy.

46
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,880
Piss off!

47
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,800
Bloody hell. Joyce Temple-Savage

48
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,720
has gone a bit heavy
wi' t'make-up today.

49
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,320
Can we dress up, Mum?
- We haven't got any costumes love.

50
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,720
Please?

51
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,400
I wonder if he does birthday parties

52
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,560
or just sticks to murdering teenagers
at county fairs?

53
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,240
Why do people think clowns are
funny? They give me nightmares.

54
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,400
I'm wi' you, Robert.

55
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,720
There's nowt entertaining about a
big fat bloke with silly hair

56
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,440
wearing embarrassing clothes
and a big red nose.

57
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,480
Dad, can I get a costume, please?

58
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,320
Oh, I get it. Your mum says no so you
ask your Dad.

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00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,760
You're not as daft as you look.
- I didn't say no,
I said we don't have any costumes.

60
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,280
In that case, I think we need a trip
to the shops, don't we?
- Yeah.

61
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,320
Right, who's coming?

62
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,480
I was gonna hang out with Tiger and
Joey today.

63
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,920
I'm all right here.
- Come on then.

64
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:08,360
If you're buying I fancy something
very fetching in tight Lycra.

65
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,120
Good luck in finding summat in your
size.

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00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,800
I beg your pardon?
- Well, it's all for t'kids,
in't it, fancy dress?

67
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,720
Right, are you ready, darling?
- Yeah.

68
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,840
Do you still want us
to hire you that car, Eddie?
- What car?

69
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,320
The one that squirts water, explodes
and all the doors fall off.

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00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,360
See you in a bit.

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00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,400
I never asked to hire a car.

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What would I want wi' a car?

73
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,600
And Donald said to Frankie Howerd,

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00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:42,400
'There's no point offering her four
fingers, she can't even manage two.'

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00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,400
Ooh! And that's how they used to
measure whisky?

76
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,520
Yeah, that's why Donald was so
popular

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00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,720
because of his fat fingers.

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00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,400
As a barman, I mean.

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00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,200
Yeah.

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Morning.

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00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,680
These were on reception for you.
- Oh! Aren't they lovely?

82
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,040
Oh, Kenneth, you look smashing!

83
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,320
Mr Motivator, isn't it?

84
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,760
I'm not sure I can be bothered with
this fancy-dress day.

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00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,320
It's not fancy dress, you cheeky cow.
I just haven't been to bed yet.

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00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:23,800
Remind me never to send you flowers if that's
the face you pull. Look at the gob on her.

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00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,920
They're from Gavin. - How do you know?
There's no card, just your name and address.

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00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,880
I had a good root round, obviously.

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00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,760
They're my favourite. The only flowers I'd
ever allow in the salon. Only he'd know that.

90
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,760
Plus, I got this pushed under the
door yesterday.

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00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,600
Oh, Troy.

92
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,320
Why don't you and Gavin get back
together?

93
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:50,480
You were the perfect couple.
- It's true.
What was it they used to call you?

94
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,880
The Diana and Dodi of the East
Midlands.

95
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,600
It's a mystery why that never worked
out. - Shut up. I had 15 happy years.

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00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,440
Hmph.
- Yeah, then you met that
whinging fat old cow.

97
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,720
Right, I am due a very large English
breakfast with extra BP.

98
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,640
This swimmer's build will not
maintain itself, eh?

99
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,800
You've got a corkscrew perm at 11.

100
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,720
Gives me 12 minutes to eat me breakfast
and one minute to get back here.

101
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,800
I do love it when a plan comes
together.

102
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Hey, there's no stamp on this.

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00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,720
Gavin's in Benidorm.

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I know. Don't.
- Eugh.

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00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:28,760
Hello, do you do walk-ins?
- Only if they're six foot,
blonde Norwegian football players.

106
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,280
He's only joking, come and take a
seat.

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00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,640
Won't be a minute. I'll just put
these in some water.
- Beautiful flowers.

108
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,160
Yeah, aren't they?
- Oh, heavens.

109
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,960
Don't worry, I've got that.

110
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:52,360
Cup of tea?
- Oh, thank you. Milk and no sugar.

111
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,080
You've got a smashing bust.

112
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,160
I hate the fancy dressing.

113
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,840
I hate how everybody's treating me
like a clown.

114
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,560
I'm not sure that's got much to do
with the costume to be honest, Mateo.

115
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,360
I hate everyone laughing at me,
calling me stupid names.

116
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,360
And then they dressed you as a
clown.

117
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,240
Oh, and this wig is making me crazy!
Ohh!

118
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,600
Ah, you found another costume then?
- Yeah.

119
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,680
Nurse Amber is now on call.

120
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,040
It's too hot for the fancy dressing.
Why did they move the fiesta?

121
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,320
It was better in November.
- I'm sorry about what I said earlier.

122
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,040
I wasn't making fun of you.
- Don't worry about it.

123
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,840
The fancy dress festival was always
mine and Liam's day. I just miss him.

124
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,720
No, saying you'd look hilarious
dressed as a woman.

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00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,680
Let's just leave it, shall we?

126
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,320
Excuse me?
- What can I get you?

127
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,280
Vodka pineapple, please.

128
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,240
If you miss Liam why don't you go
and see him?

129
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,800
It's not that easy. We both work six
days a week.

130
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:02,200
Then there's the small matter of 40
euros each time for the coach.

131
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,240
And Madrid is expensive.
It's one of the reasons I come back.
- Aye.

132
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,880
Right.

133
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,720
What did I come in here for?

134
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,360
Oh, yeah, lemonade.

135
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,480
I do not like to see Les sad, but he
does miss his son.

136
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,480
Don't be sad. Clowns are meant to be
happy.

137
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,080
And nurses are meant to make people
feel better.

138
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,080
Between us we should be able to think of
something to put a smile back on his face.

139
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,520
Blarrrhh!
- Arh!
- Ohh!

140
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,280
What?

141
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,440
You shouldn't be using your phone
all day, kid.

142
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,040
It'll cost you a fortune out here.
- I'm just playing chess.

143
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:58,560
Who are you playing? - Nobody, it's
just a free app on my phone. A free game.

144
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,600
Oh, right.

145
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,760
I used to be good at chess.

146
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,600
There you go, finish the game.

147
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,400
Just touch the pieces to move them.
You're white.

148
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,960
All right, Rob? You coming to the fiesta?
- Whoa!

149
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,280
You're taking this fancy-dress day a
bit far, aren't you?

150
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,280
Oh, nah, mate. This ain't a costume.

151
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,800
Yeah, I know. It was kind of a joke.
- These are my normal clothes.

152
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,760
Yeah, no, as I was saying -
- Oh, my days!

153
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,400
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hey,
Tige, Tige!

154
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,880
I came over here and Rob thought I
was in my costume cos my T-shirt's
bright and that!

155
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,560
I was like, 'This ain't my costume,
bruv.

156
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,840
These are my normal clothes.'

157
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,760
He's like, 'Ah, I thought it was your
costume.'

158
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,680
It was hilarious, man. We were
cracking up, weren't we?

159
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,320
I don't know what we're gonna do for
costumes. We're skint.

160
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,440
I've got some money.
- I thought if we stick a ten euro note

161
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,040
to each of our foreheads we could go
as the Three Tenors.

162
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,880
Do you get it? The singers?
- The Three Musketeers?

163
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,720
Yeah, or the three cats.

164
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:07,280
No, Joey. We were going for things
that there's specifically three of.

165
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,160
My nan has three cats. We can go as
them.

166
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,240
Bloody hell, kid. Where did you find
this one?

167
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,200
I think there's a village somewhere
short of an idiot.

168
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,560
Right, come on, let's roll.

169
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,800
OK, we're off, Grandad.
- I've just started another game.

170
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,560
Don't worry, I don't need my phone.
- Are you sure, son?

171
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,000
Yeah. No ringing your mates in the
UK though!

172
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,200
What mates?
- See you later.

173
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,760
See you later, son.

174
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,400
Oh, actually, we can't go as my nan's
cats.

175
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,320
I just realised, one of them's a
girl.

176
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,320
There you go. I think that's taken
ten years off you.

177
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,040
Not that I knew how old you were in
the first place,

178
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,080
but if I had to guess...

179
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,040
mid... thirties?

180
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,480
I can see why you're so popular.

181
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,200
And if you're in Castle Donington

182
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,920
you're literally 20 minutes away
from our Derby salon, Hair by Troy.

183
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,840
Thank you. Well, I'm here for two
weeks,

184
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,480
so I might have to see you again for
a touch up.

185
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,960
Hey, cheeky, we'll have to keep an
eye on you.

186
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,600
The lovely Jacqueline will see you
at the till.

187
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,360
Hola! This way, please.

188
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,120
There you go, Barry. Looking
fabulous.

189
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,960
But if you take my advice you'll drop
the Black and White Minstrels idea.

190
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,840
Very 1960s.

191
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,480
Why don't you do your karaoke numbers
in falsetto

192
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,920
and tell everyone you've come as Leo
Sayer?

193
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,960
All right. Thanks, Kenneth.
- If you'd like to see Jacqueline at the till.

194
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,480
Come on then, spill the beans about
Gavin.

195
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,640
I'm not gossiping.
- Good. I don't want gossip,
I want hard facts.

196
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,120
It started a few weeks ago.

197
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,560
He'd send me postcards like that
unsigned.

198
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,600
He'd leave Post-it notes on the front
door with a love heart drawn on them.

199
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,120
And you're sure it was Gavin?
- I'd pick up the phone and all I'd hear

200
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,320
is this kind of wheezy, laboured
breathing.

201
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:16,080
Yeah, that's him.
- I'm just nipping out for a breather.

202
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,120
All right, love.
- All right.

203
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,640
The creepiest thing he did was leave
Love Heart sweets everywhere for me.

204
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,440
He'd post them through the door at
home and at the salon.

205
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,120
If I went to the loo in a bar, when
I came back there'd be a packet of
them where I'd been sitting.

206
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,880
Bloody hell. You know Gavin's serious
if he's giving food away.

207
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:43,560
Why didn't you ring him,
have it out with him?
- I didn't want any contact.
But now he's in Spain.

208
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,080
Balloon-o-gram for Troy.

209
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,880
Oh, for God's sake.

210
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,200
They have just arrived at the
reception.

211
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,720
Please meet me

212
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,120
at the Grand Cafe in the old town at
2pm.'

213
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,400
What are you gonna do?

214
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,760
Not being funny, but is it really
worth spending 30 euros each

215
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,800
to look like a bunch of tools?

216
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:28,360
What?
- Oh, no, cos we're dressed
as actual tools.

217
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,080
I thought...
- Oh, yeah!

218
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,560
No, you're right though. I ain't
even got 30 euros.

219
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,400
We could go into town and get
hammered instead?

220
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,160
Please tell me you meant that one.

221
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,600
Cos you're dressed like a hammer!

222
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,280
Boo ya! I'm on fire, bitches!

223
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,440
All right, hang on, I'll do one for
you.

224
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,480
I...saw... you.

225
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,840
I saw you!

226
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,360
Mr Saw!

227
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,920
Nah, that one was rubbish.

228
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,240
Damn. Thought I'd nailed it.

229
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,600
How was that one funny?

230
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,240
Come on, let's grab a beer.

231
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,360
Oh, bollocks!

232
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,400
Everything OK, sir?

233
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,440
It is now, darling.

234
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,680
Do you know, you get more gorgeous
every time I see you.

235
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,920
Charmed, I'm sure. If there's
nothing I can help you with...

236
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,240
I see you've come dressed as a
glamorous hotel manageress.

237
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,800
Well, I like to look the part.

238
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,160
Maybe I could be the fella who
cleans the pool.

239
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,640
If only you were. He's can celled
three times this week.

240
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,800
If that pool gets any dirtier we'll
have to give swimmers

241
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,640
a tetanus shot and a flashlight.

242
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:56,880
Course, in the films I've seen the pool
doesn't usually end up much cleaner.

243
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,000
Yes, well, they do say life imitates
art.

244
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,800
I'm not sure you'd call these films art love
but they look good, I'll give you that.

245
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,560
Are you not dressing up for the
British fiesta?

246
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,280
I'm not going to bother. It's for
t'kids mainly.

247
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,720
Although I've heard

248
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,480
dressing up can be fun for adults as
well.

249
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,880
Indeed. What woman doesn't
love a man in uniform?

250
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,920
Oh.

251
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,040
Oof!

252
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,840
I can't believe Joey went to church.
- You didn't know he was religious?

253
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:39,480
I thought you were best mates.
- We're mates. We play football
together once a week.

254
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,240
I mentioned going on holiday and he
said he'd be up for it.

255
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,840
So you don't really know him that well.
- I know he's shit at football.

256
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,800
Nah, he's a good bloke.

257
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,920
He's certainly kept me
laughing this holiday.
- Oi, oi! What do you reckon?

258
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,840
Where did you get them?
- The church.

259
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,800
I thought you were going in
for a quick pray?
- Nah, man.

260
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,920
My mum's religious. One thing I've
learnt about churches:

261
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,120
security is lax, bro.

262
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,800
Did you steal them?
- Nah, man. Just borrowed 'em, innit?

263
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,640
Nice one, brother. Or
should that be sister?

264
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,600
Hey, lads, wearing women's clothes

265
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,440
isn't a habit I want to get into.

266
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,880
Definitely not, it's just for fancy
dress.

267
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,680
No, Joe, a habit.
Do you get it?

268
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,480
A habit.
- No, mate, like Joey said,
it's just a one-off. Chill, bruv.

269
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,360
There you go, darling. Tiger man.

270
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,400
Now, did your mum give you
a euro for the jar?
- Yeah.

271
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,560
Thank you.
- Well done, Amber, this is lovely.
- Rrarrr!

272
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,600
Oh, terrifying!

273
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,840
Mind you, not as terrifying as some.

274
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,880
It is no good, I ask the children

275
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,600
if they want to have their face made
with the paint but they run away.

276
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,360
I'm not surprised, you look
horrendous.

277
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,480
I am a clown. Children love clowns.

278
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,400
Nobody likes clowns. They're
terrifying. Go and get changed.

279
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,640
It was the last costume. You think
I'd choose to be a clown?

280
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:21,040
I'm sure a stag party left a load of
tarts and vicars costumes last week.

281
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,800
What is a tart?
- Like you don't know.

282
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,840
Off you go.

283
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,640
Come on, you've been in there ages.
- It ain't Stars in Your Eyes.

284
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:36,160
I can't walk through a door and come back
seconds later looking like Tina Turner.

285
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,840
You need any help Jodie, love?
- No, I'm alright. Nearly ready.

286
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,000
A-ha, me hearties! Captain Blackbeard
at your service.

287
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,760
Captain Birdseye more like.
- Hush your noise, you dirty landlubber

288
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,200
or I'll take me cutlass and run you
through.

289
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:54,000
Oh, shit.
- I don't think you'll be
running anywhere, not with that leg.

290
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,080
Wow!
You look amazing!

291
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,200
I'm a mermaid.
- Brilliant!

292
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,000
The only problem is I can't walk.

293
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,400
But you can carry me, Dad, can't you?
- Um...

294
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,680
Of course he can carry you.
- Can they not cut a hole for your feet?

295
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,800
They can't cut my tail. I wouldn't
be able to swim, silly.
- Yeah, silly.

296
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,720
It's just that, you know, I've got
this wooden leg and...

297
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,080
It's a bit tricky.
- Pick up your daughter.
- Honestly, I don't think -

298
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,080
Pick her up.
- Yep, yep, no problem.

299
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,560
Is it ringing?
- Yeah.

300
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:40,400
It's one of them international
ringtones so he's definitely here.

301
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,480
Who'd have thought Gavin would turn
out to be a rabbit boiler?

302
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,640
A what?
- You know, that film with Glen Campbell.

303
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,960
I have no idea what you're talking
about.

304
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,880
Gavin.

305
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,880
It's Kenneth.

306
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,920
What do you mean 'Kenneth who'?

307
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,280
What do you mean what do I want?

308
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,400
Don't you pull the innocent with me,
Gavin Ramsbottom.

309
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,920
We know you've been sending these flowers
and balloons. Troy's gone to meet you.

310
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,160
How does he know where you are?
You're in Benidorm.

311
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,400
You're in Venice?
- Not Glen Campbell, Glenn Close.

312
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,080
Oh, shut up. No, not you.

313
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,600
What are you doing in Venice?

314
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,400
So if it's not you sending all this
stuff, who is it?

315
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,640
Hi, Gavin. It's Troy again. You're
half an hour late now so...

316
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,640
Are you coming or shall we add this

317
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,360
to the increasingly long list of
unacceptable behaviour you've
displayed of late?

318
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,640
Please call me when you get this.
Thank you. Bye.

319
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,160
Hello!
- Oh, hello again.

320
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,320
Twice in one day. The gods are
smiling on us.

321
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,960
Have you been shopping?
- I tried my best but you know
what it's like here.

322
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,080
It's as if they don't want your
money.

323
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,920
It doesn't look like you've done too badly.
- Trinkets, darling.

324
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
And a little supper. One has to eat.

325
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,840
Listen, while you're here, could I
ask you a favour?

326
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,120
I need a big strong man.
- Oh, no worries.

327
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:12,360
I can probably find one
if you give me five minutes.
- Oh, handsome and funny.

328
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,600
I bet you've liberated one or two ladies
from their dignity with that routine.

329
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,840
Listen, I'm sorry to be a pain
but...

330
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,320
...my front door is terribly rusty.

331
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,880
Sounds painful.
- Sorry?
- Nothing.

332
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,200
I usually prefer a hotel but I
thought an apartment

333
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,840
would be so much fun when I booked
this holiday.

334
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,760
How wrong I was. I've asked them to
come and look at it

335
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,800
but it's all manana, manana.

336
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,640
Would you be a darling and help me
to get in?

337
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,200
Er, the thing is I'm supposed to be
meeting someone.

338
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,920
I hate to ask.

339
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,880
I fear my grouper's beginning to
smell.

340
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,120
I'm sorry?
- Fish.

341
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,680
Oh! Well, we can't have that, can
we?

342
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,120
It would take a big strong boy like
you literally two minutes.

343
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,000
Well, my friend is late already

344
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,040
and I've asked him to ring me so...

345
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,440
Are you in this block?
- Literally just here.

346
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,120
OK.
- Oh! You're my hero. How can I repay you?

347
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,640
Could I tempt you with my little
fish?

348
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,720
I very much doubt that.

349
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,600
Fourth floor. No lift, I'm afraid.
- No wonder your grouper's wiffy.

350
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,240
My hero.

351
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,620
There we go.

352
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:40,540
Oh, Troy, you're an angel sent from
heaven.

353
00:22:42,100 --> 00:22:45,860
Can I tempt you with a vino rosado?

354
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:48,100
Or as I call it, day wine.

355
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,380
Thanks, Daisy, but I'd better be off.
- My toilet.

356
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,980
I beg your pardon?
- My toilet.

357
00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:57,020
Um, could you take a look at it?

358
00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:59,220
I don't think I'm getting a full
flush.

359
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:02,740
No, sorry, I have to go.
- But I'm
terrified of losing my deposit!

360
00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:08,260
Well, I'll... I'll have a very quick
look.

361
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:11,860
Oh! Troy, you're a life saver.
It's just through there.

362
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:20,900
Darling Troy.

363
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:23,900
I'd heard you'd emigrated to Spain,

364
00:23:24,740 --> 00:23:27,700
but I would go to the ends of the
earth for you,

365
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:30,420
even Benidorm.

366
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,300
Now we can be together...

367
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:36,660
...forever.

368
00:23:43,660 --> 00:23:45,940
Man, these outfits are hot.

369
00:23:45,980 --> 00:23:49,780
I know, man. Sometimes covering up is
more sexy.

370
00:23:49,820 --> 00:23:53,860
Keeps the ladies guessing, innit?
Hola!

371
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:00,700
Excuse me.

372
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:02,660
What do you think you are doing?

373
00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:05,220
What do you think? Are you thick or
something?

374
00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:08,860
Joey, for God's sake.
- What? He ain't a real policeman.

375
00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:10,980
It's fancy-dress day, you muppet.

376
00:24:11,020 --> 00:24:14,300
Look, that is the worst fake
moustache I've ever seen.

377
00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:17,140
Look at the state of him.

378
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:19,380
Oh, shit.

379
00:24:19,420 --> 00:24:22,260
Don't you know it is illegal to
drink

380
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,500
while dressed in the religious
clothes?

381
00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:26,860
I think there's been a
misunderstanding.

382
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:31,180
We were told we could borrow these because
my father is a friend of the priest.

383
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:34,380
OK, what is the name of the priest?

384
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:37,660
Keith. His name is Keith.

385
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:40,620
Keith?
- Manuel.
- Jose.

386
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:42,740
Graham.

387
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:47,140
What? That's quite a priesty name.
- OK, listen to me carefully.

388
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:50,700
It is the British fiesta. In the
spirit of international relations

389
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:52,940
I will not be arresting you.

390
00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:56,300
Thank you. Thank you so much, your honour.
- Shut up.

391
00:24:56,700 --> 00:25:01,580
But to make amends you will have to
clean the entire beach front.

392
00:25:04,780 --> 00:25:09,180
You got to be joking.
- Do I look like I am joking?

393
00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:12,380
You can buy bags in this shop.

394
00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:17,820
I will be back in three hours to check
every piece of litter has been cleared up.

395
00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:21,780
Come on.

396
00:25:24,660 --> 00:25:28,460
I'm not being funny but that really
does look like a dodgy moustache.

397
00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:30,820
Joey!

398
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,700
Oh, wey-hey-hey!

399
00:25:37,740 --> 00:25:39,740
It's the Pirates of the Caribbean.

400
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:46,660
What happened to you? - I've just dropped the
Not So Little Mermaid at Dickie Donuts Kids Club.

401
00:25:47,300 --> 00:25:49,540
What mermaid?
- Oh, forget it.

402
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:56,660
That's better.

403
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:59,580
Ey, they're great costumes them. Did
you get me one?

404
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:07,500
What's this cheap rubbish?
- It's was all the money we had left.

405
00:26:07,540 --> 00:26:10,780
They blocked my card cos I forgot to
tell the bank I was coming here.

406
00:26:11,620 --> 00:26:15,780
Pass the phone, I'll ring them.
- I promised Robert
I wouldn't make any calls on it.

407
00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:17,980
Shut up, give it here. I pay the
bloody bill.

408
00:26:18,020 --> 00:26:21,820
The card game on it stopped working.
Can you restart it or something?

409
00:26:21,860 --> 00:26:23,860
I was enjoying playing on that.

410
00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:29,220
I used to run a very popular card game
in t'snug at the Coach and Horses.

411
00:26:29,260 --> 00:26:31,900
Liquor in the front, poker round the
back.

412
00:26:31,940 --> 00:26:33,860
I beg your pardon?

413
00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:36,300
Drinks in the front, card game round
the back.

414
00:26:37,060 --> 00:26:39,660
What's all this about? 'Daily limit
reached'.

415
00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:43,980
I know. I don't know why it says that.
Robert says all the games are free.

416
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:48,860
'Your daily limit of £500 has been reached
on your credit card ending in 4546.'

417
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:53,340
That's why my card was declined. You've
spent all my money on bloody online poker!

418
00:27:06,260 --> 00:27:09,180
No, I think it's all just a bit of a
misunderstanding.

419
00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:12,460
Yeah, cheers. Have a Cornetto for me.

420
00:27:16,060 --> 00:27:20,380
Well, if Gavin's in Venice, who's
Troy gone to meet in the old town?

421
00:27:20,420 --> 00:27:22,900
Give him a ring and find out.

422
00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:26,980
Who was sitting there earlier?
- Where?
- That seat.

423
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,980
That was what's-her-name. Daisy.

424
00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:35,580
I think something fell out of her
bag.

425
00:27:43,340 --> 00:27:45,460
O to the M to the F to the G.

426
00:27:52,260 --> 00:27:56,220
You're going to laugh but every
Monday when you came into the cash
and carry

427
00:27:56,260 --> 00:28:00,020
I'd cover all the five-litre bottles
of perming solution in kisses...

428
00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:03,660
knowing you'd take one of them.
- Hilarious.

429
00:28:04,820 --> 00:28:09,020
I used to sit at the bus stop
opposite your salon after work

430
00:28:09,060 --> 00:28:11,060
and look at you,

431
00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:14,060
desperately trying to pluck up the
courage to go in.

432
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:18,500
And then one day I did. I pretended I
needed some change for a parking meter.

433
00:28:18,540 --> 00:28:20,300
I went in

434
00:28:20,340 --> 00:28:24,740
and that... strange little fat man
served me.

435
00:28:24,780 --> 00:28:27,140
My husband, at the time. Gavin.

436
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:31,540
Oh Troy, you are such a funny
little goose.

437
00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:35,220
Marry me.
- I don't think you're listening to me.

438
00:28:35,260 --> 00:28:39,900
Gavin was my husband. I am gay.
- Guess what they used to call me at work.

439
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:43,700
Psychopathic bitch from hell?
- Crazy Daisy!

440
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:50,100
Because I'm so impetuous!

441
00:28:55,980 --> 00:29:00,100
That's Kenneth again. If I don't answer
they'll think something's wrong.

442
00:29:00,140 --> 00:29:02,140
Answer it, tell them you're OK.

443
00:29:02,180 --> 00:29:04,460
But if you tell them where you
are...

444
00:29:04,860 --> 00:29:06,860
as much as I love you, darling,

445
00:29:07,980 --> 00:29:09,980
I will kill you.

446
00:29:13,580 --> 00:29:14,740
Kenneth?

447
00:29:14,780 --> 00:29:16,540
It's Daisy, she's the stalker.

448
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:21,180
Yeah, I'm fine. Absolutely fine. -
- Oh, my God, you're with her, aren't you?

449
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:26,460
Sorry, I can't hear you.
- I'm quite high up and
close to the church bells.

450
00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:29,380
Give us your address. We'll be there
in ten minutes.

451
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,660
Troy?

452
00:29:32,620 --> 00:29:34,220
Hello?

453
00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:39,460
I don't like being disturbed.

454
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:41,580
I don't think you've got much
choice.

455
00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:46,180
Don't go anywhere, you're going to
love this.

456
00:29:47,380 --> 00:29:49,380
Two minutes.

457
00:29:49,780 --> 00:29:51,780
Ooh! Ha, ha!

458
00:30:30,340 --> 00:30:33,100
Joey, man. You're getting ash on my
clothes.

459
00:30:33,140 --> 00:30:35,140
Oh, sorry, Ty.

460
00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:38,980
They say smoking is a dirty... habit.

461
00:30:43,860 --> 00:30:45,980
Why was that funny?
- No idea, mate.

462
00:30:47,820 --> 00:30:49,820
Hey, look. There's that copper.

463
00:30:49,860 --> 00:30:53,060
Shall we show him how much we've collected?
- Yeah, come on.

464
00:30:55,220 --> 00:30:58,260
No, I'm in Benidorm on Webbo's stag
do.

465
00:30:58,660 --> 00:31:02,380
Yeah, yeah. It's this mad day. Everyone
in the whole place dresses up.

466
00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:06,500
I'm a policeman. Yeah, mate. I've been
proper winding people up and that.

467
00:31:06,860 --> 00:31:10,300
It's been hilarious. You should've
come, honest.

468
00:31:11,820 --> 00:31:15,140
I can't believe it. We've been doing
this for ages.

469
00:31:15,180 --> 00:31:17,220
Why is he speaking in an English
accent?

470
00:31:17,260 --> 00:31:21,220
Cos he's English.
- So, why was he speaking
in a Spanish accent before?

471
00:31:21,260 --> 00:31:23,260
He tricked us, Joe.

472
00:31:24,220 --> 00:31:27,620
We've been picking up this rubbish
for nothing.
- He's tricked us?

473
00:31:27,660 --> 00:31:29,780
I'm gonna have a word.
- No, wait!

474
00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:33,540
Joey, man, we can't let him
get away with that.
- I know but, wait a sec.

475
00:31:33,980 --> 00:31:35,980
Let's do this properly.

476
00:31:39,060 --> 00:31:41,060
This'll teach 'em.

477
00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:55,020
Oh, my God.

478
00:31:57,260 --> 00:31:59,260
Joey, no!

479
00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:09,340
If they're not real policeman, how
can they arrest us?

480
00:32:09,380 --> 00:32:11,380
Shut up, Joey. Seriously.

481
00:32:40,820 --> 00:32:42,420
Oh, my... goodness.

482
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:44,420
Isn't it divine?

483
00:32:46,020 --> 00:32:48,020
What's wrong, darling?

484
00:32:48,060 --> 00:32:50,220
Don't you like it?
- Er...

485
00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:54,540
You've been on the balcony.
- Just for a bit of fresh air.

486
00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:57,940
I am warning you, Troy, if you do
anything silly

487
00:32:57,980 --> 00:33:01,660
that means we can't get married
today, you know what I'll do.

488
00:33:01,700 --> 00:33:03,780
How are we supposed to get married?

489
00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:08,660
Why do you think I got an apartment
next to the church? Silly sausage.

490
00:33:08,700 --> 00:33:11,860
But we're not locals. The priest
might not agree to marry us.

491
00:33:11,900 --> 00:33:15,580
Oh, I think he will.

492
00:33:15,620 --> 00:33:18,860
Listen, Daisy, I can't get married
in a church.

493
00:33:18,900 --> 00:33:23,020
Why not?
- Well... I'm a Muslim.

494
00:33:23,060 --> 00:33:25,060
Really?
- Yeah.

495
00:33:25,660 --> 00:33:28,300
I always knew you were... a bit
ethnic,

496
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,940
but I thought that was just your style.
- No, no.

497
00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:32,980
Fully-paid-up member me.

498
00:33:33,020 --> 00:33:35,020
But, listen, I've got an idea.

499
00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:38,660
Why don't we go back to the Solana?
- Why would we do that?

500
00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:41,180
Well, they...

501
00:33:41,660 --> 00:33:44,140
have... a wedding license.

502
00:33:44,900 --> 00:33:46,580
Do they?
- Yes.

503
00:33:46,620 --> 00:33:48,380
We could get married today.

504
00:33:48,420 --> 00:33:52,700
That would make me the happiest
woman alive.

505
00:33:57,620 --> 00:34:00,780
Do you really mean it?
- I do.

506
00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:03,100
Oh!

507
00:34:09,020 --> 00:34:11,020
Oh, wait.

508
00:34:12,140 --> 00:34:15,020
Now we could hear the church bells so
we must be near.

509
00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:19,220
Oh, and he said he was up high, so...

510
00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:23,740
Ooh, this is like that film, in't it?
With Leslie Nielsen.

511
00:34:23,780 --> 00:34:29,220
What, Airplane?
- No, the one where
his daughter gets kidnapped

512
00:34:29,260 --> 00:34:31,260
and he rings them up.

513
00:34:31,820 --> 00:34:34,460
'I don't know who you are

514
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:37,180
and I don't know what I want.'

515
00:34:37,220 --> 00:34:39,100
No, that's not right.

516
00:34:39,140 --> 00:34:41,940
'I don't know who you are

517
00:34:41,980 --> 00:34:45,060
and I don't know where I am.'

518
00:34:45,620 --> 00:34:48,780
No, hang on. That's not right
either.

519
00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:52,460
'I don't know who you are

520
00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:55,340
and I don't know who I am.'

521
00:34:55,380 --> 00:34:58,820
No, that definitely can't be -
- Oh, will you shut up?!

522
00:35:03,860 --> 00:35:05,860
A white flag.

523
00:35:11,020 --> 00:35:12,620
Come on.

524
00:35:40,260 --> 00:35:42,260
Arrrhhh!

525
00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:50,060
Hola.

526
00:36:04,700 --> 00:36:06,860
I am warning you, Troy,

527
00:36:06,900 --> 00:36:10,700
if you do anything stupid I will
kill us both.

528
00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:15,300
Actually, that would be terribly
romantic.

529
00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:18,220
Together forever.
- Let's go for the wedding.

530
00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:20,980
It'd be a shame to ruin that lovely
dress.

531
00:36:21,020 --> 00:36:24,260
Aw. I knew you liked the dress.

532
00:36:33,380 --> 00:36:35,380
Outside then to the right.

533
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:43,820
Oh, Troy. You were telling the
truth.

534
00:36:44,700 --> 00:36:47,180
Oh, I'm sorry I doubted you,

535
00:36:47,740 --> 00:36:49,740
my darling.

536
00:36:50,860 --> 00:36:52,460
You see?

537
00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:56,420
Father Mateo, I didn't realise you
were working today. How fortunate.

538
00:36:57,060 --> 00:37:00,460
What?
- Daisy and I would like to get married.

539
00:37:01,100 --> 00:37:03,260
You are both getting married?

540
00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:06,340
I thought you were a moofalata.

541
00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:10,660
Um, I'm guessing Ragtimes Chapel is
free now.

542
00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:12,700
Go away, you are drunk.

543
00:37:12,740 --> 00:37:14,940
We'd like to get married, please.

544
00:37:16,140 --> 00:37:18,340
Madre mia.
- Now.

545
00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:22,260
Come on, darling.

546
00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:49,380
I'm going as soon as I've played
this.

547
00:37:49,420 --> 00:37:52,260
You have to stay. She is a crazy
dangerous woman.

548
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:55,780
Oh, great. That's really given me
the incentive to hang around.

549
00:37:55,820 --> 00:37:57,420
Shut up.

550
00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:04,700
Are you absolutely positive it
looked like a real gun?

551
00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:07,780
I mean, it's fancy dress day.
- Do you really want to chance it?

552
00:38:07,820 --> 00:38:11,580
She looked psychotic. - I'm going up
there, this is ridiculous. - No!

553
00:38:11,620 --> 00:38:15,140
I'm telling you, it looked like a
real gun. I've phoned the police.

554
00:38:15,180 --> 00:38:17,220
What's going on?
- Where have you been?

555
00:38:17,260 --> 00:38:21,620
Your mate's up there getting married
to some mad woman.
- Crazy Daisy.

556
00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:23,660
Look, we need to get in there now.

557
00:38:23,700 --> 00:38:26,900
She's deranged, she's come all the
way from Castle Donington.

558
00:38:26,940 --> 00:38:28,940
The police! They're here.
- Ah!

559
00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:32,820
Hey!
- Hey!

560
00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:38,300
Hang on a minute, I've got an idea.

561
00:38:47,740 --> 00:38:51,460
We are here today to make a marriage
of Troy and...

562
00:38:52,780 --> 00:38:55,300
Daisy.
- ..Troy and Daisy.

563
00:38:56,020 --> 00:38:58,020
Marriage is a special thing.

564
00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:02,700
It is not to be taken - how do you
say? - with no responsibles.

565
00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:06,180
You have to be committed.
- I think she should be.

566
00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:10,420
I beg your pardon?
- Oh, nothing. Carry on.

567
00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:17,260
Bride or groom?
- Groom.
- Groom.
- Bride.

568
00:39:17,860 --> 00:39:19,460
I mean, groom.

569
00:39:30,180 --> 00:39:33,140
Don't mind me, I'm on work
experience.

570
00:39:33,180 --> 00:39:34,900
You were in the salon earlier.

571
00:39:34,940 --> 00:39:39,500
Oh, bless you, my child. That is my
brother Kenneth, the hairdresser.

572
00:39:40,340 --> 00:39:42,820
I am Kevin, a man of the cloth.

573
00:39:43,900 --> 00:39:46,220
OK. Do you, Daisy,

574
00:39:46,260 --> 00:39:49,260
take this man to be your awful
wedded husband?

575
00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:51,300
Lawful.
- What?
- (Lawful)

576
00:39:51,340 --> 00:39:53,100
It's lawful, not awful.

577
00:39:53,620 --> 00:39:56,500
Ohhhh!
I so do!

578
00:39:57,140 --> 00:39:59,580
And do you, Troy, take Daisy

579
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:04,820
to be your awful - I'm sorry -
lawful wedded wife?

580
00:40:06,020 --> 00:40:08,780
Do you have the rings?
- Oh, the rings.

581
00:40:09,500 --> 00:40:12,460
Oh, my goodness, we don't have
rings.

582
00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:14,700
Don't worry, I think I can help.

583
00:40:14,740 --> 00:40:17,940
Really?
- Yeah, if you just put your
hand out for me.

584
00:40:18,460 --> 00:40:21,380
Let's have a look at you. It's in
here.

585
00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,940
It's in here somewhere.

586
00:40:25,180 --> 00:40:27,180
No!
- Quick! Get her!

587
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:29,420
Argh!

588
00:40:32,380 --> 00:40:34,580
Keep hold of her! Don't let her go!

589
00:40:35,340 --> 00:40:36,900
Don't let her go!

590
00:40:36,940 --> 00:40:39,580
Troy!

591
00:40:40,100 --> 00:40:42,020
Troy!

592
00:40:42,060 --> 00:40:44,060
I love you, Troy!

593
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:47,180
But we only have 14 hours

594
00:40:47,220 --> 00:40:50,020
to save the earth!

595
00:40:50,380 --> 00:40:53,500
Arhhhh!

596
00:40:56,820 --> 00:40:59,820
♪ Can you hear me?

597
00:41:00,260 --> 00:41:03,820
♪ Can you hear me?

598
00:41:04,180 --> 00:41:07,060
♪ Through the dark night

599
00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:09,940
♪ Far away... ♪

600
00:41:09,980 --> 00:41:12,540
I must say you're taking all this
very well.

601
00:41:13,140 --> 00:41:15,820
To be honest I was just relieved it
wasn't Gavin.

602
00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:18,300
He can be quite peevish when he
wants to be.

603
00:41:19,380 --> 00:41:21,380
Who was he in Venice with?

604
00:41:22,020 --> 00:41:24,020
Oh, are we jealous?

605
00:41:24,060 --> 00:41:27,060
No, just asking out of interest.

606
00:41:28,140 --> 00:41:30,100
Said he was on his own.

607
00:41:30,140 --> 00:41:33,900
On his own? Who goes to the most
romantic city on earth on their own?

608
00:41:33,940 --> 00:41:39,260
I know, what a waste. I was thinking
of giving Daisy his address there.
She's obviously not fussy.

609
00:41:39,300 --> 00:41:40,900
Hey!
Cheeky sod.

610
00:41:45,980 --> 00:41:49,380
Do you mind if we don't tell anyone?
- About dressing like nuns?

611
00:41:49,420 --> 00:41:52,620
No, about getting arrested.
- Oh, right. Yeah, no worries.

612
00:41:52,660 --> 00:41:55,340
I thought they'd make us spend the
night in there.

613
00:41:55,380 --> 00:41:57,380
I'm gonna find my family.

614
00:41:57,420 --> 00:41:59,060
Good night.

615
00:41:59,100 --> 00:42:01,460
God bless.
- Good night. God bless.

616
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:03,500
Good night. God bless.

617
00:42:07,020 --> 00:42:10,420
♪ I took all those habits of yours

618
00:42:10,460 --> 00:42:14,420
♪ That in the beginning were hard to
accept

619
00:42:15,220 --> 00:42:17,220
♪ Your fashion sense...

620
00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:19,260
Where have you been hiding all day?

621
00:42:19,860 --> 00:42:24,700
Fancy a table for two?
- Excuse me,
I'm sitting with my friends.

622
00:42:27,180 --> 00:42:31,220
Are you all right?
- No, I'm not, I'm absolutely jiggered.

623
00:42:31,700 --> 00:42:34,580
I told him everything from beginning
to end,

624
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:36,700
every last little detail.

625
00:42:36,740 --> 00:42:39,180
A real blow-by-blow account.

626
00:42:39,220 --> 00:42:41,220
Oh, I don't remember that bit.

627
00:42:41,260 --> 00:42:43,180
Not that he seemed interested.

628
00:42:43,220 --> 00:42:47,260
In fact, I'm sure he fell asleep
before the end of it.

629
00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:51,820
Just sat there. Stank
of booze as well.

630
00:42:51,860 --> 00:42:54,660
Jacqueline, you know this policeman
you spoke to?

631
00:42:54,980 --> 00:42:57,380
Yeah?
- Was he in Ragtimes?

632
00:42:57,420 --> 00:43:01,220
No, he was just sitting at the bar
in reception

633
00:43:01,260 --> 00:43:04,260
with a friend who was dressed as a chicken.

634
00:43:06,020 --> 00:43:07,420
What?

635
00:43:07,460 --> 00:43:09,460
♪ You're in my heart

636
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,700
♪ You're in my soul

637
00:43:11,740 --> 00:43:15,660
♪ You'll be my breath, should I grow
old... ♪

638
00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:18,660
£500? Where are we supposed
to get £500 from?

639
00:43:18,700 --> 00:43:20,980
Oh, don't shout at me, Sheron,
please.

640
00:43:21,020 --> 00:43:25,780
I'll pay you back when I can. It was an honest
mistake. I don't know what else to say.

641
00:43:25,820 --> 00:43:29,340
You're as much to blame for giving
him the phone.
- He was playing chess.

642
00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:34,140
Why have you got a gambling game on
your phone anyway?
- Mother, I play like 10p a hand.

643
00:43:34,180 --> 00:43:36,780
Yeah, well, your bloody grandad
didn't, did he?

644
00:43:36,820 --> 00:43:38,380
£500.

645
00:43:38,420 --> 00:43:41,580
We're not still going on about that?
He said he'd pay it back.

646
00:43:41,620 --> 00:43:43,620
When I can.
- When he can.

647
00:43:43,660 --> 00:43:47,060
I'm not sitting here if you're gonna
have a go at me all night.
- Good.

648
00:43:47,100 --> 00:43:50,460
Go and sit with your fancy woman.
- She's not my fancy woman.

649
00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:52,620
And you got me t'right bloody
costume.

650
00:43:52,660 --> 00:43:55,140
Looks like I'll be living like a
monk from now on,

651
00:43:55,180 --> 00:43:58,100
thanks to your condition of no women
after ten o'clock

652
00:43:58,140 --> 00:44:00,580
when I come and live with you.
- I never said that.

653
00:44:00,620 --> 00:44:03,020
You can do what you like in your own
caravan.

654
00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:06,300
In my own what?
- Anybody want to do karaoke?

655
00:44:06,340 --> 00:44:10,700
Caravan. We're bringing it down from Brid
and you're going on the front drive.

656
00:44:10,740 --> 00:44:14,340
Jodie. Karaoke?
- I'm tired. Can you carry me to bed?

657
00:44:15,060 --> 00:44:18,460
Me, living on t'street like a bloody
tinker?

658
00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:21,260
I didn't say on the street. I said
the front drive.

659
00:44:21,300 --> 00:44:24,220
Not a chance.
- Well, then make your own arrangements.

660
00:44:24,260 --> 00:44:27,380
Aye, I will, cos I know when I'm not
wanted.

661
00:44:27,420 --> 00:44:30,380
You can stick your caravan up your
arse, Sheron.

662
00:44:31,060 --> 00:44:33,060
You've finally got what you wanted.

663
00:44:33,100 --> 00:44:35,100
I won't be coming to live with you.

664
00:44:36,260 --> 00:44:38,260
I'd rather sleep in t'gutter.

665
00:44:38,300 --> 00:44:42,780
And don't come looking for me
tomorrow because I'll be getting
t'first flight home.

666
00:44:42,820 --> 00:44:45,220
Thank you and goodnight.

667
00:44:48,020 --> 00:44:49,740
Well...

668
00:44:49,780 --> 00:44:51,780
that's that sorted then.

669
00:44:58,340 --> 00:45:02,060
What a day. Right, Amber, one more
brandy each,

670
00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:04,780
purely medicinal, then everybody
back to work.

671
00:45:05,540 --> 00:45:08,820
Mateo, did you give your statement
to the police?

672
00:45:08,860 --> 00:45:10,940
Yes, we have all spoken to the
police.

673
00:45:10,980 --> 00:45:14,220
The crazy woman is in the hospital.
Everything is back to normal.

674
00:45:14,260 --> 00:45:16,220
Normal?

675
00:45:16,260 --> 00:45:19,300
Look at this place! When have we
ever been normal?

676
00:45:19,700 --> 00:45:21,300
Right.

677
00:45:23,740 --> 00:45:25,740
On we go.

678
00:45:26,860 --> 00:45:28,460
Ooh.

679
00:45:29,540 --> 00:45:31,820
Les, you're not dressed as Lesley
tonight?

680
00:45:31,860 --> 00:45:35,780
No, pet. I think there's been enough
dressing up for one day, don't you?

681
00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:39,540
Listen, when I did the face painting
for the kids today

682
00:45:39,580 --> 00:45:43,220
we were given some tips and we were
gonna give you the 20 euros...

683
00:45:43,260 --> 00:45:45,460
No, no, I don't want your money.

684
00:45:45,500 --> 00:45:47,660
...but we knew you wouldn't take it.

685
00:45:47,700 --> 00:45:52,420
So we bought you an open return
coach ticket to Madrid.

686
00:45:52,900 --> 00:45:54,900
So you can go and see Liam.

687
00:45:55,620 --> 00:45:58,020
An open return costs more than 20
euros.

688
00:45:58,060 --> 00:46:01,740
I know. Mateo put the rest in with
the money he came into yesterday.

689
00:46:03,340 --> 00:46:06,260
I don't know what to say.
- Bless you, my child.

690
00:46:07,305 --> 00:46:13,827
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