1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,444
- Take him down!
- He's got you, Sheldon.

2
00:00:04,564 --> 00:00:06,943
- Look at this move!
- He's completely schooling you.

3
00:00:07,063 --> 00:00:10,232
Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses
wanted me to ask you something.

4
00:00:10,352 --> 00:00:11,681
It's called Tresling.

5
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:13,995
It combines the physical strength
of arm wrestling

6
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:17,312
with the mental agility of Tetris
into the ultimate sport.

7
00:00:17,472 --> 00:00:19,592
That's terrific,
but they wanted me to ask you

8
00:00:19,712 --> 00:00:21,274
to cut it the hell out.

9
00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:23,211
Great. Come here, guys. Come on.

10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:27,405
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>

11
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:30,673
We might as well stop. It's a stalemate.
You're beating me in Tetris,

12
00:00:30,793 --> 00:00:33,620
but you've got the upper body
strength of a Keebler elf.

13
00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:36,081
Keebler elf?
I've got your Keebler elf right here.

14
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,736
Okay, it's a stalemate.

15
00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,925
So, Leonard, will we be
seeing you on Saturday

16
00:00:47,086 --> 00:00:49,695
- for your free birthday cheesecake?
- He can't eat cheesecake.

17
00:00:49,815 --> 00:00:52,430
- He's lactose intolerant.
- He can have carrot cake.

18
00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:55,475
- What about the cream cheese frosting?
- He can scrape it off.

19
00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:59,646
Forget about the cake.
How do you know my birthday's Saturday?

20
00:00:59,807 --> 00:01:02,395
I did your horoscope, remember?
I was gonna do everybody's,

21
00:01:02,515 --> 00:01:04,943
until Sheldon went on
one of his typical psychotic rants.

22
00:01:05,952 --> 00:01:09,315
For the record, "that psychotic rant"
was a concise summation

23
00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:13,243
of the research of Bertram Forer,
who, in 1948, proved conclusively

24
00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:15,262
through meticulously
designed experiments

25
00:01:15,382 --> 00:01:17,747
that astrology is nothing
but pseudo-scientific hokum.

26
00:01:17,908 --> 00:01:19,707
Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus.

27
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,751
Are we gonna see you Saturday?

28
00:01:22,913 --> 00:01:24,545
- I don't think so.
- Why not?

29
00:01:24,707 --> 00:01:27,257
- I don't celebrate my birthday.
- Shut up. Yeah, you do.

30
00:01:27,417 --> 00:01:29,551
It's no big deal;
it's just the way I was raised.

31
00:01:29,866 --> 00:01:32,178
My parents focused
on celebrating achievements,

32
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:35,473
and being expelled from a birth canal
was not considered one of them.

33
00:01:36,746 --> 00:01:37,984
That's so silly.

34
00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:40,262
It's actually based
on very sound theories.

35
00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:43,103
- His mother published a paper on it.
- What was it called?

36
00:01:43,223 --> 00:01:45,399
"I Hate My Son
and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?

37
00:01:46,654 --> 00:01:48,153
It was obviously effective.

38
00:01:48,314 --> 00:01:50,457
Leonard grew up to be
an experimental physicist.

39
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,501
Perhaps if she'd also denied him
Christmas,

40
00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:54,139
he'd be a little better at it.

41
00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:57,078
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

42
00:01:57,239 --> 00:01:58,533
Well, I love birthdays.

43
00:01:58,653 --> 00:02:01,371
Waking up to Mom's special
French toast breakfast,

44
00:02:01,491 --> 00:02:03,101
wearing the birthday king crown,

45
00:02:03,221 --> 00:02:05,044
playing laser tag with all my friends...

46
00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:07,255
Yeah, see?
That's what kids should have.

47
00:02:07,416 --> 00:02:09,192
Actually, that was last year.

48
00:02:12,913 --> 00:02:16,055
So you really never had
a birthday party?

49
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:19,351
No, but it was okay.
When I was little, I'd think

50
00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:22,409
maybe my parents would change their mind
and surprise me with a party.

51
00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:24,856
Like this one birthday
I came home from my cello lesson

52
00:02:25,017 --> 00:02:27,220
and I saw a lot of strange
cars parked out front.

53
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:29,646
When I got to the door,
I could hear people whispering

54
00:02:29,766 --> 00:02:32,697
and I could smell German chocolate cake,
which is my favorite.

55
00:02:33,813 --> 00:02:34,574
And?

56
00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:36,765
It turns out my grandfather had died.

57
00:02:38,213 --> 00:02:40,371
Oh, my God. That's terrible.

58
00:02:40,533 --> 00:02:42,749
Well, it was kind
of like a birthday party.

59
00:02:43,658 --> 00:02:46,781
I got to see all my cousins,
and there was cake, so...

60
00:02:48,095 --> 00:02:49,922
It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

61
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:50,924
You think?

62
00:02:51,085 --> 00:02:53,134
Go ahead, tell her about
your senior prom.

63
00:02:55,892 --> 00:02:58,349
Episode 116: The Peanut Reaction

64
00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:02,691
Transcript: swsub.com
Synch: sub-way.Fr | italiansubs.net

65
00:03:20,737 --> 00:03:22,617
Make sure they remember, no peanuts.

66
00:03:22,737 --> 00:03:26,245
Howard, every Thai restaurant in town
knows you can't eat peanuts.

67
00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:30,379
When they see me coming,
they go, "Ah, no-peanut boy!"

68
00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:45,143
- Hello, Penny. Leonard just left.
- I know. I want to talk to you.

69
00:03:45,671 --> 00:03:46,979
What would we talk about?

70
00:03:47,637 --> 00:03:49,756
We have no overlapping
areas of interest I'm aware of.

71
00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:51,759
As you know, I don't care for chitchat.

72
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,918
- Can you just let me in?
- All right,

73
00:03:54,038 --> 00:03:56,092
but I don't see this
as a promising endeavor.

74
00:03:57,954 --> 00:04:00,701
Here's the deal. We're gonna throw
Leonard a kick-ass surprise party

75
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:03,275
- for his birthday on Saturday.
- I hardly think so.

76
00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:05,497
Leonard made it very clear
he doesn't want a party.

77
00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:08,693
Did someone say... "party"?

78
00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:12,572
He just doesn't know he wants
one 'cause he's never had one.

79
00:04:12,692 --> 00:04:14,730
I suppose that's possible,
but for the record,

80
00:04:14,850 --> 00:04:17,510
I've never had a threesome
and yet I still know I want one.

81
00:04:19,966 --> 00:04:22,495
Howard, here's the difference...
The possibility exists

82
00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:25,852
that Leonard could have a birthday party
before hell freezes over.

83
00:04:28,057 --> 00:04:30,773
Fine. If I do have a threesome,
you can't be part of it.

84
00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:34,276
I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.

85
00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:37,096
Can you bring a friend?

86
00:04:39,271 --> 00:04:41,703
I think a birthday party's
a terrible idea.

87
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,718
I envy Leonard for growing up
without that anguish.

88
00:04:44,838 --> 00:04:45,710
Anguish?!

89
00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,872
Year after year, I had to endure

90
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:50,181
wearing comical hats while being forced

91
00:04:50,301 --> 00:04:52,648
into the crowded, sweaty
hell of bouncy castles.

92
00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:54,565
Not to mention being blindfolded

93
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,827
and spun toward a grotesque
tailless donkey

94
00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:59,276
as the other children mocked
my disorientation.

95
00:05:00,755 --> 00:05:02,220
Okay, sweetie, I understand

96
00:05:02,382 --> 00:05:04,931
you have scars
that no nonprofessional can heal,

97
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:08,018
but, nevertheless, we're going
to throw Leonard a birthday party.

98
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:10,588
Have I pointed out that I'm extremely
uncomfortable with dancing,

99
00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:13,607
loud music and most other forms
of alcohol-induced frivolity?

100
00:05:15,255 --> 00:05:17,059
- Nevertheless...
- In addition, I...

101
00:05:17,179 --> 00:05:18,236
Here's the deal:

102
00:05:18,399 --> 00:05:21,630
You either help me throw a birthday
party or I will go into your bedroom

103
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:24,307
and unbag all of your most valuable
mint-condition comic books.

104
00:05:24,427 --> 00:05:26,246
And on one of them,
you won't know which,

105
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:28,289
I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.

106
00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:33,752
You can't do that. If you make a mark
in a mint comic, it's no longer mint.

107
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,006
Do you understand
the concept of blackmail?

108
00:05:37,168 --> 00:05:38,617
Well, of course, I...

109
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,637
I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard
a kick-ass birthday party.

110
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:06,068
That's not the secret knock.

111
00:06:07,823 --> 00:06:09,465
This is the secret knock.

112
00:06:13,259 --> 00:06:14,710
What difference does it make?

113
00:06:14,872 --> 00:06:17,999
The whole point of a secret knock
is to establish a non-verbal signal

114
00:06:18,119 --> 00:06:20,891
to verify the identity
of one's co-conspirators.

115
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,183
- Is that Raj and Howard?
- Possibly, but unverified.

116
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,277
Will you just let us in.

117
00:06:26,397 --> 00:06:29,112
Luckily for you,
this is not a nuclear reactor.

118
00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:32,811
- So what'd you get the birthday boy?
- Well, Raj got him an awesome,

119
00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:36,401
limited edition Dark Knight sculpture
based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman.

120
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,460
And I got him this amazing
autographed copy

121
00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:40,319
of <i>The Feynman Lectures on Physics</i>.

122
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:41,676
Nice.

123
00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:43,591
I got him a sweater.

124
00:06:44,745 --> 00:06:47,665
Okay, well, he might like that.
I've seen him get chilly.

125
00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:52,373
- Sheldon, I didn't see your present.
- That's because I didn't bring one.

126
00:06:52,535 --> 00:06:53,847
- Why not?
- Don't ask.

127
00:06:53,967 --> 00:06:56,877
The entire institution
of gift-giving makes no sense.

128
00:06:57,038 --> 00:06:58,848
- Too late.
- Let's say I go out

129
00:06:58,968 --> 00:07:00,566
and I spend $50 on you.

130
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,509
It's a laborious activity
because I have to imagine what you need,

131
00:07:03,671 --> 00:07:05,260
whereas you know what you need.

132
00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:08,555
Now, I could simplify things...
just give you the $50 directly,

133
00:07:08,718 --> 00:07:10,266
and then you could give me $50

134
00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,895
on my birthday, and so on,
until one of us dies,

135
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,429
leaving the other one old
and $50 richer.

136
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:19,799
And I ask you, is it worth it?

137
00:07:21,097 --> 00:07:22,477
Told you not to ask.

138
00:07:23,265 --> 00:07:26,490
Sheldon, you're his friend.
Friends give each other presents.

139
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:29,076
I accept your premise;
I reject your conclusion.

140
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,790
Try telling him
it's a non-optional social convention.

141
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,891
- What?
- Just do it.

142
00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:43,048
It's a non-optional...
social convention.

143
00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:45,665
Oh. Fair enough.

144
00:07:49,383 --> 00:07:50,947
He came with a manual.

145
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,185
Question. How am I going to get Leonard
a present before the party?

146
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:58,276
I don't drive and the only things
available within walking distance

147
00:07:58,396 --> 00:08:00,239
are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.

148
00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:02,393
I suppose I could wrap up
an order of mee krob

149
00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:04,230
and a couple of lottery scratchers.

150
00:08:04,935 --> 00:08:06,206
Okay let's do this...

151
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:09,386
I will drive Sheldon to get a present.
Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard

152
00:08:09,506 --> 00:08:11,159
- for about 2 hours.
- No problem.

153
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:14,623
And then, Raj, you bring the stuff
across the hall and start setting up.

154
00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:17,039
What if guests show up?

155
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,835
Entertain them.

156
00:08:19,568 --> 00:08:21,080
What if they're women?

157
00:08:22,523 --> 00:08:24,757
Stare at them and make them
feel uncomfortable.

158
00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:39,846
- How's it goin'?
- Fine.

159
00:08:40,877 --> 00:08:44,151
So listen, the NuArt
is showing the revised,

160
00:08:44,312 --> 00:08:46,236
definitive cut of <i>Blade Runner</i>.

161
00:08:46,397 --> 00:08:47,279
Seen it.

162
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,152
No, you've seen
the 25th Anniversary Final Cut.

163
00:08:51,006 --> 00:08:53,952
This one has eight seconds
of previously unseen footage.

164
00:08:54,115 --> 00:08:56,789
They say it completely changes
the tone of the film.

165
00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:58,373
Pass.

166
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:03,189
Come on. Afterwards, there's a Q & A
with Harrison Ford's body double.

167
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,572
Look, I'm in the Halo
battle of my life here.

168
00:09:06,692 --> 00:09:09,104
There's this kid in Copenhagen...
he has no immune system,

169
00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:12,262
so all he does is sit in his bubble
and play Halo 24-seven.

170
00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:17,037
- Can't you play him some other time?
- Not if you believe his doctors.

171
00:09:20,912 --> 00:09:22,760
Oh, my God, do you smell gas?

172
00:09:24,267 --> 00:09:25,703
- No.
- Yeah, no.

173
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,491
They have DVDs over there.

174
00:09:32,652 --> 00:09:35,376
Yes, but they have
DVD burners over here.

175
00:09:36,688 --> 00:09:38,682
Leonard needs a DVD burner.

176
00:09:39,737 --> 00:09:43,293
A gift shouldn't be something someone
needs, it should be something fun.

177
00:09:43,454 --> 00:09:45,591
Something
they wouldn't buy for themself.

178
00:09:45,797 --> 00:09:47,509
You mean like a sweater?

179
00:09:50,603 --> 00:09:52,094
It's a fun sweater.

180
00:09:52,256 --> 00:09:54,346
It's got a bold geometric print.

181
00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:57,098
Is it the geometry that makes it fun?

182
00:09:58,178 --> 00:10:00,843
The point is one of the ways
we show we care about people

183
00:10:00,963 --> 00:10:03,856
is by putting thought and imagination
into the gifts we give them.

184
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:07,484
Okay, I see. So, not a DVD burner.

185
00:10:08,193 --> 00:10:08,968
Exactly.

186
00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:11,736
Something he wouldn't buy for himself,
something fun,

187
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:15,063
Something like...
An 802-11n wireless router!

188
00:10:19,532 --> 00:10:21,410
Here you go, Copenhagen boy.

189
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:24,313
How about a taste
of Hans Christian hand grenade?

190
00:10:27,531 --> 00:10:28,999
That could not feel good.

191
00:10:32,388 --> 00:10:34,589
Come on, come... Oh, you clever...

192
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,116
Come on.

193
00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:42,467
Take that!

194
00:10:49,562 --> 00:10:52,029
- What's the matter?
- This granola bar has peanuts in it!

195
00:10:52,191 --> 00:10:55,694
- Oh, my God. Why did you eat it?
- I don't know. It was just there!

196
00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:58,837
If I had a gun there,
would you have shot yourself?

197
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,247
Don't yell at me!
I've got to go to the emergency room!

198
00:11:02,409 --> 00:11:04,602
- Now?!
- No, after my tongue has swollen

199
00:11:04,722 --> 00:11:06,251
to the size of a brisket!

200
00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:09,504
All right, just let me get my keys.

201
00:11:10,012 --> 00:11:11,752
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

202
00:11:13,254 --> 00:11:15,427
The laundry is out of the hamper.

203
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,496
Okay, Sheldon,
what was it supposed to be?

204
00:11:22,601 --> 00:11:24,474
Fine. It's out of the washer!

205
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,532
I'll call you when it's in the dryer.

206
00:11:28,428 --> 00:11:29,835
All right, let's go.

207
00:11:41,855 --> 00:11:44,081
- What do you think?
- That one.

208
00:11:44,242 --> 00:11:46,544
Because of the two
additional Ethernet ports?

209
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,829
- Sure.
- No need,

210
00:11:47,949 --> 00:11:50,046
he's already got
a six-port Ethernet switch.

211
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:51,757
- Okay, then this one.
- Why?

212
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,623
I don't know.
The man on the box looks so happy.

213
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:58,596
Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard
a gift, I'm going to do it right.

214
00:11:58,932 --> 00:12:01,850
I refuse to let him experience
the same childhood trauma I did.

215
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:05,253
I know I'm gonna regret this,
but: What trauma?

216
00:12:07,047 --> 00:12:08,314
On my 12th birthday,

217
00:12:08,475 --> 00:12:10,738
I really wanted a titanium centrifuge

218
00:12:10,858 --> 00:12:13,443
so, you know,
I could separate radioactive isotopes.

219
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:14,922
Of course.

220
00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:18,493
Instead of a titanium centrifuge,
my parents bought me...

221
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:20,527
This is hard.

222
00:12:21,692 --> 00:12:22,720
They got me

223
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:24,784
a motorized dirt bike.

224
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:31,714
What 12-year-old boy wants
a motorized dirt bike?

225
00:12:33,362 --> 00:12:34,416
All of them?

226
00:12:34,935 --> 00:12:36,133
- Really?
- Yeah.

227
00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:41,150
So we're getting this one?

228
00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:43,366
- Yeah, I suppose.
- All right, let's go.

229
00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:46,478
Excuse me.
Do you know anything about this stuff?

230
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,855
I know everything about this stuff.

231
00:12:49,016 --> 00:12:51,649
Okay, I have my own
wholesale flower business

232
00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:54,122
and I want to hook up
my computer in the front entrance

233
00:12:54,242 --> 00:12:56,189
with the one in my
refrigerated warehouse.

234
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,750
Buy this one:
it's the one we're getting. Happy guy.

235
00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:00,319
No, she doesn't want that.

236
00:13:00,439 --> 00:13:04,360
She needs a point-to-point
peer network with a range extender.

237
00:13:04,686 --> 00:13:05,646
Thank you.

238
00:13:05,766 --> 00:13:07,518
Which hard drive do I want...

239
00:13:07,638 --> 00:13:09,334
firewire or USB?

240
00:13:09,494 --> 00:13:11,501
It depends on what buss
you have available.

241
00:13:15,441 --> 00:13:17,612
I drive a Chevy Cavalier.

242
00:13:19,292 --> 00:13:20,719
Oh, dear Lord.

243
00:13:20,882 --> 00:13:22,429
- We have to go.
- Not now.

244
00:13:22,632 --> 00:13:25,599
This poor man needs me.
You, hold on. I'll be right with you.

245
00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:29,501
What computer do you have?
And please don't say "a white one."

246
00:13:35,604 --> 00:13:38,029
- Excuse me.
- Fill this out. Have a seat.

247
00:13:38,191 --> 00:13:40,382
Listen. We're throwing
my friend a surprise party

248
00:13:40,502 --> 00:13:42,940
I'm supposed to keep him out
of his apartment for 2 hours.

249
00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:44,869
Fill this out and have a seat.

250
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,947
No, the only way I could
get him to leave

251
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:49,707
was to tell him I ate a peanut
because I'm allergic to peanuts.

252
00:13:49,869 --> 00:13:52,667
Well, in that case,
fill this out and have a seat.

253
00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,645
All I need from you is to take me
in the back and give me a Band-Aid

254
00:13:56,765 --> 00:13:59,293
so I can pretend I had a shot of
epinephrine, and you tell my friend

255
00:13:59,413 --> 00:14:01,474
you need to keep me under observation
for 1 hour 1/2.

256
00:14:01,594 --> 00:14:02,998
- Is that all you need?
- Yes.

257
00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:04,514
Get out of my ER.

258
00:14:05,475 --> 00:14:08,320
- No, you don't understand.
- I understand, but unfortunately,

259
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,061
this hospital is not equipped
to treat stupid.

260
00:14:12,814 --> 00:14:15,199
Okay, I get it.
I know how the world works.

261
00:14:15,465 --> 00:14:17,675
How about if I were to introduce to you

262
00:14:18,116 --> 00:14:20,252
to the man who freed your people?

263
00:14:25,051 --> 00:14:27,532
Unless my people were freed
by Benjamin Franklin

264
00:14:27,652 --> 00:14:30,164
and his five twin brothers,
you are wasting your time.

265
00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:34,795
Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot.

266
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,039
- How are you doing?
- Bad, very bad.

267
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,455
Really? You don't look like
you're swelling up at all.

268
00:14:39,575 --> 00:14:42,010
We should just pick up some Benadryl
at the drugstore and go home.

269
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,252
- We can't go home.
- Why not?

270
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:45,993
Because...

271
00:14:46,707 --> 00:14:47,824
because...

272
00:14:48,774 --> 00:14:50,392
Brisket! Brisket!

273
00:14:51,951 --> 00:14:54,382
- Water! Need water!
- I'll be right back.

274
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,527
I've got a problem.

275
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,482
Well, so do I.
You gotta stall Leonard a little longer.

276
00:15:03,692 --> 00:15:05,420
- I don't think I can.
- You have to.

277
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,795
We all have to be there
at the same time to yell surprise.

278
00:15:07,915 --> 00:15:10,662
You have to understand something.
We're in a hospital right now.

279
00:15:10,867 --> 00:15:13,897
- Why? Is Leonard okay?
- Leonard's fine. I'm fine.

280
00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:15,667
Thanks for asking, by the way.

281
00:15:16,146 --> 00:15:19,274
Okay, I don't need your attitude.
Just hold him there a little longer.

282
00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:22,382
I've done my best, but he wants to go
home and I don't know how to stop him.

283
00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:25,850
Okay, how about this?
You keep him there a little longer,

284
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,998
and when you get to the party, I'll
point out which of my friends are easy?

285
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,613
Don't toy with me, woman.

286
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,654
I got a hot former fat girl
with no self-esteem,

287
00:15:44,816 --> 00:15:46,954
a girl who punishes her father
by sleeping around

288
00:15:47,074 --> 00:15:50,941
a alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away
from letting you wear her like a hat.

289
00:15:52,807 --> 00:15:54,164
Thy will be done.

290
00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:06,849
I'm doing this for you, little buddy.

291
00:16:13,062 --> 00:16:15,193
Okay, we don't have that in stock...

292
00:16:16,723 --> 00:16:19,121
but I can special-order it for you.

293
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:20,602
Him.

294
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,860
Excuse me, sir.
You don't work here.

295
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:27,197
Yes, well, apparently,
neither does anyone else.

296
00:16:28,742 --> 00:16:30,702
- Sheldon, we have to go.
- Why?

297
00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:33,411
For one thing, we're late for
Leonard's birthday party,

298
00:16:33,531 --> 00:16:35,540
and for another,
I told him to call security.

299
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,234
Good luck.

300
00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:43,052
By the way, a six-year-old
could hack your computer system.

301
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:44,281
Keep walking.

302
00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:46,663
"1234" is not a secure password.

303
00:16:49,566 --> 00:16:52,470
Excuse me, my friend is having
an allergic reaction to peanuts.

304
00:16:52,783 --> 00:16:54,643
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.

305
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:57,193
Look, sir, we are very
busy here, and I...

306
00:16:57,578 --> 00:16:59,230
Holy crap!

307
00:17:00,647 --> 00:17:01,933
Please help me!

308
00:17:03,118 --> 00:17:04,734
Code four! I need a gurney!

309
00:17:06,263 --> 00:17:08,277
- Right away! Right away!
- Thank you.

310
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:15,031
Say what you will about the
healthcare system in this country,

311
00:17:15,151 --> 00:17:18,270
but when they're afraid of lawsuits,
they sure test everything.

312
00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:22,189
I really don't think
the colonoscopy was necessary.

313
00:17:24,749 --> 00:17:26,674
You know, before you got all swollen up,

314
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:29,490
I actually thought you were trying
to keep me out of the apartment

315
00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:31,641
so you could throw me a surprise party.

316
00:17:32,245 --> 00:17:35,016
Right, it's your birthday.
I had no idea it was your birthday.

317
00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,614
I completely forgot.
What a lousy way to spend a birthday.

318
00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:39,083
It's all over now.

319
00:17:42,892 --> 00:17:44,442
There is a party, isn't there?

320
00:17:45,558 --> 00:17:46,418
Maybe.

321
00:17:49,873 --> 00:17:52,720
- Are you mad?
- How could I be mad?

322
00:17:53,182 --> 00:17:56,787
You actually risked your life
because you care about me.

323
00:17:58,226 --> 00:17:59,945
Yeah, that's why I did it.

324
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:03,913
All right.

325
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:05,843
Here we go.

326
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,726
My first birthday party.

327
00:18:18,956 --> 00:18:19,873
Dude,

328
00:18:20,504 --> 00:18:22,312
everybody left an hour ago.

329
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:26,353
Surprise!

330
00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:35,619
Okay, Leonard.
I am at your birthday party.

331
00:18:35,936 --> 00:18:39,246
I don't know where you are,
dude, but it's really kick-ass!

332
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,954
Everyone is very, very drunk and...

333
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:47,886
And look,
there's a girl taking her shirt off!

334
00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:51,236
That's my friend Carol.

335
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:54,136
Remind me,
I gotta introduce her to Howard.

336
00:18:54,782 --> 00:18:58,118
Oh, sweet Krishna,
shake that rupee maker!

337
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,682
I'm so sorry you didn't get your party.

338
00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:04,133
It's okay.

339
00:19:06,548 --> 00:19:08,082
Happy birthday, anyways.

340
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:20,176
When's your birthday?