1
00:00:00,270 --> 00:00:02,088
Okay, Raj.

2
00:00:02,678 --> 00:00:05,078
Hand me the #6 Torx screwdriver.

3
00:00:06,761 --> 00:00:07,862
Stop.

4
00:00:09,029 --> 00:00:10,750
We can't do this.
It's not right.

5
00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:14,508
You have two choices. Either you let him
put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo,

6
00:00:14,633 --> 00:00:16,642
or you delete stuff
before we go out of town.

7
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,342
But once you open the box,
you've voided the warranty.

8
00:00:20,026 --> 00:00:21,094
The warranty

9
00:00:21,318 --> 00:00:23,972
is a sacred covenant we've entered into
with the manufacturer.

10
00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:25,927
He offers to stand by his equipment,

11
00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:29,643
and we in return agree not to violate
the integrity of the internal hardware.

12
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,221
This little orange sticker

13
00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:34,367
is all that stands
between us and anarchy.

14
00:00:36,227 --> 00:00:38,003
Then we won't touch the hard drive.

15
00:00:38,128 --> 00:00:40,807
We'll just erase the first
season of <i>Battlestar</i>.

16
00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:44,492
There. We're outlaws.

17
00:00:46,503 --> 00:00:48,037
Is this going to be big enough?

18
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,301
It's perfect.

19
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:55,008
For taking daffodils
to your unicorn.

20
00:00:57,022 --> 00:00:59,078
It's just for my notebooks.
Thanks, Penny.

21
00:00:59,203 --> 00:01:01,718
I love San Francisco.
I wish I was going with you.

22
00:01:02,016 --> 00:01:05,395
I understand your envy.
This is a can't-miss symposium.

23
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,319
There are going to be discussions
on bioorganic cellular computer devices,

24
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,879
the advancements
in multi-threaded task completion,

25
00:01:12,449 --> 00:01:15,567
plus a roundtable on the nonequilibrium
Green's function approach

26
00:01:15,692 --> 00:01:17,900
to the photoionization process
in atoms.

27
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:22,252
When I go, I usually just get hammered
and ride the cable cars.

28
00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:24,699
This conference is
kind of a big thing.

29
00:01:24,878 --> 00:01:27,243
The keynote address
is being delivered by George Smoot.

30
00:01:27,785 --> 00:01:29,579
Oh, my God, the <i>George Smoot</i>?

31
00:01:29,907 --> 00:01:32,435
- You've heard of him?
- Of course I haven't.

32
00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:36,593
George Smoot
is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist,

33
00:01:36,718 --> 00:01:38,504
one of the great minds of our time.

34
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:41,398
His work
in black body form and anisotropy

35
00:01:41,523 --> 00:01:43,526
of the cosmic microwave
background radiation

36
00:01:43,651 --> 00:01:46,846
cemented our understanding
of the origin of the universe.

37
00:01:47,079 --> 00:01:49,829
It's kind of a funny name, though.
"Smoot."

38
00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,355
It's like talking to a chimp.

39
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,109
Now that I've been completely insulted,
have a good flight.

40
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,361
I wish.

41
00:02:01,529 --> 00:02:03,404
We're not flying.
We're taking the train.

42
00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:05,573
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah, cool.

43
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:09,535
Seven times as long as flying,
and costs almost twice as much.

44
00:02:10,914 --> 00:02:13,497
- Then why are you doing it?
- We had a vote.

45
00:02:13,622 --> 00:02:15,958
Three of us voted for airplane.
Sheldon voted for train.

46
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,927
So we're taking the train.

47
00:02:19,611 --> 00:02:21,422
Don't say it like that.
Say it like:

48
00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:23,421
"We're taking the train!"

49
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,156
Subtitles: The FW Team

50
00:02:50,133 --> 00:02:51,809
We're all going over
to the Apple store

51
00:02:51,934 --> 00:02:54,631
to make fun of the guys
at the Genius Bar. You want to come?

52
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:58,136
I always enjoy that,
but I'm a little busy.

53
00:02:58,304 --> 00:02:59,429
What are you doing?

54
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,807
I'm simplifying the task
of packing for our trip.

55
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,371
See, by attaching RFID tags
to my clothing,

56
00:03:04,496 --> 00:03:05,948
it will enable my laptop

57
00:03:06,073 --> 00:03:08,145
to read and identify the items
with this wand.

58
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,790
I will then cross-reference
them against destination,

59
00:03:10,915 --> 00:03:12,498
anticipated activity spectrum,

60
00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:15,573
weather conditions,
duration of trip, et cetera.

61
00:03:18,610 --> 00:03:20,574
That does sound much simpler.

62
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,831
How long is this going to take?

63
00:03:23,956 --> 00:03:26,471
Assuming I can keep up this pace,
three hours, 11 minutes.

64
00:03:26,596 --> 00:03:30,390
Plus however long it takes to conclude
this fairly pointless conversation.

65
00:03:33,065 --> 00:03:36,174
Teasing the guys at the Apple store
seems a little redundant now.

66
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:38,884
- I don't follow.
- I wouldn't expect you to. See you.

67
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,021
Socks: one pair,

68
00:03:45,788 --> 00:03:48,055
cotton, argyle, blue.

69
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,306
Socks: one pair,

70
00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:57,120
cotton, argyle, blue.

71
00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:03,744
What on earth are you doing?

72
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,329
Whatever it is,
I'm guessing we're doing it wrong.

73
00:04:07,613 --> 00:04:11,209
Gentlemen,
this is the Coast Starlight,

74
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,201
one of the great American trains

75
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,129
operating on one of the classic
American routes.

76
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,132
On this side, you'll see
panoramic ocean vistas

77
00:04:19,303 --> 00:04:21,789
inaccessible to any other form
of transportation,

78
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:25,555
while on your side,
you'll be treated to 350 miles

79
00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:27,178
of CostCos, Jiffy Lubes,

80
00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:29,461
and cinderblock homes
with above-ground pools.

81
00:04:32,095 --> 00:04:34,232
- Come on, Raj.
- What's wrong with Jiffy Lubes?

82
00:04:38,605 --> 00:04:40,827
- Why not?
- That's over the wheelbase.

83
00:04:40,952 --> 00:04:42,400
Are you completely unfamiliar

84
00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:45,140
with the suspension
characteristics of a pre-1980

85
00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:48,215
Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe
passenger coach?

86
00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:50,609
We've been on this train 90 seconds,

87
00:04:50,734 --> 00:04:53,018
and you've already
said a thousand words.

88
00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:55,752
Just tell us where to sit
and shut up.

89
00:04:58,066 --> 00:04:59,066
Here.

90
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:02,185
I'm hoping once you reap
the endorphic rewards

91
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:05,498
of the steady clickety-clack
of steel wheels on polished rails,

92
00:05:05,623 --> 00:05:08,558
- your sour disposition will abate.
- Yeah, maybe.

93
00:05:09,052 --> 00:05:12,112
Meanwhile, back in the 21st century,
people are raising their tray tables

94
00:05:12,237 --> 00:05:14,268
and putting their seat-backs
in an upright position

95
00:05:14,393 --> 00:05:16,853
'cause it's time to land
in San Francisco.

96
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,857
It's not so bad, really. At least
these trains have modern plumbing.

97
00:05:20,982 --> 00:05:23,297
In India, you squat over a hole
in the train

98
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,522
and expose your naked buttocks
to the chilly air of Rajasthan.

99
00:05:27,246 --> 00:05:30,411
He is referring, of course,
to third class on Indian Railways'

100
00:05:30,536 --> 00:05:34,019
magnificent Ranakpur Express
and its 1,200-kilometer journey

101
00:05:34,219 --> 00:05:36,819
from Maharashtra
to the Bikaner Junction.

102
00:05:37,092 --> 00:05:39,838
Oh, look, now he's boring
on an international scale.

103
00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:43,259
Holy crap! Look!

104
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:48,054
- Is that who I think it is?
- It can't be.

105
00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:50,640
What would Summer Glau
be doing riding the train?

106
00:05:50,888 --> 00:05:54,849
Maybe John Connor's aboard and she's
protecting him from an evil Terminator.

107
00:05:55,511 --> 00:05:57,711
Unlikely. That's a television show.

108
00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,692
Thank you.

109
00:06:00,541 --> 00:06:02,835
Of course, if SkyNet actually
did exist in the future,

110
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,373
a perfect way to infiltrate
and destroy mankind

111
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,734
would be to send
Terminators back posing as actors

112
00:06:07,859 --> 00:06:10,535
who have played Terminators
in popular films and television series,

113
00:06:10,706 --> 00:06:12,756
lulling us
into a false sense of security,

114
00:06:12,881 --> 00:06:15,765
i.e., "That's Summer Glau
from <i>The Sarah Connor Chronicles</i>.

115
00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:18,653
"No, Summer, don't kill me!
I'm pro-robot!"

116
00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:24,009
At least he's off the train crap.

117
00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:32,664
I owe you an apology. Taking the train
was a stroke of brilliance!

118
00:06:32,789 --> 00:06:34,976
I've actually got
a shot at a Terminator.

119
00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:36,974
Please.
When it comes to Terminators,

120
00:06:37,099 --> 00:06:40,523
you've got a better shot of scoring
with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

121
00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:43,373
You're overlooking something.

122
00:06:43,498 --> 00:06:47,478
I have 11 hours with her
in a confined space.

123
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,706
Unless she's willing
to jump off a moving train,

124
00:06:50,831 --> 00:06:52,667
tuck and roll
down the side of a hill,

125
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:56,264
she will eventually succumb
to the acquired taste

126
00:06:56,389 --> 00:06:58,249
that is Howard Wolowitz.

127
00:07:01,924 --> 00:07:03,755
My money's on tuck and roll.

128
00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:06,945
I'm confused.
I thought you were involved

129
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:09,594
in some sort of socially intimate
pairing with Leslie Winkle.

130
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,186
- Let me explain to you how this works.
- All right.

131
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:16,142
That's Summer Glau.

132
00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:19,050
That's it.

133
00:07:20,753 --> 00:07:22,984
Hang on a sec.
Why do you get first crack at her?

134
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,960
Let's see, couple reasons.

135
00:07:25,085 --> 00:07:27,989
- One, I saw her first.
- No, you didn't. I did.

136
00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:31,848
Fair enough.
But... then, let me move on to #2.

137
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:35,245
Unlike you, I can actually talk
to women when I'm sober.

138
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,788
You fail to take
into account that even mute,

139
00:07:37,972 --> 00:07:39,735
I am foreign and exotic,

140
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,910
while you, on the other hand,
are frail and pasty.

141
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,650
You know the old saying,

142
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,260
"Pasty and frail never fail."

143
00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:56,099
Excuse me, but what about me?
Why don't I get a shot?

144
00:07:56,575 --> 00:07:57,825
Fine, go ahead.

145
00:07:58,187 --> 00:07:59,358
Take a shot.

146
00:08:01,319 --> 00:08:04,067
I've already got a gorgeous blonde
back home that I can't score with.

147
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,984
I think I'll let you two
take this one.

148
00:08:06,493 --> 00:08:08,820
Is there a place on this train
to get alcohol?

149
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:10,369
Interesting that you ask.

150
00:08:10,494 --> 00:08:13,920
The Coast Starlight recently added
the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car.

151
00:08:14,045 --> 00:08:17,447
Built in 1956 and originally known
as the Santa Fe Lounge Car,

152
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,625
the lower level is a theater
and the upper level is a bar that offers

153
00:08:20,835 --> 00:08:23,710
wine tastings if you're going
as far as Portland.

154
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,233
- So aren't you going to go talk to her?
- I will, I'm just

155
00:08:27,358 --> 00:08:28,853
working on my opening line.

156
00:08:28,978 --> 00:08:30,985
She's probably heard
every possible line.

157
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:32,595
Why don't you just try "hello"?

158
00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:34,973
No, no,
that always creeps girls out.

159
00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:38,142
I need to come up
with something that's funny,

160
00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:41,846
smart and delicately suggests
that my sexual endowment

161
00:08:41,971 --> 00:08:44,316
is disproportionate
to my physical stature.

162
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:48,110
You're going to need
more than 11 hours.

163
00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:51,029
- Oh, no.
- What's the matter?

164
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:53,658
- I forgot my flash drive.
- So?

165
00:08:53,827 --> 00:08:55,160
So we have to go back.

166
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,825
Okay, I'm going to say "why"

167
00:08:57,950 --> 00:09:01,500
and your answer cannot be
"because I forgot my flash drive."

168
00:09:02,366 --> 00:09:03,553
You don't understand.

169
00:09:03,678 --> 00:09:06,229
My flash drive has my paper
on astrophysical probes

170
00:09:06,354 --> 00:09:08,259
of M-theory effects
in the early universe

171
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,925
that I was going to give
to George Smoot at the conference.

172
00:09:11,094 --> 00:09:13,259
Why do you have to give
your paper to George Smoot?

173
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,599
It's brilliant.
He needs to read it.

174
00:09:17,885 --> 00:09:20,238
So you'll send him an e-mail
when we get back.

175
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:23,187
Then I won't get to see his face
light up as he reads it.

176
00:09:23,609 --> 00:09:26,666
- Right. Of course.
- This is an unmitigated disaster.

177
00:09:26,791 --> 00:09:29,287
There's nothing you can do about it,
so relax.

178
00:09:29,412 --> 00:09:31,584
Sit back, enjoy the clickety-clack

179
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:33,613
of the steel wheels
on the polished rails.

180
00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:41,975
You forgot your flash drive,
you forgot your flash drive...

181
00:09:45,823 --> 00:09:48,336
Only ten hours, 55 minutes to go.

182
00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:00,210
It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

183
00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:15,142
So... where you gals headed?

184
00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:18,891
Okay, I've found
the perfect solution.

185
00:10:19,016 --> 00:10:21,274
We get off the train
at the next stop in Oxnard.

186
00:10:21,399 --> 00:10:24,623
We then take the 1:13 train
back to Union Station.

187
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,161
We take a cab back to the apartment,
get my flash drive,

188
00:10:27,286 --> 00:10:30,492
and then race to San Luis Obispo,
where, assuming the lights are with us

189
00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:32,738
and minimal traffic,
we'll meet the train.

190
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,228
- I've got a better idea.
- Are you going to be sarcastic?

191
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:38,512
You take all the fun
out of it for me.

192
00:10:39,965 --> 00:10:42,831
Penny's home. Why don't we call her,
have her go in the apartment,

193
00:10:42,956 --> 00:10:44,977
get your flash drive
and e-mail you the paper?

194
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,646
But the flash drive is
in a locked drawer in my desk.

195
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,982
- So?
- The key is hidden in my room.

196
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,026
- So?
- Penny would have to go into my room.

197
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,354
- So?
- People don't go in my room!

198
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,653
I see. It seems once again,

199
00:10:57,778 --> 00:11:00,387
you're caught between a rock
and a crazy place.

200
00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:04,371
I hate when that happens.

201
00:11:06,652 --> 00:11:08,341
It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

202
00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,336
It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

203
00:11:12,183 --> 00:11:14,167
It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

204
00:11:16,154 --> 00:11:18,594
- That's cute.
- Really? I just made it up.

205
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,507
Have you seen <i>Slumdog Millionaire</i>?

206
00:11:23,702 --> 00:11:24,767
Yeah, I loved it.

207
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,769
It's loosely based on my life.

208
00:11:30,591 --> 00:11:33,717
We're putting the play on for one night
in this little 99-seat theater.

209
00:11:33,842 --> 00:11:34,779
Can you come?

210
00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:35,861
Oh, great.

211
00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:39,035
Do you know 98 other people
that might want to come?

212
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:40,655
Hang on.

213
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,670
Listen carefully.
I'm about to give you

214
00:11:43,795 --> 00:11:46,390
a set of instructions
which you must follow to the letter.

215
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:47,602
Just a sec.

216
00:11:48,182 --> 00:11:50,719
The theater is above a bowling alley,
so it's a little noisy,

217
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,872
but it might be the only chance
I'll ever get to play Anne Frank.

218
00:11:55,608 --> 00:11:57,120
And the director is brilliant.

219
00:11:57,245 --> 00:12:00,067
He uses the bowling sounds
as, like, Nazi artillery.

220
00:12:00,773 --> 00:12:02,179
Great, I'll see you then.

221
00:12:02,925 --> 00:12:04,754
- Hello?
- <i>Okay, step four.</i>

222
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:09,436
Do you see that small plastic case
on my dresser?

223
00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,397
Your dresser? Who is this?

224
00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:14,566
- It's Sheldon.
- <i>Hey, Sheldon!</i>

225
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,517
- How is San Francisco?
- I'm not in San Francisco.

226
00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:20,155
I'm on a train.
Were you even listening to me?

227
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,164
I was talking to my friend,
but what's up?

228
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,079
What's up? I'll tell you what's up.

229
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:26,950
I'm in a crisis situation,
and I need you to marshal

230
00:12:27,075 --> 00:12:29,623
your powers of concentration,
limited as they may be...

231
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,139
Give me the phone.

232
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,878
- Hi, Penny. It's Leonard.
- <i>Hey, Leonard.</i>

233
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,065
What's going on
with Dr. Wackadoodle?

234
00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:40,155
He's calling to ask you a favor.

235
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,572
You might be confused
because he didn't use the words,

236
00:12:42,697 --> 00:12:45,097
"Penny," "Sheldon,"
"please" or "favor."

237
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,809
Enough chitchat.
Okay, step one.

238
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,353
Locate your emergency key
to our apartment.

239
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:52,600
<i>Step two:</i>

240
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,313
enter our apartment.
Step three:...

241
00:12:57,004 --> 00:12:58,402
Enter my bedroom.

242
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:01,739
- <i>Step four:...</i>
- Hang on, getting another call.

243
00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:04,396
Let me tell you.

244
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:07,101
Personal robots cannot get here
soon enough.

245
00:13:10,138 --> 00:13:11,734
And that bright little star

246
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,875
peeking her head out early today...

247
00:13:14,164 --> 00:13:15,271
that's Venus.

248
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:17,504
That is so cool.

249
00:13:18,370 --> 00:13:20,896
- You really know a lot about space.
- Come on.

250
00:13:21,021 --> 00:13:23,179
When you were on TV in <i>Firefly</i>,

251
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:25,307
you were actually in space.

252
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,416
You're not one of those guys
who really believe that, are you?

253
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:31,895
You mean one of the hopeless geeks?

254
00:13:32,917 --> 00:13:34,271
Those are crazy people.

255
00:13:37,527 --> 00:13:40,357
Howard, be a dear
and get me another one of these.

256
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,306
Now, him, he's one of those geeks.

257
00:13:50,336 --> 00:13:52,823
All right, now, before you enter
my bedroom unescorted,

258
00:13:52,948 --> 00:13:56,022
I need you to understand
that this onetime grant of access

259
00:13:56,147 --> 00:13:58,468
does not create
a permanent easement.

260
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,089
Easement.

261
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,523
It's a legal right of access.
Good grief.

262
00:14:07,835 --> 00:14:09,765
What? No, don't put me on hold.

263
00:14:12,969 --> 00:14:14,242
Do you believe him?

264
00:14:14,664 --> 00:14:16,701
Normally around women,
he has the personality

265
00:14:16,826 --> 00:14:18,401
of a boiled potato.

266
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,194
Put one beer in him,
and he's M. Night Charmalarmalon.

267
00:14:26,022 --> 00:14:28,242
Is that what he's drinking?
It's not even real beer.

268
00:14:28,589 --> 00:14:29,618
- What?
- Look.

269
00:14:30,528 --> 00:14:31,934
"Non-alcoholic beer."

270
00:14:34,338 --> 00:14:36,275
- What's going on?
- I don't know.

271
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,877
Some sort of placebo effect,
I guess.

272
00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:41,586
Placebo, you say.

273
00:14:41,711 --> 00:14:42,859
Interesting.

274
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,829
Yes, I'm still here.
Where am I going? I'm on a train.

275
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,804
Now, what you'll be looking for

276
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:52,525
is a small wooden box located
between a Hoberman's sphere

277
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,133
and a sample of quartz
flecked with pyrite.

278
00:14:56,084 --> 00:14:57,487
Hoberman's Sphere.

279
00:14:57,798 --> 00:15:00,244
It's a collapsible
icosidodecahedron.

280
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:04,492
No, the thing with the time on it
is my alarm clock.

281
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:11,159
Actually, in India, the names
of constellations are different.

282
00:15:11,533 --> 00:15:13,280
Where you have the Big Dipper,

283
00:15:13,405 --> 00:15:15,258
we have the Big Curry Pot.

284
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,590
You're making that up.

285
00:15:18,715 --> 00:15:19,715
You got me.

286
00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,566
Now what are you
going to do with me?

287
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:29,127
Look.

288
00:15:29,252 --> 00:15:31,054
- What am I looking at?
- You tell me.

289
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,877
"Non-alcoholic beer."

290
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:45,232
Hi. I'm the small package
good things come in.

291
00:15:48,986 --> 00:15:50,031
I got a box,

292
00:15:50,201 --> 00:15:52,451
but there's no key in here.
Just letters.

293
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,244
That's the wrong box. Put it back.

294
00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:57,164
Are these letters
from your grandmother?

295
00:15:57,359 --> 00:15:58,749
Don't read those letters!

296
00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:02,043
Look, she calls you "Moon Pie."
That is so cute.

297
00:16:02,213 --> 00:16:03,638
Put down the letters!

298
00:16:07,548 --> 00:16:08,866
Hey, Penny. It's Leonard.

299
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,989
- How's the train ride?
- Delightful.

300
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:14,628
I don't know what you're doing

301
00:16:14,753 --> 00:16:17,768
but there are little bubbles forming
on the corners of Sheldon's mouth.

302
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,812
Yeah, I kind of crossed a line.
Put him back on.

303
00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:22,047
Thank you.

304
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,610
- I'm back.
- What up, Moon Pie?

305
00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:29,507
No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw!

306
00:16:32,051 --> 00:16:33,713
Hey, Penny. Leonard again.

307
00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:39,331
In the dream, you and I
were ice skating, just the two of us.

308
00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:42,167
And then, I picked you up
by your ankles

309
00:16:42,712 --> 00:16:46,338
and twirled you round and round
until your legs tore off.

310
00:16:48,488 --> 00:16:50,634
I tried to stick them back on,

311
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,112
but before I could,

312
00:16:52,237 --> 00:16:55,939
you turned into a giant loaf
of pumpernickel bread.

313
00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,433
What do you think that means?

314
00:16:59,989 --> 00:17:01,489
I really don't know.

315
00:17:03,469 --> 00:17:04,779
I'll give you a clue.

316
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:07,513
My favorite sandwich?
Salami on pumpernickel.

317
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,320
Is that so?

318
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,877
Did you know "pumpernickel"

319
00:17:13,002 --> 00:17:15,160
comes from the German words
"pumper" and "nickel,"

320
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,487
which loosely translates
to "fart goblin"?

321
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:21,897
I didn't.

322
00:17:25,489 --> 00:17:27,212
Okay, I found the box. Now what?

323
00:17:27,492 --> 00:17:30,674
You're holding a Japanese puzzle box,
which takes

324
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,884
ten precise moves to open.

325
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,301
<i>First, locate the panel
with the diamond pattern</i>

326
00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:40,183
and slide the center portion
one millimeter to the left.

327
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,637
<i>Then, on the opposite end
of the box,</i>

328
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,928
slide the entire panel down
two millimeters.

329
00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:47,733
You'll hear a slight click.

330
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:48,792
Hang on.

331
00:17:48,917 --> 00:17:51,570
Do you have any emotional attachment
to this box?

332
00:17:51,742 --> 00:17:53,620
No, it's a novelty
I ordered off the Internet.

333
00:17:53,745 --> 00:17:55,157
Did you hear the click?

334
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,325
Not yet.

335
00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:01,450
There it is.

336
00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:07,140
Okay, here's another one.

337
00:18:07,265 --> 00:18:10,828
If you married the famous
rock guitarist Johnny Winter,

338
00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:13,016
you'd be Summer Winter.

339
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:21,638
I'm going to just go for broke here
and say I like you.

340
00:18:24,969 --> 00:18:26,479
So here's my question:

341
00:18:26,649 --> 00:18:29,168
do you realistically see
any conversational path

342
00:18:29,293 --> 00:18:31,162
that would take us
from where we are right now

343
00:18:31,287 --> 00:18:33,694
to a place where I could ask you out
and you'd say yes?

344
00:18:38,869 --> 00:18:41,078
Fair enough.
I'll leave you in peace.

345
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,256
Thank you.

346
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,585
But before I go,

347
00:18:48,271 --> 00:18:49,252
would you mind

348
00:18:49,422 --> 00:18:52,798
if I take one picture of us together
for my Facebook page?

349
00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:54,182
Sure.

350
00:19:04,572 --> 00:19:07,529
Great. Now, can I take one
where it looks like we're making out?

351
00:19:10,402 --> 00:19:13,251
Now you're going
to insert the flash drive

352
00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:15,196
into the USB port...

353
00:19:19,087 --> 00:19:20,541
She calls me Moon Pie

354
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:22,139
because I'm nummy-nummy

355
00:19:22,264 --> 00:19:24,076
and she could just eat me up.

356
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:29,514
Now, please put the flash drive
in the USB port.

357
00:19:32,203 --> 00:19:34,923
The one that looks
like a little duck's mouth.

358
00:19:37,278 --> 00:19:38,453
How'd it go?

359
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,303
Terminator broke my phone.

360
00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:47,704
Excuse me.

361
00:19:49,852 --> 00:19:51,063
I'll be honest with you.

362
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,712
I've just spent the last two hours
imaging various scenarios in my head,

363
00:19:54,837 --> 00:19:57,195
trying to come up
with some clever line to say to you.

364
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,364
But I finally realized
you're a human being;

365
00:19:59,719 --> 00:20:00,885
I'm a human being.

366
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:03,034
- I could just say...
- <i>Next stop: Santa Barbara.</i>

367
00:20:03,206 --> 00:20:04,716
I'm sorry. This is me.

368
00:20:07,644 --> 00:20:09,128
Hi, my name's Leonard.

369
00:20:12,352 --> 00:20:13,752
So, I'm thinking, you won

370
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,787
the Nobel Prize what,
three years ago?

371
00:20:15,912 --> 00:20:19,217
So you must deal with a whole lot
of "What has Smoot done lately?"

372
00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:23,822
My thought is we continue
my research as a team...

373
00:20:23,947 --> 00:20:26,140
you know, Cooper-Smoot,
alphabetical...

374
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,478
and when we win the Nobel Prize,
you'll be back on top.

375
00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:33,773
With all due respect, Dr. Cooper,
are you on crack?

376
00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:39,894
Fine!
Smoot-Cooper.

377
00:20:41,127 --> 00:20:42,225
What a diva.