1
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,861
Will you please turn
your shirt off?
2
00:00:22,895 --> 00:00:24,032
What?
3
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,699
I'm giving myself
dramatic entrance music.
4
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,804
People will know I'm awesome
and to be feared.
5
00:00:28,838 --> 00:00:30,407
Right.
6
00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:32,745
There's nothing more awesome
and frightening than a man
7
00:00:32,779 --> 00:00:35,816
who's got music blasting
from between his nipples.
8
00:00:37,451 --> 00:00:39,820
Hey, Stuart,
what's going on?
9
00:00:39,854 --> 00:00:42,021
Well, you might want to mark
your Google calendars.
10
00:00:42,056 --> 00:00:44,591
Stan Lee is coming to do
a signing on Thursday.
11
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:47,426
Did he finally write a sequel
to his autobiography?
12
00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:51,263
I'm sure ages 79 through 87
were just action-packed.
13
00:00:51,297 --> 00:00:54,065
No, just a regular
comic signing.
14
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,570
My uncle is his dermatologist
and Stan's doing him a favor.
15
00:00:57,604 --> 00:00:59,906
Oh, I don't want
to know that!
16
00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:02,312
How can I possibly discuss
with Stan Lee
17
00:01:02,346 --> 00:01:03,913
the scientific foundations
18
00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:05,749
for interstellar flight
on a silver surfboard
19
00:01:05,784 --> 00:01:07,820
when part of my brain
will be scanning his face
20
00:01:07,854 --> 00:01:11,391
for signs of contagious
skin disease?
21
00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:14,861
Stan Lee does not have
a contagious skin disease.
22
00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:18,867
Well, look who thinks
he's Stuart's uncle now.
23
00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,068
Can't believe it.
24
00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:22,537
We're going to meet Stan Lee!
25
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,214
I'm sad to say
I taught him those moves.
26
00:01:36,084 --> 00:01:39,687
??Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ??
27
00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:43,025
??Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ??
28
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:44,627
??The Earth began to cool ??
29
00:01:44,662 --> 00:01:47,164
??The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ??
30
00:01:47,198 --> 00:01:49,867
??We built the Wall ??
??We built the pyramids ??
31
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,505
??Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ??
32
00:01:52,539 --> 00:01:54,440
??That all started
with a big bang ??
33
00:01:54,474 --> 00:01:55,476
??Bang! ??
34
00:01:55,477 --> 00:01:59,377
The Big Bang Theory 4x16
The Excelsior Acquisition
Original Air Date on March 1, 2010
35
00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:01,478
-- Sync, corrected by elderman Resync for 720p by Baqinardo --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
36
00:02:04,502 --> 00:02:05,403
I can't decide
37
00:02:05,338 --> 00:02:06,604
whether I want Stan Lee
to autograph
38
00:02:06,639 --> 00:02:09,240
my Journey into Mystery 83,
first appearance of Thor
39
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:11,076
or my Fantastic Four
number five,
40
00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:14,013
first appearance of Dr. Doom.
41
00:02:23,091 --> 00:02:25,326
Alex, I'm going to go
with what is...
42
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,495
you're a dumbass?
43
00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:35,870
I've decided I'm going to
have Mr. Lee sign my copy
44
00:02:35,904 --> 00:02:37,906
of this month's Batman.
45
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,040
That's crazy.
46
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:41,076
Stan Lee had nothing
to do with Batman.
47
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:43,544
Yes, which is why no one else
will ask him to sign one,
48
00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:46,647
and I will be the possessor
of a unique, albeit
confusing, artifact,
49
00:02:46,682 --> 00:02:50,184
which will set me apart from
hoi polloi of comic book fandom.
50
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,020
That's a great idea.
51
00:02:53,055 --> 00:02:56,224
I'm going to get him
to sign a Batman as well.
52
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,995
What is it about the word
"unique" you don't understand?
53
00:03:00,029 --> 00:03:01,430
Ow!
54
00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:02,564
Damn, paper cut.
55
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,799
Nothing worse than a paper cut.
56
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:07,002
Well, obviously you don't
remember your circumcision.
57
00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:11,841
There's Neosporin and Band-Aids
in my top desk drawer.
58
00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:15,144
Why don't you keep that stuff
in the bathroom?
59
00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:16,545
He does. And in the kitchen.
60
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:18,781
And in the car.
And in his pocket.
61
00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:21,283
Yeah, but the ones in
my pocket are mine.
62
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,487
Hi!
Hey.
63
00:03:24,521 --> 00:03:26,489
Guess who's going to be at the
comic bookstore on Thursday?
64
00:03:26,523 --> 00:03:28,291
Um... can you give me a hint?
65
00:03:28,325 --> 00:03:30,126
Stan Lee.
66
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,128
Um... Stanley...
67
00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:34,364
Stanley... Stanley Tucci?
68
00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:35,899
No.
69
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:38,235
No, Stan... Lee.
70
00:03:38,269 --> 00:03:40,671
Oh, oh, Stan Lee!
71
00:03:40,706 --> 00:03:43,541
Cool!
72
00:03:43,576 --> 00:03:45,977
You have no idea
who he is, do you?
73
00:03:46,011 --> 00:03:47,913
Of course I do.
74
00:03:47,947 --> 00:03:49,781
You're an important
part of my life
75
00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:52,284
and I pay attention to the
things you are interested in.
76
00:03:52,318 --> 00:03:53,951
Oh, good.
77
00:03:53,986 --> 00:03:55,319
Good.
78
00:03:55,354 --> 00:03:56,554
So, who's Stan Lee?
79
00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:59,991
Um... he was on Star Trek.
80
00:04:02,895 --> 00:04:04,529
Nope.
81
00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:06,665
Star Wars?
No.
82
00:04:06,699 --> 00:04:08,467
Um... uh, Stan Lee.
83
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:11,936
Ooh, he was in those goofy
kung fu movies you love so much?
84
00:04:11,971 --> 00:04:14,539
That's Bruce Lee.
85
00:04:14,573 --> 00:04:15,740
Oh.
86
00:04:15,774 --> 00:04:18,610
So, is this Bruce Lee's
nerdy brother, Stan?
87
00:04:19,879 --> 00:04:22,280
Sheldon, why do you have
all these unopened
88
00:04:22,315 --> 00:04:23,916
paychecks in your desk?
89
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:26,018
Because most of the things
I'm planning to buy
90
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:28,620
haven't been invented yet.
91
00:04:28,654 --> 00:04:31,289
There-there must be thousands
of dollars here.
92
00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:33,025
Why don't you put it
in the bank?
93
00:04:33,059 --> 00:04:34,493
I don't trust banks.
94
00:04:34,527 --> 00:04:36,395
I believe that when
the robots rise up,
95
00:04:36,429 --> 00:04:39,064
ATMs will lead the charge.
96
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:41,601
You've also got something
97
00:04:41,635 --> 00:04:43,570
from the Pasadena
Municipal Court.
98
00:04:43,604 --> 00:04:46,439
Undoubtedly another
snide response
99
00:04:46,474 --> 00:04:48,141
to my repeated letters
complaining
100
00:04:48,176 --> 00:04:49,809
that the flags in front
of the courthouse
101
00:04:49,843 --> 00:04:50,910
are flying in the wrong order.
102
00:04:50,944 --> 00:04:52,544
From left to right,
it's supposed to be
103
00:04:52,579 --> 00:04:55,380
federal, state,
and then city of Pasadena.
104
00:04:55,414 --> 00:04:58,583
I'm sorry. You sent more
than one letter about that?
105
00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:02,153
It bothers me.
106
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,056
Sheldon, this is a summons.
107
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:06,690
A summons for what?
108
00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:10,228
Looks like you ran a red light
on Marengo Avenue
109
00:05:10,262 --> 00:05:13,699
at 9:30 p.m.
on November 16.
110
00:05:13,733 --> 00:05:14,933
They got you
on a traffic camera.
111
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:18,037
Nice picture.
112
00:05:21,341 --> 00:05:23,510
November 16?
113
00:05:23,544 --> 00:05:26,012
Penny, that's the evening
you fell in your bathtub
114
00:05:26,047 --> 00:05:28,148
and I had to drive you
to the emergency room.
115
00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:29,583
No, it isn't.
116
00:05:29,617 --> 00:05:31,251
Yes, it is.
117
00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:32,853
No, it isn't.
118
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:34,388
Penny, I have an
eidetic memory.
119
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:36,556
Also, that's a picture of
you in the passenger seat
120
00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:38,225
holding your dislocated
shoulder.
121
00:05:38,259 --> 00:05:40,561
Mmm, no, it isn't.
122
00:05:42,197 --> 00:05:45,700
Okay, then why is a summons
for a traffic violation
123
00:05:45,735 --> 00:05:48,236
committed in your car,
bearing your license plates,
124
00:05:48,271 --> 00:05:50,005
coming to me?
125
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:56,646
Okay, look, they sent me
the ticket.
126
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:57,880
I told them
I wasn't driving
127
00:05:57,915 --> 00:05:59,749
and they were all,
"If it wasn't you, who was it?"
128
00:05:59,783 --> 00:06:01,751
So you betrayed me?
129
00:06:01,785 --> 00:06:02,885
No!
130
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,353
It wasn't a betrayal.
131
00:06:04,388 --> 00:06:07,023
It was more of a "I can't afford
any more points on my license."
132
00:06:07,057 --> 00:06:08,391
I already have
to buy my insurance
133
00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:10,860
from this place
in the Cayman Islands.
134
00:06:10,894 --> 00:06:13,429
But the only reason
I was driving your car
135
00:06:13,463 --> 00:06:16,399
was because you were in distress
and I was rescuing you.
136
00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:17,567
Yes, yes, look, and now
137
00:06:17,601 --> 00:06:20,402
you have a photo to remember
that heroic day.
138
00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:23,405
It's not that big a deal.
139
00:06:23,439 --> 00:06:25,640
You just go down to the court
on Thursday
140
00:06:25,675 --> 00:06:26,708
and you pay the fine.
141
00:06:26,742 --> 00:06:28,576
I'm not going
to pay a fine.
142
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,111
That would imply
I'm guilty.
143
00:06:30,145 --> 00:06:31,747
You are guilty.
144
00:06:36,152 --> 00:06:39,088
That one I liked.
145
00:06:41,091 --> 00:06:42,124
I am not guilty.
146
00:06:42,159 --> 00:06:43,726
I only have a
learner's permit.
147
00:06:43,761 --> 00:06:44,961
Penny was the teacher.
148
00:06:44,995 --> 00:06:47,063
When the light turned yellow
she said "Go, go, go."
149
00:06:47,097 --> 00:06:49,833
So I went, went, went.
150
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:50,934
Sheldon, I'm sorry.
151
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:52,802
I'll be happy to reimburse you
for the fine.
152
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:54,637
You know, as soon
as I get a part in a movie
153
00:06:54,671 --> 00:06:56,506
or my own TV series.
154
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:59,042
You don't need to reimburse
me because I'm not paying.
155
00:06:59,076 --> 00:07:01,344
On Thursday, I will
have my day in court
156
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,079
and justice will be done.
157
00:07:03,114 --> 00:07:06,316
In fact, I'm going to begin
preparing my defense right now.
158
00:07:07,918 --> 00:07:10,420
Okay, he's going to jail.
159
00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:12,489
Oh, that's right.
160
00:07:12,523 --> 00:07:14,624
Thursday is Stan Lee Day.
161
00:07:16,494 --> 00:07:18,628
Now you see what you've done?
162
00:07:19,864 --> 00:07:22,933
Because of you, we're all
going to miss Stan Lee.
163
00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:25,302
Whoa!
164
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,837
What do you mean "all?"
165
00:07:27,871 --> 00:07:29,572
Well, you're my friends.
166
00:07:29,606 --> 00:07:32,108
You'll be standing
by my side, supporting me,
167
00:07:32,142 --> 00:07:33,609
feeding me
legal precedents,
168
00:07:33,644 --> 00:07:35,277
and if you had the
upper body strength,
169
00:07:35,312 --> 00:07:38,681
carrying me out on your
shoulders when I'm victorious.
170
00:07:39,616 --> 00:07:41,950
Yeah, okay. No.
171
00:07:41,984 --> 00:07:44,018
Are you saying that you
will not stand beside me
172
00:07:44,053 --> 00:07:45,487
as I plead my case?
173
00:07:45,521 --> 00:07:47,555
That's what I'm saying.
174
00:07:47,589 --> 00:07:48,957
Howard?
175
00:07:48,991 --> 00:07:49,991
Wow.
176
00:07:50,025 --> 00:07:52,961
Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court.
177
00:07:52,996 --> 00:07:54,997
Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice
178
00:07:55,031 --> 00:07:57,099
it would've been a much
shorter movie. No.
179
00:07:57,133 --> 00:07:59,034
Raj?
180
00:07:59,069 --> 00:08:00,335
You'll be there, won't you?
181
00:08:03,273 --> 00:08:05,641
All right, then.
182
00:08:05,675 --> 00:08:08,076
My so-called friends
have forsaken me.
183
00:08:08,111 --> 00:08:11,413
So, I guess it'll just be me
and my eyewitness.
184
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:14,816
Oh, balls.
185
00:08:14,850 --> 00:08:16,084
Please try to wear something
appropriate.
186
00:08:16,118 --> 00:08:17,351
It won't help my case
187
00:08:17,385 --> 00:08:19,386
if the judge is busy trying
to read the word "Juicy"
188
00:08:19,421 --> 00:08:21,088
scrawled across your buttocks.
189
00:08:27,361 --> 00:08:28,828
Penny.
190
00:08:28,862 --> 00:08:30,229
Penny.
191
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:32,365
Penny.
192
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,668
That's just wrong.
193
00:08:35,703 --> 00:08:37,403
All right, let's go.
194
00:08:37,438 --> 00:08:38,438
Wait, hold on.
195
00:08:38,472 --> 00:08:40,106
Before we get to
the courthouse,
196
00:08:40,141 --> 00:08:43,110
I'd like to call on
your skills as an actress.
197
00:08:43,144 --> 00:08:44,411
What is this?
198
00:08:44,445 --> 00:08:45,579
I've taken the liberty
199
00:08:45,613 --> 00:08:47,515
of scripting your appearance
on the witness stand
200
00:08:47,549 --> 00:08:49,884
because, let's face it, you're
somewhat of a loose cannon.
201
00:08:49,918 --> 00:08:52,454
Now, don't worry; it's written
in your vernacular.
202
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,855
So shall we rehearse?
203
00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:55,023
Do I have a choice?
204
00:08:55,058 --> 00:08:56,692
Well, of course
you have a choice.
205
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,228
Although we live
in a deterministic universe,
206
00:08:59,263 --> 00:09:00,663
each individual has free will.
207
00:09:00,698 --> 00:09:02,699
Now, sit down.
208
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:05,469
I call your attention
209
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,471
to the events of November 16.
210
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,906
Do you remember that date?
211
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:12,576
"Darn tootin', I do.
212
00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:16,146
"If the court will excuse
my homespun,
213
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,950
corn-fed Nebraskan
turn of phrase."
214
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,152
That's excellent. Go on.
215
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,621
"The reason that date is, like,
216
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,057
"so totally fixed in my memory
217
00:09:26,091 --> 00:09:27,925
"is that I had the privilege
to be witness
218
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:31,661
to one of the most heroic acts
I've ever seen in, like, ever."
219
00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:36,732
"And who performed
that heroic act?"
220
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,367
"Why, you did, sir.
221
00:09:38,401 --> 00:09:40,670
"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
222
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:43,839
And may I add, it is
a privilege to know you."
223
00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:46,842
"There's no need
for compliments.
224
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,811
This court is only interested
in the facts."
225
00:09:48,845 --> 00:09:52,781
"But it is a fact that
it's a privilege to know you.
226
00:09:52,815 --> 00:09:54,916
Totally."
227
00:09:56,152 --> 00:09:59,588
A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!
228
00:09:59,623 --> 00:10:01,057
Only a suggestion.
229
00:10:01,091 --> 00:10:03,526
A catch in your throat
would work just as well.
230
00:10:05,496 --> 00:10:07,464
"But it is a fact
231
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:10,200
"that it's a privilege
to know you.
232
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,369
Totally."
233
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,574
Maybe you should put on
your "Juicy" pants again.
234
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:22,645
Pay the cashier.
235
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,548
Sheldon Cooper.
236
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:29,685
Good morning, Your Honor.
237
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,353
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
238
00:10:31,388 --> 00:10:33,055
appearing in pro se.
239
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,257
That is to say,
representing himself.
240
00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:36,659
I know what it means.
241
00:10:36,693 --> 00:10:37,960
I went to law school.
242
00:10:37,995 --> 00:10:40,497
And yet you wound up
in traffic court.
243
00:10:41,732 --> 00:10:43,266
Anyway,
244
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,434
if it would please the court,
245
00:10:44,468 --> 00:10:46,102
I'd like to begin
with an opening statement.
246
00:10:46,136 --> 00:10:47,236
The court would
247
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,771
advise you to make it quick,
248
00:10:48,806 --> 00:10:51,541
as the court had a dicey-looking
breakfast burrito this morning
249
00:10:51,575 --> 00:10:53,443
and just took an Imodium.
250
00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:55,578
Very well.
251
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,881
A quick opening statement.
252
00:10:57,916 --> 00:11:00,017
Like a milking stool,
253
00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:01,586
my case rests on
254
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,821
three legs.
255
00:11:02,855 --> 00:11:04,189
I will demonstrate
256
00:11:04,223 --> 00:11:06,058
that I was improperly
instructed in driving
257
00:11:06,092 --> 00:11:08,461
by a woman whose lack of respect
for society
258
00:11:08,495 --> 00:11:09,929
borders on the sociopathic.
259
00:11:09,963 --> 00:11:11,830
I will argue
260
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:14,266
that the emergency met
the legal doctrine
261
00:11:14,301 --> 00:11:16,335
of quod est necessarium
est licitum--
262
00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:18,571
that which is necessary
is legal.
263
00:11:18,605 --> 00:11:19,805
But first,
264
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,741
I will raise
a Sixth Amendment issue.
265
00:11:21,775 --> 00:11:24,176
I'm unable
to confront my accuser,
266
00:11:24,211 --> 00:11:26,245
a non-human
entity, to wit,
267
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,614
a camera.
268
00:11:27,648 --> 00:11:28,948
So, to sum up:
269
00:11:28,982 --> 00:11:29,983
improper instruction;
270
00:11:30,017 --> 00:11:32,018
quod est necessarium
est licitum;
271
00:11:32,053 --> 00:11:33,186
Sixth Amendment.
272
00:11:33,221 --> 00:11:35,088
My milk stool is complete.
273
00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:36,323
Impressive.
274
00:11:36,357 --> 00:11:37,023
Thank you.
275
00:11:37,057 --> 00:11:37,957
Guilty.
276
00:11:37,992 --> 00:11:39,926
Pay the cashier.
277
00:11:39,961 --> 00:11:41,261
I object.
278
00:11:41,295 --> 00:11:43,063
You're completely ignoring
the law.
279
00:11:43,097 --> 00:11:44,798
No, I'm following the law.
280
00:11:44,832 --> 00:11:46,633
I'm ignoring you.
281
00:11:46,668 --> 00:11:47,934
Really?
282
00:11:47,969 --> 00:11:51,337
I would point out that I am
at the top of my profession,
283
00:11:51,372 --> 00:11:54,240
while you preside
over the kiddy table of yours.
284
00:11:55,276 --> 00:11:57,310
Dr. Cooper,
before I find you in contempt
285
00:11:57,344 --> 00:12:00,481
and throw you in jail,
I'm going to give you a chance
286
00:12:00,515 --> 00:12:02,316
to apologize
for that last remark.
287
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:04,017
I am a scientist.
288
00:12:04,051 --> 00:12:06,353
I never apologize for the truth.
289
00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:14,963
That's my spot.
290
00:12:24,706 --> 00:12:26,506
292
00:12:29,811 --> 00:12:31,444
that start with the same letter.
293
00:12:31,479 --> 00:12:33,880
Oh, come on.
Why would you do that?
294
00:12:33,914 --> 00:12:35,915
Bruce Banner, Reed Richards,
295
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:37,583
Sue Storm, Stephen Strange,
296
00:12:37,618 --> 00:12:39,251
Otto Octavius,
Silver Surfer,
297
00:12:39,286 --> 00:12:41,487
Peter Parker, oh,
and worst of all,
298
00:12:41,521 --> 00:12:46,159
J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.
299
00:12:46,193 --> 00:12:48,028
Okay, I'm cutting.
300
00:12:48,062 --> 00:12:51,732
I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee
after you cheese him off.
301
00:12:56,271 --> 00:12:57,605
Hey.
302
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,040
Sheldon's in jail.
303
00:12:59,074 --> 00:13:00,375
Sheldon's in jail?!
304
00:13:00,409 --> 00:13:03,645
You called it.
305
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,380
What do you think?
For what?
306
00:13:05,414 --> 00:13:07,481
For doing the same crap
he always does,
307
00:13:07,516 --> 00:13:08,849
except to a judge.
308
00:13:08,884 --> 00:13:11,718
He has to stay in there
until he apologizes.
309
00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:13,753
So tell him to apologize.
310
00:13:13,788 --> 00:13:15,088
Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard.
311
00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:16,989
That didn't occur to me.
312
00:13:17,024 --> 00:13:18,624
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,
313
00:13:18,658 --> 00:13:20,592
he is going to spend the night
in jail.
314
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:22,961
Oh, no, that's terrible.
315
00:13:22,995 --> 00:13:24,962
Ooh, the line's moving.
Got to go. Bye.
316
00:13:34,673 --> 00:13:36,640
Excuse me?
317
00:13:36,675 --> 00:13:38,075
Excuse me, jailor?
318
00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:40,377
What?
319
00:13:40,411 --> 00:13:42,079
I need to use the restroom.
320
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,880
Knock yourself out.
321
00:13:46,550 --> 00:13:48,851
That's the toilet?
322
00:13:48,886 --> 00:13:51,053
Well, it ain't
a wishing well.
323
00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:55,457
Please tell the judge
I'm ready to apologize.
324
00:13:58,227 --> 00:14:00,061
Look at that.
325
00:14:00,095 --> 00:14:02,129
"To my friend, Leonard.
326
00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:05,065
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
327
00:14:06,502 --> 00:14:07,535
Awesome.
328
00:14:07,569 --> 00:14:09,570
Mine says,
"To my friend, Howard.
329
00:14:09,604 --> 00:14:12,339
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
330
00:14:13,775 --> 00:14:16,777
Mine says,
"To Raj, from Stan Lee."
331
00:14:21,115 --> 00:14:23,316
That's 'cause you pissed him off
about his character names.
332
00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:24,584
Hey,
333
00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:27,487
I didn't even mention
Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,
334
00:14:27,521 --> 00:14:29,255
Matt Murdock,
Pepper Potts,
335
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,790
Victor Von Doom,
336
00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:32,825
oh, and worst of all,
337
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,294
Millie the Model.
338
00:14:35,329 --> 00:14:37,129
We're home.
339
00:14:37,164 --> 00:14:38,998
Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
340
00:14:39,032 --> 00:14:40,933
You know very well
how it went.
341
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:44,102
Yeah, but we all want
to hear it from you.
342
00:14:46,473 --> 00:14:48,874
I was found guilty
and fined $533.
343
00:14:48,908 --> 00:14:51,310
I'm going to write you
a check for that.
344
00:14:51,344 --> 00:14:53,312
As long as you promise
to put it in your drawer
345
00:14:53,346 --> 00:14:56,683
and never cash it,
like the others.
346
00:14:58,186 --> 00:15:00,053
I also now have
three points
347
00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:02,723
on a driver's license
I do not yet possess,
348
00:15:02,757 --> 00:15:05,092
and I was forced
to issue an undeserved apology,
349
00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:07,094
simply because
I refuse to urinate
350
00:15:07,128 --> 00:15:11,164
in a stainless steel bowl
in front of criminals.
351
00:15:11,199 --> 00:15:13,834
Plus, you didn't get
to meet Stan Lee.
352
00:15:14,736 --> 00:15:16,403
Okay, that's enough, Howard.
353
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,438
The poor guy's
had a tough time.
354
00:15:18,472 --> 00:15:20,840
He had to spend
the entire afternoon in jail
355
00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:22,909
wearing that suit.
356
00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:25,945
You're right,
357
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,414
so it would be cruel to mention
358
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:28,716
that after he finished
signing autographs,
359
00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:32,319
Stanley took Stuart and us out
for gelato.
360
00:15:33,155 --> 00:15:36,390
You had gelato
with Stan Lee?
361
00:15:36,425 --> 00:15:38,726
He said we could call him Stan.
362
00:15:39,694 --> 00:15:41,829
Except for Raj.
363
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,803
Well, I hope you're
satisfied, Penny.
364
00:15:48,837 --> 00:15:50,137
You are responsible
365
00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:53,675
for all the evil that
has befallen me today.
366
00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:55,443
Okay, I realize that...
Not finished.
367
00:15:55,477 --> 00:15:56,845
It is because of you
368
00:15:56,879 --> 00:15:58,580
that I now have
a criminal record,
369
00:15:58,614 --> 00:16:00,949
and it is because of you
that I missed out
370
00:16:00,983 --> 00:16:02,684
on having gelato
with Stan Lee.
371
00:16:02,719 --> 00:16:04,987
Okay, maybe you'll have
another chance to have...
No, no.
372
00:16:05,021 --> 00:16:08,157
I will never have another chance
to have gelato with Stan Lee
373
00:16:08,191 --> 00:16:09,692
because
opportunities to have
374
00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:12,696
gelato with Stan Lee come
but once in a lifetime.
375
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:17,368
"The moving finger writes,
and having writ, moves on!"
376
00:16:21,907 --> 00:16:26,178
Did he just somehow
give me the finger?
377
00:16:26,212 --> 00:16:27,779
Not just the finger.
378
00:16:27,813 --> 00:16:30,448
The moving finger.
379
00:16:32,818 --> 00:16:35,419
Hey, Stuart.
380
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:38,122
Oh, hey, Penny.
381
00:16:38,157 --> 00:16:41,159
Wow. Hi.
382
00:16:41,193 --> 00:16:42,726
What's going on?
Nothing.
383
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,263
I'm just getting ready to
close up and... head out.
384
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,698
Ah.
385
00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:49,533
Cool. Got any fun plans?
386
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:52,403
Oh, yeah. Big night tonight.
387
00:16:52,437 --> 00:16:55,073
Gonna share a can of tuna
388
00:16:55,107 --> 00:16:57,308
with the cat.
389
00:16:57,342 --> 00:16:59,343
Oh, nice.
390
00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:00,777
Not even my cat.
391
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,546
I just feed it.
392
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:05,716
Some nights it
doesn't even show up.
393
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,184
Oh, okay.
394
00:17:07,219 --> 00:17:09,187
Well, I was hoping, um,
395
00:17:09,221 --> 00:17:10,555
you could do me a favor.
396
00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:11,956
Sure, yeah, name it.
397
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,292
Well, I'm kind of responsible
for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,
398
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,361
and I really want
to make it up to him.
399
00:17:16,395 --> 00:17:18,664
So I was hoping you could
give me his phone number
400
00:17:18,698 --> 00:17:20,332
so maybe I can arrange
for them to meet.
401
00:17:20,366 --> 00:17:22,601
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't
have his phone number.
402
00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:23,936
Hmm. Damn.
403
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,303
Mm.
All right. Thank you.
404
00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:26,771
Mm-hmm.
405
00:17:26,805 --> 00:17:29,474
Wait.
406
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,075
I have his address.
407
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,510
Really?
408
00:17:32,544 --> 00:17:33,777
Great!
409
00:17:33,812 --> 00:17:36,880
But I can't give it to you.
410
00:17:36,915 --> 00:17:38,782
Then why did you tell me
you had it?
411
00:17:38,817 --> 00:17:41,618
I don't know.
Just chatting.
412
00:17:42,587 --> 00:17:43,855
You're looking at a guy
413
00:17:43,889 --> 00:17:45,689
who could very well
get stood up
414
00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:46,991
by a stray cat tonight.
415
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,726
I'm sorry, Stuart.
416
00:17:48,761 --> 00:17:49,994
Thanks anyway.
417
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:51,830
Mm-hmm.
418
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:53,865
Wait.
419
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,734
Yeah?
420
00:17:55,768 --> 00:17:57,503
Maybe we can make a deal.
421
00:17:57,537 --> 00:17:59,572
What kind of deal?
422
00:17:59,606 --> 00:18:01,541
I will give you the address
423
00:18:01,575 --> 00:18:04,644
if you go to my
cousin's wedding with me.
424
00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:06,045
You're extorting
a date out of me?
425
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:07,112
I kind of have to.
426
00:18:07,147 --> 00:18:08,714
The cousin
who's getting married
427
00:18:08,748 --> 00:18:11,150
is the cousin I usually
go to weddings with.
428
00:18:11,184 --> 00:18:13,551
Can I bring Leonard?
429
00:18:13,585 --> 00:18:15,853
Sure. What the hell.
430
00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,154
Deal.
431
00:18:17,189 --> 00:18:19,323
We'll tell people
he's your cousin.
432
00:18:21,326 --> 00:18:23,760
This is Stan Lee's
front door.
433
00:18:23,795 --> 00:18:25,496
We were on Stan
Lee's curb,
434
00:18:25,530 --> 00:18:27,131
then we were on
Stan Lee's walk,
435
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,766
and now we're
at Stan Lee's
436
00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:29,834
front door.
437
00:18:29,869 --> 00:18:31,803
Yup.
438
00:18:31,837 --> 00:18:34,273
Oh, Lord, you just rang
Stan Lee's doorbell.
439
00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:35,808
At Stan Lee's house.
440
00:18:35,842 --> 00:18:38,377
We're about to go in and have
milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
441
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:40,513
Okay, sweetie, I don't know
if we're gonna have cookies,
442
00:18:40,547 --> 00:18:41,714
or he's just gonna say hi,
443
00:18:41,749 --> 00:18:43,583
or really what's gonna happen,
so just let me
444
00:18:43,618 --> 00:18:45,485
talk, and we'll... ?
445
00:18:45,519 --> 00:18:47,621
Yeah?
446
00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:51,157
Are you Stan Lee?
447
00:18:51,191 --> 00:18:53,893
Oh, damn.
448
00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:55,994
Hi. I'm Penny.
This is my friend, Sheldon.
449
00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:57,529
We're not friends
at the moment.
450
00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:58,864
Depends on
how this goes.
451
00:18:58,898 --> 00:19:00,732
Right, right. Anyway,
452
00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:02,800
Sheldon here is a huge fan
of yours, and he was supposed
453
00:19:02,835 --> 00:19:05,003
to meet you the other day
at the comic book store,
454
00:19:05,037 --> 00:19:09,141
but he kind of ended up in jail.
455
00:19:09,175 --> 00:19:10,409
I see. And you thought
456
00:19:10,443 --> 00:19:13,178
you'd just come over
to my house uninvited?
457
00:19:13,213 --> 00:19:15,114
You said we
were invited.
458
00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:16,816
Oh, no, no, I said
I'm inviting you
459
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:18,718
to come with me
to Stan Lee's house.
460
00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:22,822
You know,
you fan boys are unbelievable.
461
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,123
Do you think
you can just
462
00:19:24,158 --> 00:19:26,559
ring my doorbell
any time you want?
463
00:19:26,593 --> 00:19:28,594
I mean, why don't you
just come on in
464
00:19:28,629 --> 00:19:30,129
and watch the Lakers game
with me?
465
00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:33,032
Well, I'm not much
of a sports fan,
466
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,235
but thank you.
467
00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:37,537
I'm sorry.
468
00:19:37,572 --> 00:19:39,539
He doesn't really
understand sarcasm.
469
00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:42,142
Well, I'll give him something
he'll understand.
470
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:43,810
Joanie, call the police!
471
00:19:43,844 --> 00:19:45,745
Nice to meet you.
472
00:19:51,516 --> 00:19:54,018
Fantastic Four,
Daredevil,
473
00:19:54,052 --> 00:19:55,553
Invincible Iron Man,
474
00:19:55,588 --> 00:19:57,389
Happy Hogan,
Curt Connors...
475
00:19:57,423 --> 00:19:59,191
Would you just let it go?
476
00:19:59,225 --> 00:20:03,363
And worst of all,
Fin Fang Foom.
477
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,968
Hey, where've you been?
478
00:20:08,002 --> 00:20:09,636
I'll tell you where I've been.
479
00:20:09,671 --> 00:20:12,839
You boys may have had gelato
with Stan Lee
480
00:20:12,873 --> 00:20:14,273
and gotten
autographed comics,
481
00:20:14,308 --> 00:20:16,375
but I saw the inside
of his house
482
00:20:16,409 --> 00:20:18,610
and got an autographed
application
483
00:20:18,645 --> 00:20:21,680
for a restraining order.
484
00:20:22,914 --> 00:20:24,650
Sweet.
485
00:20:25,084 --> 00:20:28,253
Plus, I get to hang out
with him again at the hearing.
486
00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:32,654
This is going
to look great hanging next
487
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,723
to my restraining order
from Leonard Nimoy.
488
00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:37,793
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