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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory:
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00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:04,551
Guess who I found at LAX.
My baby sister Priya.
3
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,703
It's really nice
to see you again, Leonard.
4
00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:08,572
Yeah, it's good
to see you, too.
5
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,640
Here you go.
6
00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:10,808
Thanks.
7
00:00:14,442 --> 00:00:15,859
You slept with
my sister?!
8
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,110
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:19,246
This is a terrible
betrayal of my trust!
10
00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:21,114
Would it help
if I told you
11
00:00:21,115 --> 00:00:22,783
that I offered
her my heart,
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and she kinda
stomped on it?!
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00:00:24,619 --> 00:00:25,902
How hard did she stomp?
14
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Very hard.
15
00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,489
Okay, I'm good.
16
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What's so funny?
17
00:00:36,698 --> 00:00:38,932
Nothing. Just thinking
18
00:00:38,933 --> 00:00:42,369
about the noises people
make during sex.
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I do sometimes get a bit
carried away, don't I?
20
00:00:46,941 --> 00:00:48,392
It's cute.
21
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:52,145
You sound a little
like a drunken monkey.
22
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Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
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You know it's meant
as a compliment.
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That's how I take it.
25
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,024
This is perfect.
26
00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:06,960
I hope this moment
never ends.
27
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,528
Me, too.
28
00:01:11,032 --> 00:01:13,100
Well, gotta go.
Oh!
29
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,121
Already?
Why don't you stay over?
30
00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:20,540
I'd love to, but you know
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00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:23,627
my mother needs me in
the morning.
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00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:29,683
I think the woman can manage
to put a wig on by herself.
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It's not just the wig.
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00:01:32,453 --> 00:01:34,621
It's pinning her hair up,
drawing on her eyebrows.
35
00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:36,189
It's a two-person job.
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00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:41,028
It's just, when you leave right
after we make love,
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00:01:41,029 --> 00:01:42,629
it makes me feel...
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00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:43,897
cheap.
39
00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:45,932
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
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00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:47,567
What can I do?
41
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Stay.
42
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Okay.
43
00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,879
Like, what, another five,
ten minutes?
44
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,415
Go home.
45
00:02:01,416 --> 00:02:02,666
Your call.
46
00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:07,387
Howard...
47
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:11,558
have you ever considered us
living together?
48
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Boy, I don't know.
49
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,863
You, me, Ma living
under the same roof?
50
00:02:16,864 --> 00:02:20,634
No, I mean just you and me.
51
00:02:20,635 --> 00:02:21,902
You can move in here,
52
00:02:21,903 --> 00:02:23,837
or we can find a place.
53
00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,639
I've got a better solution.
What?
54
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,707
We wait for my mom's heart
to explode
55
00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:29,676
from all the salt she eats.
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00:02:29,677 --> 00:02:32,045
Then we just stick her in
the ground, flip her mattress
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and move into the big bedroom.
58
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Great.
59
00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:39,786
Look at us planning
a future together!
60
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Who's there?!
61
00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,495
Are you a
sex criminal?!
62
00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:54,000
Sex criminals
don't have keys, Ma!
63
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,903
Where were you
so late?!
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I was out with Bernadette!
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I know what
that means!
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I watch Dr. Phil!
67
00:03:03,277 --> 00:03:06,847
I hope to God
you used a condom!
68
00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:09,616
I'm not having this conversation
with you, Ma!
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00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:14,654
God forbid you get one of
those new fancy sex diseases!
70
00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:17,124
Nobody has a disease!
71
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:18,592
I hope not!
72
00:03:18,593 --> 00:03:21,828
I share a toilet
with you!
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00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:25,332
Is that what
you want?!
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00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,801
To give your
mother herbies?!
75
00:03:27,802 --> 00:03:30,303
That's it!
I don't have to take this!
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00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:34,874
Good luck with your eyebrows in
the morning!
77
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,748
Who's there?!
78
00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:43,884
Are you a
sex criminal?!
79
00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:46,720
I'm still leaving!
80
00:03:46,721 --> 00:03:48,605
I just forgot my Claritin!
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
82
00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:56,863
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
83
00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,731
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
84
00:03:58,732 --> 00:04:01,434
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
85
00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:03,637
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
86
00:04:03,638 --> 00:04:06,439
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
87
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,441
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
88
00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:09,506
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:13,606
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x16 ♪
The Cohabitation Formulation
Original Air Date on February 17, 2011
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00:04:13,706 --> 00:04:17,306
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
91
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Hey, what's up?
92
00:04:19,006 --> 00:04:20,707
I need a place to crash.
93
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:21,474
Uh, sure.
94
00:04:21,475 --> 00:04:23,543
Why?
95
00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:25,411
Big fight with my mother.
96
00:04:25,412 --> 00:04:29,649
Still arguing over
which CSI is the best?
97
00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:33,686
No, we agreed they all have
their merits.
98
00:04:33,687 --> 00:04:35,755
This was about Bernadette.
99
00:04:35,756 --> 00:04:37,857
What's going on?
100
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:38,958
Howard's gonna sleep here
tonight.
101
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,343
He had a fight with his mother.
102
00:04:40,344 --> 00:04:43,563
Did you offer him
a hot beverage?
103
00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:52,405
No.
104
00:04:54,108 --> 00:04:57,009
Leonard, social protocol states
when a friend is upset,
105
00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:59,245
you offer them a hot beverage,
such as tea.
106
00:04:59,246 --> 00:05:01,948
Tea does sound nice.
107
00:05:01,949 --> 00:05:04,200
You heard the man, Leonard.
108
00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:09,222
And while you're at it,
I'm upset
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00:05:09,223 --> 00:05:12,625
that we have an unannounced
houseguest, so make me cocoa.
110
00:05:15,195 --> 00:05:17,330
Point of inquiry,
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00:05:17,331 --> 00:05:19,966
given that Leonard is
your secondary friend
112
00:05:19,967 --> 00:05:22,368
and Koothrappali is
your primary friend,
113
00:05:22,369 --> 00:05:24,637
why didn't you seek refuge
under his roof?
114
00:05:24,638 --> 00:05:25,872
There's no room.
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00:05:25,873 --> 00:05:27,273
His sister is staying with him.
116
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Wait, wait. What?
117
00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:30,693
Cocoa, Leonard.
Focus.
118
00:05:30,694 --> 00:05:33,413
I'm down in
the dumps here.
119
00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:36,232
Priya's in town?
120
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,934
Yeah, some work thing.
121
00:05:37,935 --> 00:05:41,020
Anyway, my mother seems
to think that Bernadette...
122
00:05:41,021 --> 00:05:43,122
Hold on.
When did Priya get here?
123
00:05:43,123 --> 00:05:45,158
I don't know.
A couple of days ago.
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00:05:45,159 --> 00:05:48,111
The thing is, Bernadette doesn't
like that I have to take care
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00:05:48,112 --> 00:05:50,797
of my mother, and my mother
doesn't trust Bernadette...
126
00:05:50,798 --> 00:05:51,948
Yeah, that's a real pickle.
127
00:05:51,949 --> 00:05:53,166
Bye.
128
00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:58,204
Don't worry.
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00:05:58,205 --> 00:06:00,089
As your tertiary friend,
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00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:03,142
I am prepared to step in
and comfort you.
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00:06:03,143 --> 00:06:05,395
That's not really necessary.
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00:06:05,396 --> 00:06:06,963
No, no. I'll finish
making the tea,
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00:06:06,964 --> 00:06:08,965
while you narcissistically
ramble on
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00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:11,017
about whatever's troubling you.
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Thanks.
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00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,989
That's what
tertiary friends are for.
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00:06:19,526 --> 00:06:20,727
Who is it?
138
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:21,928
It's Leonard.
139
00:06:21,929 --> 00:06:24,430
You can't come in.
140
00:06:24,431 --> 00:06:26,666
I just want to talk to her.
141
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:28,101
I forbid it.
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00:06:28,102 --> 00:06:29,452
Open the door,
Rajesh.
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00:06:29,453 --> 00:06:30,620
You heard me.
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00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:32,805
I forbidded it.
145
00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:34,607
"Forbidded" it?
146
00:06:34,608 --> 00:06:36,542
"Forbaded" it?
147
00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:39,212
Get out of the way.
148
00:06:39,213 --> 00:06:41,214
What are you doing here?
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00:06:41,215 --> 00:06:42,648
What are you doing here?
150
00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:44,017
I have business in Los Angeles.
151
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:45,518
Why didn't you call?
152
00:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,086
Clearly, she was
sending you a message
153
00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:49,355
to take a hike, Mike.
154
00:06:50,591 --> 00:06:52,158
I'm sorry.
I thought about calling,
155
00:06:52,159 --> 00:06:55,161
♪but I just wasn't sure if
seeing you was such a good idea.
156
00:06:55,162 --> 00:06:57,597
I know. Last time
I came on too strong.
157
00:06:57,598 --> 00:06:58,898
Can we talk in private?
158
00:06:58,899 --> 00:07:00,967
No!
Sure.
159
00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:03,936
It's completely inappropriate
for a single woman
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00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:05,238
to entertain a man in private.
161
00:07:05,239 --> 00:07:08,140
If you insist on talking,
you must do it on the couch!
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00:07:09,209 --> 00:07:11,511
All right, you may talk in
the bedroom,
163
00:07:11,512 --> 00:07:13,880
but I want this door
to remain open!
164
00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:16,866
All right, just this once
you may close the door.
165
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:19,318
But keep in mind
I'll be right out here
166
00:07:19,319 --> 00:07:20,920
monitoring the situation!
167
00:07:34,535 --> 00:07:36,135
Oh, damn it.
168
00:07:36,136 --> 00:07:39,405
Leonard, when you get this
message, call me.
169
00:07:45,679 --> 00:07:48,648
Priya, this is your brother.
170
00:07:48,649 --> 00:07:51,584
When you get this, tell Leonard
to check his voicemail.
171
00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:57,156
Would you be sleeping over
again this evening?
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00:07:57,157 --> 00:07:58,624
Because you're welcome to.
173
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:00,793
That's very nice of you,
but I made other plans.
174
00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:03,930
Well, just keep in mind that
should you ever need
175
00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:09,135
a slightly apathetic tertiary
friend, I stand at the ready.
176
00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:11,036
Hi, Howard.
Hi, Sheldon.
177
00:08:11,037 --> 00:08:12,037
Hello.
Hey.
178
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:13,756
Why are you
holding hands?
179
00:08:13,757 --> 00:08:15,741
I forbid you to hold hands.
180
00:08:15,742 --> 00:08:19,228
Rajesh, you know Leonard and I
spent the night together.
181
00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:20,913
Yeah, but you were just
sleeping,
182
00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:23,449
because I forboded you
to have sex.
183
00:08:24,485 --> 00:08:26,152
The word is "forbade""
184
00:08:26,153 --> 00:08:29,422
You sure?
That doesn't sound right.
185
00:08:29,423 --> 00:08:31,624
Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I
have decided
186
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:33,059
to see each other again,
187
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:34,827
and you don't get
to tell me
188
00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:37,663
who I can and can't have
a relationship with.
189
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:39,098
Actually, he can.
190
00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:43,569
The Hindu Code of Manu is
very clear in these matters.
191
00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:45,204
If a woman's father is
not around,
192
00:08:45,205 --> 00:08:48,674
the duty of controlling her base
desires falls
193
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:53,513
to the closest male member of
her family, in this case, Raj.
194
00:08:53,514 --> 00:08:54,747
The code also states
195
00:08:54,748 --> 00:08:57,116
that if she disobeys,
she will be reborn
196
00:08:57,117 --> 00:09:01,921
"in the womb of a jackal
and tormented by diseases."
197
00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:04,357
If true,
198
00:09:04,358 --> 00:09:06,792
that seems
like an awfully large gamble
199
00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:08,995
given that the prize is Leonard.
200
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:14,934
There it is, Priya.
We're Indian.
201
00:09:14,935 --> 00:09:16,969
We believe this stuff.
202
00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:20,206
I think it also says that
if you eat beef,
203
00:09:20,207 --> 00:09:22,375
you need to live with cows
for three months
204
00:09:22,376 --> 00:09:23,543
and drink their urine.
205
00:09:23,544 --> 00:09:26,913
Some of it makes sense,
some of it's crazy.
206
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:29,849
My point is, you can't go out
with Leonard.
207
00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:31,284
Who can't go out with Leonard?
208
00:09:31,285 --> 00:09:32,518
My sister.
209
00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:35,087
Penny, this is
Raj's sister, Priya.
210
00:09:35,088 --> 00:09:36,455
It's very nice to meet you.
211
00:09:36,456 --> 00:09:38,791
Oh, yeah, you, too.
212
00:09:38,792 --> 00:09:42,061
Priya, if you're experiencing
any tension or awkwardness,
213
00:09:42,062 --> 00:09:45,147
it may stem from the fact that
Leonard and Penny used to--
214
00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:48,801
if I may quote Howard--
"do the dance with no pants."
215
00:09:53,574 --> 00:09:54,907
Sheldon!
216
00:09:54,908 --> 00:09:56,142
Really?
217
00:09:56,143 --> 00:09:58,861
Hey, Bernadette, can I
talk to you for a second?
218
00:09:58,862 --> 00:10:00,980
Sure.
219
00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:03,249
Penny, you became disenchanted
with Leonard
220
00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:04,317
as a lover.
221
00:10:04,318 --> 00:10:06,619
Would you please tell
my sister why?
222
00:10:08,188 --> 00:10:09,672
Listen, my mom's
going to Palm Springs
223
00:10:09,673 --> 00:10:10,990
to visit her sister.
224
00:10:10,991 --> 00:10:12,425
That's two whole nights
in a row I can sleep over
225
00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:14,393
with you
all the way to morning.
226
00:10:14,394 --> 00:10:15,761
Unless the desert air
dries out her sinuses,
227
00:10:15,762 --> 00:10:17,046
in which case I'll have
to schlep out there
228
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,965
with the big humidifier.
229
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,167
That's it?
230
00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:23,002
That's your big solution
to all of our problems?
231
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:26,372
If your mom's nose holds up,
we get two nights together?
232
00:10:26,373 --> 00:10:28,608
Isn't that great?
233
00:10:28,609 --> 00:10:30,860
No, it's not great.
234
00:10:30,861 --> 00:10:32,111
You need to make a choice.
235
00:10:32,112 --> 00:10:33,346
Me or your mother.
236
00:10:33,347 --> 00:10:35,214
Uh...
237
00:10:35,215 --> 00:10:36,348
Wrong answer.
238
00:10:36,349 --> 00:10:37,700
No, wait.
239
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:39,068
You didn't let me finish.
240
00:10:39,069 --> 00:10:40,653
I'm listening.
241
00:10:40,654 --> 00:10:42,321
Uh...
242
00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:52,986
I came as quickly as I could.
243
00:10:53,231 --> 00:10:54,900
Okay.
244
00:10:54,924 --> 00:10:56,925
Why?
245
00:10:57,309 --> 00:10:58,615
To comfort you, of course.
246
00:10:59,047 --> 00:11:01,449
Sheldon told me about Leonard
dating Rajesh's sister.
247
00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:02,939
So I high-tailed it over here
248
00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:05,442
to pick up the pieces
of your broken heart.
249
00:11:05,443 --> 00:11:07,544
Amy, I'm fine.
250
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:10,680
You don't have to
be strong for me.
251
00:11:10,681 --> 00:11:13,200
Now let's talk about Priya,
that man-stealing bitch.
252
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:16,786
What?
253
00:11:16,787 --> 00:11:18,455
In situations like this,
254
00:11:18,456 --> 00:11:20,991
best girlfriends are often
catty about the other woman.
255
00:11:24,462 --> 00:11:27,414
Really, I am not upset
about Leonard and Priya.
256
00:11:27,415 --> 00:11:32,002
Oh. Then perhaps you don't
understand what's going on.
257
00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:33,870
Your former boyfriend
has replaced you
258
00:11:33,871 --> 00:11:35,739
with what appears to be
a very suitable mate.
259
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:38,241
Arguably much
more suitable than you.
260
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,612
Oh. Well, good for him.
261
00:11:42,613 --> 00:11:44,447
Hey, what do you mean,
"more suitable"?
262
00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:47,884
Well, granted, Penny, your
secondary sexual characteristics
263
00:11:47,885 --> 00:11:50,587
are reasonably bodacious.
264
00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:52,122
But Priya is highly educated,
265
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:53,657
she's an accomplished
professional,
266
00:11:53,658 --> 00:11:55,992
and she comes from the culture
that literally wrote the book
267
00:11:55,993 --> 00:11:58,094
on neat ways to have sex.
268
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:02,465
Whereas you, on the other hand,
are a community college dropout
269
00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:05,268
who comes from the culture that
wrote the book on tipping cows.
270
00:12:05,269 --> 00:12:07,604
Yeah. Okay, I got it.
271
00:12:07,605 --> 00:12:08,905
I got it.
272
00:12:08,906 --> 00:12:11,708
So... what is
all that stuff?
273
00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:13,910
This is a portable
electroencephalogram.
274
00:12:13,911 --> 00:12:16,463
I'm doing research
on emotions and brain activity.
275
00:12:16,464 --> 00:12:17,814
So when you start crying,
276
00:12:17,815 --> 00:12:20,150
I can see which region
of the brain is activated.
277
00:12:21,118 --> 00:12:23,253
Then I'm going to stimulate
the analogous area
278
00:12:23,254 --> 00:12:26,089
in the brain of a rhesus monkey
and see if he cries.
279
00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:29,326
Cool, huh?
280
00:12:44,008 --> 00:12:46,142
I choose you.
281
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:47,811
Really?
282
00:12:47,812 --> 00:12:49,679
Yep. I moved out
of my mother's house.
283
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:50,747
Cord is cut.
284
00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:52,949
I'm all yours.
285
00:12:53,751 --> 00:12:55,302
What did she say
when you told her?
286
00:12:55,303 --> 00:12:58,254
I don't know. She hasn't
responded to my email yet.
287
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,991
This is so great.
288
00:13:00,992 --> 00:13:03,059
I love you, Howard.
289
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:04,344
I love you, too.
290
00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:05,762
So what's for dinner?
291
00:13:07,464 --> 00:13:09,599
Well, I don't really have much
of anything in the house.
292
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,501
That's fine.
293
00:13:11,502 --> 00:13:13,737
Why don't we go fool
around in our bedroom?
294
00:13:15,406 --> 00:13:16,906
And then you
can go shopping.
295
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:22,696
I thought maybe after we eat,
we could see an early movie.
296
00:13:22,697 --> 00:13:23,980
I'd love that.
297
00:13:23,981 --> 00:13:25,615
I love the way you say,
298
00:13:25,616 --> 00:13:28,218
"I'd love that."
299
00:13:28,219 --> 00:13:30,387
She says it the same way I do.
300
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:33,890
"I'd love that."
301
00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:35,892
Everybody in India
says it that way.
302
00:13:35,893 --> 00:13:37,394
It's not a big deal.
303
00:13:38,179 --> 00:13:40,513
Rajesh, don't be a child.
304
00:13:40,514 --> 00:13:41,598
I'm not being a child.
305
00:13:41,599 --> 00:13:42,966
Leonard, I swear to God,
306
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,184
if your sister
ever comes to town,
307
00:13:44,185 --> 00:13:45,902
I shall have my way with her.
308
00:13:46,971 --> 00:13:50,073
My sister's 38 and married.
309
00:13:50,074 --> 00:13:51,725
All the more shame
that will fall
310
00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:53,743
upon the house of Hofstadter.
311
00:13:56,047 --> 00:13:58,898
Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza.
312
00:13:58,899 --> 00:14:00,050
That's remarkable.
313
00:14:00,051 --> 00:14:02,318
If pepperoni
were an explosive substance,
314
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,953
you could replace
German shepherds
315
00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:05,855
at our nation's airports.
316
00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:08,258
Hi. Penny, right?
317
00:14:08,259 --> 00:14:10,160
Oh, yes. H-Hi. I'm sorry.
318
00:14:10,161 --> 00:14:12,295
I didn't know you had company.
I don't want to impose.
319
00:14:12,296 --> 00:14:14,214
No, no. It's not
an imposition.
320
00:14:14,215 --> 00:14:17,567
At this point, in our ecosystem,
you are akin to the plover,
321
00:14:17,568 --> 00:14:20,570
a small scavenging bird
that eats extra food
322
00:14:20,571 --> 00:14:22,539
from between
the teeth of crocodiles.
323
00:14:24,308 --> 00:14:27,544
Please, fly into our open maw,
and have at it.
324
00:14:29,747 --> 00:14:32,248
If I had more than a box of
baking soda in my refrigerator,
325
00:14:32,249 --> 00:14:33,616
I wouldn't have to take that.
326
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:39,222
Hi, bestie.
327
00:14:39,223 --> 00:14:40,623
Hi.
328
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,894
So, um, Priya,
329
00:14:44,895 --> 00:14:46,196
you're a lawyer, right?
330
00:14:46,197 --> 00:14:47,897
I know. Pretty boring, huh?
331
00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:51,134
Oh, come on.
It's not boring at all.
332
00:14:51,135 --> 00:14:54,537
She's currently helping set up
a secondary derivative market
333
00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:57,040
which would allow
overseas car firms
334
00:14:57,041 --> 00:14:58,508
to hedge their investments
335
00:14:58,509 --> 00:15:01,177
against potential advancements
in battery technology.
336
00:15:01,178 --> 00:15:02,462
Hmm?
337
00:15:02,463 --> 00:15:04,013
Thank you, Leonard.
338
00:15:04,014 --> 00:15:06,382
That doesn't make it
sound boring at all.
339
00:15:07,952 --> 00:15:10,487
So, how you holding up?
340
00:15:10,488 --> 00:15:13,823
I'm fine.
341
00:15:13,824 --> 00:15:15,591
Oh, who are you kidding?
She's breathtaking.
342
00:15:17,862 --> 00:15:19,762
So, Penny,
343
00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:21,598
Leonard tells me
you're an actress.
344
00:15:21,599 --> 00:15:23,700
That must be
pretty exciting.
345
00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:25,068
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's real great.
346
00:15:25,069 --> 00:15:26,703
Today I drove to Van Nuys
for an audition
347
00:15:26,704 --> 00:15:28,571
I thought was going to be
for a cat food commercial.
348
00:15:28,572 --> 00:15:30,540
Turned out to be porn.
349
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:34,410
Did you get the part?
350
00:15:36,747 --> 00:15:38,148
I didn't do the audition.
351
00:15:38,149 --> 00:15:39,716
Given the state of your career,
352
00:15:39,717 --> 00:15:41,885
can you really afford
to be picky?
353
00:15:44,321 --> 00:15:46,723
I took acting classes
when I was at Cambridge.
354
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:47,891
I loved it.
355
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:49,459
We did Taming
of the Shrew.
356
00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:51,761
Oh, wow. I love
Taming of the Shrew.
357
00:15:51,762 --> 00:15:53,496
I did a paper
on it in high school.
358
00:15:53,497 --> 00:15:56,966
"Who knows not where
a wasp does wear his sting?
359
00:15:56,967 --> 00:15:58,001
In his tail."
360
00:15:58,002 --> 00:16:00,036
"In his tongue""
"Whose tongue?"
361
00:16:00,037 --> 00:16:01,905
"Yours, if you
talk of tails,
362
00:16:01,906 --> 00:16:03,189
and so farewell."
363
00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:05,191
"What, with my tongue
in your tail?"
364
00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:14,284
I'm regretting
my earlier cattiness.
365
00:16:14,285 --> 00:16:17,053
She is an
absolute delight.
366
00:16:21,158 --> 00:16:23,343
Wow.
367
00:16:28,566 --> 00:16:30,767
Wow, indeed.
368
00:16:31,902 --> 00:16:34,103
I can't believe we're
finally living together.
369
00:16:34,104 --> 00:16:35,705
Yeah.
370
00:16:35,706 --> 00:16:37,540
You know what would make
this moment perfect?
371
00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:38,708
What?
372
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:41,911
A little snack.
You got any string cheese?
373
00:16:41,912 --> 00:16:43,646
No.
374
00:16:43,647 --> 00:16:45,348
I-I might have some cheddar.
375
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,217
Not as good.
376
00:16:47,218 --> 00:16:49,953
You can't make strings with it.
377
00:16:49,954 --> 00:16:52,088
Remind me to put it
on your shopping list.
378
00:16:52,089 --> 00:16:54,390
Okay.
379
00:16:54,391 --> 00:16:56,125
You have
hypo-allergenic detergent?
380
00:16:56,126 --> 00:16:57,293
No.
381
00:16:57,294 --> 00:16:58,711
Better put it on the list.
382
00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:00,663
If you wash my underwear
with regular soap,
383
00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:03,199
I get little red bumps
on my tuchus.
384
00:17:06,387 --> 00:17:08,137
Wait a second.
385
00:17:08,138 --> 00:17:09,572
I'm doing your laundry?
386
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:13,243
Well, honey,
it's not gonna do itself.
387
00:17:13,244 --> 00:17:14,877
Oh, before I forget,
388
00:17:14,878 --> 00:17:16,763
tomorrow morning, you're
driving me to the dentist.
389
00:17:16,764 --> 00:17:18,714
I have to take you?
390
00:17:18,715 --> 00:17:22,018
You don't have to take me.
You get to take me.
391
00:17:23,354 --> 00:17:25,071
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
392
00:17:25,072 --> 00:17:27,490
your mother usually takes you
to the dentist?
393
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,058
It's not weird.
394
00:17:29,059 --> 00:17:31,794
There's lots of kids there
with their moms.
395
00:17:31,795 --> 00:17:34,998
I can't believe this.
396
00:17:34,999 --> 00:17:36,666
What? It's fun.
397
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:37,934
If I have no cavities,
398
00:17:37,935 --> 00:17:40,203
afterwards,
we go out for a treat.
399
00:17:41,605 --> 00:17:44,407
All right, Howard, let's get
something straight right now.
400
00:17:44,408 --> 00:17:46,342
I'm not going
to be your mother.
401
00:17:46,343 --> 00:17:47,677
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
402
00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:49,746
Where did that come from?
403
00:17:57,988 --> 00:17:59,088
Who's that?!
404
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:02,558
Is it a
sex criminal?!
405
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:06,229
Nobody wants to do
that to you, Ma!
406
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,464
Where were you?!
407
00:18:08,465 --> 00:18:09,899
Didn't you read my email?!
408
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:13,169
You know I can't turn on
that ferkakta computer!
409
00:18:14,538 --> 00:18:17,407
I left you some brisket
on the kitchen counter!
410
00:18:17,408 --> 00:18:19,075
Thank you!
411
00:18:19,076 --> 00:18:20,443
Remember
to floss after.
412
00:18:20,444 --> 00:18:23,997
We have the dentist
in the morning!
413
00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:28,885
Oh, hey.
What's up?
414
00:18:28,886 --> 00:18:30,253
I just wanted to
check in on you.
415
00:18:30,254 --> 00:18:31,321
Why?
416
00:18:31,322 --> 00:18:33,022
It seems like the
appropriate thing to do
417
00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:34,958
when one's best friend
finds herself replaced
418
00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:36,559
by a smart, beautiful woman
419
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,296
with the smoldering sexuality
of a crouched Bengal tiger.
420
00:18:40,297 --> 00:18:43,933
I already told you,
I'm okay with it.
421
00:18:43,934 --> 00:18:47,103
I mean, if anything,
I'm quite pleased
422
00:18:47,104 --> 00:18:48,488
that Leonard
has found someone
423
00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:51,491
that makes him so happy.
424
00:18:51,492 --> 00:18:54,077
It's okay, it's okay.
425
00:18:54,078 --> 00:18:55,211
Thank you.
426
00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:56,846
Now, let's get these
electrodes attached
427
00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:59,532
and see what's going on in that
pretty little noggin of yours.
428
00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:01,751
Okay.
429
00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:10,678
I smell Chinese food.
430
00:19:10,679 --> 00:19:13,147
It's actually Thai.
431
00:19:13,148 --> 00:19:15,249
You're slipping.
432
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,385
Are Leonard and Priya here?
433
00:19:17,386 --> 00:19:19,554
They went to Catalina
for the weekend.
434
00:19:19,555 --> 00:19:20,888
Oh. Where's Raj?
435
00:19:20,889 --> 00:19:23,791
At home, forbidding it.
436
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,193
How about Howard?
437
00:19:25,194 --> 00:19:26,394
I'm given to understand
438
00:19:26,395 --> 00:19:29,597
his mother grounded him
for running away.
439
00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:32,734
Oh, okay.
440
00:19:32,735 --> 00:19:36,571
Well, I guess it's just
the two of us, huh?
441
00:19:36,572 --> 00:19:38,840
Actually, it's
the three of us.
442
00:19:38,841 --> 00:19:41,142
AMY
What up, bestie?
443
00:19:43,045 --> 00:19:44,379
Good news.
444
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:46,848
Thanks to you, I was able
to make a rhesus monkey cry
445
00:19:46,849 --> 00:19:49,017
like a disgraced televangelist.
446
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,853
Great.
447
00:19:51,854 --> 00:19:53,121
So, you feeling better?
448
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:54,222
Not really.
449
00:19:54,223 --> 00:19:56,858
Sheldon, you have
a guest who's upset.
450
00:19:56,859 --> 00:19:58,860
Right. I'll make tea.
451
00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:01,412
- Sweetie, it's okay. I don't want tea.
- I'm sorry. It's not optional.
452
00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:03,598
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==