1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:03,980
So what kind of cruise
is this you're going on?
2
00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:06,830
It's called
the Born Again Boat Ride.
3
00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:10,190
Christian Quarterly gave
it their highest rating--
4
00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,520
five thorny crowns.
5
00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:14,990
I do wish you'd
come with me, Sheldon.
6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,860
Well, Mom, if I did, it
would be conclusive proof
7
00:00:18,860 --> 00:00:20,840
that your God
can work miracles.
8
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:23,200
You're missing out.
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,560
It's gonna
be wall-to-wall fun.
10
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:25,630
It's all themed.
11
00:00:25,630 --> 00:00:27,350
There's Jonah
and the Whale Watching.
12
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:32,110
All-you-can-eat
Last Supper Buffet.
13
00:00:32,110 --> 00:00:34,530
And my personal favorite,
Gunning with God.
14
00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:37,880
What's Gunning with God?
I'm afraid to ask.
15
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,730
Oh, it is a hoot
and a half.
16
00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:43,210
You write your sins
on a clay pigeon,
17
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,490
they fire 'em up in the air,
and you pulverize them
18
00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:47,350
with a 12-gauge shotgun
19
00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:51,230
full of our Lord's
forgiveness.
20
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:54,120
Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged
to see how advanced
21
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,120
your group has become--
willing to sail out
22
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,730
into the ocean without fear
of falling off the edge.
23
00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:01,510
For example,
24
00:01:01,510 --> 00:01:03,450
if Shelly was aboard,
he'd write,
25
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,510
"Smart mouth"
on his pigeon,
26
00:01:05,510 --> 00:01:09,460
and then bam!
27
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:11,840
The Lord giveth and
the Lord bloweth away.
28
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,210
Well, Mom,
29
00:01:13,210 --> 00:01:16,180
according to my itinerary
for our weekend together,
30
00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:19,370
the fun begins with
fried chicken.
Sounds delicious.
31
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,380
Good, 'cause I got
you everything you
need to make it.
32
00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:23,910
You are in for a treat.
33
00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,270
My mother's fried chicken
34
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:29,260
is why we had to buy my dad
the extra large coffin.
35
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:31,120
Sheldon, she just
got off the plane.
36
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:32,580
She doesn't want to cook.
37
00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:34,160
Of course she does.
38
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,760
Making me food is her way
of saying "I love you."
39
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,000
Making me food when
she's too tired to cook
40
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,100
is her way of saying
"I really love you."
41
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,610
Actually, I wouldn't mind going
out for a bite, Sheldon.
42
00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,140
Won't that spoil our appetites
43
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,950
for the chicken you're
going to make me?
44
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,990
All right, that settles
it, we're going out.
45
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,650
Do you like sushi?
There's a great little
place down the street.
46
00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:55,290
I've never had it,
but there's no harm in
trying something new.
47
00:01:55,290 --> 00:01:57,920
There's a lot of harm
in trying something new.
48
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,080
That's why we test out
drugs and cosmetics
on bunny rabbits.
49
00:02:01,090 --> 00:02:04,480
Sheldon, you're talking
like a crazy person.
50
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,800
Actually, I had him
tested as a child.
51
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,540
Doctor says he's fine.
52
00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:11,120
Told you.
53
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,070
Although, I do regret
not following up
54
00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:14,530
with that specialist in Houston.
55
00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:21,210
** Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state **
56
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:24,450
** Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! **
57
00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:26,120
** The Earth began to cool **
58
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,820
** The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools **
59
00:02:28,820 --> 00:02:31,380
** We built the Wall **
** We built the pyramids **
60
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:34,070
** Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery **
61
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,960
** That all started
with a big bang **
62
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,610
** Bang! **
63
00:02:37,611 --> 00:02:39,611
The Big Bang Theory S05E06
"The Rhinitis Revelation"
64
00:02:39,612 --> 00:02:41,612
Subtitulos.es
== DIFUNDE LA PALABRA ==
65
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,780
Irasshaimase!
66
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:50,250
Stop yelling!
67
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,330
I'm not happy about this.
68
00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:54,450
What's the last thing
you were ever happy about?
69
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,920
The prospect
of fried chicken.
70
00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:00,610
This is exciting.
71
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:03,010
Back home, the diner on
Route Four serves sushi,
72
00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:06,490
but it's just cut up fish sticks
and a side of Uncle Ben's.
73
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,150
They put it on the menu
74
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,650
in those kung fu letters,
but that don't make it sushi.
75
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:17,380
Uh, kung fu letters might
not be politically correct.
76
00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:20,780
Oh, I thought the one we
couldn't say was "ching chong."
77
00:03:20,790 --> 00:03:24,300
Yeah, yeah, that, too.
78
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,120
So, Shelly, what's up
79
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,040
with you and your friend Amy,
80
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,170
if you don't mind
a mother prying a bit?
81
00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:33,730
Well, there's actually
big news on the Amy front.
82
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:38,110
She's been studying the
neurobiology of addiction
in lower animals.
83
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:41,310
She's this close to getting
a starfish hooked on cocaine.
84
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,760
Do you have any idea what's
going on with those two?
85
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,120
It's kind of like
the Loch Ness monster.
86
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,720
Maybe there's something
there, maybe there isn't.
We'll probably never know.
87
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:55,370
But sometimes it's fun to creep
yourself out thinking about it.
88
00:03:58,140 --> 00:04:01,670
How are you doing on
the young lady front?
89
00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:04,520
I hear you're in some sort
of a long distance situation?
90
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,730
Yeah, it's Raj's sister.
91
00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:08,020
It's kind of tough.
92
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,600
She's in India.
93
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,340
Also, her parents aren't happy
she's dating someone white.
94
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:13,200
Oh, that's a funny
turn, isn't it?
95
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:17,700
You never think about it
going the other way.
96
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:23,170
Well, you can't force things.
97
00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,340
You need to figure out if
you're in a relationship
98
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,860
or if you're just
calling it one.
99
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,850
It's like they say--
100
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:32,350
a cat can have kittens
in the oven but that
don't make 'em biscuits.
101
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,380
And that reminds me
of another saying.
102
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:37,970
You can lead a chicken
to Crisco, but you can't
make your mother fry it.
103
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:43,410
Sheldon, you pester me one
more time about chicken,
104
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:46,460
I will put you over my knee
right here in this restaurant.
105
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,290
Please pester her.
Please, for me.
106
00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:56,340
So, Mrs. Cooper, what did
you think of the sushi?
107
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:57,640
It was good.
108
00:04:57,650 --> 00:05:00,110
The only thing that would
have made it better
109
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,180
is if it was cooked
110
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:05,570
and if it was beef.
111
00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:08,640
Sheldon, when is your landlord
going to fix the elevator?
112
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,460
I don't know.
113
00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:12,180
Lately we've been talking about
114
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:15,510
converting it
into a missile silo.
115
00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,690
Your son seems to think
116
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:21,240
we need to launch
a preemptive strike on Burbank.
117
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,900
Get them before
they get us.
118
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:33,800
Hey, look who decided
to show up.
119
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,860
Raj, what are you doing?
120
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:40,000
I couldn't find you guys
so I bought six new friends.
121
00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:44,560
Three, sadly, are dead.
122
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:46,870
Mom, you
remember Rajesh?
123
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:49,020
Rajesh, my mother.
Of course.
124
00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:51,150
Mrs. Cooper.
So nice to see you again.
125
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,330
Well, it's so nice
to see you, too.
126
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,910
I thought it was
our Indians
127
00:05:57,910 --> 00:06:01,080
that had the occasional
alcohol problem.
128
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,080
We don't say that, either.
129
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:09,370
I'll make you a list.
130
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,180
Oh, that would be mighty
white of you.
131
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:17,070
So, Raj, what pain
are you trying
132
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,370
to cover up with alcohol?
133
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,070
Nothing, I'm fine.
Are ya?
134
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:23,240
No.
135
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,400
That's better.
136
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,730
Now tell me what's
bothering you.
137
00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:28,160
I'm so lonely.
138
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,650
Oh, yes, born alone,
die alone.
139
00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:32,720
It's a tragic
human condition.
140
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,000
Now, Raj,
141
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,260
if you'll excuse my mother,
142
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,200
she's about to make a pecan pie
143
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,000
that'll be so good
I'll almost forget
144
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,170
how she blew it
with the fried chicken.
145
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,210
Sheldon, your
friend is hurtin'.
146
00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:45,090
What do we do when
someone's hurtin'?
147
00:06:45,090 --> 00:06:48,360
Offer them a hot beverage.
148
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,720
And when they're
drunk as a skunk,
149
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,120
what beverage
do we offer?
150
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,250
Coffee.
151
00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,370
And what do we do it with?
152
00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:05,170
Now you listen to me.
153
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:08,220
I know you feel like
you can't find someone,
154
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:09,710
but there's a
lock for every key.
155
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:11,240
Back home, there's a girl
156
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,680
works at the Wal-Mart.
Tall, tall girl.
157
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,390
Woman could hunt
geese with a rake.
158
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:18,990
Thought she'd never
159
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:22,210
find a man, then one day,
wouldn't ya know,
160
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:24,840
Harlem Globetrotters
come to town.
161
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,810
Long story short,
162
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:30,040
today that woman
travels the world
163
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,930
with a semi-professional
basketball player
164
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:35,090
and two beautiful
mixed-race babies.
165
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:39,400
I didn't get a lot of that
because of your accent,
166
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,140
but the general tone
was soothing
167
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:42,870
and somehow I feel better.
168
00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:48,340
I'm not going to get
my pecan pie, am I?
169
00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:50,120
You want some Oreos?
170
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:51,920
Double Stuf?
No, regular.
171
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,420
Nice. Kick a man when he's down.
172
00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:58,670
I'm glad we're finally getting
to do something together,
173
00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,420
just the two of us.
174
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:04,040
Sure. One thing you really
miss when you're on
vacation is laundry.
175
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,600
Careful, you're using
too much Downey.
176
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,350
You know if my clothes get
too soft it makes me sleepy.
177
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:11,570
Well, this takes me back.
178
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:14,550
Me doing your laundry, you
next to me criticizing.
179
00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:16,510
It is nice, isn't it?
180
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,210
Mrs. Cooper.
181
00:08:19,210 --> 00:08:22,800
Hi!
Oh, hello, darlin'.
182
00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:24,680
Sheldon, you didn't tell
me your mom was coming.
183
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,260
It was in my weekly
e-mail blast.
184
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:28,180
Right between
185
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,390
"Beet season is finally here"
186
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:34,170
and "Uh-oh, red stool from
beets leads to cancer scare."
187
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,300
So, how've you been?
188
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,420
Good, good.
189
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,920
I hear that Leonard
has a new girlfriend.
190
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,520
How are you doing
with all that?
191
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,510
Oh, fine. You know,
it's been a while.
192
00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:47,050
I'm getting
back out there.
193
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,520
Let me ask you, when
you get back out there,
194
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,930
are you wearing this?
195
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,850
Well, it's super cute on.
196
00:08:55,850 --> 00:09:00,270
That top has paid for itself
in free drinks like ten
times what it cost.
197
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:02,780
Yes, Penny has a lot
of her money tied up
198
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:03,940
in promiscuity futures.
199
00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,230
Hon, you think
200
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:09,020
maybe the reason why
you're having trouble
201
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,860
finding a guy
to settle down with
202
00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:13,100
is because you're letting them
ride the roller coaster
203
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,400
without buying a ticket?
204
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,190
Oh, they don't always get
to ride the roller coaster.
205
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:22,990
Sometimes they only get
to spin the teacups.
206
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,820
Now I'm going out tonight.
Would it be crazy
207
00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:30,060
to ask you to look at the
outfit I'm going to wear?
208
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,930
Oh, not crazy at all.
209
00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:33,270
And don't beat yourself up.
210
00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:36,100
When I was your age, you could
have me for a car ride
211
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,610
and a bottle
of strawberry wine.
212
00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:45,890
That will not be
in this week's e-mail blast.
213
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,990
So, this spring,
I get to go
214
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,900
to the International
Space Station.
215
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:55,530
Oh, my word,
a trip to the heavens.
216
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,250
If you ever want
to live there eternally,
217
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,540
I've got a good book
you could read.
218
00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:04,420
Thanks, but I watch the
Charlie Brown Christmas special
219
00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:06,400
every year, so I get the gist.
220
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,720
I bet your mom
is really proud of you.
221
00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,000
Nope.
222
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,660
She says if I don't back out
223
00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:13,580
she's going to go
on a hunger strike.
224
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,090
It would take years before
225
00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:17,800
she'd be in any kind of danger,
but still.
226
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,530
I've got a treat
for us tomorrow, Mom.
227
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:21,860
I'm taking you
228
00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:24,420
to see Saul Perlmutter
give a lecture
229
00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:26,570
about his Nobel Prize-winning
work in cosmology.
230
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:27,940
And the best part is,
231
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,940
at the Q and A afterward,
232
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,450
I've worked up
a couple of "Q's"
233
00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:34,080
that will stump
his sorry "A."
234
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,790
I don't know, Shelly.
235
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:39,070
I thought we could do
a little sightseeing.
236
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:41,580
What sight is better
than your little boy
237
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:44,070
embarrassing a Nobel laureate?
238
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:45,990
Come on, Sheldon,
we'll take your mom
239
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:47,790
to see the Hollywood sign,
240
00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,660
the wax museum,
the Walk of Fame.
241
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,640
Ooh, maybe
a little Rodeo Drive.
242
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,880
Well, I can't spend
$12,000 on a handbag,
243
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,750
but it's free
to look upon those
244
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:59,130
who do with righteous
condemnation.
245
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,260
What do you say?
246
00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:04,430
What do I say?
247
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,140
I say you people need
to stop ruining my mom's visit
248
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:11,060
with your sushi, and your
sadness and your slutty shirts.
249
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,990
Stop it.
250
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:19,430
He's not talking about your
shirt. Your shirt is fine.
251
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,760
These are delicious.
252
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,990
The trick to pancakes
is bacon grease.
253
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,180
I cook everything in it.
254
00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:36,150
Everything? Aren't you
worried about your health?
255
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,500
Oh, doctors are always
changing their mind.
256
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,150
One week bacon grease
is bad for you.
257
00:11:40,150 --> 00:11:42,630
The next week we're not
getting enough of it.
258
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,290
Good morning, Shelly.
259
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:50,210
Mom, I want to apologize
for my behavior last night.
260
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,590
Apology accepted.
Great.
261
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:54,550
Now, you're going to love
the Perlmutter lecture.
262
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:57,630
Look, he will be stating
that the universe is older
263
00:11:57,630 --> 00:11:59,290
than 6,000 years,
but I thought
264
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,970
you could stick your
fingers in your ears
265
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:03,830
and hum "Amazing Grace"
during those parts.
266
00:12:03,830 --> 00:12:06,380
I am still going out
with your friends.
267
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:08,690
But I apologized.
268
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:12,270
And that was hard for me because
I didn't do anything wrong.
269
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:18,180
Shelly, I hung out with you
in enough dusty lecture halls
270
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,080
while you were growing up.
271
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,360
I want to go sightseeing.
272
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,750
So why don't you
have some pancakes,
273
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:23,930
get dressed and come with us.
274
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:27,540
I'm not going,
and you can't make me.
275
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:31,200
You're right, I can't.
Have a nice day.
276
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,210
Well, I'm going to stand here
until you change your mind.
277
00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:36,200
Well, then you are going
to stand there all day.
278
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:43,100
I'm just gonna take my bacon
grease and slide over there.
279
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,360
I can't believe my own
mother is abandoning me.
280
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,580
I am not abandoning you.
281
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,810
Sheldon, abandoning you
is leaving you in a basket
282
00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:52,190
on a church doorstep.
283
00:12:52,190 --> 00:12:56,870
I am going to Hollywood and
thank a wax Ronald Reagan
284
00:12:56,870 --> 00:12:58,750
for his service
to our country.
285
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,940
We appear to be at a crossroads
in our relationship, Mother.
286
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:05,570
Well, I guess we are.
287
00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:08,540
Sorry.
Syrup.
288
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,090
All right, Mom.
289
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:13,080
When you're at the Ripley's
Believe It Or Not Museum,
290
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,500
if they have an exhibit about a
mother who threw away a chance
291
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,630
to spend the day with the
world's most wonderful son,
292
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:20,210
believe it,
because it's true.
293
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,260
I hadn't...
294
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:29,310
That lecture was
a waste of time.
295
00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:31,300
I made more accurate diagrams
296
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,860
of the expansion of the early
universe on the nursery wall
297
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,660
with the contents
of my diaper.
298
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,390
Are you getting sick?
299
00:13:39,390 --> 00:13:41,760
No, I'm just allergic to people
300
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,410
who get Nobel Prizes
for no good reason.
301
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:47,650
Sheldon, is it possible
that your foul mood--
302
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:51,990
or, to use the clinical
term, bitchiness--
303
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:54,830
is because your mother
isn't making you a priority?
304
00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:59,790
No. Or to use the
clinical term, "nuh-uh."
305
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,940
Are you sure?
The infant-mother pair-bond
306
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,270
is the building block
of primate psychology.
307
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:05,410
Oh, there it is.
308
00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:07,440
It always comes back
to monkeys with you.
309
00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:10,350
Just monkeys,
monkeys, monkeys.
310
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,680
Sheldon, we're all animals.
311
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,210
And granted, there are aspects
of you that are extraordinary,
312
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,430
but when it comes to
emotions and relationships,
313
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,950
you're just like everybody else.
314
00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:22,030
Are you trying to suggest
that my emotional problems
315
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:25,620
are no different than
those of a stupid person?
316
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:27,820
Actually, some research
indicates
317
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:29,200
that by not overthinking,
318
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,260
the less intelligent
handle emotions better.
319
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:35,840
Sure you're not coming
down with a cold?
320
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,930
Oh, yes, the common cold.
321
00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:38,950
Just like everyone else.
322
00:14:38,950 --> 00:14:40,040
You'd love that,
wouldn't you?
323
00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:45,710
Oh, this one's sweet.
324
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:49,170
You know,
for your rosary rattlers.
325
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:54,780
Mrs. Cooper, we say "Catholics,"
not "rosary rattlers."
326
00:14:54,780 --> 00:14:56,650
My goodness, it's a wonder
you people in California
327
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:57,860
can talk at all.
328
00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:01,560
This is like the
worst Hollywood tour ever.
329
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,610
What are we gonna do?
She wanted to see churches.
330
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:06,290
Hey, they have wine
here, don't they?
331
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,530
None of our gods
have abs like that.
332
00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:15,310
Yep, that's the last
Jew who did sit-ups.
333
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,040
And look where it got him.
334
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:23,590
Hey, while we're here, why
don't we all do some praying?
335
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,680
Let's put a little
church in this church.
336
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,210
Oh, I'm not sure we should...
337
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:29,300
It's easy.
I'll show you how.
338
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,970
Lord, Mary Cooper here.
339
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:34,390
Coming to you from
Gomorrah, California.
340
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:36,110
I want to thank you
341
00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:38,770
for the blessing that
is my little Shelly.
342
00:15:38,780 --> 00:15:41,730
I also want to thank you
for the continued strength
343
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,570
not to coldcock him
with my Bible.
344
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:48,390
All right, Penny, your turn.
345
00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:50,190
Okay, um...
346
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,200
Hey, God.
347
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,920
What's up?
348
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:57,370
Um, I'm good, but, uh, it would
be a big help to my family
349
00:15:57,380 --> 00:15:59,390
if you could get my brother
to stop cooking meth.
350
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:04,930
But no cops. Be cool.
351
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:10,410
She also goes a little overboard
on the "love thy neighbor."
352
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:13,940
Could probably use that chat
you had with Mary Magdalene.
353
00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:15,940
Leonard, you're up.
354
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,810
Wasserman, you're on deck.
355
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,660
Okay. I don't know...
356
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:24,430
it's probably a little late
to ask you to make me taller.
357
00:16:28,290 --> 00:16:31,290
Oh, um... if you could help
out with me and my girlfriend.
358
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,410
She's all the way in India.
That would be great.
359
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,760
Hear that? Girl trouble.
360
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:37,300
Turns out we were both wrong
on that front.
361
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,430
How about you?
362
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:43,770
Oh, me? No.
Thanks, I'm good.
363
00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:47,260
I'm really just trying not
to burst into flames.
364
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:50,970
Rajesh?
365
00:16:53,770 --> 00:16:57,640
He says he's having trouble
dropping those last five pounds.
366
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:01,470
Huh, I might have gone with
the talking-to-girls thing.
367
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,060
No, you only get one wish.
368
00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,970
Look at the two of us.
369
00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:28,970
Me, a highly
regarded physicist.
370
00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:31,090
The kind of mind that
comes along once,
371
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,150
maybe twice in a generation.
372
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,670
You, the common man,
373
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,220
tired from your labors
as a stockbroker,
374
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:43,170
or vacuum cleaner salesman,
or bootblack.
375
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,550
But deep down inside...
376
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:50,120
apparently we're just
two peas in a pod.
377
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:53,390
A regular pea,
378
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:55,900
and the kind of pea
that comes along once,
379
00:17:55,910 --> 00:17:58,170
maybe twice in a generation.
380
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,760
Rain.
381
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,250
Another great equalizer.
382
00:18:06,260 --> 00:18:08,050
Falling on the head
of the brilliant
383
00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:10,050
and the unremarkable alike.
384
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,270
Smarty-pants.
385
00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:25,270
Oh, Mrs. Cooper,
it smells so good.
386
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,450
You take notes, darlin'.
387
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:28,940
The real way to get a man
is with melted cheese
388
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,810
and cream of mushroom soup.
389
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:34,210
He'll die at 50 but
his love will be true.
390
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:41,080
I need a tissue.
This one got wet.
391
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:45,680
Here.
392
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:49,130
Thank you. Yeah, I've
learned something today.
393
00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:53,080
You and I, in so many ways,
394
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,350
other than intelligence and
what counts, we're the same.
395
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,260
Sweetheart, are you sick?
396
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,230
I hope so, because if this is
well, life isn't worth living.
397
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,560
Oh, sugarpie,
you are burning up.
398
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,880
We've got to
get you to bed.
Okay.
399
00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:12,260
Don't worry. Mama's here
to take care of her baby.
400
00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:16,280
And just to be clear,
only her baby
401
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,600
and not these other people.
402
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,600
Of course.
403
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:22,940
Can I have tea with honey and
toast with the crust cut off?
404
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:25,600
You can have
whatever you want.
405
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,280
Thanks, Mom.
You're the best.
406
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,720
Boy, last time I put
VapoRub on you,
407
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,580
you didn't have hair
on your chest.
408
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:47,760
I know, it filled in last year.
409
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:52,840
I didn't get to spend a lot of
time with you on this visit.
410
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,790
And whose fault was that?
411
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,660
Yours.
412
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,470
Shelly, you're not eight
years old anymore.
413
00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:03,270
We have to have
a different relationship.
414
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,230
No, we don't.
415
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:06,660
The one we have
works great.
416
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,340
Sweetheart, you are a grown man.
417
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:10,800
Or maybe I'm part of
a new species,
418
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,730
that lives for
hundreds of years,
419
00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:15,880
which means I'm still
basically a toddler.
420
00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:18,690
Oh, I so should have
taken you to Houston.
421
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:25,160
Does this mean you're not
going to sing "Soft Kitty"?
422
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:28,450
No, I will always
sing you "Soft Kitty."
423
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:33,080
** Soft kitty, warm kitty **
424
00:20:33,090 --> 00:20:35,290
** Little ball of fur... **
425
00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:37,130
Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to
take that pie out of the oven?
426
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:39,730
Get out!
427
00:20:41,020 --> 00:20:42,130
Well, that was rude.
428
00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:45,100
Well, I know,
but he means well.
429
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:47,650
Sing.
430
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:51,250
** Happy kitty, sleepy kitty... **
431
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,940
What are you trying
to pull, Mom?
432
00:20:52,940 --> 00:20:55,420
From the top.
433
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:59,240
This is what I'm talking about.
434
00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:02,140
** Soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur... **
435
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,300
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