1
00:00:02,971 --> 00:00:04,803
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
2
00:00:05,133 --> 00:00:06,000
You work the lunch shift?
3
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:08,889
Yeah. I've got eight pounds
of salmon that's about
to go bad.
4
00:00:08,962 --> 00:00:10,512
Do you know
how to cook it?
5
00:00:10,514 --> 00:00:12,137
- Not really.
- Damn it.
6
00:00:12,139 --> 00:00:14,849
Should have liberated
the iffy chicken.
7
00:00:14,851 --> 00:00:18,221
What are you and Professor
Fussyface up to tonight?
8
00:00:18,223 --> 00:00:20,944
Star Wars on Blu-ray.
9
00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:23,841
Haven't you seen that movie,
like, a thousand times?
10
00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:26,027
Not on Blu-ray.
11
00:00:26,029 --> 00:00:28,028
Only twice on Blu-ray.
12
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:30,412
Oh, Leonard.
13
00:00:30,414 --> 00:00:34,844
I know, it's
high-resolution sadness.
14
00:00:34,846 --> 00:00:37,987
Well, I'm going to take myself
out to a movie tonight.
15
00:00:37,989 --> 00:00:39,151
You want to go?
16
00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:40,591
Really? Do we do that?
17
00:00:40,593 --> 00:00:42,045
What do you mean?
18
00:00:42,047 --> 00:00:44,027
You know, we haven't spent
time alone together
19
00:00:44,029 --> 00:00:45,494
since we broke up.
20
00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,421
Oh, it's not a date, Leonard.
21
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:52,240
It's just a man and a woman
hanging out, not having sex
at the end of the night.
22
00:00:52,242 --> 00:00:55,025
Sounds like
most of my dates.
23
00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:59,249
SHELDON:
Oh, dear Lord, get away
from me, you monster!
24
00:00:59,251 --> 00:01:01,534
What is that about?
25
00:01:01,536 --> 00:01:03,493
Well, he's smart
and crazy enough,
26
00:01:03,495 --> 00:01:05,573
he may have actually
created a monster.
27
00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:08,908
Shoo, shoo!
Be gone!
28
00:01:08,910 --> 00:01:10,326
What the hell is going on?
29
00:01:10,328 --> 00:01:13,660
There's a bird outside the
window, and he won't go away.
30
00:01:13,662 --> 00:01:15,577
That is the hell
that is going on.
31
00:01:15,579 --> 00:01:18,101
We have no worms or seeds here.
32
00:01:18,103 --> 00:01:19,531
Shoo, shoo.
33
00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:23,428
Really? On top of everything
else, you're afraid of birds?
34
00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:25,799
It's called ornithophobia.
35
00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:27,383
And someday it will
be recognized
36
00:01:27,385 --> 00:01:30,186
as a true disability, and the
landlord will be required by law
37
00:01:30,188 --> 00:01:31,917
to put a giant net
over the building.
38
00:01:33,379 --> 00:01:36,486
Which is unfortunate, because
I have a fear of nets.
39
00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:39,023
So movies, yes or no?
40
00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,837
Movies, yes.
41
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,643
Great. I'll see you later.
42
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,965
And remember, he's more afraid
of you than you are of him.
43
00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:46,094
That doesn't help.
44
00:01:46,096 --> 00:01:50,484
No, I was talking
to the bird.
45
00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:56,450
Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
Go away, bird.
46
00:01:56,452 --> 00:01:59,297
Sheldon, just ignore him.
47
00:01:59,299 --> 00:02:02,912
Good idea.
Attention is what birds want.
48
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,523
Oh, much better. All right.
49
00:02:07,525 --> 00:02:09,880
Now I'll just get along
with my life.
50
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:12,734
(bird squawks)
51
00:02:12,736 --> 00:02:15,608
Make a pot of tea, Leonard.
It's going to be a long night.
52
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,654
¶ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ¶
53
00:02:20,656 --> 00:02:23,959
¶ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ¶
54
00:02:23,961 --> 00:02:25,646
¶ The Earth began to cool
55
00:02:25,648 --> 00:02:28,317
¶ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ¶
56
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,821
¶ We built the Wall
¶ We built the pyramids ¶
57
00:02:30,823 --> 00:02:33,521
¶ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ¶
58
00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:35,445
¶ That all started
with a big bang ¶
59
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,037
¶ Bang! ¶
60
00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:39,538
The Big Bang Theory S05E09
"The Ornithophobia Diffusion"
61
00:02:39,539 --> 00:02:42,205
visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com
62
00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:49,936
visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com
63
00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:57,167
visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com
64
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,383
visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com
65
00:03:03,385 --> 00:03:04,241
The bird's still there?
66
00:03:04,713 --> 00:03:07,135
Quick, what does
a hawk sound like?
67
00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:08,972
I don't know--
68
00:03:08,974 --> 00:03:12,036
scree-scree.
69
00:03:12,038 --> 00:03:13,180
Please, that's a seagull.
70
00:03:13,182 --> 00:03:15,642
If you're not going
to help, don't help.
71
00:03:15,644 --> 00:03:18,347
Sorry. Do you think
I'm overdressed?
72
00:03:18,349 --> 00:03:20,060
It depends on the activity.
73
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,148
For a prostate exam, yes.
74
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,184
If you're playing Vegas,
I'd add sequins.
75
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,751
I'm going to the movies
with Penny.
76
00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:30,814
I don't want her to think
that I think it's a date.
77
00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:31,908
Do you think it's a date?
78
00:03:31,952 --> 00:03:34,676
No, but she might think I think
it's a date even though I don't.
79
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,544
Or you might think she thinks
you think it's a date even
though she doesn't.
80
00:03:37,562 --> 00:03:39,066
Are we overthinking this?
Not at all.
81
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,699
You're right. I'm fine.
I'm wearing this.
82
00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:44,939
Really? A blazer?
All right.
83
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,107
Yes, hello.
84
00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:54,990
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
85
00:03:55,008 --> 00:03:58,025
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue.
86
00:03:58,052 --> 00:04:00,321
I'd like to report
a dangerous wild animal.
87
00:04:00,347 --> 00:04:01,825
A blue jay.
88
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,160
I'm sorry, this is
Animal Control.
89
00:04:06,169 --> 00:04:07,752
I don't understand theaughter.
90
00:04:08,975 --> 00:04:10,831
No, the bird is not in my home.
91
00:04:10,866 --> 00:04:13,598
If he was in my home, I
obviously would have called 911.
92
00:04:15,348 --> 00:04:16,738
Sir, I have no doubt that
there are things
93
00:04:16,747 --> 00:04:18,146
that you're frightened of.
94
00:04:18,164 --> 00:04:20,975
Being stuck in a dead-end
public service job.
95
00:04:21,538 --> 00:04:23,165
Or your wife stepping out on you
96
00:04:23,174 --> 00:04:25,752
because you're stuck in
a dead-end public service job.
97
00:04:26,236 --> 00:04:27,331
Or spiders.
98
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,965
Don't you think I tried
making cat noises?
99
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,559
Too casual?
100
00:04:39,561 --> 00:04:41,395
For an audience
with the queen, yes.
101
00:04:41,771 --> 00:04:43,821
For an evening of paing
a bottle of fortified wine
102
00:04:43,829 --> 00:04:46,307
around a flaming trash can,
you look great.
103
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,206
(imitates cat snarling
and hissing)
104
00:05:03,484 --> 00:05:05,712
What am I thinking?
Whiske.
105
00:05:08,937 --> 00:05:11,437
Oh, hey, if we hurry,
we can make the new
Jennifer Aniston movie.
106
00:05:11,925 --> 00:05:13,407
Oh, yeah, sure.
107
00:05:13,409 --> 00:05:15,494
There's also
an amazing documentary
108
00:05:15,496 --> 00:05:19,120
about building a dam
on river in South America.
109
00:05:19,122 --> 00:05:23,586
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston
movie has Jennifer Aniston,
110
00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:25,950
and she's not
building a dam.
111
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:27,962
Can't argue with that.
112
00:05:27,964 --> 00:05:30,100
I'll get the tickets.
Okay.
113
00:05:31,169 --> 00:05:34,136
Actually, you know what?
114
00:05:34,138 --> 00:05:37,098
I think it's about time
I picked a movie we see.
115
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,492
You pick plenty of movies.
116
00:05:39,494 --> 00:05:41,564
No. You always picked,
117
00:05:41,566 --> 00:05:43,149
and it was always the same.
118
00:05:43,151 --> 00:05:45,434
An hour and a half of
beach houses in the rain
119
00:05:45,436 --> 00:05:50,025
until the woman turns
around and realizes love
was here all along.
120
00:05:50,027 --> 00:05:53,840
Come on, that is a great movie,
and it starts in ten minutes.
121
00:05:53,842 --> 00:05:55,685
I hate those movies.
122
00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:57,725
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
123
00:05:57,727 --> 00:06:01,497
The only reason I went is
because you wanted to see them,
124
00:06:01,499 --> 00:06:03,620
and I wanted to have sex.
125
00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:06,209
To this day, I can't see
a Sandra Bullock movie poster
126
00:06:06,211 --> 00:06:09,174
without getting both
bored and aroused.
127
00:06:09,176 --> 00:06:10,947
Okay, so while we
were going out,
128
00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:14,602
how often would you pretend
to like things just to
have sex with me?
129
00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:16,783
All the time.
130
00:06:16,785 --> 00:06:19,657
You're kidding.
131
00:06:19,659 --> 00:06:21,221
Does this sound familiar?
132
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:24,191
I'd love to go
shoe shopping with you.
133
00:06:24,193 --> 00:06:26,434
Hiking? It's great.
134
00:06:26,436 --> 00:06:31,676
It's 2:00 a.m., of course I want
to go to Korea Town and sing
karaoke with your friends.
135
00:06:31,678 --> 00:06:33,476
Who wouldn't?
136
00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,049
Okay, we were going out.
137
00:06:35,051 --> 00:06:36,720
You were going
to get sex anyway.
138
00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:41,820
Really? You would have slept
with me after a three-hour
documentary on dams?
139
00:06:41,822 --> 00:06:45,544
No. No woman would.
140
00:06:45,546 --> 00:06:48,196
See? Now, that's
the great thing.
141
00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:50,096
We're out as friends.
This is not a date.
142
00:06:50,098 --> 00:06:51,564
Sex is off the table.
143
00:06:51,566 --> 00:06:54,105
So, let's go learn how
hydroelectric power
144
00:06:54,107 --> 00:06:58,090
might not be the environmental
bargain you think it is.
145
00:06:58,092 --> 00:07:01,337
Sorry. Spoiler alert.
146
00:07:02,496 --> 00:07:04,801
All right, fine.
147
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:06,486
Thanks.
148
00:07:06,488 --> 00:07:08,217
Tickets are 11 bucks.
149
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,104
Not a date.
150
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,817
Come on, Sheldon,
Star Wars.
151
00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:21,786
I'm pushing play.
I mean it.
152
00:07:21,788 --> 00:07:22,984
If we don't start soon,
153
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:25,980
George Lucas is going
to change it again.
154
00:07:27,475 --> 00:07:29,707
This would go a lot faster
155
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:31,800
if you put your trade school
diploma to work
156
00:07:31,802 --> 00:07:34,769
and helped me set up this
high frequency tone generator.
157
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:37,998
I have a Masters degree
from M.I.T.
158
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,342
Yeah, but you've got
a can- attitude
159
00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:41,094
and that's what's important.
160
00:07:43,127 --> 00:07:45,578
I really don't get
your problem with birds.
161
00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:47,503
The question you
should be asking
162
00:07:47,505 --> 00:07:50,172
is what is their problem
with me?
163
00:07:50,174 --> 00:07:54,433
My first memory: A hummingbird
dive-bombing my stroller
164
00:07:54,435 --> 00:07:57,517
to get at the apple juice
in my sippy cup.
165
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,559
Hummingbirds are pretty.
166
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:03,481
Hummingbirds are the vampires
of the flower world.
167
00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:08,007
Still my first choice
for an ankle tattoo.
168
00:08:09,547 --> 00:08:13,149
Or a dolphin--
I go back and forth.
169
00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:16,525
Age seven, a blood-thirsty
chicken chases me up a tree.
170
00:08:16,527 --> 00:08:21,903
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal
the retainer out of my mouth.
171
00:08:21,905 --> 00:08:26,977
Age 16, a parrot in a
pet store called me fat ass.
172
00:08:26,979 --> 00:08:28,868
Need I go on?
173
00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:30,742
Yes, please. This is way better
than the movie.
174
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,186
(laughing)
All right, Sheldon,
175
00:08:33,188 --> 00:08:34,891
your bird death ray is ready.
176
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,420
It's not a death ray.
177
00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:38,714
It's just a little ultrasonic
blast to scare him off.
178
00:08:38,716 --> 00:08:40,588
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
179
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,419
I wouldn't be living here.
180
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,896
I'd be in my lair
enjoying the money
181
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:47,864
the people of Earth gave me
for not using my death ray.
182
00:08:47,866 --> 00:08:49,916
All right, and in three,
183
00:08:49,918 --> 00:08:52,067
two, one.
184
00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:53,453
(pushes button)
185
00:09:00,734 --> 00:09:03,873
That is one
tough birdie.
186
00:09:05,281 --> 00:09:07,405
Come on, you enjoyed
the movie.
187
00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:09,902
I saw you tearing up
when the village got flooded,
188
00:09:09,904 --> 00:09:11,674
and everyone
had to relocate.
189
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,602
No, I was thinking how come
they get to leave and I can't.
190
00:09:15,604 --> 00:09:17,702
I'm going to get some fries.
191
00:09:17,704 --> 00:09:18,914
You want anything?
192
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,596
Uh, no, thanks.
Are you sure?
193
00:09:20,598 --> 00:09:23,711
You always say no, and then
you eat half my fries.
194
00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:26,129
I just eat the little crispy
ones you don't like.
195
00:09:26,131 --> 00:09:28,786
No, I love them.
I save them for the end,
196
00:09:28,788 --> 00:09:30,956
but they're gone
because you ate them.
197
00:09:30,958 --> 00:09:32,444
And why did
198
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,574
I let you eat them?
199
00:09:33,576 --> 00:09:35,325
To get sex.
Exactly.
200
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,529
But this is
not a date.
201
00:09:38,531 --> 00:09:40,901
So I ask again,
would you like anything?
202
00:09:40,903 --> 00:09:42,672
All right, I'd like
an order ofries.
203
00:09:42,674 --> 00:09:45,048
Great. That'll be five dollars.
204
00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,295
I am having the best time.
205
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,270
I'm so glad you suggested
we do this.
206
00:09:52,272 --> 00:09:54,379
Oh, sorry.
207
00:09:54,381 --> 00:09:56,306
No problem.
208
00:09:56,308 --> 00:09:58,469
What you writing there?
209
00:09:58,471 --> 00:10:00,063
A screenplay.
210
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:02,133
Its about a guy whose
roommate is having sex
211
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:06,289
and tells him go to a bar
and work on his screenplay.
212
00:10:06,291 --> 00:10:09,707
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs:
The Movie."
213
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:13,009
It's a working title.
Oh.
(chuckles)
214
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:14,188
I'm Kevin.
Oh. Penny.
215
00:10:14,190 --> 00:10:15,265
Nice to meet you.
216
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:17,233
I'll let you get
back to your date.
217
00:10:17,235 --> 00:10:19,090
Oh, no, no.
This isn't a date, no.
218
00:10:19,092 --> 00:10:22,010
Right?
219
00:10:22,985 --> 00:10:24,597
Uh... right.
220
00:10:24,599 --> 00:10:27,232
So have you written anything
I might have seen?
221
00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:29,804
That depends. How much time
do you spend on Yelp?
222
00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:36,766
(light sabers crackling on TV)
(bird squawks outside)
223
00:10:39,255 --> 00:10:40,970
(bird squawking)
224
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:44,878
This is ridiculous.
225
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,275
I'm a grown man from Texas.
226
00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:50,870
This isn't a terrifying bird
like a swan or a goose.
227
00:10:50,872 --> 00:10:52,820
(bird squawking)
228
00:10:52,822 --> 00:10:54,365
It's just a blue jay.
229
00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:02,249
That's a pretty big blue jay.
230
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,234
One...
231
00:11:22,236 --> 00:11:23,318
two...
232
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,309
three.
233
00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:28,312
Go! Shoo!
Am-scray, ird-bay!
234
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:31,227
(gasps)
Bird in the apartment!
235
00:11:31,229 --> 00:11:32,552
Bird in the apartment!
236
00:11:32,554 --> 00:11:34,859
No!
237
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:43,896
So it is an amazing
documentary.
238
00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:46,458
They need the electricity from
the dam, but at the same time,
239
00:11:46,489 --> 00:11:50,109
they want to preserve
the environment.
240
00:11:50,112 --> 00:11:52,938
You're kidding me.
241
00:11:55,454 --> 00:11:57,835
Uh, can I see you
for a sec over here?
242
00:11:57,837 --> 00:11:59,473
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Just one sec?
243
00:11:59,475 --> 00:12:01,487
No problem.
244
00:12:01,489 --> 00:12:02,460
What's up?
245
00:12:02,462 --> 00:12:03,711
I know what you're doing.
246
00:12:03,713 --> 00:12:05,507
What am I doing?
You're going out of your way
247
00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:07,825
to talk to that guy because
I said we weren't on a date.
248
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,695
No, I'm talking to him
because he's cute.
249
00:12:09,697 --> 00:12:10,925
Come on, he's not that cute.
250
00:12:10,927 --> 00:12:12,351
Yes, he is.
251
00:12:12,353 --> 00:12:15,851
With his dorky T-shirt
and his little hipster glasses.
252
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:24,138
I wear dorky T-shirts
and glasses.
253
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:26,835
Yes, but when you're tall
and have great cheekbones,
254
00:12:26,837 --> 00:12:28,462
you're doing it ironically.
255
00:12:30,637 --> 00:12:33,366
If that's so, what if I
start talking to a girl?
256
00:12:33,368 --> 00:12:34,866
You should!
257
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:36,206
I'm serious.
I'll do it.
258
00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:38,584
Good! Go! There are some
girls right over there.
259
00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:43,720
What are you waiting for?
260
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,138
They're in a group.
I'm scared.
261
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:49,867
Sheldon, what do you
expect us to do?
262
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,760
You're biologists.
263
00:12:53,762 --> 00:12:55,493
Biology is the study
of living things.
264
00:12:55,495 --> 00:12:57,664
That's a living thing;
get cracking.
265
00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:01,807
I specialize in microorganisms,
266
00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:03,728
and Amy studies brains.
267
00:13:03,730 --> 00:13:06,689
Yeah, neither of us
minored in bird-shooing.
268
00:13:06,691 --> 00:13:08,734
Oh, come now.
269
00:13:08,736 --> 00:13:10,603
Your undergraduate work
must have included
270
00:13:10,605 --> 00:13:12,898
a varmints and critters class.
271
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,785
Come back in, Sheldon,
he's not going to hurt you.
272
00:13:15,787 --> 00:13:18,417
He looks friendly.
273
00:13:18,419 --> 00:13:20,478
I think he might
be someone's pet.
274
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,987
No, Bernadette, don't be a hero!
275
00:13:21,989 --> 00:13:25,374
Oh, he's a sweetie.
276
00:13:25,376 --> 00:13:27,302
Yes. It's very sweet.
277
00:13:27,304 --> 00:13:29,884
Now, slowly and carefully,
278
00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:32,294
flush him down the toilet.
279
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,907
Sheldon, the only way
to get past this fear
280
00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:39,199
is to interact with it.
281
00:13:39,201 --> 00:13:42,224
Just like you did
with the mailman.
282
00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:47,114
Every year tens of people around
the world are killed by birds.
283
00:13:48,388 --> 00:13:51,415
I'm not going to be
another statistic.
284
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:54,407
Look how sweet he is.
Come over and say .
285
00:13:58,664 --> 00:14:00,254
Come on.
286
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,178
You can do it.
287
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:02,656
Don't be scared.
288
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:04,123
Come on.
289
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:09,221
Oh, just pet the bird,
you big baby!
290
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:16,742
(gasps)
291
00:14:16,744 --> 00:14:18,310
I did it!
292
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:22,442
I actually did it.
293
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,627
Okay, now flush him.
294
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:29,823
So, Leonard,
what do you do for fun?
295
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:32,037
I'm... let's see.
296
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,009
Hiking.
297
00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:37,178
Karaoke in Koreatown.
298
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,499
Any Jennifer Aniston movie.
299
00:14:41,515 --> 00:14:43,882
Hey. Sorry I ditched you.
300
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,273
No, it's fine.
You can ditch away.
Oh, no, no.
301
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,108
We said we were going to
hang out, let's hang out.
302
00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:48,902
It's cool.
Go back to Kevin.
303
00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,583
Oh, he had to leave.
304
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:51,944
Interesting.
305
00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:54,453
So now that he's gone,
you want to hang out with me.
306
00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:56,056
This must be Penny.
Yep.
307
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,234
I totally get it.
308
00:15:01,312 --> 00:15:03,218
Huh? I'm sorry, get what?
309
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,993
Don't worry about it. You know,
there's some guys over there.
310
00:15:04,996 --> 00:15:06,130
You should go talk to them.
311
00:15:06,132 --> 00:15:07,981
No, no. I want to
know what you told her.
312
00:15:07,983 --> 00:15:10,355
That's kind of
between me and...
313
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:12,207
Laura.
Laura.
314
00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:13,828
Oh. Okay, I see.
315
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,092
So while he was telling
you things, did he mention
316
00:15:16,094 --> 00:15:18,965
he owns not one,
but two Star Trek uniforms?
317
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:21,250
Really?
Yeah. Wears them.
318
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:23,456
Not just for Halloween.
319
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:26,915
Hey, pal.
320
00:15:28,384 --> 00:15:31,020
You didn't see me telling
Kevin that you thought
321
00:15:31,022 --> 00:15:34,178
cold wars were only
fought in winter.
322
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:38,128
Okay. Then I'll return the
favor, and I won't tell...
323
00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:39,514
Laura.
...Laura
324
00:15:39,516 --> 00:15:43,669
that half the dirty movies
you own are animated.
325
00:15:47,785 --> 00:15:51,072
When you were telling Kevin
about your acting career,
326
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:54,014
did you mention your
long-running role as "Waitress"
327
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:57,340
in a local production of
The Cheesecake Factory?
328
00:15:57,342 --> 00:16:00,679
Did you tell her about
your lucky asthma inhaler?
329
00:16:01,766 --> 00:16:04,239
Oh, yeah? Spell "asthma."
330
00:16:06,453 --> 00:16:08,811
A-s...
331
00:16:08,813 --> 00:16:10,846
Take me home.
332
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,649
Maybe I'm not done
hanging out with...
333
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,049
You're right,
it's getting late.
334
00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:25,680
It's remarkable.
335
00:16:25,682 --> 00:16:27,864
All that time spent in fear.
336
00:16:27,866 --> 00:16:29,900
And for what?
337
00:16:29,902 --> 00:16:32,692
He's magnificent.
338
00:16:32,694 --> 00:16:33,601
(gasps)
339
00:16:33,603 --> 00:16:34,985
Oh, dear.
340
00:16:34,987 --> 00:16:37,480
I just realized I haven't
offered you a beverage.
341
00:16:43,594 --> 00:16:48,014
Oh, it's just like my grandma
with her parrot.
342
00:16:48,016 --> 00:16:51,479
And after she lost her marbles
with her remote control.
343
00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:56,141
My phone's on the desk
over there.
344
00:16:56,143 --> 00:16:58,046
Take a picture of us together.
345
00:16:58,048 --> 00:17:00,143
Make it good enough
to go on a mug,
346
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,897
a mouse pad, and a calendar.
347
00:17:07,712 --> 00:17:10,329
If you were a dove,
I'd call you Lovey-Dovey.
348
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:12,391
Oh. Who am I kidding?
349
00:17:12,393 --> 00:17:14,603
This isn't a moment for strict
adherence to the literal.
350
00:17:14,605 --> 00:17:17,574
You're just my little
Lovey-Dovey, aren't you?
351
00:17:19,242 --> 00:17:20,498
Guess you gotta
have hollow bones
352
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,508
to get some sugar around here.
353
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:28,001
I still think he looks
like someone's pet.
354
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,077
Maybe we should put up posters.
355
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:32,389
Yes. It should have
a big picture of him,
356
00:17:32,391 --> 00:17:36,745
and the words, "Is this
your bird? Not anymore."
357
00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:40,915
We're going to have
so much fun together.
358
00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:43,370
You can carry messages
to all my enemies.
359
00:17:44,767 --> 00:17:48,999
I can tie a string to your leg
and fly you like a kite.
360
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,189
If you're keeping him,
I've got a cage you can borrow.
361
00:17:51,191 --> 00:17:53,047
One of the test monkeys
slipped on a banana peel
362
00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:54,307
and broke his neck.
363
00:17:56,043 --> 00:17:59,060
It was both tragic
and hysterical.
364
00:18:01,441 --> 00:18:02,835
Nonsense.
365
00:18:02,837 --> 00:18:06,051
No. Lovey-Dovey doesn't
sleep in a cage.
366
00:18:06,053 --> 00:18:09,625
No. Lovey-Dovey sleeps
in his very own nest,
367
00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:11,887
which I'm going to get
off the windowsill
368
00:18:11,889 --> 00:18:13,270
and put in my room.
369
00:18:13,272 --> 00:18:15,623
Isn't that right, LD?
370
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,304
No.
371
00:18:21,306 --> 00:18:22,898
Where are you going?
372
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:25,033
Come back, Lovey-Dovey!
373
00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:26,726
This is your home now!
374
00:18:26,728 --> 00:18:31,267
I already ordered 20 pounds
of bird feed off of Amazon!
375
00:18:32,563 --> 00:18:33,511
He's gone.
376
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,026
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
377
00:18:36,028 --> 00:18:38,198
How could he do this to me?
378
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,046
Get back here, you stupid bird,
so I can love you!
379
00:19:20,815 --> 00:19:23,243
Okay. So...
we went out,
380
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,941
saw a movie,
met some nice people,
381
00:19:25,943 --> 00:19:28,312
said horrible things
about each other in public...
382
00:19:28,314 --> 00:19:30,253
all in all,
a pretty magical night.
383
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,892
Okay, I'm not innocent
in all this,
384
00:19:32,894 --> 00:19:37,341
but you basically called me
stupid, you asthmatic dumbass.
385
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,507
I know, I-I-I crossed a line.
386
00:19:40,509 --> 00:19:42,297
And I'm sorry.
387
00:19:42,299 --> 00:19:44,372
Nono, no, hang on.
I really mean it.
388
00:19:44,374 --> 00:19:46,972
And it's not like when we were
going out, I'd just apologize
389
00:19:46,974 --> 00:19:49,208
for everything
so we could end up in be
390
00:19:50,872 --> 00:19:52,357
This is a 100%
391
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,182
sex-is-off-the-table
"I'm sorry."
392
00:19:55,184 --> 00:19:57,420
(sighs) All right. Thank you.
393
00:19:57,422 --> 00:19:58,379
I'm sorry, too.
394
00:19:58,381 --> 00:20:02,361
Just to be clear,
sex is off the table, right?
395
00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:05,232
Way off.
396
00:20:05,234 --> 00:20:09,309
Maybe we're not ready
to hang out as friends.
397
00:20:09,311 --> 00:20:11,536
I don't know.
Up until the last part,
398
00:20:11,538 --> 00:20:13,695
I was kind of enjoying
take-charge Leonard
399
00:20:13,697 --> 00:20:14,849
with a little backbone.
400
00:20:14,851 --> 00:20:17,418
Picking the movie,
knowing what he wants,
401
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:19,191
a little cocky.
402
00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:20,821
Really?
Yeah.
403
00:20:20,823 --> 00:20:25,056
Well, then, I'm putting
sex back on the table.
404
00:20:27,086 --> 00:20:30,349
What do you think about that?
405
00:20:30,351 --> 00:20:32,145
Ooh. Maybe I like it.
406
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:34,564
You do? Because if that's what
you like, I can be that guy.
407
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,387
I swear, I'll be anything
you want me to be.
408
00:20:36,389 --> 00:20:38,396
Good night, Leonard.
409
00:20:41,393 --> 00:20:43,183
(door slams)
410
00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:46,545
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
411
00:20:48,239 --> 00:20:49,982
I had a weird night.
412
00:20:49,984 --> 00:20:52,400
Mine w great.
413
00:20:52,402 --> 00:20:55,269
I'm going to be a mommy.
414
00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:57,284
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