1
00:00:03,143 --> 00:00:06,154
Hi. Did Sheldon change
the Wi-Fi password again?
2
00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:08,915
Yeah, it's
"Penny already eats our food.
3
00:00:08,916 --> 00:00:11,517
She can pay for Wi-Fi."
4
00:00:12,271 --> 00:00:13,638
No spaces.
5
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:14,939
Okay.
6
00:00:14,941 --> 00:00:16,741
If you can't get me
to stop eating your food,
7
00:00:16,743 --> 00:00:18,776
what makes you think you can
get me to stop using your Wi-Fi?
8
00:00:18,778 --> 00:00:21,112
I believe that you're capable
of great change.
9
00:00:21,114 --> 00:00:25,516
Like when I finally got you
to stop saying "Valentimes Day""
10
00:00:26,619 --> 00:00:27,759
You want to hear
something weird?
11
00:00:27,784 --> 00:00:28,587
Sure.
12
00:00:28,588 --> 00:00:30,321
In the year 2000,
13
00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:35,627
Pope John Paul II was named
an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
14
00:00:37,429 --> 00:00:39,831
What are you talking about?
15
00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:42,967
You asked Penny if she wanted
to hear something weird.
16
00:00:42,969 --> 00:00:45,570
Yeah, because I have
something weird to tell her.
17
00:00:45,572 --> 00:00:47,005
Oh.
18
00:00:47,007 --> 00:00:49,240
I thought it was a game.
19
00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:51,843
What's yours?
20
00:00:51,845 --> 00:00:53,978
There's this guy,
Jimmy Speckerman,
21
00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:56,214
who used to torment me
in high school.
22
00:00:56,216 --> 00:00:58,182
He sent me a message
through Facebook.
23
00:00:58,184 --> 00:01:00,551
He's in town
and wants to have drinks.
24
00:01:00,553 --> 00:01:03,621
Okay, Penny, if it were a game,
here are your choices.
25
00:01:03,623 --> 00:01:05,323
An e-mail
from an old acquaintance,
26
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:08,226
or the head of one of the
largest religious institutions
27
00:01:08,228 --> 00:01:11,996
in the world slam dunking
to "Sweet Georgia Brown." Pick.
28
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:18,102
Just do it,
'cause he's not gonna let it go.
29
00:01:18,104 --> 00:01:19,370
Basketball Pope.
30
00:01:19,372 --> 00:01:21,439
And that's how it's done.
31
00:01:22,975 --> 00:01:24,809
What are you gonna do
about your bully?
32
00:01:24,811 --> 00:01:26,744
- Are you gonna see him?
- I don't know.
33
00:01:26,746 --> 00:01:30,114
Is this the fellow who peed
in your Hawaiian Punch?
34
00:01:30,116 --> 00:01:32,550
No, that was a different guy.
35
00:01:32,552 --> 00:01:34,986
Was he the one
who wedgied you so hard,
36
00:01:34,988 --> 00:01:36,254
your testicle reascended,
37
00:01:36,256 --> 00:01:38,022
and you spent
your whole Christmas break
38
00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:40,558
waiting for it
to come back down?
39
00:01:42,594 --> 00:01:45,830
No, that was
a different, different guy.
40
00:01:45,832 --> 00:01:49,834
Was he the one who used
your head to open a nut?
41
00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:51,903
No.
42
00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:53,604
Oh, oh, oh.
43
00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:56,774
Was he the one
who made you eat your arm hair?
44
00:01:57,843 --> 00:01:59,110
No, but, actually,
45
00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:00,912
that was this guy's sister.
46
00:02:00,914 --> 00:02:02,880
All right, well,
what do you think he wants?
47
00:02:02,882 --> 00:02:04,115
I don't know.
48
00:02:04,117 --> 00:02:06,184
You know, the holidays
are just around the corner.
49
00:02:06,186 --> 00:02:07,318
Maybe he wants to see
50
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,187
if he can lodge
the other testicle up there.
51
00:02:09,189 --> 00:02:12,290
I told you.
That was a different guy.
52
00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:14,359
Hmm. That's too bad.
We could have spent
53
00:02:14,361 --> 00:02:17,195
New Year's Eve waiting
for the ball to drop.
54
00:02:24,136 --> 00:02:27,805
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:31,109
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:31,111 --> 00:02:32,710
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:32,712 --> 00:02:35,246
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:35,248 --> 00:02:37,949
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:37,951 --> 00:02:40,585
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:42,520
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:42,522 --> 00:02:44,489
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:44,514 --> 00:02:47,514
The Big Bang Theory 5x11
The Speckerman Recurrence
Original Air Date on December 8, 2011
63
00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:50,539
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
64
00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:53,707
It's 2:00 a.m.
What are you doing up?
65
00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:58,712
Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony
streaming live from Stockholm.
66
00:02:58,714 --> 00:03:00,214
Sure. You want to see
67
00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:03,083
what all the scientists
are wearing this year.
68
00:03:03,085 --> 00:03:04,985
Look at these men.
69
00:03:04,987 --> 00:03:08,255
They've managed to win the top
science prize in the world
70
00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:11,091
with no more understanding
of the quantum underpinnings
71
00:03:11,093 --> 00:03:13,193
of the expansion
of the early universe
72
00:03:13,195 --> 00:03:15,262
than God gave a goose.
73
00:03:16,965 --> 00:03:18,098
You should pay attention,
Leonard.
74
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,933
Someday this could be you
up there.
75
00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,336
Thanks.
76
00:03:22,338 --> 00:03:23,637
So,
77
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:25,139
what's got you up?
78
00:03:25,141 --> 00:03:27,574
Did you have a bad clam?
79
00:03:27,576 --> 00:03:29,243
I didn't have clams.
80
00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:31,178
I don't watch you
24 hours a day.
81
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:33,280
I don't know what you do.
82
00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:36,350
It's this Jimmy Speckerman
thing.
83
00:03:36,352 --> 00:03:39,319
I can't decide if I should
agree to see him or not.
84
00:03:39,321 --> 00:03:40,587
Of course that might be
85
00:03:40,589 --> 00:03:42,556
because the last time
I ran into him,
86
00:03:42,558 --> 00:03:45,225
he made me floss
with my own shoelaces.
87
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:47,661
Wear loafers.
88
00:03:47,663 --> 00:03:51,198
Look at Dr. Saul
Perlmutter up there,
89
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,400
clutching that Nobel Prize.
90
00:03:53,402 --> 00:03:54,635
What's the matter, Saul?
91
00:03:54,637 --> 00:03:56,270
You afraid someone's
going to steal it?
92
00:03:56,272 --> 00:03:58,839
Like you stole Einstein's
cosmological constant?
93
00:03:58,841 --> 00:04:01,041
You know what?
94
00:04:01,043 --> 00:04:03,844
I am tired of living
in fear of this guy.
95
00:04:03,846 --> 00:04:05,879
I'm gonna go see
him and finally say
96
00:04:05,881 --> 00:04:08,849
all the things I should
have said in high school.
97
00:04:08,851 --> 00:04:10,551
You know, "Pick on
someone your own size""
98
00:04:10,553 --> 00:04:14,388
"You did not have sex
with my mother."
99
00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:18,358
And "Yes, I do know why
I'm hitting myself."
100
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,861
Oh, now Perlmutter's
shaking the king's hand.
101
00:04:20,863 --> 00:04:22,563
Yeah, check for your watch,
Gustaf.
102
00:04:22,565 --> 00:04:24,331
He might have lifted it.
103
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,569
I love this dress.
104
00:04:28,571 --> 00:04:30,404
How come I never
see you wear it?
105
00:04:30,406 --> 00:04:32,573
'Cause when I wear it,
it's a shirt.
106
00:04:33,675 --> 00:04:36,477
So, what's Howard
doing tonight?
107
00:04:36,479 --> 00:04:39,580
Oh, they all went with Leonard
to confront his childhood bully.
108
00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:40,848
Oh, terrific.
109
00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:44,785
High school quarterback
against four mathletes.
110
00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:45,886
When Leonard gets back,
111
00:04:45,888 --> 00:04:47,421
I'd love to check
his serotonin levels.
112
00:04:47,423 --> 00:04:50,290
Do you think he'd let me draw
a syringe full of his blood?
113
00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:52,059
Hmm, he's not crazy
about needles,
114
00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,094
but if you get him to go
jogging,
115
00:04:54,096 --> 00:04:55,896
it'll just pour out of his nose.
116
00:04:56,865 --> 00:04:58,065
I don't think
117
00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:00,701
I can meet the girl
who was always mean to me.
118
00:05:00,703 --> 00:05:02,202
Tammy Bodnick.
119
00:05:02,204 --> 00:05:04,138
One time
while I was in gym class,
120
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,239
she stole all my clothes
121
00:05:05,241 --> 00:05:08,075
and left an elf costume
in my locker.
122
00:05:08,077 --> 00:05:09,977
Oh, that's awful.
123
00:05:09,979 --> 00:05:13,180
Worst part was, it was too big.
124
00:05:14,449 --> 00:05:15,749
That's nothing.
125
00:05:15,751 --> 00:05:19,052
In ninth grade, the girls put
Rogaine in my hand lotion.
126
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:22,289
Within six months, the
nicknames began to fly.
127
00:05:22,291 --> 00:05:25,793
I think the one that hurt the
most was Gorilla Fingers Fowler.
128
00:05:27,663 --> 00:05:30,063
Wow. You poor thing.
129
00:05:30,065 --> 00:05:32,065
What about you?
Oh.
130
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,201
I don't know. I guess
my school was a nice place.
131
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,369
We didn't really have bullies.
132
00:05:35,371 --> 00:05:38,205
Come on, no one ever
gave anyone mean nicknames
133
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,841
or picked on them or put gum
in their hairy knuckles
134
00:05:40,843 --> 00:05:44,511
so the school nurse had to use
peanut butter to get it out?
135
00:05:44,513 --> 00:05:45,846
No, we weren't really like that.
136
00:05:45,848 --> 00:05:48,015
I mean, look, we played pranks
on each other,
137
00:05:48,017 --> 00:05:49,116
but it was never mean.
138
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:50,617
Like, okay,
this one girl, Kathy Geiger,
139
00:05:50,619 --> 00:05:52,152
got really good grades,
so we blindfolded her,
140
00:05:52,154 --> 00:05:54,388
tied her up and left her
in a cornfield overnight.
141
00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:58,859
Oh, my God,
that's awful.
142
00:05:58,861 --> 00:06:01,428
No, it was funny.
Everyone laughed.
143
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:03,730
Did Kathy
Geiger laugh?
144
00:06:03,732 --> 00:06:05,499
Uh, probably.
It's hard to say.
145
00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:08,435
She kind of had an ear
of corn in her mouth.
146
00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:10,671
Who would have thought
147
00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:14,641
Fuzzy Fingers Fowler
is best friends with a bully?
148
00:06:14,643 --> 00:06:17,311
What? I was not a bully.
149
00:06:17,313 --> 00:06:18,912
Kind of sounds like you were.
150
00:06:18,914 --> 00:06:21,348
And maybe a felon.
151
00:06:23,985 --> 00:06:26,353
Shh. That's how you
wind up in a cornfield.
152
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,227
Is that him over there?
153
00:06:33,229 --> 00:06:34,661
No.
154
00:06:34,663 --> 00:06:36,630
How about that guy?
155
00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:38,966
He looks like he'd hate you.
156
00:06:38,968 --> 00:06:41,335
You know, I can really do this
by myself.
157
00:06:41,337 --> 00:06:42,970
Hey, we're here
to support you, buddy.
158
00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:44,571
No, you're not.
You're here to see
159
00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:46,640
if I get my underwear
pulled over my head.
160
00:06:46,642 --> 00:06:49,343
You wore underwear? You fool.
161
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,913
So, have you figured out what
you're going to say to him?
162
00:06:52,915 --> 00:06:55,515
You bet. I am going to
make him apologize
163
00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:58,385
for all the crap
he pulled on me in school.
164
00:06:58,387 --> 00:07:00,287
That's quite a list.
165
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,688
I can't read your handwriting.
166
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:02,856
What's that word?
167
00:07:02,858 --> 00:07:04,324
"Scrotum."
168
00:07:04,326 --> 00:07:07,194
What's that one?
169
00:07:07,196 --> 00:07:09,463
Uh, "stapled."
170
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:14,301
Leonard.
171
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:16,970
Oh, hi.
172
00:07:16,972 --> 00:07:19,373
Holy crap, man,
it's good to see you.
173
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:22,009
Yeah. You, too.
Uh, Jimmy, this is
174
00:07:22,011 --> 00:07:23,377
Sheldon and Raj and Howard.
175
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:26,013
Hi. Fellas... Hey,
can I get a beer?
176
00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:27,848
Wow. Look at you.
177
00:07:27,850 --> 00:07:29,349
Little Leonard Hofstadter.
178
00:07:29,351 --> 00:07:31,218
I hear
you're a big-time scientist now.
179
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:33,654
And there's the first
zinger. Ouch.
180
00:07:33,656 --> 00:07:36,323
I'm doing okay, I guess.
181
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,525
Okay? Come on, I read online
182
00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,227
you're a physicist
at a university,
183
00:07:40,229 --> 00:07:41,361
you won some medal.
184
00:07:41,363 --> 00:07:43,063
The Newcomb medal.
185
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:44,398
Yeah, congratulations.
186
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,866
Congratulations?
187
00:07:45,868 --> 00:07:47,801
The Newcomb medal?
Oh, please.
188
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:49,202
That's the scientific equivalent
189
00:07:49,204 --> 00:07:51,638
of a smiley face sticker
on your homework.
190
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,141
From what I read,
it sounded like a big deal.
191
00:07:54,143 --> 00:07:56,543
Oh, good Lord,
are we going to stand here
192
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:58,712
and listen to him
tear Leonard apart like this?
193
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,648
Hey, I won a Newcomb medal, too.
194
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:03,050
My point.
195
00:08:04,285 --> 00:08:06,119
You should have seen this guy
back in the day.
196
00:08:06,121 --> 00:08:09,022
Huh? He was so little, he could
fit in just about anywhere.
197
00:08:09,024 --> 00:08:11,124
Lockers, trash cans.
198
00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:14,328
Oh, man, how did you get
inside that backpack?
199
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,464
Oh, I can't take all the credit.
200
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:19,766
You helped a lot.
Yeah.
201
00:08:19,768 --> 00:08:21,668
We were practically
a comedy team.
202
00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:25,339
Like the Black Death
and Europe.
203
00:08:25,341 --> 00:08:29,209
Jimmy, I'm kind of curious why
you wanted to see me.
204
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:31,078
Okay, here it is.
205
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,546
I have this great
money-making idea.
206
00:08:32,548 --> 00:08:34,681
I just need a gear head
to get it to the finish line.
207
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,350
Technically, Howard's the
gear head.
208
00:08:36,352 --> 00:08:39,386
Leonard's just a dime store
laser jockey.
209
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:40,854
What's the idea?
210
00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:42,589
This is just between us, right?
211
00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:43,857
- Right.
- Okay.
212
00:08:43,859 --> 00:08:45,826
What do you think
about a pair of glasses
213
00:08:45,828 --> 00:08:48,261
that makes any movie
you want into 3D?
214
00:08:48,263 --> 00:08:49,629
That sounds amazing.
215
00:08:49,631 --> 00:08:53,600
First movie I'm
watching-- Annie.
216
00:08:54,736 --> 00:08:57,671
How exactly would
these glasses work?
217
00:08:57,673 --> 00:09:00,707
How the hell should I know?
That's why I need a nerd.
218
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:04,544
I don't think something like
that's even possible.
219
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:06,179
Aw, come on, you can
figure it out.
220
00:09:06,181 --> 00:09:07,881
You're like the smartest
guy I've ever known.
221
00:09:07,883 --> 00:09:09,116
The smartest...?!
222
00:09:09,118 --> 00:09:11,952
All right, you know,
I may not have
223
00:09:11,954 --> 00:09:16,089
a firm grasp on sarcasm, but
even I know that was a doozy.
224
00:09:17,325 --> 00:09:19,926
Leonard, you can't live in
fear of this man forever.
225
00:09:19,928 --> 00:09:21,495
Sheldon, I got this.
226
00:09:21,497 --> 00:09:23,030
You clearly don't.
227
00:09:23,032 --> 00:09:25,399
What my spineless friend
lacks the courage to say
228
00:09:25,401 --> 00:09:27,467
is you're a
terrible person
229
00:09:27,469 --> 00:09:28,735
who took advantage
230
00:09:28,737 --> 00:09:31,938
of his tiny size,
his uncoordinated nature
231
00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:34,041
and his congenital
lack of masculinity.
232
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:35,075
Sheldon...
233
00:09:35,077 --> 00:09:36,910
Leonard, I platonically
love you, man,
234
00:09:36,912 --> 00:09:38,345
but face it, you're a mess.
235
00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:42,983
I don't understand.
236
00:09:42,985 --> 00:09:46,987
I think what he's trying to say
is that maybe in high school
237
00:09:46,989 --> 00:09:48,555
you picked on me a little bit.
238
00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:50,390
A little bit?
239
00:09:50,392 --> 00:09:53,493
The man Super Glued Hershey's
Kisses to your nipples.
240
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:57,931
That's funny because those
aren't the kind of kisses
241
00:09:57,933 --> 00:09:59,433
you want on your nipples.
242
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,135
What is that?
243
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:05,238
This is a list of your heinous
acts against Leonard.
244
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,808
One of which is certainly the
cause of him wetting his bed
245
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,242
well into his teens.
246
00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:13,814
14 is not... Aw, never mind.
247
00:10:15,516 --> 00:10:18,018
What's this word?
248
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,686
"Nancy."
249
00:10:20,521 --> 00:10:24,524
You called me Nancy
for three years.
250
00:10:25,593 --> 00:10:28,862
You really need to work
on your penmanship.
251
00:10:28,864 --> 00:10:31,965
Oh, man, I...
252
00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:34,334
I don't know what to say.
253
00:10:34,336 --> 00:10:36,470
I always thought we were
just having some fun.
254
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:38,472
It wasn't fun for me.
255
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,841
You're being too kind, Leonard.
256
00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:42,976
You ruined him.
257
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,278
Come on, guys.
258
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,481
That was pretty badass, dude.
259
00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,216
I help the weak.
260
00:10:49,218 --> 00:10:51,251
It's yet another way I'm
exactly like Batman.
261
00:10:51,253 --> 00:10:55,689
Hey, for the record, Jimmy
wasn't the reason I wet the bed.
262
00:10:55,691 --> 00:10:59,159
That one has my mother
written all over it.
263
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:05,608
Anyway, I'm really sorry
264
00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,844
I made fun of your
stutter in high school.
265
00:11:07,846 --> 00:11:09,912
You're doing great.
266
00:11:09,914 --> 00:11:11,281
Uh-huh.
267
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,449
Uh-huh.
268
00:11:13,451 --> 00:11:16,486
Oh, God, just
finish the sentence.
269
00:11:20,257 --> 00:11:23,760
Okay, well, I'm sorry
you feel that way. Bye.
270
00:11:23,762 --> 00:11:26,496
No one wants to hear
my apologies.
271
00:11:26,498 --> 00:11:28,498
I think your mistake is doing it
over the phone.
272
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:31,167
If they could look
into your eyes, they'd melt.
273
00:11:33,203 --> 00:11:35,305
Penny, it doesn't matter
what you did in the past.
274
00:11:35,307 --> 00:11:36,973
You're a good person now.
275
00:11:36,975 --> 00:11:38,474
That's easy for you to say.
276
00:11:38,476 --> 00:11:41,611
You weren't just called
a "b-b-b-b-bitch."
277
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:46,416
Perhaps you could assuage
your guilt through altruism.
278
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:51,688
Which word's tripping you up?
279
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:54,290
"Assuage," or "altruism"?
280
00:11:54,292 --> 00:11:57,026
Both.
281
00:11:58,262 --> 00:12:00,997
You'll feel better by doing
something nice for someone.
282
00:12:00,999 --> 00:12:03,599
- I actually knew that.
- I never doubted you.
283
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:07,804
Every other week I serve at
a soup kitchen downtown.
284
00:12:07,806 --> 00:12:10,039
Ooh, I can't do that.
285
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:13,009
If I stand over a steaming pot,
my hair just goes boing!
286
00:12:14,345 --> 00:12:15,812
What else could I do?
287
00:12:15,814 --> 00:12:18,681
There's Habitat for Humanity--
building houses for the poor.
288
00:12:18,683 --> 00:12:20,683
Okay, come on, I don't even
have my own house--
289
00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:22,118
I'm going to build one
for someone else?
290
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,588
How about donating
some of your clothes?
291
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:29,525
Oh, my God, that's perfect.
'Cause I have so many clothes
292
00:12:29,527 --> 00:12:31,027
I don't wear, and they're
just taking up space,
293
00:12:31,029 --> 00:12:34,030
and I go shopping to buy more stuff
and I have no place to put it.
294
00:12:34,032 --> 00:12:35,298
This will totally fix that.
295
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:36,866
What about helping people?
296
00:12:36,868 --> 00:12:39,268
And helping people.
297
00:12:40,571 --> 00:12:43,172
Here's your cocoa.
298
00:12:43,174 --> 00:12:45,775
- Oh, half and half instead of whole milk?
- Yes.
299
00:12:45,777 --> 00:12:48,177
- Heated to precisely 183 degrees?
- Yes.
300
00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:50,079
Seven little marshmallows,
no more no less?
301
00:12:50,081 --> 00:12:52,382
You got one for good luck.
302
00:12:53,484 --> 00:12:54,884
I'll get it.
303
00:12:54,886 --> 00:12:57,353
One for good luck.
304
00:12:57,355 --> 00:13:00,056
Must be the kind of math
they do at Princeton.
305
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,328
Hey.
306
00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:06,763
What are you doing here?
307
00:13:06,765 --> 00:13:10,933
I want to apologize for...
stapling your balls and...
308
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:15,304
...throwing you naked
in the girls' locker room,
309
00:13:15,306 --> 00:13:17,206
stuffing that parrot
down your pants.
310
00:13:19,009 --> 00:13:20,143
What's this word?
311
00:13:20,844 --> 00:13:24,113
- "Laxative."
- Oh, right.
312
00:13:24,115 --> 00:13:26,883
Junior prom.
313
00:13:26,885 --> 00:13:30,019
That was not cool, man.
314
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:32,388
I am so, so sorry.
315
00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,756
Really?
316
00:13:33,758 --> 00:13:37,293
Yeah. I just hope
you can forgive me.
317
00:13:37,295 --> 00:13:38,461
Uh...
318
00:13:38,463 --> 00:13:39,962
Yeah.
319
00:13:39,964 --> 00:13:41,063
Sure, I guess.
320
00:13:41,065 --> 00:13:44,367
You're a beautiful guy.
321
00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:46,369
Well, thanks, Jimmy.
322
00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:47,737
Okay, I got to go.
323
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,872
Are you okay to drive?
324
00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:52,074
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I drive better drunk.
325
00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:54,744
You know, it makes
you pay attention.
326
00:13:56,747 --> 00:13:59,148
No, no, no, come on in.
I'll make you a cup of coffee.
327
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:00,850
- I wouldn't be imposing?
- No.
328
00:14:00,852 --> 00:14:03,052
Yes.
329
00:14:03,054 --> 00:14:06,322
Sheldon, we can't
let him drive.
330
00:14:06,324 --> 00:14:08,791
Then take away his keys
and make him wander the streets
331
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,726
with the other drunks.
332
00:14:12,496 --> 00:14:15,264
You remember Sheldon
and Raj and Howard.
333
00:14:15,266 --> 00:14:16,833
Not really, no.
334
00:14:18,101 --> 00:14:19,535
It's funny, huh, Leonard?
335
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:22,438
Back in school, I was the
winner and you were the loser.
336
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,506
And now we're reversed.
337
00:14:23,508 --> 00:14:26,042
You're the winner.
338
00:14:26,044 --> 00:14:29,011
You'd think a winner could make
a decent cup of cocoa.
339
00:14:30,714 --> 00:14:33,716
- You mind if I use your bathroom?
- Yeah, just back there.
340
00:14:36,687 --> 00:14:38,287
How about that?
341
00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:41,390
After all these years,
your big bad high school bully
342
00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:43,159
finally apologizes.
343
00:14:43,161 --> 00:14:46,028
Yeah. It kind of rekindles
your faith
344
00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:48,097
in the basic goodness of people.
345
00:14:48,099 --> 00:14:50,700
You know what
would be nice?
346
00:14:50,702 --> 00:14:51,434
What's that?
347
00:14:51,436 --> 00:14:53,603
As a symbolic gesture
348
00:14:53,605 --> 00:14:56,772
to all the bullies who've
tormented us for years,
349
00:14:56,774 --> 00:15:01,777
we open our home to Jimmy and
once he's asleep we kill him.
350
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:09,418
I said it would be nice--
I didn't say we should do it.
351
00:15:11,955 --> 00:15:15,458
I feel just like
Mother Teresa.
352
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:17,226
Except for the virgin part.
353
00:15:17,228 --> 00:15:20,229
That ship sailed
a long time ago.
354
00:15:20,231 --> 00:15:25,001
I think Mother Teresa would
have washed the clothes first.
355
00:15:25,003 --> 00:15:26,903
Yeah, well, I bet
her laundry room
356
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,871
wasn't down five flights
of stairs.
357
00:15:28,873 --> 00:15:32,742
You know, giving really
is better than receiving.
358
00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:36,546
I used to think it was such a cliche,
but it seems to be the...
359
00:15:36,548 --> 00:15:40,216
Look at these cute jeans
someone just threw away.
360
00:15:40,218 --> 00:15:42,318
Donated.
361
00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:48,591
Yes, to a poor waitress
who loves a boot cut.
362
00:15:49,626 --> 00:15:50,626
Penny.
363
00:15:50,628 --> 00:15:52,728
Come on, they would
be so cute on me...
364
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,931
They go great
with this sweater!
365
00:15:54,933 --> 00:15:57,066
I don't think
Mother Teresa...
366
00:15:57,068 --> 00:15:59,001
Oh, that is adorable.
367
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:11,948
Leonard.
368
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:14,016
- Yeah.
- In case it comes up again,
369
00:16:14,018 --> 00:16:17,820
this right here
is an imposition.
370
00:16:19,323 --> 00:16:20,790
What was I supposed to do?
371
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:22,525
He needed a place
to sleep it off.
372
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,093
You're soft.
373
00:16:24,095 --> 00:16:27,496
This world's going to chew
you up and spit you out.
374
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,301
When did I have tacos?
375
00:16:33,937 --> 00:16:35,438
Morning, Jimmy.
376
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,075
Oh, there it is, tacos.
377
00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:42,211
Man, I tied one on.
378
00:16:42,213 --> 00:16:43,379
Yeah, you did.
379
00:16:43,381 --> 00:16:46,515
So, uh, listen, it was
great to see you again.
380
00:16:46,517 --> 00:16:49,051
And thanks for
the apology.
381
00:16:49,053 --> 00:16:51,187
What apology?
382
00:16:51,189 --> 00:16:54,357
For all the crappy stuff
you did to me in high school.
383
00:16:54,359 --> 00:16:56,692
Geez, you're still harping
on that?
384
00:16:56,694 --> 00:16:57,960
What a puss.
385
00:16:57,962 --> 00:17:00,429
That's my French toast.
386
00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:02,098
It's good.
387
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,834
You really know your way
around a kitchen, Nancy.
388
00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,739
I'm not going to say
I told you so,
389
00:17:08,764 --> 00:17:10,312
but we could have killed him.
390
00:17:13,210 --> 00:17:16,245
I might kill him right now.
391
00:17:16,247 --> 00:17:18,881
The Dark Knight
has your back.
392
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:21,384
He's scared, but
he has your back.
393
00:17:21,386 --> 00:17:23,586
Okay, Jimmy, it's time
for you to go.
394
00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:25,054
Yeah, all right, let
me just finish this.
395
00:17:25,056 --> 00:17:27,423
No, you're done. I want you out
of my apartment right now.
396
00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:30,359
Well said, Boy Wonder.
397
00:17:31,194 --> 00:17:33,896
Or what?
398
00:17:33,898 --> 00:17:34,971
Don't answer that.
It's a trick question.
399
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:36,196
I speak from experience.
400
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:42,171
I'm not afraid of you
anymore, Jimmy.
401
00:17:42,173 --> 00:17:43,739
Now get out!
402
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:46,942
Uh-oh.
403
00:17:48,745 --> 00:17:50,746
You did it, Leonard,
you stood up to your bully.
404
00:17:50,748 --> 00:17:53,349
Yeah, I feel pretty good
about myself.
405
00:17:55,152 --> 00:17:57,553
You think we can
outrun him?
406
00:17:57,555 --> 00:18:00,623
I don't need to outrun him,
I just need to outrun you.
407
00:18:06,915 --> 00:18:08,500
I don't feel
good about this.
408
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:10,701
Then sit in the car
and keep it running.
409
00:18:11,503 --> 00:18:14,372
You were right--
a whole new load.
410
00:18:17,209 --> 00:18:20,144
Come on, yoga top.
Mama needs a new yoga top.
411
00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:22,813
Check it out, Bernadette,
suede boots, your size.
412
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:24,949
God, they're cute.
413
00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:27,585
Oh, why did they have
to be cute?
414
00:18:27,587 --> 00:18:30,321
Wait, wait, wait, guys,
just hang on.
415
00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:32,223
What is it, the fuzz?
416
00:18:34,626 --> 00:18:36,661
Look at us.
417
00:18:36,663 --> 00:18:38,129
What are we doing?
418
00:18:38,131 --> 00:18:41,165
I was gleefully following you
to a life of crime,
419
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,502
looking forward to the day
we might be cell mates.
420
00:18:47,172 --> 00:18:50,141
I don't know about Bernadette.
421
00:18:50,143 --> 00:18:54,679
You know, this is wrong.
Let's put everything back.
422
00:18:54,681 --> 00:18:56,948
Here.
423
00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:08,526
It's okay, I serve soup
to poor people!
424
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:12,528
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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