1 00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:06,550 Gentlemen, I think I've come up with a 2 00:00:06,551 --> 00:00:09,318 fun way to get young people interested in science. 3 00:00:10,037 --> 00:00:13,006 Physics Mad-Libs. 4 00:00:14,541 --> 00:00:16,809 - Now, give me a number. - Five. 5 00:00:16,811 --> 00:00:18,311 Uh-huh. 6 00:00:18,313 --> 00:00:20,596 And an irrational constant. 7 00:00:20,598 --> 00:00:22,265 "E." 8 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,850 And a funny Greek letter. 9 00:00:23,852 --> 00:00:25,068 Gamma. 10 00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:26,769 I said funny. 11 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,738 Upsilon? 12 00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:30,106 Good one. 13 00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:32,892 And an electrical charge. 14 00:00:32,894 --> 00:00:34,193 Positive. 15 00:00:34,195 --> 00:00:35,528 (laughs) Perfect. 16 00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:37,563 SHELDON: Okay. Get this. 17 00:00:37,565 --> 00:00:38,865 (clears throat) 18 00:00:38,867 --> 00:00:42,401 "Professor Jones told the symposium he had a new method 19 00:00:42,403 --> 00:00:45,204 "for calculating the mass of a muon. 20 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:50,960 Five times the limit of (laughs) 'E' to the upsilon as..." 21 00:00:50,962 --> 00:00:52,178 (laughing) 22 00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:54,847 (clearing throat): Okay. No, no. 23 00:00:54,849 --> 00:00:55,848 I'll start over. 24 00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:57,100 "Professor..." 25 00:00:57,102 --> 00:00:58,267 (cracking up) 26 00:01:00,304 --> 00:01:02,271 I haven't seen him laugh that hard 27 00:01:02,273 --> 00:01:05,257 since the day Leonard made that multiplication error. 28 00:01:05,259 --> 00:01:07,927 Oh, Oh, Lord, that multiplication error! 29 00:01:07,929 --> 00:01:09,645 (laughing): He thought he carried the one. 30 00:01:09,647 --> 00:01:10,947 But he didn't. 31 00:01:10,949 --> 00:01:12,665 (laughing) 32 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:13,900 It's not funny. 33 00:01:13,902 --> 00:01:15,318 That mistake got published. 34 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,037 Stop! I'm going to wet myself! 35 00:01:18,039 --> 00:01:21,273 Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way. 36 00:01:21,275 --> 00:01:22,942 I wonder what he wants. 37 00:01:22,944 --> 00:01:24,077 Doesn't look happy, so I'm guessing 38 00:01:24,079 --> 00:01:25,244 he wants to talk to Sheldon. 39 00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:26,278 Dr. Cooper? 40 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,113 Told ya. 41 00:01:27,115 --> 00:01:28,498 Oh, President Siebert, 42 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:32,051 I assume you'd like to respond to one of the suggestions 43 00:01:32,053 --> 00:01:33,719 I put in the box by your office. 44 00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:37,123 No, and stop installing suggestion boxes everywhere. 45 00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:39,509 You don't like written suggestions. 46 00:01:39,511 --> 00:01:41,310 You don't like when I give them to you while we're urinating 47 00:01:41,312 --> 00:01:43,012 in the men's room. 48 00:01:43,014 --> 00:01:45,064 If I didn't know you any better, I'd say that you're one of those 49 00:01:45,066 --> 00:01:47,967 stubborn people who are not open to suggestions. 50 00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:50,803 Dr. Cooper, the physics department chair tells me 51 00:01:50,805 --> 00:01:52,405 you're refusing to take your vacation. 52 00:01:52,407 --> 00:01:54,073 I don't need a vacation. 53 00:01:54,075 --> 00:01:55,324 You're obligated to take one. 54 00:01:55,326 --> 00:01:57,410 And I'd also like you to know the most-often received 55 00:01:57,412 --> 00:02:00,079 suggestion in my suggestion box you installed without asking me 56 00:02:00,081 --> 00:02:02,849 is "Can Dr. Cooper take a vacation?" 57 00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:04,984 Okay, settled, then. 58 00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:07,703 I'll see y'all of you Monday, except for you. 59 00:02:07,705 --> 00:02:09,088 But if I don't come into work, 60 00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,540 what am I supposed to do with myself? 61 00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:12,875 Read, rest, travel. 62 00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:15,962 I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year. 63 00:02:17,831 --> 00:02:19,549 Sarcasm? 64 00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:21,634 No. You should go. 65 00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:26,172 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 66 00:02:26,174 --> 00:02:30,009 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 67 00:02:30,011 --> 00:02:31,527 ♪ The Earth began to cool 68 00:02:31,529 --> 00:02:34,096 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 69 00:02:34,098 --> 00:02:36,232 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 70 00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:39,018 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 71 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:41,137 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 72 00:02:41,139 --> 00:02:43,005 ♪ Bang! ♪ 73 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:47,030 The Big Bang Theory 5x16 The Vacation Solution Original Air Date on February 9, 2012 74 00:02:47,031 --> 00:02:51,031 == sync, corrected by elderman == 75 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:56,693 ♪ That tonight's gonna be a good night ♪ 76 00:02:56,695 --> 00:03:00,113 ♪ And tonight's gonna be a good night ♪ 77 00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:05,201 ♪ And tonight's gonna be a good, good night ♪ 78 00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,103 ♪ Tonight's the night, uh, uh ♪ 79 00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:08,488 ♪ Let's live it up, uh ♪ 80 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:11,958 ♪ I got my money, let's spend it up... ♪ 81 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,627 Good Lord! 82 00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:16,263 Would you stop that caterwauling! 83 00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,832 (sighs) 84 00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:20,500 What the hell are you doing?! 85 00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:23,253 Bleeding from my ears. 86 00:03:23,255 --> 00:03:25,221 What are you doing hiding back there? 87 00:03:25,223 --> 00:03:26,506 I'm sneaking into work. 88 00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,808 Now, if the guard at the university asks 89 00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:29,959 what's under the blanket, 90 00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,395 you tell him it's some lobster traps. 91 00:03:32,397 --> 00:03:34,731 - Lobster traps? - Yes. 92 00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:36,016 That's how Velma and Scooby 93 00:03:36,018 --> 00:03:38,801 smuggled Shaggy into the old lighthouse. 94 00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:42,072 What are you going to do when you get to the university? 95 00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:43,823 People are going to recognize you. 96 00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:47,077 Will they, Leonard? 97 00:03:50,748 --> 00:03:54,034 Fine. Just get back under your blanket, 98 00:03:54,036 --> 00:03:55,368 and I'll drive you there. 99 00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,288 And no more singing. 100 00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:01,992 Fine. 101 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,931 SHELDON: I have GPS on my phone. 102 00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:10,800 I know you turned around. 103 00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:14,220 I'm so glad you talked Howard 104 00:04:14,222 --> 00:04:17,674 out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon. 105 00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:20,660 Turn it over. 106 00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,565 I'm hoping my relatives think it's Hebrew. 107 00:04:27,485 --> 00:04:29,653 (sighs) This is really happening. 108 00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:31,237 I'm gonna be a maid of honor. 109 00:04:31,239 --> 00:04:34,057 I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle 110 00:04:34,059 --> 00:04:38,128 and, finally, I will have my special day. 111 00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,946 You mean my special day? 112 00:04:39,948 --> 00:04:43,917 They're gonna need an extra- large veil for somebody's head. 113 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,253 If I ever actually ever get married. 114 00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:48,371 Why wouldn't you? 115 00:04:48,373 --> 00:04:49,723 My dad... 116 00:04:49,725 --> 00:04:51,508 'Cause I make a lot more money than Howie, 117 00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,843 he's putting a lot of pressure on me to get a prenup. 118 00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:55,211 Ouch. 119 00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:57,647 Yeah. Howie's gonna freak out. 120 00:04:57,649 --> 00:04:59,349 Parental pressure can be daunting. 121 00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:03,186 I remember the battle with my mother about shaving my legs. 122 00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,940 Last year, I finally gave in and let her do it. 123 00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:11,828 I just don't know how I'm gonna break it to him. 124 00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:13,496 You know, I'm a big believer in breaking bad news 125 00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:14,781 to a guy when you're in bed with him. 126 00:05:14,783 --> 00:05:16,533 That's how I told my high school boyfriend 127 00:05:16,535 --> 00:05:18,201 I slept with his brother. 128 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,755 That's how I told his brother the same thing. 129 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,959 I don't know, I don't want to manipulate him with sex. 130 00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:28,478 Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for. 131 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,680 You know, the connection 132 00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:32,432 between marriage and money is nothing new. 133 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:35,418 In fact, the term "wed" referred to the money and livestock 134 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,353 that the groom paid the bride's father. 135 00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:38,388 For example, 136 00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:39,556 you're adorable, 137 00:05:39,558 --> 00:05:40,890 intelligent and a good earner. 138 00:05:40,892 --> 00:05:42,859 I could conservatively see you going for 139 00:05:42,861 --> 00:05:45,061 at least two oxen and a goose. 140 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,315 You would fetch a unicorn. 141 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,655 Sheldon, there are a million great vacations you could take. 142 00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:57,040 What about Hawaii? 143 00:05:57,042 --> 00:06:01,878 Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano 144 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,582 where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. 145 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,620 Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii. 146 00:06:10,622 --> 00:06:12,138 How about Florida? 147 00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,406 They got Cape Canaveral, 148 00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:15,391 they got Disney, they got my Aunt Ida 149 00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:18,144 and the world's largest collection of diabetic candy. 150 00:06:18,146 --> 00:06:19,562 Plus, if you get sweaty enough, 151 00:06:19,564 --> 00:06:22,849 her plastic-covered furniture is like a flume ride. 152 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,986 My family took a trip to Florida when I was a child. 153 00:06:26,988 --> 00:06:31,241 A seagull stole a hot dog from me on the beach. 154 00:06:31,243 --> 00:06:32,442 I got the message. 155 00:06:34,245 --> 00:06:36,312 You know, if I had a week off, I'd go back 156 00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,531 to the Two Bunch Palms Resort and Spa in the desert. 157 00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:40,950 I tell you, an hour on the massage table with Trevor, 158 00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:44,487 and you'll feel like you were born without bones. 159 00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:48,675 I don't think I could ever let a guy give me a massage. 160 00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:50,794 Really? What was I doing to your neck last night 161 00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:52,445 while you were playing X-Box? 162 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,549 It's like I'm living in a dictatorship. 163 00:06:56,551 --> 00:06:58,885 "You must take a vacation, you must have fun, 164 00:06:58,887 --> 00:07:02,055 you must enjoy life." 165 00:07:02,057 --> 00:07:04,958 I don't think you have a good handle on dictatorships. 166 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,977 Sheldon, everybody takes vacations. 167 00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:10,613 One time they tried to make Richard Feynman take a vacation, 168 00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:13,032 but he chose instead to expand his mind 169 00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:14,200 and learn something new. 170 00:07:14,202 --> 00:07:16,619 He went to work in his friend's biology lab. 171 00:07:16,621 --> 00:07:19,539 Richard Feynman was a famous American physicist, 172 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:20,957 part of the Manhattan Project. 173 00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:25,628 Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was. 174 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:26,830 Now you do, too. 175 00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:32,502 Oh! I have a brilliant idea. 176 00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:35,622 Amy's a biologist. I'll go work in her lab. 177 00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:38,057 Isn't that just Feynman's idea? 178 00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:39,759 Ten seconds ago, you never heard of him. 179 00:07:39,761 --> 00:07:41,194 Now you're an expert. 180 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:45,849 Hey. 181 00:07:45,851 --> 00:07:47,567 - Hey, you. - Is that your laundry? 182 00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:49,385 You only have, like, six things in there. 183 00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:50,720 Yeah, I didn't have any quarters, 184 00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:52,355 so I've been sneaking stuff 185 00:07:52,357 --> 00:07:54,440 into other people's loads all day. 186 00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,742 Hey, if I tell you something, 187 00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:57,660 will you promise not to tell anybody? 188 00:07:57,662 --> 00:07:59,746 It doesn't matter what I say, you're gonna tell me anyway. 189 00:07:59,748 --> 00:08:03,416 What? That is not true. 190 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,587 Bernadette wants a prenup. 191 00:08:07,589 --> 00:08:10,256 Wow. That's rough. 192 00:08:10,258 --> 00:08:13,176 So you're saying if I became a famous movie star, 193 00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,178 we got married, you wouldn't sign a prenup? 194 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,846 Absolutely not. 195 00:08:16,848 --> 00:08:19,432 If I'm gonna be stuck at home with the kids 196 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:20,516 while you're on location 197 00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:23,753 cheating on me with Ryan Gosling... 198 00:08:23,755 --> 00:08:26,472 then Leonard gots to get paid. 199 00:08:27,358 --> 00:08:30,443 So, you think about us getting married? 200 00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:32,362 I think about a lot of things. 201 00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:33,763 I think about us getting married, 202 00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:35,148 I think about us breaking up. 203 00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:36,783 Once in a while, I think 204 00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:38,651 about how I didn't leave a note on that Mercedes 205 00:08:38,653 --> 00:08:40,203 I dinged in the parking lot last month, 206 00:08:40,205 --> 00:08:42,538 but then I have a glass of wine and it passes. 207 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,742 Joke all you want, but you think about it. 208 00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:47,443 Well, tell you one thing, 209 00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:50,463 if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations. 210 00:08:50,465 --> 00:08:54,350 Good luck catching a man with that attitude. 211 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,787 Boy, oh, boy! 212 00:08:57,789 --> 00:09:00,623 This vacation is off to a wonderful start. 213 00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:03,343 The smell of formaldehyde... 214 00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:06,512 the whir of the centrifuge, 215 00:09:06,514 --> 00:09:08,631 the distant chatter of lab animals 216 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,633 being dispatched for dissection. 217 00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:15,438 Mm, I can already feel my cares just melting away. 218 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,240 I'm excited to work with my boyfriend. 219 00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:18,307 It's gonna be romantic. 220 00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:20,860 Way to kill the mood. 221 00:09:20,862 --> 00:09:22,745 Come on, Sheldon. 222 00:09:22,747 --> 00:09:25,114 We can be like Marie Curie and her husband, Pierre, 223 00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:27,450 who spent their days working side by side, 224 00:09:27,452 --> 00:09:29,452 bathed in the glow of their love and the radium 225 00:09:29,454 --> 00:09:31,204 that ultimately killed her. 226 00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,873 Screw Beauty and the Beast; 227 00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,992 that's the love story Disney should tell. 228 00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:38,995 Okay, what do we start with? 229 00:09:38,997 --> 00:09:42,465 Maybe splicing some genes, clone a sheep, 230 00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:45,051 perhaps grow a human ear on a mouse's back? 231 00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:47,553 Ha-ha, I'm a freak! 232 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,140 Oh, I'm gonna be doing 233 00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:52,225 some brain stem histology 234 00:09:52,227 --> 00:09:55,194 while you put yourself on the business end 235 00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:57,313 of a sponge and wash those beakers. 236 00:09:57,315 --> 00:09:59,232 Wash those bea... 237 00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:03,019 Oh, I get it, a little hazing for the new fella. 238 00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,154 Yeah, I'd better keep and eye out for, what, 239 00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:06,706 shoe polish on the microscope, 240 00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:09,659 or mad cow disease in my grilled cheese sandwich? 241 00:10:09,661 --> 00:10:11,411 No, I just need those beakers washed. 242 00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:12,829 Hippity-hop, quick like a bunny. 243 00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:15,197 Wha...? Excuse me, you have 244 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,883 Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab. 245 00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:18,251 You're gonna make him do the dishes? 246 00:10:18,253 --> 00:10:20,136 That's like asking the Incredible Hulk 247 00:10:20,138 --> 00:10:22,338 to open a pickle jar. 248 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,642 Sheldon, you've never worked in a lab like this before. 249 00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:29,228 You have no experience in the field of biology. 250 00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:31,647 I have plenty of experience in biology. 251 00:10:31,649 --> 00:10:34,650 I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998. 252 00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:35,768 And... 253 00:10:35,770 --> 00:10:37,236 it's still alive. 254 00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:38,738 Let's do this. 255 00:10:49,227 --> 00:10:51,428 - Where's Howard? - No "Hi, Raj"? 256 00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:52,980 No "How are you, Raj?" 257 00:10:52,982 --> 00:10:55,733 Just straight to "Where's the other white guy?" 258 00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:57,467 I'm sorry. 259 00:10:57,469 --> 00:10:58,852 So, listen, 260 00:10:58,854 --> 00:11:00,521 I heard something about him. 261 00:11:00,523 --> 00:11:02,439 Can you keep it between us? 262 00:11:02,441 --> 00:11:03,807 Ooh, gossip. 263 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,160 When I first got here, I thought you Americans 264 00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,861 really gossiped around the water cooler. 265 00:11:07,863 --> 00:11:09,813 So I hung out there for, like, a month, 266 00:11:09,815 --> 00:11:12,366 but the only gossip I ever heard was about some creepy guy 267 00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:14,585 hanging out by the water cooler. 268 00:11:15,653 --> 00:11:18,072 Bernadette wants to get a prenup. 269 00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:21,008 Oh, that's a shame-- he's gonna be devastated. 270 00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,043 I never know what to do in these situations. 271 00:11:23,045 --> 00:11:24,545 Should I give him a heads-up? 272 00:11:24,547 --> 00:11:27,014 Hmm. I'm gonna give you the same advice 273 00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:30,184 I yell at the TV when the Bachelor's handing out roses. 274 00:11:31,686 --> 00:11:34,171 Follow your heart. 275 00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:36,807 Check it out. 276 00:11:36,809 --> 00:11:38,675 Look at the size of that 277 00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:39,843 Rice Krispie Treat! 278 00:11:39,845 --> 00:11:41,779 Same price. (chuckles) 279 00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:44,281 Hey, Howard, I need to tell you something. 280 00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:46,116 I know, it's not on my wedding diet. 281 00:11:46,118 --> 00:11:48,035 I don't care. 282 00:11:49,454 --> 00:11:51,822 Uh, l-listen, I... 283 00:11:51,824 --> 00:11:55,042 heard that Bernadette's thinking about asking you for a prenup. 284 00:11:56,327 --> 00:11:58,412 A prenup? 285 00:11:58,414 --> 00:12:00,414 (laughs) Wow. 286 00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:02,316 What are you gonna do? 287 00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:05,936 I... don't know. 288 00:12:05,938 --> 00:12:08,188 Follow your heart. 289 00:12:14,012 --> 00:12:17,314 You know what, it's... not a big deal. 290 00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,733 She makes more money than me. 291 00:12:19,735 --> 00:12:23,270 She wants to protect her financial interests. 292 00:12:23,272 --> 00:12:25,322 It's completely reasonable. 293 00:12:25,324 --> 00:12:26,657 Good. That's a healthy attitude. 294 00:12:26,659 --> 00:12:28,642 Yeah, actually, it's good for both of us. 295 00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:30,160 I have assets to protect, too. 296 00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:32,312 Like what? 297 00:12:32,314 --> 00:12:34,397 I've got some rare comic books. 298 00:12:34,399 --> 00:12:37,084 The Vespa's almost paid off. 299 00:12:38,269 --> 00:12:41,038 And Ma and I have a primo double cemetery plot at Mt. Sinai 300 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,941 right near the guy who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company. 301 00:12:43,943 --> 00:12:47,094 Mr. Roper's dead?! 302 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,849 You can't just spring that on a guy! 303 00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:55,018 Here you go. 304 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,854 This is now the only lab 305 00:12:56,856 --> 00:12:59,556 with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates 306 00:12:59,558 --> 00:13:03,110 and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan. 307 00:13:03,978 --> 00:13:05,779 Soap spots. Wash 'em again. 308 00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,815 Y... You're being ridiculous! 309 00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:09,783 Those are perfectly clean. 310 00:13:09,785 --> 00:13:12,769 Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid 311 00:13:12,771 --> 00:13:15,038 from an elephant that died of syphilis. 312 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,657 If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, 313 00:13:16,659 --> 00:13:17,991 drink from it. 314 00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:27,134 Biologists are mean. 315 00:13:28,469 --> 00:13:30,254 All right, perhaps this task 316 00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:32,389 will be a little bit more up your alley. 317 00:13:32,391 --> 00:13:34,411 I need you to count the bacteria spores 318 00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:35,459 on these petri dishes. 319 00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:37,644 There was something wrong with that detergent. 320 00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:39,980 That was way too bubbly. 321 00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:41,598 I'm sure it was. I intend to write 322 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,434 that soap company a strongly worded letter. 323 00:13:44,436 --> 00:13:46,987 Yeah, good for you. Now, start counting. 324 00:13:47,972 --> 00:13:49,940 You know what this place needs? 325 00:13:49,942 --> 00:13:52,309 A suggestion box. 326 00:13:53,444 --> 00:13:56,079 366... 327 00:13:56,081 --> 00:13:58,065 367... 328 00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,433 How's it going? 329 00:13:59,435 --> 00:14:01,001 How's counting going? 330 00:14:01,003 --> 00:14:02,536 When I was in kindergarten, 331 00:14:02,538 --> 00:14:05,205 I recited pi to a thousand places 332 00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,207 for the school talent show. 333 00:14:07,209 --> 00:14:09,293 I think I got this. 334 00:14:09,295 --> 00:14:10,377 Great. 335 00:14:15,266 --> 00:14:17,134 Aw, nuts! 336 00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:22,356 One... 337 00:14:22,358 --> 00:14:25,292 This is preposterous! 338 00:14:25,294 --> 00:14:26,894 I think you're giving me these tasks 339 00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:28,462 because you're afraid if you give me 340 00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:30,814 anything meaningful to do, I'll show you up. 341 00:14:30,816 --> 00:14:33,734 Really? Is that what you think? 342 00:14:33,736 --> 00:14:35,235 Yes, that's what I think. 343 00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:39,022 And I'm super smart, so it's probably true. 344 00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:40,741 Hey, I've been training in the field 345 00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:42,159 of neurobiology for 12 years. 346 00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:43,710 You've been here for three hours, 347 00:14:43,712 --> 00:14:46,196 and you've spent one of them in the bathroom. 348 00:14:46,198 --> 00:14:48,382 I'm sorry! It takes me a while 349 00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:51,335 to get things going on an unfamiliar toilet. 350 00:14:51,337 --> 00:14:53,837 Sheldon, I've given you the simplest things to do, 351 00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:56,056 and you haven't done one of them right. 352 00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:57,891 Maybe that's because I'm not being challenged. 353 00:14:57,893 --> 00:15:00,543 It's the same reason Einstein failed math. 354 00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:02,729 Maybe the math was too bubbly for him. 355 00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:05,349 You think you're doing science by cutting up that brain? 356 00:15:05,351 --> 00:15:07,768 They could do the same thing at any Quiznos. 357 00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:11,571 And they'd offer to toast it for me, too. 358 00:15:11,573 --> 00:15:12,856 Okay, smart guy. 359 00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:15,192 I'm about to remove the locus coeruleus, 360 00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:17,778 which is incredibly delicate work. 361 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:19,413 Have at it. 362 00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:22,416 All right. 363 00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:26,569 I'm no stranger to a little gray matter. 364 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,842 Locus coeruleus. 365 00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:37,180 Locus coeruleus. 366 00:15:37,182 --> 00:15:40,467 You're getting warmer-- it is, indeed, in the brain. 367 00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:43,420 Hope your hands are steady. 368 00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:45,355 It's the width of a single hair. 369 00:15:45,357 --> 00:15:47,819 But this is just biology, so I'm sure it's no problem 370 00:15:47,844 --> 00:15:48,860 for a genius like you. 371 00:15:48,861 --> 00:15:51,528 It's not. I'll have you know, in the field of physics, 372 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,196 we work with particles so small, 373 00:15:53,198 --> 00:15:56,083 they make fat jokes about the locus coeruleus. 374 00:15:57,601 --> 00:16:00,287 I.e., when your locus coeruleus sits around the house, 375 00:16:00,289 --> 00:16:02,939 it sits around the house. 376 00:16:07,045 --> 00:16:09,629 Oh... are we nervous, Dr. Cooper? 377 00:16:09,631 --> 00:16:11,164 No. 378 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,782 What you see 379 00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:16,169 is a man trembling with confidence. 380 00:16:20,258 --> 00:16:22,893 Does a locus coeruleus normally bleed that much? 381 00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:25,529 No. But your thumb does. 382 00:16:28,016 --> 00:16:30,017 Oh, dear. 383 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:36,823 Yeah, you're a biologist. 384 00:16:40,144 --> 00:16:42,329 What are you doing here? 385 00:16:42,331 --> 00:16:44,281 I'm on vacation. 386 00:16:44,283 --> 00:16:46,083 Social convention dictates 387 00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,453 that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. 388 00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:54,541 Social convention is stupid. 389 00:16:55,493 --> 00:16:57,961 What happened to your thumb? 390 00:16:57,963 --> 00:16:59,829 You know, I have ten fingers and ten toes. 391 00:16:59,831 --> 00:17:02,182 If I tell you a story about each one of them, 392 00:17:02,184 --> 00:17:04,468 we'll be here all day-- let's just move on. 393 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,269 What can I get you? 394 00:17:06,271 --> 00:17:08,972 Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation, 395 00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:11,391 uh, piña colada seems appropriate. 396 00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:14,177 Extra pineapple slices, extra whipped cream, 397 00:17:14,179 --> 00:17:16,363 extra cherries, extra umbrellas, 398 00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:18,665 and, uh, hold the rum. 399 00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:23,203 Don't let me have too many of those. 400 00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:24,871 Hey, what are you guys doing here? 401 00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:28,024 We're grown men; we drink at bars. 402 00:17:28,026 --> 00:17:30,660 No and no. 403 00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:34,498 Everything okay with you and Bernadette? 404 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,550 (chuckles): Oh, yeah, sure. 405 00:17:36,552 --> 00:17:38,218 You and Amy? Good? 406 00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,420 Oh, better than good. 407 00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:42,939 You know those girls text me 408 00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:45,208 every detail of their lives as it happens. 409 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:47,644 I'm not signing a prenup. 410 00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:49,429 All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. 411 00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:51,932 You sign anything she puts in front of you, 412 00:17:51,934 --> 00:17:53,767 because you are the luckiest man alive. 413 00:17:53,769 --> 00:17:55,235 If you let her go, there is no way 414 00:17:55,237 --> 00:17:57,404 you can find anyone else-- speaking on behalf of all women, 415 00:17:57,406 --> 00:17:59,439 it is not gonna happen; we had a meeting. 416 00:18:01,742 --> 00:18:03,110 And you, a grown man 417 00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:05,890 fainting at the sight of a little blood. 418 00:18:05,915 --> 00:18:06,730 Excuse me, 419 00:18:06,731 --> 00:18:09,616 this is a fairly substantial wound. 420 00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:11,168 You... 421 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,286 (heavy thud) 422 00:18:15,773 --> 00:18:18,408 (light tapping) SHELDON: Amy? Amy? 423 00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:20,410 Amy? 424 00:18:21,629 --> 00:18:23,463 What do you want? 425 00:18:23,465 --> 00:18:27,551 I was kind of hoping I could continue vacationing 426 00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:29,186 in your laboratory. 427 00:18:29,188 --> 00:18:32,389 After all, I did book the whole week. 428 00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:36,593 Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here 429 00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,278 after the way you behaved yesterday? 430 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,814 I was not myself. 431 00:18:40,816 --> 00:18:44,484 I had lost a lot of thumb blood. 432 00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,287 That's not an apology. 433 00:18:47,289 --> 00:18:49,723 That is your opinion. 434 00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:52,125 I want a real apology. 435 00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:56,746 I'm sorry that you weren't able to... 436 00:18:56,748 --> 00:18:58,331 No. 437 00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,333 ...that my genius... 438 00:19:00,335 --> 00:19:01,585 No. 439 00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,170 ...that the soap was... 440 00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:04,888 Sheldon. 441 00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:08,842 Fine. 442 00:19:11,479 --> 00:19:13,930 Sorry. 443 00:19:13,932 --> 00:19:15,798 You're forgiven. 444 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,269 Now, if you want to stay, get started on those beakers. 445 00:19:19,271 --> 00:19:21,771 They're still dirty from yesterday. 446 00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:27,494 Next year I'm going to Epcot. 447 00:19:37,889 --> 00:19:39,923 Are you mad at me? 448 00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:41,925 No. I'm not mad at you. 449 00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:43,060 I just... 450 00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,678 wish you would have come to me, 451 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,865 so I didn't have to hear it through the nerd-vine. 452 00:19:50,217 --> 00:19:51,944 So, what are we gonna do? 453 00:19:51,969 --> 00:19:53,169 (sighs) 454 00:19:53,188 --> 00:19:55,555 You really want me to sign a prenup? 455 00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:56,690 I don't know. 456 00:19:56,692 --> 00:19:59,242 My dad's pretty insistent on it, though. 457 00:19:59,244 --> 00:20:02,496 Why don't I talk to your dad, man-to-man? 458 00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:05,064 Really? Oh, that'd be so great! 459 00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:06,700 Done. 460 00:20:06,702 --> 00:20:10,454 I should probably give you a heads-up about a couple of things. 461 00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:13,790 Even though he's retired from the police force, 462 00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:15,425 he still carries his gun. 463 00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:18,378 But don't worry, he won't shoot it. 464 00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,597 It's more of a fashion statement. 465 00:20:21,849 --> 00:20:23,216 Okay. 466 00:20:23,218 --> 00:20:26,085 And just to be safe, when you talk to him, 467 00:20:26,087 --> 00:20:28,472 don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, 468 00:20:28,474 --> 00:20:30,390 foreign people, homosexuals, 469 00:20:30,392 --> 00:20:32,793 Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, 470 00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:34,762 the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact 471 00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,087 that you're Jewish. 472 00:20:39,266 --> 00:20:41,568 Got it, got it. 473 00:20:41,570 --> 00:20:44,955 Will you e-mail me that list? 474 00:20:44,957 --> 00:20:47,207 So the thing to watch for, 475 00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:48,992 if he's shouting at you, you're okay, 476 00:20:48,994 --> 00:20:50,961 but if he starts to get real quiet, 477 00:20:50,963 --> 00:20:53,997 leave as quickly as you can without making eye contact. 478 00:20:55,616 --> 00:20:59,669 Not in a straight line-- throw some zigs and zigs in there. 479 00:21:01,506 --> 00:21:03,507 You know, this isn't that pressing. 480 00:21:03,509 --> 00:21:06,092 Why don't I talk to him about it in May. 481 00:21:06,094 --> 00:21:09,179 In May you're gonna be on the International Space Station. 482 00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:11,696 They got a phone. 483 00:21:11,698 --> 00:21:15,698 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net