1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,304
I'm just gonna run to the
store and get a few things.
2
00:00:04,306 --> 00:00:05,339
I'll pick you up
when you're done.
3
00:00:05,341 --> 00:00:06,790
Okay.
4
00:00:06,792 --> 00:00:09,665
I like it a little better
when you stay, but all right.
5
00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:10,864
Hey, Sheldon.
6
00:00:10,866 --> 00:00:12,700
Hello. I'm here for my haircut
7
00:00:12,702 --> 00:00:14,034
with Mr. D'Onofrio.
8
00:00:14,036 --> 00:00:15,970
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony's
in the hospital.
9
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:17,171
He's pretty sick.
10
00:00:17,173 --> 00:00:21,008
Oh, dear, Mr. D'Onofrio's
in the hospital.
11
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:23,578
Why do these things
always happen to me?
12
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:25,563
I can cut it for you.
13
00:00:25,565 --> 00:00:27,448
You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.
14
00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:30,351
I get my hair cut
by Mr. D'Onofrio.
15
00:00:30,353 --> 00:00:31,652
You believe
this guy?
16
00:00:31,654 --> 00:00:32,853
(murmurs)
17
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,888
Excuse us for a second.
18
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,407
Sheldon, it's okay,
he can do it.
19
00:00:36,409 --> 00:00:37,525
He's a barber.
20
00:00:37,527 --> 00:00:40,328
He's not a barber,
he's the nephew.
21
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:41,862
He's an example
of the kind
22
00:00:41,864 --> 00:00:45,166
of nepotism that runs rampant
in the barbering industry.
23
00:00:45,168 --> 00:00:46,834
Besides, Mr.
D'Onofrio knows
24
00:00:46,836 --> 00:00:49,403
exactly how I like my
hair done because he has
25
00:00:49,405 --> 00:00:52,607
all my haircut records
from my barber in Texas.
26
00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:54,408
What are you talking about?
27
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,543
When I first
moved here,
28
00:00:55,545 --> 00:00:58,179
I was nervous about
finding a new barber,
29
00:00:58,181 --> 00:01:00,097
so my mother had all
my haircut records
30
00:01:00,099 --> 00:01:02,249
sent here to
Mr. D'Onofrio.
31
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:06,721
There's no such thing
as haircut records.
32
00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:09,523
Yes, there are.
33
00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,725
Have you ever seen them?
34
00:01:10,727 --> 00:01:13,294
No, but my mother assured
me they were sent here,
35
00:01:13,296 --> 00:01:15,112
and I'll bet you
dollars to donuts
36
00:01:15,114 --> 00:01:16,714
that this one
doesn't have them.
37
00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:18,549
Uh, excuse me.
38
00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:21,152
Do you have access
to my haircut records?
39
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:22,787
Your what?
40
00:01:22,789 --> 00:01:24,605
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot,
41
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:26,123
this is the way
the world ends--
42
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:29,126
not with a bang
but with a nephew.
43
00:01:30,329 --> 00:01:33,381
Sheldon, you're a grown man,
he's a professional,
44
00:01:33,383 --> 00:01:37,301
and your haircut is number three
on that poster from 1946.
45
00:01:37,303 --> 00:01:39,119
Just sit down
46
00:01:39,121 --> 00:01:40,137
and let him do it.
47
00:01:40,139 --> 00:01:41,789
Fine, but if I come
out of this
48
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:43,774
looking like a dork,
it's on you.
49
00:01:50,515 --> 00:01:52,483
(clears throat)
50
00:01:52,485 --> 00:01:54,185
So my kid said
the funniest thing today.
51
00:01:54,187 --> 00:01:55,269
Nope.
52
00:01:59,324 --> 00:02:01,659
When you tell this story later,
53
00:02:01,661 --> 00:02:05,079
the word we usually use is
"quirky."
54
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,449
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:08,451 --> 00:02:12,036
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:12,038 --> 00:02:13,604
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:13,606 --> 00:02:16,090
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:18,759
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:18,761 --> 00:02:21,479
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:23,381
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:24,380
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:24,381 --> 00:02:27,381
The Big Bang Theory 5x18
The Werewolf Transformation
Original Air Date on February 23, 2012
63
00:02:27,382 --> 00:02:30,382
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
64
00:02:34,883 --> 00:02:36,094
Can you pass
the Parmesan cheese?
65
00:02:36,095 --> 00:02:38,345
Sure.
66
00:02:46,405 --> 00:02:47,989
What are you doing?
67
00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:50,024
I'm trying to get the hair
out of my eyes.
68
00:02:50,174 --> 00:02:51,032
LEONARD:
Sheldon,
69
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:53,567
you are one day late
for your haircut.
70
00:02:53,569 --> 00:02:56,253
Thank you for captioning
my nightmare.
71
00:02:58,105 --> 00:03:00,707
Lookie here,
I got my travel orders.
72
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:04,411
"Payload Specialist Howard
Wolowitz is requested
73
00:03:04,413 --> 00:03:07,113
"to report to the NASA
Johnson Space Center,
74
00:03:07,115 --> 00:03:08,215
"Houston, Texas,
75
00:03:08,217 --> 00:03:10,384
for astronaut training
Monday 8:00 a.m."
76
00:03:10,386 --> 00:03:13,387
Yeah, but it's from NASA,
so it's 0800.
77
00:03:13,389 --> 00:03:15,138
But it says
"8:00 a.m""
78
00:03:16,557 --> 00:03:18,792
You read it as "0800."
79
00:03:18,794 --> 00:03:20,894
It doesn't have an
"O" in front of it.
80
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,597
You know what does have
an "oh" in front of it?
81
00:03:23,599 --> 00:03:26,450
"Oh, my God, I'm an astronaut,
and you're dying of jealousy."
82
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:29,736
So, what kind of
things are they...?
83
00:03:29,738 --> 00:03:32,305
Will you stop that?
84
00:03:32,307 --> 00:03:36,793
I can't help it,
I feel like a teen heartthrob.
85
00:03:38,296 --> 00:03:40,313
You know, Sheldon,
I used to cut my brother's hair.
86
00:03:40,315 --> 00:03:41,314
I could do it for you.
87
00:03:41,316 --> 00:03:44,284
Penny, I know you mean well,
88
00:03:44,286 --> 00:03:47,170
offering the skills
of the hill folk, but, um,
89
00:03:47,172 --> 00:03:48,955
here in town,
90
00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,874
we don't churn our own butter,
91
00:03:50,876 --> 00:03:53,043
we don't make dresses
out of gunny sacks,
92
00:03:53,045 --> 00:03:55,512
and, uh, we sure as shootin'
don't get our hair cut
93
00:03:55,514 --> 00:03:56,513
by bottle-blonde...
94
00:03:56,515 --> 00:03:58,398
Sheldon, be nice.
95
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,967
I'm sorry,
it's the bad boy attitude
96
00:04:00,969 --> 00:04:02,352
that comes with this hair.
97
00:04:06,173 --> 00:04:07,190
You could go to my guy.
98
00:04:07,192 --> 00:04:09,059
He's at Juan-Juan
in Beverly Hills.
99
00:04:09,061 --> 00:04:11,111
They bring you a cup of tea,
they'll massage your scalp.
100
00:04:11,113 --> 00:04:14,180
It's about $200, but sometimes
you look in the next chair
101
00:04:14,182 --> 00:04:17,567
and you see a superstar
like Tony Danza.
102
00:04:18,653 --> 00:04:19,686
WOLOWITZ:
Quick question here:
103
00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:21,705
Have we actually changed
the conversation
104
00:04:21,707 --> 00:04:23,240
from "I'm going
to astronaut training"
105
00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:26,025
to "Sheldon can't
get a haircut"?
106
00:04:26,027 --> 00:04:27,177
Now who's dying of jealousy?
107
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:30,664
"Oh," it's you.
108
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,002
♪ I'm a cowboy ♪
109
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:38,839
♪ On a steel horse
I ride ♪
110
00:04:38,841 --> 00:04:41,541
♪ I'm wanted ♪
111
00:04:43,511 --> 00:04:46,213
♪ I'm wanted ♪
112
00:04:47,932 --> 00:04:49,933
♪ Wanted ♪
113
00:04:49,935 --> 00:04:52,602
♪ Dead or alive. ♪
114
00:04:52,604 --> 00:04:53,887
Sheldon,
115
00:04:53,889 --> 00:04:55,622
you're ruining girlfriend-
boyfriend sing-along night.
116
00:04:55,624 --> 00:04:57,891
I'm sorry.
117
00:04:57,893 --> 00:05:01,111
I'm looking for a barber
and I'm running out of time.
118
00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:02,212
My hair is growing at the rate
119
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:05,615
of 4.6 yoctometers
per femtosecond.
120
00:05:06,484 --> 00:05:09,252
I mean, if you're quiet,
you can hear it.
121
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,906
What about Supercuts?
122
00:05:12,908 --> 00:05:13,907
I tried once.
123
00:05:13,909 --> 00:05:15,225
They do men's and women's hair
124
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,627
in the same room
at the same time.
125
00:05:17,629 --> 00:05:20,597
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with mousse.
126
00:05:20,599 --> 00:05:23,183
Well, this isn't
a crisis.
127
00:05:23,185 --> 00:05:25,302
Why don't you just let
your hair grow out a little?
128
00:05:25,304 --> 00:05:26,419
Why don't I let
129
00:05:26,421 --> 00:05:27,537
my hair grow out?
130
00:05:27,539 --> 00:05:30,173
Um, why don't I start
wearing Birkenstocks
131
00:05:30,175 --> 00:05:33,193
and seeking validation
of my opinions by asking
132
00:05:33,195 --> 00:05:34,744
"Can you dig it?"
133
00:05:34,746 --> 00:05:37,414
Well, I don't know.
134
00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:39,549
I think you might look
sexy with long hair.
135
00:05:40,785 --> 00:05:43,537
The kind that flows down
to your shoulders
136
00:05:43,539 --> 00:05:46,990
and blows back
while riding on a horse.
137
00:05:49,093 --> 00:05:51,728
Bareback and bare-chested.
138
00:05:53,998 --> 00:05:56,750
I'm gonna go brush my teeth;
it might take a while.
139
00:06:01,789 --> 00:06:02,923
Hi.
140
00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:04,324
Hi, sweetie.
141
00:06:04,326 --> 00:06:05,525
I miss you.
142
00:06:05,527 --> 00:06:07,093
I miss you, too.
143
00:06:07,095 --> 00:06:09,679
So tell me
all about your first day.
144
00:06:09,681 --> 00:06:12,165
Oh, wow, where do I even start?
145
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:15,485
I got to experience
zero gravity.
146
00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:16,770
Cool. How do they do that?
147
00:06:16,772 --> 00:06:17,771
It's pretty neat.
148
00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:19,005
You get in this plane
149
00:06:19,007 --> 00:06:23,026
that goes almost straight up
for, like, 20 seconds,
150
00:06:23,028 --> 00:06:27,664
and then straight back down
like it's going to crash, and
151
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:28,949
they do it
152
00:06:28,951 --> 00:06:30,951
over and over again, you know,
153
00:06:30,953 --> 00:06:33,152
no matter how many times
you throw up.
154
00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:34,988
You threw up?
155
00:06:34,990 --> 00:06:38,542
Yeah... and the craziest part
is, because there's no gravity,
156
00:06:38,544 --> 00:06:43,296
the throw-up kind of
floats there...
157
00:06:43,298 --> 00:06:44,497
in a little ball,
158
00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:45,982
and
159
00:06:45,984 --> 00:06:49,519
if your mouth is open
because you're screaming...
160
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:54,274
...sometimes it just floats
right back in.
161
00:06:54,276 --> 00:06:55,659
(laughing)
162
00:06:57,511 --> 00:07:00,730
Boy, does everyone laugh
at you when that happens.
163
00:07:00,732 --> 00:07:01,731
That sounds mean.
164
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:02,782
No.
165
00:07:02,784 --> 00:07:04,284
Yeah, I would have laughed, too,
166
00:07:04,286 --> 00:07:06,453
but I didn't want the vomit
to come back out.
167
00:07:06,455 --> 00:07:09,489
(laughs)
168
00:07:09,491 --> 00:07:11,458
Anyway...
169
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,359
Oh, could you do me a favor
170
00:07:13,361 --> 00:07:16,713
and overnight me
some more underwear?
171
00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:18,031
Sure, why?
172
00:07:18,033 --> 00:07:19,416
I got a look at the centrifuge
173
00:07:19,418 --> 00:07:21,117
they're going to spin me
around in tomorrow,
174
00:07:21,119 --> 00:07:23,486
and I have a hunch
I packed a little light.
175
00:07:23,488 --> 00:07:25,422
(chuckles nervously)
176
00:07:31,562 --> 00:07:34,230
Mr. D'Onofrio?
177
00:07:34,232 --> 00:07:36,016
It's Sheldon.
178
00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:38,768
They didn't have
anything barber-themed
179
00:07:38,770 --> 00:07:42,522
in the gift shop,
so I got you this.
180
00:07:42,524 --> 00:07:44,557
I don't know if you can read
his little T-shirt.
181
00:07:44,559 --> 00:07:47,577
It says, um,
"Get well bear-y soon."
182
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:51,331
Trust me, if you were even
a little conscious right now,
183
00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:52,365
you'd be laughing.
184
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:53,583
(laughs)
185
00:07:55,286 --> 00:07:58,588
Anyway...
186
00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:03,259
There's new studies that show,
people in comas are aware
187
00:08:03,261 --> 00:08:05,578
of everything going on
around them.
188
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:08,632
With that in mind,
if you can hear me,
189
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,550
move away from the light
190
00:08:10,552 --> 00:08:14,354
and toward the sound
of these scissors.
191
00:08:14,356 --> 00:08:15,438
(door opens)
192
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,107
Can I help you?
193
00:08:17,109 --> 00:08:18,358
Yes.
194
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,312
Do you have something
I could use as a cape?
195
00:08:22,314 --> 00:08:24,931
Oh, dear,
did we spit out our pills,
196
00:08:24,933 --> 00:08:28,535
slip out of the ninth floor,
and go on a little adventure?
197
00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:30,537
Oh, no,
198
00:08:30,539 --> 00:08:33,606
no, I'm just here
to get my hair cut.
199
00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:38,328
I-I see.
200
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:41,297
J-Jus-Just wait here one moment.
201
00:08:41,299 --> 00:08:43,333
Security!
202
00:08:43,335 --> 00:08:45,952
I got to run.
203
00:08:45,954 --> 00:08:49,172
But not with scissors--
that would be unsafe.
204
00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:02,626
So, if I move
my horsey here...
205
00:09:04,512 --> 00:09:07,631
...isn't that checkmate
and I win?
206
00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:15,739
Hmm.
207
00:09:16,541 --> 00:09:19,443
Well, is it
or isn't it?
208
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,347
You know, I think this is
a good stopping point.
209
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,283
Uh, it's your
first real game.
210
00:09:26,285 --> 00:09:28,118
I threw a lot
of information at you.
211
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,286
Well, no,
212
00:09:29,288 --> 00:09:30,654
I mean,
your king is trapped.
213
00:09:30,656 --> 00:09:33,457
He can't go here
because of my lighthouse,
214
00:09:33,459 --> 00:09:36,159
and...
215
00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:40,297
he can't go here because
of my pointy-head guy.
216
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:44,134
Like I said, complicated game.
217
00:09:44,136 --> 00:09:46,353
So did I win or not?
218
00:09:46,355 --> 00:09:47,638
Did you have fun?
219
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,440
Because if you had fun,
then you are, you are a winner.
220
00:09:49,442 --> 00:09:51,725
That's, that-that's
what chess is all about.
221
00:09:52,978 --> 00:09:54,395
Hello.
222
00:09:54,397 --> 00:09:55,396
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
223
00:09:55,398 --> 00:09:56,780
Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move.
Eh, why?
224
00:09:56,782 --> 00:10:00,668
My spot, your spot--
what difference does it make?
225
00:10:04,155 --> 00:10:06,657
Okay, what just happened?
226
00:10:06,659 --> 00:10:08,025
I don't know.
227
00:10:08,027 --> 00:10:10,127
Between you playing chess
like Bobby Fischer
228
00:10:10,129 --> 00:10:13,080
and Sheldon being okay
with you in his spot,
229
00:10:13,082 --> 00:10:15,466
I'm guessing someone went
back in time, stepped on a bug,
230
00:10:15,468 --> 00:10:18,035
and changed the course
of human events.
231
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:21,388
Uh, sweetie,
are you all right?
232
00:10:21,390 --> 00:10:23,891
No, I'm not all right.
233
00:10:23,893 --> 00:10:26,593
It's been six days since I
was supposed to get a haircut
234
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:29,013
and nothing horrible
has happened.
235
00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:32,066
Okay, I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
236
00:10:32,068 --> 00:10:33,684
Leonard, explain it to her.
237
00:10:33,686 --> 00:10:36,854
Oh, uh, he's crazy.
238
00:10:38,023 --> 00:10:39,740
I have spent my whole life
239
00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:41,942
trying to bring order
to the universe
240
00:10:41,944 --> 00:10:44,895
by carefully planning
every moment of every day.
241
00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:46,063
But all my efforts--
242
00:10:46,065 --> 00:10:48,499
our dinner schedule,
my pajama rotation,
243
00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:50,734
my bowel movement spreadsheet--
244
00:10:50,736 --> 00:10:53,236
it's clear now,
245
00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:55,039
I've been wasting my time.
246
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:59,376
Good. I'm taking that
disgusting chart off the fridge.
247
00:10:59,378 --> 00:11:01,929
You know, Sh-Sheldon,
248
00:11:01,931 --> 00:11:03,681
sometimes it's nice
not knowing what's coming.
249
00:11:03,683 --> 00:11:05,015
I mean, look at me and Leonard.
250
00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:07,217
We went out, we broke up,
now we're trying again.
251
00:11:07,219 --> 00:11:08,585
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
252
00:11:08,587 --> 00:11:11,438
Oh, please, everyone knows
what's going to happen.
253
00:11:13,091 --> 00:11:15,092
But I see your point.
254
00:11:15,094 --> 00:11:16,727
I think this could
be good for you.
255
00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:19,313
Maybe it's time for you
to shake things up a bit.
256
00:11:19,315 --> 00:11:21,482
You're right.
257
00:11:21,484 --> 00:11:23,734
I should embrace the chaos.
258
00:11:23,736 --> 00:11:25,486
Great.
259
00:11:25,488 --> 00:11:26,954
What are you going
to do first?
260
00:11:26,956 --> 00:11:27,988
I don't know.
261
00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:29,456
I could do anything.
262
00:11:29,458 --> 00:11:31,458
All bets are off.
263
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:34,912
The world is my oyster.
264
00:11:34,914 --> 00:11:36,263
I got it.
265
00:11:36,265 --> 00:11:39,633
I'm going to put
on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.
266
00:11:44,089 --> 00:11:46,673
I got to tell you,
I'm a little worried about him.
267
00:11:46,675 --> 00:11:48,509
If I were you, I'd be
worried that a girl
268
00:11:48,511 --> 00:11:51,795
who's never played chess in
her life just kicked your ass.
269
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:07,261
Hi.
270
00:12:07,263 --> 00:12:09,396
Howie, what happened to you?
271
00:12:09,398 --> 00:12:13,333
We did overnight survival
training in the wilderness.
272
00:12:13,335 --> 00:12:15,085
Big fun.
273
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:17,921
Big, big fun.
274
00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:20,541
I was gonna freshen up for you
275
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:24,695
but I blacked out a little
on the way to the bathroom.
276
00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:27,214
Survival training?
277
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:28,331
Is that like camping?
278
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:29,383
Uh-huh.
279
00:12:29,385 --> 00:12:32,119
Except you don't
have food or water,
280
00:12:32,121 --> 00:12:35,622
and they don't have
a sunset Sabbath service
281
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:38,642
like they do
at Camp Hess-Kramer.
282
00:12:38,644 --> 00:12:41,195
Do you sleep in tents?
283
00:12:41,197 --> 00:12:42,346
No.
284
00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:44,848
I slept in a hole
285
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:48,819
I dug in the ground
with my bare hands.
286
00:12:48,821 --> 00:12:52,256
And at some point
during the night,
287
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:55,726
an armadillo crawled in
288
00:12:55,728 --> 00:12:58,328
and spooned me.
289
00:13:00,498 --> 00:13:01,748
Poor baby.
290
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:02,883
But I did it.
291
00:13:02,885 --> 00:13:04,802
I survived.
292
00:13:04,804 --> 00:13:09,323
I wasn't sure I was going to
when the sandstorm hit.
293
00:13:09,325 --> 00:13:13,060
I just pulled my turtleneck
up over my head
294
00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:16,730
and waited for death.
295
00:13:16,732 --> 00:13:20,517
But somehow as I sat there,
296
00:13:20,519 --> 00:13:24,888
wrapped in a cocoon
of my own neck-sweat,
297
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:29,676
I found that primal part
of the human spirit
298
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:33,730
that just wants
to keep on living,
299
00:13:33,732 --> 00:13:36,466
no matter what the cost.
300
00:13:36,468 --> 00:13:37,784
You're so brave.
301
00:13:37,786 --> 00:13:39,453
I'm proud of you.
302
00:13:39,455 --> 00:13:43,140
I ate a butterfly.
303
00:13:49,714 --> 00:13:52,733
It was so small and...
304
00:13:52,735 --> 00:13:55,135
beautiful,
305
00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:57,855
but I was so hungry.
306
00:14:01,192 --> 00:14:03,277
Are you crying?
307
00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:06,096
No, I don't think it's possible.
308
00:14:06,098 --> 00:14:09,600
I'm severely dehydrated.
309
00:14:09,602 --> 00:14:13,187
My pee is like toothpaste.
310
00:14:13,189 --> 00:14:17,074
Howie, if you're not able
to do this, come home.
311
00:14:17,076 --> 00:14:20,110
It won't change
how I feel about you.
312
00:14:20,112 --> 00:14:23,130
Thanks, honey, but I can't quit.
313
00:14:23,132 --> 00:14:26,216
If I do, I'll just be a guy
314
00:14:26,218 --> 00:14:30,220
who had a chance to be an
astronaut and gave it up.
315
00:14:30,222 --> 00:14:32,455
Well, is there anything
I could do to help?
316
00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:34,558
No.
317
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:35,726
Wait.
318
00:14:35,728 --> 00:14:39,663
Send more underwear.
319
00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:43,917
(bongos playing in living room)
320
00:14:48,506 --> 00:14:51,909
Don't let this
be Sheldon playing bongos.
321
00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:02,452
(bongos playing)
322
00:15:07,008 --> 00:15:10,777
(rhythmically) Hello, Leonard,
do you like my bongos?
323
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:15,498
Bet you didn't know
that I had bongos.
324
00:15:16,718 --> 00:15:18,668
Sheldon, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
325
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:19,836
3:00 in the morning
326
00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:23,673
is a good time for bongos.
327
00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:25,275
I was sleeping.
328
00:15:25,277 --> 00:15:28,511
Leonard sleeps
while I play bongos.
329
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,949
No, he doesn't.
330
00:15:31,951 --> 00:15:34,735
Leonard no sleep
while I play bongos.
331
00:15:34,737 --> 00:15:36,853
Bongo solo.
332
00:15:41,125 --> 00:15:42,492
Stop! Stop it!
333
00:15:42,494 --> 00:15:44,628
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
334
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:52,052
- What the hell?!
- Oh, hi,
335
00:15:52,054 --> 00:15:53,203
Penny, guess what?
336
00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:55,389
Sheldon got bongos.
337
00:15:55,391 --> 00:15:57,007
Why did you get bongos?
338
00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:58,875
Richard Feynman
played the bongos.
339
00:15:58,877 --> 00:16:00,310
I thought I'd give that a try.
340
00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:02,045
Richard Feynman
was a famous physicist.
341
00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:03,713
Oh, Leonard, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
342
00:16:03,715 --> 00:16:05,599
I don't care if Richard Feynman
was a purple leprechaun
343
00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:07,567
who lived in my butt.
344
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:11,605
Penny meant if he were
a purple leprechaun.
345
00:16:11,607 --> 00:16:12,722
Penny forgot
346
00:16:12,724 --> 00:16:14,908
to use the subjunctive.
347
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,561
Sheldon, go to bed.
348
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,080
You have work in the morning.
349
00:16:20,082 --> 00:16:21,331
Maybe, maybe not.
350
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,234
Maybe tomorrow I start
a bongo band and tour the world.
351
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:28,588
No, no, hang on,
uh, uh,
352
00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:29,906
Roommate Agreement.
353
00:16:29,908 --> 00:16:33,010
No hootenannies, sing-a-longs,
or barbershop quartets
354
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:35,429
after 10:00 p.m.
355
00:16:35,431 --> 00:16:36,630
Roommate Agreement?
356
00:16:36,632 --> 00:16:37,747
Are you kidding?
357
00:16:37,749 --> 00:16:39,049
We are living in a world
358
00:16:39,051 --> 00:16:41,018
of chaos.
359
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:43,036
Roommate Agreement.
360
00:16:44,222 --> 00:16:46,223
Where are you going?
361
00:16:46,225 --> 00:16:48,425
Wherever the music
takes me, kitten.
362
00:16:51,396 --> 00:16:53,313
I play bongos
363
00:16:53,315 --> 00:16:54,448
walking down the stairs.
364
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:57,868
(tumbling down stairs)
Oh! Oh!
365
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:04,107
(playing bongos) Never play bongos
walking down the stairs.
366
00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:06,793
(knocking)
367
00:17:09,881 --> 00:17:10,997
Surprise.
368
00:17:10,999 --> 00:17:12,833
What are you doing here?
369
00:17:12,835 --> 00:17:14,551
I'm here to help you
get through this.
370
00:17:14,553 --> 00:17:16,720
You can't do it on your own,
you need someone
371
00:17:16,722 --> 00:17:17,971
to take care of you.
372
00:17:17,973 --> 00:17:19,272
Oh, I love you so much.
373
00:17:19,274 --> 00:17:20,590
Oh, I love you.
374
00:17:20,592 --> 00:17:23,977
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard,
your bath is getting cold!
375
00:17:26,097 --> 00:17:28,482
Don't worry, once
she falls asleep,
376
00:17:28,484 --> 00:17:31,234
I'll spoon you
like an armadillo.
377
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,526
He showed up in the middle
of the night with his bongos.
378
00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:43,480
I foolishly thought it was some
sort of musical booty call.
379
00:17:44,499 --> 00:17:46,516
Poor guy.
380
00:17:46,518 --> 00:17:49,286
He must have been exhausted.
381
00:17:49,288 --> 00:17:52,122
Sheldon like to sleep
while Leonard play the bongo!
382
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,843
That was kind of uncalled for.
383
00:17:56,845 --> 00:17:58,328
No, it was called for.
384
00:17:59,464 --> 00:18:01,014
What's going on?
385
00:18:01,016 --> 00:18:02,015
All right, Sheldon,
386
00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:03,517
this craziness
has gone on long enough.
387
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,802
Please come home
so I can cut your hair.
388
00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:08,138
Penny, you're not trained.
389
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,639
You're not licensed.
390
00:18:09,641 --> 00:18:13,610
Most importantly, you don't have
access to my haircut records.
391
00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:18,432
All right, honey, look,
392
00:18:18,434 --> 00:18:20,784
we've known each other
for a long time now, right?
393
00:18:20,786 --> 00:18:23,186
I've taken you to Disneyland,
394
00:18:23,188 --> 00:18:25,322
I kicked a bully
in the nuts for you,
395
00:18:25,324 --> 00:18:27,324
I sing you "Soft Kitty"
396
00:18:27,326 --> 00:18:29,326
when you're sick,
397
00:18:29,328 --> 00:18:30,911
you've even saw me naked once.
398
00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:34,064
I'm sorry,
what?
399
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:36,032
It was a long story.
400
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,368
Anyway, Sheldon, I promise
I know what I'm doing.
401
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:39,920
Please let me cut your hair.
402
00:18:39,922 --> 00:18:42,923
Amy, what do you think?
403
00:18:42,925 --> 00:18:46,709
There's not a hair on my body
I wouldn't let this woman trim.
404
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:57,237
Fine, let's go.
405
00:19:00,691 --> 00:19:02,609
Thank you for letting me
sleep on your couch.
406
00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:04,394
There's only so many times
a woman can say,
407
00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:05,745
"How about the bed?"
408
00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,568
What's this
about Sheldon seeing you naked?
409
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:15,422
Oh, relax. It was just
her bottom and her breasts.
410
00:19:22,507 --> 00:19:24,408
Almost done.
411
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:26,210
At the end of the haircut,
412
00:19:26,212 --> 00:19:29,580
Mr. D'Onofrio
would tell me a dirty joke.
413
00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:33,184
Sorry, I don't know
any dirty jokes.
414
00:19:33,186 --> 00:19:36,537
That's okay,
I never understood them anyway.
415
00:19:38,473 --> 00:19:40,641
Okay, what do you think?
416
00:19:42,694 --> 00:19:45,279
Hm, well,
417
00:19:45,281 --> 00:19:48,215
it's a little Hollywood.
418
00:19:49,317 --> 00:19:51,552
But I think
I can pull it off.
419
00:19:51,554 --> 00:19:52,887
Well done, Penny.
420
00:19:52,889 --> 00:19:54,104
Ha, told you.
421
00:19:54,106 --> 00:19:55,956
Okay, I'm just gonna clean up
your neck a little
422
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:59,043
and then you are good to go.
Fun time.
423
00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:00,127
(giggles)
424
00:20:00,129 --> 00:20:03,047
Sorry, sometimes the clippers
tickle me.
425
00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:04,582
Okay.
426
00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:06,784
(laughs)
427
00:20:11,823 --> 00:20:14,141
Okay, yep, we're all done now.
428
00:20:14,143 --> 00:20:15,125
It's just... it's good.
429
00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:17,678
Let me just take that
away from you.
430
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,346
- Okay.
- Thank you very much.
431
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,515
You are welcome.
432
00:20:27,345 --> 00:20:28,415
(door closes)
433
00:20:30,755 --> 00:20:32,255
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move.
434
00:20:32,389 --> 00:20:36,389
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
9999
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,000
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