1 00:00:02,577 --> 00:00:04,995 Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 2 00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:08,765 Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun with Flags. 3 00:00:10,335 --> 00:00:13,203 Before we get started, I'd like to announce 4 00:00:13,205 --> 00:00:16,106 the winner of our design your own flag competition. 5 00:00:16,108 --> 00:00:18,275 But I can't. 6 00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:20,944 The only entry was from GameyGamer75, 7 00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:24,882 and I know that was a jpeg of your buttocks. 8 00:00:24,884 --> 00:00:27,251 Now this week we have a very special episode 9 00:00:27,253 --> 00:00:28,919 where we explore the flags 10 00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:32,222 of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek. 11 00:00:32,224 --> 00:00:34,491 And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce 12 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,326 Internet personality, 13 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:39,029 former star of Star Trek: The Next Generation, 14 00:00:39,031 --> 00:00:42,533 and the only guy I know lucky enough to be immortalized 15 00:00:42,535 --> 00:00:47,638 in 1/16 scale-- set phasers to "fun"... 16 00:00:49,874 --> 00:00:52,309 ...for my friend, Wil Wheaton. 17 00:00:53,945 --> 00:00:55,679 Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. 18 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,080 I'm happy to be here. 19 00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,599 Cut. 20 00:00:58,601 --> 00:00:59,700 What's wrong? 21 00:00:59,702 --> 00:01:01,969 Sorry, Sheldon, you were brilliant as always. 22 00:01:01,971 --> 00:01:04,755 Wil, that was a little wooden. 23 00:01:04,757 --> 00:01:07,307 Wooden? 24 00:01:07,309 --> 00:01:08,642 Don't worry, it wasn't terrible. 25 00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:12,479 Just, this time, try to say it the way people sound. 26 00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:15,816 And action. 27 00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:18,151 My friend, Wil Wheaton. 28 00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:19,820 Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. 29 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:21,054 I'm excited to be here. 30 00:01:21,056 --> 00:01:23,740 So, Wil, what do you have for us first? 31 00:01:23,742 --> 00:01:25,659 Well, this is an exciting one. 32 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:28,095 This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. 33 00:01:28,097 --> 00:01:30,063 Now what's interesting about this flag... Cut. 34 00:01:31,332 --> 00:01:32,749 What was wrong with that? 35 00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:35,335 It's called "Fun with Flags." 36 00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,671 They're not at half-mast, nobody died. 37 00:01:37,673 --> 00:01:39,840 Let's try and keep it upbeat. 38 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,125 Um, no offense, 39 00:01:42,127 --> 00:01:43,894 but I've been acting since I was a kid. 40 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,596 I think I can handle a Web show 41 00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:46,847 without a lot of direction. 42 00:01:46,849 --> 00:01:48,098 It's true. 43 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,633 In 1982, Wil played the voice 44 00:01:49,635 --> 00:01:52,302 of Martin the mouse in The Secret of NIMH. 45 00:01:52,304 --> 00:01:54,438 You moved me. 46 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:56,990 You'll have to forgive me. 47 00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,077 This is my first time directing, I just want it to be good. 48 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:01,478 So do I. 49 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,363 Great. So, this time let's try 50 00:02:03,365 --> 00:02:05,165 more real boy, less Pinocchio. 51 00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:07,918 And action. 52 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,303 And cut. 53 00:02:10,288 --> 00:02:12,422 You realize that I'm doing this for free, right? 54 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:16,510 Yes. And so far, we're still not getting our money's worth. 55 00:02:18,829 --> 00:02:21,298 Let's try it again. 56 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,166 Everybody's having fun. 57 00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:25,135 And action. 58 00:02:25,137 --> 00:02:27,337 So, Wil... 59 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:37,080 ...what do you have for us first? 60 00:02:37,082 --> 00:02:41,318 Well, this is an exciting one. 61 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,886 This is the flag 62 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,888 of the United Federation of Planets. 63 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:46,156 Cut. 64 00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:48,959 Problem, first-time director? 65 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,210 Oh, none that I could see. 66 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,664 I saw a man who loved flags almost as much as I do. 67 00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:56,166 I got goose bumps. 68 00:02:56,168 --> 00:02:58,368 He was overacting on purpose. 69 00:02:58,370 --> 00:02:59,469 Really? 70 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:02,089 He reminded me of a young William Shatner. 71 00:03:02,091 --> 00:03:03,473 Listen, Sheldon, I'm really happy 72 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,976 to do this for you, but not if she's gonna be 73 00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:08,045 a huge pain in the ass the whole time. 74 00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:11,098 You gonna let him speak to me like that? 75 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:15,235 Well... 76 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,720 you're my girlfriend 77 00:03:16,722 --> 00:03:18,655 and I don't want you to be upset. 78 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,323 Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend 79 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,576 and I don't want him to be upset. 80 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,745 Hmm... 81 00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,396 This is a sticky wicket. 82 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,282 What do you think? 83 00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,702 Can I speak to you for a second? 84 00:03:31,704 --> 00:03:34,037 I'll be right back. 85 00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:36,423 Feel free to play with yourself. 86 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:46,249 I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me. 87 00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:47,684 You need to ask him to leave. 88 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,754 Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. 89 00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:52,689 He's a minor celebrity. 90 00:03:53,825 --> 00:03:57,427 Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him. 91 00:03:57,429 --> 00:03:59,279 Fine. Then maybe I should go. 92 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,865 Could you? That would solve everything. 93 00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:05,535 You are the best. 94 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,370 I'll see you at dinner tonight? 95 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,039 You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner 96 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,240 with your friend Wil Wheaton? 97 00:04:10,242 --> 00:04:12,793 Come to think of it, I would! 98 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:16,446 You, little lady, are on fire. 99 00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:20,784 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 100 00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:24,421 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 101 00:04:24,423 --> 00:04:26,139 ♪ The Earth began to cool 102 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,842 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 103 00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:31,244 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 104 00:04:31,246 --> 00:04:33,713 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 105 00:04:33,715 --> 00:04:36,149 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 106 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,967 ♪ Bang! ♪ 107 00:04:37,968 --> 00:04:41,968 ♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x07 ♪ The Habitation Configuration Original Air Date on November 8, 2012 108 00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:45,969 == sync, corrected by elderman == 109 00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,182 Every time we eat dinner here, 110 00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:50,266 your mother refuses to let me help with the dishes. 111 00:04:50,268 --> 00:04:52,969 Don't take it personally. She likes doing them by herself 112 00:04:52,971 --> 00:04:55,888 so she can lick the plates with no one looking. 113 00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,723 You ready to go? 114 00:04:57,725 --> 00:05:01,444 Yeah, let me just grab a couple of fresh turtlenecks. 115 00:05:01,446 --> 00:05:03,780 I don't understand why you keep your stuff here 116 00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:05,598 when there's plenty of room at home. 117 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,333 What are you talking about? 118 00:05:07,335 --> 00:05:10,169 All I have here is a few sweaters, 119 00:05:10,171 --> 00:05:12,989 books, bank stuff, computers, 120 00:05:12,991 --> 00:05:15,458 mail, collectibles, medicine and my electric body groomer. 121 00:05:16,627 --> 00:05:19,579 Ooh, there's my plaid dickie. 122 00:05:19,581 --> 00:05:22,748 Oh, got this at the Goodwill store for 50 cents. 123 00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,201 Can you believe it? 124 00:05:26,203 --> 00:05:29,055 50 cents sounds right. 125 00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:31,724 Let's go. 126 00:05:31,726 --> 00:05:32,892 You know, it's kinda late. 127 00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:34,543 Why don't we just spend the night here? 128 00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:36,179 Because we don't live here. 129 00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:37,379 I know. 130 00:05:37,381 --> 00:05:39,348 Do you? You said when you got back from space 131 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:40,983 you were gonna move into my apartment, 132 00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:42,602 but half the time we stay here. 133 00:05:42,604 --> 00:05:45,071 That's not true. 134 00:05:45,073 --> 00:05:47,156 Howard, I'm doing laundry! 135 00:05:47,158 --> 00:05:49,492 You want me to put anything in for you?! 136 00:05:49,494 --> 00:05:52,829 There's some underwear in the hamper! 137 00:05:52,831 --> 00:05:56,249 Oh, good! I got that new stain stick to try out! 138 00:05:58,669 --> 00:06:03,723 Thank you! I only put it on the list two weeks ago! 139 00:06:03,725 --> 00:06:05,858 Okay, I see what you're getting at. 140 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,878 How about this weekend 141 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,850 I'll box up all my things and move them to our place. 142 00:06:13,852 --> 00:06:15,268 Thank you. 143 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,937 The lightsabers are gonna look great in the living room. 144 00:06:17,939 --> 00:06:21,090 Or in the closet. We can decide later. 145 00:06:21,092 --> 00:06:23,359 Howard, help! 146 00:06:23,361 --> 00:06:26,112 My hand's stuck in the garbage disposal! 147 00:06:26,114 --> 00:06:30,283 Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding! 148 00:06:30,285 --> 00:06:31,951 Are you kidding?! 149 00:06:31,953 --> 00:06:35,388 It's a perfectly good chicken leg! 150 00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,626 Hey, look who's out after dark, like a big boy. 151 00:06:40,628 --> 00:06:44,380 I was out raising heck with Mr. Wil Wheaton. 152 00:06:44,382 --> 00:06:45,998 Four hours more and we would have 153 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,051 closed down the HomeTown Buffet. 154 00:06:49,053 --> 00:06:50,586 I thought you had plans with Amy. 155 00:06:50,588 --> 00:06:55,007 Yeah, I did, but then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S. 156 00:06:55,009 --> 00:06:56,893 She got huffy and left, 157 00:06:56,895 --> 00:06:59,145 then Wil and I headed out to dinner. 158 00:06:59,147 --> 00:07:02,265 That place really did remind me of my hometown. 159 00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:06,085 Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet. 160 00:07:08,121 --> 00:07:10,356 Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument? 161 00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:12,491 Yes, quite the kerfuffle. 162 00:07:12,493 --> 00:07:14,827 Then Amy got mad and left? 163 00:07:14,829 --> 00:07:16,495 Walked right out the door. 164 00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:18,531 And you...? 165 00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:21,183 Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price. 166 00:07:22,119 --> 00:07:24,153 The manager recognized Wil 167 00:07:24,155 --> 00:07:27,206 and let us sit right next to the frozen yogurt machine. 168 00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:28,474 Right next to it! 169 00:07:29,493 --> 00:07:32,812 I was closer to it than I am to you right now. 170 00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:35,932 Buddy, I think Amy might be upset. 171 00:07:35,934 --> 00:07:37,683 Why's that? 172 00:07:37,685 --> 00:07:39,668 Because your friend was rude to her, 173 00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:41,470 and then you went to dinner with him. 174 00:07:41,472 --> 00:07:44,640 You're just repeating what I said. 175 00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,976 It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot. 176 00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:51,781 Trust me, call her. 177 00:07:51,783 --> 00:07:55,952 Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us, 178 00:07:55,954 --> 00:07:57,536 because the buffet you're about to enjoy 179 00:07:57,538 --> 00:07:59,288 only serves humble pie, 180 00:07:59,290 --> 00:08:02,241 a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt. 181 00:08:02,243 --> 00:08:03,626 I was this close. 182 00:08:06,914 --> 00:08:09,649 What? 183 00:08:09,651 --> 00:08:11,150 You'll appreciate this. 184 00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:13,719 Leonard has some ridiculous notion that you're mad at me. 185 00:08:13,721 --> 00:08:15,504 Tell him you're not mad at me. 186 00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:16,922 Go ahead, set him straight. 187 00:08:16,924 --> 00:08:18,491 I'm mad at you, Sheldon. 188 00:08:18,493 --> 00:08:23,012 Hmm. Eat one of your Luna bars. 189 00:08:24,481 --> 00:08:26,449 Very often when women think they're angry, 190 00:08:26,451 --> 00:08:28,818 they're really just hungry. 191 00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:31,370 I'm not hungry. 192 00:08:32,439 --> 00:08:34,373 Your friend insulted me, and you didn't do anything. 193 00:08:34,375 --> 00:08:39,111 Precisely, I didn't do anything. 194 00:08:39,113 --> 00:08:42,231 Now does someone feel like checking her emotional math? 195 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:45,451 Keep going, buddy, you're doing great. 196 00:08:45,453 --> 00:08:47,036 Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend, 197 00:08:47,038 --> 00:08:48,921 and you should have taken my side. 198 00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:52,425 That's it. End of story. Good night. 199 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:58,097 Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right. 200 00:08:58,099 --> 00:09:00,800 What a weird day. 201 00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:04,753 Hey. Sorry this took so long. 202 00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:07,390 But you used to work here, you know how it is. 203 00:09:07,392 --> 00:09:09,058 Kitchen slammed again? 204 00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,811 No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember? 205 00:09:13,113 --> 00:09:14,263 So, is there anything I can do 206 00:09:14,265 --> 00:09:15,597 to help you with the move tomorrow? 207 00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:16,866 Now that you mention it, 208 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,985 I was thinking tomorrow might not be great. 209 00:09:19,987 --> 00:09:22,238 What's your excuse this time? 210 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,958 No excuse. It's just, you know, I'm Jewish, and technically, 211 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,494 we're not supposed to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath. 212 00:09:28,496 --> 00:09:31,881 So this one's on God. 213 00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:33,282 That might be a little more convincing 214 00:09:33,284 --> 00:09:36,268 if you didn't have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger. 215 00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:39,455 My religion's kinda loosey-goosey. 216 00:09:39,457 --> 00:09:41,640 Basically, as long as you got your schmekel clipped 217 00:09:41,642 --> 00:09:43,743 and don't wear a cross, you're good. 218 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,596 Howie, you promised you'd move. 219 00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:48,848 And I will. 220 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:50,182 Yeah, right. 221 00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:52,651 I will. I'm obviously not going to live in my mother's house 222 00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:55,321 for the rest of my life. I'm not a child. 223 00:09:55,323 --> 00:09:58,624 I've seen her burp you. 224 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,061 She did not burp me. 225 00:10:02,063 --> 00:10:05,631 She was patting me on the back, and I happened to burp. 226 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,319 Don't you have other tables you should be waiting on? 227 00:10:10,321 --> 00:10:13,422 Yeah, but I told you, I'm not good at my job. 228 00:10:13,424 --> 00:10:14,507 Bernadette, listen to me. 229 00:10:14,509 --> 00:10:15,624 He is never gonna leave. 230 00:10:15,626 --> 00:10:17,626 I'm starting to think you're right. 231 00:10:17,628 --> 00:10:19,295 All right, I've had enough of this. 232 00:10:19,297 --> 00:10:21,881 I'm a grown man, I have a successful career. 233 00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:24,433 For the love of God, I've been to space! 234 00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:26,051 I will move out when I'm ready, 235 00:10:26,053 --> 00:10:28,387 and I don't need anyone badgering me into it! 236 00:10:28,389 --> 00:10:32,007 Wow, excuse me. 237 00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:34,510 That was just for her benefit. 238 00:10:34,512 --> 00:10:36,479 I'll move tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me. 239 00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:43,185 Amy. 240 00:10:43,187 --> 00:10:45,187 Amy. 241 00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,573 Angry Amy. 242 00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:49,792 What? 243 00:10:49,794 --> 00:10:52,244 I've been thinking about what happened, 244 00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,497 and I hope this gift 245 00:10:54,499 --> 00:10:56,582 will make things better. 246 00:10:58,385 --> 00:11:01,637 Star Trek DVDs? 247 00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:02,888 Why would I want this? 248 00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:05,090 First of all, you're welcome. 249 00:11:06,092 --> 00:11:08,043 Furthermore, not being familiar 250 00:11:08,045 --> 00:11:09,478 with Wil Wheaton's body of work, 251 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,063 there was no way for you to know 252 00:11:11,065 --> 00:11:12,932 you were being rude to a national treasure. 253 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:17,703 Get ready for 130 hours of "I told you so." 254 00:11:21,174 --> 00:11:22,741 Fine. 255 00:11:22,743 --> 00:11:25,394 I'll just tell you what happens. 256 00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:28,397 Episode one, "Encounter at Farpoint." 257 00:11:28,399 --> 00:11:29,698 Fade in. 258 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,585 The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage 259 00:11:32,587 --> 00:11:35,287 to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV. 260 00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:38,374 Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy... 261 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,181 She's hooked. 262 00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:57,943 Wow. 263 00:11:57,944 --> 00:11:59,693 An end of an era. 264 00:12:00,863 --> 00:12:04,715 Boy, if these walls could talk. 265 00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:08,336 They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?" 266 00:12:12,925 --> 00:12:14,642 Yeah. 267 00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:20,248 I can't believe I'm not going to live here anymore. 268 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,601 This has always been my bedroom. 269 00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:27,021 Right here is where my mom used to mark my height. 270 00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:28,722 Oh, yeah. 271 00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:30,141 Fifth grade. 272 00:12:30,143 --> 00:12:31,576 Sixth grade. 273 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:32,860 Seventh grade. 274 00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:33,995 Eighth grade. 275 00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:36,330 Ninth grade. 276 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,534 I remember when I was five, 277 00:12:39,536 --> 00:12:43,538 hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. 278 00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:44,905 Had some Peanut M&M'S, 279 00:12:44,907 --> 00:12:48,092 went into my first anaphylactic shock 280 00:12:48,094 --> 00:12:51,796 and had to be rushed to the hospital. 281 00:12:51,798 --> 00:12:53,798 Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, 282 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,716 went into my second anaphylactic shock. 283 00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:59,887 When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts? 284 00:12:59,889 --> 00:13:02,056 Sometime around the third Almond Joy. 285 00:13:03,058 --> 00:13:04,425 Okay. 286 00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:06,561 You want to start loading this stuff into the truck? 287 00:13:06,563 --> 00:13:08,262 Yeah, I guess. 288 00:13:08,264 --> 00:13:10,498 Hey, would you do me a favor? 289 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:11,732 Go on ahead. 290 00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:16,270 I just want one last moment alone in my old room. 291 00:13:16,272 --> 00:13:18,289 We're not standing outside by the U-Haul 292 00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:20,458 while you fondle yourself. 293 00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:24,545 Fine, let's go. 294 00:13:31,053 --> 00:13:32,336 Hey. 295 00:13:32,338 --> 00:13:33,921 What brings you in? 296 00:13:33,923 --> 00:13:35,640 Penny, if you wouldn't mind, 297 00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:39,644 I'd like to have a conversation about girls. 298 00:13:39,646 --> 00:13:43,197 I had a feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later. 299 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:48,302 Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places? 300 00:13:48,304 --> 00:13:49,803 Penny, please, 301 00:13:49,805 --> 00:13:52,006 I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma. 302 00:13:52,008 --> 00:13:54,325 And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair 303 00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:56,944 by the time I was 19. 304 00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:59,163 And for the record... 305 00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:03,784 So what are you drinking? 306 00:14:03,786 --> 00:14:05,536 Well, it's been a rough day. 307 00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:06,987 I usually go chamomile tea, 308 00:14:06,989 --> 00:14:08,856 but I don't think that's going to cut it. 309 00:14:08,858 --> 00:14:12,076 You could have a Long Island Iced Tea. 310 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:18,366 Will that calm my nerves? 311 00:14:18,368 --> 00:14:21,969 It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times. 312 00:14:21,971 --> 00:14:23,621 Sold. 313 00:14:23,623 --> 00:14:26,474 Oh. 314 00:14:26,476 --> 00:14:29,877 So, the heart you got from the wizard giving you trouble? 315 00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:31,845 The trouble isn't with me, Penny, 316 00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,364 it's with your gender. 317 00:14:33,366 --> 00:14:34,782 Someday, scientists will discover 318 00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:36,784 that second X chromosome contains nothing 319 00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:39,503 but nonsense and twaddle. 320 00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,656 Yeah, Amy told me what happened. 321 00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:43,040 Look, just apologize. 322 00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:44,659 It'll warm her twaddle. 323 00:14:46,162 --> 00:14:47,878 It's a Band-Aid at best. 324 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,582 The core problem is that Amy and Wil do not like each other. 325 00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:55,336 Which is baffling because they're both crazy about me. 326 00:14:56,488 --> 00:14:57,705 And I like them, 327 00:14:57,707 --> 00:14:59,840 which indicates they're bright and interesting 328 00:14:59,842 --> 00:15:02,426 and/or were on Star Trek. 329 00:15:02,428 --> 00:15:05,546 Honey, you can't make people like each other. 330 00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:06,897 Not true. 331 00:15:06,899 --> 00:15:08,599 Leonard made me like you. 332 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:11,569 And let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe. 333 00:15:12,821 --> 00:15:15,022 Cheers, pal. 334 00:15:16,692 --> 00:15:18,225 Ooh. 335 00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:22,079 Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat. 336 00:15:23,348 --> 00:15:26,567 Get the Mad Hatter on the horn, I'm having a tea party. 337 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:33,841 You might want to pace yourself. 338 00:15:33,843 --> 00:15:35,876 I drink tea all the time. 339 00:15:35,878 --> 00:15:38,546 I think I know what I'm doing. 340 00:15:38,548 --> 00:15:42,383 Far be it from me to criticize a man with a full pubis. 341 00:15:43,952 --> 00:15:46,754 Look, Sheldon, your problem is not Wil Wheaton, okay? 342 00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,539 Your problem is the way you treated Amy. 343 00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:51,776 My problem is I'm out of tea. 344 00:15:53,094 --> 00:15:54,779 Come on, someone insulted 345 00:15:54,781 --> 00:15:56,731 your girlfriend and you just let him do it. 346 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,283 I thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfolk. 347 00:15:59,285 --> 00:16:01,202 Penny, please, 348 00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:04,388 I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing. 349 00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:06,106 Sorry. 350 00:16:06,108 --> 00:16:09,343 On the other hand, that low-down polecat done wronged my woman. 351 00:16:12,748 --> 00:16:14,915 Welcome to Long Island, Tex. 352 00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:18,669 Amy deserves better. 353 00:16:18,671 --> 00:16:21,338 You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, 354 00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:24,892 she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. 355 00:16:26,094 --> 00:16:29,830 She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel. 356 00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:31,632 Yeah, that she is. 357 00:16:31,634 --> 00:16:32,616 Here you go. 358 00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:34,518 I'm a callous egomaniac. 359 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,303 She's gonna leave me. 360 00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:37,421 No, she won't. 361 00:16:37,423 --> 00:16:39,640 No, she won't. I'm great. 362 00:16:50,702 --> 00:16:52,953 Okay, I have now 363 00:16:52,955 --> 00:16:55,506 officially moved out of my mother's house. 364 00:16:55,508 --> 00:16:57,541 You are now the only woman in my life 365 00:16:57,543 --> 00:16:59,810 who I'll see naked in the bathroom. 366 00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:02,129 I know this wasn't easy. 367 00:17:02,131 --> 00:17:03,414 You doing okay? 368 00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:04,998 Oh, I'm fine. 369 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,851 It's just her I'm worried about. 370 00:17:06,853 --> 00:17:08,636 Aw, she'll be okay. 371 00:17:08,638 --> 00:17:10,588 She's a grown woman. I know. 372 00:17:10,590 --> 00:17:12,673 It's just ever since my dad left, 373 00:17:12,675 --> 00:17:15,142 I've felt responsible for her. 374 00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:17,728 That's a lot for a kid to deal with. 375 00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:20,831 She was just so sad all the time. 376 00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:24,068 Yeah, I was the only person who could cheer her up. 377 00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,470 Well, me and Ben and Jerry. 378 00:17:26,472 --> 00:17:30,124 She's lucky you were there. 379 00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:34,962 You know, she's why I first got into magic. 380 00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,714 I would do little shows for her, 381 00:17:36,716 --> 00:17:40,417 hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, 382 00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:42,753 put on a top hat and cape. 383 00:17:42,755 --> 00:17:44,171 And part way through the act, 384 00:17:44,173 --> 00:17:47,925 I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience 385 00:17:47,927 --> 00:17:50,711 to be my beautiful assistant 386 00:17:50,713 --> 00:17:53,481 and invite her up on stage. 387 00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:57,217 I can still remember the way she'd smile. 388 00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,904 For a few minutes, she'd... 389 00:17:59,906 --> 00:18:02,773 forget how lonely she was. 390 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:06,327 Aw, crap. 391 00:18:06,329 --> 00:18:08,045 Let's go. 392 00:18:08,047 --> 00:18:10,230 Where we going? 393 00:18:10,232 --> 00:18:11,499 Grab a box. 394 00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:13,334 We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight. 395 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,186 No, but I want to live here. 396 00:18:15,188 --> 00:18:16,570 Well, you should've thought of that 397 00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:19,423 before you told me the stupid magic trick story. 398 00:18:19,425 --> 00:18:21,926 Can't we talk about this? 399 00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:25,546 No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart! 400 00:18:33,221 --> 00:18:34,922 Wil Wheaton! 401 00:18:34,924 --> 00:18:37,925 Wil Wheaton! 402 00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:40,077 Wait, how many was that? 403 00:18:42,447 --> 00:18:43,898 Hey, Sheldon, what's up? 404 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,651 Wouldn't you like to know? 405 00:18:47,653 --> 00:18:49,119 Have you been drinking? 406 00:18:49,121 --> 00:18:51,906 Just tea. 407 00:18:51,908 --> 00:18:55,809 The best tea I've ever had. 408 00:18:55,811 --> 00:18:57,795 Why are you here? 409 00:18:57,797 --> 00:18:59,580 I'll tell you. 410 00:18:59,582 --> 00:19:01,582 I'm from Texas. 411 00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:05,286 Need I say more? 412 00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:09,073 Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful. 413 00:19:09,075 --> 00:19:10,808 You insulted my woman. 414 00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:13,227 I'm here to defend her honor. 415 00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:15,462 Two! It was two. 416 00:19:15,464 --> 00:19:18,315 Wil Wheaton! 417 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,486 Now prepare yourself 418 00:19:22,488 --> 00:19:25,656 for what may come. 419 00:19:25,658 --> 00:19:29,159 Oh, Sheldon, do you really think we're gonna fight? 420 00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:30,911 My fists are not up here 421 00:19:30,913 --> 00:19:34,782 because I'm milking a giant invisible cow. 422 00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:39,036 They're up to beat an apology out of you. 423 00:19:39,038 --> 00:19:41,188 Okay, I'm sorry. 424 00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:44,959 Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much. 425 00:19:44,961 --> 00:19:47,127 Are you okay? 426 00:19:47,129 --> 00:19:49,162 You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton. 427 00:19:49,164 --> 00:19:51,765 As a matter of idle curiosity, 428 00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:54,385 which of your shrubberies do you feel 429 00:19:54,387 --> 00:19:56,604 would benefit from a thorough vomiting? 430 00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:58,639 Never mind, I'll choose. 431 00:20:05,013 --> 00:20:07,564 You were so good in Stand by Me. 432 00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:20,517 Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 433 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:24,221 Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun with Flags. 434 00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,791 Get ready for a very special episode 435 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,426 where we explore the flags 436 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:30,994 of the popular entertainment franchise, 437 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:31,975 Star Trek. 438 00:20:31,976 --> 00:20:35,010 And to help us, I'm pleased to introduce a special guest-- 439 00:20:35,012 --> 00:20:37,112 surprisingly, it only took gas money 440 00:20:37,114 --> 00:20:39,315 and the promise of free food to get him here-- 441 00:20:39,317 --> 00:20:41,650 Mr. LeVar Burton. 442 00:20:43,453 --> 00:20:45,354 Hey, Sheldon, it's a pleasure to be here. 443 00:20:45,356 --> 00:20:47,773 - Well, we've got some interesting flags for... - Cut! 444 00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:53,462 Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton. 445 00:20:55,815 --> 00:20:58,100 I don't know what she's talking about, 446 00:20:58,102 --> 00:21:00,202 but I'm obligated to agree with her. 447 00:21:00,204 --> 00:21:01,370 She's my girlfriend. 448 00:21:01,372 --> 00:21:03,205 Ah, I hear you, brother. 449 00:21:03,707 --> 00:21:06,541 I still get lunch, right? 450 00:21:06,543 --> 00:21:11,543 == sync, corrected by elderman ==