1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,869
This was a good idea.
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,037
It's been a long time
since we've had girls' night.
3
00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:07,039
Yeah, it's so nice to
have a relaxing evening
4
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:09,307
at home doing nothing.
5
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,343
Yeah, really breaks up
the other 30 days
6
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,412
I've spent on bed rest
doing nothing.
7
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:16,982
Well, tonight we're gonna
make you forget all that.
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,884
You're gonna make me forget
I've been stuck in bed
9
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:22,421
while a baby uses my bladder
as a kickball?
10
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:26,024
(knocking)
Hey, you had unprotected sex
with Howard.
11
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:28,193
You deserve to be miserable.
12
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,030
Hey, I need some
fashion advice.
13
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,132
Really? From me?
I would love to...
14
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,967
Actually, Leonard told me
Penny was over here?
15
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,503
Hey, what's going on?
You got a date?
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,505
I, uh, do have a date...
with science.
17
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,542
Oh, what's science wearing?
18
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:47,245
The Griffith Observatory is
looking for an astrophysicist
19
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,881
to consult, and I have
an interview tomorrow.
20
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,716
Oh, I love the observatory.
21
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:54,119
They tell you your weight
on all the different planets.
22
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:57,389
Yeah. It's always
bikini season on Venus.
23
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,391
I think you'd be
great at that.
24
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:00,692
Don't you agree, Bernadette?
25
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,261
Huh? I'm listening.
I'm listening.
26
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,564
I'm not watching The Crown.
27
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,732
I just want to make a
good first impression,
28
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:10,368
and thought maybe you could
help me pick out an outfit?
29
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,104
Of course.
Let's see what you got.
30
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,805
Yeah, you just need
to pick something
31
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,240
that-that you feel
confident in.
32
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,409
I'm sorry.
I left my magic clothes at home.
33
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,711
I'm sure
these two options will be f...
34
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,517
So you-you have
other clothes at home?
35
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:26,685
Uh, it doesn't matter.
36
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,320
They're talking
to a bunch of people.
37
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,955
I probably won't get it anyway.
38
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,757
Well, don't say that.
Yeah, you have to
believe in yourself.
39
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,392
You know,
before I came to America,
40
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,760
I was filled with confidence.
41
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,395
What happened to me?
42
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,564
Hey, is that Raj there
at girls' night?
43
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,966
Well, hey.
Hey, Howard.
44
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,968
Just remember,
if you fall asleep first,
45
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:46,738
they're gonna
freeze your bra.
46
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,342
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
47
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:53,645
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
48
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,280
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
49
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,983
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
50
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,519
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
51
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,355
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
52
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,190
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
53
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,825
♪ Bang! ♪
54
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,166
You and Amy having fun
planning your wedding?
55
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:17,269
We're employing a
mathematical approach
56
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:22,007
called decision theory,
so, heck, yeah.
57
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,942
Heck, yeah?
58
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:28,346
Looks like someone need to put a
dollar in the almost-swear jar.
59
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,549
We've assigned all wedding
decisions randomly,
60
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,651
and each of us
makes half of them.
61
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,753
You know, from
venue to officiant
62
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:39,858
to numbering system for the
tables: Roman or Dewey Decimal.
63
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,493
Why not hexadecimal?
64
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,698
'Cause this is our
wedding, not a joke.
65
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,768
Hey, guys.
Hello.
Hey.
66
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,203
Oh, good.
Raj is here
67
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,738
to tell us
today's specials.
68
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:56,875
Very funny. I have my interview
this afternoon.
69
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,210
Oh. If it doesn't work out,
70
00:02:58,245 --> 00:02:59,778
you're ready to go
on your Mormon mission.
71
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,415
I-I don't understand
what's going on here.
72
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,983
Oh, what's going on here is
73
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,885
I'm up for a job
at the planetarium,
74
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,553
and Howard is
making fun of me.
75
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:12,290
Oh, that's great. You're
both doing what you love.
76
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,092
Well, I'm excited for you.
77
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,261
Oh, thanks, yeah.
I'd be in charge of developing
78
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,296
and narrating all
the planetarium shows.
79
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:19,497
And I really want this,
80
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,132
so it wouldn't kill you
to be more supportive.
81
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,836
But if it did, you could bury me
at the funeral home you direct.
82
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:29,241
Wait. The premise is that
he is dressed differently?
83
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,976
Yeah.
84
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,778
(laughing): That's true.
He is not dressed the same.
85
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,750
(Skype tones sound)
86
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,318
Hey, Dad.
87
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:41,653
Hello, Rajesh.
88
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:42,787
How was the interview?
89
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,022
Uh, not so great.
90
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,024
They asked me
what my biggest weakness was,
91
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,227
and 45 minutes later,
they thanked me for coming.
92
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:53,898
Son, don't take this the wrong
way, but what's your problem?
93
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:57,535
I would tell you, but apparently
it takes 45 minutes.
94
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,137
You know what?
95
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,840
I bet it's those friends
you surround yourself with.
96
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,609
Like that Howard,
always making fun of you.
97
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,945
Howard doesn't mean anything
by it.
98
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,413
I-I think it's cultural.
99
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,315
His people come
from a very sarcastic village
100
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,584
called Brooklyn.
101
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:15,186
Don't make excuses.
102
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:17,322
What kind of friend
acts that way?
103
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,657
Well, I-I guess...
104
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,225
It was a rhetorical question.
105
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,527
A bad friend!
106
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,596
Come on, Dad! That's just
our relationship, okay?
107
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,531
He makes Indian jokes,
and I laugh,
108
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:30,435
but, you know, with angry eyes
so he knows it's not okay.
109
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,071
I, too, was in a relationship
110
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,207
with someone who made me
feel bad about myself.
111
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:38,910
If you're talking about Mom,
I don't want to hear it.
112
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,146
I'm just saying,
if you replace Howard
113
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,948
with a nice 22-year-old
grad student,
114
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:47,286
your self-confidence will soar.
115
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,257
All right, Amy,
you're up.
116
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,060
Next decision.
117
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,127
AMY:
Come on, first dance!
118
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,896
Come on, first dance!
119
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,432
(ding)
120
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,733
Invitations!
Oh!
121
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:02,967
That's a good one.
122
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,269
Just a suggestion--
123
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:08,273
hologram projected out of R2-D2.
124
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,242
Thanks for your input,
but this is my decision,
125
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,445
and I'm gonna go with...
126
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,648
Old English calligraphy
on Egyptian papyrus.
127
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,050
Oh, what a fun mashup.
128
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:21,486
It's like the chicken
and waffles of orthography.
129
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,322
Your turn.
130
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,958
(rhythmic clicking)
131
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,260
(ding)
132
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,595
Ring bearer!
Oh.
133
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,932
Boy, I'm so glad that
R2-D2 is still available.
134
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,768
You know,
this is really fun.
135
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,903
I can't believe that people say
that planning a wedding is one
136
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:40,305
of the most stressful things
in life.
137
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,241
I know. Not a day goes by
that I don't marvel
138
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,143
how much better we are
than other people.
139
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,048
I'm so sorry the
interview didn't go well.
140
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,649
Yeah, you would've
been perfect for it.
141
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,518
Oh, I just
get so nervous,
142
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:55,620
and then I start apologizing
for being nervous, and...
143
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:58,356
You guys don't want
to hear about this. I'm sorry.
144
00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,491
Stop apologizing!
145
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,759
Oh, my God!
146
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,460
You sound just like
the woman at the interview!
147
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:05,063
Have you ever thought
about talking
148
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,465
to some kind of therapist
about all this?
149
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,833
Ugh. Maybe.
150
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,302
Hey, Leonard, do you think
your mom would be available?
151
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:15,040
Yeah, you don't want to do that.
152
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,675
Talking to my mom
153
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,145
to get more confidence
is like talking to a lion
154
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,180
to get more alive.
155
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,382
Well, my dad thinks
156
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,751
it's because Howard's always
making fun of me.
157
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,353
Well, that makes sense.
158
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,488
Well, what do you mean,
that makes sense?
159
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,590
Well, Howard does make fun
of him a lot.
160
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,626
Well, that's not
all Howard's fault.
161
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,295
I mean, if Raj doesn't want
to be made fun of, then I...
162
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:41,266
Hmm. I don't know a nice way
to finish this sentence.
163
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,134
Well, so you're on his side?
164
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,569
I'm just saying,
165
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,905
that's what friends do. You
know, they bust on each other.
166
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,273
It doesn't
mean anything.
167
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,908
Well, I'm not surprised
you think so.
168
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,242
Why is that?
169
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,011
Well, you can be
kind of mean to me.
170
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,980
Well, that's
because you're...
171
00:06:56,015 --> 00:07:00,985
Wow. I don't know how
to finish that sentence, either.
172
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,189
You know what? I think we're
both done being disrespected.
173
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:08,993
I got a few rounds left in me.
174
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:11,797
Attaboy, champ.
175
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,235
Okay, let's see what
we've got so far.
176
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,038
I arrive in a Little House
on the Prairie style
177
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,807
horse-drawn buggy.
178
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:27,645
Where you are met with
an honor guard of stormtroopers.
179
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,782
Do you think
that might be jarring,
180
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,651
going from wholesome pioneers
to space Nazis?
181
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:37,155
I see what you're saying.
182
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,157
You're thinking
that you should arrive
183
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:43,194
in a replica
of Luke Skywalker's landspeeder.
184
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,197
It's not what I'm thinking,
185
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,032
and to save you
186
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,868
the trouble for the future,
187
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,070
it will never be
what I'm thinking.
188
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:55,940
Well... if the ushers are
so important to you,
189
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,475
what if I
propose a trade?
190
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:02,447
You may pick that, and I will
decide, say, first dance.
191
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:06,818
Great. Then the ushers
will be... my cousins
192
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:09,721
dressed in frontier
frock coats.
Oh.
193
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:14,459
And the first dance will be
that we won't have one.
194
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,161
All right. Then our...
195
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:20,131
second dance will be
the first dance.
196
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,401
Unless we have
no dance at all.
197
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,370
Ha-ha.
198
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,740
Well, if we're changing things,
199
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:32,677
then instead
of throwing confetti,
200
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,279
we'll release butterflies.
201
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:37,649
Airborne worms?! Have
you lost your mind?!
202
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,484
Well, if you're
going to do that,
203
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,019
then I am changing the officiant
204
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,820
to that husky Spider-Man
205
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,790
that hangs out
at the Chinese Theater.
206
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:50,295
Fine. Wedding
toasts in Latin.
207
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:54,866
Great. Vows in Klingon.
208
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,769
Then I'm changing the
flower girl to a dog.
209
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,406
And guess what he'll be
scattering instead of petals!
210
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,677
(knocking)
211
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,112
Want to grab
some lunch?
212
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:10,281
You know what?
I don't think so.
213
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,617
Well, let me guess.
You're not eating
214
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:16,588
because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?
215
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:19,791
No. That. That right there.
That's the reason.
216
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,225
You're always
making fun of me.
217
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,061
(laughing):
Oh, those are just jokes.
218
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,596
It's my way
219
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,364
of saying that
we're friends,
220
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,667
and it wouldn't hurt
you to drop a few!
221
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,771
See? No wonder
I don't have any confidence.
222
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,240
Come on. You can't
blame that on me.
223
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:40,545
Why not? 15 years
of constant ridicule. I-I think
224
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,513
our relationship
has become toxic.
225
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,549
Uh, what are you saying?
226
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,486
I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.
227
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,392
Look, I... I can see
you're upset, but...
228
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:58,029
I'm gonna need some
ground rules. I mean,
229
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:01,633
while we're apart, can I see
other needy Indian men?
230
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,602
Get out!
231
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,174
What do you
think will make
232
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,176
the wedding worse for Amy:
233
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:15,580
a cake made with salt
instead of sugar...
234
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:21,353
...or a cake iced
with congealed gravy?
235
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:24,856
That is a trick question.
236
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,892
The answer is:
you as the groom.
237
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:32,296
Neither of them
will be the actual cake.
238
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,298
I'm just using it
as a bargaining chip
239
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:37,969
to get Amy to agree to the whole
wedding party getting rings
240
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:41,773
and us getting one ring
to rule them all.
241
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:48,479
I forget, which mental hospital
are you guys registered at?
242
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,480
Hello.
243
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,515
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
244
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,886
Really?
245
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,287
You're not
gonna sit here?
246
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,357
I'll sit there as
soon as you leave.
247
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,092
You're still
on this?
248
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,760
I said sorry.
249
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:06,030
Well, "sorry" doesn't make up
for years of emotional abuse.
250
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,533
(sighs)
Well, what's it gonna take?
251
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,503
You want half my sandwich?
252
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,406
What is going on?
253
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,976
Raj is trying to blame me
for his pathetic life.
254
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,645
His life isn't pathetic.
255
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,248
He's got that whole table
to himself.
256
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,885
One of us should go sit with Raj
so he's not alone.
257
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,488
But I'm not done telling you
about my wedding revenge plans.
258
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,956
You're right. Go on.
259
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,157
Okay, well, first,
I'm going to try
260
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,127
to get Amy to trade with me
for hors d'oeuvres...
261
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,132
Oh, good,
you're here.
262
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,634
I've decided
on our centerpieces.
263
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,438
I just hope your family
isn't allergic to asbestos.
264
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,440
Sheldon, please stop.
265
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:51,843
If we keep doing this, we're
gonna end up with a wedding
266
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,278
that neither one of us
will enjoy.
267
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:57,048
Are you saying
you don't want to get married?
268
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,050
No, of course I do.
269
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:02,520
But that seems to be
the one thing we can agree on.
270
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,857
Maybe we should
just get married at City Hall
271
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,159
and forget
about everything else.
272
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:11,729
City Hall, hmm.
273
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:15,066
I do like metal detectors
274
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,936
and the sound of
permits being denied.
275
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,338
Right.
276
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,406
And if we're not enjoying
planning this wedding,
277
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,941
then what's the point?
278
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,943
Well, historically,
a wedding was to let
279
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,346
other potential suitors know
that we're unavailable.
280
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,748
But I think matching
T-shirts that say
281
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,284
"Hands off the merchandise"
accomplish the same thing.
282
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:38,389
So let's pick a day
and just go do it.
283
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:43,261
How 'bout tomorrow?
284
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,263
R-Really?
285
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,731
That soon?
286
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,199
Why wait?
287
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,368
I mean, it's not that I think
we're living in sin,
288
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,037
but I do like the idea
that our next act of intimacy
289
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,607
will be a legal requirement.
290
00:12:56,843 --> 00:13:00,444
Tomorrow we'll go downtown
and get married.
291
00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:03,881
Or we could go to
Beverly Hills City Hall
292
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,451
if you want
a destination wedding.
293
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,824
Hey. You look
good today.
294
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,759
What happened? What's wrong?
295
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,495
Just tell me. I can take it.
296
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,631
Nothing. I felt bad
about being mean to you,
297
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,200
so I'm being nice.
298
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,201
Oh, okay.
299
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,435
Sorry. I wasn't ready for it.
300
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,703
Try again.
301
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,771
You look handsome.
302
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,907
Nope, still freaking me out.
303
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,876
Hello, friends!
PENNY AND LEONARD: Hey.
304
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,511
Hey, what's going on
with your hair?
305
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,180
Uh, nothing. I just decided
to stop straightening it.
306
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:40,218
Wait, so you were making your
hair look like that on purpose?
307
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:43,888
When I first moved to America,
I wanted to fit in.
308
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,156
And Howard's hair was straight,
309
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:46,891
and he was the coolest person
I knew.
310
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,627
Then you never saw
any other people?
311
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,029
You know what, I-I don't want
to talk about Howard.
312
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:54,365
I came here to celebrate!
313
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,368
Yeah. I went back
to the planetarium and told them
314
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,837
they were making a huge mistake,
that I'd be perfect for the job.
315
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:02,039
I was... I was charming,
I was confident.
316
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,574
And they gave it to me.
317
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:04,475
Wow.
(chuckles)
318
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,443
That's amazing!
Yeah, plus,
319
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,544
it turns out the guy they hired
320
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,646
got busted
at a sketchy massage parlor.
321
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,183
Oh, so happy ending for you!
322
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,985
Oh, and for him.
323
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,588
Yeah, I was on my way
to tell Howard,
324
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:18,923
and then I remembered
I wasn't speaking to him,
325
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,391
so I came over here.
326
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:23,461
Mm, don't you think it's time
you two made up?
No.
327
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,963
No, actually.
I don't need his negative energy
328
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,098
in my life right now.
329
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,933
Standing up to him
was-was hard,
330
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:32,203
but it made me realize
that I can do anything.
331
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,406
And, yeah, it's a little sad,
but, you know,
332
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,242
life is all about...
(cork pops)
333
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:39,810
Uh, sorry.
334
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:42,180
I thought
you were wrapping things up.
335
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:47,985
Hey, Howard.
Hey.
336
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,153
Where is everybody?
337
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,588
I could ask you
the same question.
338
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,927
Wow, this conversation
got mean fast.
339
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:59,196
Sorry. I'm just
in a bad mood.
340
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,032
Yeah? What's going on?
341
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,200
I had a falling out with Raj.
342
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,902
He said I make fun
of him too much
343
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,171
and it's wrecked his confidence.
344
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,640
Please, confidence is
like red blood cells--
345
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:13,044
it's nice if you got some,
but you don't need 'em.
346
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:16,013
Yeah. I mean,
your life's a mess.
347
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,849
I don't see you blaming
other people for it.
348
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:22,320
That's right. I grew up in a
loving, supportive household.
349
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,190
This is all on me.
350
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,594
Maybe I'll just hang out here
for a while.
351
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,897
Great. And you can make
fun of me all you want.
352
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,432
No, that's okay.
353
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,900
No, no, no. Go on.
I can take it.
354
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,302
My feelings,
like my extremities,
355
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,805
are basically numb.
356
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,909
Here's your license.
357
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,577
Now, if you wait
over there,
358
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,245
we'll call you
when the officiant's ready.
359
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,613
Do we need a blood test?
360
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,282
No.
361
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,084
Well, then, how will you know
whether or not we have syphilis?
362
00:15:56,389 --> 00:16:00,124
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say you don't have that.
363
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:05,363
Okay, Sheldon, you officially
exceeded the number of times
364
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,132
I hoped to hear the word
"syphilis" on my wedding day.
365
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,736
I can't believe
we're doing this.
366
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,338
I know. I'm
getting married.
367
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:16,874
The new Star Wars
movie's coming out.
368
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,310
We are really finishing
this year strong.
369
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:23,247
Okay, but
of the two of tho...
370
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,583
You know, I'm not even gonna
ask. I'm not gonna ask.
371
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,323
Are you sad we're not
having a big party?
372
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,626
I'm really not.
373
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:39,364
I'm here with you.
It's perfect.
374
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,535
Cooper-Fowler?
375
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,870
You're up.
376
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,671
(chuckles)
377
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,407
Can you believe it?
378
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:53,411
We're about to walk in that
door, Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler,
379
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,813
and walk out
as a married couple,
380
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,349
Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler.
381
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,588
Wait.
382
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,857
I want to have
a first dance with you.
383
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:09,293
Right here?
384
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:10,528
At our wedding.
385
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,863
Th-This is
our wedding.
386
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,832
No.
387
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,768
I want a real wedding.
388
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,770
Well...
(sighs)
389
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:22,373
Sheldon, it was just
making us fight.
390
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,842
I know. But, Amy,
391
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,311
I never thought
I'd want to marry anyone.
392
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:31,482
So the fact that I found you
is astonishing.
393
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:35,186
It's-it's like finding
dark matter,
394
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,520
except they're looking
for dark matter.
395
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,156
I wasn't even looking for you.
396
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,226
S-So you're even better
than dark matter.
397
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,195
(chuckles)
Sheldon.
398
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:48,666
Plus, plus, you interact
with light, so I can see you.
399
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,402
And, also, you don't account
for the missing mass
400
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,971
in the universe. Oh, and...
Okay, I think
401
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,707
you're getting caught up on the
ways I'm not like dark matter.
402
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,375
Right. Sorry.
403
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:02,046
But when you make
a discovery like this,
404
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,548
you don't just take it down
to City Hall--
405
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,484
you tell the whole world.
406
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,353
And so I'll say it
in Latin or Klingon
407
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,688
or-or smoke signals,
408
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:13,257
if-if that's not
cultural appropriation.
409
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,125
It is.
410
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,259
Okay, so not smoke signals.
411
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,997
But I want
to do this right.
412
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,266
(exhales)
413
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,367
Me, too.
414
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,771
Let's go plan a wedding.
415
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,214
You know, we did get dressed up
416
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,884
and come all the way
to City Hall.
417
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,685
What are you thinking?
418
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,656
I have always wanted a permit
to dispose of hazardous waste.
419
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,260
Let's do it.
420
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:59,203
Do we know if there's life in
the methane plumes of Enceladus
421
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:02,206
or under the icy surface
of Europa?
422
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:06,377
Come back on Tuesday
for my next show to find out.
423
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,280
Spoiler alert: we don't.
424
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,083
I'm Dr. Rajesh
Koothrappali,
425
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:15,219
and thank you for
taking a walk with me
426
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,288
through the stars.
427
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,092
Wow. I never knew science
could be so interesting.
428
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,562
Hey, I talk to you
about science all the time.
429
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,297
Oh, you sure do, sweetie.
430
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,100
Should we go
congratulate him?
431
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:33,270
I'll do better than that-- I'll
give him constructive criticism.
432
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:37,375
Here's some constructive
criticism: don't.
433
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,146
I'll catch up
with you guys.
Okay.
434
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,217
Raj, you were terrific!
Oh, thank you.
I was so nervous,
435
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,818
my armpits are like a swamp.
436
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,121
Oh, your hug just got
downgraded to a high five.
437
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,724
(chuckles)
Your palms are sweaty, too.
438
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,460
Hey. What are you doing
all the way in the back?
439
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:57,895
Hiding out.
440
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,231
I wasn't sure if I was welcome.
441
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,566
This is ridiculous.
You guys are best friends.
442
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,268
Of course he wants you here.
443
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:07,471
You sure? He seems to be doing
pretty well without me.
444
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,740
Look, he was just stressed out.
445
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,575
His life is not better
without you.
446
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:12,877
Come on. Come say hi.
447
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,279
Okay.
448
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:20,985
Dr. Koothrappali, I just wanted
to tell you that was amazing.
449
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,720
Uh, counterpoint...
To the car.
450
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,156
Can I ask you
a question?
451
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,158
Of course you can.
Ooh, that went well.
452
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,860
Ask me another.
453
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,631
I think
I'm just gonna go.
454
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,835
If there is life beneath
the surface of these planets,
455
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,603
how would we even detect it?
456
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,039
Uh, that's
a complicated question.
457
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,707
Let me start with a simpler one.
458
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,709
Can I buy you a coffee?
459
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,512
A-Also a complicated question.
(chuckles nervously)
460
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:50,981
Because I want to say yes,
but if I drink coffee this late,
461
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:52,449
then I'll be up all night.
462
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:54,785
Decaf, genius.
(clears throat)
463
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,154
I would love to.